TENDER LOVING / CHLOE SHAAR

LOVING

WORDS CHLOE SHAAR

Sexual intercourse. Making love. Lust. Bonking. The birds and the bees. Sex. The warmth of two naked bodies pressed against each other. Something so sweet in theory, but without a pink taste. This act of passion that makes the world go round.

The reason behind why all of us exist, one of the only things every person has in common, yet it looks so different to anyone participating in it. Sexual expression varies per indivdual. How you have sex, how often you think about it, and your feelings towards it, are all based on individual experiences. People fall on this spectrum of being hypersexual or asexual, with everything in between, depending on what you enjoy in the bedroom. Sex can constantly be on our minds, or not thought about at all. Throughout our youth we are fed that sex equals love. The importance of “the first time” needing to be with someone you’re either in a relationship with, or have strong feelings towards, to make it this memorable experience. We watch so many different media escapades of this sensual act where both parties involved feel this extreme level of attraction and pleasure, when in real life some people don’t even come close to this idea they have in their heads. Even porn builds up these fantasy

settings and storylines that are unrealistic and creepy, yet hot, all at the same time. These films set up these sexual standards that people feel like they need to “perform” similarly to.

While it takes two, or sometimes more, to have sex it’s really a singular act of desired pleasure. The individuals desire to feel self indulgance and wanted by another person, drives sex. We may act like it’s not an ego thing, but the truth is :it is. This modern age casualness of something that’s supposed to be so loving and tender, represents the individuality, and even disconnection, we feel towards ourselves. We want to feel good, but our psyche needs us to feel like we are wanted by others. To be sexy and desired plays a big role in sexual relations. Sex in the age of technology is somewhat deluted, as overconsumption is heightened, and unrealistic beauty standards grow. Specifically, female presenting people are so infatuated with their body image. The age of the Tumblr girl, blurred the lines for impressions of the self, as these hypersexual images fantasized the idea of sex. Being perceived as sexy by others, in and out of the bedroom, adds a natural boost of confidence in our daily social interactions. What does it even mean to be sexy? Is sexiness defined by physical traits or overall vibes?

Attraction happens naturally, you can be attracted or drawn to anyone even if it’s not sexually. I’ve been listening to the song ‘It’s Only Sex’ by Car Seat Headrest. The singer is trying to figure out whether or not he enjoys sex, even though he thinks the person he’s hooking up with is hot: It’s only It’s only sex C’mon, sexual desire, speak! I want to hold you tight I want to feel your love physically I want to sleep with you, but only in the literal sense Personal pleasure looks different to the individual, the physical pleasure behind sex is not necessairly universal. Are we as young people craving casual sex to feel different levels of pleasure, or are we looking for someone else to spend the night with to create a feeling of belonging? The singularity of these emotions goes back to the idea of sex being sold to us as this interpersonal experince based off of love. The nonchalantness of one night stands and open relationships has casualized the meaning of sex and how we view relationships as a society. Casual sex is a personalized pleasurable experience. But is the casualness caused solely by wanting to receive pleasure, or to be touched by another body and fulfill our need for attention, no matter how individualistic we may be. Sex has become so singular and is not always associated with being in love with someone else. With that being said, how do you know when you are in love or if the sex is just really good? Sex can be so pleasurable that it can replace the feelings of love. Religion can also play a role in sexual feelings. This idea of Adam and Eve and finding that one person to have sex with, still plays a role in how mainstream society views sex today. Some religions and cultures view sex as a taboo subject and it’s still insinutaed that you should wait till marrige before participating in sexual intercourse, or you’ll be damned to hell or whatever. It’s interesting that this thing that we all are created through can be viewed as this artificial and negative thing. Sex and sexual expression allows invidviduals to fully be themselves, in ways they may not be able to in outside world settings.

Sex can be designed to whatever you’re most comfortable with. Sexual pleasure has such a broad spectrum so you have to keep in mind what works best for you, and then your sexual partner. Remember to always be safe kids.