The Express Tribune Magazine - August 1

AUGUST 1-7 2010

The Wedding Planner How to make your wedding special without going bankrupt

JUNE 13-19 2010

JUNE 13-19 2010

AUGUST 1-7 2010

Cover Story 16 The Wedding Planner It is possible to plan a wonderful wedding without going bankrupt

Profile 20 Pakistan’s Best Friend Khushwant Singh is a man of letters extraordinaire

Feature 26 The Lost Generation Without a national identity, Afghan refugees face a bleak future

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Travel 28 Once Upon a Time in Peru Machu Picchu lives up to all the hype surrounding it

Portfolio 32 Frozen in Time The sights, the sounds, the emotions as captured by Asjad Naqvi

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Comment 38 What Coke Studio Fans Want What do Pervez Musharraf and Coke Studio have in common?

Review 40 What’s new in films and books

Regulars 6 People & Parties: Out and about with beautiful people 14 Tribune Questionnaire: Nabila is a minimalist to the core 39 Courtesy Call: How to tell a friend to make up less 44 Horoscope: Shelley von Strunckel on your week ahead 46 Ten Things I Hate About: The Wedding Season

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Magazine Editor: Muna Khan, Features Editor: Faiza S Khan, Senior Sub-Editor: Nadir Hassan, Sub-Editor: Batool Zehra Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq Alvi, S Asif Ali, Sukayna Sadik Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi.

For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk

JUNE 13-19 2010

Bollywood Bash

As the summer blockbuster season hit India, the biggest Bollywood stars turned out to all the major film premieres.

1.Shaan and Tulsi Kumar with a guest 2. Nandini Singh 3. Urmila Matondkar 4. Neha Dhupia 5. Arshad Warsi with a friend 6. Vivek Oberoi 6

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PHOTOS: IANS

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To have your event featured in this section email magazine@tribune.com.pk

PEOPLE & PARTIES

JUNE 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

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2

Work and Play

Bollywood celebrities attend parties, launches and events.

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8 AUGUST 1-7 2010

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PHOTOS: IANS

1. Neil Nitin Mukesh and Deepika Padukone 2.Meghna Naidu 3. Divya Dutta 4. Bobby Deol and Mughda Godse 5. Urvashi Sharma 6. Deepshikha Nagal

JUNE 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

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Star Struck

Hollywood actors attend screenings, premieres and publicity shoots.

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1. Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz 2. Julie Benz 3. Daniel Dae Kim 4. Ellen Page and Liv Tyler 5. Will Smith and wife Jada Pinkett Smith 6. Angelina Jolie at the Kremlin in Moscow

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10 AUGUST 1-7 2010

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PHOTOS:AFP

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JUNE 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

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Culture Vultures

US musicians and actors promote their latest albums and movies.

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12 AUGUST 1-7 2010

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PHOTOS: AFP

1. Patricia Clarkson, Alexander Siddiq and Ruba Nadda 2. Cody Horn 3. Music legend Kris Kristofferson 4. Rocker John Fogerty 5. Christina Appelgate 6. Stefanie Scott.

JUNE 13-19 2010

“I despise nobody” Stylist Nabila proves herself to be a true minimalist.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Now.

Nothing.

What is your greatest fear?

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

None.

Bliss.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

None.

Me.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Where would you most like to live?

Don’t care.

Here.

What is your greatest extravagance?

What is your most treasured possession?

Shoes.

None.

What is your current state of mind?

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Bliss.

Resistance.

On what occasion do you lie?

If you didn’t do your current job, what would you choose to do?

None.

None.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

What is your most marked characteristic?

All.

Simplicity.

Which living person do you most despise?

Who is your hero of fiction?

Nobody.

Me.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Who are your heroes in real life?

Mind.

Me.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

What is your greatest regret?

Mind.

None.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

What’s your favourite quote?

Hmmm.

Get rid of the superfluous.

Which talent would you most like to have?

How many hours of load shedding did you experience yesterday?

Change.

Four. a

15 AUGUST 1-7 2010

COVER STORY

PHOTO BY ALI KHURSHID AUGUST 1-7 2010

Six months ago 25-year-old Salwa Qadir paid her wedding planner a hefty down payment for her wedding, expecting a grand and flawless celebration. To her surprise, it was… just okay. The sound system was horrible, the venue had mosquitoes (some even spot-

ted a rat), and the waitresses dropped her wedding cake. Qadir felt exploited, and thought that she would probably be returned

some of the money. Recently, she received a call from her planner

who claimed that Qadir owed her an additional one lakh rupees, and emailed her a list of unpaid bills to prove it. Reluctantly Qadir paid her off and was just glad the whole experience was over with.

the wedding

planner How to make your wedding special without going bankrupt

BY ANAM MANSURI

“I definitely could have done it without her,” says the disap-

pointed bride. “She made things a little easier but I didn’t need her at all.”

Of late, many Pakistani weddings have become more then just

a celebration. Rather, they are ostentatious displays of wealth, with caviar, belly dancers, streams of wine and exclusive song

nights with Rahat Fateh Ali. While some can afford to outdo ev-

ery other sugar mill/media company owning family out there, most of us don’t have that option. So what do we do? Here is a

breakdown on where to skimp and where to save at your wedding:

Decorations: “While it’s important to make everything look good, you don’t have to spend a lot on décor if you know exactly where you can

save,” says Reema Siddiqui, a popular Karachi wedding planner and TV host. “The key is to think local.” Themed events, which

are increasingly popular nowadays, can range anywhere from a baroque European theme to Bollywood night - and that decision can cost you. “If you come up with a chic international flair like a

French Château theme for example, then it’s obviously not going AUGUST 1-7 2010

COVER STORY to be cheap getting the material for it,” explains Siddiqui, “but if you go for ‘truck art’ or even an elegant mughlai theme then

everything that we need can be bought much easily and at half the price.” For a truck art themed mehndi Siddiqui planned just

a week ago, she visited Shireen Jinnah Colony in Karachi where she picked up huge reflective chakors (the bird that is a staple embellishment on every truck), colourful lanterns and reflective

stickers in bulk for very little money compared to other wedding

decorations. “We made a huge banner saying ‘Dekh magar Pyaar say’, and it put a smile on the faces of everyone attending, both young and old.”

Another good idea would be to recycle the flowers and reuse

them for more then one event. “You can choose a sturdy flower such as the gladiola or the local tube rose, as well as motias which

retain their texture and heavenly smell for a couple of days,” explains Siddiqui, “just make sure you choose a subtle colour and

arrange them in a different way for the next event.” Roses for example might look beautiful but wither very easily. They are also used at every Pakisani wedding, and trying out something

different can make your decorations look unusual, adding more character to your event.

Again, getting things constructed or specially ordered makes

things a lot more expensive then simply renting them. More fabric, platforms and woodwork for your decorations will cost more in terms of order as well as labour. Try to use accessories such as vases, mirrors etc that you can easily rent and return.

the setting: While some people think they struck lucky by asking one of their

budgetary brides trends in bridal wear too are changing

a venue free of cost…it’s not that simple. “Outdoor weddings are

Beyg, who has been noticing a changing trend in what some of

outdoor weddings, marquees need to be created, fake walls need

what you can make for it that will last me two generations, so my

relatives if they could use their gigantic garden or empty plot as always more expensive then indoor ones,” explains Siddiqui, “for

to be put up for the décor, the carpet needs to be arranged as well as a generator for the lights. For summer weddings, air condi-

daughters and their daughters can wear it too.”

While some designers cater exclusively to customers with a

tioners often need to be installed as well.”

budget of five lakh and above, most good designers will never

to allocate. Larger spaces are more expensive and often not com-

in the country,” claims Safinaz Muneer from the popular Sana

You also need to absolutely sure of what kind of space you want

pletely utilised. A lounge portion, with sofas and comfortable seating can cost a lot more then round tables and chairs.

the dress: Luckily, Pakistani women have begun to realise that every bridal

turn their backs on you. “We are the cheapest bridal designers

Safinaz designer duo, which has somewhat of a cult following amongst Pakistani women worldwide. “We will work with whatever your budget may be, and that’s what tests our creativity as designers.”

According to Women’s Own’s fashion editor Sherazade Khan,

joda doesn’t have to overdose on kaam. Let it breathe ladies, and

girls have also increasingly started using their mothers and

vesting in something a little more practical then the Umrao Jan

your mother’s wedding jora, or even just the gharara or dupatta,

let yourself breathe in the process. More and more women are ininspired one-time wear joda that will have the aunties buzzing for the next few months.

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his clients ask for. “They tell me ok this is my budget, and tell me

“Now people come to me asking for something that has value

for their money,” explains high-end bridal wear designer Rizwan AUGUST 1-7 2010

grandmothers’s shaadi joras for their own weddings. “Wearing

paired with a modern top does not only have sentimental but is also an effective way of curbing the already mammoth expenses,” she explains. “Regardless of how well kept joras are, in Pakistan’s eclectic climate and excessive humidity the work, especial-

“If somebody comes to me earlier to plan their wedding and tell me they have budgetary restraints, I am more likely to give them a discount, but if they come at the last minute...I will charge them more,” says planner Reema Siddiqui food: As a culture we do not RSVP. If one has a more concrete idea of how many people out of the hundreds they have actually invited are going to show up, a lot of money can be saved. Try adding

a separate RSVP note, that may give you a better idea, or at the very least a number where they can call and confirm their attendance. In case that doesn’t work, always under order. It is very

safe to assume that if you invite 500 people, around a hundred

will not show up, so order food accordingly. Also, a lot of times, especially during wedding season, people will prefer to wedding hop, stopping at your event only to make an appearance and then jet to another soiree, in which case they will probably not eat.

party favours: ly that done last century, with real silver and often gold, tends

Recently Pakistan has seen a real outpouring of specialised party

stay shiny but duller than they should be. A good dry cleaning is

just as much. You want to save money? Time to call in your girl

to weather. Exposed bits go black, whereas those better hidden usually good enough to shake off the antique look, but otherwise

there are people that specialise in cleaning the kaam on old gar-

favours and invitation designers, who do a good job but charge friends.

A girl who got engaged four months ago in Lahore invited all

ments. “

her friends over for a slumber party and laid out tons of materi-

planning in advance:

boxes, decorated them with pearls and ribbons they bought from

Face it. If you need to get something good ASAP, chances are

you’ll get ripped off. In order to avoid getting exploited, and find

the best possible price for the best material, you have to start planning your wedding at least four to six months in advance.

als to make goody boxes for her guests. They bought ready-made a nearby lace shop, and used tissue to make tiny roses. “The

result was spectacular,” she says, “We were all so proud of ourselves.”

According to her, there are immense resources and materials

“If somebody comes to me earlier to plan their wedding and

available in large quantities at very cheap prices, especially if you

them a discount,” says Siddiqui, “but if somebody comes to me

zaar in Karachi. “You can find all sorts of eclectic stuff such as

tell me they have budgetary restraints, I am more likely to give at the last minute, when both my time and materials are more

precious then I will charge them more.” The same goes for tent and lighting vendors. Approaching them earlier and doing your

research will help you figure out who is both good and economically viable.

know where to get them. Some areas include Khajoor or Bori baribbons, laces and beautiful embellishments to accessorised box-

es,” she explains, “other than that you can also find a nice fabric

that you like and ask your local darzi to make you batwas, which you can custom embroider with the couples’ initials or anything else you desire.” a

AUGUST 1-7 2010

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PROFILE As I approached the apartment in Sujan Singh Park, New Delhi in the evening of the first of July my excitement knew no bounds because I was there to meet the living legend Khushwant Singh. According to The South Asian Literary Recordings Project “Khushwant Singh’s name is bound to go down in Indian literary history as one of the finest historians and novelists, a forthright political commentator, and an outstanding observer and social critic.” Singh and I belong to the same district,

Khushab. His village, Hadali, and my ancestral village, Ku-

fri, are part of this unique Pakistani district where you find a desert, a river, a fertile

valley with beautiful hills and

Pakistan’s best friend

lakes, and lush green planes — all in the same vicinity. It was the mention of Khushab,

along with the kind introduc-

tion of journalist Suhasini Haidar that had got me this

appointment. Being aware of how punctual Singh is I waited

till 6:59 pm and rang the bell.

Khushwant Singh’s son Rahul

opened the door, I was ushered in and there he was sitting on a sofa.

Sheela Reddy, the books

Khushwant Singh is arguably the subcontinent’s favourite man of letters

editor of Outlook, who visits

TEXT AND PHOTOS BY ASIM AWAN

was introduced as a doctor

Khushwant Singh every evening, and a very kind lady who

who runs free mobile clinics for the poor slum dwellers of

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Delhi were also present.

AUGUST 1-7 2010

“Do you know the Sikhs are now rebuilding mosques destroyed during the violence of Partition?

In one village of the Indian Punjab the local Sikhs have rebuilt a demolished mosque, handed it over to the Muslims and now Sikhs stand guard outside the mosque as Muslims pray inside”

“Would you like some Scotch?” he asked me, in the same Pun-

jabi I grew up speaking. All I’d read about his passion for Scotch

flashed through my mind. How he had fulfilled his dying moth-

er’s wish who had demanded Scotch during her last moments.

It was given to her by her obedient son; she drank her last sip to the life hereafter and passed away in peace. “Do you still drink Scotch?! How old are you now?” I replied in the same Khushabi accent. He said, “Yes I still drink and I am 96.” The kind doctor,

who seemed to know the exact measuring for his glass, poured him his favourite Glenfiddich 12-year-old Single Malt. I was giv-

en something else and as I raised a glass to his good health with a wish that I should be with him on his 100th birthday he gave me a signed copy of his English translation of our national poet

Iqbal’s Shikwa and Jawab-e-Shikwa. He said he had been to Pakistan many times that he could not recount them all adding “Whenever I planned a trip to Pakistan my mother would say don’t go there... these Muslims are very cruel… they will kill you and I

would reply Mother, until now they have been killing me by feed-

ing me very delicious meals and lots of Scotch! But in the same breath she would say please give my salaams to sister Asghari, do go to the house of so and so and give them my regards and don’t forget to take some gifts for them.”

I had taken a copy of his famous novel Delhi with me to ask

him to sign it. I had read Delhi in the 90s and became an instant fan. Then I went on to read more of him including the most fa-

mous Train to Pakistan and the notoriously explicit The Company of Women. As I looked at him I thought of Train to Pakistan and tried

to imagine the murderous frenzy that overtook Punjab following

Partition as Sikhs and Hindus massacred Muslims and Muslims

massacred Sikhs and Hindus and a huge transfer of population took place to and from the Indian and Pakistani parts of the Punjab as the land of the five rivers got bloodily divided. I was

looking at him and thinking how it would have been for him to

witness that genocide of Punjabis by Punjabis and how aptly he

described it in Train to Pakistan. As if he had sensed my thoughts he

said to me, “Do you know the Sikhs are now rebuilding mosques

destroyed during the violence of Partition? In one village of the Indian Punjab the local Sikhs have rebuilt a demolished mosque, handed it over to the Muslims and now Sikhs stand guard outside the mosque as Muslims pray inside. Do get hold of this week’s

Outlook and read the wonderful article by Chander Suta Dogra.” I got it the same evening.

It turned out that “around 200 mosques across Punjab have

been repaired, rebuilt or built from scratch with the help of Sikhs

and Hindus in the last 10 years... In the months after Partition,

some 50,000 mosques across present day Punjab, Haryana and Himachel Pardesh were destroyed, burnt or converted into temples, gurdwaras, homes, even. Today, Muslims just comprise 1.5 per cent of Punjab’s population, mostly migrant labour from UP and Bihar... in addition to small pockets of Muslims, such

AUGUST 1-7 2010

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PROFILE as those belonging to Malerkotla, who did not go to Pakistan in 1947”. The article further informs the reader that the Malerkotla chapter of the Jamaat-e-Islami (Hind) has also been rebuilding

mosques through the active help and co-operation of local Hindus and Sikh landlords.

I told Khushwant Singh about the large Gurdwara in Sar-

godha that is now called the Ambala Muslim High School. Sargodha was the district headquarters of the district Shahpur of

which Khushab was a tehsil. In 1947 the population of Sargodha city was 36,000 with only 6,000 Muslims and a very large Sikh presence. All Hindus and Sikhs went to India as post-Partition

violence erupted and the city was taken over by Muslim refugees from the east Punjab city of Ambala. The large Sikh Gurdwara located in the city centre was converted to a school for boys. There

was an exceedingly deep and sad look on his face as he thought of the horrors he had witnessed.

“Whenever I planned a trip to Pakistan my mother would say don’t go there... these Muslims are very cruel… they will kill you and I would reply Mother, until now they have been killing me by feeding me very delicious meals and lots of Scotch!”

I changed the topic and asked him about an incident narrated

in his autobiography Truth, Love and a little Malice. He writes about

how his grandfather Sardar Sujan Singh had rescued a Muslim holy man from a flood, kept him in Hadali for a few months and took very good care of him. When the holy man took his leave

he said to Sardar Sujan Singh, “I’m handing over the keys of

Punjab to your one son and the keys of Delhi to your other son.”

Khushwant Singh says that little did his grandfather realise then that one of his young sons (Khushwant’s uncle) would one day

become governor of the Punjab and the other (Khushwant’s fa-

ther) would end up becoming Delhi’s most enterprising builder

of the BJP. He was quite relieved that “the political fortunes of

was something incredible written in his autobiography so I asked

anti-Muslim agenda. BJP is going downhill nationally but Gujrat

who won most contracts to build what is today’s New Delhi. This him for details. He said, “So goes the legend. This is how I heard

it from my grandfather and I truly reported it in my autobiogra-

is an exception. There rules that criminal Narindra Modi.”

Not only did he lash out against the Gujrat chief minister, he

phy.”

also spoke against the senior BJP leader LK Advani for his role

question, “Has the number of burqas increased in society over

The End of India which he wrote after the Modi government spon-

As our conversation switched to Pakistan he posed a straight

the last 10 years?” My answer was yes. I told him about the

Quaid-e-Azam University Islamabad where the number of burqa wearing female students has increased manifold compared to

1995-97 when I was a student there. Khushwant Singh replied, “The burqa is my yardstick to measure which way a Muslim society is heading.”

Apart from being a prominent editor of a number of newspa-

pers, magazines and journals, Khushwant Singh also served as

in the demolition of the Babri mosque. I thought of his booklet sored the 2002 massacres of Muslims in the state of Gujrat. It is a

damning indictment of the forces of Hindu extremism and what a threat they pose to Indian society.

He also said “probably there is no greater friend of Pakistan in

India than myself.” It is his cherished wish to see India and Pakistan co-existing as peaceful neighbours where people from both countries can travel freely without visa restrictions.

It was almost eight in the evening. The two ladies had already

member of the upper House of Indian Parliament. The Indian

left and it was time for Khushwant sahib to retire to his bedroom

Bhushan in 1974. He returned it in 1984 in protest against the

was the rule of the darbar of Khushwant Singh that when it is

government awarded him a high civilian award, the Padma siege of the Golden Temple by the Indian Army. But in 2007, the Indian government awarded the even higher civilian award, the Padma Vibhushan.

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the BJP have declined because people have become fed up with its

Being an ardent secularist Khushwant Singh has been very

critical of the rise of Hindu extremist groups in India and also AUGUST 1-7 2010

as he wakes up at 4 in the morning. Knowing full well that it

the time for him to retire then all guests must leave no matter who they are. I begged my leave. As I walked out of the beautiful,

vast compound of apartments named after Khushwant Singh’s

grandfather I prayed for his long life and health and wished that I am able to visit him on his 100th birthday. a

JUNE 13-19 2010

REVIEW

JUNE 13-19 2010

JUNE 13-19 2010

FEATURE

the lost generation TEXT AND PHOTO BY MUSAB MEMON

Without a national identity, Afghani children of Pakistan face a bleak future

26 AUGUST 1-7 2010

FEATURE “I’m Pakistani!” says six-year-old Rizwan in Pushto, as he brushes a lock of hair off his face with dirty fingers. Little does he know that a decade or so from

ket, a vegetable vendor passes by with an attentive seven-year-

to Afghanistan or behind bars under the Foreign Act of 1956. He

older than 10, hauls a bag of refuse twice her weight, sweat trick-

now, there’s a good chance he may find himself being deported

is a Pakistani-Afghan, whose home is a refugee camp on the outskirts of Karachi.

The Afghan children of Pakistan face a bleak future in the wake

of identity theft and a lack of legal clarity as they try to make a home in Pakistan. For all practical purposes, this population does not exist; there is no documentation, no acknowledgement.

Najeeb Khan, whose father migrated from Afghanistan way

As the head of the Afghan tribal jirga gives us a tour of the mar-

old boy, sitting on the cart next to the vegetables, monitoring the

daily sales with remarkable proficiency. Zalanda, a petite girl no ling down her brow. For the children of Afghan refugees, there

are no public facilities like schools, hospitals and parks. In this

particular settlement there are 20,000 children, out of which only 2,000 attend the 11 madrassas in the area; 250 of them are

enrolled in the only privately-run religious middle school. They will grow up to find virtually no jobs available to them.

Without a formal education, the likelihood of these children

back in 1978 and married here says, “I was born in Pakistan; I got

being lured into radical training increases drastically, says Ru-

He is worried about the future of his son. “I am illiterate. If

country could face as a result of the government’s continual

married here; now I even have a child.”

I don’t work every single day my wife and child will starve but people here are not ready to accept me as their fellow citizen,” he says. “I have never seen Afghanistan. I just wish my child could attend school here.”

His son has been born and brought up in this country yet is not

considered a part of Pakistani society. He is among the children of those hundreds and thousands of Afghans who fled their native

bina Shahab, a psychiatrist, concerned about the dangers the

neglect of this crucial issue. According to Shahab, the children

who live in refugee camps grow up in a conditioned community where social and cultural exposure is limited. Bribing them for a

small sum of cash for petty crimes is more likely to be successful in this impoverished community. The madrassas they attend do precious little to put them off a life of violence.

Regarding their circumstances, the head the Afghan tribal Jir-

land in 1979 as war broke out in the country and the hospitable

ga, Haji Abdullah says, “Firstly we are thankful for the hospital-

day, these children are called the children of a political wedlock.

your houses and your hearts to us.” He requests the government

Pakistani government opened the gates of the Durand Line. ToIn this settlement of 95,000 residents, the refugees live a life of

forced anonymity. The Government of Pakistan has denied them

nationality, but they are also not Afghan citizens. They are part of a diaspora that has been living here for over 30 years. There are

more than 500,000 Afghan refugees in Sindh, and 200,000 in

Karachi, according to the Afghan tribal elders. The official fig-

ity bestowed upon us by the Pakistanis; you opened your country,

to allow Afghan refugees a legitimate residency programme.

He is not confident enough to claim he is a Pakistani but says, “Close the border so the ‘others’ don’t infiltrate and make matters worse,” clearly labelling the ones on the other side of the Durand as aliens.

Registration authorities are still waiting for the government

ures released by the United Nations High Commission for Refu-

to decide the fate of the refugees. Nayyab Hasan Zaidi, a govern-

authorities have always struggled to register these immigrants.

ship in Karachi, says that they have not received any instructions

gees stand at 92,000 Afghan refugees for Sindh alone. Pakistani

Without National Identity Cards (NIC) and a clear national status, their children cannot be issued birth certificates and so, de-

spite being born in Pakistan, their nationality remains unclear and we observe classic cases of identity-theft.

>> Liberties available to NIC holders: • Ownership of private property • Official marital status • Issuance of birth certificates • Legal job opportunities • Facility of legal electricity, water and gas • Enrollment in schools and universities • International trave >>

ment official, who deals with official registration and citizen-

from the government of Pakistan regarding these refugees. “The registration authorities cannot make decisions on their own. To

give legal status to a particular community or individual is the job of the government,” he argues.

They might be a long way from being assimilated into main-

stream society but the Afghans of this refugee camp arranged

their second major football tournament this month. An empty plot of sand was taken as a football ground and little children were practising with much enthusiasm.

“This is my country and I am happy here,” seven-year-old

Zeqar says with a smile, as he kicks the football into the imaginary net. a

27 AUGUST 1-7 2010

TRAVEL It was one of those to-go or not-to-go situations.

The idea was to start at 3:30 am (that’s right, that’s am) on a two-hour trail up the mountain, on a rainy night, aided by one cellphone which was to serve as a torch: all this to see a place we had already visited the previous day. We had no physical

preparation — my friend and I being among those who despise all forms of physical challenges, especially those meant for pleasure. So our first and most natural hurdle was to convince ourselves into this insanity.

We discussed and deliberated over this, and all of a sudden (it

was sudden, believe me), we found ourselves out-dazzling each other with an impressive array of clichés regarding travel: “We must push ourselves” was the first one (mine). The other oft-re-

peated one was: “You came all the way down to Peru to hop from one hotel to the next?” (His.) And then, my favourite: “Gosh, stop being a f***ing tourist.” (His again.) The last one, to be sure, is an accusation, and an incredibly piercing one for a cliché; it

causes a unique variety of guilt that, in the worst-case scenarios,

once upon a time in

peru

could lead you into doing anything to cure it, boast anything to disprove it.

As you might have guessed, I was more on the opposing side

but eventually the clichés won out, and I relented. “It’s a once in a lifetime thing,” was the one that nailed it (mine).

We were stationed in Aguas Calientes, the town at the base of

Machu Picchu, whose sole point of existence is to provide care,

comfort and laundry services to the loathsome hordes of tour-

ists (like the two of us), curious to see what all the fuss is about up the mountain. Machu Picchu, the ‘mystical city’ of the Incas

(whatever that means), holds the curious distinction in history of staying hidden until the early part of the twentieth century,

both from the world and, more importantly, from the Spanish

colonisers, who would’ve deeply cherished the idea of using the place as a testing site for their latest gunpowder-based missiles.

One Hiram Bingham, a Yale history professor, with the help of the locals ‘discovered’ the spectacular ruins and brought it to the

world’s, and more intriguingly, Peruvians’ own attention, regardless of the fact that the locals knew about it all along.

Our mad excursion was to begin in the middle of the night

(or morning or whatever 3:30 am is). Our final apologia looked something like this: Okay, so we’re ‘doing’ this again because the first time we did it the touristy way — on the bus, with a tour guide, meals included, pictures and poses and all.

To be honest, it was not Machu Picchu — I love Machu Picchu

— but the act, no, the very idea of getting up to change at 2 am to lumber up a real, literal, stone and rock mountain that pissed me off. Especially on a rainy night. No, wait, it was ridiculous.

It would never work, I was sure. Except, now we were already up

28

and bathed and stood stunned and silent at what we were about to do.

AUGUST 1-7 2010

PHOTO BY ASJAD NAQVI

At 2,430 meters, 7,970 ft., Machu Picchu is the peak of a moun-

tain which has been carved and hewed into terraces and deco-

Machu Picchu is perhaps one of the few archeological sites that actually live up to their hype

BY BILAL TANWEER

rated with stone houses and temples to yield a city. In summary it’s all stone and grass, with two details that will jump out to grab your attention: stone structures that were once houses now stand without roofs and the clusters of llamas grazing on the lush

green terraces. From afar, Machu Picchu is a spectacle. Up close,

it is as ordinary or extraordinary as ruins generally are. You’ll walk the narrow lanes, marveling at the quarries from where the

stone was extracted to build houses, granaries and monasteries.

Like other tourists, you’ll run your hand over the surface of the stone and marvel at how they were smoothed into shape without the aid of iron and locked into perfect hinges which don’t

leave space even for a blade to pass though. You’ll wonder at the civil engineering when you see the aqueducts and system of wa-

ter channels. Your guide will show you around the Sun Temple, Temple of the Three Windows, Temple of the Condor — all struc-

tures built with their own special astronomical significance; in one you get a certain shadow in the summer solstice, in the other

the moonlight makes a certain angle in the winter solstice — the Incas were big on such stuff. Much before the Spanish showed up and pillaged the Inca cities, thereby severing the supply lines to Machu Picchu (the place imported its food, as with everything

else), it had a population of a few hundred, mostly monks, scholars and scientists. The Inca emperor visited the city on religious

holidays and on very special occasions. The rest of the year, the city was cordoned off from the rest of the world.

I could summarise it another way: Machu Picchu is perhaps

one of the few archeological sites that actually live up to their hype.

When our hotel receptionist was checking us out, she casually

inquired if we had torches, to which we calmly replied in the negative. “What! Wait!” she blurted, clearly betraying a sense of

alarm. Why, we asked, was there something we should be worried about?

“Yes! There will be...” she paused and searched our faces for

the right words. “There will be... plants!”

Plants?! We suppressed our laughter and strutted right out

into the alley, brandishing our one cellphone ahead of us, with which we planned to torch our way to glory.

We briskly walked to the end of the road and abruptly stopped

the moment we crossed the last streetlight. We realised the cell-

phone would not work for a torch and in the fog and drizzle, really, for all I knew, we could be walking straight over the edge

into the Urubamba River. There wasn’t much to resolve with discussion, so we decided to wait for ‘the others’ to arrive.

The others came in a few minutes. They were a group of young

hikers. All geared up with torches in their helmets and hands — praise the Lord. They were singing in Spanish — both the chicas

and mucachos — and were quite happily trudging along when AUGUST 1-7 2010

29

TRAVEL the two Pakistanis decided to join the party sharing their torch lights.

Soon we reached the point where the ascent was to begin.

Merging into us were other hikers adventuring their way up into

gloom and darkness at 3:45 am. My first thought upon seeing the trail was: Aha! they have steps going into the mountain — that

should be easy! Misguided and misperceived relief, needless to say, met a fitting strangulation very soon.

Have you ever climbed stairs continuously for 105 minutes?

Well, then clearly you don’t know what I’m talking about. And well, there isn’t much to tell either. Think of it as a long stretch of blackness punctuated by brief pauses of swearing at yourself.

The first 15 minutes were fine. (Well, sort of.) But after that

there was no conscious thought except: “Where does this end,”

5 facts about Machu Picchu: 1. Machu Picchu is Quechua for ”Big Mountain” 2. The city was built in 1450 and abandoned by 1572 3. The buildings located at the site were very well built using a technique called ashlar. This involved cutting blocks of stone and stacking them without the use of mortar.

4. Popular culture has cited the American academic, explorer and politician Hiram Bingham as the person who “discovered” Machu Picchu in 1911 5. In 1983, Machu Picchu was designated an UNESCO World Heritage Site Source: Smithsonian Journeys

and “Why doesn’t this end.” If there is a soul — and there is at least one in each one of us, I swear — I felt it there, freely writh-

ing from the sensations arising from my lower back, joints, and

other adjoining areas. And that’s the first realisation you have: pain has a way to concentrate you, all of you at one point — the point of the pain. You stop living in your head. You shift into your body. You wish your darndest to utilise every wisp of energy (even that of a thought) to climb one more step.

Climbing, working, and completely out of breath. Realisation

No. 27: Gatorade is to hikers what penicillin was to European colonisers venturing into Africa.

Realisation No 36: Plants! Yes, plants! They exist! And they

crowded the trail from the sides. We were lucky enough to have

had people ahead of us, who cleared them. But yes, they were a nuisance, and yes, a torch would have helped.

Other things. The eight kilo backpack I carried became the

most hateful object in the world. There came a point after about

an hour when I threw it on the ground and told my friend that either he lugged it from there on or it would stay there — our

only change of clothes, shoes, passports, tickets notwithstanding. I would go so far as to claim that the moment I exchanged my backpack for his light-as-air camera bag was the most blissful moment I experienced in all of my youthful years (no, that

tells you nothing about my state of happiness). I took the back-

pack back after about half an hour, out of camaraderie and sheer moral torment. Without exaggeration, it was one of the difficult moral decisions of my life — at least the one involving most physical pain.

We had to wait for about an hour before the gates opened. We

had no snacks with us and I don’t even smoke. The sense of exhilaration was extraordinary. We had done it. I could’ve returned to Aguas Calientes without even going inside.a

30 AUGUST 1-7 2010

Have you ever climbed stairs continuously for 105 minutes? Well, then clearly you don’t know what I’m talking about. And well, there isn’t much to tell either. Think of it as a long stretch of blackness punctuated by brief pauses of swearing at yourself.

JUNE 13-19 2010

PORTFOLIO

frozen in time PHOTOGRAPHY & TEXT BY ASJAD NAQVI

These pictures represent moments in time from places around the world. Although

I am new to photography and still have a long way to go,

what I have enjoyed about each of these images is that

composing an image through the lens takes you on a whole different

visual

experience

which is both challenging

and exciting at the same time.

What you end up with is your own

personal

composition

that gives off a certain mood which is frozen in time. a

Sundown in Chicago

32 AUGUST 1-7 2010

Night in New York

Twinkle

33 AUGUST 1-7 2010

PORTFOLIO

Composure

Vase Smile

34 AUGUST 1-7 2010

Silhouettes

35 AUGUST 1-7 2010

PORTFOLIO

Tipper lovers

36 AUGUST 1-7 2010

Follow the light

37 AUGUST 1-7 2010

COMMENT

BY S GULBADAN

Facebook tells me that many of those who like Coke Studio are conformist sheep, really. You know how Facebook has this magnificent sugges-

tions thing going in which it runs its super-smart algorithms to tell you what your friends like, in the hope that you’ll like it too?

Well, I decided to play along and see what this was all about after

getting annoyed by a constant barrage of suggestions along the lines of “Many of your friends who like Coke Studio also like…”

(Yes, I like Coke Studio on Facebook. In my defence, Ali Hamza is irresistibly cute and my current man-crush.)

As it turns out, people who like Coke Studio, amongst my

friends, also like things as diverse as Pervez Musharraf, Zaid Hamid, Junaid Jamshed, 3 Idiots (the movie, not the previous three

personalities, who are obviously not idiots. Duh.), Imran Khan (do you know Sony Entertainment Television recently ran a “Become the 4th idiot” contest?), Ufone, Top Pops, gol gappay, Nestle Fruita Vitals, and a delightfully named Facebook page, “Oye, extra pen hai?”.

In this piece, I will try to analyse why Coke Studio fans are par-

tial towards some of the entities mentioned above. Let me begin with Pervez Musharraf.

Musharraf is the reason Coke Studio exists. Had he not toppled

Nawaz Sharif’s fumbling, tumbling Humpty-Dumpty-sat-on-a-

On the other hand, I honestly cannot for the life of me under-

wall government, pop and rock stars in Pakistan would still be

stand what Junaid Jamshed and Coke Studio have in common

ability and consequently getting banned on television. By set-

the rich kids who can afford his kurtas to wear at Eids and their

writing boring, meaningful, mildly catchy songs about accountting free the powerful forces of enlightened moderation to guide us towards gleaming progress, he set in motion the wheels that

besides a) Rohail Hyatt being sugar daddy for both; and b) only cousins’ Mehndi celebrations are actually into Coke Studio.

I am similarly confounded by the seemingly disparate nature

eventually led to Meesha Shafi singing on national television

of gol gappay and Nestle Fruita Vitals. I am inclined to hypoth-

eny of Musharraf sahab’s visionary thinking, thereby explaining

viously become health and brand conscious, and thus relies on

clad in, of all things, jeans. Coke Studio, obviously, is the progwhy they have many fans in common.

Zaid Hamid’s case is even simpler. Coke Studio is Pakistan’s

answer to AR Rehman. And as we know by now, nothing pleases Hamid’s hilariously passionate supporters more than us getting one up on India. That too an India made famous by a treacherous

38

back at the time of the Big Bang.

Muslim like Rahman, whose forefathers were probably too lazy

(more likely too poor or indifferent) to migrate to the pure land AUGUST 1-7 2010

esise the following: while the Coke Studio-savvy crowd has ob-

premium-priced fruit juice to quench its thirst and replenish its vitamins after a grueling gym session, it still appreciates the

quaint, sarak chhaap charm of the occasional plate of gol goppas to feel connected to the pure land’s delights on offer. However, I am certain the irony of paying Rs100 for a sanitised, upscale

version of such traditional delicacies at places like Chatkharay is lost on us. a

ADVICE a Is it ever appropriate to tell a friend that she wears too

call

courtesy

SEND ALL QUESTIONS TO OUR ETIQUETTE EXPERT AT

MAGAZINE@TRIBUNE.COM.PK ILLUSTRATION: S JAMAL K

much make-up? Sometimes I want to tell my very dear friend that she’s a step away from becoming a member of a drag queen cabaret. Surely there’s a kinder, gentler way of giving someone unsolicited advice.

She’s Overly Made-Up It depends on how close a friend she is and your gender. If you

are male, it’s better never to broach the subject. For one thing,

you probably don’t know the first thing about make-up — unless you are a member of a drag queen cabaret yourself. Second, she would be far more hurt if it comes from a man. If you’re a woman, just go ahead and tell her.

a My husband and I recently divorced. All our friends, single or couple, were very supportive save one couple. Should I assume they have ‘chosen’ to be exclusively his friends? I am due to run into them during this crazed wedding season and do not know how to behave.

Choosing Sides In a divorce everyone has to pick sides. You should consider your-

self lucky that only one couple has chosen your ex-husband. Be polite when you see them. Basically as polite as you would be to your ex-husband if you ran into him at a social occasion.

a I have recently started seeing a man who my girlfriend disapproves of. I appreciate her concern but am happy in my choices.

A common friend of ours has told me that she is bad-mouthing my partner and I can’t decide whether to call her out on it or let it go.

It’s My Life Here’s the thing: if you chose your partner based on your friends’

opinions you may as well take a vow of celibacy. You have two options. Either you can let go of a friend because she doesn’t like

your current partner or you can ignore it. If you ignore her bad-

mouthing now you know you have someone who will constantly agree with you when you complain about your relationship going sour.

a How do you tell your supervisor that s/he owes you money without it being awkward? My boss has asked us to pay for her lunch because she didn’t have cash but sometimes forgets to pay us back. When/how do we remind her that she still owes us, without embarrassing her?

Time to Pay Up There is no need for anyone to be embarassed. The next time you all order lunch just pretend you don’t have any money. Then your boss will be forced to pay for your lunch and you’ll be even.

AUGUST 1-7 2010

39

REVIEW

featured review of the week

book reality bites

BY KHURRAM BAIG

I know what you are thinking — yet another book on the Taliban.

And you would be right. Over the past 10 years anything bearing the word ‘Taliban’ on the cover was bound to sell, or at the very least bring some recognition.

And why shouldn’t these books sell? ‘Who are the Taliban?’ This question has obsessed policymakers and the public alike in the last decade. It has topped other historic mysteries like the Kennedy assassination or the moon landing.

But this is not just any book on the Taliban. First of all My Life with the Taliban is not just about the Taliban, it is by the Taliban.

This is the autobiography of Mullah Abdul Salam Zaeef, a former senior member of the Taliban. His memoirs, translated from Pashtu, are more than just a personal account of his extraordinary life.

In this truly exceptional text, the former Taliban ambassador to Pakistan, Mullah Zaeef, offers an honest account of his personal worldview and a first-hand history of the Taliban movement. The remarkable editing of Alex Strick van Linschoten and Felix Kuehn allows non-specialists to fully understand the context and cultural references that support Zaeef’s narrative. And while many may say the book is partisan, and they may be right, I cannot help but praise the editors for their quest for authenticity and their courage at spending the amount of time that they did in Kandahar.

The real value, of course, is that to the best of my knowledge, this is the first and only memoir penned by an important figure in the Taliban movement, offering a perspective into a unique worldview.

Reading Mullah Zaeef’s book reminded me how valuable it is to read about a movement like the Taliban from its own perspective.

The real intelligence in the book lies not in its details but in the texture, perspective, assumptions and narratives that it provides from inside the Taliban leadership — a very rare perspective.

And while the book is basically an autobiography it provides valu40 able insight, for those who seek it, about a scenario which makes AUGUST 1-7 2010

inner circle There are scores of books on the Taliban phenomena but none that have been written by a former senior member of the Taliban it easy for a young man to think that joining the Taliban is the best choice available to him.

Zaeef describes growing up in rural poverty in Kandahar province. Both of his parents died at an early age, and the Russian invasion of 1979 forced him to flee to Pakistan. He started fighting the jihad in 1983, during which time he was associated with many major figures in the anti-Soviet resistance, including the current Taliban head Mullah Mohammad Omar.

After the war Zaeef returned to a quiet life in a small village in Kandahar, but chaos soon overwhelmed Afghanistan as factional fighting erupted after the Russians pulled out. Disgusted by the lawlessness that ensued, Zaeef was one among the former mujahideen who were closely involved in the discussions that led to the emergence of the Taliban in 1994.

Zaeef then details his Taliban career as civil servant and min-

Five books on the Taliban • The Women of Afghanistan Under the Taliban

by Rosemarie Skaine • The Taliban: War, Religion and the New Order in Afghanistan by Peter Marsden • Taliban: Militant Islam, Oil and Fundamentalism in Central Asia by Ahmed Rashid • The Afghanistan Wars by William Maley • Koran, Kalashnikov and Laptop: The Neo-Taliban Insurgency in Afghanistan by Antonio Giustozzi

Books by soldiers from Iraq • My War: Killing Time in Iraq, by Colby Buzzell • One Bullet Away: The Making of a Marine Officer,

by Nathaniel Fick • Just Another Soldier: A Year on the Ground in Iraq, by Jason Christopher Hartley • Love My Rifle More than You: Young and Female in the US Army, by Kayla Williams with Michael E Staub • American Soldier, by General Tommy Franks

My Life with the Taliban offers a personal and privileged insight into the rural Pakhtun village communities that are the Taliban’s bedrock. It helps to explain what drives men like Zaeef to take up arms against foreigners foolish enough to invade his homeland.

true blood Zaeef’s candid insight into his glory days of Taliban rule is bound to surprise readers ister who negotiated with foreign oil companies as well as with Afghanistan’s own resistance leader, Ahmed Shah Massoud. Zaeef was ambassador to Pakistan at the time of the 9/11 attacks, and his account discusses the ‘phoney war’ period before the US-led intervention toppled the Taliban.

In early 2002, Zaeef was handed over to American forces in Pakistan, notwithstanding his diplomatic status, and spent four-and-ahalf years in prison (including several years in Guantánamo) before being released without having been tried or charged.

My Life with the Taliban offers a personal and privileged insight into the rural Pakhtun village communities that are the Taliban’s bedrock. It helps to explain what drives men like Zaeef to take up arms against foreigners foolish enough to invade his homeland.

Be prepared to be surprised however, when you read the book.

Nostalgic talk about the bygone Afghan monarchy is common, but one doesn’t expect it from a founder of the Taliban and one of its most prominent officials. Nor do we expect mild talk of secular education or foreign tourists.

In this and many other ways, My Life with the Taliban is a fascinating book. But be warned: it’s a discomfiting read. It’s bound to complicate one’s view about the men who helped drive the Russians from Afghanistan, ran a harsh fundamentalist Islamic state for five years and, in 2001, became our enemy.

41 AUGUST 1-7 2010

REVIEW

film thrill of the chased

BY BATOOL ZEHRA

For a movie tagged as a comedy/thriller, Killers is conspicuously short on both laughs and thrills. In fact the only genuine emotion it evokes is bemusement — mainly along the lines of, why would anyone make this stultifying movie?

Jen, a regular gal, and Spencer, a regular undercover government agent, meet on the French Riviera and fall in love. Three years later, the newlyweds are living the suburban dream except for the fact that Spencer has omitted to tell his wife about his former job.

Spencer’s past finally catches up with him and with a 20 million dollar bounty placed on his head, the couple becomes fair game for their neighbours. In fact, everyone they know is out to get them.

A plot that is implausible can still be mined for a lot of laughs, judging by this year’s Date Night. Certainly absurdity is not an impediment but an impetus in comedy. The wafer-thin premise should not have stood in the way of original comic situations and with the suburban setting there was every opportunity to make tongue-in-cheek observations about human nature, maybe creating a nuanced suburban character or two. Unfortunately, Killers is just an undeveloped, unimaginative, half-baked waste of time and money that doesn’t even try to be any better.

Katherine Heigl’s droll charm works fine in frothy romances — 27 Dresses was enjoyable, Knocked Up was okay. Playing the lead in a comedic thriller though, requires some serious comic chops which she and her co-star Ashton Kutcher conspicuously lack, as Killers only too plainly shows. The two refuse to budge from the realm of cutesy pie, never rising to the heights of genuine slapstick. To be fair, they’re not given any decent material to work with. There is not an iota of originality, the situations are entirely derivative and the perfunctory screenplay seems to have been spewed out after a synthesis of other works in the genre by a robot lacking the human faculty of imagination.

Possibly the most painful part is when Spence and Jen stop at a 42 store after dodging assassins to buy — wouldn’t you know it — a AUGUST 1-7 2010

death by boredom This movie could prove to be a painful 90 minutes pregnancy test. The distinctly half-hearted attempt at drumming up some excitement here is actually quite depressing, so skip this part. In fact, unless you really haven’t anything better to do, skip this movie altogether.

Killers is an entirely superfluous venture that is too long for its 90 minutes. It seems that the editors realised (too late) that they did not have great material and cut out reams and reams of footage in the hope that no one would notice exactly how bad it was.

This is a movie with self-esteem issues. Not only is it low on fun, it has a pitifully truncated feel to it and the lack of effort is painfully evident. It shouldn’t exist and it knows it. If the editors had cut out any more, there would have been nothing. If only.

film bella’s choice

BY NM KHAN

I feel a certain weight of responsibility in reviewing the much maligned Eclipse, the third offering from the Twilight series that has unleashed on us the term, Twi-hards. But it is not the Twi-hards or their Twi-moms I fear, or the critics who panned the film despite adding “it’s a little bit better than the previous one”, or the next slew of critics who came in to slam the critics for panning the film and don’t even get me started on the feminists. It’s this whole lot of them who can’t seem to accept that someone could dislike the film and not be a hater, pretentious git or defender of the abstinence programme (the logic goes that I hate the film because Bella won’t put out).

Other film franchises have met similar fates — more recently the maelstrom that fell upon Sex and the City 2 almost had one feeling sorry for the ladies — but Twilight seems to elicit a whole other category of spite, the most notable of which has come from feminists. Their disdain is for Bella (Kristen Stewart), an insecure teenager who allows two men to decide what’s best for her as they fight it out amongst themselves. The rebuttal from the creator of the series, Stephanie Meyer — “in my opinion, the foundation of feminism is being able to choose” — added fuel to the fire because, let’s face it, her definition is fairly meaningless. And what choice does Bella have to make? Between two men who don’t treat her as an equal, who fight over her future while she sleeps soundly in a tent? Or, as we saw in New Moon when Edward leaves Bella, so distraught is she that she chooses extreme sport-like scenarios because she can’t live without him. Some choice.

Eclipse is not as fun to watch as Twilight. It is slightly more painful than the New Moon because now, in Eclipse, we want something to happen between Bella and Edward (Robert Pattinson) or Bella and Jacob (Taylor Latner) — and the something does not refer to the unlocking of the chastity belt. Instead we seem to be stuck in the same place we left off in New Moon: Bella hasn’t decided which non-human path she will embark on, with the pasty one

total eclipse of the heart Bella has some tough decisions to make when choosing between a vapid vampire or a half-naked werewolf (ancient, hot looking vampire) or the shirtless one (young, hot werewolf). This angst is stretched over two hours, in between which, sub-plots of a new serial vampire killer in town, out to get Bella, Edward, Jacob, other uninteresting characters, are thrown in for some measure. Then there is the tension amongst Edward and Jacob, vying for Bella’s affection — why there is any doubt that her heart lies with Edward is baffling — that adds to the seemingly unending movie.

The only constants in the film are the stunning scenery of northwest America, decapitations and dismemberments, wondering why Dakota Fanning signed on and “the earnest solemnity” according to one Guardian critic. The bad news is that there are two films left before Bella will give herself to her true love. It’s enough to make you want to slay something. a AUGUST 1-7 2010

43

HOROSCOPE

BY SHELLEY VON STRUNCKEL

Aries Mar 20 – Apr 19 Now that both Saturn and your ruler Mars are in Libra, the sign that’s about alliances — in every form — events turn your attention to joint endeavours. There are shake-ups in existing arrangements. And surprise encounters challenge your thinking about even simple plans. You’re not in control, which you find frustrating, But neither is anybody else. Besides, with changes this dramatic, decisions can and should wait.

Taurus Apr 20 – May 20 While you’re not exactly thrilled by the

way elements of your life are being rearranged, this is mostly Shelley von Strunckel is an internationally acclaimed astrologer who created the first horoscope column for the London Sunday Times in 1992. A frequent lecturer, she

about updating arrangements to suit changing circumstances.

Get used to such changes, since you’ll be contending with a series of often drastic shifts in the world around you. Instead

of battling these, explore them now, while there’s time to ask questions. Next week, there may not be.

writes daily, weekly and monthly horoscopes in publications around the world including South China Morning Post, The Gulf News, Tatler, French and Chinese Vogue and now The Express Tribune Magazine.

Gemini May 21 – Jun 20 It’s true that you’re easily bored. But even you are bound to find the coming weeks’ constant and unsettling

developments a bit much. With both Saturn and Mars just having moved into a new sign and forming a series of challenging

aspects, clashes are inevitable. Some cause confusion, others

clear the air. In every case, focus on learning what you can, not on getting things organised.

Cancer Jun 21 – Jul 22 The trick to dealing with the current extremely unsettling developments is to regard events as a side effect of the growth that accompanies the move by both Saturn and Mars to accent the structure of your life. What seems disarray now is a prelude to new ways of thinking and doing things, many of which could revolutionise your existing plans and your priorities for the future.

Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 Once you understand that little is likely to make sense until after Leo New Moon, on August 10th, you’ll stop complaining about changes and will view even disruptive events from a more detached perspective. Also, avoid discussing plans until then and you’ll keep an open mind. That way, when there are yet more shake-ups next week, while others are struggling, you’ll view them with relaxed intrigue.

Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22 Your ruler Mercury’s recent move into Virgo began a cycle of review and exploration that lasts until early October. This is good timing, since much of your world is changing, often radically. Bear this in mind and instead of making plans, then being forced to revise them, you’ll regard everything you do as a bit of an experiment. Which is exactly what it will be.

44 AUGUST 1-7 2010

Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23 Obviously you’d never make decisions about the life-changing events that pepper this week and the coming weeks without discussing them with others. But, actually, those conversations would be best focused on exploring developments, not trying to impose order on them — at least for now. And with Saturn and Mars newly arrived in Libra, and raising questions about everything, you’ll have a lot to learn.

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21 Having already faced a series of completely

unreasonable situations, you’ve been hoping things would calm

down. They won’t. Dire as this sounds, what currently appear most worrying is actually preparing you to let go of the past.

Since you’re unlikely to recognise these developments’ potential

at first, explore absolutely everything. What seems least promising now could, once the dust settles, prove to be extraordinary.

Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 Few things aggravate you more than being unfairly cornered. It makes no difference if it’s random situations, such as you’ve been facing, or those you once trusted. Frustrating these may be, these unfortunate events are taking place in the best possible climate, since with several of the planetary heavyweights changing signs, sudden developments mean you won’t be short of options to recover lost ground.

Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 19 Your ruler Saturn moves into a new sign

rarely. But it’s just entered Libra and been joined by the ram-

bunctious Mars, kicking off a review of fundamental elements

of your life. Add the current series of dramatic aspects involving these and the other major planets, which trigger changes in cir-

cumstances themselves — beyond your imagining. Disruptive as this sounds, it’s your chance to begin a new life.

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 19 Once you understand that although things may not be going as you intended that’s no indication of serious problems, everything else should make sense. True, sudden changes may leave a huge gap in plans. But with Saturn and Mars newly arrived to accent ways you could broaden your horizons, this is no time to stick with what you know. Explore absolutely everything. You’ll never regret it.

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20 Reassuring as imposing order on chaos

may be, you’d only complicate matters. With several of the major planets just having moved into new positions, existing ar-

rangements really couldn’t remain as they are. But also, with Uranus returning to Pisces on August 14th and the bountiful Ju-

For more information, to order personal charts and to download & listen to detailed audiocasts, visit www.shelleyvonstrunckel.com

piter in early September, your own circumstances could change,

45

dramatically — and so brilliantly they’ll be worth putting off plans for.

AUGUST 1-7 2010

THE HATER

10 things I hate about ...the wedding season

1 2 3 4 5

Why must I attend the mayun, mehndi, shaadi, valima, five dholkis AND a new-fangled pseudo-extremist dars for the wedding of my mother’s cousin’s son’s daughter? Why?!

The throngs of relatives arriving from abroad who decide to camp in your house because we Pakistanis are

well-known for our strong family values and would

rather die than suggest that our kin spend the wedding season in a hotel. Can I get an expletive in here?

Dance practice. And dances in general. Hasn’t the

coordinated dancing trend gotten completely out of hand? Why are people taking professional trainers

on for weddings? Isn’t inviting strangers to weddings just because they dance well completely insane? And

if I have to do another coordinated dance combining bhangra with hip-hop moves just because that’s the done thing now (insert colourful expletive here).

I absolutely loathe that 45 minute drive to the wedding

hall/outdoor tent which is inevitably delayed because the womenfolk (who happen to be the ones actually interested in attending) just can’t seem to find that set of bangles which matches that particular pair of shoes.

So you get to the wedding which is ultra crowded (be-

cause everyone wants to make ‘the scene yaar’) and you discover that the only table with free seats is the ‘old people’ table… ’nuff said.

46 AUGUST 1-7 2010

6 7 8 9 10

BY JAY HAQUE

The false smiles and running into people you hate in a setting where you simply don’t have the option of stick-

ing a knife into them. Why must weddings be on such a grand scale that you end up inviting 40 people you abhor?

The overzealous banker-type yuppies who get ham-

mered to prove they are not the sum of their MBA degrees, and the ancient aunty/uncle types who insist on dancing with the ‘bachas’ in an inebriated version of the cha-cha or samba.

Did I mention I hate the rishta brigade? Those gossip-

ing ladies in the corner trying their hand at on-the-go matchmaking for the next wedding season. “Do you

think that girl is too healthy for my son?” or “Mashallah, with a wallet like that, he must be a good catch.”

The obligatory 10,000 photos which each wedding season comes with. Fifty taken by the professional pho-

tographer, and 9,950 taken by giggly girls competing to see who can have the largest Facebook album of the season.

I hate the good food. If it wasn’t for the good food, I’d never go.

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JUNE 13-19 2010

JUNE 13-19 2010