Enigma 1/08/15 by Enigma Magazine

HATERS BACK OFF

THE “ROBMEISTER” SNL alum and comedy film star Robn Schneider makes his way to Chattanooga this weekend where he’ll perform at the Comedy Catch Friday through Sunday. Besides SNL you’ll remember his from such films like the Deuce Bigelo films, “The Hot Chick”, “Big Stan” and in a ton of Adam Sandler movies like “Water Boy” and “Big Daddy”. Saturday’s show is already sold out but tickets remain for Friday and Sunday.

Inernet and You Tube sensation Miranda Sings brings her unique personality down south as she heads into Knoxville Monday night. Her show is ranked as one of the 100 most influential YouTube channels, and the No. 8 comedy channel on YouTube, by data compiler Social Blade. Be sure to see what all the hoopla is about Monday at the Bioju Theatre.

WORDS AS WEAPONS South African hard rockers Seether comes to to Atlanta Sunday along with friends Papa Roach, Kying and Islander. With a bucn of awards between the quartet as well as chart topping singles there will be something for everyone at the Tabernacle Sunday night. ENIGMA

JANUARY 8 2015

We Can't Blame the Robber Barons In a past article, I wrote about a conversation with the wise gentleman I know. In that conversation, he suggested people stop funding homelessness. With no surprise, many were offended. Why is that? Is it because helping the homeless has become synonymous with looking good? By that, it makes one look like an honorable person for helping needy victims. Yet, it does very little to empower society and move us forward. In fact, the homeless population continues to grow. In a subsequent conversation with this gentleman, he made a number of clear suggestions that would move society forward and provide a long-term solution to eradicate homelessness. It would require funding brilliant people like Nikola Tesla. Nikola Tesla was a brilliant man. And he was committed to enhancing the quality of life for mankind. Initially, George Westinghouse funded him. Later, JP Morgan funded Tesla and took ownership of his patents. When Morgan learned that Tesla was going to provide free energy to the public, he withdrew his

tions. Or that Tesla and other entrepreneurs should do a better job of making their projects known to the public. At the same time, if you are citizens of this nation, it is your responsibility In the US, this may not be an to know who is working on what uncommon story where the and how it will benefit or daminventor loses his patents and age society. capital sources. And some people shout that this is the fault of As it stands, people are easily the robber barons. That conver- entertained by the media's sensation makes the majority of the sationalism and gossip. This happopulation a victim. Why is that pens at the expense of knowing the case? Do the masses have about brilliant people who can much more power than they advance us all. If each of us made it our responsibility, we realize? could know about the Tesla's of In a conversation with this wise the world. gentleman, he laid out what may On the surface, it appears our appear to be counterintuitive. society has not set up powerful However, it puts the power of structures to support the aversociety back in the hands of the age person to be exposed to new people, if they are willing to be innovations. When you look responsible for it. He said the deeper, you see there are a plethora of avenues. To start, following: there is crowd-funding. With so Instead of depending on the many crowd-funding sites, you wealthy or large institutions to can fund any type of project you fund entrepreneurs, do it your- desire. self. When Morgan withdrew his money from Tesla, the people In addition, the church is an could have very easily funded excellent means of exposing Tesla. You may say that most did people. In every church, there not know about Tesla's inven- are a number of brilliant memfunding and destroyed the tower that Tesla built - the tower that would have provided wireless energy for free. Tesla died poor and destitute.

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bers who are working on a great project. The priest can announce the person and what they are working on and how much capital the entrepreneur needs. They can have a bulletin board where people can post their project/companies. The church would also be an active investor. If church is a great platform, so are community centers, schools and city hall. Except, the leaders of these institutions would have to welcome entrepreneurs with open arms. If this approach was taken, people like Tesla could continue to serve the public. By doing so, he and others would create organizations and in some cases new industries. Those businesses would be the source of job growth and economic prosperity. It would also be a source of empowerment for those who invest in the entrepreneur. Everyone would feel like they are contributing to the advancement of society.

- Ted Santos

My Search For The Truth 20 Is Barack Obama Destroying the Democratic Party? With the white population splitting away from the Democrat party because of the Obama led racial divide; and Obama's dishonesty with the American people, his flagrant disregard for the constitution, his ruination of the economy, his overbearing government control, and his socialist policies are becoming evident to more and more people. In this article I want to provide some specifics that support what I am saying.

problem with the Obama administration - saying one thing and actually doing another. To my way of thinking - it's called lying. In fact the entire Obama Care program is a big and expensive lie that was based upon deceiving people. Obama told us that families will save as much as twenty five hundred dollars, they can keep their healthcare plan, and they can keep their doctors - all of which was not true.

running deal has led to many Mexicans, and at least one American being killed. Not protecting our southern border from an invasion of illegal immigrants, and then granting them amnesty is outrageous. These illegal immigrants include criminals, and Islamic terrorists, but worst of all they bring infectious diseases that are causing legal American children to die as a result of this blatant negligence!

OK - I'll begin with MIT economist, Jonathan Gruber's recent revelation about the so called "Affordable Care Act" -- which no republican voted for and was inappropriately passed by a 50+ percent majority in the senate. In writing the healthcare law Dr. Gruber said that, "Lack of transparency is a huge political advantage. And basically call it the stupidity of the American voter or whatever, but basically that was really, really critical to getting the thing to pass." I don't know about you - but these words are not only insulting to me, they are also symptomatic of a much larger

The dishonesty of the healthcare act is just the tip of the iceberg. Almost everything Obama has done has been a series of deceptions. He makes Richard Nixon look like a choirboy in comparison. Although we have yet to hear the truth about Benghazi, the idea of telling us that it was just a "Spontaneous demonstration based upon an Anti-Islamic video" has been proven to be false and misleading. Lois Learner's lost emails related to the IRS's targeting of tea party groups before the 2012 election has, at the very least, raised a lot of suspicion. Eric Holder's "Fast and Furious" gun

Are you starting to see the picture? Well it gets even worse. Our actual unemployment is about 29 percent - because those who have left the workforce are not counted. With all of the government "give away" programs a person would need to earn more than $35,000 per year just to keep up so why work! This dependency also has a psychological effect like lack of self esteem. Then how about our energy policy? Obama

has publicly stated that energy costs are going to go up because of more stringent regulations - like carbon taxation -- on the power industry. Since heating and cooling have become necessities, the poor are affected the most. Moreover, as I have shown, in previous articles, climate change legislation is probably the biggest scam in history with all pain and no gain. I'm not going to get into a litany of Obama's failed foreign policies at this time, but there is one thing that has turned a lot of everyday people off. It's the recent release of classified CIA information. What purpose does that serve other than to show our enemies how the CIA operates to secure our safety and to cause our allies to distrust us!

Retro Cafe - Don J Bongaards

The Best of New Wave, Post Modern Classics and Other Odd Stuff

Wednesdays at 5pm est. on wawl.org ENIGMA

JANUARY 8 2015

MONEY MANAGEMENT

100S OF BILLIONS OF HOURS OF PRODUCTIVITY WASTED OUR BS TAX CODE Well, today is Tax Day in the USA, at least the day I had posted this article. And we are so fortunate to live in such a great country with relatively low tax rates, income tax overall. Yes, I'd rather live here than any of those socialist EU countries, this is the best deal on the planet. Still, we are wasting ungodly amounts of productivity every year during tax time. It's just insane, and it is totally unacceptable. But how did it get so bad in the first place, so complicated? WTH is going on? I was talking to a gentleman at Starbucks today about this, he'd just finished his taxes a few days ago, and

mailed them off today, he didn't want the government to have his money any sooner than possible, so he waited until the last day, post marked late in the afternoon to beat the Mid-Night USPS rush. I told him I was miffed at the class-warfare and political rhetoric about equality and the claim that we need to put more taxes on the rich. You see, the government made rules, deductions, incentives, tax credits and the like to get us to spend money in ways which help the government do what they want to do. Then the governments says it needs more money because people are not paying enough in taxes due to all

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the loop-holes. Yes, well who created those loopholes in the first place and why? Well, politicians with special projects, lobbyists and campaign donators with interests got the officials to pass laws to divert those tax revenues. Now many of these same politicians are saying it isn't fair, no I don't think they believe that, they just want to make a statement which mimics their constituency calling for the heads of wealthy people because they supposedly don't pay enough in taxes.

that it is easier to vote one day a year than work all year - that's who! Today, because of all these rules, exemptions and loopholes our people and businesses are wasting 100s of billions of hours in lost productivity, and yet, the politicians are complaining about slow GDP growth. Seriously? WTH is that all about, we all know the tax code is archaic, that it sucks, and that it's a complete mess, but I don't see anyone doing anything about it. Please consider all this and think on it.

Well then, do you know who really doesn't pay enough in Lance Winslow taxes, all those people who've finally figured out

JANUARY 8 2015

ARIES (Mar. 21- April 20) Use your own ideas to further your interests. Concentrate on yourself or your work. Take time to help children with projects that may be too hard for them to do on their own. TAURUS (Apr. 21- May 21) Any difficulties with peers could be unnerving. Your position may be in question if you haven't been pulling your weight. Try to curb overindulgence today.

research if you wish to get to the bottom of things. Reciprocate by offering helpful hints. Residential changes, renovations, or moves are likely to disrupt your routine. CANCER (June 22-July 22) Your home may be in an uproar and you are best to stay out of the line of fire if at all possible. Don't forget to let your mate know how much you care. Look into the cost factor, but don't try to get backing yet.

something you don't believe in. You will be able to catch up on overdue paper work. Opportunities for new and exciting relationships will be yours if you get out and join groups. VIRGO (Aug. 23 -Sept. 23) Real estate investments will be profitable. Any attractions toward clients will be one sided and must be put right out of your head. Misunderstandings at work could easily lead to your demise.

LEO (July 23-Aug 22) GEMINI Don't let friends convince you LIBRA (May 22-June 21) You will need to do a lot of that you should contribute to (Sept. 24 -Oct. 23) Don't expect the whole family to be overjoyed. You should get into programs that will enhance your appearance and help you to be the best that you can. Patience will be of utmost importance.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22) Take part in stimulating debates that will allow you to show off your intelligence. You need some excitement in your life, and meeting new people in exotic destinations will certainly satisfy your desires. Don't be too open or put your faith in unreliable coworkers.

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JANUARY 8 2015

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 -Dec. 21) You can get ready to celebrate your new direction. Stomach problems could prevail if you haven't been watching your diet. Do not sign contracts or get involved in any uncertain financial deals. CAPRICORN (Dec 22.- Jan. 20) Your high energy will enable you to take the role of leader in group functions. You may divulge private information without realizing it today. Your lover probably won't put up with your behavior. AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 -Feb. 19) Don't bother getting even; they'll make themselves look bad. Spending too much time talking to friends or relatives could easily turn into a debate that could lead to estrangement. Opportunities will come through behind the scenes activities. PISCES (Feb. 20-Mar. 20) Emotional partnerships may develop through projects you initiate. You will enjoy interaction with others today. Only offer to do the things you have time for. Luxury items will cost you more than you can truly afford.

The Final Two So it all comes down to one game. Oregon vs. Ohio State. For the national college football championship. This is the first year for a four-team playoff. Hence the new name for the season-ending, winner-take-all title tilt: The College Football Playoff National Championship (Presented by AT&T). The new format has already made a huge impact. If the NCAA was still using the old Bowl Championship Series (BCS) system, we’d have Alabama and Florida State meeting in the championship game. Instead, Oregon whipped the defending national champion FSU Seminoles, 59-20, in the Rose Bowl, while Ohio State ousted Alabama, 42-35, in the Sugar. Both bowls served as semifinals, with the winners meeting next Monday night at AT&T Field in Arlington, Texas… … Southeastern Conference teams have won seven of the last eight national championship games, so Alabama’s Sugar Bowl loss to Ohio

State was pretty huge. The Crimson Tide just couldn’t overcome some critical turnovers and poor defending. Coach Urban Meyer’s 13-1 Buckeyes are a seemingly unlikely national championship contender under the offensive leadership of pre-season thirdstring quarterback Cardale Jones. But OSU has shredded its last two opponents (Wisconsin and Bama) by a combined 101-35 score. The Buckeyes’ 59-0 destruction of Wisconsin propelled them into the final four ahead of royallyscrewed Texas Christian University. The 10-1 TCU Horned Frogs were ranked #3 in the Week 15 rankings, but tumbled to #6 after Ohio State’s big win. TCU had to settle for a 42-3 win over #9 Ole Miss in the Peach Bowl…

over 30 points in their games. The Aggies were able to escape with a 45-37 victory over West Virginia, while Arkansas drubbed Texas, 317…

…I’m getting the national championship game that I wished for… sort of. I wasn’t so much hoping for an Oregon-Ohio State showdown as I was hoping Alabama and FSU lost. I was growing a bit tired of the constant gloating of Crimson Tide fans… and I’ve never liked the Seminoles. My disdain for the ‘Noles goes back to the Bobby Bowden “Free Shoes University” days. (Google what I have in “quotes” for the history if you don’t know it.) FSU has always been a bit shady and the university’s handling of the Jameis Winston sexual assault investigation was …Teams from the much-bally- shamefully shoddy… hooed SEC West fared miserably in the post-season. Five of seven SEC …The Seminoles, defending West teams lost their bowl games. national champs, simply gave up Alabama, Auburn, LSU, Mississippi late in their old-school butt-whipState and Texas A&M all gave up ping by Oregon. The game was billed as a showdown between this year’s Heisman Trophy winner, the Ducks’ Marcus Mariota, and Winston, the 2013 winner. Mariota and Oregon’s fast-paced offense ran rampant over FSU’s defense. For all of the Ducks’ explosive offense, it was Winston’s nearcomical fumble for an Oregon touchdown that was the game’s most replayed “highlight.” He was

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JANUARY 8 2015

slipping and falling backwards when the football popped out of his hands, soared over his head and was picked up one bounce by Ducks linebacker Tony Washington... who lumbered into the end zone for a 58-yard touchdown. That TD and the point-after put Oregon ahead, 45-20. The ‘Noles just laid down and died after that… …I don’t know if I’ve seen a college offense as fast and as dangerous as Oregon’s. Mariota is poised at the helm of the Ducks’ rapidfire, no-huddle attack. Oregon has averaged 47.2 points per game so far. Ducks coach Mark Helfrich has been smart enough to keep much of predecessor Chip Kelly’s playbook since the latter departed for the NFL’s Philadelphia Eagles in the 2013 off-season. Ohio State coach Urban Meyer has done an amazing job of adjusting after losing his top two signal-callers to injury. Do Meyer and the Buckeyes have one more upset in them? I don’t think so. Oregon should win by at least two touchdowns. But then… a lot of people expected Alabama to cruise past Ohio State. That’s why they settle it on the football field. So far, I like this whole College Football Playoff National Championship thing…

- Mark Bedford

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Dear Rocco, My boyfriend of two years and I broke up a little more than a week ago. He cheated. But there’s a bit more to the story: He was a raging alcoholic, and I’ve broken up with him a few times. One of those times—when he was at our place and supposed to be packing his things and be gone by morning—I kind of rebounded off of some guy, had sex with him, then came home later the next day and found out that my boyfriend was still at my place. We talked and got back together. Later on, he found out about the rebound sex I had, and I

think that’s why he cheated. We weren’t a healthy couple, all in all. We both want to remain friends, so a week after the breakup, we went out for coffee. We both realized that the feelings we have for each other haven’t gone away. There’s no chance in hell I’m getting back with him after he cheated, but I can’t resist this urge to have sex with him. And I know the feeling is mutual. So now I’m torn on whether to start a sex-based “relationship” with him or just block him from my life. DY

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everything I do is a waste of my time. I also become very self-critical and very irritable. My moods have had a very negative impact on my relationships. I want to find ways to help me through PMS and even avoid it, if possible. I want to know what other women do to get through the week. I do exercise, take my vitamins, and calcium supplements, but this still has not helped. I just don’t know what else to do other then to hibernate for almost two weeks out of every Dear Rocco, My sister is a complete slut. She has month. sex with everyone! The whole town BC knows who she is, where she Deeaarr BBCC works, and all that. People have D mee also started to point their fingers TThhiiss qquueessttiioonn iiss aa ttoouugghh oonnee ffoorr m at me (hey, isn’t that the brother ffoorr oobbvviioouuss rreeaassoonnss bbuutt II’’llll ttrryy ttoo weerr.. G Goo ttoo aa ggyynnoo ggeett cchheecckkeedd of…) I don’t like it! How do I stop aannssw maayybbee tthhee ddooccttoorr ccaann hheellpp yyoouu.. the slut from making an ass out of oouutt m II’’vvee hheeaarrdd tthhaatt ggeettttiinngg oonn bbiirrtthh herself? ccoonnttrrooll hheellppss eeaassee tthhee ppaaiinnss bbuutt II PF ddoonn’’tt kknnoow w ooff aannyytthhiinngg tthhaatt ccoom m-DDeeaarr PPFF pplleetteellyy eennddss tthheem m.. TTaallkk ttoo hheerr.. TTeellll hheerr iitt hhuurrttss yyoouu ttoo hheeaarr ppeeooppllee ttaallkk aabboouutt hheerr lliikkee sshhee Rocco is a common sense, tell-itiiss aa ccoom mm moonn w whhoorree,, w whheetthheerr sshhee iiss like-it-is, no-nonsense kind of guy oorr nnoott.. offering real advice on any subject put before him. Why pay thouDear Rocco, sands of dollars on a high-priced I am a 32-year-old female, who is therapist when he’ll straighten you experiencing PMS. I am trying to out for free. If you’d like advice find ways to help me deal with the from Rocco e-mail him at goaskrocmajor mood swings. During these co@yahoo.com or drop him a line times, I become very emotional at Ask Rocco c/o Enigma P.O. Box (crying and needy), and I feel like 825 Chattanooga, TN 37401.

Dear Rocco, My girlfriend of seven years has disgusting manners. She eats loudly with her mouth open, farts and belches incessantly, snorts instead of blows her nose, and so on. I used to find it refreshing to be with a girl who was so uninhibited. But now it is getting on my nerves, and it’s embarrassing when she farts in front of our friends. I am starting to be turned off by this, and I don’t see her as desirable anymore. She thinks I am being sexist and have a double standard. Tell me PLEASE: Am I intolerant? And is there something wrong with me that I’m losing my libido? LJ

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JANUARY 8 2015

ST. LOUIS (UPI) - An Illinois man suffering pain in his arm underwent surgery to remove a turn signal rod embedded in his body when he crashed his Ford Thunderbird 51 years ago. Arthur Lampitt, 75, of Granite City, said he was treated for injuries to the surface of his arm after the 1963 crash, but he did not know anything had remained stuck there until he set off a courthouse’s metal detector about 10 to 15 years ago. Lampitt said his doctor performed an X-ray and determined there was a metal-

lic object in his arm, but it was recommended it be left where it was as there was no pain or loss of functionality in his arm. The retired real estate agent said the arm finally began to hurt a few weeks ago while he was doing work at a house he is repairing, and a specialist recommended surgery when the affected area started to swell. Lampitt unearthed some pictures from his 1963 crash and began to suspect the metal object in his arm was the turn signal lever when he realized the object was missing after the Thunderbird’s demise. Surgeons at City Place Surgery Center in St. Louis, Mo.,

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operated on the arm for about 45 minutes on New Year’s Eve and discovered the cause of Lampitt’s problems was indeed the 7-inch turn signal lever. Lampitt said he is planning to do something special with the lever, possibly turn it into a key chain. “We’ll figure out something, I am sure,” he told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. UNIONTOWN, Pa. (UPI) - Police in Pennsylvania said a suspect’s story about being forced into a robbery unraveled when a toilet paper note was matched to a roll of tissue in his home. Uniontown Police said Eric W. Frey, 29, walked into

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Michael Maria’s Pizza at 7:39 p.m. Dec. 27 and handed an employee a sheet of toilet paper with a handwritten message, “I have a gun. Give me $300.” The police report said Frey told another worker there was a man with “a gun on me right now, and if I don’t come out of here with the money, I’m going to get shot.” One of the workers hit a panic button and Frey, who was still inside the eatery when police arrived, told police he was forced to commit the robbery by a large, bearded man who cornered him in a nearby alley and held a gun to his

back. Lt. Tom Kolencik wrote in the arrest report Frey consented to a search of his apartment and officers discovered a package of toilet paper on his table. One of the rolls had “writing engraved in it that matched the exact wording on the piece of toilet paper that Frey handed” to the worker, the police report said. Police said Frey attempted to change his story and said the man confronted him in his apartment. He “then noticed three males walking on Jefferson Street, and stated, ‘That’s them.’” However, officers said they spoke to the men and determined they were not involved in the crime. Police said they obtained a search warrant and found 91 grams of marijuana in the apartment along with syringes and spoons bearing drug residue. Frey was arrested and jailed in lieu of $25,000 bond. WISCONSIN - In Wisconsin a postal carrier said he simply wanted to cheer up a woman on his rounds who seemed “stressed out” so he decided to deliver her mail naked. He even told her he was going to do it. As a prank, I suppose. But whether she took him seriously or not, there was no doubting his sincerity when he showed up at her office wearing only a smile and his mailbag. Those wacky letter carriers. The 52-year-old was arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior several days later. But a much more hilarious situation occurred on a commuter train in Scarsdale, New York. A woman named Briggs was minding her own business on the train when she noticed a man standing unusually close to her. When she looked down she noticed he had his penis out and was trying

to rub it up against her. Instead of doing what a lot of women would do and just walk (or run) away, she called him out, loudly, and recruited the other passengers in the car to make sure he didn’t leave until the police could be called. In the ensuing minutes every single passenger with a camera phone was taking video of the dumb bastard. One of the videos which made it onto youtube more than 800,000 hits before it was taken down. 51year-old Queens man, was sentenced to four months in jail for forcible touching. WHITLEY BAY, England (UPI) - A man who admitted stealing a tablet computer from a charity store and returning it eight days later because he couldn’t get it to work was fined. Christopher Hooson, 33, was recorded by CCTV cameras taking the Android tablet from the window display at the Jonny Kennedy store in Whitley Bay, England. Store workers recognized him from the footage when he came back eight days later to return the tablet, which prosecutors said he was unable to work because he did not have the necessary “equipment.” Prosecutor Lynne Russell said the tablet taken during the Nov. 11 theft was valued at about $78. “He was taken to the police station. He admitted taking the item. He said he saw it in the window and thought it would be cheap or free, as it was in a charity shop, so took it,” Russell said. “He took it and realized it didn’t work without further equipment, so returned it to the shop.” Hooson initially told the court the theft was an accident. “I didn’t intend to steal it. I forgot I had it in my bag,

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so I returned it when I noticed.” Hooson, who admitted his version of events “sounds ridiculous,” eventually admitted during questioning by District Judge Bernard Begley that his story was not true. “It’s not very nice to steal from a charity shop. At least some sense eventually returned to you and you returned the item. However, it is a particularly mean offense,” Begley said. Hooson was fined $117. He was also ordered to pay $132 in court costs and a $31 victim surcharge. FRAMINGHAM, Mass. (UPI) - In an explosive fit of symbolism, a woman in Boston bombarded a local police precinct with uncooked breakfast meats — bacon and pork sausage. Before serving her unwelcome meal — disguised inside a Dunkin’ Donuts box — the woman approached an officer at a teller window offered loudly to “feed the pigs.” The woman, Lindsey McNamara, subsequently smeared several of the bacon slices and sausage links on the window, tossing the others onto the counter. Her assault on the William H. Welch Way police station, in Framingham, Massachusetts, was short-lived; she was arrested shortly after 11:00 a.m. She faces charges of disorderly conduct and malicious destruction of property. Lieutenant Harry Wareham said it isn’t clear what her motivation was, but feelings of ill-will towards the police have been growing after a series of incidents involving the deaths of unarmed African American males at the hands of police. “There’s a lot of unrest regarding law enforcement, and I don’t know if [this] is related or not,” Wareham told Boston.com.

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“There’s probably a lot more productive ways to voice her displeasure with police.” McNamara later claimed to be religiously motivated. “God told me to go over there and feed the pigs,” she said during her first court appearance. FRANKFORT, KY - If you can’t fan the flames of love with your Facebook crush, you might as well fan the flames of a house fire. At least that seemed to be the logic of a man indicted on arson and burglary charges for allegedly set fire to a Kentucky woman’s home after she rejected his advances on Facebook. Police say the “disturbing” reason that James Graham, 37, broke into a 22-year-old single mother’s home and set it on fire is because she rebuffed several uncomfortable comments he posted to her Facebook wall. Investigators say Graham set Joanie Yount’s home on fire in November, although she and her 3-year-old son were not home at the time. Yount says she and Graham were only acquaintances but he was demanding something more and pursuing her through social media. “He was writing on all my pictures talking about how beautiful I am and let him take me out. I had actually told him to stay off of my Facebook, so he may have gotten offended over that,” says Yount, adding that she asked Graham to leave her alone after a series of posts that made her uncomfortable. Although police collected evidence that led them to Graham, Yount says he wasn’t hiding the alleged crime from anyone. “He was walking around bragging about it and saying he wouldn’t have to pay the price,” she said.

This week’s calendar covers events from Thursday, December January 8, through Wednesday, January 14. We would be happy to publish your free listing in future Billboards, space permitting. Simply mail us the information so that we have it 7 days before the publication date. A photograph may be sent with the announcement. Send information to: Calendar Editor, Enigma, P.O. Box 825, Chattanooga, TN 37401 or e-mail to calendar@enigmaonline.com. All dates subject to change without notice.

TTH HU URRSSD DA AYY JJaannuuaarryy 88 BBU UD D’’SS (Chattanooga) DJ Hammer TTRREEM MO ON NTT TTAAVVEERRN N (Chattanooga) Songwriters Showcase CCA AM MPP H HO OU USSEE (Chattanooga) Open Mic ARRII’’SS H A HAARRBBO ORR LLIIG GH HTTSS (Chattanooga) Keyz Brown RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRREEW WSS (Chattanooga) Jess Goggins Band ATTLLAAN A NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Brian Poesehn EED DD DIIEE’’SS AATTTTIICC (Atlanta) Fred J. Eaglesmith HEELLLL AATT TTH H HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Veil of Maya, Upon a Burning Body, Volumes, Gideon, The Last Ten Seconds of Life D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSSLLEEYY (Nashville) Etta Britt

FFRRIID DA AYY JJaannuuaarryy 99 TTH HEE CCO OM MEED DYY CCAATTCCH H (Chattanooga) Rob Schneider RRA AW W (Chattanooga) DJ Barnaby RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRREEW WSS (Chattanooga) Seven Handle Circus, Nick Lutsko TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Kansas FFO OXX TTH HEEAATTRREE (Atlanta) Sam Smith VVIIN NYYLL (Atlanta) Emerson Hart ATTLLAAN A NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Brian Poesehn WIILLD W D BBIILLLL’’SS (Duluth, GA) Gary Allan EEX XIITT//IIN N (Nashville) Reverend Horton Heat, Dale Watson, Rosie Flores CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NAASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Judy Collins D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSSLLEEYY (Nashville) Mindy Smith, Maggie Rose, Shelly Fairchild, Bonnie Baker, Cheley Tackett

SSA ATTU URRD DA AYY JJaannuuaarryy 1100 TTH HEE CCO OM MEED DYY CCAATTCCH H (Chattanooga) Rob Schneider RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRREEW WSS (Chattanooga) Slippery When Wet RRA AW W (Chattanooga) DJ Barnaby BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) Eric Church ATTLLAAN A NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Brian Poesehn BBLLIIN ND DW WIILLLLIIEE’’SS (Atlanta) John Nemeth TTH HEE CCO ON NCCO OU URRSSEE (Knoxville) Roadkill

ENIGMA

Ghost Choir

SSU UN ND DA AYY JJaannuuaarryy 1111 TTH HEE CCO OM MEED DYY CCAATTCCH H (Chattanooga) Rob Schneider SSK KYYZZO OO O (Chattanooga) DJ Exphacter EED DD DIIEE’’SS AATTTTIICC (Atlanta) Johnette Naplitano TTH HEE TTAABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Seether, Papa Roach, Islander, Kying SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY H HAALLLL (Atlanta) Don Williams VVA ARRIIEETTYY PPLLAAYYH HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic RRYYM MAAN N AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Craig Morgan, Deana Carter, Third Day, Michael W. Smith

MO M ON ND DA AYY JJaannuuaarryy 1122 TTRREEM MO ON NTT TTAAVVEERRN N (Chattanooga) Trivia Night TTH HEE O OFFFFIICCEE (Chattanooga) SpeakEasy FFO OXX && H HO OU UN ND D (Chattanooga) DJ Exphacter BBIIJJO OU U TTH HEEAATTRREE (Knoxville) Miranda Sings

TTU UEESSD DA AYY JJaannuuaarryy 1133 TTRREEM MO ON NTT TTAAVVEERRN N (Chattanooga) Open Mic w/ Mike McDade SSO OU UTTH HSSIID DEE TTAAVVEERRN N (Chattanooga) Troy Underwood RRYYM MAAN N AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Gregg Allman January 13

WEED W DN NEESSD DA AYY JJaannuuaarryy 1144 TTH HEE CCO OM MEED DYY CCAATTCCH H (Chattanooga) Reno Collier RRA AW W (Chattanooga) Open Jam LLA ASS M MAARRG GAARRIITTAA’’SS (Chattanooga) Priscilla & Little Rickee ARRII’’SS H A HAARRBBO ORR LLIIG GH HTTSS (Chattanooga) Keyz Brown TTH HEE TTAAVVEERRN N (Soddy-Daisy) Roberts & Sims RRYYM MAAN N AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Gregg Allman

UPPCCO U OM MIIN NG G EEVVEEN NTTSS SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Kenny Rogers January 15 ATTLLAAN A NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Marlon Wayans January 15 BBA AM MAA TTH HEEAATTRREE (Tuscaloosa) Don Williams January 15 GEEO G ORRG GIIAA TTH HEEAATTRREE (Athens, GA) Chris Knight January 15

JANUARY 8 2015

4400 W WAATTTT CCLLU UBB (Athens, GA) Hannibal Buress January 15 HAARRRRAAH H H’’SS CCH HEERRO OK KEEEE CCAASSIIN NO O (Cherokee) Gregg Allman January 16 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Kenny Rogers January 16 ATTLLAAN A NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Marlon Wayans January 16 GEEO G ORRG GIIAA TTH HEEAATTRREE (Athens, GA) Lettuce January 16 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) Linkin Park, Rise Against, Of Mice & Men January 17 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Kenny Rogers January 17 OZZ N O NAASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Dean & Britta January 17 A ATTLLAAN NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Marlon Wayans January 17 EED DD DIIEE’’SS AATTTTIICC (Atlanta) Midge Ure January 17 TTH HEE CCLLAASSSSIICC CCEEN NTTEERR (Athens, GA) Martina McBride January 17 BBIIJJO OU U TTH HEEAATTRREE (Knoxville) Miranda Sings January 17 TTH HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Pennywise, A Wilhelm Scream, Anti-Flag January 18 ZZYYD DEECCO O (Birmingham) Mushroomhead, Like Monroe, The Family Ruin, Thira January 18 SSA AM MM MYY TT’’SS (Huntsville) Corey Smith January 21 ZZYYD DEECCO O (Birmingham) Earphunk January 21 TTH HEE TTAABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Ben Howard January 21 ALLAABBAAM A MAA TTH HEEAATTRREE (Birmingham) Tedeschi Trucks Band January 22 TTH HEE TTAABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Billy Idol January 22 BBIIJJO OU U TTH HEEAATTRREE (Knoxville) Moon Taxi January 22 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Corey Smith January 23 TTIIVVO OLLII TTH HEEAATTRREE (Chattanooga) Tedeschi Trucks Band January 23 MEERRCCYY LLO M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Of Montreal, Nedelle Torio January 23 TTH HEE PPU UN NCCH HLLIIN NEE (Atlanta) Dave Attell January 23 RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRREEW WSS (Chattanooga) Of Montreal, Nedelle Torio January 24 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Rebelution January 24 VVO ON N BBRRAAU UN N CCEEN NTTEERR (Huntsville) Ron White January 24 MAARRAATTH M HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) GEasy, Jay Ant, Kehlani, Kool John January 24 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NAASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Will Kimbrough January 24 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSSLLEEYY (Nashville) Jonelle Mosser January 24 LLA AU URREELL TTH HEEAATTRREE (Knoxville) Dismembered Tennesseans January 24 TTH HEE PPU UN NCCH HLLIIN NEE (Atlanta) Dave Attell January 24 TTH HEE TTAABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) John Mulaney January 24 TTH HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Machine Head January 25 TTH HEE PPU UN NCCH HLLIIN NEE (Atlanta) Dave Attell January 25 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Josh Turner

January 27 VVA ARRIIEETTYY PPLLA AYYH HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Antibalas, Zap Mama January 27 TTEERRM MIIN NA ALL W WEESSTT (Atlanta) Leon Russell January 27 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NA ASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Jeff Daniels January 27 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) John Mellencamp, Carlene Carter January 27 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE A ARREEN NA A (Nashville) Jack White January 28 CCO OBBBB EEN NEERRG GYY PPEERRFFO ORRM MIIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) “School House Rock – Live) January 29 TTH HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRA AD DEE (Atlanta) Napalm Death, Volvod, Exhumed, Iron Reagan, Black Crown Initiate, Ringworm January 29 M MAARRAATTH HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Rebelution, Katchafire January 29 TTEEN NN NEESSSSEEEE TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Knoxville) Ron White January 30 TTEERRM MIIN NA ALL W WEESSTT (Atlanta) Paper Diamond January 30 WO W ORRK KPPLLAAYY TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Birmingham) Bob Schneider January 30 TTIIVVO OLLII TTH HEEAATTRREE (Chattanooga) Ron White January 31 DAALLTTO D ON ND DEEPPO OTT (Dalton, GA) Becky Buller, Butch Ross January 31 FFEERRSSTT CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) Arlo Guthrie January 31 BBA ARRLLEEYY’’SS TTAAPPRRO OO OM M (Knoxville) Wayne “The Train” Hancock January 31 ARREEN A NAA AATT G GW WIIN NN NEETTTT CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band, J. Geils Band January 31 TTH HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRA AD DEE (Atlanta) Less Than Jake, Reel Big Fish, Zero Authority February 2 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Shovels & Rope February 3 PPH HIILLIIPPSS A ARREEN NA A (Atlanta) Chris Brown, Trey Songz, Tyga February 3 HEEAAVVEEN H N AATT TTH HEE M MA ASSQ QU UEERRA AD DEE (Atlanta) Motion City Soundtrack, Copeland February 3 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NA ASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Crystal Bowersox February 3 MEERRCCYY LLO M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Copeland February 4 CCEEN NTTEERR SSTTAAG GEE (Atlanta) Kongos, Sir Sly February 5 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSSLLEEYY (Nashville) Lucy Hale, John Dorr February 5 FFO OXX TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Atlanta) Jerry Seinfield February 6 MAARRAATTH M HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Cold War Kids, Elliot Moss February 6 BBA ARRLLEEYY’’SS TTAAPPRRO OO OM M (Knoxville) American Aquarium February 6 TTH HEE 112200 TTAAVVEERRN N (Marietta, GA) Shooter Jennings With Waymore’s Outlaws February 7 CCU ULLTTU URRA ALL CCEEN NTTEERR (Roswell, GA) Ruthie Foster February 7 BBU UCCK KH HEEAAD D TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Atlanta) Cold War Kids, Elliot Moss February 7 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Lotus February 7 GEEO G ORRG GIIA AD DO OM MEE (Atlanta) Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Francesca Batistell, Building 429, Family Force 5, NewSong, For King And Country, Blanca, Veridia February 7

CCEEN NTTEERR SSTTA AG GEE (Atlanta) Ingrid Michaelson February 7 PPH HIILLIIPPSS A ARREEN NA A (Atlanta) Katt Williams February 7 TTH HEE EEA ARRLL (Atlanta) Evan Dando February 7 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE A ARREEN NA A (Nashville) Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Francesca Batistell, Building 429, Family Force 5, NewSong, For King And Country, Blanca, Veridia February 8 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Diana Ross February 8 TTEERRM MIIN NA ALL W WEESSTT (Atlanta) Phox February 10 CCA AN NN NEERRYY BBA ALLLLRRO OO OM M (Nashville) Guster, Kishi Bashi February 12 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NA ASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Colin Hay February 12 M MA ARRA ATTH HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Above &Beyond February 12 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSSLLEEYY (Nashville) Echosmith, The Colourist February 12 552299 (Atlanta) Caddywhompus February 12 CCEEN NTTEERR SSTTA AG GEE (Atlanta) Jessie J February 12 EED DD DIIEE’’SS A ATTTTIICC (Atlanta) Lloyd Cole February 12 BBU UCCK KH HEEA AD D TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Atlanta) Shovels & Rope, Caroline Rose February 12 LLA AU UG GH HIIN NG G SSK KU ULLLL LLO OU UN NG GEE (Atlanta) Emo Philips February 12 WO W ORRK KPPLLA AYY TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Birmingham) Robyn Hitchcock February 12 4400 W WA ATTTT CCLLU UBB (Athens, GA) Drive-ByTruckers February 12 WIILLD W DH HO ORRSSEE SSA ALLO OO ON N (Nashville) Rick Springfield February 13 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NA ASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Colin Hay February 13 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Tedeschi Trucks Band February 13 FFO OXX TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Atlanta) John Mellencamp, Carlene Carter February 13 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLLEE (Atlanta) Guster February 13 VVA ARRIIEETTYY PPLLA AYYH HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Big Head Todd & the Monsters February 13 OPPEERRA O A (Atlanta) Datsik February 13 ATTLLA A AN NTTA A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Carlos Mencia February 13 LLA AU UG GH HIIN NG G SSK KU ULLLL LLO OU UN NG GEE (Atlanta) Emo Philips February 13 TTH HO OM MPPSSO ON N--BBO OLLIIN NG GA ARREEN NA A (Knoxville) Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Francesca Batistell, Building 429, Family Force 5, NewSong, For King And Country, Blanca, Veridia February 13 4400 W WA ATTTT CCLLU UBB (Athens, GA) Drive-ByTruckers, Lydia Loveless February 13 VVO ON N BBRRA AU UN N CCEEN NTTEERR (Huntsville) Brian Regan February 14 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Shovels & Rope February 14 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLLEE (Atlanta) Wale February 14 ATTLLA A AN NTTA A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Carlos Mencia February 14 LLA AU UG GH HIIN NG G SSK KU ULLLL LLO OU UN NG GEE (Atlanta) Emo Philips February 14 4400 W WA ATTTT CCLLU UBB (Athens, GA) Drive-ByTruckers February 14 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NA ASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Dave Mason February 15 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Craig

ENIGMA

Morgan, Deana Carter, Third Day, Mike Farris February 15 TTH HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Silverstein, Beartooth, Hands Like Houses, My Iron Lung, Major League February 15 LLA AU UG GH HIIN NG G SSK KU ULLLL LLO OU UN NG GEE (Atlanta) Emo Philips February 15 ATTLLAAN A NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Carlos Mencia February 15 TTH HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Silverstein, Beartooth, Hands Like Houses, My Iron Lung, Major League February 15 BBJJCCCC CCO ON NCCEERRTT H HAALLLL (Birmingham) Ringo & His All Starr Band, Steve Lukather, Richard Page, Greg Rolie, Todd Rundgren, Gregg Bissonette, Warren Ham February 15 CCO OBBBB EEN NEERRG GYY PPEERRFFO ORRM MIIN NG G AARRTTSS CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) Harry Connick Jr. February 16 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NAASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Tim Reynolds and TR3 February 16 WAARR M W MEEM MO ORRIIAALL AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Dr. John February 17 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NAASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Arlo Guthrie February 17 VVA ARRIIEETTYY PPLLAAYYH HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Dark Star Orchestra February 18 EED DD DIIEE’’SS AATTTTIICC (Atlanta) Sean Watkins February 18 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NAASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Arlo Guthrie February 18 RRYYM MAAN N AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Blackberry Smoke February 18 BBIIJJO OU U TTH HEEAATTRREE (Knoxville) Robert Earl Keen February 18 PPH HIILLIIPPSS AARREEN NAA (Atlanta) Maroon 5, Magic!, Rozzi Crane February 19 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Styx February 19 TTH HEE BBAASSEEM MEEN NTT (Nashville) Sean Watkins February 19 MCCK M KEEN NZZIIEE AARREEN NAA (Chattanooga) MercyMe, Crowder, Matt Maher, Jamie Grace, Tedashi, Group 1 Crew, I Am They, Jon Guerra February 20 VVIIN NYYLL (Atlanta) Bad Suns February 20 TTH HEE TTAABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Excision, Protohype, Minnesota February 20 TTH HEE PPU UN NCCH HLLIIN NEE (Atlanta) Lavell Crawford February 20 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Styx February 20 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) Charlie Wilson, Kem, Joe February 20 GEEO G ORRG GIIAA TTH HEEAATTRREE (Athens, GA) Young the Giant February 20 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Styx February 21 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) Jason Aldean February 21 EED DD DIIEE’’SS AATTTTIICC (Atlanta) John Hammond February 22 TTH HEE TTAABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens February 22 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) Maroon 5, Magic!, Rozzi Crane February 22 ZZA AN NIIEE’’SS (Nashville) Margaret Cho February 22-25 BBJJCCCC A ARREEN NAA (Birmingham) Charlie Wilson, Kem, Joe February 22 MAARRK M K CC.. SSM MIITTH H CCO ON NCCEERRTT H HAALLLL (Huntsville) Gordon Lightfoot February 23 GEEO G ORRG GIIAA TTH HEEAATTRREE (Athens, GA) Ryan Bingham, Lucero, Twin Forks February 24 BBU UCCK KH HEEAAD D TTH HEEAATTRREE (Atlanta) Ryan

JANUARY 8 2015

JANUARY 9 & 10

ROB SCHNEIDER

HIS COMBINATION OF SELF-DEPRECATING HUMOR AND GOOFBALL ANTICS EARNED HIM RAVE REVIEWS, AND HE WAS SOON OPENING FOR THE LIKES OF JAY LENO AND JERRY SEINFELD. SCHNEIDER GOT HIS BIG BREAK IN 1990, WHEN SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE PRODUCER LORNE MICHAELS HIRED HIM ON AS A WRITER FOR THE SHOW. SOON, HE WAS PERFORMING HIS OWN MATERIAL AND WAS A CAST REGULAR UNTIL 1994 WHEN HE LEFT TO PURSUE HIS FILM CAREER.

JANUARY 15-18

KRISTIN KEY

KRISTIN KEY SEEMS LIKE ANY OTHER SWEET, SEXY, WELL-BEHAVED PREACHER’S DAUGHTER… UNTIL SHE OPENS HER MOUTH. HER FEARLESS STYLE OF COMEDY HAS EARNED HER THE TITLE “THE PREACHER’S KID GONE WILD.” . KRISTIN WAS ONE OF THE FINALISTS ON LAST SEASONS LAST COMIC STANDING ON NBC.

JANUARY 22-25

RICKY MOKEL

RICKY, THE "LOVABLE, GIFTED IDIOT" IS THE MOST NATURAL, SPONTANEOUS AND THOROUGHLY REFRESHING COMEDY CHARACTER TO COME ALONG IN MANY YEARS AND IS WELL KNOWN FOR THE PHRASE "I THINK ABOUT STUFF".

JANUARY 29-31

ETTA MAY

WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE ETTA MAY? “MINNIE PEARL WITH A MIGRAINE.” TO PUT IT SIMPLY, WHEN ETTA MAY TAKES THE STAGE, SHE IS THE REIGNING QUEEN OF SOUTHERN SASS. SHE REFLECTS “YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING FAT WHEN YOU SIT IN THE BATHTUB AND THE WATER IN THE TOILET RISES!” ETTA MAY WON THE PRESTIGIOUS AMERICAN COMEDY AWARDS: “STAND-UP COMIC OF THE YEAR”

FOR UPDATES, DISCOUNTS AND FREE TICKETS, TEXT COMEDYCATCH TO 99000

3223 BRAINERD RD.423.622.2233 WWW.THECOMEDYCATCH.COM

Bingham, Lucero, Twin Forks February 25 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY (Birmingham) Ryan Bingham, Lucero February 26 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Punch Brothers February 26 A ATTLLA AN NTTA A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Tom Green February 26 TTEEN NN NEESSSSEEEE PPEERRFFO ORRM MIIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Harry Connick Jr. February 27 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Punch Brothers February 27 MAARRAATTH M HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Kongos, Sir Sly, Colony House February 27 ATTLLA A AN NTTA A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Tom Green February 27 VVA ARRIIEETTYY PPLLA AYYH HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Al Di Meola February 27 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Willie Nelson February 27 TTH HEE IIN NTTEERRN NA ATTIIO ON NA ALL (Knoxville) Young the Giant February 27 PPH HIILLIIPPSS A ARREEN NA A (Atlanta) Billy Joel February 28 HEELLLL A H ATT TTH HEE M MA AQ QU UEERRA AD DEE (Atlanta) Helmet February 28 ATTLLA A AN NTTA A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Tom Green February 28 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Corey Smith February 28 CCO OTTTTO ON N EEYYEED D JJO OEE’’SS (Knoxville) Dan + Shay, Canaan Smith February 28 HAARRRRA H AH H’’SS CCH HEERRO OK KEEEE CCA ASSIIN NO O (Cherokee) Willie Nelson February 28 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Above & Beyond March 1 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE A ARREEN NA A (Nashville) Chris Brown, Trey Songz, Tyga March 1 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Willie Nelson March 3 IIRRO ON NH HO ORRSSEE CCA AFFÉÉ (Birmingham) 10 Years, Otherwise, The Glorious Sons, Luminoth March 3 TTH HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRA AD DEE (Atlanta) August Burns Red, Miss May I, Northlane, Erra March 4

M MEERRCCYY LLO OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) 10 Years, Otherwise, The Glorious Sons, Luminoth March 4 ATTLLA A AN NTTA A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Pauly Shore March 5 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Gov’t Mule March 5 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) J.J. Grey & Mofro March 6 ATTLLA A AN NTTA A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Pauly Shore March 6 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSSLLEEYY (Nashville) Beth Hart March 6 BBJJCCCC CCO ON NCCEERRTT H HA ALLLL (Birmingham) Little Big Town, Chris Stapelton March 6 M MA ARRA ATTH HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Moe. March 7 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND DSSLLEEYY (Nashville) Beth Hart March 7 ATTLLA A AN NTTA A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Pauly Shore March 7 TTH HEE M MA ASSQ QU UEERRA AD DEE (Atlanta) 10 Years, Otherwise, The Glorious Sons, Luminoth March 7 MEEM M MO ORRIIA ALL A AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Chattanooga) Little Big Town, Chris Stapleton March 8 TTH HO OM MPPSSO ON N--BBO OLLIIN NG GA ARREEN NA A (Knoxville) Fleetwood Mac March 8 TTH HEE LLO OFFTT (Atlanta) Aesop Rock, Rob Sonic, DJ Abilities, Homeboy Sandman March 8 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY (Birmingham) Willie Nelson March 8 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Ryan Bingham, Lucero March 9 VVA ARRIIEETTYY PPLLA AYYH HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Hozier, George Ezra March 10 ZZYYD DEECCO O (Birmingham) Aesop Rock, Rob Sonic, DJ Abilities, Homeboy Sandman March 10 AU A UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Santana March 11 RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRREEW WSS (Chattanooga) Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ March 12 BBJJCCCC CCO ON NCCEERRTT H HA ALLLL (Birmingham) John Mellencamp, Carlene Carter March 12

ENIGMA

A ATTLLAAN NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Gilbert Godfrey March 12 TTH HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Andy Grammer, Alex & Sierra March 12 TTH HEE TTAABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Hozier March 13 A ATTLLAAN NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Gilbert Godfrey March 13 HIIG H GH HW WAATTTT (Nashville) Blue Mother Tupelo March 13 ZZA AN NIIEE’’SS (Nashville) Dave Attell March 13 RRYYM MAAN N AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Hozier March 14 MEERRCCYY LLO M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Gang of Four March 14 ZZA AN NIIEE’’SS (Nashville) Dave Attell March 14 ATTLLAAN A NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Gilbert Gottfried March 14 M MCCK KEEN NZZIIEE AARREEN NAA (Chattanooga) Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Francesca Batistell, Building 429, Family Force 5, NewSong, For King And Country, Blanca, Veridia March 15 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Vienna Boys Choir March 15 RRO OCCK KEETTO OW WN N (Nashville) The Devil Wears Prada, Born of Osiris, The Word Alive, Secrets March 15 WO W ORRK KPPLLAAYY SSO OU UN ND DSSTTAAG GEE (Birmingham) Joshua Radin March 15 BBJJCCCC CCO ON NCCEERRTT H HAALLLL (Birmingham) Santana March 15 VVA ARRIIEETTYY PPLLAAYYH HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Gang of Four March 15 CCEEN NTTEERR SSTTAAG GEE (Atlanta) Joshua Radin March 16 RRYYM MAAN N AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Hozier March 16 TTEERRM MIIN NAALL W WEESSTT (Atlanta) The Church March 17 RRYYM MAAN N AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Hozier March 17 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) Fleetwood Mac March 18 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Boyz II Men March 19

JANUARY 8 2015

A ATTLLAAN NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Mitch Fatel March 19 TTEERRM MIIN NAALL W WEESSTT (Atlanta) Buckwheat Zydeco March 18 BBJJCCCC A ARREEN NAA (Birmingham) Michael Lambert, Justin Moore, Danielle Bradberry March 19 CCA AN NN NEERRYY BBAALLLLRRO OO OM M (Nashville) Meghan Trainor March 20 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Boyz II Men March 20 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NAASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Donna the Buffalo March 20 ATTLLAAN A NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Mitch Fatel March 20 VVA ARRIIEETTYY PPLLAAYYH HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) G. Love & Special Sauce March 20 ZZYYD DEECCO O (Birmingham) Suicide Silence, Emmure, Fit For An Autopsy, Within the Ruins March 20 ALLAABBAAM A MAA TTH HEEAATTRREE (Birmingham) CeCe Winans, Israel Houghton, Gerald Albright, DeLeon Richards, Marcus Cole, Keith Staten, Vonnie Lopez, Leon Timbo March 20 BBJJCCCC A ARREEN NAA (Birmingham) Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Francesca Batistell, Building 429, Family Force 5, NewSong, For King And Country, Blanca, Veridia March 21 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Boyz II Men March 21 KN K NO OXXVVIILLLLEE AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Knoxville) Sarah McLachlin March 21 ATTLLAAN A NTTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Mitch Fatel March 21 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) Nickelback March 22 PPH HIILLIIPPSS AARREEN NAA (Atlanta) Ariana Grande, Rixton March 24 PPH HIILLIIPPSS AARREEN NAA (Atlanta) Fleetwood Mac March 25 TTEEN NN NEESSSSEEEE TTH HEEAATTRREE (Knoxville) Brian Regan March 26 VVA ARRIIEETTYY PPLLAAYYH HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) King Tuff March 26 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) The Stray Birds, Keller Williams March 27 BBLLIIN ND DW WIILLLLIIEE’’SS (Atlanta) The Nighthawks March 27 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Dr. Dog, Mewithoutyou March 28 SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY H HAALLLL (Atlanta) Jane Lynch March 28 FFO OXX TTH HEEAATTRREE (Atlanta) Brian Regan March 28 CCEEN NTTEERR SSTTAAG GEE (Atlanta) “RuPaul’s Drag Race”, Cary Nokey March 28 TTEERRM MIIN NAALL W WEESSTT (Atlanta) Swans March 28 RRYYM MAAN N AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Brian Regan March 29 EED DD DIIEE’’SS AATTTTIICC (Atlanta) Al Stewart March 29 JJEEN NN NIIEE AAN ND DEERRSSO ON N TTH HEEAATTRREE (Marietta, GA) Frankie Avalon March 29 BBJJCCCC CCO ON NCCEERRTT H HAALLLL (Birmingham) Sarah McLachlin March 31 TTH HEE TTAABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Damien Rice March 31 BBU UCCK KH HEEAAD D TTH HEEAATTRREE (Atlanta) Taking Back Sunday, The Menzingers, Letlive. April 1 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY (Birmingham) Mat Kearney April 2 CCH HAASSTTAAIIN N PPAARRK K (Atlanta) Alt-J April 4 RRYYM MAAN N AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Mat

Kerney April 4 GRRAAN G ND DO OLLEE O OPPRRYY H HO OU USSEE (Nashville) Alt-J April 6 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Cassandra Wilson April 8 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Bernadette Peters April 9 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) The Decemberists April10 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Bernadette Peters April 10 RRH HYYTTH HM M && BBRREEW WSS (Chattanooga) Glass Hammer April 11 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) The Decemberists, Alvvays April 11 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Bernadette Peters April 11 TTEEM MPPTT (Murfreesboro) Datsik April 11 FFRRA AN NK KLLIIN N TTH HEEAATTRREE (Franklin, TN) Lynda Carter April 11 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) The Decemberists April 13 BBU UCCK KH HEEAAD D TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Atlanta) Ok Go April 14 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NAACCLLEE (Atlanta) Tesla April 15 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Jason Isbell April 16 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY (Birmingham) Zappa Plays Zappa April 16 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Joel McHale April 17 CCO OM MEED DYY CCLLU UBB AATT TTH HEE SSTTA ARRD DO OM MEE (Birmingham) Carlos Mencia April 17 BBJJCCCC CCO ON NCCEERRTT H HA ALLLL (Birmingham) Roberta Flack April 18 CCO OM MEED DYY CCLLU UBB AATT TTH HEE SSTTA ARRD DO OM MEE (Birmingham) Carlos Mencia April 18 VVA ARRIIEETTYY PPLLA AYYH HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Zappa Plays Zappa April 18 JJA AM MEESS K K.. PPO OLLK K TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Nashville) Frank Caliendo, George Canter April 18 NAASSH N HVVIILLLLEE M MU UN NIICCIIPPA ALL A AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Eddie Money April 18 SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY H HAALLLL (Atlanta) Diana Krall

April 19 AN A ND DRREEW W JJA ACCK KSSO ON NH HA ALLLL (Nashville) Anjelah Johnson April 19 VVO ON N BBRRA AU UN N CCEEN NTTEERR (Huntsville) Eddie Money April 19 A ALLYYSS RRO OBBIIN NSSO ON N SSTTEEPPH HEEN NSS CCEEN NTTEERR (Birmingham) Diana Krall April 20 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Diana Krall April 21 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLLEE (Atlanta) Sleater-Kinney April 21 TTH HEE A ARREEN NA AA ATT G GW WIIN NN NEETTTT CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) The Who April 23 MA M ARRA ATTH HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Sleater-Kinney April 23 MO M ORRTTO ON N TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Athens, GA) Christopher Titus April 23 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NA ASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Joan Armatrading April 25 CCO OBBBB EEN NEERRG GYY PPEERRFFO ORRM MIIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) Rodney Carrington April 25 TTH HEE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLLEE (Atlanta) Walk the Moon, The Griswolds April 25 FFRREED DRRIICCK KSS EEQ QU UIIPPM MEEN NTT (Decatur, AL) .38 Special April 25 VVO ON N BBRRA AU UN N CCEEN NTTEERR (Huntsville) Chicago April 26 MEEM M MO ORRIIA ALL A AU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Chattanooga) Chicago April 28 TTRRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Keb’ Mo’ May 1 CCO OBBBB EEN NEERRG GYY PPEERRFFO ORRM MIIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) Lewis Black May 1 TTIIVVO OLLII TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Chattanooga) Lewis Black May 2 CCO OBBBB EEN NEERRG GYY PPEERRFFO ORRM MIIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) Bill Cosby May 2 UN U NIIVVEERRSSIITTYY O OFF A ALLA ABBA AM MA A (Tuscaloosa) Steve Winwood May 2 TTEEN NN NEESSSSEEEE TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Knoxville) Lewis Black May 3 ALLA A ABBA AM MA A TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Birmingham) Hozier May 6 GEEO G ORRG GIIA A TTH HEEA ATTRREE (Athens, GA) Zappa Plays Zappa May 6

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M MAARRAATTH HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Zappa Plays Zappa May 7 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Kenny G May 7 CCH HAASSTTAAIIN N PPAARRK K (Atlanta) Hozier May 8 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Kenny G May 8 JJEEN NN NIIEE AAN ND DEERRSSO ON N TTH HEEAATTRREE (Marietta, GA) Mickey Gilley May 9 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Kenny G May 9 VVEERRIIZZO ON NW WIIRREELLEESSSS AAM MPPH HIITTH HEEAATTRREE (Atlanta) ZZ Top, Jeff Beck May 10 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) The Who May 11 CCIITTYY W WIIN NEERRYY N NAASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Ed Kowalczyk May 11 PPH HIILLIIPPSS AARREEN NAA (Atlanta) Bette Midler May 13 ATTLLAAN A NTTIICC SSTTAATTIIO ON N PPAARRK K (Atlanta) “Shaky Knees Music Festival” May 17 PPH HIILLIIPPSS AARREEN NAA (Atlanta) Iggy Azeala, Nick Jonas, Tinashe, DJ Wizz Kidd May 19 IIRRO ON N CCIITTYY (Birmingham) Kamelot, Dragonforce May 21 KIIN K NG GSSTTO ON ND DO OW WN NSS (Atlanta) (Rome, GA) “Counterpoint Music & Arts Festival” May 22-24 CCO OBBBB EEN NEERRG GYY PPEERRFFO ORRM MIIN NG G AARRTTSS CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) Lisa Lampinelli May 30 ARREEN A NAA AATT G GW WIIN NN NEETTTT CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) Barry Manilow, Dave Koz June 4 SSO OU UTTH HEERRN N SSTTAATTEESS AAM MPPH HIITTH HEEAATTRREE (Fayetteville, GA) Chuck Negron June 6 GEEO G ORRG GIIAA D DO OM MEE (Atlanta) Kenny Chesney, Eric Church, Brantley Gilbert, Chase Rice June 13 ARREEN A NAA AATT G GW WIIN NN NEETTTT CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) Cheech & Chong, WAR June 13 AAARRO A ON N’’SS AAM MPPH HIITTH HEEAATTRREE (Atlanta) Lana Del Ray June 14 TTEEN NN NEESSSSEEEE SSTTAATTEE FFAAIIRRG GRRO OU UN ND DSS

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(Nashville) Van’s Warped Tour July 1 AAARRO A ON N’’SS AAM MPPH HIITTH HEEAATTRREE (Atlanta) Van’s Warped Tour July 2 CCH HAASSTTAAIIN N PPAARRK K (Atlanta) Idina Menzel July 24 SSO OU UTTH HEERRN NG GRRO OU UN ND D AAM MPPH HIITTH HEEAATTRREE (Fayetteville, GA) Blood Sweat & Tears July 25 SSCCH HEERRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYYM MPPH HO ON NYY CCEEN NTTEERR (Nashville) Shirley MacLaine July 30 AAARRO A ON N’’SS AAM MPPH HIITTH HEEAATTRREE (Atlanta) 5 Seconds of Summer August 5 NAASSH N HVVIILLLLEE M MU UN NIICCIIPPAALL AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) “Ink-N-Iron Festival” Merle Haggard, Three Times Bad August 7 CCH HAASSTTAAIIN N PPAARRK K (Atlanta) ThePianoGuys August 8 N UM NAASSH HVVIILLLLEE M MU UN NIICCIIPPAALL AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU M (Nashville) “Ink-N-Iron Festival” Three Times Bad August 8 NAASSH N HVVIILLLLEE M MU UN NIICCIIPPAALL AAU UD DIITTO ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) “Ink-N-Iron Festival” Three Times Bad August 9 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) The Charlie Daniels Band, Travis Tritt, Montgomery Gentry, Billy Ray Cyrus, Kentucky Headhunters, The Outlaws, Lee Roy Parnell August 12 AAARRO A ON N’’SS AAM MPPH HIITTH HEEAATTRREE (Atlanta) Nickelback August 29 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) Taylor Swift, Vance Joy September 25/26 SSCCH HW WAARRTTZZ CCEEN NTTEERR (Atlanta) Chick Corea and Bela Fleck October 3 CCEEN NTTEEN NN NIIAALL O OLLYYM MPPIICC PPAARRK K (Atlanta) Foo Fighters October 4 BBRRIID DG GEESSTTO ON NEE AARREEN NAA (Nashville) Foo Fighters October 5 GEEO G ORRG GIIAA D DO OM MEE (Atlanta) Taylor Swift, Vance Joy, Shawn Mendes October 24

OPENING THIS WEEK Taken 3 PG-13 Ex-government operative Bryan Mills is accused of a ruthless murder he never committed or witnessed. As he is tracked and pursued, Mills brings out his particular set of skills to find the true killer and clear his name. NOW SHOWING Annie PG Annie is a young, happy foster kid who’s also tough enough to make her way on the streets of New York in 2014. Originally left by her par-

ents as a baby with the promise that they’d be back for her someday, it’s been a hard knock life ever since with her mean foster mom Miss Hannigan. But everything’s about to change when the hard-nosed tycoon and New York mayoral candidate Will Stacks – advised by his brilliant VP, Grace and his shrewd and scheming campaign advisor, Guy – makes a thinly-veiled campaign move and takes her in. Stacks believes he’s her guardian angel, but Annie’s selfLiam Neeson in 20th Century Fox’s “Taken 3”. assured nature and bright, sunGods and Kings stars Christian Bale will-come-out-tomorrow outlook Big Eyes PG-13 on life just might mean it’s the Walter Keane became a household as Moses who, as the film opens, name in the 1950s, when his oddly fights alongside his brother Ramses other way around. emotional and best-selling paint- (a shaved-headed Joel Edgerton), to ings of big-eyed children made him help defend Egypt, which is ruled a coveted TV talk show guest. But by their father, Seti (John was the art really his? His wife Turturro). During battle, Moses Margaret claims that Walter’s only saves Ramses life, causing Ramses contributions to the work were his to fear that his brother will one signatures, and Keanes subsequent day be King because it fits with a legal battle will destroy their mar- prophecy handed down by one of riage and lead to a jaw-dropping Seti’s trusted spiritualists. Soon court showdown that will prove after Seti’s death, Moses, who is once and for all who the real artist actually Jewish and not Egyptian, is is. banished. However, he becomes the leader of the Jewish people and Big Hero 6 leads a rebellion, with the help of a Robotics prodigy Hiro Hamada wrathful God, against that learns to harness his genius— Egyptians. thanks to his brilliant brother Tadashi and their like-minded Fury R friends: adrenaline junkie Go Go pril, 1945. As the Allies make their Tamago, neatnik Wasabi, chemistry final push in the European Theatre, whiz Honey Lemon and fanboy a battle-hardened army sergeant Fred. When a devastating turn of named Wardaddy commands a events catapults them into the Sherman tank and his five-man midst of a dangerous plot unfold- crew on a deadly mission behind ing in the streets of San Fransokyo, enemy lines. Out-numbered, outHiro turns to his closest compan- gunned, and with a rookie soldier ion—a robot named Baymax—and thrust into their platoon, transforms the group into a band Wardaddy and his men face overof high-tech heroes determined to whelming odds in their heroic solve the mystery. attempts to strike at the heart of Nazi Germany. Exodus: God and Kings PG-13 Ridley Scott’s Biblical epic Exodus: Horrible Bosses 2 R ENIGMA

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After barely escaping with their lives when their plans to murder their bosses goes out of control, Nick, Dale and Kurt decide that they’ll be better off launching a business of their own. But a slick investor has other plans, and when he manages to snake their successful venture right out from underneath them, the three friends launch a not-very-well-thought-out plan to kidnap the investor’s adult son and trade him for control of their company. Interstellar PG-13 A group of explorers make use of a newly discovered wormhole to surpass the limitations on human space travel and conquer the vast distances involved in an interstellar voyage. Into the Woods PG A witch tasks a childless baker and his wife with procuring magical items from classic fairy tales to reverse the curse put on their family tree. John Wick R An ex-hitman comes out of retirement to track down the gangsters that took everything from him. Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb PG-13 Get ready for the wildest and most adventure-filled Night At the Museum ever as Larry (Ben Stiller) spans the globe, uniting favorite and new characters while embarking on an epic quest to save the magic before it is gone forever. Penguins of Madagascar PG Super spy teams aren’t born…they’re hatched. Discover the secrets of the greatest and most hilarious covert birds in the global espionage biz: Skipper, Kowalski, Rico and Private. These elitists of the elite are joining forces with a chic undercover organization, The North Wind. Led by handsome and husky Agent Classified (we could tell you his name, but then…you know), voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch. Together, they must stop the villainous Dr. Octavius Brine, voiced by John Malkovich, from destroying the world as we know it.

row money from his mother and a loan shark. Further complicating his situation is his relationship with one of his students. Will Bennett risk his life for a second chance? The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies PG-13 Peter Jackson takes cues from the appendices of The Lord of the Rings to expand New Line Cinema’s Hobbit adaptation with this third film completing the epic tale of Bilbo Baggins, as played by Martin Freeman. The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 PG-13 Katniss Everdeen leads the districts of Panem in a rebellion against the tyrannical and corrupt Capitol. As the war that will determine the fate of Panem escalates, Katniss must decipher for herself who she can trust and what needs to be done, with everything she cares for in the balance.

COMING SOON

DeFelice.

American Sniper R U.S. Navy SEAL Chris Kyle is sent to Iraq with only one mission: to protect his brothers-in-arms. His pinpoint accuracy saves countless lives on the battlefield and, as stories of his courageous exploits spread, he earns the nickname “Legend.” However, his reputation is also growing behind enemy lines, putting a price on his head and making him a prime target of insurgents. He is also facing a different kind of battle on the home front: striving to be a good husband and father from halfway around the world. Based on the book by Chris Kyle with Scott McEwen and Jim

Blackhat R A man is released from prison to help American and Chinese authorities pursue a mysterious cyber criminal. The dangerous search leads them from Chicago to Hong Kong. Paddington PG A family befriends a talking bear at a London train station. The Wedding Ringer R A shy young groom needs to impress his in-laws, so he turns to a best-man-for-hire to help him out.

The Interview Dave Skylark and his producer Aaron Rapoport run the popular celebrity tabloid TV show “Skylark Tonight.” When they discover that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is a fan of the show, they land an interview with him in an attempt to legitimize themselves as journalists. As Dave and Aaron prepare to travel to Pyongyang, their plans change when the CIA recruits them, perhaps the two least-qualified men imaginable, to assassinate Kim Jong-un. The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death PG-13 Hammer Films goes in for a second round of fright with this follow-up to The Woman in Black from a story idea by original author Susan Hill. Tom Harper directs. Unbroken PG-13 After a near-fatal plane crash in WWII, Olympian Louis Zamperini spends a harrowing 47 days in a raft with two fellow crewmen before he’s caught by the Japanese navy and sent to a prisoner-of-war camp.

Wild R A chronicle of one woman’s 1,100mile solo hike undertaken as a The Gambler R Lit professor and gambler Jim way to recover from a recent Bennett’s debt causes him to bor- catastrophe. ENIGMA

Across 2. Worn to protect the clothing 6. Fermented grape juices 11. Lady's-finger 13. State resident 15. English princess 17. Fixes 18. Ogles 19. Underground part of a plant 20. Deuces 21. Thin glutinous mud 22. Authentic 23. Finish first 25. Biddies 26. Person whose religion is Judaism 30. Devote 32. Modify 36. Complete change 37. Shooting sport 38. Sealing compound 40. Purchase

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12. Flightless bird 14. Small dam 16. Part of speech 24. Rich and fashionable travellers 26. Trash 27. Spouse 28. Group of tents 29. Genus of vermin 30. Step in ballet 31. Short letter 33. Paint unskillfully 34. Be sorry for 35. Plaything 39. Highest 42. Public exhibition Down 43. Judges 1. Florida city 2. Inert elemental gas 44. Metal fastener 45. Mathematics 3. Move past 46. Raised platform 4. Lubricates 47. Evade work 5. Yuletide 6. Of moderate tem- 48. Unwieldy ship 51. Career golfers perature 52. Unpleasant smell 7. Insert 53. Salver 8. Planet 54. Stylish 9. Breathe noisily 10. Hates intensely

41. Places to sleep 47. Shaft horsepower 49. Executive Officer 50. Away 54. Pal 55. Imitator 56. Tester 57. Hawaiian port 58. Draw near 59. Book of the Bible 60. Annoys 61. Native of Switzerland 62. Type of packsack

11996666:: The Beatles are obliged to go into the studio to re-record “I Feel Fine” and “Help!” for inclusion on The Beatles Live at Shea Stadium LP...the original live recordings are unintelligible due to shrieking teenyboppers...also this week, the last episode of ABC-TV’s Shindig! airs featuring The Kinks and The Who...the show, which was broadcast on Thursday and Saturday nights, was among the first primetime programs to regularly feature rock acts… 11993355:: A boy child is born in Tupelo, Mississippi to Vernon and Gladys Presley...named Elvis Aaron Presley, he will go on to reshape the trajectory of modern music and culture…

the waist up when performing…

11995588:: Gibson obtains a patent for its Flying V guitar...the instrument doesn’t sell well at first and is discontinued only to be revived in 1979...it eventually becomes asso11995500:: the #1 Billboard pop hit is ciated with important blues and “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed rock players including Albert King, Reindeer” by Gene Autry...over 8 lonnie Mack and Dave Davies… million copies of the novelty tune are sold making this far and away 11995599:: Coral Records issues Buddy the singing cowboy’s biggest hit… Holly’s single, “It Doesn’t Matter Anymore”...it’s the last release by 11995544:: Muddy Waters records the the bespectacled rocker before his future blues standard “I’m Your death, and unlike most of his hits, Hoochie Coochie Man” at Chess which were self-penned, it is writRecords in Chicago...written by ten by Paul Anka… Chess bassist and A&R man Willie Dixon, the song’s lyrics deal with 11996633:: In a Billboard interview, Delta supernatural themes includ- Leonard Chess, co-founder of ing fortune tellers, mojo hands, Chess Records observes, “As it gypsies and luck…its signature stands today, there’s virtually no phrase will help connect rural difference between rock & roll, blues and rock ‘n’ roll with every- pop and rhythm & blues. The body from Bo Diddley to Hendrix music has completely overlapped”…also this week, L.A.’s riffing on it… Whisky-A-Go-Go, the city’s first 11995566:: Elvis Presley records rock club, opens...it becomes the “Heartbreak Hotel” in a two-day place to be seen and helps launch session at a converted church in the careers of major acts such as Nashville...in addition to bassist The Doors… Bill Black and guitarist Scotty Moore, RCA producer Steve Sholes 11996644:: The Rolling Stones embark hires drummer DJ Fontana, gui- on their first British tour as headtarist Chet Atkins, piano player liners...the opening act is the Floyd Cramer, and a gospel vocal American girl group, The trio...because the singer’s so ani- Ronettes…before heading out they mated, Sholes places three mics record the single “Not Fade Away” around Presley to make sure his at London’s Regent Sound vocal is captured…the song, built Studios…their cover of the Buddy around a dramatic eight-bar blues Holly song features the muchstructure, will become the biggest copied “Bo Diddley rhythm“ and will become the band’s first US selling record of 1956… single… also this week, Johnny 11995577:: Elvis Presley makes his first Cash’s hits anthology Ring of Fire: appearance on The Ed Sullivan The Best of Johnny Cash becomes Show...his swiveling hips almost the first country LP to top get him permanently banned from Billboard’s newly created Country return appearances until it’s Album Chart… agreed he’ll only be shown from ENIGMA

heavy metal canon including the title song, “War Pigs” and “Iron Man”... 11997733:: Due to a 1969 drug charge, Mick Jagger is refused a Japanese visa upsetting the Stones’ plans to tour Asia...queried about his drug use by a reporter, Jagger says, “I don’t take drugs. I don’t approve of drugs and I don’t approve of people taking drugs, unless they’re very careful”…this same week Bruce Springsteen releases his debut LP, Greeting from Asbury Park to generally positive reviews but only manages to sell 25,000 copies…in 1977 Manfred Mann’s Earth Band covers the song “Blinded By The Light’ from the album and enjoys a #1 hit…

11996677:: In his review of a Pink Floyd show at London’s Marquee Club, a Queen magazine critic writes, “The two guitarists looked moody, the drummer thrashed wildly about and the lights kept flashing. After about twenty minutes it became very boring and after half an hour 11997755:: 2000 ticket-seeking Led Zeppelin fans who have camped I left.”… out overnight at the Boston 11996688:: Underground San Francisco Gardens go on a rampage after FM station KMPX holds a “grass being shut out causing $60,000 in ballot” election in which listeners damage...Boston mayor Kevin vote for national White promptly pulls the plug on officeholders...Bob Dylan is named the show… president, Paul Butterfield gets the nod as VP, George Harrison is 11997766:: America loses one of its voted U.N. ambassador, the roots-music titans when bluesman Jefferson Airplane are named sec- Howlin’ Wolf dies near Chicago retary of transportation, and the after undergoing brain surgery… Grateful Dead are voted the new attorney general…this same week London’s Daily Mirror reports that Jimi Hendrix has moved into a townhouse where Handel was said The to have composed Messiah...the guitar master tells a reporter he plans to do his own composing there and “not let the tradition down”… 11996699:: While shooting the TV show Get Back, George Harrison announces he’s leaving The Beatles... commenting on this turn of events, Ringo says, “George had to leave because he thought that Paul was dominating him. Well, he was.”… it’s also thought Yoko Ono’s often intrusive presence has been a factor… 11997700:: Max Yasgur, whose farm was the site of the Woodstock Festival, is sued for $35,000 by neighbors charging property damage… 11997711:: Black Sabbath’s second LP, Paranoid, is released…it includes a trio of tracks that will enter the

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11997766:: Former Beatles road manager Mal Evans is shot dead by L.A. cops after he levels a rifle at them…it turns out the weapon is a BB gun…ironically, the deeply depressed Evans had been previously been awarded an honorary Los Angeles County Sheriff’s badge… 11997777:: The Ramones release their second LP, Leave Home… recording engineer Ed Stasium had arrived for the first day’s work not having previously heard a note of Ramones music…”I walked in, turned up the faders, and thought, ‘what is this?’ It was all live. We set up the boys, baffled them off a bit for isolation, put headphones on them, and away we went.”…this same week EMI drops The Sex Pistols paying them $68,000 to go away… 11997799:: Rush is named Canada’s official Ambassadors of Music… 11998800:: The Pink Floyd single “Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2) is released…it will go on to top the pop charts on both sides of the Atlantic—their only song of theirs to do so… 11998811:: Eagles Live goes platinum...the double LP proves to be the band’s final release until their 1994 comeback album, When Hell Freezes Over…also this week, John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s LP Double Fantasy goes platinum just over a month after Lennon’s assassination…

national star to perform in South Africa following the end of the U.N.’s cultural boycott...in the 1980s the singer-songwriter had been criticized for going to South Africa to record his groundbreaking record Graceland during the Apartheid era…in the US, it’s a big week for Nirvana when the band plays its mega-hit “Smells Like Teen Spirit” on Saturday Night Live and sees the album Nevermind rise to the top of the album chart…

plays a two-and-a-half-hour set before an SRO crowd ...fans had queued up for over seven hours to catch the band…also this week, Melissa Etheridge reveals that the sperm donor for the children she parents with partner Julie Cypher is David Crosby...what could they have been thinking?…and finally this week, while going through airport security in Hawaii, Whitney Houston is caught with more than a half-ounce of pot in her purse...though security personnel attempt to detain the singer, she 11999933:: Bassist Bill Wyman marches off and catches her flight announces that he has left the to San Francisco… Rolling Stones…also this week, the U.S. Postal Service releases a 22000011:: Soul singer James Carr dies stamp bearing the likeness of the of lung cancer at a Memphis nurs1950s-era Elvis...the USPS had ing home…his assured vocal chops asked the public to choose were often compared favorably to between that image and a portrait those of Otis Redding and his verof an older, plumper King...the sion of the cheating-song classic younger Elvis won hands down… “Dark End of the Street” was considered definitive, but Carr’s 11999944:: Nirvana plays its last U.S. career was often disrupted by date at the Seattle Arena…mean- severe symptoms of bipolar disorwhile in England, the ragga duo der… Chaka Demus and Pliers rises to the top of the pop chart with their 22000055:: Beatles guitarist George cover of the much-recorded “Twist Harrison is added to the Oxford and Shout”…originally recorded Dictionary of National Biography, by the Top Notes with Phil Spector Britain’s definitive record of the on the board in 1961, it was the great and the good…across the Isley Brothers who first had real Atlantic, Kid Rock, who was slated success with the tune…a Beatles’ to take part in George W. Bush’s festivities, is cover version turned up on their inauguration first LP, Please Please Me featur- dropped after organizers receive ing John Lennon’s hoarse lead thousands of emails protesting vocal…suffering from a cold dur- Kid’s inclusion…Tim Wildmon, ingrecording, producer George president of the American Family Martin saved Lennon’s perform- Association whose organization ance for last knowing it would spearheaded the effort to get Rock spell the end for his shredded off the bill says, “Kid Rock’s whole vocal cords…it would take weeks thing is get drunk, party, free for Lennon’s voice to recover… sex.”…

11998844:: Cyndi Lauper grabs five Grammy nominations…she’s the first female artist to do that since Bobbie Gentry managed the feat in 11999977:: Two bronze statues worth over $76,000 are taken from 1967… George Harrison’s estate in 11999900:: Mr. Blackwell gives top dis- Oxfordshire…the determined honors to Sinead O’Connor as the thieves climbed a 10- foot-wall and worst-dressed woman on his cut the figures of two monks from annual diss list...he refers to the their stone plinths… Irish singer as “the bald-headed 11999999:: Lauryn Hill racks up ten banshee of MTV”... Grammy nominations for her best11999911:: Def Leppard guitarist Steve selling album, The Miseducation of Clark dies from a codeine OD…his Lauryn Hill… dual leads with fellow guitarist Phil Collen defined the Leppard 22000000:: The renowned Chicago club Lounge Axe goes out in a blaze of sound… glory with a surprise appearance 11999922:: Paul Simon is the first inter- by Wilco...the alt-country quartet ENIGMA

22000066:: Apple introduces its new iPhone...tightly integrated with Apple’s iTunes, the new device dispenses with micro-sized buttons in favor of a large touch screen that simplifies music, camera, messaging, and web surfing capabilities...Apple’s stock shoots up in anticipation of the iPhone becoming a category killer… 22000077:: the home of Question Mark, singer with ? and the Mysterians, the legendary garage band that cut “99 Tears,” suffers the loss of his Clio, Michigan home when it burns to the ground destroying more

JANUARY 8 2015

than four decades of memorabilia… 22000088:: Radiohead’s In Rainbows, the band’s seventh album is No. 1 on the week’s music charts with sales of 122,000 physical CDs—this despite the band having made the LP available for download on its website with “pay what you like” pricing three months earlier… 22000099:: QRS Music, the last producer of paper player piano rolls, ceases production after 108 years…not since 1936, when New York mayor Fiorello La Guardia banned organ grinders from the streets of New York, has the mechanical music community suffered such a blow…player piano owners interested in new tunes will now have to retrofit their pianos with lame digital players… 22001122:: Snoop Dogg is charged with a misdemeanor after 0.13 pounds of pot are found on his tour bus at a Texas checkpoint…in interviews, the rapper has said he has a license to use medical marijuana in his home state of California because he suffers from migraines and blurred vision…Willie Nelson was cited in November 2010 for pot possession at that same checkpoint…

RRU UM MOOUURR HHAASS IITT… … …JJoouurrnneeyy has lined up a springtime residency in Las Vegas. The multi-platinum band will play nine shows at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino beginning in late April. Neeaall SScchhoonn, Featuring guitarist N J J o o n n a a t t hhaann CCaaiinn, keyboardist bassist RRoossss VVaalloorryy, drummer DDeeeenn CCaassttrroonnoovvoo and frontman AArrnneell PPiinneeddaa, JJoouurrnneeyy will set up shop at the Hard Rock beginning April 29. Other show dates are May 1-2, 6, 8-9, 13 & 15-16. …Musician and actress JJeew weell is going back to the books. She has a deal with Penguin Random House imprint Blue Rider Press for a memoir scheduled to come out in the fall. Blue Rider announced the currently untitled book Monday. In 1998, JJeew weell’’ss “A Night Without Armor” became the rare poetry collection to sell more 1 million weell copies. Blue Rider says JJeew will reveal a “far more complicated life” than previously

known. She will write about her childhood and career while offering writing advice and insights on being a mother. weell The singer was born JJeew KKiillcchheerr. The 40-year-old star had one of the most successful debuts in history with the 1995 multiplatinum album Pieces of You. Her other albums include Spirit and This Way.

my bleeding heart and watching me dance in the dark these past years. I love you. I will come back. Stronger. But for now my loves, I have to rest. U can’t always ‘win’.... Take care of yourselves!!! You mean the world to me. Choose light and life! Life is ebb n flow, high n low. But we keep on. I will miss you so.” LLii had been touring in support of her third studio …LLyykkkkee LLii is taking a album, I Never Learn, which break from touring, which was released in May 2014. means St. Jerome’s Laneway Festival has scratched her … What do you do name off the lineup. The when your band’s name that Swedish indie pop singer/song- represented all that is wholewriter says her health is some is suddenly connected to screaming and begging her to a sex scandal? If your group is “listen/heal/slow down.” Li called CCoossbbyy SSw weeaatteerr, then it’s expanded on her message to time for a change in identity. fans with the following post on Named after the knit sweaters Instagram: “I am utterly dev- BBiillll CCoossbbyy wore on his 1980s astated, sometimes we push “The Cosby Show,” CCoossbbyy and push but the body simply SSw weeaatteerr hasn’t exactly been won’t follow. I gave it all I had, rekindling the warm fuzzies as my body, heart and soul. After of late – mot since several 7 years of touring my health is women began accusing the screaming/begging for me to comedian of alleged drug-andlisten/heal/slow down. Thank rape episodes. Although you so much for understand- CCoossbbyy has denied the accusaing. Thank you for listening to tions, the man who has been a cornerstone of American comedy for more than four decades has seen his name in headlines for unsavory reasons during the past few months. weeaatteerr is And now CCoossbbyy SSw dropping any references of The CCooss as the Indianapolis funk trio switches its name to TTuurrbboo SSuuiitt. ENIGMA

JANUARY 8 2015

… A Nevada man has been arrested on suspicion of stealing 44 smartphones valued at over $17,000 from the lostand-found department of a South Lake Tahoe music festimaaiinnee W Wiilllliiaam mss is val. JJeerrm accused of taking the smartphones from a locked storage case at the SnowGlobe festival venue at Lake Tahoe Community College and putting them in a suitcase. He’s also accused of offering to return a stolen smartphone to a victim for $20. The 38-year-old Wiilllliiaam W mss, who worked for a festival contractor, was booked on suspicion of felony grand theft. Police say SnowGlobe organizers turned over all lost property they collected over the three-day festival that ended early New Year’s Day, and staff is trying to return items to their owners. …New York hip-hop artist JJooeeyy BBaaddaa$$$$ has been charged in an Australian court with assaulting a security guard before a performance last week, officials said Monday. The 19-year-old Brooklyn performer was headed for the stage at the Falls Music and Arts Festival near the tourist town of Byron Bay in New South Wales state on Friday when he was asked by a 20-

year-old security guard to prove his identity, police said in a statement. BBaaddaa$$$$ allegedly punched the guard, breaking his nose, before continuing to the stage and performing his set. He was later charged with assault causing bodily harm and spent the night in police custody, the statement said. He could be sentenced to a maximum of five years in prison if convicted. He appeared in the Lismore Local Court on Saturday under the name JJoo-VVaauugghhnn VViirrggiinniiee SSccootttt and was released on unconditional bail, Meelliissssaa EEvveerrssoonn court official M said. She would not say whether he had entered a plea, citing privacy regulations.

Allm moonndd’’ss Wanted’ from TToodddd A upcoming pop opera Kansas City Choir Boy, which opens in New York on Thursday. A video premiered by the New York Times, which shows Love accompanied by a cello and piano as she sings the track. Lyrics include “Today I woke up to a phone call that I knew was coming, a phone call from you. All I ever wanted in this lifetime was to see a movie with you”. The opera runs as part of the Prototype Festival from January 8 – 17. It sees Love play the role of Athena, a teenage singer who leaves her teenage sweetheart in Kansas City to move to New York in search of fame and fortune.

…A former North Dakota college football player is facing a charge in Los Angeles for allegedly stalking Daavviidd G Geeffffeenn. JJaam miiee billionaire D RRaallpphh KKuunnttzz, 21, was ordered Wednesday to appear next month in Los Angeles Superior Court on charges that he repeatedly violated an order to Kuunnttzz stay away from Geffen. K pleaded not guilty earlier this month and is being held on KKuunnttzz was $150,000 bail. kicked off the North Dakota State College of Sciences football team two years ago after kissing a 65-year-old boyfriend Kuunnttzz says he in the press box. K lost his place as linebacker because he was gay, though the coach says he was removed for lying about the kiss. He could face up to four years in state prison if convicted of stalking the entertainment mogul.

Guunnss NN’’ …Original G RRoosseess bassist D Duuffff M MccKKaaggaann will publish an advice book titled How To Be A Man (And Other Illusions) this May. MccK M Kaaggaann , who played with Guunnss N N’’ RRoosseess and the both G band VVeellvveett RReevvoollvveerr , told Total Rock Radio that he landed the book deal after his work as a columnist on Seattle Weekly and that his self-help guide would be published on May 12 via De Capo Press. He previously released an autobiography, titled It’s So Easy (And Other Lies), in 2013. Speaking

MccK Kaaggaann about his new book, M said: “I had a column for the Seattle Weekly for five years, and there was one column that was called ‘How To Be A Man’, and it was kind of tongue in cheek; it was really tongue in cheek. And I got a book deal from that column.” …After months of Weeiillaanndd has speculation, SSccootttt W revealed to Rolling Stone that Blaster, his debut LP with backWiillddaabboouuttss, will ing band the W be released March 31st via Softdrive Records and will be accompanied by a cross-country tour. The 12-track album was produced by RRiicckk PPaarrkkeerr Moottoorrccyyccllee CClluubb) (BBllaacckk RReebbeell M and recorded at Weiland’s Lavish Studios and the Sandbox Weeiillaanndd’’ss in Los Angeles. It’s W first original solo album since 2008’s “Happy” in Galoshes, with the singer, who penned 11 of the new album’s tracks himself, describing the results as guitar-heavy and “furry.” If you know any truths, halftruths or outright lies about the music and club scene send it to Sissy Vance c/o rumoursmill@enigmaonline.co m.

1. Cracker 2. TV On The Radio 3. Trigger Hippy 4. Foo Fighters 5. Joe Bonamassa 6. The New Basement Tapes 7. VA - The Art of McCartney 8. The Decemberists 9. Lucinda Williams 10. Pink Floyd 11. AC/DC 12. Milky Chance 13. The Waterboys 14. Mark Ronson 15. Weezer 16. Jenny Lewis 17. New Build 18. Mariachi El Bronx 19. Shovels & Ropes 20. Ziggy Marley

- Sissy Vance

ADVENTURE PICKS 1. The Temperance Movement 2. Ex Cops 3. Modest Mouse

…CCoouurrttnneeyy LLoovvee has made her opera debut with a performance of ‘All I Ever ENIGMA

JANUARY 8 2015

Cowboys Finish the Fight

It’s official now. The Dallas hating begin. Cowboys are finally back as America’s Team. Let the catcalls The Detroit Lions have only themand booing begin. selves to blame for their seventh straight playoff loss covering a Despite a thrilling 24-20 victory span of 23 years. Fans of the beleaover the Detroit Lions for their first guered franchise will lament for playoff victory since 2009, no one months about the pass interference is talking about the gutsy 4th and 6 call that wasn’t in the fourth quarcall head coach Jason Garrett ter. They will completely forget greenlighted during the team’s go- about the “cowardly lion” act of ahead touchdown drive. Nope, the their head coach Jim Caldwell on only thing the Internet and the the very next play. Instead of going sports media can focus in on right for it on fourth and one, Caldwell now is New Jersey governor Chris wanted his crafty signal caller, Christie’s life-long love affair with Matthew Stafford, to try and draw the Cowboys. And the media just the defense offside. Not only did can’t get enough of his cheering of that play completely backfire on the team’s victory during group hug the coach, his punter Sam Martin ceremonies in owner Jerry Jones’ would add further indignation by private skybox captured on Fox TV kicking the ball only ten yards to cameras. put the Cowboys in the hole at their own 41-yard line. It was an Yes, the Cowboys are back. Let the omen Jason Garrett would heed on ENIGMA

his team’s drive to overtake the within its own end zone. Cowboy Lions. rookie Dakota Watson inexplicably ran into the punter giving Detroit a Detroit came out of the gate swing- fresh set of downs. Stafford then ing to start the game on offense did something that hadn’t been after the league’s No. 1 defense accomplished in 12 years of playoff shut the Cowboys down on their games. He guided his team on a 14opening drive. Quarterback play, 99-yard drive capped off by Matthew Stafford, who had a field running back Reggie Bush’s nifty 18day against this team in 2012, con- yard scoring run. tinued where he left off. He led his team downfield in just two minutes The Lions dominance in the first on four plays. The drive ended quarter unnerved Dallas. Up to this when the QB connected with point, Romo had been completely speedy wide receiver, Golden Tate, ineffective in mounting any type of who weaved his way through the drive for the Cowboys. He often secondary for a 51-yard score. looked lost behind his offensive line as they gave him plenty of time Tony Romo then led his offense to to unload the ball. Unfortunately, another quick three and out. This his receiving corps couldn’t shake time, however, the punt team their defenders or they failed to downed the ball inside the Detroit improvise on their routes when one. The defense held its ground Romo did get in trouble. The bleedforcing the Lions to punt from deep ing continued deep into the second

JANUARY 8 2015

quarter as the sacks, poor throws yards. Facing a third and ten, it was and ineffective running game con- time for Dallas’ other playmaker, tinued to plague the offense. Dez Bryant, to make his presence felt. Romo found his dangerous With Detroit dominating the first receiver on a short crossing pathalf, it’s amazing the score didn’t tern over the middle. A powerful get out of hand. Romo had com- stiff-arm on Detroit linebacker pleted eight passes for 73 yards. DeAndre Levy freed the receiver to DeMarco Murray had been held to run 43 yards downfield. DeMarco 28 yards on the ground. Those stats finished the drive with a sevenwere all but forgotten on a single yard scoring run around the left play. With just over a minute and a side. Unfortunately, it was called half left in the second quarter, back because of a holding penalty Romo found Terrance Williams on against Jason Witten. Romo immea crossing route. He broke free of diately connected with Cole his defender and found an alley in Beasley over the middle for 15 the secondary he navigated yards. On fourth and one, Murray through for a 76-yard score. Detroit would answer with a drive of their own that netted a field goal and 177 lead going into the locker room.

the Lions. Instead of running a play to try and get the first down, Stafford tried to draw the Cowboys defense off side. It didn’t work and the Lions were called for a delay of game penalty. Punter Sam Martin then shanked the ball. This was going to be an all or nothing moment for the Cowboys offense and the moment of truth came the fifth play into the drive. Facing a 4th down and six on the Detroit 42, Romo called a play intended for his favorite target, Jason Witten. The tight end made a brilliant move on safety James

got his touchdown.

The Cowboys offensive philosophy this season has been to center the offense on the legs of running back DeMarco Murray. They weren’t going to abandon it even now. Three straight plays involving Murray netted the Cowboys 30

Detroit went a quick three and out. On this drive, Beasley stepped into the spotlight. Three plays involving the slot receiver moved the ball 47 yards downfield. Unfortunately, two successive Romo sacks by Ndamukong Suh forced the Cowboys to go for a field goal. This time Dan Bailey lived up to his reputation by connecting from 51 yards out bringing his team to within three points. Stafford finally got his offense moving. Five plays netted the Lions 51 yards to the Dallas 46. On third and one, Stafford attempted a pass to Calvin Johnson. The ball was underthrown and hit linebacker Anthony Hitchens in the small of his back. The back judge initially ruled pass interference and announced it over the intercom. After a brief conference with other officials, the ref reversed himself and it was now fourth and one for ENIGMA

Coow C wbboy Notes – It seems ridiculous that several Detroit Lions players had tears in their eyes after the game. Matthew Stafford is 0-18 on the road against teams with a winning record. Also, this franchise has only won two playoff games in 58 years – that’s right 58 years – so they should expect the unexpected to derail their hopes in any playoff game they participate in. Their last victory was a 38-6 mauling of Jerry Jones’ 1992 team. The Cowboys didn’t cry after that loss. They turned the incident into a positive as they went about winning the Super Bowl three out of the next four years. Rush Limbaugh weighed in on the game and his comments were right on the mark. He wondered aloud why nobody is talking about the upcoming playoff games and instead focusing their attention on Chris Christie in Jerry Jones box and the officiating in the DallasDetroit game. Those are the two primary topics in social media dominating the news preceding this weekend’s games. You can expect the media to thoroughly scrutinize the Christie victory group hug in Jerry Jones private box all week leading up to the Green Bay. And yes Jerry Jones has insisted that his orange sweater lucky charm join him in Green Bay this weekend, the media be damn.

The Cowboys missed a golden opportunity to start the third quarter when they intercepted a tipped pass and returned the ball to the Lions 17. The drive stalled and set the stage for the most prolific kicker in NFL history to take the stage. He missed his 41-yard attempt. Detroit came back after that to add another field goal to their total for a 20-7 lead. There were certainly doubts at AT&T Stadium as to whether or not the Tony Romo from days of the future past was going to rear its ugly head once again to dash beleaguered fans hopes. The defense had made the necessary adjustments in the second half to surrender only two field goals. Now it was time for the offense to hold up its end of the deal. Up until this point, Detroit’s top ranked defense was living up to its name. The Cowboys only had 152 total offensive yards to its credit (76 of those yards on one play) staring at a two touchdown deficit. Up to this point, it had not been Romo’s best day. That was all about to change.

and they did.

Ihedigbo that resulted in a 21-yard completion. Two holding penalties by linebackers Don Carey and Levy aided the drive. The drive ended when the offensive line bought Romo enough time to step up into the pocket where he found a streaking Terrance Williams in the end zone. His catch gave Dallas By the way, Cowboy fans have no their first lead of the game, 24-20. problems with Christie’s devotion to the team, and there is a good Cowboys’ defensive end DeMarcus reason why. He is the perfect Lawrence provided some drama buffer to keep Barrack Obama from with two minutes left in the con- ever picking Dallas to win the test. He recovered a fumble deep Super Bowl if they are fortunate to in Detroit territory that would have get that far. Since he took office, ended the game. However, any team he has picked to win a instincts instead common sense major championship in football or took over, and he tried to run the basketball, either professional or ball. He was stripped on a tackle collegiate, lost. Having your team and Detroit recovered getting a get a “shout out” from Obama is new set of downs in the process. akin to a kiss of death and there’s Fortunately for Lawrence, he a good bet he’s rooting for Green redeemed himself a few plays later Bay to knock the Cowboys out when he sacked Stafford and come Sunday. forced a fumble which he recovered. It was time for everyone at - David Huff AT&T Stadium to do the Christie –

JANUARY 8 2015

ESPN is A FourLetter Word As most of you wait with bated breath for the NCAA National Championship game on Monday, I could care less. In fact, I will not be watching the game. That’s a lot coming from a guy who learned to throw a football at the age of two and played and loved the game before he was able to identify individual teams and players. I was lucky. I grew up in an era of only three major networks, a fourth being public television and maybe a fifth on UHF (those of you who still know what that is) that showed “B” movies, old Three Stooges shorts and cartoons along with locally produced talk shows. Back in the olden days sports on TV were a treat, not a way of life. Sunday afternoons after church were spent watching the NFL. Saturday afternoons after playing outside it was the Wide World of Sports where I first found out about the “sports” like curling. That of course was were I first learned on Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier and the whole gang. And then college football where I learned the phrase “Whoa Nellie!” It was a much simpler time and as kids we were far more well rounded than kids today. Then came Monday Night Football that was a treat for kids like me who couldn’t get enough of football Saturday or Sunday. Heck, it was the NFL pre-game show as a kid that I first learned of diversity and not a court order or protest. The host of the

Sunday pre-game show on CBS, then the home of AFC action was Brent Musburger, Phyllis George and Irv Cross. We’re talking the early ‘70s and your crew was two guys – one white, one black and a female. The NFL was ahead of the times in hindsight. And no one made a big deal out of it the way they do today screaming equality and diversity. But I digress.

switched over to basketball and then as the weather started to warm up it was baseball season that took us through spring and summer ending for the most part as football began once again. Now we are so log-jammed with sports there are a few weeks in October that on any given day you will have pro football, baseball and basketball fighting for airtime as well as sports like hockey and NASCAR. Of course Sports seasons were slightly now they all have their own netshorter or seemed that way and work that is on air all year. after football was over we ENIGMA

JANUARY 8 2015

I used to enjoy sports a lot. In fact I participated in sports year ‘round as well. But now all the sports seasons run together and overlap and attempt to take up all of my time. It has gotten so bad that I quit watching most sports. I still watch pro football and maybe a few college games but not like I did as a kid. Sports used to be specialty programming back in the day and I grew to appreciate the sport more because it wasn’t as readily accessible as it is now. I no long watch NBA. I think it suffers from bad public relations from the players involved and the people that hang out at the games. I rarely watch baseball any more. Hell, there are 162 games in the season – that alone is too much information overload. What I do love, however is listening to the game on the radio. I realize it’s old school, but to be truthful baseball is a sport that doesn’t require 100 percent of your attention. I prefer on a lazy summer evening listening to a game than music on the radio. Baseball announcers are a special breed as they are able to paint a beautiful picture with their words unlike other sports that require you attention all the time. Granted, attending a baseball game is fun – especially a minor league game. Attending one of these games is like attending a cocktail party as most everyone there is not 100 percent focused on what is happening on the field. The action is a reference point but not the center of atten-

tion. At an afternoon ballgame I’ve seen more business deals made and new friendships struck up than at any bar or boardroom. I, myself have made some really close friends attending minor league baseball games some longer and better than some of my older and no longer friends. Each spring we rekindle our friendship and often between seasons even get together, exchange emails, phone calls or even meet for lunch of dinner. I remember when cable TV came to town. We were on of the first ones on our block to get all these additional channels. I remember when there was only HBO who in the early days signed off around one or two in the morning. Then came Showtime and Cinemax that my best friend in high school Scott and I nicknamed “Skinamax” because movies they aired overnight sometimes had brief nudity. And that was forbidden fruit for two guys who attended a Christian high school. And then there was the early morning aerobics show that came on around six with females dressed in spandex outfits working out, bending over, etc. Waking up early never felt so good back in the day. On my early cable channels was not only a fledgling MTV (then Music Television) Ted Turner’s WTBS the “Superstation” (formerly the old Channel 17) now just TBS and a fledgling all sports station ESPN. Being a wannabe jock I tried watching the fledgling channel. It was kind of boring. The only live sport they could get was “Australian Rules Football”. The only hint of NFL, NCAA, NBA or MLB was during a highlight show called “SportsCenter”. That’s where I was first initiated to Chris Berman and his silly nicknames for the players during highlights. Of course today that is

Then things started to change. In the mid ‘90s ESPN bought the rights to air an NFL game of the week on Sunday night. They also moved their station to a higher channel that meant you had to have a more expensive cable plan to get the station on your TV. Sunday night football was a novelty and no big deal – or at least I thought. Then ESPN started buying up college games. Games I used to watch on ABC, CBS or even NBC on occasion was only aired either on ESPN or a pay-per-view channel through my cable provider (Comcast).

now industry standard and somehow Berman is still around. Back then WTBS and WGN out of Chicago did a better job of sportscasting because TBS was owned by Turner, also owner of the Atlanta Braves and the Hawks. Therefore we had unlimited access to both teams as well as pro soccer when Atlanta briefly had a pro soccer team in the early ‘80s as well as the then Atlanta Flames. WTBS nicknamed the Braves “America’s Team” much the way the Cowboys were touted as such by the NFL. ESPN was a novelty at best not the “Worldwide Leader in Sports” that they’re known as now. Soon ESPN started to grow. They soon had major league baseball on Sunday nights. That was a novelty, especially during the early days of cable. ESPN used to be on channel eight and MTV on nine. They were part of the basic cable package that cost around $7 or $8 a month back in the day. Actually it was stipulated by them ENIGMA

to be on the lower channel numbers so they would be in more households. That was fine and dandy as far as I was concerned. Baseball used to only be on NBC Saturday afternoons and then Fox and for a brief time ABC tried Monday Night Baseball. The latter really didn’t work out because like I stated early baseball is better heard than seen. Being born in New York and then growing up two hours from Atlanta I was a fan of New York and the Atlanta teams as most people back in the day were. You cheered for UT football, even UGA and Georgia Tech or Vandy because they were theoretically neighboring towns (compared to schools like Alabama, Auburn, Florida and Florida State). Everyone cheered for the “home” school or the school most regionally connected to where they lived, be it high school, college or pros.

JANUARY 8 2015

Then the floodgates started to open. More and more sports were being aired on TV. There were now cable channels that aired nothing but golf, tennis, “extreme sports” – you name it. We went from having four TV stations to having five major networks and literally over 100 cable channels with programming divided by every niche and subniche possible. The ESPN began ESPN2 and 3 and all sorts of other sports channels within their niche of broadcasting sports. And this was interfering with my lifelong love of football. You see, to me football is the greatest game. It is the only true team sport because it requires all 11 players of one side to work together in unison to be truly successful. It was a truly physical game that could only be played once a week unlike baseball that is played six or more days a week and basketball that is played four or more times a week. That is what used to be great about the sport. Watching or even participating in football is one thing the buildup to the game was another. All the smack talking, boasting, predictions, planning, etc. was almost as fun as the game itself. After the game

you had a week to brag, make excuses or so on. It was no big deal. It was one aspect in your life. Then ESPN started buying up rights to more and more games and sports, launching new channels to air them. The games no longer were about the teams or the town and communities they represented it became all about the money that could be generated and spent and what this money could be spent on. ESPN then bought the rights for Monday Night Football away from ABC taking away one of my favorite childhood memories growing up. As a kid I watched Monday Night Football with my dad after he got home from work and we had dinner as a family. As I got older I continued to watch. Monday Night Football is where I learned John Lennon was murdered. As the times changed so did the announcers as well as some of the magic. But on Monday night I could always turn on a TV wherever I was and watch Monday Night Football. Now I have to have a cable package to do so. I quit watching when the game moved to ESPN. The only ESPN Monday Night Football games I’ve watched since have been the ones I work as a sideline photographer at Atlanta Falcons home games. Needless to say I have not seen a Monday night game this year. The one game the Falcons were on Monday night at Green Bay, I listened to on my radio. Football used to be special to me. As a kid I couldn’t get enough. Now there are games on Saturday, Sunday Monday, some Tuesdays, Thursdays and an occasional Friday. It’s informational overload. There is no longer enough time to absorb what happened. Before I can they’re airing another game somewhere.

Ten years ago the NFL started their own cable station and you can watch the NFL all year long. No offense, but I don’t want to. I hate the draft after the first or second round. Now it has been extended to a four day affair. I don’t care about the combine or what’s going on there. I don’t care what these guys do when they’re not playing football. It’s time to move onto the next sport in my opinion. However, all sports have followed suit with the NFL and have their own station and now website that will allow you to subscribe to stream you own team. Lost in all this is the home team. As a kid I was Falcons and Dolphins fan. They were the two closest NFC and AFC team to my TV market. Now I have friends who are Raiders, Seahawks, Lions and Cowboys fans who not only have no ties to those cities, they never visited them. They only like them because of marketing or something they saw on TV or in many cases because they are the current winning team. It’s amazing how many Alabama fans there are in Chattanooga, TN of people who have neither attended the school or been to the game, let alone drive past the state line. ENIGMA

Then someone came up with the idea that the press and coaches’ polls weren’t good enough to name the so-called “mythical” national championship. There must be a “title game”. That’s when the BCS was created beginning with the 1998 season. 100 years of tradition was thrown out the door. And guess where this title game was aired eventually? You guessed it – ESPN. Things started to get worse and worse and worse. ESPN used its clout as the “Worldwide Leader in Sports” though not only their cable networks but their radio stations and affiliates as well as their magazines and websites to lobby and convince the masses we needed a playoff to crown a I started covering the Falcons for national chamionship. Enigma beginning with the 2000 season. Back in the old days I Ironically they used the argument was given a field pass and a press that the FCS (formerly 1-AA) used box pass for a beat writer. It was a playoff system. The reason FCS like pulling teeth to get someone schools use a playoff system is to go to the games with me. Then because no one cares who those all of a sudden they made the schools are except their homeplayoffs with Michael Vick. My towns or conferences – or unless phone rang off the hook with they upset an FBS (formerly 1-A) people wanting to “help me” school like when Appalachian cover the Falcons. I finally had to State upset Michigan a few years turn my phone off a couple of back. years ago in the midst of the Mike Smith era when the Falcons had This year there were 39 bowl five straight winning seasons and games. Close to half the schools four post season appearances. involved with these “bowl games” Fair weather fans. That’s why I had a .500 record. To be “bowl prefer to do it all by myself these eligible” in this era all you have days. to have is six wins. Really? I remember when six wins were And when it comes to college nothing to brag about. I anything football as a kid there were that would get a coach fired. Ten maybe 12 bowl games. There years ago who cared about Boise were four major bow games – State, Texas A&M, Baylor or even Rose, Cotton and Orange that Rutgers? Now they’ve become were originally played on New part of the sports mainstream Year’s day and the Sugar Bowl media coverage. All the while that was played on New Year’s they diss the likes of Notre Dame, Eve. There were only a handful Georgia and Michigan. Just this of other bowls like the Astro-Blue past season Nebraska’s coach got Bonnet, the Peach, Liberty and fired despite averaging over nine Fiesta Bowl that come to mind. I wins a season? And why? All remember when the Fiesta Bowl because of the love of money or was played almost a week before the potential to make money. the four majors and now it is considered one of the majors. The Texas Longhorns now have

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not only the players and their money but the income of fans of the sports and individuals involved.

their own TV network or deal to broadcast their games. This past season ESPN launched the SEC network. Of course the SEC has been diluted by schools like Texas A&M and Missouri, who if I look at my map correctly are not in the southeastern United States. ESPN throws money at these schools to form “Super” Conferences so they can add a “championship” game to decide who will represent their so-called conference in either the new playoff system or a more marquee bowl game.

Now there is too much football in my life – something I never thought I would ever say as a kid. It used to be kind of like a fraternity but now everyone is involved – even computer geeks with “fantasy football” leagues. And now we have a playoff to determine a definitive “national champion”. Do we really need this? What is lost in all of this playoff hype of college postseason is the activities outside of the game. Beyond the play on the field the best thing about college football is not the final score, it’s the arguments, discussions and smack talk between games arguing who “really” is number one in the land. That is the best part of the sport – the bragging, excuses being made and the promise of another shot at a “mythical” national championship. That is now being missed and discarded by having a playoff season. Before in my mind I could always say, “Well, my team would have beaten yours”. No longer the case thanks to ESPN and the greedy powers that be.

Of course beginning about 20 years ago corporations paid to be the “title” sponsor of the various bowl games. Take for example the FedEx Orange Bowl or even a bowl that the UT Vols played in the “TaxSlayer Bowl”. And if you look closely you will see that a majority of these bowl games are aired on ESPN not even a major or “free network” like I like to call them. Look at all the social issues or problems involved with pro and college sports today. Jameis Winston is as know for his rape accusation, his stealing of crab legs at a Publix as he is for winning the Heisman Trophy and leading Florida State to the national championship last year. Ray Rice, who helped the Baltimore Ravens win the Super Bowl two years ago is now known as a wife-beater. All in all for the love of money. Colleges and pro teams no longer care about the character of their players. They excuse bad and even illegal behavior if it means more wins and in the end more money for the school. And this is perpetuated by the various hosts of ESPN TV and radio making excuses for the behavior and ensuring a hostile environment as well as downplaying the fact a lot of if not most ball players are hired guns

for the respective programs. Traditional powerhouse programs like Notre Dame are ridiculed for being behind the times or living in the past because they actually require their players to go to class and get an education. And ESPN has been a long proponent of the “one and done” in basketball. The network, the schools now and those in favor of it are not taking the best interests of these players – or should I say commodities into consideration. In the NBA alone you’ve had more busts than any other sport. They may fire back that baseball drafts high school players. Maybe, but baseball is traditionally played in the spring and summer for the most part when school usually is out on break. There is also a higher than usual failure rate in major league baseball than other ENIGMA

sports as well. I’m not even going to go into the insane amounts of money being thrown at these literal kids who a year or two ago where getting an allowance from their parents to take out the I could care less who is playing in garbage. There’s enough materithe National Championship game al for another article or twenty Monday. Ten years ago no one there. heard about Oregon football. I still don’t care. Quite frankly And you know the NFL and the with all of this information overleagues are getting rich off of load I am no longer interested in this. ESPN would not pay three watch games that don’t feature billion dollars to the rights to “my” team. I many ways I now Monday Night Football is they have turned my back on the sport weren’t making more money I grew up loving – and for the from it. most part all sports in general. I don’t know… maybe that is actuAnd now we have professional ally a blessing in disguise. teams filled with a bunch of Thanks ESPN. mush-mouth players, many with behavior problems that take up - Dave Weinthal too much of one’s life making one less well-rounded, creating more cottage industries that exploit

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