YC Magazine, Livingston - March 2019 by Deanna Johnson

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Vaping: What Parents Need to Know

March 2019

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CULTIVATING TRUSTING RELATIONSHIPS » Legal Does Not Mean Okay » Want to Support Your Adolescent’s Health? Be an Askable Adult » Tips to Stay Mentally Well

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Youth

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MARCH 2019

FEATURES

Cultivating Trusting Relationships

14 16

Legal Does Not Mean Okay

20 23

Tips to Stay Mentally Well

Want to Support Your Adolescentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Health? Be an Askable Adult

Vaping: What Parents Need to Know

IN EVERY ISSUE

2 From the Co-chairs 5 The Kitchen Table 10 Faces in the Crowd 11 40 Developmental Assets 12 Assets in Action 18 Q&A / By the Numbers BROUGHT TO YOU BY

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TO ADVERTISE OR CONTRIBUTE Diane Duncan: (810) 494-3000 livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com COVER PHOTO BY Wandering Albatross Photography

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ABOUT THE LIVINGSTON COUNCIL FOR YOUTH The Livingston Council for Youth strives to empower kids by bringing the community together as one voice to create a culture where every child feels valued, safe, loved, and empowered. Based on a 2016 countywide survey of 7th, 9th, and 11th grade students, we discovered the following: • The Power of Community is Everything – Youth who feel valued by their families, schools, and communities have the assets they need to reach their potential. • Youth Need to Feel a Sense of Purpose – Kids want to be involved in something bigger than themselves to eventually be the change they want to see in the world. • Every Community Member Can Connect and Encourage Youth – Youth need many adults in their lives, beyond parents and teachers, who not only care about them but who see their potential and provide encouragement towards that vision. • Adults Need to Stay Engaged – Families provide the framework for healthy development with high expectations for their children, clear rules, consistent messages, and consequences for breaking the rules. At the onset of adolescence, influence begins to shift from family and institutions to peers. Here in Livingston County, Michigan, parents, youth serving organizations, educators, the faith-based community, and the community at large share a common goal to help youth succeed. Great things are happening here already, but we realize that we can do better by collaboratively working together to develop the community-level strategies that will continue to bring positive change. The Livingston Council for Youth mobilizes the power of community to empower our kids to thrive. The Livingston Council for Youth meets the third Friday of each month from 9:00 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. at the Livingston County United Way. For more information on the Livingston Council for Youth or if you would like to become a coalition member, please contact the Livingston Council for Youth Coalition Coordinator, Diane Duncan, at livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com.

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FROM THE

Co-chairs uckle up and start your search engine! The internet is overflowing with resources on parenting, social and emotional learning, mental health, mindfulness, and being an “askable adult.” However, before you put your search in gear, start with this edition of Youth Scott Connections to gain some insight on a VanEpps few of these topics. Parents, adult family members, religious leaders, teachers, coaches, neighbors, and others, are vital to the growth, health and well-being of our youth. While this is undeniably true, we should not have to scratch our heads and ponder how we positively guide our youth to be safe and to thrive. Nonetheless, we are only human and Sam there will be moments of unavoidable Larioza imperfection and failure. Actor, Ewan McGregor said, “The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.” On the topic of social and emotional learning, it is not a parenting fad or a replacement for teaching math and science in school. The SEL concept focuses on improving decisionmaking, communication, and cooperation. These characteristics are critical for healthy relationships and career success. The mental wellness of youth has become one of the foremost concerns of parents and other adults working with young people. The article with tips on staying mentally well offers awareness and strategies to help youth lead a happy and fulfilling life. It is within us all to strengthen our culture where every child feels valued, safe, loved and empowered. In the words of Lady Bird Johnson, “Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.” We hope you find the Youth Connections Magazine a valuable parenting resource. Please share the magazine with others and consider joining our team. In addition, we would welcome your feedback via our Facebook page, email, or phone.

Scott VanEpps: (810) 626-2111 scottvanepps@hartlandschools.us Sam Larioza: (517) 586-1001 ohanadojo@gmail.com

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students, learning & Livingston County SCHOOLS A small public school choice for grades 6-12 in Livingston County www.kwoods.org

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Are you interested in helping children and Are you interested in helpingIfchildren and families in your community? so, please families your community? If so, please considerin becoming a foster parent to consider becoming a foster parent to those in need. those in need. Contact us today at 855-MICHKIDS (855Contact us to today (855642-5437) find at out855-MICHKIDS how you can help. 642-5437) to find out how you can help.

We Support land Hartidat Schools Council for edLivingston Con sol Youth

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CONFESSIONS FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE WHAT TO DO ABOUT FRIENDS! FRIENDSHIP FROM A MOTHER’S POINT OF VIEW I remember going through the trials and errors of having friends. My mom would just say that stinks and move on with her day. I grew up on an Air Force Base, which lead to a constant change in friends. But as I grew older I learned the importance of developing relationships/friendships. Fast forward to the future. I remember my daughter coming home in the 3rd grade crying about friends and the issues with all the girls picking best friends. I remember the mama bear in me coming out and wanting to protect my child from the hurt. As I pondered what to do, I thought if I jump in and call the other child’s parent, what am I teaching my child? I listened to the whole story and decided to help my daughter come to her own conclusion which gave her ownership of her decision. Just recently my son was dealing with a similar situation with two of his friends. Everyday he would come home with his spirit crushed. I sat him down and talked about healthy relationships/friendships. I explained to him that sometimes relationships/ friendships can become unhealthy. We talked about how people will come in and out of our lives, just like we come in and out of other people’s lives. We each have a choice, whether to create a positive story in that person’s life or a negative story. Many times some of

us want to help people out by investing in relationships/friendships that are not healthy. Of course there are those times when we as parents see our child’s friends being, well to be honest, little monsters. It’s so hard not to jump in and fix it. It’s gotten worse in this age of technology where people, not just kids, can say whatever they want because they’re hiding behind a screen. I try to help them through the hurt without fixing it for them. It is one of the harder things I have to do as a parent. Ultimately, I understand my role as a parent is to prepare my child to be independent, so I try to help them develop and work on their own relationships/ friendships. As they grow up, issues become more complicated and can cause bigger issues. I help my children to take a step back and look at their relationship/friendship from the other person’s point of view. This helps them sometimes see why people do what they do and gives them perspective on how to handle the situation. They then have to decide if this relationship/friendship is worth continuing to work on. If it is then they need to figure out what to do to work on it, this is when I offer advice. Sometimes they take it and other times they don’t. When I offer advice I usually offer options and let them pick the options they want. Then I say, ‘I know you’ll make the best decision and let me know how it turns out.’

Nine times out of ten they work through the issues or make a decision to let the relationship/friendship go. FRIENDSHIP FROM A TEENAGER’S POINT OF VIEW There is no set definition on friendship. Sure there’s a dictionary definition, but that does no justice in the grand scheme of life. Friendship is about finding people who make your journey through life a little more enjoyable. Just like life, friendships are crazy little adventures. Not every adventure is going to go well, but the greatest adventures are the ones that will always stick in your memory. On the path to long term friendships are bumps, pot-holes, and huge boulders. Talking is important during these times, but space always plays a major role. Through many friendships, I have learned that people change. They will never be the same as who they were before, so either you accept it or move on. Holding on or letting go of friendships is one of the hardest things you have to decide throughout your life. Sometimes people deserve second chances and sometimes second chances just won’t do the trick. When you have friends that don’t associate themselves in your victories and, most importantly, your losses, that will eventually lead to you letting go of them. ■

YOU CAN SUBMIT YOUR STORY AT: livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com For many of us the kitchen table represents the typical family experience. We have laughed while having family game night. We have cried over our children’s choices. We have blown out the candles on many cakes. We have argued our way out of doing the dishes. We have struggled through those “three more bites.” We have learned hard lessons and celebrated many deserved successes. One thing is for sure though—if our kitchen tables could talk, there would be plenty of stories! So often it is in relating to others’ stories that we realize there isn’t always one answer, or even a right answer. Parenting is hard work! If you have a story of lessons learned, we invite you to share it with our readers. Sometimes, knowing we aren’t the only ones struggling to find the answer is all the help we need.

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cultivating trus RELATION By JENNIFER MILLER, M.ED.

March 2019

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sting NSHIPS

“It’s sad our girls aren’t talking. How are they going to work anything out that way?” said Tara, the mother of Janie’s teenage daughter’s best and oldest friend. “I didn’t know they were fighting,” replied Janie as she walked away wondering why she hadn’t heard first hand about her daughter’s friendship woes. When she returned home, Janie asked her daughter about it. “Oh, it’s nothing,” was her daughter’s response. he recalled just last evening noticing the light on under her door late into the evening and could see her daughter’s tired, worn expression. “I can see you’re upset. And Mrs. Anderson mentioned that you and Cara aren’t talking. Won’t you tell me what’s going on?” As Janie wondered why her daughter chose to struggle in silence, she thought about their conversations about Cara over the past months. Janie didn’t approve of how Cara pressured her daughter to take risks she might not otherwise take and had made that wellknown to her daughter. Had her comments about Cara created a barrier between her and her daughter? Was she now not safe to confide in? Her frustration mounted as she tried to figure out what she might do or say to get her daughter talking again. How does an adult become “ask-able” - the kind of adult with whom children and teens are comfortable coming to and confiding in? Parents and educators need to be able to help with smaller, everyday issues like when children and teens face simple friendship problems and the big upsets that accompany them. These little confidences between adult and child or teen prepare them for larger issues like dealing with peer pressure, navigating failing grades, or dealing with a bullying peer. The question raised is critically important since, according to a recent review of five years of bullying trends by Limber and colleagues, the majority of U.S. youth say they would not tell a parent or teacher if they were being bullied. Why? Some may fear adults blaming them for the incident. But others may fear that adults will take action toward continued on page 9

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SUMMER WITH FREE FAMILY FUN

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Test Prep • Study Rooms Research Databases eBooks • Audiobooks DVDs • Books 810-229-6571 brightonlibrary.info

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ACTIVITIES

GROCERIES RECIPES

Throughout Livingston County June 17th - August 16th Registration may be required before attending some locations. All are welcome at other locations. USDA is an equal opportunity provider and employer. The Salvation Army | P.O. Box 647 , Howell MI 48844 | 517-295-4347 Darlene_Howard@Usc.SalvationArmy.org www.SalvationArmyLivingston.org | Facebook @SummerLunchBunch

In Partnership With

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the bully, punishing the action and leaving the accusing child vulnerable to further attacks. So what’s a caring teacher, parent, after school program staff person, or other who works with children or teens to do? Ultimately, it comes down to trust. Does the child or teen trust you enough to sensitively, carefully listen, and respond to their story with empathy for all involved? Will you help them strengthen their friendships? Will you think through the potential consequences and ensure that further harm does not result from your intervention? In fact, the site that launched in January of this year entitled ParentingMontana.org, a model for parents around the country, teaches precisely those specific ways of responding that can promote trusting, caring relationships, ones in which adults learn how to become the “ask-able” or approachable adult. Fundamental to getting along in school, in the workplace, and at home are relationship skills - one of the five core competencies named in research as vital to children’s success. Current research is also finding that not only are these social and emotional skills essential for children and teens, they are also essential to hone in teachers, parents, and all those who work with children to ensure their success. Relationship skills involve the ability to listen for understanding, to assert needs, communicate effectively, seek help when needed, and negotiate conflict constructively. These skills are best learned through interactive modeling or enacting the skill and reflecting on what the child noticed while it was being performed. And, the good news is that when we become intentional about modeling these skills, we enjoy multiple benefits. Our skills increase alongside our increasing child’s skills while deepening our trusting relationship. The following are simple, practical ideas for becoming intentional about cultivating trusting relationships so that you become an “ask-able” adult. Each practice will be followed by questions so that you can reflect on how small changes might improve how you relate to the children you care about. CREATE A DAILY LISTENING RITUAL Children and teens of all ages have big and small questions about the world. Daily, they are hard at work trying to figure out their emotions, friendships, and other mysteries of the universe! Create a time in your day when you really listen to your child (or teen). Put your phone away. Find out what’s really going on in their mind. If you are a teacher or program staff person, gather in a circle daily and offer each

child/teen the chance to share. Reflect on a key question like “how do you most like to spend your free time?” or “what does being a good friend mean to you?” It doesn’t have to require a lot of your time. For parents, bedtime can become a magical opportunity for connection when you can reflect on the worries, cares, and happy thoughts of the day. Be sure that when you are listening, you keep an open mind and reserve judgment. If they fear your critique, they’ll be less likely to speak up. Key Reflections: How frequently do you put your phone away, ensure distractions are minimized, and fully focus on listening to the child or teen in front of you? How could you manage to build time into your day to make this caring connection? Added Bonus: This strategy is used frequently by parents and teachers to achieve several additional goals. It can significantly improve behavior if a child is tempted to engage in attention-seeking misbehaviors. Your daily ritual can take care of the child’s need for your focused attention. This simple strategy can also ensure safety so that adults can become aware of upset feelings and problems through these discussions and address them before they escalate into a crisis. PRACTICE ASSERTING NEEDS AND ASKING FOR HELP As advocates for young people, we may frequently speak up for them when they are not well articulating their needs. This may unintentionally take away valuable practice. So how can we encourage their assertive communication rehearsals? Look for and offer plenty of small chances for children to speak up. Encourage your child or teen to order dinner themselves at a restaurant. Offer helpful sample language to a teen who is unsure how to assert her needs to a friend. Teachers can conduct occasional student-teacher one-onones where they check in on how they are feeling about their work, share strengths, and ask about areas of concern. Provide plenty of wait time and if your child or teen stumbles or is thinking silently, allow them time to figure it out. While running errands with your child, point out who might be best to seek help from if they got lost or needed help while in the store. You might ask, by ”can you identify a store clerk?” or “can you find a caring Mom?” Or talk through safety plans with your teen. “What if your car breaks down while out with friends?” In any circumstance in which a child or teen is in trouble, any caring Mom may just be the most likely candidate to step up and help.

Key Reflections: Is your child or teen able to tell you or a teacher when they have a need whether it’s a headache or they’ve been emotionally hurt? How can you look for small chances in your every day time with children to help them practice asserting their needs or asking for help? FOCUS ON LEARNING ABOUT AND USING LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES NOT PUNISHMENTS Most parents admit that knowing what to do about discipline issues is challenging. And teachers and other providers share that challenge. But it’s a problem worth tackling if punitive strategies only work to create distrust among and between children and adults. How could a teacher respond to friends who are arguing and clearly upset? Listening with an open mind is a proven strategy. Key Reflections: How can we help deal with children’s or teen’s feelings by first helping them calm down? How can we plan ahead for dealing with our own big feelings of anger or frustration when children or teens act out so that we calm down instead of raising our volume? Then, how can we help children reflect on and repair the harm they’ve caused whether it involves hurt feelings or damaged property? Because every situation is different, the solutions will be different too. If detention or suspension is the same consequence for every mis-step, how will children or teens learn authentic consequences and how to take steps to fix what they’ve broken? Perhaps in the case of the two friends giving each other the silent treatment after an argument, after calming down and listening for understanding, a teacher might ask the individuals involved what their role in the problem was, what harm they caused, and how they could repair the emotional damage? This involves our children or teens in thinking through the situation, taking responsibility, and finding their own way to make amends. These lessons promote continued trust between adults and students if we only take the time and care to follow through. And, these steps can be taken in family life too. If we want our children and teens to discover how to navigate relationships - the cornerstone of their sense of wellbeing - then we need to invest in our continued focus on building trust and safety. We need to find opportunities that naturally arise in everyday life for our children and teens to become thoughtful and active participants in growing healthy relationships. ■

About The Author: Jennifer Miller, M.Ed., author of the popular site, Confident Parents, Confident Kids, has twenty years of experience helping adults become more effective with the children they love through social and emotional learning. Among other roles, she serves as lead writer for Parenting Montana: Tools for Your Child’s Success, a statewide media campaign to educate parents on social and emotional learning www.lcunitedway.org

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Check out who’s standing out in our community. IS THERE SOMEONE YOU’D LIKE TO NOMINATE? Please email Diane Duncan at livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com and tell us why this individual has stood out in your crowd.

Ben Smith

FACES IN THE CROWD

HARTLAND MIDDLE SCHOOL, 8TH GRADE

Ben Smith is an eighth grade student at Hartland Middle School at Ore Creek. Ben is a 4.0 student, even with tenth grade Honors Geometry at the high school each morning. He is the top runner on the HMS Cross Country team, he is a leader in band playing the trumpet, and he is the National Junior Honor Society Vice President. Ben is heavily committed to peer tutoring, giving a lot of his time to help other students. He also plays soccer, basketball, and performs in the Livingston County Youth Orchestra playing violin. Above all, Ben is kind to everyone and a wonderful role model. Ben is a shining example of what we strive for at Hartland Middle School.

Maura Drinkert

FOWLERVILLE HIGH SCHOOL, 11TH GRADE

Maura’s number one goal is to spread God’s love and joy to others. She is very passionate about music. She has served as the center snare and section leader of the FHS drum line, along with principal percussionist of the FHS wind ensemble for two years. She is a sound technician for the FHS Tech Club and co-teaches a kindergarten class for the KidMin program at the Fowlerville United Brethren Church. Other involvements include the Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp, the Livingston County Honors Band, the Albion College Honors Band, and the Spartan Youth Wind Symphony. She has been selected to participate in the Honors Composition Concert for the Michigan Music Education Association. She is working on compositions to submit for the NAfME Composition contest.

Kalie Alexander

PINCKNEY HIGH SCHOOL, 12TH GRADE

This is Kalie Alexander. Kalie is a senior at Pinckney High School and is looking forward to graduating this year. Kalie is considering studying journalism in college. She has been a long-standing athlete on the PHS Equestrain team and has earned her varsity letter in this sport. Kalie is an active member of Students Leading Students and won the “Most Blossomed” award for the November 2018 Leadership Conference. Kalie speaks out for youth regarding drug and alcohol prevention and has been active in working with the youth to speak up against vaping. Kalie is active in her church, has volunteered with Gleaners, worked hard for United Way Day of Caring, and often shows up to work in and around her community.

Barb Dine

Barb Dine, a former Michigan educator serving the districts of Harrison, Roscommon, and Fowlerville, has served as the Executive Director of Family Impact Centers since its inception in 2002. Originally a client choice food pantry offering clothing and Christian counseling, the organization grew, adding programs including Love and Logic Parenting, Grief Share, Divorce Care and Single Parenting support groups, Community Wide Women’s Bible studies, various health and wellness workshops and after school tutoring for Fowlerville Elementary students. The mission of Family Impact Centers is to partner with area churches and local communities in order to offer hope and help bring restoration to struggling families and individuals. Barb enjoys spending time and traveling with her two children, their spouses, and her seven grandchildren.

Hartland Rotary Club

The members of the Hartland Rotary Club pour their passion, integrity, and intelligence into projects and programs that have a lasting impact on youth and the Hartland community. Some of the educational projects/programs that Rotary members support through their time and financial resources include Big Brothers Big Sisters, Book Drive, Little Free Library, Service Dog Sponsorship, Rotary Youth Leadership Conference, and Reaching Higher (a youth leadership and character development program). The Hartland Rotary Club is an invaluable organization whose members are truly changing lives and empowering youth to thrive! Thank you, Hartland Rotary, for making a direct impact on the lives of our young adults within our community.

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teen events

teen tuesdays Tuesdays @ 3:30 pm

T.A.B. (Teen Advisory Board) March 5, April 2 & May 7

Anime Club

March 12, April 9 & May 14

Musical Club

March 19, April 16 & May 21

We Should Do That! April 23

Chess Club

April 4 & May 2 @ 6:00 pm

fanfiction writing workshop

New Study Rooms and Meeting Rooms!

Three study rooms and two smaller meeting rooms are available for use. Go to WWW.CROMAINE.ORG for more information on study rooms, meeting rooms and programs.

April 30 @ 3:30 pm

First Aid and CPR Certification PINCKNEY COMMUNITY HIGH SCHOOL April 4 @ 1:00 pm

PATHFINDER MIDDLE SCHOOL

NAVIGATOR UPPER ELEMENTARY

The Cultural Center of Hartland

Youth Led Prevention A group of energetic and motivated youth working together to inspire, lead, educate and grow.

YLP

Youth Led Prevention

Youth-led prevention consists of a group of Youth-led prevention consists of a group of enthusiastic and energetic enthusiastic andto students, who meet energetic students, promote non-using attitudes who to behaviors. promote andmeet healthy

non-using attitudes and healthy behaviors.

PINCKNEY COMMUNITY HIGH SCHOOL

Students from Navigator, Pathfinder, and Pinckney Communityfrom HighNavigator, School are working together Students Pathfinder, andtowards a healthier community. In soHigh doing, members promote personal Pinckney Community School are working and community healtha healthier and wellness. Additionally,InYLP together towards community. strives to change community norms and policies so doing, members promote personal and that enable underage drinking, and prescription and community healthillicit andsubstance wellness.use,Additionally, over the counter medication misuse and abuse.

YLP strives to change community norms and policies that enable underage drinking, illicit substance use, and prescription and over the counter medication misuse and abuse.

PATHFINDER MIDDLE SCHOOL

40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS

spring 2019

40 Developmental Assets are essential qualities of life that help young people thrive, do well in school, and avoid risky behavior. Youth Connections utilizes the 40 Developmental Assets Framework to guide the work we do in promoting positive youth development. The 40 Assets model was developed by the Minneapolis-based Search Institute based on extensive research. Just as we are coached to diversify our financial assets so that all our eggs are not in one basket, the strength that the 40 Assets model can build in our youth comes through diversity. In a nutshell, the more of the 40 Assets youth possess, the more likely they are to exhibit positive behaviors and attitudes (such as good health and school success) and the less likely they are to exhibit risky behaviors (such as drug use and promiscuity). It’s that simple: if we want to empower and protect our children, building the 40 Assets in our youth is a great way to start. Look over the list of Assets on the following page and think about what Assets may be lacking in our community and what Assets you can help build in our young people. Do what you can do with the knowledge that even through helping build one asset in one child, you are increasing the chances that child will grow up safe and successful. Through our combined efforts, we will continue to be a place where Great Kids Make Great Communities.

Turn the page to learn more!

NAVIGATOR UPPER ELEMENTARY

Youth Led Prevention A group of energetic and motivated youth working together to inspire, lead, educate and grow.

The 40 Developmental Assets® may be reproduced for educational, noncommercial uses only. Copyright © 1997 Search Institute®, 615 First Avenue NE, Suite 125, Minneapolis, MN 55413; 800-888-7828; www.search-institute.org. All rights reserved.

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assets in action

40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS

7 SUPPORT

1. Family support: Family life provides high levels of love and support. 2. Positive family communication: Young person and her or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parent(s). 3. Other adult relationships: Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults. 4. Caring neighborhood: Young person experiences caring neighbors. 5. Caring school climate: School provides a caring, encouraging environment. 6. Parent involvement in school: Parent(s) are actively involved in helping young person succeed in school.

HHS Innovation Academy collects food for neighbors in need

EMPOWERMENT

7. Community values youth: Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth. 8. Youth as resources: Young people are given useful roles in the community. 9. Service to others: Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week. 10. Safety: Young person feels safe at home, at school, and in the neighborhood.

BOUNDARIES & EXPECTATIONS BHS Lacrosse transports Severe Weather Center homeless shelter supplies Alayna Moricz, Girl Scount, builds sandbox for Farley school

13 Teens assist LCCA in placing warning labels on liquor.

11. Family boundaries: Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts. 12. School boundaries: School provides clear rules and consequences. 13. Neighborhood boundaries: Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring young people’s behavior. 14. Adult role models: Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior. 15. Positive peer influence: Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior. 16. High expectations: Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.

CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME

17. Creative activities: Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts. 18. Youth programs: Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in the community. 19. Religious community: Young person spends one or more hours per week in activities in a religious institution. 20. Time at home: Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.

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Not all pictures are guaranteed publication.

If you or your child would like to submit a picture that represents one of the 40 Developmental Assets, please email Diane Duncan at livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com with a picture and the number of the asset the picture represents.

26 COMMITMENT TO LEARNING

21. Achievement motivation: Young person is motivated to do well in school. 22. School engagement: Young person is actively engaged in learning. 23. Homework: Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day. 24. Bonding to school: Young person cares about her or his school. 25. Reading for pleasure: Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.

POSITIVE VALUES

26. Caring: Young person places high value on helping other people. 27. Equality and social justice: Young person places high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty. 28. Integrity: Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her or his beliefs. 29. Honesty: Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy.” 30. Responsibility: Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility. 31. Restraint: Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.

SOCIAL COMPETENCIES

32. Planning and decision making: Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices. 33. Interpersonal competence: Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills. 34. Cultural competence: Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds. 35. Resistance skills: Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations. 36. Peaceful conflict resolution: Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.

Tessa Smith volunteers at the Arc fashion show fundraiser

HCS Women In Technology instruct at Village Elemementary School PHS Football Team rings bells for The Salvation Army

POSITIVE IDENTITY

37. Personal power: Young person feels he or she has control over “things that happen to me.” 38. Self-esteem: Young person reports having a high self-esteem. 39. Sense of purpose: Young person reports that “my life has a purpose.” 40. Positive view of personal future: Young person is optimistic about her or his personal future.

The HIVE Annual Youth Symposium at Howell Nature Center

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LEGAL

does not mean okay By LINDA COLLINS, Prevention Specialist

here have been a lot of changes recently across the country regarding the legalization of marijuana. Alcohol is legal for adults over the age of 21. Prescription pills are legal if prescribed by a physician. No matter how we as adults feel about substance use and misuse of medications, research has proven that the use of any substance is harmful for youth and the developing brain. Just because a substance has been legalized for recreational or medicinal use by adults, does not make it okay for youth use. The following is information taken from the National Institute on Drug Abuse, National Institutes of Health. MARIJUANA Of the more than 500 chemicals in marijuana, delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol, known as THC, is responsible for many of the drug’s mind-altering effects. Marijuana disrupts the brain’s normal functioning and can lead to problems studying, learning new things, and recalling recent events. These skills are obviously needed to be successful in school. In fact, youth who use marijuana tend to get lower grades and are more likely to drop out of high school. THC affects the areas of the brain that control balance and coordination, as well as helps control movement. These influence performance in sports, driving, and even video gaming. It interferes with alertness, concentration, coordination, and reaction time. (This comes in handy if a baseball is coming at our face at 60 mph). High school seniors who smoke marijuana are twice as likely to receive a traffic ticket and 65% more likely to get into a car crash than those who don’t smoke. THC affects areas of the brain involved in decision making. Using marijuana can make youth more likely to engage in risky behavior, such as unprotected sex or getting in a car with someone who’s impaired. Research suggests that people who use marijuana regularly for a long time are less

satisfied with their lives and have more problems with friends and family compared to people who do not use marijuana. Being a teenager these days is hard enough to maneuver without adding the burden of additional problems with friends and family. Whether we want to believe it or not, marijuana can be addicting. Approximately 10 percent of users will develop marijuana use disorder. Youth who begin using before the age of 18 are 4–7 times more likely than adults to develop a marijuana use disorder. ALCOHOL Alcohol is the mostly widely used substance of abuse by America’s youth. When teens drink alcohol, it affects their brain in the short-term, but repeated use can impact long-term brain development. It can affect both function and structure. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, youth who begin drinking before the age of 15 are four times more likely to meet the criteria of alcohol dependence at some point in their life. Drinking can lead to poor decisions by youth about engaging in risky behavior, like drinking and driving, sexual activity (such as unprotected sex), and aggressive or violent behavior. In fact, underage youth who drink are more likely to carry out or be the victim of a physical or sexual assault after drinking than others their age who do not drink. PRESCRIPTION AND OVER THE COUNTER MEDICATIONS When taken as prescribed, prescription and over the counter medications can be effective ways to treat pain or cold/flu. If taken without symptoms or in higher quantities, it can affect the brain in similar ways illegal drugs can, and can lead to addiction. Given all these statistics and the research, it’s important that we as parents relay the facts to youth so misinformation does not lead them to make poor decisions. Our conversation needs to include the dangers of drugs on the developing brain

and why just because it’s legal for adults, it’s not okay for kids. Here are some pointers from, “Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change,” William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnicon, on how to have that conversation: + Keep an open mind. When a child feels judged or condemned, she is less likely to be receptive to the message. + We need to put ourselves in their shoes. Consider how we would like to be spoken to about a difficult subject. Try to think back what it was like when we were teens. Ask if it’s okay talking about this and if it’s okay if we give some advice. + Be clear about our goals. Try writing them down and review them later to make sure we got our points across. + Be calm. If we start when we’re angry or anxious, it will be harder to achieve our goal. + Be positive. Approaching the subject with anger, scare tactics or disappointment will be counterproductive. Pay attention and be respectful and understanding. Telling them that we appreciate their honesty will go a long way. + Don’t lecture. (It didn’t work when our parents did it!) Just telling them ‘they shouldn’t use because we’re the parent and we said so’ will not work. Offer empathy and compassion, showing them that we get what they’re saying. + Ask open-ended questions, for example, “tell me more about…” Then sum up and ask questions. It’s important with all the messaging on marijuana and the messages we send youth about alcohol and even medications, they understand just because it’s legal, does not make it okay for them to use. Their brains are still developing, and for their health and safety, and for them to reach their full potential, they must stay substance-free. ■

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March 2019

WANT TO SUPPORT YOUR ADOLESCENT’S HEALTH?

be an askable adult By JENNI LANE, MA and LAUREN RANALLI, MPH, Adolescent Health Initiative

Mom/Dad, kids at school were talking about [fill in the blank with: suicide; racism; vaping; bullying; pornography or any hot button celebrity scandal] and I was just wondering… is what they said true?” Deep breath. As the saying goes, raising tweens and teens is not for the faint of heart. When we’re on the spot with a tough question, it can be tempting to respond with a quick cliché or to change the subject. Some of us grew up hearing from our own parents that these topics were “adult” and off-limits for household discussion. At these moments, we as parents and guardians have an opportunity to establish ourselves as a trustworthy, go-to source for accurate information and sound guidance. Being “askable” doesn’t mean that our kids will always come to us when they have questions or problems – and when they do come to us, it doesn’t mean we won’t be uncomfortable or mad. But it does mean that our kids know we are willing to talk to them about difficult things and with accurate information, without shaming them. We can start establishing ourselves as askable adults when our kids are young. Being askable to a seven year-old when they have questions about a slang term sets up trust and sends a message that it’s okay to be curious. Catherine M. Wallace writes, “If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.” When we validate the concerns of our kids, whether they’re four or fourteen, we build trust. Being askable can also serve as a protective factor, helping create a shield

against health risks as our children get older and encounter more occasions to make unhealthy decisions. If teens come to us when they need guidance or information about things like alcohol and other drugs, mental health, relationships, or STD prevention, we have an opportunity to share accurate information that they might not get from the school bus or social media. We don’t have to have all of the answers. Often, just being open to the question and finding the answer together from a reputable source can illustrate that we care about their health, and it reinforces that we’re safe to come to. In many cases, these conversations can also provide an opportunity for us to share our values around these issues. It’s not easy, and we will make mistakes! We don’t always hide our initial reactions of shock or judgment, we lose our cool, we say things that we regret. And sometimes, teens will just not feel comfortable coming to us with questions or concerns. And that’s okay. Helping our kids connect with other trusted adults can be a great way to ensure that they’re going to get accurate information and healthy support and advice. This can be an aunt, grandfather, family friend, or any other adult who you trust in this role. At the Adolescent Health Initiative, we focus on connecting teens with youth-friendly health care providers. Health care providers can be a valuable resource, and many providers who work with teens consider it an important part of their job to be askable. It is important to find the right fit for your family, and it’s essential for your child to receive care at a health center that values

providing adolescent-centered services. Some things for you and your child to consider when selecting a health center may include: Is the physical space welcoming to teens and affirming of LGBTQ youth? Do the waiting and exam rooms offer a sense of privacy? Does the health center provide confidential risk screening? What else will make your child feel comfortable in this setting? Whether you are transitioning to a new provider or continuing care with an existing one, make a point to talk to them about ways to empower your child to better manage their own care. For example, the teen years are a great time for young people to learn their family health history, schedule their own appointments, and understand their insurance coverage. Additionally, make space for your child to spend time alone with their provider starting around age 13. This gives young people the opportunity to ask questions and share their own view of their health. Confidentiality and minor consent laws vary in each state, but you and your child should be aware of which mental health and sexual health services are available to adolescents. The most common health problems among adolescents are a result of risky behaviors, so it’s especially important for teens to feel like they can talk to their provider honestly. Finding a provider your teen considers an askable, trustworthy adult, in a health center where they feel welcome and valued, can have a lifetime of positive effects on their health. If we see the provider as a partner, we can work together to help our teens make their way through adolescence as resilient, healthy adults. ■

LOOKING FOR MORE RESOURCES? The Adolescent Health Initiative can help! We work with providers and health care professionals from around the country to improve adolescent-centered care. Visit www.adolescenthealthintiative.org for videos, handouts, and resources for parents, teens, and providers self-advocacy and empowerment.

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NUMBERS I need dating tips for teens.

How many times recently have we heard about #Metoo in the news? With one in four girls and one of six boys being victimized by sexual violence before they turn 18, it’s time for us to talk about it with our kids, especially as they begin to step into the dating world. + Share with your child regularly your wisdom around dating and your expectations of them in the dating world. Share what your dating and intimacy expectations are for them, and encourage them to share these expectations with their dating partner. + Meet their dating partners and get to know them. Learn what your child likes about them. Help them to understand the boundaries you expect. For example, no calls or texts after 9 pm or setting reasonable curfews. + Discuss with your child the importance of avoiding being alone with a dating partner until they know each other better. + Highlight how drugs and alcohol can skew perceptions and can be used against someone to make them more vulnerable to harm. + Teach your child to “trust their gut.” If things feel weird or wrong, then they should trust that feeling and get out of the situation. + Help your child to create a safety plan for removing themselves from an uncomfortable situation. Maybe give them access to your Lyft or Uber account, or offer to pick them up whenever/ wherever they need it; no questions asked. + Work to instill in your child that they are always to be treated with respect. If anyone, especially a dating partner, belittles them or tries to take advantage of them, help your child know that this behavior is never going to be OK! + Take the Rating Game Challenge together: YOUR DATING PARTNER (CHECK ALL THAT APPLY)  Has an explosive temper  Is jealous of your time, friends, and family  Constantly criticizes you, your looks, your ideas  Pinches, slaps, grabs, or pushes you  Forces or intimidates you into sexual activity  Blames you for their anger  Makes you feel afraid

The number of teeth a bear has.

6000

The number of times the Earth is struck by lightning in a minute.

3995

The length of The Great Wall of China, in miles.

70 million The number of sheep in New Zealand.

If you checked even one box, your partner rates a zero. Talk to your child and help find solutions that work for him/her.

The distance, in miles, a dolphin can hear underwater.

Kelly Parsley, M.A. M.P.H. has been a victim advocate for sexual violence survivors for 21 years. She currently serves on the board of the National Sexual Violence Resource Center.

HAVE A QUESTION?

Diane Duncan: livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com We cannot guarantee all questions will be published; however, we will do our best to respond to all questions submitted.

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The number of years an average person will spend asleep.

Helping Youth & Families 24/7 Free & Confidential 1-866-440-7233

Our Mission: To end youth homelessness and build positive relationships between youth, their families & the community.

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Parenting 101: How did you learn to be parent? Parenting is not easy but the payoff can be huge. We hold a “Parent Orientation” where we share some simple yet powerful tips with our parents. Here are a few of them: 1. Boredom is a good word. Stop trying so hard to keep your children from being bored. Boredom is GOOD for them. Only through boredom can they develop the critical success skills of mastering the repetitious and mundane and delaying gratification. Let them “just sit” in a car. Let them “just sit” at a restaurant. Let then “just sit” in a doctor’s office. Let them “just sit” at karate/sports. Let them figure out what to do. I read a very good article recently–kids today are not entitled, they are really just impatient! 2. Role Shift. This one is huge. If you just do one, do this one! Make sure you shift roles from caregiver/teacher to manager/coach to consultant/mentor as your child ages. Many parents stay in the caregiver/teacher mode. This will develop weak, dependent kids who will struggle with the slightest challenge, failure or stress. They will also not be able to take any risks. They will be perfectionists and fear failure. At what ages should you make the shifts? Use this–the number one motivator of normal kids before about seventh grade is “pleasing their parents.” After seventh grade it shifts to “pleasing their peers.” 3. Do not over-protect. They used to be called Helicopter Parents. Now the term is Lawnmower or Bulldozer Parents. Boredom, fear, hardship, failure, problems and stress are good for your child. Kids need to skin their knees and eat dirt. This is how they get stronger and more courageous. You want your child to live a good life NOT an easy life. The key? See #2 above–just make sure to shift your roles!

Make them do things they do not want to do. Here is the secret– the only way to develop the ability to work hard is to make them do things they do not want to do! I often get a parent who asks “Sensei, should I make my child do something they do not want to do?” My answer is “YES, and as often as you can!” This is what develops discipline. Just remember discipline is simply the ability to do things you do not want to do. When they say they do not want to do something, try not to pass up that learning opportunity.

5. Make them wait. The two best indicators of future success of a child is their ability to delay gratification and use resourcefulness. Just notice every time you give your child something quickly and easily. For instance, when they interrupt you for something or they want something. The most powerful words you can learn to use are “Oh, can you wait just a second?” Then about a minute or two later say “Thank you for waiting. Okay, now what was it you wanted?” 6. Punishing a child into good behavior does not work. It may work in the short run. But here is what almost always happens. I get a parent of a teen saying in frustration “I have taken everything away!” Just remember the #1 motivator of children before 7th grade is pleasing their parents. Use this by “catching them doing something right.” Positive reinforcement takes more work and patience but the payoff is huge. I hope these tips help. Even using just one can change you as a parent!

Yours for stronger kids, Sensei

Ohana Karate - “Where success is an attitude and a habit!”

Now at our new location: 4176 E. Grand River, Howell (across from Meijer) • (517) 586-1001 • www.ohanakarate.com www.lcunitedway.org

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tips to stay

MENTALLY WELL By KIMBERLY GARDNER, LCSW, LAC

here are things we can do to stay mentally well or “mend” ourselves after stressful events. Just like if we were to overdo it in the yard on a hot summer day, our body may “break down.” We know that rest, lots of water, and staying out of the sun can help with our gardening episode. There are things we can do for our mental health before and during stressful periods of our lives to help us cope and avoid “breaking down.” Just like with our physical health, our mental health needs to be taken care of as well. We know that if we eat healthy foods, get good sleep, and exercise, our chances of becoming ill are reduced. The same is true of our mental health. Unfortunately we often forget to nurture the activities that help us stay mentally well, especially when we need it most, like during a crisis. When we neglect our mental health, our physical health can suffer too. It’s important to make sure we do this, but also help youth make healthy choices, for both their physical and mental health. To prevent every day crises turning into full blown emergencies, everyone should develop a plan to stay mentally healthy. It is especially important to help youth identify activities that help them deal with the trials of everyday life. TIPS FOR KIDS AND ADULTS + Engage in a physical activity that is enjoyable (swim, walk, hike, bike, dance, skate) + Get adequate sleep + Smile and laugh + Un-plug from technology (it’s amazing how freeing it can be!) + Talk with a friend or loved-one (face-to-face) + Make time to do things that are enjoyable – take some “me” time

+ Get some sunshine (but remember sunscreen) + Eat foods that boost mood such as omega 3, nuts, avocados, beans, leafy greens, blueberries + Find relaxation and coping strategies – color, cuddle with a pet, take a warm bath, draw or write + Practice mindfulness – live in the moment There are also ways to live our lives differently to help our mental health. Looking on the bright side of things increases our ability to experience happiness in our everyday lives. It can take some practice, but it really can help us cope better with stress. Having hope allows us to see the light at the end of the tunnel and helps us push through challenging times. Being optimistic helps us know that light isn’t an oncoming train. It’s extremely important to stay connected with face-to-face relationships. Research is showing that kids are increasingly sad because they have no human contact, just messages through a screen. Friends and family can help us feel loved, needed, accepted, and meet our emotional needs. Being grateful is an integral part to finding happiness. Those of us who are thankful for what we have are more able to cope with stress and have more positive emotions. Start a gratitude journal and write down three things every day that we can be thankful for – they don’t have to be big. Even on our seemingly worst days, we can be thankful for the sun/rain, a hot cup of coffee, or a hug from our kids. We can help kids find what they’re thankful for as well – no homework, their favorite meal, or a kiss from the dog. We know that sometimes, even with our best efforts, kids struggle. Unfortunately, kids aren’t always forthcoming with what’s

happening in their lives and can have troubles letting us know they are suffering until there is a crisis. What might look like typical teenage angst and acting out might be a sign of overwhelming stress, despair over a relationship conflict or a sense of impending disaster. Unlike most adults in crisis, teens in crisis often are experiencing more symptoms of intense anxiety than signs of depression. Because their brains are not fully developed yet, they’re not always able to understand the context of some situations or have hope that it will end well. In this case it may be time to seek out a mental health professional for an assessment. WARNING SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS: + Loss of interest or feeling low + Emotional numbing + Taking dangerous risks + Using alcohol or drugs to escape + Changes in sleeping or eating + Forgetfulness + Exaggerated startle response + Impaired concentration + Social withdrawal + Chronic fatigue + Insomnia + Loss of sense of spirituality + Hyper-vigilance + Doing ordinary things gets harder If a child exhibits any of these signs, it’s best to ask the child’s physician or school for help in obtaining an assessment. Just like physical health, it’s important for all of us to take steps to have good mental health. We know that even if we do everything right, sometimes things happen and we need to reach out for help, and that’s okay. As much as we’d like, none of us have 100% control over our physical OR mental health. ■

To prevent every day crises turning into full blown emergencies, everyone should develop a plan to stay mentally healthy. It is especially important to help youth identify activities that help them deal with the trials of everyday life. www.lcunitedway.org

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WHAT PARENTS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT

vaping By BRANDEE TYREE, Prevention Specialist

he Center on Addiction states that vaping is “the act of inhaling and exhaling the aerosol, often referred to as vapor, which is produced by an e-cigarette or similar device. The term is used because e-cigarettes do not produce tobacco smoke, but rather an aerosol, often mistaken for water vapor, that actually consists of fine particles. Many of these particles contain varying amounts of toxic chemicals, which have been linked to cancer, as well as respiratory and heart disease.” It can be noted that vaping in general, yet specifically marijuana, means there is not the typical odor that comes from smoking tobacco or marijuana, which means vaping can be hard for a parent to detect. The newest and most popular vaping product is the JUUL. It’s a small, sleek device that resembles a computer USB flash drive which makes it easy to conceal. Every JUUL product contains a high dose of nicotine and/or can contain marijuana. One pod or flavor cartridge contains about the same amount of nicotine as a whole pack of cigarettes. These devices can heat cannabis, often through cannabis-infused oils, to a temperature at which the mind-altering compounds in the plant are released as a vapor that the user inhales. One study

suggests that at least for first-timers or others who don’t use cannabis regularly, vaping delivers greater amounts of THC, which increases the likelihood of adverse reactions. A concerning fact from a national survey of teens found that about 6 percent of those who had ever vaped reported vaping marijuana. In addition to delivering a higher dose of the drug, vaping produces an aerosol of ultrafine particles that are sent to the lungs and then the brain. These particles are really small, a 50th to 100th the size of a hair. They can go right through the lungs and into the blood and from there into the cells of the body. So what is helpful for parents to know? + Juul and vape pens can be small and easy to conceal, which make it hard for parents to detect. + Vaping THC does not produce the telltale smell that emerges when smoking marijuana through a joint, blunt or pipe. This allows teens and young adults to use marijuana without being detected. + When people vape rather than smoke marijuana, they tend to consume even higher concentrations of THC, which means greater exposure to the drug’s mind altering and addictive ingredient. ■

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Dr. R. Michael Hubert, Superintendent Livingston Educational Service Agency

Dr. Greg Gray, Superintendent Brighton Area Schools

Chuck Hughes, Superintendent Hartland Consolidated Schools

Erin MacGregor, Superintendent Rick Todd, Superintendent Howell Public Schools Pinckney Community Schools

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Wayne Roedel, Superintendent Fowlerville Community Schools

Advertise in YC Magazine!

Youth Connections magazine is accepting advertisers for future issues. The magazine is distributed to parents of youth residing in Livingston County, reaching 4,500 households per issue. By placing an ad, youth -and parentoriented organizations can reach a valuable market and gain key exposure. Interested advertisers should contact Diane Duncan, Coalition Coordinator for the Livingston Council for Youth. livingstoncouncil4youth@gmail.com. Ad Sizes & Rates Quarter (3.565”W x 4.75”H).........................................................................$225 Half (7.25”W x 4.75”H)..................................................................................$400 Full (7.25”W x 9.625”H).................................................................................$675 Inside Front (8.625”W x 11.125”H - includes 1/8” bleed on all sides)…….....$700 Inside Back (8.625”W x 11.125”H - includes 1/8” bleed on all sides)……......$700 Back (8.625”W x 9”H - includes 1/8” bleed on all sides)...............................$750 Livingston Council for Youth works to bring the community together as one voice to create a culture where every child feels valued, safe, loved and empowered. To learn more, visit them online at facebook.com/LivingstonCouncilforYouth or lcunitedway.org/Livingston-Council-ForYouth. www.lcunitedway.org

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