http://esu.org/tours/reports/report_neidle

Report on 1997 ESU America Scholarship - Dan Neidle Three months debating across 35 colleges, 23 states and four time zones was a wonderful experience. The few small bumps along the way were overwhelmed by the variety of our visits and the kindness of our hosts. It would be invidious to pick out names, but particular thanks must go to Trevor Sather in London and Allan Louden in Wake Forest - the two rocks that kept our tour afloat, to mix my metaphors.

Bates College, Maine As the first college to host the British team 75 years previously, Bates College kicked off the 1997 tour. For the first and only time on the tour, we were chaperoned - Trevor Sather, Eric Parsloe and his wife accompanied us for the anniversary celebrations.

Maine was a perfect start to the tour; the weather, the people and the architecture were only slightly removed from home. We discovered that jet lag was a ‘good thing’ - we would wake up at 8am regardless of how late we had gone to sleep.

Bates decided not to choose a motion ‘à la carte’, but chose its own subject: we debated the relevance of the British Monarchy. It was slightly surreal to be debating such a British stalwart in front of a Union Jack and a large audience. We were split; with the traitorous role going to me. Any conceptions that republicanism would be easy to sell to our American cousins vanished once we saw the preponderance of slightly elderly alumni. One of our opponents - Christopher Tiné - was an alumni of the American tour of Britain - he provided us with stiff competition.

At the after-debate reception was an elderly gentleman who had opposed the British speakers 75 years before. In a remarkable after dinner speech, he said that had he realised the tour would have continued for three quarters of a century, he would have taken some notes at the debate - as it was, he couldn’t remember a thing about it. A younger woman (graduate of 1933) gave us the compliment of the tour, when she said that our debate had been much more fun than those of the 30s.

Emerson College, Boston Emerson was wonderfully located in downtown Boston - which rapidly became our favourite city of the tour. As the only purely communication college in America, Emerson has the reputation of attracting students who want to be famous. We found it hard to get adjusted to the idea of rhetoric and speech taught as academic studies - with an entire building packed with professors of every type of rhetoric imaginable.

Our host, Dr Payne, had the perfect approach to hosting a British team - he gave us plenty of advice on what to see but let us essentially look around the city on our own.

The debate was in the First and Second Church of Boston. My introduction to American literalism began when someone told me this was because it was on the site of the first and second churches in Boston.

Our debate started the Princess Diana theme that was to follow us for the first month of the tour. We debated media regulation against a graduate student and a local politician who told the audience that anyone voting for us was voting against America. We won - probably because their count of the numbers on each side of the House was flawed by several dozen infirm alumni who couldn’t move away from us quickly enough. Just in case anybody had forgotten who Diana was, the debate was followed by a ‘multi-media presentation’ of Diana’s life.

Boston College Boston College was very much the serious US-style policy debate college. The culture shock began to hit when we discovered that the successful policy debater spends 20-40 hours a week researching. The shock was increased when we heard the rate at which they spoke think of a shouting match between Pinky and Perky.

One American debating innovation was to replace points of information with a ‘cross examination’ - literally that. Polite souls that they are, the Americans tend to use the period to politely ask for more details or gently point out flaws in arguments. I preferred to shamelessly play to the gallery.

Boston College also introduced us to the Great American Dining Experience. There was no written menu - the waitress recited it from memory. To illustrate her piece of performance poetry, she wheeled a plate holding all the cuts on offer. We both rejected the frankly frightening 48oz steak, but still failed to more than nibble our humble 14oz. I still tremble at the memory of the side order of mushrooms - it was about the same size and shape as a rugby ball.

Another not-about-Diana-honest, media regulation debate - this time erring on the analytical rather than purely rhetorical side of the argument.

Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania Wilkes Barre was a depressed former mining town. By contrast, the debating coach was a bubbly Texan.

In one college we had our first experience of American competitive debating and American Football. We both preferred the latter. Worthy-but-dull speechifying could not compete with gleaming uniforms, cheer leaders, apparently random rules and sixty players per side.

We had put a capital punishment debate on our list in the expectation of doing the liberal European bit in front of hundreds of baying Texans. Instead we landed in liberal Pennsylvania, arguing in favour of killing people in front of an educated and somewhat sceptical audience. Our crowd pleasing rhetoric overcame this obstacle, leaving us feeling slightly guilty afterwards as new converts told us that ‘you guys rocked’.

Afterwards, I was never quite the same again after someone I had met at a party after the debate offered to show me her glow-in-the-dark nail varnish. More lasting damage was done when in an uncharacteristic display of machismo I finished a dozen of the hottest buffalo wings the local diner would serve.

Special mention must go to Tara from Louisiana, for showing us around and having the nicest accent of anyone we met.

University of Iowa, Iowa City Every American we met word-associated ‘Iowa’ with ‘corn’. Despite this, arriving at Iowa at night, we contrived to not see any corn throughout our stay. Due to circumstances I never quite understood, Andrea had a suite in the hotel, complete with a sunken and mirrored jacuzzi.

Iowa set us the considerable task of attacking gay marriage in one of the most liberal communication faculties in the country. We made something of a mess of it and totally failed to persuade our audience.

Prejudices that Iowa City was dull were shattered by the town laundromat which boasted pool tables, pinball and a bar. Washing had never been so much fun.

Cornell University, New York State The size of the campus at Cornell astonished me. Few British universities are entirely built on a campus. Fewer still have their own nuclear reactor. I was mystified by a large and completely windowless red brick tower in the middle of the campus. Nobody knew what it was. I looked in vain for one of the concrete monstrosities the sixties bestowed upon our campuses. But unlike almost all British universities, the new buildings blended with the old.

Deep gorges ran through the campus, with streams visible at the bottom. I was told that in the summer, students would swim down them and try to avoid falling down waterfalls. I was told by students at every subsequent university that the gorges were more famous for the overworked students who killed themselves diving down them.

We stayed in the vast house owned by Pam, the debating coach. Normally staying in the same house as a coach felt rather cramped - here we could have had two bathrooms each with room to spare.

In one of our more challenging debates, we successfully defended political correctness in front of 350 students and staff. To our astonishment we found out that one of our opponents was 17, despite being in her third year at college.

Rochester, New York Sam, the Rochester coach, drove us up to Rochester in his pick up truck. Stopping half way at his house and apple farm, we were introduced to my favourite dog of the trip. The creature would - on command - run under a tree and jump up, grab and eat an apple off the branches.. Sam is memorable for being one of the most instantly likeable people I have ever met.

In another ‘nasty imperialist Brits’ debate we had to uphold the state’s right to censor.

Memories of the debate are slightly obscured by the top night out we had afterwards.

Duquesne University, Pennsylvania Prior to arriving, our picture of Pittsburgh was a depressed former coal and steel town - like Wilkes Barre without the rural charm. Leaving the interstate, we emerged through a tunnel to see a spectacular skyline - not at all what we had expected.

As a religiously affiliated college, Duquesne had a moral code. we were mortified to discover this only extended to limiting a member of the opposite sex to being in your room for 24 hours.

Duquesne housed us in what they accurately described as a penthouse. Covering all of the top of a large dormitory block, we faced the river on one side and a spectacular view of downtown on the other. The price of the view was constant noise; which kept us awake all the first night but which we somehow didn’t notice on the next two.

We debated a home-made debating topic, which didn’t really catch light - we all ended up agreeing with each other in a heart-warming but rather uninvolving display.

Taken to our first ice hockey game, I was infuriated by a sport which stopped every two minutes for sixty seconds of commercials. Andrea thought this was more than compensated for by the gratuitous violence. Apparently some boxing games are now so violent that the players descend into ice hockey.

Clarion College, Pennsylvania Hopping out of town, we were driven into the woods surrounding Pittsburgh. At every other stop we were a few days too early or too late for the fall. At Clarion we finally caught up with it. The scenery was someone with an over-active imagination would picture the British countryside. It really was bigger, better and brighter. The colours of British autumn cannot begin to compete with the colors of the American fall.

In the debate, we were on opposite sides of the media regulation motion. For probably the only time in my life, I was opposing a member of the Amish community. Chuck was a member of a splinter group that thought technology was evil, but couldn’t quite be bothered to do anything about it. Andrea’s team won by a single vote in a (rather un-British) secret ballot. My ego was restored to its normal size just as we were leaving the chamber, when I discovered an uncounted ballot paper in someone’s pocket.

University of Pittsburgh After the rather conservative students at Duquesne, Pitt was something of a contrast. The coach’s office bookshelf was an A to Z of American liberalism.

Pitt is centred around the ‘Cathedral of Learning’ - a huge neo-gothic tower that is apparently the tallest academic structure in the world. Its first two floors have rooms themed after each of the nationalities making up the Pittsburgh community. We were lucky enough

to debate in the English room (much to Andrea’s disgust), decked out like a miniature House of Commons.

Faced again with opposing gay marriage in a liberal college, we cynically decided to ‘out liberal’ our opponents, by damning marriage as a ‘patriarchal and repressive’ institution.

Much to our surprise, we succeeded. Andrea took care to remove her engagement ring whilst speaking.

An excellent meal afterwards was marred by a singer who sang jazz standards with all the charm and subtlety of a heavy metal band. I asked the waiter if he would mind requesting her microphone be turned down. He politely suggested I might like to ask her myself.

William and Mary College, Virginia Our preconceptions of the South were rather tested by Williamsburg. The town centre had been restored to an idealised eighteenth century, complete with people with silly hats. We saw more Union Jacks than I’ve seen in the whole of London. The only part of the stereotype that worked was the heat - we began to wilt after ten minutes outside.

We were amused to discover that the Chancellor of William and Mary was Baroness Thatcher, whose annual visit we rather unfortunately missed by a week. William and Mary’s two most famous alumni were Thomas Jefferson and Bruce Hornsby - I tried and failed to link the two in my speech.

Debating government censorship somewhat on auto pilot, we saved the day for authoritarians everywhere.

University of Richmond, Virginia We arrived at the college in the middle of a personal communication class. The coach persuaded us to join the class in lying on the floor with our head on our neighbour’s stomach to see if laughter was infectious. My English reserve rather spoilt the effect.

The debate was in the student café - with huddles of students sitting around tables looking for all the world like a low rent Oscar ceremony. We had the curious feeling that they became an audience quite by accident, and somewhat against their will. Our opponents proceeded to advocate the direct government control of all media - an approach best described as brave.

Our stay was all too brief, but an enjoyable evening was capped by a wonderful Cuban restaurant. The coach, Lisa Heller, won the Nelson Mandela award for odd looking shirts.

Appalachian State University, North Carolina App State is in Boon - two hours drive up into the Appalachian mountains. All that remains of the former frontier town is the name - it now attracts hordes of tourists. Unfortunately this was our briefest of stops - we arrived in the evening and had to leave at three O’clock the next morning.

Boon is only reachable by a two hour drive through the foothills of the Appalachians. The scenery was spectacular - stuck behind trucks on single lane highways, we had plenty of time to enjoy it.

We ate our first Southern delicacy, the Hush Puppy - deep fried corn. American literalism again: it was invented to keep the dog quiet in the kitchen.

It was the start of the Fall vacation, so the debate was attended by rather more professors than students. The element of academic rigour this injected into the debate was, to say the least, challenging.

Wake Forest University, North Carolina Andrea flew back to Boston for a friend’s wedding, leaving me for a weekend’s relaxation in Wake Forest. The home of the tour organiser, Allan Louden, Wake Forest is a beautiful private college, almost entirely bankrolled by the altruistic generosity of the JR Reynolds

tobacco conglomerate.

We stayed in the university guest house - which was little short of luxurious. After a hectic few days, Wake Forest was the an opportune moment to unwind.

The Wake Forest budget had an unplanned fillip - being Yom Kippur my food requirements for the weekend were somewhat modest. Whilst Andrea was partying in Boston, I spent a day in a synagogue trying not to grin at the novelty of Hebrew in a Southern accent.

Since it was now the weekend of the fall break, undergraduates were thin on the ground.

The Law Society hosted us for a debate on the merits of the United Nations. Fittingly, in the home state of Jesse Helms, we withstood a fierce onslaught of anti-UN rhetoric.

University of Alabama Yet another media regulation debate - but one brought to life by the active participant of the Chairman. In an entertaining spin on staid British practice, at the end of the debate he asked the house to vote on whether they ‘wanted politicians to be able to bully the press and subvert democracy’. After confusion and a mild degree of uproar, he re-called it on the motion we had actually debated - and then hilariously mis-called the result.

At an excellent night out, I persuaded everyone to play pool to British rules, and then lost every game.

In our closest call of the tour, the car taking us to the airport broke down after hitting the freeway. After sprinting to the nearest service station we found someone willing to drive at breakneck speed to the airport. Dashing to the departure gate, we leapt in as it was shutting.

Only later did we discover our luggage hadn’t been so speedy.

University of South Carolina - Spartenburg Spartenburg was quite a different proposition - a very diverse ‘commuter college’ - i.e. most of the students drove in from their parents house and returned in the evening. It was probably the first college where money wasn’t dripping off the roof of every building.

Generously hosted by two local families, we could not fault the hospitality. Both coach and students were excellent company.

We were again put on opposite sides of a media regulation debate. This time I couldn’t find any subterfuge to prevent Andrea winning.

University of Miami, Florida On arrival, we drove straight up to Melbourne for a showpiece debate as part of the Florida Communication Association’s annual conference. We would be debating the media regulation topic here and in Miami the next day. So we decided to make a cunning variation and not talk about Diana at all, but rather to take our lead off the ongoing fund raising scandals and talk about regulation of political paid media. This proved a mistake - the opposing team spent all their speech trying to persuade everyone that advertising fell outside the definition of ‘media’. We were non-plussed. They won.

The accommodation was a little rough and ready; we slept on couches in the living room of one of the debater’s houses - oh, and the air conditioning was broken.

Dave Steinberg was the perfect host, taking us to all the bits of Miami he thought we’d appreciate. For the first time in the tour, we actually felt like tourists - strangely we rather enjoyed it. South Beach, riding the Everglades in an airboat, snakes, alligators, Gloria Estefan’s Cuban restaurant, the Keys, expensive bars looking out on the Keys....

The debate was probably our best ‘media regulation’ debate of the tour. A slightly postmodern note was added by the rather enthusiastic journalist filming the debate, who started walking in circles around Andrea as she spoke, pausing a foot from her face. Her put down about the paparazzi was met with enthusiastic applause and one red faced cameraman.

Sacramento State, California With one bound, we skipped from East Coast to West Coast for an all-too-short stop in Sacramento. In a whistle stop tour, we were shown the best bits of the town and then taken to our hosts, two Anglophile academics. We both stayed in what they described as their pool-side hut - which was larger than the average British house.

The debate was the afternoon after we arrived. In a packed lecture theatre we proposed same-sex marriage against the college team. Advocating same-sex marriage in California was a little like advocating whiskey in Scotland - but thanks to an excellent opposition and hugely vocal audience the debate was a hoot. We had another superb night out with some of the best people we met during the tour.

Humboldt State, California Everyone assured us Humboldt was full of wannabe hippies escaping from the bustle of LA to the redwood forests of Northern California. Certainly no other campus had quite as many beards and white rastafarians. In contrast to this, the local community made its living largely from logging.

The scenery was breathtaking - miles of spectacular white beaches. If it wasn’t for the 50F sea temperature and occasional shark attack, the place would have been a tourist’s Mecca.

Equally lovely was the traditional (and very non-Holiday Inn) hotel we stayed in, a mere stumble from the surprisingly bustling night life of the town square.

Given the locality, it was inevitable we would be debating the environment. Rather shockingly we ended up persuading three hundred hippies to put economic gain ahead of environmental protection.

University of Los Angeles, Long Beach Picked up by the wonderful coach, we did what any British tourist arriving in LA would do, and went to judge the final of a novice debating competition. Although of a style more akin to what we are accustomed to, the differences were still marked. The description of it as ‘debate lite’ is harsh but not entirely inaccurate.

Arriving early evening, we met the very wonderful coach and ate dinner at a restaurant.

Discussing what to do with the next day, we rejected Hollywood (too kitsch) or Disneyland (much too kitsch) in favour of Las Vegas. In a homage to Hunter S Thompson we left LA at midnight and were driven by a wonderful graduate student across the Mojave desert to Vegas. An astonishing drive to English eyes - hours of geometrically straight road in pitch darkness, with the star-field above us looking like a deranged Christmas decoration. From giant plastic pyramids to psychic taxi drivers, Vegas had everything. The place embodies everything that is worst about America - and was consequently great fun. It was downright bizarre seeing people going nuts at the sight of the same fruit machines that plaster every English chippy.

After a slightly frantic return drive we returned to Long Beach twenty minutes before the debate was due to start. Three times during my opening speech, I stumbled and paused completely at a loss for what to say. Thankfully the audience thought this was British irony.

Yet another censorship debate was boosted by an American team taking the extreme and rather generous approach of advocating anarchy.

Portland Community College, Oregon Whoever arranged for us to debate within half an hour of arriving at Portland hadn’t reckoned on us having spent 36 hours on the go in Las Vegas. Faced with an audience of a dozen people in a lecture theatre seating three hundred, the debate was not a highlight of the tour. Nevertheless we did manage to attack political correctness from a politically correct standpoint, as fine an example of double talk as we managed all tour.

Willamette University, Oregon Willamette’s coach, Robert Trapp has something of a reputation as the guru of West Coast

style policy debate. Despite this, we really liked him. Willamette itself was the archetypal private liberal arts campus - tastefully leafy, impressive facilities and friendly students.

The debate had us defending the American dream against what we quite reasonably described as ‘commie subversion’ from the Willamette team. We were grateful to debate something new, and appreciative of the sizeable and noisy audience.

Andrea’s birthday was celebrated in some style - Robert even arranging for a cake.

Gonzaga, Spokane (Washington State) Arriving tired and emotional the morning after Andrea’s birthday, we did little other than sleep on our first day in Spokane. Our tour of the town the next day revealed it had the smallest waterfalls in America, but the best bagels off the East Coast.

Whilst we debated the same side of the same motion as Willamette, the debate could not have been more different. One of our opponents was the splitting image of Bill Gates.

Despite, or perhaps because of this, half the debate revolved around the iniquities of Mr Bill Gates and the other half turned on the evils of consumerism. We all agreed it was a Bad Thing.

Laramie, Wyoming When the crop duster carrying us turned around to land, we had some difficulty spotting where the town was. The sheer vastness of the landscape was incredible - flat plains bordered by the Rocky Mountains in the distance.

The accommodation was unfortunately below par - I stayed in someone’s apartment, whilst Andrea was supposed to share a sorority room with four other women. When it was realised that this was not entirely acceptable, she was moved to a room with one stranger - an improvement though far from perfect.

Our foray into the Rockies was blocked by a snowdrift, but what we saw was impressive.

Soft Southerner that I am, I had no idea of what severe snow was like. Playfully stepping in the snow covering the side of the road, I ended up waist deep in snow. After this, my attempt to persuade everyone that it would be okay to drive through the snowdrift was doomed to failure.

We were treated to another capital punishment debate. Despite being in cowboy territory, the locals again chose to oppose the death penalty. We were grateful that this time the audience was a little more sceptical.

Colorado State After a few stops without a hotel, we were extremely appreciative of the (excellent) hotel Colorado put us up in.

Now at the other side of the Rockies, we made it up into the mountains to a stunning ice covered lake. The altitude was sufficiently thin for breathing to be a struggle, and the ice sufficiently thick for me to walk on water.

Colorado chose to debate the Monarchy; with the British, of course, attacking our beloved Royal Family. Both audience and speakers knew exactly what to expect in terms of style of debate. The audience was possibly the largest of the tour - and engaged in the debate enthusiastically, with a winning mixture of whoops and boos. We managed to persuade sufficient students to come out with us afterwards to make a memorable evening.

Webster University, Missouri A small college in St Louis, we spent little time with the people from Webster as they were off to a debating competition the next day.

A trip to an all-American bowling alley turned into a competition between Andrea and myself as to who could bowl the most successive complete misses. I won easily.

University of Missouri, St Louis Paris has the Eiffel Tower, Saint Louis has a large gleaming metal arch symbolising the city’s role as the ‘gateway to the West’. Naturally we went all the way up, and all the way down again. The process took so long that we were in danger of missing the debate.

The debate was preceded by a band playing a medley of English and Scottish music.

Our final day was spent watching Nebraska play Missouri at one of the largest college football games in the country. The ensuing cliff-hanger went some way to persuading me that American football was actually worth watching. The scale of the game was incredible 60,000 spectators and a 260 piece brass band - all for a college game.

University of Arkansas, Monticello Monticello was quite different. On arriving at Little Rock airport, we were warned that Monticello and the surrounding counties were completely dry. Furthermore, buying anything wet on the drive up was out of the question, since it was a Sunday. We stayed in a beautiful plantation era house, converted to a bed and breakfast and amongst the best accommodation of the tour.

I was rather alarmed to see that half the students greeting us were wearing combat fatigues, but reassured to be told it was the first day of the hunting season. It was suggested we avoided walking about in forests wearing green clothes.

We visited several classes, discussing transatlantic cultural and political differences. Such occasions were always fascinating, and the range of questions asked revealing.

The audience was large and friendly and we had another of our infrequent chances to hear Americans advocate censorship. The mayor granted us honorary citizenship of the town, and a member of the state senate appointed us ‘Arkansas Travellers’, bound to spread peace, goodwill and the spirit of Arkansas across the globe.

University of Texas, El Paso Richard Pineda, the coach at El Paso, was an alumni of the American debating tour of Britain - so we knew we were guaranteed an enjoyable stop. What we hadn’t expected in Texas was rain - and the few millimetres that fell were enough to flood a town without any drains.

The archetypal border town, El Paso and its Mexican neighbour sprawl into each other, divided only by the Rio Grande and a maximum security fence. The Mexican food and margaritas were the best of our tour. The hotel was quite out of the ordinary - large suites with two televisions. Its bar was spectacular, under a domed stained glass roof.

El Paso was the stage for our only live television appearance of the tour. At the time, the British and American press was hypnotised by the trial of a British au pair for killing her Bostonian charge. In a typically in depth news item (two minutes), I played the witness for the prosecution and Andrea the defence. Despite the shortage of time, I still managed to insert a tasteless Michael Jackson reference into my spiel.

In terms of content, the debate was probably the toughest of the tour. In a town rife with unemployment caused by the North American Free Trade Agreement, we had to advocate NAFTA in front of a large and mainly non-student audience. We were clearly outclassed in knowledge of the subject, if not in style. The debate was judged by a panel of the local great and good, who found an entirely spurious excuse to award victory to the visitors. Such generous hospitality continued with the awarding to us of honorary citizenship of the town, and a proclamation by the Texas state legislature.

Creighton University Exhausted from a late night in El Paso and a protracted series of flights, we arrived in Creighton for one of the briefest stops of the trip. After a meal, we debated almost immediately. Our gratitude at our only chance to debate trade versus sanctions was tempered by our tiredness.

The accommodation was a little rough and ready. We were housed in a graduate residence, but the rooms appeared to have been empty for a while, and were not in the best of condition. To exacerbate matters, Andrea’s radiator exploded during the night and did its best to turn her room into a sauna.

Butler University, Indianapolis A regular visit on the tour, Butler’s debate programme had recently ran out of students. This did not prevent Bill Neher and his fellow faculty members from being some of the best hosts of the tour. Two complete debating novices were introduced to the joy of debating the British, and appeared to enjoy the experience.

My only knowledge of Indianapolis was the Indy 500 race track - which we visited. Climbing in, on and around dozens of race cars made me behave even more like a small child than normal.

The trees still held their autumn leaves, and the sprinkling of fresh snow made the scenery look like a child’s drawing of Christmas. Our hotel was superb, and we had some of the best meals of our visit. All in all, a most relaxing stop.

Illinous College, Springfield There were two things predictable about Springfield; I would crack bad jokes about the Simpsons and we would be taken to Lincoln’s tomb. It wasn’t just his tomb - there wasn’t a house in the city in which Lincoln hadn’t been born, debated, or eaten breakfast.

Our second United Nations debate gave us the chance to do a ‘Jesse Helms’ and assault all things un-American. Unfortunately the venue was a little peculiar - a chapel in which a weekly event was staged for the students’ benefit. Being a compulsory event, the audience was less than completely enthusiastic.

St Johns College, Minnesota Without doubt the most isolated college we visited, St Johns is part of a monastery two hours north of Minneapolis. There really was nothing, other than snow, for half an hour in each direction. St Johns is a men’s college, running courses in tandem with a women’s college attached to a nunnery a few miles away.

We stayed in two of the Abbott’s guest rooms, which were thankfully insulated from the outside. I realised quite quickly that every building was connected to every other building, removing the need to go outside. The resulting warren of corridors proved too much for my rather flaky sense of direction; I had to be rescued by kindly if rather bemused monks on a regular basis.

Our opponents could not have been more contrasting. One was from Hawaii - and never satisfactorily explained his decision to move from the most tropical state to the coldest. The other was from Fargo, the small Minnesotan town ruthlessly satirised in the Coen brothers’ film of that name.

We had another enjoyable attempt to defend political correctness - an interesting debate in one of America’s most liberal, yet least multi-cultural states. The audience was large and rowdy - confirming my theory that the duller the place, the bigger and better the audience.

St Johns was one of the few colleges which had a bar on campus - apparently some of the monks were particularly enamoured of Newcastle Brown Ale. Northwestern University, Chicago We stayed in Chicago for four days - a lengthy stay by our standards. Two days at Northwestern, some twenty minutes from the city centre were followed by two days at the National Speech and Communication Association’s national convention.

Of all the colleges we visited, Northwestern clinched the ‘too much money’ award. On the shores of Lake Michigan, the College had spent a small fortune building an artificial island for no other reason than to give the students somewhere to sunbathe.

We caught our host, Dr Deatherage (who for some unfathomable reason his students called “Duck”) at a rather bad time - his time was divided between us, a high school debating competition and the convention. This resulted in a rather sparsely attended debate - a pity, since we were debating two of the highest ranked speakers in the USA. Since we had no debating scheduled for the convention (something we appreciated), we took the opportunity to catch up with some of the people we had met earlier on the tour. Our days were spent exploring Chicago and its department stores, and the evenings flitting between champagne receptions.

Wabash College, Indiana Wabash was, they assured us, one of only four remaining all male colleges in the nation.

Every few years they went through a regular ritual, whereby the staff voted overwhelmingly for it to become co-educational, and the alumni voted equally overwhelmingly to maintain the status quo.

Wabash has been a regular on the ESU tour for at least forty years. One recently retired professor could remember Norman Lamont and Jonathan Aitkin - and was fascinated to hear how their illustrious careers had developed.

For the first and only debate of the tour, we had our chance to lambaste the American dream.

By the end of the debate, not a single cliché or easy target was left standing. Naturally, we lost.

New York University and Columbia University To end the tour in New York was perfect. We had the added bonus of being the first tour in recent years to debate at a New York college.

There was some confusion as to who was organising what. Neither New York nor Columbia had their own debate programme, but pooled resources with half a dozen smaller colleges in the urban area. This was not entirely successful - attendance at the debate was poor and no funds had been set aside to cover food, accommodation or sightseeing. It was a little unfortunate that the only city this happened in was the most expensive of them all. Such churlishness aside, we had a hugely enjoyable stay - largely thanks to a student from NYU who took us under her wing, showed us around and even put us up in spare beds in her flat when we balked at the planned accommodation in Columbia.

We covered all the predictable tourist haunts - saw the statue of Liberty, visited Ellis Island, climbed the Empire State and the World Trade Centre. To cap it all, we were even driven to the airport by an authentic NY taxi driver. He hardly spoke English, clearly couldn’t read and deposited us in the goods terminal.