emma: fall 2009

fall 2009

emma willard school

Careers + Motherhood

Can we really

have it all?

Emma, the Bulletin of Emma Willard School, is published by the Communications Office three times each year for alumnae, parents, grandparents, and friends of Emma Willard School.

The mission of Emma is to capture the school’s remarkable history, values, and culture through accurate and objective coverage that adheres to the highest journalistic and literary standards.

Rachel Morton

Trudy E. Hall

Editor rachel@rachelmorton.com

Head of School Trudy J. Hanmer

Susan H. Geary

Web and Production Manager Class Notes Editor sgeary@emmawillard.org Jill Smith

Class Notes Coordinator jsmith@emmawillard.org Please forward address changes to: Emma Willard School 285 Pawling Avenue Troy, New York 12180 518.833.1787 alumnae@emmawillard.org or visit www.emmawillard.org/alumnae

Bidwell ID

Design www.bidwellid.com

Associate Head of School Larry Lichtenstein

Director of Advancement Linda Passaretti ’84

Director of Alumnae Relations and Communications

emma willard school fall 2009

features

12 The Company of Women

In the 1960s, EWS withstood the pressure to rush into coeducation, and research shows we were wise to wait.

16 Can Women Have It All?

Readers speak out on their experience with balancing family and work and the hard choices they have had to make along the way.

Elisabeth, 2007, photograph

by Sandi Haber Fifield ’74 from her recent book, Walking through the World, published

by Charta. An exhibition of photographs from the book will open on January 22 at Gallery Kayafas, 450 Harrison Street, in Boston.

departments 02 Headlines

10 Written Word

Negotiating new terms in the workplace to fit our own definitions of success.

Deerfield boy fondly remembers his trimester at Emma.

03 Letters

Images from reunion, Distinguished Alumnae Awards, greetings from new Alumnae Association Council president.

The Body Image issue elicits lots of love and a little hate.

05 Emma Everywhere On the cover We try to have it all—careers and children, leisure and love life. It’s a juggling act that many think is impossible to sustain. Cover illustration by Nigel Buchanan.

Printed on 100% recycled paper that is manufactured entirely with nonpolluting, wind-generated energy.

The Massry Gate is dedicated, Fair Trade in Guatemala, and philanthropy from Troy to India.

26 Connections

32 Class Notes 35 Memorial List

08 Action

80 Women’s Work

Freshman weekend at Lake George: girls arrive as acquaintances and leave as friends.

Handcrafted wines from Montemaggiore, the mountainside vineyard of Lise Pfau Ciolino ’81.

35

02

headlines

By Trudy E. Hall, Head of School

Want Less Stress? Be Flexible.

True confessions: I missed the deadline for this article. Offering no excuses, let me explain. There is a lot going on in my life. I had to craft a bold strategic plan for the best girls’ school in the land.

Then there was the opening of school, and the requisite convocation speech. (You can check it out at www. emmawillard.org. Click on EmmaNow and you can even hear it.) Of course there is the relentless gush of email to be triaged, the appointments associated with being the mayor of a little universe, and a husband who thinks it might be good to do something together once in a while. Once you toss in the “wanna-dos” along with the “must-dos,” the “to-dos” outstrip my daily 24-hour allotment. You live this reality, yes? Raise your hand if you can tell me about a day you accomplished precisely what you wanted with time left over for a Pilates class, a manicure, and a slowly sipped mug of herbal tea.

How amazing Balance. (Hear me snort as I say the word.) When did this concept to discover that emerge as a desirable life achievement? My unstudied guess is that we can attribute this to the success of the modern women’s movement. We you can naively believed that if we could make give yourself. our way back into the workplace—if we were savvy enough to add 8 to 10 hours of professional accomplishment to birthing babies and managing households—surely we could shuffle the daily 24 to sustain a sense of well-being. What we learned along the way was that our stress multiplied exponentially. Seeking balance has become a nuanced way of saying we want fewer immovable deadlines, fewer agonizing decisions that require choices between competing life priorities. What we want is less stress.

balance is a gift

emma

My summer reading included Womenomics by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay, promoting a phenomenon they call “pink power”: the new reality that women’s success in the workplace has given them greater opportunities to negotiate for flexibility—the number one factor cited as desirable by women in search of the elusive “balance.”

Not surprisingly, they document that women experience the workplace differently from men. Less motivated by status and achievement, the majority of women are seeking a professional setting that supports the integration of personal and professional goals. Shipman and Kay posit that women are now uniquely positioned to bring substantive change to corporate settings by negotiating for lifestyles permitting personal definitions of success. Imagine this. For the first time in modern history, women can negotiate for balance, choosing to prioritize in ways that serve them, choosing flexibility over cash compensation or promotions. Women can choose to have less stress.

I am no different from the women surveyed in Womenomics. I love what I do because of the flexibility I can create for myself. My secret to achieving less stress is pretty darn simple: I exercise the power of choice— the power flexibility gives me—on a daily basis. Just exercising that power reminds me anew I have it.

Certainly some days there is less choice than others. However, when the magazine editor gives me a September 18 deadline for a magazine you will read in November, I see an opportunity to exercise personal choice, to use my time in a way that serves my life agenda. (Indeed, I know that she created that deadline to ensure she had less stress in her life.) When was the last time you exercised pink power? When did you last negotiate for flexibility? How amazing to discover that balance is a gift you can give yourself.

letters Thanks for bringing important issues forward

You and Your Mother

As you age, are you finding yourself becoming more and more like your mother? And if so, does that please you or horrify you? What about your mother do you hope to emulate; what are you avoiding like the plague? How does your mother’s example guide your life today and influence your parenting of your own daughter? Send your stories to the editor: rachel@rachelmorton.com

tvnnfs!311:

fnnb!xjmmbse!tdippm

Congratulations for the candid bulletin!

I thought it was amazing and so true. I can only imagine the comments you are receiving… both negative and positive.

You took a risk; you confronted a subject that was taboo years ago and maybe for some, it remains the same. I am going to send this to my granddaughter who is attending a coeducational boarding school. Would that same school with boys address this topic? I wonder.

Thank you for having the courage of bringing to the fore one of the most important issues in a woman’s life!

Sherley Thomas Furgueson ’57 Old Lyme, CT

Doesn’t belong in Emma I absolutely LOATHE the current issue of Emma. I thought an alumnae magazine was supposed to reflect NEWS of alums, along with snippets about what is going on with the current students, school activities, faculty. Articles on body image and surviving cancer fall in the category of what I call “politically correct.”

I don’t look to MY Emma for enlightenment on these topics: the larger media contains an overwhelming number of articles on such subjects and they provide a lot more detail and information, but even more to the point, body image and surviving cancer are issues which are not in the least bit relevant to my era—we’ve gone way beyond dealing with each—and we’ve sought support and built our networks, within and without the EW community. I hope the subject matter was not yet another attempt to attract the attention of those young-uns who may not yet realize how important their EW experience was—or to try and win more prizes for “journalistic excellence.” Sigh. Now would you like to hear about all my other irritations—a subject directly correlated with my aging issues? I didn’t think so.

Ruth Kramer Ziony ’61 Los Angeles, CA

Moving, informative, and beautifully presented Having gone to several schools myself and having taught at a bunch more (even at EWS ’73-’76), I am on the mailing list for a whole lot of alumni/ae publications, but never, never have I read one as moving, informative, and beautifully presented as this issue of Emma. It makes me wish retroactively for an Emma education for every one of the young women I ever taught elsewhere, for the daughters and granddaughters of friends whom I see struggling on Facebook with issues of body image and self-love. Enormous thanks for the privilege of reading.

Judith Klau (Mother of Rachel Klau Sandage ’78) Boston, MA

“Aging Well” appreciated Trudy Hall’s observations on aging women are very touching. Thanks from all of us, both older and younger. Also, the whole issue on the female body is absolute dynamite! My partner is a breast cancer oncologist, and she congratulates you as well.

Nancy Veeder ’55 Newton Centre, MA

03

Letters continue page 79

Fall 2009

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I S S U E

Designs on Emma’s Future Amid a successful interior design career, one alumna gives the gift that keeps on giving “I’ll never forget my first class: English with Miss Prescott,” said Nancy MullanDemirjian ’58. “Never had I experienced class discussion at that level. The curiosity was incredible. I finally felt like I fit in. It changed my life.”

Now Nancy is changing other girls’ lives by funding a scholarship that gives them access to an Emma Willard education.

Nancy has a personal history with scholarship support. Though thrilled with her acceptance to Emma Willard, her parents simply could not afford the tuition.

“I never would have been able to attend if I hadn’t received a scholarship,” she said.

“I was, and still am, so grateful.”

Today Nancy owns her own interior design firm, NDM Kitchens Inc., practicing in New York City and on Long Island. The skills she acquired at Emma Willard have been invaluable to her, and not just because she was exposed to so much art and beauty during her years on Mount Ida. “Designers are naturally creative people, and many of them neglect the business side of things,” noted Nancy. “But financial matters never intimidated me, largely because Miss Harner was such an excellent math teacher. That is probably one of the main reasons I’ve been able to stay in this business for twenty-five years.”

Her financial savvy has also informed her support of Emma Willard. Nancy had established her own scholarship fund to offer other young women the opportunity she had—but she wasn’t in a financial position to make the fund as large as she wanted it to be.

“Then I got the School’s gift annuity mailing and it just made sense,” she said.

“I get fixed income for my lifetime, and I’m able to make a gift to Emma Willard now—a far larger gift than I could have made otherwise.”

The most recent Nancy F. Mullan Scholar, Kaitlin Phillips ’09, came to Mount Ida from Lewiston, Montana. Her many contributions to the Emma Willard community included serving as student representative to Curriculum Committee and Conduct Review Committee, and as key member of Quiz Team, varsity volleyball, and Annual Fund phonathons.

Now a freshman at Barnard College, Kaitlin said of her scholarship to Emma Willard, “It allowed me to spend four years in an environment that not only shaped who I am now, but also who I would like to become. The teachers I had at Emma pushed me to think, not just regurgitate. My peers allowed me to be myself. I am reminded every day that these things were a spectacular gift.”

And how does Nancy feel about making an Emma Willard education possible for young women like Kaitlin? “I will say, without reservation, that setting up this scholarship has given me more satisfaction than almost anything else I have ever done. Emma Willard did so much for me, both intellectually and socially. It only makes sense for me to give back.”

Emma empowers girls— when you empower Emma.

emma everywhere

Freshman trip to Lake George, see page 8.

05

emma everywhere

6 Guatemalan coffee farmer, photographed by Mark Van Wormer.

Can a cup of coffee change the world?

Longtime photography teacher Mark Van Wormer returned from Guatemala this summer with more than photographs to share.

He went on a tour arranged by Global Exchange, a San Francisco-based human rights organization, to see Fair Trade commerce as it is being practiced by coffee bean farmers and textile workers in Guatemala.

For those who haven’t bought coffee beans lately, the choices between regular and decaf, French roast and Kona, aren’t the end of it. You now can choose between Fair Trade and conventionally produced coffee. And Mark Fair Trade principles Van Wormer believes Fair include safe and humane Trade is the choice to make.

Farmers who grow Fair working conditions and Trade coffee beans receive environmental sustainability. a higher-than-market price— which is important in a volatile market whose prices fall below the cost of production. In addition to a living wage for producers, Fair Trade principles include safe and humane working conditions and environmental sustainability. Fair Trade cooperatives are paid premiums for community development projects such as organic certification, health clinics, microloan programs, and scholarships.

emma

You may pay a bit more for your coffee, and it might not taste any different, but the effects on a community are enormous.

The Fair Trade movement is active not only in the coffee industry, but in many other areas including the production of chocolate, where large companies protect practices that include child slavery in West Africa. In contrast, Fair Trade prohibits abusive and forced child labor. Van Wormer helps students see that connection between the choice of a certain brand of chocolate bar and the inhumane treatment of workers across the world.

“Our students see that the purchases they make can actually effect some change. Their personal choices can have some impact in the world. I love bringing this into the classroom.”

Van Wormer finds photography to be an illuminating way to perceive and perhaps change the world.

“I want my students to become more aware of their surroundings. Photography is a great way to do that.

When I show them my own photographs, I can talk about how the concerned photographer can tell a story and make a difference.”

7

By the time we reach adulthood, most of us have learned how to make money. And we have no trouble learning how to spend money.

But where do we learn how to give money away?

Some students at Emma Willard are learning just that by participating in a program called Phila.

Started in 2003 by Trustee Michal Colby Wadsworth ’65 and her husband, Jim, through The Robert and Patricia Colby Foundation, Phila provides a hands-on opportunity for students to become philanthropists. Phila runs like a foundation: the group is given $4,000 per year to disperse as grants. They decide their funding priorities each year and then invite nonprofits to apply.

Students review applications, make site visits, and after discussion decide how to allocate funds.

Elizabeth Vinciquerra, associate director of annual giving and the advisor to the group, says Phila began as a club and is now part of the practicum program so students can earn academic credit for it. This past year the funding priority was poverty, primarily hunger, and Phila

“ I feel as though we are connecting Emma to the rest of the world in a really positive way.”

— Shibani Das ’10

funded four separate programs in the community: through Hope 7, Community Center’s Food Pantry, the Commission on Economic Opportunity, and Unity House.

Shibani Das ’10, who was the student leader of Phila last year, says her work with the group has had a huge impact on her.

“Phila appealed to me because I thought it was a unique way to connect the worlds I know—the international world of my ethnic background, the local community in which I live, and the Emma community where I go to school.”

Funding local and regional organizations is Phila’s main focus, but last year they sent money to an organization that supports literacy in India, Room to Read.

This donation was made in the name of Naomi Scherr, a prospective member of the Class of 2013 whom several Phila members met during a campus visit. When visiting India, Naomi and her father were killed in the Mumbai attacks in November 2008.

Vinciquerra says everyone was shocked and upset to hear about Naomi’s death. As they researched Room to Read, they learned that one $200 gift could support a scholarship to send one girl in India to school for one year.

“Since our connection to Naomi was through education,” says Das, “we decided to honor her that way.”

First Impressions The stately front gate of Emma Willard School along Pawling Avenue welcomes innumerable visitors each year, offering a stunning first impression of the campus. This entrance is newly named, the MASSRY GATE, in recognition of the generosity of Norman and Micki Massry and their family, which includes Julie ’98 and Laurie ’07.

Four generations of Massrys gathered for a dedicatory moment in May, part of an all-school celebration of community service. During the dedicatory event, Head of School Trudy Hall read from a collection of first impressions gathered from faculty, parents, alumnae, and students.

Fall 2009

emma everywhere

Philanthropy 101 Students learn how to give it away

08

action

By Sabrina Putnam

Friendships Forged Here at Camp Chingachbook on Lake George, the sounds of the forest surround us. Tree limbs rustle in the wind, birds soar overhead, small creatures scurry through the underbrush, and we are filled with a deep sense of serenity at this perfect moment with Mother Nature. But it’s a very brief moment.

A squeal of surprise and delight reminds us that we are chaperoning the Emma Willard first-year class for their weekend retreat, and one of those girls has just climbed to the top of a 50-foot pole sticking straight into the air. Cheers ring out from her peers below, awed by her accomplishment. They have only known each other for a few days, but they are fast becoming friends—sisters, in fact—through this shared experience.

We faculty chaperones have brought not only the freshman class, but also about a dozen student leaders—junior or senior proctors or peer educators who had this experience when they were freshmen at Emma. They are all invaluable to the trip’s success.

One of the joys of this retreat is watching their metamorphosis from girls to young women as they support, embrace, teach, and laugh with the incoming class. The freshmen stand in awe of their older peers and begin to trust them, as they do faculty, as people they can lean on and learn from.

We begin the first morning with group-building activities that allow the girls to learn names, make associations, and make a small group of comfortable allies. Then we take to the mountain for an exhilarating hike, face the range for archery practice, dip our toes in Lake George while canoeing across the bay, and attack the high ropes course with grit and nerve. All of the activities challenge the girls to step outside their circles of comfort and perhaps find strength and courage that they didn’t know they had. Ever present are

emma

the faculty who stand behind, if not next to, the girls, encouraging them and honoring this major event in their lives.

In the evening we get silly. After dinner the girls gather in their cabin groups and bag up as much “stuff” as they can from their cabins. We then gather in the Rotary Lodge and play a game called Dutch Auction.

A subject is called out, say, skydiving, and then each team has to demonstrate to a panel of esteemed judges how a particular item from their collection fits this category. The laughter and energy that erupt in the lodge during this game could start a jet airplane.

As the emcee, and a lucky observer, I am awed by the creativity and teamwork that are displayed all through this night. It is at this time, when it is dark outside and the girls have had a very full day together, that they turn the corner from being new acquaintances to becoming friends. We wrap up the evening with s’mores and camp songs around a fire and herd them back to their cabins for slumber under the stars.

We tuck them into their sleeping bags with a goodnight serenade in each cabin sung by the faculty and turn out the lights. They rest well indeed.

I have been leading this trip with the freshmen for five or six years now. And each and every year we go, I come away amazed by what happens in such a short amount of time. As we depart campus early in the morning, they get on the bus bleary-eyed and quiet.

They return after the two days to Emma having found their voices and built relationships that will carry them

9 action

Photos by Maureen Harrison

Freshman trip to Lake George creates friendships and memories to last a lifetime.

far beyond this weekend. Each year I have a favorite memory. This year that moment took place on top of Panther’s Point during our hike. The handful of girls with me at the time were playing a game that involved finding a pattern in a seemingly random placement of sticks. One girl figured it out early on, and as her peers struggled to catch up, she sat back and grinned, knowing she had been first and reveling in her moment. Then her peer to her right grabbed her hand as she, too, figured it out. They giggled together as they watched the game continue and held hands throughout. It must have been another five minutes as they waited for the rest of the group to get clued in, yet they stayed connected by hand the whole time. I don’t know if they even knew they were still joined; it didn’t seem to matter. It was just an easy, comfortable bond that ended up making my day.

During these two days of exploring the out-ofdoors and con-necting with faces that will become very familiar in the comings months and years, the

The faculty

stand behind

the girls, encouraging them and

honoring this major event

in their lives.

newest members of Emma Willard experience a right of passage that so many have enjoyed before them.

They create memories that will last their lifetime and that they will recount over and over as they sail through the transformative years at Emma. I, for one, feel honored to be able to sit back and watch all that happen.

Sabrina Putnam is a houseparent, the freshman class advisor, and the director of the Inner Journey program.

Fall 2009

10

written word

By David Sweet

The Coed Experiment For well over a century, Emma Willard has educated young women with nary a male graduate. Yet less than 30 years ago, the school not only taught teenage boys during the winter months— it housed them, fed them, and in all ways welcomed them.

I speak as a student from Deerfield Academy who enjoyed living at the Troy campus during an exchange program in 1981—and as the only son of an alumna to ever attend the all-girls school.

For a handful of years, as the disco era started to fade and the Reagan administration dawned, Deerfield

David Sweet, a Deerfield student, reads a script during acting class with an Emma Willard student in 1981.

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(then a single-sex school) and Emma Willard swapped students for a trimester in the winter. About 15 juniors and seniors were exchanged, along with a faculty member on each side, to see what it was like two hours away in another state of the country—and another state of mind.

After being embedded for more than 20 months at Deerfield, where few girls were visible save when they were bused in for the painful weekend dances (Me: Would you like to dance? Girl: No.), I jumped at the chance to spend January through March in Troy. Trading my Deerfield necktie and mandatory sit-down meals for the blue jeans and buffets of Emma Willard—along with being one of a handful of boys among 300 girls, which seemed far better odds than those dances—was too appealing to ignore.

So I flew into Albany one winter night and headed to campus. The Deerfield crew gathered on the first floor of Kellas, where we all had roommates (almost all dorm rooms at Deerfield were singles). Most rooms had adjoining bathrooms, giving us our own sinks; at Deerfield, one common bathroom lay at the end of each corridor. In a bizarre twist for teenage boys, the Emma Willard bathrooms were equipped only with baths, not showers (more on that to come).

I quickly became involved in activities at my new school, ones I was too timid to try at Deerfield. The presence of girls, who were less likely to laugh at shortcomings and could even be encouraging at times,

11

I traded my Deerfield necktie and mandatory sit-down meals for the

blue jeans and buffets of Emma Willard.

of us would wander a block or two off campus every so often to a convenience store and buy whatever we wanted. I’m not sure we even needed IDs. Ironically enough, drinking had nothing to do with my one disciplinary incident at the school. Tired of taking baths, one morning I snuck up to the second floor where showers were plentiful. I lathered and rinsed like a prisoner leaving solitary confinement, my first shower in more than a month. But as I crept downstairs, the corridor master caught me and sentenced me to a week of cleaning at a nearby preschool.

As spring arrived, I strolled about the campus, thinking of how much my mother, Nancy Frederick Sweet, said she’d liked Emma Willard when she attended the school in the 1940s. According to lore, in those days maids cleaned the rooms and scurried after the girls with pots of hot tea when they skated in the winter.

Those privileged days had disappeared, but the beauty of the campus had not—those large Gothic buildings with gargoyles captivated me, as did the woods nearby.

When my mother was on the Board of Trustees and was called to a meeting in 1996, I returned with her and my father soon after I had moved to New York City. We toured the campus, enjoyed dinner with the principal, and talked with a few of the students. Fifteen years after the exchange program, I again stayed in a dorm room. But at my advancing age, any Bohemian excitement over a small sparse room had worn off, and sleep in the tiny bed was fitful. But I did get a shower.

David Sweet has served as a columnist for The Wall Street Journal Online and for MSNBC.com. He is working on his first book, a sports biography to be published in 2011.

He lives in Lake Forest, Illinois, with his wife, Tricia, and three children: Hannah (Emma class of 2020), David, and Ford (Emma exchange prospects).

Fall 2009

written word

inspired me to song. I joined a coed singing group, where we visited campus dining halls and sang The Beatles’ “Twist and Shout.” Later on, four of us from Deerfield entered a talent show as The Who. With a tape of “Baba O’Riley” blasting, we mimicked the song with guitars, a drum set, and microphones. In the role of Pete Townshend, I remember sliding toward the edge of the stage, and the cheers and gasps of the female crowd were inspiring. For a shining moment, I understood the thrill of being a rock star (though unlike Townshend, I did not smash my guitar at the show’s end).

Though I never acted at Deerfield, I joined the play Our Town at Emma Willard. Admittedly, the part was small: I stuck out my hand, said, “Looks like rain,” and opened an umbrella.

While one might expect Deerfield boys were stared at as if exotic creatures or visitors from another planet, as far as I could tell the girls shrugged off our temporary presence. On our side, though none of us walked around mouth agape, we had no doubt we had lucked into a once-in-a-lifetime situation.

I don’t remember much about my academic experience at Emma Willard because the presence of girls in the classroom was a little too beguiling. At Deerfield, I might have gone months without seeing a girl (save the random faculty member’s daughter walking by).

Now I was surrounded by them. I think those who say single-sex schools are conducive to high achievement because there are no distractions (read: no members of the opposite sex) are correct.

I myself was distracted quite a bit, mainly by a girl named Nancy Low. My roommate offered to play matchmaker and invited her to visit us in our room one Friday evening. Given our appropriate last names, her friends stuffed her bureau drawers with packets of Sweet and Low around the same time.

We knew the rules during visiting period. Light on, doors open, feet on the floor. As it turned out, I didn’t need the rules. Even before Nancy arrived, my feet fled through the open door as I rushed to the laundry room, where I spent the entire visiting hour rationalizing to myself why I needed to do wash on a Friday night. The presence of a real live girl—and the idea of a date, even of the modified prep school variety—was more than this timid teen could handle. Any meaningful chance for a relationship had been ruined.

Perhaps I should have braced myself with a few drinks—after all, the drinking age in New York State was 18, while it was 20 in Massachusetts, and a number

12

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13

The Company of Women Single-Sex Education and Why It Perseveres A study conducted by a research team at UCLA led by Linda J. Sax recently documented the benefits of an all-girls’ education.

It compared the experiences of female students from single-sex and coeducational high schools, and the differences between the two groups as they transitioned to college.

“We were surprised by a couple of things in our results,” said Emily Arms, second author of the study’s report. “Even after controlling for socioeconomic background and high school differences, we still found many differences between the two groups. We also noted differences between Catholic all-girls’ and independent all-girls’ high schools. The latter, for example, showed higher confidence in math and computer science, which is important because those are areas where women historically have been underrepresented.”

The report made me think back to the early 1970s, when the climate for schools like Emma Willard was distinctly less friendly. The issue wasn’t that single-sex education wasn’t beneficial so much as that it was unfair to the excluded sex—and therefore, in the opinions of some, illegal.

At the time, feminists and civil rights groups, including the National Organization for Women and the American Civil Liberties Union, called for the elimination of sex segregation in education. And although single-sex private schools were not subject to laws governing public schools, they nonetheless felt pressure to go coed to keep their enrollments up. Clearly, the competition was about to get a lot tougher.

This pressure was arguably most intense at the college level. Led by Yale University in 1969, dozens of colleges and universities went coed.

By Stephanie Sides ’73

Against this backdrop, Emma Willard too considered going coed, causing principal William Dietel to convene the Faculty Committee on Coeducation in November 1969 to explore the idea. “It was obvious,” said Dietel, “that the larger boys’ schools were going to go coed and that competition for good students was driving those decisions. I don’t remember a lot of controversy within the Emma community largely because none of us was sold on the idea. But we did think the issue had to be examined as carefully and dispassionately as possible.”

The backstory, of course, was that Emma Willard’s resistance was based on its legacy as one of the first girls’ schools in the English-speaking world to provide young women with higher education. Said Dietel, “We had little to gain by going coed or merging with a boys’ school, which we also considered, but much to lose in terms of the school’s record of achievement and leadership in female education.”

During this time, various issues were posed to alumnae. How might going coed affect alumnae contributions to the school? Some 52 percent said their contributions would remain the same. Would alumnae send their daughters and sons to a coed EW? For daughters, 70 percent said yes; for sons, a surprisingly low 45 percent. Students at the time were polled too, but that produced no mandate.

Fall 2009

14 Probably most of the students attending Emma Willard in November 1971 will remember the fateful recommendation by the Board of Trustees against coeducation. But they may not remember the subtlety of the trustees’ statement, which suggested pursuit of “functional alternatives” that might achieve some of the same goals as coeducation. Such alternatives directly translated into Emma’s exchanges with boys’ schools, begun effectively when three enterprising students applied for independent study at Deerfield Academy the spring of 1972. The exchange program, which took place from the mid1970s until 1981, was discontinued when two of the three boys’ schools went coed. So there was yet more pressure for Emma Willard to do the same. [See page 10 for an essay by David Sweet, one of the “Deerfield boys.”]

What may be most surprising now is that interest in singlesex education is increasing. The Sax report noted it, as did Ilana DeBare, author of Where Girls Come First, a history of girls’ schools dating back to the 1800s.

—Former Principal Bill Dietel She agreed that while all-girls’ schools were in decline 20 years ago, today they are making an extraordinary comeback.

And this trajectory seems to be getting steeper in the last few years. Since 2006, 94 new single-sex schools have opened in the U.S.; two-thirds of them are for girls.

Significantly, governmental institutions have begun to lend their weight in support of this trend. In 2002, the U.S. Congress added a provision to the No Child Left Behind law permitting single-sex programs. And in 2006, the U.S. Department of Education authorized single-sex classes in public schools.

So if demand for all-girls’ schools is on the rise, why is that? With Emma Willard’s bicentennial coming up in 2014, it seemed an opportune time to investigate.

I asked 15 alumnae who graduated in the “zero” years between 1960 and 2000 what they thought. When they looked back, I asked, how had the school informed their lives? Though the world changed a great deal during that period, I wanted to determine what values they shared. And since I had them on the phone, I couldn’t resist asking what they thought about the school today.

We had little to gain by going coed or merging with a boys’ school but much to lose in terms of the school’s record of achievement and leadership in female education.

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Meeting High Academic Expectations “One of the messages I got from Emma Willard,” said Kendra Stearns O’Donnell ’60, “was that I could do whatever I wanted. And this was before the feminist era.” That observation resounded through the decades.

Ariana Gadd ’00, 40 years O’Donnell’s junior, used nearly the same words: “I felt as if I could be anything I wanted.”

The teachers conveyed that message of expectation in everything they did and said. Many of the alums remembered that the teachers were renowned for waiting out a student while she struggled, somehow, to respond to a difficult question. We couldn’t avoid dealing with inadequacy, anxiety, or worrying that we didn’t know the answer. There was nowhere to hide.

Furthermore, faced with the demanding curriculum, coupled with the increasing diversity of the student body, we had earlier and greater exposure to unfamiliar situations in which we didn’t know how to react. So we had to mature.

And as the teachers believed in us, we, too, came to believe in ourselves. Lauren Dorgan ’00 described how the self-confidence she developed helped her tackle almost any subject she was assigned to cover as a reporter. She recalled that freshman year she had to write a 30-page paper about weaponry in the Iliad. Many years later that project would help her, on 10 minutes’ notice, interview a U.S. senator about the war in Iraq. “Emma Willard taught us to plunge into life,” she said.

Self-confidence, in turn, helped students find—and express—themselves. “EWS made me the person I am.

The school put the substance inside me and gave me my voice,” said Elizabeth Aldrich Atcheson ’70.

Patrice Savery ’80 agreed: “We developed voices we wanted people to hear.” But she added that the professional world did not necessarily welcome the kinds of attributes that Emma Willard was so busily instilling.

“Corporate America was not quite ready for strong, independent women. That world stymied our abilities and created quite a bumpy ride for us. As a result, many of my classmates are now working for themselves where they can be strong on their own terms.”

Emma Willard also taught students to take responsibility. “Boarding at Emma Willard,” said Donna Krupkin Whitney ’70, “meant growing up apart from the influence of my parents, and that encouraged me to take responsibility for my decisions and actions.”

The school also encouraged students to take risks: experiment with a new subject, attempt a new leadership role, or embrace a wider range of possibilities in thinking through a complicated matter or making a decision. Said Atcheson, “I’m willing to take risks now because I developed a sense of strength and

15 competence from Emma Willard. When you’re surrounded by thoughtful, strong, capable girls, and have thoughtful, strong, capable women to look up to among the administration, faculty, and alumnae, you’re just more likely to become that kind of person yourself.”

On the other hand, risk taking hasn’t always worked out; several alums admitted to risks they took that led to failure. But in each case, they not only weren’t ashamed of the outcome, but acknowledged that the experience had taught them something valuable about themselves or the situation. They expressed a matter-offact fortitude that impressed me.

The environment at Emma Willard also encouraged diversity and placed a high value on tolerance; it was okay to be different. “Being half Indian, I appreciated the diversity,” said Gouri Orekondy Edlich ’90. “To be with people who looked different to others—but like me—made Emma Willard feel like home.” But being different was more than a matter of ethnicity or being from another country. Several alums commented that their shyness, immaturity, or nerdy character didn’t exclude them from the community. They felt allowed to mature at their own rate without the fear of not fitting in and the judgment they might have experienced in other settings.

Thriving in the Company of Women The single-sex and boarding aspects of the school had a big impact on the development of close relationships, which was cited as an important characteristic of the school by all alums. Even the day students said they benefited from exposure to the boarding environment, commenting that they often ate all three meals a day at the school and hung out in the dorms into the evening on school nights.

The boarding experience might be described as unrelenting togetherness in which you see each other through the best and worst of times. That, in turn, seems to hardwire a basic camaraderie, understanding, and trust. These friendships have not only continued for every alum, but also provided a foundation for establishing rewarding relationships with women in general later on.

“I’ve always had deep friendships with women, professionally and personally,” said Atcheson. “I credit EW with that. In fact, at one of my first jobs, at an ad agency, I heard someone talking about women ‘cat fighting’ with each another. I was shocked that anyone would think women were competitive with each other just because they were women. It was one of those eyeopening moments.”

All of these abilities—responding to high expectations, developing self-confidence and self-expression,

learning to take responsibility, taking risks, appreciating differences, and embracing strong relationships— are part of leadership. Many alums in various ways pointed to the same basic thing: Emma Willard instills in its students the knowledge, attitudes, skills, and commitment to become leaders to make the world a better place.

The school’s graduates have quite a track record in this regard, whether in reforming state law, conducting important scientific studies, writing, singing, acting, or attending to the needs of children and the dispossessed.

Assessing the School Today Most alumnae see the school today as more alive and welcoming than it might have been 50 years ago. They applaud the increasingly diverse student body in terms of the number of countries represented and its socioeconomic breadth. They also appreciate the school’s greater focus on public and community service, commenting that the students have more opportunities to travel and do charitable work during school breaks.

“Part of what EW does is make people feel they can do work whose value is not determined by the salary one makes,” said Lucy Schwab Blythe ’80. Edlich agreed: “The small community at EW fosters a social sense that volunteering and contributing matter.”

So was it a good thing that Emma Willard didn’t go coed? I didn’t ask that question expressly, but enough alums volunteered their opinions that I wanted to include their thoughts. Most said it had been a good decision but were careful to note —Elizabeth Aldrich Atcheson ’70 that single-sex schools were appropriate for some, but not all, girls. “It’s a very viable option and an important one to keep alive,” said Whitney.

Said Dietel, “I personally have no doubt whatsoever that we made the right decision against coeducation. I am fascinated that, on the eve of EWS’s 200th anniversary, the school has expanded its mandate to champion the cause of girls’ education worldwide. I think we have a second Emma Willard in Trudy Hall.”

At one of my first jobs, at an ad agency, I heard someone talking about women ‘cat fighting’. I was shocked that anyone would think women were competitive with each other just because they were women.

Fall 2009

16

Careers + Motherhood

Can Women Have It All? We asked this question in the last issue of Emma and alumnae responded with stories of the choices they have made: some are staying home to raise their children, others are taking a temporary leave, some never leave at all.

But the question of whether women stay home with children or not, whether and how they regain their careers, is, as Amanda Poppei ’97 put it, “a luxury afforded to relatively few women.” She and others see this as a pressing social issue not just a personal one. “How we support women, children, and families across the country and around the world—that’s where the real debate is, and the real work.” emma

Kelsey macmillan Banfield ’95

Recipe for a Career >> After childbirth, Kelsey MacMillan Banfield ’95 decided not to return to work, but instead cooked up a hot, home-based career.

18 Careers + Motherhood

Pregnancy Brownies Ingredients 25 caramels, unwrapped 4 T. heavy whipping cream ¾ c. chocolate chips, tossed with 1 t. flour 2 sticks unsalted butter, melted 6 oz. bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped 4 eggs 2 c. sugar 2 t. pure vanilla extract 2 T. cocoa powder 1 t. baking powder 1 t. salt 1 ¼ c. all-purpose flour Directions 1. Preheat oven to 350°.

2. Melt butter and chocolate together. I use the microwave, heating it in short intervals so the butter doesn’t explode. Mix together until fully combined.

Cool slightly.

3. Beat together eggs, vanilla, sugar, and cocoa powder in a mixer until combined. Add chocolate to the mixer, beat until just combined.

4. Finally, add flour, baking powder, and salt to the chocolate mixture and mix until the batter is totally incorporated. Remember to scrape down the sides of the bowl and the bottom of the bowl to make sure it all comes together. Add chocolate chips and stir to combine. Pour batter into buttered 13x9 baking pan.

5. Melt caramels and whipping cream over the stovetop until caramels are completely melted.

Drop caramel by teaspoonful over the brownies and swirl into the batter with a knife.

6. Bake for 40-45 minutes, or until knife inserted in the brownies comes out clean.

For more recipes go to www. thenaptimechef.com

emma

It was a great year, 2006. I had been married for three happy years, was enjoying my work as a fundraiser at a large institution, and loved my life in Manhattan. Plus, I had plenty of time and energy to engage in my favorite hobbies, cooking and baking. Life was good. Then I got pregnant, and life got even better.

I worked for the entire length of my pregnancy and didn’t give a second thought to the fact that I would return to the office. It seemed so obvious to me that I would be a working mom, just like dozens of my friends, and even my boss. I put our baby on daycare wait lists and quizzed friends about the best way to acquire a nanny. I was told to wait until after the baby was born to figure it all out, so that was what I decided to do.

The best part about pregnancy was that I gave myself carte blanche to the sugar cabinet. I baked and baked, and baked some more. It was no surprise to me that my daughter weighed 9 lb. 9 oz. at birth. I think it was the brownies.

See recipe Our daughter, Daphne, was born one week after my last day in the office. For a while everything went swimmingly.

Duncan went back to work while Daphne and I enjoyed a daily routine of feedings, baths, and burps, plus walks in Central Park. We socialized at Starbucks and little playgroups, and I managed to surprise even myself with the enthusiasm I put into showing her everyday things like dogs and birds.

Then, one day, while we were in the middle of reading Madeline, my colleague called to see how we were doing and to tell me how much she was looking forward to my return. I told her I couldn’t wait to get back to work, but when I hung up the phone, I became overwhelmed with a horrible sinking feeling—I realized I had no desire to return to my job.

I had completely underestimated the strength of maternal feelings and now found myself at an unexpected cross-

roads. Did I go back to work or stay home? I worried myself into a state of anxiety. Every time Duncan and I began the conversation about hiring a nanny, I couldn’t agree on the proper way to do it. As far as I was concerned, I was by far the most qualified person for the job.

I tried to explore the idea of parttime with my office, but the policy strictly dictated that any kind of parttime status could last no more than two months. Furthermore, my boss— suffering from her own guilt about working outside the home—made no effort to work with me to find a satisfying solution. I was shocked and saddened to be met with such old-fashioned policies. It only reinforced for me how far our country still has to go to make the workplace more accepting of working parents.

In my own efforts to make an informed decision, I spent hours and hours doing research. I read Leslie Bennett’s book The Feminine Mistake, reread Katty Kay’s riveting keynote speech about being a working mother given at “Women, Power & Responsibility,” Emma Willard’s 2007 Symposium, and Googled “motherhood+career+debate” several times. The more I read, the more I was amazed by the naivete of our culture and our inability to understand the value and necessity of being flexible for working parents. I was angry that I had to make a choice between raising my daughter and staying on track professionally. Why did these two things have to be mutually exclusive? All my life I had easily identified with ambitious women who wanted to reach the top of their fields and break the glass ceiling. I mean, come on, I had graduated from Emma Willard! I was a woman with an agenda! I had a lot to accomplish before retirement! Would stepping out of the workplace mean I had to give all that up? And, perhaps most importantly, would I be satisfied as a stay-at-home mom after so many years in the professional workforce?

19 I highly doubt they were looking at the tired rumpled mom and thinking the same thing. They were going to an office where their accomplishments were measured by titles and dollar signs, while I was still adjusting to mine being measured in smiles and coos.

I was also adjusting to no longer having time to cook or bake the way I used to. I would start thinking about dinner at 4:30 p.m. and, totally overwhelmed by the prospect of cooking from scratch, I’d end up ordering takeout instead.

So about three months after Daphne was born, I started reworking my favorite recipes to figure out how I could prepare them while she napped and complete them in the evening.

The more I cooked, the more I noticed that there were very few resources to coach parents on how to

During those tenuous days of decision-making, I wasn’t up to cooking much. My postpartum body was still recovering, I was emotionally exhausted from all the worrying, and I had no time to spend hunched over a hot stove.

I made things that were easy and delicious. I needed food that nourished not only my body, but my mind as well.

See recipe In the end the math made the decision for us. The cash I brought home posttax was less than we would pay a nanny.

Also, daycare was out of the question, since we still had at least another year before we would be off any waiting list.

I called my boss two weeks before the end of maternity leave to tell her I wouldn’t be returning. My struggle with this decision, I told her, had been extraordinarily difficult, but I had to

exactly what my career needed.

Maybe motherhood was

prepare good food ahead of time, or at a moment’s notice. I also realized that not many parents understood that it is easy to prepare certain dishes during their downtime. I had figured out how to enjoy time cooking and baking during Daphne’s afternoon naptime, and I wanted to spread the word.

So in January I started a Web site, The Naptime Chef™ (www.thenap timechef.com). My lifelong hobby of cooking and baking came to life on the Web overnight. I sketched out a business plan, wrote a mission statement, and started what I hope will become a resource for all foodie parents who love to cook. To my surprise, a short three months into my project, it was mentioned in several national publications, and I even picked up a few paid foodwriting assignments. I seemed to have an audience.

Building a brand takes months and even years, but I feel that I am off to a good start. I am not exactly sure where

do what was best for our family. I also expressed my disappointment in the company policy regarding job flexibility, a sentiment that I hoped would reach someone of importance in HR. I doubt it ever did.

I realize it is a luxury that my husband earned enough to support us, but we still had to make changes to our lifestyle. Once our decision was made, we quickly put an end to our carefree spending and dinners out. We also agreed that I wouldn’t have any organized childcare for daytime relief until we could work it into our budget.

I felt these changes, but the benefits outweighed any drawbacks.

I would like to say that I didn’t miss my career for those first few months, but that’s not true. There were many days when I would see working women in snappy suits heading to the subway, while I walked by in sweatpants pushing a stroller, and think, “What a smartlooking person. That used to be me.”

Easy Ratatouille for Tired Parents Ingredients 1 lb. eggplant, cubed Olive oil 1 lb. zucchini, washed and sliced into ½ inch thick half moons 1 medium-sized yellow onion, thinly sliced ½ red bell pepper, cored, seeded and cut into thin strips ½ green bell pepper, cored, seeded and cut into thin strips 5 large cloves garlic, diced 5 large tomatoes, seeded and chopped ¾ t. salt 1 bay leaf 2 sprigs fresh thyme Directions 1. Preheat oven to 400˚. Toss cubed eggplant with olive oil and a pinch of coarse salt. Arrange eggplant evenly on a jellyroll pan and bake for 30 minutes. Toss the cubes halfway through to ensure even roasting.

2. Meanwhile, in a large Dutch oven or deep skillet, warm 2 T. olive oil. Add zucchini and cook until golden brown and tender.

Using a slotted spoon, remove zucchini and set aside. Do not remove the excess oil from the pan.

3. Add onion to Dutch oven and stir until softened—about 6 minutes—then add peppers and garlic. Stir occasionally until tender, but not browned. Add tomatoes, salt, thyme and bay leaf. Cook for 5 minutes on low. Add eggplant and zucchini, stir to incorporate and cook until all vegetables are very tender—about 20 minutes.

4. When all vegetables are soft and fragrant take a taste (don’t burn yourself!) and adjust seasonings if necessary. Discard bay leaf.

5. Serve warm or at room temperature. I like to eat it with bread and cheese for a midday meal.

Fall 2009

20 Careers + Motherhood it will lead—I would love to write a cookbook, but I also toy with the want to return to the workforce* idea of culinary school. There are moments that are frustrating, but mostly the experience of starting something on my own has been extraordinarily rewarding. The best part, of course, is that I do it all while my daughter sleeps, so we still get to spend our days together. I plan to keep it this way until she begins nursery school.

When the day comes for Daphne to attend grade school, I will assess how far my brand has come and decide where to go from there. In order to help support our family, I might return to a full-time job, I hope in the food world, and keep my Web site as a side business. In that case, I will have to learn how to strike a new balance as a working mother and work extra hard at making time for my hobbies. But, until then, I am taking each day as it comes and am grateful for this time I have with my daughter.

While there is no doubt in my mind that our country needs to reform our working-parents and childcare policies, I think I have found my own balance in the matter. Every family needs to make the decision that is right for them, and we made the one that was right for us. After almost two years at home we have a happy, confident daughter, and I have found a whole new career ambition that fits my lifestyle and makes me happy. Three years ago I would never have thought this was where I would be, but, in retrospect, maybe motherhood was exactly what my career needed.

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Amanda Poppei ’97

Minister or Mother?

(Both) I always knew I’d work while raising children —for me it was really about the timing.

I chose (and, of course, luck does have something to do with it) to have my daughter just as I finished seminary, so that I was home with her for eight months before I started my settlement at the Washington Ethical Society.

I spent those months looking for a congregation to serve—and, in fact, I took my first phone call with the search committee at the Washington Ethical Society just two days after I delivered my daughter, while we were at the hospital waiting for our discharge papers. I only answered the phone because I thought it was the lactation consultant!

My time at home with my daughter, who was a demanding baby (but then, aren’t they all?), felt like a roller coaster of emotions. I was delighted to have a child, but found staying with her all day to be simultaneously exhausting and boring. I was lonely for adult conversation, but found I never had a minute alone. We tried to connect to a community of other mothers and their babies, but I found that I tired of talking about feeding schedules and baby yoga. I didn’t have a connection to these women outside of our children; and in truth, I didn’t want just friends, anyway. I wanted purpose, a chance to serve, more facets to my life and my relationships.

I wanted to be in ministry, doing the work I’d been preparing for over the last four years.

Perhaps the best gift of those eight months is that they taught me that I’m making the right decision by

working. As much as I love being a mother, and I consider it one of the most incredible gifts in my life, providing full-time childcare is not for me. By the time I began my settlement at the Washington Ethical Society, Marcella and I were both very ready for daycare to begin. She’s a particularly social child, and she needed more than just Mama as a playmate.

I was lucky to have a mother who worked—and with whom I’ve always had a close relationship—so I was comfortable with the idea of daycare. My mother, a developmental psychologist who helped to found a daycare center about 30 years ago, was a resource for me as I looked at different daycares, thought about what I wanted in a provider, and reassured myself that this was the right decision.

And I’m lucky to have the resources to be able to find and afford a great daycare provider. The truth, of course, is that most Emma graduates are also lucky in their ability to get quality daycare, and most American women are not. And finally, I have a wonderful co-parent in my husband—I can’t imagine managing a career as a minister, with all the evening meetings and Sunday mornings that requires, without a father who absolutely delights in his daughter.

We also have the support of our families (including four incredible grandparents, two of whom are within 35 minutes of our house), not to mention the congregation I serve. When the members of the

*All statistics from the Center for Work-Life Policy and Harvard Business Review study

21

How we support women, children, and families across the country and around the world.

That’s where the real debate is, and the real work.

Amanda Poppei ’97 with her husband and daughter.

congregation called me, they knew what they were getting, and they’ve been understanding all along the way. I go to fewer evening meetings than most ministers, and more often than not Marcella is in my arms during coffee hour after the Sunday service. Well, these days she’s in my arms only briefly on her way to sneak more cookies off the table in the social hall…but either way, she’s a presence in the congregation’s life, and they’re glad to have her there.

All that said, it’s not perfect. Even with my knowledge that I’ve made the right choice for me, it’s still hard to leave for an evening meeting, hard to know that my daughter prefers having her Daddy put her to bed, hard to head out to conferences knowing I won’t see her for a few nights (and that she’ll be mad at me when I get home!).

But truthfully, I almost never wonder if I’m making the right decision. Marcella obviously thrives at daycare—we have a lazy morning together when she wakes up, reading books and chatting, but I know that when it’s time to get going, I just have to tell her we’re going to Miss Helen’s and she races off to get her

shoes and go to the door. She loves her friends there, is adored by her caregiver, and at the same time her primary attachment is clearly to her father and to me.

Marcella very considerately took her first steps at home, in the evening, when both Mama and Daddy were there to encourage her and celebrate with her. We understand her talking a little more than her caregiver does, and we know her favorite songs. And there is no greater joy than picking Marcella up at the end of the day, seeing her huge smile—a smile that tells me she’s had a great day playing with her friends, and now she can’t wait to go home with Mama.

The real subtext to all of this— and the one we are most likely to forget—is the privilege that most Emma graduates have of making these choices, a privilege which so many American women—not to mention women around the world—simply don’t have. Imagine how this conversation would change, on a national level, if we had federally mandated maternity and paternity leave, governmentsupported quality daycare, visiting

baby nurses (think of France, most of Scandinavia, and other countries in return to full-time jobs Europe). The question of whether or not we stay home with children, and all the very real worry that goes into that decision, is a luxury afforded to relatively few women. I’ve found the right balance for my family, but I also know that part of my responsibility is to make sure that all women one day get to make the choice, to find the right balance for them. The care of our children is not only a personal decision, but one that ties into our society’s priorities, how we support women, children, and families across the country and around the world. That’s where the real debate is, and the real work.

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Amanda Poppei ’97 is a Unitarian Universalist minister and Ethical Culture clergy; she serves a congregation in Washington, DC, the Washington Ethical Society. She lives in Silver Spring, MD, with her husband, Peter Verchinski, and their daughter, Marcella.

Fall 2009

Careers + Motherhood

Augusta Needles Field ’56

when old models fail I would be hard-pressed to say women can have it all, based on my married life.

Augusta Needles Field ’56 with her family (and a friend’s son) in the 1960s.

During the fifties and early sixties, the mores of our society dictated that women should be well-educated, married, and prepared to be helpmates to their husbands, raise the children, and provide the socialization for the family, teaching them to be knowledgeable participants of society. We were not expected to prepare for careers or necessarily to be partners in a marriage or able to carry our share of the financial demands.

When I graduated from Emma Willard in 1956, I wanted to go to work, to gain experience before marrying. I imagined I’d work before having children and after they were

emma

older. My mother was a successful interior designer and decorator in New York, and working outside the house was very satisfying to her.

Following her model seemed natural to me.

She suggested I attend secretarial school to get a foot in the door where I would like to work. This was a common route for women of our day—training as a secretary. It was often our only way to enter the workforce. Armed with secretarial skills, I worked as an assistant to an art director of children’s books at Doubleday in New York City for two years. I loved my job, but when I became engaged, I was let go. I

married Jonathan Field, who became a teacher of social studies for seventh and eighth grade students at the Greenwich Country Day School.

In 1961 we moved to Bedford, New York, where over the next six years we were blessed with three daughters, Cassandra, Elizabeth, and Whitney. I became immersed in the community, volunteered at church, the library, and the girls’ school, and gave dinner parties and joined a garden club. My work became the care and guidance of our three girls and supporting Jon in his endeavors, which I truly enjoyed.

The downside of this focus on the family was that when, 16 years later, our marriage faltered and we eventually divorced, I needed to enter the job market and felt that I lacked the necessary skills and experience. It was difficult being divorced, as I had little financial support, and living circumstances were not the same as

23 when we were married.

After working as a volunloss of earning power (when out teer and board 2 years or less) member for an environmental organization, I began to carve out a career, going on-staff, researching and writing reports, and putting on a conference on nutrition and social policy. Jon and I had joint custody, having been good partners in raising our girls. In 1978, we thought it best that Elizabeth and Whitney go and live with him, as by then Cass had started college. Hard as it was, the girls were in a more stable atmosphere, and we were able to come together as often as possible.

Moving back to New York to work in the South Bronx with a fresh herb nursery, I went to college at night and marketed fresh herbs to restaurants all over New York City.

When the grant ended, I entered Sarah Lawrence College full time, working three part-time jobs until graduation in 1986. Being back in New York brought me closer to the girls, until I went into the Peace Corps in southern Africa. As the girls grew up, they went on their way with their lives. After a master’s degree at Columbia in anthropology, my work became community development, building and managing farmers’ markets in six towns on Long Island, and bringing people together to work on the Master Plan for Riverhead, on the end of Long Island. Now, 20 years later, I live in Troy and work at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.

The girls have been of enormous support, but laugh when I mention staying at home to be with them in their formative years. “Oh, when did you do that?”

Antonia Stolper ’75

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A Political decision Can you have it all?

Yes. It requires a husband or a partner.

I did not stop working. I did not go on the mommy track. I wanted to succeed and I have. I was very ambitious. I had that need to show that women can do it and to foster the next generation. My group of friends from EW, we didn’t change our names, we didn’t stop working.

People say, “You’re so lucky.” What does luck have to do with it? My husband married a feminist. And I married a man who was a feminist, quite on purpose. We met in college; we didn’t know where our lives would end up. Serendipity plays an enormous role in what ends up being one’s life.

Balance—what does that mean? You think there is a conscious plan in the way we live our lives. You have babies, they get older. There’s this notion that it is a static issue. It’s not static.

The fact that it’s a discussion among women is insanity. Where are the husbands in this discussion? Why aren’t they part of the decision making?

My son had a father who was there; he’s incredibly close to his father. He and I are absolutely devoted to each other. His grandAntonia Stolper ’75 with her husband, Bob Fertik, and parents were involved with his her son, Ted Fertik. upbringing.

One can’t judge other people’s personal decisions, but I do judge others’ political decisions. It’s not an individual decision; there are repercussions beyond yourself and your family. You can’t stop being responsible, as a highly educated member of society, for the ways in which women and their children are being disadvantaged. There’s some collective responsibility; you can’t just say, “I’ve taken care of my little piece.”

My biggest responsibility in life was to raise a good potential husband. My mother-in-law is one of the great people on the planet and she did it.

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Augusta Needles Field ’56 works at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute as a program coordinator.

succeed in finding employment

Antonia Stolper ’75 is a partner in the law firm Shearman and Sterling LLP in New York. She also chairs the New York City Bar’s Cyrus Vance Center for International Justice.

Fall 2009

24 Careers + Motherhood

Claire Weinraub Boeck ’87

traded corporate games for toddler games I feel that for the most part it is a myth that women can have it all, at least at the same time.

I have been the primary breadwinner in my household since my marriage over five years ago, working as an RN case manager at a health insurance company. My earning potential is more than double my husband’s, so when we were finally blessed with our son, it seemed logical that I would work full time and my husband would reduce his hours to part time in order to avoid the need for childcare.

My husband is an excellent father, and my son thrived under this arrangement. It was a huge relief to

me to know that my son was spending his waking hours with the people who love him the most in the world, particularly when I heard my colleagues’ daycare horror stories.

However, being a full-time working mother was very difficult for me.

After years of infertility/miscarriage, it broke my heart to have to be away from my baby (who is likely the only child I will ever have) for more than 40 hours a week. His infancy flew by, and I will never get over my regret at how much of it I missed when I was working full time.

I find it highly regrettable that in our society it has become the norm for mothers to have to leave their three-month-old babies to return to full-time work, and when I was in this position, I really resented the widespread attitude that this was just a normal “mommy milestone” that I had to get used to.

We have recently found a way to make it financially feasible for my husband to return to work full time and for me to be a full-time stay-at-home mom, with plans for me to seek part-time employment in the fall. This has been somewhat of a financial risk and has involved some sacrifices. For example, my future part-time position will be in a hospital setting where I will have to work overnight shifts and holidays.

But we have determined that the sacrifices, financial and otherwise, are worth the trade-off of my being home more. Having nontraditional roles in our household was less than ideal, due to my husband’s and my personalities. I am the organizer/ planner and have a strong personality, where my husband is more laid-back and relaxed. Consequently, when I worked full time, he was constantly in the subservient role.

Now that my husband’s the full-time breadwinner, our roles are more

Claire Weinraub Boeck’87 and her husband and son.

emma

balanced.

25 Now that he’s the fulltime breadloss of earning winner, our power (more than roles are more 3 years) balanced.

When I was working full time, I spent a lot of time playing corporate politics.

I loved my coworkers, and there were aspects of my job that were valuable, but I had to wade through a lot of corporate games to get to those components. Now my days are spent playing toddler games, and I can’t imagine a more valuable way to use my time and talent. Loving and teaching my son and helping to facilitate his growth and development are the most rewarding careers I have ever had.

Many people in my life assume that I’ll return to full-time work once my son is in school, but at this point I don’t anticipate increasing my part-time schedule until he’s grown. Even for families with school-aged children, having both parents employed full time is often less than ideal.

Children go to school 180 days a year, 6 hours a day. This means that when school is out, parents need a patchwork of childcare arrangements to cover the remaining hours that Mom and Dad are working.

We live in a fast-paced society where people are perpetually busy, and I want to slow it down for my son (and myself ) during these precious years. This is more important to me than trying to have it all (at the same time, anyway).

Linda Passaretti ’84

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A decision not to have children I don’t need children to feel that my life is complete.

Linda Passaretti ’84 and her dogs, Zoe and Sierra.

To me, “all” is my career, my friends, my community, my relationship, a healthy balance of work and life, personal philanthropy, a brood of animals in our house, and connection to my family. But, and this is a big but, I chose not to have children in part because of the fear that I couldn’t juggle it all. What if I lost my job and couldn’t provide for them? What if my relationship failed and I had to deal with custody issues and/or raise a child on my own? Despite my parents’ divorce, they met all of my needs, including providing me with a wonderful education; I am not sure I could do as much for a child, and that holds me back. I find this to be a very provocative and compelling question. It resonates especially for alumnae from the early eighties because if we haven’t had children yet, our windows are closing.

I worry at times that I will regret my decision.

Claire Weinraub Boeck ’87 and her husband Jerome (Jerry) and son Jeffrey live in Latham, NY.

Linda Passaretti ’84 is director of alumnae relations and communications at Emma Willard.

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connections EWS: Playing a Vital Role for Women Sojourner Truth (abolitionist and advocate for women’s rights) once declared, “…ain’t I a woman?”

Emma Hart Willard proclaimed the same by fulfilling her dream of educating young women when she founded Emma Willard School in 1814. Eighty years later another generation of young trailblazing women founded the Emma Willard School Alumnae Association to provide a vital link between the school and its diverse and loyal graduates. Alumnae Association Council members meet three times a year (October, February, and May) to carry out the goals of increasing alumnae connections, providing opportunities that will serve EWS alumnae, support institutional priorities, and increase school visibility.

I have served on the council for four years because I wanted a chance to give back to a place that has been so instrumental in making me the trailblazer that I am today. In addition to a world class education, EWS exposed me to global issues, i.e. politics, religion, economics, gender issues, and diversity, which I would not have otherwise experienced so early in life.

I visited an all-girl’s boarding school in Lilongwe, Malawi (East Africa) and I was reminded how much we have to be thankful for and how much we owe Emma for playing such a vital role in shaping our future. I know that everyone is not in a position to support the school through services or finances, but I ask that you do whatever you can. If for no other reason than—we miss you!

Through this group of educated, strong, and powerful women I expect to better foster the AAC goals in the next few years. So as I travel, I hope to visit with alumnae across the country to hear about your stories, experiences, and ways we as a community can do more. (In essence, I don’t expect to be eating alone or sitting in an empty hotel room over the next two years.) In the meantime, I hope that you will reach out to EWS about organizing a regional club, hosting a book reading, or participating in a local event. In addition, we promise to be in touch when there is a regional event near you.

Sheila Stenhouse Lee ’81

President, Alumnae Association Council

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2009 Distinguished Alumnae Awards Life Achievement Lilian Armstrong ’54 Lilian Armstrong’s curriculum vitae is a work of art; among its many pages lie her personal masterpieces. Three fellowships from the National Endowment for the Humanities, a residency at the American Academy in Rome, and the honor of being named the first recipient of Wellesley College’s Marion Butler McLean Chair in the History of Ideas are just some of the highlights. Harder to quantify, but surely magnificent, are the countless women she has taught, mentored, and inspired to pursue art history through her more than four decades of teaching at Wellesley.

She specializes in Italian Renaissance painting and sculpture, late Medieval and Renaissance manuscript illumination, illustration and decoration of early printed books, and the classical tradition in Renaissance art.

Among her many publications are books on Northern Italian painting and book illumination, as well as contributions to countless articles and scholarly journals.

Lilian Armstrong embodies Emma Willard’s mission through her enduring devotion to the cause of educating women.

Accomplished Alumna Kirsten Rutnik Gillibrand ’84 Her EW college recommendation stated, “She has won the highest respect of her faculty and the highest affection of her peers,” foreshadowing the writing on the wall: Kirsten Rutnick had the qualities needed for a successful and admirable life in politics.

When Kirsten set her sights on the U.S. House of Representatives, seeking to oust a long-term incumbent, endorsers and opponents alike doubted it could be done. Those who knew her, especially retired EW teacher Marcia Handelman, knew it would be done.

Mark Van Wormer

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She served New York’s 20th Congressional District with transparency, integrity, and a willingness to know her constituents. Governor David Paterson appointed her to the U.S. Senate seat vacated by Hillary Rodham Clinton in January 2009. Ever committed to making the political process worthy of the trust of ordinary citizens on both sides of the aisle, she is a role model for all of us, and she reminds us that, at its best, a life in politics is a worthy, noble, selfless endeavor.

Humanitarian Nandita Sugandhi ’94 Equipped with an MD and proficient in Swahili, French, Hindi, and Marathi, Nandita Sugandhi acts as the sole pediatrician at Mbeya Referral Hospital in Tanzania, serving a catchment area of over seven million people. There she strives to provide all aspects of pediatric HIV care and treatment while working to create a children’s rights curriculum for health care workers in that country. One classmate says of her, “She works around the clock because her patients really matter to her.” Her care for others is clear in all she does.

In an autobiographical sketch she wrote at Emma Willard, she mused about a possible career in marine biology, but, she concluded, “I decided I wanted to be a doctor…I loved biology, but I also wanted a career where I could really work with people.” Her desire for a career in medicine has perfectly matched her talent in science and her care and compassion for others.

Outstanding Young Alumna Susan Moss Burch ’89 Today as a professor in the American and International Studies programs at Middlebury College, Susan Moss Burch oversees the newly created Center for the Comparative Study of Race and Ethnicity. What she has accomplished and the impact she has had on many

lives in her first 20 years off Mount Ida are more than some will accomplish in a lifetime.

For over 10 years and while earning her Ph.D., she was among the few hearing professors at Gallaudet University, a university designed for deaf people. There her colleagues and students consistently rated her among the top teachers, and her unending passion for history and advocacy for the disabled blossomed.

In addition to her achievement within the classroom, both at home and abroad, she has used her talents to research and curate the exhibit Every Body: American Disability History. She is also the editor-in-chief of a three-volume encyclopedia on American disability history, ensuring this history is accurately portrayed and preserved.

Service to Emma Willard Deborah Dodds ’79 What distinguishes Deb Dodds most is the passion with which she carries out her volunteer responsibilities. No one makes the case for supporting Emma Willard more emphatically and with more conviction. Her enthusiasm is contagious!

The numerous ways she has served Emma Willard bespeak her commitment: Alumnae Association Council vice president, national chair for recordbreaking annual funds, chair of The 1814 Association, and a member of the Board of Trustees. Currently she serves on the Executive Committee for the Emma Willard Idea Campaign, and she chaired her 30th reunion.

Deb’s underlying goals have been constant: engage and connect alumnae to the school, serve as an ambassador by spreading the word to others about the benefits of an Emma Willard education, and ensure that Emma always has the philanthropic support it needs to remain the gold standard in girls education.

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9 10 1. Two generations of Duells: Rachel Carpenter Duell ’59 and daughter Rachel Duell Sorenson ’79 find a brief moment together at reunion.

2. Board chair Wendy Pestel Lehmann ’64 and classmates Kathryn Dale Stewart and Barbara Jones Higbee relive their Segway ride and ponder what stunt will come next.

3. Former faculty Marcia Handelman gets a warm greeting from “her” senator, Kirsten Rutnik Gillibrand ’84.

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4. Sarah Stearns ’69 and Jacqui Kennedy ’69 get their kicks on Route 66 (aka Pawling Avenue!).

5. Diane Demont Rapp ’59 prepares for the parade.

6. The Class of ’94 with a young member of the class of 2025??

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7. Carla Sabloff Smith ’74: one part reunion chair, one part reunion queen!

8. The Class of ’79: further proof that Emma alumnae are beautiful and ageless!

9. The Class of ’69 shares an inside joke at reunion.

10. The Class of ’44: we know they’ll be back in five years!

11. The Class of ’84: twenty-five years later and they are still laughing!

12. The Class of 2004 takes its first reunion in stride. Yes, dears, someday you will hit your 25th, 50th, and beyond!

It’s all good!

All photos by Mark Van Wormer

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’44: Judy MacArthur Davidson, Anngenette Groton Tyler, Jane Gale, Alice Forstall Dana ’49: Front row (l-r) Mary Hough Blair, Sue McKee Wierengo, Katzy Bailey Nager, Sue Dorr Cairns, Harriet Moore Manning, Priscilla Hall Wall Stairs (top-bottom) Lynn Healy Nichols, Barbara Brown Davis, Jean Van Kleek Pettigrew, Jackie MacNulty Viana, Sarah Wing, Barbara Andersen Bolling, Ernestine Winston Ruben, Jeanne Duff

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’54: Stairs (top-bottom) Duna Furst Fullerton, Lilian Armstrong, Penny Merrill Brouder, Sally Oldt Herd, Poppy Bingham Quattlebaum, Martha Walsh, Dru Escher Malavase (in front of Martha) Floor (l-r) Hope Lawrence Cole, Nancy Hoagland Steidl, Dottie Dalenz Robertson, Margie Harcourt Braun, Maruja Mendiri ’59: Front row (l-r) Katryn Tolley Fritz, Jenni Macdonald DeWolf, Mary Bremer Drummond, Ricci Carpenter Duell, Carol Polk Meenan Row 2 Judy Mills Courter, Ginger Carter, Debby Taft Perry, Brooks (Nancy) Glickman Lipton, Susie Carnes

Reeder, Beverly (Beaver) Chalmers Baker Row 3 Helen Brackett, Frances Fletcher Atchison, MaryAnne Martin McCaughey, Martha Ostheimer Luster, Kay de Ferranti Williams Top Row Diane Demont Rapp, Missy Jones Panasevich, Leigh Rainey Rosoff, Christina Beebe Bellamy, Wendy Wheat, Barbara Gallop Gilbert, Chris Jones Leonard, Margo Bowers Touborg ’64: Barbara Jones Higbee, Jaclyn Canning-Murphy, Elizabeth Swoyer Rahilly, Wendy Pestel Lehmann, Kathryn Dale Stewart

All photos by Mark Van Wormer

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’84: Front row (l-r) Gretchen Fantauzzi Knoll, Karen Murano, Suzanne Hardy Berger, Pamela Judge Wilson, Bronwyn Poole, Ginger Keller, Jennifer Dryfoos, Linda Passaretti, Kirsten Rutnik Gillibrand, Karen Russell Gally Back row Adriana Woldring Donnelly, Kirsten Major, Lisa Ganjhu, Christina Faulkner-Sleicher, Tamara Barsamian Cimalore, Sarah Bittleman, Anne Wright, Jill August, Jennifer Whalen

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’69: Kneeling, front (l-r) Sukie Pennink Ream, Cate Moffett, Roxanne Beardsley Niles, Jane Burdis, Sylvia Van Sinderen Abbate, Katy Jacobsen, Sue Converse, Leslie Safford, Ellen Sulek, Row 2 Nancy Evers Kirwan, Jennifer Arthur, Lucy Holstedt, Susan Ceppi-Bussman, Amy Demarest, Jacqui Kennedy, Shelly Henderson, Carol Russell Collier, Anja Stehr Carr Standing, Row 3 Miriam Zachary, Betsy Austin, Wendy Calhoun Reveri, Connie Ennenga Starns, Kate Stewart, Liz Skinner Whipple, Ellen Cutler, Nat Shiras, Anno Bent Murphy, Dennett Page Jencks, Row 4 Candy Barr, Abby

’89: Front row (l-r) Allison Reuter Murphy, Amy Hall Shouse Barlin Row 2 Keri Cunningham O’Shea, Alison Arakelian, Kristin Gosling Wrobbel, Lisa Cooley, Lydia Dube Harman Row 3 Jennifer Propper-Sanborn, Jennifer Corbett Gorman, Susan Moss Burch, Rebecca Hegarty, Sharon Khanuja-Dhall Row 4 Cher Agranov, Pratima Rao, Ashley Graves Turney, Kelly Tompkins, Paige Martin Row 5 Jodi Kittle Carle, Catherine Pratt Traina, Megan Amsler, Sarah Plimpton Murphy, Oriana Soddu, Maile Hatfield Karan

’94: Front row (l-r) Alys Osovsky and Jessica Kahler Row 2 Maria D’Angelico, Eleanor Lumsden, Umbereen Nehal, Lena Moman, Jessica Rodecker, Anne Sulzmann, Katonya Mosley Back Row Kristin Foley Anderson, Sara Klingebiel, Leslie Butler-MacFadyen, Laura FiorilliCrews, Suzanne Longley, Ros Ginieczki, Jill Perkins

Merriam Ledermann, Susan Sykes Hendee, Lotta Lofgren, Sarah Stearns, Sandy Jemison, Robin Buchen Kamin ’74: Front row (l-r) Nancy Moffitt Nearing, Anne Bray, Annie Chappell, Amanda Stearns Merullo, Carol Hillman Van Dyke, Kerry Doyle Row 2 Cary Helme Bruestle, Malvina Serbetzian Kordopatis, Marcia Brooks, Carla Sabloff Smith Row 3 Percy Worrall, Caryn Wunderlich, Virginia Hinrichs McMichael, Judy Briggs von Bucher Top row Mina Kuppe, Ann Morley Carmel, Martha Armstrong, Nancy Taylor

’99: Front row (l-r) Sonya Smelyansky VanBortel, Erin Satterthwaite, Rebekah Adamek, Jocelyn Handley, Abigail Caldwell, Sammia Atoui, Sarah Vallely, Marisa Luciano, Devin Van Exel, Catherine Lamb Back row Tara Leavell Illgner, Natalia Vernon, Cora Latham, Jessica Tassinari, Meredith Voliva ’04: Front row (l-r) Yeon Ah Lee, Susanna Kellogg Back row Heidi Knoblauch, Karen Brifu, Anne McShiras, Katie Roberts, Olivia Pattison, Lara Kostun

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’79: Front row (l-r) Rita Spellman-Parks, Karen Friedlander Taylor, Mary Pat Evans, Amanda Oakes, Marianne Gunther, Ann Doniguian Row 2 Debbie Freedman Clower, Jane Giammattei White, Robin Sharp, Ann O’ Donnell Ilten Row 3 Rosemary Lewis-Birkholz, Ann Aldershof Helmus, Sara Shutt Regnier, Sousan Arafeh, Sue Castle Milne, Rachel Duell Sorenson, Molly Joseph Ward, Julie Craven Wagner, Kie Reynolds Seiple Back Row Agnes Bogdan Chapski, Lesley Gifford Gibson, Pinki Srivastava Verma, Deb Dodds, Sally Munson Bohman, Joanne Loewy, Jane Auchincloss Gabrielson

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women’s work Wine from the Big Mountain Lise Pfau Ciolino ’81 Winemaker, owner of Montemaggiore My dad: his passion and hobby was wine. We’d take trips to France, Germany, and Italy in the summers when I was a kid—eating great food, drinking great wine, going through gorgeous countryside.

After studying computer science at Brown, I eventually moved to California to work in Silicon Valley.

In 1994 I began taking classes on winemaking and grape growing, then started making wine with a friend in her garage.

I met my husband, then we started our wine and olive oil business in 2002. Our first vintage was ready in 2004.

I produce two wines, one made from syrah grapes and the other a blend of cabernet sauvignon and syrah—all from our estate vineyards.

I love syrah because of its complexity, mystery, depth, and richness. I remember the first time I tasted syrah as a child, because it was the first red wine I ever liked.

My grapes taste very different from my neighbor’s grapes, or those grown in France, because wine grapes are very sensitive to soils, weather, and farming techniques.

We start just as the sun comes up on a day of harvest.

A small crew goes out and picks grapes. In the winery, we destem and sort the grapes, then put them in a stainless steel tank—each tank holds about four tons of grapes.

Native yeasts that are naturally occurring will typically start to ferment the wine. And I can add a laboratory yeast if I want a specific flavor profile.

Each yeast will yield a different flavor. Sometimes I’ll start off with spontaneous fermentation from native yeast, then I’ll add my preferred laboratory yeast.

I do “punch downs”—mixing up skins with juices to produce a nice, deeply colored, richly flavored red wine.

Each tank, three times a day, for 30 minutes. At 9, at 3, and at 9 at night.

It’s quite a workout. I’m in shape for two to three months out of the year.

When the fermentation is finished, the wine goes into special barrels made of French oak, harvested from state-controlled forests in France. Each forest has its own flavor profile.

We farm organically and biodynamically. For us that’s important. Not just for the richer flavor, but knowing it’s grown the right way. Biodynamic is the next step beyond organic. You’re composting and applying preparations to the soil and grapevines which act like vitamins, bringing vitality to the wine’s flavor.

A cooper (barrel maker) will make the barrel and toast the inside of the barrel. Each cooper has his own little secret for producing a barrel that results in certain flavors.

The flavor of my wines contains lots of fruits and spices: blackberry, blueberry, and black cherry with a sprinkling of nutmeg and white pepper.

Our wines cost about 35 to 45 dollars a bottle. I don’t consider myself at the lower end of things, but I’m not at the upper end either.

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My syrah will stay in barrels for about 18 months.

Cab-syrah blends for 24 months.

Emma empowers Cleo—when you empower Emma.

“I feel truly lucky to be in a school that I love so much.”

“Every day I wake up, see a beautiful school, go to great classes and have intellectually stimulating conversations with the wonderful people here.

“I have come to feel strongly about community service through Emma, and I dream of finding a place in this world where I can help others be happy and have good lives.”

Cleo has lived in Europe and Asia, serves as a peer educator, and energizes everyone around her.

Your gift empowers girls like Cleo to attend Emma Willard—and, because of Emma, to change the world.

Please give today.

T HE E MMA W ILLARD I DEA

www.emmawillard.org

emma willard school 285 Pawling Avenue Troy, NY 12180

SAVE THE DATE

Reunion 2010

Shannon Blaisdell ‘92

June 11–13

Classes of 1935, 1940, 1945, 1950, 1955, 1960, 1965, 1970, 1975, 1980, 1985, 1990, 1995, 2000, 2005 If you’d like to volunteer for reunion, please call or email the Alumnae Relations Office at 866.833.1814 toll-free or alumnae@emmawillard.org.