I LIVE IN A HOLOGRAM WITH YOU / JESS FERGUSON

I live in a hologram with you

WORDS JESSICA FERGUSEN VISUALS KAITLYN JOYNER

Confession: I’ve been watching The D’Amelio Show lately. What’s worse? I’ve been enjoying it. Not because I find it well-made or thought-provoking— the exact opposite, actually. The reason I’ve been streaming it amid countless, objectively better shows is because of its mindlessness; it’s been a distraction from all the stress that comes with being in your final semester of college and merely existing in today’s world. It’s a place for me to go where the biggest problems are which multimillion-dollar mansion to live in, and not what I’m going to do or where I’m going to be for the rest of my life. I’m not ashamed to admit it: it’s gotten me through some mentally rough patches. It sounds dramatic, but as much as I appreciate more substantial shows like The Handmaid’s Tale, sometimes we don’t need yet another reminder of how cruel the world is.

We all do it. Whether you’re down a rabbit hole of YouTube video essays on bizarre conspiracy theories, endlessly scrolling through TikTok after promising yourself you’d watch ‘just one more,’ or adding dozens of items to your online shopping cart that you’ll never actually buy, distractions are an inevitable part of life. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes we need a ‘brain break’ or somewhere to go mentally when reality is too, well, real. We know that we’re not being productive and there are other things to do, but we can only take so much! I’ll lay in bed on my phone until the wee hours of the night with an unchecked ‘to-do’ list, voices in the back of my head reminding me of going to bed or of unfinished work, and the random TikTok people exclaiming I need to step away from the app as my finger instinctively swipes, desperate to get another burst of dopamine.

i live in a hologram with you.

Yes, you! It doesn’t matter if we’ve never met before, we’re all existing in the same universe, doing whatever we need to scrape by. We’re all captivated by these distractions, and we can’t blame ourselves. Can you imagine how miserable we’d all be if we didn’t have anything to detract from our hard feelings? Like a shot with no chaser, burning down your throat; a freezing day with no gloves, the cold air biting at your fingers until they’re numb; wearing Doc Martens without breaking them in, hobbling down the street with raw heels. Distractions protect us from letting all of our negative thoughts swallow us up.

I don’t want to be a cynic. I know that life can be great sometimes. I feel it when I look out the window at the perfect time to catch the sunset, when I laugh so hard that I cry, or when I taste my family’s cooking for the first time in months. But, like all things, life has its monotonous, tragic, unfair, bleak, [insert your adjective of choice] moments. And for every seemingly endless day at work or school, we need an intense workout or a cheesy Netflix original to brace the hard feelings. It’s a defense mechanism of sorts. Who explosions needs a therapist when you on TV / and have The Kissing Booth, all the girls with right? heads inside a dream

Knowing we’re all in some ways living by means of distractions is comforting in a sense. It’s easy to be hard o n ourselves for not participating in this toxic, American ‘hustle culture’ and not constantly being productive (how boring would that be?). But it’s impossible to live that way, and anyone who is truly spending all their time working is probably not thriving in any other aspect of their life.

I’ve been living in ‘survival mode’ for the past couple of years, focusing on what will get me through one day to the next, even if it might not be productive, positive, or constructive in any way. But if not for distractions, I think I would just be consumed by existential dread; bogged down by stress. I feel tinges of guilt when I spend my free time rotting in bed instead of applying to jobs or cleaning my room, but when I spend the majority of time working or in class, anything that requires even the slightest amount of brainpower can seem daunting when I don’t need to be exerting myself.

One of the lessons I think we learned from the pandemic was

a) how shitty the world can be, and b) the importance of living. People quit their jobs or changed careers because they realized they don’t want to spend all their time working at a job they’re unhappy with. People took up hobbies like crocheting or jewelry-making, partially out of boredom, but also to find healthy outlets for their time. Most distractions are just that—positive ways to channel feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression.

it’s so easy in this blue / where everything is good

If you don’t believe me when I say distractions can be a good thing, I get it. I’m a 22-year-old who watches Hulu reality shows in my free time and scrolls on TikTok to watch videos of dogs lip-syncing until 1 a.m. But you can believe people with more qualifications than me. Healthline reports, “Distraction aims to create distance from the source of emotional distress so that you’re able to process those uncomfortable feelings.” We can’t blindly make our way through trauma, stress, and other big feelings; there needs to be a safety net in place to make these emotions more manageable. That’s where distractions come in. They feel good, and they give our minds a well-needed break. Who could blame anyone for wanting to be distracted by something? Countless times, I’ve asked people around me to distract me, whether I’m getting a shot or overwhelmed by a major assignment. But distraction implies a temporary avoidance of the task or issue at hand. When

“I feel tinges of guilt when I spend my free time rotting in bed instead of applying to jobs or cleaning my room, but when I spend the majority of time working or in class, anything that requires even the slightest amount of brainpower can seem daunting when I don’t need to be exerting myself.”

we scroll through socials in the middle of writing an essay, we are planning to come back to the issue and eventually resolve it. The problem comes when distraction turns into avoidance or denial, or when the distractions we’re choosing are harmful.

make believe it’s hyper-real

Just because something’s a coping mechanism, doesn’t mean it can’t be harmful. For the most part, distractions make us feel good—that’s why we do them. But there’s a fine line between constructive and destructive distractions: when taking a power nap to feel refreshed turns into sleeping through classes and work, or unwinding with a glass of wine at night turns into a bottle of wine. Sex, alcohol, drugs, or too much screen time can feel good in the moment but can get in the way of our responsibilities.

And I hate to admit it, but our parents were right: too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Even supposedly ‘positive’ distractions, like reading, exercising, or engaging in a hobby, can take away from work, schoolwork, and other commitments. Distraction—or avoidance—can’t be the only way you’re dealing with your stress or issues. Healthline also suggests the balancing coping

strategy, which “helps you to bring logic into the equation,” such as “making lists, being honest about how you’re feeling, and asking for help.” Implementing different strategies can prevent you from getting too wrapped up in one thing.

As with most things in life, it’s all about maintaining a fine balance—between work and play; between coping and avoiding; between our distractions. I know I can manage my use of distractions better, but I also know these distractions are part of what keeps me sane, and there’s no way I’m giving them up. And there’s nothing wrong with that! I’m not a robot who’s going to endlessly work on a loop. So give me The D’Amelio Show or give me death—or something like that.

Lyrics from “Buzzcut Season” (2013) by Lorde.