Equal Time Spring 2016

SPRING 2016

LOOK LOVELY IN LINGERIE

THE BODY DONATION DILEMMA How College Women are Altering the Fertility Industry

SNIP, ZAP, OR WAX The Best Bikini Hair

SCREW THE STIGMA, SCREW YOURSELF The Masturbation

Removal For You

DECODE YOUR SEX DREAMS

Conversation

THE

SELF-LOVE ISSUE

EQUALTIME

EDITOR’S LETTER   

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S P R I N G 201 6

E D I TO R- I N - C H I E F Julia Naftulin – @jnaftulin E X E C U T I V E E D I TO R Erin Reimel – @erin_reimel M A N AG I N G E D I TO R Kayla Isaacs – @klatude C R E AT I V E D I R E C TO R Jordan Firkey – @jordanfirkey DESIGNERS Lexey Watson – @lexey_w Naomi Duttweiler – @naomi_duttw L I F E S T Y L E D I R E C TO R Taylor Lupo – @tayylorluppo3 L I F E S T Y L E E D I TO R Shantel Destra – @DearShantel B E AU T Y D I R E C TO R Kaitlyn Frey – @kaitaroni

On an August day four years ago, I slipped into my favorite pair of thrifted denim shorts and left BBB for my freshman year classes. Nine months later, when warm weather finally returned to Syracuse, I pulled out the shorts and discovered that my beloved closet staple no longer fit. Four years ago, I felt embarrassed—ashamed, even—that my body had changed.

It wasn’t until I noticed how many other women—people I viewed as perfect and beautiful—felt the same way, that I reassessed the view I had of myself. I heard friends complain about how “fat” they felt or how much they wished they looked like a certain celebrity, and I realized fixating on what I lacked (a fast metabolism, math skills, symmetrical eyebrows) wasn’t getting me or the rest of womankind anywhere.

Over time, I’ve made the choice to actively love myself. I love that I can sleep in a full face of makeup without breaking out the next day, spot a grammar mistake from a mile away, and try any food I’m offered at least once.

In spite of her flaws, every woman should put herself and her happiness first.

That’s why this issue of Equal Time is dedicated to the concept of self-love. Whether you’re ditching your face-altering contour for a fresh-faced makeup look (page 15), taking a break from technology’s constant buzz (page 10), or giving yourself some good ol’ sexual healing (page 6), there are infinite ways to shower yourself with a simple “I love me.”

As this magazine hits the stands, I’ll be preparing to graduate and can assure you those denim shorts still don’t fit me. I might have lost a great $4 Salvation Army purchase, but I’ve gained something better: a bigger ass and a bigger love for myself. xo,

Julia Naftulin Editor-in-Chief equaltimemag@gmail.com

Read more stories online at equaltimemagazine.com

B E AU T Y E D I TO R Marléna Ahearn – @MarlenaAhearn F E AT U R E S D I R E C TO R Emma Baty – @emmabaty FA S H I O N D I R E C TO R Alexis McDonell – @AmickeyD FA S H I O N E D I TO R Lauren Witonsky – @laurenmarie430 STYLIST Danielle Larose – @daniellelarose S TA F F P H OTO G R A P H E R Hannah Meader – @seamonkeycity S O C I A L M E D I A D I R E C TO R Morgan Gundrum – @morgangundrum A S S T. S O C I A L M E D I A D I R E C TO R Larry Stansbury – @larrbearrrr P U B L I C R E L AT I O N S D I R E C TO R Jacqueline Pereira – @jmp106 A S S T. P U B L I C R E L AT I O N S D I R E C TO R Victoria Razzi – @vcrazzi W E B D I R E C TO R Sara Gatcomb – @SaraGatcomb

S P E C I A L T H A N KS Harriet Brown & Melanie Stopyra Equal Time is not responsible for the individual opinions expressed within. Equal Time is published twice an academic year at Syracuse University.

All contents within are copyright of the respectful creators. No content may be reproduced without the written consent of the Equal Time editorial board.

SPRING 2015

CONTENTS

ON THE COVER

34 INSIDE OUT

Lingerie-inspired staples

02

JUST A (SEX) DREAM

The reason why you dream about your ex

06

MASTURBATION NATION Get down with your bad self

LIFESTYLE 4. #ILoveMe

Four women explain their fave traits

5. Solo Act

Have a blast on your own

8. Affirmative Action

10

DIGITAL DETOX

One girl’s escape from technology

BEAUTY 15. Back to Basics

Achieve a fresh-faced look

16. Athleisure Hair

A cute half-up style in five steps Sweet shades to wear this season

HEALTH

Less is more when it comes to nail care

12. Netflex

14. Breathe In, Breathe Out Destress with these techniques

BIKINI HAIR REMOVAL How to manage hair down there

27

EGGS FOR SALE The new way to sell your body

FASHION 31. Bleed Orange

How to wear this season’s color

32. Modern Mule

The shoe trend you should try

17. Pastel Palette

The benefits of self-affirmation

Sweat while you binge-watch

21

22. Nailed It

23. Protect Yourself

The SPF products you need

FEATURES 24. The Power of ‘No’ Why you need to say it

IN EVERY ISSUE 3. Confessions 13. Like This, Try That 30. 1 Item, 5 Ways 43. DIY 44. Dig In 45. Overheard at SU

LIFESTYLE

WILDEST DREAMS

We decode your sexiest and most scandalous midnight musings with insight from the experts.

by SABRINA GOLDBERGER

Every morning when you groggily roll out of bed and silently curse your alarm for daring to wake you from your beauty sleep, you’re in the process of switching from dream to reality. You quickly recount all the weird stuff you dreamt about, and realize—OMG! I had a sex dream!

Now, you ask yourself what your wild fantasy means and if it has anything to do with your conscious life.

Harvard Medical Professor and author of “Committee of Sleep,” Deirdre Barrett, and Director of the DREAMS Foundation, Craig Webb, emphasize that dream interpretation is extremely personal. They stress the importance of feelings in a dream, rather than action.

Gayle Delaney, pioneer of the dream interview, uses a personalized method of interpretation to decode every dream. “Every single detail of a dream is a clue about what it means,” she says.

Try not to take these explanations too literally because every dreamer is different and everyone’s emotional connection translates to something different. “It all depends on the identity of the people and the feelings of the dreamer,” Delaney says.

That being said, here are some common sex dreams you might have, and what they might mean.

1. HAVING SEX WITH AN EX First of all, don’t worry. Experts say that this is common and it rarely means you’re still in love with your ex. Webb says that dreaming of an ex-partner indicates that you are 2 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

looking for something that is missing in a current relationship, or that you are subconsciously telling yourself not to make previous mistakes in a new relationship. Delaney encourages you to ask yourself, “Who is this ex? What’s he like? Is there anyone in your life right now who is like this ex?” The dreamer will almost always conclude that she is continually picking the same kind of partner that didn’t work out the first time. On the other hand, Barrett says sex dreams are often metaphoric in nature.

“People can dream about having sex with someone as a way of trying to unify with someone they’re having a dispute with,” she explains. If you recently broke up with your ex, your subconscious mind may be trying to work through the problem in a different way than your conscious mind is.

2. KISSING A PLATONIC FRIEND The act of kissing in a dream signifies your desire for affection and romance.

A kissing dream is more about the emotions than the physical act.

“Dreams are a more visual, intuitive version of your reality without some of your preconceptions or logic,” Barrett says. If you are kissing a friend, it means that you respect and admire this person, and although you may or may not have feelings for him or her, you crave a certain intimacy that you aren’t receiving in real life. She also asks one to reflect on whether or not the sexual desire you experience in your dreams is related to the person you dream about, or if you are transferring your desire for someone else onto this

person.Webb says that reality influences dreams and vice versa, so it could be time to reevaluate how platonic you and your friend are. Delaney says, “Your dreams are trying to teach you something about yourself and your life.” Barrett also says that dreams “are still about our usual problems and wishes and thoughts and concerns,” but that our brain state allows for a more uninhibited experience.

3. CHEATING ON YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER Don’t feel guilty! Cheating in a dream is not an indication that you are going to become unfaithful to your partner. In fact, it’s usually related to something that has nothing to do with your sex life. Barrett suggests that the feeling you get while cheating on your partner in your dream is comparable to a feeling you were having in real life about cheating on a test, cheating on your diet, or cheating yourself in any way. While these kinds of dreams could indicate unhappiness in your relationship, cheating on your significant other in your subconscious points more to insecurities in yourself and shortcomings in your own life.

However, Delaney says, “Usually there’s something more than cheating in a dream. I’m cheating with someone and I’m free and I’m out of prison. You finally got yourself out of a terrible, dull, or destructive relationship through escaping to another relationship.”

This suggests faults in your current relationship.

CONFESSIONS

“I once peed in a guy’s bed while sleeping.”

After a night out drinking I’m 22 and babysit with a guy, we went a little boy when back to my dorm, with his 42-year-old, its slippery wood floors single dad goes out and 4-foot high bed. on the weekends.

After some solid pants One night, he rubbing and making out, I decided it was time to asked me to stay get a condom, which was Confessions and hang out after on the other side of the he got back. We room. I drunkenly had sex four times made the leap down on the couch while to the floor, but in my his son was asleep stupor I slipped and in the next room. hit myself square in the head. I then proceeded to throw up a King After watching the movie David’s gyro from earlier.

Trainwreck and feeling The guy was nice enough all sorts of empowered, to clean it up and change I went out with the my sheets but needless goal in mind to get laid. to say I never retrieved Within 45 minutes at the condom. my destination, I was being bent over an empty keg shell in a I was abroad, at a grimy basement being nightclub, and had fucked from behind by sex with someone a relatively attractive in the stall of a male specimen. My own men’s bathroom. trainwreck then ensued As I was bent over, when my phone died and he accidentally I lost my ID, so was forced to spend penetrated my the night with him butthole before I afterwards in which he asked him to stop. tried to play me Jack We immediately Johnson songs on guitar.

parted ways.

A guy was going down on my friend and he suddenly fell on the the floor, crying. She later found out he sprained his Achilles tendon in the act. She had to help him down five flights of stairs so he could leave.

I absolutely cannot have sex with my socks on.

It distracts me too much. I’ve had sex fully clothed before, except for socks.

Having sex on the quad has always been on my senior bucket list. I finally got to check that one off my list, but I’m pretty sure multiple people saw it happening.

I once peed in a guy’s bed while sleeping. When we woke up, the bed was soaked.

He asked if it was water and I replied “Oh, I don’t know.

Probably.”

equaltimemagazine.com | 3

#ILOVEME Four women share what they love most about themselves. photography by NICOLA RINALDO

“I like to learn and am very tenacious. I try my best, and I get it from my mom and grandmother. I am who I am because of them, and I really like that person.”

—Darriea Clark

4 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

“I really like my ability to listen to my friends and give great advice.”

—Sam McClain

“I love my ability to lead different groups of people in order to help them reach their goals.”

“My favorite things about myself are my eyes because they were the hardest thing about myself to love.”

—Nicole Sherwood

—Quinntassia Worrell

...

There’s nothing wrong with being Miss Independent. Try these solo activities and enjoy your own company.

Illustration: Eric Zinkler

by TAYLOR LUPO compiled by MARLÉNA AHEARN

Dr. Rebecca Ratner, coauthor of “Inhibited from Bowling Alone,” attributes a woman’s apprehension about doing things alone to the fear of judgment for her actions. “People seem to feel more comfortable doing things alone at a time when they think other people are less likely to see them,” says Ratner. The ability

for many women to enjoy themselves alone in public isn’t threatened by the fear of a bad time, but by the assumption that others will view them negatively.

Begin slowly combating your reluctance to do things alongs by taking on utilitarian-esque tasks. Utilitarian tasks are activities designed to be

useful or practical, rather than attractive; for example, grocery shopping. Often times, people don’t mind doing these activities alone, because of their practical nature. “One thing people can do is do activities that are for fun, but have utilitarian flavor to them,” says Ratner. “For example, this week I went to a

lecture. I felt comfortable doing that because I was going to learn something.”

You might also consider going out during a time your destination won’t be crowded. Because fewer people will be there, you may feel less anxiety about people’s judgement and free your mind to focus on your own enjoyment. equaltimemagazine.com | 5

YOU SHOULD GO & LOVE YOURSELF It’s time for women to start taking charge of their own sexual needs.

by ERIN REIMEL

F

licking the bean, paddling the pink canoe, ménage à moi … whatever euphemism you’d like to use, the fact is—women masturbate.

We do it because we want to, because we’re bored, stressed, or horny. Or we do it because (gasp!) it feels good.

But if it’s such a normal part of life, it’s natural to wonder why we don’t talk about it or why we don’t do it more often. In 2013, the app HappyPlayTime, created with the mission to “free the world from a silly social stigma,” reported that 46.6 percent of women masturbate less than one time every month. It’s a shame that so few women are getting the many benefits of some quality time with themselves.

Brad Nederostek, Psy.D., a clinical health psychologist and sex therapist for the VA North Texas Health Care System, says masturbation can relieve stress, improve your mood, reduce migraines, and boost confidence and body positivity—not to mention once you understand your own body, it’s easier to communicate what you want to your partner. So really, masturbating makes you better in bed.

We often brag about how many pounds we lost since New Year’s or about the juice cleanse we’re trying out, yet our lips are zipped once we start unzipping our pants. If we talked about 6 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

it more, maybe we would all have a better understanding of how great it really is, not only physically but psychologically, too.

Joseph P. Fanelli, Ph.D., a sex therapist and psychology professor at Syracuse University, says part of the reason we don’t feel comfortable with masturbation is due to childhood experiences. He talks about a time early in our lives when we are socialized into seeing masturbation as taboo even years after we become sexually active.

Starting at about 6 to 12 months of age, infants begin to self-soothe by touching their genitals, but by three or four years old, comments from parents like, “Good girls don’t do that,” start to change the way girls think about themselves.

“What the 3- or 4-year-old does is take in the message not that there’s something wrong with this behavior but that there’s something wrong with me,” says Fanelli. And while this happens for guys as well, parents and other adults usually stick with the excuse, “boys will be boys.”

“In our culture, women get the shit end of the stick,” he says.

That’s why Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D, a psychologist and author of the best-selling self-help book “For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality,” focuses on helping women understand the importance of their sexuality through masturbation.

“Somehow the words

masturbation and shame have been linked together. I’d rather use the word self-pleasuring, it has fewer negative connotations,” she says.

Barbach believes that if a woman doesn’t pleasure herself sexually, this might stir up problems in other parts of her life, “You’re kind of left needing to find a partner and needing to be involved with someone on a sexual level when it may not be something that’s a particularly good relationship for you to have,” she explains. Once a woman is able to experiment with her own sexuality, she can be more independent.

To begin feeling more comfortable with their bodies, Nederostek encourages his clients to start exploring on their own.

“I have them take a mirror and actually examine their genitals.

A lot of times women who may not masturbate, or never learned, have never really taken a look at their genitals.” Once they’re comfortable, the next step is for them to practice clitoral stimulation, moving their fingers

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in a figure-eight motion or back and forth and side to side, paying attention to whatever feels best.

“When you get down to brass tacks, it’s a behavior and people do behaviors for a variety of different reasons,” Nederostek says. Each person practices masturbation with different motivations and each one is normal. He believes America’s sex-negative culture is a huge reason women don’t talk about masturbation as often as they should, and that once you start the conversation, you start to normalize the topic.

By talking about masturbation, you can empower yourself and others to be more sexually conscious and self aware. “The conversation should be in terms of a larger context,” Fanelli says. “College is an incredibly good time and wonderful opportunity to evaluate one’s sexuality.” So if you haven’t already, try having that conversation or see what feels good for you. What we do for ourselves by ourselves isn’t something to be ashamed of.

You know how you see the little banner that says “best seller” next to certain items on Amazon? Well it turns out the site has a whole list of sex toys users love. Maybe one of them will tickle your fancy.

Beauty Molly 7 Inch Adult Vibrators Vibrating Massager ($10)

Hmxpls Jeweled Beginners Butt Plug ($6)

Oomph! Powerful WaterProof Singlespeed Massager Mini Bullet Vibrator ($8) Shibari Halo, 10-speed, Wireless, Waterproof, Power Wand Massager ($32)

WHAT DO WOMEN

FANTASIZE ABOUT MOST OFTEN? In 2014, the University of Montreal in Quebec, Canada published its findings on women’s most common sexual fantasies in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Maybe this list will give you a few naughty ideas. Keep in mind, though, that it’s totally normal if you don’t fantasize at all during “me time.”

Sex in a romantic location 85 percent of women find this sexy, so you’ve probably thought about this once or twice.

Sex in a public or unusual place The chance of getting caught at any second seems to be attractive to 82 percent of women, so that dream of getting it on in the library isn’t so strange after all.

Being dominated sexually No matter how strong and confident you are, getting dominated can be thrilling. 65 percent of women think about it when they’re horny.

Sex with more than three people, both men and women Even if you’re usually into only guys or girls, sometimes it’s hot to imagine this scenario; 56 percent of women tend to agree.

Sex with a stranger About half of women think about having sex with a tall, dark, and handsome stranger from time to time. Sometimes imagining it is a little safer than actually doing it…

equaltimemagazine.com | 7

Illustration: Eric Zinkler

8 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

Dear Self, You Rock She’s frustrated, she’s lonely, she can’t find the man of her dreams. So Charlotte York, Sex & the City’s eternal optimist, does what any insatiable romantic would do: she whips out a bullet of fire-engine-red lipstick and writes “I believe in love” on her bathroom mirror. Charlotte’s little act of self-affirmation—or focusing on one’s own assets—may seem delusional, but studies show that the practice promotes confidence and productivity, especially when you’re stressed.

According to a 2015 study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, people who say self-affirming statements are more productive, especially when placed under high-stress situations—like hitting tight deadlines or meeting with a boss—at work. In the study, people used their negotiating skills to sell an idea to an executive level individual. Before meeting with the execs, half of the participants wrote about their best negotiating skills for five minutes, while the other half of the group wrote about their worst. In the end, those who wrote about their positive attributes—an act of self-affirmation— were more successful during stressful workplace situations.

“You should reflect on things that you know are good about yourself,” says lead researcher Sonia Kang in an article by the American Association for the

Affirm Yourself

Give yourself a metaphorical pat on the back with these four simple steps.

Practice selfaffirmation to boost your confidence, productivity, and performance under stress.

by JULIA NAFTULIN

Advancement of Science. “Anyone has the potential to do really well. It’s how you respond under pressure that makes a key difference.”

According to Dr. Joshua Felver, assistant professor of psychology at Syracuse University and director of the Syracuse University Mind Body Lab, a facility designated to the study of benefits of various contemplative practices, our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions are all interrelated, which explains why self-affirmations have positive effects on workplace performance. “Thoughts are just words, so if you get people better at doing those [thoughts], they can be better at catching the negative ones and they can make change,” Felver says.

Researchers have yet to pinpoint exactly why self-affirmations decrease feelings of stress, but findings suggest these positive mantras buffer criticism and help us more openly accept threats, errors, and feedback. “You get people to start off small with little things—walk once around the block, then walk twice around the block, then running,” says Felver. “Starting that momentum can disrupt [negative feelings].”

The next time you’re feeling unsure of yourself, try channeling your can-do attitude with paper, pen, and maybe even some red lipstick, à la Charlotte York.

1. Understand your hang-ups: Often, negative statements—such as criticisms or fear— prevent us from believing in our positive qualities.

Actively recognize your self-judgments and take note of any recurring themes.

2. Write it out: Based on your self-judgments, write a phrase that reflects the opposite sentiment. For example, respond to feelings of unworthiness with the self-affirmation, “I am worthy.” Psychotherapist Dr. Ronald Alexander of the OpenMind Training Institute suggests using emotionally powerful words, like “cherished” or “brilliant” to pack your affirmation with positivity.

3. Preach the positive: Say your self-affirmation out loud for five minutes, three times a day.

Ideally, you should look at yourself in the mirror while speaking. Don’t want to get caught talking to yourself on the job? Jot down your self-affirmation a few times while sitting at your desk.

4. Just breathe: Inhale as you say your affirmation and exhale between each iteration to actively notice the positive vibes you’re adding to your everyday routine.

equaltimemagazine.com | 9

HEALTH & FITNESS THE PROBLEM I’ll admit it: I’m addicted to my phone.

I knew my problem reached its peak when Kendall and Kylie Jenner’s iPhone game launched this past February. The second the download completed, I was enthralled. Even without the game, I wasted hours on my phone: obsessing over the number of views on my Snapchat Story, deciding the perfect time of day to post an Instagram so I could get optimal likes, and scrolling through my Facebook feed mindlessly. But while laying in my bed an hour after I intended to go to sleep because I couldn’t stop playing this goddamn game (thank you Kendall and Kylie), I realized something.

Not only did I have an unhealthy investment in my personal digital life, but now I couldn’t stop worrying about reaching 10,000 followers and getting thousands of likes—in a video game. I needed to make a change.

Today, millennials like myself are often called “digital natives,” meaning we’ve grown up accustomed to being connected to the world around us 24/7. And while there are clear benefits to digital and social media, dependency on our phones and the Internet can spiral out of control. “A lot of college students have reported they want to take a break from digital media, much of which is anxiety based,” Allison He, a doctoral candidate of Clinical Psychology at Syracuse University, says. “You feel like you’re constantly on the verge of getting a text and there are expectations you need to answer that text immediately.”

THE CHALLENGE

CUT THE CORD I stopped using digital media for three days and this is what happened. by KAITLYN FREY 1 0 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

I decided to cut myself off from everything—my cell phone, the Internet, Netflix, and TV—from Friday to Sunday.

These were the days of the week I bingewatched my favorite shows, constantly texted my friends about going-out plans, and clicked through every social media app simply out of boredom.

When I told my friends about my plan, most replied with, “You are literally the last person I would ever expect to do this.” I agreed, but I planned on proving everyone wrong.

DAY ONE

DAY TWO

DAY THREE

The second I woke up on Friday morning, anxiety hit me. I’m already an anxious person to begin with, and without my typical Friday-morning routine of checking my email, texts, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, I struggled—hard. I tossed and turned wishing I could switch on my TV and stream “Friends” or “How I Met Your Mother” from Netflix on my Chromecast. Why did I sign up for this? I thought. I ended up falling back asleep for another few hours and when I woke up, I read the latest issue of Cosmopolitan to pass the time. I patted myself on the back for overcoming the initial struggle.

Every so often, I found myself peering over at my phone, wondering what was going on beyond the black screen. How many views did that Snapchat I posted last night get? Did I receive any important emails I might miss? Whenever these thoughts crossed my mind, I pushed my phone away and attempted to focus on something, really anything, else. “It’s common to experience anxiety when you initially cut yourself off from digital media,” He says. “People talk about our phones as an extension of ourselves or an extra limb. It’s a part of ourselves, so when we don’t have it, we lose that sense of security.”

I would be lying if I said I didn’t slip up. While my friends and I got ready for a night out, I noticed one lonely, unlocked iPhone sitting on the dresser.

Everyone talked and did each other’s hair, and without thinking, I snatched the phone and opened up iMessage. I typed in my boyfriend’s phone number and texted him frantically. Hi. This is Kaitlyn from Tory’s phone. I miss you. I hate this. Call me when you can.

“KAITLYN!” My friend screamed.

“It hasn’t even been a full day and you already broke your detox?! That’s it.

I’m downloading the Kendall & Kylie game to taunt you all weekend.”

Needless to say, my first day without any form of digital media didn’t turn out exactly as planned. I went into Saturday hoping things would get better.

Saturday epitomized the realest of real struggles I faced during this detox: contacting my drunk friends during a tailgate. With loud music blaring and hundreds of people crowded behind a fraternity house, making phone calls to find friends and figure out when to leave for the basketball game was beyond challenging. Any form of communication that could be sent in a quick text—from Meet me on the corner in five to What are you wearing? to Where are you? required an old fashioned phone call. I had to call one of my friends 15 times just to find her at the tailgate. After spending over an hour trying to find each other, she said, “Man, your detox is inconveniencing not only you, but the rest of us too!” I nodded in somber agreement.

Besides missing out on sending text messages, surrounding myself with hundreds of people Snapchatting and Instagramming the wild scene around me was rough. Posting photos and videos on Snapchat can definitely be viewed as a subtle ‘show-off’ to what you’re doing. “When everything is filtered through social media, people present a glamourized image of themselves, which can lead to others experiencing depressive behaviors, like the fear of missing out,” He says.

As much as I loved experiencing the entire tailgate and basketball game without a cell phone screen between me and the action, I did miss capturing memories on my phone.

Later that night, I noticed a change in myself. Four of my friends laid on the couch in our sorority house, scrolling through their Instagram and Facebook feeds from the day. I sat with them and watched. “Okay guys, we need to do something fun. I can’t stand watching you on your phones and laptops anymore,” I said. I ran to the basement, grabbed a random board game and brought it to my friends. “Let’s play this,” I said. Everyone rolled their eyes but agreed to play.

For the next three hours, all five of us didn’t touch our phones and laughed harder than we had in days. My detox forced my friends and me to replace our phones and countless episodes of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” with things we never would consider doing before. And I really liked it.

By the final day of my detox, for once, I woke up and didn’t immediately crave my phone. I became more accustomed to waking up, checking the time, and putting my phone to the side as I got ready than I ever expected to.

And my friends were so used to only communicating with me via phone calls, that they even admitted they started calling other friends because it seemed “quicker and easier.”

Later that day, my entire sorority went snow tubing as a sisterhood bonding event. I stood at the bottom of the mountain and watched almost every one of my sisters doing the exact same thing: hold their phones and GoPros in front of their faces as they flew down the hill on their tubes. Everyone was so focused on getting the coolest video or photo to Snapchat or Instagram.

Instead of enjoying the experience in the moment, they experienced it all while looking at a phone screen. I lived every second of our tubing trip in the moment. For once, my phone wasn’t that extra limb of my body, and I was doing totally fine without it. I love capturing memories on camera, but stepping back and living each moment fully was one of the most rewarding parts of my digital detox.

I decided to break my detox on Sunday evening. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I could make it any longer; I just couldn’t stand to miss the “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” season finale. The sad part? I spent the entire finale—and the next five hours that night—glued to my cell phone and laptop. I sifted through hundreds of text messages, emails, and notifications from the weekend that I missed. But since finishing my short time away from the digital world, I came to two conclusions: one, living life without a phone, laptop, or TV is unrealistic and two, staying aware of how much time you spend using technology and maintaining a healthy balance reminds you of the value of living in the moment.

equaltimemagazine.com | 11

&Burn Try these workouts next time you binge-watch your favorite TV show.

by EMILY BROOMFIELD

Friends

House of Cards

Plank every time a scene cuts to Central Perk; stop planking once the scene is over

20-second plank every time Frank Underwood speaks directly to the camera

20 Russian twists whenever Rachel and Monica fight

10 sit-ups whenever Claire calls Frank “Francis”

Run in place for 20 seconds when Ross corrects someone’s vocabulary or grammar 10 staggered arm pushups every time Ugly Naked Guy is mentioned 10 diamond pushups when any of the six main characters’ parents show up 5 sit ups every time Rachel calls someone “honey” 20 mountain climbers when Phoebe mentions something strange Side plank (20 seconds per side) every time all six friends are in Monica’s apartment 15 jumping jacks every time Chandler mentions his horrible love life 10 bodyweight squats every time Joey mentions a woman he has had sex with; if the mentioned woman is present in the scene, add an object to the exercise for added weight

The League 10 sit-ups when someone makes fun of Andre 20 bodyweight squats every time Taco gets high 25 Russian twists every time you see a professional athlete

Run in place every time someone goes on a jog (usually Claire or Frank) and stop running when they stop 20 burpees when someone is murdered or someone dies 25 Russian twists when someone cancels all of their appointments

Plank whenever it cuts to a bar scene; stop planking once scene is over

10 diamond pushups and 10 staggered pushups every time Frank manipulates someone in order to get his way

5 push ups for every scene Raffi appears in

10 crunches whenever Doug is sitting in his car

5 raised-leg push ups (Put your feet up on your couch, chair, bed, etc.) every time someone adds or drops a player on their fantasy team

15 bodyweight squats every time Frank or Claire smokes by the window.

If they are both smoking, add an object, like a dumbbell or textbook, while you squat

20-second wall sit whenever someone mentions The Shiva 15 leg raises every time Raffi calls Kevin “Brian”

5 burpees whenever Ross says “We were on a break”

Jumping jacks during the entire ending credits if a fantasy draft happened during the episode

10 toe touches when Joey gets an audition

20 lunges (10 per leg) when Ruxin says “Forever unclean”

30-second mountain climbers every time something is thrown, slammed, or broken out of anger or frustration 5 sit-ups when Frank taps his knuckles or his ring on a surface

LIKE THIS, TRY THAT

The next time a junk food craving hits, try these healthier yet satisfying alternatives.

by ALEXIS MEADE

Doughnuts & Muffins These tasty breakfast treats are quick and convenient when you’re rushing to get to class on time, but high in both fat and calories. Make a batch of healthier, whole-wheat blueberry muffins to grab on the way out instead.

Photo: Ashley Tucker

What you’ll need: * 1 1⁄2 cups whole-wheat flour * 3/4 cup white sugar * 1⁄2 teaspoon salt * 2 teaspoons baking powder * 1/3 cup vegetable oil * 1 egg * 1/3 cup milk * 1⁄2 cup unsweetened applesauce * 1 pint blueberries Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Grease muffin cups, or line with paper liners.

Whisk flour, sugar, salt, and baking powder in a bowl. Whisk vegetable oil, egg, milk, and applesauce together in another bowl and stir into the flour mixture. Stir in blueberries.

Spoon the batter into the muffin cups. Bake until tops are golden brown (approx. 20 minutes).

Ice cream

Hershey’s bars

What you’ll need: * 4 cups prepared fruit of your choice * 2 to 4 tablespoons sugar * 1⁄2 small lemon * 1⁄2 small lime

What you’ll need: * 8 oz dark chocolate chips * 2 tbsp cacao nibs or finely chopped nuts * 1 tbsp chia seeds or sesame seeds

This summertime staple is high in fat, but that doesn’t mean you can’t cool down with something delicious. Trade in the frozen dairy dessert with your own fat-free sorbet.

Cut up and place fruit on tray covered with plastic wrap and cover fruit with more plastic wrap. Freeze overnight. Put the fruit through a food processor until very finely chopped. Add sugar and lemon juice (if you have pineapple in your sorbet, use orange juice or water instead of lemon). Blend thoroughly and spoon into serving dishes or a covered storage tub and return to the freezer.

Put it in the fridge 15 minutes before eating to solidify the texture.

If you’re a chocolate lover, you can make chocolate bars at home with super foods to satisfy your cravings.

These bars cut the calories by two thirds and cut the guilt entirely.

Line an 8-inch square pan with parchment or wax paper. Melt the chocolate and pour it evenly into the pan. Sprinkle other ingredients on top or stir your other ingredients in before transferring to the pan. Refrigerate, then break it up with a knife.

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Sigh of

Relief

Mindfulness and breath control are two of the most powerful yet accessible stress relief tools. Follow these tips to calm anxiety in 10 minutes or less.

by NORA HORVATH

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3. BREATHE LIKE DARTH VADER

A more difficult yoga breath—called Ujjayi—is both energizing and relaxing when done correctly. Proper Ujjayi is achieved when the throat is slightly constricted, which creates some resistance. You should attempt to achieve a deep noise that resembles the sound of the ocean. “It’s not only a beautiful sound to listen to but it’s super meditative. If you can create that sound with your throat it’s a very peaceful place,” says Fischer.

4. EQUAL BREATHING

Equal breathing is based around the idea that you’ll be more relaxed if you’re balanced. Breathe in for four counts and out for another four, both through the nose. Keep your inhale and exhale equal, and soon you will find yourself focusing on the sensations in your body instead of the clutter in your head. “We’re so much in our heads,” says Fischer. “Once you get out of the head and into the body, you can immediately start to relax.”

Photo: Ashley Tucker

You’ve heard it before: when you’re feeling overworked or 1. LET IT OUT “I have my students take a big breath overwhelmed the best thing to do is step back and take a in and then exhale with a big sigh, and do it three times,” says Fischer. few deep breaths. “If you’re we’ll “The first one is usually a little meek, breathing quickly, which but by the third time it’s a huge roar of happens when you’re stressed relief.” For best results, don’t be afraid or exercising, you’re in the to exhale loudly. You’ll start feeling sympathetic nervous system better almost immediately. (the fight-or-flight system), so we become amped up and 2. CHANGE IT UP Diaphragmatic breathing, also known energized,” explains Kim as belly breathing, is the practice of Fischer, Founder of Lotus taking long, slow breaths to fill your Life Yoga Center. “If you deepen the breath, we switch lungs’ capacity. “When you’re stressed to the parasympathetic (rest- you bull breathe because you’re and you’re actually only and-digest system), and then oxygenating using the first third of your lungs,” the body goes, ‘Oh, okay, explains Joshua Felver, Assistant now is the appropriate time Professor of Psychology at Syracuse for me to relax.’” Thankfully, University. “When you’re falling asleep there are a number of stress or you’re chilling on the couch your busting exercises that you body is in the opposite mode. You’re can do in fewer than 10 using your full lungs. It’s very gradual.” minutes. So before you weigh If you slow your breath when you notice you’re tense, you’ll signal to your down your already busy brain that it’s time to chill out. schedule with an hour-long yoga class, try these quick and easy calming techniques, no equipment needed.

BEAUTY

STRIPPED DOWN This season, cast away the contour for a fresh-faced look. by ADELAIDE ZOLLER

y

ou’ve seen the tutorials, and maybe even tried to master some of them (hello, clown contouring), but heavy-duty makeup is on its way out. From New York Fashion Week to college campuses, a full face of makeup has been replaced with a more natural look. The trend started with beachy waves and earthy eyeshadows and then had us ditching tweezers and drawn on eyebrows–embracing softer, fuller, more Cara Delevingne-esque ones.

According to celebrity makeup artist Molly R. Stern, blush is having a huge makeup moment— and for good reason: it looks great on every single skin tone and face shape. Also, it’s the perfect product for women who do not have a lot of time or simply do not want to make a huge effort when applying makeup.

Makeup artist Bobbi Brown, who condemned the reconstructive powers of contouring on her website everythingbobbi. com, says she prefers minimalistic looks on her clients. The trend emerged on the runway when the 2015 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show made history as model Maria Borges sported her natural afro on the runway—a first for the

show. Models like Behati Prinsloo and Taylor Hill’s makeup consisted of a few coats of mascara, feathery eyebrows, and flushed cheeks. This year’s New York Fashion Week also showcased barely-there nude makeup on models in the Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren shows.

According to Stern, who has worked with celebrities like Reese Witherspoon, Lily Collins, and Zooey Deschanel, the new trend is healthy, glowing, and youthful skin. To achieve this look, she says a little bronzer on the cheekbones and a pop of blush of the apples of the cheeks is the way to go. “You want to think: where would I naturally flush? Where would that naturally show up on my face? That’s where I like to apply the product,” Stern says. “I’m very much more into seeing the shape of someone’s face rather than reconstructing it.”

Perhaps the trend stems from the the current body-positive movement, or maybe we are simply sick of seeing tutorials that use everything from tape to spoons to do our makeup.

Either way, makeup has become all about embracing our naturally beautiful features. equaltimemagazine.com | 1 5

Gym Hair, Don’t Care Whether you’re leaving the gym or just want to achieve a sporty-chic look, this half-up style has you covered.

by SHANTEL DESTRA

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1. Mist dry shampoo on the roots of your hair, then massage into your scalp. Dry shampoo will soak up any oil and preserve your style for the whole day. Try TIGI Bed Head’s Rockaholic Dirty Secret Dry Shampoo ($21.99 at Ulta). Then, wrap small, one-inch sections of hair sideways around a curling wand. Hold the hair in place for 10 to 15 seconds before unraveling. “Wrapping the hair sideways will give your hair a natural, beachy look instead of prom curls,” says Dez Cooper, a hairstylist at Garbo’s Salon and Spa in Syracuse, NY. 2. Once all of your hair is curled, comb the front section toward the crown of your head. Tease this section of your hair with a comb.

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3. Gather hair into a high ponytail with an elastic band.

Then, wrap a small piece of your hair around the elastic band in order to disguise it.

Secure with a bobby pin.

4. To keep hair in place, apply a light amount of hair spray. Try using Macadamia Working Spray ($23.00 on Birchbox) or Rusk’s Working Spray ($19.00 at Ulta). Sara Bryan, a stylist at Hair Trends, says to keep the weather in mind when doing this hairstyle: rain will frizz the hair up, while cold air will dry out your ends.

PRETTY inPASTEL

Experiment with subtle washes of pink, lilac, and baby blue this season. photography by NICOLA RINALDO makeup by ERIN REIMEL, KAITLYN FREY and MARLÉNA AHEARN

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HAIR, NAIR, OR TOTALLY BARE? Find the best option to maintain your bikini area. by KAYLA ISAACS

Whether you strip, graze, melt, or zap, keeping your bikini area in check takes work. While groomed or hair-free may not be everyone’s choice, 95 percent of college-aged women partake in some form of hair removal down there. Whether you’re looking for a quick and painless solution or the most thorough and lasting results, ET has got you covered. Take a look below to find your best removal solution.

Shave How it works: Razor blades pull at the surface of the hair

before cutting it off at the surface of the skin.

Perks: Quick and easily completed on your own, many brands sell razors specifically for your bikini area.

Drawbacks: While mostly painless, blades make getting a nick or cut easy and leave skin prone to ingrown hairs and razor burn. This often results in small red bumps or visible dark spots from below-the-surface hair. A razor chops off the top of the hair shaft, says Kathy Nagel, RN at the Advanced Laser and Skin Center in Massachusetts, making the hair appear thicker as it grows back with a sliced edge.

Pain: Staying Power: About three days, though sometimes hair

becomes visible within one Price: $8-$20 per razor

Depilatory Cream How it works: A layer of lotion containing alkaline chemicals

dissolves hair at the surface Perks: Easy to do on your own, this method removes dead skin cells to help prevent ingrown hairs, though skin is still susceptible to them. Depilatory creams leave a cleaner look than shaving since hair is disintegrated instead of cut.

Drawbacks: While mostly painless, burning can occur, especially for those with sensitive skin, according to Nagel.

As with shaving, your bikini area may also show hints of dark spots since hair is only removed at the surface level, leaving behind a shadow. Some creams may give off a not-so-pleasant smell, though current brands don’t tend to irritate the nose.

Pain: Staying Power: Three to five days Price: $5-$10 a bottle

Wax How it works: Soft wax is applied to the skin, then ripped off

with a cloth strip, removing hair from the root. Hard wax is another option, though is less common.

Perks: Though more painful than shaving or creams, waxing

leaves you extra smooth down under and can last a few weeks. It can be done with an at-home kit or by a professional at a salon.

Drawbacks: Some growth (about one-eighth to one-fourth of an inch) is required to yank hair from the root, meaning you’ll need to allow time for a grow-back period. Since hair is ripped at the source, waxing is painful the first couple of times. After a few sessions, your body will get used to it.

Pain: Staying Power: Two to six weeks, depending on hair type Price: $30 to $50 per salon visit

Laser How it works: “An intense beam of light energy, at different

wavelengths, targets the melanin in the hair follicle,” says Nagel. After shaving three days prior to treatment to allow for some stubble, a laser light destroys multiple hair shafts at once.

Perks: Leading to long-term removal, your bikini area will eventually be completely hair-free. Laser removal doesn’t allow for ingrown hairs, though your skin will appear red and slightly raised shortly after treatment, which will fade as you intermittently apply cooling packs. While mostly painless, thanks to a cooling device with the laser, this method is completely safe when done by a trained technician.

Drawbacks: This form of removal takes commitment — financial and time-wise. Six to eight sessions are required to become hairless (no sun exposure to the areas you plan to laser for a month prior), with four to six weeks in between.

After each session, it takes one to three weeks for hair to fall out. Laser works best on those with light skin and dark hair, while those with white, blonde, or red hair can have trouble and may need more sessions.

Pain: on the outer areas; on the inner areas Staying Power: Long-term removal Price: $250 per session; varies based on individual preferences

N AT U R A L LY

NAILING IT For a clean-cut, neat look follow these expert tips.

by HALEY MILLAN

Nail trends change with the seasons and this spring, natural nails are making a comeback. Let your nails breathe after months of gel manicures and acrylic tips with a shiny, polish-free look.

We’ve curated the best tips and tricks for keeping your nails their strongest and healthiest.

CUTICLE CARE Healthy nails start at the cuticle. Rub them with oil to ensure they don’t become hard or grow over your nail.

Any type of oil will do, but Vitamin E, or coconut oils are great options that can be found at your local drugstore or supermarket. Or, try the Londontown Kur Nourishing Cuticle Oil (londontownusa.com, $18). Manicurist Lynelle Kohler of Garbo’s Salon & Spa says the nutrients in these oils keep nails healthy and strong.

Manicurist Seema Sharma of Reddick’s Salon in Syracuse, NY says it’s best to apply oil right before bed so it soaks in overnight and stays put, especially since you won’t be washing your hands during sleeping hours.

If you would rather use tools to fix up your cuticles, leave it to certified nail technicians. Make sure that they are only nipping hanging skin and not cutting around the cuticle. Jessica Washick, nail art specialist and founder of the blog, “U Don’t Need a Man. U Need a Manicure,” warns that cutting around the cuticle can lead to infections and damaged nail beds.

“Push the cuticles back, nip only hanging skin around the nail, and then finish with cuticle oil,” she says.

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Londontown Kur Nourishing Cuticle Oil (londontownusa.com, $18)

TOOL TIME After cutting your nails, use a nail file to shape them. It’s better to use a soft file since metal files often cause breakage.

“You should always file from the outside in. If you file from the middle out, it frays the nail. And you never saw, you do one sweep,” says Kohler. Don’t keep your nails too long, as they can bend, snap, and break off.

Use a buffer to achieve a polished and shiny look without lacquer. This blockshaped tool is used as a file on top of the entire nail bed. “I prefer to stop at the third buff because it has a healthy sheen, but isn’t too glossy,” Washick says.

TOP IT OFF To finish your nails off, you can use a nail strengthening topcoat to protect your them. Some great topcoat options include Nail Tek’s Quicken (Ulta, $11), Nailtique’s Formula 2 Nail Protein (Walgreens, $19), or Sally Hansen’s Hard As Nails Clear Strengthener (Ulta, $3). “It’s just consistency. Always putting a top coat on every day, keeping your manicure maintained, and that will grow your nails out and make them healthy again,” Kohler says.

SPF: YOUR BFF Protect your skin from harmful rays with these sun-protecting products.

by ANNEE ZEINA

You’ve heard your parents say it a million times before you leave the house: “Did you put on sunscreen?” Cue the epic eyeroll.

Everyone wants that sun-kissed look during the summer months, but your mom was right: it’s crucial that you protect your skin.

The benefits of SPF-infused beauty products go well beyond the obvious sunburn prevention. “It prevents skin cancer, premature skin aging, and melanoma, which is starting to become quite popular with patients who come to see me,” says Joyce B. Farah, a dermatologist at SUNY Upstate Medical University in Syracuse, NY. “There is no safe level of tan.

You just have to be smart about it,” Farah says.

With summer just a few months away, we’ve found the best products for creating healthy and glowing skin, without slathering your face with heavy sunscreen.

OILY/COMBINATION SKIN

People think that an SPF foundation alone is enough for UV protection because oily skin can get greasy when combined with a lotion. According to Farah, that’s not enough. Shiseido Urban Environment Oil Free UV Protector ($32, Sephora) is a lightweight and water-resistant sunscreen that helps reduce the appearance of large pores, sans oil. “This is perfect to put on before you apply your daily foundation,” says Katie Hillary, a skin care expert at Sephora. “It has a matte finish so it prevents shininess, which is awesome for people with oily skin.”

DRY/NORMAL SKIN

Let’s admit it: no girl wants to ditch her favorite foundation.

However, it may be a good idea to set aside ‘ol faithful for a few months during the summer. Why? The trick to fighting dryness while protecting your skin is a nourishing BB cream. Physicians Formula Organic BB Cream ($14.99, Ulta) offers full coverage with a color correcting serum and sun protection.

SPF lotion under your makeup is essential, but you can’t go wrong with an extra layer of protection over your makeup too. Coola Makeup Setting Spray SPF 30 ($36, Sephora) is an organic, lightweight setting spray that will keep your skin hydrated and your makeup sweat-proof, while adding extra coverage from the sun.

“People love this spray because it is perfect for that mid-day reapplication. Every couple of hours, just spray a few pumps to refresh your skin and apply another layer of SPF,” says Hillary. The high SPF also makes this product a winner.“The first thing you want to look for in a skin product is SPF coverage. Anything from SPF 30 to 50 should have you covered,” says Farah.

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NOPE NAH NO NADA NO THANKS HELL NO NEVER NO WAY ABSOLUTELY NO NEGATIVE NIX NOT AT AL NOPE NAH NO NADA NO THANKS HELL NO NEVER NO WAY ABSOLUTELY NO NEGATIVE NIX NOT AT AL NOPE NAHSayNO NADA NO nah to the ah, to the no, no, no and cut yourself aNEVER THANKS HELL NO break—without the guilt.

NO WAY ABSOLUTELY NO NEGATIVE NIX NOT AT AL NOPE NAH NO NADA NO THANKS HELL NO NEVER NO WAY ABSOLUTELY NO NEGATIVE NIX NOT AT AL

the power of no

by MELISSA ESPINAL

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O R OT LL O R OT LL O R OT LL O R OT LL

It’s Saturday morning and you wake up thinking about everything you need to get done before the end of the day: groceries, laundry, maybe even that long-overdue manicure. Then your friend calls you up to ask a favor: she needs to borrow your car because she has a bunch of important errands to run and the bus would be a huge waste of time. You sort of had plans, but she seems desperate. “I guess I could do that,” you say. She apologizes for inconveniencing you, but you can tell she’s just glad you said “yes.” “It’s okay,” you mumble. But it’s not okay. In fact, you immediately feel bogged down by the restriction of no car and regret your agreement. You wish you could’ve just said “no.” As Meghan Trainor sings in her 2016 hit song “No,” saying “no” makes you feel “untouchable.” But unfortunately, refraining from saying “yes” isn’t always as easy as it sounds.

Everyone struggles with this from time to time, but for women, saying “no” seems especially difficult. Research published in the Journal Personality and Individual Differences in 2007 found that women score about 35 percent higher on the Agreeableness Scale than men. We’re less inclined to say “no,” even when it’s in our best interest—likely due to the special burden women carry to tend to others’ wounds, spread good feels, and help when they’re needed. Our nature is to nurture, and with that comes an expectation of agreeable behavior. Many of us would rather give in and duck out than toughen up and say that magic two letter word when we should.

Because “no” is hard to warm up to, its power is less obvious than the power of “yes.” “Yes” can take us to new heights, expose us to new experiences, and force us to take opportune risks. But “no?” “No’s” power is masked by its reputation for rudeness and rejection. Even a kind “no” can sound like a slap in the face. In fact, a study by the American Psychological Association found that the word “no” is scientifically known to spark a negativity bias in our brains. In response to “no,” we experience a sudden surge of neural activity—a rush of thoughts and emotions that rapidly assess the negative “no” and keeps it lingering. Meaning, when you say “no” to your friend, it triggers a powerful reaction in her brain that feels like an emotional attack. A blatant “no” is a quick way to make someone feel low.

This negativity bias makes us feel the

“Saying ‘no’ is often confused with being negative. But unlike negativity— an ongoing attitude clouded by pessimistic emotional judgments—‘no’ is a decisive moment, an affirmation of selfunderstanding.” coldness of “no” long after the warm apology.

Because of this, saying “no” is often confused with being negative. But unlike negativity—an ongoing attitude clouded by pessimistic emotional judgments— “no” is a decisive moment, an affirmation of self-understanding. It helps you live your truth, keep your priorities in line, and gain freedom from heavy obligations that were never yours to carry. In his book, “The Power of a Positive No,” author William Ury, Ph.D. writes that a “no” to others is like a “yes” to yourself. “By saying ‘no’ positively, we are giving ourselves a gift,” he says. “We are creating time and space for what we want.”

“No” gives you an otherwise untapped power, especially socially.

Research published in Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews in 2012 says that when we intentionally inhibit something—like saying “no”—we create a foundation for self-control, and trust in our self and others. “No” is a crucial feature of social contracts, or mutual understandings of expectations for the greater good of your relationships. Saying “no” sets important boundaries.

Say “no” too often, and you may lose out on a lot of great experiences and opportunities. But saying “no” at the right times will give you the peace of mind that you know you deserve. “No” is a powerful tool, so use it wisely. equaltimemagazine.com | 25

Say It When...

YOU’RE BEING EXPLOITED It’s easy to be taken advantage of if you never say “no” to your friends.

They know that you’ll drive them around if they need it, listen to their laundry list of problems, or even pick up some extra work for them when they’re overwhelmed.

But what about what you need? You’re being used for your sweet generosity, with nothing but thanks in return— so learn to wield your “no’s”. You’ll be respected for your choice, and your friends will find help elsewhere.

If they can’t respect your “no,” they don’t deserve your friendship. Simple.

YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOUR GOALS Sometimes it’s necessary to find the strength to use “no” on yourself, especially when it comes to your goals. You’re a busy woman, so you constantly have to wade the struggle between work and play. It’s easy to lose sight of your goals when you don’t set limits for yourself.

Friends call you up on Wednesday to join them out to your favorite bar, but you have a project deadline on Thursday afternoon. You’re dying to join, but you’ve only finished half of it. By saying “no” to your girls, you’re also saying “no” to yourself, which can be tough. But that “no” will keep your priorities in check and give you all the more reason to say YAS on the weekend.

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A Beginner's Guide to “Hell Nah” YOU NEED TO STAND

BY YOUR PRINCIPLES Protecting your integrity should be among your highest priorities, because according to recent research published in Management Dynamics, it’s a key factor in maintaining interpersonal trust. If you’re asked to betray a good friend’s trust, do something damaging to your reputation, or even accept a role that contradicts your long-held beliefs, not saying “no” could cause you pain. Standing by your valued principles is admirable, and allowing yourself to say “no” helps you do just that.

“No” might be the most necessary response for what’s being asked of you. There are other things you need to do instead, or the request is at odds with your deepest convictions. If saying “yes” puts you in a predicament, goes against your values, or eats up your precious me time, learning to say “no” could save you from regret, stress, and a pushover reputation you never wanted. Be generous, be supportive, allow yourself to step outside your comfort zone. But when it’s needed, be proud to say “no.”

You will always be faced with moments when you have to say “no.” If you’re wondering how you can use the power of “no” without the dread of being hurtful or sounding harsh, ET has you covered: REPLACE THAT IMPULSIVE “YES” WITH “I’LL CONSIDER IT” This phrase puts you in control and suggests that you plan to weigh your options—which you just might do. You’ll have time to decide if this “no” is necessary, without the pressure of expectations.

If it turns out “no” is the right choice, you can say it later guilt-free.

SAY “NO” WITH LOVE Speak your refusal gently and use language that will soften the blow. Instead of giving a straight “No, I will not…,” try: “That sounds really nice, but I won’t be able to…” or “We can agree to disagree, but I’d rather…” The other person will understand that you’re saying “no,” but a peaceful delivery will help avoid that pesky negativity bias.

KEEP CALM AND “NO” ON You may be dealing with some heavy inner turmoil in the moment of “no,” but don’t let that show on the outside. Your “no” will have a sharp enough reception; bringing

your negative feelings to surface will only make it seem worse. Keep it together; act like this “no” is the best thing for the both of you.

BRING PRIOR COMMITMENTS INTO YOUR “NO” A simple “I’d love to, but I agreed to do X that day, and I can’t let this person down” always works in your favor. Your friend is not unreasonable for asking so much of you, so they are unlikely to stress your response since they understand your commitment. Now they’ll find help elsewhere, and you’ll remain free from yet another obligation.

REHEARSE, REHEARSE, REHEARSE If you have a tough talk coming up in which you know you’ll have to say “no,” first prepare for how you’re going to say it.

Grab a willing friend or step in front of a mirror and rehearse your piece enough times for it to flow naturally. With practice, your ability to refuse any excessive, uncomfortable, or inappropriate request might just give you a newfound power: the power of “no.”

When you donate your eggs to help a couple have the ‘perfect’ child, you expect some sort of payment in return. But how much is too much?

by EMMA BATY

J

ane Smith*, a Tufts University junior, walks through the aisles of Nordstrom on Michigan Avenue in Chicago.

She peruses the first floor shoe department, occasionally grabbing and inspecting different boots and heels while walking past.

Her stomach is larger than usual today. She is bloated, the same way she would be if she was on her period, and her ovaries feel huge. Walking is uncomfortable, each step placing a little more pressure on her inflamed organs. She’s not on her period, however, and she’s not pregnant, although she says she imagines this is what it would feel like if she were.

She is actually on day three of the five day egg extraction process. In two days, she will go to the Reproductive Medicine Institute of Chicago and doctors will pull viable eggs one-by-one from the follicles on her ovaries while she is under anaesthesia.

As she continues to stroll the aisles, she realizes that the shopping spree she’s currently treating herself to doesn’t seem that absurd, because one pair of $200 shoes is practically nothing compared to the $40,000 her eggs will earn her.

About a year ago, Smith and her mother were watching television when they saw a news special about egg donation.

Smith’s mother Susan jokingly suggested she investigate, and Smith began doing more research on the process. “I started looking it up on my own, started reading about it, and I realized I would be a good person for this,” says Smith.

“I don’t have a lot of bad diseases or cancer in my family.

It didn’t bother me to think about having a [child that is technically mine] out there.”

It’s no secret that college becomes more expensive every year. And each year, students have to ask themselves how they will pay for their tuition, books, and housing without digging a debt hole so large that they can’t get out. Smith found the solution to that problem, and other girls just like her have, too.

In fact, the college-age demographic makes up a large portion of egg donors. In a study conducted by researchers at the University of Washington in 2008, 45 percent of women were students when they first donated eggs.

Younger women tend to make the best candidates because younger eggs are healthier eggs that have less of a chance to contribute to genetic abnormalities. According to Daniel Shapiro, medical director of Reproductive Biology Associates of Atlanta, women donate eggs for three reasons, and the most common is to pay for the ever-rising cost of college tuition. “That’s really typical of nursing students or paralegals who want to go to law school. We have a lot of those kinds of applicants,” he says.

The opportunity to donate eggs for money is a relatively new one. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), the process of collecting mature eggs from a female and fertilizing them in a lab, began in 1977 when doctors Patrick Steptoe and Robert Edwards developed the technique later known as equaltimemagazine.com | 27

IVF. Lesley Brown underwent this procedure in England to conceive her daughter Louise.

Brown and her husband tried to conceive a child for nine years without success due to the complications of blocked fallopian tubes, but on July 25, 1978, the couple gave birth to the first ever “test-tube baby.”

Edwards won the 2010 Nobel Prize in Medicine for his work.

IVF revolutionized the treatment of infertility and since then has been a standard option in the industry for treating a number of fertility-related disorders that were otherwise untreatable. Prior to this time, Assistive Reproductive Technology (ART) existed in many forms. Doctors and couples practiced monitoring a woman’s cycle, timed intercourse, insemination, and other techniques for years as common treatments for infertility. But IVF revolutionized the process.

“As with most technological advances that address conditions that previously did not respond to standard treatment, IVF has given hope and life to many who were previously unable to conceive,” says Elena Trukhacheva, a doctor at the Reproductive Medicine Institute of Chicago.

Since its origin, the science of ART, particularly IVF, has become more and more popular.

In the last 30 years, the role of women changed. More women thrive in the workplace and choose to delay childbirth because of their careers. This, combined with personal reasons to delay childbirth, created a generation of mothers older than their own. Women struggled to conceive as they started trying later and later. ART helps address these issues. And this doesn’t apply just to the typical family.

Single mothers and fathers, along with LGBT families, can

28 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

“There will utilize ART to conceive. That’s always be where egg donors come in. When people dangling mothers can’t use their own eggs to conceive during IVF, they $50,000 in front need someone else’s, preferably younger ones. of a Harvard The egg donation process graduate to be isn’t an easy one, which Smith experienced firsthand. She applied an egg donor, to an egg donation agency in California called A Perfect Match. and some will When she applied to be an egg take the bait, donor, she had to have high test scores, good grades, ambitious but it doesn’t career goals, and admirable personal attributes. Throughout guarantee a her egg donation process, Smith blasted thing, had to submit SAT scores, transcripts, records of what college which is a classes she had performed the best in, photos, and in-depth essays shame.” about her personality, career goals, and aspirations. She even had to give her egg donation agency coordinator her SAT website username and password so A Perfect Match could ensure she wasn’t lying.

One family picked Smith out of a database of applicants within a few weeks, something quite abnormal, because it usually it takes months or even years for a donor to be chosen.

Once the family selected Smith as their donor, she went through an extensive screening process. The family paid for her to fly to Chicago to visit the Reproductive Medicine Institute, which was the IVF center of their choosing. While there, doctors tested her for every sexually transmitted disease.

Doctors conducted a blood test to test her hormones. They completed an ultrasound to look at her reproductive organs. They also took a blood sample to test for genetic diseases. Two weeks later, she received the call that all her tests came back clear. She was ready to prepare to donate.

After her next period, she started to inject herself with

–Daniel Shapiro, medical director of Reproductive Biology Associates of Atlanta

Lupron, a drug that suppresses estrogen levels, once a day for two weeks. When those two weeks were over, she started injecting herself with a follicle-stimulating hormone, which stimulated her ovaries so she would produce more eggs. During this stimulation period, she had to have an ultrasound and a blood test every day. She completed the first three days in Boston and then flew to Chicago again for the final phase of the process.

By the time she finished the preparation, Smith was moody from the hormone injections. She was ready to be done with the process so she could get back to living her life.

That night, she gave herself one more hormone injection at 11:30. The next day, doctors put her under anaesthesia and in 20 minutes, removed her eggs from the follicles on her ovaries.

Then, the doctors sent her eggs to an embryologist to fertilize and create embryos. After the extraction, Smith took hormone

pills and injections for a week to reset her body. “I was relieved it was over because it wasn’t pleasant,” says Smith. “I know that there are tons of people out there on the Internet that did not have a pleasant experience.”

Although Smith didn’t see any complications after her procedure, some women do. One of those potential complications is Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). According to the Mayo Clinic, OHSS can cause ovaries to become swollen and painful. In some extreme cases, it can cause rapid weight gain and shortness of breath.

Although she didn’t love the experience, Smith says the money drove her decision, and made the whole process worth it. A typical egg donation earns the donor anywhere between $2,000 and $15,000, depending on the state or the donor herself. The family Smith donated her eggs to originally offered her $20,000, but because Smith planned to go abroad in the fall, she decided she wanted to wait to donate until later in college. When the family heard, they came back and offered her $40,000. “It was always the money,” says Smith.

“Just the idea of being debt-free when I graduate, and having money to go abroad. Honestly, it was the money.”

This concerns David Olick, a professor of bioethics at SUNY Upstate Medical University. He says egg donation should be a voluntary choice by the donor.

The knowledge that Smith was at first unwilling to donate for $20,000, but would for $40,000 makes him wonder if the money was too much of a factor in her decision. “At what point does the amount of money become an undue influence or even coercive?” asks Olick. “Is that a proper incentive or is there a price, so to speak, where we

would say that’s no longer really a free and voluntary choice?”

Right now, laws that regulate the amount of compensation for egg donation do not exist.

There are, however, guidelines.

The American Society of Reproductive Medicine’s Ethics Committee said in 2000 that payments to donors that totaled more that $5,000 needed to be justified, and payments of more than $10,000 proved inappropriate. Since the ASRM set these guidelines, many egg donation agencies around the country chose to follow them even though they didn’t have to. Now, some women feel that these guidelines seem unfair.

In a federal lawsuit, a group of women are challenging the industry and fighting this number.

They feel that it constitutes illegal price-fixing and want more transparency throughout the egg donation industry. These women feel that because egg donation is a longer and riskier process than sperm donation, there shouldn’t be a limit on what they can get paid. But others argue that if this guideline isn’t a law, nothing about it is illegal.

According to an article in The New York Times, when the ASRM set the guidelines, their argument was that capping the price helps prevent low-income young women from donating only because they will receive a huge payout, without consideration for how it may affect their lives.

“If the compensation became too high, there is a concern that it might be incentive for donors to lie about their medical

In a study conducted by researchers at the University of Washington in 2008, 45 percent of women were students when they first donated eggs.

history,” says Tripp Monts, a lawyer representing the society, in the article. “And it could induce young women to donate without thinking too far down the road.”

The guidelines were originally intended for low-income women, but they apply to Smith’s case as well. Women with student loan debts may have many of the same temptations as the woman working two minimum wage jobs to make ends meet.

In fact, the temptation to donate could be even greater considering women like Smith can get extra compensation for being “elite” donors. Smith was considered “elite” because of her intelligence and health. The level of compensation she received is not the norm, but some families attempt to create a perfect child by finding the best donor possible.

Shapiro argues how flawed this idea can be. The laws of nature dictate that everything regresses to the mean. He says that even if there are two supermodel parents, for example, the child probably won’t grow up to be the next Gisele Bündchen. The safer bet is to go with a donor who is average, but certain people insist on ignoring this notion.

“There will always be people dangling $50,000 in front of a Harvard graduate to be an egg donor, and some will take the bait, but it doesn’t guarantee a blasted thing, which is a shame,” says Shapiro.

Sitting in her apartment in Copenhagen during her semester abroad, Smith says she doesn’t regret the experience. The money she earned will help her graduate debt-free and allowed her to have more adventures while in Denmark, like running the Copenhagen Half Marathon.

But if someone asked her to do it again, she wouldn’t. *Name of donor has been changed due to rules regarding anonymous egg donation. equaltimemagazine.com | 29

FASHION

one item five ways

CRISP& CLASSIC

The white button-down is a wardrobe must-have for all body types.

by EMILY ALEK

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2

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5

ATHLETIC

Individuals with athletic body types often have well-defined muscles and toned legs and arms.

After putting on a t-shirt dress, tie the white button down around your waist. Round out this sporty-chic look with white converse— they go with just about anything.

2. RULER

Women with a ruler body type are thin individuals who are less curvaceous in the bust and booty department.

Wear an oversized white button down as a dress with rolled sleeves. Todd Conover, director of the Syracuse University fashion department, suggests not pressing the shirt and instead embracing its wrinkles to add to the effortless vibe of the look.

30 | EQ UAL T IME Spring 2016

3. PEAR

4. HOURGLASS

Tuck a fitted white button down into an a-line miniskirt. Conover recommends detailing the look with costume jewelry, such as brooches and large, chunky necklaces.

Conover recommends wearing a fitted white button down. Layer a navy vest on top of the fitted white button down and pair with dark wash skinny jeans, brown riding boots, and gold jewelry.

Pear-shaped figures involve a thin waist and upper body and a more voluptuous lower body.

Women with an hourglass figure tend to have a full bust and booty and a thin waist.

5. APPLE

Women with apple body types are curvaceous individuals who tend to store weight around their abdomen as opposed to the legs or arms.

Pair a white button down with leggings and a thin belt. Conover recommends wearing a men’s button down to achieve the right oversized look. Complete the outfit with booties or sandals that match the color of your belt.

ORANGE APPEAL

Look juicy with this on-trend hue. Trust us, you can pull it off.

Photos: Vogue.com

T

his spring and summer, give your wardrobe a lift by adding a bright and daring color to your closet–orange. While most people tend to stay away from orange because of its boldness,this punchy pigment is completely wearable. There’s a chic, stylish side to the hue you might be missing out on–you just need to find the right pieces and shades for you.

Pastel sherbet, punchy tangerine, and burnt orange filled the spring/ summer 2016 runway shows. Guilietta debuted a tri-toned orange and blue dress with a sporty pleated skirt and mod top filled with sexy cutouts.

Altuzarra went bold with a head-to-toe tangerinecolored pant suit. The jacket was tailored to perfection, while wideleg trousers created flowing movement down the runway. Bora Aksu brought the drama with a romantic amber orange lace dress detailed with a hint of pink and a high Victorian neckline.

Injecting orange into your wardrobe will give it just the boost it needs for spring. A little orange can go a long way, so you

by ALEXIS MCDONELL

can start off by wearing an oversized print that adds a little burst of color to your look. If you’re feeling daring, opt for a pastel skirt or a mandarin blouse. Rachel Wendell, social media director of Amelia Leigh boutique in Syracuse, NY, suggests pairing the bold color with neutrals and basics. Don’t be afraid to pair orange with black–with the right combo it will look classy, not Halloween-esque.

And for the extremely confident, an all-over orange look is the way to go. Mix and match different shades along with the silhouettes of the garments. Try a looser pant with a more structured, boxy top or vice versa.

If you don’t think you’re ready to take the plunge and fill your closet with citrus, start by accessorizing. “Find orange in a pattern like a plaid flannel or wear simple white t-shirt, light wash jeans, and make the orange a pop of color,” Wendell says.

“Jewelry, sunglasses, or a handbag are great ways to ease orange into your wardrobe.” Break out your cutest white tank top, tuck it into a pair of boyfriend jeans, and pair it with an orange belt. equaltimemagazine.com | 31

The Mighty Mule

Comfortable and stylish, this updated sandal will be your footwear of choice in the months to come. photography by HANNAH MEADER styling by DANIELLE LAROSE

Top to bottom:

Touch Mule in Black (Intentionally Blank, $136)

Tillary Tasseled Leather Mules (Cole Haan, $50)

Violet Mule (Urban Outfitters, $59.99)

Center: Trey Leather Ballet Flat (Nine West, $51.14) Right: Women’s Lauryn Mule (Via Spiga, $72.12)

equaltimemagazine.com | 3 3

ON INDIA Bra Pansy Bra in Rust (needsupply.com, $48) ON OLIVIA K Dress Side Slit Gown (mango.com, $69.99) ON OLIVIA B Camisole Lace Trim Top (mango.com $49.99)

inside/out

Pull inspiration from your lingerie drawer with bralette tops, slinky slips, and feminine floral and lace details. photography by JOEY MARION styling by DANIELLE LAROSE makeup by ERIN REIMEL, KAITLYN FREY and MARLÉNA AHEARN special thanks to PHOEBE’S RESTAURANT & COFFEE LOUNGE 3 4 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

equaltimemagazine.com | 3 5

ON INDIA Bra Pansy Bra in Rust (needsupply.com, $48) Skirt Floral Print Midi Skirt, (zara.com, $69.90) Sweater Aritzia, Editor’s own

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ON OLIVIA B Slip Dress Laurette Dress in Ashen (aritzia.com, $75)

equaltimemagazine.com | 3 7

ON OLIVIA K Dress Premium Cupro Dress (Mango, $99.99) Sweater Aritzia, Editor’s own

3 8 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

ON INDIA Bralette Out from Under Skinny Strap Bra Top (urbanoutfitters.com, $29) Sweater Cashmere Boyfriend Sweater in Vintage Elm (jcrew.com, $209) Pants Need Supply Co. Studio Pants (needsupply.com, $98)

equaltimemagazine.com | 3 9

ON OLIVIA K Jumpsuit Pocket Flowy Jumpsuit (mango.com, $79.99)

4 0 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

ON OLIVIA B Bralette Out from Under Valentina Lace Bralette (urbanoutfitters.com, $24) Pants Trousers with Bow (zara.com, $39.90) Shoes Silence + Noise Sloan Heel (Urban Outfitters, $59) equaltimemagazine.com | 41

ON OLIVIA K Dress Side Slit Gown (mango.com, $69.99) Shoes Plimsolls with Laces (zara.com, $39.90)

4 2 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

What is a tragus, exactly?

The tragus is the cartilage located at the most inner part of your outer ear.

DO IT YOURSELF

CUFFING SEASON

YOU’LL NEED...

1 Stud earring 1 Hang-down earring

Decorate your tragus with this delicate accessory—no piercing required.

Wire cutters Super glue

by RENEE CHERRY That little flap of skin toward the front your ear, the tragus, is one of the coolest spots for a piercing. But piercings hurt and the tragus is especially prone to infection, so an ear cuff is a great alternative. Plus, this DIY version allows you to repurpose old earrings that no longer have a match.

1. Using wire cutters, remove

Photos: Renee Cherry

any dangling embellishments from the hang-down earring.

You should be left with the wire portion of the earring.

2. Trim the ends of wire

from the hang-down earring, until it’s short enough to slide around your tragus without poking the inside of your ear. Using wire cutters, bend the wire to fit tightly around your tragus, so when you slip it on, it stays in place by itself.

3. Using wire cutters, remove

the post from the stud earring.

4. Glue the stud earring to

the front of the trimmed, wire end of the hang-down earring.

equaltimemagazine.com | 43

On Your Marg, Get Set, Go Shake up your cocktail game with these three margarita recipes. by TAYLOR LUPO

Margaritas are the perfect mix of sweet and sour, making them great poolside companions. Our experts have broken down the best boozy concoctions, so pick your favorite—or try all three.

1. WATERMELON

2. GUAVA

Ingredients 1 oz Lemon juice 1 oz Lime juice 2 oz Silver tequila 1 oz Triple sec 4 chunks fresh watermelon Mint leaves

Ingredients 2 oz Tequila 1 oz Triple sec 1 oz Lime juice 1 oz Simple syrup 1 oz Guava puree Ice Lime slices

Optional Salt Sugar Watermelon Jell-O powder

1. Pour tequila, triple sec, lime juice, simple syrup, and guava puree into blender.

MARGARITA

Lambert Epperly, mixologist and owner of National Bartenders School in Woodbridge, New Jersey, stresses the importance of using fresh ingredients and having fun while making drinks. “If you want to be creative, you can change the color of the margarita by using different colored curacao,” Epperly says.

Curacao, like triple sec, is an orange flavored liqueur. By swapping the triple sec for curacao, you can tailor the color of your cocktail without altering the flavor.

4 4 | EQUAL T IME Spring 2016

1. Muddle watermelon chunks and mint in container.

2. Add tequila, triple sec, lime juice, and lemon juice. Close container and shake well.

3. Strain the mixture well, making sure no chunks of watermelon are left in your drink.

4. If desired, rim glass with salt, sugar, or watermelon Jell-O powder.

5. Fill rimmed glass with ice and pour mixture into glass.

MARGARITA

3. FROZEN

POMEGRANATE MARGARITA

Ingredients 1 oz Pomegranate juice 1 oz Patron Silver tequila 1 oz Triple sec ½ oz Lime juice Salt Mint leaves Lime wedges Ice 1. Combine mint, juice, and liquor in blender.

2. Blend with a 12-ounce scoop of ice until smooth.

2. Continually add ice to blender until desired consistency is reached.

3. Pour into a festive glass and garnish with a thin lime wheel.

3. Moisten rim of glass with wedge of lime and coat in salt.

Helpful Hint: Simple syrup is a combination of equal parts white sugar and water, heated in a saucepan until completely dissolved.

Be sure to let the syrup cool before creating your boozy blend.

4. Pour into glass and garnish with lime wedge and mint leaves.

OVER HEARD

Whoa, your pupils are like, really dilated.

I dropped my phone in the toilet earlier today.

How does that make you feel?

Photo: Rebeka Spencer

Did I ever tell you guys about our nakey-nakey bathtime?

I met this like, druglord in Cancun.

@SU Their apartment was so hot and always smelled like meats.

I thought Whoopie Goldberg was dead.

I just love colons.

I’ve seen a lot of soft peen in my day.

I'd recommend getting drunk in Shaffer before getting drunk at ZBT.

If you cut I think I have me open angry hair right now I follicles. think I would literally I had to get out of bleed orange. there.

Those boys Oh sh*t, I just dropped my Lactaid pill.

just ripped ass and it smells like something died.

equaltimemagazine.com | 45

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