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THE SECRET TO SUCCESSFUL KIDS » The 40 Developmental Assets: Positive Identity » No Means NO (and I Love You) » Looking Behind the Screen
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AUGUST 2018
FEATURES
6 The Secret to Successful Kids 40 Developmental Assets: 14 The Positive Identity 16 No Means NO (and I Love You) 20 Looking Behind the Screen to Talk: Dangers of 23 Time Electronic Cigarettes
IN EVERY ISSUE
2 From the Co-chairs 5 The Kitchen Table 10 Faces in the Crowd 11 40 Developmental Assets 12 Assets in Action 18 Q&A and By the Numbers PRODUCED IN CONJUNCTION WITH BROUGHT TO YOU BY
TO ADVERTISE OR CONTRIBUTE Stephanie Quick: (406) 544-6136 COVER PHOTO BY Megan Lane Photography wmmhc.org
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PREVENTION EFFORTS IN MINERAL COUNTY AND COLLABORATION WITH KEY STAKEHOLDERS In recent years The Healthy Communities Coalition has been formed that includes providers, community members, and prevention specialists. The Healthy Communities Coalition has identified the top four community problems as substance use/abuse, child abuse and neglect, unemployment, and obesity. By collaborating with members of the community and working directly with the schools; programs are being created to address identified problems and increase awareness regarding health related problems in the county. The Mineral County DUI Task Force has also recently been bolstered with new membership and active involvement. State funds have been allocated toward prevention, education, and activities which curb alcohol abuse. The county youth will be actively engaged in advertising and promoting events as well as creating a logo for the Mineral DUI Task Force. There is also a scholarship available. The collaboration between law enforcement, the community, and youth will hopefully, begin to shift county social norms around alcohol abuse and aid in curbing availability to youth. Partnership For Success has also been providing a curriculum to include an evidence based youth program called Life Skills. Life Skills provides lesson plans which address self-esteem, good decisionmaking, relationship building, and advocacy to reduce drug and alcohol use. Offered through all three school districts with youth ranging in age from 12-18, students across the county are gaining valuable skills and building positive relationships within the school and community. Prevention is a multilayered approach to change. It takes collaboration with key stakeholders, local agencies and programs, and youth engagement. The changes can be slow, incremental steps. However, over time, it can have lasting effects that enhance communities and strengthen families.
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Director FROM THE
ow that school is out for the summer, it can be a great opportunity to spend more time with your family enjoying all that Montana has to offer. It can also be a time of increased drinking and drug use for youth. Kids have extra time on their hands, may Stephanie not be monitored as closely, and are Quick able to meet up with their friends outside of school activities and sports. This can create access to circumstances and substances in which they may not typically be exposed. In the magazine, you will find a series of articles that will help you as a parent to navigate this riskier side of summer. There is so much research about what alcohol and drugs do to the developing brain that it’s important to be extra vigilant during this time. We often hear messages such as “you need to talk to your kids,” but we aren’t always given the tools to approach these conversations. The feature article provides some tips and pointers for having meaningful conversations with your teens. Other included articles provide perspective from college students who reflect on their high school years and navigating substance use, and a therapist from Intermountain who discusses setting healthy boundaries with your children. We hope that you are able to use some of this information to keep your kids safe and healthy over the summer months. Lastly, I would like to take a moment to give a shout out to the advertisers who without their support, this magazine WOULD NOT be possible. Please frequent their businesses and organizations and give them a big thank you! If you have any photos or articles in which you wish to feature in the next magazine, please feel free to contact me at squick@wmmhc.org.
Stephanie Quick, MSW LAC Prevention Specialist Western Montana Addiction Services 1325 Wyoming St / Missoula, MT 59801 406.361.1070 / squick@wmmhc.org
What We Offer
Provide vaccinations at low or no cost Work to end tobacco use Connect the community to resources Work to prevent diseases from spreading Work with community partners to prepare for emergencies like natural disasters, bioterrorism and infectious outbreaks Provide family activities in the home and in the communities Provide infant feeding support Provide support for parents from pregnancy through the start of kindergarten WIC site that provides nutrition information and essential nutritious foods every moth from pregnancy to age 5
Mineral County Health Department
Phone: (406)-822-3564 Fax: (406)-822-3745 Email: healthdept@co.mineral.mt.us Address: 1203 5th Avenue East Superior, MT 59872 Hours: Monday – Friday 8am – 4pm
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Teach your little buckaroo
to live tobacco FREE!
Today is the perfect time to start a tobacco-free future together We can help!
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CONFESSIONS FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE eenagers face peer pressure to use drugs and alcohol all the time. On the flip side, parents often feel confused as to why their teens often partake in risky behaviors. We asked a group of Carroll College students for their opinions on what their parents shared with them a few short years ago that worked, what they said that didn’t work, and what they think would have worked in trying to educate teens on the dangers of drugs and alcohol.
that if they could go back and make different decisions they would because it had really put them at a disadvantage for many things.” Another stated, “As a teenager, my parents told me that drugs and alcohol were bad for the developing brain and could cause you to do stupid things that you normally would not think to do. I think simply telling a kid ‘no’ does not work because it doesn’t give reasoning behind why you shouldn’t...As a teenager you need more than just a ‘no.’ ”
WHAT WORKED Surprisingly, much of what the college students remembered actually had an impact. One student shared that her parents’ advice helped her to prioritize her values and goals: “Some words of advice my parents told me about avoiding drugs and alcohol is that if people have to have drugs and alcohol to have fun, then they probably aren’t the friends and people you need in your life to be the best you can be.” Giving teens the guidance to prioritize their values gives them a sense of control over their situation. Other students were grateful for their parents’ openness about the topic which made it easy to ask questions and understand the consequences of using drugs and alcohol. One student said, “My parents shared some of their usage of drugs and alcohol with me when I was a teenager. They talked about it with a lot of regret, and I think this had one of the biggest impacts on me. They told me
WHAT DIDN’T WORK For other students, using alcohol stemmed out of rebellion. One student felt that his parents’ strict rules and expectations made him want to drink even more. Another student knew that her parents would come get her if she found herself in a situation where drugs or alcohol were present. They promised that, should this happen, she would not face any consequences. While she appreciated this, she also said, “I believe that this helped me stay away from drugs and alcohol because it took away the urge to go against the rules. On the other hand, it also made it easier for me to convince myself that drinking was okay, since they wouldn’t punish me for my actions.” Another student felt that sheltering youth from the realities of drugs and alcohol has more harmful effects than it does positive. Clearly students felt that parents who are overprotective or sheltering can make teens even more curious about drugs and alcohol.
WHAT COULD HAVE WORKED Often teens feel that they are the only ones not using drugs or alcohol. “I think a lot of teenagers engage in drugs and alcohol because they are trying to fit in or find a commonality with a group of friends,” one student said. “I think it’s helpful to hear statistics that the majority of teenagers are not smoking or chewing or drinking, etc, and then to reflect if you’re a part of that majority.” Other students wished that their parents would have taught them more about the legal consequences of getting caught and felt that this would have instilled better knowledge and shown them the bigger picture. One stated, “I would recommend openness and honesty above anything else. Teenagers, though young, are not dense. We know when you are trying to shelter us from things, and often will try to rebel directly against what you are saying.” They would just remind parents to be open and honest with their teenagers and to take the time to explain the reasons why drugs and alcohol should be avoided. Set clear expectations, hold them accountable for their choices, celebrate success, but also allow for mistakes so they learn how to fail and become resilient. Don’t be afraid to push your teen to have difficult, yet mature and collected, conversations. After all, you want your advice to work so that milk at the kitchen table doesn’t turn to beer at the beer pong table. ■
SUBMIT YOUR STORY TO STEPHANIE QUICK AT: squick@wmmhc.org For many of us the kitchen table represents the typical family experience. We have laughed while having family game night. We have cried over our children’s choices. We have blown out the candles on many cakes. We have argued our way out of doing the dishes. We have struggled through those “three more bites.” We have learned hard lessons and celebrated many deserved successes. One thing is for sure though—if our kitchen tables could talk, there would be plenty of stories! So often it is in relating to others’ stories that we realize there isn’t always one answer, or even a right answer. Parenting is hard work! If you have a story of lessons learned, we invite you to share it with our readers. Sometimes, knowing we aren’t the only ones struggling to find the answer is all the help we need.
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the secret to SUCCESSF By COLEEN SMITH, Prevention Specialist
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FUL KIDS
What does success for our kids look like? Is it graduating from high school with honors – or is just graduating a huge accomplishment? Is it getting “good grades” or is improving throughout the year more important? Is it going on to college, trade school, or finding a job out of high school? Is it being the best player on the team or even getting to play? Or is it that our kids live a long, healthy, enriched life? uccess can mean different things to different people and can be very child-dependent. But there is one key to increased success whether it’s academics, sports, activities, health, life, relationships, career, etc. The key to helping them be better at any part of life is this: help keep them drug/alcohol free. Because average first use is around 11 years old, this needs to start in elementary school, but it is never too late. Why is abstinence from substances important for youth? WHY Academics: Research shows that adolescents who regularly smoke pot will permanently lose 8-15 IQ points. Marijuana also affects their creativity, knowledge, and communication skills. It lowers their attention, affects their processing of information, and their memory – all skills needed to learn. Teens who drink have lower grades than those who don’t. Alcohol has a negative impact on cognitive functions (concentration, memory, and attention) for 48 hours, so it affects studying. Sport/Activities: Alcohol use increases youth’s chances of getting injured in sport by 50%. Research shows that one night of partying will erase two weeks of training. Male regular and heavy drinkers have testosterone levels the same as females, which affects building muscle. Marijuana continued on page 9
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use slows reaction time and speed. Seeing that only 2% of high school athletes will compete collegiately, their high school career is their limited time to shine. Why reduce the chances of success by using? Health: Kids who start drinking before the age of 15 are four to five times more likely to have issues with alcohol as an adult. Drinking lowers the immune system, so they’re more likely to become sick. Marijuana increases depression and anxiety, and heavy use can cause psychosis. Research shows that marijuana users are 2.44 times more likely to become opioid misusers. Approximately 70% of heroin users started with opioids. Career: Substance use increases the chance of drop out and decreased academic achievement, which affects college performance and graduation. Employers report students are not ready to enter the workforce. Marijuana lowers initiative. Relationships: Drug and alcohol use increases risky behaviors to include increased chance of physical and sexual assault, teen pregnancy, and dating violence. Life: Drug and alcohol use affects brain development, which brains continue to develop until a person is in their mid-20s. This includes both brain structure and function. One in seven drivers ages 16–20 involved in fatal crashes in 2016 had alcohol in their systems. Approximately 17% of individuals who smoke pot before the age of 12 become addicted. Now we know why they need to be drug/ alcohol free, but HOW can we ensure that? HOW We always hear we need to talk to our kids, but what is the secret on how to do it? 1) Set expectations. 2) Explain the consequences. 3) Follow through. This can be used for any behavior that we want repeated – from toddler to teen. Research shows if we do these three things, we know there’s an 80% chance we’ll be effective in helping them be successful in a myriad of things. Ultimately it will make our lives as a parent easier too. Wouldn’t it be great to reduce the fights and power struggles, the second-guessing if we made the right choice or said the right thing, and even the guilt trips we as parents are so good at putting ourselves on for usually no good reason? The secret here is to be very clear and concise. Have the consequences fit the behavior. And the hard part… follow through!
SETTING THE EXPECTATION From early on, we need to set the expectations: “I expect you to not drink or do drugs,” “I expect that you will graduate from high school,” “I expect that if you are going to be late you will call and let me know where you are.” Whatever it is, the expectation needs to be very clear. Just like adults in the ‘real world,’ we need to know what our expectations are. At work we are expected to show up on time, complete tasks as required, and even clean up after ourselves in the kitchen. Kids are no different; they need and even WANT to know what is expected of them. Children thrive if parents set clear expectations for behavior and enforce them in a consistent manner. Even as an adult, how do any of us know how we are doing if we don’t have expectations in which to strive? None of us wants to get in trouble for something we did or didn’t do – especially if we didn’t know it was expected of us! One idea to keep this front and center is to put the expectations and consequences in writing and place them somewhere in the home where everyone can see them. Then there is no surprise what will happen if someone breaks the rules. As kids become tweens/teens, it can include a contract that the parents and child agree to and sign, especially outlining the expectations of no drug/alcohol use. By doing this, the expectations and consequences are clearly laid out so there are no grey areas. Many of us need to know why a rule is in place. The ‘why’ is seemingly important in the teen years. Educating our kids that we want them to get enough sleep because it affects their health and ability to concentrate in school goes a lot farther than just saying they need to go to bed early. The same goes for drugs and alcohol. Just telling them not to do it will not carry as much weight as explaining the detriments that substances do to their developing brains, like permanent IQ loss from regular pot smoking as an adolescent, losing two weeks of training after one night of partying, and reduced speed and reaction time in sport from using substances. EXPLAINING THE CONSEQUENCE Again, this step needs to be very clear and concise. Just saying they’ll be in big trouble does not explain what the consequence will be. The consequence also needs to fit the un-met expectation. Taking the car away for not making a bed doesn’t make much sense. However, getting caught drinking and losing the car privileges makes a lot of sense. Taking the phone away for forgetting to take the garbage out doesn’t connect with the expectation as much as taking the phone
away for the reason homework wasn’t done because the child spent the entire evening on social media or playing games. The consequence also needs to be substantial enough to deter future unwanted behaviors, but not so outlandish that it could never be applied. The threat of ‘never getting to leave the house again’ will be impossible to enforce and so the consequence is not seen as valid. But saying that there will be no activities with friends for two weeks is much more realistic, and a teen can actually conceptualize that consequence. FOLLOWING THROUGH This is the hard one. It’s hard enough to clearly explain the expectation, then find a relatable consequence, but following through is where we as parents often drop the ball. It’s especially hard when the consequence may inconvenience us. If we take the car away, that means we’re back to playing taxi service. Ugh. However, a week or two of being inconvenienced would certainly be worth instilling that unmet expectations do have consequences, and may even ensure the health and safety of our child if it were because of substance use. It is important to remember that we need to use a caring response when enforcing the consequence. While they might be in trouble for getting caught drinking or doing drugs, we ultimately want to teach them why we don’t want them to do that – their health and safety is our top priority. Our goal is to help them reach their full potential. OVERCOMING OUR EXCUSES We can’t let the fact that maybe we used substances when we were growing up as an excuse not to enforce an abstinence policy with our kids. There is so much more research on the effects of drugs and alcohol on the developing brain than when we were growing up, that we really have science on our side. The argument that, “I did it when I was younger and I turned out just fine” isn’t effective either because in the case of marijuana it is a VERY DIFFERENT drug now. If our kids try to say that the good athletes in school or professional sport use, the question is ‘how much better could they be if they didn’t’? And if we think they’re just going to do it anyway, we’d be wrong. Kids live up to (or down to) the expectations we set for them. Oftentimes they use substances because we’ve given them the message that it’s okay. Let’s make their health a priority and tell them it’s not. While this is a tough subject to broach with our kids, there are lots of resources that can help walk us through it. Ultimately our goal is the health, safety, and success of our kids. ■
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Check out who’s standing out in our community. IS THERE SOMEONE YOU’D LIKE TO NOMINATE? Please email Stephanie Quick at squick@wmmhc.org and tell us why this individual has stood out in your crowd.
FACES IN THE CROWD
Tobacco Free Mountain Cats
The Mineral County Health Department and Alberton School District are proud to sponsor the Tobacco Free Mountain Cats. Alberton students have started the group to reduce tobacco use among youth. These students started the group themselves, gained education about the dangers of tobacco products, and made lesson plans which were presented to classes throughout the school. They have also organized a Kick Butts Day Event at school, hosted a Tobacco Free Dance, and challenged students in St. Regis and Superior to follow suit. We are very proud of them and the way they are advocating for health in our community. We can’t wait to see them #BeTheFirst generation not to use tobacco!
Wyatt O’Day
SUPERIOR HIGH SCHOOL, GRADUATE
Wyatt O’Day is a graduate of Superior High School who spends most of his time in the outdoors hunting or fishing. When he’s not accompanied by his father, he enjoys taking his younger classmen out and teaching them everything he’s been taught about the outdoors. If parents are too busy to get their kids outdoors, Wyatt offers to step in as a mentor toget kids addicted to the outdoors and not involved in something worse. He has been accepted to the University of Montana where he intends to major in wildlife biology and become a fisheries biologist to study salmon in Idaho.
Kaitlin Jackson
ST. REGIS HIGH SCHOOL, GRADUATE
Kaitlin, a Saint Regis graduate, has received the “Youth Achievement Award.” Kaitlin was presented the award at the Prevent Child Abuse and Neglect Conference in Missoula. Kaitlin lived in foster care for six years and has now begun a journey to help others who are in the same system. Kaitlin is considered to be the 1% of foster kids who attend college. She has been on the Montana Youth Advisory Board through the Chafee Program for one year. She is also participating in a pilot program which helps youth get into college. The Chafee Program will provide Kaitlin with grant funds to be able to register for school and cover housing expenses. The Chafee Program has chosen her because they believe she will be successful.
Anna Sanford
ST. REGIS HIGH SCHOOL, GRADUATE
Anna will be attending Gonzaga University in the fall of 2018. She plans on majoring in business administration with a concentration in international business. When she isn’t in the classroom, some of her favorite extracurricular activities are basketball, band, and Business Professionals of America. Through her work with Business Professionals of America, Anna has had the opportunity to participate in numerous community service projects, such as Pennies for Patients, which benefits the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and Special Olympics Montana volunteer work. Other hobbies include reading, catching up on some sleep, and binging her favorite TV shows on Netflix .
Mineral County DUI Task Force
The Mineral County DUI Task Force reviewed submissions and chose two winners for their annual scholarship award. Wyatt O’Day of Superior High School and Anna Sanford of St. Regis High School were chosen as the winners for the $500 scholarship. The objective is to write an essay describing the negative effects of underage drinking and how to avoid high risk behavior such as driving while impaired. Students are also evaluated based on their current academic standing, awards, extracurricular activities, and community involvement. The Mineral County DUI Task Force has been working closely with youth in the community to create a new logo for the task force as well as issue annual scholarships for excellent leadership and abstinence of alcohol use.
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40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS
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40 Developmental Assets are essential qualities of life that help young people thrive, do well in school, and avoid risky behavior. Youth Connections utilizes the 40 Developmental Assets Framework to guide the work we do in promoting positive youth development. The 40 Assets model was developed by the Minneapolis-based Search Institute based on extensive research. Just as we are coached to diversify our financial assets so that all our eggs are not in one basket, the strength that the 40 Assets model can build in our youth comes through diversity. In a nutshell, the more of the 40 Assets youth possess, the more likely they are to exhibit positive behaviors and attitudes (such as good health and school success) and the less likely they are to exhibit risky behaviors (such as drug use and promiscuity). It’s that simple: if we want to empower and protect our children, building the 40 Assets in our youth is a great way to start. Look over the list of Assets on the following page and think about what Assets may be lacking in our community and what Assets you can help build in our young people. Do what you can do with the knowledge that even through helping build one asset in one child, you are increasing the chances that child will grow up safe and successful. Through our combined efforts, we will continue to be a place where Great Kids Make Great Communities.
Turn the page to learn more!
Call us at (406) 543-3157 to learn more. The 40 Developmental Assets® may be reproduced for educational, noncommercial uses only. Copyright © 1997 Search Institute®, 615 First Avenue NE, Suite 125, Minneapolis, MN 55413; 800-888-7828; www.search-institute.org. All rights reserved.
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assets in action
40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS
8 SUPPORT
1. Family support: Family life provides high levels of love and support. 2. Positive family communication: Young person and her or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parent(s). 3. Other adult relationships: Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults. 4. Caring neighborhood: Young person experiences caring neighbors. 5. Caring school climate: School provides a caring, encouraging environment. 6. Parent involvement in school: Parent(s) are actively involved in helping young person succeed in school.
Superior Girl Scout Troop #3802
EMPOWERMENT
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7. Community values youth: Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth. 8. Youth as resources: Young people are given useful roles in the community. 9. Service to others: Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week. 10. Safety: Young person feels safe at home, at school, and in the neighborhood.
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BOUNDARIES & EXPECTATIONS Pool in the Park fundraiser
Father Daughter Dance sponsored by the Girl Scouts
18 Superior Minors Baseball League
11. Family boundaries: Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts. 12. School boundaries: School provides clear rules and consequences. 13. Neighborhood boundaries: Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring young people’s behavior. 14. Adult role models: Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior. 15. Positive peer influence: Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior. 16. High expectations: Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.
CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME
17. Creative activities: Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts. 18. Youth programs: Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in the community. 19. Religious community: Young person spends one or more hours per week in activities in a religious institution. 20. Time at home: Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.
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If you or your child would like to submit a picture that represents one of the 40 Developmental Assets, please email Stephanie Quick at squick@wmmhc.org with a picture and the number of the asset the picture represents.
Not all pictures are guaranteed publication.
22 COMMITMENT TO LEARNING
21. Achievement motivation: Young person is motivated to do well in school. 22. School engagement: Young person is actively engaged in learning. 23. Homework: Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day. 24. Bonding to school: Young person cares about her or his school. 25. Reading for pleasure: Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.
Engaging and supporting peers
POSITIVE VALUES
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26. Caring: Young person places high value on helping other people. 27. Equality and social justice: Young person places high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty. 28. Integrity: Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her or his beliefs. 29. Honesty: Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy.” 30. Responsibility: Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility. 31. Restraint: Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.
Student leadership and friendship skills
SOCIAL COMPETENCIES
32. Planning and decision making: Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices. 33. Interpersonal competence: Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills. 34. Cultural competence: Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds. 35. Resistance skills: Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations. 36. Peaceful conflict resolution: Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.
Fun Run for all three schools
33 40
POSITIVE IDENTITY
37. Personal power: Young person feels he or she has control over “things that happen to me.” 38. Self-esteem: Young person reports having a high self-esteem. 39. Sense of purpose: Young person reports that “my life has a purpose.” 40. Positive view of personal future: Young person is optimistic about her or his personal future.
Students engaged in the GEAR UP program
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positive IDENTITY By KELLY ACKERMAN, Parent Educator
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YC Magazine highlights 40 Developmental Assets in each issue. These assets are evidence-based to positively contribute to the development of children across their lifespan.
esearch clearly shows that the more assets a young person has, the less likely they are to participate in risk-taking behaviors during adolescence including drug and alcohol use, violence, illicit drug use, and sexual activity. Sadly, the average young person has less than half of these assets according to Search Institute. This article is one in a series to highlight the eight categories of assets in order to more fully engage families, schools, agencies, businesses, and community members in ensuring our children experience as many assets as possible.
consequences. So if they feel that their increased effort in school results in better grades, they have control over the outcomes. If they feel that achievement is because of luck or chance, they will feel they have no control over the situation. Studies have shown that having a feeling of control protects youth from social and emotional risk. One idea to help kids realize what strengths they have to cope with adversity is have them write down answers to these three questions:
POSITIVE IDENTITY This Asset encompasses the following aspects:
2) What protects you, or what has protected you?
1. PERSONAL POWER
3) What inner resources or strengths do you have?
2. SELF-ESTEEM 3. SENSE OF PURPOSE 4. POSITIVE VIEW OF PERSONAL FUTURE Identity development is one of the central tasks of the adolescent period. It focuses on how youth view themselves – their sense of purpose, worth, and promise. Without a positive sense of who they are, they may feel powerless, without a sense of direction or initiative. These assets represent how comfortable a youth is in being him/herself and whether they feel they have control over, and reasons for engaging in all aspects of life. It also signifies whether they are optimistic about the future. Personal Power This is defined as the adolescent feeling like he/she has some measure of control over things that happen. It also includes youth understanding that their choices have certain
1) Who protects you, or who has protected you?
It helps to show them how to choose their own attitude about themselves, and to focus on the positive rather than the negative. Self-Esteem Self-esteem pertains to the way an individual views his/herself and is thought to be an important aspect of overall well-being. Low self-esteem was a significant predictor of loneliness for males, but not for females. It could be because males’ friendships are more group oriented and center around activities, and female friendships are centered around friendship and intimacy. However, physical appearance is an important predictor of overall self-worth for females. They tend to be more dissatisfied with their appearance than males, which takes a toll on their selfesteem. A benefit of self-esteem is that it can reduce a young person’s susceptibility to peer pressure, so it’s important to nurture it. Ideas to help build self-esteem are public recognition for a job well-done. It could be in front of the class, at the dinner table, or in front of a small group at church or extra-
curricular activity. Notes in a child’s lunch bag, school bag, or notebook go a long way in building self-esteem. Sense of Purpose Youth report that their lives have a purpose. We all want to feel like we’re here for a reason, but kids especially. It’s associated with psychological well-being. Research shows that youth who have a sense of purpose have increased self-esteem and decreased emotional or behavioral problems such as depression and sexual risk taking. One community set up a “Vocations On-site.” They had youth who were taking vocational classes serve senior citizens at a nearby care facility by using skills they had learned. Residents were given manicures, culinary students prepared lunch, and students in public services made presentations on fraud and safety tips. What a great experience for both the youth and the senior citizens, and how valued they both must have felt. Positive View of Personal Future Researchers found that emotional distress and suicide were associated with a youth’s lack of a positive view of personal future. Kids who feel they do not have a future may be at risk for a number of different behavioral and emotional problems. It’s important for youth to look at the positive aspects of their future. This can be done by helping them identify what things they want to accomplish and the steps to reach those. Studies have shown that school-based efforts may nurture feelings of selfworth in both children and adolescents. It’s important that parent, teacher, and community be involved in fostering selfesteem among youth. We can all play a part in increasing our youth’s positive identity which can help them be optimistic about their personal future. ■
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No Means NO (and I Love You) By STEFFANI TURNER, LCSW
Well, it happened again last night . . . and we both went to bed feeling terrible. I said NO! Again. For the umpteenth time. It seems like I say NO every day, all the time, in fact. One little, teeny word is so powerful.
aying NO feels like it creates a rift in the relationship between you and your child, a rift that sometimes becomes an insurmountable mountain that you precariously traverse with a rock pick in hand. Along the way, you get harsh words, yelling, tantrum, pouting, “I hate you,” and all the other heart-puncturing weapons thrown at you to dissuade. It almost makes you want to quit, back down, take another path, an easier one, one where your child is smiling and hugging you! Why is that little word so important to all human wellbeing? Well, for a moment, let’s imagine a world where we were never told NO. Those stop signs around town? They would be meaningless – just suggestions, really. Being told NO, gently, by our parents and teachers taught us to wait our turn. Think of all the ways adults tolerate NO on a daily basis: Doing a project for your boss when you don’t agree with the premise. Fixing the lawnmower for your spouse when you would rather go fishing. Stopping after only one cookie when your inner child is telling you to have another. As parents, I think we struggle with NO for a lot of reasons. We are tired. It’s a crazy-busy world. You may be exhausted, insecure in your parenting role, or afraid of how your child will react, especially in a public place. (I swear Walmart is the best place to throw a tantrum.) We are afraid of
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how our children will feel about us, if they will be mad at us. We are afraid that it will stifle their creativity – they won’t be such free thinkers. The reality is, learning NO is all a part of the human condition. It is a part of learning boundaries and limits, how far to go, and how much to have. We are survivalists by biology. It is how we were engineered (or we would probably have died out long ago). We take what we can get when we can get it. But we also learn societal rules, because you don’t want to be left out of the clan when the saber-tooth tigers are out hunting. We learned that by being together, we can do more, but we have to have rules or we don’t accomplish anything. Weirdly, NO is good. NO makes us feel safe. NO makes our children feel like we love them and care about their wellbeing. NO is extremely important. I had to say NO to my son again today, but I did it with a kind word and an understanding that he will be upset because he doesn’t like my NO. NO, a well-balanced NO, is not a punishment. It is meant to teach a child frustration tolerance, disappointment, self-regulation. As adults, not only do we get told NO in some way a 100 times a day, we also have to tell ourselves NO. If not, we would spend all our money, not pay bills, eat to excess, and make terrible decisions with our relationships. But mostly we have learned to self-regulate, which is the outcome of being told NO as a child. A good NO must be couched with a firmness (so the kid knows you won’t give in) and a kindness (so they know you are
not just punishing them because you want to be mean). This helps them focus on what is important – what lesson we want them to learn with this NO. One of my favorite examples of a good well-balanced NO is from a few years ago when my child was four. He went through a phase where, every day, about 15 minutes before dinner, he would ask for a cookie. I took it to heart and tried really hard not to do what I had experienced (a lot of yelling and screaming on my mom’s part to get out of the kitchen). It was hard! But I was able to use kindness, saying “I’m sorry, honey. You cannot have a cookie. We are going to eat soon,” while still using firmness and standing by my NO. I worked hard not to waver, as he cried and pled, even threw a tantrum a time or two. But eventually, he no longer asked for a cookie and, if he needed a snack, he had a carrot stick instead. In this one instance, I could really connect to why my son was hating NO so much – who doesn’t want a cookie pretty much anytime? All of this aside, what I want most for my children is that they will grow up kind and caring people. This is real success. Hearing NO is just one step in that direction. Look for opportunities to tell your children NO in a safe and caring manner, where the price tag is low and where you are there to help them learn frustration tolerance and self-regulation. Be ok that they get upset at the NO, and help them with that feeling. Practice having kindness and firmness – it’s not an easy combination! It’s hard for us all. Go out there and love your kids with a big well-intentioned NO! ■
NUMBERS PLEASE HELP! My parents keep embarrassing me at my games because they are always yelling at me and the coach. What should I do? Dear Mom and Dad, Please read this quote from John W. Gardiner: “The toughest thing kids have to face is the unfulfilled lives of their parents.” You have the most important role of being the parent so let the coaches coach, let the officials officiate and let the kids play. In this way everyone is doing their specialty. – Jim: activities administrator Dear Athlete, Find a time to talk to your parents about how you are feeling. What you could say to them: I am extremely proud that you support me in my athletics; however, you need to release me to the game that I love and allow me and my teammates to play the game without added pressure and criticism. Please don’t allow your pride for me and our team get in the way of you enjoying me playing the sports that we love.
18.3
The cost to make Darth Vader’s suit in real life, in millions.
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The number of species on earth capable of laughter – humans, chimpanzees, and rats.
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– Justin: athlete, coach, and parent of athletes Dear Athlete, I would suggest sitting down and talking to your parents about the yelling. Let them know that this embarrasses you. Maybe suggest that no doubt they will get caught up in the game, etc. but that the yelling is not going to accomplish anything. If they do need to tell you something, ask them to wait until after the game when you are home or at least in private and done constructively. If they cannot control their emotions, you could ask your parent to sit farther away. – Donna and Jay: parents of student athletes
The number of years an ant can live.
2016
The weight in pounds of the largest turtle ever recorded.
A recent study stated that the number one reason a child quits a sport is the ride home. We as parents need to make sure we’re supportive, but not overbearing, and most of all don’t undermine the coach. Granted, there are some times it is justified, but that’s more the exception than the norm. Sport is supposed to be fun. It’s a great way to meet new friends, get exercise, learn a new skill, and relieve stress. Let’s make sure we make it a positive experience for our kids.
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The number of people named Lol in the U.S.
– The Editor
HAVE A QUESTION?
Stephanie Quick: squick@wmmhc.org We cannot guarantee all questions will be published; however, we will do our best to respond to all questions submitted.
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The most children born to one woman.
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BEHIND THE SCREEN By TINA EBLEN
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In today’s world, we have to do more as parents than just worry about our children playing outside and getting hurt. We now have to worry about the real issues that come with modern technology. How much do we need to know about social media? What can we do about exposing our children to social media yet keep them safe from the danger lurking behind the screen?
f you can, prior to getting your child a smart phone or allowing them on a device, have a discussion about social media apps and the internet. It is never too late to start talking to your child about technology and the dangers lurking behind the screen. Regular conversations with your children can help your child feel comfortable coming to you when things get difficult. Having conversations in the car is a great way to open door to a real discussion about technology. IMPORTANT INFORMATION Here are a couple vital things that are important to the safety of your child: Location sharing: Explain to your children the importance of not tagging their location on their pictures and not turning on their location finder on Snapchat. Friending strangers: It is important to have conversations about who to accept as a friend, especially on social media sites like Snapchat, Kik, or Instagram. There are online predators who try to connect with unsuspecting teens to exploit or even gain confidential information that can be used to extort teens. Children should be told to never connect to anyone who they physically don’t know as a friend. It doesn’t disappear: Children need to know that anything posted on the internet is permanent. Even though Snapchat photos seem to disappear after a short timeframe, they never really disappear. Teaching our children how to use technology is very important. Most of us were not raised with the presence of the internet or smartphones, so we have nothing to compare this new social norm with; however, we can start by talking with our children. The more we have conversations with our children about the positives and negatives of social media, the more likely our children will ask questions or talk about the issues they are dealing with online. IMPORTANT TERMS Here are some important terms parents should know: Catfishing: A person who sets up a false personal profile on a social networking site for fraudulent or deceptive purposes. Clickbait: Clickbait is a term to describe marketing or advertising material that employs a sensationalized headline to attract clicks. They rely heavily on the ‘curiosity gap’ by creating just enough interest to provoke engagement.
DMs: Direct messages – also referred to as “DMs” – (can be a noun or a verb) are private conversations that occur on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. Both parties must be following one another to send a message. ebook: An ebook is an electronic version of a book. However, most ebooks are not actually available in print (unless you print them). These are typically published in PDF form. For marketers, ebooks commonly serve as lead generating content – people must fill out a form to receive their ebook copy. Ghosting: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. Lurker: A lurker online is a person who reads discussions on a message board, newsgroup, social network, or other interactive system, but rarely or never participates in the discussion. Snapchat Streak: This means a person and your Snapchat friend have Snapped each other every day for more than three consecutive days. Troll: (Can be a noun or a verb.) A troll or internet troll refers to a person who is known for creating controversy in an online setting. They typically hang out in forums, comment sections, and chat rooms with the intent of disrupting the conversation and adding nothing of value. They are often rude and make fun of other people. GAMER ADVICE (FROM A GAMER) Generally, if a gamer is using lingo, it’s in reference to the goals of the game. The real worry should be words people know of already. A lot of gamers use derogatory terms (racial, gender, sexual preference, mental capacity) and curse words like they’re nothing and mostly for trash talking. If not monitored, it ends up becoming part of everyday talk and the teens don’t recognize the effect these words can have on people of different communities. Micromanaging or controlling might only make youth more sneaky about what they’re doing. If you hear a teen using these words, remind them how using them or certain words in negative ways can impact certain people or communities in major ways and that they were made to make people feel less than human. And though it may be a bit grim, for some students regular use of these words are sometimes the tipping point for suicide. ■
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WESTERN MONTANA MENTAL HEALTH CENTER
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TIME TO TALK:
Dangers of Electronic Cigarettes By SARAH SHAPIRO, Tobacco Use Prevention Health Educator
ttention parents! Corporate Tobacco once tried to convince us that cigarettes were ‘safe.’ Now, it’s using some of the same tactics to try and trick your kids into believing that electronic cigarettes are safe. Electronic cigarettes – also known as vapes, e-cigarettes, or hookahs – are devices used to inhale nicotine, flavor, and other chemicals into the lungs. They come in different sizes and colors and often don’t look like typical tobacco products. They also may contain other drugs, like marijuana. Electronic cigarettes come in a variety of candy flavors that attract youth. According to the 2016 National Youth Tobacco Survey, 31 percent of students who use electronic cigarettes say they do so because of the flavors. One popular new electronic device for teens is called JUUL. It’s a cartridge that’s heated to create an aerosol, or mist. JUUL looks like a flash drive, which makes it easy to hide and carry. JUUL and other electronic cigarettes don’t produce harmless water vapor. The liquid, usually propylene glycol or glycerin, contains
nicotine, as well as various kinds of flavoring and other chemicals. Most electronic cigarettes contain nicotine. According to the Truth Initiative, a nonprofit public health organization dedicated to ending tobacco use, a single JUUL cartridge is roughly equal to a pack of cigarettes, or 200 cigarette puffs. Research shows that nicotine harms the developing brain, which isn’t completely developed until about age 25. The number of students who use electronic cigarettes and JUULs is alarming. New research shows that using these devices can lead to using conventional cigarettes. A 2017 research study that looked at tobacco use among 12th graders found that “non-smoking youth who use e-cigarettes are 4 times more likely to try conventional cigarettes than the non-smoking youth who do not use e-cigarettes.” Don’t fall for Corporate Tobacco’s tricks! These new electronic devices may look different than cigarettes, but let’s not be fooled. The variety of flavors, brightly colored packaging, and inconspicuous styling are all marketing tactics to hook our youth. Let’s start the conversation and educate our community to make healthy decisions. ■
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406-822-3273
20 Mullan Road West Superior, MT 59872
4 Aces and Big Sky Pizza Co $2 off Large or XL $1 off Medium Pizza 20 Mullan Rd West
Superior, MT 59872 Telephone 406-822-3273 Expiration Date:
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12/31/2018
The Mineral County Health Department has nationally certified technicians who do so much to help keep kids safe, from car seat checks to helping parents and caregivers understand all they can to prevent unintentional injuries in and around cars.
Call today to schedule an appointment 406-822-3564
Western Montana Mental Health Center 1325 Wyoming St Missoula, MT 59801
Enjoy the beauty of western Montana and “Hike for Health”, joining volunteer leaders organized by Mineral Community Hospital, All hikes are limited to first come, first served. RSVP required. Friendly dogs are welcome but must be under voice command or on a leash. Owners are responsible for doggy poo pick up. Many hikes offer round-trip shuttle service for $10 in Mineral and Missoula Counties and $18 in Sanders County. Hospital Hikes meet at 8 am at the Main Entrance of Mineral Community Hospital unless noted otherwise. All hikes are free of charge (unless you request the shuttle) and open to all ages. Contact Monte Turner at 822-5122 or mturner@mchospital.net with number of hikers, day-of-hike-phone number and if you request shuttle service. Younger people who have not been exposed to the great outdoors don’t even realize just how invigorating it is to be outside in this gorgeous environment that surrounds us! Grab your children and have them bring their friends. If any hike becomes too challenging, people are encouraged to either wait for the group to return or walk back to the trailhead on their own. And sometimes, these walk-a-bouts become the best part of the day with more time to explore or just sit and soak in the sunshine!
♦ Tuesday, July 3: St Mary’s Peak (Bitterroot – Racheal): Meet Racheal at Earth & Wood at 4 PM. This hike is between moderate and strenuous, but AWESOME views and a USFS Lookout to explore. Not dog friendly.
♦ Saturday July 7: Trapper Peak (Bitterroot – Racheal): Meet Racheal at her house at 5:30 AM . This hike is eight miles round trip, with 3,500 to 4,000 elevation gain, but has breath-taking views of the mountains with a couple of Alpine lakes below. Not dog friendly.
♦ Thursday, July 12--Lost Lake Overlook or Dry Creek-- 11-mile strenuous hike or 6-mile moderate hike along the Stateline above Bonanza Lakes to the ghost forest of whitebark pine snags above Lost Lake. Jim Cyr will provide historical insights and Alina Cansler, an employee at the Forest Service’s Fire Lab in Missoula will interpret the ghost forest. Not a dog friendly hike. 8 am Shuttle from MCH.
♦ Tuesday July 17: Ward Peak (Jim Cyr): This hike is to an old mine below Ward Peak. This would be about a 3-mile round trip hike. Tough hike on the unmaintained old mine trail. Carpool (high clearance vehicles) as it’s too rough for the shuttle.
♦ Wednesday July 25: St. Patrick’s (Tom Castles): This hike is 3½ miles and 3,500 feet elevation gain then back down. The last few miles of access
road is steep and rough and trail head is cramped, so carpooling in high clearance vehicle is recommended. View from top of St Pats is impressive. 8 am Shuttle from MCH.
♦ Saturday August 4: Sweeney Creek (Bitterroot – Racheal): Meet Racheal at the Florence Gas Station at 6:30 AM 12 to 15 miles round trip with a 3,000 to 4,000’ elevation gain. Moderate-plus.
♦ Tuesday August 7: Straight Peak (Jim Goss): A long, strenuous 18 miles round trip hike with a short off trail section to the peak. There are a few stream crossings down low, so bring extra footwear. You are rewarded by a beautiful cascade about halfway to Chilcoot Pass. 8 am Shuttle from MCH.
♦ Saturday August 11: Blossom Lake (Sanders County – Clark Fork Valley Hospital): Great views that are well worth the trek! It is on the west end of Sanders County just off the Thompson Pass. Some of the lake is even in Idaho. 4.4 miles one way almost 9 round trip. 8 am Shuttle from MCH.
♦ Saturday August 18: Illinois Peak (Bert Lindler): This nine-mile hike offers lots of rewards, but the distance earns it a strenuous rating. The views are unparalleled along the Stateline Trail and we may be able to feast on huckleberries along the way. Not a dog friendly hike. 8 am Shuttle from MCH.
♦ Saturday August 25: Trapper Peak II (Bitterroot – Racheal): Meet at Racheal’s house at 5:30 AM. The hike is 8 miles round trip, with 3,500’ to 4,000’ elevation gain. There are three lakes on the Baker Lake trail if you want to explore the other two while others climb the steep-stuff. Moderate or strenuous. Not a dog friendly hike.
♦ Monday August 27: Schley Mountain (Bert Lindler and Jay Gore): This four-mile hike is one of the easiest ways to enjoy the beauty of the Great Burn Recommended Wilderness, stopping along the way to sample the last of the season's huckleberries. No shuttle van, as high clearance rigs are needed for carpooling.
♦ Thursday September 6: Cascade Falls (Sanders County - Clark Fork Valley Hospital): The trail is rated moderate
due to the grade and distance (7 miles to the Falls). The overlook is only 1.4 miles from the trailhead and there are the remains of a small cabin about 3 miles up the trail. The shuttle van will pick up hikers on the other side, so we don’t hike 14 miles. 8 am Shuttle from MCH. ♦ Thursday September 13: St Mary’s Peak II (Bitterroot – Racheal): Meet at Earth & Wood at 4 PM. Again, best to keep ‘Man’s Best Friend’ at home as there isn’t much water for them.