Booze and Breakfast

art entertainment food drink music nightlife Thursday, November 29, 2018

DGO

FREE!

BOOZE AND BREAKFAST These brunch spots are proof that there is an upside to being an adult

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Also: The bad tattoo contest, mimosa hacks, and a review of THC-A Crystalline

[ink]

Bad tattoos from readers, part 2 It’s another week in the Land of Terrible Tattoos. Spill the tea on your bad ink decisions and we’ll fix you up with a chance to improve your circumstances with either a free cover-up with Robert Smith of Black Mountain Tattoo in Cortez or a free consultation and two free laser removal sessions with Durango Dermatology. To vote online for the worst tattoos, visit dgomag.com and scroll to the bottom of the bad tattoo stories and pick your favorite worst tattoo.

To submit YOUR disaster of a tattoo for a chance to win, comment on one of our contest posts on Facebook or email us at editor@dgomag.com. We’ll add the best-worst stories and photos online each Thursday, our readers will vote, and the winners of the cover-up and laser sessions will be announced the week of January 13.

The choice is yours, dear readers. You can’t go wrong on a deal like this.

Dolphins and reusable ink jobs I originally drew up a tattoo of two dolphins coming together with a heart in the middle. It was meant to represent my mom and I coming together in love no matter how far apart we may be (just like dolphins do). The first person to do the tattoo never got the chance to finish. I went to another person, who I thought did good tattoos, only to discover (after they finished) that not only did they make it look horrible but that they reused their ink.

I wound up with a massive staff infection in my back that nearly landed me in the hospital. Thank God that is all I wound up with! Take three I went to a tattoo shop and had someone professional work on it. He did his best and made it look WAY better then it had. Getting a cover up that truly represents my mom would mean the world to me after losing her 6 years ago.

I would love to have a cover up by Robert as I have seen his work and truly admire it.

»» Bianca Keck’s...fish...?

Heather Duran

did that needs fixed or covered!

»» Heather Duran’s dolphin tattoo that not only looked nothing like she wanted it to, but got infected and landed her in the hospital.

Heather Clover-McKinsey

Motor home tats I got these two tattoos barely into my 20s. I was eager to get inked and had found these two tattoo ideas from a temporary tattoo sheet, of all things!

There was a guy who’d come into our town for certain events and parked his motor home off the side of the main street through town. I thought he must have been good at his job because people would always go to him. Well, needless to say, you get what you pay for...You be the judge of the work I had done!

(Editor’s note: Analise is competing for the cover-up)

Here’s a throwback from some our top-voted terrible tattoos from last week:

ICP ink “Was young and dumb and thought it would be just so awesome to get a tattoo for cheap and at a friend’s home. Was a very costly mistake as the guy didn’t clean his equipment properly and ended up with a bad staff infection. If I win I would love to get the cover up since I think Robert Smith is an amazing artist and person.”

Analise Mahnken

Beau Duran

Angle eyes

Foot flower fail

I had my ex-husband do some homemade tats. He put “angle eyes” on me instead of “angel eyes”! So that one needs to be fixed or covered! I have a bunch he

“Here is my tattoo that I absolutely hate. I got it when I was going through my divorce in 2010. This guys girlfriend convinced me gonna be him do it. I

LET US HELP!

»» One of Analise Mahnken’s tattoos that she got in some guy’s motor home.

don’t want to call him out but this tattoo is horrible! It was suppose to be 3 flowers, one for each of my children, but the color is very faded, lines are bad and I just think it is embarrassing. Someday I will get something for my now 5 children. I don’t even want to wear sandals because of this ugly thing! I would like to just have it removed because I would rather not be reminded of this hard time period in my life and I don’t think the location, my foot, allows for color to actually stay very long.”

Crystal Robson “I had gotten this when I was 18. By a ex’s parent haha. Had been meaning to get it covered up for over 10 years now. And they guy did not do a very well job.

In pictures and in person it looks like a man genital part with scales haha.”

(Editor’s note: Bianca is competing for the cover-up.)

Bianca Keck

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It’s the most powerful pigment and tattoo removal solution on the market. · Best Color Clearance · Less Ghosting · Faster Results Providing Laser Treatments Since 1984 523 S Camino Del Rio · Durango, CO 81303 · durangodermatology.com 2 | Thursday, November 29, 2018 • • •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

DGO Magazine

STAFF

What’s inside Volume 4 Number 5 Thursday, November 29, 2018

Editor

Eggceptional Eggs Benedict

Angelica Leicht aleicht@bcimedia.com 375-4551

Irish Embassy’s Eggs Benedict are a thing of wonder and smoked salmon beauty. And, of course, so is that Irish coffee, which is all ours. Not yours. OURS.

Staff writer Amanda Push apush@bcimedia.com Sales Liz Demko 375-4553 Contributors Katie Burford

2

Ink

4

Eat What the Fork 4 Breakfast Booze

5

Mimosa Hacks 6 7

Sound

Album Review

7

Bryant Liggett

Downtown Lowdown 8

Jon E. Lynch

9

Katie Cahill

Lindsay Mattison

10 Weed

Patty Templeton Robert Alan Wendeborn

Angelica Leicht/DGO Mag

Design/layout Colossal Sanders Reader Services 375-4570

2

Douglas Bennett V.P. of Advertising David Habrat

8

DGO Magazine is published

by Ballantine Communications Inc., P.O. Drawer A, Durango, CO 81302

Bad tattoo contest, round 2 It’s another week in the Land of Terrible Tattoos. Readers are spilling the tea on their bad ink decisions for a chance to improve their tattooed circumstances.

Chief Executive Officer

DGO is a free weekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314.

Travel

23 Hazy green weed tea

Product Reviews 10-11

Strain Reviews 17-18

19 Happening

At the top of Stillwater Brand’s can of Gentle Green Tea is the phrase “relax into life,” and, man, do they mean it.

20 DGO Deals 22 Horoscope/ puzzles 23 Weed

From sideman to frontman Musician Jeff Plankenhorn’s move from sideman to frontman was an inevitable step in his career. The Austin-based musician is a commanding songwriter and soulful vocalist, skilled at penning rootsy Texas blues and bluegrass-inspired Americana.

Tell us what you think!

Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know?

Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

A SAVVY MAGAZINE FOR A SAVVY CUSTOMER.

/dgomag /dgomag

@dgo_mag

ON THE COVER It’s never bad to be one step closer to a mimosa.

Colossal Sanders for DGO

Call 375-4570 or email info@dgomag.com

CARRY DGO IN YOUR BUSINESS �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� Thursday, November 29, 2018 | 3

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[eat]

What the Fork | Lindsay Mattison

Mass produced (ahem, inexpensive) food just isn’t safe anymore

A

s I write this, I’m thinking about the Caesar salad I ate three days ago. And the piece of lettuce on my chicken sandwich at lunch today. Just how much romaine did I consume this week?

Am I safe in the wake of my Facebook feed blowing up at the latest recall? By the time this article comes out, it’ll be old news that the CDC issued a blanket recall for all romaine lettuce. Not just romaine grown in Yuma, Arizona, and not products sold by specific brands or producers. The highest office of disease control and prevention advised consumers to avoid ANY AND ALL romaine lettuce. Is that rumbling noise in

my stomach the first signs of e. coli poisoning, or am I just being paranoid?

It’s the third – or, maybe fourth – major romaine recall in the last six months. All amid turkey scares, millions of pounds of contaminated ground beef, and other scary food news, it’s really coming together to cramp my holiday food boner. It has me wondering if it’ll ever be safe to eat again. I mean, when three million packages of Goldfish get recalled, you know things are serious!

The timing of this recall has some of the Internet’s biggest conspiracy theorists humming. Two days before Thanksgiving and both lettuce and turkey are on the no-fly list? All while Duncan Hines recalled over

It’s always harvest time at Durango Organics.

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two million boxes of cake mix? Not even dessert is safe! It must be big pharma, or fake news perpetuated by the kale industry (as if kale needs to rain on romaine. Kale is so hot right now!).

While I don’t think there’s any foul play at hand here, I do find myself wondering what the heck is going on. In this day and age of scientific advancement and heightened food safety, how could the number of outbreaks possibly be increasing? While I can’t say for certain what’s really to blame, I have a sneaking suspicion it’s our fault. I’m not calling you out personally, obviously, but as the collective, we are to blame.

When was the last time you went to the grocery store and said, “Hmmm, those prices seem fair!”

Sure, we’re happy when whatever we’re looking for is offered as a BOGO, but we tend to balk when food is priced at a fair market value.

As the food supply moves further and further away from the family farm, we’ve become accustomed to this idea that food grows on the grocery store shelves. We stop associating a product with its producer, and we start looking for ways to get it cheaper, easier, and in a more convenient package.

But here’s the thing. Behind every piece of produce, cut of steak, and box of macaroni is a long chain of people who made it happen. There are the seed suppliers, the manufacturers who built and sold the farm equipment, and the farmers and ranchers who grew or raised it. All of that takes time and money, and hopefully the crop works out and the farmer can recoup those expenses.

Then there’s the labor of actually picking, sorting, and washing produce; processing, cutting, and grinding meats; or making and boxing up processed goods. Finally, there’s electricity for storage and gas for transport, not to mention all those retail workers. It all adds up, especially as minimum wage continues to increase.

So, when people want to reduce their grocery bill – and I get it, living gets more and more expensive every year – everyone in that chain has to find a way to tighten up. Polluted water makes its way onto plants, or workers don’t get training in things like proper hand-washing, and our lettuce gets contaminated with e. coli. Or a truck that hauls cattle is also used to ship cantaloupe without being properly cleaned. Or dairy cows infected with salmonella can’t produce as much milk and get sent to the slaughter house, leading to a massive ground beef recall.

It all comes back to meeting consumer demand – people want their meat cheap and their veggies cheaper. It creates a system where the sickest animals tend to end up in our ground beef. As long as we demand food at lower and lower prices, this is exactly the kind of quality we can expect. Unfortunately, vegetarianism isn’t the solution, either. There are just as many (if not more) recalls on vegetables, nuts, baked goods, dairy products, prepared foods, sauces, condiments, and dressings.

Before we get too far down the path of the sky is falling, know that there is hope. Food is still safe to eat when you look for ways to shorten the path that it travels from farm to table. By reducing the number of hands your food goes through, you’ll also shrink your chances of contamination. So how about it: Support local 2019?

Finding opportunities to buy local – even if that means spending more and eating seasonally – is worth so much more to me than rolling the dice and buying a ticket to urgent care.

Lindsay D. Mattison is a professional chef and food writer living in Durango. She enjoys long walks in the woods, the simplicity of New York-style cheese pizza, and she’s completely addicted to Chapstick.

Contact her at lindsaymattisonwriter@ gmail.com.

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[drink]

An ode to the beloved boozey beverages of Sunday brunch We live for the weekend, but not because we want to paint the town red at night. Oh no. It’s all about brunch, kids. And you know what makes brunch so glorious? Well, we’re glad you asked. Yes, the bread pudding, eggs Benedict, and chicken and waffles are to die for, but it’s the booze-filled beverages that can make or break one’s brunchy time.

Spice up that boring old orange juice. Breakfastize your margarita. Don’t just wake up with a plain cup of coffee - spike that shit. The options are endless for you booze-heads looking to savor your one last day off before the Monday grind or deal with your family out in public, and we’re here for it. Down the hatch, brunchers!

Bloody Mary

do you get your daily dose of wining, but you also get a nice little side of fruit...kind of. I mean, the peach purée counts, right? Anyway, what we’re trying to say is don’t let anyone judge you for getting your wine on before noon.

Ah, the classic breakfast juice. The cure to any boring brunch. It’s not every day that your drink comes with basically an entire meal. You basically don’t even have to order food with these babies (but you will anyway). Pickles (they better not be sweet), bacon, olives, garlic, peppers, tomatoes, cheese, celery, A CHEESEBURGER - you can literally (and we mean that) put anything on these glorious fountains of booze. Just be sure to order more than one.

Breakfast margarita What’s better than a regular ass margarita, you ask? Well, DUH...the breakfast version. If there’s ever a time for needless celebration, the time is now. Brace thine taste buds for the cutthroat flavor of tequila and choose your rim flavor wisely (salt). If you’re like us, though, and just the smell of tequila gives you the sudden case of uncontrollable gag reflexes (damn you, college!) there are plenty of combinations you can seek out to drown out the flavor. There’s even such thing as a bellini margarita, if you must go there.

Mimosa If you’re going to stumble into brunch as hungover as it gets, you best start pounding these right away. Orange juice to wash away the filthy taste in your mouth, and champagne to take the edge off your pounding headache. We guess you can mix it up to some other citrus-y juice like pineapple or mango, by why would you do that? We vote classic glass of sunshine on this one.

Sangria You really can’t go wrong with this fruity little crowd pleaser, which is, once again, a win for the winos. With red wine and fruit and maybe even a little brandy, it’s a perfect way to wake up and kick-start brunch. Plus, with all that fruit, it’s a great excuse to order as many carbs as your heart desires. Well, we think so anyway.

Irish coffee We’re addicted to coffee, as any normal human is, but we know every now and then even coffee needs a good booze boost. Or, maybe you’re someone who HAS to spike your coffee with some hooch in the morning to get through the workday.

We don’t know your life! If you’re looking for that something special with caffeine in it, warm, rich Irish coffee, with its whiskey, sugar, and cream is a good place to start. It’ll help you wake up AND drown out the chaos that’s threatening to bring you down.

Spiked iced tea

DGO file

Bellini

»» Carver Brewing’s Deluxe Bloody Mary, made with Durango

If you can’t get away with having wine for breakfast, what, I ask, is the point of life? Not to fear, though. With a healthy helping of bellini, not only

Craft Spirits’ Soiled Doves vodka, house-made bloody mix, celery, pepperoncini, olive, bacon and pickle, accompanied by a sidecar of Lightner Creek Lager.

We’ve already established that you can jazz up any regular ol’ drink into an alcoholic beverage of your dreams, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that if you can do this with coffee, you can do it to iced tea. Vodka. Bourbon. Rum. Gin. ANY liquor pairs well with tea if you really want it to. Plus, if you’re not a big fan of coffee, this can stand is as your alternative caffeine-infused booze boost to start your day.

— Amanda Push

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[drink]

CHAMPAGNE IS FOR

SUCKERS

»» Stop being lame. Use beer or Four Loko to make mimosas instead.

The combination of champagne and orange juice is delicious, but it’s also (prepare yourselves) a kinda effing boring way to make a mimosa. Everybody makes a mimosa with OJ and champagne. Don’t you want to impress your friends? Don’t you want to be different? Of course you do. And that’s why you should try out some of these mimosa hacks to make sure your annoying friend Jackie is shut down and in awe of your skillz. Silly Jackie. She’ll never try to claim the brunch crown again.

Hack #1: Use classy ass PBR or some other cheap beer to make beermosas instead of champagne.

You heard us. Or, read us. Whatever.

There is nothing wrong with beermosas!

You can even order them at El Rancho... or so we hear. All it takes to make one is a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon (we know you have it in the damn fridge) and a splash of orange juice. Throw it together and it’s freaking delicious, freaking cheap, and you won’t have that nasty headache from too much champagne.

It’ll be a beer headache instead.

Hack #2: Winter it up because it’s weird to drink a summer drink in November.

It’s cold outside. Really freaking cold.

So maybe you should piggyback on that snowy wonderland feel with a cranberry mimosa, which feels epically more like a winter drink than the version with boring old OJ. All you have to do is add some white cranberry juice to your champagne instead of orange juice. It’s not brain surgery. Or, you can make apple-spiced mimosas. Basically, the gist of it is “see above,” but replace the cranberry with apple juice and spices instead. What spices? We don’t know.

That’s what the Internet is for.

Hack #3: Make it a stiff as hell mimosa cocktail by adding liquor.

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Everything should be stiff as hell, including your mimosas. And that’s why you should be adding booze to your already alcohol-laden brunch drink.

We’ve taken to putting a splash (or two) of vodka in our mimosas – Tito’s for the win – but you can pretty much use whatever your little mimosa-loving heart desires, including Grand Marnier.

Just please do not add Everclear or hooch. That would be heinous.

Hack #4: Use Prosecco, sparkling hard cider, sparkling sake, or SOMETHING sparkling.

Yes, we know it’s kinda sacrilege to even suggest to wine snobs that one replace champagne from the Champagne region of France with a sparkling wine – how déclassé – but they can just deal with it, cause ain’t nobody else care.

Anyway, as with beer, you can use sparkling cider or sparkling sake instead of champagne, which sounds hella delicious

Colossal Sanders for DGO

to us. Just please do not use Mike’s Hard Lemonade, not because it won’t work, but because that junk is so frigging nasty.

Hack #5: Use a fancy ass beer, like a grapefruit beer, instead of champagne.

Some of us keep PBR in the fridge, and others keep stuff like grapefruit beer in the fridge. Whatever your thing, man. And while you can (and should!) use PBR in your mimosas, you can also use your fancy craft beer instead of champagne. It’s especially rad to use fruit-infused beers for this weird mad scientist booze project, but if you want to use a Sapporo or (gag) an Old Chub, it’s your call. You do you with these mimosa hacks.

Hack #6: Hold the booze and make a Kombucha mimosa for the family or friends you hate.

If you want to make a Kombucha mimosa with that sparkling health drink that is born of some weird food

accident, we won’t stop you. It’ll work, but you’ll just be drinking something healthy instead of something filled with alcohol. This might be one to serve to your frenemies. We won’t tell.

For real tho, replacing champagne with Kombucha in your mimosa is rumored to clear up your hangover, so maybe drink this AFTER your beermosas, if you must try it at all. And then please report back. We need to know the facts.

Bonus Hack: Use Four Loko.

We’re kidding. Please don’t drink Four Loko. The Internet advised us that Four Loko – the peach flavor in particular – would be a good substitute for your plain ol’ champagne, but we don’t think you should drink Four Loko because we love you. It’s kinda like how we don’t think you should drink lighter fuel. Neither are advisable by your friends at DGO. —— Angelica Leicht

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[sound]

[Odd Rot, by Patty Templeton]

Rumble What’s new It is late November, which means it’s ever so tempting to begin looking ahead and doing a surface scan of the intriguing swath of releases slated for 2019. And I don’t mean deep in 2019, but early – first month or so – 2019.

But, you know, that 2019 list is, in all honesty, an impressively staggering one that I will get to in the coming week or weeks, as I see fit.

I will admit that I momentarily peered at that list, in order to clear up the “still slated to release” records that have still have no firm 2018 release date, even with just over a couple months left in the year. It is very possible that these artists, along with the suggestion from label and/or management, won’t admit that for some arcane, mind-effing reason, they’ve settled on a 2019 release date and slipped that little nugget of information into their back pocket, much to the chagrin of the mildly voracious, overzealous, and impatient fans and pseudo-critics that are often (some)times the same person.

I’m looking at you, Kevin Shields and My Bloody Valentine, in addition to founding Wu Tang Clan member GZA. Quit playing with my emotions. Please and thank you.

Now, that said, there has been some very interesting releases the last couple few weeks. The exceptionally prolific garage punk rock and roller Ty Segall

released his fifth (yes, FIFTH) album of 2018. “Fudge Sandwich” is an 11-track collection of covers featuring Segall’s take on songs by War, Funkadelic, John Lennon, Neil Young, Grateful Dead, Amon Düül II, and a handful of others.

If putting out his own albums isn’t enough to impress you, perhaps you should know that Segall also released “Shampoo You,” the third LP from Axis: Sova via his Drag City subsidiary imprint God? Records. The Chicago-based trio, with Tim Kaiser, Jeremy Freeze, and Brett Sova, have made an album of power garage pop psychedelia that was heavily inspired by new wave. It’s an interesting take on all those genres in a smart, cohesive full length, and I’ve found each track more enjoyable than the last, which suggests to me that thoughtful consideration was given to track order and flow. That sort of attention to detail is often lost in the era of one-off singles. Play this one on repeat.

Please don’t be the douchetroll who goes around asking people to smile. Debate this stance with Patty Templeton on Twitter via @PattyTempleton.

“Shampoo You” is available now on Drag City/God? Records as a digital download (your choice of high quality MP3, FLAC and more), on compact disc, on cassette tape, and on vinyl in the standard black colorway.

Recommended for fans of Ty Segall, Hawkwind, The Stooges, White Fence, Purling Hiss, Wand and Cave.

—— Jon E. Lynch KDUR_PD@fortlewis.edu

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[sound]

Downtown Lowdown | Bryant Liggett

Jeff Plankenhorn, a soulful, stripped-down artist

M

usician Jeff Plankenhorn’s move from sideman to frontman was an inevitable step in his career. The Austin-based musician – who Joe Ely, Slaid Cleaves, Ruthie Foster, and Ray Wylie Hubbard, and others have called bandmate – is a commanding songwriter and soulful vocalist, skilled at penning rootsy Texas blues, bluegrass-inspired Americana, and some jangly roots.

It’s a well-rounded cache of music, with influences that clearly stem from some great underground music.

The multi-instrumentalist’s ca-

reer kicked off as a stubborn Midwesterner kid from Ohio with a plan to learn as many instruments as he could.

“My brother gave me sage advice.

He said, ‘I don’t ever want to see you get like five Stratocasters. You should have one mandolin. You should have one Martin guitar, and one electric.

You should have one bass.’ I just believed him at a very young age that I could play anything if I had enough time,” said Plankenhorn. “As a jackof-all trades, master of nothing, it works. It’s the same thing when I’m in the studio if I’m working on a record.

It’s right there. I’ll get a sound out of it.”

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»» Jeff Plankenhorn Back in 2000, he moved to Austin at the urging of Ray Wylie Hubbard, quickly getting work as a sideman, or session musician. He found himself playing dobro, an instrument he picked up while playing bluegrass in Nashville during the “O Brother Where Art Thou?” era. But, the dobro has its limitations, and Plankenhorn found he needed to be louder than he was in bluegrass bands. So, his love of pedal steel led to the invention of the plank, a lapsteel in the body of a dobro, which gave him the ability to plug in and play loudly.

While his 2016 release, “SoulSlide,” explores the plank and connects the dots between his dobro and pedal steel influences, his 2018 release, “Sleeping Dogs,” bounces between folk rock, jangle pop, and music from The Paisley Underground. He recorded “Sleeping Dogs” near the time of Tom Petty’s death, which influenced the direction of the record.

“The day that Tom Petty died, it changed everything,” said Plankenhorn. “It’s not that they turned into Tom Petty songs. It’s just that we started to make an Americana roots rock record.”

They’re songs of great lyrical and instrumental depth, and a show like the Durango performance, which he’ll play solo, will reveal that they can be just as impactful in stripped-down

Bryant’s best Friday: J. Calvin, Stillhouse Junkies and iAM Music Students play a fundraiser for iAM Music, 7 p.m., $20/$25, The Rock Lounge, 111 E. 30th Street. Information: 799-7450.

Saturday: Roots, folk, and rock with Jeff Plankenhorn, 7 p.m., $20, Red Scarf Studio Listening Room, 121 W. 32nd Street. Information: 759-8404. form.

Plankenhorn is a fan of the listening room vibe, where the barrier between performer and patron is nonexistent.

He takes none of this for granted.

Performing his own music brought about the realization that he’s a lucky man. “...For the first time, just within the last couple of years, it’s my music,” said Plankenhorn. “I play some of these stages, and when I do, and I go out, it’s my thing. I’ve played with some great cats over the years, and I’m not kidding when I say it’s humbling.”

Jeff Plankenhorn will play a solo show in Durango on Saturday at the Red Scarf Studio Listening Room.

Bryant Liggett is a freelance writer and KDUR station manager. liggett_b@fortlewis.edu.

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[travel]

Jim Legans, Jr/Flickr

»» Tinkertown Museum in Sandia Park, NM.

Tinkertown Museum, land of wooden wonders Quirky & cool spots in the Four Corners and beyond There is a world created by a former carnival worker that you need to see.

It’s a world of pure imagination (yes, we stole that from Willy Wonka), and it’s within a day’s drive of Durango.

We’re talking about Tinkertown Museum in Sandia Park, New Mexico.

It’s hard to describe the world that Ross Ward, who once worked as a carnival backdrop painter, carved out for you, but we’ll try. Ward, who traveled with the circus for more than three decades, has been making miniature carvings out of wood since he was a youngster. He has since parlayed that pastime into a 22-room museum filled with massive murals and the most awe-inspiring wooden wonders, and it’s all in Ward’s own backyard.

It took Ward over four decades to fill his museum with treasures, but it’s a product that was well worth the wait.

Over 50,000 glass bottles form the ramshackle walls surrounding the museum, and everywhere you look, there are wagon wheels and old store fronts.

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And that’s just the exterior.

Inside the museum’s 22 rooms, you’ll find just about anything, from the miniature figures Ward took on the road as a traveling exhibit in the ’60s and ’70s, to Otto the one-man band and Esmerelda the fortune teller, both of whom will play you a tune or tell you a fortune for a quarter. You’ll also find a 35-foot antique wooden sailboat and dozens and dozens of wooden couples for wedding cakes.

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Sound surreal? That’s cause it is. We told you it would be hard to describe!

It’s a wooden, antique carnival creation from Ward’s mind, and while it may sound like a mish-mash of mediums, it all works together in a way that only Ward could create.

Ward has long since passed, but his family has kept Tinkertown, and the tinker’s vision, alive with the museum and those tiny little trinkets. And you, dear friends, should check it out, because we certainly did not do it justice with our description. So maybe plan to get outta town and over to Sandia Park, New Mexico. Cause that’s where the magic happens.

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[weed]

Coda bath bombs were a waste of bathwater A couple of weeks ago, I spent $35 on some bath bombs. Before you shade me, these were Coda Signature bath bombs from the Symphony Collection, and the box contained three bath bombs, each with 15 mg of THC and 15 mg of CBD. That’s a total of 45 mg of THC and 45 mg of CBD, for those of you who are bad at math.

Please excuse the snark. I’m a little salty about this whole endeavor – $35 is a lot of money for some bath bombs – and I’m even saltier that I’m now writing about it. Anyway, here’s what happened.

So, I was in the dispensary (which shall not be named) and I was picking up some other stuff for a review. While I was looking around, I spotted out the corner of my eye a box of very fancy looking bath bombs. I was excited. I was even more excited that they were Coda, because Coda’s chocolates are basically the effing best, so I figured these bombs had to be good.

I asked the budtender, who said she hadn’t tried them, but was equally intrigued. Knowing that they were Coda and that someone else had their eye on them then pushed me over the edge from curiosity into flat-out want, so I bought them. I need to stop being a toddler and let someone else have the toy sometimes.

I opened the box in the car to take a look, and half-expected them to smell a bit like weed. You

know, just like every gummy is supposed to taste like fruit, but actually taste like fruit grown with cannabis spliced in. The weed version of tomacco. (Simpsons reference, anyone?) But, they didn’t. They smelled like a mix of lavender, rose, and some other spice or flower or something. Pleasant.

I threw them on the kitchen counter at my casa, mostly to annoy everyone in my house and make them jealous of my find, and a few days later, after the novelty had worn off, I threw the “calm formula” bomb into the bath. It is described by Coda as this: “The earthy aroma of cedar wood blended with lavender help ease tension and calm anxiety. Combined with sweet marjoram and the essence of benzoin this formula brings a sense of comfort and a feeling of serenity.”

The bomb fizzed nicely, just like a normal ass bath bomb should, and then it dissolved, leaving a layer of dried lavender on top of the bath water. I got in and prepared for greatness, but there I sat, the same old pot writer as before, unchanged. Convinced I was missing something, I soaked my literal ass for what felt like an eternity, and then ultimately got very sick of sitting in water. During that time, nothing happened. NOTHING. I did not feel relaxed. I did not feel calm. I mostly felt confused and pissed off that I’d wasted about $12 on a bath bomb that dissolved in .5 seconds.

I got out, waited a while longer for my sore muscles to feel less...sore, or my annoyance to slough off and be replaced with calm, but again, nothing happened.

Nada. Zip. I tried again with the “balance formula” bomb a couple of days later, figuring maybe my stupid chi was off the first time or something. Balance is described

by Coda as this: “Patchouli, lavender and rose geranium harmonize to create a soothing, rich experience.

This luxurious fragrance grounds and restores with oils that nourish and relieve tired or irritated skin.”

You know what happened? You guessed it. Nothing.

And now I’m going to have to scrape dried-on flakes of rose petals out of my bathtub. Maybe that’s where the balance part comes in. I’ll let you know.

I still have the “uplift formula” bath bomb left, and to be honest, I kinda want to hurl it into my fire pit to see what happens. I would venture to guess that doing so would be about as useful as throwing it in the bath, and perhaps it would help to ease my annoyance over wasting $35 on nonsense. Chances are, though, that I’ll eventually throw it into the bathtub in vain because I am a glutton for punishment.

So, let that be a lesson to you. Don’t buy three bath bombs for $35, and don’t be a toddler. That is all.

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[weed]

Mary Jane’s Hash Bath is relaxation central low-brown coloring that pools from the bag as it made contact with the water, the rest of the experience isn’t as iffy. It was pleasant smelling, a concoction of herbal and clean bathroom.

I’d been eyeballing Mary Jane’s Medicinals Heavenly Hash Bath for a few weeks before I finally decided to say “what the hell” and take the satisfied-looking woman on the front of the bag up on her offer of bathing bliss.

Here’s where I divulge my dilemma with baths: I get very bored and very overheated very fast. But I was determined to give Mary Jane a fair shot, so I stayed in for 20-30 minutes as I listened to a podcast. I gotta admit though, it really didn’t do much for me. At one point, I could feel a warm haze envelop over my head and I wondered whether that was the effect of the cannabis or the steamy water boiling my brain.

The hash bath is made up of cannabis (obviously) among other herbs: Epsom salts, dead sea salts, lavender, peppermint, and grapeseed oil. According to the bag, you can use it up to three times, though Mary Jane’s Medicinal recommends adding more salt and a bit of their massage oil to the water. I was intrigued to test whether adding cannabis will enhance the bathing experience.

Essentially, what I soon discovered, was that it’s a giant tea bag filled with cannabis that you can toss into your bath, causing you to ponder what in your life lead you to think soaking in pee-colored water was a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, I love baths and cannabis just as much as the next person, but the tinted urine-looking water had me questioning a lot of life decisions up until that point.

Still, I pushed aside my reservations and tried to be open about the whole experience, much like the smiling blonde chick on the front of the bag cheerfully soaking in her bathtub of marijuana leaves. I wasn’t feeling well that day and thought that perhaps a cannabis-fueled bath would be the perfect antidote to my

»» Mary Jane’s Medicinals Heavenly Hash Bath is essentially a giant tea bag for your bathtub. achy, sniffling self.

I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect once I got into the cannabis-infused water. Would I feel anything? Was it going to make me feel worse than I already did or would it make me feel better? Was my bathroom about to perpetually smell like weed? Was this going to stain my bathtub? So many things to consider as I sat in expectation.

Eventually, I gave up the good fight and got out, not sure what to make of my experience. I felt no lingering effects from soaking in the cannabis, so I made the assumption that any cloudiness I experienced was probably due more so to the steamy water than anything.

It certainly wasn’t a bad experience. It was nice to have an excuse to stop everything and relax for a few minutes, though it wasn’t quite the experience I was expecting. I don’t know if I would invest in another bag like this; however, if you’re someone who’s a bath nerd with an affinity for the marijuana who’s willing to soak a bit longer than me, perhaps this is more up your alley than mine.

Here’s what I decided: If you can get past the yel-

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BALLER BRUNCHES B »» Where

By Angelica Leicht | DGO EDITOR

to find the booziest, brunchiest spots to satiate your soul

runch. It’s one of those luxuries that makes being an adult worth the hassle. Sure, we’re stuck paying bills and cleaning messes and doing things like, ugh, working for a living, but in return, we get to laze our weekends away drinking too much booze and eating too much food at delicious rituals like brunch.

And, because brunch is so freaking awesome, Durango’s restaurant scene has popped up with plenty of killer places where one can drink and eat away the pains of being an adult. There is nothing wrong with drinking your breakfast, especially if it’s a Bloody Mary, which is chock full of vitamins and vodka. And, there’s nothing wrong with ingesting 6,000 calories if it’s done so while eating bread pudding for breakfast. It’s in the adult handbook. Feel free to check.

So sit back, tip your mimosa to your lips, and toast the good weekend life at one of these fine brunch establishments. You can repay us in Razzmosas later.

El Moro Spirits and Tavern 945 Main Ave., elmorotavern. com, 970-259-5555 If you haven’t hopped over to El Moro’s boozy, delicious weekend brunch, you aren’t living life to the fullest. You just aren’t. Want to know why? Well, because El Moro, a restaurant that has a killer lunch and dinner menu, has – in our hungry opinions – an even better brunch menu.

Want a Bloody Mary made with pickle-infused vodka? Of course you do!

And you can get one at El Moro. It goes by the name “Dirty Mary,” and we have a slight addiction to these pickle-boozed drinks. The Dirty Mary is made with pickle brine infused vodka, El Moro’s house bloody mix, and it’s rimmed with a hefty dose of black pepper and salt, so

you can get in all the good tasting (and probably bad for you) stuff at once.

But, if Bloody Marys aren’t your thing, don’t you worry your pretty little brunch-loving face about it. El Moro has pah-lenty of brunch drink options, like their equally delicious Irish coffee, which we swear gets stronger every single time we visit. It’s made with Tullamore Dew Irish whiskey, Desert Sun coffee (stuff is bomb), simple syrup, and house cream, and it’s been a favorite of any and everyone we’ve forced to visit El Moro for brunch. Or, grab the Egg Cream or the non-alcoholic Orange Cream. Sure, they won’t get you morning buzzed, but those two drinks, filled with sugary goodness, are so freaking tasty that you won’t even care. You’ll be high off your own supply.

And, of course, El Moro isn’t just a morning booze place. Their food is

freaking baller, too, as one would expect from the Main Ave staple. There are menu options like the chicken fried steak, which is huge and served with sausage gravy, two eggs your way, and hash browns, or about a million versions of eggs Benedict.

We don’t order any of those, though.

We vacillate between the A.M. Poutine, which is a massive bowl of french fries covered in sausage gravy and cheese and then topped with two eggs – don’t judge us – and the Blueberry Bread Pudding, which is exactly what it sounds like, only somehow better because it’s made with wild blueberry-infused brioche bread, egg custard, and blueberry crème anglaise. We could write a love letter to that bread pudding.

DGO food pick: Everything, but if we Continued on Page 14

Colossal Sanders for DGO

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������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ Thursday, November 29, 2018 | 13

[brunching]

Angelica Leicht/DGO Mag

»» Chicken fried steak goodness and eggs at El Moro Tavern, as well as the Three Amigos Bloody Mary. Drink your brunch away with this one.

From Page 13

have to choose a couple, we’d go with one of the Bennedictions (what El Moro calls their eggs Benedict dishes) or the Blueberry Bread Pudding. Mmm, carbs.

DGO booze pick: The Three Amigos, a Bloody Mary made with roasted garlic and green onion vodka, Ancho Reyes Verde, infused Tres Amigos bitters, house bloody mix, tajin, green onion, cherry pepper, and lime.

Sounds complicated, but isn’t. It’s a mouth party!

Carver Brewing Co. 1022 Main Ave., carverbrewing.com, 970-259-2545 Carver Brewing Co. doesn’t call their breakfast

»» Irish Embassy knows how to do brunch, and huevos rancheros, corned beef and eggs, and eggs Benedict, just right. “brunch,” but it still counts as brunch. They do, after all, serve plenty of good booze and even, uh, plentier amounts of brunch foods, which makes the matter of the name “brunch” or “breakfast” boil down to simple semantics. Brunch, breakfast. Potato, potaaaahto.

So, if you’re heading to Carver’s for break...er, brunch, and you want to booze it up, there are plenty of palate-pleasing options. Perhaps you should join us at our table with a Deluxe Bloody Mary, made with Durango Craft Spirits Soiled Doves Vodka, housemade bloody mix, celery, pepperoncini, olive, a lemon, and your choice of a pickle or bacon. Maybe if you sweet talk, they’ll give you both. No promises, though.

Or, are mimosas more your thing? Well, you should maybe step outside the box with a Razzmosa, which is part orange juice, part Carver’s Raspberry Wheat

Ale, a squeeze of lime, a splash of Chambord, and 100 percent delicious. It’s kinda like a beermosa, but all gussied up with raspberry and Chambord. So fancy you are! (Pro-tip: You should also consider getting a bellini so you can double-fist it. The two go together like birds of a fruity feather.)

You’ll probably need some carbs to soak up some of that booze, and there are plenty of options for you to choose from at this spot. If you want to go full-on glutton, try the Cowboy Benedict, which is a freshbaked biscuit topped with BBQ pulled pork, smoked cheddar, two eggs over medium, and BBQ hollandaise.

BARBECUE HOLLANDAISE. Paradise. It’s served with a side of country potatoes, just like any good cowboy breakfast should be.

And, we aren’t kidding when we say this menu is ex-

14 | Thursday, November 29, 2018 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Angelica Leicht/DGO Mag

»» Carver’s house-made buttermilk pancakes.

A sunny way to start your Sunday. New to the brunch menu at Carver’s is Fried Chicken Benedict with Cajun Hollandaise Sauce garnished with Turtle Lake Buckwheat micros.

Mmmmmmmm.

Carver Brewing Co.

tensive. There are rows of pancakes, burritos, scrambles, and omelets galore, and there’s even a breakfast banana split, which is as sweet as it sounds. It’s also healthier than it sounds, cause it’s a banana stuffed with vanilla yogurt, homemade granola, and fruit. And, as a bonus, you’ll feel less guilty about all those booze calories you’re taking in if you order it, which is why it’s one of our favs.

Irish Embassy

DGO food pick: The Cinnamon Pull Apart Biscuit, which is biscuit dough with cinnamon sugar and sweet vanilla cream cheese frosting, or the Bananas Foster Pancakes.

Does that sound delicious? Of course it does. So do the other brunch dishes served at Irish Embassy, like the Bangers and Egg Sandwich. It’s a grilled banger (yes, just like bangers and mash, but this time for breakfast), two scrambled eggs, Irish cheddar, and tomato jam, served on whatever bread you choose, with a side of Irish boxty. For those of you who don’t speak, well, Irish, a boxty is kinda like a potato pancake, but

DGO booze pick: For the third time, we say go with the Razzmosa, part orange juice, part Carver’s Raspberry Wheat Ale, a squeeze of lime, and a splash of Chambord.

Beer for breakfast is so pro.

900 Main Ave., theirishembassypub. com, 970-403-1200 Irish Embassy only started serving brunch about three months ago, but it’s quickly become one of our go-to places for a little bit of booze and a little bit of bread...er, banana bread french toast, to be exact.

somehow MORE delicious. We highly recommend it.

But, if that’s too out of the banger box for you, there are also options like the Durango Nasty, a dish we like in part because of the name, but mostly because it’s homemade biscuits made with pimento cheese in the darn biscuit, and it’s topped with fried chicken strips and country sausage gravy. Is it good for you? Hell no. That’s not the point of brunch. But what it lacks in like, kale or whatever, it makes up for in being baller af. Everything should be covered in gravy, you Durango nasties.

Or, you could go a little south of the border with the Huevos Rancheros, which are these fancy little crunchy corn tortilla cups filled with black beans, queContinued on Page 16

������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ Thursday, November 29, 2018 | 15

[brunching] From Page 15

it’s worth it.

DGO food pick: Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs, a dish that you for real can’t go wrong with.

A battered breakfast steak? Hell yes.

so asadero, two eggs poached to order, green chili, and pico de gallo. It’s a spicy little cup, you guys, so be forewarned. Make sure to order lots of Magners before it arrives at your table so you can put out the fire.

You probably want to know about the booze, too, right?

Okay, well, here goes. This is a freaking Irish pub, so you have plenty to choose from, friends.

There’s the Black and Gold, made with Jameson Black Barrel, Kahlua, and bitters, and served on the rocks, or if that’s too stiff for your morning brunch jaunt, you can always order a Strongbow Cider or a Honeyville Hot Toddy, a hot toddy made with Colorado Honey Whiskey, hot water, honey, and lemon. You can pretend it’s healthy. We won’t tell anyone. Or, just go with the Apple Pieder, a drink made with Tuaca, hot apple cider, and topped with whipped cream. Tuaca at 8 a.m. sounds just fine to us.

Three Rivers Brewery Block 113 E. Main, Farmington, threeriversbrewery. com, 505-325-6605

Three Rivers Brewery Block

»» The Barnyard Bagel Beast is, well, a beast of brunch. the one at Lone Spur Cafe. Yes, they call it breakfast, but we call it brunch, cause you can get booze and breakfast foods at Lone Spur well after the healthy productive folks get it, so it counts. Anyway, back to the menu.

Pro-tip: If you want to grab brunch at Irish Embassy, you’ll have to be willing to drag yo’ ass out of bed. They open at 8 a.m. for brunch on Saturday and Sunday only, and the menu runs until 3 p.m. C’mon. Your hangover can’t be THAT bad.

DGO food pick: The Corned Beef Hash & Eggs was so delicious that we couldn’t stop eating it, even though other dishes awaited us. The trick is, well...we’re not going to tell you. Just know there’s a trick to the way the corned beef is made, and it takes this skillet next level.

DGO booze pick: The Irish Coffee (duh), which the bartenders make with Powers Irish Whiskey, a fresh shot of espresso and hot water, sugar cubes, and cream they whip themselves behind the bar with the power of love.

Or, you know, you can always grab a plain ol’ Guinness.

Can’t go wrong with a dark, frothy beer for brunch.

Lone Spur Cafe 619 Main Ave., lonespurcafe.com, 970764-4280 We have never seen a breakfast menu as long as

The Hippies Have Moved!

animastradingdurango.com

On Lone Spur’s breakfast/brunch menu are dishes like the freaking ribeye steak and eggs, which is a massive 10-ounce steak and, well, eggs, just like the name would suggest. It’s massive, perfect for the hugest of appetites, and is basically guaranteed to put you into a meat coma after you consume it. So, perfect for a weekend brunch meal, if you ask us.

Or, if that’s too heavy for your lightweight tastes, maybe you’d enjoy something like the French Toast Special, which consists of, get this: Two pieces of cinnamon raisin bread, which are battered and rolled in corn flakes and then lightly grilled. Uh, can we get a hell yes? It’s served with two pieces of thick cut bacon, two eggs any style, and a cup of strawberries and bananas so you can feel healthy. Let your mind play tricks on you as you ingest 3,800 calories worth of carbs. Okay, we’re exaggerating, but whatever the carb count,

Three Rivers Brewery Block may not sound familiar, and that’s because it’s not in Durango. It’s in Farmington. But while it may require a jaunt across the New Mexico border, Three Rivers is still a designation worth of a designated spot on this list, because it’s a place that serves brunch and booze.

And, what makes that booze factor even cooler is that it’s made in house.

Three Rivers is a brewery and brewstillery first and foremost, and they have boozy breakfast drink options like the 3 Hail Marys, a classic Bloody Mary made with Entropy Vodka and house made Bloody Mary mix, and the Happy Ending, a mix of Entropy Vodka and house made Asian Bloody Mary mix.

Pro-tip: Ask for it to be made “grand” if you’re brave enough. Just do it.

We know, we know. Bloody Marys aren’t for everybody. So for those of you who abhor that spicy deliciousness, there are plenty of other options to drink brunch away, like the Bootleggin’ Rhubarb, a drink made with Entropy Vodka, rhubarb simple syrup, fresh basil, and bruleed rhubarb. Sounds like the perfect morning wake up call to us.

Brunch food at Three Rivers ain’t like your normal ol’ brunch, though. This brewstillery only recently started serving carbs to counter your booze intake, and they offer weekend brunch specials that change frequently. So, you just kinda have to take your chances if you’re lookin’ for something specific. But the brilliant drink menu makes up for it just fine.

Our drink pick: The Imperial Biscotti Break, an imperial stout made with coffee, almond and vanilla.

New Space. New Products. New You.

Think Holiday Gifts..But Don’t forget Yourself ;)

742 Main Ave Durango, CO (970) 385-4526

16 | Thursday, November 29, 2018 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[weed]

Bubba Babies wax turned me into Patrick Star Well, friends. Pagosa Therapeutics is back to trying to off me with weed. Or, more specifically, with concentrate.

This week, they sent over a little thing called Bubba Babies PHO Wax, and I would like to tell you how the review of this stuff went, but I don’t remember that much. My notes are a mish-mash of nonsense, so I’ve tried to use them to piece the night together.

Here’s what (I think) happened.

So I went to pick up this concentrate from what is quite possibly the friendliest dispensary on the planet, and I was told that I’d really like this one, because it has more CBD in it than some of the others we’ve tried. I do like a nice mix of CBD and THC – I think it makes the high more well-rounded – so I was down to clown.

Went home, popped open the lid of this bad boy, and I was pretty mesmerized with how shiny the wax was. I love their products, even though they make me into a human form of Patrick Star from Spongebob Squarepants. I dropped a little hunk of the shiny goodness into a pen – I was feeling lazy – and inhaled. I choked like a jackass. Inhaled again, choked like a jackass again. Just hit repeat on that for a few more inhales and you’ve got the gist of it.

I stopped inhaling after about five hits, because, well, it was clear I should.

I was gosh darn stoned. No mistaking it. My notes say, and I quote, “That feeling when it starts in your back.” Dudes, I don’t know. Stoned talk, real talk.

Things go awry from there in my log.

The next note states, “Man, I thought people tried to tell journalists what to do. Can you imagine being a detective on a murder case and having random people call you to tell you where to search? I would go insane.”

Let me explain that one. The district attorney on a high profile murder case near Denver had just released a cache of documents on the case, and I was *trying* to read them while stoned.

Apparently all I gleaned from them at that time was how bossy people are.

Y’all bossy, friends.

From there, I vaguely remember having to put down the computer because my eyes felt like they were crossing and it was making me laugh, which felt highly inappropriate to do while reading an autopsy report.

Details Where to find Bubba Babies wax: Pagosa Therapeutics, 235 Bastille Drive, Pagosa Springs. Find them at 970-7314420 or pagosatherapeutics.com Price: $35 a gram or $25 on Wax Wednesday My next note states that I tried to clean something up with Vaseline. I for some reason felt it necessary to inform future self that this is not what Vaseline is intended for, writing: “I just tried to clean something with Vaseline. That is not what Vaseline is for, bozo.” Why am I so cool.

Then, apparently the body high kicked in. Want to know how I know?

My notes say: “My limbs don’t want to walk or use their muscles. Sometimes I have nightmares where my legs won’t work and they buckle. I kinda feel like that only it stretches into my throat.”

Someone please plan an intervention because I am a dumbass.

And then, the pièce de résistance.

My final written statement to myself says, “I wish I could sign my emails with ‘nothing further.’ People would start listening to me.”

If that’s not proof that I’ve become Patrick Star, I don’t know what is.

So I’d like to say a sincere thank you to Pagosa Therapeutics. They always get me stoned to the heavens, and because of them, I’ve learned to embrace my idiocy. I’ve also learned to keep snacks and a pen near, cause neither my limbs nor my brain will cooperate when their products are involved. The more you know, right?

—— DGO Pufnstuf

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[weed]

THC-A Crystalline is pure hash and purely badass “How would you like some high quality cocaine?” the budtender asked, laughing as he handed me the tiny container of Harmony Extracts THC-A Crystalline.

“Holy crap. It does look like cocaine,” I said, trying to hide my nerves under a thick layer of false bravado. “I’m excited to try it.”

We’re friends, so I’m not going to lie to you the way I lied to that budtender.

I wasn’t excited to try this product from Prohibition Herb. I was freaking intimidated.

I hadn’t even heard of a thing called THC-A Crystalline, and a quick search of the Internet didn’t provide much insight, other than it’s a concentrated form of THC-A, the cannabinoid in weed that turns into THC when combusted, and that the product kinda looks like meth. I also found out it’s been banned in Michigan, which is dumb.

Oh, and I also found out that THC-A Crystalline is pure hash – the purest

form of concentrate that it’s scientifically possible to make – and its THC content is freaking 99.9 percent. See why I was intimidated? I am a wuss.

The Internet was not lying, by the way. The clear white crystals in the container did kinda look like meth, and they didn’t smell like anything. Doesn’t weed normally smell like something?

I believe it does. In fact, my closet, where I store my airtight containers of flower and concentrate, can attest to it.

But, apparently THC-A isn’t supposed to smell like anything. It has been split apart from any terpenes, so these tiny clear crystals smell like... nothing. This product doesn’t taste like anything, either.

Oh, and it doesn’t matter what strain you use to extract it. The high from THC-A will ALWAYS BE THE SAME. Because it’s an isolated cannabinoid, the only high you’ll get from it is what THC – pure THC, with no other cannabinoids involved – gives you. Weird,

DURANGO CARES

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We are connected.

You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is struggling emotionally and thinking of suicide, reach out.

There is help. durangocares.com Brought to you by your friends at

right?

So, anyway, I’m here to try things, and I was supposed to try THC-A, nerves or otherwise. It has to be heated to get you high, which meant I had to dab it. But first, I had to get the lid off.

That was a much harder task than I expected.

I had several adults try to get the damn lid off the tiny white container, and not one of us could break the code. It took a solid 20 minutes, and when we finally did get the container open, I was straight up scared. I’d looked at it in the dispensary, but at home, this stuff looked tiny and fragile. I just knew I was going to spill it everywhere.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t spill it everywhere. I heated the dab rig, tossed in some cool-looking little clear chunks of THC-A, and inhaled. I tasted nothing. I was surprised to see white vapor exit my mouth when I exhaled. I tossed another tiny nugget of THC-A into the dab rig and inhaled. Still no taste.

After the second round, I was definitely feeling the effects of this strange crystal form of THC. My eyes started to feel a bit wobbly, my head cleared out, and while I can’t really explain HOW I felt, I knew I was high. It was a streamlined feeling, if that makes any sense at all. I felt high, but I didn’t feel giggly or like my head was a balloon. I just felt high.

I also felt super agreeable, which, if you ever read this column, you know is rarely the case. I was cool to do whatever. Wanna watch dumb shit on TV? Cool. Let’s do it. Want to eat the rest of the apple pie from Thanksgiving? A’ight. Let’s do it. Want to make butter out of the leftover freaking heavy cream in the fridge just because? Hell yes. Let’s

Details Where to find THC-A Crystalline: Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio, 970-385-8622, prohibitionherb.com Price: $70 for a half gram; available on rec Caveats: Prohibition didn’t bribe us for a good review. Our opinions are all our own.

do it.

I don’t know what I can tell you other than it made me a pleasant ass person who was also high. I was chill. I was down for whatever. I wasn’t starving, but pie sounded like a killer idea anyway. E’rything was good.

Anyway, turns out the only thing I should have been intimidated by with THC-A was the freaking lid. Everything else was so easy. Dabbing it was easy, feeling the high was easy, I became easygoing. It’s definitely a different high than I’ve ever had, but that’s kinda super badass. Reviewing weed, while the best effing job ever, can get kinda monotonous, and this one certainly threw me out of my element. I can dig it.

—— DGO Pufnstuf

18 | Thursday, November 29, 2018 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[happening] Thursday Durango Wolf Symposium, 8:30 a.m., Fort Lewis

College Student Life Center, 1000 Rim Drive.

Training: Dynamics of Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault, 5 p.m.,

Four Corners Child Advocacy Center, 140 N. Linden Street.

New Strategies in Defying Aging!, 5 p.m., SRA

Pain & Laser Centers OA, 1401 Main Ave, Suite A. Holiday Art Market & Celebration, 5 p.m., Smiley

Courtesy of Stillhouse Junkies

»» The StillHouse Junkies will play at iAM MUSIC’s ROCK the Rock Lounge event Nov. 30.

DGO picks in and around Durango

Chop dat tree Dig out your axes cuz it’s that time of year where we all drag dead trees into our homes and decorate them with lights and ornaments. Humans are weird, man. Anyway, take a ride on the Cascade Canyon Train so you can cut down your very own bona fide Christmas tree in the San Juan National Forest. While we know that sounds like the forest is being destroyed by holiday nuts, the designated tree-cutting area is a space where passengers can visit to cut down their own small white fir trees AND help reduce fire danger along the tracks. Tree choppin’ is hard work, so be sure to dress warmly.

Details: Dec. 1, 2, 8, 9, Christmas Tree Train, 9:45 a.m., $69, tree permit is $8, Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad & Museum, 479 Main Avenue, durangotrain.com

Health Insurance Information and Enrollment Event, 8 a.m.,

La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Avenue, 970-7495582.

Winter Portraits Event,

Volunteer Training Opportunity, 8:30 a.m., Alter-

native Horizons, 701 Camino del Rio. Diabetes Education Series, 3:30 p.m., Bonnie Dallas

Senior Center, 109 E. La Plata Street.

SouthWest Colorado Concerts presents the Mancos Valley Chorus,

Dolores River Brewery Holiday Arts & Crafts Show, 10 a.m., Dolores River

Wednesday

p.m., $250 to $450, reduced payment plan available, Smiley Building, 1309 E. Third Ave., 970-382-9593.

Brewery, 100 S. Fourth Street, 970-882-4677.

Volunteer Training Opportunity, 8:30 a.m., Alter-

40th Annual Luminaria Display, 6 p.m., San Juan

native Horizons, 701 Camino del Rio.

QPR: Suicide Prevention Training, 6 p.m., Four

College, 4601 College Blvd.

Free Comprehensive Training to Empower Survivors of Domestic Violence, 8:30 a.m.,

Corners Child Advocacy Center, 140 N. Linden Street.

Animas Jazz Trio, 6 p.m., Jean Pierrre Bakery, Restaurant, 601 Main Ave.

7 p.m., $6-$8, $8 for adults and $6 for students and seniors, Henderson Fine Arts Center - San Juan College, 4601 College Blvd., 505-566-3464.

Details: Dec. 1, Jeff Solon Jazz Trio, 6 p.m., Seven Rivers Steaks Seafood Spirits at Sky Ute Casino Resort, 14324 Highway 172, Ignacio, skyutecasino.com

Four Corners Child Advocacy Center, 140 N. Linden Street.

Theatre, 699 Main Ave., 970375-7160.

8 Week Mindful Self-Compassion and Inner Resilience, 5:30

David Bowie, Prince, Kurt Cobain, Patti Smith, Mick Jagger – doesn’t matter the musicians or the era. Dress up as your favorite rock star and show up ready to party at iAM MUSIC’s ROCK the Rock Lounge event. This “fundraiser with a musical twist” is for any and all rock music fans looking to get their groove on and get one last taste of Halloween. Jam out to ballads by J-Calvin, StillHouse Junkies, and iAM MUSIC students and enjoy a plethora of appetizers and booze to accompany your music-fueled evening.

There’s nothing fancier than an evening of smooth, smooth jazz, are we right? For your listening pleasure, the Jeff Solon Jazz Trio will be bringing their skills to the table this weekend. Solon, who started his musical career as a street performer, has performed not only all across the Southwest, but in Central and South America as well. The self-taught, award-winning musician is versed in the sax, piano, clarinet, flute, and yes, even the harmonica.

So get your sexy jazz on and don’t miss this zestful performance.

Training: Dynamics of Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault, 8 a.m.,

Super Ted’s Super Trivia, 6 a.m., Henry Strater

10 a.m., $25, Cortez Public Library, 202 N Park Street.

Rocking rock music

Jazz it up

Saturday

Tuesday

Cafe, 1309 E. Third Ave.

San Juan College Big Band/Combo Concert,

Details: Nov. 30, ROCK the Rock Lounge, 6:30 p.m., $20 early bird, $25 day of, The Rock Lounge, 111 E. 30th Street, iammusic.us

$20 at the door, Sunflower Theater, 8 E. Main Street.

Friday Living with Wolves Film Screening, 10 a.m., South-

ern Ute Museum, 503 Ouray Drive.

STEAM Lab, 3:30 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 E. Third Ave., 970-375-3380.

Training: Dynamics of Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault, 5 p.m.,

Four Corners Child Advocacy Center, 140 N. Linden Street.

Rock the Rock Lounge,

6:30 p.m., $25, The Rock Lounge, 111 E. 30th Street.

A Christmas Carol, 7 p.m., $12 for adults, $10 for students and seniors, $8 children 12 and under, Little Theatre - San Juan College, 4601 College Blvd., 505-566-3430.

Volkswagen presents Warren Miller’s Face of Winter, 7 p.m., $12-$15,

Sunflower Theater, 8 E. Main Street.

Alternative Horizons, PO Box 503.

A Christmas Carol, 7 p.m., $12 for adults, $10 for students and seniors, $8 children 12 and under, Little Theatre - San Juan College, 4601 College Blvd., 505-5663430.

Health Insurance Information and Enrollment Events, 9:30

Raven Narratives Lives Storytelling SLAM, 7:30

p.m., $13-$20, $13 senior student pre-purchased, $15 general admission pre-purchased, $20 at the door, Sunflower Theater, 8 E. Main Street.

T(w)een Time, 4 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 E. Third Ave., 970-375-3380.

Dolores Playground, 4

p.m., Dolores Town Hall, 420 Central Ave. A Blue Christmas with Lisa Blue and special guests!, 6 p.m., $15, Wild

Horse Saloon, 601 E. Second Ave., 970-375-2568.

iAM MUSIC’s Winter Student Showcase, 2 p.m.,

Dirtwire, 9 p.m., $18-$20,

Durango Arts Center, 802 E. Second Avenue, 970-2592606.

Mancos Valley Chorus 2018 winter concert,

3:30 p.m., Mancos United Methodist Church, 470 West Grand Ave. Volkswagen presents Warren Miller’s Face of Winter, 7 p.m., $12-$15,

Sunflower Theater, 8 E. Main Street.

Monday

for adults and free for 18 and under and FLC students, Fort Lewis College Community Concert Hall, 1000 Rim Drive.

Manhattan Monday,

p.m., $13-$20, $13 senior student pre-purchased, $15 general admission pre-purchased,

a.m., Miner’s Hospital, 1315 Snowden Street.

Sunday

Holiday Concert - Snow Glow, 7 p.m., $0-$10, $10

Raven Narratives Lives Storytelling SLAM, 7:30

7 p.m., Montezuma Cortez High School, 418 S. Sligo.

5 p.m., password - find it on our social media, The Bookcase & Barber, 601 E. Second Ave.

Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive, 970-799-2281.

Ongoing Henry Stoy, piano at 10:30 a.m. every Saturday and Sunday at Jean-Pierre Bakery and Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave. Old west stage shows,

held at 5:30 p.m. nightly throughout the summer at Bar D Chuckwagon, 8080 County Road 250. Cost is $12-$38 and reservations are preferred. To reserve, visit www.bardchuckwagon. com.

Submissions

Dolores River Anglers Holiday Party, 6:30 p.m.,

Submit events for the next week online by noon Monday at www. swscene.com. DGO pub-

Wild Edge Brewery, 111 N. Market.

lishes events online and in print every Thursday.

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Introducing

Rocky Road With KATIE BURFORD Ice Cream shop owner, Katie Burford is answering your life questions.

Have one? Email rockyroad@dgomag.com 20 | Thursday, November 29, 2018 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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To advertise in DGO Deals contact us at 970-247-3504 ������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ Thursday, November 29, 2018 | 21

Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19) This can be a productive week at work; however, you might have to bite your tongue to avoid disputes with someone. Remember what your long-term objective is.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You want to play this week and have fun. Perhaps someone doesn’t agree because difficulties with a friend might arise. People want their fair share of things this week, including you.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Avoid disputes with parents and bosses this week, even though you have done your homework and know what you want. A practical discussion with someone older will help.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

Bizarro

Steer clear of subjects like politics, religion and racial issues because ar-

guments will arise. Instead, accept the advice of someone older who is willing to help you.

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22) Disputes about money and possessions are likely this week. If so, seek the advice of someone older or more experienced at work because this person will benefit you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) Do not be impatient with partners and close friends his week. Remember: You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Meanwhile, social plans and sports events will take place as planned.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) You might be doing a slow boil about something but feel you can’t speak up.

Don’t worry; instead, work with an older family member to achieve what you want.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21) Do not let your anger at a friend or member of a group stop you from achieving your objectives this week.

Instead, use the patience and deliberation you have to get the job done.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) Avoid a public argument this week.

Instead, work with someone (probably a female) to secure your earnings in a stable way because this is possible.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) This is a good week to interview someone or to study and explore new topics because you have the patience and willingness to do this. Avoid arguments about silly, daily irritations.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) Money squabbles might arise this

week. Instead, focus on how to settle matters for the long-term regarding shared property, inheritances and insurance issues.

PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20) Someone might be impatient with you, or vice versa. Instead, go with what works because an older friend or mentor-like figure will help you this week.

BORN THIS WEEK You are warm and friendly. Your natural curiosity about life opens doors for you. Service to others is your theme this year. Focus on your personal responsibilities to family as well as yourself. Take care of yourself so you are a strong resource. Nurture relationships you value. Explore the arts; enroll in a class. Personalize your home with treasures that have meaning. © 2018 King Features Syndicate Inc.

What’s up with brunch?

Ahead of its food time The first American city to set the brunch trend for the rest of the country was – shockingly not Los Angeles or New York City – but the Midwest city of Chicago. Movie stars like Clark Gable and Helen Hayes would stop in the Windy City for their delicious mid-morning meals and booze. We approve.

Brunch vs. breakfast What is the difference between brunch and breakfast you ask? Glad you asked. WELL, while breakfast tends to just offer plain ol’ breakfast foods (not knocking cuz we LOVE breakfast foods), brunch kicks it up a notch or two. At brunch, you can order a combination of breakfast and lunch and, of course, lotsa booze like Bloody Marys and mimosas. Arguably, the drunks are the most integral part of brunch.

United brunch While us Americans have certainly taken over the idea of brunch, the idea for this genius meal actually originated in the United Kingdom.

We Americans do love to steal other people’s ideas though, and them make our own.

22 | Thursday, November 29, 2018 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[weed]

Giving our health the time of day with Foria’s Hemp Tonic In a world of deadlines, ticking clocks, and endless to-do lists, it’s easy to lose sight of your health and wind up eating ramen at your desk on the daily instead of a salad or a fruit-filled smoothie. Luckily for us, Foria, a cannabis company out of California, decided to take pity on us and send us a few products to give a spin.

While this company is making headlines with its Pleasure line of products (suppositories, lube, vapes), this week we tested out the Foria Basics Broad-Spectrum Hemp Tonic for Daily Wellness.

This sleek little bottle contains 1000 mg of hemp extracted CBD in 100 percent organic MCT coconut oil. The tonic contains zero solvents, heavy metals, pesticides, additives, preservatives, or THC. The packaging suggests adults take 0.5 ml of the tonic, which I mixed in with my daily morning beverage (coffee or tea). There are about 60 servings in each container (if you stay true to the suggested 0.5 ml amount).

On its own, the tonic itself isn’t too bad - it’s oily with a minty aftertaste and smell. However, I much preferred measuring out the droplets into my morning beverage, rather than pouring the vial straight down my gullet. While the tonic isn’t terrible, coffee and tea are preferable to the taste buds,

in my humble opinion.

I wasn’t feeling terribly well when I started including the tonic in my daily ritual. Tis the season for holiday stress and all kinds of fun illnesses, unfortunately. Fortunately, not long after I began taking the tonic, I felt a noticeable difference in my energy levels and how I was feeling overall. I am in no way claiming that Foria’s health tonic cured what I eventually found out was a virus/strep throat (go me) – pretty sure my antibiotic did that – but I did find myself feeling less like I wanted to curl up on the couch and die.

I’d like to continue to keep Foria’s tonic in my daily routine. It’s a simple way to take one more step toward giving a damn about my health, and, as an added bonus, it doesn’t taste like a blade of grass I’m trying to convince myself to swallow, cuz vitamins.

If you’re someone who is also trying to give a damn about your health and you’ve got a little extra money to splurge, I would suggest giving this little health tonic a whirl. It’s an easy peasy way to give your body the health benefits it deserves, but probably isn’t getting.

—— Sir Blaze Ridcully

Details Where to find Foria Basics Broad-Spectrum Hemp Tonic for Daily Wellness: foriawellness.com Price: $98

Stay away from this if you have a lot of junk to do At the top of Stillwater Brand’s can of Gentle Green Tea is the phrase “relax into life,” and, man, do they mean it.

With a loooong to-do list hanging ominously over my head, I am constantly a jumble of nerves and anxiety.

So, I decided to pick up a can of this tea at Durango Organics. Stillwater’s Gentle Green Tea is made with Ripple, a water-soluble cannabinoid. According to the cannister, this gluten, vegan, and BPA-free product was organically grown in the Darjeeling region of India and is lightly caffeinated.

»» Stillwater’s Gentle Green Tea made me relaxed...too relaxed.

Mentally preparing to shut myself in for a lengthy evening of work, I decided to try and loosen up a bit and give my new tea a try. Admittedly, I am not a tea person. Heavily caffeinated coffee runs through my veins and I’m ride or die. I usually only drink tea when I’m sick, but given my anxiety about

everything I needed to get done, I went for it anyway.

I admired the sleek packaging as I dug out a tea packet. The tea sticks come in plastic coverings which you have to cut out. After filling a mug with hot water, I dropped my tea stick into the water and waited for the flavor to filter through. While I have to say I prefer the tea bag aesthetic to the tea stick look, the tea stick did the job.

It took several minutes for the water to absorb the tea, and it took a while for it to look delectable and not like swamp water. I got all kinds of ribbing from my house mates as they know I am not particularly fond of tea, and I wasn’t sure whether I would enjoy the flavors of tea and Mary Jane. But, honey covers all sins, so I dumped a little into my cup of tea and proceeded

to my work corner.

To my surprise, Gentle Green Tea tasted like any ol’ cup of tea I would buy at Walgreens while I had the flu or a terrible cold. I could detect no hint of marijuana in my tea sipping.

It made me feel cozy, warm, and serene, just like the little cannister had promised. It didn’t make me feel high, which I was nervous about, given the amount of things I needed to get done. Instead, it made me feel relaxed. TOO RELAXED. I was falling asleep, which was not in the plan.

All in all, I drank about a cup and a half of the tea to make sure I was getting the full effect. The results were feeling as though I were on a dream cloud, the outcome of which would be best put to use when I wasn’t needing to tackle such a long task list.

—— Sir Blaze Ridcully

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C E L E B R AT I N G WO M E N WO R K I N G I N L A P L ATA A N D MONTEZUMA CO U N T I E S .

NOMINATIONS NOW OPEN SOUTHWEST COLORADO WOMEN IN BUSINESS is a magazine and awards ceremony managed by Ballantine Communications to recognize outstanding women who work in La Plata and Montezuma counties, women who have contributed achievements in their industry and in the community.

ONE WOMAN will be chosen from among all nominees for the outstanding woman award. This year, the awards ceremony is held in part with the Women’s Resource Center.

NOMINATIONS will be accepted until midnight Dec. 10, 2018.

VISIT DURANGOHERALD.COM/WOMEN for more information and to cast your nominations.