Simply Tangled
CW: MEDICAL CONDITION/PAIN/SUFFERING
20
The simplest things often have the greatest complexities. Our bodies are simple — or are they? Well, I could never tell because mine hasn’t been the easiest to get along with. At a very early age, I knew my body was different, it wasn’t how I wanted it to be, and just that feeling dominated my entire existence. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) at the age of 11. I was still getting used to the world when I was put on pills for the cysts to dissolve because it seemed curable, and apparently it was, until one day I had shooting pains down my leg, so much so that I started screaming at the top of my lungs. At 13, it turned out the cysts were now bigger than normal, and my body started to change. My skin was home to acne, my lean body got broader, I gained 20kgs, I had stretch marks, my face changed, my personality tumbled down, and my self-confidence — well, let’s not even go down that road. I was quieter, I was scared and shaken, not because of what people told me, but because I could see myself change, every single day, piece by piece. And in no time, I lost myself altogether. Finally, I went through an operation. Physically, I was at my best, but mentally, I didn’t even know who I was. And that’s the thing about our simple bodies: they’re deeper than we think they are. I lost five years of my teenage years to comments about how I looked, how I dressed, how I was unsocial or an introvert. I did not know how to carry myself and I felt that my acne scars and facial hair were ugly, that my body was manly, and I was too fat to be treated conventionally. I was my own worst enemy and I hated it.
Issue 02/2021: Growing Pains
