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PIECING TOGETHER THE PACK The abused and abandoned wolf dogs at Wolfwood Refuge are all bark, no bite

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Also: A guide to the best acts at Telluride Blues & Brews, round three of life with an IUD, and a couple of strain reviews

[advice]

Life Hax | Carolyn Hax

My ex loves cocaine and strip clubs For a few years in high school, and a few years again in our late 20’s, I dated a man who my family – and I – love. He’s still my best friend, but we’re no longer romantically involved. In total it was probably six years.

no problem, we loved him – and now we’re supposed to forget him. I dread seeing her again. Help.

But he likes strip clubs and cocaine a bit too much; I broke up with him because of it, and his last girlfriend did too.

I hope I can say without sounding like an utter twit that you’re about 26 years, give or take, past the ideal time to put up this emotional guardrail.

My family thinks I’ve broken up with him because I’ve gotten together with another guy in the past two years (!?), and they keep harping that I need to get back with No. 1, because that’s who they know.

If you have indeed held to your principles all along against her emotional strong-arm tactics, then please accept my apologies – and my sympathy, too, for wanting a break from her. Some personalities just won’t be denied.

He’s my best friend. I know his best and worst things – my family only knows his best. How do I proceed?

“Dread,” though, is so strong – devastating, really – that I suspect you haven’t kept a healthy cushion between yourself and her drama.

A. Why are you even having this conversation with them? I won’t talk about this specific guy, tempting as coke and strippers (!?) may be. This is just about adult relationships, period, every one of them: (1) They consist of two people. (2) Those two are the only ones with a vote on the relationship’s fate. (3) It takes two votes to be in a relationship, but only one to get out. So you decided this guy isn’t for you. That’s the end of it, and that’s how you proceed: “He wasn’t for me.” Period, and entertain no further discussion. Don’t mistake the fact of follow-up questions with an obligation to answer them. My 27-year-old daughter recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend. Now she wants me to tell her I’m on her side of every dispute. It’s her life, she’s an adult: Got it. But should I really be expected to tell her she acted well when she didn’t? She was needlessly cruel, and she doesn’t care at all that she insisted we welcome him as family for three years –

Mothering an Adult Who Wants to Be Told She’s Right

Either way, it doesn’t affect your path now, just your relationship’s prospects: Be loving, be principled, be firm. You can recognize and respect that she’s in pain and offer your support accordingly; you can also do this while acknowledging that her behavior was not above reproach. Yes, it’s her right to leave this relationship, and yes, he’s no doubt partly to blame for their unraveling – but there are still kind and unkind ways to get out. You are capable of loving and supporting your daughter with your whole heart while still retaining sufficient objectivity to know unkindness when you see it. Say this to her outright. If she doesn’t like your assessment of the situation, then she can respectfully disagree like an adult, or lash out or go silent like a child. Up to her. How she acts/reacts doesn’t affect your position; that’s the beauty of principled choices. Careful thought + loving action (equals sign) the power to withstand pressure. It’s difficult, but it’s not chaotic the way a life submitting to an emotional blackmailer tends to be. As for the closeness she “insisted” on and the forgetting you’re “supposed to” do, please see the who-demanded-what as outside the scope of your

concern. You welcomed her boyfriend into your life because you chose to, when your daughter welcomed him into hers, and he won’t be a part of your life now because they’ve parted ways. This is just the business of kids and their friends, and it isn’t appreciably different from when she was 6 and refused to play with little Dana anymore even though you thought Dana was a cutie and you and Dana’s parents had become friends. You respect her right to choose her people at any stage, for any reason, and you adapt your role accordingly. Certainly some ties among exes and families can survive beyond the primary friendship or romance, but those are exceptions, not rules, anchored to a family’s core of trust and respect. I just got off the phone with my sister, who is married and has a 9-year-old daughter. Her husband has been having an emotional affair with his high school sweetheart. My sister knows because she has been going through his phone; apparently, he sends the sweetheart text messages and emails with lots of heart and flower emojis and has said that she (the sweetheart) is his “queen.” Ick. My sister has a high-pressure job. She makes more money than her husband and is fiercely independent. She has always made work a priority, sometimes at the expense of her family. She realizes this and has started to try to be more present when she’s at home, realizing that her husband is probably feeling emasculated and in need of attention. She has a session scheduled with a counselor. Any other steps you can advise? Sib For her, no (except to get out of his phone). She’s apparently doing the hard work she thinks she needs to do. I expect that will eventually have to include her telling him what she knows, but this is her trail to blaze, not mine.

If it were: I’d take exception to the “emasculated” line of reasoning. Money earned is (literally?) a paper-thin way to define masculinity. And everyone, not just the representatives of one gender, craves relevance, which comes in as many forms as there are people. Plus, she is who she is. Playing a role to flatter his ego is not anyone’s long term solution. I hope. The part about attention, though, is as valid as it gets. Not being present in a relationship is lethal to it, no matter where it is you’ve misplaced your attention – be it on a high-powered career or baking bread from scratch all weekend for the 12 children you homeschool during the week. Or did you mean, any other steps for you? Not much there, either. Just listen to her and encourage her to be true to herself, no matter how she chooses to approach this. That’s the only way it’ll work. On my wedding day, my best guy friend – who was in the wedding – came up to me afterward and told me he loved me. I could tell it was very emotional and meaningful for him to say that, but since he told me this after the wedding, I assumed he just meant he was happy for us. It’s years later now, we’re both happily married to other people, and I’m quite curious what he meant by that. Is there harm in asking him what he meant? His answer wouldn’t change anything, it would just satisfy a long-held curiosity I’ve had. On the other hand, best to let sleeping dogs lie, right? Probably a Dumb Question Right. Carolyn Hax is a syndicated advice columnist for The Washington Post. She started her advice column in 1997, after five years as a copy editor and news editor in Style and none as a therapist. Email her at tellme@washpost.com.

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DGO Magazine

STAFF

What’s inside Volume 3 Number 47 Thursday, September 13, 2018

Editor

Watch your fingers

Angelica Leicht aleicht@bcimedia.com 375-4551

At Wolfwood Refuge, you’d be wise to keep your hands out of the wolf enclosures. Those fingers look a little too much like treats.

Staff writer Amanda Push apush@bcimedia.com Sales Liz Demko 375-4553 Contributors

Life Hax

Eat Joy of Crappy Cooking

What the Fork 5

Sound Telluride Blues & Brews Fest 6-7

Downtown Lowdown

Katie Cahill Christopher Gallagher

Album Review 9

Bryant Liggett Jon E. Lynch

10 Something Wicked

Lindsay Mattison Amanda Push Robert Alan Wendeborn

16 Weed

Design/layout

Amanda Push/DGO

Colossal Sanders Reader Services 375-4570 Chief Executive Officer Douglas Bennett V.P. of Advertising David Habrat

Born to play the blues Telluride will be transforming from ski town to blues haven this weekend, thanks to an influx of killer blues musicians making their way to the top of the mountain for Telluride Blues & Brews Festival.

10 Life with an IUD, round 3

DGO is a free weekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314. DGO Magazine is published by Ballantine Communications Inc., P.O. Drawer A, Durango, CO 81302

Boomchickey. I’ve made it nine months with ParaGard, the copper IUD. Darling readers, biological enthusiasts, I ain’t gonna lie. At times, I’ve wanted to rip this sciencey BS straight outta my cooch.

Tell us what you think! Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know? Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

A SAVVY MAGAZINE FOR A SAVVY CUSTOMER.

16 Bedtime bud I made the mistake earlier this week of falling asleep after I’d smoked some Flo. It wasn’t a BAD idea, per se, but it definitely led to weird ass sleep patterns, some of which involved Chad Kroeger.

Reviews 16-17

Seeing Through 18 the Smoke

19 Happening 20 DGO Deals 22 Horoscope/ puzzles 23 DGO

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ON THE COVER Leave any preconceptions about wolves at the gate. BCI Media file photo; design by Colossal Sanders for DGO

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[eat]

The Joy of Crappy Cooking | Amanda Push

Flautas with friends leads to oil burns and distractions

or once this week, my cooking endeavors did not involve me alone and stressed out in my kitchen, swearing profusely as I attempted not to puncture my hand or royally overcook everything because I just can’t seem to find that sweet spot. No, dear reader, this time it was a group effort, where my impatience and forgetfulness was met with a little more accountability. If I managed to make a flop out of it, only a small group of people would hate me instead of just myself. No pressure. After a long day at work, a friend and I decided chicken and cheese flautas would be a solid way to end our very Monday-esque Monday. During a trip to the grocery store, we stocked up on the simple ingredients we would need: corn tortillas, avocados, pico de gallo, rice, black beans, chicken, limes, and cheese. Pushing past other shoppers in a competitive race »» These are not the flautas I made, but they are #flautagoals. One day, friends... to find avocados that weren’t so under-ripe that they could be well not have wrapped them at all. Not my prettiest weaponized, and limes that weren’t organic, proved work, but hey. to be our greatest challenges as we dodged our As I took over the tortilla wrapping (and tearing), way through the grocery store. Who needs organic my friend bravely championed the role of cooking limes anyway? the flautas in a pan of hot oil. It was probably for To start, my friend and I stood warily over our the best that I was kept far away from handling individual roasted chickens, plucking off the white what was essentially boiling lava on our stove, meat and shredding it into a bowl. As both of us though my friend ended up getting burned due are freaked out by meat, particularly touching it, to the spitting oil. Clearly, neither of us should be you can imagine the plethora of sighs, side-eyes of near hot things. disgust, and general whininess. On a positive note, Warned not to get “avocado hand,” (barf) I took on we both agreed that at least we weren’t having to the task of slicing up the avocados and scooping touch raw meat. them into a bowl so my friend’s family members, Once we had decided we were over tearing apart who were waiting on the outliers of the kitchen our little birdies, we sprinkled in Señor Gusto for dinner, could begin the process of mashing and shredded cheese (not an ad, just love the name and stirring them into holy guacamole. the fact that Señor was emphasized with a tiny I next moved on to cooking up the beans in a pot, mustache) and mixed it in with the chicken. Next which I diligently kept an eye on until I wandered came what ended up being one of the most chaloff to find myself a hard cider and completely lenging parts of the evening, aside from trying to forgot that I had left the poor beans to incinerate on avoid being singed by our vat of oil: wrapping the the stove. Thankfully, my friend is far more respontortillas. My first attempt was a pretty good indicasible than me and flipped the stove off as the black tor of how the rest of mine were going to look, as it beans began to boil. fell apart instantly. We quickly figured out that if Once the rice had finished cooking, dinner was we didn’t toothpick this shit together, we might as

Giulian Frisoni/Flickr

served. I dished up two flautas and doused them in guac and even more cheese, followed by a side of beans and rice. I gotta say, I don’t have any complaints on this one. It was a simple meal shared with friends containing all the delicious Mexican ingredients a lady could want. Shockingly, I had never attempted to cook up these little bastards before, so we’ll see if they turn out nearly as well should I attempt this feat again. The crispiness of the tortillas combined with the gooey, salty cheese, guac, and warm chicken made for an excellent way to end the first day of the work week. With a hint of jalapeño, the black beans had just enough of a kick to keep from being bland. The evening was a great reminder that sometimes sharing food with others is far more filling than sitting by myself on a dirty futon trying to decide whether to finish the disgusting slop I just made or throw in the towel and go get Taco Bell. Amanda Push is a writer who wishes she lived with a cat and just wants to learn how to not eat like a college student anymore. Contact her at joyofcrappycooking@ gmail.com.

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[eat]

What the Fork | Lindsay Mattison

The best free restaurant in town: Manna Soup Kitchen

or the last year or so, I’ve been donating cooking tools to Manna Soup Kitchen. In addition to writing this wildly popular column, I also write product reviews. I’ll receive eight or ten knives, pans, or gadgets and put them through a series of rigorous tests. Sometimes, the company wants me to send the products back, but often it’s not worth the price of shipping. Since I don’t need 10 cookware sets, I’ll send them over to Manna Soup Kitchen. I’m embarrassed to admit that, for all the time I’ve been going up there, I didn’t really know what they did. I always sneaked in and out of the back door, dropping off the wares and scooting out without paying much attention to my surroundings. In my mind, I saw large troughs of food made from giant Sysco bags of pre-made gravy and canned goods served up cafeteria style from grumpy old lunch ladies wearing hairnets (okay, I just totally had an elementary school flashback). I also assumed that Manna was just there for the homeless population, which is a topic I’m not going to touch with a 100-foot pole (I’ve been sucked into enough Facebook comment threads to know that this issue is POLARIZING). But, after sitting down to chat with Manna’s new management team, I realized I couldn’t have been more wrong on both counts. Seanan Culloty, the new chef/manager at Manna Soup Kitchen, affectionately called Manna “the best free restaurant in town.” It’s so good, these meals are actually inspiring people to learn how to cook. After working as the executive chef at Ken and Sue’s for seven years, Seanan was ready to take on the challenge of a constantly rotating menu at Manna. He was also stoked at the thought of cooking with a purpose. Unlike a traditional restaurant, Manna isn’t about Yelp or Trip Advisor reviews. Seanan gets to be a part of something bigger than himself, all while making a huge impact on people’s lives. Many low-income families depend on Manna for their pre-work breakfast, or they pick up a sack lunch for themselves or a take-home backpack lunch for their kids. And every Wednesday night, they’re packed with families who benefit from the 140-plus cover dinner. It’s not just about feeding people’s bellies, either. Seanan sees it as an opportunity to nourish their sense of creativity and open their eyes to fresh, new foods. The menu changes daily depending on what they have on hand. Sometimes they’ll order in staple foods, but mostly Seanan is blown away by how much the Durango community supports and pours into Manna. Most of the ingredients come from donations, and it’s not just non-perishables. This time

BCI Media file

»» A hoop structure is constructed by volunteers at Manna in 2016. Manna is one of the few soup kitchens in the country to have their own garden, and they’re hoping to build a greenhouse so they can continue growing in the wintertime.

of year, a lot of the food comes from the farmer’s market and The Garden Project, Manna’s own onsite garden. Manna is one of the few soup kitchens in the country to have their own garden, and they’re hoping to build a greenhouse so they can continue growing in the wintertime. Every day, fresh faces show up, excited to lend a hand and help prepare breakfast and lunch. While they’re volunteering, they’re also learning how to cook from a professional chef. Seanan helps them with their knife skills and teaches them how to bring the meal together. It’s a different group every day, but the environment is relaxed. It’s not like a restaurant where you’re constantly in the weeds as you perform your prep work. Some volunteers have been so inspired by the food they’re making that they enrolled in the culinary program afterwards. Manna’s culinary program is the only one in the area, and its new manager, Heather Hinsley, is bustling with ideas for upcoming terms. As a former art teacher who also has culinary experience, Heather is all about creating edible art. The classes are kept small (8 to 10 people) to focus on hands-on teaching.

In addition to learning cooking skills, Heather really wants her students to think outside the box. They’ll have an opportunity to take sustainability classes and harvest from Manna’s garden, prompting them to use their imaginations to produce new and exciting farm-to-table food. And, since the 10-week program is open to the public, anyone who’s looking to take things to the next level can enroll. My biggest take away from our meeting was how passionate Manna’s new managers are for the work they’re doing. In fact, their enthusiasm was catching: I signed up as a guest speaker for one of the classes this semester, and I’m ready to volunteer in the soup kitchen. If you want to check out what they’re doing, swing by, volunteer, and join them for a meal. Or, you can help the students get real life cooking action by attending the annual Bread for Manna fundraiser on September 29 (Saturday). Lindsay D. Mattison is a professional chef and food writer living in Durango. She enjoys long walks in the woods, the simplicity of New York-style cheese pizza, and she’s completely addicted to Chapstick. Contact her at lindsaymattisonwriter@gmail.com.

�� Thursday, September 13, 2018 | 5

[sound]

TELLURIDE BLUES & BREWS FEST:

DON’T MISS DWAYNE DOPSIE OR THESE OTHER ACTS Telluride will be transforming from ski town to blues haven this weekend, thanks to an influx of killer blues musicians making their way to the top of the mountain for Telluride Blues & Brews Festival. You can catch dope blues acts for three days straight, and we recommend that you do. Just call in sick or something. But, if you HAVE to choose your acts wisely, please take our suggestions for the artists you can’t miss into consideration. We know a thing or two about this blues stuff. Dwayne Dopsie and the Zydeco Hellraisers Friday, Sept. 14 at 3:00 p.m. on the Campground Stage, 5:40 p.m. on the Blues Stage, 10 p.m. on The Liberty Stage; Saturday, Sept. 15 at 4:00 p.m. on the Campground Stage Lucky you. You’ll have lots of chances to catch Dwayne Dopsie and the Zydeco Hellraisers at Telluride Blues Fest, and you should make sure to do just that, because there ain’t nothin’ like a little down home zydeco to soothe the soul and bring out the dancin’ fool in ya. And this is the real deal. Dwayne is bred from pure zydeco stock. His father is the great Rockin’ Dopsie senior, a pioneer in zydeco music, and he began teaching his son to jam out on the washboard and accordion from a young age. These days, the younger Dopsie has become what Rolling Stone magazine calls “The Jimi Hendrix of the accordion,” and he puts on a show like you’ve never seen. You’ll be transported to a stompin’ bar in Louisiana in no time.

Ben Harper and Charlie Musselwhite Friday, Sept. 14 at 8:00 p.m. on the Main Stage This festival has such a killer lineup, you guys. Just catching blues boy Ben Harper alone would be fantastic, but his appearance is made EVEN BETTER by the addition of Charlie Musselwhite, a legendary musician who’s played with just about all of the greats: Muddy Waters and Howling Wolf, Tom Waits, Mick Jagger, Cyndi Lauper, and Eliades Ochoa Harper, just to name a few. Harper has been collaborating with Musselwhite for the last five years or so, and the addition of Musselwhite’s blues harp to Harper’s storytelling

Associated Press file

»» Dwayne Dopsie and the Zydeco Hellraisers vocals takes the whole thing next level.

JJ Grey and Mofro Friday, Sept. 14th at 10:00 p.m. on the Blues Stage; Saturday, Sept. 15 at 6:10 p.m. on the Main Stage We were turned on to this Southern chicken-farmer-turned-blues-man by a couple of friends who saw him live a few years back, and we’ve been itching to see him ever since. If you’re not familiar with JJ Grey, get familiar, because he’s somethin’ special fo’ sho’. His vocals are soulful, warm, and intimate, and you can

hear the greats he cites as inspiration: Otis Redding, Jerry Reed, and Lynyrd Skynyrd, just a’flowing through them. Add in Mofro, who brings a little funk and a little more soul to Grey’s working man’s blues, and you’ve got yourself a real winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Pee Wee Hayes Saturday, Sept. 15 at 3:00 p.m. on the Blues Stage; Sunday, Sept. 16 at 3:00 p.m. on the Campground Stage You want authentic blues? You got authentic

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»» Pee Wee Hayes (left) and Ben Harper and Charlie Musselwhite blues...well, you got it if you head over to the stages where Thomas O. “Pee Wee” Hayes is playing this weekend, anyway. Pee Wee grew up singin’ the blues with his father, a bluesman who caused an uproar – and by uproar we mean he was nearly lynched – by bringing traveling blues musicians to play at his café. His father’s connections led to legends like B.B. King picking on the family’s front porch as he was growing up, and Pee Wee followed suit, first taking the living room stage at the age of 9 before finding his way onto stages in roadhouses and clubs across Illinois. These days, he plays with his brother Charles, and it’s a duo you won’t want to miss out on. These guys are bound for great things.

Robert Plant and the Sensational Space Shifters Saturday, Sept. 15 at 8:00

p.m. on the Main Stage Duh. Why in the name of Zuul would you miss the former frontman of Led Zeppelin as he takes the stage in Telluride? WHY?! There is no reason to do that. Well, not unless your weekend plans exclude Telluride Blues Festival, anyway. And if they do, you should remedy the hell out of that, because again, Robert Plant. He’s been working with the fellows in Space Shifters for the past five years, and from that collaboration has come some strange, otherworldly brilliance, and two phenomenal albums: “lullaby And … The Ceaseless Roar” and last year’s “Carry Fire.” There is no way to describe exactly what the Space Shifters sound like, other than it’s a bit of a journey through time, space, and sound, with a bit of folk and blues woven in for good measure. Oh, just go see them so we can stop using so many words to describe them. You won’t regret it.

Valerie June Sunday, Sept. 16 at 3:30 p.m. on the Main Stage Valerie June calls her style “organic moonshine roots music,” and, well, we won’t disagree. This Tennessee gal pulls from and entwines

a little gospel, a little blues, a little folk, and a little soul, and together, it’s a potent concoction that you’ll want to indulge in. Her style is gritty, seductive, and, at times, sweet, and you’ll find yourself sinking into her storytelling quicksand before you know it.

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[sound]

Downtown Lowdown | Bryant Liggett

The punk-inspired bluegrass of La La Bones

he road to become a lover of bluegrass music is, for some, a road that weaves and winds its way through a punk rock neighborhood. The genres, believe it or not, have their similarities. In both punk and bluegrass, you’ll find an aggressive and direct instrumentation, often paired with wrenching lyrics and a revved-up tempo. It leads to some bluegrass bands busting out tunes that are just a few beats short of what Dirty Rotten Imbeciles recorded. In their early years, both bluegrass and punk rock were considered outsider music. Punk was a misunderstood mess of aggression meant to question authority, while bluegrass was a sophisticated brand of country and blues.

Both were initially ignored by the mainstream, but the respective genres still excelled in their own circles, thanks to people daring enough to find and listen to something outside of what was being pushed on the public. But perhaps the biggest similarity that links the two genres together is that both have a larger network of friends and fans, a network that turns a music genre into a scene. Both genres create a place where regular show attendance, playing at any and all social gatherings, and it’s the norm to support the bands on the road who are grinding it out on tour. Bluegrass and punk rock have built community through group houses, where up-and-coming bands live together and play music day and night,

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»» Local bluegrass band La La Bones along with putting on house concerts, festivals, and encouraging word of mouth promotion of other bands and scenes. It was the punk rock sense of community that first led local bluegrass band La La Bones’ banjo player Tommy Frederico and fiddle player Kathy Hilimire into the world of bluegrass. They discovered what musical community means via punk rock in the early 1990s, and it keeps them in the rich bluegrass scene today. “I grew up skateboarding and listening to punk rock and going to shows. It was always a thick community of friends,” said Frederico. “One day, a friend took me to her dad’s bluegrass festival, and we went back to her farm afterward. We pulled up, (and) there was a campfire and 20 people around (it), and they were all playing music together. I was blown away by them all playing the same song together. I had never seen anything like that before. A few years later, I moved to Lyons and fell in love with the communal aspect of bluegrass.” La La Bones is a band that remains vested in the thick community of Durango, a bluegrass community eyeballed and envied by fans and musicians across the nation. Their self-titled debut, recorded locally at Scooter’s Place, is an apt representation of the local scene. It’s traditional and true to what Bill Monroe played. It’s instrumentally experimental, and capable of leaning into the folksier

Bryant’s best Friday: Rock and blues music with Ben Gibson Band, 5 p.m., no cover. The Balcony, 600 Main Ave. Information: 422-8008. Wednesday: Bluegrass with La La Bones, 7:30 p.m., $15. Red Scarf Studio Listening Room, 121 W. 32nd St. Information: 759-8404. side of this type of Americana. But it’s the community that remains a major draw for many. It’s a community that’s made up of music-loving people who are respectful of the art and value the social component that makes the music so fun. “It’s a powerful aspect with both those scenes. Growing up, most of us listening to punk probably didn’t fit in with the cool kids in our high schools, but my community was in the punk rock scene,” said Hilimire. “Going to shows in New York or Philadelphia, it was a really cool way to experience (the) place. With bluegrass, I got some books and started to learn things, but when it really clicked was out at a bonfire. Everybody (was) playing music and I could just jump in. The energy is really inviting.” La La Bones will perform September 19 at the Red Scarf Studio Listening Room. Bryant Liggett is a freelance writer and KDUR station manager. liggett_b@fortlewis.edu.

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[sound] What’s new “Having this identity – radical Indigenous queer feminist – keeps me going. My music and my identity come from the same foundation of being a Native woman.” Katherine Paul, also known as KP, grew up on the Swinomish Indian Tribal Community in northwest Washington state. She was raised on her family’s influence of Indigenous drumming, singing, and art, in addition to bootleg Hole and Nirvana VHS tapes. KP later moved to Portland, got involved in the local Rock’n’Roll Camp for Girls, and submerged herself in the ethos of the Riot Grrrl movement that began years earlier in the area. KP is recording as Black Belt Eagle Scout, and “Mother of My Children” is her debut album. And what a debut it is. KP does it all on the record, and I do mean all, from playing guitar, drums/percussion, bass, keyboard, vibraphone, and organ, to piano. Vocal duties are also courtesy of KP, and are often the most mesmerizing and standout piece. Her range is more expansive than she is likely to give credit for, hitting the high notes when needed, along with the lower and sweetly guttural

speak-sung tones that bore their way into you. This is especially true on “I Don’t Have You In My Life” and “Just Lie Down.” The record is raucous and rocking when it needs to be, sometimes in the span of the same track, as with album opener “Soft Stud,” and the loud-quiet-loud art noise of aforementioned standout “Just Lie Down.” There isn’t a single bad track on the record, which may be my only criticism. At just eight songs that clock in at a total of 34 minutes, 44 seconds in length, I wish it was twice as long. “Mother Of My Children” is available Friday, September 14, via Saddle Creek Records. Physical versions are available on compact disc and vinyl. Very limited quantities of the album are pressed on bone-colored vinyl. The CD version is in a 4-panel mini-LP style gatefold package. Vinyl versions come with the requisite digital download on your choice of various high quality formats. Recommended for fans of Cat Power, Angel Olsen, Kim Gordon, Matson Jones/ Land Lines, Snail Mail, Sleater-Kinney, and Do Make Say Think. —— Jon E. Lynch KDUR_PD@fortlewis.edu

[Odd Rot, by Patty Templeton]

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The Alternative Resource

�� Thursday, September 13, 2018 | 9

[Something Wicked]

Patty Templeton

SEX AND SPOTTING:

ADVENTURES IN IUDS, PART III »» A nine-month

oomchickey. I’ve made it nine months with ParaGard, the copper IUD. Darling readers, biological enthusiasts, review of the I ain’t gonna lie. At times, I’ve wanted to rip this scicopper IUD encey BS straight outta my cooch. BUT. That would be insane. (You should have it removed by a professional.) Besides, things have gotten better...ish. New to my reproductive organs? Hi! On December 4, 2017, I got a copper IUD. You can read about it in “Adventures in IUDs, part 1: The insertion.” Synopsis: apocalyptic cramps. Your three-month update is “What I wish I’d known before I got my IUD: adventures in IUDs, part II.” Keywords: mucus and mega-periods. Now? For starters, I’ve had a hotdog down this hallway. Ahem, I mean, I’ve had sex. What does it feel like with an IUD? You’ll find out, along with OxiClean tips, some upsides, and dumpsters of blood.

The slowing of the B-horror blood buckets This baby-blocker comes at a cost. Hell-cramps and long periods are common with copper IUDs. I’m fortunate. My shotgun-to-the-guts menstrual aches were gone about four months in. Instead, I’m dealing with wackadoo periods. Tits-out honesty, WTH is going on inside me? Nine months in, and there’s not much regularity to my menstruation. I’m not sure when

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Durango Diaries Season 2

Gush City’s gonna come, even with my period tracker app (Flo). On The Pill, my rag lasted four days, then doneski. Not super heavy, always on time, excellent. Now? It’s seven days (or more). The good news? After nine months of irregular carnage spouting, I might FINALLY have a normal cycle. It’s been three weeks since my last red confession and bless us, for there’s been no spotting. Hot tip: Get OxiClean along with yer copper IUD. WHAMMO-outta-nowhere periods mean a whole lotta slaughterhouse panty scenes.

Dancing in the sheets with an IUD I don’t chat about sex publically because I AM SHY, OK? Here goes anyways. I had a roll in the hay with a Poet Creature earlier this year when the IUD was new. And yowza, we’ve made the two-backed beast lately, too. (Yes, my ears are blushing.) I don’t feel a dang bit of difference in sex. No pings, pangs, itching, or pain, no matter what vanilla to bendy position my body is in. What about from the dude’s point of view? What follows is a Very Real Interview with my Anonymous Adonis:

When I first got my IUD, did you feel it? I want to say I might have felt it, at the beginning, but only because I was maybe looking for it. There’s a whole lot more going on to focus on. Whatever I did feel, it didn’t make much of a difference.

If you hadn’t known I had an IUD, do you think you’d have felt it? It’s hard to say. You told me what it was and what it might feel like. I was like, OK, I think I might have felt that. Had I not known, I wouldn’t have been able to attribute the minimal sensation I may have felt to an IUD.

That was then. What about now that my IUD strings are even softer? At this point, I don’t notice it at all.

Your overall review of IUD sex is . . . ? There’s no experiential difference, other than the comforting knowledge that steps are being taken to prevent pregnancy. To be clear, if your partner feels something, it’s the IUD’s strings barely dangling out of your cervix, not the IUD itself – which is located in the uterus. If there’s some kinda Herculean peen in you that has gone through your cervix into your uterus, get ye to a hospital, cause you’ve been cleft in twain.

Final verdict: Hell yes, IUDs are worth it I ain’t a doctor. I’m not saying how my body battled the IUD is how your body will treat you. I can say I’d do it all over again. I love the idea of having a semi-permanent, low maintenance form of birth control. I dig that it’s decent for the environment. With The Pill, there’s packaging to toss each month. My IUD will last up to 12 years, with the only waste being its original packaging and the tiny device. Full truth, the only reason I’ve stuck with the ParaGard copper IUD is because I don’t have the health coverage to make switching to Mirena, the hormone-releasing, plastic IUD, cheap-to-free. Sure, Mirena only lasts three to six years, but it would likely cut out or drastically curtail my strawberry curse rather than make it longer. Mirena would also probably cancel the shoulder acne that’s been like, HELLO I’VE NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE LET’S BE FRIENDS. Weirdly, my copper IUD now feels like a war I want to wait out and win. I’m keeping the ParaGard out of a crude curiosity to see how long, if ever, it’ll take til Aunt Flow regulates. The bonus? I haven’t experienced any other crappy sides to this. No more murdertronic cramps or migraines, and I never had weight gain. I can use whatever shark week materials I want – from tampons to menstrual cups. Oh, and after knocking boots more than a few times, there ain’t a baby coming outta this lady.

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�� Thursday, September 13, 2018 | 11

Amanda Push/DGO

»» (From left) Chaco, a male wolf dog from Ohio, enjoys being petted by visitors of Wolfwood Refuge; Paula Woerner sits with Ra, a wolf that was rescued from Alaska. He lives with his sister, Tala. Ra considers Woerner to be his mother; a member of the Alaska 9 wolf pack approaches the fence to greet visitors. The pack was rescued from Alaska as weeks-old puppies.

Angelica Leicht | DGO EDITOR

he midday sun is menacing, and it beats down relentlessly on the small group of people as they make their way up the hill toward the sound of high-pitched howling. One man – an older gentleman in a gray wolf t-shirt – trudges halfway up before abruptly turning back toward the purple yurt. Too high, he says, and no, he’s not interested in a ride. It would be easy to follow suit. It’s hot out on the hill in Ignacio, and the climb is steep. There are dozens of reasons to stick it out, though. At the top of the climb, the wolves of Wolfwood Refuge await their arrival. It’s there that they’ll come face to face with Dante, a wolf dog that arrived from New Mexico covered in parasites, and Abra, a wolf dog from Montana whose owner kept her locked in a crate without water. There’s Aldo and Archie, and a pack called the Alaska 9, which arrived at the refuge when they were just a few weeks old. There’s also Oakley, a full-blown wolf that’s 7-feet tall when he stands on his hind legs. He towers over the volunteers as he clamors against the fence for a treat. By the time these visitors head back down the hill, they’ll be covered in not only sweat, but wolf hair, slobber, and the smell of puppy breath.

LEADERS OF THE

PACK Wolves and wolf dogs were born to be wild, and this rescue is teaching them just that

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A thriving market “Wolves in the wild only live to about six or seven,” Paula Woerner, founder of Wolfwood Refuge, said. “Here at the refuge, one of two things happens: they either live as long as any other large dog, or sometimes I lose them due to complications from abuse. We see a lot of spleen ruptures from where they’ve been kicked in the abdomen a lot before we get them. We see a lot of bone cancer for the same reason.” Woerner has been taking in full-blooded wolves and wolf dogs for the last 25 years or so. Her work at the refuge is necessary due to a thriving market where “wild” or exotic animals are in high demand. That includes the wolf dog, the offspring of a wolf and a domesticated dog, an animal that is sought after as a pet by private citizens. And where there’s a demand, there’s a market full of breeders trying to capitalize on it. “I think that there’s a couple of reasons (people buy wolf dogs). I think a lot of peo-

ple who get wolf dogs are the same people who get pit bulls and other animals that they want to be fierce,” Woerner said. “And then on the other hand, I really believe that we are so disconnected from nature. You know, I think that nature deficit disorder is a real thing. We don’t go out and do the things we need to do to feed our souls, so we try to bring it into our backyard, and it’s not the same thing.” Whatever the driving force, one thing is clear: breeders specializing in wolf-dog hybrids are everywhere. A quick Internet search by DGO yielded hundreds of classified ads hawking wild, high-percentage wolf dog puppies for sale, and several of those breeders were in western Colorado. Their prices ranged from $800 to $1,500, and are driven by how much wolf the dog contains, even if there’s no scientific way to tell what that percentage is. The higher the wolf perContinued on Page 14

�� Thursday, September 13, 2018 | 13

From Page 13

centage, the higher the price. “You can buy them off the Internet for $2,000, or you can buy them out of the trunk at a swap meet for $50, but just don’t do it,” Woerner said.

Ethics vs. legalities It’s completely legal to breed and buy wolf dog hybrids in Colorado. There have been attempts at a ban – in 1997, the state legislature of Colorado considered a bill that would have banned wolf hybrids in the state – but it flailed and then died after wolf dog owners and breeders spoke out against it. For the most part, wolf dogs are restricted only by dangerous dog laws. But just because dogs and wolves can reproduce – and just because breeders can legally sell them – doesn’t mean they should. “One of the many, many reasons that wolves don’t make good pets is (that) wolves treat people exactly like they treat each other. They are very physical with each other. They’re very physical with us; there is no such thing as sit and stay,” Woerner said. Part of the issue is that wolf behavior is driven by instinct – they are wild animals, after all – and crossing a wild wolf with a domesticated dog doesn’t make them a suitable pet. Most wolf dogs are tough to control. They ignore commands, but are agile, athletic, and full of energy, which can lead to destructive behavior. They have been known to chew through wooden fences, or jump them, or dig under them, much in the way that wolves dig dens in the wild. “I’m not saying that there’s never been a great wolf dog that’s been in someone’s home,” Woerner said. “And I’m not so arrogant to say I’m the only one that can do it. But in general, it just doesn’t work out well.” Even the most well-behaved wolf dog needs constant attention, Woerner said. And things can easily go awry, even when the animals – which have extremely strong jaws from the wolf genetics – are simply trying to play. “Ra broke my hand as a baby just playing with me. He didn’t break my skin. But he broke my bones, so we don’t get them excited,” Woerner said. There was also an incident where one of the wolves put a volunteer’s head in its mouth while she was trying to clean its enclosure. It didn’t hurt her, Woerner said, but it’s evidence of why interacting with wolf dogs requires more than the average person can offer.

Amanda Push/DGO

»» Paula Woerner feeds Chaco, a wolf dog at Wolfwood Refuge. Chaco is from Ohio and is very social. “A volunteer went in (to an enclosure), and she did what all volunteers have to do, which is pick up poop, but she was in a hurry. So she went down to pick up, and she came up, and she went down, then she came up. She was signaling with her body (that she wanted to play). So, he grabbed her by the head because that’s how they play with each other,” said Woerner. “Did (the wolf dog) do anything wrong? No. Do you want your head in a wolf’s mouth? No.” Most wolf dogs simply cannot be trained or socialized to the point where they’ll be safe to keep in a home. “You get people who say, ‘Oh, I had a wolf that was the best pet I ever had.’ Lucky you, you know, but your second one’s not going to be that way. Your third one’s not going be that way,” Woerner said. “We really, really don’t recommend (having a wolf dog as a pet). And we preach against it. Just please, please don’t do it.”

the stories involve the horrific treatment of wolf dogs by humans instead. “We got a call from the humane society (asking us to take a dog). They said, ‘He won’t eat; he shakes and he growls. Will you take him?’ So I took him to my vet, who said, ‘There’s nothing physically wrong with him.’ (It turns out) he was beaten when he ate and associated food with pain,” Woerner said. It took offering the abused pup hamburger day after day to get to the point where volunteers could teach him how to eat. And, as harrowing as that story is, many of the refuge’s wolves and wolf dogs come bearing stories just like it. “We got a call telling us they (rescue workers) had found one of our dogs’ sisters. They said, ‘We found her sister, but you’re not gonna want her, cause someone hit her with a bat and broke both of her front legs,’” Woerner said. The refuge gave her a home.

Humans as predators

Given the rampant abuse and neglect of wolf dogs, it’s not surprising that the statistics related to their life expectancy are abysmal.

While the stories of wolf dogs hurting humans make headlines, they’re few and far between. Far more often

Shameful statistics

“The statistics for wolf dogs in captivity is really bad. Eight out of 10 end up dead before the age of two,” Woerner said. Part of the issue is that many of the traditional shelters can’t take on “wild” or exotic animals, even if they’re crossed with a domestic dog. Wolf dogs don’t have the instincts to make it in the wild, either. In many cases, the animals end up on death row to be euthanized, unless the shelters can find a wolf rescue to take them. That’s where Wolfwood Refuge comes in. The shelter takes in wayward wolves and wolf dogs from around the country and helps them build their own packs, assessing whether two wolves will clash or fit together like they would in the wild. Two female wolves almost never get along – the fight for control can turn ugly – but they all need a friend. There is no such thing as a lone wolf, Woerner said. Lone wolves die in the wild. They also let visitors pet the wolves – Oakley prefers men to women, something the visitors to the refuge found out quickly when he turned away from the women who would

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Amanda Push/DGO

»» (Clockwise from top left) Jill, left, and Kodiak greet a visitor to their pen at Wolfwood Refuge. Jill and Kodiak are wolf dogs and were rescued together; Wolfwood Refuge is located at an elevation that is more than 7,000 feet. After a drive down dirt roads, visitors meet at a purple yurt to await their two-hour tour; Kodiak, a wolf dog, loves the attention he gets from visitors at Wolfwood Refuge. He and Jill, the wolf dog he lives with, were rescued from a warehouse where animals were kept in crates stacked on top of each other.

crouch to greet him in his pen – to help educate the public on their wolf and wolf dog residents. To do so, curious onlookers can’t have loose clothes or shiny piercings – the wolves like to grab them with their teeth, and many a dress has been lost that way – or food, including gum. One volunteer learned that lesson the hard way when a wolf stuck its tongue down her throat and stole the gum right out of her mouth. Nothing like being greeted by a slobbery, warm wolf tongue. But while visitors can, and do, frolic with the wolves, the real goal of Wolfwood is to make sure these animals – including the dozens of full-blooded wolves who are housed among the wolf dogs – survive not only predators, but people, who are often the most dangerous threat to the crew. When Wolfwood first opened, protesters armed with rifles drove by the property on ATVs. Things are calm these days, but it’s still generally not safe to “release” or re-home these pups. Wolf dogs can’t survive in the wild – they don’t have the instincts full wolves do for survival – and the wolves likely can’t either. They’ve been acclimated to humans, and their

pack is at the refuge, not in the woods. “We clean up other people’s messes,” Woerner said. “In general, it (owning wolf dogs as pets) just doesn’t work out well. They demand constant attention and you just can’t put on your black Armani suit and go to work if you have a wolf dog.” And Woerner isn’t exaggerating when she says these animals demand constant attention. It takes a team of volunteers just to keep the ones at the refuge fed, watered, and entertained. It can also take a team to load a sick animal onto a truck for a visit to the vet. Wolves don’t exactly have to cooperate if they don’t feel like it. “If (Ra) has to go to the vet and I’m not here, they’re (the volunteers) screwed. They’ll have to dart him because he won’t load in the truck,” she said.

Accidental expert Woerner may be a wolf expert, but she didn’t go in to her first wolf dog rescue with the intent of building her life around a refuge. “I went to the shelter in Flagstaff looking for a golden retriever, and there was this giant wolf dog. He was like, ‘kiss, kiss, love, love, love,’ and

I’m like, ‘Noooo, I’m here for a golden lab.’ So I look around, and I go back to him, and (the shelter employee) said ‘We did everything possible (to get him adopted) but he’s got two days left on death row.’” Woerner decided to take the wolf dog out of his pen, and he immediately leaned into her leg affectionately. “Then this other couple went up to him, and they had treats, but he just turned around and went to the back of the pen. He wouldn’t touch them,” she said. “He chose me. I didn’t have a choice.” So she loaded the wolf dog into her brand new Thunderbird – her first new car, she said – and drove him the 10 hours home, where he immediately knocked over her body-builder boyfriend out of excitement. Woerner eventually adopted another wolf dog as his friend, and things just continued from there. These days, there are 53 wolves and wolf dogs at Wolfwood, along with an unexpected, and recent, addition of 13 puppies that were rescued last week from a hoarding situation in Pagosa Springs. Woerner, who has spent the last 25 years taking in wolves, is a surrogate parent to all of them.

“I did not move to Colorado at 40 going, ‘I know! I’ll start a wolf rescue.’ But now it’s my whole life,” Woerner said.

A liquid hello One of the women in the group is crouched on her legs and backed up against the fence, the wolf dog leaning over into her face. He’s been licking her for what seems like an eternity, but it’s just the wolf’s way of greeting her. She allows it begrudgingly – it’s the price you pay to play – but grins broadly once he is finally coaxed away by a volunteer. Despite her tongue bath, she looks satisfied with her encounter as she makes her way out of the enclosure. Another visitor waits impatiently, ready for his meeting with the mutt, tongue – and liquid greeting – be damned. A volunteer gives him a quick lesson on wolf etiquette before letting the two become acquainted. Woerner smiles as she watches their reactions before leaning in to give one last piece of advice. “I don’t recommend (rescuing wolves). It’s a ridiculous amount of work. But not everybody gets to live their passion. I do.”

�� Thursday, September 13, 2018 | 15

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[weed]

Here’s what happens if you smoke Flo before bed I made the mistake earlier this week of falling asleep after I’d smoked some Flo, the strain we’re reviewing this week from Prohibition Herb. It wasn’t a BAD idea, per se, but it definitely led to some weird ass sleep patterns. Here’s what happened. Let me tell you a little bit about Flo first. This strain is a hybrid created by crossing Purple Thai and Afghani, and contains about 12 percent THC. The buds are tiny, dense, and this super cool deep purple mixed with a hint of dark green, and they smell SO good, like pine needles and lemons. I didn’t expect the buds to be such a deep color given its light, airy scent, but alas, that is what I found when I dumped them into my hot little hand. I like surprises. And let me tell you, Flo was full of surprises. I was running really behind on this deadline, so I smoked a bowl of Flo the night before this review needed to be written. And when I say night, I mean I smoked it at 10:30 p.m., which was maybe not the best idea, considering I had planned to pass out after I got the gist of the strain. Well, let me tell you...passing out is not really an option for a while after smoking this strain – at least for me, anyway. I was awake, clear-headed, and yet somehow pretty darn stoned. Oh, and my mouth was as dry as the Sahara. So make sure you keep copious amounts of liquids on hand if you’re indulging in this one. Also make sure you have a good grip on your phone, because as I was reading in the hopes that it would bore me to the point of passing out, I kept feeling my phone slip sideways out of my hand and flop on the bed. Over and over and over this happened, and no matter how many times I tried to communicate to said hand that it needed to get a better grip on the cellular device, it still would not cooperate. I’m not sure why. I wasn’t super body stoned – I did have a weird feeling in my tongue, but I assume that was from being zapped of all water and left as the human version of Spongebob when he visits Sandy Cheeks in her dry fishbowl – yet my hands were being anarchists. Go figure. Oh, and I also at one point stared down at the notes I was taking and

Details Where to find Flo: I won’t make any jokes about the name. You can find this strain at Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino Del Rio, 970-385-8622, prohibitionherb.com Caveats: Prohibition didn’t cause us to dream about Chad Kroeger for this review. The fever dreams, and opinions, are all our own.

thought the words were italicized. They were not. My handwriting is not italicized (although it would be cool if it was). I have no clue whether this was from being stoned and exhausted or if it was just the effects of the strain. Figure that one out yourself and report back, please. One upside of having uncooperative hands was that I accidentally clicked on a link to the video for “Bad Ted Cruz Lip Reading,” and it was the best mistake my sloppy high self has made in a hot minute. I was cry-laughing. After I’d finally worn myself out laughing, I finally fell asleep, presumably while still stoned. I spent the rest of the night waking up from weird ass dreams that involved trying to buy thousands of helium-filled balloons to float up to the sky with Chad Kroeger of Nickleback. Weird does not do it justice. Anyhoo, if you’re awake and it’s the middle of the afternoon, you should check out Flo. She’ll do ya right. Just beware of the weird Chad Kroeger fever dreams you’ll have if you force yourself to sleep on it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. —— DGO Pufnstuf

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[weed]

Gorilla Hood bubble hash made my weekend pretty hazy We got to double up on the reviews for strains from Prohibition Herb this week, which means we are lucky, lucky, weed writers. And no, we won’t trade lives with you for nothin’. Our second strain this week isn’t really a straight strain, per se – it’s Gorilla Hood full melt bubble hash. If you’re not familiar with what full melt bubble hash is, let’s have a quick lesson: it’s an extract made without using any harsh chemicals like butane – which is often used in the extract process – and in this particular case, the process involves using ice water. The full melt part means THIS bubble hash contains strictly trichome heads and turns into a beautiful, clean puddle before it vaporizes without leaving residual junk behind. Oh, and it’s very, very potent. Got all that? Good. Let’s move on. Given that this review is about an extract, you will probably not be surprised to learn that this jar of Gorilla Hood bubble hash smelled strong enough that there were actual Pigpen stink lines appearing above it. I loved it. It was hard for me to tell what exactly the stink lines smelled like – it’s so strong that it mostly just smelled like weed to me – but I think there was a bit of earthy dirt and a bit of gasoline in there. Don’t quote me on that, though. I really like reviewing concentrates because I’m inherently lazy. All this review required was scooping out a tiny bit of the deep yellow-green hash and dropping it into the vape. It’s like this stuff is made for me. Because this is a concentrate and I’m a big baby about being overly stoned, I opted to smoke this extract with a friend of mine in the middle of a lazy afternoon, which was a very good idea. If I had tried to review this at a time when I had to, like, be coherent or adult-ish, I would have been fu-barred. Part of the reason we were both stoned to high heaven is because it’s kinda hard to tell how much of a hit you’re getting with the cool mist from a vape, and we both inhaled like one would with a regular ass pipe. There’s also such a light, pleasant taste to the bubble hash that you couldn’t really tell it was monster hit until you exhaled. My notes say, “I just accidentally took a

Details Where to find Gorilla Hood full melt bubble hash: This is not the Gorilla Hood Ghostface Killah was rapping about. You can find it at Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino Del Rio, 970385-8622, prohibitionherb.com Caveats: Prohibition didn’t gift us reddit gold for this review. The opinions are all our own. huge hit of that, and I’m immediately stoned. My cheeks are warm.” I didn’t need to make a note of what was going on with my buddy on the other side of the couch, though, cause THAT I remember quite clearly. My friend just looked at me and said, “Uh, what the hell did you give me?” and then started laughing hysterically at nothing. Things get kinda hazy from there. I remember the friend trying to express something to me, but I felt like I was in a tunnel of sound, and really didn’t care what the conversation was about. I’m not sure they did either. It was like two talking heads just jabbering at each other. My notes say the following: A.) “I can feel my lips.” B.) “Revolt, revolution, revulsion. Those three words are just so similar.” (Gah, stoner wisdom fail.) C.) “The words are echoing in my brain and just started traveling down my legs.” So, if that doesn’t sum up Gorilla Hood bubble hash, I don’t know what will. It’s potent, stinky, and you’ll be so high you start pondering the similarity of sounds. In other words, you’ll love it. —— DGO Pufnstuf

�� Thursday, September 13, 2018 | 17

[ weed ] Seeing Through the Smoke Christopher Gallagher

Time to bust a gut laughing with these stoner comedies

his week, we are going to come down off the lofty marijuana mountaintops and celebrate one of the simplest pleasures in life, a joy that goes hand-in-hand with partaking of the reefer. What we’re talking about is getting stoned to bejeezus and laughing until everything else becomes just a speck in the rear-view of life. We’re talking about the hard-working men, women, and ensembles who entertain us into giggling, snorting, and spasming in a way that only cannabis and comedy can lead to. I don’t think I invented this type of curated list, mind you. Everybody and their sibling has written a list of their top Netflix picks. There are even websites that give suggestions of the types of weed to smoke in order to best enjoy their choices (lots of sativas). Wikipedia even has a pretty badass entry on stoner film. Yes, there is a distinction to be made between stoner-specific material and stuff that just happens to be extra hilarious when you are stoned. We are going to toss out that distinction

and just hone in on material that will have us busting a gut while coughing our lungs out. So, without further ado, let’s get to it. The OGs Cheech and Chong have, of course, graced this space before (if you have managed to go this long on Earth without treating yourself to their material, take a You Day ASAP and make it happen), and I feel a familial obligation to include my Pa’s favorite, Snoop’s gift to latenight fare, Doggy Fizzle Televizzle. Then there is my favorite comedy ever, Chevy Chase’s wiseass magnum opus, “Fletch” and, what I believe to be the funniest stoner flick ever made, which is Broken Lizard’s “Super Troopers.” The BL crew also does solid, if less spectacular, work with “Beerfest” and “Super Troopers 2.” But “Club Dread”…not so much. Then there is “National Lampoon,” with work from the late ’70s and ’80s that should hang in the halls of the Comedy Louvre. That was a time well before their long, boring descent into mediocrity, which occurred over the ensuing 30-ish years. Stand-up comedy is a tough game to stay on

top of. The greats often cross our horizons like comets – this list includes Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, and Dave Chapelle, who often jokes about his affinity for the ganja. I often end my days by going to Netflix’s stand-up category and chuckling my way to sleep with the help of whatever comes up next in my queue. If this is not enough material to keep you chuckling until Halloween, let me direct you to the cartoon genre. While they rarely directly reference marijuana or other drugs, try to convince me that the illustrators behind Bugs Bunny, Beavis and Butthead, and Aqua Teen Hunger Force don’t understand the intricacies of altered states. So, there you go, DGO – my gift to you as the nights get shorter, the air gets crisper, and the plant kingdom winds down for its winter slumber. Spark one up and let the peals of laughter ring. Christopher Gallagher lives with his wife and their four dogs and two horses. Life is pretty darn good. Contact him at chrstphrgallagher@gmail.com.

18 | Thursday, September 13, 2018 • • ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[happening] DGO picks in and around Durango Chili willie Chili AND running? Anything is possible, including a 10k/chili cook-off, which is precisely what will be happening this Saturday at Overend Mountain Park. The event starts with a 10k race and ends with a chili cookoff that includes over 20 chili dishes served up by local businesses. The chili-cook-off-race will benefit the San Juan Mountains Association, which works to promote the responsible use of natural and cultural resources, so you can feel good about the idea of shoveling delicious chili into your gullet after a long run. Details: Sept. 15, Chili Chase, registration opens at 8:30 a.m., $50, Backcountry Experience, 1205 Camino del Rio, bit.ly/2Q24NQF

Arts smarts Durango LOVES a good festival, and you can find yourself not only a festival, but a boatload of art, this Saturday and Sunday at the Durango Autumn Arts Festival. All you have to do is head over to Second Avenue, where you’ll find over 100 arts and craft booths – so many things! – along with live entertainment, delish food, and the juried art show, which will determine the top artists out of a pool of 200 talented applicants. As a bonus, by heading out to the festival, you’ll not only be entertaining yourself, but also supporting Durango Arts Center, which is benefiting from the event. Details: Sept. 15-16, Durango Autumn Arts Festival, Saturday from 12 p.m. to 7 p.m., Sunday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., free, Second Avenue in downtown Durango, durangoarts.org/2018-durango-autumn-arts-festival/

Thursday Anasazi Heritage Center Curation Tours, 2

p.m., Anasazi Heritage Center, 27501 Colorado Highway 184, 882-5600. Behind the Scenes Curation Tour, 2 p.m.,

Canyons of the Ancients National Monument Visitor Center & Museum, 27501 Highway 184. Experience the 31st Annual Ouray 2018 Jeep Jamboree USA,

3 p.m., Ouray Community Center, 320 6th Ave, (970) 325-7065. Black Velvet, 5 p.m., Ska

Brewing Co., 225 Girard St., 247-5792. Free American Sign Language Classes, 5

p.m., Dolores Public Library, 1002 Railroad Ave, 8824127. Conversation: What Nourishes Creativity?, 6:30 p.m., St. Barnabas

Church, 110 W. North St. The Ben Gibson Acoustic Duo, 6:30 p.m.,

plays the 11th Street Station, Main Ave. and 11th St.

Experience the 31st Annual Ouray 2018 Jeep Jamboree USA,

6:30 a.m., Ouray Community Center, 320 6th Ave, 3257065. Space Between Shadows, 8 a.m., Durango Farm-

ers Market, 259 W. Ninth Street. San Juan Odyssey Tour, 8:30 a.m., $135,

Mountain Studies Institute, 679 East Second Ave. Chili Chase and 10K Run, 8:30 a.m., $25, Back-

country Experience, 1205 Camino del Rio. Run for the Mountains 10K Run and Chili Chase Cook-off, 8:30

a.m., $10-$50. Chili tasting only $10. Race registration (including chili tasting) is $50., Backcountry Experience, 1205 Camino del Rio. Fred & Daphne’s Surprise Puppy Adoption Event, 10 a.m., Pet Haus,

1444 Main Ave. Colorfest Weekend, 11

a.m., Pagosa Springs Town Park, 255 Hermosa St. Telluride Blues & Brews, 11 a.m., $30, Tellu-

Phyllis Stapler – Exhibition, All Day, Sorrel

Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555.

Library, 1002 Railroad Ave., 882-4127.

Animas Green Chile Festival, all day, Sutherland

Freedom From smoking, 6 p.m., $25 supply fee,

Farms, 745 Road 2900

Sunday Telluride Blues & Brews, 9 a.m., $30, Tellu-

ride Town Park, 500 E. Colorado Ave. Trails 2000 Trailwork Party, 9 a.m., Carbon Junc-

Colorfest Weekend, 11

a.m., Pagosa Springs Town Park, 255 Hermosa St. Fall Gallery Walk with Phyllis Stapler - Exhibition, All Day, Sorrel

Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555. Animas Green Chile Festival, Sutherland

Colorfest Weekend, 4

p.m., Pagosa Springs Town Park, 255 Hermosa St. Dharma Center Art Exhibit Opening Reception: Intention - Stillness - Activity, 5 p.m.,

We The People Dinner to Benefit Montezuma County Democrats, 6

p.m., $40-$50. Early Bird: $40/person or $300 for table of 8, Regular: $50/person or $350 for table of 8., Cortez Conference Center, 2121 E. Main St.

media, 5 p.m., The Bookcase & Barber, 601 East Second Ave. League of Women Voters La Plata Candidate Forum, 5:30 p.m., La

Plata County Administration Building, 1101 East Second Ave. Durango Uke Circle featuring Kirk James,

6 p.m., Four Leaves Winery, 528 Main Ave., 403-8182

The Ben Gibson Band,

Rivers Steakhouse at Sky Ute Casino, Ignacio

Soul war

5 p.m., The Balcony, Main Ave. and College Drive.

Near Death Experience Forum, 6:30 p.m.,

Bookshop, 960 Main Ave., 247-1438

Author Reid Ross will make your Monday extra interesting when he stops by Maria’s Bookshop for a book talk and signing to promote his latest work, “The War for Souls,” which tells the story of Anna Marie Ross, an instigator of public schools in the San Luis Valley after the Spanish land grant, a time when only the rich were afforded an education. Ross fought against big foes like the Catholic clergy in a bid for widespread literacy and education in the valley, and now the author Ross is telling her tale to the masses.

Pete Giuliani Trio, 7

Fellowship of Spirit Church, 2009 E. 13th St.

Classic Movie Mondays, 8 p.m., Pine River

Otzi, the Iceman: a 5,300 year-old Tyrolean Mummy and the World’s Oldest Tattoos,

Public Library, 395 Bayfield Center Dr., 884-2222

Courtesy of the Durango Arts Center

»» A scene from the 2017 Autumn Arts Festival

Details: Sept. 17, Maria’s Bookshop, 6:30 p.m., free, 960 Main Ave., mariasbookshop.com

Durango Dharma Center, 1800 East Third Ave.

p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave. Charlie Hickman, 9 p.m., $5, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 East Second Ave., 3752568. Fall Gallery Walk with Phyllis Stapler – Exhibition, All Day, Sorrel

Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555.

Saturday

7 p.m., $10 plus convenience fee, Fort Lewis College Student Union Ballroom, 1000 Rim Dr., 247-7010. Wild Country, 8 p.m., $5,

Wild Horse Saloon, 601 East Second Ave., 375-2568. Fall Gallery Walk with

Fuller Psychotherapy Practice, 1327 Bayfield Pkwy. Ping-Pongalooza, 5

p.m., Animas City Farmers Market & Night Bazaar, Corner of W. 30th Street and Main Ave.

p.m., $20, Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. Third

“The War for Souls in the San Luis Valley: A Teacher’s Story” by Reid Ross Book Talk & Signing, 6:30 p.m., Maria’s

The Ben Gibson Acoustic Duo, 6 p.m., 7

Suicide Survivor Support Group in Bayfield, 5 p.m., $25, Nicole

Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation, 6

$5 Manhattan Monday, password on social

ride Town Park, 500 E Colorado Ave.

Diabetes Education Class, 4:30 p.m., Sycamore

Farms, 745 Road 2900

Local First Harvest Dinner, 5 p.m., $150, Smi-

Grill.

Wednesday

Park Community Center, 1051 Sycamore St.

Experience the 31st Annual Ouray 2018 Jeep Jamboree USA,

Telluride Blues & Brews, 11 a.m., $30, Tellu-

Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave., 375-7260.

Free Community Yoga,

9:30 a.m., Dolores Public Library, 1002 Railroad Ave., 882-4127.

Monday

Garrett Young Collective, 5 .m., Balcony Bar and

Live Music by Tim Sullivan, 7 p.m., Office

Old Fort Farm Stand, 1 p.m., Fort Lewis College Student Union, 1000 Rim Drive.

ride Town Park, 500 E Colorado Ave.

ley Building, 1309 East Third Ave., 382-9593.

San Juan Regional Medical Center, 800 West Maple.

tion & Crites Connect Trails, Meet at the Carbon Junction/ Crites Connect intersection (accessed from Carbon Junction trail off Hwy 3)

Friday

6:30 a.m., Ouray Community Center, 320 Sixth Ave, 3257065.

Classic Movie Matinee, noon, Dolores Public

Fall Gallery Walk with Phyllis Stapler - Exhibition, All Day, Sorrel

Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave., 247-3555

Tuesday Roll ebike demo days,

10 a.m., Lake Nighthorse, 1795 County Road 210.

‘Cheers to Beers: Colorado Experience’ Episode Screening, 6 p.m.,

Ska Brewing Co., 225 Girard St., 247-5792 La La Bones, 6:30 p.m., $15-$20, The Listening Room, 121 W. 32nd St.

Ongoing Henry Stoy,plays piano at 10:30 a.m. every Saturday and Sunday at Jean-Pierre Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave. Old west stage shows are held at 5:30 p.m. nightly throughout the summer at Bar D Chuckwagon, 8080

County Road 250. Cost is $12-$38 and reservations are preferred. To reserve, visit www.bardchuckwagon. com.

Submissions Submit events for the next week online by noon Monday at www. swscene.com. DGO publishes events online and in print every Thursday.

�� Thursday, September 13, 2018 | 19

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Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19) This week, you will encounter confusion at work. Someone might accidentally deceive you, or this person could deceive you on purpose. Be aware of this. That’s because Mercury, the planet of communication, is opposite fuzzy Neptune. Yikes! TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Romance might be discouraging this week. Remember: Unexpressed expectations almost always lead to disappointment. People can’t read your mind. GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Family discussions might not be productive this week because too much whining is taking place. Someone might have a big sob story. Of course, you’re sympathetic, but sometimes things get blown out of proportion.

Bizarro

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

You will probably spend a lot of time daydreaming or lost in a fantasy world this week. We all need weeks like this. Your imagination is in overdrive. LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22) Avoid important financial decisions this week because you might be deceived about your facts or you could be confused. Things are not as they appear. Trust nothing. VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) Your encounter with a friend or partner might be demoralizing or confusing this week. Furthermore, you are low-energy. Actually, so is everyone else! It’s that kinda week. LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) You will have trouble defending your own best interests this week. You will more easily surrender to somebody else rather than stand up for yourself. Postpone important discussions for another week.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21) Your relations with a friend or a member of a group will be confusing this week. You might withdraw or, in turn, you might just agree to avoid confrontation. It’s a fuzzy week. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) In conversations with bosses, parents and VIPs, make sure you know what is expected of you this week because confusion is rampant! Make no assumptions. Double-check all instructions. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) Your idealism is aroused this week. This can make you susceptible to fancy words and snake oil about exotic subjects and mysticism. Don’t be sucked into something weird. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) Postpone important decisions about

inheritances and shared property until another week. Things are too confusing this week. You might be dealing with incorrect facts. PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20) Don’t be disappointed with a partner or close friend this week. You might feel let down. But you have to ask yourself, Were your expectations realistic? Hmm? BORN THIS WEEK You are thoughtful and kind as well as persevering and devoted to whatever you do. Service to others is your theme this year. Focus on your personal responsibilities to family as well as yourself. Take care of yourself so you are a strong resource. Nurture relationships you value. Explore the arts; enroll in a class. Personalize your home with treasures that have meaning. © 2018 King Features Syndicate Inc.

Big, bad wolf Pee probs Moms have the worst gigs, and that includes moms in the wolf family. Apparently it isn’t possible for a new wolf cub to urinate unless its mother massages its belly with her warm tongue. Can we take a pass FOR them? Psychological ball-chop Lower-ranking males in a pack are literally cock-blocked by their higher ranking peers, and they often suffer from a stress-related condition that has been referred to as “psychological castration.” It’s all in your head, fellas! Viking vvolves Vikings were effing weird, but you probably already knew that. These fools not only wore wolf skins, but drank wolf blood, which they believed helped them take on the wolf’s spirit in battle. They thought wolves were their fighting companions, and had a name for them that translates to corpse trolls. Corpse. TROLLS. Hitler...was nuts af Hitler was nuts as actual fahk and obsessed with wolves. His first name – Adolph – literally means “lead wolf,” and that walking canker sore even used “Herr Wolf” or “Conductor Wolf” as an alias. Wolves deserve so much better.

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[DGO]

Amanda Push | DGO staff writer

A cliche writer intro column

at times, humiliating mistakes, and hen starting this then learn from them. That is where intro-to-me colI learned to hold myself accountable umn, I did the very for deadlines and learned to dig mycliche writer thing of staring longingly into the abyss self out of my own holes — thankof my blank word document while fully I was surrounded by a staff of praying that, after spending a solid people who gave me room to do those 15 minutes looking up quotes about things. journeys (spoiler alert: life is a Eventually, when I felt I had outjourney), I would be awakened to grown my first publication, I got what was sure to be an inspiring a job as the business reporter and but hilarious anecdote about my digital content editor at the Kearney pathway to becoming the new staff Hub, a small daily in Kearney, Neb. writer at DGO Mag. Alas, that did Business, I quickly realized, was not not happen, so this is what you’re my dream beat; however, it did allow stuck with. I’m sorry. Please keep me to report on some fun things, like reading. bars, artists, brew fests, and historic building renovations. Anything I’ll start with a dose of honesty: weird and/or had to do with booze I never wanted to be a journalist. Never. While writing my fifth grade and food, and I was all in. After doing play about the European Renaissome freelance writing for DGO, insance (still my greatest accomcluding my Crappy Cooking column, plishment to date) and thoroughly where I attempt to live my dream creeping out my high school creative of becoming a halfway decent cook (another spoiler alert: I suck — life writing class with a 32-page story is a journey), I was offered the job of about a girl who murders a bunch of staff writer here, and I couldn’t be people who wronged her (I’m sure more excited. there’s a lot in there for a therapist Y’all are a little high up (in more to dig through), it never crossed my ways than one) in the mountains for mind to seek out journalism as a this Nebraska girl, who’s used to being career. In fact, I was so turned off at roughly 1,000-2,000 feet above sea by it that I even avoided joining the level, and certainly not used to (God foryearbook club because it seemed too journalistic for my refined, bid) walking up and down hills. People know-it-all adolescent taste. I can’t are going to think I’m a mouth-breatheven provide a good reason as to my er. For the record, I am not. If you see aversion. Simply put, I was going to me raggedly breathing as I walk around be a writer. My dream was to live downtown, know that I am just pathetiin a home by the seaside and write cally out of shape. novels and scripts in my attic. From Having only lived in Durango for the view out of my window, I could less than a week, I am already surwatch as the waves crashed against prised and humbled by the kindness »» There are so many reasons this horrid blast from the past is buried in the depths of a lonely lighthouse as I developed a and patience shown to me by you my social media caverns. Summer camp, man. permanent back hump as a result of Durangatangs. To be honest, I’m still constantly being hunched over my pinching myself, not entirely sure how for the opportunity to be creative and exercise my typewriter. I also wanted to marry a farmer at I’ve ended up in such a cool mountain town where voice. one point in my life, so there’s that. I’ll get to write on things like festivals, cowboys, and I eventually interned for the Omaha Once I got into college, however, reality set in. I aliens. World-Herald, the largest paper in Nebraska — needed to create a writing portfolio and find ways to It’s no attic by the seashore and I’m not a hunchmy point of origin. Then, upon graduation, I got get experience. I couldn’t do that by just scribbling backed-writing recluse (yet), but I’ll take it. a job at the Hebron Journal-Register, a smallhalf-baked ideas onto scraps of paper that I stuck town weekly newspaper in Hebron, Neb. Small to my desk and inevitably forgot about. So I joined Amanda Push is a writer who wishes she lived with a town Nebraska is as exciting as you think it is, the campus newspaper, and things went from there. cat and just wants to learn how to not eat like a college make no mistake. But despite that, I’m thankful I discovered that writing for a newspaper was far student anymore. Contact her at joyofcrappycooking@ that’s where I got my start. I had room to make, from beneath me and, low and behold, it did allow gmail.com. �� Thursday, September 13, 2018 | 23