Esperanto Magazine is published by MONSU Caufield Inc. Views expressed within do not necessarily reflect those of MONSU Caufield Inc, the editorial panel, the publisher, or any other person associated with Esperanto.
Anonymous, Ava Toon, Caleb Katsakis, Chloe Jensen, Dora Chung, Evelyn Johnson, Janae Hunter, Jasper Kidman, Jennifer Chen, Jennifer Hoang, Jess Heng, Jordyn Matusewicz, Luca Macissac, Nikole Bradbury, Pipi Jannou, Sama Harris, Sasha Clancy, Sheyla Pandzo, Simonette Labrian, Stephanie Bridges, Stephanie Hughes, Yamca Go
'Seasons of Change' — Jennifer Chen
Nostalgia Soundtrack
Words by Alyssa Sandler and Jennifer Hoang & Art by Yamca Go
Brat Summer Incoming
Words by Shabnam Sidhu & Collage by Alyssa Sandler
En ce Moment
Words by Caleb Katsakis & Art by Gizelle Sakr
You're on My Mind, You're in My Heart
Words by Elizabeth Sabelino & Art by Evelyn Johnson
How to: Be The Change
Words by Natalia Godinez Paz & Photography by Chloe Jensen
My Life in Yoghurt
Words by Ash Dowling & Art by Sasha Clancy
My Mum and I Are Besties Now
Words by Parisa Sarmady & Art by Jennifer Chen
Lemons to Lemonade, And Everything Inbetween
Words by Shayna Sylvester & Art by Jess Heng
Nursing a Broken Heart With Lots of Thinking
Words by Jude Corbet O'Rourke & Art by Stephanie Hughes
Interview A Grad
Words by Indira Dyza Kirana & Art by Sama Harris
Social Media
Words by Angel Tully & Art by Sheyla Pandzo
Technology Hot Takes
Words by Lizzie Tooth & Art by Jasper Kidman
Where's Whoop Whoop Anyways
Words & Art by Simonette Labrain
Chick Flicks: The Ultimate Super Trooper
Words by Akira Kerr & Art by Ava Toon Being 14
Words by Samuel White & Art by Jordyn Matusewicz
Run Clubs, Saunas And Breathwork: Is Melbourne My New Fitspo?
Words by Laura Walsh & Art by Luca Macissac
Self Portrait
Art by Hailey Jordan Liemena
2024: The Year I Became a BITCH
Words by Alice O'Brien & Art by Dora Chung
2025: Looking Through the Crystal Ball
Words & Art by Arathi
Dear Diary
Words by Fae Gehren & Art by Pipi Jannou
Flying Separate Skies, Free as a Bird
Words by Karen Grace Prince & Art by Janae Hunter
The Journey to Find Myself
Words by Anonymous & Art by Stephanie Bridges
Dearest Esperanto
Words by Angel Tully & Art by Jennifer Hoang
Editor’s Note
Change is a lot of things. It’s… Scary, Fun, Inevitable, Moving Forward, Hard, Opportunity, Constant.
For our final edition of 2024 we wanted to explore our experiences as young people in a rapidly changing world. We see these changes very close to home within our personal lives, identities and relationships.
We also observe change on a larger scale in the fast-paced and chaotic world around us as we navigate through periods of societal change and innovation.
This edition is a celebration of whatever messy, interesting season of life you find yourself in right now, as much as it’s a time capsule to look back on in years to come to see how far we’ve travelled.
We would love you to join us in rounding out the year with some much needed reflection.
Illustration: Yamca Go IG: @ube.bebe
Nostalgia Soundtrack
Words: Alyssa Sandler & Jennifer Hoang
IG: @alyssasand_ @jenniferhoangs
Behold our grand amalgamation of songs from the 2000s and 2010s. From ‘So Fresh’ CDs played at primary school discos and alone in our bedrooms, to songs that fuelled premature sadness and emotional tween angst. These are the songs that made us feel older and that now serve as a reminder of that bittersweet adolescence in our rear view mirror.
Walking On A Dream Empire Of The Sun
Hey Ya! Outkast
Shake it Metro Station
Dynamite Taio Cruz
I Gotta Feeling Black Eyed Peas
Hot N Cold Katy Perry
You Belong With Me Taylor Swift Party In The U.S.A. Miley Cyrus
Baby Justin Bieber ft Ludacris Call Me Maybe Carly Rae Jepsen
What Makes You Beautiful One Direction Timber Pitbull ft Kesha
I Love It (feat. Charli XCX) Icona Pop
Smile Lily Allen
Paper Planes M.I.A.
Tongue Tied GROUPLOVE
Young Folks Peter Bjorn and John
Ain’t It Fun Paramore
Everything Is Embarrassing Sky Ferreira Kids MGMT
Sweet Disposition The Temper Trap
You’ve Got the Love Florence + The Machine
Ribs Lorde
Brat Summer Incoming
Collage: Alyssa Sandler IG: @alyssasand_
Words: Shabnam Sidhu IG: @sidhushabnam_
“You’re that girl who is a bit messy and loves to party and maybe says dumb things sometimes. She’s honest, blunt, and a little bit volatile, that’s Brat.” Charli XCX
It is the last summer before my 25th birthday and it feels like a pivotal moment in my life. As I reflect on my early twenties, my life has often felt like a hot mess. I have an existential crisis every other day. I worry I am not living up to my potential and that every waking moment is being wasted. I am overwhelmed and consumed by my thoughts of not being attractive or confident enough to do the things I want the most. I am tired of failing to put myself out there because I’ve concerned myself with societal expectations.
Being brat is about having the power to control the narrative and the stories that you’re telling yourself about why things are happening the way they are. I can’t control nor fix the status quo. But what I can do is unapologetically love and embrace myself in the same way Charli XCX’s brat is euphorically experimental, edgy and just plain weird. It feels like the long era of clean girl living is finally coming to an end. There are no longer rules on being ‘that girl’ anymore. Now, anyone can be ‘so Julia’ hot, smart and an icon.
As summer approaches and I revamp my life to navigate the turbulences that come and go, here’s how I’m choosing to cement my identity as a brat.
First, I’ll be deleting all my dating apps. Dating apps have ruined the vibe of an entire generation. I’ve been on dating apps since I was 20 and I’ll be the first to admit, it’s an unhealthy dopamine hit. My self-esteem and self-worth are non-existent on a dating app. I can’t look in a mirror and tell myself that I’m beautiful or interesting. Embracing brat is to sit with yourself and your thoughts, and to do the things that make you happy without external validation.
Next, I will not be cancelling plans and yes, I will walk like a bitch. Brat is a confessional album and in the remix of ‘Girl So Confusing’, I felt seen. I’m a far cry from the feminine ideal and I’ve come to realise that the coolest and sexiest women I know are the ones that are most comfortable being themselves.
And while for the last couple of years, I’ve been at war with my body, brat summer is all about inhibition: no bra, no fucks given, no curated aesthetic. And most importantly, having the kind of audacious fun that bonds you and your friends together for life. No one cares if your thighs touch or that you’ve gone up two sizes over winter if you’re out having spicy margaritas and dancing till the sun comes up.
Last but not least, I will be a 365-party girl. As a self-proclaimed antithesis to the clean girl, this summer I will not be embarking on an individualist wellness venture. Brat is not just about getting drunk and partying, it’s about being able to fall in love again and again and to cry in the club, but nonetheless, you’re in the club.
I have insecurities and I’m constantly teetering between being sexy, fun and nonchalant, and being someone who’s just sad sometimes. I am in my mid-twenties, real intelligent and this summer, I will be talking shit, but I will be able to say sorry when necessary, and I will be crying out my hangover the next day. It’s so confusing sometimes to be a girl.
The truth is, there is no specific way to have a brat summer. It is what you make of it. Brat is freedom and opening yourself up to the possibility of everything. Being looked at and judged is not a new phenomenon so go be everywhere, be so Julia.
En ce Moment
Words: Caleb Katsakis IG: @halevacci
Photography: Gizelle Sakr IG: @arthouse.11
There was a moment.
When I had just lifted the weight of my world off my shoulders.
When I had just finished eating dinner at nine o’clock, There was a moment.
When I walked downstairs to cleanse my palate
Holding half of a mixed berry muffin in a plastic bowl. There was a moment.
When I took that bowl, and walked towards the lit hallway before the stairs There was a moment.
When the light shone upon me, My traditional Japanese kimono nightwear unfurled And my stomach flopping in the breeze of my brisk striding, There was a moment.
When that bowl was in my hand. When my body flowed freely.
When my eyes turned to the ceiling before closing. There was a moment:
A moment where I saw nothing but darkness And filled the cavity of my lungs with oxygen until my chest rose above the emptiness, At this moment, I forgot the life I was living And remembered that I existed.
You’re on My Mind, You’re in My Heart
Words: Elizabeth Sabelino IG: @elizabeth.sabelino
T as in Troy? No Gabriella, T as in Things Have Changed.
To the younger me, High School Musical (HSM) was my whole life. You name it I could sing, dance and act all the parts… Bed sheets? Owned. Merch? Owned. Books? Owned. Stationery? Owned. Troy and Gabriella shirt? I wish I owned. It pained me so much when my cousin got one while I got Sharpay and Ryan. It devastated me. I felt like I was an imposter. I felt like I loved HSM, but it never loved me back like when I auditioned for Gabriella in the school production and didn’t get the part. Nonetheless, my unwavering spirit for HSM never diminished. The cultural legacy of HSM still has a chokehold on my life.
This carried on when they did ‘Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure’ and even ‘High School Musical: The Musical: The Series’. I think it’s because I was still attached to the idea of Troy and Gabriella I was still searching for their narrative. I felt like there was more that they could give. I took it personally when Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens broke up in real life. Was there no way that they could work, work, work this out? The sun did not shine for me when I found out Vanessa got married and became a mother and Zac wasn’t the father (I hope she’s happy though). I felt like I was growing up alongside them and there was more I could learn from them about navigating friendships, love and how to go after your dreams. Even though HSM stars have shifted to different ventures, I think HSM is still their most meaningful project.
As I have gotten older, I can rewatch the movies from a different perspective. Was Sharpay really the villain? In HSM 2, was it Troy's fault that his future was calling on him? Was it fair for Gabriella to just walk away in HSM 3 like that? Whatever happened to Chad, Taylor, Kelsie, Ryan, Martha, Jason and Zeke after graduation? Over the years, I can tell that I have changed and grown based on how I view HSM now. Watching HSM as a three-year-old and HSM 3 as a six-year-old, my emotional intelligence
Art: Evelyn Johnson
IG: @evj.design
wasn’t there yet. I couldn’t grasp the magnitude of what the ‘coming of age’ era entailed or how to navigate the start of something new. I only cared about the songs and Troy and Gabriella’s love story.
Rewatching the movies at different stages of my life, I have a bit more appreciation of what these stories offered. HSM 3 will forever be my favourite out of the three the epitome of what it feels like to transition and grow up. There is no dream that is too unrealistic, as long as you put your mind to it. We are all growing up and we deserve the world and nothing less.
Watching from an older perspective, the scene where they sing ‘Right Here, Right Now’ makes me bawl like a big baby. Like??? OMG??? While we are in this awkward position where everyone is moving through different stages of their lives graduating from uni, getting engaged, getting married, having kids it’s ok for us to say that tomorrow can wait for some other day to be, but right now there’s you and me. Although this song was intended to just be about Troy and Gabriella being up in the treehouse while the chaos unfolds below them, I feel the sentiment of what they are singing about. Their music brings a sense of nostalgia and comfort knowing that while everything in the world that I know is constantly changing, I can still have HSM to rewatch and know everything is left the same as when I last watched it.
Although HSM no longer occupies my every thought and my whole being, I still refer to it from time to time as a place of comfort and familiarity. Through every up, through every down, I knew that HSM was always going to be around. Through anything, I could count on the movies to bring me comfort. It helped shape who I am today and continues to help me navigate life.
In my heart, I’ll always know that once a Wildcat, always a Wildcat.
How to: Be The Change
Words: Natalia Godinez Paz IG: @natti.gi
Photography:
Chloe Jensen IG: @cjphotography.aus
We’ve all heard Gandhi’s famous quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world,” a thousand times. It’s inspiring, but what does it really mean in practice? How can we move beyond words to contribute to the causes that matter the most to us? Where to start? Whether you’re passionate about environmental protection, political advocacy, global humanitarian efforts or local issues, here are five ways to make a difference besides attending demonstrations, signing petitions or donating:
Fashion
Fashion and beliefs have always been intertwined, serving as a means of communication and self-expression. Throughout history, clothes and accessories have been used as a political statement, a tool for social change, and a reflection of societal values.
You can make a bold statement like Bella Hadid wearing a Keffiyeh dress, or, if you prefer subtle reminders, you can express your beliefs by birkinfying your bag with keychains, a pin or embroidering your favourite piece of clothing.
Back up small businesses
In today’s capitalist climate, every purchase is a vote with your wallet. When you choose small, ethical, locally-owned businesses, you’re not just buying a product — you’re investing in your community and the world you want to live in. Plus you get the benefit of higher quality products, crafted with care and attention to detail with a story to go with it.
So, when you're buying your morning coffee or a new outfit, be mindful of where your money goes and the impact it has.
Support the right people
When it comes to celebrities and social media, it’s easy to get caught up in the drama. Nevertheless, engaging with problematic figures can be more harmful than entertaining. By following them, we’re fueling their platforms and income.
It’s time to unfollow and block celebrities, influencers and wealthy socialites who aren’t using their resources to help those in need. Don’t let “not being informed
enough” be an excuse. We should expect more from those with influence.
Create/share content on social media
Be vocal about your beliefs, and don’t be afraid to speak your mind or engage in discussions, even if it means being challenged. It’s common to shy away from expressing your ideas for fear of backlash or criticism, but growth often comes from these exchanges.
Reposting flyers, sharing articles, creating videos or simply tweeting your thoughts can all raise awareness, inspire others and contribute to a broader conversation.
Keep on learning
The first step in any journey is understanding the path ahead. However, it’s crucial to stay curious and open-minded. Continue educating yourself about the issues you care about.
This could involve reading books, watching documentaries or following trustworthy news sources to name a few. Understanding the nuances of your chosen cause will enable you to make informed decisions and communicate effectively with others.
Most importantly, remember to rest and take care of yourself. You can’t partake in change if you don’t stay safe and appraise your well-being. So, regularly check-in with yourself and others involved in your chosen movement.
Making a difference doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Start small, take a stand and an action in ways that feel right for you. Every step counts, and your efforts can inspire others to do the same.
My Life In Yoghurt
Words: Ash Dowling IG: @ashleighdowling
Illustration: Sasha Clancy IG: @sashaclancy
my mum used to dish it out for me but she would never give me enough then came the day that I could get it for myself and I heaped it high as my Jenga blocks, carefree
until middle school when I worried that dairy gave me pimples so I gave myself less and less until I stopped and left it rotting in the fridge like my self-confidence
I gingerly took it out again when I was seventeen a hesitant treat, a shy display of vanilla affection, a peace offering to myself
and when we had made amends it brought strength to my bones and I moved to the other side of the world for a season, where I had yoghurt every morning and night portions only limited by my budget and the space in a fridge shared by nine strangers who became friends and we would eat yoghurt together in five different languages
I came back home and found there are still discoveries to be made in familiar places I was diagnosed with IBS, so, I switched to lactose-free yoghurt and it tasted even sweeter than before.
My Mum and I Are Besties Now
Words: Parisa Sarmady IG: @sarmadystudio.ai
Like many, as of June 7, Charli XCX’s recent album ‘BRAT’ has been in my constant rotation. However, whilst listening to ‘Apple’ I found myself completely caught off guard. I did not anticipate the way the lyrics would trigger self-reflection regarding my own relationship with my mum over the years.
Growing up, my mum and I couldn’t have been more different. Because of this, we were distant and had many, many, many arguments about everything big and small. This is mostly due to the fact that we couldn’t find a common communication style due to our generational differences. Thus, we never really understood what each other was really going through.
Especially as a teenager, I was very self-centred and I had a ‘the world revolves around me’ type of attitude. Yeah, it was definitely not a pleasant time, considering you also add hormonal mood swings and puberty to the mix. So, understandably, I didn’t really see my mum as an actual human being with issues of her own until my mid-late teens.
However, as we’ve both gotten older, this is no longer the case. It was only after I graduated high school in 2021 that we really got to work on our relationship and sorted our issues out.
In 2022 I was diagnosed with alopecia areata due to emotional stress and lost noticeable amounts of hair. This obviously hugely impacted my self-esteem at the
Art: Jennifer Chen IG: @slorpentorpentine
time and forced me to open up my eyes to how I subconsciously and toxically bottle up my emotions. During this time, I learnt to emotionally open up to my mum. And by doing so I also allowed myself to reflect on why I've been engaging in this behaviour. Now, I still don’t have the answers myself, but being able to process these complex emotions with my mum by my side has made me realise we’re actually more alike than I thought.
Regarding the relationship we have today, yeah, we still have our squabbles, but they don’t get nasty and mean like they used to. We’re able to engage in personal conversations and actually try to understand where each other is coming from. She’s practically my bestie these days we’re inseparable. We always hang out, have fun chats and spill the tea together. I love how we can talk to each other about literally anything and everything now. In a way, I’m thankful for my alopecia areata, as it’s given me the opportunity to actually connect with my mum as an adult. I have so much respect for her and love her immensely. If you told 14-year-old me how close we would be today and that we’re able to communicate civilly, she would honestly not have believed you.
Like all relationships, it isn't perfect, but every day presents itself as an opportunity. And really, it’s the imperfections that make it that much more special.
So, I guess, we worked it out on the remix?
Lemons to Lemonade, and Everything Inbetween
Words: Shanya Sylvester
IG: @shanya.sylvester
Art: Jess Heng
IG: @designby.jh
When I was sixteen, I had my entire life mapped out with no room for deviation. I was going to graduate from high school with a great ATAR score, then graduate from university in three years, before nabbing a well-paying job at a respectable company. This was all going to come together so that I could live the kind of life that fascinated me like those in the movies and media I grew up consuming: the glamorous, self-assured twenty-something, who flourished in the pursuit of her goals. I would meet a nice guy who could survive the awkwardness of family introductions and we would be married by the time I was 26. After a couple of years of wedded bliss, I would become a mother at 28, and we would all live happily ever after. The end.
Cut to the middle of the pandemic. From afar, I observed all of my friends welcoming the disruption to their study schedule, jumping at the chance to finish their degrees while the world shifted online. I thought that I too could have done the same, carrying out my goal of graduating on time. But I quickly learned that life has a way of throwing a few curveballs at you just when you think you’ve got it figured out.
I started my degree in 2017 as a psychology major, a degree I chose because my Year 11 psychology class was the subject I loved the most during high school. Two years into this degree, I discovered something that was kind of pivotal to the pursuit of a psychology degree: I actually hated this course. So, in 2019 I switched paths and settled on my Media Communications degree. Once again, thinking I could knock it out in three years I went in guns blazing. But alas, my full-time course load would not cooperate with the part-time hours I was working at my 9-5 job. All of a sudden, my three-year degree became a six-year degree. Couple these academic disruptions with the seemingly never-ending self-discovery of a 20-year-old girl and you have yourself a changed woman. A woman whose ambitions never seemed too far out of reach until she began an active pursuit of them.
Here is an inconclusive list of all the things I did instead of graduating in 2020 like I was ‘supposed to’:
I fell in love. I cared for my cancer-stricken mother. I watched the world change more and more each day. I failed a subject (or two). I worked part-time. I learned that every existential crisis I had prior to this time paled in comparison to the new ones I had begun to endure. I came out to my family. I travelled the world. I watched my friends graduate and move forward at what felt like a freakishly rapid pace. I resented the fact that my timeline kept getting blown out of the water by things I had no hope of controlling. I lost my mother. I nurtured my relationship with my father. I got a dog. I adjusted, readjusted and then adjusted some more for good measure. I became a totally different person, over and over again.
I made peace with the events that diminished any hope of my ‘life plan’ panning out how I thought it would. And I think, ironically, all these extra bumps in the road have made me more of a well-rounded person than the original plan would have.
Now I’m 25 and it seems unfathomable to think that my life goals would just stop once I had kids. Losing my mum at an age where I began to relate to her experiences as a woman woke me up to the reality that our hopes, passions and dreams never really stop as we get older. They just evolve alongside us.
Planning out stages of my adulthood in such detail taught me important lessons. I realised demanding that my achievements occur by a specific age wreaked havoc on my sense of self. It also transformed my fear of change into a fear of failure, something far more detrimental to a young woman trying to make her way in the world.
I used to be really terrified of change. The inability to predict what comes next can be so blinding at times that we forget to consider that there could be so much more if we stop being so stubborn and just let life do its thing. Life’s going to give you lemons anyway, but who said lemons are only good for lemonade?
before they pass fleeting moments
Nursing A Broken Heart With Lots Of Thinking
Words: Jude Corbet O'Rourke IG: @jude____.____
Stephanie Hughes IG: @sch001.jpeg
In the last five years, I have been fortunate enough to have felt the deepest joy of falling in love three times, and all three relationships ended in the same way: international departure.
As I write this, I am still grieving the separation from my most recent partner and have spent many hours thinking about the meaning of love in my life, and how the end of these relationships have shaped that.
Through these relationships ending, I have learnt that to love is to allow yourself to open your heart to fulfilment; to be vulnerable. To still, in the face of the pain that loss will bring, allow yourself to feel fully, to feel deeply, to let yourself experience every single aspect of the spectrum of human emotion. To not let the possible future pain force you to deny how you feel.
To let yourself love is to let yourself be alive.
The intense, deep and palpable pain that I currently feel, and have felt, is incredibly hard. I write this with tearstained eyes. It is difficult to express. But I would never wish to not feel it. To wish to never feel this pain would be to wish that I had never felt the love that caused it. The pain that I hold, in my heart, mind and body is a constant reminder that I have loved, I am loved, and that I can love. It is a reminder of the joy that I have felt, and it is a reminder that with time, I will be able to feel that joy
once more. It is a reminder that I opened my heart fully, without restraint. Just as we cannot comprehend day without night, we cannot know love without the pain that its absence brings.
It is through this that we know we have loved, and that we can love.
Everyone that I have loved, be it romantically or platonically, will forever hold a place in my heart. No future love, and no past love can erase that. I am the culmination of all those who have let me feel safe enough to be vulnerable; to love, to be utterly myself. I will forever be grateful to have been given the space to love, and I will always be proud of myself for never denying the chance to do so. I know that the pain that I feel, that follows me as if it were my shadow will slowly fade. I know that I will fall in love again, when my heart decides that it is to be so. And when I feel that tug, those small indications, I will do so. I will do so fully, with all of my being, and with full knowledge of the possible pain that lies ahead.
Art:
Interview a Grad
Words: Indira Dyza Kirana IG: @indiradyza
Art: Sama Harris IG: @designs_by_sama
Living abroad diary
Tania is a Monash University graduate who recently returned to her home country of Indonesia after studying for the last two years in Melbourne. Back home, she has been navigating the challenges and surprises that come with transitioning from the laid-back, multicultural vibe of Melbourne to the bustling streets of Jakarta. Tania opens up about the highs and lows of reverse culture shock, re-establishing social connections and finding herself again after living abroad.
When you first landed back in Jakarta, did you expect to feel right at home? Or were there moments where you felt like you didn’t quite ‘fit’ anymore?
Honestly, I thought adapting back to life in Jakarta would be a breeze. I mean, I lived here for 18 years before moving to Melbourne. But, boy, was I wrong. The reverse culture shock hit me hard. I never expected to struggle with something as simple as addressing people. In Melbourne, I just called everyone ‘you’ or ‘mate’. But back in Indonesia, I found it challenging to revert to ‘sir’ or ‘miss’. It was a formality I had forgotten about, and it took some time to get used to again. It was as if everything I once knew so well had become foreign to me.
How did you cope with the emotional challenges of returning home after being abroad for so long?
The first two weeks were definitely the toughest. Even though I was surrounded by familiar faces, I felt incredibly alone. It was like I didn’t quite belong here anymore, like I was out of sync with everyone around me. It was just me, myself, and my thoughts. I eventually snapped out of it by focusing on activities that kept me busy, like working out. It’s funny how distractions can sometimes help you find yourself again.
Was it difficult to re-establish connections with old friends in Indonesia after being away, or did distance bring you closer together?
Reconnecting wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped. I thought we’d just pick up where we left off, but we’d all changed. It took some effort – I planned meet-ups and really listened to what my friends had been through while I was away, sharing my own stories too. Slowly, those moments and conversations brought us back together,
and I started feeling at home again. The time apart made me appreciate our friendships even more. I realised how much I missed the little things inside jokes, shared memories and that comfort of knowing someone truly gets you. The distance made our bond even stronger once we reunited.
How do you think living in Melbourne influenced your identity and perspective now that you’re back in Indonesia?
Living in Melbourne was truly transformative. The city’s diverse culture and the open-mindedness of Melburnians taught me who I am. I loved how people there expressed themselves whether through fashion, art, or just the way they spoke their minds. For example, I observed that in Melbourne, people could experiment with bold and eclectic fashion choices without inhibitions. But back in Jakarta, the vibe is different. People can be more conservative about what’s acceptable, and wearing something unconventional can quickly attract judgement.
Public spaces in Jakarta don’t always celebrate the arts like Melbourne does, so creativity can feel a bit stifled. Despite these challenges, I’ve learned to navigate these different environments, finding ways to express myself within the boundaries of social norms while still holding onto the confidence and creativity I gained abroad.
If you could relive one experience from your time as an international student, what would it be, and why?
If I could relive one experience, it would be working part-time in Melbourne. In Indonesia, it's tough for students to gain work experience. Most opportunities are out of reach without a degree, and the pay isn’t exactly motivating. But in Melbourne, I had the chance to work, earn a fair wage, and gain practical skills that I couldn't have gotten back home.
The best part was the independence it gave me. Managing my own finances, balancing work and study, and meeting people from all over the world were eye-opening experiences. It wasn’t just about the job; it was about learning how to adapt to different environments and proving to myself that I could handle whatever came my way. If I could do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat.
Social Media Killed the Video Star
Words: Angel Tully
IG: @angel.tully
lllustration: Sheyla Pandzo
IG: @sheylapandzo
I’m going to hedge a pretty confident guess that by the time this article is printed, the phrase “very demure, very mindful” will be long forgotten. Pushed out of the realm of what is considered cool and trendy, and only used by ageing millennials who love to try and jump on the moving train after it’s already left the station.
Perhaps you forgot about the Four Seasons Orlando Baby, or the short lived Mob Wife aesthetic (I mean, that really paved the way for the return of the smokey eye in time for brat summer). Trends and viral internet moments are passing through our fingers at such an alarmingly fast rate that even fast fashion companies built on slave labour (that people seem to keep choosing to ignore??) can barely keep up.
We have evolved into a generation so addicted to technology and social media that if we just take one day off from the screen, we will miss a whole movement. Something can be new and entertaining on Monday, on Tuesday it has spread to the masses and we’re united in our amusement and shared understanding of popular culture trends. By Wednesday, it is starting to feel overused and brands are using it to leverage their marketing campaign. By Thursday, it’s stale. And by Friday, we have already started the cycle over again.
Back in the days where 15 minutes of internet fame landed you a prime time spot on The Ellen Degeneres Show, we actually had a small shred of care for what happened after the spotlight dims. For example, Sophia Grace who famously covered Super Bass had regular check ins over the years where people could see what she was up to. She still has a platform on TikTok to this day more than a decade later. These were icons of the good ol’ days of course, where YouTube was the only place to be discovered, and your Instagram feed actually ran out at some point. But something tells me though, that in another 10 years from now, we won’t remember the Four Seasons Orlando Baby, and we certainly won’t remember being demure.
It seems that in a bid to keep consuming content at a faster and faster rate, we as a society just don’t have the patience to create things that last.
And it has killed timeless analogue fun.
When I look back on my childhood as one of the founding members of the ‘zoomer’ generation, I have many fond memories – none of which were internet trends. I am nostalgic about the days I used to spend making up dances in the living room with my friends or my cousins, or reading for hours a day over the summer break. Or when I was squealing with excitement because I won a Total Girl Magazine competition and got 10 new CDs as the prize. What a time.
There is such sentimentality and comfort in being able to pinpoint these memories that made up my childhood and early teen years. And yes, technology was inevitably a part of some of these. But the chokehold that the Gangnam Style music video had on me in 2012 was just as memorable as spending afternoons on the bus home making loom band bracelets. Nowadays, it feels like trends and viral moments don’t stick around long enough for these core memories to stick. We don’t have enough patience to solidify trends as iconic internet moments before another trend comes to replace it.
Therefore, I can’t help but wonder what the kids of today are going to look back on. Or whether the rush to keep consuming more and more content will thwart them from having many analogue memories at all. It would be remiss not to mention that it is not as if I’m superior and above this addiction to fast-paced technology consumption. I’m probably just as bad. So I ask myself, what will I look back on in 10 years from now? What trends and memories will go the distance? I guess I will have to wait and find out.
Technology Hot Takes
Words: Lizzie Tooth
IG: @lizzie_tooth
Illustration: Jasper Kidman
IG: @jasperkidman_
I’d like to preface this article by saying I am a hypocrite. Although I wish and try my best not to succumb to the technological advancements of the early 2000s, I am no better than everyone else around me.
Now, what is it that's got me all heated you might ask?
They have spread across the globe like a plague, infecting the daily lives of approximately 90% of the population, and in the hands of almost all Australian teens. They are the ultimate global pandemic.
It’s none other than our beloved mobile phones.
Don’t get me wrong, mobile phones are incredibly useful. Our current society, including myself, wouldn’t be able to function without them. They provide us with directions, reminders, communication and an untold number of other things depending on what apps we have downloaded. They save lives, preserve memories and make the quality of life better and more efficient for a lot of users.
My qualm with them is that we never put them down.
Like me, you probably start your day with an alarm from one of these delightful devices. I can’t say how the rest of your day pans out but I’d assume hitting snooze on said device isn’t the last time you’ll be using it.
I see groups of people at restaurants with phones in their hands, texting and scrolling instead of interacting with the people around them. I see individuals on, or walking to and from, public transport, with their eyes glued to
their devices. I see fingers in a permanent doom-scrolling motion, with hollow eyes scanning emotionlessly. I see babies watching videos, and adults not watching babies. I see friends together physically but not mentally. I see society's knowledge and opinions shaped by their algorithm. I see a generation so chronically online that we don’t know how to interact in real life.
I see the world through a screen and I don’t like what I see.
This situation is almost certainly due to the multitude of social media applications we all have downloaded. We share tweets on X, memes on Reddit, life stories on Snapchat, and inspiration on Pinterest. YouTube has shorts now, because people can’t concentrate long enough to watch a full fifteen-minute video. We have an excessive amount of communication applications, from WhatsApp to Facebook Messenger, that all do the same thing. We turned BeReal into BeFake and lost our beloved Vine. We spend hours reading, responding and deleting emails from our one or multiple accounts. For doom-scrolling purposes, we have our big three, Facebook, Instagram and the infamous TikTok, in which we have clips of games to distract us from our videos. These apps captivate us, yet leave us with an overall feeling of nothingness.
So no, I'm not a fan of mobile phones and what we choose to use them for.
We might have the world at our fingertips, but in doing so, we miss the world right in front of us.
Where's Whoop Whoop Anyways?
Words & Art: Simonette Labrain IG: @1800simo_
I was crazy when I first moved to Melbourne for uni. I’m originally from a small town within Victoria in the Wimmera region where there are only around 1200 people last I heard. It’s mainly known for its agriculture, which is one of the reasons why my family moved there from the Philippines when I was younger. It’s one of those small, quiet towns where everyone knows everyone and everything about you. However, I’ve always wanted to travel and see more of the world, so I made the cliché move to attend uni in Melbourne. Now after living here for nearly three years, all my bad choices and vast new experiences have led me to be a better version of myself. One that I’ve truly grown to love.
I want to first congratulate myself for overcoming my first enemy after moving: public transport. Everyone who knows me personally is deeply aware of my lack of sense of direction; even with the miracle of Google Maps. My severe lack of navigational skills combined with my lacklustre internet connection meant my first few months in the big city were filled with me constantly going in the wrong direction or arriving at an entirely different suburb. However, this was the best way to find the cool, ‘hidden’ places I’ve heard were throughout the city (some I’m still trying to remember).
Despite my constant state of being lost, it was also the best way to meet new people! I’ve been able to make so many new, lovely friends that I’ve grown close to while learning their niche hobbies and cultures that I never truly got to know in my small town. Being able to meet all these new, amazing people in my life has certainly proven to me that I am far more extroverted than I ever thought I was.
It has encouraged me to try anything and everything new that the city has to offer, especially sports, something I always thought I was simply not made for. I am happy to say that I am still naturally untalented (I am fairly certain that my older sister took all of the athletic genes) but it has made me appreciate my achievements more, like being consistent at the gym or simply trying my best whilst having fun with others. I was able to truly break this perception of myself when I became treasurer for Monash University’s Taekwondo Club during my second year. This led to the opportunity to compete at nationals in UniSport Australia, where I succeeded in getting not one, but two medals!
I am so glad I have been able to grow from my initial introverted and anxious self. Otherwise, I truly may have missed out on meeting my amazing friends and getting to try new things while I study in this everchanging city. I’ve learnt so much about myself in Melbourne and I can’t wait to travel more in the future to see how I’ll evolve again. I encourage everyone to take this as a sign to go sign up for that overseas study trip, or to get lost in a suburb with your friends and get a little treat (I can’t be held responsible for any potentially poor financial decisions) because the city always offers so much fun for everyone. However, the city can never beat the feeling of being home and getting to annoy your friends and family again after a five-hour train ride home through the Victorian countryside.
Chick Flicks: The Ultimate Super Trooper
Words: Akira Kerr
IG: @akira.kerr
My cousin turned 13 this year and it was kind of a shock. I thought her know-it-all eight-year-old phase was going to last forever.
For so many years, I felt like I couldn’t relate to her. A nine-year age gap feels like an entire lifetime. While I was being a serious university student (an endeavour that includes putting fancy transitions on Powerpoint presentations), she was moving from primary school to middle school. It probably didn’t help that we only see each other two times a year on average, but I just felt like I couldn’t and wouldn’t connect with her.
Until I discovered her love for ‘Mamma Mia!’.
It was at my grandma’s birthday party when we all decided to go for a stroll, when I heard her start talking about wanting to visit all the Greek Islands where the films were set. Um excuse me? It’s literally my dream to win the lottery and take my besties on a ‘Mamma Mia!’ dream girl holiday.
I know what you’re thinking; Akira, it’s not rare to like ‘Mamma Mia!’, it's like totally an iconic chick flick and musical. Yes I know. But, when you discover someone in your family is a girly-girl just like you, when you had previously thought you were alone, it comes as a surprise.
And it doesn’t stop there my cousin has watched all the classics. ‘Mean Girls’, ‘The Devil Wears Prada’, ‘Legally Blonde’, ‘Ten Things I Hate About You’, ‘Clueless’, the list goes on. Despite most, if not all, of these films coming out long before she was even born, she’s watched them, loved them and made them her comfort movies.
Art: Ava Toon IG: @avalouuise
Just like her mum, just like me. Which just goes to show chick flicks have the power to transcend generations and will never lose their cultural relevance.
Let me explain. Chick flicks are just thought of as frivolous and shallow films where the heroine is only focussed on finding a cute boy to date. The word ‘just’ precedes the genre all too often. But do you really think something that superficial could traverse time as elegantly as chick flicks have? Chick flicks teach us lessons, they offer us new perspectives on girlhood, they empower us, and they allow us to escape into romances that some people *cough* straight men *cough* could not pull off even if they tried.
‘Legally Blonde’ gave us Elle Woods, a fashion major who had been underestimated because of her hyper-femininity and effervescent personality. She rose to the top at Harvard, and didn’t for a second see her girliness as a weakness. ‘Ten Things I Hate About You’ gave us the original ‘not like other girls’ girl. She reads and talks about feminism, then ends up falling in love with a bad (read: misunderstood) boy. ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ gave us the most incredible trio known to man in Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt and Queen Meryl Streep, and sent chills down our spines with Miranda Priestly’s cerulean blue monologue. And ‘Mamma Mia!’ gave us a delightful story about motherhood and finding yourself, paired with a star-studded cast (Meryl Streep, again), glorious dance numbers and a bunch of hot men who couldn’t really sing, singing.
I could talk at length about all the ways these films are underestimated and how I hate that they are seen as lesser than ‘man films’ like ‘Pulp Fiction’ and ‘The Godfa-
ther’. But that’s all been said before. What I will say is that these films give us something unique. Something fun.
Fun is underrated. It’s all we ever really strive to have in life, but when it comes to films, it’s like we are hunting for meaning and figuring out how we can intelligently tell people why we enjoyed it. I’m not saying that chick flicks aren’t clever films, because they are, but they are the ones we choose to watch on a rainy day or when we are at home sick to make things feel better. They are the films that we watch when we have sleepovers with our friends. Chick flicks don’t demand anything from us, we don’t have to read between the lines and find the deeper message, they just want us to have a good time.
The genre is not without its drawbacks though. There are far too many early 2000s chick flicks where being a size
eight is ghastly and should be rectified immediately. All too often we saw female characters body-shamed and pigeonholed as the ‘ugly’ one for not having a stick-thin figure. I just hope that Emily in the rumoured sequel of the ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ has a much healthier relationship with eating than she did in the 2006 film.
Through watching these films now, I get to relive those times sitting in the lounge room squealing over the kisses characters shared after a long emotional build up, and my cousin has already paved the way for her to do the same when she one day turns 22 just like me. But, for right now, next time I see her (probably at Christmas) we can sneak away to watch ‘Mamma Mia!’ when things get dull, and both swoon over young Dominic Cooper during ‘Lay All Your Love on Me’.
Being 14
Words : Samuel White
IG: @samwhite_03
Art: Jordyn Matusewicz
IG: @ceramic_avocado
“Tell me” She says “What were you like At school?”
Pressed down memories ooze Out like the juice Of rotten fruit.
Locker room boys with more hair than me; Discovering the internet on the family PC; That First Love
Who spooked my heart, And how I responded like a skunk. To them, I apologise for my cruelty.
Should I tell her about How I ate lunch in the toilet, in spite of my friends; Or of crying about popular kids Leaving me on read?
No, who cares about the popular kids, Let’s show her The bottom of my Instagram!
The fedora phase; Deep fried photos of the 2016 Australian Open; Three videos of my feet walking. (I was trying out being artsy)
Let’s tell her of That first girlfriend Who showed me I had no bloody clue what love was, Breaking me To prove the point.
I tell her I still haven’t caught my Dad, That he’s still that little bit taller and it’s been driving me Insane since 16. I tell her this behind a red face And feverish eyes. She looks back with a glint.
The weirdest part about childhood is that Everyone lives it. She, a foolish little girl Looks at me, A foolish little boy And smiles.
“Thank you,” she says As we switch places, Now it’s her turn to talk.
Run Clubs, Saunas And Breathwork: Is Melbourne My New Fitspo?
Art: Luca Macissac IG: @lumacstudio
It seems staying out late and partying is out, and Melbourne has entered a new era of health and wellness.
Gen Zs appear more eager to wake up at 5am, lace up their Hokas and hit their local run club to smash out 10 kms than get sloshed with their mates and fall ill with a case of the Sunday scaries the next morning.
The decline in Melbourne’s clubbing culture has been looming since COVID. Compounded with the crushing cost-of-living crisis and the increasingly unattainable property market, people just aren’t going out and partying like they used to.
But cost isn’t the only determinative factor in Melbourne’s change of pace.
It’s believed the post-Gen X generations are genuinely more health-conscious than their predecessors.
Identifying as sober-curious and taking a break from alcohol is becoming increasingly normalised amongst young people, meditation and breathwork facilities are taking priority after a stressful day in the office over after-work drinks, and ice baths and infrared saunas are lauded as essential to one’s wellness routine.
But is this Melbourne’s latest fad or a permanent lifestyle change? Who knows how long this craze will stick around when micro-trends are switching up fashion styles faster than ever before and TikTok is slowly killing our attention spans to the point that watching an episode of ‘Love Island’ feels like pushing through a uni lecture.
Words: Laura
Walsh
So here is Esperanto’s guide to Melbourne’s best spots to indulge in the latest healthy habits (while they last)!
Run Clubs
Whether you're an ultra-marathon champion or you can’t catch your breath when changing train platforms, run clubs are suitable for beginners, seasoned pros and everyone in between.
So start sharing those Strava stats at these three run clubs on offer around the city:
1. Run South Yarra (@run.southyarra)
Meet at Gilson on 171 Domain Road, South Yarra every Saturday at 6:00am to run one, two or three laps of the iconic ‘Tan’ track at the Royal Botanical Gardens.
2. Ate Miles (@atemiles.rc)
Jog on over to Maap Lab on 33 Wellington Street, Carlton every second Wednesday at 7:00am to run two laps of Carlton Gardens.
3. Gunn Runners (@gunn.runners)
Meet at Limerick Arms Hotel on 364 Clarendon Street, South Melbourne every Tuesday at 6:00pm for 3-5 kms around Albert Park Lake.
Breathwork Studios
Everyone who’s ever experienced even a moment of anxiety has been reminded to take a deep breath and maybe try to get into mindfulness.
Perhaps that advice deserves its obligatory eye roll… or maybe it's actually worthwhile. Praised by everyone’s favourite Biohack King Dr Andrew Huberman as the greatest thing you can do for yourself, deep breathing can calm even the noisiest of minds.
Try it for yourself at these three breathwork studios:
1. The Breath Haus, Richmond (@thebreathhaus_)
Experience mind-body relaxation through the powerful practice of breathwork. Sample the LSD class where you’ll be guided through a meditative process to activate your parasympathetic nervous system and elicit deep relaxation. And no it’s not that kind of LSD, this one stands for Long, Slow and Deep. Although, the studio does have hallucinatory visuals…
2. Inner Studio, Collingwood (@innerstudioaus)
This wellness oasis is not only visually captivating but packed with everything you need to awaken your inner yogi. Try guided breathwork to energise the body and mind and follow it up with a sauna and cold plunge.
3. The Breath Code, St Kilda (@thebreathcode_)
Offering events that specialise in ‘letting go’ and ‘healing’, The Breath Code employs conscious breathing techniques for stress relief, personal growth and improved well-being.
Pilates and Yoga Studios
Yoga and pilates are mind-body exercises that increase strength and build muscle while also improving flexibility and posture. It’s basically an all-in-one.
Find out why people call themselves ‘pilates princesses’ at these top studios:
1. CorePlus (@coreplus_studios)
Whether you enjoy sweating your guts out during hot mat pilates, struggling for balance on a reformer machine or twisting your body into back-breaking positions in yoga, there’s something for everyone at CorePlus.
2. KX Pilates (@kxpilates)
With more than 90 studios in Melbourne, there’s bound to be a KX class around the corner from you. Rooted in the Japanese concept of ‘Kaizen’, their ethos champions the power of incremental progress to deliver transformative results.
3. Upstate Studios (@upstate_studios)
Upstate’s blindingly yellow studios offer both hot mat and reformer pilates, yoga and boxing, each designed to energise and invigorate its members.
Comic: Hailey Jordan Liemena IG: @haileyjordanlie
2024: The Year I Became a BITCH
Art: Dora Chung
IG: @dora_and_designs
Words: Alice O'Brien
IG: @alice.0brien
Now, don’t freak out when you see the word ‘bitch’.
If you told me one year ago that I would be calling myself a bitch… well I simply wouldn’t believe you. My 2023 self would have used the words ‘kind’, ‘friendly’ or ‘helpful’ to describe herself (very humble Alice), but the word ‘bitch’ would be 1000 miles away.
Alas, here I am in 2024 using the b-word to describe who I am.
Why?
Why would I choose to call myself a bitch in this very public manner?
As a nearly 22-year-old (shudder… I feel my knees cracking and hairs greying), I’ve lived most of my life basically doing anything to get people to like me. It’s such an embarrassing thing to write and admit, but it’s true. I am a people pleaser.
As the end of 2023 approached, I realised this may not be the best way to live my life. So, I decided a change was needed.
Change.
Six letters. One terrifying word.
I hate change. Change can shove itself inside a cardboard box and be tossed out the window then run over by a car.
But as the annoying quote goes ‘you don’t change if nothing changes’… or something like that.
So, 2024 became my year of change and introspection: One. I want people to like me. In my head, going out of my way to do things for others will make people like me more (talk about a girl that needs to go to therapy).
Two. If I took time for myself instead of helping a friend or saying ‘no’ to them, I would be selfish. And I don’t
want to be viewed as selfish (again, this girl needs to go to therapy).
Three. I finally went to therapy.
Crazy thing — therapy helps.
Suddenly the words ‘bitch’ and ‘self-love’ started to become more intertwined. Putting these words in the same sentence was odd to me at the time, but now makes complete sense.
You see, choosing to spend my time doing something I want to do instead of doing something with or for someone else, was me being a bitch in my head. It could have been something as small as saying ‘no’ to watching a movie with a friend because I knew I didn’t like the movie or saying ‘no’ to driving a friend to the airport because I needed to study. If I said ‘no’, I was a bitch.
But, as the year went on and my therapist started explaining the need to create non-guilt boundaries, these acts I deemed as bitchy slowly became acts of self-care.
News flash, 2023 Alice! My friends were not going to drop me simply because I said ‘no’ to watching a movie with them or not driving them to the airport one time. And as I started to realise the importance of taking time for myself and creating boundaries, the more I began to feel freer.
There is nothing wrong with choosing to spend time on yourself rather than with or for people, whether it’s reading a book, blocking off time to study or watching a movie you know you’d enjoy — it’s not selfish and it’s not you being a bitch.
So, to my 2023 self who feared the word ‘bitch’, I’d say to her, 2024 is the year you became one.
But you’ll love that you did because actually, you’re not a bitch at all.
2025: Looking Through the Crystal Ball
Words & Art: Arathi IG: @arathi_93.21
In the last five years, we've created our own villain, healing, and brain rot eras. As we progress through the digital years, the world is starting to appear stranger and unpredictable. With all the quirky cultural shifts we have been part of, the future promises to be anything but boring. With the number of ‘skibidi’s used in conversations
going up, 2025 is gearing up to be one of the most bizarre years so far. So, grab your close ones (or your virtual ones, if that's more your speed) for five visions we've glimpsed at through the crystal ball behind the Queen Victoria Market laneway.
AI Robot Buddy
The world’s technology is moving at breakneck speed. Remember the good old days when our best friend was a real person? Well in 2025, our BFF might just be an AI robot. Think WALL-E with the added charm of Baymax, capable of keeping track of your schedule, cheering you up after a bad day, or even be your unpaid therapist. Recent studies suggest that AI excels at picking up on emotional cues in text and responding in ways that make people feel heard. This could potentially revolutionise the way we interact and form emotional connections. Who knew our next heart-to-heart would be with a machine?
Manifesting Lady Gaga for the Oscar
2024 might have been the year of Chappell Roan and Sabrina Carpenter, but 2025? It’s all about Gaga. The world is ready for Lady Gaga to take home the Oscar. In her upcoming movie ‘Joker 2’ alongside Joaquin Phoenix, I feel that we might just witness the best and most disturbed Joker-Quinn duo yet. The internet is collectively set to lose its mind for mother, mothering!
Virtual Vacations
I don’t know if this is just because I want to finally afford a trip to Europe, but with virtual reality (VR) advancing, 2025 may see virtual vacations becoming part of mainstream tourism. If you’ve ever fantasised about strolling through the streets of Paris, this might just be the ticket. Is it sad? Yes. Is it going to be holiday season every month? Yes! With advances in haptic technology, not to mention 360-degree visuals, these virtual getaways might even make us forget we’re still in our PJs. Apple has already dipped its toes into this world with their Apple Vision Pro. And we have already got people on the streets with VR headsets, simulating their own little slice of dystopian life. Sure, it seems a bit pricey now, but think of it as a onetime expense for a lifetime of travel. Who knows? Might be worth it after all.
Economy Dips
This one is quite the worrying reminder. Now that I’m officially an adult, I’ve discovered that complaining about the economy is practically a rite of passage. And with good reason – our economy is already on the brink. 2025 might be the year Australia faces its ‘overdue’ economic downfall. Endless inflation and the interest rates to combat it might be setting us up for the worst decline of the decade. But hey, who needs a house when we have five in the metaverse? Happy New Year!
People Agree Pineapple Is the Best Pizza Topping (Bleh!)
Controversy alert! In 2025, a universal survey could settle one of the most divisive debates of our time — the legitimacy of pineapple on pizza. With social media pages like Instagram’s @pubity already conducting worldwide polls on everything from the best actors to best smells — bacon being the unexpected winner — It’s only a matter of time before pizza toppings get their most awaited turn. In an outlandish twist, the results might show a landslide victory for the sweet-and-savoury combo, finally putting the age-old argument to rest. Pineapple lovers will continue to be judged, while the rest of us will be left wondering how such a culinary crime has gone unpunished, let alone celebrated. Prepare for more endless memes and heated dinner table debates.
So, there we have it — five predictions for 2025 that are bound to keep things interesting. Whether or not these visions come true, one thing’s for sure: the future will be a wild ride, and we can’t wait to see where it takes us.
Dear Diary
Art: Pipi Joannou
IG: @pipi.joannou
Dear future me,
I don’t think I’ve ever written a letter to my future self before. Maybe because it was always so hard to imagine a future for myself when all I am has been so wrapped up in the past. But I feel like I’m finally starting to move forwards now. It is hard, as you would know, but I’m so proud of the steps I have taken and the courage I have shown these last few years.
I know I’ve been through a lot but I’m starting to see just how strong I am. And that isn’t the kind of ‘strength’ where I keep everything inside and ‘don’t let things get to me’. Things do get to me. I feel very deeply, and as much as that makes things extra tricky sometimes, it is also a wonderful thing. My strength lies in how I take care of myself, show up for myself and keep trying to do better
Words: Fae Gehren
IG: @faeble_photography
next time. My strength is loud and proud when I communicate how I’m feeling, set boundaries and consider where the other person is coming from. And goddamn, I have set some TOUGH boundaries this year. And that is very new to me. I’m so freaking proud of myself for that. I know you will keep working on it and get better and better at recognising and enforcing those boundaries each time — and that’s really cool of you.
And so here I am, the first time in my life where I feel like I can finally see a path out, a path to a future. So I want to spend some time telling you about what I see in that future. It could be a good reminder if there are things you haven’t achieved yet and still want to. Or a funny moment if things have gone in a completely different direction, or a proud moment if you’ve done lots of them. Or a mixture of all of the above.
In my future I want to…
• Have cute wholesome hang outs with my friends as much as possible
• Fix my knees so that I can dance at a concert and not die the next day
• Have a dramatic romantic first kiss at least once — like the ones in the rain or those SUPER slow ones when the tension is almost crackling in the air (in other words: a K-drama kiss)
• Make low-budget short films with my friends
• Enter my photography into more exhibits and get it published in something
• Write articles and blogs — maybe start my own website
• Travel a lot
• Learn Japanese and spend lots of time in Japan
• Pat a capybara at least once
• Get my PHD and go into research work
• Give seminars and talks about the things I research (gender, feminism, queer and cultural issues)
• Submit a film to a film festival
• Host workshops and events for queer people
• Learn how to draw and make art
• Learn how to sew my own clothes
• Have lots of great sex
• Make gorgeous, meaningful connections with people all over the world
• Have someone see me for all that I am and love me loads… And be able to recognise it when it happens
• And maybe one day, if I have the money, I’ll open that queer yoga and arts retreat that I’ve been thinking about
And I hope I….
• Get my health on track and stop being sick and burnt out all the time
• Get to a point where I don’t have to cancel on people so much because I’m sick and burnt out all the time
• Stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks about me; it would be really cool to feel at home in who I am
• Stop worrying that everyone is going to leave me
• Stop worrying about falling behind or being a failure
• Get a handle on my executive dysfunction so that I can actually do all the things I enjoy and all the things I need to do
• Stop feeling like there is a gaping hole inside my chest
I hope it gets easier to be alive, even just a little. I hope you’re happy. You have such a big heart and so much love, I hope you’ve learnt how to give some to yourself too.
Oh and I hope we’ve gotten better healthcare for women and queer people. And made headway on climate change by now.
Anyways…
Thanks for everything. I wish you the best. I’m proud of you, no matter what.
I love you.
Flying Separate Skies, Free as a Bird
Art: Janae Hunter IG: @artbyjanaehunter
It’s been a little over a year since I ‘broke up’ with my best friend. We all have that someone — a platonic soulmate; the sort of friendship that felt straight out of a novel, someone who could instantly finish your sentences.
They were carefree, whimsical and always up for a good time — the complete polar opposite of me. Our inseparability made sense amidst the chaos of our teens, drawn together by our lack of ‘white picket fence’ lives and shared love for the weird and unconventional. Well into our twenties, we continued to stay in sync. Shared locations. Matching tattoos (sigh) Regular hangouts. Familiar routines. Countless inside jokes. We swore we were the exception to the rule of long-term friendships.
Until one day, we weren’t.
I could probably speak at length about what went wrong: Lies. Betrayal. Infidelity. A torrid affair. All the makings of a scandalous breakup, playing out like an episode of a badly-written sitcom. But in truth, it was a slowburn of resentment that killed us. There was no dramatic screaming match. Or a catty text exchange. Neither of us got the last word. It was simply prolonged silence and built-up spite that met its end one random Saturday night.
The grief felt like no other. The routine of our friendship that once felt like muscle memory, became alien. I went from talking to them nearly every day to only catching glimpses of their life through social media. My thumb would hover over TikToks I knew they’d love, only to swipe up with defeated sighs. Deflecting questions about them became second nature, a way to keep myself afloat. Every happy memory we once shared felt punctuated by our animosity.
I knew I had lost my sense of self in our friendship. I absorbed their emotions and lived through their stories
Words: Karen Grace Prince IG: @karengracex
while making no room for mine to exist. I placed them on a pedestal and downplayed my experiences, only to be hurt when my feelings weren’t acknowledged.
After half a year of no-contact, I reached out to talk things through. I was determined to not let our years together be defined by a silly blip. After all, what couldn’t be fixed with a little heart-to-heart? But the air had shifted. It was too late. Neither of us rushed to fill in the gaps. Our conversation felt like riddles, tiptoeing around the unspoken treachery. It was too polite, too stilted, too mellow. It felt more like closure than reconciliation. The window of time for which we could fix our temporary glitch was being boarded up, sealing away any space for repair.
That’s when it sank in. The hurt was all that we had left to hang on to.
A part of me still aches, even a year on. Like phantom pain, it lingers between the spaces. Yet, it’s equally freeing to exist in each other’s peripherals without the burden of expectations. We wish on birthdays. We like each other’s posts. We casually converse at group hangouts. We keep our distance, content with the quiet understanding that what we had was meaningful. Even if it’s no longer central to our lives.
Like Kafka said: “Everything you love is very likely to be lost, but in the end, love will return in a different way.”
The love we once shared gave me much more than I ever hoped. It unlocked a part of myself that I never knew existed. A childlike playfulness. A wild sense of humour. A steady confidence. A lease on life that has stayed with me long after our friendship expired.
And that feels enough for me to carry on.
The Journey To Find Myself
Art: Siena Thomas IG: @designedbysiena
Words: Anonymous
One of the challenges I wasn't prepared for growing up is that the journey of self-discovery doesn't become any easier with age. In my early teenage years, I felt like I was constantly battling with my identity, but I pushed it away, thinking “I’m young, I don’t need to figure out all of this right now. I bet in a couple of years I will finally have the answers”. Well, now I’m almost 20, and I’m still confused and still feel lost most of the time.
I remember during lockdown seeing people sharing their stories about self-discovery in terms of gender or sexuality. It made me feel jealous and isolated. I was envious because they were the same age as me, yet seemed to have everything figured out, while I hadn’t even let myself think about it yet. I felt pressured to quickly determine who I was. That was when I decided to start exploring my gender.
Growing up in a very conservative country limited my experience and opportunity to freely explore my gender. I had no one to talk to about gender identity without feeling scared that they would make fun or hate me. Many people around me had already closed their mind to the gender identity conversation. Nearly every argument that I had with both my friends and family ended with the phrase, "Just be grateful for who you are now."
They don't understand what it's like to wake up feeling extremely uncomfortable in your own body and how frightening and overwhelming that can be.
As a person you might consider as plus-sized, I always felt uncomfortable wearing dresses or any other outfit that showed off my body. I was envious towards people with androgynous features, who could present themselves however they wanted. But alas, I can’t change my body.
It’s challenging to hide the feminine aspects of my body wearing masculine clothing alone doesn’t prevent comments about how 'girly' I still look. So, I decided to try using a binder as an experiment, and it felt incredible. I was genuinely thrilled when I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time with the binder on. While it didn’t drastically change my appearance, it significantly improved how I felt about myself. Over time, this has helped boost my confidence in both myself and my body.
Slowly but surely, I was becoming more open to exploring my gender publicly. I found friends online who wanted to listen to my story and support me. I started to experiment with different pronouns and asked my friends to change how they referred to me. However, I soon realised that I don’t really care about pronouns that much, and while they might be important to other people’s gender identity journey, changing mine didn’t change how I perceived myself. Gradually, I was beginning to feel more comfortable with who I am. The binder especially helped me learn to embrace my body inside and out. At some point, maybe I’ll even wear more feminine clothes again and I might start to love it and embrace my femininity. But I am not putting any limits on how I want to identify anymore.
After moving to Melbourne and meeting others on a similar journey and hearing their stories, I realised that the process of self-discovery can be lengthy, and the timeline differs for everyone. It’s okay to not know, to not want to think about it yet, and to take things slow enjoying the journey as it unfolds. So, if you ever feel alone, and feel you’re the only one that is lost, just remember that many people are going through exactly the same thing. I’m happy to say that I am more comfortable with who I am now than I’ve ever been. I haven’t figured out all the parts yet, but I still want to continue the journey.
Dearest Esperanto
Art: Jennifer Hoang IG: @jenniferhoangs
I wish I could say it was love at first sight, but to be completely honest, I can’t even remember the first time I set eyes on you. Only that my first time opening up one of these gorgeous matte magazines was the 2021 Sex Edition — I mean what better welcome is there to the essence of Espy than Sex? Once I had read it cover to cover I placed it neatly on my bookshelf, where it inaugurated a pile of Esperanto Magazines that would continue to grow over the next three years. The only difference — every one since then has had my name in it too.
I always loved English back in school; I loved to be creative, to share ideas and interpretations, to write both freely and analytically. However the latter of those writing styles seemed to be increasingly the only format I was tasked with, especially starting university. The ability to write imaginatively and personally started to drift away. That is until I found you. Esperanto represented a welcoming space where I could write about my own story for once, not interpret someone else's. And boy, did I enjoy this freedom.
Over the years, I’ve opened up about some heavy topics like love and loss and my tortured cultural identity. I’ve also written about women’s empowerment, the never-ending comparison between social media and reality, why gossip is good and why being a pillow princess is queen shit. Each and every one of these pieces has helped me to not only become a better writer, but to put into words the emotions and memories that have shaped me as a human. I feel especially grateful when my words have helped other people feel seen, understood and connected to a part of themselves that perhaps they too didn’t know how to put into words.
Words: Angel Tully IG: @angel.tully
Becoming a part of your eclectic community of creatives who are just as passionate about this magazine as I am has absolutely been the best experience to come out of my time at Monash. Moving from a contributing writer, to a sub editor and finally editor this year has offered me perspective from every side of this operation, and has led me to meet so many amazing and inspiring people, ones who I hope to have in my life forever.
This is my final piece for you, Esperanto Magazine. And with that I wanted to share the most important thing that I’ve taken out of this experience. No this isn’t like a cover letter where I brag about some hard skills… In your true Espy fashion, my most important takeaway is much more introspective.
I realised that the accomplishment and pride that I feel seeing my work on the page, and seeing the impact of my words on other people is a feeling that I don’t ever want to give up. Three years ago, I don’t think I knew how much writing and telling important stories really meant to me until now — at the end of my journey with you. So thank you. Thank you for showing me where my passion lies, for showing me what I was meant to be doing and for giving me a platform to be my absolute and authentic self. This may be me signing off from Esperanto, but it is only the beginning of a life of creativity ahead.