e2 issue 267

Epigram’s

e2 .. .

A typical serving of e2 provides...

£ p $ € ¥

Skint

Humour

Amazing puns

500g

500g

‘Witty banter’

Cheesiness

500g

500g

A bit like the Tab, but with more class

Storage instructions: Store in a cool, dry place. Store away from water, fire and toxic chemicals as this may impede your reading pleasure. Best for adults 18+.

Contents: Living, Travel, Style and What’s On sections.

Best consumed by students with good humour and a positive disposition.

BEST BEFORE: 11-11-2013

Editor: Tori Halman living@ epigram.org.uk

Living

@e2Living

Deputy: Deputy: Sophia Hadjipateras Izzy Kerr shadjipateras@ ikerr@ epigram.org.uk epigram.org.uk

A NIGHT UNDER £5?

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED 4. No spray: No lay Living’s Guide to a night out under a fiver.* *Do not try this at home.

Not everybody can afford the latest Calvin Klein fragrance. The chances are, your Mum put Febreze in with the rest of your packing.

And we all know the old saying, ‘a spray of Febreze, get a girl with ease…’

5. Every night is Sports

Travel

Night

1. Give blood

Flickr: peeler2007spy

Replace lost blood with vodka. There’s some science behind this, we’re journalists, we don’t really know why this makes you get drunk faster. It just does.

2. Listerine

This isn’t your getting-ready-routine. This is pre-drinks.

Who needs alcohol when mouthwash is a fraction of the price, and dental health is important.

Wave goodbye to wine and bad breath, Listerine is 26.9%.

What’s On

Style

3. Bin-bag

Clothes are expensive, as is washing. After the Listerine, there’s a good chance you’re going to spill drinks down yourself.

With this handy, all-purpose outfit, you can just wipe off the spillage. Clever, right?

6. The .

Minesweep.

Drinks in clubs are overpriced.

The dance floor becomes a battlefield of exciteable freshers wearing in their hi-tops. Here, you have to employ stealth, cunning and force. With The Minesweep tactics are vital.

Forget your comrades, get to the bar and down every drink in sight. At the end of the day, it’s every man for himself.

7. The Po-Po

.

To avoid an expensive taxi home, a ride in a Police car seems the only viable option. Here, you have two options. 1) Mostly applicable to girls: cry, say you’re alone, lost and scared. 2) Men: Start a fight, you can always say it was the other guy when you’re safely on the way home (or to a cell).

Either way, you just bagged yourself a free ride, and another cool-point in Never Have I Ever.

According to my calculations, this costs around £3.47. Leaving you with just enough dosh to treat yourself to cheesy chips, just remember to get all the sauces, they’re free too.

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Practice your hurdling skills, stand outside Mbargoes and take a good long run up to the barriers outside Lounge/Bunker/<insert club on Triangle here>, and leap right into the club. If sports aren’t your forte, get creative with a Sharpie and draw your own Lounge stamp.

It’s half way through term and all those nights on the Triangle, impulse buys from Sainsbury’s and comfort food purchases for long library sessions are adding up.

Understandably, you might be feeling a little bit skint. e2 feels your pain. This issue, we’re looking at different ways to help that last, lonely £1 coin in your pocket stretch a bit further, and appreciate the cheaper things in life. Whether it’s a review of the culinary delights of Basics lasagne, or 5 different ‘looks’ you can get out of one jumper, e2 will show you why being skint really isn’t so bad.

Charlie Bolton

Online: Morwenna Scott livingonline@ epigram.org.uk

NO SHAME Here at Epigram Living we understand that when money’s harder to understand than a Scottish accent. That’s why we think, when times are tough, it’s okay to...

Shower in the gym to save water/heating bills ‘Borrow’ the Refectory plastic cutlery, sugar, ketchup, vinegar, chairs...

Bring a guy/girl back from Bunker Sports Night for no reason other than warmth - heating is pricey Invite parents to visit just in time for the Jack Will’s Autumn range to be in stock, or when the fridge starts to look empty Use water as a mixer. Basics Vodka is already a tenner, why spend more?

Claim the holes in your tights/jumper are an edgy fashion statement Arrange a meeting with your tutor purely for free tea and biscuits Eat food that’s a little out of date, you’re building your immune system Pretend you’re going with the ‘roots’ trend when you can’t afford hair dye

e2 wants you!

Write for us by emailing our section editors or meeting them at the times below

Meet the e2 team!

Living: Tori Halman, Sophia Hadjipateras and Izzy Kerr will meet at the ASS Library café on Thursday 14th November at 1.15pm.

Travel: Olivia Lace-Evans and Andrea Valentino will meet at the Refectory on Thursday 14th November at 12.15pm.

Style: Maddy Streets and Deanne Ball will meet at the ASS library café on Friday 15th November at 12.30pm. e2 is edited by Alex Bradbrook deputy@epigram.org.uk

11.11.2013

IT’S A RICH MAN’S WORLD “I bought a tweed jacket for £100. Frankly, it was unnecessary but it was down from £250 and it was cold outside, so I had to really” James

“I bought a £40 giant toy dinosaur from Bristol Zoo, but over time it’s hard to say that this was a regret” Josh ‘When she said he could play with her balloons, he had something a little different in mind’

“I’d spotted a storm trooper cut out in a costume shop window earlier in the year, so after a night in Cori Tap and Lounge, I decided to stumble back to the shop and purchase it for what I considered a reasonable £40” Omar

“I spent £60 on a Nespresso machine, so now I only have £20 a week to live off” Sophie

“My housemate left £20 fresh out of a Co-op cash machine behind for someone else to pick up. Isn’t he charitable?”

Harriet “I maintained the economic viability of the First Great Western train service through my

needy long-distance relationship” Abbie

daniel_ goh

“The average cost of my visits to the gym last year was £25 each time, as a result of forking out for a £250 membership and going less than ten times…”

Tom

“I spent a load of money on ice-cream for a movie night we were having last year, only to remember we don’t have a freezer” Morwenna

Flickr:

“I left Bunker in a drunken strop, got outside and realised I was alone and bored, so paid the entry fee for a second time to get back in, to leave five minutes later when I remembered I was angry” Tori

Here at Epigram Living, we aren’t that great with handling our finances. It turns out you lot aren’t much better...#bristoluniproblems

“I arrived at University, and after two days my laptop broke. I had just sold my car, so on a whim bought a Mac for £850” Ollie

“I avoided looking at my bank balance for nearly the entirety of first year, only to discover I was low on funds when my card bounced” Danielle

“I bought a ticket to Motion…”

Charlie “I spent money on Twickenham tickets instead of food for two weeks” Freddie

Flickr: artist in doing nothing

What’s your biggest money regret at University?

@e2Living

5 ways to get out of paying for anything, ever.Tried and tested by the Living Team...kinda.

Fresher Fontriver: Pizzadude

Girls: go on a date and spend the entirety of the meal telling the lucky guy just how aroused you are by men who treat women properly, such as paying the bill...

Use a variety of hand signals and facial expressions to explain that you speak another language. Look confused when presented with the bill/receipt and leave. Quickly.

You’ve just had your bag stolen, which contained your wallet/purse.

The bag you’re currently holding?

You just picked that out of a nearby bin, you’re that skint

Travel

Living

I need a dollar:

According to your life principles, you don’t believe in money. It is fickle, and you can’t put a price on happiness. Morals matter.

What’s On

Style

Run away, really fast.

Put your money where your mouth is...

Emma Toogood recommends a few cheap eats to satiate that appetite on a shoestring Upon arriving at Bristol last year, my sheer, unadulterated joy at discovering that there was a Wagamama’s within a short walk from the University cannot be accurately described in a short article. With little concern for my bank account Wagamama’s was always my goto lunch place. My theory was that very little soothes a hangover like a comforting katsu curry, that hugs you a little tighter with every lustful bite.

It should surprise you then, when I say I have not been to Wagamama’s for months, and then even more so when I say I have no intention of returning.

This isn’t just because I quickly realised you can’t justify minimum £10 on a lunch on a student budget; it’s mostly because I started finding other places to eat, places that were cheaper, local to Bristol and just as delicious. Although the restaurant chains lining the triangle and Park Street seem tempting I’m going to attempt to prove to you that there is a better Bristol-based alternative for each hiding around the corner.

YUME 9 Cotham Hill

BURGER THE HILL JOINT 31-35 Cotham Hill

Yume is what broke the Wagamama’s habit for me; it serves delicious, fresh and authentic Japanese food. This means sushi! The sushi there left me craving for their soft shell crab roll all summer. For those who haven’t quite caught onto the raw fish craze yet they also do great hot food such as noodles, rice, soups, dumplings that all come at a very reasonable price.

For all you hungry Freshers out there this is the place that will make you never want to go to Pizza Express again, and why should you? The Hill serves pizza that is half the price, twice as big and fifty times as tasty.

They also have a great cocktail menu for all you alcoholics in training (i.e. the entirety of the student body).

Try and get there on a Tuesday when they do a 241 on pizzas or a Thursday when it’s 241 on cocktails.

83 Whiteladies Road

check out these alternative Bristol bargain eats!

Yume kitchen

They do a mind-blowing burger and make sure you try the sweet potato fries there. It’s a really fun place to eat where you get to build your own burger. They also have an afternoon meal deal where you can get a burger, topping and side for just £5.95; this does mean eating between 3pm and 5pm but hey, no one gets up before noon now anyway. They also do a student discount of 10%.

11.11.2013

Room 101 #4 ihon Stephanie R

Flickr: abin e

Freshers’ fortnight or ‘month’ (to some of you, heck to most of us) is most certainly now over. The Halloween cat is out of the bag and the general novelty of the ‘new academic year’ is wearing off. By now you’ve all witnessed the joy of Mrs Bunker bouncer, the art of hungover lecture napping and the violence of the Lounge stamp branders – I never quite understood why they’re so forceful with their stamping. So, what do you do when

“something within you may turn ‘cray’ and propel you to ceremoniously blow through all your summer earnings”

on the lash’ four to five times a week for a prolonged period of time. A distant relative of mine recounted the story where he broke up with his long-term girlfriend and blew £1,000 of his loan on partying “oop Narth” in Leeds. He ended up working as a sales assistant at Dorothy Perkins trying to make ends meet to avoid living off of Sainsbury’s Basics crackers.

So what happens when you type in the magic code and realise that you are indeed ‘skint’? Well, you have several options kids. Some may turn to waitressing at Tea Parties in Boston, others might deliver Domino’s to their fellow students and finally if all else fails, the beef-cakes among you could turn to escorting. Actually no, please do not do that.

The only solace you can seek is that this will be the factor that unifies your few years in Bristol. After all, apart from the degree, why else would you be here?

(Humour me, this is what we tell ourselves when we lose hope). Even for second years, something within you may turn ‘cray’ and propel you to ceremoniously blow through all your summer earnings by week 5 of the first term. True story kids; don’t say I didn’t warn you.

the madness is over and November hits you? It’s time to check the bank balance. Take a breath kids and try not to get a coronary.You’ll be surprised how much money you get through after the ‘cheap’ student nights. As a Londoner, obviously this place is like Disneyland to me.

The change in value can be measured with a Corona which cost me £4.50 back home, but translated to £1.80 Brizzle pounds on my first freshers’ night. Talk about culture shock. Yet, even this can add up when you’re ‘out

like labelling a sandwich as a “bread sandwich”.

And a quick flip of the package to the ingredients only served to baffle me further as, apparently,

...Because music and money go together like fish and chips

“Every day, every day, f*** what anybody say. Can’t see ‘em ‘cause the money in the way” “I’d probably pull an Angelina and Brad Pitt, and adopt a bunch of babies that ain’t ever had sh*t” “She went to the doctor got lipo with your money” “We just wanna make the world dance, forget about the price tag”

Want to be a columnist for Epigram Living next term? Send two of your best pieces of writing to living@epigram.org.uk along with a Covering Letter on why you think you’d be right for the position. Deadline 22nd December.

What’s your ‘beef’?

For me, nothing quite says ‘skint student’ more than Sainsbury’s Basics. The distinctive combination of gaudy orange and off-white that says “no meal in the history of the world is actually this colour combination, take a hint.” The passive aggressive taglines that might as well read “Basics – because you’ll eat literally anything, won’t you? You filthy little bugger.” All served with a price tag that is so low that Primark, Megabus and Sports Direct all called just to tell you you’re a cheapskate.

So for this week’s food review, there was only one option - it had to be a Basics ready-meal. I went for the Basics lasagne; 75p, 279 calories, 60 million weeping Italians.

What immediately caught my eye was the name – “Beef Lasagne” – which seems like a weird point to make; lasagne is pretty much always beef, it’s a bit

Too many joy rides in Daddy’s Jaguar

a Basics “Beef Lasagne” only contains 12% beef. So here’s a bit of advice for Sainsbury’s: don’t make a feature out of your biggest weakness. If you have massive ears, don’t wear a big piercing. If you’re a bit on the podgy side, then steer clear of the lycra body suits. If your ‘beef lasagne’ is only 12% beef, then maybe you want to play down just how important beef is to your ready-meal. Keep it on the DL. The other priceless bit of info on the package was a ‘serving suggestion’. This consisted of a picture of a lasagne, on a plate, being eaten with a fork.

Thanks Sainsbury’s, I was going to try eat it off a Frisbee using a toothbrush. It also really boasted about the fact that they were only using “100% British Beef”. Screw those foreign cows taking over our ready meals; when I have a microwaveable snack I want to feel nationalistic.The first thing that struck me when I removed the instructions sleeve was the astounding colour of the lasagne’s

In the middle was a pool of what appeared to be oil that made my arteries groan, the sides had turned a muddy brown and the whole top layer had developed a weird layer of wrinkly skin. Serving suggestions be damned, I sidestepped the plate, took a fork and dug in. I instantly regretted that, because, as is the case with all ready meals, it was hotter than the surface of the sun. I might as well have just eaten napalm.

The roof of my mouth is still not speaking to me.

Once it had cooled to a double digit temperature I finally got to evaluate it and the nicest thing I can say is that it was edible. It tasted pretty inoffensive, strangely sweet, but edible. It wasn’t really big enough to be properly filling but it didn’t taste too bad, especially with a bit of added salt.

That, for me, is the real triumph here. The fact that you can buy a lasagne for 75p that is ready within 5 and a half minutes and is perfectly edible. That is something the whole human race can be proud of.

Yeah, it may look like somebody has covered paper with slurry and ketchup, but for 75p, what the hell top layer of pasta and cheese. I imagine that do you expect? This brings me neatly back to the if you went into Homebase, went to the paint theme of this piece: skint. The fact of the matter section where they mix up custom colours and is that, as students, we will do literally anything to just said the word “depression” into the machine, save a few quid. It’s like Michael Caine appearing it would spew the colour of this lasagne. It is a in Jaws 4 – it may not be a classy move but if it shade of pale-yellow white that actually upset me makes economic sense, then that’s all that matters. to look at.

So Basics lasagne may not be the best meal of your Maybe I’m being harsh, I thought, as I waited for life, but for 75p a pop, I know I’ll be having a fair the microwave to ping. I was, after all, judging the few of them this year. lasagne before it was even cooked. How wrong I was. When I got the thing out and peeled off the plastic I was greeted with something that looked even less appetising than what had gone in, Miles Coleman astonishingly.

“75p, 279 calories, 60 million weeping Italians”

Editor: Deputy: Online Olivia Lace-Evans Andrea Valentino Emilia Morano-Williams travel@ deputytravel@ travelonline@ epigram.org.uk epigram.org.uk epigram.org.uk

@e2Travel

A warm, comfortable bed; delicious, piping hot food; outdoor movies on a big screen. For most, this brings up images of an expensive holiday, and definitely not the first thing that springs to mind upon hearing the word ‘camping’. However, these days it’s much easier to get the five-star experience for a fraction of the price.

Allow me to introduce you to ‘glamping’ – or as it is more formally known, glamorous camping. Say goodbye to the pre-conception of uncomfortable nights spent in cold tents, and hello to snug sleeping quarters, hearty meals, and excellent entertainment.

Imagine Glastonbury without The Rolling Stones So, how do you turn a camping trip reminiscent of the Duke of Edinburgh Award scheme into something a bit more lavish? Of course, there are companies that give customers the option of staying in a secluded yurt, complete with sheepskin rug and four poster bed, for hundreds of pounds a week.

However, for those of us on a budget, once you’ve invested in a sturdy tent you can keep the luxury at a much lower price by furnishing it yourself.

As for the living room, purchase a cheap fold up table from your local supermarket.

Not only will you have somewhere to eat, but you can also use it as a projector stand. As many campsites offer plug in electricity, you can then watch films using a bed sheet strung up between two tent poles. Throw down some rugs or picnic blankets on the floor, open a bag of popcorn, and you’ll have the neighbours wanting to come over to join in the cinematic experience.

you can

Location is key too, and depending on how much you’re willing to spend, you can make your deluxe camping experience even more glamorous. Although your back garden can be fun, there are plenty of reasonably priced locations all over Britain. There are so many different places to go, many within throwing distance of Bristol, meaning that you can visit

somewhere new and exciting every time without spending your entire student loan.

Dorset is a perfect example as it is only a short twohour drive from Bristol.

Whether you’re looking for a beach holiday or something more cultural, Dorset offers something for everyone. Classic

tourist spots such as

Weymouth and

Bournemouth are always heaving during the summer, and Dorset sits right along the Jurassic Coast; perfect for any keen fossil hunters.

One particular campsite that is ideal for glamping is Eweleaze Farm, open for only one month every year. Imagine Glastonbury without The Rolling Stones, but with the same atmosphere and gorgeous views of the coastline. Pitch a tent, buy some freshly made oven-baked pizza from their on-site food court, roast some marshmallows over the open fire as you watch the sun set, gaze upon the Chinese lanterns floating out towards the sea, and then lay back on a hay bale to star gaze until the early hours of the morning. There you have it: reasonably priced bliss.

Ciara Murphy

Skint in Italy? Pizza piss!

Back alley pizzerias and dodging transport inspectors: A guide to Italy on the cheap

at Camping Jolly, a sort-of mini CentreParcs situated on a motorway exit just ten minutes by shuttle (provided by the campsite) to the centre. It doesn’t sound particularly salubrious, but for five Euros a night, my travelling companions and

Transport is admittedly tricky. In cities, its best to follow the Italians lead – don’t pay for anything! Inner-city travel

The point is: yes it is very possible to do Italy on the cheap, especially if you like camping, free walking tours and aren’t afraid to ask for tap water in a restaurant.

Having said that, everyone needs a treat day. When the closing night of the opera festival in Verona, staged in the ancient Roman arena, happens to fall on the one night you are there, you should probably go. It was totally worth my 30 Euros. Besides, I can save money in the next place, right? re

After accommodation, that left approximately 15 Euros for the day. The trick is to bypass all the lovely pizzerias with waiters in bowties and ridiculously priced tourist menus.

Walk away from the main squares, turn down the dodgiest looking alley in the area and pay four Euros for a just-as-delicious pizza instead of 20. Don’t even think about drinking wine in a restaurant! Choose a spritz: the cheapest drink on the menu. The bright orange mixture of prosecco, aperol and sparkling water is the drink to be seen with and, at an average price of 2.50, it’s also budget friendly. Oh, and whatever you do, don’t pay for bottled water. Use the fountains provided!

is more challenging. Sadly, budget travellers will be stuck on the regionale services. They’re snail-paced and dirty, but you do get to check out every warehouse and industrial estate between Venice and Milan for only 10 euros!

uer

I started in Istanbul, and made my way slowly northwest, prices gradually increasingly as I went.

The pressure was on; after a month of travelling, and with my savings rapidly depleting, I had to question whether the planned week in Italy would be wise.

Probably not, but I went for it anyway.

I got a bed in a tent, a large swimming pool, a minimart selling one Euro cartons of wine and a nightly disco in the campsite bar. You wouldn’t get that in central Venice!

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First port of call, Venice: probably one of the most expensive places for a tourist in Europe. Accommodation in the old city itself was out of the question – that would be the week’s budget blown in one! After much hunting, I ended up

eu kr: fl Flic

Italy is the most romantic of all European destinations. It’s known as the land of pizza, Peroni and suave men on mopeds shouting ciao on every corner.

Surely it’s at the top of any must-see list?

Well, not for us budget-travellers. For us, the word ‘Italy’ conjures up images of expensive restaurant bills, snooty shopping and queues for overpriced art galleries. My normal budget for a week travelling anywhere in the world is £140. This summer I set out to prove to myself that this can work in Italy as well.

Flickr: Wang Guowen

What’s On

Style

For the sleeping quarters, take a blow-up mattress. Gone are the days of attempting to sleep on the hard, uneven terrain. Instead, you can enjoy a bed more comfortable than those you might find in

your halls of residence. Add a nice sleeping bag, a blanket, and a portable pillow, and you have your very own hotel room right there in the middle of a field.

Ciara Murphy

Travel

Living

Canvassing in favour of glamping

Polly Johnson

11.11.2013

Cash in on some local delights Bored of hanging around campus?

Full of self-loathing after spending £30 at the pub last night? Be miserable no longer: Anna Rowley has the perfect suggestions to escape the monotony of the university precinct, and without breaking the bank.

Severn Beach: After spending your days in the depths of the ASS library, so much so that you’ve got your own desk in all but name, you’re probably craving a trip away from the university bubble. Having visited Westonsuper-Mare in first year, where should you go this time?

The answer is Severn Beach. Not only is this seaside resort only 25 minutes away from Bristol by regional train but the journey’s also dirt cheap with a 16-25 railcard. Once there, tuck into some greasy fish and chips - that’s what a gym membership is for - then enjoy a lazy stroll along the promenade. You’ll return to university life feeling nice and refreshed. Let’s just hope that your library spot is still there when you return.

(Severn Beach, South Gloucester. Daily trains from Clifton Down Station)

The Mendips Raceway: For a day trip that is a little

out of the ordinary, rope in a friend with a car and head to the Mendips Raceway, nestled in the heart of the scenic Mendips Hills. This venue is home to old-school banger, hot rod and stock car racing as well as my personal favourite, the ‘Destruction Derby’ finale; the name is pretty self-explanatory. Once you’ve arrived, lay out your picnic rug at a good viewing spot and indulge in some old-school car racing. Entry is £12 which may seem a little steep at first, but there are often advance deals available on Groupon or Wowcher. It’s a great day out, just don’t forget your umbrella, as it’s all held outdoors.

(Ashton Court Estate, Long Ashton, Bristol BS41 9JN. Admission free, open daily)

(Mendips Raceway, Somerset, BS40 7XU. Check website for fixtures, admission £12)

The Wookey Hole Caves: This is an alternative to

Cheddar Gorge, which you may have visited on a school trip. Located at the edge of the Mendips Hills, this attraction is also near the town of Wells, which is famous for being the set of the 2007 British action comedy film Hot Fuzz, so you could even make a trip there afterwards. The caves boast impressive rock formations and are particularly renowned for the “Witch of Wookey Hole” which is a vaguely human-shaped rock outcrop that was supposedly turned to stone by a monk from Glastonbury. An attraction that’s not to be missed.

(Wookey Hole Ltd, Wookey Hole, Wells, Somerset BA5 1BB. Student admission £12, open daily)

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Wish Y

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getaway that’s a little closer to home, as well as one that won’t break the bank, then this is the getaway for you. This gorgeous mansion house and estate, which hosts the iconic Bristol International Balloon Fiesta in August, is a convenient getaway for those living near the Downs or in Stoke Bishop as it’s located just over the Clifton Suspension Bridge. So wrap up warm, cross the Bridge, and enjoy a tranquil winter walk around its extensive parkland. If you’re lucky, you might even see a deer or two. For the sportier ones among you, Ashton Court also offers a free 5k run held every Saturday called “Parkrun” starting at 9AM. Novices, beware though, the route can become quite hilly...

Flickr: Rupert Marlow

Flickr: Solarized

Ashton Court: If you’re looking for a peaceful

EUROPE’S CHEAPEST... ...Museums:

,

Dear e2

st e poore Even thellers can eat of trav India. Here in, well in eets of Jaipur the str n find freshly you ca samosas for baked nothing. next to Nom. Love,

ntino

Vale Andrea

1 The Museum of Turkish and Islamic Art, Istanbul, £3.29 2 The National Museum, Prague, £3.30 3 The Meštrovic Gallery, Split, £3.39 4 The National Museum of Ancient Art, Lisbon, £4.26 5 The Hungarian National Museum, Budapest, £4.54 ...Cities for accommodation: 1 Budapest £28 a night 2 Lisbon £37 a night 3 Istanbul £38 a night 4 Barcelona £39 a night 5 Madrid £39 a night

Editor: Deputy: Online Olivia Lace-Evans Andrea Valentino Emilia Morano-Williams travel@ deputytravel@ travelonline@ epigram.org.uk epigram.org.uk epigram.org.uk

@e2Travel

What’s On

‘This is not some form of strange sexual encounter, but the local term for a caterpillar’

Davies said on QI about the Isle of Wight, ‘all the clocks stopped in 1952... and all the shops are the same as they were then’. But for a keen charity shop goer (like me), this is not a bad thing!

Nevertheless, it can’t be denied that the Island has its quirks. Our use of ‘somewhen’ and ‘anywhen’ has long been ridiculed - I’m a little sad to see a squiggly red line under both as I type this.

You may ask, when would such a fool use these words? Well, “see you somewhen!”, or “when are you free?”, which would warrant the response of “oh, anywhen next week”. If you’re lucky, you’ll come across a true Islander, known locally as a caulkhead, who comes out with marvellous words like ‘mallishag’.

This is not some form of strange, Island-based sexual encounter, but the Wighters’ term for a caterpillar.

The very same QI panellists also correctly identified the North American grey squirrel

It is no lie that we probably do encounter more than our GDA of elderly people, arriving by the coachload to buy granny pants in the main town’s Tuesday

market. Old people mean old-people shops, and as Alan

In this week’s column, Edward Henderson-Howard examines the ethics around the inflated prices tourists often have to pay while travelling. Is it right for rich foreigners to pay through the nose for services that are much cheaper for locals?

Having read about so many ways to save money in the Skint edition, it’s easy to forget the following difficult question: it is morally correct to haggle while travelling?

When we go on holiday there is often the sense of it being our natural right to expect cheaper prices and better deals, but can we really justify our decision to pay so much less for something we would happily splash out on at home? In many instances those who are selling the bowl or wall-hanging – which will look so nice in our bedroom – could spend the money we are saving on something far more essential than an extra cocktail at the bar.

as not yet having made it onto the Island. The ferries have thus far managed to thwart the attempts of stowaway greys in order to protect the endangered red squirrel population, the Island being the largest red squirrel haven in England.

Flickr: Ronsaunders47

It may therefore come as a surprise to hear that the Island (‘oh, THE Island’, my Bristol friends remark) is – for the most part, at least – free of small, hairyfooted residents smoking pipe-weed.

The Island is really just as modern as mainland Britain, but with a few additional exciting things, such as a chairlift over the cliff and a hovercraft across the Solent. Event-wise the Isle of Wight Festival and Bestival

add tens of thousands of visitors to the Island’s 140,000-strong population, as does Cowes Week – the largest yachting event in the world. And visitors don’t even require vaccinations to attend!

Liz Kelly

Upon moving to Bristol two years ago, I was surprised by how many people replied, “The Isle of Wight? That’s so cool!” when I spoke of my hometown. This was often followed by questions about Island life and, occasionally, the reassurance that crossing the Solent does not, in fact, involve passport control. The Isle of Wight seems to be seen by some people as an island lit solely by candle light, with residents travelling by horse and cart to and from their homes crafted from the land, perhaps resembling Hobbiton.

A FINAL THOUGHT ON...

Haggling

trips long ago.

So to conclude, Islanders do not look longingly out to the modern world across the water, yearning for electricity and the luxury of cars.

(These stem from genuine questions.)

Instead, we enjoy our rural abode, and are frequently reminded of it as we find little pockets of sand in jacket pockets from beach

Liz Kelly

COMPETITION TIME! Here’s a competition for all you budding photographers and travel writers out there! We are giving away a copy of DK Eyewtiness Travel Guide to Great Britain. All you need to do is send us a photo of somewhere in the UK which you believe is the epitome of British natural beauty. Whether it’s rugged coastline, rural villages or rolling hills we want to see your favourite photo illustrating Britain’s rural charms! Submissions must be sent by 11th November and the winner will be published in our ‘Back to Nature’ issue on 25th November. Simply send your picture, name and a short description to travel@epigram.org.uk. GoodFlickr: luck! GuruArt

In India, the Department of Tourism deals with this issue by massively hiking the prices for foreigners.

For example, entry to the Taj Mahal costs 20 rupees (~25p) for a local but 750 rupees (~£9) for a foreigner, which can seem unfair, especially when you’ve budgeted £9 for all your meals and accommodation that day! But in fairness, this policy makes it affordable for the greatest number of people.

The difference between paying fixed entry to see a wonder of the world and buying clothes or a souvenir, however, is that you’re far more

Flickr : Nritter

Style

Travel

Living

Isle be back : the real Isle of Wight

likely to be ripped off when buying on the street.

Locals will know what to buy and how much to pay, but a naive foreigner can easily be overcharged.

So if you do manage to haggle the cost down, one could argue there is nothing immoral in paying what is ultimately a fair price. Moreover, in many countries bargaining is as much a part of the ‘shopping experience’ as choosing the item itself.

In addition, the money we save at one shop is still likely to be spent in another, meaning the benefit of the multiplier effect (whereby the cash injected into the economy leads to more spending, creating more income) can still be achieved overall.

Furthermore, surely there is a happy medium to be struck: the buyer is given a fair price and the salesman still makes a profit. If we were to buy that same souvenir in the UK the extra cost would be spent on transport and 3rd party profit as opposed to going directly into the hands of the person who made it.

So, although there are times when one can feel uncomfortable arguing over a few pennies, we are still injecting money into the local economy and engaging in a form of traditional commerce that has gone on for centuries. I for one believe that there is no shame in haggling, but equally shouldn’t complain if we have to chip in a little more.

Editor: Maddy Streets style@ epigram.org.uk

@e2Style

Deputy: Deanne Ball deputystyle@ epigram.org.uk

Online Amelia Impey onlinestyle@ epigram.org.uk

Urban Decay, £36

their glorious shade range, but if like me £16 (maccosmetics.co.uk) on a lipstick is a luxury you can’t justify, don’t give up just yet. Many have drawn the comparison between MAC’s famous creamy formula and Rimmel London’s Moisture Renew range, in particular MAC’s bestselling Morange and Rimmel’s In Love with Ginger. This in-your-face shade is perfect for warming up a gloomy autumn day and is almost identical to its MAC cousin, and coming in at only £6.99 (superdrug. com), is less than half the price. It also claims to do your lips some good with an overload of moisture and vitamins, which can only help against the cold coastal winds. Sounds like a win-win to me!

The ultimate piece of kit for creating a subtle makeup look is Urban Decay’s Naked palette; a chic range of twelve shimmered and matte shadows in neutral colours that can be used to create a simple nude or an intense smokey eye. It seems there is nothing more that you could possibly want from

one palette…apart from a different price, because this baby costs an eyewatering £36 (House of Fraser). If you can’t see that amount of money coming out of your bank account any time soon, why not saunter down to Superdrug and pick up a dupe for just £4! MUA are renowned for their highly pigmented shadows at unbelievable prices, and their Undressed palette is no exception.

The twelve shade palette is an almost exact copy of Urban Decay’s creation and is so popular that they disappear off the shelves in seconds, so run!

And there you have it; three high-end products for high street prices. But the money saving doesn’t end there- wait it out for a 3 for 2 deal in Boots or Superdrug or buy products from ASOS. They have a surprisingly large range of high street beauty favourites and offer a 10% student and free delivery.

Let the beauty buying commence!

Laura Sievers MUA, £4

order to blur imperfections and create the illusion of perfect, glow-from-within skin. It also comes in six different shades to truly cater to your own skin’s needs (sallowness, redness etc.) Sounds like the dream, right? But before you rush out to buy one, this super-powder will set you back £38 (uk.spacenk.com). Yes, that’s right; £38 for what is, essentially, a setting powder. Ouch. Luckily, Bourjois have re-released and reworked one of their original bestsellers from 1879, Java Rice Loose Powder. This is another illuminating, finely-milled powder to add a subtle glow to the skin, for a quarter of the price at £9.99 (boots. com). And for an added bonus, the retro-style packaging will look chic in your makeup bag. But be warned: use sparingly otherwise you’ll look like you belong on top of the Christmas tree.

I don’t think I’ve ever managed to walk past a MAC counter without lusting over

Bourjois, £9.99

Now that the reality of the student budget has well and truly kicked in (beans on toast anyone?), the last thing on our shopping lists is high end beauty-products. But rather than admitting defeat and waving goodbye to that dream item, why not indulge those beauty cravings with the mass of high-street dupes now available.

The everyday brands you can find in any Boots or Superdrug have stepped up to the plate and produced some stunning items that cost less than a night out. So collect your pennies together and get ready to save money without compromising on quality.

The Hourglass Ambient Lighting Powder is coveted by all the beauty best, and with good reason. The product uses ‘photoluminescent technology’ to diffuse, soften and capture light in

Hourglass, £38

Beauty

Rimmel In Love with Ginger

Travel

Designer dupes that won’t break the bank MAC Morange

Living

Fashion and beauty budget buys

ASOS, £50

Urban Outfitters, £35

The Bag

The Skirt

Pictures: Electra Simon Words: Maddy Streets

The Jumper

Zara, £45.99

While the quality of a designer piece is always going to be superior to that of its high street counterpart, the price can often be a sticking point, whether you’re or a student or not.

Before you choose to invest, have a look for any similar styles at your favourite, more affordable shops before committing - you might not even be able to tell the difference between them! However, don’t feel guilty if you’d rather live off Sainsbury’s Basics, if it means finally being able to purchase that coat/bag/pair of shoes you’ve been lusting after for a while.

After all, sometimes you just can’t beat the real thing.

Acne, £300

Burberry Prorsum £1,095

The Coat

Marc Jacobs, £290

J Brand, £910

Urban Outfitters, £14

The Hat Zara £69.99

What’s On

While many of us aspire to one day be clad head-to-toe in designer attire, that dream can appear out of reach even for the most ambitious of us when staring at our ever decreasing student bank balances...However, having scoured the runways and high street, here are some of this season’s most popular pieces, at both aspirational and affordable prices. Splurge or bargain, the choice is yours!

Eugenia Kim, £195

Style

Fashion

28

BRISTOL: BEHIND THE SCENES WORDS & PHOTOGRAPHY BY TORI HALMAN AND SOPHIA HADJIPATERAS

2.

1.

1. “I moved to Bristol from Leicester when I was 20. My wife and I set this up a few years ago for a bit of fun. Having had three children go through University we wanted to provide really good quality lunches. It’s taken off like crazy really, considering it was supposed to be a retirement project. I’d love to live in Lyme Regis, one day we might disappear there with our campervan”

3.

Q: Favourite spot in Bristol?

A: Blaise Castle

2. “I’ve lived in Bristol for 12 years, the people are friendly you know?

I have family here, and my children live in Sheffield. Students keep the businesses in Bristol going, they often buy The Big Issue from me. My favourite spot in Bristol is where I am standing right now of course, selling these copies!”

Q:If you had £1 million, what would you do with it?

A: I’d send it to my children, and family in Jamaica.

3. “My girlfriend Georgina and I opened The Birdcage together a year ago, it was her brain-child. We’re trying to establish it as the kind of place where people see a band or an artist and a year later that very band are playing the O2. Bristol has given me so many opportunities, there is no other place we wanted to open a business in. It’s a little hint of the country mixed with the city, it has a lot of character” Q: What’s next?

A: We’d love to open up a recording studio to really get the ball rolling.

Above: (Clockwise from top). Marcus Wells, ‘Red Tent Bakery’, Jeff Knight, ‘The Big Issue’, Sam Craven (left), ‘The Birdcage’.

Snapshot Bristol

29

Victoria Halman

Mona Tabbara

Victoria Halman

Steve Francis

Victoria Halman

Victoria Halman

Mona Tabbara

Victoria Halman

Victoria Halman

Hettie Dolby

Victoria Halman

Amelia Kirby

Steve Francis

Victoria Halman

Top row (L-R) : Harbourside, The Christmas Steps, Weston-super-Mare, Banksy mural Park Street Second row (L-R) : The Birdcage - Clare Street, View from Cabot Tower, Clifton, Moorish - St Nicholas Market, Third row (L-R) : View St Michaelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Hill, Beware of the Leopard Books - St Nicholas Market, View from Medical Library, Harbourside Bottom row (L-R) : Corn Street, View over Clifton, Middle-Eastern CafĂŠ - St Nicholas Market, German Christmas Market - Broadmead

Editor: Maddy Streets style@ epigram.org.uk

@e2Style

Deputy: Deanne Ball deputystyle@ epigram.org.uk

Online Amelia Impey onlinestyle@ epigram.org.uk

Molly Simpson

Shop of shame - A late night impulse buy It’s Tuesday morning. As the clichéd Fresher that I have somehow morphed into, I am wearing my typical PBM (post Bunker Monday) hangover kit which generally consists of my most neglected/loved pair of jeans and a top which seems loosely based on a small, yet colourful, tent.

The usual damage control is being performed: checking texts; my activity log on various forms of social media, etc. I seem to have escaped Scot-free.

That is, until I check my emails. Fear is struck into my heart by the presence of the senders order_ confirm and order_update.

Those of you who also possess an addiction to online shopping will recognize the tell tale signs of a recent order from ASOS. Usually these emails fill me with an excited form of anxiety, which is the heady combination of wanting the item NOW and hoping the colour advertised on the inordinately attractive model isn’t vastly different in the flesh.

Caroline Cooke

Ah. 4:05 am, eh? Indeed, the presence of two emails from ASOS confirm I have, in my rather inebriated state, failed to enter in my credit card details correctly and yet have persevered in putting in the correct ones. Success, thought my bizarre drunken logic. The panic rises, but I continue to investigate to really assess how much damage I have inflicted on my swiftly dwindling bank balance.

Apparently, the object of my affections after an allegedly inspiring night in Bunker was this:

I’ve had some mixed reviews, with one particularly kind friend offering this exchange

(Interesting that I also thought myself worthy of next day delivery).

The days trudge on as they often do Caroline Cooke when waiting for an online purchase. Furtive and frequent checks on ‘Track my order’ result in a text informing me that ‘Dave’ will be delivering said ‘vintage’ coat at 4pm. I wait with baited breath in the porter’s lodge.

The package arrives and I am worryingly stressed. I rip open the parcel (careful not to damage the reseal able part so integral to the returns process with which I am concerningly familiar). Upon first glance, the coat slightly resembles road kill.

I put it on and Caroline Cooke a warm sense of achievement washes over me, as I check the results out in my scenic sink mirror – this allegedly ‘vintage’ coat certainly achieves the look I require for freezing Bristol.

Me: ‘Do you object to it morally? It’s not real!’

Him: ‘No. I object to it aesthetically.’

So, upon shaky ground I’ve managed to obtain a statement coat for winter – but at what cost?

Unfortunately, this:

Caroline Cooke

Travel

Style

STEP THREE If even the sale prices are too much for you, what about your 21st birthday coming up? Some parents are more generous than others, given, but it’s an important birthday so it’s worth asking, at least for a contribution.

Mulberry Bayswater, £1100

STEP TWO If you’re not committed enough to do this, then wait for the end of season sale. I bought my beloved Taylor in the Spring sale last year for £300 less than the original price, and no one can argue with saving that! It was a seasonal khaki colour, and so you may not be getting your iconic oaks and blacks for such a price, but I am yet to wear an outfit or coat that it clashes with. Not only this, but I have not seen a single soul with the same bag as me, so if you’re obsessed with not having the same things as everyone else, i.e. you don’t shop at Topshop, then the seasonal sales are the places to find unique colours and styles.

Mulberry Alexa, £1200

What’s On

STEP ONE Firstly, start saving. It’s a lot more likely to happen if you make it happen, even if it means switching to Basics produce for a while.

STEP FOUR Lastly, the answer to all of life’s wardrobe troubles: Ebay! You will be amazed at how long I’ve spent watching the bids increase pound by pound on second-hand Mulberry bags, whilst running through the pros and cons of bidding in my head.

The real bargains are going to be the used scotchgrain satchels, which aren’t sold new anymore, but you’ll definitely look ‘Bristol’ with your vintage satchel swung over your shoulder. Quirky.

If you remain unconvinced then I’m not sure there’s anything left I can do to lure you to the bright side. I’m not pretending that as students we can just walk into House of Fraser and buy the bags we dream of, but it’s not as unrealistic as you may have previously thought. If you think about all of the bags you’ve bought because the one before it has had broken straps, stuck zips, ripped lining or no-longer-magnetic poppers, then you can see the benefits of having one beautiful, good quality bag with, quite literally, a lifetime guarantee. In fact, the word ‘investment’ should come to mind.

I won’t deny that placing my card in the card reader, seeing the price come up on the screen and entering my PIN was a rather painful experience, but there was no better painkiller than leaving the store with my very own Mulberry bag in tow.

Mulberry Clemmie, £695

We dream of one, hope for one and beg for one. Finally, I saved up, took the plunge and bought one; no, not a boyfriend, a Mulberry bag. My conclusion for you? Get one. It certainly made me skint, and I may have had to sacrifice my social life for one (or four) months, but to say it was worth it would be an understatement.

Having worked in the Fashion Accessories department of John Lewis, I know a fair bit about Mulberry. I could probably tell you the name, price and type of leather of every bag, as any dedicated shop assistant could, but there are some things only an owner could know. The prices are almost as heart stopping as the bags, for entirely different reasons, but a Mulberry will last you for life. Through rain and shine (providing its been properly protected) you can depend on the bag to keep your Wilkos notepads and Primark purses safe – because, let’s face it, we are still students. Already thinking about which style you’d love on your arm? For the large folder and laptop carriers, it’s got to be the Bayswater. If you love a good satchel, how about the Alexa? Or, if you want to know you have a clutch bag for every student night out, check out the Clemmie, although I would strongly recommend avoiding Lounge at all costs...

I can sense there may still be some doubt

in your mind, and it certainly is a huge commitment, so here are a few tips to make the experience a little less financially frightening:

Mulberry Taylor Khaki

Living

Skint but worth it: owning a Mulberry

How might this be manifested in daily freshers’ life?

Perhaps most by my activity this morning, which consisted of me crawling around my poorly lit room collecting two pence pieces to gather 50p for a Sainsbury’s value loaf of bread.

So, what’s the price of a chic winter look? £65 pounds, and lunch for the next two weeks. Worth it?

I’ll leave that up to you.

Caroline Cooke

11.11.2013

5 for 1: One jumper, five looks Zainab Khan demonstrates how to style five different outfits around a single, smart purchase - Bargain!

When thinking of a common piece of clothing that we all have sitting in our wardrobes, besides the LBDs and pairs of jeans, my mind immediately goes to the sweater. It’s the one piece of clothing that us students cannot live without, especially with a certain lack of heating in student houses and the next few freezing months (read: rest of the academic year) in Bristol. The one sweater that brings the best versatility to your wardrobe this season is our favourite, the timeless: Cable Knit.

LOOK ONE:

You can never go wrong with a classic skinny jean, paired with some stylish ankle or Chelsea boots and the final touch, a backpack - not just for schoolkids anymore! Great for everyday lectures/socialising.

Name: Sam Fraine Subject: Languages EDGY GOLD STAR item: vintage alpaca wool jumper What did you eat for dinner last night?

A Galaxy chocolate bar and a bag of crisps

Round the

LOOK THREE:

With Freshers’ officially over, it’s time to get down to business and that means some long hours in the library. There is no reason one can’t look great when cracking on with some work! Here, your jumper comes into its own. Take a pair of leggings, for ultimate comfort during those long hours, then layer up with a casual shirt - long enough to preserve your modesty, no VPL desired! - teamed with your knit and this season’s must-have over-the-knee boots.

Apology: The words of ‘Treat-nottrick costume ideas’ article on page 30 of Issue 266 were entirely those of Josephine Franks, not Josephine Franks and Manny Chadha as previously stated. We apologise for any confusion.

LOOK TWO:

While boyfriend jeans are great for that relaxed look, dress them up with a pair of elegant loafers for the best in effortless, comfortable chic.

Simon Baker & Holly Walker

clock fashion

Simon Baker and Holly Walker spot the edgy trends Bristol students are rocking

Simon Baker & Holly Walker

Below are some easy to replicate outfits created around your favourite cable knit, ideal for all types of occasions and in tune with some of the latest trends. I chose my favourite cable knit sweater from H&M’s vast collection of affordable sweaters and tailored all five outfits around it.

Gold Star Street Style

Name: Ella Whitley Subject: Geography EDGY GOLD STAR item: 90’s high-waisted Levi’s 501 Jeans What is your favourite pie?

Apple pie

Simon Baker & Holly Walker

Editor: Josie Benge whatson@ epigram.org.uk

Living

32

What’s On

The best pick of this fortnight’s theatre, films, music and more.

Stage Comedy at the Wardrobe

Every other Thursday, the Wardrobe Theatre hosts a variety of top local and national stand-up acts. This fortnight sees Phil Ellis, Ivo Graham and Fin Taylor take to the stage. Phil Ellis delights audiences with his maverick charm and wacky surrealism, whilst Ivo’s sharp wit earned him a sell-out run this year’s Edinburgh Fringe. Fin Taylor has been a warm-up act for Glen Wool and Never Mind the Buzzcocks.

Thursday 14th November The Wardrobe Theatre

Travel

Serious Money This month’s offering from the Bristol Old Vic theatre school comes in the form of a satirical drama set in the world of high finance. Brother and sister Jake and Scilla are enjoying an upper class lifestyle up until Jake is found dead - presumably murdered. In attempting to discover the truth about her brother’s death, Scilla stumbles upon a world of dodgy dealing, bribery and pure greed.

Until Saturday 16th November

Screen

Fellini’S 8 1/2: Golden Anniversary Performance/Screening The Cube is screening the world renowned director, Federico Fellini’s masterpiece, 8 1/2, in celebration of the film’s golden anniversary and as part of the UoB’s InsideArts festival. The film will be followed by a discussion about religion, culture and artistic production involving visiting professors, Bristol academics and members of the public.

Tuesday 12th November, 6pm The Cube

Style

The Pervert’s Guide to Ideology As the sequel to 2006’s,The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema, ‘celebrity philosopher’ Slavoj Zizek’s new film explores the broader subject of ideologies in popular culture. Here he observes the deep-rooted powers of ideologies and how they affect our perception, using a wide variety of examples ranging from Coca-Cola adverts to Nazi propaganda. With Zizek’s fast-paced, light-hearted delivery, this should make for mind blowing viewing.

Mon 25th - Tue 26th November, 8pm The Cube

What’s On

Ursie Underhill

Sound

The Romping Shop Launch Party

Flickr: alessiomichelini

The Romping Shop is a brand new club night organised by Bristol students which promises to bring you ‘the hottest flavours, beats and riddims under the Caribbean sun!’. The launch party will have 3 DJs and a live act called Babybass. Grab your Red Stripes because this should be an amazing night out! Online tickets are now sold out but a limited number will be available on the door.

Tuesday 12th November, The Exchange

Múm

Stornoway

The obscure cousin of Sigur Rós, Múm play low-fi Icelandic lullabies with improvised instruments and glitchy drum beats. Touring their new album Smileworld, this is a great chance to see a widely acclaimed band in an intimate venue.

Having received glowing reviews for their new album, Tales from Tierra Firma, indie folk quartet Stornoway seem to be going from strength to strength. Catch them at the O2 Academy for an enchanting evening of jangly acoustic sounds.

Monday 18th November, Fiddlers

UoB InsideArts Festival

Saturday 23rd November, O2 Academy

University of Bristol

The University’s week-long festival of arts and humanities returns this year with an array of fascinating lectures, workshops, exhibitions, performances and debate. Here are just a couple of the events taking place at the university and at other venues around the city The future of communities and creative industries

Experiment Ionesco

Professor Alex Bentley discusses the future of technology by delving into the past.

Enjoy some lunchtime theatre with a student performance inspired by Eugene Ionesco’s The Chairs.

Tuesday 12th Nov, 1.15pm, Wills Memorial Building

Wednesday 13th Nov 1pm, Wickham Theatre

To book one of these events, or to see the full programme go to: www.bris.ac.uk/arts/ festival/programme/

Extras