The Express Tribune Magazine - April 3

APRIL 3-9 2011

Wired and Vulnerable What hidden dangers lurk in cyberspace?

22

Colourful Cricket 38

Honey, I’m Home 58

HUMOUR

REVIEWS

FEATURE

FASHION

TRAVEL

APRIL 3-9 2011

Cover Story 22 Cyber Wars The battles of the future are already being fought in cyberspace 28 Virtual Worlds, Real Dangers Technology is often used to harass women - but can be used to fight harassment too 34 Scamistan The next time you swipe your credit card, it’s best to be aware of the dangers you’re exposing yourself to

Features 38 Colourful Cricket Some of the more unusual moments of the gentleman’s game

50

44 Wheels of Fortune Pakistani roller skaters spin their magic

Travel 46 Turkish Delight The sights, sounds and smells of Istanbul

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Humour 48 Stop ‘N Go Haseeb Asif on surviving a traffic jam

Fashion 50 Style Alert!

A look at Design Lounge’s new line of evening wear

Up North and Personal 58 Honey, I’m Home!

Zahrah Nasir has a bee in her bonnet

Regulars 6 People & Parties: Out and about with Pakistan’s beautiful people 20 Tribune Questionnaire: Maria Zulfiqar on doubt 54 Reviews: What’s new in films 60 Horoscope: Shelley von Strunckel on your week ahead 62 Ten Things I Hate About: A table for one

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Editor: Zarrar Khuhro. Sub-Editors: Batool Zehra, Hamna Zubair Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq Alvi, S Asif Ali, Samad Siddiqui, Sukayna Sadik Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi.

For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk

PEOPLE & PARTIES The multibrand store Portfolio was launched in Lahore

, Natasha, Shaiyanne arah S d an ib Sak

Mehreen Syed

Abbas and Sana

Umair Fazli and Fatima

6 APRIL 3-9 2011

Nabiha

Amna Baber, Aliha and Mariam

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Shahzad Raza and Fia

Zarmina and Ali Zafar

Shehrbano

Shareena and Farimah Hasnat, Shazia Deen, Momina and Nael

8 APRIL 3-9 2011

Emmad Irfani , Maryam and Amina Shafat

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Uzma, Ayesha and Zara

Asad and Anoushay

Saim and Malika

Madiha and Ikram

Hamza Tarar and Salma

10 APRIL 3-9 2011

Alyzeh and Bilal Mukhtar

PEOPLE & PARTIES The Gul Ahmed fashion awards were held at the DHA Golf Club in Karachi.

hwani Ayesha Has Ali n ee ah M and

Rizwanullah and Neha

Kamiyar Rokni and Paresheh

Kiran Aman

14 APRIL 3-9 2011

lam

Fareshteh As

Shamsa Hashwani and friend with Frieha

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Students from Iqra University

Natasha

Tariq Amin with Sanam Agha

Nabila and Emu Shoba Ispahani, Parveen Bashir and Ronak Lakhani

16 APRIL 3-9 2011

Rukayia Adamjee with a friend

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Mr & Mrs Ziad Bashir

Kamiyar Rokni and Feeha Jamshed

Maheen and Saad Ali

Frieha Altaf

Mrs Parveen Bashir and Peng Qureshi

18 APRIL 3-9 2011

Zain Bashir, Shehnaz Basit, Kamiyar Rokni with Guest

“My neurons are going haywire planning my new project” TV anchor Maria Zulfiqar on women of strength, hating literature and having a good time in high school.

What is your greatest extravagance?

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Purses.

Being physically dependent on others.

What is your current state of mind?

If you didn’t do your current job, what would you choose to do?

My neurons are going haywire planning my new project.

Go back to dentistry.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Who is your hero of fiction?

Contentment.

I hate fiction; I live in the real world.

On what occasion do you lie?

Who are your heroes in real life?

When it doesn’t involve hurting someone.

There are so many, specially women of strength like Sherry Rehman.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

What is your greatest regret?

Nothing.

Doubting my abilities at the most crucial moment of my life.

Which living person do you most despise?

What’s your favourite quote?

So many corrupt politicians – it’s a never-ending list.

“What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.”

What is the quality you most like in a man?

What kind of super powers would you like to have?

The ability to accept a woman with brains.

The ability to predict the future.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

What scares you more: Lizards or cockroaches?

“See the thing is”.

Neither.

When and where were you happiest?

If you had a time machine, where would you go?

When I was in high school.

To the time when I was 18.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

What’s the one thing you wish someone would invent?

The fact that I don’t forget and forgive at all.

A time machine!

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

If you were stranded on a desert island, what’s the one thing you’d

Coming from a field like medicine and being able to survive in

take with you?

this industry.

Chocolates.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

If they made a movie on your life, who would you want to play your role?

Me, minus the temper.

Julia Roberts.

Where would you most like to live?

What would the movie be called?

New York.

‘Life is Unpredictable’.

What is your most treasured possession?

What’s the last really good movie you watched?

My guardian angel, my best friend.

The Kite Runner. a

21 APRIL 3-9 2011

COVER STORY

cyber w

BY GIBRAN ASHRAF

How many times have you heard that a friend had to change his or her email account because it had been hacked? Or had to deactivate their Facebook account for the same reason? In the world of information technology where more and more people are getting connected and information of all sorts is available online, hacking presents a threat like never before.

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Leave Your Hat On Traditionally, hackers have been divided into two groups, known as Black-hats and White-hats. Black hats are those who (mis)use their skills to penetrate websites and networks to obtain sensi-

wars

Forget about Star Wars, the battles of the future are already being fought...in cyberspace.

tive data to further their criminal activities. White-hats, on the

other hand, use the same skills to locate vulnerabilities in systems for their clients and then devise a way to fill the gaps.

Hack Attacks The most common types of hack attacks include Distributed Denial of Service or DDoS attacks where hackers overload the server

of a site with too many requests. This is considered an elemen-

tary method of attack, and remains one of the most effective if done on a large scale.

Another type of attack involves hacking into websites. This in-

volves breaching the security parameters of a website and gaining access to its administrator panel where the hacker can add or remove information like adding a page which carries a message from the hacker or adding lurid pictures on landing pages.

The last type of attack is very similar to the kind of attack where

the hacker penetrates a website and steals information which would otherwise only be available to authorised personnel.

The Virtual War At least as far as hacking goes, Pakistan doesn’t lag behind the rest of the world. There is a dedicated community of hackers in

Pakistan which has been involved in both black-hat and white-

hat activities. Black-hat activity in Pakistan has gained a sort of infamy due to cross-border activity in recent years. Faiz Ahmad

Shuja, a Pakistani white-hat professional who started out with computers in the late nineties says that black-hat activity, espe-

cially cross-border attacks where Pakistani hackers attacked and defaced Indian websites, started somewhere in 1998 soon after

the nuclear weapon detonation in India and then in Pakistan.

Back then, he recalls, “hacking fell more in the purview of hacktivism with patriotism being the primary motivation”.

This sort of hack-tivism from both India and Pakistan contin-

ued ferociously for the better part of the last 12 years, with activi-

ties reaching an all-time high in 2005, when over 200 incidents of hack attacks and counterattacks were launched. The most re-

cent episode was when Indian hackers attacked and defaced 36 Pakistani government websites in early December 2010. This led

to a counterattack from a Pakistani hacker group called the Pakistan Cyber Army which hacked into the website of the Indian

Central Bureau of Investigation, regarded as one of India’s most secure sites.

The Best Defence However, Pakistan is not as secure against cyber attacks as it APRIL 3-9 2011

23

COVER STORY PML-N official website hacked

President Zardari’s website hacked

In March 2011 a hacker defaced the official website of the PML-N. The hacker left a message on the website, asking the party’s leaders to refrain from “filling your own pockets.”The page was recovered and restored to its original form shortly after the incident.

In December 2010 the Federal Investigation Agency’s Lahore Cyber Crime Wing arrested a hacker on charges of hacking the personal website of President Asif Ali Zardari. According to officials, the website was hacked in July and was restored

needs to be. Naveed Mansoor, Director of the Monitoring and

within two days. The accused had changed his web name from Adil to ‘Penetrator’ when the Cyber Crime Wing started tracing his location. Adil, who confessed to hacking the site, said he did it ‘for fun’. He was handed over to FIA Rawalpindi for further investigation.

Operation Payback The Wikileaks saga unleashed a furious debate on access to information online. When Julian Assange was arrested, the hacking community allegedly took revenge on the companies that had refused to support him — and the websites of credit-card giants Visa and MasterCard, and of the Swedish government, were brought down.

Shuja says: “Hacker groups working with governments to

Evaluation cell for the Planning and Development Department

penetrate systems of their enemies multiply their capabilities”.

Pakistan regularly face attacks from hackers within and outside

having state sanction, allowing hackers to break into the Penta-

in the Government of Sindh, says that networks and websites in

the country. A couple of years ago one of the biggest victims of hacking in Pakistan, the National Bank of Pakistan, disclosed that millions of rupees were siphoned off by hackers who had

manipulated the bank’s ATM network where any customer at-

tempting to withdraw money from an NBP ATM would be told that a transaction had occurred though no cash would be provided. The “missing” money was then transferred remotely to a set

of pre-designated accounts. Mansoor says “unfortunately internet security is not at the top of the government’s list”.

Shuja too agrees that the fragmented black-hat community in

The US has often accused China’s growing “army” of hackers of

gon and steal designs of nuclear weapons in 2005. Around the same time, Chinese companies reportedly passed on a source

code from software giant Microsoft to the Chinese government which in turn supplied hackers with it. This culminated in the SQL Slammer worm in 2005 which affected millions of computers globally. And last year Google claimed its servers had been

hacked by Honker Union, a highly skilled Chinese hacker group allegedly backed by the Chinese government.

Threats Around The World

Pakistan, barring a small group, has turned on Pakistan and is

The threat to cyber-security has even made US President Barack

with unsecured telecommunication networks.

vealed during an international symposium in 2009 that cyber-

now increasingly targeting e-commerce establishments along

Not A Remote Threat Yet the greatest threat that Pakistan, India or any other country faces is from remote operating groups bent on either disabling or

breaking in, spying on, sabotaging or making public classified information stored on websites and networks.

The most frightening example of these types of activities has

been the recent “Stuxnet” attacks. The attacks were in the form

of a computer worm infection in systems in Iranian nuclear plants which halted scheduled operations between June and Sep-

Obama to sit up and take notice. The US Strategy Command respace was formally recognised as a domain from which to expect attacks. Recording an increase in cyber-attacks by 53 per cent in

2008 with $1 trillion worth of data stolen, the US decided to set up

the Cyber Command department which will act as a central command for various cyber-security sections working in the public,

and to some extent in the military domains, including the US Air

Force Network Warfare Squadron and the cyber-security wing of the Department of Homeland Security with their force of “cyberwarfare combatants”.

As US CYBERCOMM became operational in May 2010, many coun-

tember 2010. This strain of software was designed to penetrate,

tries, including Britain, Australia, China, South Korea and Iran, cop-

which were directly associated with core operations.

structure. The objective is to focus on internet and network security.

locate and disable only a specific configuration of computers

24 APRIL 3-9 2011

ied the idea and set up similar departments within their government

Punjab police website hacked In July 2010 the official website of the Punjab police was hacked by an Indian hacker.

The hacker left an anti-Pakistan slogan on the website’s main page.

Operation Aurora This was a hack attack that began in mid-2009 and continued till the end of the year. Several major corporations were targeted; Google first admitted to having been attacked on a blog in 2010, and said the attack originated in China. Other companies that said they had

No One Owns The ‘Net Wikileaks, a group formed in part by hackers, discovered that the most potent weapon since the atom bomb was information. Their

been targeted include Adobe Systems, Juniper Networks and Rackspace. As a result, Google suggested that it may leave China and close its Chinese offices. Official Chinese media responded stating that the incident is part of a US government conspiracy.

US State Department hacked In 2007, the cyber systems of Central Command, the State Department, Department of Commerce and NASA were successfully hacked — and they lost millions of pages of classified information.

fending their goals. Freedom of information and speech could be considered a mutual want for both parties”.

Regarding their recent ops in Tunisia, Egypt and Algeria they

effective utilisation of this weapon changed the world. Informa-

say that “we’re giving the people and governments a message.

nearly 725,000 documents and cables from the US regarding the

sit down and let the government slap us around, we won’t let

tion was obtained in part using hacking tools to gather some of the two warfronts in Iraq and Afghanistan and a large cache of diplomatic cables from US embassies around the world. The “leaks”

We’re reminding everyone that regular people (you and I) won’t them hide information from us”.

Asked about what the legacy of Operation Payback would be,

caused global uproar, and of late have acted as a catalyst of change

Anonymous says: “I see Anonymous being feared by governments

its largest ever diplomatic damage control exercises.

lic support. I fear the internet may take a turn for the worse in

in Tunisia and Egypt, as well as prompting the US to launch one of

In early December 2010, on the eve of the release of Cablegate,

the first of some 250,000 confidential diplomatic cables, the first

shot in the Wikileaks cyber-war was fired. A ‘patriotic’ hacker go-

ing by the alias the ‘Jester’ launched a DDoS attack forcing the main site www.Wikileaks.org to go offline. US based companies

like Visa, Paypal and Mastercard were pressured into closing ac-

as we roll our internet freedom ball upon the web and gather pub-

terms of censorship - slowly more rules are becoming enforced, for example the latest FCC release. But one thing I definitely see

is more and more people fighting against it.” They maintained that they would work to alleviate public repression in case of a “cyber-war”, fighting multiple sides if they have to.

Former US intelligence chief Michael McConnell, while giving

counts for Wikileaks and Amazon.com removed Wikileaks from

an interview in the February 2010 edition of Information Week

supporting Wikileaks. An international group of hackers called

bombs. Hiroshima changed the world, and so has the internet-

its servers. This sparked a massive counterattack from groups “Anonymous” defended Wikileaks by attacking and taking down Visa, Paypal, Mastercard and Amazon.com in their Operation Payback.

The New Atom Bomb In an interview with me, Representatives of Anonymous made

it clear that while their activities may lie in the ‘Grey-hat’ area,

likened the devastation from cyber attacks to that from nuclear

based Wikileaks. Anonymous continues its role as a facilitator of change in oppressive nations from cyberspace. And all the while,

countries around the world are recruiting hackers in a bid to not only protect breaches which may lead to Cablegates of their own,

but to also as an offensive capability against groups like Anonymous and to cripple the infrastructure of their enemy.

OpPayback may have been the first such war to be fought pub-

“Anonymous is an Internet gathering of those committed to de-

licly, but it will not be the last. Cyber-warfare is not a hypotheti-

and speech”. In their support of Wikileaks they say they are “de-

bomb. a

stroying censorship and maintaining freedom of information

cal scenario; it’s a reality and its potency is greater than a nuclear

25 APRIL 3-9 2011

COVER STORY British Parliament website hacked

The New York Times hacked

‘Solo’ hacks NASA and US military

A hacker who belonged to Rome and called himself ‘Unu’ invaded the UK Parliament’s website in 2009. He used to examine high profile and reputed websites regularly for probable security flaws — websites of companies such as BitDefender, Kaspersky, Symantec, F-Secure, The Telegraph and British Telecom, and The International Herald Tribute. Unu pointed out flaws in the Parliament’s website, but refrained from leaking sensitive data.

‘Grey hat’ hacker Adrian Lamo hacked into the internal computer network of The New York Times in February 2002.

He was able to view personal information on contributors, including Social Security numbers. Lamo also hacked into The Times’ LexisNexis account to research high-profile subject matter. A warrant for Lamo’s arrest was issue in 2003, and in 2004 he was convicted of compromising security at The New York Times and Microsoft, Yahoo! and MCI WorldCom.

US authorities accused hacker Gary McKinnon of hacking into about 97 US military and NASA computers over a 13-month period between February 2001 and March 2002. McKinnon, who is said to have used the name ‘Solo,’ was accused of deleting critical files from operating systems, which shut down the US Army’s Military

District of Washington network of 2,000 computers for a day, as well as deleting US Navy Weapons logs, rendering a naval base’s network of 300 computers inoperable.

McKinnon the charges, arguing that he had accessed open, unsecured machines with no passwords and no firewalls and that he left countless notes pointing out their many security failings.

Propaganda online: Welcome to the war on comments Jahanzaib Haque Working for an online news desk with a liberal comments policy

that allows visitors to voice their opinions on all articles is not without its hazards.

The recent debates surrounding the Raymond Davis saga,

Indo-Pak talks and other geopolitically sensitive issues tends to generate a rather unusual surge in visitor comments with a particular slant, forcing comment moderators to question whether

this is the result of an expected surge of polarized public opinion, or whether there is a concerted effort being made to shape or create a perception of public opinion by groups with vested interests in the issue at hand.

Who would bother planting agenda-driven comments on a news website you ask?

Well, for starters, as The Times reported in 2006, the Israeli Foreign Ministry ordered trainee diplomats to track down anti-Israel

websites and chatrooms to aid thousands of Jewish activists in placing pro-Israel comments. The effort was coordinated using ‘megaphone’ software which directed Jewish online activists to sites, polls and chatrooms where they could post contrary view-

points and dictate the direction of the online debate on the IsraelPalestine issue.

Let’s not even look that far into the past.

The Guardian last month reported that the US military is “devel-

26

oping software that will let it secretly manipulate social media APRIL 3-9 2011

sites by using fake online personas to influence internet conver-

and while much has been written about the “freeing, democrat-

The contract for this software, commissioned through the

viewpoint that the internet can be used to misinform, malign

sations and spread pro-American propaganda.”

United States Central Command (CentCom) states that these

“fake online persona must have a convincing background, histo-

ic” nature of the net, very little has been said on the equally valid and manipulate.

The very first level of running a propaganda campaign online

ry and supporting details, and that up to 50 US-based controllers

is to create false, manipulated content slanted towards a certain

“without fear of being discovered by sophisticated adversaries”.

based blogs, mislabeled, false videos etc. However, the more

should be able to operate false identities from their workstations

More interestingly for local audiences, the report further states

that the languages in which the “interventions” are conducted will be Arabic, Farsi, Urdu and Pashto.

goal using bogus columns, false expert opinion, propaganda-

subtle, and arguably equally important arena to wage the propa-

ganda war is in the dialogue taking place i.e. online chat, public forums, comments on websites.

Assuming the popular ‘hive theory’ to be a fairly accurate so-

With reports such as these circulating online, it is not hard to see why conspiracy theorists are having a field day.

cial model of how people interact online, it only takes four or five

Recent blogs such as that by Pakistan Cyber Force, a group which

picks up on the idea and runs with it — and remember — for ev-

claims to “actively participate in cyber combat activities” claim that there are now thousands of “foreign cyber troopers” visiting

local websites and “bombarding our cyber networks with anti-Army and anti-ISI messages and trying to divert the whole respon-

busy bees to plant the seeds of an idea in a comments section.

The rest of the work is done by the rest of the naïve hive, which ery one article that goes online with a particular viewpoint, there

can easily be four, five, even ten contradictory views in shorter, more digestible form in the comments section below.

Yes, the role of a comment moderator on a news website can be

sibility of Raymond Davis’ release towards ISI and army.”

a hard one, especially when it comes to answering the question:

teriorate into a series of half-truths (and some delusions) about

then be better to just close down the pernicious comments sec-

Looking deeper, the multiple conspiracies theories online de-

US cyber armies, Israel-Indian online nexus’ trying to malign Pakistan and the practice of intelligence agencies running online

war games. Still, logic and realpolitik dictate that one cannot be blind to the possibility.

While it would be nigh impossible to sift the truth out of the

muck, there is no denying that the internet has become a very real, very potent playground for the shaping of public opinion,

what is propaganda and what is personal opinion? Would it not tion on sites? Or would that be trampling upon freedom of speech

and vital insight into the minds of the readers and society at-

large? These questions are hard to answer, and will hopefully be addressed as the war on comments grows — for with every war, there is inevitable rebellion and resistance. a

27 APRIL 3-9 2011

COVER STORY

virtual world,

real dangers

BY AAISHAH ABU BAKR

28

How do you like the idea of a friend or employer logging onto Facebook one day only to find your picture on an ad for “Hot Singles waiting for you”? This is how some dating websites function — by plucking profile pictures of women on Facebook and plugging them in their ads online.

APRIL 3-9 2011

Advancement in Information and Communication Technology (ICT) has come with its own costs — prominent among them are the new forms that violence against women has assumed. According to the UN, 95% of aggressive behaviour, harassment, abusive language and degrading images in online spaces are aimed at women. It seems that women are even more susceptible in the virtual world than they are in the real one. But by and large they are not aware of the hazards they are exposed to when using technology, much less how to fight them.

Forms of violence range from online stalking which can turn to

stalking in the real world, to email hacking. In many cases, of-

fenders create fake Facebook profiles of their female targets with abusive and explicit content.

Mobile phone pestering is so routine, that I doubt there is a

woman out there who hasn’t received a ‘friendship request’ from an unknown number, often with sexually explicit content. Rarer

still is the woman who has not received obscene phone calls from the same man using multiple phone numbers. Trying to get these numbers blocked is all too often an exercise in futility, as

the offender simply switches to another number. What is alarm-

ing is that cases have been reported where, when the woman has

refused to comply with the demands of the caller, the harasser has blocked her SIM through his friends in telecom companies.

Another disturbing development is the proliferation of web-

sites with adult content which feature amateur videos and pho-

tos of women taken without their consent, indeed, without their

knowledge. The proliferation of cell phones with cameras has also led to the proliferation of candid pictures of women on any

number of websites. These sites brim with pictures of women,

often school girls, and are sometimes linked to scandalous stories about them, complete with fake profiles. Often, the harass-

Be Safe Online - Make use of privacy controls offered by websites and think before uploading any personal content. Remember, what you upload on the web will be there forever for the world to see.

- Never share any personally identifiable information such as cell phone numbers or home address.

- While uploading pictures, make use of the strictest privacy control available. In the absence of such restrictions, be aware that there are chances of your pictures being misused without your knowledge and permission.

- If you access the internet from public/shared computers, clear the browser history after you are done.

- Do not choose options to store passwords or sign in automatically when on public/shared computers.

- Avoid handing over your mobile phone number to shopkeepers for services such as easy load, to prevent them from reaching the wrong hands.

- Storing personal data on mobile phones or computers can be dangerous, as phones can be stolen or misused to transfer data, while computers can be hacked.

- When selling your computer or mobile phone, remove all personal content from it yourself.

- Sometimes, when transferring data for you, the shop-keeper keeps a copy of it which is likely to be misused later on.

- Be aware of photographs/videos being taken of you and avoid being shot in a compromising position, especially in public places.

- If you are in a relationship, avoid sending candid photos of yourself to your significant other. They may end up being misused.

- If your photo or video is being misused online, immediately contact National Response Center for Cyber Crimes and the Pakistan through YouTube. While this may seem like a one-off incident, such cases are becoming more and more common.

er uploads these photos to bully and blackmail the woman.

In September 2010, a young girl was not only gang-raped in

Khipro, Sindh, but the rapists also made a video of her trauma

and put it online. Within seconds, it was accessible to everyone

through YouTube. While this may seem like a one-off incident, such cases are becoming more and more common.

Many desi ‘masala’ sites are filled with ‘MMS scandals’ and

even amateur videos of women on the street are uploaded for lechers to gawk at. (See The ‘masala’ menace)

The fact is that we tell the internet everything from where

we live to who we meet, from where we go to what we do and when. This proves very handy for stalkers who use the informa-

tion we post about ourselves online to track us. In a society where notions of shame and honour are of overriding concern, social activists who challenge these ideas often get harassed with seri-

29

ous threats via email and cell phone.

APRIL 3-9 2011

COVER STORY

In fact, cyber bullying is now a common way of getting back

at women for perceived insults in the real world. When a disagreement erupted between Sidra (not her real name) an employee at a pharmaceutical company and her male colleagues,

they responded by photoshopping her into nude pictures and

posting them on the company’s website. In another office dis-

pute, Sara’s official email ID was hacked and adult content was sent from her official email to all the workers in the company.

Activists like Fariha Akhtar are working to curb violence

In September 2010, a young girl was not only gang-raped in Khipro, Sindh, but the rapists also made a video of her trauma and put it online. Within seconds, it was accessible to everyone through YouTube. While this may seem like a one-off incident, such cases are becoming more and more common

against women through Information and Communication Technology. Akhtar is associated with a global campaign called

“Take Back the Tech” whose aim is to make women worldwide aware of their rights and responsibilities on the web. A common response from women who have been bullied online is to withdraw from using technology. Fariha strongly advocates

against such an approach, instead encouraging women to take ownership of technology and use it to speak out against abuse.

“I feel the risks associated with ICTs should by no means stop

women from using the very same information technology con-

structively for personal and professional growth. We need to create awareness and be a little careful while sharing personal

information online. In fact, we need to practice pretty much all those safety measures online that we take offline.”

In Pakistan, while regulations for electronic crimes exist,

awareness about them is poor. The Monitoring and Recon-

ciliation of International Telephony Traffic Regulations 2008, Electronic Transaction Ordinance 2002 and Prevention of Electronic Crimes Ordinance 2009 are the legal devices in place in

Pakistan to fight cyber crimes. They talk about electronic fraud

which, if proved, can result in an imprisonment of seven years and fine or both. Electronic forgery is another crime with the

same punishment. The misuse of electronic systems or electronic devices, malicious code and misuse of encryption laws can result in a sentence of five years or a fine or both. Cyber

stalking is considered the biggest crime of all and can entail

imprisonment for up to ten years. These crimes are investigated by the relevant agencies, such as the FIA’s cyber crime wing.

Despite the growing problem, cybercrimes of this nature remain

a low priority for law-enforcers in Pakistan. The best approach is to be aware of the dangers and protect your virtual life as you would protect your real one. a

The ‘masala’ menace Jahanzaib Haque

Who to contact Project Director

In a new and dangerous trend, websites and blogs are appearing online

National Response Center for Cyber Crimes

offering Pakistani adult content, the vast majority of which consists of

FIA Head Quarter

amateur photographs and video clips uploaded by men who have either stolen the content from social networking sites such as Facebook, or have acquired the content by underhanded or criminal means.

These adult websites are either semi-professional or professional blogs run by unidentified individuals, or full-scale websites, the most popular of which are operating from neighbouring India. The sites offer content in various categories, some of which pose as seemingly innocent sections of women, teenagers and underage girls at private parties, weddings, at school, beaches or on vacation. Other sections offer x-rated material which has private, amateur photos and videos of sexual acts, but may also include footage of forced sex and rape.

The images and videos are almost exclusively taken on mobile phones

G-9/4, Islamabad Tel: # 051-9267250 Fax: # 051-9266435 Email: pd@nr3c.gov.pk Help Desk National Response Center for Cyber Crimes FIA Head Quarter G-9/4, Islamabad

and in some instances, digital cameras. The content is available for

Tel: # 0336-6006060

free and accessible to anyone browsing online as the sites rely on two

Fax: # 051-9266435

revenue streams — online advertising, and monetary gains from blackmailing/extortion.

The more professional websites have developed a single-step submission process, where individuals can directly upload content to the website moderators using an online submission form. Through this process, an individual or group can use such sites to threaten women of public exposure. Other similar sites with no advertising or contact

Email: helpdesk@nr3c.gov.pk PTA Enforcement PTA Headquarters Tel: +92-51-9221444 Fax: +92-51-2878139

information appear to be private collections either acquired from the

enforcement@pta.gov.pk

larger adult sites or through stalking Facebook.

complaint@pta.gov.pk

The job of policing such websites and curbing this criminal online activity technically lies with the Federal Investigation Agency (FIA)

PTA Chairman

National Response Center for Cyber Crimes. Section 13 of the Prevention

Tel: +92-51-2878143

of Electronic Crime Ordinance (PECO) 2007, an ordinance whose ap-

+92-51-2878156

plicability is now unknown, places such activity under the definition of ‘cyber stalking’, which can carry a sentence of 7-10 years and/or a fine of Rs100,000 or more. Additionally, it is the job of the Pakistan

Fax: +92-51-2878155 chairmanoffice@pta.gov.pk

Telecommunication Authority to monitor such sites and block access to them in Pakistan.

31 APRIL 3-9 2011

COVER STORY

www.scamistan.com As Pakistan gets more and more wired, criminals are increasingly using information technology to scam unsuspecting victims

BY OMAIR ZEESHAN

You are not safe. Neither are your country’s nuclear reactors, your credit card can be cloned at any swipe terminal and you would never really know the difference between your real banking website and a fake one.

You never really stop to think that Pakistan; a country that

has seen its fair share of conventional crime, would have an

even seedier underbelly of cybercriminals. They may be few, but they have probably made more money than most of your

conventional criminals combined. Unless you take into account crooked bureaucrats, generals and politicians.

I called up an online security expert, Ayaz Ahmed Khan.

A week of plaguing the man got me an interview and he agreed to meet me.

The sheer wealth of information at his disposal from

working with a boutique information security company was shocking. I consider myself fairly wired into the techie side

of life, but what he told me left me feeling exposed and unsafe.

As a part of a security company providing professional on-

line security services, he was one of the few people in this

country not oblivious to the possible dangers of living in

such a well connected world. He and his team have worked to enhance the IT infrastructure security posture of various companies. Implementation of comprehensive security

strategies was also his job. Interestingly, he said that none of our country’s financial institutions were really secure and

that they had not really considered hiring any firm to bring

their online security up to speed. But while the corporate sector may be complacent, he told me that Pakistan’s cyber-

34

criminals have not been idle.

APRIL 3-9 2011

The Bank Phisher Complex layered social engineering coupled with appropriately

sneaky online technical schemes allowed for a pretty neat Pakistani Bank phishing scam. The target was a well-known bank we will refer to as Bank ‘A’.

The cybercriminals set up a clone of Bank A’s website and

would send emails from official sounding addresses like manag-

er@bankA.pk. These emails would employ various tactics to trick people into signing into the fake website with their very real account information and other details credentials. One such email

when

suggested that the bank’s server had suffered from a crash and

the user to click a link which would take them to the fake web-

site. The user would not be able to tell the difference in the url

his bank account, he

the website’s URL indeed said www.bankA.com they would pro-

raising the issue with

because the internet allows you to mask domains. Assured that

short by close to Rs.

ceed to enter their username and passwords, never realizing that

ment of the bank (which

door is there, but if you actually start exploring, you find out it’s

banks) he was told that

the website was just like a movie set. The front wall is there, the just a front. Sometimes, the cloned websites can even be elaborate enough to have all the data the real site would. Thus fooled,

the victims’ passwords and usernames would promptly be sent to the cyber criminal who had set up the fake website.

The crime was reported to the proper authorities, but we do not

know what action was taken against the criminal.

The Point of Sale scam You’ll feel a lot more nervous about using your credit and debit

cards after you hear about this scam. Like countless others, Mr. Khalid used his debit card to fill up his tank at a petrol pump in Ka-

rachi without really giving it a second thought. A few days later,

he

went

to make a with-

that all the passwords had been reset. The sender would prompt

be one of Pakistan’s larg-

pumps around the city were

drawal

from

found he was

40,000. After the managehappens

to

est domestic

several

petrol

somehow stealing account

information through their Point of Service (POS) terminals. This

information would then be used to conduct fake transactions, draining the targeted account. Then there’s also the case of the

Chinese-made POS terminals for credit card swiping that were

exported to Europe. These credit card swipe machines that are

used for transactions were fitted with chips which cloned credit cards and sent the information to a Pakistan-based cybercriminal

gang. The devices selectively sent account data by a wireless connection to computer servers in Lahore, while constantly changing the pattern of theft so it was hard to detect. How these crimi-

nals managed to convince or defraud the Chinese manufacturers APRIL 3-9 2011

35

COVER STORY

who shipped such sensitive equipment is still a mystery. How hard would it be to do the same in Pakistan?

While some of the above mentioned scams can be avoided with

The ‘Nigerian’ Scam

push from the financial sector.

Have you ever been sent an email from a Nigerian prince/ poli-

a degree of common sense, there are others that need a greater

I talked to some security experts in the IT field and they basically

tician/ businessman asking for your help in transferring large

told me that while banks were willing to spend money on core bank-

very old scam, it has now moved online. The email would ask

systems. They claimed that while banks were aware of the risks,

sums of money from their bank account? While this is in fact a you to submit some money to get the money moving and would

promise you a significant portion of it for your “trustworthiness”

and “help”. However, there were never any funds that needed transferring. The money that you gave to get the funds moving

ing solutions; their interest flags when it comes to securing those

they were not interested in purchasing software or services that would shore up their security. Part of the reason is that the purchase of licensed software in bulk would put a dent in the bottom line.

Surprisingly, quite a few banks do not even have disaster recovery

would go to the persons who started the scam. Lots of people fell

sites; these are sites which house data backups of all the bank’s sen-

And now the scammers are getting smarter: A crafty message

vulnerable to a great deal more than a hack-attack. An expert pointed

into the trap, and the criminals made a small fortune.

sent from the hacked e-mail account of the director general of the Pakistan’s Ministry of Information and Broadcasting’s External Publicity Wing played on the news of thugs attacking demonstrators and journalists in Cairo in the recent protests.

The e-mail sent from Director General Samina Parvez’s ac-

sitive information such as customer account data. This makes them

out that in case of a catastrophe — such as their main server build-

ing blowing up — the banks would not be able to recover because they would have absolutely nothing left of their customer records. Much the same result may occur from a massive cyber-attack as well.

They also pointed out that Credit cards were not as secure in Paki-

count to her contacts was typical. The message claimed Parvez

stan as they were in other parts of the world, because a security stan-

Parvez’s PA said the e-mail account was hacked but he did not

has not been implemented for Pakistan. Thus far, Pakistan has been

had been robbed in Cairo and needed £600 to pay her hotel bills.

know who was responsible. She joins a list of Pakistani officials

and organisations — including President Asif Ali Zardari and the

36

Little Interest In Secure Solutions

Pakistan Navy — that have recently faced the brunt of hackers.

The director general has now changed her e-mail address.

APRIL 3-9 2011

dard called PCI-DSS which ensures a high level of credit card security getting repeated exemptions, but chances are that won’t last forever

and eventually a higher level of security will be implemented. Let’s

just hope it happens before this new wave of crime becomes an epidemic. a

going viral in pakistan Video may have killed the radio star, but the YouTube star seems pretty darn immortal!

ASIFSHAH

Forget rise of “Jazba” and “De Ghuma Ke” — this is the true an-

ZOHAIRTORU

them of the World Cup! It’s none other than “BOOM BOOM

Our very own ‘hot and bothered’ revolutionary Zohair Toru is

seen to be believed. With classic lines like “this is the bat of the

the bulk of his hero Imran Khan’s support seems to come from

WORLD CUP” by none other than Asif Shah…and it has to be cup, this is the pad of the cup”, and “Bangladesh aaye ga, machli

chawal khayay ga”, Asif Shah has already gone into the viral hall of fame. Complete with dance routines, post-production editing and already into three versions (including one with yesteryear spinner Abdul Qadir), BOOM BOOM WORLD CUP is the song

you’ll be humming all through the Cup and long afterwards… because once you’ve heard it, it will eat your brain from the inside out.

the latest viral hit in Pakistan — and possibly beyond, given that

expats. Toru’s earnest “Itni garmi main kaun jalsa karta hay?”

spurred an avalanche of Facebook posts, YouTube comments, a

few op-eds and at least one TV appearance (to date). Love him or mock him, Toru’s made his mark.

AWAISLOVELY

CHANDNAWAB

Here’s a golden oldie, at least as far as viral Pakistanis go. The

legendary Chand Nawab himself! It’s typical: work as a journalist for years and years, do stories on just about every issue in Karachi…and you end up getting famous for a blooper reel. Needless to say, Chand Nawab’s unending stream of attempts to get

his piece to camera right probably got him more fame than any amount of serious reporting he may have done.

There’s something borderline creepy about a guy who documents

just about every part of his life on YouTube, but that doesn’t seem to bother Awais ‘Lovely’…or his many fans for that matter. The videos include a guided tour of his house, complete with electric blue carpeting and artificial flowers, Awais talking about his

likes, going on drives and showing off his dance moves. There’s

also Awais looking sad right before he leaves ‘for abroad’ and now a new edition of his activities in Ireland. Lovely.

APRIL 3-9 2011

37

FEATURE

colourful

cricket Some of cricket’s most amusing, embarrassing and controversial moments.

BY KHURRAM BAIG

Though it is called the ‘Gentleman’s Game’, cricket has seen more than its fair share of scandal.

Modern-day professional cricket is plagued by doping scandals, match-fixing, ball-tampering, cheating and riots. Over the past 15 years, cricket has become a target for gamblers and bookmakers, especially in Asia. Big money bets have led to a series

of match-rigging cases. But it’s not just about match-fixing, or

breaking the rules of the game. Some of the most notable inci-

dents in cricket have simply been breaches of what is considered gentlemanly behaviour, or conduct unbecoming a sportsman. At

the same time there are other incidents that have bordered on the ridiculous and downright silly.

Here are some of cricket’s more unusual moments, in no par-

ticular order.

The WG Grace angle — 1878 He’s often billed as the first sports superstar. WG Grace was a doctor, and therefore a gentleman in

the context of “Gentlemen vs Players” matches. Most surprising of all, in the game which became synonymous with sportsmanship (and in which he was lionised as a living legend) Grace also had a reputation as a cheat and a master of gamesmanship.

Once, when the ball lodged in his shirt after he’d played it, Grace managed to complete several

runs pursued by fielders who eventually forced him to stop. He claimed correctly that he’d have been out if he’d handled the ball to remove it.

But his most notable act was his role in the “death of English cricket”. This is said to have been

his decision in Australia’s second innings to run out Samuel Jones as the batsman walked out of

his crease to tend the pitch. Australia’s demon fast bowler, Fred Spofforth, is said to have been so incensed by Grace’s unsporting, but lawful, act — that he was inspired to produce his matchwinning heroics in England’s second innings.

38 APRIL 3-9 2011

Bodyline series — 1932-33 Bodyline or fast-leg theory was the brainchild of English captain Douglas Jardine. It was a cricketing tactic used in the

1932–33 Ashes tour of Australia, specifically to combat the extraordinary batting skill of Australia’s Don Bradman. The tactic was simple. A Bodyline delivery was one where the cricket ball

was pitched short so as to rise towards the body of the opposing batsman on the line of the leg stump, in the hope of creat-

Underarm bowling — 1981

ing leg-side deflections that could be caught by one of several fielders in the quadrant of the field behind square leg. This tac-

During the Benson & Hedges

tic was considered by many to be intimidating and physically

World Series Cup between Australia and New Zealand, the

threatening. The English players were heavily criticised by both the Australian and English press as they steamrolled their op-

ponents, and intervention from the diplomatic departments of both countries was soon required. Bill Woodfull, the Australian

skipper, showed the world just what being a gentleman meant.

As Woodfull led the Australians through this incredibly tough

period he flatly refused to employ retaliatory tactics. He never publicly complained even though he and his men were repeatedly hit and had to see medics often.

Kiwis needed six runs from

the final ball of the match to tie with the Aussies with only

two wickets at hand. Greg

Chappel, the then Australian

captain, ordered the bowler

(his brother Trevor) to bowl underarm, rolling the ball along

the ground to prevent Brian McKechnie, the New Zealand

batsman, from hitting a six

Once, when the ball lodged in his shirt after he’d played it, Grace managed to complete several runs pursued by fielders who eventually forced him to stop. He claimed correctly that he’d have been out if he’d handled the ball to remove it.

from the last ball to tie the

match. In a rather unsportsmanlike fashion Trevor Chappel strolled up to the pitch and rolled the ball along it. Brian

McKechnie played the ball anyway and then threw his bat

away and walked off the field in disgust. This match was the deciding match of the series.

Underarm bowling at that time was within the laws of

cricket, but this incident was a

39

black mark on the Aussies.

APRIL 3-9 2011

FEATURE

The Indian bookie, who introduced himself as “John”, offered Waugh $4,000 for the information. Waugh later introduced him to Warne who received a $5,000 ‘gift’ from the bookie.

Mike Gatting and Shakoor Rana — 1987 In one of the most controversial incidents in cricketing history,

Pakistani umpire Shakoor Rana notably came face-to-face with the English cricket captain. The

image of Gatting and an interna-

John the bookmaker — 1994-95

other with fingers wagging in

Waugh were fined by the Australian Cricket

tional umpire shouting at each

Australian cricketers Shane Warne and Mark

the other’s face was shocking.

Board for providing an Indian bookie with pitch

The incident in question oc-

curred on the second day of the

The Indian bookie, who introduced himself as

Test as Gatting was controversial-

“John”, offered Waugh $4,000 for the informa-

alteration to fielding positions as

received a $5,000 ‘gift’ from the bookie. When

ly accused by Rana of making an Eddie Hemmings ran in to bowl.

Rana stopped the game and ac-

cused Gatting of cheating. Rana had already upset the English by wearing a Pakistan sweater and

tion. Waugh later introduced him to Warne who

the information finally made it to the press in

1998 both players and the ACB were criticised for trying to cover up the incident.

placing Mudassar Nazar’s cap

Not such a Garden of Eden — 1996

stopped by the incident and only

but the end of the India-Sri Lanka semi-final in 1996 was not one

on his own head. The game was

Eden Gardens in Kolkata has witnessed some great moments,

resumed the following day. Rana

of them. The crowd of around 100,000 was happy — deliriously

and Gatting were both accused

of using foul language. Shakoor

refused to stand again in that Test until he received an uncon-

ditional apology from Gatting for

the language used in the dispute.

Gatting was threatened with being stripped of the England captaincy and was forced into issuing a written apology to Rana.

40

and weather information.

Gatting has since expressed regret at his part in the row.

APRIL 3-9 2011

so — when Sri Lanka’s big-hitting openers Sanath Jayasuriya and Romesh Kaluwitharana both carved to third man in the first

over. But from then on the day got better and better for the Sri

Lankans. They recovered to score 251, but India was going along nicely at 98 for 1, with Sachin Tendulkar in charge with 65 — and then the wheels fell off. Tendulkar was stumped, and a clatter

of wickets suddenly made it 120 for 8. Disappointment spread through the crowd, some of whom vented their frustration by

lighting fires and throwing bottles onto the outfield. Match ref-

eree Clive Lloyd came on and appealed for calm, but an attempted resumption after a 15-minute break proved hopeless, and Lloyd awarded the game to Sri Lanka — who went on to win the final.

Bob Woolmer was always an innovative coach, but one of his Akram and Mushtaq — victims of a legitimate mugging, or was it a brawl? — 1998 ideas got him into hot water at Pakistan threatened to walk out of their South African tour in February 1998 when bowlers Mohammad Akram and Saqlain the 1999 World Cup. Mushtaq were ‘mugged’ outside their Sandton hotel. Both

players were hurt in the incident. But the louder the Pakistanis complained, the more rumours began to circulate that Akram

and Mushtaq (who hadn’t made any sworn statements to the police about the mugging) had, in fact, picked up their black

eyes and chipped teeth in a bar brawl at a local strip joint called Club 69 ...

Hansie Cronje’s earpiece — 1999 Bob Woolmer was always an innovative coach, but one of his ideas got him into hot

water at the 1999 World Cup. Hansie Cronje, South Africa’s captain, came out to field in

the first match against India in Hove... fitted with an ear-

piece. The earpiece was not, as

events a few years later might have suggested, tuned in to

the local bookies: it was a oneway device, capable only of

receiving transmissions from

Woolmer, who planned to give

his skipper the odd snippet of tactical advice. But the referee

made Cronje remove the gad-

get at the first drinks break,

41

and it was soon outlawed.

APRIL 3-9 2011

FEATURE The first ever, and only forfeit — 2006 Pakistan became the first team in 129 years of Test cricket and

1,814 matches to forfeit a match after being punished for ball

tampering by the umpires, Australian Darrell Hair and West Indian Billy Doctrove.

It all began at 2:30 pm on the fourth day of the match when

Trevor Jesty, the fourth umpire, brought out a new box of balls with many assuming the original had simply lost its shape.

But when the umpires gave the batsmen the opportunity to

choose a new ball it was clear the fielding side had been accused of damaging the first ball. When Hair tapped his shoulder to indicated five penalty runs, Pakistan had been found guilty of cheating.

At first it appeared Pakistan accepted the decision, but it was

soon apparent that the situation had turned nasty. Pakistan

refused to return when the batsmen and umpires went out to the middle to resume play. The match was forfeited when Hair, the senior umpire “melodramatically removed the bails”, according to Wisden.

Slap-gate — 2008 This incident place in the first

IPL series. Indian fast bowler

Sreesanth, playing for the Punjab franchise, was slapped

by his own Indian team mate,

Harbhajan Singh. Singh was banned from playing more games in the first series.

“The match referee studied

video tapes of the incident and found the assault by Harbhajan was totally unprovoked.

The

footage

showed

that

Harbhajan went down the line, wishing all the players, shaking

hands with a few players,” said Lalit Modi, then commissioner of the IPL. “Sreesanth was the third player that he met. Instead of

shaking his hand he actually slapped him and continued down the line, shaking hands with the other players.”

According

to

some

commentators,

Harbhajan

warned

Sreesanth not to needle his team mates during the match but Sreesanth allegedly persisted in doing so. When the match ended, Sreesanth said “hard luck” to him. As a result, Bhajii lost his temper and slapped him.

Sreesanth was seen crying on the ground after this incident.

42 APRIL 3-9 2011

During India’s tour of Australia in 2006-2007, tensions were running high as India was on the receiving side of bad umpiring and a lot of sledging and unsportsmanlike behaviour from a few Australian players.

Maa-gate — 2006-07 Slap-gate isn’t the only unsavoury incident Harbhajan Singh has

been involved in. During India’s tour of Australia in 2006-2007, tensions were running high as India was on the receiving side

of bad umpiring and a lot of sledging and unsportsmanlike behaviour from a few Australian players. Harbhajan Singh lost his

cool in the Sydney match and hurled an abusive term at Andrew

Symonds regarding, well, his mother. The Australian players

thought that Harbhajan called Symonds a monkey and an official complaint was lodged by them, citing racism. India threat-

ened to call off the tour and eventually Australia dropped the case, but this showed everyone the depths to which competition can take you.

Afridi has lunch — 2010 This is something that still boggles the mind. Shahid Afridi bit the

ball and ran his teeth along the seam in an extraordinary finale to Australia’s action-packed two-wicket victory at the WACA Ground.

With the match hanging in the balance, Afridi’s brain snap

was caught by TV cameras in one of the more bizarre incidents to have been witnessed in international cricket.

With Pakistan on a losing streak, having lost the first four one-

day games and well on its way to losing the fifth, Afridi took the

Shahid Afridi took the cricket ball and actually started biting it, even as the television camera was squarely focused on him doing so.

cricket ball and actually started biting it, even as the television

camera was squarely focused on him doing so. And why would Afridi indulge in this illegal, and rather disgusting, form of ball tampering?

Here is his response, in his own words: “I shouldn’t have done

it. It just happened. I was trying to help my bowlers and win a match, one match… There is no team in the world that doesn’t

tamper with the ball. My methods were wrong. I am embarrassed, I shouldn’t have done it. I just wanted to win us a game but this was the wrong way to do it.”

So basically Afridi said that ball-tampering is generally OK but

his own ‘methods’ were wrong. Hmm...

The IPL snub — 2010 Ninety-seven players, including 26 Pakistanis, among them Shahid Afridi and several who had previously participated in the ICL,

make themselves eligible for the IPL. However, not a single Pakistan player is bought by the franchises at the auction. Later in

the month the PCB rules out the participation of Pakistan players in the IPL and revokes the no-objection certificates it had initially granted to them. Sour grapes?

a

APRIL 3-9 2011

43

FEATURE

wheels of fortune Rollerskating may not be the most popular sport, but it has some pretty passionate devotees.

BY BILAL MEMON PHOTOS: ATHAR KHAN

He seems almost in freefall, skating downhill with an air of complete abandon. On these eight wheels, Mo-

hammad Fareed feels invincible. Inline skating is his passion and he has been skating since 2000.

It’s not been an easy ride. Though he got badly injured while

skating in the same year, instead of getting deterred, it just

made his resolve stronger. “Wounds heal easy,” he says. “It’s the passion that doesn’t get satisfied.”

Rollerskating shares the fate of all sports that are not cricket in

Pakistan — it is doomed to fade into the background. You would

find more aspiring cricketers in Karachi alone than potential roller skaters in the entire country. But for 26-year old Fareed rollerskating is both a passion and his bread and butter.

Fareed goes onto his next stunt, manoeuvering through intri-

cately placed cones on a slope. Just when your gaze wanders else-

where, Fareed notices and delivers a punch. He is now skating

on one foot, the other level with his head as he looks at you with eyes hungry for appreciation.

Fareed has learnt many solo stunts on his own, since coaching

for this sport is rare, but now he works as a trainer at some local clubs and is a teacher at three different schools.

“There were no facilities when I started and I learnt these skills

on my own. But now I want the younger kids to have someone to look up to,” explains Fareed. He started his coaching sessions in

2001 and is now employed by various organisations and schools who want rollerskating to be part of their sports curriculum.

As long as he’s on skates all eyes are glued on him, but this

time he’s going for his bag, taking out smaller skates for the students walking towards him.

Sheharyar is 11 and Alizeh is not yet nine, but their skating

skills are phenomenal.This brother and sister pair are perfectly in sync and their light, easy movements encourage me to put on

some skates myself. It isn’t as if the two kids were doing something out of the blue. How hard can it be to balance oneself on

eight wheels and move and shake a bit? If the kids can do it, so can I.

Barely three seconds after kicking into gear, I fall out of bal-

ance and learn my lesson the hard way. The experience is not

44

pleasant. As I put away the skates, I see the kids passing each APRIL 3-9 2011

Sheharyar and Alizeh show us how it’s done. other mischievious smiles while continuing to skate in perfect rhythm. Right now my pride is hurt more than my rear end

It’s getting dark but the party has just begun. Fareed and his

pupils are soon joined by his brother Usman. The 20-year-old is

as unlike Fareed as possible, a tall, rough-looking young man.

But like his brother, as soon as the skates go on, grace and elegance soon follow.

Looking at these four, one can’t help but wonder why this sport

remains on the margins.

“It requires a lot of time and hard work,” says Usman as he

skates up the slope. “You have bikers doing stunts while driving, though there is no infrastructure or facilities for them. This

is the kind of talent this country has. It shows the passion that

TIPS ON ROLLERSKATING 1. Go for quality. Buying a pair of fancy-looking but low-quality skates may end up costing you more in the long run as they will not only break faster, but may end up causing you injuries.

2. Invest in protective gear. Wear a helmet, knee pads and elbow pads. Looking a little geeky is a small price to pay for avoiding serious injury.

3. Watch where you skate. Avoid skating on or near busy roads for obvious reasons.

4. You should know how to use your brakes. You must also know when and where to use the brakes. Brakes can save your life.

people have.”

How else would you explain all the good news — be it extraor-

dinary O’levels results or 19 girls fitting into a Smart car to break

world records — that still manages to spring out of Pakistan, de-

spite all the doomsday predictions? Passion is what drives this country, and Fareed and Usman have truckloads of it. They display it in their next stunt on the road: cat’s eyes on the roads have

just been used for another purpose, that of an impromptu obstacle course. The track, designed to separate the road, has become a skaters’ paradise. Fareed displays immaculate balance and before

you know it, he reaches a speed of 50 kilometres an hour, disap-

45

pearing into the sunset as we watch in wonder. a

APRIL 3-9 2011

TRAVEL tal of the newly formed republic to Ankara.

It takes a week to explore Istanbul, if you’ve already done your

planning. On top of any tourist’s list would be Taksim Square op-

posite the Golden Horn bay from the Sultanahmet district, the Topikaapi Sarayi Palace, the Ottoman built Yeni, the Blue and

Sulmaniya mosques in Sultanahmet, the Hagia Sophia, and the Eqyptian, Spice and Grand Bazaars.

The city’s oldest historic sites are in Sultanehmet district or the

old city, situated in the European side.

The fourth-century Basilica Cisterns sitting beneath the

ground are one of the least heard of places in Istanbul. Built by

Romans as a water storage site, today they are perfectly illuminated and connected with small wooden bridges, making it comfortable for a walk. A six-lira pass gives non-Turkish citizens the

chance to view statues of Medusa. Close to the entrance of the Basilica Cistern, stands Million, a marble dating back to the 4th century. It may seem unremarkable but represents the remains

The Blue Mosque

of a pillar from which distances were once measured to all cor-

turkish delight TEXT AND PHOTOS BY SONIA MALIK

ners of the Roman Empire.

One day should be devoted to thoroughly touring the Topikapi

Sarayi palace. Built for the Ottoman Sultan in the 15th century,

Topikapi was, at one point, the biggest palace in the world occupying 700,000 square metres. Today it has shrunk to 80,000 sq metres with the construction of other structures around it.

A trip which takes you through the main and the impe-

rial gates of Topkapi costs around 20 liras. Another 15 liras are

charged for touring the harems, built to accommodate the Sul-

tans’ wives and children. The palace houses historic paintings of the ottoman rulers, their robes, jewels and furniture. Among its

A salty sea breeze blows gently from across the Bosporus strait. The aroma of freshly-baked baklava and Turkish coffee in miniscule cups clinking against each other stir the senses. Sandy, beigehued buildings arise by the turquoise bay waters.

Such are the sounds, smells and sights of Istanbul, the city

that straddles the divide between the East and the West. It was

of hair belonging to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), as well as his sword. The swords of the first caliph of Islam and Moses’ staff

and slipper, believed also to have been worn by Hazrat Ibrahim

(PBUH), are among other sacred relics. Gifts by the kings and sultans to the Prophet’s (PBUH) tomb in Madinah are also preserved here.

From the castle terraces one can enjoy the charming view of

once named Constantinople, and served as the seat of the Byzan-

ships sailing on the Sea of Marmara on one side and the city on

II in 1453 it was renamed Istanbul and served as the capital of the

chocolate baklava from any of the small cafes dotting these ter-

tine Empire. After its conquest by the Ottoman Sultan Mehmed

46

many interesting artefacts are a tooth, a footprint, and a strand

Ottoman Empire until 1923 when Kemal Ataturk moved the capiAPRIL 3-9 2011

the other side. A cup of hot cappuccino and pistachio-sprinkled races perfectly complements the view.

Istanbul has over 6,000 mosques, 600 of which were built dur-

ing the Ottoman period. These are grand, awe-inspiring structures, one more magnificent than the other. Most were built between the 15th and the 19th centuries and stand proudly in the

districts of the old city. The boundary wall of Istanbul — known as ‘Isambol’ in the Islamic world and ‘Constantinople’ in Europe,

until the official name changed to Istanbul in 1923 — is intermittently visible along the shore.

Don’t be surprised if people break out into impromptu choruses of ‘Jeevay Pakistan’ once they learn where you’re from!

Bazaars such as Araasta, Grand and Egyptian spice in Sulta-

nahmet are famous as much for their archaic interior and historic relevance as for their shrewd vendors, ready to fleece un-

suspecting tourists. Shopping here is only advisable for those possessing a knack for bargaining. While they overwhelm you

with their hospitality, plying you with coffee and kava, the Turk shopkeepers keep one eye on the profits, never buckling under

your bargaining, switching between different languages to facilitate tourists of different nationalities.

Eight to nine hours can easily slip by touring the Grand Bazaar.

Here, you can buy beautiful hand woven rugs and carpets, stop

at one of the cafes for a reprieve, buy jewellery or an antique item for your house or some new threads at one of the clothing outlets.

Original leather goods are abundant here, and you can get copies

of designer bags which cost nearly as much as the originals. The bazaar today has over 4,000 shops and is divided according to the goods for sale, except for the cafes which are present everywhere.

Built in the 1400s, segments were added as it expanded during

the centuries and those added over the past 500 years have dates inscribed over the gates.

The fragrance of cinnamon, cardamom and vanilla pods lin-

gers in the vicinity of the Egyptian spice bazaar, a must-see for

Air Tickets (economy): 49,00054,800 PKR for a return trip Currency exchange rate: 1 Turkish Lira = 55 PKR Other places of interest in Turkey: Capadoccia, Bodrum, Pamukkale, Ephesus, Troy, Antalya.

4th Century Basilica cisterns

Inside the Blue Mosque

those interested in cooking or even just those who like beautiful buildings.

Unlike other European countries, where you have little chance

of being understood in English, getting by in Istanbul is easy not

only for those speaking English but also Urdu, as Turkish and Urdu share many words.In fact, being a Pakistani in Istanbul

can be quite refreshing, and don’t be surprised if people break out into impromptu choruses of ‘Jeevay Pakistan’ once they learn where you’re from!

The local cuisine not only tastes great, but is also less pric-

ey, compared to some of the international food chains present

here in abundance. Ethnic Turkish food like borek, kebabs and bread are also more nutritious. The rooftop restaurant Olive atop Sultania hotel is perfect for a special candlelight dinner, as it

commands a ravishing view of the Haghia Sophia and the Blue Mosque, standing side by side in the Istanbul night. a

47 APRIL 3-9 2011

HUMOUR

stop ‘n

go

What effect does driving in Pakistan have on you?

BY HASEEB ASIF

I take my car out of the driveway with the not too ambitious intention of going to college, or so I think. There are many routes to college so I pick a street at random; closed, under construction.

I go back and try a different one. A barrier’s blocking my way. Two barriers on the third. On the fourth, there are chains, concrete barricades, sand bags and a sniper on top of a guard post. Definitely not that one.

Street number five is open so it’s the

obvious choice. Soon, I find myself approaching the main road. I can tell from the way the cars are no longer moving.

I squeeze my vehicle into an impossi-

bly small space, then roll down my window and lean out to assess the situation.

There are cars on the horizon as far as the eye can see. Somebody tells me the police

are halting the flow of traffic up there. I

wonder what it is this time. A minister going by? An accident? A minister going by who’s had an accident?

There’s nothing to do but wait.

Hour 1: I sit there tapping my fingers on the

steering wheel. Minutes pass, more and more cars pile up behind me. Somebody

ILLUSTRATION: S.JAMAL.K

starts blaring a horn. What an idiot! A

40 38 MARCH MARCH20-26 20-262011 2011

motorcyclist manoeuvers past my car,

smashing my side-view mirror. I blare

my horn. This annoys the wagon driver in front and he steps on the gas, blow-

ing thick, putrid exhaust in through my

window. I make a feeble attempt at shouting an insult but the words barely escape my

clogged throat and are only audible to the woman in the passenger seat of the next car.

She promptly rolls up her window.

Hour 2: Somewhere a pair of bumpers brush each

other lightly. People begin to crawl out of their windows and start fighting. Somebody’s taking bets in one corner. I put a hun-

dred on the big, burly man climbing out of the Pajero but he takes one whiff of the truck driver’s body odour and goes out like a light.

Hour 12: What was I even doing out here? Where

was I headed? Why did I leave the safety of my home?

Hour 20: Home is only a kilometre away. That’s at

least a day’s drive.

Day 2:

I start twiddling my thumbs. I remind

myself to bring a book with me next time, maybe I could learn to play an instrument.

I try to make conversation with the driver in the car to the left but he’s sitting there, unflinching, mouth agape, a thin line of drool sliding down the side of his jaw.

He’s asleep. Or dead.

again. I wish I had more thumbs.

Day 3: There are cobwebs growing on the dashboard.

Hunger gnaws at the walls of my stomach. I won-

der if it’s all right to resort to cannibalism under the circumstances? I look around at all the starving faces, I can tell they’re wondering the same thing.

Day 4: People are really losing their grip on sanity. Some

have taken to wearing steering wheels around their necks and dancing around flaming vehicles.

Others have started reading the evening newspa-

pers. When the axe comes down, the paperboys are the first to go. I guess they’re selling digests now.

Day 5: They hunt the traffic wardens next, using ten

rupee notes as bait.

Day 6:

I’ve eaten all the leather off the seats. At night

I can hear the blood-curdling screams of the evening’s dinner. I keep the doors bolted at all times.

Day 7: They’re picking at the locks. They’ll be inside

I remember my mother telling me that in

any second, but suddenly there’s a commotion up

to travel from city to city. I believe her now.

of time!

the olden days it used to take people weeks I try to make conversation with the driver

in the car to the left but he’s sitting there, unflinching, mouth agape, a thin line of drool sliding down the side of his jaw. He’s

asleep. Or dead. I start twiddling my thumbs

front. Cars have started moving! Saved in the nick

10 seconds later: No, no. False alarm. It’s all grinding to a halt

again. They’re back to pick at the locks. That’s it, I’m never driving in this city again. a

39 MARCH 20-26 2011

FASHION

style alert Brand name: Design Lounge Designers: Kiran Javed & Sadaph Sabih Make-up: Mona J Salon Photography: Fayaz Ahmad

Design lounge is all about the classic but chic look with their

formal wear. The creativity of design and the uniqueness of colour combinations all scream fun and fashion. The cuts,

drape and design are all exem-

plary. The shoot is designed to eliminate the background

and focus on the details of the outfit. Witty detailing and fun new style are what keeps one coming back to Design Lounge

and this collections offers you just that and more... a

50

THE SILK DAMSEL: Mustard inner wear complemented by a beautiful soft blue net with detailing.

APRIL 3-9 2011

FIRE AND NIGHT: This beautiful silk outfit in black and red radiates elegance and beauty in every detail.

THE BEAUTIFUL PEACOCK: Peacock printed panels alongside net panels present a gorgeous palette of bright and white.

51 APRIL 3-9 2011

FASHION

BACK TO BLACK: Black is no longer boring with this layering of different materials.

PASTEL ME PRETTY: Tie-dyed chunri made beautifully into a formal poncho top.

52 APRIL 3-9 2011

MY FAVOURITE COLOUR: Here’s how edgy girls wear pink — sandwiched between swathes of black.

53 APRIL 3-9 2011

REVIEW

featured review of the week

film toothless

BY MAHVESH MURAD

Catherine Hardwicke’s Red Riding Hood is a film that is likely to please many an average film viewer. But to anyone with an interest in the fairy tale gothic or for anyone hoping for a decent exploration of the psychosexual nature of an ancient roman à clef, this film is sure to be an absolute disaster.

Amanda Seyfried plays Valerie, the titular naughty young girl in the red hood. She has been besotted with Peter the woodcutter since they were both young children, but her mother wants better for her, and has betrothed her to Henry the blacksmith.

Surrounding all this personal drama is the impending attack of the werewolf the entire village lives in fear of. Valerie’s sister is killed by the wolf and the village’s priest sends for a ‘werewolf expert’ played in true campy fashion by Gary Oldman, with a ludicrous accent and shiny, kitschy silver nails. Father Solomon informs the village that the werewolf spends most of its time in human form and so begins a time of paranoia for the villagers, as they begin to understand that any one of them could be the ferocious killer and Father Solomon begins his witch hunt.

Red Riding Hood often feels like a stodgy, lazy attempt at fusing the ideas behind Angela Carter’s story In the Company of Wolves and Arthur Miller’s play The Crucible, but without the subtleties and intelligence of either. So much of Red Riding Hood is clichéd — Peter is a woodcutter, he works in nature so he is earthy, sensual and direct; Henry is a blacksmith, he works with metal so he is tempered, controlled and practical. Even the fact that Peter was also the name of the little boy who outsmarted the wolf in the ancient Russian children’s story seems forced. Father Solomon is the way he is because his wife was a werewolf; the village idiot is of course the first to die in the witch hunt; and none of the red herrings are set up convincingly enough. Julie Christie hams it up to play the grandmother, and there is a decent set up of her as the creepy, lonely older woman. Hardwicke attempts to spread the 54 feeling of paranoia to the audience with plenty of wonky first perAPRIL 3-9 2011

howlers The script is absolute tripe and the dialogue is stilted and hackneyed, often causing unintentional laughs

5 better fairytale remakes 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Snow White — A tale of terror (1997) Ever After (1998) Jack and the Beanstalk (2010) Spike (2008) The Company of Wolves (1984)

son perspective shots but once again the attempt is a little hokey.

The story arc is nothing extraordinary, but the script is definitely worth mentioning because it is absolute tripe. The dialogue is stilted and hackneyed, often causing unintentional laughs. “I’m wrong for you,” says Peter, but Valerie declares that she does not care. “I could eat you up,” he says. Could it be more obviously selfreferential and less subtle? Played by better actors, these lines just may have worked in context of the fairy tale, but Shiloh Fernandez is no better than any broody, moody teenager in a student production of absurd Twi-hard fanfic.

Red Riding Hood takes place in a tiny hamlet in the middle of nowhere — perhaps it’s in Germany, perhaps in Ukraine or Russia; somewhere completely covered in snow that can provide for basic visual contrasts. Sadly, the constant wintry twilight lighting simply makes it more obvious that this is a set, and one that isn’t particularly inspired. While a generic sense of the gothic does exist in the visual narrative of the film, it is an extremely artificial Hollywood version. This is a medieval village after all — they really wouldn’t have had so many glamorous fat white candles around, not even at a wake. There is one visceral gothic touch that stands out

amongst the lot: Valerie helps drown the body of a dead man by filling his chest cavity with river stones. She then sews him back up. The scene is strange, dreamlike and much more intriguing than the rest of the film which remains superficial. Most embarrassing of all is the figure of the big bad himself — the werewolf that haunts the village is shocking when he first bounds onto the screen, simply because the animal is so badly created, especially considering modern developments in computer-generated imagery.

The ‘good girl’ paradigm is set up to be smashed right at the very start of the film. Good girls don’t hunt rabbits, we are told; good girls don’t stray off the path and they definitely don’t run off with boys. But Valerie does all of these things, even as a very young child and so a very early effort is made to make the audience understand that this is to be no ordinary damsel in distress.

And she isn’t that character - why, then, does the film fail so badly? Perhaps it is because Hardwicke has taken a tale that had real teeth and changed those teeth into comical, plastic fangs.

The result is an overblown, superficial film that has very little to say and no real bite at all.

APRIL 3-9 2011

55

REVIEW

film reality bites

BY NADIR HASSAN

Think of The Company Men as an accompaniment to Up in the Air. Where Up in the Air dealt with the economic collapse in the US from the point of view of a man rapidly losing his soul as he was forced to tell people they were out of a job and out of luck, The Company Men shows the effects of downsizing on those actually downsized.

The abiding impression The Company Men leaves is one of realism. Tommy Lee Jones, Ben Affleck and Chris Cooper star as employees at a Boston-based corporation who are secure in their jobs, who indeed see their personalities as mere extensions of their occupations. These are men whose entire identity is bound to the grinding machine that provides them with a healthy cheque at the start of every month.

After a lengthy prologue that establishes that these mid- to upper-level employees enjoy their fast cars, McMansions and regimented lives, the rest of The Company Men focuses on how their lives are shattered after they are fired, not for inefficiency, but simply because a low share price dictated that many lose their jobs.

For the most part, The Company Men is tender in its treatment of the newly unemployed without losing sight of the harshness of their changed existence. The one bum note is struck in the character of James Salinger, played by Craig T Nelson. Salinger is not the owner of the company, he founded it with his closest friend Jones many decades ago. Yet he fires Jones without a hint of sentimentality or regret. In a movie that tries to avoid cut-and-dried characterisations, Salinger is too cartoonish in his villainy.

Of the three fired men the film follows, by far the most pitiable is Ben Affleck. Forced to give up his fast car and country club membership, he meanders between attending outplacement seminars where silly slogans take precedence over finding jobs and working for a near-bankrupt construction company run by his brotherin-law Kevin Costner. A contrast is drawn between Costner, who 56 hires his relative-by-marriage even though he can’t afford to do APRIL 3-9 2011

going down The Company Men focuses on the lives of three men who are fired simply because a low share price dictated that many lose their jobs and never liked him back when he was a high-flying executive, and Nelson, who was happy to break life-long bonds for a slightly larger yearly bonus.

The Company Men is directed by John Wells, previously known only for being one among dozens of producers on medical procedural “ER”. He tries to add a touch of cloying sentimentality to what should be a brutal drama by insinuating that he really misses an earlier era when men were men and built things with their hands. But by directing the actors, particularly Costner, in such a way that their sadness is masked by gruff exteriors, Wells prevents his debut feature film from being too saccharine. a

UP NORTH AND PERSONAL

honey, i’m home!

It’s a bee-utiful day to visit the hives in Islamabad.

Some days are just so exhilarating that you know, even as they unfold, that you will remember the sights, sounds and even smell of them forever. For me, yesterday was one such day!

There was a definite chill in the air at 6 am when I took the dogs

TEXT & PHOTOGRAPHS BY ZAHRAH NASIR

we reached Barakao, I had shed my padded waistcoat and heavy sweatshirt and was ready to face the spring day in a gay yellow

t-shirt, blue jeans and joggers, with a flamboyant turquoise chador draped over one shoulder for decorum’s sake.

Entering the massive acreage of the National Agricultural Re-

for their morning stroll around the orchard. Birds sang amongst

search Centre in Chak Shehzad, Islamabad, is always a fascinat-

my expedition down into the world beyond the mountains and

tions. There are always new plots of under-trial fruit, vegetables

the plum blossoms and narcissus scented the air. I was ready for by the time the cab came to pick me up at 8 am, I was raring to go!

Zooming down the Murree Expressway, I saw teams of men

hard at work planting trees and shrubs in ridiculously close proximity to each other — so close, in fact, that they couldn’t possibly all survive. The temperature began to rise and by the time

58

ing experience, at least for someone with horticultural inclinaand crops calling out to be explored and bunches of interestinglooking people, often with clipboards, holding open-air conferences.

Reaching my destination bang on time, I was given a warm

welcome and a hot cup of tea by Dr Elizabeth Waghchoure, Di-

All in a row APRIL 3-9 2011

rector of the Honeybee Research Institute which, quite literally,

hums with activity. This hive of industry — please excuse me,

but I couldn’t resist that — has been around for well over 30 years now and has done some tremendous work in promoting apiary amongst the general population. In rural areas in particular,

honey production can be a reasonably lucrative source of income as the 4,000 registered bee-keepers throughout the country have reason to know.

After an informative chit-chat about bees during which Dr

Elizabeth realised that I was genuinely interested in the subject,

she took me to meet the resident colonies of Apis mellifera, a

highly productive bee species introduced from Australia back in

1979. A bevy of scientists and their students were busily experimenting behind the well-maintained research buildings. The

few dozen purposely designed wooden beehives nestled in assort-

ed citrus trees, and the air thrummed with the coming and going of worker bees as they laboured to transport pollen from flowers and blossoms back to their home hives and queens.

For some strange reason it seems that the majority of the hu-

man race is petrified of these industrious winged insects and,

expecting me to fall into this mould, Dr Elizabeth cautioned me about venturing close to the hives to take photographs. But

knowing that the bees wouldn’t harm me as long as I didn’t harm them, I felt confident enough to walk — slowly, so as not to alarm them — amongst them. Bees crawled in my hair, tickled

Getting the buzz

my arms and thoroughly enjoyed my t-shirt, yellow being one of

rising sun and to lavishly rub it with things like lavender oil,

back of my hand even allowed me to lightly stroke them; feeling

entice bees. Three years later, having also painted the hive yel-

their favourite colours. A cluster of half a dozen resting on the them vibrate as they hummed was thrilling!

My mission, other than to stock up on guaranteed natural hon-

ey from the Pakistan Agricultural Research Council sales outlet on Park Road — which, by the way, has lots of honey varieties to

choose from plus sells things like chamomile tea produced by the Arid Zone Research Centre along with seasonal organic fruit and

vegetables — was to purchase three hives of bees to install in my

orchard where they could pollinate my crops and provide home ‘grown’ honey in return. Keeping bees is something I have considered doing for years. A few years ago, I got as far as buying an empty hive, a small one suitable for our indigenous bee species

rose oil or natural beeswax the aroma of which would certainly low, it was still empty. So I again painted it a bee-attracting blue,

which was later toned down to cream dotted with blue flowers with yellow centers for good luck. Eight years down the line the ‘Vacancy’ sign having become somewhat jaded, I figured that the

only way I was going to get bees in residence was if I went out and bought some. Much to my disappointment, Dr Elizabeth didn’t have any for sale and contacting the beekeepers on the list she

provided was unfruitful too. Surely, someone out there amongst the 27,000 beekeeping families in Pakistan will have bees for me if I search long and hard enough!

I returned home late in the afternoon with images of bees

Apis Cerana which is abundant in the hills, in anticipation of

stamped firmly on my retinas and dreams of bee-enticement

home. These wild bees tend to swarm in early spring when new

had to leave them behind, I let the dogs out for a well-deserved

enticing a swarm to take up residence in this conveniently placed queens hatch out and take off in search of new kingdoms with a

mass of very necessary worker bees in tow and seeing a swarm

in motion is a stunning sight. How the queen figures out when

emerging in my mind. After explaining to them exactly why I’d run. As I put the kettle on for a relaxing cup of apple mint tea Hell-Bella bounced back inside and I screamed!

She was completely mired in poop! Porcupine poop! The nau-

she has reached a realm to be taken is a complete mystery to me!

seating stink brought me right back to reality and landed Hell-

its four legs in tins half full of oily water to prevent ants from

emerged looking like a drowned rat, rushed out to the garden,

Anyway, when buying the empty hive I was advised to stand

raiding the honey supply, to place it facing due east towards the

Bella in a bucket of warm soapy, disinfectant-doused water. She and rolled in the poop again! Argh!

a

59 APRIL 3-9 2011

HOROSCOPE

BY SHELLEY VON STRUNCKEL

Aries March 20 - April 19 There’s a difference between knowing you’ll need to make decisions and actually committing to a single plan or person. Explore everything and express interest in what

seems worthwhile, but as much more’s coming, make no fixed commitments. Besides, because Sunday’s Aries New Moon is

bound to revolutionise your perspective on your life, your goals and your future, what seems ideal now could change overnight.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Obviously you’d rather get practical matters dealt with before you delve into more personal, and complicated, issues. But with the retrograde Mercury accenting the latShelley von Strunckel is an internationally acclaimed astrologer who created the first horoscope column for the London Sunday Times in 1992.

A frequent lecturer, she writes daily,

ter, a combination of misunderstandings and rather perplexing insights compels you to focus on those imponderables. Answers

won’t come quickly. Once they do, however, you’ll finally understand why certain people, situations and even objectives have been a source of such confusion.

weekly and monthly horoscopes in publications around the world including South China Morning Post, The Gulf News, Tatler, French and Chinese Vogue and now The Express Tribune Magazine.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 Usually it’s you who’s urging others to

get out and about. But now certain individuals are plunging into

questionable yet intriguing arrangements or pursuits and are encouraging you to join in. You’re hesitant but don’t want to hold

them back. Explore - then withdraw for reflection. With your ruler Mercury retrograde until the 23rd, plans will be revised frequently anyway, so waiting’s wise.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 For weeks you’ve been considering im-

provements in your way of living, working or long range objectives. But every time you’ve made a plan, circumstances have

forced you to rethink it. Obviously you’d like things settled.

However, between Mercury being retrograde and Sunday’s New

Moon, which alters everybody’s perspective, including your own, whatever you decide now must be considered but one stage in a lengthy process.

Leo July 23 - August 22 What you’re now experiencing will revolu-

tionise your thinking – and in a very fundamental way. Wednesday’s encounter between the Sun and your ruler Jupiter will have

you questioning things you’ve regard as fundamental to your character while, at the same time, it kick-starts a period of stunning growth in terms of your ideas, activities or goals. You are, quite simply, beginning a new chapter of your life.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 Generally you’ve a knack for knowing when to leave others to themselves and when to be forthright about concerns. Ideally, during April’s first half you’ll be low key,

doing lots of listening but giving very little advice. That won’t be easy. But with your ruler Mercury retrograde, errors lead to con-

fusion. Urgent as some decisions seem, you’ll soon discover they

60

wouldn’t have lasted long anyway.

APRIL 3-9 2011

Libra September 23 – October 22 This week’s biggest challenge isn’t about your own life. Rather, it involves decisions facing those closest in your personal or working life. You must back off.

Avoid expressing views on their activities or plans and, if possible, even mentioning these. Difficult and out of character as

this is, these individuals need to feel they’re independent. This is the only way it can be achieved.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 Once you recognise the obstacles you’re facing are each offering insights about previously aggravating situations, instead of battling them you’ll begin asking some

serious questions. Ironically, the retrograde Mercury and the

confusion that accompanies it could help, because in untangling minor problems you’ll often discover undetected – and more expansive – misunderstandings from the past. Discuss these openly.

What you learn could resolve certain persistent issues for good.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 Everybody, including you, is eager to turn thrilling developments into something solid. Discuss plans but make no commitments, since with both the Sun

and Mercury meeting your ruler Jupiter during April’s first half, what’s good now could turn into something amazing. True, events must unfold at their own, often frustratingly slow, pace. Still, try to rush things and you’ll soon discover why haste is unwise.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 Having struggled to achieve an accord in seriously tricky situations, aggravatingly, you must

now rethink what’s just been agreed. Learn from this. Because you’re in a period of transition, the ground on which plans are

made will continue to shift until midmonth. Ironically, making

halfway plans gives you the latitude to experiment with vari-

ous options that would otherwise seem too risky. Now they just might work.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Obviously you’d never make even the simplest plan without exploring every option. Yet between the insights triggered by Sunday’s New Moon and the

surprising revelations that accompany the retrograde Mercury,

what you learn about the relevant people and situations force you

take things back to the drawing board. Frustrating as the resulting delays are initially, you’re soon thankful you’ve time to consider new and intriguing options.

Pisces February 19 – March 19 While you may not spot the chang-

es it brings, the arrival of your ruler Neptune in Pisces – for the

first time in about 150 years – triggers a remarkable new cycle.

This influences your confidence, clarity and could finally eliminate seemingly inescapable doubts. It will not, however, remove

For more information, to order personal charts and to download & listen to detailed audiocasts, visit www.shelleyvonstrunckel.com

difficult people or situations from your life, although you might

61

discover a few clever ways to deal with them.

APRIL 3-9 2011

THE HATER

10 things I hate about ...a table for one

1 2 3 4 5 62

APRIL 3-9 2011

BY SABA KHALID

The looks of pity you get the moment you walk into the res-

taurant. From the guard outside, to the waiters, the crowd, the head chef, all the way to the valet who brings you your car. Why don’t they just say what they’re thinking: “You

poor thing, alone on a Saturday night! Why don’t you just hide in your bedroom and stuff your face with potato chips like all the other sad, lonely creatures like yourself?

The annoying kids who think it’s a good idea to come steal the empty chair next to you since there won’t be another person sitting on it for a long, long time.

The snooty married women who will make overtly grand displays of affection towards their husbands just to make sure they don’t look your way.

How any object you take along to keep you company will break down. Your laptop will run out of battery power. Coffee gets spilt on your book. You phone

doesn’t receive signals. The chihuahua in your bag dies of heat... poor Louis. True story.

The group of single men who decide instantly that the only reason you’ve come alone is so you can pick up a

man to devour as dessert later. And of course, they are best suited for that role.

6 7 8 9 10

The annoying young couples so desperately in love that they spend the entire evening playing footsie, which

usually leads to handsie by dessert. You know this because you’re sprawled on all fours searching for little Louis.

No matter what you order, the waiter will inform you haughtily that it will be “too much for one person.”

How the waiter will hand you the TV remote control to save you from spending another second with your own wretched company and your sad thoughts.

How they take away all the extra cutlery from your table but leave that extra napkin there, just in case you feel like crying over your miserable lonely life.

The conversations you’re forced to hear, about every-

one’s chacha, mama, khaala, dada, and baba. The worst is when you have a perfectly good point to make

about the chacha but can’t, because you’re not part of the conversation. a