Disaster Prep In The Southwest

art entertainment food drink music nightlife January 17-30, 2019

DGO

FREE!

DISASTER PREP IN THE SOUTHWEST Are these doomsday preppers right? Are end times just around the corner?

Also: Stonefish Sushi, breakfast burritos, and the Snowdown events calendar

dgomag.com

DURANGO’S Newest Dispensary SPECIALS:

CONCENTRATES $15 PER GRAM

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under the warm sunny skies of Colorado, our plants are hand-harvested and cured to perfection.

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HomesteadDispensary

hours mon-sat: 9am-9pm SUnday: 10am-9pm

$80 OUNCES OF FREE-RANGE FLOWER (from our Free-Range-Flower)

What’s inside

DGO Magazine

STAFF

Volume 4 Number 11 Thursday, January 17, 2018

Editor

4-5 Snowdown calendar

Surrender to Second City

Angelica Leicht aleicht@bcimedia.com 375-4551

Masters of improv comedy E.J. Cameron, Jordan Savusa, and Mark Campbell perform for The Second City, and soon for you, Durango. They’ll be at Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis to make you laugh so hard your abs hurt.

Staff writer Amanda Push apush@bcimedia.com Sales Liz Demko 375-4553 Contributors Katie Burford Katie Cahill Christopher Gallagher Bryant Liggett Jon E. Lynch Lindsay Mattison

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Eat Stonefish Sushi & More

Breakfast Burrito Battle 7

9

Aztec Family Restaurant

8

Comedy Second City

9

10 Sound

2019 Albums 10

11 Travel 16 Weed

Patty Templeton

Tim Schmidt/Special to DGO

Robert Alan Wendeborn

Design/layout

19 Movies

Colossal Sanders

6 Stonefish Sushi is a solid choice for killer rolls

Reader Services 375-4570 Chief Executive Officer

While Cortez might not be the first place you think of when the word sushi comes to mind, it probably should be. That’s where Stonefish Sushi & More is located, after all.

Douglas Bennett V.P. of Advertising David Habrat

7 Breakfast burrito battle, the outside Durango edition

Find

These delightful snacks by BlueKudu out of Denver are absofreakinglutely the adult version of Thin Mints, and by that, we mean they’ll get you high. So high.

Tell us what you think!

DGO Magazine is published

by Ballantine Communications Inc., P.O. Drawer A, Durango, CO 81302

Got something on your mind? Have a joke or a story idea or just something that the world needs to know?

Send everything to editor@dgomag.com

er at

s

ow uperp

31st y r a Janu :00 pm , y a sd -9 Thur 6:30

Durango Rec Center $85 Registration per team FOR MORE INFO: (970) 563-4517

Reviews 16-18

20 DGO Deals

18 Kudu kookies pretty much krushed it

After our last swing at writing about breakfast burritos around Durango, we heard you guys loud and clear: We need more breakfast burritos.

Many more. And this time, we left Durango to find them.

DGO is a free weekly publication distributed by Ballantine Communications Inc., and is available for one copy per person. Taking more than five copies of an edition from a distribution location is illegal and is punishable by law according to Colorado Revised Statute 18-9-314.

n hidde r u o y

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23 Horoscope/ puzzles

/dgomag /dgomag

@dgo_mag

ON THE COVER The clock is ticking ... more for some than others.

Colossal Sanders for DGO

Teams of: 6-10 players (no all-male teams) minimum age, 16 Registration deadline: Wednesday, January 30th, 5:00 PM Proceeds to benefit: Ignacio Youth Services Register online: www.sococaa.org

outdoor adventure program, after-school enrichment, community theater, maker space, video production, multi-ethnic voices, leadership and more.

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@dg

dg

[Snowdown]

The Snowdown

»» You can do all of these rad things during Good news, friends! We’re quickly approaching Snowdown time, the most magical time of the year in Durango. This year’s theme is Comic-Con, which means you get to dress up like, well, whatever the hell you want to. Want to be Eleven from Stranger Things? Go for it. How about some obscure anime character that no one will recognize? Do your thang! You can be whatever you want to be during Snowdown.

And, you can also do whatever you want to do from this list, because these are the official Snowdown events for 2019. Well, everything but that *one event* that’s sold out for basically 1,000 years and you have to sell your firstborn to get tickets to it. Everything else, though, is fair game.

Happening All Week

line is 8 p.m., Billy Goat Saloon, 39848 US HWY 160 (Gem Village), 21+, $20

SNOWDOWN THEME CONTEST: Magpie’s Newstand Café, 707 Main Ave., free

Teams of 4 will scope the highways, the byways, the salons and saloons around Durango for the items on the list.

This theme contest is for 2021 because themes are chosen 2 years in advance. Let your imagination run wild!!

SNOWDOWN SEARCH FOR THE SILVER BULLET: Hosted by Coors Light and Four Corners Broadcasting, 21+, free This event challenges all explorers, adventurers and the very clever to find “the Silver Bullet!” Somewhere, out there among the cliffs and canyons, mountains and meadows of La Plata County, the Silver Bullet will be hidden!

Compete in 8 different bar games.

You Don’t Want to Miss This Event!!

SPIN THE WHEEL, PROVIDE A MEAL: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday, Durango Harley-Davidson, 750 S. Camino del Rio, food donation BUILD A BONG CONTEST: Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio, 21+, free Use your imagination to build the most creative bong the universe has ever seen! We encourage you to use anything and everything possible to build a unique one of a kind bong.

3RD ANNUAL SNOWDOWN ESCAPE ROOM - DOOMED RAIDERS OF THE CRYSTAL CRUSADE: Conundrum Escape Rooms, 736 Main Ave., Ste 100, 18+, $80 per team of 5 Available only for the week of Snowdown! This escape room will take you on an epic adventure as you embark on a challenging crusade.

Wednesday

Thursday, January 31 6pm-10pm

Prizes f 1 , 2 nd & or 3 rd place!!! st

TEams of 4 $10 Per Team Easy Bar Games

Don’t Forget About the Famous Scavenger Hunt

(970) 884-9155

39848 Hwy 160, Gem Village, CO

details at Snowdown.org

SNOWDOWN FASHION DO’S & DON’TS: 11:15 a.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall, 2500 Main Ave., 21+, $20/$15/$6, advance tickets on sale at Magpie’s Newsstand, 707 Main Ave. Fly, glide or walk, gather your super peeps and join us for fabulous fashion, food and frolicking fun! Whether your outfit is divinely bourgeoisie, comically complete or the fashion police need to dress you at the door, it is all jolly good fun! Dress to impress but please remember to follow a small bit of etiquette – it is an ADULT-only affair but not X-rated! Those offended by unsuitable attire and manners need not attend.

SNOWDOWN SCAVENGER HUNT: Dead-

KEG CAP FRISBEE: 1 p.m., The Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave., Ste 205, 21+, free Test your skill at using keg caps as frisbees!

COSTUME CONTEST: Winners announced at 4 p.m., The Palace Restaurant, 505 Main Ave., 21+, free Ladies and gentlemen, comic heroes and fine friends, wear your ComiCon Costume to the Quiet Lady Tavern at the Palace Restaurant.

Your finest Snowdown cosplay could be the envy of the Snowdown Costume Contest!

DART TOURNAMENT: (insert time), Pongas, 121 W. Eighth Street, $15 Players are welcome to bring their own arrows or use ours as they take turns in this spectacular Snowdown dart tournament!

SNOWDOWN FASHION DO’S & DON’TS AFTERPARTY: 2 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main, 21+, free Ah, the fun never stops! Come show off your best and worst fashion at the afterparty!

Prizes for the best costume and the worst costume.

AIR GUITAR HERO: 4 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Drive, free Are you the Best Air Guitar Hero in the West?!

You can pick your own song and perform your air guitar skills to the audience. There will be three categories of prizes: Best Performance, Best Technical Guitar and Best Costume.

SUPERHERO MINUTE TO WIN IT FOR TEEN & TWEENS: 4 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 E. Third Ave, ages 11-17, free Join us for some fast-paced action as we smash through superhero-themed minute-long challenges. Wear your Snowdown costume and come play for prizes!

SUPER PARENT LEGO LAVA WALK: 4 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave., 18+, free Compete in a time trial competition to prove who is the most “Super” Mom or Dad out there - child not required! Competitors (adults only) will walk across a “lava flow” of Lego pieces barefoot for the chance to win prizes

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2019 schedule of events Snowdown, and you should, cause it’s the most wonderful time in Durango and gift cards.

ing shots after every made ball.

14TH ANNUAL SNOWDOWN KIDS FOLLIES: 4 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theatre, 802 E. Second Ave., $16/$12

SNOWDOWN TEEN FOLLIES: 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theatre, 802 E. Second Ave., $16/$12

A show presenting the amazing talents of our local children, singing, dancing, comedy, skits, acrobatics, juggling, magic and more!

A show presenting the amazing talents of our local children, singing, dancing, comedy, skits, acrobatics, juggling, magic and more!

41ST ANNUAL SNOWDOWN BARTENDERS CONTEST: 4:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave., 21+, free

BEER TRIVIA: 7:45 p.m., Carver Brewing Co, 1022 Main Ave., $15 per team of 3 or 4

The Official Snowdown 2019 Cocktail is chosen during this traditional event!

SPELLEBRATION: 5 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave., hosted by Durango Adult Education Center, $250 Spellebration is the one and only spelling showdown of SNOWDOWN! 12, 3-person teams will show off their spelling skills with cocktails and costumes in this fun adult spelling bee. All ages welcome in this family friendly fundraiser.

SNOWDOWN EUCHRE TOURNAMENT: 6 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave., 18+, free

Join true believers for a night of revelry and trivia. Excelsior!

GUINNESS GAMES - ANTS IN THE PANTS: 8 p.m., The Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 18+, free Holy ants in the pants, Batman!

LIP SYNC CONTEST: 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave., 21+, free Come out, come out! Enter the Lip Sync Contest-Solo or Group Acts.

SNOWDOWN JOKEDOWN: 8:30 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave., 21+, free

A fun, fast-moving card trick-taking game usually played with a partner.

Tell your best joke or present your best standup and win comics amounts of cash money!

Plus your own Bragging Rights Trophy!

TWILIGHT NIGHTS TRIATHLON: 6 p.m., Purgatory Resort Base Area, hosted by Durango Nordic Ski Club, all ages, $10

MECHANICAL BULL RIDING CONTEST: 9 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. Second Ave., 18+, $5

Cross country ski, snow shoe, fat bike race at the base of purgatory.

Ride em’ cowboy (and cowgirl)! Try your hand at this buckin’ bull and see how long you can go. Yeehaw!

BICYCLE ROLLER RACES: 6 p.m., The Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., hosted by FLC Cycling Team, all ages, free Snowdown’s own bicycle event is gearing up its rollers. Head-to-head races on stationary indoor rollers at The Irish Embassy Pub. SNOWDOWN CRIBBAGE TOURNAMENT: 6 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. Second Ave. (Ninth Street entrance), 18+, $8 Time once again to get out your heroic comicribbage board and sign up for this event!

GRAPHIC NOVEL BOOK DISCUSSION: 6 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 E. Third Ave., free Teens and adults are invited to join us for a fun and informal discussion of graphic novels.

Which are your favorites? Meet fellow enthusiasts and add to your stack of “Must Reads.”

MAGICAL MYSTERY MUSICAL TOUR: 6 p.m., The Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., hosted by AIKO AIKO Sound, 21+, $40 per team of 4 Snowdown’s oldest music trivia contest!

Teams of 4 will test their knowledge of music trivia in a variety of musical genres.

PING PONG TOURNAMENT: 6 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave., 21+, free Ping Pong, the mightiest non-video game pastime since 1909!

BUTT DARTS: 6 p.m., BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Drive, 21+, free A Snowdown twist on the classic party game “Quarters.”

SCOTCH DOUBLES 8-BALL: 7 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. Eighth Street, all ages, $20 per team Teams of two will play head to head in this double elimination 8-ball tournament alternat-

KLACKERS: 9:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave., 21+, free Durango’s own homegrown game! Single-elimination tournament of this exciting, fast-paced dice board game. Roll the jive bones and klack the jack!

GUINNESS GAMES - HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS: 10 p.m., The Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 18+, free “It’s a race, it’s a chase, hurry up and feed their faces. Who will win? No one knows! Feed the hungry hip-ip-pos; Hungry, hungry hippos!

Thursday CHAMPAGNE PONG: 11:40 a.m., Durango Elks Lodge, 901 E. Second Ave. (Ninth Street entrance), 21+, $20 Dahhling! It’s like the beer pong but with a much better beverage!

IRON MIXOLOGIST: 1 p.m., El Moro Spirits and Tavern, 945 Main Ave., 21+, free Enter to compete for the crown of Iron Mixologist.

BIG WHEEL DERBY: 2 p.m., Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave., Ste 205, 21+, free Each contestant does a timed lap around the balcony on a Big Wheel! Hopefully, the required helmet won’t mess up your costume!

WARMING HUT AND THE MARIO & LUIGI MUSTACHE CHALLENGE: 2 p.m., BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Drive, 21+, free Stop into the Radio 101 Warming Hut anytime between 2 and 4:30 PM and test your skills at ‘Pin the Mustache on Mario and Luigi’. After an

quick spin, and a blind fold of course, try your best to get the stick-on mustache closest to Mario’s or Luigi’s lips.

FAMILY FEUD: 2 p.m., The Palace Restaurant, 505 Main Ave., 18+, free This game is similar to the TV classic, but with our own SNOWDOWN style!

SPEED RACER ADULT TRICYCLE RACE: 3 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave., 18+, free Competitors will compete in a tournament-style set of races riding tricycles around a special track for prizes and gift cards.

NAME THAT TUNE: 4 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. Eighth Ave. (College Plaza), 21+, free Contestants will listen for 5-20 seconds to songs and will then be asked to name the song and the artist.

HOT WING EATING CONTEST: 4 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive, hosted by Cuckoo’s Chicken House, 18+, $8 per contestant Hot Hot Hot wings! Did I say HOT? 14TH ANNUAL SNOWDOWN KIDS FOLLIES: 4 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theatre, 802 E. Second Ave., $16/$12 CAPT’N MARVEL OYSTER SLURPING: 4 p.m., Hwy 3 Roadhouse, 955 HWY 3, 18+, $20 per contestant Eat as many oysters as you can in 60 seconds!

HANKY PANKY: 5 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave., 21+, free Be the first one to pull ALL the kleenex out of a box, ONE at a time!

KAYAK POOL SLALOM: 6 p.m., Durango Community Recreation Center, 2700 Main Ave., hosted by Durango Whitewater, all ages, $1 per contestant Join paddlers from Durango Whitewater for a low key kayak pool slalom for everyone to enjoy. Playboat paddlers are encouraged to come join the fun. Several slalom race kayaks will be available for loan.

MAGICAL MYSTERY MUSICAL TOUR FINALS: 6 p.m., The Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., $40 per team of 4 SNOWDOWN COMIC CON PINBALL SHOWDOWN: 6 p.m., J Bo’s Pizza & Ribs, 1301 Florida Road, hosted by Silverballs Amusements, LLC Pinball Wizards of all ages and skill levels are invited to this International Pinball Flipper Association endorsed pinball tournament. Players will be randomly placed into groups of four to battle it out on pinball machines such as Iron Maiden, Ghostbusters, and Star Wars. This is a three-strike tournament that costs $5 entry, but all the machines are set on FREE play.

SNOWDOWN TREADMILL CHALLENGE: 6 p.m., BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Drive, hosted by Durango Running Company, free

THE SCIENCE OF COMIC CON: 4 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio, all ages, free

How high can you climb? Each contestant has 5 minutes to push their limits and climb as many vertical feet as possible! The contestant who climbs the most wins!

Where there are geeks there will be nerds.

In this family fun event we will explore the science behind some comic con exploits.

SNOWDOWN SUPERHERO OBSTACLE COURSE: 6 p.m., Durango Jungle Gym, 151 E. 15th Street, 21+, $5

BOOZIN’ BEACONS: 4 p.m., Eolus, 919 Main Ave., hosted by Friends of the San Juans, 21+, $10 per player

Wear your best superhero costume to earn extra points in a ninja style obstacle course race. Race for the ultimate prizes of pride, pizza and beer!

A rollicking collision of libations and life-saving skills incorporating teamwork, knowledge of the downtown bar scene and skills with Avalanche Beacons.

SNOWDOWN JR KING AND QUEEN CONTEST: 4:30 p.m., Best Western Rio Grande Inn, 400 E. Second Ave., hosted by McDonald’s and Best Western Rio Grande Inn, all ages, free All ages are welcome to attend this final selection of Snowdown’s Junior King and Queen from the Durango grade school competition.

27TH ANNUAL WINE & CRAFT SPIRITS TASTING AND SILENT AUCTION: 4:30 p.m., Mutu’s Italian Kitchen, 701 E. Second Ave., hosted by La Plata Open Space Conservancy, $75 per person Please join La Plata Open Space Conservancy for a fun, elegant evening featuring exceptional wines and locally crafted spirits, brews, fine foods, a silent auction and an adventurous raffle.

TYE DOWN FLY TYING CONTEST: 5 p.m., The San Juan Angler, 600 Main Ave., Ste 202, all ages, free Fly Tying! We provide the materials. You make your most creative fly design!

BEER PONG: 6 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. Eighth Street, 21+, $20 per team Teams of two will square off in this double elimination tournament played with traditional beer pong rules.

SNOWDOWN PUBHOUSE TRIVIA: 6 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio, all ages, free Get ready for Snowdown’s annual Pubhouse Trivia night at The Powerhouse! Held in The Powerhouse Gallery, our Trivia consists of 5 rounds of questions always including one scientific round. Assemble your team of 5 to compete for prizes or come solo and join one.

DODGEBALL: 6:30 p.m., Durango Community Recreation Center, 2700 Main Ave., hosted by SoCoCAA Youth Services, all ages, $85 per team This all-pure-natural adrenaline event also increases dopamine levels naturally and raises money for awesome after-school, outdoor adventure positive youth development programs in Ignacio, staffed by real superheros.

The youth are the referees, so treat ‘em with respect.

Continued on Page 8

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[end times]

Stonefish Sushi & More should be on your restaurant rotation

A classy lady’s guide to preparing for the apocalypse

»» Cortez might not be

the closest option for fresh fish, but it’s one of the most delicious

It was only about 5:30 p.m. on a weeknight when we stopped by Stonefish Sushi & More, but the little sushi restaurant, located right off the main street that runs through Cortez, was already poppin’. And by that I mean there were no tables at the inn, friends.

People were already waiting for a table to turn.

I’m not the biggest fan of being seated alongside strangers. Elbows, dishes, and other appendages are too close for comfort, so normally I avoid said situations like the plague. In this case, though, I took a spot at the bar. Mostly because I was freaking starving.

It turned out to be a good call, cause we got to dig our chopsticks into some killer sushi in a much quicker manner.

While Cortez might not be the first place you think of when the word sushi comes to mind, it probably should be.

Stonefish’s rolls are executed with skill that can only come from a true nori artist.

There are plenty of diverse options to choose from, like the Stoner, a mix of tuna, cucumber, and avocado, topped with seafood dynamite, masago, and unagi sauce. Or, the Sushi Pizza, a crispy rice cake topped with lobster, krab, or spicy tuna, avocado, mango, sprouts, dynamite, and unagi sauce.

The cocktail menu is equally as unique. I opted for the Ginger Kombucha Margarita, a drink made with, well, kombucha, ginger, and tequila. It seemed fitting somehow, despite the other more obvious options. My dining partner steered clear of any healthy mixers and ordered a Bourbon Sunset instead.

My drink was the perfect mix of tart kombucha and bright ginger, which led me to suck it down much too quickly.

Luckily, our food arrived quickly after to soak up the heavy pour of booze I’d

Angelica Leicht/DGO Mag

»» The Dirty Vegas roll from Stonefish Sushi, a mix of blackened tuna, avocado, cream cheese, tempura rice, and jalapeno teriyaki. Magnifique!

dumped into my belly.

I’d ordered the Hotamame – just spicy edamame with a fancy name, really – and a Dirty Vegas roll, a tempura-battered roll made with blackened tuna, avocado, and cream cheese, and topped with jalapeño teriyaki sauce.

The edamame lived up to its spicy moniker, and the sushi...oh, man. The sushi.

Between the smoky bite of the blackened tuna, the smooth cream cheese, and the kick from the jalapeño teriyaki, everything was in sync.

My dining partner’s Farmer’s Market roll – a vegan option made with marinated, seared tofu, avocado, tempura asparagus, scallions, baby greens, and sweet chili sauce – with equal speed. It was an impressive feat, really, given the sheer girth of her roll, but it seems that once you pop Stonefish’s sushi, you really can’t stop.

Stonefish might not be the closest option to some of you for sushi, but I highly recommend you add this place to your rotation. Just make sure you get there before 5:30 p.m. or you’ll likely to be banished to the bar, which at this place, is still a good option.

—— Angelica Leicht

The first (and only) time I’ve ever watched “Apocalypse Now,” I was on a substance I’d rather not name.

It was college, aka the time when doing stupid things on the regular was the only way to live. I spent the entire first half of the movie ranting and raving that it wasn’t accurately depicting a real apocalypse (clearly taking the title a bit too literally).

By the time Ride of the Valkyries helicopter scene occurred, I was rendered unable to speak; I was pretty sure this movie was my life now. I don’t know what the upcoming apocalypse would look like, but I certainly hope to never find myself on the other side of Romeo Foxtrot.

No, sir; I would not like to dance.

My temporarily shattered mind was convinced the world was ending.

So I did what any reasonably sane person would do: I created a list all the things I needed to survive. Most people would start with water and canned goods, but my list was shockingly superficial. It was basically a massive stockpile of tampons and birth control with a handful of creature comforts along the way. When I came back to reality, I was actually a little proud of my altered self for realizing that doomsday prepping isn’t just about surviving the end of the world. Any freak snowstorm or wildfire could potentially lay the shelves of City Market bare for weeks, and who has any faith that FEMA will save us in a timely fashion if a catastrophic event did happen?

I mean, it’s all pretty unlikely, but prepping for comfort during a shortterm disaster is just as plausible as survival after a zombie takeover.

Plus, you really never know what will become the new currency in the aftermath of such an event. I don’t know about you, ladies, but I would definitely trade my weekly ration of food to avoid finding out if the term “being on the rag” has roots in reality. And while the events of an actual global catastrophe would probably turn birth control into contraband (something that may happen anyway…ugh, too soon?), no one wants a disaster baby. Even in the event of a “let’s rebuild the human race” sized event, some of us still don’t want a tiny monster attached to us for the rest of time.

Will you die without these things?

Nope, for sure not. But as a classy lady, I say mere survival isn’t enough!

I’d like to live in a style which, preferably, involves keeping my lady cake fresh. So I’ll leave the stockpiling of guns and grains to others while I concentrate on packing the world’s largest ho-on-the-go bag. I’m thinking bare essentials needed to survive two weeks without access to the outside world. After all, I’m willing to make some compromises with what “clean” means, but I will not be living without wilderness bathing wipes and facial cleansing cloths if there’s no access to running water. Nor will I underestimate the power of a bad hair day, so that dry shampoo and leave-in conditioner will come in handy on the days I need it most.

You’ll also find a lifetime supply of Chapstick in my bag. I’m pretty sure I’m so deep in that addiction that my lips no longer know how to produce their own moisture.

As previously mentioned, tampons will be taking up the majority of my space, along with the biggest bottle of ibuprofen you can imagine, a Costco-sized container of toilet paper, and plenty of gum for when the toothpaste runs out. I’ll skip all the first aid items and pack duct tape and vodka instead, because there’s nothing you can’t do by combining those two. Sure, cheap vodka wouldn’t be my first choice when it comes to shooters, but I’ll take it in a pinch. Beyond its use for intoxication, vodka is also a disinfectant and a powerful antiseptic. It can also be used as a mouthwash, it soothes earaches and numbs toothaches, and as a spritz it can deodorize clothes.

I’ve even heard it works as an insect repellent.

I know my essentials won’t last as long as your pragmatically large supply of water and silo of grain, but I only need enough to get me through those short-term disaster weeks.

Or, in the zombie scenario, just long enough until I’m accustomed to a more relaxed state of hygiene. In the meantime, I’m planning to trade for all the things I didn’t pack by keeping my fellow lady friends happy. It’s gonna work, too; before long, I’ll be running for the mayor of Doomsville.

—— Lindsay Mattison

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The hunt for the best breakfast burritos outside Durango, part 1 After our last swing at writing about breakfast burritos around Durango, we heard you guys loud and clear: We need more breakfast burritos. Many more.

So, we took your suggestions to heart and expanded our reach outside of Durango, where there are apparently A LOT of really great burritos to try.

And yes, we know if you live in Durango it’s easy to just stay in town for a bite to eat, but in doing so, you’re missing out on a whole lot of amazing food, breakfast burritos in particular.

Here are a handful of places we checked out, but if we missed your fav, not to worry – there’ll be more where this came from.

Burger Boy Drive-In, 400 E Main St, Cortez Type: Sausage, onion, salsa, & green chile breakfast burrito Our thoughts: Burger Boy Drive-In only serves breakfast burritos until 10:30 a.m., which was rough for us non-early birds, as we had to leave first thing in the morning from Durango. And while we’ll never be early morning folks, this burrito was worth the trip. Burger Boy allows you to build your »» Burger Boy Drive-In’s sauown breakfast burrito sage breakfast burrito. with the options of sausage, bacon, ham, chorizo, and ground beef. You can also choose between a variety of chile and vegetables. All their burritos come with scrambled eggs and cheese. And, as with their other delicious comfort food, Burger Boy’s breakfast burrito hit the spot – juicy, huge and full of lots of different flavors, textures, and spice.

Loop’s Coffee House & Bistro, 795 Railroad Ave, Dolores Type: Bacon and cheddar breakfast burrito

»» Loop’s Coffee House & Bistro’s bacon, egg, and cheese burrito.

Our thoughts: Loop’s Coffee House & Bistro is a charming drive-thru at the center of Dolores offering a mix of coffee, breakfast, and lunch options – including breakfast burritos. Over at Loop’s, they keep things pretty simple, but it is delicious simplicity. Customers can choose from meat lovers, veggie, bacon, sausage, everything, or just plain egg and cheese burritos. The drive-thru makes it a convenient manner to grab-and-go with your breakfast. Easy, peasy. We loved it.

Absolute Bakery, 110 S Main St, Mancos

Habenero Grill, 910 NE Aztec Blvd, Aztec, N.M.

Type: Bacon and cheddar breakfast burrito

Type: Dream breakfast burrito

Our thoughts: These wrappedup bundles of joy pack a strong flavor punch, and we are not complaining. You can choose from either bacon and cheddar or spin»» Absolute Bakery’s bacon and ach and Montecheddar breakfast burrito. rey jack cheese.

In my usual carnivore fashion, I went with the bacon, and boy, was this breakfast burrito fully loaded and bursting with heavenly breakfast aroma. Aside from the bacon and cheddar, there were seasoned potatoes and scrambled eggs, all wrapped inside a red chile tortilla.

Our thoughts: You could probably get literally any breakfast burrito combination in the region by visiting Habenero Grill. I went for the Dream – a concoction of eggs, potato, »» Habanero Grill’s Dream green chile, breakfast burrito. cheese, and chorizo – though, to be honest, it was a difficult choice. The Dream had a sharp bite made even better by the side of salsa they added. Habenero Grill also has Farmington and Bloomfield locations.

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������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ Thursday, January 17, 2019 | 7

[eat]

Huge servings and carb overload at Aztec Family Restaurant

From Page 5 MAGIC CARPET RIDE: 7 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave., 21+, free Sit on small rug and scoot your booty across the floor.

First one to finish wins!

Let me start out by saying this: there is nothing fancy about Aztec Family Restaurant in – you guessed it – Aztec, New Mexico.

SALOONATIC OLYMPICS: 7 p.m., Billy Goat Saloon, 39848 US HWY 160 (Gem Village), $10 per team SNOWDOWN TEEN FOLLIES: 7:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theatre, 802 E. Second Ave., $16/$12

Not that that’s a bad thing, mind you.

It’s just a fact. This little family restaurant, right off Aztec Boulevard, is the epitome of what I’d call “down home.” It’s quaint, kinda kitschy in places, and it’s a place where you can grab a solid meal without having to worry about feeling out of place in dirty jeans or sweats.

GUINNESS GAMES - OPERATION: 8 p.m., The Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 18+, free Hooray! You get to play doctor (so FUN!) and Cavity Sam needs your help! Show off your operating skills but don’t get buzzed!

BEARD GROWING COMPETITION: 8 p.m., Carver Brewing Co, 1022 Main Ave., 21+, free Join us for the great SNOWDOWN “Beard Race” and other fun events on the patio. Contestants showed up clean shaven at Carver’s back in November to have their mug shot taken as proof they didn’t get a head start.

And that’s precisely what we did recently on a trip to Aztec. We decided to swing by this restaurant in the middle of the afternoon on a Thursday after fasting for much of the morning out of laziness.

SNOWDOWN FOLLIES GALA PREMIERE PERFORMANCE: 8 p.m., Henry Strater Theater, 699 Main Ave., $65/sold out/waitlist only

The first thing I noticed when we walked in was that there was really no formal process for being seated.

The grand Gala of the SNOWDOWN Follies - a notoriously irreverent show performed by an all-volunteer cast and crew. ’80s REQUEST VIDEO DANCE PARTY: 8 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave., 21+, free

“Sit wherever you like,” the woman behind the counter called out to us.

There were plenty of tables to pick from – apparently most people eat lunch at, well, the normal lunch hour – so we grabbed one near a window and prepared ourselves for some good ol’ country cookin’.

[Snowdown event listings, cont.]

Request your favorite ’80s Dance Videos. Dance contest with awards for the best moves!

DRAG RACE & FASHION SHOW: 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave., 21+, free Come strut your stuff and dress in your best Queen or King of the Drag! Join us at the El Rancho Tavern with special host, the Spaaah Shop. Dance Party to follow!

Angelica Leicht/DGO Mag

»» The jalapeño burger and curly fries at Aztec Family Restaurant.

The menu at Aztec Family Restaurant is long and comprehensive. There are burgers, Mexican dishes, and plenty of fried appetizers, and there’s even a salad bar if you’re feeling green.

I rarely feel like going the green route (or healthy!

Yolo?), so I settled on a basket of fried pickles and the jalapeño burger with curly fries. My dining partner, who was as famished as I was, opted for the Southwest Sub, a sandwich made of sliced roast beef, green chiles, and cheese on a hoagie roll.

Our fried pickles arrived pretty quickly after ordering, a godsend when you’re as hungry as we were.

They definitely don’t make you wait at this little place.

And, you know, they were pretty decent fried pickles.

The breading to pickle ratio could have been a little more on the pickle side, but they were hot, crunchy, and the seasoning in the batter was pretty darn good.

The food arrived shortly after, and holy huge servings, Batman. There was a ton of food on each plate.

My burger was massive and cooked to perfection, but I had to dig it out from underneath a proverbial mountain of curly fries. My friend had the same issue. Her sandwich was barely visible under the curled potatoes.

If you’re going to eat at Aztec Family Restaurant, be sure to bring your appetite.

Both were solid choices, but neither of us were able to make a dent in our main dishes – the copious amount of fried pickles had already helped temper

DJ AND MC BATTLE: 9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave., 21+, free Epic battles of Super DJs and Super emcees.

our appetites, and I would venture to guess that we wouldn’t have been able to eat half the food we were served even if we hadn’t gorged on an appetizer. Not without causing permanent damage to our stomachs after they exploded from the weight of a thousand fries and burgers, anyway.

ARM WRESTLING TOURNAMENT: 9 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. Second Ave., $5 PICK UP LINE CONTEST: 9 p.m., Animas City Theater, 128 E. College Drive (next to Cuckoo’s), 21+, free Got a good one liner or two you think will increase your chances of getting lucky? Test your best pickup lines before a live audience!

We tried, though. We definitely tried our hardest to make a dent in those plates, in part because they were the epitome of comfort food, perfect for a cold, slushy day. My burger was cooked to the perfect temperature, and the jalapeños gave it just the right bite.

The mound of curly fries, while insurmountable, were clearly made in-house, as they were strings of curly potatoes rather than breaded, seasoned fries like the ones at a fast food restaurant that shall not be named.

GUINNESS GAMES - CONNECT FOUR: 10 p.m., The Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., free

And, my friend was equally enthused about her meal. The green chiles gave her sandwich an interesting kick, taking what could have been a “just fine” roast beef sandwich to pretty darn good territory.

Take advantage of the day and don a favorite SNOWDOWN apparel item - the one, the only, the elegant 2018 SNOWDOWN T-shirt! Get yours today at Magpie’s Newsstand and other fine local establishments.

Look – as I said, you won’t get any fancy accouterments or white linen cloths at Aztec Family Restaurant, and that’s all right with me. It’s a great place to pop in, have some solid comfort food, and then roll home, stuffed to the gills with fried potatoes and carb-loaded sandwiches. Having a place like that on your list is never a bad idea.

—— Angelica Leicht

Adult players compete individually for prizes. Arrive early to sign up and play.

KARAOKE CONTEST: 10 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. Eighth Ave. (College Plaza), 21+, free Come flex those pipes at the Tavern for a karaoke contest!

Friday ALL DAY SNOWDOWN T-SHIRT DAY

SNOWDOWN SCAVENTER HUNT - JUDGING: 10 a.m., Billy Goat Saloon, 39848 HWY 160 (Gem Village) KAN JAM: noon, Balcony Bar & Grill, 600 Main Ave., Ste 205, 21+, free Play horseshoes with a Frisbee! Nothing without superpowers here!

WAITER/WAITRESS RACE: 2 p.m., Steamworks Brewing Co, 801 E. Second Ave., 21+, free

Continued on Page 19

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[performing]

THE SECOND CITY COMING FOR

BIG LAUGHS AT COMMUNITY CONCERT HALL

»» E.J. Cameron performs in The Second City. The comedy troupe will perform Jan. 24 in Durango at the Community Concert Hall.

Tim Schmidt

When you’re touring with the most prolific comedy group in the country, The Second City, you don’t know what to expect when you’re on the road.

GO!

One of cast member Alison Banowsky’s favorite memories was from when they were doing a show in Ohio at an old theater. The cast was told that bats lived in the facility.

During the improv set, Banowsky looked up to see one of the nocturnal creatures flying straight toward them.

When: 7:30 p.m., Jan. 24

“IT’S THE BAT!” she screamed at her fellow cast members.

Everyone on the stage stopped and her cast mate, Jordan Savusa, grabbed a chair to defend the other actors against the incoming bat.

“EVERYONE SAVE YOURSELVES!” he screamed. Banowsky still can’t tell that story without breaking into laughter.

Where: Community Concert Hall

“It’ll be super fun, and will be like a variety of all kinds of things. So if you don’t like one scene, there will be another one that will probably tickle you.”

—— Amanda Push

Cost: $18-38 Info: durangoconcerts.com new.

“So the show will be a combination of a lot of, like, older scenes throughout from its canon of the past six years.

And then also some original scenes that the cast has written, and then there will also be some improv speckled throughout the show,” Banowsky said.

The key to making attendees laugh at their antics, Banowsky said, is to perform from a place of honesty and to completely commit to the scenes – even if it means acting out a meltdown in front of a large group of people. Or trying to fight a bat.

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Banowsky is excited to return to her home state and share a good laugh with us. The cast keeps the audience

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The show consists of a two-act show.

It’s mostly sketch comedy with a mix of material drawn from the old and the

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Those in Durango can watch the troupe, which has spit out comedy legends like Bill Murray, John Candy, Dan Aykroyd, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler (to name a few), lose their shit Jan. 24 at Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College.

“I think in improv, the scenes that hit me the most is when it’s just real, like, you’re reacting from a real place.

And that’s relatable in those moments.

And I think it’s human nature of being honest to what you see and observe in the world. … You get to see somebody in this raw, vulnerable state, and you get to laugh at them, which you don’t get to do in real life,” she said.

Find us at:

HWY 550 (CAMINO DEL RIO)

“It was one of those moments I’ll always remember on tour. Where I was like, ‘This is a disaster but it’s also so funny, and I think the audience enjoyed watching us lose our shit,’” said the Colorado native.

What: The Second City

on its toes by switching up the sets, incorporating volunteers into the show, and keeping the scenes moving fast. There’s a little something for everyone.

LIGHT

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[sound]

JAN 17

RUSS LIQUID

JAN 18/19

PAPADOSIO

JAN 20

NAPPY ROOTS ALEX BLOCKER

JAN 25

HEAD FOR THE HILLS

JAN 26

Tomorrows Bad Seeds

FEB 03

Chris Roninson Brotherhood

FEB Stillhouse Junkies 09 CD Release party FEB 13

Aqueous Big Something

FEB 15

Connect Posh Josh

FEB 16

Keller Wiliams

FEB 22

Ell Ten Eleven

FEB 23

Euforquestra Pherkad

Trivia Factory @ the Roost Every Tuesday 6:30 Drink Specials & Awesome Prizes Come Try Our St. Louis BBQ Ribs!

For Tickets visit: Animas City Theatre or Animas Trading Co Box Office Online @ AnimasCityTheatre.com

From Malibu Ken to FIDLAR and Deerhunter »» These are the albums we’re looking forward to hearing in January be. As I’ve mentioned from time to time, I prefer NOT to hear advance tracks from bands whose albums usually work best as a whole package. This is just a matter of preference, but it is bands like Deerhunter that make waiting so fulfilling for me. I could have easily listened to “Death in Midsummer” in late October or “Element” in mid-December, but I’ve found records from Deerhunter are better absorbed and realized while listened to and enjoyed within the context of the entire album. The album features contributions from Cate Le Bon and Tim Presley (aka White Fence), and was recorded in a little town called Marfa, Texas, along with Los Angeles and Atlanta.

As we rub the bleary fog from the earliest hours of 2019, now is a great time to eagerly – annoyingly – and with a far (FAR) off twinkle, begin to look ahead to the releases that are forthcoming. A handful of artists and bands had hoped to release new somethings in 2018, but whatever happened, happened, and now we can assume those records will come early in the new year. It is our sincerest hope that My Bloody Valentine, TV on the Radio, My Morning Jacket, and Modest Mouse will be doing this, should they be reading this local Southwestern rag.

With a quick keystroke search, the first notable release date (well, as far as I’m concerned) comes on January 18, just a few short weeks into the calendar year.

Other notable releases on January 18 include: “Weird,” Juliana Hatfield; “Remind Me Tomorrow,” Sharon Van Etten, “The Unseen In Between,” Steve Gunn; “It Won/t Be Like This All the Time,” The Twilight Sad; “Outer Peace,” Toro y Moi.

“Malibu Ken,” Malibu Ken; released by Rhymsayers Entertainment I received an email late in 2018 regarding an early release that instantly piqued my interest and curiosity. Malibu Ken is a collaboration by an alltime favorite MC and a prolific, forward-thinking producer and beatmaker whose precise and off-kilter psychedelic electronica has been in and out of my rotation for years. Aesop Rock released one of my favorite albums of 2016, “The Impossible Kid,” and TOBACCO has done fantastic work as a solo artist and member of pioneering experimental pop psych group Black Moth Super Rainbow. One cannot help but be excited for an album from one of the most verbosely dexterous and prolific rappers alive, one who’s also a preeminent talent with beats, blips, textures and soundscapes.

Notable releases on January 25 include: “Almost Free,” FIDLAR; “Power Chords,” Mike Krol; “Nowhere Now Here,” Mono; “Highway Hypnosis,” Sneaks; “Why You So Crazy, Kid Koala,” The Dandy Warhols; “IO,” Music To Draw To:.

“Why Hasn’t Everything Already Disappeared?,” Deerhunter, released by 4AD There hasn’t been a full-length album from Georgia’s Deerhunter since 2015’s “Fading Frontier.” Bradford Cox and company’s densely composed and crafted brand of indie rock, for whatever reason, isn’t for everyone, and that’s too bad, because it should

Notable Releases on February 1 include: “What Chaos Is Imaginary, Girlpool; “bi/MENTAL,” Le Butcherettes; “Encore,” The Specials; “Gallipolli,” Beirut; “Stuffed & Ready,” Cherry Glazerr.

The above is subject to change, of course, and I’m curious as to what records you are looking forward to in the next 12 months. Care to share?

Feel free to email me at KDUR_PD@ fortlewis.edu. Questions, comments, and criticisms are always welcome.

—— Jon Lynch

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[travel]

The bomb bunker hidden deep within in Cheyenne Mountain GET OUTTA TOWN Quirky & cool spots in the Four Corners and beyond While Cheyenne Mountain is hardly the most visually captivating mountain outside of Colorado Springs – Pike’s Peak takes that Rocky Mountain cake – it is home to one of the most astounding man-made features in the area: Cheyenne Mountain Complex.

Here’s the gist. Back in the 1960s, the world was worried about the Cold War and the rise of nuclear weapons.

So, the military did what any good military does and built a giant, secure defense bunker deep inside of Cheyenne Mountain, which sits in unincorporated El Paso County, right outside of Colorado Springs.

And what a bunker it is. The nuclear resistant installation is buried behind 2,500 feet of granite, rendering it not only impenetrable to nuclear weapons, but pretty much any “worst case scenario” situation, be it electromagnetic bombs, catastrophically devastating sun behavior, or biological weapons.

Why is this necessary, you ask? Well, it’s mostly so that scientists and military personnel can safely keep an eye on threats from every angle via a global

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surveillance system, that’s why. North Korea ain’t gonna monitor itself.

Here’s what it’s like inside that human mole-hill. Deep inside the granite complex, there are 15 three-story buildings which are earthquake and explosion resistant, thanks to a system of over 1,000 giant springs that the buildings sit on top of. It keeps them from shifting more than one inch, which, you know, is hella impressive given these buildings are literally inside of a mountain. That’s part of what makes the facility resistant to massive blasts or earthquakes.

Oh, and while this complex is meant as a military fortress, it’s not just high-tech military equipment that’s housed in the mountain. The facility is also a completely self-sustaining city, with a medical facility, store, cafeteria, and gym all housed inside that granite fortress. Bet they have a ton of freezedried food down there, too.

Pretty cool, right? Kinda like a prepper’s ultimate goal. You even used to be able to tour the facility, but they stopped allowing that in 2014. But! And this is a big but: If it ever opens up to the public again, you should jump on the chance to tour this Cold War relic. It’s the OG prepper town, one that is both awe-inspiring and terrifying.

(970) 565-2345 doobiesistersco.com MON-SUN 9am to 8pm 605 North Broadway, Cortez, CO 81321

—— Angelica Leicht

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Edward Peden

»» Edward Peden stands inside his bunker that was built in 1959 and decommissioned in 1964. He and his wife named it “Subterra.”

No matter how it goes down, preppers are bracing themselves to ride out the end Amanda Push | DGO STAFF WRITER

G

oogle Maps will take you most of the way to Drew Miller’s latest Fortitude Ranch, but not quite all the way there. We were trying to track this place down for our story, and per Miller’s instructions, we approached the pinpoint that Google had guided us to, and then took another turn down a steep dirt road and before disappearing off the screen’s tracking system. We were truly off the grid in central Colorado, just like Miller likes his prepper refuge sites to be.

NUCLEAR WAR, PANDEMICS, OVERPOPULATION 12 | Thursday, January 17, 2019 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Prepping for the worst of times is nothing new.

Some sources point to as far back as the Cold War Era, when tensions were high with what was then the Soviet Union, and some even further back, to when prepping really picked up speed in America.

Schoolchildren were trained to duck and cover under their desks in case of nuclear attack. People started building fallout shelters. Nuclear missile sites were constructed across the country. Today, decades later, one could argue not much has changed. People are still afraid of issues with North Korea and Russia, and global warming and steep overpopulation have also creeped into news headlines. Fears for the future range from pandemics and governmental and financial collapse to nuclear detonation, depending on who you ask. People are stocking up on canned and dehydrated food, learning self-defense, stashing cash, and coming up with escape plans for when things go even more downhill.

“The U.S. government has spent $5.5 trillion on nuclear war, weapons of nuclear war, (and) missile bases since 1960. And that figure actually was from 2016. So it’s even a little more, growing since then. But

a lot of money has been spent, a lot of energy has been spent and you wonder, ‘Will it ever be used?’ It’ll be a really bad day if that ever does get used,” said Edward Peden, who lives in an old Atlas E missile base he dubbed Subterra outside of Topeka, Kansans, with his wife, Dianna Ricke-Peden. “I am a historian with a degree in history. I taught history for some years, and humanity has very rarely ever developed a weapon and then not used it. And, of course, we did use a couple of nuclear weapons in 1945. The United States is the only country ever to detonate a nuclear explosion to harm others, but we did that in Japan, of course. I also spent quite a bit of time with population studies.

The planet is grossly overpopulated. We are having trouble feeding everyone. Water is being contaminated more and more. We need a serious population reduction.”

The Pedens have sold old missile bases, communication bunkers, and underground properties across the country for more than two decades. Their business, 20th Century Castles, has even offered up locaContinued on Page 14

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Edward Peden

»» Edward Peden stands inside his bunker that was built in 1959 and decommissioned in 1964. He and his wife named it “Subterra.”

No matter how it goes down, preppers are bracing themselves to ride out the end Amanda Push | DGO STAFF WRITER

G

oogle Maps will take you most of the way to Drew Miller’s latest Fortitude Ranch, but not quite all the way there. We were trying to track this place down for our story, and per Miller’s instructions, we approached the pinpoint that Google had guided us to, and then took another turn down a steep dirt road and before disappearing off the screen’s tracking system. We were truly off the grid in central Colorado, just like Miller likes his prepper refuge sites to be.

NUCLEAR WAR, PANDEMICS, OVERPOPULATION 12 | Thursday, January 17, 2019 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Prepping for the worst of times is nothing new.

Some sources point to as far back as the Cold War Era, when tensions were high with what was then the Soviet Union, and some even further back, to when prepping really picked up speed in America.

Schoolchildren were trained to duck and cover under their desks in case of nuclear attack. People started building fallout shelters. Nuclear missile sites were constructed across the country. Today, decades later, one could argue not much has changed. People are still afraid of issues with North Korea and Russia, and global warming and steep overpopulation have also creeped into news headlines. Fears for the future range from pandemics and governmental and financial collapse to nuclear detonation, depending on who you ask. People are stocking up on canned and dehydrated food, learning self-defense, stashing cash, and coming up with escape plans for when things go even more downhill.

“The U.S. government has spent $5.5 trillion on nuclear war, weapons of nuclear war, (and) missile bases since 1960. And that figure actually was from 2016. So it’s even a little more, growing since then. But

a lot of money has been spent, a lot of energy has been spent and you wonder, ‘Will it ever be used?’ It’ll be a really bad day if that ever does get used,” said Edward Peden, who lives in an old Atlas E missile base he dubbed Subterra outside of Topeka, Kansans, with his wife, Dianna Ricke-Peden. “I am a historian with a degree in history. I taught history for some years, and humanity has very rarely ever developed a weapon and then not used it. And, of course, we did use a couple of nuclear weapons in 1945. The United States is the only country ever to detonate a nuclear explosion to harm others, but we did that in Japan, of course. I also spent quite a bit of time with population studies.

The planet is grossly overpopulated. We are having trouble feeding everyone. Water is being contaminated more and more. We need a serious population reduction.”

The Pedens have sold old missile bases, communication bunkers, and underground properties across the country for more than two decades. Their business, 20th Century Castles, has even offered up locaContinued on Page 14

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[end times] From Page 13

tions near Cortez.

Fortitude Ranch Miller, the CEO of Fortitude Ranch, is always on the lookout for danger.

“I’m an intelligence officer. So, you know, I kind of grew up watching for threats and looking at what could be coming down the pike that could cause trouble. We’re very, very good at avoiding things like the Soviet Union or China getting military superiority and the ability to beat us, because you got the Department of Defense, and they’re devoted to that. But there’s no one out there looking at, ‘Hey, what happens if some terrorist guy gets one of these CRISPR machines and takes polio or some other virus, mutates it, then releases it, and kills off most of the human race?’”

Don’t call him a doomsday prepper, though. Miller finds the term derogatory toward those he believes are just being smart about the future. He has special contempt for the National Geographic show “Doomsday Preppers” for their portrayal of preppers.

“The first rule of prepping is, don’t tell anyone you’re a prepper. That’s the standard school, and the reason you don’t is two reasons. One, because if you’re a prepper and your neighbor is not, they’re all going to come bothering you when there’s a disaster – begging for your food or worse, breaking into your house. The second reason you don’t tell people you’re a prepper is that stupid TV show,” Miller said.

TV shows like “Doomsday Prepper” make survivalists look like nutcases for entertainment, Miller said, when most of the people that he knows who prep are intelligent, normal people.

“Most of our members own their businesses. They’re professionals.

They’re former military. Some of them are active intelligence officers still serving. They’re not going to tell you they’re a prepper. ... “Doomsday Prepper” is a gross distortion of who preppers are. Preppers are smarter than average, more wealthy than average, and, you know, they’re just being careful,” Miller said.

Miller’s business, Fortitude Ranch, isn’t just in Colorado, though. It’s a network of survival sites across the country. These locations are meant to house and protect survival communities if ever things go sideways, and also act as recreational facilities for people to vacation at when things are

Angelica Leicht/DGO Mag

»» A new kind of currency -- Fortitude Ranch cryptocurrency -- which will become the official currency of the ranch.

Drew Miller

»» A gazebo guard station and compound wall at Drew Miller’s West Virginia Fortitude Ranch location.

Drew Miller

»» Drew Miller at his West Virginia Fortitude Ranch location. Miller hopes to one day have 12 sites across the country.

copacetic. Miller is protective of the specific locations of the sites, preferring to keep their whereabouts vague.

His first completed site is located in West Virginia. He recently began building his second site amongst the central Colorado mountains. His goal is to eventually build 12 Fortitude Ranch sites across the country. He’s already looking at sites in Nevada and Wisconsin as his next targets.

To join Fortitude Ranch, interested parties must purchase a membership.

When things begin to fall apart, it’ll be important to have numbers, Miller said.

“We say you need at least fifty people so we can have a lot of guards on duty at night. Our guard stations are designed so that each guard can see the guard at the next station,” Miller said.

As opposed to many prepper sites,

Fortitude Ranch is a refuge for the middle class, Miller said. Indeed, many survival hideouts, particularly bunkers, can dip into the millions as far as price goes. The Pedens’ Subterra is currently on the market for more than $3 million.

These bunkers have all kinds of amenities, from pools to toilets for their pets.

“It’s just wonderful, but it costs you $1.5 million to buy a small condo, and then you got to pay your condo fees on top of that. So the super rich either build their own little bunker or they join Survival Condo. Ours is the only model that exists that the middle class can afford,” Miller said.

Miller’s planning goes beyond just stocking up on food and building guard towers, though. Once people are in close quarters for long periods of time, social dynamics must be considered, though Miller believes those who are serious about survival will look past their differences and work together for the good of the group.

“First of all, we got staff to settle disputes. We set the rules. No one’s getting voted off the island. You don’t have to worry about that kind of nonsense, and we’ll take care of problems.

But by and large, I tell people I don’t think there’s going to be problems.

There’s a big difference between if it’s a club and people are coming out and they’re fighting over radiation detectors. The real emergency people are going to realize, ‘Hey, I got to make this work,’” Miller said.

We all live underground “I’m speaking to you from under-

ground here in Kansas in a million dollar – well, it was a multi-million dollar Atlas E missile site back in the 1960s. We have a very interesting little home that we totally enjoy,” Peden said in a phone call from his Midwest bunker.

He and his wife moved into their unique home in 1994; they bought the property about 35 years ago, while Ronald Reagan was president and the possibility of nuclear war and the safety of his wife and two daughters was at the front of Peden’s mind. Built in 1959, the Atlas E Missile Site was active during the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 and was decommissioned in 1964.

If you look through the photos on Subterra’s website, the cozy residence makes it hard to imagine the mess that Edward and his family were faced with when they first purchased their home.

“When I bought this site, the room I’m sitting in here, it has a fifteen-foot ceiling height … but it had eight and a half feet of water,” Peden said. “We had to dump it out. Then it had a massive clean up. All of the government sheetrock had melted down on the floor from the water and it all had to be removed. There was a lot of mold and rotten wood, and all that had to be cleaned up before we started really building our home in this underground structure.”

It took about ten years to clean up the bunker on a shoestring budget.

Now, the property, which sits on 34 acres of land, boasts a half-mile paved driveway, an 8-foot security fence, two observation towers, garden spaces, an 11,000 square-foot underground shop, a 2,000 square-foot living space, and four bedrooms, along with many other amenities.

Eventually, Edward and Dianna started their real estate business and began selling missile sites across the country. Now, how, pray tell, you may ask, does one get into the business of

14 | Thursday, January 17, 2019 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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»» The Peden’s Atlas E circa 2012. The site was built by the Department of Defense and

We currently have over 50 to choose from!

cost millions of dollars.

»» Plans for the construction at Fortitude Ranch, a prepper property where interested or concerned citizens can purchase shares of the bunkers.

Angelica Leicht/ DGO Mag

selling properties like that?

Twenty-four years ago, Peden said he started making phone calls after coming across a book called, “From Snark to Peacekeeper,” about missiles and missile sites. The book contained the locations of missile bases across the country, so Peden started calling the counties where they were located to find out the names and addresses of the owners of the sites that had been decommissioned.

“And so it didn’t take us long. Just in a few months, we had like twenty-three former decommissioned missile site properties for resale on our website. And we’ve sold all of those and more,” Peden said. “We have actually been a part of sixty-one closings of bunker-type, underground, hardened real estate structures.”

Since then, the couple sold properties all over the country, from Maine to Roswell, New Mexico, and just about everywhere in between.

“I’m a very simple guy. I have a degree in history and I taught secondary school for years. But to be able to just track down these rare multi-million-dollar historic properties, and to be able to market them and sell them,

has just been unbelievably good fortune,” Peden said.

Now that he’s 71 years old, however, Peden isn’t as concerned as he used to be for himself.

“Except I worry for my children and grandchildren and the future of the country,” he said.

Though he has a lot of concerns about President Donald Trump at the helm, Peden and his wife are ready to move back up to the surface. They are looking to sell Subterra, which is on the market for more than $3 million.

As for the unease and fear others are still feeling across the country, whatever the reason may be, Peden says this: “I advise always (that) love is letting go of fear. ... But I really am a proponent of a more peaceful, loving environment. I’m hoping for that for the planet, and for all the citizens of the planet. And I know it’s probably just kind of unrealistic. Maybe I’ve become kind of a dreamer, but I’m hoping that we somehow might convert our fear. Fear is just not much fun, and fear feeds on itself. Fear is very destructive, and this country seems to fear so much.”

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[weed]

Legend of ’91, packs a psychedelic ride What do you get when you cross OG Kush with Chem ’91? A badass strain called Legend of ’91, which – surprise!!

– we’re reviewing for you this week. You probably had no idea from the headline.

This strain, an indica with about 20.03 percent THC, is one of the new premium strains from Prohibition Herb, which means it was babied from tiny plant bud to huge actual weed buds and it comes in that fancy ass glass jar we’ve been raving about for the last few weeks. (Side note: If you haven’t checked out their other premium strains, you’re not doing yourself a solid. Everyone we’ve shared ours with has begged for more afterward.

Freaking fiends, man.)

One of the things I’ve loved about this line is how beautiful the buds of each strain are. You can really see the nuances of each strain – fat buds; tight, compact buds; purple hairs, deep greens. It’s so cool. And in this case, the buds were chunky and covered with orange hairs.

You could smell this strain through the glass jar, too. Legend of ’91 is pretty darn dank, and smells like a mix of mint, herbs, and somehow the color green. I know green shouldn’t be used to describe a smell, but in this case, I’m going for it.

Caution is officially in the wind.

I didn’t have to smoke very much of this strain – a bowl between a friend and me did the job just fine – to feel the effects. Seems like it was just a few minutes after the first couple of hits that things were amping up with a distracted, psychedelic high, one that kept convincing my friend they were seeing things move.

And by things I mean paintings and the screensaver photos that were flashing across the TV while we sat on the couch and talked. Every few minutes, the conversation would be interrupted with a fascinated exclamation of, “Tell me you saw that move!

It moved!” But, unfortunately for my friend, I had NOT seen whatever it was move, so I’d dissolve into fits of laughter while they sat there puzzled and slightly amused.

I love it when a strain affects two people totally differently, because that’s the reality of using cannabis. My experience won’t be your experience, and theirs won’t be mine. It’s a good reminder that things like tolerance and genetics come

Details Where to find Legend of ’91: Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio, 970-385-8622, prohibitionherb.com Price: $50 an eighth; $250 an ounce; available only on rec Caveats: Prohibition didn’t bribe us for a good review. Our opinions are all our own. into play in this equation, which is easy to forget when you’re on the other end of a computer trying to explain YOUR experience to an audience.

Anyway, I digress. My friend, who’s a pretty regular smoker, continued to see things in trippy ass ways for the next hour or so while I was at their house.

It wasn’t a scary thing, mind you, but it was a pretty obvious mind screw. I wish I’d been along for that ride.

My experience, on the other hand, was just a good, chill ass high. I laughed when I felt like it – i.e., when my friend was going on about rolling dust bunnies in the corners of the apartment – and I was chill the rest of the time. I didn’t feel out of control or tripped out.

I just felt content, though I was all over the place if I tried to concentrate too hard on what I was saying.

And, if it weren’t enough to have two different psychedelic experiences, we also had two different endings to the night. My friend passed out hard after I left thanks to the indica properties of this strain, and I went home, wide awake, and watched like 36 hours of “Slobby’s World.” (Obligatory pro tip: If you haven’t binge-watched this fool on Netflix, do it. I won’t ruin it for you, but just trust.)

Weed is fascinating, man – especially this strain. If you’re looking for a ride, this one is it. Legend of ’91 is definitely, completely it.

—— DGO Pufnstuf

16 | Thursday, January 17, 2019 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[weed]

DURANGO’S PREMIUM CANNABIS DISPENSARY LARGEST SELECTION OF PRODUCT AVAILABLE

S99 made my brain happy and my body feel like it was levitating Dry herb vapes are tricky beasts.

They will never emit the amount of vapor that comes from, say, oil cartridges that fit in vape pens, so sometimes it feels like you aren’t inhaling anything.

After doing the same thing over and over for several minutes, the vape powered off. Puzzled, I popped open the top and saw that I HAD been inhaling vapor the entire time. I was suddenly very, very high.

And, because I’m a jerk, I asked a friend who was over to experiment with the same vape and weed and tell me if I was trippin’ or if you REALLY couldn’t tell there was vapor coming out of the device. We loaded a second bowl of S99 and off she went. As an outsider, though, I could see that there was vapor being emitted by the device, confirming that it was working. A few minutes later, the device powered off again, and we popped off the lid to see that the second round of weed had been heated until cashed. It quickly became round two of someone else being very, very high.

Luckily, S99 is a strain that leads to a pretty pleasant type of uber-high, the kind where you’re awake, amused, and pretty darn pleasant. My body felt like it was levitating – not in a psychedelic way, mind you, but more of a “holy crap, I’m so happy with life” way. I started to notice things like how quickly your fingers have to move to type words and at one point, I repeatedly tried to close a door that was already shut. Like, I leaned my body into it because I was confused as to why it wouldn’t budge. So, yeah.

This strain also led a serious case of the munchies, which became evident right around the time my friend fin-

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The reason I bring that up is because that is precisely what happened to me while smoking S99, a strain of weed created by crossing Sage and Cinderella 99. I loaded a bowl of the sativa hybrid into a dry herb vape and then woke the sucker up. I inhaled and tasted nothing but herbal, spicy green notes. I then exhaled, but I neither saw nor felt vapor leave my mouth, so I did what any good pothead would do and inhaled more deeply. I did this several times, in fact, and each time I ended up more puzzled than the time before.

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ished her experimental bowl. At that point, I could feel the beginnings of a definite body high, my mouth was super dry, and my stomach was howling for food. My friend, on the other hand, wasn’t so much hungry as she was stoned. I scurried the kitchen to scavenge for snacks when out of nowhere, I heard her speaking nonsense.

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“I losht...I losht...”

I laughed like a jerk and then tried to decipher what she was trying to say.

Apparently she had, in the process of walking from one room to another, managed to lose something, but her mouth wasn’t cooperating to form the word lost. She LOSHT it, whatever it was. Probably her sanity.

Anyway, we spent the next hour or so talking about literal nonsense, playing with slime, and shoveling food in our mouths to satiate the cravings.

I passed out into a food coma at some point, which ended the fun.

To summarize my feelings on S99: This strain is really strong, but it’s a chill kind of high and you’ll like it. It’s definitely a strain I’ll keep around for when I want to embarrass my friends or test the laws of closed door physics.

Fun with weed and science.

—— DGO Pufnstuf

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[weed]

[Product review]

In which we review a beautiful batch of C99 live resin

Mint Kudu Kookies are the adult stoner version of Girl Scout cookies The first time I caught glimpse of Mint Kudu Kookies at Durango Organics, I quietly prayed that they would be as delicious as the Girl Scouts’ Thin Mint cookies. I am happy to report back that I was not disappointed. These delightful snacks by BlueKudu out of Denver are absofreakinglutely the adult version of Thin Mints.

Last night it felt like there were tiny electrical currents running through my cheeks. I know you’re probably side-eying the shit out of me right now, and that’s OK. I know what I felt.

And, that feeling came courtesy of some C99 from Chronic Therapy in Cortez. C99 – also known as Cinderella 99 in some cases – is a sativa-dominant hybrid that, according to legend, stemmed from some Jack Herer seeds that were dug out of a couple of grams of Herer bud purchased at a coffee shop in Amsterdam. Is that really where C99 came from? I don’t know, but I like fairy tales, and I love the mystique around Jack Herer, so let’s go with it.

What we’re reviewing this week isn’t the bud, though. We’re reviewing the live resin version of C99 that Chronic Therapy has on the shelves. The batch I picked up was beautiful, all full of amber crystals and sticky as hell. I’d venture to say it was some of the prettiest live resin I’ve reviewed. But, as we know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and whether it’s a pretty crystalline product or not has little impact on whether the resin’s effects are decent.

Luckily, I can tell you straight up that the drapes match the weed curtains on this one.

And by that I mean the quality of this product matches the beauty of the crystals. I threw some in a vape pen yesterday evening and it wasn’t long before things were ready to go.

As sticky and crystalline as this resin is, it sure does cooperate with the pen quite nicely.

I was surprised at how smooth this resin was, too. There wasn’t any harshness to it – meaning I didn’t choke once, which is not the norm for me with concentrates – and the taste was like damp earth and moss mixed with heavy flowers and citrus. The combination somehow reminded me of the way humid Louisiana days smell, kind of sour, yet flowery and fragrant. Maybe I was stoned after one hit. Who knows.

It didn’t take long for the feeling of electrical pulses to hit my cheeks, either. By the time I put down the vape pen, having exhausted the cache of concentrate I’d loaded in the pen, I was very noticeably stoned. I had a head high for real, and I kept noticing the background noises around me, which sounded a lot like someone was stomping up the stairs. After several times of looking over to see if a yeti was lumbering into my living room, I decided I was just hearing things and tried to ignore it. But, as you might imagine, I couldn’t ignore it, and found myself

Whenever I try an edible out for the first time, I’m always worried it’s going to taste like weed. While I obviously know what I’m getting into when I take a chunk out of an edible, I would still prefer what I’m munching on not taste like pot. The less the merrier. And, Mint Kudu Kookies does not taste of weed. They taste like cookies...er, Kookies. Dark chocolate and mint rule this Flavortown.

Details Where to find C99 live resin: Chronic Therapy, 1020 S. Broadway, Cortez, chronictherapy.co.

Price: Varies by product Deals: Wax Wednesdays, when Chronic Therapy’s concentrates are on sale and drop to el cheapo prices. highly amused with how my brain was trippin’ balls all randomly. There are definitely some psychedelic effects to this one, at least from the live resin, anyway.

And, just for the record, I know they sound weird, but the electrical face pulses really weren’t obnoxious – they were just super noticeable. They felt like tiny rolling pulses of energy slipping down my cheeks, and yes, I know that sounds insane. I don’t care. It’s what happened. /shrug Looking back at it this morning, I’m surprised that this strain is sativa-leaning, because for me, the effects mirrored much more of what one would expect from an indica, but without the major body high. Just the cheek high. I didn’t get that burst of energy from it, either, but that could very well be because I smoked it at 9:30 p.m. on a Sunday after writing all day. Even C99 couldn’t save me from the end of weekend exhaustion.

If you’re into strains that kick your sensory system in the nuts, this live resin will absolutely be your jam. Just make sure you tell yourself there are no lumbering yetis on your stairs before you smoke it or you’ll spend entirely too long trying to figure out who let that mythical creature into your house, only to realize that the noise is actually your dog’s tail hitting the floor next to you. Yep. I am indeed an idiot.

— DGO Pufnstuf

There are 10 cookies in a bag and each cookie contains 10 milligrams of THC, so if you’re a lightweight like me, maybe start with half of one. Another plus? These snacks are gluten-free.

It was about an hour before the effects hit me. One minute I was fine. The next, I felt like my face had turned into a melting ice cream cone under a blasting summer sun. I stared at my computer screen, trying to finish the article I had just begun scanning. The letters began to meld together and the fog that filled every crevice of my skull made me forget how to read.

I finally just gave in to the intense head high that was to rule the remainder of my evening.

This was actually my third try at the mint cookies. The first two times I had nothing to say because, well, they made me pass out in what felt like five minutes after ingesting them.

This time I was determined to stay awake. For science.

I couldn’t fight the need to go to bed for long, though. Edibles tend to make me feel as though I’m on a spinning carnival ride I’m desperate to get off of, and more often times than not, I force myself to sleep off the effects.

Of all the edibles I’ve tried, though, the Mint Kudu Kookies made me the least dizzy. My stomach and my brain thank you for that.

So if you are the kind of stoner who can’t imagine getting a relaxing high without a good snack in hand, Mint Kudu Kookies might be a good bet for you. Just remember that they’re marijuana cookies. Don’t forget and keep eating them like an unrelenting row of Oreos.

Believe me, these cookies are hard to resist.

— Sir Blaze Ridcully

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[movies]

[Snowdown event listings, cont.]

Golden Globes recap and future award predictions:

From Page 8

It’s a winner free for all As someone who has been covering movie award shows for almost a decade, it’s really easy to just throw together articles on ceremony recaps and winners of the night – especially if you’re just not feeling the season movie-wise. This season is actually a bit of a mix for me. You have interesting films like “A Star is Born,” “The Favourite,” “Can You Ever Forgive Me?,” “If Beale Street Could Talk,” “BlackKklansman,” “Roma,” “The Old Man & the Gun,” “Eighth Grade,” and so on.

And then there are those “filler spot,” or the movies that got mediocre reception, yet are still nominated from successful lobbying. This year it’s “Green Book” and “Bohemian Rhapsody,” both of which got very divisive feedback upon release. “Green Book” is being accused of sugar-coating a moment in Black history, with the narrative being told from the white co-lead’s point of view. On the other hand, Bohemian Rhapsody is being called out for wholly rewriting Queen – and Freddie Mercury’s – history for the sake of making the movie more family friendly. And yet, to the surprise of this very puzzled viewer, both films won Best Comedy and Best Drama at the Golden Globes on Sunday.

Meanwhile, Best Drama nominee “A Star is Born” has been met with huge success with both critics and audiences, and even found large popularity with its original soundtrack.

“The Favourite” and “Beale Street” also did very well with acclaim and were also nominated for Best Comedy and Best Drama.

If you’ve been following the beginning of awards season, which started in December, “A Star is Born,” “The Favourite,” and “Roma” were already huge Oscar front runners. “Roma” did fortunately win Best Foreign Film and Best Director (Alfonso Cuaron), though it missed out on a Best Drama nomination because of a GG rule that disallows giving foreign films

Traditionally one of SNOWDOWN’S wildest events! Coed teams of your favorite local servers from area restaurants compete in a fun and frequently messy obstacle course incorporating waiting skills and a bit of a Snowdown twist!

SEXY CLASSIC CARWASH COMPETITION: 3 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave., 21+, free Be the bravest babe or bro out there by donning your sexy super hero gear, getting all soapy and wet (snow or shine!) and washing a classic car for up to one minute.

CHILI COOK-OFF PRE-SALE: 3 p.m., BREW Pub & Kitchen, 117 W. College Drive Avoid long lines and standing in the cold to get Durango’s finest chili and Bloody Marys.

KIDS STEAM LAB SUPERHERO CHALLENGE: 3 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 E. Third Ave., free Kids ages 5-12 can join in on fun STEAM (science, technology, engineering, art, and math) based activities.

»» Lady Gaga, left, and Bradley Cooper in a scene from “A Star is Born.”

Best Drama/Comedy nominations.

Otherwise, the Mexican picture might have been legitimate competition against “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

SNOWDOWN BUTTON MAKING: 3:30 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 E. Third Ave., all ages, free Let us help you get parade-ready! Stop by the library to make a button to accessorize your SNOWDOWN costume or just celebrate your favorite fandom.

FORT “LEX LUTHOR” COLLEGE TRIVIA: 3:30 p.m., Colorado Room (in the FLC Student Union), Fort Lewis College, 18+, free

And, since “A Star is Born” lost Drama, Director (Bradley Cooper), Dramatic Actor (Cooper), and Dramatic Actress (Lady Gaga), and only took home Best Song (“Shallow”), who knows what’s in store for the next six weeks. Best Actor has been sort of up in the air between Cooper and Ethan Hawke for his performance in “First Reformed,” but that was before Christian Bale in “Vice” won Best Comedic Actor at the Globes and Rami Malek won for Best Dramatic Actor for “Rhapsody.”

Hawke is by far the big favorite from critics, but was completely shut out and wasn’t even nominated at the GGs.

Nerd alert! Don your Spiderman, Super Woman, or Black Panther digs and join fellow super heros for the esteemed Fort “Lex Luthor” College Trivia Showdown. Bring your A-game and get ready to slay questions.

Best Comedic Actress went to Olivia Colman for “The Favourite” at the Globes, whom has been predicted to be neck-in-neck with Gaga as possible Best Actress winner at the Oscars next month. But again, that was before Glenn Close won out of nowhere for “The Wife” at the Globes in the Dramatic Actress category, and now Close might have momentum against Gaga. It is truly a free-for-all at the present, and hopefully won’t be a headache for everyone following by the time the Academy votes.

Come in before the parade and fill up! Or during, or after! Yummy food for all you SNOWDOWN goers! This meal will warm your comic self just in time for the next adventure.

—— Megan Bianco

SNOWDOWN BED RACES: 4:30 p.m., Between 7th, 8th & Main, $100 per team The bed races are back! Hosted by The 100 Club of Durango, they’re bringing back the bed races for some head to head, fast-action fun on Main Street before the start of the Snowdown Light Parade.

FLIPPY CUP: 4:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave., 21+, free Come in to play this relay race where players stand opposite sides of the board, down a cup of beer, then use the launchers to try to flip the cup upside down.

SNOWDOWN PARADE DINNER: 4:30 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge # 507, 901 E. Second Ave., $10 adults/$5 kids

THE SNOWDOWN FIREWORK!: 6 p.m.

This amazing display of a single firework is brought to you by the SNOWDOWN Board and the super AWESOME Teams of SNOWDOWN! THE SNOWDOWN LIGHT PARADE: 6 p.m., Main from College Drive to 12th Street, $65 per entry

kidding!

SKI SCHOOL VS. SKI PATROL SNOWDOWN SOFTBALL GAME: 7:30 p.m., FLC Softball Complex - Fort Lewis College A Snowdown tradition! Purgatory Mountain Patrol and the Ski/Snowboard School, continue their 41 year rivalry in Ski Softball CHAPMAN CHALLENGE UPHILL/ DOWNHILL RACE: 7:30 p.m., Chapman Hill Ski Area, 500 Florida Road, hosted by Know the Snow, $10 TEEN DANCE CON: SOLO OR SQUAD: 7:30 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall, 2500 Main Ave., hosted by EXIT Realty Home and Ranch and Aiko Aiko Sound, all ages, $5 Break out of Arkam Asylum to attend the annual teen dance and bust out your best Comic costume and show off your moves for prizes in both catagories!

SNOWDOWN FOLLIES: 7:30 p.m., Live at both Henry Strater Theater, 699 Main and Durango Arts Center Theater, 802 E. Second Ave., $20 The Follies return for the 36th year of entertainment with your favorite showbiz personalities and local commentary. This notoriously irreverent review performs in two theaters simultaneously.

SNOWDOWN FOLLIES VIDEOCAST: 7:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive (next to Cuckoo’s), $10 If you missed the ticket sales for the Snowdown Follies this year, watch the show on the big screen at the Animas City Theatre! It’s almost as good as the real thing - at half the price.

COSTUME BALL AND BALLOON DROP!: 8 p.m., Main Mall, 835 Main Ave., all ages, free Join the Main Mall and Durango Balloon crew post Snowdown Light Parade, for their Inaugural Costume Ball and Balloon Drop!

VETERAN’S ANNUAL DANCE: 8 p.m., American Legion, 878 E. Second Ave., 21+, $10 advance/$15 at the door Enjoy dancing to music by the popular band Liver Down The River!

MUSIC TRIVIA WITH AOR FROM ALBQ!: 8:30 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave., 21+, free Show off your music knowledge and play along throughout the evening with the bands set list and win for the most right answers!

PANTS OFF DANCE OFF: 9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave., 21+, free Dance contest…Come in your comic costumes..just no pants!

SNOWDOWN FOLLIES – SECOND FRIDAY PERFORMANCE: 10 p.m., Live at bot: Henry Strater Theater, 699 Main and Durango Arts Center Theater, 802 E. Second Ave., $20 SNOWDOWN FOLLIES VIDEOCAST: 10 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive (next to Cuckoo’s), $10 POLE DANCING CONTEST: 10 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. Eighth Street, 21+, free for contestants/$5 for spectators

Durango’s only nighttime parade, where comic themed lighted floats create a dazzling delight.

Always a crowd pleaser, men and women get the chance to grab a pole and show off their best moves.

2ND ANNUAL SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE: 7 p.m., The Patio Restaurant, 85 Goddard Ave. (HWY 172 Ignacio), all ages, free

POLE KARAOKE CONTEST: 10 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern, 509 E. Eighth Ave., free

A pie eating contest with no hands! No

Continued on Page 22

���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� Thursday, January 17, 2019 | 19

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[Snowdown event listings, cont.]

From Page 19

Saturday SNOWDOWN BALLOON RALLY & MASS ASCENSION: 8 a.m., HWY 550 N, N side of Hermosa Meadows Road, pilot $75/ sponsor $225 This spectacular event features a beautiful display of colorful hot air balloons ascending in the early morning frost.

Eligibility: Pilots by invitation; Sponsors, first 25 applicants SNOWDOWN 3-ON-3 BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT: 8:30 a.m., Durango Community Recreation Center, 2700 Main Ave., hosted

by Durango Park, $50 per team early reg/$75 per team late reg COMIC KIDS SNOW GAMES: 10 a.m., Folsom Park, 11 Folsom Place (off Florida Road), hosted by McDonald’s, free This super silly Snowdown event is filled with different activities now entertaining a second-generation of snazzy kiddos!

STRONGMAN & STRONGWOMAN COMPETITION: 10 a.m., CrossFit Durango, 360 S. Camino del Rio, $50 This is a local strongman and strongwoman competition. All levels of ability are welcome and encouraged to compete.

FASTER THAN FRENCH TOAST: 10 a.m., Animas River Lounge at the DoubleTree, 501 Camino del Rio, free Test your speed. Teams of 2 will make, then eat French toast, without hands.

OUTLAW JOSIE PETE’S GOLF TOURNAMENT: noon, various locations Downtown Durango, hosted by PJ’s Market and Animas Wine & Spirits, free Holy golf swing batman! Each hole is located in a different downtown establishment! If your entry has been chosen, meet at 11:30 AM at The Main Mall, wearing your best comic con attire. Bring your own putter and golf ball.

OUTLAW JOSIE PETE’S GOLF TOURNAMENT AWARDS: 4 p.m., Durango Elks Lodge #507, 901 E. Second Ave (9th St entrance)

SNOWDOWN FOLLIES – SECOND FRIDAY PERFORMANCE: 10 p.m., live at both Henry Strater Theater and Durango Arts Center Theater, $20

SNOWDOWN BLOODY MARY CONTEST: noon, La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall, 2500 Main Ave., free for contestants/$1 for sample tickets SUPERYOUTH POWER DASH: 12:30 p.m., Buckley Park, Main Ave. & E. 12th Street, hosted by Celebrating Healthy Communities Coalition, free CANINE FASHION SHOW: 1 p.m., McDonalds parking lot, 201 W. College Drive, free This hilarious event features Durango’s best dressed pooches from all points across town!

HUMAN FOOSBALL: 1 p.m., Animas Brewing Co, 1560 E. Second Ave., hosted by Southwest Center for Independence, 18+ to participate, $30 per team

SNOWDOWN 9 BALL TOURNAMENT: 11 a.m., Pongas, 121 W. Eighth Street, $15

Attention all Cornholers! The ever popular cornhole tournament returns! Try to sink four bean bags through the holes in the wooden platform.

Think you have what it takes to out-geek the other book nerds in town? Test your bookishness at the 7th Annual Maria’s Bookshop Book Geek Games!

SNOWDOWN RC ROCK CRAWL: noon, Kroegers Ace Hardware, 8 Town Plaza, free Get your CRAWL on! See if you have what it takes to get through our Crazy Crawler course.

You will be timed and given points for mistakes.

BAR GAMES - ZOMBIE SHOOTOUT: 9 p.m., Animas River Lounge at The DoubleTree, 501 Camino del Rio, 21+, free

SNOWDOWN CHILI COOK-OFF: noon, La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall, 2500 Main Ave., hosted by Sunnyside Farms Market & Durango Breweries, free for contestants/$.50 per sample ticket

CORNHOLE TOURNAMENT: 1 p.m., American Legion Auxiliary, 878 E. Second Ave., 21+, free

BOOK GEEK GAMES: noon, Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave., free

CARDS AGAINST SNOWDOWN: 3 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave., 18+, $5

Men and women and SENIORS will have the chance to compete in different categories this year!

PAINTBALL BIATHLON: 11 a.m., Chapman Ski Hill, 500 Florida Road, hosted by Durango Nordic Ski Club, all ages, $5

FLY FISHING CASTING CONTEST: 11 a.m., Schneider Park, Ninth Street and Roosa Ave., hosted by The San Juan Angler, free

Guys and gals, show off your pectorals in what’s sure to be a visually entertaining event.

COMIC CON FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT: 4 p.m., First Presbyterian Church, 1159 E. Third Ave., all ages, free

A show presenting the amazing talents of our local children, singing, dancing, comedy, skits, acrobatics, juggling, magic and more!

Capes, masks, dynamic duos…the ‘smashing, crashing foosball competition returns again this year!

Using Ernie’s custom bowling lane tables, enter your 4-person team in 2019’s après skistyle table sliding beer extravaganza!

Baristas will compete head to head, pouring their best latte art in front of judges & specialty coffee enthusiasts.

Little ones and their families are invited to come boogie to their favorite tunes all morning long at the library!

BRING YOUR OWN PARTNER FOOSBALL: 11 a.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave., $20 per team

BEST CHEST IN THE WEST: 9 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave., 21+, free

This is the first ever Snowdown Cards Against Humanity Tournament! You may be dirty, but are you funny?

SPECIAL SHOWING OF KIDS AND TEENS SNOWDOWN FOLLIES: 1 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theatre, 802 E. Second Ave., $16/$12

Fort Lewis College cordially invites you to join your fellow community members and Snowdown revelers to an exceptional processed meat shaping experience.

The Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave., 18+, free

QUAFFING TOURNAMENT: 3 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave., 21+, $40

LATTE ART SNOWDOWN THROWDOWN: noon, 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave., hosted by Compact Coffee, $10

GET YOUR COMIC ON! PRESCHOOL DANCE PARTY: 10:30 a.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 E. Third Ave., free

SPAM CARVING CONTEST: 11 a.m., Main Mall, 835 Main Ave., hosted by Fort Lewis College, free

a great spectator event!

SNOWDOWN FASHION DO’S & DON’TS VIDEOCAST: 1 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive (next to Cuckoo’s), $10 OUTHOUSE STUFFING: 1 p.m., Gazpacho Restaurant, 431 E. Second Ave., hosted by Busy Bee Realty, 21+, free What would Snowdown be without its twisted challenges? See how many of your fellow flexible friends can you stuff in an outhouse in 2 minutes!

BROOMBALL TOURNAMENT: 1:15 p.m., Chapman Hill Ice Rink, 500 Florida Road, hosted by the City of Durango, 18+, $60 per team

LEFT, RIGHT, CENTER: 4 p.m., Durango Craft Spirits Distillery, 1120 Main Ave., hosted by Durango Holiday Pub Crawl, 21+, $5 NINTENDO 64 MARIO KART, 5 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 932 Main Ave., 21+, free Use those mad gaming skills that you have wasted hours over the years acquiring to drive a pretend go-cart with Flash Gordon speed and Black Panther agility.

BROOMBALL AWARDS: 5 p.m., Chapman Hill Ice Rink, 500 Florida Road HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW Y(OUR) WINE?: 5 p.m., Four Leaves Winery, 528 Main Ave., 21+, $6 Come in between 5-8 PM and receive 4 samples of wine. If you can correctly identify 3 of the 4 samples using our description menu, you win a coupon for a FREE glass of wine!

SEARCH FOR THE SILVER BULLET AWARDS CEREMONY: 5 p.m., Joel’s Bar, 119 W. Eighth Street BAR GAMES - TWISTER: 6 p.m., Animas River Lounge at The DoubleTree, 501 Camino del Rio, 21+, free Compete against your fellow super heroes for a chance to will fun prizes.

FREESTYLE RAP OFF: 6 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. Eighth Street, 21+, free Contestants will have less than three minutes to show what they can do in this freestyle rap contest.

SNOWDOWN FIREWORKS: 6 p.m.

SNOWDOWN COSTUME CONTEST & ELECTRONIC DANCE PARTY: 7 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio, 21+, $10 It’s a Snowdown Costume Contest and Electronic Dance Party!

BOOTY SHAKING CONTEST: 7 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. Second Ave., 18+, $5 We’ll take some fries with that comically great shake!

PULL UP CONTEST: 9:30 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. Eighth Street, 21+, free

SNOWDOWN FOLLIES VIDEOCAST: 10 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive (next to Cuckoo’s), $10 10th ANNUAL COSTUME GALA: 10 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave., free KARAOKE CONTEST: 10 p.m., 8th Avenue Tavern - 509 E. Eighth Ave. (College Plaza), free

Sunday SNOWDOWN CLOSING PARTY AT PURGATORY RESORT “And on the final day, they shall ski!”

LA PLATA COUNTY SEARCH & RESCUE PANCAKE BREAKFAST & SILENT AUCTION: 7 a.m. to noon, La Plata County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall, 2500 Main Ave., $10/$6 All you can eat pancakes, ham, eggs, coffee and juice! Come to our breakfast and we’ll come to your rescue!

SNOWDOWN BALLOON RALLY & MASS ASCENSION: 8 a.m., HWY 550 N, N side of Hermosa Meadows Road (park at Animas Valley Elem. School) SNOWDOWN 3-ON-3 BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT: 8:30 a.m., Durango Community Recreation Center, 2700 Main Ave., $50/$75 COMIC CON CHURCH: 10 a.m., First Presbyterian Church, 1159 E. Third Ave., all ages, free SPEED PANCAKE STACKING: 10 a.m., Animas River Lounge at the DoubleTree, 501 Camino del Rio, 21+, free Test your speed to see who will stack the most pancakes from 5’ away. Snowdown costumes and PJ’s encouraged.

KUNG FU PANDA OBSTACLE COURSE: noon, Durango Jungle Gym, 151 E. 15th Street, $5 Kids can challenge themselves in this obstacle course race using UNAA Obstacle Course rules and regulations.

TEAM TRUCK PULL: noon, Illete Fitness, 659 Tech Center Drive, $10 per person/$40 per team

LIMBO...HOW LOW CAN YOU GO: 1:30 p.m., Gazpacho Restaurant, 431 E. Second Ave., hosted by Lou’s Bed and Breakfast, all ages, free

BAR GAMES - HOOK AND RING TOSS: 7:30 p.m., Animas River Lounge at The DoubleTree, 501 Camino del Rio, 21+, free

COMIC BOOK CRAFTING: 2 p.m., Durango Public Library, 1900 E. Third Ave., free

Compete against your fellow super heroes for a chance to will fun prizes!

SNOWDOWN 8-BALL TOURNAMENT: 1 p.m., Pongas, 121 W. Eighth Street, all ages, $15 per player

Give your wardrobe or home a bit of “POW!” by making upcycled crafts out of old graphic novels.

SNOWDOWN FOLLIES: 7:30 p.m., live at both Henry Strater Theater and Durango Arts Center Theater, $20

SUPER BOWL SNOWDOWN SLOWDOWN PARTY: 2 p.m., Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave., 18+, free

HULA HOOP CONTEST: 2 p.m., Gazpacho Restaurant, 431 E. Second Ave., free

SNOWDOWN FOLLIES VIDEOCAST: 7:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive (next to Cuckoo’s), $10

Come on over, cozy up and place your bets on the big winner for Super Bowl SUNDAY!

Go forward, go backward, turn around, and if you’re worried about throwing a hip out, this is

GUINNESS GAMES - YAHTZEE!: 8 p.m.,

Test your Superhero strength!

BUILD A BONG - AWARDS: 4:20 p.m., Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio

22 | Thursday, January 17, 2019 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Horoscope ARIES (March 21 to April 19) You have lots of energy now because your ruler, fiery Mars, is in your sign for the rest of the month! This makes you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You are quite proactive about financial matters this week. If you want to buy something, you will. If you want to act on a moneymaking idea, you will.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) This week, the Moon is in your sign, which makes you more emotional and energetic than usual. It also makes you a bit luckier than all the other signs! Yahoo!

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

Bizarro

Whatever you do, working behind the scenes or working alone this week will be productive. In fact, whatever

you do will likely impress bosses and VIPs! LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22) A discussion with a female friend or acquaintance will be lively and interesting this week. You might even get into a competition, especially if it involves a group.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) People are talking about you this week because they notice you. Meanwhile, you’re in a playful, prankish mood! Do you care that others are talking about you? Not really.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) Travel plans look so appealing! This week, you want some adventure and a chance to do something different and stimulating. Travel, if possible, or be a tourist in your own town.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)

This is an excellent week to discuss inheritances and shared property issues because you will defend your own best interests very well. Let’s face it – that’s half the battle.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) Because the Moon is opposite your sign this week, you will have to go more than halfway when dealing with others.

Hey, this is no biggie. Just smile and be nice.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) Do something so you feel you are better organized. Tidy the backseat of your car. Reorganize messy areas.

(You’ll feel so much better.)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) This is a great date week. It’s also a wonderful week to schmooze with others or enjoy sports events and artistic

performances. It’s also a fun week for activities with kids.

PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20) A conversation with a female family member will be lively this week! It might deal with money or a discussion about possessions. Whatever the case, you won’t back down.

BORN THIS WEEK You appear confident and innovative.

Others admire your determination, persistence and positive attitude. This is a fun-loving, social year! Enjoy the blessing of heightened popularity and warm friendships. Be grateful for who you are and what you have. Appreciate the happiness and beauty around you.

You will make an important choice this year. Remember: Happiness is having alternatives. © 2019 King Features Syndicate Inc.

Prepping for the worst From preacher to prepper Convicted felon and former televangelist Jim Bakker is still sticking to his apocalypse message, but this time he wants you to buy his super expensive emergency food line he claims will last up to 30 years. The reviews are in on his emergency food buckets and they are no bueno (unsurprisingly). We think we’ll pass on supporting Jim Bakker.

Preppers have Pinterest, too Didn’t see this curve ball coming, though it makes sense. Apparently there’s an entire Internet world of Prepper Pinterest for every DIY project you could ask for when prepping for doomsday. Among the tips and tricks you can find are how to make your own luxury bomb shelter, how to dehydrate bananas, and even how to bake a cake in a solar oven.

New Zealand – end times for the rich There are a whole bunch of Silicon Valley billionaires headed for New Zealand when things go south, where they’re building apocalypse retreats and purchasing citizenship. We’d join, but do we really want to be stuck on a small island with a bunch of rich tech bros when things finally go down?

Worse than Fyre Festival, probably.

���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� Thursday, January 17, 2019 | 23