Under The Stairs With Only Three Steps All squeezed in that tiny space - the three of us. “She will be coming home today,” I said. My words brought hesitant smiles. It made me proud. Then her sister peeked at usWithout slowing down and warning lights“She’s gone”I swear I heard it somewhere that she’s coming homeIt was all sobbing after that. The rest of the day felt so hollow But too bright and too loud. It felt like I betrayed the girls By taking them skydiving And jumping with nothing. I’m not sure if they still remember, But I won’t forget. And there began my awareness of death: No more sugar-coated lollipops after church No more home-baked cookies. No cure.
no one really knows what it is. others say it is a beginning to a new life. what if there’s nothing after it? that it draws its power from what we did or did not. and no matter how deep the hole we made to bury it, to forget, it always catches up. even time cannot stop it. i think it should not be feared. we should fear on how we used our life before it comes.
i am deeply sensitive. i feel everything. even things that are about to happen. but not this one.
Death Wish If I die I want to be burned, Burn every piece of sadness during sleepless nights. Let the sparks of me be consumed by moths, So I can prove to you my greatness Is more than personal fiction. I have always craved for something glorious That I’m willing to lit myself May my remaining embers warm your cheeks. Throw some of my ashes in the ocean. Let the waves swallow my doubts So it won’t cripple others. Know how I love the waters even if I don’t Know how to swim. Keep the rest of me, So I can remind you that nothing really lasts. But it’s beautiful to consume yourself With things that make you happy.
I. When everyone was lost at their own sea, Your father decided to take his life. No one saw it coming. Nobody. What he did is a work you can’t revise. II. The first thing I thought: God! I am ashamed of crying in public! So I did not attend the wake. I am sorry for that assault. III. I did not mean to abandon you, Not just this time but since we lost track of each other. I don’t know how to swim and the water blocked my view. Now I’ll try to save you with all the energy I can muster. IV. Truth be told, it is not shame I fear, It’s being so close to death. I don’t know how it will come. No one’s aware. When it’s your time, It will collect your debt. Now I think people can overpower God or whatever supreme cosmic being is up there by taking the life given to you before he can… though it ends up in nothingness. V. A few months after You texted me like nothing happened.
Even fireflies incinerate themselves to fly
Since then I am wondering how will I die, will it be messy and gory? Like I’ll fall off a turbine and its blades will shred me into pieces, or my socks will mutate into a carnivorous alien and starts devouring me from toe upwards, leaving chunks of me that doesn’t taste good, or I’ll fall into a sewer filled with giant rats that will drown me in the dirty waters without the teenage mutant ninja turtles to save me ‘cause they’re too busy eating pizza, or maybe I’ll foolishly stick a ballpoint pen in an electric socket without letting it go, hundreds of megawatts of electricity will make my head burst like a watermelon in a blender. Or will it be simple? Out of nowhere, I’ll fall into a coma and never wake up. And when…will it be when I’m halfway reaching my dreams? Maybe in the middle of a blissful life where I am already something somewhere? Hopefully, it will be after I think I made it, helped a handful of people, and when I’m already happy. At least I’ll leave the world better than when I woke up in it. What if I die before I make it, even before I make it halfway to my dreams, before things fall into place and starts to have meaning, before I’m completely happy? What if I can’t make a difference? …
‌who will be there at my funeral?