FREE
ISSUE 4
SUNY-ESF Literary Magazine small creatures
BIG IDEAS Page 7
DOODLE ISSUE
A Wonderland
of Alternative
FACTS Page 10
Stumpies Around The World : Bologna
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April 2017
SMALL TWIGS
TABLE O’ CONTENTS
PERSONAL ESSAYS
Day Dreams
Small Twigs Personal Essays
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Day Dreams, Lauren Wengart Him, Miranda Cordiale
Branching Out Reoccurring Articles
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Simplicity Over Toxicity: Bath Bombs For Sweet Dreams, Miranda Cordiale Weird Creature Spotlight, Stephen Scaduto Stumpies Around the World: Pamella Selby|Bologna, Grace Belisle
Getting To The Roots Environmental & Campus News
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Small Creatures, Big Ideas, Marissa Nolan What Does Environmental Leadership Look Like In 2017, Teagan Alderman
Budding Minds Poetry & Creative Writing
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Death Of A Forest, Morgan Beatey A Wonderland Of Alternative Facts, Jordan Jessamy Look And Listen, Morgan Beatey Untitled, Noelle Stevens Fighting The Darkness, Scott M. Przybyla Jr.
Adult Coloring Pages by Olivia Pinner Silly Saps Satire & Laughs
27 Facts That Prove We Can’t Agree On Anything, Jordan Jessamy Ask A NUT
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Lauren Wengart When I was a kid I used to make up other people. Not imaginary friends – imaginary people with their own lives. Once I made up a sixth sibling for my dad. I drew a picture of a boy with brown hair and a green, tie-dye shirt (because that’s what everyone wore in the 70s, right?). He got a kick out of it. I don’t remember when I stopped making up new people, but eventually I switched to making up new lives for myself. See, I’ve never been very outgoing, but I’ve always had a wild imagination. It was much easier to imagine myself doing great things in the comfort of my own mind where I was safe from the cold, cruel world in which one actually had to talk to… *gasp*… other people.
Years later my imagination changed course again. I began to imagine different futures for myself that built off of the actual present. I saw myself doing the things I secretly wanted to do but never did. I’ve always had a wild imagination-one so vivid it satisfied the desire to act. But, now it is the present day. And I have come to the realization that my detailed daydreams are just facades, a twisted loop where I see myself setting down a path of greatness, but am so caught up in the dreaming that I never take a single step. And, while it is fun to imagine, eventually I get tired and my mind needs quiet. I snap out of dreaming and realize that despite the riches in my mind, I am quite empty-handed. The truth I was desperately evading presents itself in full force- One day it will be the said “future” from your dreams and you’ll still be in the exact same place you are now.
It is not a bad thing to daydream. It is a wonderful way to escape boredom and explore possibilities for one’s life. Daydreaming can be a powerful tool so long as one can remember that that’s all it is-a tool. A compass pointing in the right direction – not the destination itself. For the longest time I did not remember this. I could not control my dreams. It has hit me hard now, and I am fed up – fed up with hiding behind my dreams, using them as a substitute for living. My imagination is vivid, yes, so much so that I can longer ignore its discrepancies with my reality. It is time to align the person I see when I look in the mirror with the person I see when I close my eyes.
Meet The Staff Editor: Grace Belisle Co-Managing Editor: Miranda Cordiale Layout Editor: Scott M. Przybyla Jr. Chief Financial Officer: Mark Tepper Editing Team: Carly Benson, Hailey Smalley, and LJ Jerome Layout Team: Scott M. Przybyla Jr & Lauren Perry Cover Art: Scott M. Przybyla Jr. Contact Information: Comments or Questions about The Knothole? The Knothole meets (just about every) Wednesday at 5:15 pm in Baker 141 - new Knot People are always welcome! Or email us at esfknothole@gmail.com 2
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SMALL TWIGS April 2017
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Him Miranda Cordiale WARNING: This story is not for the faint of heart. Be aware! The darkness consumed me. I remembered my breath being deep and soothing as I drifted off to sleep, but now I was drowning without being immersed in water. I was floating in an abyss, reaching out aimlessly, desperately seeking someone, anyone to reach out and grab me. My screams were muffled by the fluid entering my lungs. Is this it? Am I dying in my sleep? I wondered. I thought of my mom, my dad and my older brother. I felt the tears well up and spill from the corner of my eyelids. I was interrupted with laughter. It was not joyous children’s laughter. It was not happily-in-love couple’s laughter. This laughter was sinister and shocking. The kind of laughter that makes your heart heavy and puts a pit in your stomach. All at once, I could see again. I was seeing through my own eyes, but more faint and blurry. I could feel the warmth and comfort of my bed and sighed with relief. Except, I did not sigh externally. I felt panic rising within me. This isn’t right, I thought to myself. I felt a heat course from the tip of my toes to the crown of my skull.
Fire blazed through my body and left me in an uncomfortable daze. I felt as though I was moving my body, but I was still restrained to my bed. My vision went from normal, to black and white, to red, to grey. That’s when I met him.
He took the body down poorly lit roads, by fast moving cars, through dark back yards and alleyways. I watched as my body moved toward a destination without my control. Where am I going? I dared to think. I was grateful that it was not met with a response, but I knew he heard me.
I never saw him, I only felt him. His presence was filled with a grueling tension that occupied my every muscle. I was overwhelmed with pain, sadness, anger, despair, suffering and dread. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, but most importantly, I wanted to move. I wanted to move my muscles to free them from their restriction. The laughter broke through my thoughts, and ruptured through my ears, so loud that they rung.
We approached an old abandoned farm, left behind by an older farmer who passed away. There was still old farm equipment bygone by its owner. He made her pick up a can of gasoline and enter the house. He brought her into the kitchen to rummage through the drawers where she found a set of matches. He then brought her across the tall grass and into the rustic old barn.
“Hello, Miranda. I don’t think we have formally met,” the deep, raspy voice loudly pronounced.
He made her drench herself in the gasoline and spread it around the old barn. I was screaming, using every last bit of my energy to free myself from my containment. All attempts were failing and I was finding myself more and more in despair with each try. She took the matches from her pocket and struck them across the box. She brought the lit match close, but not too close to her face. He wanted me to stare into the flame. I helplessly cried internally as my pupils dilated and my skin dripped with gasoline.
I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight. My breath became shallow. Sweat slid down the crevice of my back. I tried to remain calm, but I felt sharp nails graze against the skin on my cheek. I let out a blood curdling shriek. The voice hushed me. “Shhhh, darling,” he cooed, “It’ll all be over fairly soon.” My external body rose without my consent. My body slipped on a bathrobe and slippers and headed down the stairwell. She turned the doorknob and left the house without shutting the door. The brisk, autumn air was soothing against my fiery skin. The sky was dark, full of twinkling lights. The sidewalks were lit with concentrated areas of light.
Reoccurring Articles
Simplicity Over Toxicity: Bath Bombs For Sweet Dreams Miranda Cordiale Have you ever wanted to enjoy a nice bath bomb, but can’t make it to the mall that day? Do you want a cheaper way to enjoy the benefits and luxury that Lush has to offer? Than look no further! You can make your own easy and inexpensive bath bombs! Bath bomb shapes can be created by using molds, cookie cutters, or if you’re like me, and you just want it not to look like a giant blob, a muffin tin. I made these bath bombs for my roommate for Christmas who uses them once a week for a “treat yourself” night.
My heart was racing.
Ingredients: 4 Table Spoons of Epsom Salt (I used lavender Epsom salt) 15-20 Drops of Essential Oils of Your Choice (lavender and chamomile will relax you and make you sleepy! However, lavender and vanilla together are delightful.) 1/3 Cup of Cream of Tatar Just a Little Bit of Water 1 and 1/2 Cups of Baking Soda Muffin Tin/Mold of Your Choice 1 and 1/2 Table Spoons of Olive Oil A Few Drops of Color Food Dye (in case you want that Lush color effect) You may also add soap glitter, too, if you’re feeling adventurous! How to do it:
He made her whisper, “Beati per ignem,” blessed by fire, in Latin. She dropped the match.
Combine all of your ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Add enough water so the dry ingredients stick together, but they aren’t soaked. Then place these ingredients into the molds. Leave the final product in the mold for 1-2 days. They should be easy to remove after the allotted time.
And then I woke up.
Enjoy treating yourself with sweet dreams and soft skin! (Based off of the recipe: http://www.ehow.com/how_5057845_make-bathbombs-citric-acid.html) parade.com
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TWIGS FEBRUARY 2017INSTAGRAM SUNY ESFSMALL THE KNOTHOLE FACEBOOK
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BRANCHING OUT FEBRUARY BRANCHING OUT April 20172017
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blog.press.princeton.edu
under the arches
The Public Space of Bologna’s Porticos
Weird Creature Spotlight
Pamella Selby Off Campus Project 2016
Stephan Scaduto Spring is in the air, which means that soon, flowers of all colors will emerge: beautiful reds, blues, yellows, and…eyeballs? Why are eyeballs growing on a stem? That’s because you’ve just met the next guest on Weird Creature Spotlight: the white baneberry plant. A native of eastern Canada and the US, it’s not hard to see what makes white baneberry so strange. How many plants do you see that appear to be covered in eyeballs? It’s these “eyeballs” that have given white baneberry its nickname: doll’s eyes. As if calling them eyes wasn’t creepy enough, we have to compare them to lifeless dolls too. The “eyeballs” on white baneberry are actually its berries. They ripen during the summer and are a food source for birds. But the same can’t be said for humans, because for us the berries are highly toxic and can possibly lead to cardiac arrest and death. Given how creepy the white baneberry is, I’m not surprised that its deadly. So, next time you’re strolling through the forest and see a plant that looks like its covered in eyeballs, try not to eat it (although if you’re the type who would eat eyeballs, you’re probably not going to listen to my advice anyway).
Stumpies Around the World: Pamella Selby, Bologna Grace Belisle From the porticos of the Emilia-Romagna region’s capital in northern Italy and back to the studios of Marshall Hall, Pamella (Pam) Selby treats us to a small taste of Bologna. Pam spent the fall semester living in the heart of Bologna for her 5th year off-campus experience, and shares with us recollections of her encounters, and details of her Italian lifestyle. As Pam finishes up her last semester, The Knothole will forever be dreaming of handmade pasta and wheels of parmesan. Why did you choose Bologna over other destinations? The Off-Campus Program for landscape architecture is pretty unique because we have the ability to choose our study location… it can be anywhere in the world as long as 3-4 people are interested in the same place. Our professors made some suggestions, and when northern Italy became an option, I knew that was where I would end up. We went back and forth for a long time between three Italian cities: Bologna, Torino, and Trieste, but eventually settled on Bologna because of its central location and the opportunities it offered. For me, it was the top choice because it seemed like such a quintessential Italian city with the narrow side streets and orange tile roofs.
Can you describe a typical Bologna streetscape? / Can you tell us a little bit about your thesis? This is actually related to my study topic… Bologna has such a fun streetscape because most streets have porticos. A portico is “a structure consisting of a roof supported by columns, usually attached to a building as a porch” (Dictionary.com definition). These were originally built to support additions to buildings without interfering with the narrow streets. Bologna is unique because so many porticos have been preserved over time. Since so many buildings have them, they form a system throughout the city. Instead of walking on an open sidewalk, you are able to walk through a sheltered structure, protected from sun and rain and separated from vehicles on the street. Also, many streets in the historic city center are pedestrian and even the vehicular streets around Piazza Maggiore close on the weekends for pedestrians to take over. My study was focused on the porticos and how they function as a system of public space. In addition to some historic research, I walked around the city center to document the locations of the porticos and their characteristics. I also made observations of behaviors in these spaces. My findings came together in a book that included a written report with analytical maps, diagrams, and photographs. Did any part of the city become a part of your daily routine? Our apartment was located right next to Piazza Maggiore, the main city square. We were so lucky to live there because we were right in the hub of activity. Almost every day, there was a new event happening in the piazza. It was a huge gathering space for people to hang out in the evening, and we started calling the piazza our “living room” because we spent much of our time sitting out there.
Bologna has fresh food markets all over the city, including a neighborhood called the Quadrilatero which has been a market district since medieval times. Vendors set up their stalls along the street and people wander along to buy their food. The produce was very cheap because most of it comes from the region. Parma is a town close to Bologna, so parmesan cheese was readily available. I ate so much of it! For meat, there was one shop in particular that we visited frequently. We ordered in Italian but taught the workers some English in exchange. Do any particular experiences stand out to you? We spent a day on a farm just outside of the city. In the morning, we harvested vegetables and in the afternoon, we used those vegetables to cook a meal with the chef that owned the farm. She taught us how to make pasta (tagliatelle and tortellini of course) as well as some other Italian dishes. It was a hands-on experience that has changed the way we cook!
Any advice for travelers headed to Italy?
Photo & Diagram Credit: Pamella Selby SUNY ESF THE KNOTHOLE FACEBOOK INSTAGRAM
Every city or region of Italy has a specialty. For Bologna, it is mortadella (the better version of what we call “bologna”) and tortellini. The tortellini are perfection served in broth. This dish has become my new comfort food. Another authentic dish is tagliatelle al ragù (pasta with meat sauce), which you can order in every traditional restaurant.
I had traveled as part of a French exchange program in high school, and that experience had prepared me for the shock of visiting a new country, but actually living in another country was a very different situation. I think it has made me more aware of cultural differences and different ways of life. I think I have also become more comfortable going outside my comfort zone.
When I got on the plane to Italy, I knew no Italian! I was worried that I would have an issue, but I was able to pick up some conversational words and phrases. The people in Bologna were very friendly and easy to talk to. They would try to help us the best they could if we had a problem understanding something. At first, the announcements in the train stations didn’t make any sense to me, but gradually I began to comprehend more and more. When I returned to Italy after a quick trip to Germany towards the end of the semester, I was so happy to be back in a familiar place. Italy had become like home.
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Ugh, the food. Food in Italy is so important and ingrained in the culture – in fact, three of my classmates focused their study on food in some way.
How did studying abroad affect you?
What was the most surprising thing you encountered?
http://www.kuriositas.com
Tell me about the fooooooood!
You should definitely visit places like Rome, Florence, and Venice, just because there’s so much to see there. BUT if you can get to a smaller city, like Bologna, you will have a much more authentic experience. In the more popular tourist places, I heard more English than Italian, and we were treated differently. Italy is such a beautiful place with a rich history. No matter where you go, you will see amazing things. BRANCHING OUT April 2017
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Campus & Environmental News Photo Credit: M. Nolan
GETTING THE
Small Creatures, Big Ideas
TO
ROOTS
What Does Environmental Leadership Look Like in 2017?
Marissa Nolan Jesse Czekanski-Moir can name the six most common ants on Palau, in Palauan. However, he does not study languages: Jesse studies ants and snails on the island nation. Palau sits in the Western Pacific near the Philippines and New Guinea: A perfect place to conduct research. Palau was once one landmass that now consists of over 500 islands. During the last ice age, Palau’s islands detached from one another. When the glaciers melted, the sea level rose. This rise made islands out of the hilltops. Apart from the beautiful location, Palau represents a perfect study site for another reason: species invade islands easier than larger landmasses. However, Palau resists invasives better than normal islands. It sits just close enough for mainland Asian species to make the leap. Small invasions fortified Palau against larger ones. Wildlife faces the problem of habitat division today. Human actions break up landscapes. Roads, cities, and dams corral wildlife into smaller and smaller areas. Palau presents a natural habitat division. Jesse cannot study all the wildlife on Palau. He centers his research on land snails and ants. “They’re easy to collect because they’re not too fast,” he explains. They 8
have another benefit: “If you find one, there is almost always a population.” Ants and land snails are not just slow and common: they demonstrate two ways in which species disperse. Both invertebrate groups contain 100-120 species on the islands, but their dispersal methods differ. Palau’s biggest island supports the highest assortment of ants. Yet, the many small islands in the chain sustain more types of land snails. This shows that ants colonized Palau many times. Ants did a better job of moving to new areas than land snails. They can travel on plants over water or hitch a ride from a bird. Two-thirds of land snail genera evolved from one species. A greater fraction of species tracing back to one ancestor means land snails settled Palau only a few times. Our northeastern wildlife follows one of these two patterns as well. “Cuddly” is not a word that describes ants and snails, but Jesse does not get flak for studying them. Despite their small statures, they can help settle the age-old debate of single large or several small (SLOSS): Should biologists conserve one large parcel of land? Or several small, spread out pieces? People fail to place value on small reserves; they dismiss conserving
Teagan Alderman As environmentalists, we are asked to live responsibly. We are also asked, in many cases, to spread the word, expose the truth, or get others involved. Many wellknown environmentalists, often celebrities, have shared their internal battles about their over-use of resources while working to spread the word of environmentalism. What’s the point of flying to a climate conference?
a handful of acres. If large, iconic species cannot sustain themselves on it, what good can it be? For Palau, preserving the large island would not save most of the land snails. Jesse’s work supports the idea that small reserves can shelter pockets of diversity. Nevertheless, large reserves retain their importance. “We should conserve all the land we can,” Jesse maintains. But a reserve does not need to be big to be impactful. Magnetic species dominate biology. These organisms get politicians and the general public on the conservation bandwagon. However, overlooked creatures can indicate the places we should look to conserve. “Invertebrates are most useful in showing what [areas] are not degraded and [that are] still biologically distinct,” Jesse clarifies. This project reaches beyond Palau. Farmers cut down much of the northeastern forests hundreds of years ago. Jesse’s work can help propose plans for “islands” of natural habitats around the world, including our forests. The data from Palau’s natural lab can be applied anywhere.
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Not only ants and land snails benefit from this research. Model species inform general conservation rules. Jesse’s research shows that small reserves can protect wildlife, from insects to birds and beyond.
So, where do we draw the line? As the people that climate ambassadors represent, we need to decide what is better: sending delegates on resource consumptive trips or keeping them at home, saving the resources, and finding other ways to make globally impactful environmental decisions. Is driving across the country on a speaking tour about some green initiative worth the emissions that the tour bus and audience’s travel create? Surely, in 2017, in this grand age of digital communication, there must be another way to interact with others and communicate about environmental issues.
Few people know the small country of Palau. Fewer know about its small creatures. This fails to lessen the importance of either to conservation. Studying Palau as a natural experiment aids biologists and lawmakers everywhere. They can predict how wildlife in divided areas will survive, or not. Ants and land snails illustrate how species spread and what habitats need protection. These two species’ game plans explain the importance of small and large reserves. It might not solve SLOSS, but Jesse’s research places another piece in the puzzle. Sometimes the little things in life are the most important.
palaudiveadventures.com
There is already evidence of change in the environmental community when it comes to communicating with others. Green social media has replaced handing flyers out on the street corner; organizers no longer have to assemble a crew
GETTING TO THE ROOTS April 2017
of volunteers to go out and spread the word. As the online world becomes larger and larger by the day, the ability to communicate online becomes more important and relevant to the environmental community. The ability to communicate online also poses a solution for the aforementioned problem of needing resources to come together for summits and conferences. How long until UN climate conferences are held over video chat? When will summits no longer have host cities, but host sites? Instead of watching these various meetings on television, people will be able to watch them online, and the access will still be there. Spreading the word, exposing the truth, and getting others involved can all be done online, without the liftoff of a plane or the start of an automobile engine. Environmental leaders from students to celebrities can take the initiative to save resources. While many aspects of environmentalism require a handson approach, environmental leadership is not one of them. With the resources of today, as well as tomorrow, it is time for environmental leaders to take the step to digitizing their movements and uniting their followers online. 9
Budding Minds Death of a Forest Morgan Beatey Great tree Now that industry has befallen you With perilous vice Tell us That we may forgive ourselves And rectify our ways I watched as though powerless And regret it still For one must always remember the lesson Among the remaining When man has claimed the trees Scream so we may know Injustice The human deforests like a predator Scrounging among your ruins Forged by us And left to rot Leaving behind a past Forsaken And gone When you whither and fade The world mourns your loss Troubled by the aftermath wrought in development’s reign And its time The destruction the death the despair The ruined earth tilled by machine And the scars Our mark Cast from your life Pray That it is we who change
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Poetry & Creative Writing
Look and Listen
Fighting The Darkness
Morgan Beatey
A Wonderland of Alternative Facts Jordan Jessamy Behold fellow stumpies, this wonderful land A funderful land, made on an alternative plan A funderfully, wonderfully nonsensical place That we now reside in by his Majesty’s grace Where nothing is true-but that it is grand. “Dear Author, please tell me of things so complex: “I have seen pigs that can fly, people whom speak ancient text, “I was choked by the air, and clocks run early and late. “I see normal things here are treated with hate. “I struggle to predict that which will come next.” Here everything flies, even you and me, Gravity is greedily holding everything free, Simply start calling it names and poking its eyes And eventually it will wish to sever your ties. In this land a bully is what’s best to be. And so you have noticed we all speak in tongues? It is entirely hot air which inflates all our lungs, Our thoughts are all organized in haphazard stacks The burden of clarity we’ve lifted from our backs. We use logic by throwing it and stepping on it like rugs. You choked on the air? But we clean it with ash Just drink our fresh water that it is filtered through trash. Eat some of the bacon, that grows in the shrubs, Or some quail, you will find those swimming in tubs. Do this, and join us all at our daily yearly bash The bashes are daily yet yearly because the time here is simple Right now is the past because the present is fragile It lives in the old and then leaps to the future So to stop in the now is simply just amatuer. We cling to the Old yet still view the New as a miracle. So embrace our whimsical rules and dare not to question Don’t say lies that this isn’t how things are meant to function We offer love to our own with gentle, tender hands And also use them to push wrongers in the sands. We express both spectrums without hesitation. So the next thing you see and find quite complex Remember this quote from our most sacred text “To find joy in our madness, it is never too late, It’s thinking too hard that gives reason for hate.” So abandon your truths, and enjoy what comes next.
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Scott M. Przybyla Jr.
My parents would have had me believe That summer days end with fairy tales and winter breeds new hope. I know better now, for I am grown, though not yet old; Among the concrete and stone, it is we who breath the dream. Nature, that great escape, has been around us all along. Only, we have chosen to ignore and squander it, to romanticize that which needs no romance, for it has been, and always will be, a part of us. And what do we have to condone? I know those who choose to laugh and turn a blind eye, and I pity their ignorance. They do not know the wholeness, the beauty, that exists on even the ugliest of days. For we promote certain aspects of our natural world and embellish them as one would temple or god. Nature is no reprieve, no religion; it is only what we make it to be. For me, it is a home. Though there are many rooms – and many roommates – I do not have to leave to find all that I am looking for. No, all I need is to open a door and look or step within. Nature is there, all around us. It is here. Look and listen.
Untitled Noelle Stevens In your dream… You stand by a shining, silver sea And see your rippling reflection there. They smile and beckon, seeming to say: “Follow me, if you dare.” You take the chance, and take the plunge Heedlessly, into the calm, clear depths. Once inside, you’re startled to find, A sight beyond your reckoning A world of endless color lies before you, You see the coarse, vivid coral, Snappers schooling in a brilliant array, And above it all, a lone, stern queen angelfish
I followed this red boiling river just to see--What is truth inside that book covered in dust. I see a dark dead forest before me to test my fears. This forest came alive as I approached in its Darkness--I have never see such a forest like this dark dead forest. At this point, I wondered why am I here? I had many answers as to why I am here, But I knew the real answer was something to see. I looked through this dark dead forest To find an answer through the piles of dust. These piles lived on these trees of Darkness And these trees were covered in thorns like those in my fears. As I came close to one of those thorns like those in my fears, I broke one off and It reminded me why I was here. I came to fight off the Darkness. I watched the red sap ooze out and from what I could see, The sap was no different that the river under my boat covered in dust. This is such a strange dark dead forest--Tall thorny trees barren of leaves inhabit this dark dead forest. Tributaries of the red river below my feet add to my fears. I walked up to one tree and brushed away some dust--And I found a face, I asked it what it was doing here? I turned and looked at every tree and faces was all I could see. In fear of this place and tried to leave this Darkness. But, no I must fight this Darkness--Such a war is waged in my mind from this dark dead forest I do not want to be any of these trees I see I do not want to have thorns like those in my fears. I do not want to end up here. This is no home for me, I say throwing the dust. The darkness is blinded by the dust I took my knife and stabbed the core of darkness. The weight is lifted and mind settle and I can leave here--As I sail from this dark dead forest I lose all my fears, And my future was all that I could see. Dust is the only thing alive in that dark dead forest. Darkness wrapped my toes, and grasped my fears. Here is where I will never be and never again see. *Book covered in dust- Dante’s Inferno by Dante Alightieri
You start. In your bed once more. Was that a dream? You feel a tugging on your mind, As if a memory was trying to surface…
BUDDING MINDS April 2017
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Adult Coloring Pages by Olivia Pinner Color the time away! and add your own Doodles!
We Recommend Using Markers, It Hold Better On This Paper!
Watering Can Raining Kathryn Half Face
Weird Jeff
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ADULT COLORING PAGES April 2017
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Silly SAPS
27 Questions to Prove We Can’t Agree on Anything Jordan Jessamy
Thanks to all our Doodlers! Another Great Year For Creativity & Art
DREAM ON! and
DOODLE IT UP!
2017 Doodlers: Tucker Schnaars Miranda Cordiale Jordan Jessamy Cameron Beck Steve Fenn Kevin Nguyen Colin Walters Becca Terry Megan Gorss Lauren Perry Noelle Stevens Alex Roukis Kyle McGowan Steven Scaduto Morgan Beatey Joe Gleason Bridget Snover Mark Tepper Grace Belisle Laura Wengart Scott M. Przybyla Jr. Olivia Pinner
There is always another reason for debate in this country. While many people point fingers at a variety of scapegoats like biased news networks, the internet, or everyone else’s’ stupidity, in the end, we are at fault. Some are quick to take offense at any sign of disagreement with their beliefs, and for some topics, especially hot topics like politics or religion, it is understandable. However, there are some topics that are simply not worth arguing, yet we are still fixated on them. We take these for granted and assume that there can only be one answer; we would be shocked to learn that there are many who think differently. In the spirit of showing that humans will never be able to get along, the following is a list of 27 issues that are as pointless as the double “the” earlier in this sentence you likely did not notice. You would not have noticed it, by the way, because there was never a double “the” in the first place. To further prove my claim, feel free to ask some of these questions the next time you see a friend and see how little you really knew about them. For more fun, bring up a question within a group. Next, sit back and enjoy watching while laughing maniacally as they duke it out for your entertainment. 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11) 12) 13) 14) 15) 16) 17) 18) 19) 20) 21) 22) 23) 24) 25) 26) 27)
How to make PB&J (how many knives do you use, what order) Whether the toilet paper roll goes up or down Milk or cereal first Puppies or kittens Pronouncing “pecan” Soda or pop Wiping while standing or sitting Football or Fútbol (soccer) Samsung Versus Apple Should pineapple go on pizza? If it’s yellow, should you leave it mellow Pronouncing gif Dirt or Soil Was Harambe just a gorilla? Are zebras white with black stripes or vice versa? Halloween or Christmas Should you need 1 alarm or 3+ Toothpaste then water, or reverse Fun first or work first Morning or afternoon Marvel or DC How to peel a banana Cutting sandwiches into rectangles or triangles Do you eat the crust (sandwich or pizza) Is ketchup and mayonnaise the combination of the devil? Earbuds or headphones Day or night
Ask A NUT
Satire and Laughs
Dear Nut, I’m having trouble falling asleep lately. No matter what time I go to bed, or what time I have dinner, or how tiring my day was, I lie awake for hours and hours, unable to sleep. And whenever I finally doze
off, I end up having the weirdest dreams that wake me up early or make me groggy in the morning. How can I stop my insomnia and get rid of these crazy dreams? Sincerely, Sleepless in Syracuse
Dear Sleepless in Syracuse, You’re having trouble with crazy dreams, huh? Well since these dreams can only happen while you’re asleep, just try staying awake all night! Oh wait, you’re already not sleeping. Hmmm. Well let’s just forget about the weird dreams for a minute and focus on that. Let me just recharge my brain with a quick nap so I can give you better advice… Ok we’re back. Typically when you’re having trouble sleeping, people give you the same type of advice. Have a warm glass of milk, don’t watch TV right before you try to sleep, take deep measured breaths before you lie down, etc. But I bet you’ve tried that stuff so much that it’s exactly what your body expects. So what
you have to do is throw your body for a loop by doing the opposite of what you’ve been trying. Watch an intense action movie late at night, then chug a Red Bull right before you get in bed. Instead of taking deep, measured breaths, try short irregular ones. Better yet, forget the late at night part and try this during the middle of the day! Your body will be so confused that it will want to reboot itself to figure everything out. And what’s the best way for a body to reboot itself? Sleep! Well I’m glad we got all that figured out for you. Oh wait, I forgot to help you with the crazy dreams. Maybe stop watching weird YouTube videos right before bed? Hope the advice helps, writing this column really tired me out, so I’m going to go take another nap. Sweet dreams! -Nut
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