e2 #278

e2

trick or treat

Editor: Morwenna Scott living@ epigram.org.uk

Deputy: Sofia Gymer sofia.gymer@ epigram.org.uk

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@e2Living

Deputy: Becki Murray becki.murray@ epigram.org.uk

As we approach Halloween, the autumnal cold is beginning to bite harder in the city of Bristol and evenings get darker earlier. This edition, boys and girls, I am going to tell you a tale… a chilling tale of Tinder Terror.

A young English student was innocently right swiping on her account when, as Great George tolled six-sixsix, six-six-six in the lofty heights of the Wills Memorial Building, a match was made. Glowing at the thought that a handsome stranger also found her attractive, when he sent her a message, she replied happily.

After exchanging a few messages, the girl went out to a 21st dinner and, of course, did not reply to this strangers last two questions. Around 30 minutes into the meal she received another message: …so, gone all quiet?

She ignored this, thinking nothing of it. But then, an hour into the meal, she received a Facebook friend request.

He had found her without even asking her last name.

He had added her without even asking permission. He had not only found her, he had done so and proceeded to send her a ten line long message asking what she was up to and if she wanted to meet. …Hey hey, thought I’d message you on here...

Baffled as to why someone would persist when they were being ignored, she continued to ignore; the behaviour was odd and she was rather busy enjoying the company of her friends. Then suddenly, to her right, her phone screen lit up green and white. To her surprise, she had received a text from an unknown number.

It was him. … Hey it’s (X)… I’m busy anyway.

Under the assumption that her phone number was private on Facebook, the girl was horrified. Who on earth takes someone’s phone number without asking? It was so invasive, so socially unacceptable to do such a thing...what kind of monster was he?

She slept uncomfortably that night, all too aware that in the few messages they had exchanged she had told him where she lived on Park Street. She awoke, shattered from a night of restlessness, to another text: …How’s the sore head? You have fun?

Then the doorbell rang.

We don’t know what happened after that. We in the Living section have been trying to contact her, but to no avail.

If there is anything you can take from this unsettling story, it’s to keep your details private online and remember that even if you have one or two mutual friends, they’re still strangers. Keep safe guys.

Sofia Gymer

What’s On

Meet the e2 team

and s l a llo v Living: Morwenna Scott, Becki Murray, esti nd he nd f o s, a ls a Sofia Gymer and Jordan Kelly-Linden will t e day ma side y b meet at 4pm on Tuesday 28 October in The her eep in But ood mer t g Hawthorns.

It’s g sum ng in ost cr ow. e to lon sleepi the fr winde ther Style: Maddy Streets, Hattie Bottom, Emma to tching room will b ht. t all Ward and Beth Laverack will meet at wa r bedrry, e2 at nig ing a der 12:30 on Friday 31 October in the ASS you ’t wo warm e look m tin of cafe. don p you e we’r . Fro orrors co’s Travel: Rowena Ball, Rosie Quigley kee s issu aunted the h Mexi r a i o f h o h and Constance Malleret will meet d t T gs s ry an re in e n r i at The Refectory at 1.15pm on a ’ th htm urge you g s , i n stic eath .

Tuesday 28 October. pla t of d week cul at this tre

Online: Jordan Kelly-Linden livingonline@epigram.org.uk

27.10.2014

Beans of the Dead The Italian Halloween Treat

It is not often that I can mention my study of Italian without someone exclaiming their love for pizza or pasta. It goes without saying then that the culture of this fine country is intrinsically linked to food. Halloween is no different. There are plenty of edible treats to choose from, but my personal favourite is these curiously named fave dei morti: ‘beans of the dead’. Said to go back hundreds of years when it was a tradition to offer broad beans to the dead (what lucky things!) today’s more indulgent-minded Italians have adapted the idea to that of sugary, almond filled cookies.

‘it was a tradition to offer broad beans to the dead’ brox :bettle Flickr

Upon googling the official recipe, I came across all sorts of questionable versions. One particular oddity contained a great deal of lard… Oh you Italians, how you treat us! But I did eventually find enough inspiration for the sweet, almond version that I wanted to create. It goes a little something like this: Note: this classy recipe originally suggested a good dessert wine as an accompaniment.

Haters Gonna Hate • Buy a mask or, alternatively, paint

Flickr:Haven’ttheslightest

your face a colour entirely different from your usual skin tone. If they don’t recognise your face, chances are your friends won’t be inviting you to any parties. Unless they’re unnaturally outgoing or are lonely/bored of you and looking for new friends. Aw.

Wear some sort of unusual clothing Again, it’s all about •

disguising yourself. This works best if you pick something unappealing and/or something that makes you look a wee bit on the creepy side.

• Accessorise. Any of the following work well for maximum avoidance: sticks in your hair; general dirt on everything; giant false weeping facial sores. Be imaginative.

How little they know of us uni students… box wine anyone?

1)Toast and blitz 500g blanched peeled almonds 2) Combine with 300g caster sugar and 4 lightly beaten egg whites 3) Mix in a heaped tsp. of butter, the zest of half and orange and a few drops of vanilla essence and about 300g plain flour 4) Knead to form a soft dough 5) Pinch off pieces of dough to roll into many cherry sized dough balls 6) Flatten slightly on lined baking tray to make them a little more bean-like 7) Brush with a little egg yolk and bake for about 20mins at 175 C until cooked through

Pippa Cole

Hate think Hallowe than of anythen? Can trying spendin ing wors ’t for a to find g foreve e inevit party at w a costum r Well, ably get hich it w e our u no fear, destroyedill to escltimate gu for here ? spook ape all of ide on ho is w y soc ial ev this year’s ents.. .

• Hide away somewhere dark. If they can’t see you, they won’t talk to you. Tip: If you’re afraid of the dark, try adding some subtle lighting. (I hear pumpkins make excellent lanterns…)

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Trick or Treat?

Flickr:losmininos

Style

Face Painting Competition

Mummy Wrap!

Split into equal sized groups.

Delegate one ‘mummy’ per group, whilst all remaining teammates become ‘embalmers’.

Racing against the clock, the competing teams of embalmers must grab a number of Egyptian mummy wraps (i.e. Sainsbury’s basics loo roll), and wrap up their delegate mummy to the best of their ability. Whichever team has the best-dressed mummy at the end of the 30 seconds wins!

This could get messy... Choose a team ‘model’ and draw a line vertically down the centre of their face. Two competitors take a side each of the face. The aim of the game is to paint the best/scariest/most original face in 5 minutes. Ideas for possible masks include: Frankenstein’s monster, Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas, one of your housemates, Gollum.

nd e Ha ynn L : r k Flic

Flickr:onlyalice

Halloween Games To Get Your Teeth Into

Witch Relay Race

Construct a challenging obstacle course that includes jumping over chairs and crawling under tables. Put on a witch’s hat (purely for aesthetic reasons), grab a mop or broom, and divide into two equal groups.

Take your Firebolt in hand and race around the assault course, making sure that you pass on your broombaton to the next member of your team before your opponent does.

Whichever team finishes first wins!

Flickr: domit

What’s On

Two fearless competitors stand forward and cover your eyes! Quiz master, you may now fill 12 plastic cups with different liquids of your choice. Make sure some are nasty, some nice. (vodka, water, gin, cranberry juice). Add a few drops of red or green food colouring to give it that extra-Halloweeny touch. Line up the cups in sets of 6, and each competitor must race to the end. The first to finish their 6 drinks wins!

A fun non-alcoholic alternative to the game… Blindfold the two competitors and substitute the tricks and treats for tobasco, sprite, Bovril mix, cola… Use some imagination!

A dinner-party-classic. Everybody, grab yourself a rizla or sticky note and a pen.

Think up a Halloween-themed person/ entity/character and write the name down on your rizla. Then, lick it and stick it onto the forehead of the person immediately to your right. Ideas may include anything from a Tim Burton character to the girl from the Ring, a witch to a bogart. Asking yes-no-answer questions, you must try to decipher your identity. When you get a ‘no’ in response, it is the end of your round and the next person in the circle can have a go. Whoever guesses their name first wins!

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The-Good-Ol’-Rizla-Game

Anna Fleck

27.10.2014

Do You Have FOMO?

‘this “all you can eat buffet” of opportunity’ Then morning comes, the birds are singing and you wake up to an open laptop with your debit card carefully placed by the track pad, security code facing up. What? You woke up at 2am to buy the ticket before ‘they sold out’ – because of course they always do. No they don’t, this is merely a marketing strategy, there are only three

people who have bought tickets: learn the lingo. Why do you do this act of insanity? FOMO. Pure and simple. You end up having a whale of a time but that’s beside the point.

Another one of my friends used to go out every night but simply ‘pop into’ clubs to see ‘what the situation was’. Yes, that could be construed as somewhat sad but not when the bouncers get to know you and give you a free ride in. Who laughin’ now? Sad or not, it’s a very real fear and I’m afraid it only gets worse as you climb up the university food chain to be a third and fourth year. Each event or situation feels like your last; dance like nobody’s watching… or something to that effect.

Can I face ANOTHER night in Lounge?

Flickr: Sandervanderwel

FOMO: Fear of Missing Out. Whether you will admit it or not, this is unfortunately something you all suffer from. I have heard the phrase ‘FOMO will be the end of me’ uttered many a time in my university career. Let’s face it, 80% of the time it’s slipped from my own mouth. I like to think of FOMO as a kind of disease if I’m honest. In an environment such as university, we are given three years at this ‘all you can eat buffet’ of opportunity, fun and experience: we don’t want to miss a single thing! However, there are times when this stretches a little too far and you cross the line into psycho. Enter yours truly.

You may not have directly been involved in any of the following

scenarios yourself but you may very well relate to them somehow. I went through a stage of buying tickets midsleep. Let me paint the picture: your friends are texting you asking if you’re coming to this ‘sick’ night (usually at that sweat-ridden skate park we like to call In:Motion) and you go to bed thinking about it pondering ‘do I? Do I not?’ You sleep.

Steph Rihon

Frightfully Delicious Review: Byron - Proper Hamburgers

This was my first visit to a Byron restaurant, but, having spoken to friends who have encountered the chain in other towns or cities, I felt safe in their assurance that I would leave both very full and with any red meat cravings satisfied. This turned out to be undeniably true, but to a far greater extent than I expected.

I started by ordering an Oreo Milkshake.

Considering that this was a restaurant rather than a diner or café, I was expecting the milkshake to be fairly average – the tasty, but thin and slightly watery kind that occur far too often. I was very much surprised though when the waitress arrived with what was frankly a giant glass of creamy, thick deliciousness. By far one of the best milkshakes that I have ever had and one that I won’t forget in a hurry. Essentially a meal in itself, I had to restrain myself from drinking it too fast and having no room left to sample any of the food.

A lot of will power later, I ordered the ‘Smoky Burger’ and a side of the homemade skins-on chips. Having read up on Byron prior to eating there, I was well aware of their original philosophy ‘to do a simple thing, and do it properly’, and I have to say that

I think they’ve nailed it. My burger arrived quickly and without any excessive flare, and not only did it look great, but it tasted good enough to rival any of the other burger places I’ve tried in my three years as a student in Bristol (which is a lot). The meat itself was perfectly cooked to be pink and juicy in the middle, and, unlike many places, there was a generous amount of toppings accompanied by a good layer of sauce - no skimping on flavour here! Plus, if quantity is more your thing, you’ll be pleased to hear that the portion sizes are far bigger than I expected, which goes for both the main and the side dishes. Just like the burger, the chips were of an equal standard. Neither greasy nor overly salted, they really did taste homemade and worked well in accenting the simplicity of the original idea behind this now very successful restaurant chain.

I was already very full after my burger, but after a small pause (and a number of staff telling me how great the cheesecake was) I did what all good food lovers do and proceeded to order dessert. I followed the advice I had received and ordered the White Chocolate Cheesecake with Blueberries.

Again, the portion size was unapologetically

generous, and again it was absolutely delicious. Perhaps the creamiest cheesecake I’ve ever come across, the tang of the cream cheese and sharpness of the blueberries cut perfectly through the sweetness of the white chocolate, making it a dessert to die for (perhaps literally if you tried to eat it every day!)

So, as I was promised by my friends, I did indeed leave Byron feeling both v e r y full and with my meat cravings entirely satisfied. More than that though, I left knowing that I would undoubtedly return, if not because of the incredible food, but because of the excellent service by the very

friendly and efficient staff members that I encountered – and all for a very reasonable price. Make sure you try it soon!

Editor: Deputy: Rowena Ball Rosanna Quigley travel@ deputytravel@ epigram.org.uk epigram.org.uk

Pumpkins, pastries and piles of sweets Halloween. Perhaps the most commercialised holiday of the UK calendar. This fancy-dress foray far surpasses Christmas and Easter in its total lack of any spiritual or moral sentiment. Instead, all Halloween seems to leave in its wake are hyperactive children with mountainous piles of sweets and chocolate, egg stains on some unfortunate people’s houses, and the lingering aroma of slowly-decaying pumpkin.

While Halloween in Britain leaves something to be desired, this is not the case elsewhere. In fact, there is a wealth of October 31st festivities that range from the strange to the scary, to the downright ridiculous. I’ve dug out some the best Halloween traditions from around the globe.

To start off with, we find ourselves (relatively) close to home in sunny Spain. The most unique thing about the Spanish Halloween is the ‘pan de muerto’ pastry – ‘bones of the dead’ for those of us who don’t speak Spanish. It consists of an aniseed pastry topped with an orange glaze, which is then rolled into the shape of a skull or bones. Spaniards are mad for the stuff and it is often eaten weeks in advance of the festival itself. Certainly more impressive than ‘Haribo Horror Mix’!

As an aside, the Spanish take the superstition of a black cat crossing one’s path as a cause of bad luck far more seriously than we do. It is considered all the more terrible should the offending feline sneak on board a ship or enter your home!

Incidentally, the Belgians are also less than keen on black cats around Halloween time.

Staying on the European theme, Halloween in Germany has grown massively over recent years. It is now estimated that the holiday brings in a staggering €200 million each year. Alongside the usual ‘Süßes

oder Saures’ (trick or treating) and wild house parties, the Germans do have one particularly odd tradition: the hiding of all their kitchen knives over Halloween. Although this sounds sinister, its motives are actually rather sweet. Knives are put far out of harm’s way for fear the wandering spirits might injure themselves as they walk the earth.

Germany also boasts one of the best Halloween party venues: the fearsome Burg Frankenstein. Situated near Frankfurt Airport, the castle has an impressive repertoire of spooky stories and an annual festival has been held there since 1978. It is suspected by some to be the inspiration for Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, due to the infamous and largely secretive experiments by the 17th century alchemist and anatomist Johann Dippel.

Locals claimed Dippel had created a monster from corpses he dug up. Idle fancy most likely, but a great venue for a Halloween bash none the less!

Halloween revellers in the Czech Republic also have a strange tradition. It is common for people to visit the graves of relatives, with some families making long journeys to do so. There they place flowers for decoration and light candles as a way of remembering those who have passed away. This is standard practice in many cultures and seems unremarkable; what is unique to the Czechs is the tradition of leaving empty chairs by the fireside, one for each family member, and one for his or her spirit. This seems a charmingly communal way of honouring and remembering the supernatural significance of Halloween, even if it leaves many living rooms a little overcrowded.

So there we have it, a small snapshot of some of the more exciting traditions adopted by countries for Halloween. Now all that remains is to cobble together a disappointing costume and make a botched job of carving a pumpkin. flickr/ LollyKnit

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Online: Constance Malleret travelonline@ epigram.org.uk

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Ed Grimble

Travel Terror

World’s spookiest haunts Who doesn’t enjoy being thoroughly creeped-out on holiday? From ghost stories to real documented tragedies, there are plenty of tourist hotspots with backstories that satisf y our strange need to be scared. Travel editor Rowena Ball has picked out some of the creepiest places in the world that are open to visitors.

Aokigahara is a 35-square-kilometre forest found at the base of Mount Fuji which has been strongly associated with demonic activity for many years. This may stem from the fact that the trees are so dense that they completely block all wind, leaving the forest eerily silent. Whether you believe in the supernatural or not, Aokigahara’s troubling association with suicide comes with statistics attached. It is reportedly the second most popular place to commit suicide in the world with over 200 people attempting to take their own lives among the trees in 2010. It has become so much of a problem that there is now a ‘body hunt’ undertaken by volunteers every year, who brave the forest despite the incessant (and perhaps inevitable) rumours that it is haunted by the angry spirits of those who’ve passed away in its midst.

Castle of Good Hope, South Africa Any building created by the East India Company during colonial times is bound to have a slightly grim history attached to it! The Castle of Good Hope is no exception. Found in Cape Town, it is the oldest colonial building in South Africa and has held the status of historical monument since the

flickr/Esparta

What’s On

Aokigahara, Japan

mid-1930s. The fort is associated with many ghost stories, from the tall gentleman who has been wandering the ramparts since 1915, to the lady in grey who was witnessed running through the castle crying hysterically and hasn’t been seen since a woman’s body was uncovered during a recent excavation. The bell has also been known to strike of its own accord, despite the bell tower having been sealed off since the 18th century.

Pripyat, Ukraine Ever dreamed of taking a trip to the Chernobyl exclusion zone? Now you can! Pripyat, once a 50 000-population city in northern Ukraine, was evacuated following the disaster of 1986. This was a mere 16 years after it was founded, as its prime purpose was to house the employees of the Chernobyl plant. The city is now a ghost town, completely abandoned and mostly dilapidated, with trees even growing inside some of the buildings. Bizarrely, it is now possible to take guided tours of the empty city.

Xochimilco, Mexico In Xochimilco, found on Lake Teshuilo near Mexico City, a tiny, artifical island known as the Island of Dolls can be found. In the 1950s, a man named Julian Santana Barrera moved there to become a recluse; unfortunately, his dream of peace and quiet did not last very long. Julian claimed that he was being haunted by the spirit of a young girl who had drowned on the island 30 years previously. His way of appeasing the girl’s ghost, as well as warding off other evil spirits that might be passing by, was to festoon the island with the broken bodies of dolls that he’d found in skips or rubbish tips. According to the ghost stories, the dolls come alive at night and even hunt for food. Julian died in 2001 but his dolls remain on the island and have become something of a tourist trap.

27.10.2014

Mexico’s cult of death flickr/hiperkarma

‘The truth is far less dark than you might expect.’ tough. For them, she was a guardian who they could always turn to, and they proudly exhibited her mark through their clothes and jewellery.

Away from the shrines of Mexico City, she takes on a whole new form. La Santa Muerte has been adopted by many of the country’s drug traffickers as a figure who will protect them in battle and oversee successful drug trades. In exchange, traffickers have been known to offer her their defeated enemies as human sacrifices. In the popular series Breaking Bad, the two Mexican twin assassins offer a black candle to La Santa Muerte, along with a drawing of Walter White in the first episode of season three.

The black candle symbolises power against enemies.

The FBI published a report in 2013 underlying the rise of ritualistic killings in Mexico, many

Mystic Morocco Anna Fleck tells epigram about some of the uncanny sights that belong to the bustling markets of Marrakech.

The main square, Jemaa al- Fna, is the epicentre of Marrakech. Translated as the ‘assembly of the dead’, it was where many unfortunate Christians and criminals were executed as an example to society. Until 1000BC, traders would bring gold, medicine and slaves to this square, and so it has been Marrakech’s cultural hub for centuries.

At sundown, the smoke from cooks’ fires creates a mystic haze above the animal skulls and brains (along with various other unidentifiable organs) displayed at the square’s food markets, while the twang of live, traditional music plays late into the night as performers emerge, surrounded by swarms of eager, enchanted onlookers.

One bizarre, ancient practise on show is snake charming. The snake charmers are often Berbers, an ethnic group that is indigenous to Morocco, and their hypnotic melodies can be heard from across the square. On approach, you will see snake charmers point to different venomous snakes and whether you like it or not, a serpent will be placed around your neck in no time. Whilst this may be frightening initially, upon closer inspection

of which were attributed to La Santa Muerte.

Victims have been burnt alive, skinned, beheaded, decapitated and had their organs removed, all as offerings to the death-cult. They concluded that ‘The Cult of Santa Muerte promotes extreme, corrupt, and criminal—even evil—behaviours.’

The question remains then: is the Holy Death a legitimate religion that does what the Catholic Church has failed to do – reach out to those cast out by society? Or, is she a nightmarish cult responsible for a rise in human sacrifices across Mexico? She is

Sam Benstead

As the street child in front of me inhales the clear liquid that sits at the bottom of an old Coca Cola bottle, my eyes fall to a pendant that hangs from his chest. It pictures a hooded skeleton clutching a scythe and a globe; a female Grim Reaper. His eyes float to the sky before they are able to refocus on my face.

‘What is that?’ I ask him. It takes a few seconds for him to realise what I am looking at - his thoughts are distorted by the fumes that fill his lungs, not to mention my Spanish needs work.

‘La Niña Blanca’ (the White Girl) is his response.

The White Girl is an alternative name for the cult of La Santa Muerte, or Holy Death, whose following has grown ferociously out of Mexico City and spread across the rest of the country, into the United States.

Boasting between 5 and 10 million members according to some estimates, it is the fastest growing ‘religion’ in Mexico and its paraphernalia now outsells that of the Virgin of Guadalupe, Mexico’s traditional patron saint.

Shrines dedicated to her give believers a chance to lay offerings of cigarettes, alcohol, or other (often illegal) substances. Prayers are said and candles are lit in her name by her followers, many of whom have her picture tattooed somewhere on

their body. Her image is powerful to all that see it; she sometimes appears in a wedding dress or with huge wings, a skeletal hand outstretched.

But who worships her, and what does she offer in return? The truth, in Mexico City, is far less dark than you might expect. She does not offer immortality in return for your soul, or promise to extinguish the life of an enemy as they sleep. She offers favours and protection to those who cannot find hope elsewhere in their lives. In exchange for a candle in her honour, or perhaps a bottle of tequila, a believer can pray for spiritual guidance in difficult situations or for a turn in their luck. Generally associated with the shunned in society, such as street children and prostitutes, she can share her wisdom with those who struggle to be heard by anybody else.

During my time working with an NGO in Mexico City, I witnessed countless children who looked to the White Girl for support when times were

the cobras, water snakes and grass snakes lie suspiciously docile on the floor. This is because the charmers tend to break off their fangs, remove their poison systems or sew their mouths together in order for the bewitching spectacle to take place.

You are likely to come across a prophetic, theatrical old man, gesticulating expressively. Forget ghost stories. The storytellers at Jemaa al-Fnaa will leave you on a cliff hanger. To ensure audiences return the following evening, these storytellers leave their tales unfinished each night. Also known as halakas, they tell stories of wise men, sultans, genies and mystics; it is an age-old Moroccan practise.

Finally, you may find fortune tellers, dancers, fire eaters and even hawkers selling talismen to ward off evil. Although Morocco does not celebrate Halloween specifically on 31 October, Marrakech certainly upholds the superstitions and the spectacle of illusions and magic in ‘the assembly of the dead’.

both. We use the force of higher powers to fit our needs and justify our actions. For drug traffickers, this means that she can offer them salvation from the crimes they are committing and the illusion of invincibility in battle. For those outside of drug cartels, she offers acceptance. She is a voice that will always listen - for the price of a cigarette or two...

Sam Benstead

Editor: Deputy: Rowena Ball Rosanna Quigley travel@ deputytravel@ epigram.org.uk epigram.org.uk

Sticky Siberian Situations

When the dream of living abroad turns into a nightmare flickr: Rotholandus

Style

Alex Marrow/flickr/Thomas N.

woman agreed to open up her lake house for me and my Polish travelling companion, Misha. We soon established that we were the only tourists for miles. It was on our second evening that things started to go wrong.

After helping an old man carry his boat from the water to his house, Misha and I were invited to spend an evening in his bath house, with some authentic cuisine and copious helpings of vodka. Before long, the concoction of 80-degree sauna temperatures and powerful helpings of Vladimir’s homemade spirit rendered the two of us slightly inebriated.

After thanking our host profusely, we decided to head home. Misha had somehow, in the meantime, made new friends who came along with us.

We had been warned not to drink with the locals. The Altai people have a tendency to get a little carried away, so I’m told. Nevertheless, we entertained our guests for a short while before bidding them goodnight, locking up the house and gratefully hitting the hay. So colossal was my slumber that subsequent events went unnoticed, and in the morning a far from pleasurable scene greeted my blurry eyes.

Several glasses were smashed on the floor, the television screen was shattered, two windows were broken, the stove had been ripped away from the wall and a tap head wrenched from the sink. My only thought was that the two blokes from the previous night had decided to break in and ransack the place; but we had no proof. The owner arrived and understandably called the police. Two ‘local’ law enforcers turned up, who I’m certain were just the hardest men in town, and proceeded to question us.

Now, if there was ever a good test of your language skills, it’s attempting to argue with a group of irate Russians seeking payback for your crimes.

Fortunately, we were in luck. We had taken photographs with the vandals, who were recognised by the ‘police’ and brought in. After yet more heated discussion, and their denying all crimes, justice was served, in the form of a bloody imprint in the snow, left by one of the offenders’ knuckles from when he had punched the television. He was, quite literally, caught red-handed.

Barely a moment later, Misha and I were off, counting ourselves lucky to have not been convicted and that no bodily harm had been done. Russia’s Altai had certainly proven itself to be unforgettable, but perhaps not for the reasons I had envisaged.

Alex Marrow

Fish out of water All cuisines around the world tend to serve up some sort of dish which is not necessarily pleasing to the foreign eye. Be it your childhood pet guinea pig on a stick in Ecuador, fried spider in Cambodia or tucking into haggis in exotic Scotland – some items are best left for Bush Tucker Trials.

One country whose cuisine never seems to be regarded fondly is Russia. People tend never to have heard of what is on the menu – surely they just drink vodka for breakfast, lunch and dinner? – or will just overlook what’s on offer when considering foreign foods they want to try. Despite this, Russian cuisine offers a rich array of delicacies, taking influence from its variety of ethnicities and terrains.

flickr/Alex E. Proimos

What’s On

That said, there are certain aspects which are difficult to stomach. My year abroad in Siberia taught me a lesson or two about how to conjure up a smile in the face of foodie adversity. A prime example would be when I was invited for dinner with a Russian family and their friends. My main aim was to not get too embarrassingly drunk in front of new company, despite the obligatory vodka shot after every mouthful; however, it soon became apparent that there were bigger fish to fry… (Oh, how I wish they had been fried!)

I had been eyeing up the giant fish which had been pulled from the freezer at the beginning of the evening and was seemingly abandoned on the countertop. We were about to sit down for the meal and I had assumed our fishy friend had been forgotten. Just in time, one of the guests nipped off and brought back the fish in more bite-size pieces. I was presented with chunks of partiallydefrosted fish. This is a delicacy from northeastern Russia, they tell me. This is hard to come by in this town, they tell me. This is an offer I can’t refuse. Eight eager Siberian eyes watch my movements towards the plate and I opt for the smallest chunk in sight. Swallowing it whole, I experience a freezer-flavoured aroma, the texture of fishy bones and skin, the occasional surprise of a lingering icicle; and down it goes. A smile magically found itself on my face amidst Russian whoops of delight. And we all stomached another, and another, and another in celebration, or disarray in my case. Now it definitely wasn’t a sashimi gourmet experience I would rush back to in a hurry, but I am at least thankful that it didn’t defrost in my stomach and start swimming around during the rest of the meal, which was undoubtedly much nicer! Or was that just the vodka?

Izzi Craft

flickr: Ma Gali

Things can often go wrong on holiday. These mishaps normally range from the mundane, like forgetting your favourite t-shirt, to the more serious, like losing your passport or having an accident. Then, there are the downright bizarre occurrences. Indeed, it is arguably a more unusual run of travel mishaps that culminates in you being questioned by the rural Siberian police force over a ransacked lakeside property. I suppose I had better start at the beginning.

In the gorgeous Altai region of Western Siberia lies a small town called Artybash, five hours from the region’s capital, Gorno-Altaysk. It is home to 4,000 inhabitants, whose dwellings line the northern shores of the majestic Lake Teletskoye. Tourists flock there in summer, but the town is rather deserted in winter, leaving the locals to battle the harsh temperatures.

I arrived in October to a landscape blanketed in snow and an air temperature a little below freezing. After searching for about an hour, a lovely middle-aged

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Victorious Victoriana: the darker side Abigail Southan on how to wear lace, velvet and all things Victorian As we edge closer to the darker months and to Halloween, it is about time that we embraced the darker side of autumn/ winter 2014. This is not to deny the sheer genius of Louis Vuitton and Gucci’s chic sixties styles that are now dominating the high street, but simply to stretch our imagination beyond pop colour and boxy, shift shapes.

The ‘modern Victorian’ trend must not be confused with the neo-Edwardian movement that took place in the mid-sixties, combining ruffles, velvet, and collars with the squared cuts of the decade. Without a flute sleeve in sight, this season’s gothic but modern Victorian look (as seen at Saint Laurent, Dolce and Gabbana, and Erdem) embodied a more sombre style with classic shapes and, noticeably, pieces that enhanced the waist rather than hid it.

The Victorian period was associated with dark colours, due to a strict process of mourning that was expected of both women and men. The invention of the lock stitch machine in the midSa in tL a 14 ure /1 nt 5 A

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19th century also explains the abundance of the lace trim used in women’s clothing, a fabric that was now more readily available to those other than the upper classes. The lace trend has crept in over summer, in particular at Topshop, whose eyelash lace bralettes have captured the hearts of many a girl. However, lace in any primary colour is unacceptably tacky and so, in order to look chic, look to lace in a dark shade or styled modestly as a trim; Topshop has recently produced a pair of black velvet shorts with a lace trim.

Erdem’s autumn winter 2014 collection produced some beautiful velvet pieces with a more modern take on lace and small detailed flocked cut outs; Vogue described the line as looking like it ‘could have popped right out of one of those stately portraits’. Many of the models on the Erdem catwalk sported Bristol’s favourite, the choker, and it has to be said that when this accessory does not look like it came straight out of a Claire’s accessories goody bag, it can be surprisingly tasteful.

Thicker chokers in velvet or lace can be a more subtle alternative to high-neck, ruffled, Victorian blouses, or visit ASOS, where they are selling cameo versions.

The gothic aesthetic is exemplified in Dolce and Gabbana’s autumn/winter campaign; a Brother’s Grimm, fairy-tale picture with dark, enchanted, overgrown forests and poisoned fruit etc . Although the

overall idea of their collection screams ‘folklore’, they have also produced some classic pieces such as the dark coloured, long sleeved, high neck, lace gowns with velvet ribbons at the waist which would have not looked out of place in the early 20th century.

Perhaps this is a look to try for your next formal event, with the simple shapes and colours making it easy to rework and rewear this style again and again.

To take modern Victorian to an everyday level, think Victorian schoolgirl. No one did this better than Saint Laurent. The tartan skirt, pea coats, velvet bows, and collars perfectly embodied the feeling of cute, but with attitude. Nearly every piece was accompanied by 60 denier black tights - very schoolgirl, very practical, and a gift to the paler of us. The gothic, fairytaleesque ‘red riding hood’ cloak even managed to look wearable with these. The perfect piece, however, was the black velvet mini dress with the white collar that is featured in their most recent campaign. Teamed with a pair of plaits on the 30th of October, just about anybody could pass for Wednesday Adams.

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ASOS choker, £15 Topshop Velvet shorts, £36

The nightmarish horrors of plastic surgery We need to talk about plastic surgery.

Because, as much as I totally get the appeal of injecting toxic chemicals into your body in order to achieve that ohso-desirable plastic look, it seems a little bit strange that in the UK in 2013 alone, there were 50,122 such procedures.

It’s even more concerning that 45,365 of them were done on women.

On top of this, according to TreatmentAdvisor.com, one in five patients remain unhappy with the results, despite having chosen to enter into a dangerous surgery with potential side effects including nerve damage, blood clots and even death. What can be pushing these men and women into making such risky choices, which aren’t even guaranteed to give them what they want?

The thing is, what we’re chasing after is fundamentally unattainable. There is no such thing as a perfect face and, quite frankly, I’m glad. If there was, and anyone could get one, we’d be living in a society of clones, a strange sort of Orphan-Black-on-

steroids dystopia. If you read the book series Uglies, Pretties, Specials by Scott Westerfield when you were younger, you’ll have an idea of what I mean.

I’m not going to spout the whole ‘everyone is beautiful in their own way’ jargon, because either you already believe that or you never will and personally, I think that’s rather missing the point anyway. We are not born to be beautiful. We are born to smile and cry and love and laugh. These things are beautiful, the appearance of the faces with which we express these emotions?

Not so important. Until we realise this, we as a nation, but most particularly women, are never going to be able to accept ourselves, and the money spent on drastic surgical operations, and the number of horrific conditions sustained in the process is only going to increase.

Tattoos and piercings, I have no issue with. Even plastic surgery as a form of selfexpression, as a venture undertaken for oneself alone, I can handle. But the procedures Flickr, Hessa

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New Look lace top, £19.99

undergone daily in true nature in ways in the pursuit of beauty which men are not, then are done out of fear. we are being oppressed.

Face lifts, brow lifts, Extreme language for an Botox; these are all extreme truth. To the done in an attempt patriarchy of the white, to escape the hetero-male, there is inevitable process something innately of ageing. We are threatening about the running away from Wise Old Woman. Maybe ourselves. And why? it’s the ancient memory If we are taught to of your girlfriend running respect our elders, away in a pumpkin, or of why is it so bad to having to kiss dead girls be one? To be old after they’ve eaten gone is simply to have off fruit. Either way, much experienced more as the mumma’s boy of life, a life which can seem inescapable, does not end with the grandmother’s Jocelyn Wildenstein, the first appearance boy is a rather more ‘catwoman’, has reportedly of a grey hair. unusual phenomenon. spent over 4 million dollars Cheese matures, We don’t need to trying to look like an exotic, wine improves, conform to this distorted wild cat raisins are wrinkly perception of beauty, and amazing to fuel an industry seriously, try them covered in yogurt. founded on self hate and abuse. The What is worse, is that this terror potential side effects of such extreme of looking old is predominantly measures are horrific, but the real concentrated in women. This is a horror story? That lies in the obligation testament to what is just beginning to to risk them in the first place. be said again, after a couple of decades of silence: our society is based around a fundamental inequality. If women are feeling compelled to hide their Ellie Daghlian

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Style worth screaming about Having nightmares over October’s most important outfit?

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Barry M £4.49 Claire’s £5.50 Zara £45.99

Mango £29.99

River Island £12.00

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Miss Selfridge £65.00

Rimmel £6.69 Bourjois £9.99

Office £65.00

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Zara £35.99

Babyliss £25.00

Models Own £4.49

Claire’s £7.00

River Island £4.00

Wednesday Addams It’s all about the hair when it comes to Wednesday.

Perfect your plaiting technique and use hairspray to smooth down any fly aways for a smooth finish.

Invest in either a foundation paler than your natural skin tone or some white face paint to get your skin looking as porcelain as possible. Finish the look off with a very light layer of dark lipstick and smudge around the edges for an extra Addams effect!

Hermione Granger Think more Goblet of Fire Hermione than Philosopher’s Stone. You want your hair to be tousled so tong small sections and use your fingers to break up the curls before using hairspray to rough everything up and set it in place. Makeup should be kept to a minimum; aim for dewy natural skin which can be achieved using a lighter base such as a BB or CC cream and a small dusting of translucennt powder for a perfect finish.

Essie £9.95

The White Witch Your skin needs to look flawless and pale if you choose the White Witch so once again make sure you have a foundation which is too pale for you and offers good coverage for the night. Since she wears no makeup have fun with other aspects of the look, make your nails look icy with a pale blue polish and a sparkly silver coat over the top. Create an elaborate up do using a silver embellished hair accessory like a barrette or headband to match the rest of the regal look.

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Halloween wardrobe must - haves Take inspiration from Halloween’s most fashionable leading ladies and add a spooky spin in to your every day wardrobe. www.vanitynoapologies.com

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Claire’s £12.00

Topshop £62.00

River Island £60.00 River Island £90.00

Claire’s £5.00

Topshop £58.00 Topshop £18.50

Next £35.00

New Look £19.99

Kurt Geiger £120.00

Warehouse £38.00

Zara £59.99

Soap and Glory £10.00

Amazon £2.87

Cruella De Vil

Lindsay Lohan

Ignore the less is more moto with Cruella. Use a pink/peach toned eye shadow all over the lid going up to the brow bone before lining both your upper and lower lashes and piling on the mascara.

Her brows are flawless so spend some time filling these in dramatically and really creating an arch. The easiest way to achieve the iconic alternate coloured hair would be to buy cheap hair extensions in either blonde or black.

With this classic Halloween look, the pressure is s off; the uglier it is, the better it is! Reject Boots and head straight to your nearest joke shop for supplies – you’ll need white face paint, fake blood, novelty teeth and of course, the biggest wig that you can find. You can take inspiration from Li Lo in your every day wardrobe and style a pretty white dress with an embellished floral headband, or go all out and buy all white contact lenses and an over the top veil!

Bourjois £7.99

Too Faced £19.00

Cat Woman

With a mask over your face your main makeup focus should be the lips. A dark red lipstick will contrast the entirely black outfit beautifully. Use a gel liner pencil to ensure it won’t budge all night. Start by straightening your hair so it’s as sleek as possible before backcombing the crown of your head – it will look wild at this point so smooth down with a brush and hairspray before adding your headband, pulling all the hair away from your face.

Editor: Deputy: Deputy: Online Maddy Streets Emma Ward Hattie Bottom Beth Laverack style@ eward@ hattie@ styleonlinne@ epigram.org.uk epigram.org.uk epigram.org.uk epigram.org.uk

YES: ‘We need to combat the sexism and pressures that come with Halloween’, argues Shyma Mukred There is generally a greater Even pizza can be sexualised The hyper-sexualisation of emphasis on women to dress Halloween has in many ways with this charming outfit sexy on Halloween than men. restricted that freedom. Halloween This is clearly reflected in the nowadays is no different than any range of costumes targeting other day where we feel pressured women in fancy dress shops to dress in a certain way in order as opposed to those targeted to be accepted. An individual’s at men; you can find an overchoice to dress sexy for Halloween, sexualised version of almost any on a large scale, pressures others profession, character or object to do so as well. Not everyone is for women. comfortable or confident enough There is an undeniable genderto put their sexuality on display based double standard when it and it ultimately negatively affects comes to Halloween costumes, one’s self esteem and experience however, the market simply of the evening - and no one should functions on the principle of be punished for choosing not to be supply and demand. Our society sexy on Halloween. expects women to wear sexy Halloween should be about costumes on Halloween and the having fun, being outrageous and market responds by supplying looking a little bit silly – it should a plethora of choices. There not be a competition for being the is underlying sexism at play belle of the ball. You have 364 here; that’s the way it’s been other days to do that. Why for generations and we have no can’t we preserve one day one to blame but ourselves as of the year to allow consumers for perpetuating the our imagination trend. and creativity to run “dressing Halloween is a unique occasion where we are wild and not worry up like presented with the opportunity to embrace our about public a total slut” freedom of choice of clothing, without fear of perception? doesn’t mean judgement. Choosing to put your sexuality on anything. At all. Clothes display is your prerogative and you should not be do not define whether a person criticised or put to shame for doing so. But when is promiscuous. Wearing a “sexy there are overwhelming social pressures to be policewoman” costume for one night overtly sexual on Halloween in order to be in October does not reflect a person’s level accepted or admired, the conversation of sexual moves away from protecting a activity. person’s freedom of choice to O n e a critical appraisal of that I concern that so-called freedom. think it a lot of people was Voltaire bring up at who once said this time of “Halloween is the one year is the day a year when a girl can sexualisation dress up like a total slut and of young no other girls can say anything children else about it.” Or maybe it was a Mean through Girls quote… Either way, there’s no denying Halloween that typical Halloween costumes are focused on costumes showing a lot of skin. and - so they People wear costumes that make them feel say - society’s good, or cool, or confident, and dressing up is a expectation fun opportunity to go all out and wear something that every you wouldn’t normally wear. Often, this translates f e m a l e One of the more age-appropriate to something skimpy or daring, just as it can should dress Halloween costumes out there translate to wearing something made entirely from up in a sexy cardboardboxesandfelt.Theimportantthingisthat just wholesome, pumpkin fun .yand y.com

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Halloween costumes - too sexed up?

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Costumes are an exercise in self-expression and a great conversation starter. Harbour that opportunity to say something about yourself and showcase your interests and personality.

Costumes that say “hey I’m funny and clever” can be really sexy in themselves, without necessarily showing a lot of skin.

The change starts with us, by combatting the sexism and pressures that come with Halloween.

All it takes is to say “NO” to the sexy cops, nurses and pumpkins and “YES” to puns, special FX makeup, and obscure references to your favourite film. If you’ve got a banging bod and feel compelled to bask the world in its majestic glory, know there is costume. always tomorrow.

As someone who has literally never felt outside pressure or expectation to dress in something sexier, perhaps I’m being naïve, but I think this issue is blown out of proportion by the media, which focuses almost exclusively on the USA. Yes, there are some questionable children’s costumes available which involve latex or corsetry, but I have personally never seen a British child wearing anything even remotely sexy at Halloween. Again, though, there is no link between the costume and the person wearing it - a child wearing a sexualised costume does not mean that the child wants to have sex with anybody.

If any problems arise from wearing a sexy costume, it is not the fault of the wearer. Cat calls and unwanted physical contact are, of course, more likely to occur when women dress up, with perhaps other people on the street also benefiting from the extra confidence and anonymity provided by a costume. But as anyone who has been made to feel uncomfortable while wearing something decidedly unsexy can attest - some men just seem to think their behaviour is acceptable. It is not an issue of the women who go out wearing negligées, it is an issue of the minority of men who think that’s an appropriate way to treat women.

Wearing boiler suits and hard hats every time we dress up will not resolve this – maybe some people are into that!

If you want to dress up as a sexy nurse, or a sexy doughnut, or a sexy caterpillar, or just a regular unsexy caterpillar, I don’t see a problem. Go forth and enjoy your night.

NO: ‘dressing up is a fun opportunity to go all out and wear something you wouldn’t normally wear’, says Georgina Wootton

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Dreamy fairytale creations So often fashion is about escape, and what better way to transport an audience this Halloween than with the classic words ‘Once upon a time...’?

Vogue’s Grace Coddington has known the dark power of the fairytale for years, taking Natalia Vodianova and other baby faced models on couture journeys to Wonderland and enchanted woods in layers of blue chiffon and corseted chain mail gowns. However, Autumn Winter 2014/15 saw designers displaying an altogether more wearable, childlike vision of the fairytale theme. Imagine a 60s style silhouette: empire waist, raised hem and embellished slippers, all cut in velvet,

lace and billowing silk.

The humble and harmless was King at Dolce & Gabbana, where models in Red Riding Hood style fur trimmed coats and (very rare!) fashion week flats, displayed garments embroidered with squirrels, foxes and owls.

Swing coats, peasant necklines and balletic lacing gave the trend an elevated rustic feel which seemed to hark to innocence and naive Sleeping Beauty storylines. At Valentino, a nod to Game of Thrones and Tudor hunting dress saw leather and riding capes mixed with elaborate swan prints, precious stones and corsetry.

In contrast, both designers took inspiration from

Clockwise from top right: Topshop faux fur stole £28, Primark red fur coat, £25, Valentino Couture SS14, Dolce & Gabbana AW14, Olivia Burton watch at ASOS £75 Disney’s recent brooding fairytale revival and also presented embellished warrior snoods; lace up boots and pretty prints against harsh grey backgrounds.

More is more with this trend, and feminine layering is ideal for the coming wintry months. Pile on puffed sleeves, hoods, dark florals and folk patterns: all of which can be found on Asos and in Topshop and Urban Outfitters.

A trusty mini dress can be worked into the trend with woodland accessories and bohemian shawls and for those more committed, a statement cape-coat or jewel toned fur could be a key investment piece. Cute owls, felt flowers, gingerbread house piping and sugary gems are all perfect, but don’t forget the

underlying macabre of the genre.

For Halloween, play up the black lace, gold blazonry and vampy red hues of the trend to make an impression. And for the rest of the season, dark lips, braided hair and gothic accessories against a childlike Peter Pan collar or woodland print will perfectly mirror that juxtaposition the fantasy so often has.

The trend is ideal for bringing out your girly and whimsical side, or your bold and adventurous side; the choice is yours.

Whether you decide to be a warrior queen in metallics or a provincial girl in a fruit filled apron, fairytales are always guaranteed a happily ever after.

Josie Johnson

Fashion Favourite: Fur 90s girls listen up.

If you love a Nike flatform sandal or black chain choker, this one’s for you. As our Cher Horowitz love affair continues, Topshop fold-over fur clutch the emergence of her must-have accessory – the fluffy bag – has also made an appearance. But don’t be put off, this look is not just for the 90s grunge revival; this season it has indeed been embraced as the chicest, cuddliest thing to be seen with.

These are not only the accessory of choice of the London cool kids however, with many of the most elite, international designers featuring fluff in their AW’14 collections. Still, it must be noted that no one’s clasped this trend quite like the Brits. Topshop Unique featured shearling bowlers but Topshop took it to the next level, showcasing lunch-bag style clutches with a fuzzy twist.

London newcomer Shrimps also cottoned on, with a variety of brightly coloured faux furs making their way down the catwalk and ending under the arm of one Alexa Chung.

Such a look has also taken on many new forms, with the latest adaptation being the fluff ball keyring. Warning: don’t be mistaken, this is not necessarily the cheapest way out - fashion favourite Fendi ‘bugs’ come in at £250 a pop.

Nevertheless, they are frankly adorable and, let’s be honest, just like handbags, one is rarely enough.

In the life of a fashionista, the temptation to actually get some sleep may weigh in too highly when carrying such Fendi Buggies - Snobius a pillowy creation, so perhaps channel this look with a safer accessory.

Not only have cutesy keyrings got the fluff this season, but shearling has become the biggest thing since sliced bread. Prada, Gucci and Miu Miu all made a statement at Milan fashion week with an abundance of shearling fur in coat form, whilst Celine took inspiration from their own AW’13 collection of brightly coloured, fur lined sliders, accessorising with fur-accented belts and bangles. Even the beloved Birkenstock had a winter makeover, with the ‘Arizona’ sandal now coming with a sheepskin lining.

It may be bright, bold, and, well, fuzzy, but this is your new best friend; in whatever form, the fluff will lighten up any outfit with its sense of humour and provide a sensational source of comfort for those times when you just need a cuddle. But, if you are afraid of looking like a werewolf, which is frankly possible, this look may be best saved for the 30th October. You may be a monster, but trust me you’ll still look incredibly chic.

Birkenstock fur sandal ‘Arizona’

Phoebe Jordan

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The best pick of this fortnight’s theatre, film, music and more.

Music Jamie T

Travel

O2 Academy, 30 October The world had all-but stopped clamouring for the return of Jamie T when he dropped ‘Don’t You Find’ in July of this year. Over the half-a-decade since the release of Kings and Queens, the song-writer appeared to drop off the face of the earth as promise of a followup faded from probable to pipe-dream. Behold then, the resurrection. Third album Carry on the Grudge is a honed record of softer-spoken intention and intimacy, illuminating a noticeably older, wiser protagonist, streets away from the rambunctious racket of his debut. Mr Treays opens his tour in support of the album at Bristol’s very own O2 Academy on the 30th. Kill two birds with one stone and kick Halloween off a day early by going dressed as a zombie- he’d love that.

Jungle Anson Rooms, 4 November Having caused a tropical storm at festivals, the summer’s buzz-band met a tsunami of hype with a hot and heavy debut LP which attracted praise and accolades left, right and rhubarb. Despite this, Jungle have fueled their growing engima by continually shunning publicity. This Anson Rooms gig provides an oppurtunity to try and work out what is going on exactly. Or just to have a good old-fashioned boogy.

Style

Start The Bus, 8 November If, for whatever reason, neither of the above tickle your fancy, why not try a spot of- well, we’re not really sure what. We do know that Shabazz Palaces is the mysterious brainchild of Digable Planets man Ishmael ‘Butterfly’ Butler, and little else, as he won’t name any other members. Latest intelligence does suggest that they perform as a duo, and have, across four releases, combined the semi-paradoxical elements of Philip Glass minimalism with cold Afro-rap. They’re also really good, go see them.

Peter Moore is the acclaimed travel writer whose Italian adventures on a 1961 Vespa gave life to the best-selling books Vroom With A View and Vroom By The Sea. The tomes tell the tale of his journey from Milan to Rome, and offer a rare glimpse into the side of Italy only accessible on two wheels. In this audience, the author will recount a number of these tales and accounts from the 101 other countries he has visited, as well as providing pearls of wisdom on the practices of travelling and travel writing. Free of charge and in your own back yard, it would be rude not to.

The Man Jesus Tobacco Factory, 28, 29 October You might best know Simon Callow as embodying the glorious role of Gareth in the seminal Richard Curtis film Four Weddings and a Funeral. Twenty years after the film’s release, Callow now appears as the one-man star of The Man Jesus, Matthew Hurt’s reimagining of the life of Christ through several key moments.

This thoughtful, witty production, directed by Joseph Alford, comes to Bristol for two nights in the surround of the Tobacco Factory.

Peter Moore 17 Woodland Road, 30 October

Tony Law Tobacco Factory, 9 November

flickr: Mark

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Shabazz Palaces

Comedian Tony Law has conquered pretty much the whole UK television, appearing on ‘8 Out Of 10 Cats’, ‘Never Mind the Buzzcocks’ and even ‘Charlie Brooker’s Weekly Wipe’. The Canadian funny man has carved out a niche as one of the most eccentric comics on the circuit, with an infusion of obscure one-liners and anecdotal humour. It’ll be quirky, it’ll be a bit weird- it should also be a good laugh.