Residente2015 11

Costa Rica’s English language newsletter

November/December 2015

El Residente Published by ARCR Administración S.A. Apdo. 1191-1007 Centro Colón San José, Costa Rica (www.arcr.net)

Taste the tropics:

Guaba

November/December 2015

Contents Across the Board ARCR Board

Club Corner Taste the Tropics Maxima van Houten

Editor's Note

4 6 8

Two Important Days in Life Kathy Riggle

10

Book Previews

13

Life in the Southern Zone

17

A Day in the Life

18

Canadians Abroad

21

Ask ACS

22

Paradise, We Have a Problem

23 26

Carol Vaughn

Allen Dickinson

Joan Ritchie Dewar

American Citizen Services Tony Johnson

Business Directory

Contact Information Published by:

ARCR Administration

Email:

info@arcr.net / www.arcr.net

Managing Director: Rómulo Pacheco Editor-in-Chief:

Allen Dickinson

Associate Editor:

Bob Brashears

Graphic Design:

Rubén Chavarría

Advertising and Publicity:

Hany Fahmy ads@arcr.net

Office hours:

Monday - Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Main office, San José:

Av 14, Calle 42, San Jose, Costa Rica (506) 4052-4052

Mailing address:

P.O. Box 1191-1007 Centro Colón, San José, Costa Rica

San Isidro de el General office:

Intersection of Avenida 4 and Calle 4 (506) 2770-4070

Barú-Dominical office:

Next to Charter Restaurant (506) 2787-8017

Cover photos credits: Ice-cream bean tree, and its fruit. Photos from: Saturdays with Maggy and Skyfield Tropical.

C

3

hristmas is coming, and what better gift can you give your friends and family than a book uniquely connected to Costa Rica? We are blessed with numerous authors in this tropical paradise, and inside is a feature that profiles some of the literary works created by expats. A limited number of copies of some titles are available in the ARCR office, others can be ordered through online book sellers. Check out the samples in the office and do your Christmas shopping quickly and early, before they are all gone.

There are several other ways we are communicating with our members in addition to this publication. Check the El Residente masthead in this issue for addresses and phone numbers, and read the Across the Board column for more information about two other methods we are using to serve the needs of our members.

Also in the Across the Board column are instructions for donating to the ARCR Christmas charity effort, the Tree of Hope. Check it out and decide how you want to help.

Two other things to look at are the Club Corner page; there have been some additions – maybe there’s a group of interest near you which you didn’t know about. And, if you are Canadian, the article about voting by Joan Ritchie Dewar will be of special interest.

This issue is filled with other informative articles I am sure you’ll want to read. And look at the ads closely – there are some changes in some service providers, and some new businesses advertising services that may be good to know about.

Happy Holidays!

This magazine has been published every two months since 1995 as the official communications media of the ARCR. Our organization provides service to thousands of foreigners who have chosen Costa Rica to reside for short periods or for permanent residence.

Since 1984 the ARCR has been offering reliable services, information and advocacy to Costa Rica’s foreign residents. We have the experience and ability to help you with your residency application, immigration, business and financial management, real estate purchases and rentals, property management, insurance, pet importation and much more.

If you wish to place an ad in El Residente, please contact the ARCR main office or the Marketing Director at the contact addresses located in the masthead. Goods & services offered are paid advertisements. Neither ARCR Administration nor El Residente research the companies and take no responsibility for the quality of such goods and services.

El Residente

4

Across the Board

I

t may seem a little early, but the ARCR Christmas charity effort, the Tree of Hope, will be going up soon in our newly relocated offices. Now is the time to start thinking about what you can do to help make the holiday a little more pleasant for the patients at the Children’s Hospital, where all proceeds from the Tree are donated. Unlike before, where donations could only be brought in to the office, this year we are able to accept donations in four ways. Here’s how you can participate:

3 Those wishing to make a donation in person should come to the ARCR office - cash or credit cards can be accepted.

3 For members that have a credit/debit card on file, send an email to: legal@arcr.net informing them of the member’s full name, membership #, and the amount that they would like to donate.

3 For those members that do not have a card on file and would like to donate using one, email: legal@ arcr.net requesting a form for the donation. The office will send the form to be completed by return email.

3 For those preferring to make a direct bank deposit into ARCR´s account, call the office (4052-4052), or email: legal@arcr.net, for the bank account information. Under this category there are two options; either online banking or personally walking into the bank to make the deposit. For either of these options, you need to specify in the “detalle” or “concepto” area, TREE OF HOPE DONATION. If no notation is made, the money will go into the general account, with no way to tell for what it was intended.

PLEASE NOTE: Those using the online banking procedure must also send an email notification to: legal@arcr.net, so that the donation will be registered correctly. Those depositing directly into the ARCR bank account need to provide the office with a copy of the bank receipt, either in person or by email, for the same reason.

It has been determined that money is the best method of donating; however UNWRAPPED toys will be accepted. ARCR Staff will wrap them. Please give

A RCR Board m embers: From the left, ba ck row, Terry W ise, R ay Hagist Renfer. Front , Allen Dickinso row, Linda Lea n, Terry ke, Martha Rol present: Earl To lins, Mel Goldb mlinson. erg. Not

ARCR Staff time to get all this done; donations need to be received no later than December 15th.

Go ahead and do it now, while it’s on your mind.

Make some unfortunate kids smile and know that there really is a Santa Claus - and it is you!

ARCR now has a Facebook page up and running!

If you can’t wait for the next issue of El Residente to know what’s happening, log into your Facebook profile page, enter ARCR into the search box, and you can read all the messages.

Another way to communicate with our members is through the ARCR FORUMS: http://forums.arcr.net.

It is a great place to ask questions and get answers from others who have knowledge of, and have experienced living in CR. If you join the FORUMS please carefully follow all the sign-up instructions. Once you have successfully signed up you will receive further instructions on how to validate your membership.

And of course, you can always email the office at: info@ arcr.net for general questions: service@arcr.net about Caja accounts, or: legal@arcr.net for residency issues.

Beginning in January 2016, an effort to support all types of local artists will begin. ARCR will accept a VERY LIMITED number of works of art from local artists to be displayed in the offices for a 30-day period each.

All will be for sale. Any artist who wishes their work to be displayed and possibly sold (on a consignment basis) should contact the office to make arrangements. Space is extremely limited, so act quickly.

Last, the Board of Directors wishes all our members and their families a very special and wonderful holiday season. We’ll see you again in 2016!

One Seminar, One Source to learn everything you need to know about traveling, living, retiring, or working in Costa Rica.

Join us on the last Thursday and Friday of any month (except December) in San José to find out more about what it is like to live in Costa Rica and how to go about getting things done here. We invite professionals from each field to share their knowledge and expertise with you. Hear what they have to say and ask them the questions for which you have not found an answer.

NB: Watch for our next seminar for the Southern Zone. Call the San Isidro de General ARCR office at 2770-4070 for information. Space is limited.

Subjects covered in the seminars: - Costa Rican Laws and Regulations - Health System in Costa Rica - Buying, Selling or Renting Real Estate - Title Guarantee - Costa Rican Culture

- Technology, Communications and the Internet in Costa Rica - Banking in Costa Rica - Moving and Customs - Insurance in Costa Rica - Living in Costa Rica

See what past attendees have said about the seminar: “The ARCR is doing a terrific job. I feel as though I already have a support system.”

“Great seminar, excellent topics, excellent speakers.”

“This was a very informative seminar, and over an excellent lunch we were given the opportunity to meet some new friends.”

Occasionally seminars are now offered in the Pacific coast region as well, mid-month. Contact us for the schedule.

All seminars are available to ARCR members for only $50, which will cover the cost of lunches and coffee breaks both days.

The cost for non-members is $70 (including the lunches and coffee), but if you join by the end of the Friday seminar, $20 will be deducted from the membership fee!

Please make your reservation by calling: (506) 4052-4052 or by email at: info@arcr.net

Alcoholics Anonymous

Groups meet daily throughout the country; times and places change frequently. Call for up-to-date information. San José 2222-1880 (Anchor Club, also serves Narcotics Anonymous) Av 6 Calle 1, 2nd floor Maryland Building. Heredia (Laura) 2267-7466, Puerto Viejo Limón 2750-0080, Zancudo 2776-0012, Tamarindo 2653-0897, Flamingo (Don) 2654- 4902, Manuel Antonio (Jennifer) 2777-1548, Jacó (Nancy) 2637-8824, Zoo Group Escazú 2293-4322. Grecia (Jay) 2494-0578. Southern Zone, meetings in English & Spanish, 8634-9241.

Al-Anon Meetings

English language Al-Anon meetings are open to anyone whose life has been/is affected by someone else’s problem with alcohol. Meetings are one hour long and held twice each week in Escazú centro, above the Buena Tierra Restaurant, 25 meters south of the San Miguel Catholic Church. Tuesdays at noon and Thursdays at 10:30 a.m.

Tel: 8993-1762 (Rosemary) and/or 2228-1049 (Barbara) email: rosemaryzitek@yahoo.com.

American Legion Post 10-Escazú

The A.L. Post 10 has relocated the monthly meetings to Casa de España in Sabana norte. There is an elevator so those with a handicap will not have a problem entering the building or reaching the meeting area. If you wish to attend please e-mail or call for directions. Terry Wise, cell#: 8893-4021, Claudio Pacheco, cell#: 8876-1394, home#: 2225-4239.

American Legion Post 12-Golfito

Meetings are held 4 p.m. 1st Tuesday every month at Banana Bay Marina. The Golfito GOVETS have been helping Southern Costa Rica for over 20 years. Contact Pat O’Connell at: walkergold@yahoo.com or 8919-8947, or Mel Goldberg at 8870-6756.

American Legion Auxiliary

The Legion Auxiliary meets the second Saturday of each month, at 1300 hours in Moravia. Contact Doris Murillo 2240-2947.

Asociación Caritativa Canadiense

The activities of this charity began in 2000 as part of the Canadian Club of Costa Rica. Our Vision is that every student has access to a clean, secure, well-maintained and healthy physical environment in which to learn and grow. We use our donations to complement what the locals can raise. Our volunteer

membership is made up of both Canadians and Costa Ricans, male and female. If you would like to contribute or learn more please contact Fred Boden, fredrick.boden@gmail.com

Bird Watching Club

The Birding Club of Costa Rica sponsors monthly trips to observe local and migrant birds in various areas of the country. For more information, please visit our website: www.birdingclubcr.org

Canadian Club

The Canadian Club welcomes everyone to join us for our monthly luncheons, and at our special annual events, like our Canada Day Celebration, no passport required.

There is no fee or dues to pay, just sign up with your email address and we will keep you informed of Canadian Events. For information visit our website: www. canadianclubcr.com or email Pat at: canadianclubcr@ yahoo.com to sign up.

Democrats Abroad

Democrats Abroad meets on the last Saturday of every month at the Aurola Holiday Inn, San José. Contact Nelleke Bruyn, 2279-3553, e-mail: cr.democratsabroad@ yahoo.com. Join Democrats Abroad at: www. democratsabroad.org. Register to vote absentee at: VoteFromAbroad.org

Little Theatre Group

LTG is the oldest continuously running Englishlanguage theatre in Central or South America and currently puts on a minimum of four productions a year.

The group’s monthly social meetings are held in the theatre on the first Monday of the month from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. and everyone is welcome. Membership: Student C2,500, Adult: C5,000, Family: C8,000. For more information Call the LTG Box Office 8858-1446 or www.littletheatregroup.org

Marine Corps League

Meets at 11 a.m. the 2nd Saturday of every month, at Tres Hermanas Restaurant on the service road opposite Hospital Mexico. Look for the big bull statue in front.

For information call Bill Enell at 8812-0126 or write to mcleaguecr@gmail.com

Newcomer’s Club

Newcomer’s Club of Costa Rica (for women) meets the first Tuesday of every month, September through May. Contact: 2416-1111, email us at: costaricaporo@yahoo.com or visit our website at: www. newcomersclubofcostarica.com

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PC Club of Costa Rica

The PC Club meets the third Saturday of each month; social, coffee, doughnuts at 8:30 a.m. The meeting starts at 9 and ends at 11 a.m. Guests are allowed one free month before joining. Meetings are held at the Pan American school in Belén. For information call Chuck Jennings, 2266-0123, or visit our website at: www.pcclub.net

Perez Zeledon International Women’s Club

PZIWC was formed in November 2009 to promote friendship between English speaking women in Perez Zeledon and, through friendship, to make positive contributions to our local community. The PZWIC meets for luncheons on the SECOND Tuesday of the month, hosts Walkers Day on the THIRD Tuesday of the month, and has a Games Day (board and card games) on the FOURTH Tuesday of each month. Event sites change frequently, so call or check our website for locations. More information can be obtained from Jane Gregson at 8899-6859 or Cathy Carrolan at 8384-8281, or email to: pzwomansclub@gmail.com. Please visit our website at: www.pzwomansclub.org

Professional Women’s Network

PWN provides its members with opportunities to network with other professional women with the goal of aiding personal and professional development of entrepreneurs, students, and professionals. PWN sponsors service and outreach programs to “give back” to the community. Monthly meetings are open to the public with an entrance fee of 3,000 colones. Meetings schedules vary. For info on the speaker for the month and to register, call Helen at: 2221-7605 or 2257-3622.

Location: Tin Jo Restaurant in San José, Calle 11, Av. 6-8. Or email us at: pwn.costarica@gmail.com.

Radio Control Sailing Club

Meets at Sabana Park Lake. For information write Walter Bibb at: wwbbsurf40@yahoo.com

Wine Club of Costa Rica

The wine club usually meets at 1 p.m. on the last Sunday of each month. Join us to tantalize your taste buds and expand your education. For more information on upcoming events please contact us at 2279-8927.

Women’s Club of Costa Rica

The Women’s Club of Costa Rica is the oldest, continuously operating, philanthropic organization for Englishspeaking women in Costa Rica. The Club is focused on

September/October 2015

serving community needs in Costa Rica, particularly on children’s needs. Along with its philanthropic fundraising activities, WCCR also hosts regular lunches, teas and many special interest groups. Guests are welcome and further information and a calendar of planned events can be found at: www.wccr.org

Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom

Open to men too. English language group in Cariari de Belén, English-Spanish group in Heredia, Spanish language group in San José. We work on peace and human rights issues. Call Mitzi, 2433-7078 or write us at: peacewomen@gmail.com

First Friday Lunch

Each month ARCR sponsors a “First Friday Lunch.”

All are invited to join ARCR Officers and others for an informal lunch and BS session. There is no RSVP or agenda, just food and meeting new and old friends.

Attendees are responsible for their own food and drink expenses. The FFL takes place at 12:00 PM on the first Friday of the month. Call the ARCR office for location and directions.”

Costa Ballena Women's Network

Costa Ballena Women's Network (CBWN) started in Ojochal with a handful of expat ladies almost 10 years ago. Our focus is networking, community, business, and social activities as well as offering an opportunity to meet new people. Monthly lunch meetings are held the 3rd Saturday of each month at various restaurants with guest speakers talking on interesting topics. For more information please contact: cbwn00@gmail. com and see our FB page - www.facebook.com/ CostaBallenaWomensNetwork

Costa Rica Writers Group

Published authors and writers; newbies, and wanna-bes make up this group, dedicated to helping and improving all authors’ work, with resources for publishing, printing, editing, cover design; every aspect of the writing process.

Third Thursday, January through November, Henry’s Beach Café, Escazu, 11:00 a.m. Contact: bbrashears@ gmail.com, 8684-2526.

“Club members should review the contact information for their clubs and make sure it is up to date. Send any changes or corrections to: info@arcr.net, Subject line; El Residente.”

El Residente

8 Taste the Tropics

by Maxima van Houten

Guaba: The Ice-cream Bean

A

ll legumes have their seeds encased in pods. A lot of these pods, like green beans or snow peas, are eaten whole as vegetables while with others only the seeds inside are eaten. A few lesser known legumes produce a sweet, mealy pulp and are eaten as fruits. This is the case for the tamarind, honey locust, and guaba (not to be confused with guava which is the English name for guayaba).

Inca emperor Atahualpa had sent to Spanish conquistador Francisco Pizarro a basketful of guabas as a gift.

The Guaba has been around and well known for a long time. The pods and seeds have been found in tombs dating back to 1,000 B.C., and there are ancient, preColumbian ceramics from the Inca culture that depict guaba pods, which the Incas would transport to their mountain capital of Cuzco. It has been reported that the

To eat the fruit one needs only to crack open the pod.

That sounds easier than it is because the pods can be very tough and take a lot of effort to break one open, but the delicious fruit inside makes all the effort worthwhile.

Here is a video on how to do it: https://www.youtube. com/watch?v=zdf64TTfVcw.

Guaba, also called pacay or guama, is known in English as the “ice-cream bean” (inga edulis) for its sweet flavor and the smooth texture of its pulp. It is a product of a legume tree indigenous to Central and South America and is popular in Peru, Ecuador, Brazil, and Colombia.

This fruit has long been a favorite snack in Costa Rica.

The adult guaba tree can reach 30 m high and 60 cm in diameter at breast height, and the branches form a broad, flat and somewhat dense canopy. The trees can withstand temperatures up to 30º C, which makes them an ideal crop in much of Costa Rica. In some places the trees are planted and used as shade for coffee plants, although many people grow them solely for their delicious fruit.

The fruit consists of a 45 cm long, 4 cm wide, and about 1 cm thick, seedpod which looks somewhat like an oversized green bean. Inside the pod are black seeds, which can be up to 3 cm that are covered in a thick, white, juicy pulp. This pulp looks much like a cotton ball and has a slightly similar taste to vanilla ice-cream, thus the name.

9

The pulp and seeds are taken into your mouth and the pulp chewed away from the seed. Caution is advised to be sure you don’t swallow the seed! Although delicious, the pulp is not particularly nutritious; it contains about 1 percent protein and 15 percent carbohydrate – mainly sugars.

Guaba trees produce in abundance, which can provide sustenance in hard times. They grow rapidly, are tolerant to diverse soils, and are resistant to diseases and fire. They spread quickly and provide fruit for years. The trees also produce root nodules which fix nitrogen to the soil, rather than taking it away, and in this way benefit the land and increase fertility levels. The trees generally occur near river banks where they can get year round irrigation.

In Costa Rica the term guaba is used colloquially for luck. Thus, if a lucky event happens it is common to hear the expression “Que guaba!” (How lucky!) Additionally,

November/December 2015

wishful thinkers have adopted the term guaba to refer to the male sexual organ. This expression is vulgar, but widely used in Costa Rica.

This delicious snack which comes in its own wrapper should become much better known in coming decades.

The trees promote self-reliance and they have potential not only in Latin America, but throughout all the tropics.

The big, beautiful fruit trees provide shade and delicious fruit. What else could we ask for?

You can find guabas at fruit stands or farmers’ markets, but nowadays they are difficult to find in supermarkets.

This delicacy is most often available from January to June at about 500 colones per pod. So if you find them, crack one open and enjoy! Also, if you feel like it, take the seeds and plant them. Then, in a few years, you will have an almost endless supply of the scrumptious ice-cream beans.

Participate this year in ARCR's charity

Tree of Hope All presents and donations gathered will go to the patients of the Children's Hospital.

Find more information about how to get your donation to us in this issue's Across the Board column.

For further inquiries, call us at 4052-4052 or write to info@arcr.net

El Residente

10 Two Important Days in Life

by Kathy Riggle, WpLe

T

here are two important days in our life; the day we are born and the day we leave! We should all enjoy and appreciate the life we have been given and, while we are here, taking good care of ourselves, we should be preparing for that second important day.

I retired to Costa Rica three years ago and plan to exit planet earth from the country I love. So, being a responsible person, I set out to make plans for that eventuality.

Naively, I thought it would be easy. Boy was I surprised!

While making my arrangements I discovered there are some huge obstacles and problems an expatriate’s family may encounter when a non‑Costa Rican passes away without prior planning. I quickly learned that the processes which must take place at the end of an expat’s life are quite different than anything I had ever considered; there were some decisions which I hadn’t thought about that had to be made. To start - Did I want my remains returned to the US or buried here? Did I want to be cremated, or should I donate my body to a medical school for the training of new physicians?

Wow! Suddenly things had become a lot more complicated.

Then some other important questions surfaced. For instance, once I had made my decisions, I had to consider who would take care of following my wishes? In fact, how would my family even know what my wishes/decisions were? Then I discovered that shipping my earthly remains back to another country was expensive and could cost thousands of dollars. How would that be paid for and who would take care of doing that? Hmmm, this was going to require some more extensive planning!

Maybe there was another option? Possibly it was easier and cheaper to be buried here in Costa Rica? But then I learned that being interred here is not so simple. For example, to

be buried in Costa Rica requires purchasing a space in a cemetery.

But it’s not over with that because following the first year of interment there is an annual fee to be paid in most cemeteries and, even though all payments are made, according to Costa Rican law, after five years the body can be removed. So, who will pay those expenses? And what happens to me after that time is up?

Well, how about cremation?

That seemed like a much less complicated and expensive plan; my ashes could be either shipped home or kept here and given to my family, or scattered in my favorite place. But again, the same questions arose; who would take care of the cremation charges and the shipping or storage?

Unlike in the U.S, I discovered that everyone who chooses cremation has to have their next of kin sign an authorization, if they have not previously done so themselves. My next of kin, my daughter, lives in Hawaii. How would they find her to sign the papers?

And how would she come up with the money to pay for my services? The answer to that was easier; I found I could sign my own cremation form and send a copy to the U.S. Embassy to keep on file, with the original going to a funeral home with which I made arrangements. That would spare my family the burden of making decisions and placing a financial hardship on them. Plus, I learned that by making pre‑arrangements and paying in advance, I could save quite a bit of money because it freezes the expenses at the current rate.

Having come from three generations of funeral directors in the U.S., I know first-hand the advantages and value of pre‑planning, so I was able to make all my personal decisions and arrangements. Now all is well.

But then it suddenly hit me, don’t other expats here face the same problems and decisions I had? Are they making plans too? Are they trusting to luck?

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November/December 2015

I began making inquiries and I soon learned that others are facing the same confusing and complicated questions I had. Sure enough, most people don’t know how to make the plans they want, let alone assure that their wishes are carried out or how the costs are covered. I knew that if the whole process had been difficult for me, it was probably overwhelming to others.

That’s when I decided, using my 30-years experience, to offer my help to other expats. Now I am offering, free of charge, a service that will help people not only make the needed plans and arrangements, but to also show them how to communicate those decisions to their loved ones, so that both the loved one’s needs and the deceased’s desires will be taken care of. I call it Peace of Mind Planning.

Here’s an offer. If you would like to know more about what I have learned and how I can assist you in making your End of Life plans, I would be happy to share that information with you. You can start by visiting my web site at: peaceofmindcr.com, or you can email me at: info@peaceofmindcr.com, or call me. My phone number is: (506) 8481‑6185.

Casa Canadá Calle 42

Sabana Park

Gimnasio Nacional

Avenida 4 Calle 40

N

Ruta 27 (Pista)

2

sa

l

Mc Donald’s

Calle 4

iv er Un

ARCR offices have moved to a new, better location! Our new World Headquarters offers several advantages to our members such as convenient parking, easy access, more modern accommodations, and expanded services. Come visit us and see the improvements!

DIRECTIONS: At the southeast corner of Sabana Park, at the end of Route 27 (Pista), from the Universal Store / McDonalds restaurant, proceed South on Calle 42. Go 100 meters and turn right on Avenida 14. The ARCR office is 15 meters on the right. Look for the big ARCR sign.

We have a new telephone number too: (506) 4052-4052

New offices Avenida 14 Administración S.A.

B P

Book Previews 13

November/December 2015

Costa Rica is blessed with a large number of excellent writers, many of whom have published books.

ARCR supports these authors and has constructed a library of examples of some of the works for members to review and purchase. They can be found in the Local Authors display cases in the office (some are in stock for sale; others can only be purchased online.) Check out the brief descriptions below and decide which ones you need to add to your library.

FICTION

(available for purchase at ARCR): ALEX THE WHITE FACED MONKEY. Kevin Fortier (Grecia) (2014) A children’s story about a white faced monkey who comes out of the forest to eat fruit left for him by a young boy. With help from a friend and family, over time a bond develops between the two. There are disappointments but with love and respect a lifelong friendship is built. Also available from Amazon.

AVALON THE RETREAT. L. Michael Rusin (Atenas) (2012) Only a million people are left after World War III. A small group who prepared for the apocalypse retreat to a hidden place where they attempt to survive.

Faced with repeated threats from outside, the book details everything they need to live a basic survival existence.

Also available in hardback, paperback, and e-book from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other online outlets.

BEYOND AVALON THE RETREAT. L. Michael Rusin (Atenas) (2014) This sequel to Avalon the Retreat begins where the first book left off. The book introduces new characters and covers the beginning of the rebuilding of the United States. Also available in hardback, paperback, and e-book from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other outlets.

CALIFORNIA’S CHILD. L. Michael Rusin (Atenas) (2014) A fictionalized account of true events, places, and people. It details the trauma that children, not members of a traditional family, endured in the early forties as the Child Welfare system and bureaucrats relegated them to a status of criminals. Also available in hardback, paperback and e-book at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other outlets.

EVEN IN EDEN. Albert A. Correia (San José) (2014) Young Tico doctor Gerardo envisions medical clinics throughout Costa Rica. His rival, Orlando, wants money and power – and the country’s presidency. Thrown together by powerful fathers, driven by strong, beautiful women, they had to clash . . . and the eruption is felt throughout the nation. Also available or at Libreria Lehman. Digital versions available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other outlets.

GREEK GHOSTS. Helen Dunn Frame (Santa Ana) (2011) After her husband dies in a suspicious helicopter crash, a woman inherits his business and discovers she is wealthy, and pregnant. She moves to Greece but encounters terrorists and uncovers her husband’s secret life. Frightened by what she has learned, she meets a woman who helps her solve the mysteries surrounding her life. Also available from Amazon and other online outlets.

SECRETS BEHIND THE BIG PENCIL. Helen Dunn Frame (Santa Ana) (2014) A fictionalized account of an actual, major scandal. Ralph Carter is haunted by events from his youth which affect his career and personal life. As a buyer for a military organization he finds a domineering boss and an alcoholic associate have sucked him into a corrupt system of kickbacks and defamation.

Also available from Amazon and other sites online.

NON-FICTION/TRAVEL/ COSTA RICA (available for purchase):

CHOOSE COSTA RICA FOR RETIREMENT (10 TH EDITION) John Howells. (Samara/California) (2013) Investigating retirement locales, looking to

El Residente

14

explore a new culture, or researching new business opportunities? Practical and useful information with solid documentation on managing investments, real estate, the cost of living, medical care, and safety. Maps and tips on where to dine as well as guidance on exploring the beautiful coastal areas. Sample copy in the ARCR office or available as e-book from Amazon.

COSTA RICA: FOLK CULTURE, TRADITIONS, AND CUISINE. Jack Donnelly (San Pablo de Heredia) (2014) The book addresses Tico folk culture such as la Nigüenta, la Yegüita, agüizotes, legends, etc. A lengthy chapter deals with national traditions and there are four chapters on food—it’s better than you think! An invaluable resource for English-speaking tourists, students, and residents. Copies available at ARCR or from Amazon in Kindle format.

FEASTING AND FORAGING IN COSTA RICA. Lenny Karpman, MD. (La Guacima) (2007) A comprehensive guide to food and restaurants in Costa Rica. The book is an encyclopedia of ingredients, definitions, restaurants, and recipes; there is more about Costa Rican cuisine than most people could ever hope to learn in a lifetime of dining out. A limited number of FREE copies are available in the ARCR office.

MOVE, LIVE, RETIRE IN COSTA RICA (DVDs) POTHOLES TO PARADISE. Tessa Borner (Grecia/ Canada) (2001) Describes the writer’s journey in creating a new life running a bed & breakfast in Costa Rica, including all the do’s and don’ts of living in a new culture.

Part diary, part travelogue, part advice column. Copies for sale at ARCR. Also available from Amazon.

RETIRING IN COSTA RICA OR DOCTORS, DOGS AND PURA VIDA. Helen Dunn Frame (Santa Ana) (2013) The adventures of the author in Costa Rica.

Information about how to make decisions about retiring, investing, or living here part-time. Contains questions to ask, resources for answers, suggested books to read.

Covers some of the things that can make the difference between a mediocre experience and a wonderful adventure. Copies sold at ARCR or available on line at Amazon and other outlets.

THE GREEN SEASON. Robert Isenberg (San José/ Arizona). A collection of essays, profiles, and travel stories by a former Tico Times staffer. Isenberg chronicles his first year in Costa Rica with funny and moving tales about everything from San José traffic to a centuries-old indigenous ceremony. His encounters with taxi drivers,

poets, surfers, and survivors of the illegal sex trade offer a broad look at modern-day Costa Rica. Sold at the ARCR office, The Tico Times Store, and available from Amazon.

THE NEW GOLDEN DOOR TO RETIREMENT AND LIVING IN COSTA RICA. Christopher Howard. (San Francisco de Heredia) (2014) The 17th edition of this perennial best-selling guidebook covers everything you need to know to make the move. The paperback is available from Amazon.com. The e-book is FREE and available from: costaricabooks.com.

THE NEW KEY TO COSTA RICA. Beatrice Blake (2009) Reviews of sites for ecological touring through Costa Rica’s coasts, cities, and jungles. Recommendations for lodging, dining, shopping, hiking, camping, or visiting historic sites, as well where to go to see exotic birds and animals or to visit sites with reputed magical qualities.

Includes a section for G&L travelers. Available in the ARCR office and from Amazon in Kindle and paperback.

THE REAL SAN JOSE. Michael Miller (San Jose) (2014) Often maligned, Costa Rica’s fascinating capital city has much to offer. Written to introduce new arrivals (and old hands) to San Jose, the book will help people become familiar with the layout of downtown and find its hidden gems. Descriptions of museums, the Mercado, the cathedral, and a tremendous variety of other diversions and attractions are included. Availalble at ARCR and from Amazon as e-book.

BOOK COPIES AVAILABLE FOR REVIEW AT ARCR ENGLISH GIRL, GERMAN BOY. Tessa & Martin Borner. (Grecia/Canada) (2005) A fascinating account of two people growing up during WW II in England and Germany. They meet, fall in love, marry, and raise a family in Montreal. The book describes several return visits to East Germany during and after the communist era. Available from Amazon.

FATAL REDEMPTION. Lou Kilzer and Mark Boyden (2014) An inventive serial killer begins his career by killing people at random. After being hired by the local Mafia, the successful hit man is hired by the Russian Mafia for the ultimate contract; to kill the President. The CIA, Secret Service, and local police forces are stymied until a beautiful and dynamic young reporter and her ex-

15 FBI boyfriend start following the case. Available from Amazon and other online book sellers.

RETURN TO SENDER. Fred Holmes (Puriscal/ Texas) (2014) Biochemistry discovers that links between modern and ancient DNA makes time travel possible.

Misuse of the procedure changes the course of the American Civil War . . . and the modern world. Available from Amazon as e-book. Available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other on-line outlets.

SEEKING SAFE HARBOR. Albert A. Correia (San José) (2015) The Arthur family’s sailing vacation in the South Pacific was marvelous . . . until all communication systems went out. When almost run down by an aircraft carrier they find they have returned to a world – what’s left of it – gone mad. Available in print at Libreria Lehmann, and from Amazon, Barnes and Noble and all major bookseller sites.

SURVIVING DAUGHTER. Barbara Adams (Escazu) (2015) Many dream of escape to a tropical paradise and when a family moves to Costa Rica it seemed paradise had been found. They soon discover that whenever we run to escape it, the pain may surface in another guise, sometimes with breath-stopping results. A survival story that will challenge the reader’s expat expectations.

Available from Amazon in Kindle and hard-copy.

Other books worth searching for There are literally hundreds of books, fiction and nonfiction, about Costa Rica available on Amazon and other on-line sites in new and used condition. Space prevents including all of them in this list, but here are a few worth looking for.

CHRISTOPHER HOWARD’S GUIDE TO REAL ESTATE IN COSTA RICA. (San Francisco de Heredia) (2009) The guide contains 550 carefully researched pages including information for renters.

Paperback available from Amazon and e-book from costaricabooks.com.

HOW TO LIVE IN COSTA RICA ON $1500 A MONTH. Fred Holmes (Puriscal/Texas) (2012) Much more than an evaluation of the cost of living, it is a compilation of experiences from over nine and one half years of living in Costa Rica. The book is filled with good information on how to live in Costa Rica on a limited budget. Available at all e-book distributors.

MARRIED TO A LEGEND, “DON PEPE”.

Henrietta Boggs (2011) A rare firsthand account of Costa

November/December 2015

Rican history. Henrietta Boggs’ memoir of meeting, living with, and leaving Don Pepe takes place in the formative years of his brief but profound revolution, when the constitution was rewritten and the army was abolished. It also recounts the frustrations of a new gringa living in Costa Rica in the 1940’s. Available in paperback from Amazon.

OFFICIAL GUIDE TO COSTA RICAN SPANISH, 3rd edition. Christopher Howard (San Francisco de Heredia) This 248-page pocket-size book is the only source for Costa Rican idioms and slang translated into English, survival Spanish for daily situations, pronunciation exercises, and Spanish-English and English-Spanish dictionaries. It has time-tested tips and shortcuts for learning Spanish. Available from Amazon in paperback.

THE PAINTED OXCART - HEART OF COSTA RICAN CULTURE. Michael Sims (2007) A historical reference rich with the color of Costa Rica’s oxcart.

Written in both English and Spanish, the reader will find stories and legends, folk customs of boyeros/boyeras, poems, and old photographs. It tells of the workshops/ tallers, the artists and art, and explains the significance of the oxcart and its rich history. ONLY available by sending an email to: rebewheel@yahoo.com or calling (506) 2262-7076.

THE TICOS: CULTURE AND SOCIAL CHANGE IN COSTA RICA. Biesanz, Biesanz, and Biesanz (Escazu) (1998) Written with over 50 years first-hand observation, this social and cultural history describes how Costa Rica’s economy, government, education, and health-care systems, family structures, religion, and other institutions have evolved, and how this evolution has affected Ticos lives, beliefs, and values.

A comprehensive introduction to the country. Sold at the Biesanz woodworking shop in Escazu, telephone 22285533. Also available online from Amazon.

THE YELLOWSTONE CONUNDRUM. John Randall (Atenas) (2013) One of a four-book series which starts with the eruption of the Yellowstone caldera and the trouble it causes for the U.S. and the world. The series follows characters in Seattle, Washington, Florida, Colorado, Texas, New Mexico, Montana, and Nebraska as America is torn asunder by raging flood waters and volcanic ash. The series is available for download from Amazon’s in Kindle e-book format.

FREE CONSULTATION WITH A LICENSED US CPA Robert L Pioso, US CPA CGMA Expertise With: • Past Due/Current Income Tax Compliance Filings • Offshore Voluntary Disclosure/Streamlined Programs

• FBAR and FATCA Disclosures • US and Costa Rica Tax Planning/Corporate Structure

Telephone: CR (506) 8409-9195 * US (312) 235-2301 robert@richcoastaccounting.com Offices in San Jose and Guanacaste Areas

November/December 2015

Life in the Southern Zone

17

by Carol Vaughn

From Farm to Fork:

The Famous Feria of Perez Zeledon

Photo by Bryan Herrera.

W

“When eating a fruit, think of the person who planted the tree.”

Vietnamese Proverb

hen folks talk about Perez Zeledon – also known as San Isidro de El General – they always mention the Farmers’ Market, Feria del Productor Generaleno. People come from all around the Southern Zone to stock up on fresh fruits and vegetables, fish, meats, flowers, organic products, exotic ingredients, home-baked goods, and even jewelry and crafts.

This place can also be a religious experience for many foreigners, a community hub where they meet up with their friends each Thursday or Friday, or both. It’s a place to gossip with other foreigners, teach children about where their food comes from, help support the local economy, and practice a little Spanish. It’s all good!

We know that we can’t find fresher, healthier, and less expensive foods than at a local feria. There we can touch and smell the goods, chat with the actual farmer who grew and harvested it, and barter with the vendors to get a better price, if we wish. It’s an authentic, life-affirming experience, and those of us living in the Southern zone feel lucky to have such a great resource so close at hand.

The farmers, in turn, get increased profits by selling directly to us, eliminating the cost of the middlemen, and allowing farmers to set their own prices. We, in turn, get the reward of knowing we are helping save the planet

by buying healthy foods which have not been shipped long distances, adding to air pollution, and by taking them home without all the non-biodegradable packaging associated with regular food stores.

How to find the Perez Zeledon Feria The Feria is an easy walk from the Central Park, the central public bus station, and the longer-trip bus stations of Musoc and Tracopa. The address is 25 meters south and 75 meters east of the Red Cross. Hours are: Thursday 6AM-5PM, Friday 6AM-3PM. There is a secure and ample parking lot behind the Feria, 500c an hour; 1,500c all day, for those who drive there.

There is a semi-circular driveway located at the front for loading and drop-offs, and a ramp to help you wheel out your bounty after you shop. Shopping carts are at the front entrance. Bathrooms are by the parking lot entrance, 150c to use.

But Wait, there’s more! At the back of the covered feria is a regular supermarket, Super Central de Aborrotes La Feria, where you can complete your shopping list in style, and never waste a trip.

San Isidro del Labrador was the Patron Saint of Agriculture, so it is only fitting that Perez Zeledon is the home of one of the best ferias in the region.

Buen Provecho!

El Residente

18 A Day in the Life

by Allen Dickinson

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFERENT V

A

nother in my series about things that are different in Costa Rica. Maybe you will recognize one or two.

Particularly in residential areas, Ticos (and those expats having been here a while) will drive down the center of the road, even if there are no parked cars or pedestrians present. This is to avoid holes which are frequently dug near the edges of the pavement. These holes appear seemingly by magic over a very short period of time (one hour). After seeing several thousand of these holes, I have not yet been able to figure out why they are dug. For whatever reason, after digging they are loosely filled with dirt which compacts quickly and becomes a hazard to drivers. And in the rainy season these holes can, within minutes, become suspension destroying, tire-eating craters filled with camouflaging water.

This one is not so different. If you have a sweet tooth like I do, you will be pleased to know that Hostess cream filled, chocolate cupcakes are available in Costa Rica. Sold under the name “Pingüinos”, they have the same flavor, filling, and texture we are used to, and are complete with the curlicue frosting on top. If you are a Twinkie loving person, look for “Submarinos.” They are exactly the same (including the near decade spanning shelf life) and come in two flavors.

Curbs painted yellow generally mean “No Parking.”

That warning is, however, broadly ignored without consequence. HOWEVER, in some areas there are “vendors” licensed to rent the spaces and parking in one without their authorization can net a parking ticket.

Oftentimes in large stores, even if there are long lines at the checkouts, a manager will appear between customers and shut down the checkout process. While customers stand waiting, the cashier removes some of the large bills accumulated in the cash drawer, counts each denomination, and hands them to the manager. The manager counts the bills again and then notes the count in a receipt book. The cashier signs the receipt and stows their copy before resuming the checkout process for the

next customer in line. Elapsed time (if you are in a hurry) nigh onto forever!

There is a pecking order in Costa Rica. The drivers of newer and/or more expensive vehicles feel free to pull out into traffic at almost any time, automatically assuming that oncoming cars of lesser status will show deference by giving way to the more important vehicle. This can be not only unsafe, but quite exasperating when some idiot, whose income figure exceeds their combined cell phone and cedula numbers, makes a sudden move that requires one to slam on their brakes to avoid a collision.

Halloween and Christmas decoration displays in September? Seems like there is a secondary benefit for having the E.E.U.U. Thanksgiving holiday in November besides the great food and football games – it separates the very early, intermingled displays of Halloween and Christmas decorations!

Some readers know I hang out at a local automotive repair shop. Rarely does a week go by that someone doesn’t walk or drive in with a small cooler, bag, or box of some sort of homemade food product: empanadas, ceviche, sandwiches, candy, and other eatable things.

There is one guy that comes every Tuesday with blocks of fresh Turrialba cheese – at half the store prices. Back

19 home the arrival of one of these folks would be cause for a full-scale assault by health department officials, complete with flashing lights and handcuffs. I have purchased and eaten many of these products and some are delicious, some not so much. But, without a doubt, the absolutely best ceviche I have ever eaten was served out of a cooler in the trunk of a rusty, 1987 Toyota.

Costa Rica enjoys a Spring-like climate nearly year round because it is located much closer to the equator, and the tilt of the earth’s axis is less severe than in North and South America. Therefore, the seasons are almost non-existent. A side-effect is that the length of the days and nights are much closer to being equal year round and sunrises and sunsets occur very close to the same time every day, year round. Twelve hour days, every day of the year, may take a little while to adapt to, but it means that pesky, semi-annual changing of the clocks for daylight savings time isn’t necessary here.

But, while we may not need to reset the clocks for daylight saving time shifts, the need to reset them still exists. That’s because, in some areas, the electrical service is interrupted almost daily, which means resetting the clocks is necessary. (Remember those irritating, endlessly flashing VCR clocks of the 1980’s nobody could reset?) Digital clocks are common and some younger Ticos have never learned to read an analog clock face.

Product brand names can be a source of amusement.

FUD is an odd name for luncheon meat products. Is there a guy named Elmer in charge? I can live with ZAR better if I think of it as being prepared by a Viking God (or at least some guy with horns on his safety hat). And what about FLEN as a brand name for toilet paper? Sounds an awful lot like something served for desert to me.

Speaking of product names, some brands well known in North America are used for some very different products here, apparently under license.

For instance, the CAT logo (for Caterpillar Tractor and Equipment) is used on wrist watches, and the Goodyear Tire and Rubber name and trademark is applied to shoes. You gotta kinda wonder how those deals were arrived at? (“You know those big, yellow earth haulers you guys make? The ones with the tenfoot high tires? We’d like to use its name and logo

November/December 2015

on our line of wristwatches . . .”). At least the Goodyear trademark with the flying shoe has a kind of connection.

There are tons of Chinese made items sold here. Clothing is a frequent target but sizing is usually different; something tagged as XL may be what we know as L, and sometimes only M.

American manufactured kitchen appliances are sold in Costa Rica, but can be quite expensive. Therefore, there are cheaper products available on the general market. Small appliances are often made in China and larger ones are manufactured in second or third world counties. In function they may duplicate the more expensive, imported models, but sometimes they don’t have the same capacity, features, or durability. There are, however, many businesses who have found a niche in the market by importing used appliances from the United States.

These are usually big ticket items that had been replaced by the original owners during a remodel or upgrade, or were traded in (ever wonder where those used appliances that are hauled away free by the big box stores, go?) Costa Rican resellers bring in container loads of these used appliances – from huge double door refrigerators to kitchen ranges to washers and dryers and more. Generally they are sold as-is, which can vary from nearly worn out to hardly used. Purchases of these (relatively) economical, longer lasting, used appliances can

El Residente

20

be made, but due diligence in selecting one should be conducted.

Costa Rican businesses (offices, markets, banks, groceries, pharmacies, furniture stores, etc. etc.) will, after closing, block off any off-street parking they might have to prevent anyone from using the spaces. Following logic I can’t comprehend, chains, fences, ropes, and barriers are used to assure no interloper will park there. Sometimes a guard will make you move if you try to utilize one of these spaces. In a country with an over abundance of cars and a shortage of parking spaces, this is baffling!

On the subject of parking, many Ticos will spend a considerable amount of time laboriously and carefully backing into a parking space that could much more easily and quickly be pulled in to forward. In fact, some locations require that all vehicles back in rather than pull in. Why? One person told me it is in case of an earthquake – they logic is that they can get out faster (as if the same earthquake wasn’t going on a couple kilometers down the road!)

For the most part there are no clothes lines and only the wealthy have clothes dryers, so it’s not uncommon to see freshly washed clothes hanging anywhere that’s handy;

on bushes, fences, even laid over guard rails next to the roadway.

If animal leash laws exist in Costa Rica, nobody enforces them. Animals, dogs in particular, roam neighborhoods totally unfettered and are always looking for something to eat. Don’t leave bags filled with garbage sitting unattended on the ground for even a few minutes or you will likely find yourself picking up the scattered contents.

When driving in smaller communities outside the city, be prepared for anything. It’s not unusual to top a rise and suddenly find you are facing a half-dozen very large, slowly ambling cows coming the other direction - In the middle of the road - In the dark. Not to worry, they aren’t strays or pasture escapees; they are just being moved from one location to another. Most likely the owner will be walking behind them.

There are a lot of differences to living here in Costa Rica besides the language, and discovering them can be an adventure. Let me know if you have any favorites to be added to the list.

Allen Dickinson is a member of ARCR. In 2006 he retired and relocated to Costa Rica. He can be reached via email at: allen@humphree.net.

November/December 2015

Canadians Abroad

21

by Joan Ritchie Dewar

EDITOR’S NOTE: El Residente does not normally delve into international or political issues. Since many ARCR members originate from Canada, and may not be aware of this issue, we felt it important to offer this information.

S s HT IG dian R a G n ns TIN ll Ca OTE nadie O V ra E V ca TD s fo OI s le DR ou LE ur t po

C

anadians living abroad no longer matter to the Canadian government; their constitutional right to vote is under attack!

Those are fighting words in a campaign launched on behalf of 1.4 million expat Canadians who are being denied the right to vote. The purpose of this article is to make Canadian citizens living abroad aware of this assault on their democratic right.

The history of the action is convoluted, dating back to 1993 when the voting rights of citizens who have lived abroad for more than five years was first withdrawn. The issue has see-sawed back and forth, and at one point Canadians were able to reset the 5-year clock by simply returning for vacation in Canada. But, that ended in 2007.

In 2012 a challenge was made in the Ontario Superior Court by two Canadian citizens who were residing and working in the USA. This resulted in the vote being restored in 2014. Canadians rushed to register in time for the upcoming October 19, 2015 federal election, but sadly, the federal government appealed and on July 21 of this year the ruling was overturned in a split decision with the court saying that permitting non-resident Canadians the right to vote has, “… little to no practical consequence for their own daily lives.”

This disenfranchisement has taken place even though the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, enacted in 1982, states that all Canadian citizens have the right to vote.

According to the Charter, it doesn’t matter where you live or for how long – even if you are a prisoner or mentally challenged, you can vote. But if you are a Canadian citizen living overseas for more than five years you can’t!

Global trends are for universal suffrage. Countries are increasingly allowing their citizens overseas the right to vote. The USA, France, Germany and many other nations, including Costa Rica, have passed legislation allowing their expat citizens the right to vote, either by mail or electronically, or in person at local embassies.

France, Italy, and Portugal go even further, giving their citizens abroad a voice in Parliament through elected regional representation.

This makes sense. In this age of technology, the mobility of citizens working and studying in foreign lands increases annually. All the while, expats continue to have access to political and social issues in their home country via Internet, television, and other media. Patriotism and social contract are not limited by geography and expats around the world are proud ambassadors for their country of origin, as well as an asset in the global community.

The July 21, 2015, decision has created a backlash amongst disenfranchised Canadians living around the world and working as aid workers, teachers, journalists, business people, entertainers, creators, scientists, innovators, artists, athletes, and retirees.

Expats are now escalating their fight against the July 2015 restriction to a higher court; leave to appeal to the Supreme Court of Canada was filed in September. It’s a long and expensive process with no decision expected until late next year. There is, however, confidence that the constitutional right for expats to vote will be reinstated too late for this year’s election, but a guarantee that the voice of Canadian expats will be heard in the future.

Interested parties can follow the campaign on Facebook at: Let All Canadians Vote, and on Twitter at: #ourrighttovote. More information can be found at: http://www.letcanadiansvote.com/. A crowd-funding campaign to support the appeal has been established at: www.gofundme.com/ourrighttovote .

Joan Ritchie Dewar and her husband Iain Dewar retired to Costa Rica from Toronto in 2005 to live in the Grecia area.

Members of ARCR and the Canadian Club of Costa Rica, they are very concerned about their disenfranchisement from voting in Canada.

El Residente

22 Dear ACS...

Dear ACS: I need to renew my passport. A company near where I live charges $40 to book appointments. Is that the standard price?

Wondering about the Price

Dear Wondering: There is no fee to book an online appointment in the American Citizen Services Unit, and it is very easy. All U.S. citizens can make their online appointments at no charge through the following website: http://costarica.usembassy.gov. In case of an emergency, you can contact the ACS Unit directly at (country code 506) 25192590 during business hours or 2519-2000 after business hours to schedule an appointment the next business day.

Dear ACS: I was recently at a San Jose hospital and during the first day of hospitalization, I received a phone call in my hospital room. Apparently, it was the hospital billing department notifying me that there was a discrepancy with the billing, and the caller wanted my credit card number to resolve the issue. Should I give my credit card number over the telephone? I told the caller I would come downstairs to the office to give my number, and the caller then told me not to bother, that everything was ok.

Hospital Patient

Dear Hospital Patient: You should not give your credit card number over the telephone without verifying the requestor’s identity. You did the right thing by refusing to disclose your personal financial information, asking for verification of the caller, and telling the caller you would come downstairs to the hospital billing department to verify the validity of that telephone call.

Dear ACS: I am a grandparent in Miami and received a call that my grandson was arrested and incarcerated in a San Jose, Costa Rica jail. The caller told me that in order to free my grandson, I had to wire money to an account immediately. I am so worried about my grandson. What should I do?

Grandpa in Miami

by American Citizen Services Dear Grandpa in Miami: You should not disclose your personal financial information or wire money to an unknown caller without first verifying the caller’s identity and bona fides. The U.S. Embassy has close working relationships with local law enforcement in Costa Rica, and we are usually the first to be contacted when a U.S. citizen is arrested and placed in detention.

Your first step should always be to contact the ACS Unit in San José, where we can verify the facts. A wire transfer from a U.S. family member is never the custom to secure the release of an arrested U.S. citizen. Contact the ACS Unit immediately at (country code 506) 2519-2590 during business hours or 25192000 after business hours.

Dear ACS: I live in Puerto Viejo and booked travel to Panama for a weekend getaway. I got a call from the travel agency telling me that there was a problem with my trip to Nicaragua. When I told them I was not traveling to Nicaragua, the caller advised me that he would cancel the ticket to Nicaragua, and asked if I would give him my credit card number so that he could rebook my trip to Panama.

Does this sound legitimate?

Traveling Man

Dear Traveling: This is a scam that has been circulating amongst expatriates. It is an attempt to fraudulently obtain your financial information. Do not give out your personal financial information without verifying the identity of the caller or agency and the reason for providing your personal information.

Note to readers: These are just some of the scams that have come to the attention of ACS recently. Please be careful with your money and with your credit cards, and do not give out your personal financial information without verifying who you are dealing with.

November/December 2015

Paradise, We Have a Problem

23

by Tony Johnson

CIVIL UNIONS?

I

f this is how the doyen of romance and happiness sees love, then what hope is there?

Hollywood has relentlessly drilled us on the inevitable outline of romantic relationships. We meet cute. But we only see our differences. Gradually some eye opening experiences change our minds about each other. We tentatively give the relationship a try. Bumps on the road to love raise doubts and we pull back in fear -- until we realize that life would be empty, pointless without each other. We reconnect. Renew our love, free of all doubt, and vow to never spend another moment apart.

The essential work of the relationship is done and we, of course, live H.E.A.!

UNTIL...

We get to the parts of the relationship that Hollywood leaves out of our preferred picture.

As we all know, it is exceedingly difficult to manage one life well. It’s ever so much harder to combine two lives well - AND preserve love. Regardless of how similar the values, outlooks, lifestyles, and dreams of two people are, they remain very different individuals. Those differences will inevitably lead to disagreements, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and ugly battles.

“Is not general incivility the very essence of love?”

Jane Austen All that is unlikely to be in the sequel to the original love story, since Hollywood can’t make much money with that plot line. But those events will definitely be regular parts of our lives together.

The illusion that if we find the “right” partner all problems will be avoided is bound to fizzle. And without the guidance of the silver screen, we are left on our own to find the essential skills necessary to avoid, manage, resolve, repair, and recover from the minor tiffs and total nuclear wars of a relationship.

No one person can long stay on their best behavior. We need to be ourselves in our primary relationship. Why bother otherwise? And no one can long suppress their natural instinct to defend themselves. So when we feel hurt, disrespected, attacked, and so on, we counterattack to defend ourselves.

• That happens even if our partner meant no offense, but we BELIEVE they did. Once we have responded to what we believe was a real attack with a genuine attack of our own, our partner feels hurt, and attacks us in return. And the war escalates. Fights are incredibly easy to start, less easy to end.

Such discord, as I suggested in my last article, can be avoided or minimized if we carefully consider our partner’s ego. And, if they carefully consider ours. By

El Residente

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“ego” I don’t mean some grandiose, overblown sense of oneself, some exaggerated sense of one’s importance and infallibility. (And, to complete the picture of ego, let’s add a huge head of hair . . .) I mean, instead, our sense of who we are, our identity, and sense of worth. Our value, competence, our basic “okayness”, and integrity. When any of those aspects of our identity feel threatened, we defend; and we typically defend by threatening those same aspects of our partner’s identity.

That doesn’t mean that we have to constantly “kiss up” and act like a vulnerable apprentice on some TV show, walking on eggshells and carefully considering every word. It means that we are fully aware that some things are more fragile and require greater care. We wouldn’t toss our finest crystal like a “cold one,” because we see the delicacy and value of that crystal and act accordingly.

Likewise, we should handle our loved one’s ego with the same kind of respect and care.

THE MASTER’S METHODS Previously we learned that the Marriage Masters are able to create and sustain satisfying relationships partly because of how they approach conflict. They avoid the “Four Horsemen”: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, all which damage our partner and our relationship. The Masters also have clear and specific goals and methods for resolution. What are they?

CONFLICT DISCUSSION GOALS The Masters aim for a mutually satisfying and enduring outcome, a win-win type resolution wherein both parties are content with the agreement. Think of the positive impact that approach has on the resolution of future conflicts and the relationship, the safe and cooperative atmosphere it establishes, then consider the corrosive impact of seeking win-lose outcomes.

THE NECESSARY CONDITIONS FOR ATTAINING THAT GOAL Both sides must be calm, open-minded, collaborative, and desirous of a win-win resolution. Both must be willing to truly hear each other and look at their own contributions to the problems and be willing to make the changes necessary for settling the matter.

CREATING THOSE NECESSARY CONDITIONS To be open-minded, calm, etc. we must do everything in our power to avoid arousing defensiveness in each other.

We must avoid attacking, belittling, and injuring our partner. Because once defensiveness is provoked, calm, open-mindedness, and collaboration are lost. To assure success and a positive outcome, we must treat each other with respect, understanding, and concern for each other’s well-being. In short, act with the same kindness and generosity seen in the Masters’ marriages.

Two of the Masters’ specific steps for producing these conditions are:

USING “SOFT START-UPS” Respectfully REQUESTING behavior changes in our partner is key. Demanding a change in a demeaning way will only provoke defensiveness, create conflict, and reduce the chances of getting what WE need. Portraying our partner as broken or defective will guarantee their refusal to cooperate.

A key here is to not make our partner the problem. Couples often fight over household cleanliness, for example.

Approaching our partner with a “YOU are the problem” attitude will probably provoke more defensiveness than collaboration. “YOU are a slob” or “YOU are a neat freak” is unlikely to win our partner’s cooperation. Try instead to frame the issue as “WE have a problem with cleanliness. WE disagree about how much cleanliness is necessary. Can we explore a level of cleanliness that’s suitable for BOTH of us?”

YES! I am saying try to be civil during arguments. It takes a great deal of restraint. And it offers great rewards.

Try it. One can easily return to the uncivil approach.

LISTENING WITH EMPATHY/LISTENING TO LEARN People in conflict typically try to teach each other how wrong their partner is and how right and righteous we are. How well does that work? Listening with empathy, listening to learn how the partner feels and what things mean to them, creates calm, safety, cooperation - the conditions necessary for resolution.

CONFLICT POSITIONS AND APPLYING THE MASTERS’ METHODS There are 3 general conflict positions. The first two are:

1) The Ideal Circumstances: BOTH Sides are Calm, Open-Minded, Collaborative, and Desire Resolution

25 It may seem that under these dream conditions, we can just “go for” our needs. “Let it all hang out.” Why waste any time? As if there’s no reason to show any concern for our partner’s ego. That would be a big mistake. Those attitudes can quickly turn ideal into awful. A warm and sunny day can quickly become overcast and stormy if we trample on our partner’s ego. Each other’s feelings should be our first concern, resolution second.

2) The Worst Possible Condition: BOTH Sides are Furious, Hurt, and Going for Blood, Going for a Win-Lose Outcome It may seem that under such frigid conditions nothing will work. Siberia’s never a day at the beach, so stop looking for that beach. Don’t even try.

But not trying can produce an even colder relationship.

Actually, this is when we MOST need to follow the Masters’ other methods.

Putting on the Brakes, Making Repair Attempts, and Apologizing Effectively As bad as things are, they can get worse. If we keep screaming and calling each other names, taking pokes at each other’s vulnerabilities, things won’t get better. We might think that if only we yell louder we will finally get through to our partner. They will finally take us seriously, surrender and meet our needs. But what worked in 1945 can destroy today’s relationship permanently.

So we must try to prevent the speedy slide down the slippery slope to the total destruction of the relationship.

But how?

First, we must apply the BRAKES and CALM DOWN. We can’t effectively listen to our partner, problem solve, and repair the damage when we’re upset. One of the best ways to calm down and put on the brakes is to take a break! Stepping back from the problems allows us to catch our breath and reduce our arousal. It’s amazing how differently a situation can look when we’re calm.

Some partners may resist such a pull back, fearing that they’re being blown off, insisting on continuing the “talks.” Here we must assure them that this is only a temporary cooling off period, we have every intention of resuming the discussion, but under much better emotional conditions - for both of us.

November/December 2015

During that break we might ask our self, “What do I really want to accomplish here? Do I really want to destroy my partner and our relationship?” Or, “Would I like to resolve this peacefully?” If it is the latter, then ask, “What can I do to turn things around?”

Once we’re less worked up, make a REPAIR ATTEMPT; some effort to heal the wounds we have caused each other. Acknowledging where our partner is correct is a good start. This does not mean they are totally correct and we are totally wrong; that they win and we lose. Rather, we’re acknowledging the obvious; that each of us is right about some things. Such acknowledgement reduces tensions and creates a more cooperative tone.

Our partner, and we, feel: “I’m finally being heard.”

Are you sure that you can’t be wrong about some things?

Remember that Jane Austen quote at the beginning? Was Jane actually saying that incivility is an essential aspect of the love between two people? Looks like that doesn’t it? Like a straight forward and unambiguous statement?

What she was really saying, however, was that when a couple is deeply, hopelessly in love, they ignore others around them; they are “uncivil” to others. So what looks clear and obvious to us ain’t necessarily so! We are definitely correct about some of the issues and details in our dispute, and given, the ambiguity of language, we may be mistaken about what our partner meant. It’s especially hard to be clear headed when we’re “ballistic.”

That’s why a LEARNING STANCE is always helpful and calming. “Am I sure I understand everything correctly?” That’s strength, not weakness.

Most importantly, both need to offer EFFECTIVE APOLOGIES. None of that sarcastic “my bad” BS, but a sincere expression of regret for hurting each other accompanied by a genuine promise to try to avoid that in the future.

While these efforts will not bring a heat wave to Siberia, they can begin to move us back to a warmer, friendlier relationship. And restore the benefits that keep us connected to each other in the first place.

Next time: “Civil Unions Too!”

We’ll look at the third general conflict position. One of us deeply wants to resolve, while the other refuses to even acknowledge we exist. What options do we have then?

Any thoughts or suggestions? I’ll take a learning stance: paradise.we.have.a.problem@gmail.com

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