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A PARENT’S GREATEST GIFT: SELF MANAGEMENT » Is it Stress? Insights From Your Child’s Behavior and Emotions » Calming the Perfect Storm
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DECEMBER 2018
FEATURES
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A Parent’s Greatest Gift: Self Management
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Is it Stress? Insights From Your Child’s Behavior and Emotions
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Calming the Perfect Storm
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Opioids and Your Family
Navigating Self Time and Family Time
IN EVERY ISSUE
2 From the Director 5 The Kitchen Table 10 Faces in the Crowd 11 40 Developmental Assets 12 Assets in Action 18 Q&A / By the Numbers BROUGHT TO YOU BY
PRODUCED IN CONJUNCTION WITH
TO ADVERTISE OR CONTRIBUTE Jody Hanisch wcprojectsuccess@gmail.com
COVER PHOTO BY Floating Leaf Studios
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ABOUT PROJECT SUCCESS The African proverb “It takes a village to raise a child” was the prevailing thought that started Project Success in the early 1990s. We invited people from the community, provided some breakfast, and 65 people came to listen and discuss what we could do together to support the youth of Wabash County. The conversation and the people are still coming almost 20 years later. We have been thoughtful and intentional in our efforts to raise public awareness around underage drinking, responsible choices and behaviors, and supporting “all kids.” Like a child, we have grown from first steps in what to do through puberty, which is sometimes pretty chaotic in its ideas, and those twenties where we thought we had all the right answers. As in life, we have become more adult – more deliberate – in our approach on how we make decisions and more determined to engage all segments of our community. Do we have all the answers – no – but we do have a long history of successes: the creation and implementation of a character education program for the school district; the development of an emergency dental program for low income children and youth; a youth conference for high school and middle school students; and the successful implementation of a city ordinance to ban marijuana-like substances from being sold by retailers. The contributions made by the coalition for the youth and community have been achieved by the active engagement of our members. What are we doing now – where are we going? Project Success is now a 501 (c) (3) not-for-profit, which enables us to seek grant and foundation funding and allows individuals to make tax exempt donations. We have strengthened our by-laws and adopted policy and procedures. Community change happens when people come together to identify common problems or goals, mobilize resources, and, in other ways, develop and implement strategies for reaching the objectives they want to accomplish. We have Project Teams that are working on coalition development, communications campaigns addressing underage alcohol, marijuana and other drug use, as well as controlled party dispersal to decrease underage drinking in Wabash County. These areas were identified through data collection and assessment by the coalition. We are committed to making a difference in our community and in the lives of our youth. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” We welcome you to join our efforts in making Wabash County a safe and caring community. This magazine was developed, in part, under grant number SP020431 from the Office of National Drug Control Policy and Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Department of Health and Human Services. The views, policies, and opinions expressed are those of the authors, and do not necessarily reflect those of ONDCP, SAMHSA, or HHS.
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Director FROM THE
his is my favorite time of year. There’s a bustle in the air as we prepare for the holidays. Classrooms are stirring with restless students anxious to start their holiday break. Minds are wandering to days ahead when homes will be filled with friends and family. Many have already started planning and decorating. If you had come to my house in early November, you would have found twinkling lights and JODY HANISCH smells of the holiday. I am one of those who start decorating once October ends. I understand that for many this time of year brings feelings of stress and hopelessness. Sometimes we put so much pressure on the commercialization of the season, that we forget what it is truly all about. I hope that each of you will take some time to reflect on what this season means to you and your family. Share stories with one another. Start new traditions. Slow down and enjoy the time you have together. My favorite thing is having all my family together. It warms my heart to see their smiles and to hear their laughter. Every year, our family plays board games all night. We love doing this together. It gets pretty loud in our home, but it is something we all look forward to doing. I treasure those times with our children and my husband. This season communities gather together to provide meals and gifts for children and families. Bells are rung to raise money. Donations are made. These are the moments that warm my heart. A community willing to give and help others. I would like to thank our advertisers for their continued support in helping provide each of you with the YC Magazine. It is our mission to provide ongoing education, support and hope to those raising children, teens and preteens in today’s culture. So, when you hear the bells and see the lights, please remember to share the hope—the hope that with one simple act of kindness, we have the ability to change the world. Wishing you and your family a safe and happy holiday season! Find more great resources at: Facebook: Wabash County Project Success Website: wcprojectsuccess.org
WABASH COUNTY PROJECT SUCCESS Jody Hanisch, DFC Project Director wcpscoordinator@gmail.com 306 N Market St, Mount Carmel, Illinois 62863
Help us keep everyone safe by texting us about bullying, underage drinking, drug use, suicidal thoughts or anything else you think might be dangerous or illegal. All tips are handled privately and confidentially. If it’s an emergency, please call 911 immediately.
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Bella Andrews is a 6th grade student at St. Mary’s School. She is the daughter of
Kendra and Eric Andrews. Bella is the sister to Bailey and Bentley. She is active in
travel softball, plays volleyball and runs track for St. Mary’s. Bella is always willing to help her classmates and teachers. She shows patience to the younger students when
helping. Her kindness is contagious to everyone she is around. She loves her dogs and
enjoys being around animals. Bella works hard at school and tries her best in everything she does. She is a great role model for everyone she is around.
Bella
Faces in the Crowd
Greta Hocking is a 7th grade student at St. Mary’s School. She is the daughter of
Todd and Marlene Hocking. She also has two sisters, Emma and Eva. Greta is a creative and virtuous student who takes pride in her individuality. Her humorous
personality is rare and comes at least expected moments. Her drive and desire for art is quite impressive. Students and teachers are amazed by her talent. She is a hard worker and always strives to do her best.
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Greta
CONFESSIONS FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE eenagers face peer pressure to use drugs and alcohol all the time. On the flip side, parents often feel confused as to why their teens often partake in risky behaviors. We asked a group of Carroll College students for their opinions on what their parents shared with them a few short years ago that worked, what they said that didn’t work, and what they think would have worked in trying to educate teens on the dangers of drugs and alcohol.
that if they could go back and make different decisions they would because it had really put them at a disadvantage for many things.” Another stated, “As a teenager, my parents told me that drugs and alcohol were bad for the developing brain and could cause you to do stupid things that you normally would not think to do. I think simply telling a kid ‘no’ does not work because it doesn’t give reasoning behind why you shouldn’t...As a teenager you need more than just a ‘no.’ ”
WHAT WORKED Surprisingly, much of what the college students remembered actually had an impact. One student shared that her parents’ advice helped her to prioritize her values and goals: “Some words of advice my parents told me about avoiding drugs and alcohol is that if people have to have drugs and alcohol to have fun, then they probably aren’t the friends and people you need in your life to be the best you can be.” Giving teens the guidance to prioritize their values gives them a sense of control over their situation. Other students were grateful for their parents’ openness about the topic which made it easy to ask questions and understand the consequences of using drugs and alcohol. One student said, “My parents shared some of their usage of drugs and alcohol with me when I was a teenager. They talked about it with a lot of regret, and I think this had one of the biggest impacts on me. They told me
WHAT DIDN’T WORK For other students, using alcohol stemmed out of rebellion. One student felt that his parents’ strict rules and expectations made him want to drink even more. Another student knew that her parents would come get her if she found herself in a situation where drugs or alcohol were present. They promised that, should this happen, she would not face any consequences. While she appreciated this, she also said, “I believe that this helped me stay away from drugs and alcohol because it took away the urge to go against the rules. On the other hand, it also made it easier for me to convince myself that drinking was okay, since they wouldn’t punish me for my actions.” Another student felt that sheltering youth from the realities of drugs and alcohol has more harmful effects than it does positive. Clearly students felt that parents who are overprotective or sheltering can make teens even more curious about drugs and alcohol.
WHAT COULD HAVE WORKED Often teens feel that they are the only ones not using drugs or alcohol. “I think a lot of teenagers engage in drugs and alcohol because they are trying to fit in or find a commonality with a group of friends,” one student said. “I think it’s helpful to hear statistics that the majority of teenagers are not smoking or chewing or drinking, etc, and then to reflect if you’re a part of that majority.” Other students wished that their parents would have taught them more about the legal consequences of getting caught and felt that this would have instilled better knowledge and shown them the bigger picture. One stated, “I would recommend openness and honesty above anything else. Teenagers, though young, are not dense. We know when you are trying to shelter us from things, and often will try to rebel directly against what you are saying.” They would just remind parents to be open and honest with their teenagers and to take the time to explain the reasons why drugs and alcohol should be avoided. Set clear expectations, hold them accountable for their choices, celebrate success, but also allow for mistakes so they learn how to fail and become resilient. Don’t be afraid to push your teen to have difficult, yet mature and collected, conversations. After all, you want your advice to work so that milk at the kitchen table doesn’t turn to beer at the beer pong table. ■
YOU CAN SUBMIT YOUR STORY AT: wcprojectsuccess@gmail.com For many of us the kitchen table represents the typical family experience. We have laughed while having family game night. We have cried over our children’s choices. We have blown out the candles on many cakes. We have argued our way out of doing the dishes. We have struggled through those “three more bites.” We have learned hard lessons and celebrated many deserved successes. One thing is for sure though—if our kitchen tables could talk, there would be plenty of stories! So often it is in relating to others’ stories that we realize there isn’t always one answer, or even a right answer. Parenting is hard work! If you have a story of lessons learned, we invite you to share it with our readers. Sometimes, knowing we aren’t the only ones struggling to find the answer is all the help we need.
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a parent’s greatest
SELF MANAG
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gift:
GEMENT By JENNIFER MILLER, M.ED.
“My teacher wants you to sign my test,” my son said as he placed a paper quickly on the table nowhere near where I was sitting and walked out of the room. My curiosity rose. Clearly, he was not eager to show it to me. Glancing at the content, it was immediately recognizable - the science test for which he had genuinely studied. But it appeared as is if he hadn’t cracked his book. How was this possible? asked what happened. And I began to understand when he said, “Mom, it was ‘bring-your-pet-to-school’ day.” My son is allergic to all animals furry. It’s an intense allergy that often ushers in a two-week sickness with wheezing and misery. Yet, and perhaps not surprisingly, there’s nothing my son loves more than animals. So on “bring-your-pet-to-school” day, it’s a painful reminder of his heartache over not having a dog or a cat. He came home that day and ran straight to his room - upset. So, it’s no wonder that a test he was well prepared to take resulted in a failed grade. He couldn’t focus. The acute sadness about his unique position among his classmates - that he remained petless - took over his ability to think. The ability to manage our most intense emotions can challenge even the most studious child making it impossible to focus. Children are faced with this issue not only in the midst of an important test but even on the playground when they are stopped in their tracks unable to respond after a classmate taunts them with cruel words like “No one likes you!” Or, at home, our child may melt down, shut her door, and refuse to come out when we need her to attend a family-obligated event. This inability to focus on a test, to respond to a bully on the playground, or to constructively communicate about an undesirable event is evidence of what is happening in a child’s brain - indeed anyone’s brain - when they are highly emotional. continued on page 9
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continued from page 7
Daniel Goleman, author of the bestseller Emotional Intelligence, called it “emotional hijacking.” The primal - or survival center of your brain called the amygdala - takes over thinking in those heated moments. If a tiger were hunting your daughter in the woods, it would serve to protect her as she focused only on fighting, fleeing, or freezing. But there are times when that fight, flight, or freeze focus does not help. Because in that moment, your child does not have access to the language, logic, and creativity that reside in the higher regions of the brain that might help her think of a clever response or solution. So too if a parent is yelling at or punishing a child and the child is upset, frightened, or awash with shame, they are unable to think about any lessons you might want to teach. Instead, their focus is on fight, flight, or freeze. So then, what restores higher level thinking skills when upset? Your child’s deep, slowed breath is like the whistle blowing at recess time. There was a chaotic mess of running, playing children (read: your internal upset mess) and when that whistle sounds, all children quietly move toward lining up. Deep breathing is that signaling function for your body. The message it sends is “All clear. Return to normal functioning.” Considering the fact that this mental hijacking occurs, how can you prepare your child to respond so that s/he doesn’t get harmed or harm others in those toughest moments? The answer lies in cultivating the skill of self-management. And selfmanagement can engage a host of other important social and emotional skills like impulse control, feelings identification, empathy for others, and responsible decision making. If we work with our children on multiple ways to calm down in a variety of settings, then they can respond to problems safely and constructively. In doing so, they can also more quickly return to learning, return to play, or return to cooperating with family plans while feeling more competent in the process. Check out the following ideas for how parents can best promote the invaluable skill of self-management at various ages and stages. 3 TO 5-YEAR-OLDS Teach the language of feelings. Remember when it was popular for parents and teachers to say to an upset child, “Use your words”? But what words? Children ages 3-5 have not learned the words to express
the whole body takeover that happens when they are angry or frustrated. So when you see your child is emotional, offer her language. “Seems like you’re feeling disappointed. Is that right?” The simple act of attempting to understand her feelings can release some of her built-up tension. As she becomes more adept at seeking understanding from those around her, she’ll grow in her ability to manage her upset effectively. 5 TO 7-YEAR-OLDS Promote self-discipline. Children, ages 5-7, are learning the rules of family and school life, and that learning sometimes involves testing or even breaking the rules to understand where the real boundaries lie. Parents can easily be baited into power struggles when they seek their child’s cooperation and he refuses. Using your own self-management skills are key. As you model, you’ll enjoy the multiplier effect improving your skills and your child’s. The person who is the most emotionally attached to a particular outcome has the least power. So first, if you are frustrated by your child who has just refused to get his shoes on, stop, breathe, and calm down first. Consider that any nagging you engage in could make you later and less successful. When calm, offer a limited but authentic choice. This gives your child a sense of control in a situation where he is attempting to gain power inappropriately. “Would you like to wear your red sneakers or your blue sandals? Either are fine.” Then, move on with your preparations with the expectation that he will do it. 8 TO 10-YEAR-OLDS Practice upstander skills. In a recent survey of U.S. kids by Highlights for Children, they found most children want to take action when they see an injustice, but they need to know what to say and do when a classmate says mean words and uses harmful actions against them or another. Give your child some practice in what to say. For example, when a girl on the playground says, “We don’t want you in our game” your child could be dumbstruck as her amygdala freezes her ability to respond. But if you practice (role playing with family members) some ways to assert herself without harming others like: “I want to play with classmates who want me to join their game,” she’ll be ready to self-manage with competence.
11 TO 14-YEAR-OLDS Brainstorm healthy ways to handle stress. It seems the pressure is on in every aspect of the tween and teens’ life as they tackle rigorous academics, participate in extracurricular activities, attempt to fit in, and find and keep friends. In addition to the many social and academic expectations, they are also in the midst of all of the awkwardness that comes with puberty. Helping your tween or teen develop coping strategies to manage pressure will serve him through high school, college, and beyond. So, brainstorm together. “When you are feeling stress, what can you do?” Make a long list of options and post it somewhere you can refer to later. “Can you take a brain break and walk outside away from your frustrating homework? Can you smell the fresh air and spend a little time outdoors?” These may seem like simple ideas to you, but your teen needs options for calming down when the pressure is mounting. Instead of building up and leading to a volcanic explosion, your tween can manage his stress along the way. This also begins a trusting dialogue in which you acknowledge stress is normal and expected so that when your teen is feeling the pressure, he may confide in you. Self-management just may be one of the greatest tests of our family life. How do we not harm the ones we love when we feel angry, anxious, or hurt? In a recent large survey of parents in the state of Montana, for example, many said they struggled with losing their temper and saying something to their child they later regretted. Those situations need not occur if parents have thought through what they’ll do in those “lose it” moments. How can we calm down to regain our brain’s full capacity? What will we say like ‘Mom needs a minute’? Where will we go? Will we walk outside and breathe in the fresh air? Let your family know your plan for dealing with upset in advance so that when you take a moment, they know that you are self-managing. This is what it means to parent with social and emotional learning. Imagine if you used self-management skills throughout your child’s developing years. When your child faced her toughest life moment and you weren’t there to save her, she’d have internalized the skill of self-management to regain focus, to respond constructively, and to bring her best. There may not be any greater gift a parent could give a child. ■
About The Author: Jennifer Miller, M.Ed., author of the popular site, Confident Parents, Confident Kids, has twenty years of experience helping adults become more effective with the children they love through social and emotional learning. Among other roles, she serves as lead writer for Parenting Montana: Tools for Your Child’s Success, a statewide media campaign to educate parents on social and emotional learning
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Check out who’s standing out in our community. IS THERE SOMEONE YOU’D LIKE TO NOMINATE? Please email wcprojectsuccess@gmail.com and tell us why this individual has stood out in your crowd.
Emily Eads
FACES IN THE CROWD
LANCASTER CHRISTIAN SCHOOL, SECOND GRADE
Emily is the daughter of Gerald and Melinda Eads. She is a second grader at Lancaster Christian School. Emily is in Mrs. Lisa Archibald’s classroom and exemplifies positive behavior on a daily basis. She is always striving to be a good student and is a big helper in the classroom, around the school, and at home. Emily has been making good choices at school and at home. She encourages others and demonstrates constructive behavior to her peers. She loves reading and is always ready to lend a hand in the classroom. Emily wants to be a teacher when she grows up.
Chandler Cusick
ALLENDALE SCHOOL, 7TH GRADE
Chandler is the daughter of Chris and Kristi Cusick. She is a model student, a member of the Student Council, and is routinely on the Honor Roll. Her classroom teacher is Darlene Smith. Chandler also participates in three sports: basketball, volleyball, and track. Outside of school, Chandler is a member of the Wabash Presbyterian Church and youth group. She loves to play outside and be active in sporting activities. When asked, Chandler says volleyball is the favorite of her three sports in which she participates. When she grows up, she would like to be a writer or a teacher. Allendale School is very proud of Chandler and the way she represents our school community.
Lillian Gottman
ST. MARY’S SCHOOL, 8TH GRADE
Lillian is an 8th grade student at St. Mary’s School. She is the daughter of Sheryl and Darren Gottman and the sister of Emily. Lillian is very active in the Evansville Junior Golf Association and plays volleyball for St. Mary’s. She enjoys hunting and being outdoors with her family. Lillian is an excellent student. She always works hard to do well in her classes and is an amazing friend to her classmates. Lilly is a great help to her teachers and is quick to lend a hand to the younger students. She is very virtuous, always showing kindness and compassion to others.
Lisa Archibald
LANCASTER CHRISTIAN SCHOOL, TEACHER
Lisa is a teacher at Lancaster Christian School. She teaches Kindergarten, 1st grade, and 2nd grade students. Lisa has worked at Lancaster for nine years. She loves the small setting, the relationships and friendships she has built with the students and their families. She has worked in the prevention and education field for over 20 years. Lisa loves engaging youth and their parents in prevention education. She promotes and assists with Red Ribbon Week activities. She has also conducted Project Alert in the schools. Lisa is married to Steve. They have two sons and four grandsons with three of those being triplets. In her spare time, she enjoys traveling, gardening, and spending time with her grandchildren.
Ellen Grounds
ALLENDALE SCHOOL, STAFF
Ellen is in her 16th year at Allendale School. She is a Title 1 Aide and works with students in Kindergarten through 8th grade on their academics. She has tutored students before school, after school, and even in the summer. While Ellen is a valuable member of the educational team at Allendale School, she also volunteers during non-work hours to provide general care for the flowers in front of the school. She also coordinated the plastic lid sorting at Allendale School over the past years. This has been a huge part of the process, which has brought three benches and three trash containers to the school. Ellen continues to help keep our school a place of pride in the community.
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Did you know that the marijuana industry is likely to be the Big Tobacco of our time? They are targeting new users every day. These new users are our youth.
40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS
How much do you really know?
40 Developmental Assets are essential qualities of life that help young people thrive, do well in school, and avoid risky behavior. Youth Connections utilizes the 40 Developmental Assets Framework to guide the work we do in promoting positive youth development. The 40 Assets model was developed by the Minneapolis-based Search Institute based on extensive research. Just as we are coached to diversify our financial assets so that all our eggs are not in one basket, the strength that the 40 Assets model can build in our youth comes through diversity. In a nutshell, the more of the 40 Assets youth possess, the more likely they are to exhibit positive behaviors and attitudes (such as good health and school success) and the less likely they are to exhibit risky behaviors (such as drug use and promiscuity). It’s that simple: if we want to empower and protect our children, building the 40 Assets in our youth is a great way to start. Look over the list of Assets on the following page and think about what Assets may be lacking in our community and what Assets you can help build in our young people. Do what you can do with the knowledge that even through helping build one asset in one child, you are increasing the chances that child will grow up safe and successful. Through our combined efforts, we will continue to be a place where Great Kids Make Great Communities.
Turn the page to learn more!
Let’s prevent another industry from profiting off our youth and addiction. Focus on Prevention For more information visit: learnaboutsam.org
The 40 Developmental Assets® may be reproduced for educational, noncommercial uses only. Copyright © 1997 Search Institute®, 615 First Avenue NE, Suite 125, Minneapolis, MN 55413; 800-888-7828; www.search-institute.org. All rights reserved.
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assets in action
40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS
14 SUPPORT
1. Family support: Family life provides high levels of love and support. 2. Positive family communication: Young person and her or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parent(s). 3. Other adult relationships: Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults. 4. Caring neighborhood: Young person experiences caring neighbors. 5. Caring school climate: School provides a caring, encouraging environment. 6. Parent involvement in school: Parent(s) are actively involved in helping young person succeed in school.
LCS Staff value and support their students
EMPOWERMENT
7. Community values youth: Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth. 8. Youth as resources: Young people are given useful roles in the community. 9. Service to others: Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week. 10. Safety: Young person feels safe at home, at school, and in the neighborhood.
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BOUNDARIES & EXPECTATIONS LCS students enjoying the outdoors at Opossom Patch
SMS students helping each other stay safe
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11. Family boundaries: Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts. 12. School boundaries: School provides clear rules and consequences. 13. Neighborhood boundaries: Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring young people’s behavior. 14. Adult role models: Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior. 15. Positive peer influence: Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior. 16. High expectations: Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.
CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME
Great job Allendale Yellow Jackets at cross country meet!
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17. Creative activities: Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts. 18. Youth programs: Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in the community. 19. Religious community: Young person spends one or more hours per week in activities in a religious institution. 20. Time at home: Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.
If you or your child would like to submit a picture that represents one of the 40 Developmental Assets, please email the picture with information and the number of the asset the picture represents to: wcprojectsuccess@gmail.com. Not all pictures are guaranteed publication.
24 COMMITMENT TO LEARNING
21. Achievement motivation: Young person is motivated to do well in school. 22. School engagement: Young person is actively engaged in learning. 23. Homework: Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day. 24. Bonding to school: Young person cares about her or his school. 25. Reading for pleasure: Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.
POSITIVE VALUES
26. Caring: Young person places high value on helping other people. 27. Equality and social justice: Young person places high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty. 28. Integrity: Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her or his beliefs. 29. Honesty: Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy.” 30. Responsibility: Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility. 31. Restraint: Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.
SOCIAL COMPETENCIES
32. Planning and decision making: Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices. 33. Interpersonal competence: Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills. 34. Cultural competence: Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds. 35. Resistance skills: Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations. 36. Peaceful conflict resolution: Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.
SMS students having fun learning with their friends
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LCS students are engaged in learning Allendale students celebrate Red Ribbon Week
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POSITIVE IDENTITY
37. Personal power: Young person feels he or she has control over “things that happen to me.” 38. Self-esteem: Young person reports having a high self-esteem. 39. Sense of purpose: Young person reports that “my life has a purpose.” 40. Positive view of personal future: Young person is optimistic about her or his personal future.
Allendale students are proud to be drug free!
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IS IT STRESS?
insights from your child’s behavior and emotions By STEFFANI TURNER, LCSW
ast night, my normally laid back 11-year-old started sassing me at bed time. He subtly began to make fun of me and started to challenge some of the directions that I gave him to start getting ready for bed. As many parents would do, I gave him the warning that he was getting out of line – to which he swore he wasn’t. Is this sounding familiar yet? And then after I tucked him in bed, I started thinking, this isn’t how he usually behaves, especially around bed time… hmmmm? So, I went back in and asked what was going on and asked him about a few things that might be happening in the next few days. It was then, after some prompting and being curious that he was able to tell me how he “might, maybe be a LITTLE worried” about his upcoming first airplane trip. This is one of the million little ways our children let us know that they are stressed. They don’t usually just come out and say it. It would be great if they did. But often our children, especially our young children do not recognize that what they are feeling is “stress.” It is only by adults recognizing the signs and supporting our children that they learn to identify the feeling in their own bodies. So, how do we know our child is stressed? For infants and young toddlers, the cues can be very simple, they can be whimpering, crying or behaving restlessly. It could also be subtler than that, perhaps they appear frozen, or “spaced out.” They could be experiencing an uncomfortable sensation in their body, they could be hungry or need a diaper change and possibly they just feel disconnected and need some snuggles from their parents. As our children get older, their cues continue to adapt and change with their
needs. They also learn through all the little interactions they have with their caregivers. If a child cries and their mom is attentive and gives them comfort, they learn that crying is an acceptable cue to
We can’t make the test go away or make sure their best friend doesn’t stay mad at them, but we can understand, be with, validate and support them. We can’t fix it all, but by being there helping them handle the feeling, we are teaching them that this feeling doesn’t feel great, but it’s not the end of the world.
get their need met. But if the crying is met with yelling, they may learn that crying is not a good idea. Children can be open and out there with their cues of stress, they may be irritable, grumpy, angry, picking on others, weepy, or very busy. Or they could
be subtler, isolating themselves, becoming very quiet, perhaps being overly concerned about something. Whatever it is, a change in your child’s behavior is their attempt at trying to tell you something. And it’s probably not what they are saying with their words! So, what does a child need when they are stressed? They need us to “be there” with them and for them, according to Circle of Security cofounder Kent Hoffman. They first need us to help them recognize what their feeling is. What are they stressing about? Be curious about how they are behaving and what they are thinking. I’m sure that before I asked my son what was going on, he didn’t recognize that he was stressing out about something; it can sneak up on us all. Once we help them recognize what the feeling is, then we can decide if an action can be taken or not. In the case of my son, I was able to educate him some about my experiences on an airplane. But I did NOT try to talk him out of his feelings of worry. Instead, I told him that I would be there with him and we would go through it together. Sometimes there is nothing we can do about whatever they are stressing about. We can’t make the test go away or make sure their best friend doesn’t stay mad at them, but we can understand, be with, validate and support them. We can’t fix it all, but by being there helping them handle the feeling, we are teaching them that this feeling doesn’t feel great, but it’s not the end of the world. So currently I’m wrapping up this short article while sitting on the plane with my son. Sure, he was a “LITTLE” worried, for all of a second, but now he’s excited, staring out the window taking pictures. He learned to deal with his worry over flying, helped by a caring adult and he’s off and away! ■
Steffani Turner, LCSW, is the Community Services Director at Intermountain in Helena, Montana. She has a Bachelors in Psychology and a Masters in Social Work. She is the mother of two.
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calming the
PERFECT STORM By TRACIE DAHL, LCPC
ool clothes. Good grades. Lots of friends. The pressures of being an adolescent have always been great. However, there seem to be an increasing number of demands, stressors, and fears being experienced by youth today which are affecting their ability to socialize, attend school, and prepare for the future. It’s often difficult to clearly define all of the reasons for the rising anxiety and because of this, it can be just as challenging to generate solutions. Parents can easily describe many pressures from their own “tween” and teen years which bring back awkward memories and cringe-worthy recollections. However, the world has changed exponentially in the last several decades and continues to undergo rapid changes at an erratic and unpredictable pace. Societal change aside, understanding the stage of development that adolescents are going though between the ages of 10 and 15 is a significant part of understanding the anxiety that is created during this time frame. The physiological changes alone are progressing at a rate so great that the body is undergoing more developmental change than at any other time except from birth to two years old. Bones are growing faster than muscles. Fluctuations in basal metabolism occur. Puberty begins. Youth start to develop the capacity for abstract thought processes as the prefrontal cortex continues to develop. To make sense of the world around them, young adolescents, as learners, build upon their individual experiences and prior knowledge (Piaget, 1960). In order to understand how adolescents today are experiencing their world, constructing meaning out of it, and how this is affecting them, we must first recognize and
acknowledge the experiences that the world is giving to our adolescents, which serves up a perfect storm of exhaustion, confusion, and internalizing or externalizing behaviors. The world today is filled with what can only be perceived by teens as unsafe events. War, bullying, gun violence, natural disasters, and the constant stream of reporting of these events via every available media source from television to internet streams; there is a never ending, shock provoking flood of horrifying news. The time that children and adolescents spend absorbing this news via the media is also increasing and the method of absorption is rapid and relentless. There is no way to describe our youth’s use of social media other than “it’s complicated.” There are no empirical research studies to say with certainty, one way or another, whether the role that technology is playing in our children’s lives is good or bad. Teens themselves will attest that social media forges friendships, creates a sense of belonging, and provides support. However, they will also admit that it can create anxiety and contribute to depression and sleep deprivation. All of the above being considered, the task of fostering resiliency in the face of so much adversity may seem daunting. Adults must help adolescents learn how to navigate the perils, reduce anxiety, and build the strength and tools they will need when their instinct is to protect and shelter them as the adult response to the very real threats in the world today may also be an increase in fear and anxiety. Start by using supportive problem solving; giving adolescents the opportunity to learn to think for themselves instead of making decisions for them, which takes away their power. Any setbacks or mistakes become learning experiences,
while successes allow children the ability to feel truly capable of handling difficult situations. As a result, both their resilience and confidence will grow. Oftentimes, I have coached parents in my practice to ask their kids when they present a problematic situation to them to respond with the question, “Do you want me to help you with this or do you just need to vent?” Kids really just need someone they trust to talk through a situation and are searching for a way to find the answer for themselves. By just facilitating this process, adults can build very key components of responsibility and resiliency. Be a model of responsibility and allow children opportunities to help others. A child’s intrinsic need to help triggers anxiety in the face of tragic news while feeling helpless creates a sense of hopelessness about the state of the world we live in. Having the ability to actually help others reinforces both responsibility and a sense of empathy while giving kids a sense of ownership and investment in their own destiny, an appreciation of how their actions affect and impact others, and a genuine feeling of positivity and success. Finally, approach life with a healthy dose of optimism, hope, and courage. We must remember that what is reported on the news and coming across our social media platforms is largely (some research studies estimate up to 90%) negative and this translates into negative thought patterns, so it is apparent why anxiety, fear, and depression are triggered. As adults we can choose to be optimistic about situations, people, and the future and we can choose hope while instilling courage in adolescents. The solution lies in changing our mindset, shifting our view, and promoting strengths instead of weaknesses. ■
Tracie Dahl is the Day Treatment Director for Intermountain in Helena, Montana. Previously, Tracie worked primarily with middle school-aged students and families as a School Based Outpatient Therapist and has worked with all age levels in school-based counseling since 2010. Tracie is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) and holds a M.Ed.
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NUMBERS Why should I talk to my kids about drugs/alcohol and what do I say? Whether your child smokes, drinks, or uses drugs is more likely to be determined by what they learn from home than anything they learn at school. The key is to know the facts and stick to them. For example, if a teen states, “Marijuana is all-natural,” you can reply, “So is arsenic.” If they say, “Everyone is doing it,” you can state that according to the most recent survey of teens, the majority are not choosing to drink and do drugs. We know that the earlier and more often an adolescent smokes, drinks, or uses drugs, the more likely they are to become addicted. Every day they don’t use reduces the chances they’ll develop mental or physical illnesses or suffer from a substance-related accident. Think of it as a war where you’re batting the forces of evil to keep your kids safe— because that’s what you’re doing. Explain to your child that experimenting with drugs at an early age can change his/her brain permanently, even if he/ she just experiments once or twice. With drugs, there is no way of knowing what has been added to the substance. The threat of damage to the brain from heavy drinking can be one of the best arguments you can make to your teen for saying no. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, teens who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to become alcohol dependent than those who wait until 21. Daily marijuana use in high school is associated with a six-fold increase in depression and anxiety later in life. Probably not the life we envision for our kids. Try this effective script: “I expect you not to drink or do drugs until you’re 21 (if at all). It’s dangerous, illegal, and unhealthy for kids your age to be at parties where drugs/ alcohol are provided. The possible consequences of drunk driving, aggressive sexual advances, and alcohol poisoning are things I don’t want you to experience. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I know how easily things can get out of hand where kids are using drugs or alcohol. I’m concerned with your health and safety.” Talk early. Talk often. Stick to the facts. It’s hard to argue with science. Here are some resources: www.drugabuse.gov www.drugfree.org
www.theparenttoolkit.org www.talkingwithkids.org www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov
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email: wcprojectsuccess@gmail.com We cannot guarantee all questions will be published; however, we will do our best to respond to all questions submitted.
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The number of escalators in all of Wyoming.
200
The number of muscles used to take a step.
200,000 The number of glasses of milk a cow produces in her lifetime.
167.04
The highest speed recorded on a bicycle (mph).
46,001
The world record for most push ups in a day.
68
Percentage of people that experience “phantomvibration syndrome” (feeling their phone is buzzing when it’s not)
Serving Our Neighbors, Families, & Friends
316 N. Market St. P.O. Box 220 Mt. Carmel, IL 62863 618.262.5151 www.mtcpu.com
Happy Holidays!
Did you know these services are available? Children & Adult Immunizations Low-Cost Blood Draws Foot Care Clinic Lead Screenings TB Testing Blood Pressure Screenings Colorectal Cancer Fit Screenings
Wabash County Health Department 130 W. 7th Street Mt. Carmel, IL 62863
(618) 263-3873
www.wabashhealth.org
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navigating
SELF TIME AND FAMILY TIME By TINA EBLEN, Super Mom
think most of us are looking for balance in life. Especially as a parent, I am constantly looking at how to balance several aspects of my life – parenting, working, social life, spiritual life, working out and sleeping. At one point in my life, I had hoped that maybe someone would add more time to each day so I could accomplish more, but then I would have to prioritize more. We only have 24 hours in a day and the experts tell us that we should be getting between seven and eight hours of sleep a night, so that leaves me with only 16 hours to get everything that needs to be done, done. I am also a working mom, I usually work from 8:00 a.m.–4:00 p.m. and I work through lunch, so work accounts for another eight hours. The remaining eight hours are split up between getting ready for work in the morning, running kids to after school activities, cooking dinner and eating, cleaning up the house, making sure homework is done, working out and getting things ready for the next day. How could I possibly fit in one more thing? I had to get smarter with my time and become more organized. I had to figure out how to balance my life with everything that was going on in my family. So, this was my journey on learning how to create that balance in my life. Two and a half years ago I experienced a medical emergency which put me on bed rest for four days. This medical emergency opened my eyes to my poor physical health. I decided to set a goal and incorporate physical activity, specifically biking. I signed up for a biking competition and asked people to sponsor me which forced me to complete my goal. How could I add a new hobby, a new activity, or a new relationship when I have a family to care for? Communication Communication was the first step in this process. I found that adding a new activity to my life would impact my whole family. I
How could I possibly fit in one more thing? I had to get smarter with my time and become more organized. I had to figure out how to balance my life with everything that was going on in my family.
sat my kids down and explained the plan to incorporate this new activity of biking into my daily routine. I explained that I would need their support and encouragement to make this activity stick. I also stressed that I needed to make a change in my physical health. This helped them understand that mom needed to be healthier in order to keep taking good care of them. Timing Determining when was the second step. I had to look at my schedule and decide when would be the best time to add this activity. I found that I needed to add my new activity in the morning. For my family and me, the morning was the easiest time to add something new. Now it was quite an adjustment to start biking at 5:30 in the morning but I found that way I could get in what I needed before the kids woke up. This ultimately allowed me more time to spend with my children.
Scheduling The third step was looking at and rearranging our weekly schedule. I started looking at our schedule. What could I do smarter and free up more time in the evening so I would be able to get to bed sooner? I started writing down the week’s schedule on Sunday so everyone in the family could see what was happening over the next week. Re-organizing Preparing/organizing for the week ahead was the last step. I started making a dinner menu and really looking at it strategically. For example, I would make a crockpot meal on Monday and then save the leftovers for another night. Having dinners lined up for the week allowed me to add at least 30 minutes- to one hour to my life. Circling back, communication was the key to making this work. Again, involving my family in this change was the most important piece to implementing this new activity. I found that having the support of my family and loved ones, made the implementation of the new activity easier. The family would discuss how things were going over the week and I allowed my children to give feedback as well. The first couple of weeks I made some time to get used to this new activity. I think of all the activities that one could use these steps for to add a new activity: sport/working out, craft club, book club, going back to school/taking a class and even a new relationship. All of these things can impact the balance of life and family. Now, life is unexpected and sometimes unpredictable. It’s important to be patient and give ourselves and our families some grace. There are times when life throws curve balls; however, I have found that if I get back on schedule and begin organizing again, then it falls back into place. ■
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St. Mary’s Catholic School 417 Chestnut Street Mt. Carmel, IL “Be the eyes and hands of Christ”
www.smsrockets.net http://www.smsrockets.net/spirit/ Phone: 618.263.3183
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opioids
AND YOUR FAMILY By SHELBY KOPPANY, PHARM.D. Candidate, 2020
rug overdose deaths are widespread in the United States. It is crucial to recognize the dangers that can be associated with the misuse of opioids. The term “opiate” refers natural or synthetic compounds derived from the opium poppy. Common prescription opioids include hydrocodone, oxycodone, hydromorphone, morphine, and fentanyl. In the body, these substances bind to opioid receptors and work to reduce pain. While these medications can be effective and beneficial when used correctly, misuse can have devastating outcomes. Along with pain relief, euphoria is commonly associated with opioids. Euphoria is an intense feeling often considered “the high.” Other effects of opioids include: sedation, mental clouding, constipation, and respiratory depression. Decreased breathing (respiratory depression) is a major concern and is often the cause of death following an overdose. Signs of opioid overdose: abnormally small pupil size, loss of consciousness that does not return upon stimulation, and slowed breathing. If these symptoms are observed, it is important to contact help immediately. The use of alcohol with opioids can further increase the risk of overdose. There are times when a child may be prescribed opioids to treat pain from an injury or surgery. These medications are safe and
effective when used as prescribed. It is always important to ask your child’s provider and pharmacist about medication dose, frequency, side effects, and length of treatment. Always mention any other medications your child is taking, including prescription, nonprescription, and herbal products. It is also important to discuss any family history of substance use disorder. There are important steps you can take to avoid misuse and diversion. Store opioids in a secure location where access is limited to adults that will be dosing the medication. Start with the lowest recommended dose and monitor your child carefully. Non-prescription pain relief products, such as ibuprofen and acetaminophen, can often be used in conjunction with opioids to minimize opioid exposure. Dispose of remaining medication immediately when it is no longer needed. Most cities have drug take-back locations at local police stations or local pharmacies and many communities hold drug take back events twice a year. Visit DEATakeBack.com to find locations, dates, and times. Although prescription drug abuse is a widespread issue, there are measures that can be taken to deter this issue from affecting your household. Never hesitate to ask your trusted healthcare professional when questions arise regarding opioid use and safety. ■
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TACO - A soft flour tortilla with nacho cheese wrapped around our Hard Shell Taco.
ghtly breaded tilapia on a soft shell with lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, and our special sauce. (Fridays Only)
- Tasty shrimp lightly breaded, deep fried to a golden brown, served on a soft flour tortilla with lettuce, cheese, e of sauce. (Tuesdays Only)
ah-dah) - A flat crisp fried corn tortilla covered with a layer of beans and tastefully seasoned taco meat, then dded lettuce and topped with grated cheese, tomatoes and your choice of sauce. Note: available with chicken at all.
Welcome To Since 1977
DA - A flat crispy fried flour tortilla covered with a layer of beans, taco meat and your choice of sauce, covered py fried flour tortilla topped with melted colby and mozzerella cheese. Then topped with tomatoes, green onions, cream. Note: Also available with chicken fajita meat.
o) - It's our number one seller. The Sancho is our tastefully seasoned taco meat, grated cheese, shredded lettuce uce rolled in a large soft flour tortilla. Note: Available with chicken fajita meat.
oe) - The Burrito is just like the Sancho, except we use beans or taco meat and beans in combination. Note: cken fajita meat.
r tortilla with cheese rolled in it like a burrito, then melted in our oven. Also available with vegetables (tomatoes, s).
A large flour tortilla folded in half with white American cheese in it, then grilled. Note: Also available with chicken sdays Only)
SE - A generous portion of corn chips topped with melted colby and mozzarella cheese. Note: Available in a half order.
S - Fried potato cubes, lightly seasoned with a side of nacho cheese. Note: Available in a half order.
rous portion of corn chips to dip in our melted spicy cheese. Note: Available in a half order.
ME - A generous portion of our homemade corn chips, Mexican beans, taco meat, two scoops of nacho cheese, s, black olives and sour cream. Note: Also available in half order or with chicken fajita meat.
ALAD - A generous portion of shredded lettuce topped with taco meat, grated cheese, tomatoes and your choice a broken taco shell. Note: Also available with chicken fajita meat.
ALAD - A generous portion of shredded lettuce topped with taco meat, grated cheese, tomatoes and your choice generous portion of our homemade corn chips. Note: Also available with chicken fajita meat.
Our really great salad treat. The bowl is made from a large flour tortilla, that is edible, filled with shredded lettuce, aco meat, grated cheese, tomatoes, green onions, black olives and sour cream and your choice of sauce. Note: cken fajita meat.
All-American ballpark hot dog in a bun topped with taco meat, grated cheese, shredded lettuce and your choice of sauce.
-che-la-dah) - An Enchilada is made with our deliciously seasoned taco meat rolled in a soft corn or flour tortilla, pecial sauce and grated cheese then heated to melt the cheese. Then topped with your choice of sauce, if you a time. Note: Also available with chicken fajita meat.
ESTA - One or two enchiladas served with lettuce, tomatoes, onions, black olives and sour cream.
- A 'south of the border' counterpart to the All American Hamburger. A hearty serving of taco meat, grated cheese, your choice of sauce on a fresh bun. Note: Also available with chicken fajita meat.
sa) - An individual, 6 inch, Mexican pizza that is ready to serve in a minute, made with a flour tortilla covered with taco meat, mozzarella cheese and popped into our oven. Served with a pepper on the side. Note: Available at.
de style chili made in our kitchen with lotsa beans and meat. A secret recipe handed down since 1977 from a for a zesty chili that gringos could handle. This is not your fire breathing Mexican chili.
NS - A generous serving of beans cooked in our kitchen and seasoned with our special blend of spices, whipped d cheese and your choice of sauce. Served with a broken taco shell.
- Rice cooked in a seasoned tomato sauce and topped with shredded cheese. Very different and tasty, not your
- A crispy flour tortilla with a sugar and cinnamon coating, covered with a tasty apple pie filling and topped with December 2018 | YC MAGAZINE | www.wcprojectsuccess.org erved hot.
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MEXICAN-AMERICAN FOOD
"PUT A LITTLE SPICE IN YOUR LIFE"
1130 S. Main St., Princeton, IN – 812-262-8996
SINCE 1977
729 N. Market 113 S. Main Mt. Carmel, IL Princeton, IN 618-262-8226 812-385-8996 DINE IN — CARRY OUT —
1100 W. Main Fairfield, IL 618-842-3377 DRIVE THRU
PHONE IN ORDERS MT. CARMEL, ILLINOIS 729 N. MARKET ST. 618-262-8226 (TACO) PRINCETON, INDIANA 1130 S. MAIN 812-385-8996 FAIRFIELD, ILLINOIS 1100 W. MAIN 618-842-3377 EVANSVILLE, INDIANA 420 S. GREEN RIVER ROAD
St. Mary’s Catholic Church 125 W 5th St. Mt. Carmel, IL 62863 “Encourage one another and build each other up.” 1 Thes. 5:11
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Wabash County Project Success 218 W 13th Street Mount Carmel, IL 62863