What's In it For You?

By: Priya Ali

There are times when we are giving something and it is clearly obvious that we are expecting something in return. If your hairdresser gives you a haircut, they expect you to give them money. If a student gives a professor an essay, they expect to get a grade, preferably a good one. If a dog performs a trick or follows a command, they expect to receive a treat or praise.

There are other times when we are giving something and it is not so obvious that we are expecting something in return. If we go out to the movies with a friend and they forget their wallet, we may loan them the money to get them into the theatre. Maybe we don’t want to go in alone and we give the money to get the company of our friend. A little girl asks a little boy in her class to give her his snack. He gives her the snack because he has a crush on her and wishes to get her attention or affection in return.

There are other times when we are giving something and we are oblivious that we are getting something in return. If a lady is walking on the street and sees a homeless man and gives him money because she feels just awful about his situation, though she may be helping this man, she is also giving herself some relief from her own discomfort over his situation. If a grandpa brings a bagful of candy over every time he visits his grandkids because it makes them happy, even though his doctor asked him not to, he is giving the candy to experience the happiness he can take credit for.

I am not judging any of these examples for their rightness or wrongness, but merely raising awareness to the fact that we do receive something in exchange for what we participate in. In some cases, what we get from what we receive can be unhealthy, toxic and even abusive. Knowing what you are getting out of a situation, interaction, relationship or energy exchange can empower you and allow you to decide if what you’re getting or how you’re getting it is really worth it.