Get Lucky By Emily Harley
EXT. BAR - NIGHT Two men sit under a streetlight in front of a bar. Both are dressed very well, are using way too much hair product, and that tall, dark, and brooding quality practically oozes out of them. They are stunningly attractive by any standard, well, except for the crying. VIC, is hunched over on the curb, batting his eyes while his friend, RICHARD tries to hand him a drink. VIC She slapped me! Me! Rejected! Publicly humiliated! RICHARD You’re over reacting. VIC I’m not quite sure, but you must have missed the part of the evening where SHE SLAPPED ME. Richard leans back and takes a sip of his drink. He again tries to offer Vic some but Vic waves it off. RICHARD It could’ve been worse. VIC How? RICHARD Well, you two could’ve been a lot "closer" when she found out. Richard wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. Vic elbows him. He lowers his head with a smile, revealing sharp and gleaming vampire teeth. VIC You know the awful part? Three, maybe four, years ago, if she had found out? She would’ve DRAGGED me to her bed! Richard takes a long drink. RICHARD Ain’t that the truth. VIC And now look at us! Richard raises his glass in a mournful toast. (CONTINUED)
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2.
RICHARD Now the only undead these chicks care about is the kind without a jaw. He flaps his jaw and extends his arms in mock portrayal. RICHARD (CONT.) (Moaning) Seeeeeex. Seeeeeex. Vic stifles his laughter. He shoves Richard who falls back on the pavement laughing. VIC You’re ridiculous. RICHARD There’s got to be someone in this town who hasn’t let go of the old days. VIC ...It has only been a few years. I’m sure at least a few girls haven’t moved on completely. RICHARD Exactly! He raises himself to his feet with a wobble. He looks down into his clear cup at the white drink inside. RICHARD (CONT.) Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a drink that wasn’t coconut milk? VIC (Deadpan) All the properties of blood. RICHARD But where’s the fun in coconut milk! He throws the cup at full force across the street. It slams into the side of a building. RICHARD Twilight was the greatest thing to happen to us in three hundred years... or at least since Buffy (MORE) (CONTINUED)
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3. RICHARD (cont’d) stopped airing. There’s a desperate and horny teen out there...
Richard offers Vic a hand and pulls him to his feet. RICHARD (CONT.) ...we’ve just got to find her! VIC But the Twi-Hards have been gone for years. Where are we even going to find one? RICHARD All the usual haunts, of course! EXT. DARK OUTDOOR STAIRCASE - NIGHT A YOUNG WOMAN laughs, looking at her phone, as she walks down the darkened stairs. A shadow crosses the wall and she stops. Richard looms from the shadows. He steps towards her. RICHARD You’re all I can think about. Suddenly in her personal space, he leans seductively towards her neck and pushes her long hair away. RICHARD You smell intoxicatiThe woman slams her heel down on his foot. Richard doubles over. She kicks him in the balls and runs screaming from the alley. EXT. PARK - NIGHT Vic, perfectly brooding and anguished, leans against a tree. His eyes follow a group of WOMEN as they walk through the park, huddled together against the cold. Vic appears at different trees as the women walk past. The women laugh together. One of them, a PRETTY BLONDE, sees Vic out of the corner of her eye. Vic vanishes. The women slowly stop when the Blonde shushes them. Vic, nonchalantly, sits on a bench beside them. (CONTINUED)
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4.
VIC Would any of you like to live forever? He appears beside the blonde. VIC I can arrange that. The women scream. Vic trips over himself as the pretty blonde blows a rape whistle in his ear. The women are screaming and other park go-ers turn to look. But Vic is gone. EXT. A DIFFERENT PART OF THE PARK - NIGHT Rubbing his ears, Vic drops down beside a soaking wet Richard. VIC Rape whistle. RICHARD She called me a pervert. Vic stares at him. RICHARD (CONT.) ...And then she pushed me in a fountain. VIC Okay, got any other ideas? RICHARD Just one. But it’s a long shot. INT. BOOKSTORE YOUNG ADULT SECTION - CONTINUOUS The young adult section. Formally entirely decicated to "Vampire Romance Novels" is now filled with dystopian horror and zombies. Vic, dressed in a long grey peacoat (an exact movie replica) leans dramatically against the edge of the bookshelf looking as brooding and tortured as possible. To his left, a pretty BRUNETTE GIRL has her back to him, clearly absorbed in her book.
(CONTINUED)
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5.
Vic flips his hair and lets out a long, tortured, sigh. He grips his forehead and turns away from the girl. Before turning back, deep long and yearning- he drops his pose to rub his golden eyesVIC Stupid fucking contacts. -then he’s back, leaning seductively towards the girl. One hand in his messy hair and the other tentatively reaching out to her. VIC Hey baby, what’s your blood type? The brunette turns around. Vic looks at the book. World War Z. She looks him up and down with a look of disgust. BRUNETTE GIRL Wrong aisle, Sparkles. She pushes past him. Vic kicks the bookshelf. VIC Undead motherfuRICHARD Vic! Richard appears behind him. RICHARD (CONT.) I found it! It’s perfect! VIC What? RICHARD You’re just going to have to trust me. Rejuvinated, Vic nods. VIC What is it? RICHARD The new Twilight, my friend. The new Twlight.
6.
INT. BOOKSTORE ADULT ROMANCE SECTION - CONTINUOUS The two peer over the shelves into the Adult Romance Section. Two MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN look up at them, each holding a copy of "Fifty Shades of Grey" The women gasp. Vic glares at Richard. RICHARD (Whispering) Blood is blood, am I right? VIC I hate you.