e2 256 by Epigram

Editor: Imogen Carter living@ epigram.org.uk

@e2Living

Living

With scarves and coats layered on top of all but the most foolhardy students and the Yuletide season about to enter full swing, e2 brings you the comprehensive guide to being All Wrapped Up this Christmas.

Style

e2 is brought to you by Living : Imogen Carter, Josephine Franks and Mona Tabbara Style : Lizi Woolgar and Anisha Travel : Alicia Quiero and Alex Bradbook with e2 editor: Ant Adeane e2 online editor: Nicola Reid Cover: Sara Daoud

Deputy: Mona Tabbara mtabbara@ epigram.org.uk

FESTIVE FETISH

Any self-respecting individual with a sense of humour - or perhaps too much free time - will have watched the Friends Christmas episode where Monica asks Chandler to keep the Santa costume for ‘one more night’. You watch this, and laugh, then move on. The joke is forgotten, a distant memory that blends together with every other one of the thousand Friends episodes you’ve watched. As an English student - and a relatively lazy one at that- I found myself with enough time dedicated solely to procrastination to watch this episode again. The line cropped up, just as it did the previous fifty times I watched it, and I laughed. However, the inner sceptic within me stopped, paused, and thoughtfully pondered a little longer. It was at this moment, sat by myself in my Snoopy pyjamas, eating a Sainsbury’s ready meal for one, that I had a revelation. The English undergraduate within me released herself, and was then overpowered by my external slob to finish watching the episode. The insightful, shrewd and intellectually intuitive nerd within me then asked, What the hell is sexy about Father Christmas? Did M o n i c a honestly like the idea of sleeping with F.C.? The old man who leaves you presents aged six? I did a quick Google to make sure Santa Claus meant the same in New York as it

does in Bristol. Yep, he’s the same. The fat one with a face full of beard; the guy that gorges on mince pies and hangs around with Elves. Am I honestly convinced by the fact that drop-dead gorgeous Monica, wants to slip under the sheets with this guy? And I thought Chandler was bad. Where does this idea come from, this notion that Father Christmas is sexy? Wherever it comes from and whoever first thought it up really started something. This time of year, and in fact at most times of year, fancy dress shops adorn their windows with so-called ‘sexy Santa’ outfits, or to be politically correct – ‘Sexy Mrs Claus’. Surely Mrs. Claus isn’t sexually appealing too? I began to wonder whether I’ve been horrifically naïve over the years. As a child, getting myself into an excited frenzy by the beginning of October, was I merely worshipping winter’s answer to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?

“As a child was I merely worshipping winter’s answer to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?” It seems the bandwagon forgot to pick me up when Father Christmas became sexy. For this, I am unashamedly glad. I take it as a compliment that my taste in men stretches beyond an ageing, fatter version of Dumbledore. Though, I guess there’s a certain appeal to a honeymoon in the North Pole.

Victoria Halman

SEASONAL, SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE As the winter nights draw in, those with other halves will be smugly appreciating a snuggle buddy to keep out the cold. In the eyes of many, Christmas is possibly the worst time for a relationship crisis, but I beg to differ. Taking back to the shop the his-and-hers flannels which fitted perfectly into the his-and-hers stockings may seem like the end of the world, but every grey winter cloud has a silver lining. The most immediate advantage I can see to ending a relationship in the run-up to Christmas is a purely financial one. You can use the money you might have spent on a self-stirring mug, a ridiculous jumper or some hastily chosen jewellery on yourself instead. Sure it might all go towards a life-sized tub of Ben and Jerry’s and a stupid amount of alcohol, but at least you won’t have to listen to the slightly tired excuses of ‘Oh, it’s so lovely I’m too scared to wear it!’ or ‘It’s too warm to be in such a thick jumper!’ repeated over the next few weeks. Better still are the hours saved trawling through ‘iwantoneofthose. com’ and ‘coolgiftsformen’, only to decide that, actually, a 15 piece barbecue tool set might not be hugely appreciated considering the lack of a barbecue itself. Another benefit of wrapping things up pre-Christmas is the freedom to eat as much as you want, as often as you want. It’s reassuring not having to worry about someone actually seeing the new roll on your stomach, or being close enough proximity to notice your extra chin, guaranteed to make an appearance following the third box of mince pies. I’m not saying that it’s a good idea for everyone to end their relationships now; personally I’ll be gearing up for a Christmas full of romance and love- though admittedly of my duvet and selection box respectively. I just thought I’d remind you that despite the endless repeats of Love Actually over the festive period, a Christmas in coupledom isn’t as idyllic as it seems.

Rosie Quigley

Awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Travel

www.e2blog.tumblr.com

flickr: Jon Williamson

The smell of German sausages down in Broadmead. Festive signs giving Park Street an eerie blue glow. Slade and Wham! blasting out the speakers in Rymans. It can only mean one thing...Christmas has come to Bristol.

Deputy: Josephine Franks jfranks@ epigram.org.uk

03.12.12

12 DISMAYS OF

The Shopping

What began as a brave voyage in pursuit of Christmas joy and cheer, with you, the conquistador of the high street, soon deteriorates into chaos as you crumble into a shadow of your former self, cowering in the corner of River Island, mopping your brow with vest #4 which you peeled off due to Cabot Circus’ policy on developing tropical micro-climates in all its shops. And all you came back with was a free Mr. Pretzel sample and a leaflet from some Jehovah’s Witnesses.

The Food Baby

I approach my Christmas Dinner as Adam Richman of Man vs. Food fame might approach the ‘Big Texan’ steak challenge. It is a sport for which I have been rigorously training; my stomach is primed and ready to fulfil its duty, of which I have been dreaming for the last few weeks: unhindered gorging surrounded by people I know well enough not to judge me - and even if they do I couldn’t care less, they have to like me. By 5pm on Christmas Day, I will inevitably find myself rotating between the starfish and the foetal position on the sofa, groaning in agony and riddled with self-loathing, having once again underestimated the Power of the Poultry.

The Hangover

Overexcited by the unlimited stream of family-funded alcohol flowing on this all-day binge - (#unay) - as well as taking advantage of any means to soften the blow of the family influx at around 2 o’clock, it often happens that the wine-face sets in a little earlier than usual. Forbidden from slinking off for a tactical nap early evening, by 7 o’clock you already feel like you’re at the 4am, crawling out of Lounge, one-shoe-off, weeping-for-mercy stage of the night.

The Meatover

Hitting the Food Wall at full speed the day before can end only one way. And it’s badly.

The Karaoke

Just be thankful the raunchiest it gets is ‘I Will Always Love You’ and your Great Uncle hasn’t whipped out the crotchless chaps and staged a horrendously accurate performance of Xtina’s Dirrrty. Yeah.

Slade

Just Slade.

The Wrapping

If it’s not square, put it in a bag.

The Crackers

Although these cardboard treasure chests hold the promise of some wonderful treats - miniature calculators and tape measures to name but a few your reward for partaking in the awkward 10-way arm crossing, making you look like a table of T-Rex’s in chunky-knits trying to do Auld Lang Syne, is a ripped party hat, a ring which fits halfway down your little finger and an elbow to the boob if you’re really lucky.

The Faff

Having to remain pleasant for the entire day in the face of hyper-active children and sentimental old lovies can be the biggest test of all. When all you want to do is retire to your room, power through the meat sweats and recharge for round 7 of the left-over buffet, here is a handy survival tip: sit by the Snoozer. Turn on your Nap-dar and hone in on the oldie that’s nodded off. A quiet companion who won’t judge your profuse sweating or the adverse effects of your third helping of stuffing.

The Tradition

Refusal to don the home made Christmas jumper or socks - not the cool vintage kind, the itchy, sweaty, possibly-home-to-small-woodland-creatures Bridget Jones kind which will result in your Gran’s heartbreak, your Mum’s moods and subsequent Christmas Eastenders-worthy fall-out, is just not worth it. You will wear the jumper and you will LIKE IT.

The Mess

Cramming all those body washes, soaps and moisturisers into your already overflowing squareinch of remaining bathroom shelf space can be a challenge. One that often ends in your finding of sundry face masks in your knicker drawer well into August of the following year.

The Disappointment

For avid believers in keeping the Christmas magic alive at whatever age, the reality of the Christmas miracle as we get older can often fall a little short. As you wake up and begin trotting across the landing with gay abandon, arms akimbo, mid-Calypso-Carol, you are rudely impeded by the Neanderthal snores of the rest of the family. With a grunt, you are banished once more to the torturous confines of your room, itching to burst forth into the Christmas grotto which is your lounge. What you get instead at 11.45am when you pounce on the first unsuspecting victim who lumbers out of bed for a wee and subsequently manhandle them down the stairs - is a pile of clothes you picked out yourself with your Mum 2 weeks before, a tenner and a Cadbury’s selection box - and it’s all over by 12.

Isobel Allen

flickr x-ray delta

Massdostraction

CHRISTMAS

BORDERLINE NEWS

IMOGEN PALMER

TITS UP There’s been a fair bit of booby talk in the past few weeks. Lap-dancing chain Spearmint Rhino have announced plans to open a new Gentlemen’s Club in Bristol. The name is so deceiving. The ‘gentlemen’ in those establishments do NOT wear top hats or spin canes while using words like ‘romp’ and ‘dandy’. I also read an article about the ‘Breast Milk Baby’, a doll that allows a girl to imitate breast feeding, causing some controversy because some people think it is ‘sexualising’ children too young- basically by making them aware of the existence of breasts. If you’re finding this hard to imagine - the way I did- you get a little top to wear that has sensors and, when you hold the baby to your chest, it makes ‘realistic’ suckling sounds! I could go two ways on this: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making kids aware of boobies, they will happen to them one day and, by gum, it’s better to be prepared. At the same time I can’t help being a little put-out by this as a TOY. What happened to Pokemon and good old fashioned hit-each-other-withsticks? Sure, when I was six I had a baby doll that would eat and then poo, but once you’ve played the ‘baby doll eatand-poo’ game a couple of times there’s not much to it, especially when compared to the depth, imagination and complexity of the hit-each-other-with-sticks-game. It seems the more ‘real’ the toy, the better, but this fascination with biologically accurate play-things is borderline creepy if you ask me. I’d rather have a Furby any day of the week.

WHY THE LONG NECK? This is probably one of my favourite news stories of all time. A man in Scotland dresses as a giraffe and travels the land carrying out random acts of kindness. In an outfit his mum made. He’s like a real life super hero, and I just wish I had it in me to do the same. When I dress up, it’s as a Ukrainian Eurovision Entrant circa 2007 and purely so I can embark on the ego-wank of the century as I fantasise about those precious few moments in my head: ‘HELLO EUROPE!!!’ Yet Armstrong Baillie takes his giraffe-clad self out twice a week to do good deeds. I particularly enjoyed this quote: ‘Most of the time I get a good welcome in the suit but I remember once a Kevin Bridges lookalike tried to pull the head off in a pub, it might even have been the real Kevin Bridges as I didn’t have my glasses on.’

PEEPING TOM A former advisor to an MP was arrested after a ‘toilet camera’ was found in his constituency office. Oh dear. At the time of writing I don’t know if he actually put the camera there but the whole thing is a bit dodge if you ask me. It reminded me of a story that was published in my local paper last year about a boy who used to go to my school, which I’d like to share with you now. He worked at the local Leisure Centre and was caught sticking his head under a changing room door startling a woman midchange who proceeded to scream. As he rapidly tried to remove his head, it got stuck and the fire service had to be called in order to remove it. The excuse he gave in court was that he’d innocently been ‘fixing the door’. I love real life sometimes.

Editor: Imogen Carter living@ epigram.org.uk

@e2Living

Deputy: Josephine Franks jfranks@ epigram.org.uk

Deputy: Mona Tabbara mtabbara@ epigram.org.uk

Style

Living

CHRISTMAS: A TURKEY EATING BNOC The way I see it, the main calendar events just the way it works. Friendship groups are a of the year are much like your bog-standard hotch-potch of personalities that, together, make group of friends at Uni. something awesome, whilst the calendar events bring a slightly different flavour to proceedings so You have New Year’s Eve and St that every moment is one to look forward Patrick’s day: the crazy, fun-loving, to. BUT. In our friendship groups, drunkards of the pack, minesweeping there’s always that one person, and mistake-making all the way ‘the big I-am’, who just can’t seem to get along with everybody else. through to the hangover the next morning. Halloween also likes a good party, but he just loooves dressing For the calendar events, this up and thinks he looks great in drag. is Christmas. That festive, attention-seeking bastard! Then there’s Valentine’s Day, the Notebook-watching, hopeless Christmas really does take romantic of the group, splurging the piss: he wants special their student loan on elaborate presents, special cards, - elaborately LAME - displays special decorations, a special meal, he wants ALL the of affection for their other half. Bless. Good ol’ Bonfire family to get together on his Night, the gang’s very own special day - no matter how Prometheus, is completely inconvenient - and THERE’S SPECIAL ADVERTS ON THE enamoured by fire, smelling TELLY ALL THE BLOODY TIME. faintly of ash and never failing to be amused by the ‘magic’ of As if this were not sparklers. Ah yes, and the fat, slightly depressed member of exasperating enough, this turkey-eating BNOC is the pack is Easter. so full of his own grossly See, each one of them, just inflated sense of selfimportance, that like my mates and yours, has their own individual quirks that even before makes them who they are and Halloween has is why we love them. That’s finished carving

out his pumpkin, Christmas is loudly exclaiming that he is on the way and that everybody needs to start buying their presents from Argos, running down to Morrison’s to beat the queues and fighting with the in-laws about who has the dreaded task of hosting the main event this year. Frankly, I’m not surprised his mates aren’t too

“Christmas is a nice bloke really, a real crowdpleaser” happy with him. I must admit that I, like most of you, have been fooled by Christmas’ charms before. He’s very glamorous after all and he makes sure that everybody gets presents - which is always good. He’s a nice bloke really, a real crowd-pleaser. But the point is this: if one of your mates was too loud, too boastful, a bit too ‘inyour-face’, would you stand by idly and get on with it? Neither would I. The thing is, as I said earlier, the best bit of a good group of friends is the fact that each member balances out everyone else. What I think is wrong with Christmas - don’t get me wrong, lots of it is great! - is that he’s starting to tip the scale too much in his own favour. I just think it’s high-time we appreciate all of the other events of the year just as much as him. Scrooge out.

Benjamin Winstanley

THE JOY OF RECEIVING

Travel

awkwardfamilyphotos.com

flickr: x-ray delta one

Ah, the festive season is once again upon us and has been since mid-September. There’s nothing like a bit of Slade in the background when shopping in the height of autumn. As I type, I am listening to Stevie Wonder’s ‘What Christmas means to me’ and reflect upon this magical time of year.

him a run for his money. The Queen’s speech is the optimum time of sleepy comfort; with a belly full of warm roast, the energy is still somehow summoned t o pass round the Quality Street as everyone secretly nabs their favourites leaving the last recipient with a tin full of Coconut Éclairs. ‘No

crackers

Gromit, we’ve forgotten the crackers!’ By far the funniest event of the Christmas period is the seating of four generations around the Christmas table simultaneously straining against each other in a tense Christmas cracker battle. Needless to say we have in recent years taken greater precautions based on past experience. The edges of the tablecloth are now firmly taped beneath the table. It is always compulsory to wear the flimsy paper hat which is eternally just that tiny bit too big.

There’s No Place Like Home Christmas has suddenly become a central point of reference for everything. Every time I speak to family and friends back home: ‘No, I won’t be coming back ‘til Christmas but it really isn’t that long now.’ And so I have a playlist of epic proportions pre-prepared for my journey, commencing with Chris Rea’s ‘Driving Home for Christmas’.The anticipation! I close my eyes and pretend I didn’t fail my driving test twice and that I am not sat on a four and a half hour Megabus journey, eagerly munching my way through a Sainsbury’s own brand selection box; which brings me conveniently onto my next point...

Oh, the Who-manity! Perhaps the shrewd amongst you have begun to spot a running theme. Christmas is no time for square-eyed shamefacedness. It is a time to surround yourself with the following glorious scenes: the adorable Kermit as Bob Cratchit in The Muppet Christmas Carol, the bumbling Father Ted lost in the lingerie section of a huge department store and the realisation that the Grinch’s heart is no longer ‘two sizes too small.’ The joys of having a TV again after eleven weeks devoid of such delights. My run-up to festive viewing has been severely hindered this year.

Food Glorious Food The festive season is the only time when it is perfectly acceptable, even obligatory, to eat until you can physically eat no more. There are always some who will push their gastronomic limits to Yuletide breaking point, in the firm belief that if Father Christmas can choke down the mince pies of every household worldwide, surely they too can give

My YouTube journey of festive tunes has somehow progressed to ‘Christmas Cotton Eye Joe’ so I feel perhaps now would be a good time to wrap things up - pun intended - in a last ditch attempt to convert any stray scrooges out there. Seasonal tidings to you all!

Maria Hughes

03.12.12

NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS Every child believes in Father Christmas. At some point, however, the inevitable scepticism of old(er) age will set in and ‘Dear F.C.’ letters will be quietly redirected from the North Pole to the kitchen fridge. For most, belief in the industrious elves is a conviction that will gradually fizzle out with time, either with a moment of epiphany or a quiet word from Mum and Dad. My word was not so quiet. Neither was it appropriate -at least according to Super Nanny’s faultless child-rearing standards- for the ears of a five year old baba peacefully feigning sleep in giddy expectation of the day ahead. Christmas Eve began as usual. A side table bearing a carrot for Rudolph alongside a mince pie and a questionably large glass of sherry for Santa was placed outside the bedroom door. Midnight was fast approaching, excitement levels were rising, but one moment was all it took to bring it all crashing down. However hard one might try, it is futile to ignore the sound of your father, slightly tipsy from the festive sherry offering, as he falls spectacularly loudly over the oh-soconveniently placed table on his way to deliver the goods. Needless to say, there were expletives. Illusion shattered. Even harder, however, is to then ignore your mother as she scolds the well-meaning ‘Santa’ for getting mince pie crumbs on the carpet. Safe to say my belief in the Christmas miracle was destroyed. As was my childhood. And yet every year we still put out the midnight snacks.

Morwenna Scott

The Living Natweetity 24 Dec Mary and Joseph @M_and_J_official @InnKeeper @CouchSurfBethlehem spare room in bethlehem area??

Inn Keeper @qualitystableslowprices @M_and_J_official Yer

24 Dec

Three Kings @wisemen 24 Dec Gold frankincense & myrrh #str8ballin #bearinggifts #travellingafar #imonacamel Three Kings @wisemen @donkey @qualitystableslowprices @M_and_J_official what’s it sayin #holybirth

25 Dec

Donkey @donkey this stable is liiiive RT @wisemen what’s it sayin #holybirth

25 Dec

Donkey @donkey @angelgabriel just dropped hallelujah chorus #bigtune #holybirth #allnighter #noparents

25 Dec

AG @angelgabriel at #holybirth BIG. new #0BC mix up on soundcloud

25 Dec

Star of wonder @star_of_wonder Shining bright :-’)

25 Dec

@e2Living

Living

That’s a Wrap ROOM 101 #5: POST-MODERN SCROOGE As we rapidly approach the holiday season and an inevitable Christmas cheer descends in garlands of fairy-lights flashing at hysteria-inducing speeds, one can’t help but notice a change in the behaviour of those around us. Christmas brings out a whole host of reactions from different people, but with a few frequently recurrent characters.

Travel

Style

First, we have The Child – the adult friend who inexplicably reverts to their inner seven-year-old self as soon as we’ve started packing away the Halloween decorations. The Child is positively brimming with yuletide glee for six weeks straight and spends most of their time decorating, shopping and generally being Christmassy. While such giddiness can be tiring to the un-festive soul, the presence of the Child is a welcome reminder to enjoy this time of year and embrace whatever Christmas spirit we have.

I n June, Celeb land’s least convincing couple finally gave up the facade and conceded defeat. After five years and some incredibly bizarre couch jumping, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes called it a day. Katie cited ‘irreconcilable differences’ for the split – by this we presume she finally realised that building a marriage based on her attempt to make a comeback from Dawson’s Creek and Tom’s wish to put the rumours circulating his sexuality to bed was a Mission Impossible.

Another popular character is the Teenage Grinch. Bored, disappointed and ungrateful, the TG embodies that stroppy teenager that has lived in all of us – reluctant to be involved with a sing-a-long, peeved to have to spend time with family and most importantly, painstakingly embarrassed by even the mention of Christmas spirit. The TG is looking forward to the 26th of December more than anyone else could ever look forward to the 25th. Christmas isn’t everyone’s cup of mulled wine; and yet the TG starts looking as charming as the John Lewis advert when you consider the PostModern Scrooge. The Post-Modern Scrooge is truly the worst recurring personality of Christmas. Emerging in early November, the Scrooge will reel off cliché after cliché detailing his pet peeves about this time of year. Determined to go on at anyone who’ll put down their Yule log long enough to listen about how the Christmas season gets earlier every year, and not to mention how commercial the holiday has become; the Scrooge is to be avoided at all costs. Whilst not strictly a stooge in the traditional, Dickensian sense of the word, the Post-Modern Scrooge is fairly involved in Christmas, but only because it enables him to sulk existentially into a cup of mulled wine at any Christmas-related event. At least the Teenage Grinch suffers in silence, allowing the rest of us a decent chance to put aside our cynicism and try to have some fun. Meanwhile, PMS has been ranting for fifteen minutes about how ‘Fairytale of New York’ by the Pogues is the only halfdecent Christmas song. Scrooge’s most unappealing trait is that he’s convinced that he is the whistleblower, the very first to unearth these truths about the holiday season. Or at least he goes on about it as if he is. But it’s common knowledge that Christmas has its numerous vices. The whole point of the season is to tolerate them and be cheery nonetheless. And if we do that, we might just have a decent chance at a Merry Christmas. So please Post-Modern Scrooge, stick a mince pie in it.

Rajiv Karia

In February, power ballad lovers everywhere were left heartbroken by the death of the most awarded female act of all time, Whitney Houston. The architect of the four stages to heal heartbreak, Whitney will forever be revisited to get us through those painful break up moments: stage one – denial (‘I Will Always Love You’), stage two – loss of the will to live (‘I Have Nothing’), stage three – drowning the sorrows with a messy night out (‘Million Dollar Bill’) and stage four - new found sense of self (‘I’m Every Woman’). For this, Whitney, we salute you. After what has felt like three hundred years of torch relays, flag waving and road closures, London finally got back to normal as the Olympic and Paralympic furore drew to a close in September. After a summer of being on its best behaviour, London was able to revert back to its preferred state of not smiling at strangers, not helping direct parades of tourists to their destination and not having any form of reliable public transport.

Nobody likes change, after all. M i t t R o m n e y ’ s presidential dreams came to a screeching halt in November, as Obama won his second term in office. It may have been the vagueness of his foreign policy, it may have been the ‘binders full of women’ that people didn’t warm to, but it was probably the fact that President Mitt sounds more like a glove shop than the title of the most powerful man in the world.

At the unhealthily pale end of the spectrum, we can all breathe a big sigh of relief as the Twilight movie saga draws to a close. At the uber-tanned end, Jersey Shore has also come to an end. Thank heavens billboard space has now been reopened for people with normal skin colouring. According to the New Age movement, the ancient Mayan calendar and some internet ‘experts’, the world is set to end in 2012. The date has been set for December 21st, so it may be wise to ask for your Christmas presents early this year.

Mona Tabbara

Naughty and Nice Living looks at who’ll be celebrating with a sackful of presents and who barely deserves a lump coal this year.

Naughty

Jimmy Saville

Lance Armstrong

Jamie Laing Tom Cruise

Abu Hamza Abu Nazir

John Terry

George Osborne

Kristen Stewart

Rebecca Brooks

Illustration: Camilla Barden

Nice

Jessica Ennis Gary Barlow Alex Norris [Ed.long-suffering illustrator and all round babe] Daniel Craig Bradley Wiggins Mo Farah Peter Andre Blue Ivy Carter Stephen Fry Team Obama Otis Redding/ Tracey Chapman/ Gabrielle [Ed.The Living playlist, special mention to ChakaKhan]

LUNCHTIME SPECIAL

LARGE PIZZA

WITH 1 TOPPING

ÂŁ4.99 Collection until 4pm

Classic and thin crusts as priced, premium bases and crusts will be charged as extra. Not valid with any other offer. Please mention offer when ordering.

119 Whiteladies Road, Clifton BS8 2PL Opening hours: 10am â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 5am 7 days a week. Collection Sun â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Thurs 1am, Fri & Sat 2am

Tel: (0117) 97 33 400

*ORXFHVWHU 5RDG +RUĂ&#x20AC;HOG %6 7= Opening hours: 10am â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Late, 7 days a week

Tel: (0117) 951 2777

UBU NEWS

Issue 5 3.12.2012

ubu.org.uk

Students support Will Pope and organ donation Second year University of Bristol student Will Pope is currently waiting for a heart transplant after battling a virus that attacked the left ventricle of his heart. Will fell seriously ill this summer for the second time in three years and is now waiting for a heart that will save his life. It is estimated that under a third of the UK population are registered organ donors and of those that are,

45% have their wishes overturned by their families after they die. Will’s family and friends are trying to change that by encouraging people to sign the Organ Donation Register and inform their families of their wishes. A Facebook group and Twitter account have also been launched to raise awareness and support Will. $FFRUGLQJ WR $FWLYLWLHV 2IÀFHU Martha West, “After hearing from

close friends of Will, alongside the obvious care he demonstrated for his student society, I get the impression Will is a pretty great guy. I hope that a heart is found for him soon and for others currently waiting for organ transplants. “This has highlighted to me the importance of signing up to the Organ Donation Register and I would encourage people to sign it if they feel they can.”

ITV1’s recently broadcast Waiting for a Heart followed the story of Will, a donor family and transplant surgeons. The programme is available on ITV Player and YouTube. Sign the Organ Donation Register at organdonation.nhs.uk.

Bristol joins students from across the UK in national protest 7KH 8%8 2IÀFHU WHDP WUDYHOOHG WR London with over 20 students to take part in the National Union of Students Demo on Wednesday 21 November. $FFRUGLQJ WR &RPPXQLW\ 2IÀFHU Alice Peck, “Despite the damp and cold weather, spirits were high as we marched along and there was barely a moment without cheering

UBU launches Sports Survey UBU News | Issue 5 | 3.12.2012

UBU is launching a sports consultation aiming to further understand what students think of the University of Bristol’s sports facilities. UBU aims to identify what barriers there are to students accessing sport in

Bristol and similarly what motivates people to participate. A short survey is available for completion by all students at ubu.org.uk. 7KH ÀQGLQJV ZLOO be presented to the highest

and chanting. It was great to see so many students demonstrating against the changes to higher education and demanding that the government be accountable to the student voice.” Photos are available now at facebook.com/bristolsu. See Epigram’s article for more details about the Demo and student reactions.

level University committee that deals with student affairs. This is your opportunity to have a real impact on how sport in Bristol is organised for the next few years and it only takes two minutes.

Have you got the bottle? BRISTOLâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S BIG ISSUES

The Bristol University Sustainability Team (BUST), the Environment 3DUW WLPH 2IĂ&#x20AC;FHU $QYL 0ULGXO DQG 9LFH 3UHVLGHQW &RPPXQLW\ $OLFH Peck are running a campaign to enFRXUDJH VWXGHQWV WR UHGXFH WKHLU XVH RI GLVSRVDEOH SODVWLF ERWWOHV E\ giving away reusable bottles as an alternative. The campaign plans to buy reusaEOH ERWWOHV LQ EXON DQG JLYH WKHP away/sell them at cost price along ZLWK PDSV GHWDLOLQJ FDPSXV UHĂ&#x20AC;OO points. The campaign will also presVXUH WKH 8QLYHUVLW\ WR EXLOG PRUH water fountains. To encourage people to use the ERWWOHV D UHDOO\ VQD]]\ GHVLJQ LV QHHGHG DQG ZH DUH ORRNLQJ IRU FUHDWLYH IRON WR KHOS RXW DQG KDYH

WKHLU DUWZRUN GLVSOD\HG DOO DURXQG WKH 8QLYHUVLW\ $Q\WKLQJ LQFRUSRrating the themes of Bristol, water RU VXVWDLQDELOLW\ FDQ EH VXEPLWWHG 7KH GHVLJQ QHHGV WR Ă&#x20AC;W DURXQG D VWDQGDUG PO ERWWOH 7KH FDPSDLJQ LV FDOOHG +DYH <RX Got The Bottle? with the tag line 5HXVH 5HĂ&#x20AC;OO 5HWKLQN DQG WKH ERWtle name is The Bristol Bottle.

3OHDVH VXEPLW \RXU GHVLJQV E\ December to cm9958@bris.ac.uk RU JHW LQ WRXFK ZLWK DQ\ TXHVWLRQV DQG LGHDV .HHS \RXU H\HV SHHOHG IRU WKH ODXQFK DQG ERWWOH KDQG RXW VFKHGXOHG IRU HDUO\ )HEUXDU\

#1: The University and its money When: 10TH DECEMBER AT 6PM WHERE: LR1, 3/5 Woodland Road

Speaker series returns /DVW \HDUÂˇV SRSXODU VSHDNHU VHULHV %ULVWROÂˇV %LJ ,VVXHV UHWXUQV WKLV WHUP ZLWK D GHEDWH RQ 'HFHPEHU The University and its money: to invest ethically or not? :RXOG LW EH WROHUDWHG LI WKH 8QLYHUVLW\ RI %ULVWRO SXEOLFO\ HQGRUVHG companies that violate international human rights law, cause environmenWDO GHJUDGDWLRQ RU GDPDJH WKH HGXcational mission of the University? ,V LW ULJKW WKDW D XQLYHUVLW\ Ă&#x20AC;QDQFLDOO\

supports such companies through its investment? &RPH DORQJ RQ 0RQGD\ 'HFHPEHU DW SP LQ /HFWXUH 5RRP DW :RRGODQG 5RDG WR OLVWHQ WR WKH GHEDWH DQG GLVFXVV ZKHWKHU WKH 8QLYHUVLW\ VKRXOG PDNH HWKLFDO FKRLFHV 3OHDVH FRQWDFW &RPPXQLW\ 2IĂ&#x20AC;FHU $OLFH 3HFN DW XEX FRPPXQLW\# EULVWRO DF XN ZLWK DQ\ TXHULHV RU LGHDV IRU IXWXUH HYHQWV

Tickets on sale now for UBU Christmas events

)RU WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW WLPH WKH 6WXGHQWVÂˇ 8QLRQ LV SXW ting on two big Decem EHU HYHQWV D V WKHPHG 5ROOHU 'LVFR LQ WKH $QVRQ 5RRPV RQ :HGQHVGD\ 'HFHPEHU DQG D

Christmas Party at The Lanes on 0RQGD\ 'HFHPEHU 7KH 5ROOHU Disco will be one of the last events KHOG LQ WKH $QVRQ 5RRPV EHIRUH LW FORVHV IRU UHIXUELVKPHQW DQG WKH WLFNHW LQFOXGHV VNDWH KLUH PXOOHG FL-

GHU DQG VQDFNV 7KH &KULVWPDV 3DUW\ ZLOO KDYH ERZOLQJ NDUDRNH DQG D '- Tickets are on sale now at ubu.org. XN $ GLVFRXQW LV DYDLODEOH LI \RX GHFLGH WR DWWHQG ERWK HYHQWV

These are two great opportunities to celeEUDWH WKH HQG RI WHUP DQG WKH KROLGD\ season.

-XVW $VN &HQWUH SUHSDUHV support for January exams ,Q WKH PLGVW RI DQWLFLSDWLRQ IRU WKH XSFRPLQJ &KULVWPDV KROLGD\V WKH 6WXGHQWVÂˇ 8QLRQ -XVW $VN $GYLFH &HQWUH KDVQÂˇW IRUJRWWHQ DERXW VWXGHQWV ZKR will be preparing for January exams over the next few weeks. 7KH ([DP 6XUYLYDO *XLGH DW XEX RUJ XN UHYLVH FRQWDLQV DGYLFH DERXW HYHU\WKLQJ IURP PDQDJLQJ VWUHVV GXULQJ UHYLVLRQ WR ZKDW WR GR LI WKLQJV JR ZURQJ RQ WKH GD\ RI WKH H[DP

$ GRZQORDGDEOH UHYLVLRQ SODQQHU ZLOO DOVR EH DYDLODEOH WR KHOS VWUXFWXUH DQG manage time spent revising. ,Q -DQXDU\ WKH -XVW $VN WHDP ZLOO EH RXW DQG DERXW RQ WKH 8QLYHUVLW\ SUHFLQFW WR WDON WR VWXGHQWV DERXW VWD\LQJ KHDOWK\ DQG UHODWLYHO\ KDSS\ GXULQJ WKH H[DP SHULRG )ROORZ -XVW $VN RQ 7ZLWWHU WR Ă&#x20AC;QG RXW ZKHUH WKH 5HYLVLRQ 5RDGVKRZ ZLOO EH RQ HDFK GD\ @ubu_justask.

/RRN RXW QH[W WHUP IRU WKH -XVW $VN 5HYLVLRQ 5RDGVKRZ FRPLQJ WR D OLEUDU\ RU IDFXOW\ QHDU \RX UBU News | Issue 5 | 3.12.2012

:KDW HOHFWHG RIĂ&#x20AC;FHUV DUH XS WR %XUVW 5DGLR LQYHVWLJDWHV 7KH Ă&#x20AC;UVW RI D VHULHV RI LQWHUYLHZV ZLWK 8%8ÂˇV HOHFWHG IXOO WLPH RIĂ&#x20AC;FHUV LV QRZ DYDLODEOH RQ %XUVW 5DGLRÂˇV ZHEVLWH :HOIDUH DQG (TXDOLW\ 2IĂ&#x20AC;FHU $OHVVDQGUD %HUWL FKDWWHG WR 6WDWLRQ 0DQDJHU 5RE *ULIĂ&#x20AC;WKV DERXW KHU DFWLRQV VR IDU LQFOXGLQJ HQVXULQJ HDUO\ DFFHVV IRU GLVDEOHG VWXGHQWV WR WKH )UHVKHUV )DLU DQG 7UDQV $ZDUHQHVV :HHN DQG KHU SODQV IRU WKH rest of the year emphasising working ZLWK WKH 3DUW WLPH 2IĂ&#x20AC;FHUV 6KH DOVR GLVFXVVHG WKH 6WXGHQWVÂˇ 8QLRQÂˇV UHDFWLRQ WR WKH $ERUW SURWHVW DQG WKH LPSRU-

tance of the NUS #Demo2012. $OHVVDQGUD KLJKOLJKWHG WKH ZLGH VFRSH RI KHU SRVLWLRQ DOO VWXGHQW ZHOIDUH LVVXHV DQG DOVR VXSSRUWLQJ XQGHUUHSUHVHQWHG VWXGHQW JURXSV DQG VDLG WKDW RQH RI KHU PDLQ focuses is â&#x20AC;&#x153;ensuring that the welfare RI VWXGHQWV LV RQ WKH DJHQGD RI WKH University.â&#x20AC;? Tune in to Burst live online or check WKHLU ZHEVLWH DW EXUVWUDGLR RUJ XN for interviews with the rest of the 2IĂ&#x20AC;FHU WHDP

Spending the holidays in Bristol? UBU is here to help The Students’ Union and the University have limited facilities available to students over the Christmas period (15 Dec-11 Jan), but students staying in Bristol over the EUHDN FDQ ÀQG SOHQW\ WR GR LQ WKH FLW\ DQG IXUWKHU DÀHOG For international students, this is a great time of year to experience

Bristol is full of activities for those who wish to celebrate wintertime more generally as well as options for religious celebration from

Christmas to the last night of Hanukkah (16 Dec) to the anniversary of the birth of Guru Gobind Singh (5 Jan). The Students’ Union will be back in the new year with lots of exciting plans for 2013 but in the meantime stop by our website ubu.org.uk for even more ideas for the holiday.

Here are a few ideas to begin with: • Attend a carol service • Help others in the community • Cook a Christmas dinner • Attend a pantomime or art show • Try ice skating at an outdoor rink • Take a stroll through a new area • Visit a local tourist destination like Berkeley Castle, the Roman Baths or the Bristol Zoo.

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

UBU Christmas Party with bowling, live DJs and karaoke The Lanes 9pm

Hansel and Gretel Tobacco Factory 5 Dec-13 Jan

Ice Skating Cribbs Causeway until 6 January

Check out the volunteering opportunities at caringatchristmas. org.uk/volunteer

End of Autumn Term

Christmas Ceilidh Colston Hall 7.30pm

Last night of Hanukkah

10 DECEMBER Made in Bristol Christmas Market Cabot Circus 17-23 December

Multifaith Carol Service Wills Memorial Building 1.10-1.50pm

Pantomine: Aladdin Bristol Hippodrome until 6 January

Christmas Tea Dance Christmas Concert Speigeltent Bristol Brass Consort (Harbourside) Victoria Rooms 1pm 7.30pm Winter Wonderland Bristol Zoo until 21 December

Christmas Eve

Christmas Day

Boxing Day

Midnight Service Bristol Cathedral 11.30pm

Carol Service Woodlands Church 10.30am

Kwanzaa through 1 January

25 New Year’s Eve

Happy New Year!

1 JANUARY

Go on a Pirate Tour of Bristol 2pm every Sat/Sunday Outside the Aquarium Bristol Harbourside

traditional English customs such as carol services or pantomimes. Delicious traditional foods like mince pies and roasted chestnuts are also readily available.

See Bristol by Bicycle with gocycletour.com Pero’s Bridge Bristol Harbourside

UBU News | Issue 5 | 3.12.2012

Carol Service St Mary Redcliffe 7.30pm

Peter Pan Bristol Old Vic until 19 January

Christmas Market Cabot Circus until 29 December

15 Winter Solstice

Take an Enchanted Christmas walk at Westonbirt Arboretum

Guided Tour of the Floating Harbour M Shed Museum 10:30am

Festivus

Last of the Christmas Proms Colston Hall 7.30pm

Thinking of standing in the UBU elections? Plan your campaign strategy now Voting takes place in March 2013

Wildlife Photographer of the Year Bristol City Museum until February

Revising for January exams? Visit ubu.org.uk/justask for revision advice and support

Decoration-making Bristol Central Library 1.30pm

Make a New Year Craft Table Bristol Central Library 7.30pm

30 Birth of Guru Gobind Singh

Plough Sunday

Twelfth Night Put away holiday decorations or it’s bad luck for a year

The Robots of the Start of Spring Term Bristol Robotics Lab Tyndall Lecture Theatre 7.30pm

UoB Science & Philosophy Launch • 6-8pm,WMB (scienceandphilosophyevent.eventbrite.com)

Your What’s On Guide

RAG Quiz Night • 8pm, BAR 100 (every Tuesday during term time)

December 2012

Tuesday 4 Bristol Drugs Project Drop-in Session • 6-8pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU

Django’s Jazz Funk Soul Jam Session • 8pm, The Big Chill (£2 members, £3 non-members) Wednesday 5 12 Days of Christmas in BAR 100 • (continues through 14th December) Jason and the Pantonauts • 7:30pm, 5-8 December, Winston Theatre (ubutheatre.com) A Little Night Music • 7:30pm, 5-8 December, Lady Windsor Theatre (ubutheatre.com) SCORE Sports Night • 10pm-3am, Motion (tickets available from UBU and the Info Point) Roller Disco • 9pm-1am, Anson Rooms (more information coming soon at ubu.org.uk) Thursday 6 Student Parents Coffee Morning • 9:30-11:30am, Multifaith Chaplaincy (children welcome) LiveSoc Christmas Gig • 7pm, Ar2 (£1 for non-members includes pizza and mince pies) Saturday 8 Symphonia Winter Concert • 7:30pm, All Saints Church, Pembroke Road Karaoke Night • 8pm, BAR 100 (every Saturday during term time, prize for best singer) Sunday 9 RAG Fancy Dress Dodgeball Tournament • 12pm, Clifton College (£3 per player, min. of 6) Harry Potter Night • 6pm, BAR 100 (Deathly Hallows parts 1 and 2) Monday 10 BBI: The University & its money: to invest ethically or not? • 6pm, LR1,3/5 Woodland Road SRSH Eating Disorders Support Group • 6:30pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU Stand Up Bristol Comedy Night • 7:30pm, BAR 100 (free) UBU Christmas Party • 9pm-Late,The Lanes (bowling and more! details soon at ubu.org.uk) Tuesday 11 Multifaith Carol Service • 1:10-1:50pm, Great Hall, Wills Memorial Building RAG Quiz Night • 8pm, BAR 100 (every Tuesday during term time) Django’s Jazz Funk Soul Jam Session • 8pm, The Big Chill (£2 members, £3 non-members) Wednesday 12 New Music Ensemble • 1:15-2pm, Auditorium,Victoria Rooms Thursday 13 LGBT+ Support Group • 6:30pm, Just Ask Centre, 4th Floor of UBU Live DJ Night • 8pm, BAR 100 (every Thursday during term time) Friday 14

Coming up next term: • Revision Roadshow • Have you got the bottle? • Volunteering Week • Annual Members Meeting • Look After Your Mate Week

END OF TERM

A more comprehensive version of The LIST is available each term at the UBU Info Point, the Richmond Building: Home of the Students’ Union and around the University precinct. If you would like to submit an event for next term, please contact emily.lindo@bristol.ac.uk by 14 December.

• Elections • RAG Week • Varsity 2012-13 • Ethics and Environment Week

TOTAL: £10,788.00 UBU News | Issue 5 | 3.12.2012

Editor: Lizi Woolgar style@ epigram.org.uk

@e2Style

Style Style

Living Living

Fur is Evil: True or Faux? Fur is one of the most widely debated aspects of the fashion industry, subject to relentless attack for years back. Last year the sale of real fur products was banned in West Hollywood but the controversy has raged on for decades. Fur-loving fashionistas lived in fear of PETA’s terror tactics. Still, Campbell and Moss went on to sport it, and the fur industry is rebounding as strong as ever, with increasing sales, particularly among young women. Real fur no longer seems a fashion no-no, so what is all the fuss about? Animal rights organisations, most notably PETA, have criticised the fashion industry and celebrities alike for their use of real fur, on the basis that it is morally wrong to unnecessarily and inhumanely kill animals for their pelts. Sounds fair enough. In our human rights society, animals are increasingly viewed as sentient beings, with a right to life and personal dignity. Most of the industry’s skins come from fur farms, designed to maximise profit with scant regard paid to the animals’ rights, as starkly depicted by PETA’s disgusting documentaries. No one’s stomach can fail to be turned by glimpses of critically ill animals in cramped, filthy wire cages, often forced to turn to cannibalism to survive.

Travel

Yet these films are extreme propaganda. What about the

millions of children and adults worldwide being illegally starved and abused every day? Undoubtedly some fur farms are more humane than others, and some countries have better legislation than others; fur farming is actually banned in Britain and from the catwalks of smaller European fashion weeks. Thus can PETA be

condemned for prioritising the rights and needs of animals over those of humans? Furthermore, is real fur actually worse than wearing leather? The common, albeit erroneous justification is that the uses are by-products of one another so more of the animal is used, which somehow makes killing it okay, and conveniently glosses over the fact that the most luxuriously soft leather comes from new born calves and foetuses. The fact is that in industries involving animals, they are rarely treated humanely, and PETA’s arguments are clearly based on morality not logic. Fur in the western world is superfluous, in the same way that eating animal

products is not necessary for optimal health, and there is a mounting consensus that animal agriculture is an ecological catastrophe. We eat animals because they taste good. So if that’s acceptable, in the wise words of Karl Lagerfeld, ‘the discussion of fur is childish’, and we can only legitimately be preached to on the subject by nonleather using vegans, aka Stella McCartney. PETA’s retaliation, labelling Lagerfeld ‘a fashion dinosaur who is as out of step as his furs are out of style’, hardly furthered their cause. But surely we can just sidestep this with faux fur? Think again. Faux fur’s environmental credentials are shocking as manufacturing synthetic fibres depletes our limited supply of fossil fuels, whilst the chemicals released in the process damage the natural habitats of thousands more animals than those twenty unfortunate minks. In contrast, the real deal is a sustainable and renewable resource, as well as softer, warmer and more durable. Perhaps the answer is recyclable vintage fur, as featured in this week’s shoot (courtesy of 71 Queens). This way, those choosing to wear real fur can get their hands on a more meaningful investment piece - rich in heritage - whilst taking a step to reduce the modern fur trade. Why wear real fur when there are numerous other fabrics? Ultimately, unless we think broadly about institutionalised animal use, neither side can outfox the other.

Deputy: Anisha Gupta deputystyle@ epigram.org.uk

Gift Wrapped Looks aren’t everything, of course, but a beautifully wrapped present sure makes it seem that way. Remember the days when it was acceptable to squeeze and shake your Christmas presents trying to guess what they were? (I still do that, but don’t tell anyone). • Leave traditional coverings behind and think outside the gift box. This can often be cheaper too – try foreign newspapers, especially Japanese or French, or old comic book pages. Charity shops all have versions of classic books so put your inner English student aside and start ripping out those pages. You can even suit the book to the contents of your gift, perhaps choosing ‘1984’ for wrapping a camera or ‘Pride and Prejudice’ for your mum’s chocolates and bubble bath. • Bring some greenery indoors at Christmas and use it as a garnish on an already wrapped gift. A sprig of fir tree or a small bunch of mistletoe to adorn a present is inventive and fresh – just don’t leave it sitting under the tree for days or the recipient might take offense at the piece of dead plant you’ve attached to their gift. • If you’re worried the present you’ve bought isn’t impressive enough, really go to town on the decorations. Think glitter under the wrapping paper, lots of coloured shiny ribbons and jingling Christmas bells. If you want to strike a romantic (or possibly creepy) note, try spraying the inside of the wrapping paper with your signature perfume. When your beloved opens your gift it will smell delicious. Don’t try this when wrapping expensive cashmere jumpers though. • Forget using odds and ends of wrapping paper as gift tags and start using photos instead. This is also a useful way to distinguish between the intended recipients easily.Print out an amusing drunk photo of the two of you on which to write a heartfelt and embarassing message. Alice Johnston

Words: Emily Brighton Sketch: Katy Papineau

His

Jumpe Blazer r: £80 Topm Island : £60 River an Desert Topma Boots: £46 n

SAN R A DE

r nt fo a w I is... s All a stm Chri ist: l Wishynn W y Abb

Htse:r£s55 ASOS

o Ankle Bo irt: £38 Skater sk Topshop £39.99 Zara City bag:

03.12.12

Winter Wonderland

Layer it on me, baby It’s 6am and already my Monday morning has presented me with a harrowing dilemma: Reach for my laptop to see if that nice girl I met last night has responded to my somewhat flirtatious wall post, and risk exposing my naked arms to the bitter November chill, or stay buried beneath layer upon layer of cheap Primark bedding. I know it’s become a bit of a cliché of University life that student houses are cold, but like most clichés about University life it is one firmly rooted in a grim reality.

With that in mind, this seems like a perfect time to address the most formidable weapon the stylish gent has in his arsenal to wield against the colder months. I am not, I repeat not, referring to the ever-impractical gilet. No, rather than succumb to the uniform staple of the floppy haired Oxford reject, I believe that layering is the key to fighting the cold. This may sound like blasphemy to many, but I almost never wear an overcoat in winter. I possess copious amounts of pea coats and quilted jackets, but I tend to reserve them for the most subarctic of conditions. I think it’s a tragedy to cover up a great outfit with a huge coat but the good news is: you don’t have to. For popping out to lectures, a cunning combination of chunky knitwear, a blazer and winter accessories usually suffices. The trick lies in picking the right materials and layering them appropriately, so that you don’t end up looking like the Michelin Man. The only rule you really have to bear in mind is that this technique works better if your layers get thicker as they go outwards. Start off with an oxford shirt in white or a neutral light blue. Then throw in a crew-neck jumper or cable-knit

cardigan. Finally, put the icing on the cake with a tweed jacket and a classic scarf. Remember not to look too top heavy; those thin chinos you wore all summer with TOMS are not going to cut it. You’d be better off pairing some dark denim with some chunky brogue boots and thick socks. Classic seasonal fabrics are your best friend when it comes to layering. I’m talking tweed, which has seen a massive resurgence in recent years, but also corduroy. Making sure you invest in quality knitwear with a good percentage of real wool will also make all the difference. Such pieces can eat away at your bank balance, but frequent visits to TK Maxx and Oxfam will unearth some great quality finds for a quarter of the original price. With the temperatures plummeting and my room attaining the air of a Siberian Gulag, there is no better time to wile hours away in front of the mirror trying different layering combinations. And before you say it, yes, I really do need a girlfriend. Words:Nathan Beesley Sketches: Ottie Wilford (Left) Abbie Innes (Right)

Editor: Lizi Woolgar style@ epigram.org.uk

Style

Living

@e2Style

Styling: Lizi Woolgar, Alice Johnston & Becky Pile Makeup: Anisha Gupta Models: Athena Rayburn & Maria Petrova

Travel

Photographer: Zoe Nash

Deputy: Anisha Gupta deputystyle@ epigram.org.uk

03.12.12

Tightly Wrapped Bandage Dresses

For those sauntering down the red-carpet, the mere £1500 price label attached might seem like small change for a garment promising to alter your physique. Luckily for those of us who choke at the thought of this price the high-street caught on, giving us ‘bodycon’. Although not as forgiving as the real deal, ‘bodycon’ is now universally known as a guaranteed winning number when you’re looking for something to sculpt, or as an easy go-to for nightclub frequenters. Lucy McCallum

Topshop

Herve Leger

In 2007 the dress saw a new-found popularity surge when American label BCBG Max Azria relaunched the Herve Leger brand. The new collection’s debut at New York’s fashion week in Autumn 2008 was received with high acclaim and, once again, it was the attention-grabbing nature, and expertly polished design, that made the bandage dress a favourite with celebrities.

Cloche Hat: £45, Dickins and Jones,

When choosing a scarf, get one to compliment your skin tone and bring out you complexion - you want it to be a great addition to your outfit, not just a way of keeping warm. The easiest way to wear a scarf is to wrap it loosely around your neck but to change things up a little why not knot it? With a plain outfit, a vibrant, patterned scarf could be teamed with a hat and glove combo that matches a dominant colour in the scarf. If you don’t want a bold pattern or colour, just stick to a plain charcoal grey, khaki or cream, they are a safe bet for a staple winter accessory. In my opinion, the bigger and bulkier the better – try Topshop or Accessorize for thick-knit scarves.

You can leave your hat on… Hats are the perfect accessory for topping off your outfit, whether you prefer to stick to a classic felt fedora or keep cosy with a woolly beanie or even a fur hat, they all look great, not to mention the ‘bad hair day’ added bonus. Fur hats, whether they are genuine or fake, add an air of sophistication to your outfit and are one of the major trends this winter. Another key trend is the 1920s cloche hat which creates instant elegance.Pair with some leather gloves and a trench coat to create a chic, smart outfit, perfect for Christmas formal occasions.

Scarf: £35, Accessorize

Slip those gloves on…

Gloves: £22.40 Debenhams

It was the 80s that, along with Madonna and mullets, saw the arrival of the bandage dress thanks to French label Herve Leger. Behind the dress’s signature bandage stripes, Leger’s design had the intention to mould and sculpt the wearer’s figure to perfection. Unsurprisingly, his design was whole-heartedly embraced. Although some of the experimental looks of the decade were, thankfully, left behind, Leger’s bandage phenomenon prevailed.

Choose your scarf wisely…

Gloves are a definite ‘must have’ this winter but try to keep them simple; plain colours and minimal patterns work best with most outfits. If you don’t already have a pair of black leather gloves, you should definitely invest in some - they go with everything and are surprisingly cosy, especially if you grab a fur-lined pair! A top tip is to match your gloves with the colour of your scarf, alternatively, a specific detail of your coat, for instance the the buttons, to really make the colour pop! Abbie Innes

Nail Wraps Get festive nail art with these quick and easy nail wraps!

Solid Gold £7.95, Nails Inc.

Silver Baubles £7.00, Boots

Anisha Gupta

Christmas Morning £5.00, Kooky Nails

Glittering Christmas Pudding £7.99, RebelNails

Illustration: Katy Papineau

Editor: Alicia Queiro travel@ epigram.org.uk

@e2Travel

A day in ... Bath

s a m t s i Chr cial! spe

Sophie Padgett writes a festive student special on the South West’s winter wonderland to see which are completely free to visit: the Royal Crescent is great to wander along whilst having a nosey inside all the very impressive houses and Bath Abbey is also well worth a perusal. If you’re craving more culture, there are plenty So, how best to start off a day in Bath? of museums For those and historical less intrepid places to have travellers a look at: among us, The Roman the train from Baths are a Temple Meads popular site to is quick and visit and the easy. However, Jane Austen for the bikecentre is a owning, highlight for adventurous the particularly souls out there, literarythe cycle path minded starting down © Bath Tourism Plus/ Colin Hawkins students out by Temple there. Meads offers a fun, alternative way of reaching the Roman city. Whilst it may delay your arrival in Bath by quite some time, it will definitely leave you feeling like you deserve that delicious pub lunch that awaits you there! When travelling with fellow students, buying some of the delicious fudge from one of the sweet shops and eating it whilst sat on a bench overlooking the river, complete with a take away brew, hits the spot very effectively. There are also many sites

After you’ve had your fill of admiring the historic buildings and cultural hotspots though, there is another side of Bath to explore. Indeed, where better to spend a wintery afternoon than in one of the many cosy cafés and pubs dotted around the city? A warm mug of mulled wine or cider is a delight on a winter’s day, and authentic ales made in Bath should also certainly be sampled at Graze, a lovely pub in Brunel Square.

After a quick tipple, a trip to the Whilst some may say Bath is expensive Christmas Market is a must-do. As we and packed full of tourists, you cannot approach the festive time of the year, deny the charm of the place as it woos the annual Christmas market you with its cobbled streets and sparkly moves in to the city to Christmas cheer. So whether you make Bath even more cycle, get the train or drive; charming than whether you fancy treating Ho ho ho! normal, if that were yourself or want a day out on possible. A mass a budget; there is nowhere Bath’s Christmas of fairy-lit stalls else quite like it in the assemble selling South West. Market is open pretty trinkets, until Sunday 9th tasty locallyprepared food and December an abundance of shoppers all wrapped up in their winter clothes provide a lovely Christmassy atmosphere. All of this of course comes with a price tag, but if, like me, you’re a sucker for all things Christmas-related, it’s a great place to go to get yourself into the festive spirit. After all, part of the joy of Bath’s Christmas Market is that it permits us to buy overpriced, wholesome Christmas products that we can use to convince ourselves that the over indulgence of all kinds around Christmas is acceptable. Naturally, drinking far too much cider or eating far too much chocolate is fine if they are organic and were sold from a fairy-lit log cabin. Corp

Just a short train ride away from Bristol is Bath, the beautiful old spa city and World Heritage Site. Of course it’s nothing on our beloved Bristol...but it’s definitely worth a trip.

Flickr: Nuchi

Style

Living

Flickr: Stewart Black

Deputy: Alex Bradbrook deputytravel@ epigram.org.uk

Travel

Strip off for a scorching Christmas Down Under Christmas in summer. Sounds a bit off, doesn’t it? It’s something Brits can’t even begin to imagine, being used to the appropriately coldweathered, almost-white Christmases you have every year. In the ‘other’ hemisphere however, something messes up our seasons and gives the poor people who live below the line – the equator line that is – something to moan about come the festive season.

So what do Aussies actually do on Christmas day?

We go cold turkey

Australian summer is hot. Sweltering. Sweaty. All those wonderful things rolled into one. So at Christmas, the temperature will often be over 35 degrees, and any food that isn’t refrigerated is generally a turn off. Some families will go all out and follow the traditional English repertoire of having a full roast dinner, but many will have seafood such as lobster as their main dish. Or they’ll throw a couple of shrimps on the barbie, of course.

We get pissed off by Christmas imagery

Ah, the irrelevancy of traditional Christmas imagery in Australia. Despite the ridiculously obvi-

ous differences in climate, Northern Hemisphere based things like Christmas cards depicting snowcapped trees saturate the poor, confused minds of Australians with images of a cold winter’s night spent awaiting the appearance of a Santa insulated with layers of clothes and abundant facial hair. Realistically, an Aussie Santa should be clean shaven and decked in boardies and thongs (‘flip flops’).

Almost every family will engage in some kind of activity involving the beach or a barbecue. Yes, we really do live up to our stereotype! The beach is pretty popular – but with popularity comes crowds. Being able to touch some stranger’s scorched, crusty arm with just a slight incline of your head tends to ruin your festive spirit. When it comes to everyone’s favourite part of Christmas – the eating part – some wise man once said that a barbecue is essential. That wise man may be my dad. However, barbeques get the crowd going, the shrimp going, and allow us to celebrate the amazing weather. Now that’s the kind of imagery that should be immortalised on a Hallmark Christmas Naomi Shimoda card.

03.12.12

All wrapped up: Travel’s stereotypes of the slopes Sam Fishwick presents his go-to guide to these pisteplundering skiing subspecies. Illustrations: Lydia Greenaway

The

Supergran/ Supergramp

The Snow Pro Bro For these guys, snow sports are for life, not just for Christmas. Masked magicians of the mountainside, this collective can do things with a board that will make your nose bleed. This is all well and good, but they also say things like ‘Check out that kid shredding the curling field’ and ‘Oh man, that thing is definitely a booter’ - which is confusing, and a bit unfair on everyone else.

The Beginner Being a beginner is a beautiful thing. You’re a little like Bambi taking baby steps for those first few hours – Bambi on ice, with his hooves strapped tight into Perspex strips. Dignity takes a backseat at this point. That said, the early turns and tumbles last only so long, and pretty soon you’re not falling, you’re flying. With style. And it’s all actually not going too badly really – it’s okay, it’s all right, and you’re actually getting this - you’ve actually got this! About now is when you connect face first with a pine tree that seems to have snuck up in front of you, and everything goes a bit blurry… It’s a learning curve.

OAPs on skis. Swapping the slippers for the slopes, these seasoned veterans are living proof that modern medicine is doing something right. Neon 80s ski suits are almost uniform for these fluorescent not-so-adolescents, who tend to move in small, well-drilled and impeccably mannered packs. Occasional pests, they can be traced by a trail of Werther’s Original wrappers and jam sandwich crumbs.

The

Naked Man Often seen streaking across the mountain in the late evening to ‘ooh’s and ‘ah’s from crowds of onlookers, the Naked Man is largely a nocturnal phenomenon. A single ski pole in one hand, a Bacardi bottle in the other, the Naked Man lends a new and unique variation on snowballs. A diverse species, sub-species include the Semi Stripped, the Full Mountie, the One-Ton Walrus and the Abominable Snowman.

Editor: Alicia Queiro travel@ epigram.org.uk

@e2Travel

AIRMAIL

Living

Our man on the ground in Tuscany: Part Two Sebastian wakes me up at 1pm with a cup of coffee, one meticulously rolled cigarette and an expression of unbridled anticipation stretched across his face. ‘I’m making you breakfast,’ he announces, before charging upstairs again. The clangs and crashes of improper saucepan use spiral downstairs from the kitchen and make me wince.

“We had decided to go for a quiet drink in a local bar, but Sebastian doesn’t really drink quietly.”

Flickr: Floris M. OSterveld

Style

Sebastian does a comic impression of an Italian man punching me in the face. To be fair, it does appear to be very amusing. But my headache – coupled with the suspicion that everything I am feeling is Sebastian’s fault – doesn’t allow me to appreciate it. As Sebastian continues I suddenly realise that not only did the Italians ultimately leave him alone, but that he’s not even hungover: a resistance that is surely the product of years of good breeding and absolutely no subpar spirits. Although I still can’t believe I took a punch for him, I think – as he starts piling breakfast on my plate in such a ridiculously servile manner that it must be his version of an apology – at least the holiday is eventful. As he washes down boiled quails eggs and ham sliced so thinly you can barely see it, with black coffee and pomegranate juice, he starts laughing again. ‘Look at yourself! I take you to Tuscany and you still act like it’s Friday night on the bloody Triangle.’ He chuckles to himself. ‘It seems one can take the student out of Bristol but one can’t take Bristol out of the student.’ I contemplate hitting him but don’t. It’s all just down to cultural differences, I decide.

Anonymous

The first thing I learned in France was that the stereotypes are true. Yes, the place is a bureaucratic nightmare. In my first week at university, I was given six hefty sets of documents – each at least 10 pages in length - to complete. I am told that the French students have to do the same in each consecutive year of their studies. One wonders where these tons of paper are actually stored. In an underground cavern stretching over the 4000 square miles of the Gironde, perhaps? Conveniently, no doubt, where they will be forever lost to both students and administrative workers, pointless as they are. It is also true that the French cannot be separated from their baguettes. No natural disaster – not even rush hour on the tram – can get between them and their daily intake of doughy deliciousness. And, of course, the French will inevitably assume your complete and cheerful ignorance of their language upon discovering your English origins. Sadly, this usually leads either to a failed conversation in ‘Franglais’ (or rather, what the French claim to be ‘fluent English’) or to an argument about the fact that yes, your poor little English brain is in fact capable of understanding French spoken at a normal speed.

e! r e h e r e w u o y Wish , Dear e2

onths, winter ms a e h t g n i rm Dur r Neva fo he the Rive way through tS t. lk a of w s en new pite the citiz city for rg, Russia . Des u b s s g r n ni Pete ent war governm e dangers of the about thhrough the ice ,ed t p falling of being trap the prospecthe icy waters of ter under t esn’t seem to de Neva do als. these loc

Love , orth x Flo Ashw

Send your own snap to travel@ epigram.org.uk

But there are the ups too. I have enjoyed the unmatchable luxury of eating three pains au chocolat (‘chocolatines’ to a Bordelais) a day, been able to explore the beautiful restaurants courtesy of a hefty Erasmus grant, and, thanks to a particularly charismatic lecturer, I now know how to organise a successful coup d’état. I was welcomed into the country by 30-degree rays of sunshine and, to date, the temperature has not dropped below 15 degrees. The Gothic architecture is as stunning as it can get, and whilst the size of the city is manageable, you will never run out of things to do. And, most importantly of all, as your lecturers will tell you, this year is one of cultural experience, linguistic immersion, and intellectual discovery (too wonderful to dwell on here). Foregoing a little luxury like toilet seats? Ça vaut la peine.

Flickr: Renée S

Travel

A heavily intoxicated Sebastian had slowly risen to his full height. Using the commanding voice handed down to him by

This wasn’t exactly the ‘local colour’ I’d imagined. Nor was it the only discovery that shocked me. After weeks of hopelessly searching for accommodation, battling with unhelpful French university workers, and sifting through reams of banking paperwork, I also realised that I wasn’t getting anywhere without a three-month backlog of electricity bills and statements belonging to the last five generations of my family. And maybe even a few crayon rubbings of their tombstones to prove that they existed at all. pp bo ro

It all comes back to me as Sebastian begins to recount our adventures. We had decided to go for a quiet drink in a local bar, but Sebastian doesn’t really drink quietly. Just as the bar started to close, Sebastian had tried to order a whisky, and the poor waitress who’d been tasked with serving us had tried to give him a Jack Daniels.

“No toilet seat? NO TOILET SEAT?!”

‘What happened last night?’ I wonder aloud. Sebastian grins. ‘You had rather a rough time with some Italian types. A bit of a rum bunch.’

Two of the bar’s regulars had come passionately to her defence and were about to chase him down. I had tried to apologise for Sebastian’s rudeness. Unfortunately, cultural differences had inflamed the matter – I raised my palms facing forward and spluttered out an apology. Whilst retelling the story Sebastian bursts out into braying laughter: ‘And they thought you were raising your hands against them. Challenging them to fisticuffs, that sort of thing.’

Munching baguettes and battling bureaucracy: a lawyer’s take on life in Bordeaux k ic Fl

I drink the coffee on balcony outside. As I light the cigarette I realise that my head is hurting and struggle to remember why. Eventually, I manage to ascertain that whilst I am extremely hungover, I also have a large black eye. One drag of the cigarette brings my hangover on in full force, and so I drop it into an ornate vase Sebastian has strategically placed for such emergencies. I then stagger upstairs.

untold generations of good breeding, he spluttered out - in the amused indignation that only an Englishman abroad possesses - that he would rather sing the Italian National anthem standing by Mussolini’s grave while saluting il Tricolore than drink a blended whiskey. He then poured his drink all over the bar and walked out.

Deputy: Alex Bradbrook deputytravel@ epigram.org.uk

Turan Hursit Foreign Correspondent in France

Roller Disco in association with

Lets Sk8

Come dressed in your favourite 70s get up and skate the night DZD\ %HVW RXWÀW wins a prize.

Anson Rooms, UBU, Queens Road The Lanes, Nelson Street Wed 5 December 8pm - late Monday 10 December 9pm - 1am Tickets £6 including skate hire, mulled cider and snacks Tickets £6 including free bowling and free karaoke all night Buy Buy aa Christmas Christmas combo combo ticket ticket for for the the roller roller disco disco and and christmas christmas party party for for just just £10 £10 Available at ubu.org.uk the(subject door (subject to availability) Available online at ubu.org.uk and onand the on door to availability)

ubu.org.uk ubu.org.uk