The Express Tribune Magazine - August 8

AUGUST 8-14 2010

Play it again, Swat The local music industry in the war-ravaged valley shows signs of life

JUNE 13-19 2010

JUNE 13-19 2010

AUGUST 8-14 2010

Cover Story 18 Play it Again, Swat The local music industry shows sign of life in the valley

Feature 22 Let There Be Light LRBT offers eyesight and hope to millions

Travel 26 Welcome to Baltistan Skardu has played host to all sorts of tourists and travelers

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Portfolio 30 Boulevard of Broken Dreams Emaan Mahmood finds beauty in the broken

UP Close & Personal 38 Let it Flood The storm, as seen from Zahrah Nasir’s house

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Workplace Matters 42 Getting Ahead Advice on how to look good, behave well and move up at work

Review 40 What’s new in films and books

Regulars 8 People & Parties: Out and about with beautiful people 16 Tribune Questionnaire: Fasi Zaka on junk food 44 Horoscope: Shelley von Strunckel on your week ahead 46 Ten Things I Hate About: Chai

16 Fawad Shah and Natasha Raheel contributed to the reporting of “Lost Generation” (Aug 1). The omission is regretted.

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Magazine Editor: Muna Khan, Features Editor: Faiza S Khan, Senior Sub-Editor: Nadir Hassan, Sub-Editor: Batool Zehra Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq Alvi, S Asif Ali, Sukayna Sadik Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi.

For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk Printed by: Yaqeen Art Press (Pvt.) Ltd., Karachi

JUNE 13-19 2010

JUNE 13-19 2010

JUNE 13-19 2010

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Marketing Meat

Meat One, a venture of the Al-Shaheer Corporation launched its first store in July at Khayaban-eShamsheer in Karachi.

1. Guests at the launch of Meat One 2. Gibran Mir and Mrs Imran Mir 3. Frieha Altaf 4. Behroz Sabzwari and Aqeel Dedi 5.

Mohammed Yousuf and Junaid Aziz 6. Kazim Namazi 3

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To have your event featured in this section email magazine@tribune.com.pk

PEOPLE & PARTIES

JUNE 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

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1. Amir Ali and Ali Khalili with guest 2. Shaheen Ahmed 3. Guest 4. Junaid Aziz with his team 5. Bilal Khan 6. Adnan Budhani 3

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JUNE 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

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Wedding Bliss

Politicians turned up for the valima of Kashif Gul, the son of Senator Gul Mohammed Lot.

1. Senator Gul Lot, Ameera Gul Lot, Mr and Mrs Nayyar Chaudhry and guests 2. Shaan Gul and Ameera Gul 3. Senator Gul Lot, Senator Ilyas Ahmed Bilour and Sharmila Farouqi 4. Senator Gul Lot, Chief Minister Qaim Ali Shah and Mirza Ishtiaq Baig 5. Senator Gul Lot and Senator Lashkari Raisani 2

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JUNE 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

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Diamonds & Pearls

Amna Javeri Zaidi displays her jewelery collection at the Gaylord Convention Centre in Dallas, Texas.

1. Guests 2. Mr and Mrs Azam Zaidi 3. Wafa Arshad Raza and Nishat Karimi 4. Dimpy and Dr Sameena 5. HSY and guests 6. Carla Calderone and Tatyanna Cormier 6

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JUNE 13-19 2010

“Not all opinions deserve voicing” Fasi Zaka on old comic books, mediocre achievements and valuing substance in a woman.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

When and where were you happiest?

Being happy with what I have now.

When I was 18 and solved my first and last crossword in the pa-

What is your greatest fear?

didn’t fit, then I realised it was the puzzle make Rubik.

Being happy with what I have now.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Donating blood every day at 7 pm to help the poor.

per. I was stuck on a five letter word for famous cubist, Picasso

Which talent would you most like to have?

To be able to stretch down standing up and have my hand touch my feet.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would

I don’t like brutally honest people. Not all opinions deserve voic-

it be?

ing.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Junk food.

What is your current state of mind?

I would like to come back as a President of the US during the Clinton years, and redistribute wealth around the world.

Where would you most like to live?

Sri Lanka.

Have become a bit pessimistic, the internet has shown me the

What is your most treasured possession?

country.

when I first read them.

enormity of the challenge of changing how people think in this

My old comic books. When I reread them I can remember my life

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

If you didn’t do your current job, what would you choose to do?

Fasting in Pakistan. Rather than become better human beings,

Professional sofa tester.

everyone turns into New Yorkers on a hot and traffic jammed day.

On what occasion do you lie?

I love this questionnaire.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My hair. Whatever I do it cannot be controlled.

Which living person do you most despise?

Gene Simmons, the bassist of KISS. I have utter contempt for the man.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

What is your most marked characteristic?

My laugh. I, unfortunately, guffaw.

Who is your hero of fiction?

Zaid Hamid. No one tells porkers like he does.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Marilyn Monroe’s.

Who are your heroes in real life?

Hassan Nisar, NFP. Sacha Baron Cohen. Ricky Gervais.

That he doesn’t have stupid rules when you are in his car. Very

What’s your favourite quote?

off putting, especially smokers who won’t smoke in their car.

ICI on a bullish day in the KSE.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

How many hours of loadshedding did you experience yesterday?

Nothing superficial. I like substance, she should have a healthy

Yesterday was particularly bad. a

bank balance.

17 AUGUST 8-14 2010

COVER STORY

play it again,

BY SHER ALAM SHINWARI

swat

The local music industry in the war-ravaged valley shows signs of life

AUGUST 8-14 2010

A handful of tourists and enthusiastic locals can now be seen visiting the CD shops and markets that are slowly coming back to life. But fear still haunts those in the music industry. Musician Sardar Yousufzai says, “The situation in Swat is still far from perfect. Residents of the valley are still gripped by the fear of militants. But I am trying to combat it through music. I have released seven albums so far including an album ‘Leewanay Intizaar’ (Maddening Wait) released two months ago in which I have sung poems of local

Pashto poets on the militancy plaguging Swat. I want people to forget about the bygone days and come forward to establish peace in the area.”

Sardar survived an attempt on his life on December 15, 2008

when masked militants sprayed his vehicle with bullets, leaving him with injuries and killing popular harmonium player Anwar

Gul. “I don’t know who they were and why they wanted to kill

us. We were travelling in two vehicles after moving out of our village Thana in the morning just one and half kilometres away.

Six masked armed militants appeared and started firing indiscriminately.”

He recently performed at several live musical concerts in Min-

gora, Kalam and Marghurzar. “The Swati people are brave and tourists also turn up to enjoy the music and erase the scars of war from their memories,” he says. Karan Khan, another young

singer hailing from Mingora, says, “The situation is getting

AUGUST 8-14 2010

COVER STORY

better for singers and artists. I am working on my third album

which will be released this Eid. People are slowly coming out of the shock they had suffered.”

The situation in Swat wasn’t always so dire for artists. Mian-

gul Abdul Wadood, a former ruler of Swat, and his son Miangul

Abdul Haq Jehanzeb used to patronise and encourage musicians,

writers and artisans. They had allocated a street, Barn Street, to

traditional singers and dancers in the heart of Mingora city. Swat

has produced many prominent actors, singers and stage performers including Pashto movie hero Badar Munir, the queen of Pashto melody Mashooq Sultana and popular pop singers such as Rahim Shah, Nazia Iqbal and Ghazala Javed.

About 20 to 30 families of dancing girls now live in Barn Street

and access has improved although it can still be a challenge.

“Don’t say you are a journalist; pose as a guest,” warned my

friend who took me to the street. A newcomer walking through the street in daylight always draws suspicious looks from the residents. My friend contacted a dancing girl on her cell phone.

As I walked through the narrow, dingy street, everybody gave me suspicious looks. A few steps ahead, Shaista waved asking us to come to her house.

“Please don’t take my photograph.” Shaista switched on the

fan as we sat down in her well-decorated room.” Serving us black

tea, she detailed her hardships “We feel better now but fear still reigns. Most of my regular clients and visitors are yet to turn up;

our business has not picked up momentum. I cannot forget the day our close friend Shabana was brutally murdered in the Green

Chowk. That night on FM radio there was an announcement tell-

ing us to close our business or face the consequences. For days I could neither sleep nor eat properly and then I began taking sleeping pills. Most families left for Peshawar and Lahore.”

Shaista says that the local administration is now helping them

out but they are still wracked by fear. Her sister, 16-year-old Mu-

sarrat Jabeen, concurs. “I fear attending unknown phone calls and entertaining a guest at home. We wear heavy clothes when leaving the house.”

When the Taliban banned all cultural activities, especially mu-

sic and dance, and followed through by bombing a large number of CD shops in Swat, local markets soon flooded with CDs containing video clips of Taliban slitting the throats of innocent

20 AUGUST 8-14 2010

people. “In Mingora city there were two big CD markets: Malik

and Palwasha with more than 100 shops but most of them were blown up by militants, now only 20 to 30 CD shops are left. I have

lost two shops which caused me a huge loss of Rs2 million, I took

a loan from a local bank and rebuilt this shop. I sell 300 CDs in a day, mostly of Pashto films, to youngsters. The business is going well but the government has not compensated us for our losses,” says Sikandar Khan.

He reveals that the owners of the shops are fearful of renting

out their stores to those who want to sell CDs in case the militants return. Raza Khan says, “We supply CDs to the local markets in

Behrain, Kalam, Mayan and other places. Every business has lost one or two CD shops and many have turned to other businesses.”

There is only one cinema left in Swat, which was built in 1964

in Mingora, and runs three shows daily. “Locals as well as tourists come without any fear. Out of 163 seats not a single one is

empty,” says cinema assistant Ali Akbar. Another cinema, Palwasha, in Mingora was shut down two years ago for financial reasons.

Fatehpure, a village famous for producing Pashto singers, can

be found 35km east of Mingora city. A few music groups living in the village entertain locals and tourists at various picnic spots.

Musician Warrah Khan says, “There are four music groups living

in Fatehpure. We provide a mobile music service so we would go

wherever people asked for us along with our simple traditional orchestra ­­— harmonium, tabla and rubab. Our performance

lasts a few hours thus we move from party to party at different

“I cannot forget the day our close friend Shabana was brutally murdered. That night on FM radio, there was an announcement telling us to close our business or face the consequences. For days I could neither sleep nor eat,” remembers a dancing girl

picnic resorts.”

“Two years ago militants threatened us with dire consequences

if we did not quit the music profession; we had no option but to

leave our homes and began living in rented houses in Peshawar

and Mardan. We could hardly make ends meet,” recalls tabla player Bakhtawar Khan.

Popular folk singer Zawani Gul says things improved after the

Taliban was routed. “After the successful military operation we returned to our homes and restarted our work. People like our

traditional style.” Rubab player Sultanat Khan agrees. “There is

no longer any fear or threats from the Taliban. We earn Rs600 to 1,200 per day, demand is high in summer and we feel much better now.” a

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FEATURE For Hamza Tariq, life began when he was seven. Virtually blind from birth, Hamza relied on his mother and siblings for all but the simplest tasks. Through

the years, he was taken to an array of hospitals where he was told, repeatedly, that his condition was incurable and his blindness and the levels of dependence that came with it, irreversible.

In 2002 Hamza’s mother heard, through a friend, of the Layton Rahmatulla Benevolent Trust

(LRBT). Though she was too scared to hope, and certainly too scared to inculcate hope in her son,

she was overcome with relief by the outcome of her visit. The LRBT’s low vision department subjected Hamza to extensive scrutiny, and, using spectacles and special telescopic devices, dramatically improved his vision. He returns there still for regular check-ups and updates on visual aids.

A child who, according to his siblings, would refuse to leave the security of his room, suddenly blossomed.

“I was finally able to see the world around me,” says Hamza. “I could walk, eat and move — all on

my own. I could go out with my friends and play cricket. I started getting good grades at school.”

Hamza is one of the hundreds of patients the LRBT in Karachi helps every day.

Hina Khan, a 40-year-old mother of three, who had developed cataracts as a side-effect of medi-

cation, which can lead to cloudy vision and eventual blindness, had them removed efficiently at LRBT, leaving her with nearly perfect eyesight.

let there be light

The stories are endless, and each brings its own emotional resonance. Restoring or repairing

one’s sight goes so far beyond the realm of ordinary experience. It is an experience the LRBT has brought to millions, with the website currently recording its 18 millionth patient.

Founded in 1984 by Graham Layton, a British businessman who took to Karachi and eventually

got Pakistani citizenship, and Zaka Rahmatulla, a Pakistani businessman with the initial aim of

just offering services to children, LRBT was quickly expanded. Their mission statement is simple: ‘‘no child or adult should go blind just because they lack the means to afford treatment’’. Graham

Layton bequeathed his estate to the LRBT upon his death and what began as a small hospital in Tando Bago, east of Karachi, now has 39 clinics and 16 hospitals spread through the country.

While fighting a debilitating condition in a country like this will always remain an uphill strug-

gle, the extent to which the LRBT has succeeded is truly inspiring. It is Pakistan’s largest NGO, and

treats one of every three eye patients in the country, dealing with everything from cataract removal to retinal surgery and corneal transplants. The services are rendered gratis, as eye care is often a

luxury in a country where hundreds of thousands regularly go blind from easily curable conditions.

The LRBT itself is responsible for reducing figures of blindness by 50 per cent. And every single person in that percentage has a remarkable story to tell.

Maryam, a 26-year-old Punjab University student who had discovered that her eyesight was slow-

ly fading, was preparing to give up her studies when she went to the LRBT as a last resort, where

elaborate and expensive visual aids allowed her to finish college, that is, it allowed to carry on living her life. Ayub at 19 years old, found that his retina had grown detached from his eye. Surgery

performed at an LRBT hospital where surgeons re-stitched the eye to the cornea restored his sight within a period of three months. There is no end to such stories.

LRBT sources predict that at a rate of 1.7 million patients being treated every year, LRBT will have

treated more than 26 million patients by the year 2015. a *Names have been changed (except Hamza’s).

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LRBT is helping to restore the vision of thousands of people who would otherwise lose their eyesight

BY RAVI MAHMOOD

an eye for an eye

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ATHAR KHAN

LRBT is Pakistan’s largest NGO, and treats one of every three eye patients in the country, dealing with everything from cataract removal to retinal surgery and corneal transplants

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REVIEW

JUNE 13-19 2010

JUNE 13-19 2010

TRAVEL In the heart of Baltistan lies the Skardu Valley, surrounded by the majestic Karakoram mountains and interspersed with rivers flowing with such force that it makes one wonder why the rest of the country is crying itself hoarse over water scarcity. This July, I boarded a van from Gilgit and set off to the Skardu Valley on a route that was death-defying and heart-attack inducing. Phrases which one had only read dully in

Geography textbooks — such as “the Karakoram Highway is a feat of engineering” — suddenly came to life and assumed meaning as one came across plaques bearing the names of Pakistanis who had died in the construction of the road.

Entering Skardu at dusk, one’s first impression is that it is an army town. A check post registers

all outsiders. On finding out that I was travelling alone, the army sentry gave me an incredulous look. Maybe he’d have been happier if I’d been a RAW agent?

But after a gruelling seven-hour journey, if one was looking forward to collapsing in bed, it was

a vain hope. From my balcony in the Hotel Mashabrum, I could see the river streaming, ice-capped mountains stared back, stars started to glimmer, and the last of the weary fishermen and fishing enthusiasts trudged back, without any catches. In the distance, I could hear the roar of the river as it made its way through the city.

welcome to baltistan The next morning, I went to the Deosai Plains, accessible via a dirt road that cuts an uphill route

through the mountains. One can see melting glaciers and streams of ice-cold water gushing down

the mountain and falling into the valley below. But it’s fairly hard to concentrate on the sights of

nature when you have a driver like Nasir, who fed my appetite for the ludicrous with his anecdotes about the Line of Control, which lies nearly six hours away from the town of Skardu.

“When you climb one of the mountains near Kargil, you can see the Indian side of the border.

There’s a mountain there that’s been taken over by the Indians, so we call it Kafir’s Peak,” said Nasir.

At my incredulous look, he explained, “Because it’s been taken over by kafirs.”

Aman Ki Asha anyone?

But when one reaches Deosai, all previous sights are forgotten. Blooms of every colour dot the

plains and low-hanging clouds seem to kiss the ground, as marmots (a type of squirrel) race around and, on spotting humans, scamper back to their burrows.

On the way from the Deosai plains to the Bara Paani bridge, also affectionately referred to as the

jhoola bridge (see image to understand why), is a makeshift WWF camp. The members of the camp kindly offered us a cup of sugary tea and, more to the point, use of their port-a-loo, while explaining their work. Deosai, apart from being one of the most beautiful sights in Pakistan, is also home

to 70 bears, according to the last census of their species. “Are you,” I asked, “friends with them?” my imagination going haywire with images of grizzly bears attacking helpless eco-activists.

“Of course, we have names for them too. Big Boy, Shaitaan, and Aunty.”

“Why is the female bear called Aunty?”

“Oh, she gives birth to two children at a time.”

Heading back to Skardu after downing a cup of over-sweetened tea, one comes across the jewel-

toned Satpara Lake. But once work on the Satpara Dam is completed, the lake will dry up. At the Satpara Lake Inn, one can see the remainders of a small island and a mosque that were submerged

after work on the dam began, a powerful reminder of the battle between energy needs and envi-

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ronmental degradation. There was also a poor buffalo that had got stranded in the water, and as AUGUST 8-14 2010

Skardu plays host to single women, European backpackers and the FBI’s most wanted

TEXT AND PHOTOS BY HUMA IMTIAZ

TRAVEL

Satpara Lake

Buddha carvings on a rock

Girls at Katchura Lake

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Sign outside Buddha carvings AUGUST 8-14 2010

TRAVEL half a dozen onlookers watched, it managed to swim back to shore. That’s Animal Kingdom — 1, Nature — 0.

On the outskirts of Skardu are the ancient Buddha carvings but the first thing one sees is a sign

asking, rather than declaring: “It is forbidden to stone the stone statue?” Clearly the administration overseeing this site is still undecided on whether stoning is kosher or not. The carvings themselves have been tampered with and certain portions chiselled out.

The next morning I headed out to the Mantokha waterfall, where ice-cold water from melting

glaciers and snow streams down the mountains. At Mantokha, an electricity pole had fallen down in the river, and villagers were busy retrieving and erecting it again. Also on the itinerary was the

Shigar Fort, a 17th century fort that has been restored to its former glory, and is currently used as a

hotel by the Serena chain. En route to Shigar Fort, one can see villagers working away at the wheat thresher to make flour. More than the actual destinations, it is the route that is fascinating, pass-

ing through towns and villages, and terraced farms on mountainsides, one spots people working in the fields, ferrying loads of wheat in baskets strapped to their backs. The route to Shigar cuts through mountains where one can see the barren valley where many centuries ago a river flowed.

For a journalist trying to take a vacation, one of the benefits of Baltistan is that newspapers arrive

two to three days late, which makes it easier to disconnect from reality. But on my third day, I was shocked out of my vacation stupor. I was on my way to Khaplu, where a 19th century fort is located; nearby is a 700-year old mosque built almost entirely out of wood and painted in vivid hues. I was

admiring the wheat crop in full bloom along the countryside when my thoughts were interrupted

by Liaquat, my driver for the day, “Osama was here.”

I yanked off my headphones in annoyance. “Osama who?”

“Bin Laden. He came to the town of Ghawari, a year before 9/11. Lots of people in the village met

him. He stayed for about two weeks.”

A minute ago Ghawari was to me one of the many scenic villages that dot the landscape in Skardu

Valley. Now, it seemed defiled by the fact that OBL had been here. How he got into a town where one has to cross an army check post and for outsiders, a mandatory registration of their NIC number and the car’s license plate number with the authorities is required is anyone’s guess.

Liaquat, like his friend Nasir, also had a tale or two about the Line of Control. According to him,

a few months ago, an Indian truck had an accident, which led to crates of alcohol being overturned

into the river. As the cargo floated down the river into Pakistan, Pakistani villagers fished the bran-

dy and sold it for a tidy profit. Just another one of those confidence building measures that we so desperately need between the sniping neighbours.

In the evening, our destination was the Katchura Lake, nearly 45 minutes away from Skardu.

The sea-green lake is unblemished, and at sunset, one of the most peaceful places that could be.

This excursion was followed by a failed attempt to have dinner at the uber-pricy Shangrila Resort, which also boasts its own private lake and five-star treatment. After forking out a 200 rupee entrance fee (just to have dinner, mind you), one discovered that dinner was still in the process of

being prepared. Clearly, as tourist numbers dwindle, Shangrila Resort’s cooks revert to operating on Pakistan Standard Time.

By now starving, on my return I wearily asked the hotel manager, “It’s 9 pm. Is it safe to go out

for dinner alone?”

He smiled. “Madam, this is Baltistan.”

Twenty minutes later, I was pouring copious amounts of delicious tomato soup down my throat

at the homey Indus Motel. Around me foreigners and their translators played games of cards, some watched news bulletins, and others ate their meals in silence. As visitors skipped through the city, the rest of the valley prepared to go to sleep. a

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>> How to get there: There is a daily flight from Islamabad to Skardu. Alternatively, one can travel by road on the Karakoram Highway and take a link road to Skardu.

When to go: The best time to go is between April and October, the peak of the tourist season. Winter is best avoided in Skardu since the temperature can drop below -20 degree Celsius and the town becomes snowbound.

What to see: One of the most beautiful places in Pakistan, Skardu boasts of the picturesque Kachura and Satpara lakes as well as the Deosai plains which are the second-highest plains in the world. The Shangri-la Resort is also popular among tourists.<<

JUNE 13-19 2010

PORTFOLIO

boulevard of broken dreams PHOTOGRAPHY & TEXT BY EMAAN MAHMUD

This series was the stepping-stone to the photographerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fine art thesis, which started off with her fascination with the shape of a light bulb and its transparent fragility. In some instances she turned the bulb into a canvas, wrote on it, painted on it and even gave it textures.

The images showcased on these pages portray vulnerability, fragility, the shattering of illusions and the journey of understanding afterwards. The photographer used the bulb as the prime focus, partly because of its delicate nature and its beauty. And for its ability to be exploited into looking like a entirely different object. a

Floating in your ocean

30 AUGUST 8-14 2010

The bubbles we create

The beauty of broken things

31 AUGUST 8-14 2010

PORTFOLIO

Wash away The unspoken verses

32 AUGUST 8-14 2010

Shimmering around

(top left ) Retaining the memory, (middle) Just a little shard, (left) Looking through

33 AUGUST 8-14 2010

PORTFOLIO

Yellow dreams

34 AUGUST 8-14 2010

Shining away

35 AUGUST 8-14 2010

UP NORTH & PERSONAL It swept under the doors, through the windows, down the chimney soaking the walls as it came: turning rugs sodden as it crept insidiously across the floor, leaving the house stinking of wet wool, wet cement, wet dogs. The power disappeared three days

ago. The phone was off, then on, then off and is now, after plead-

ing with the lineman, back on for the time being. The fridge has totally defrosted, is emptied of spoiled food, cleaned, polished, waiting to hum back to life.

The freezer: stuffed to the gunnels with garden produce et al is

firmly shut. Not to be opened unless it begins to thaw in which

case the entire mountainside community will enjoy a bonanza.

The heaviest rains for at least 80 years and I still have a roof over

lost in the

flood

my head, still have a home, am still ‘here’. I’m lucky. Extremely lucky. The landslide in the orchard can be cleared, a pick axe and

shovel job. The ‘extra’ earth will come in handy and the cascade of boulders should be enough to construct a new terrace-retaining wall. The deluge, at its height, was both ferocious and, I

openly admit, frightening.The main road leading to Azad Kashmir rings around this precipitous mountainside way down below my eyrie. It is silently devoid of traffic. The usual distant sound

of speeding engines, of horns, replaced by the roaring rush of a

rain fed waterfall: this is some distance away, knifing through thick forest on a distant ridge where the new scar of a landslide

had etched a dull red path through the green of the trees, possibly cutting a link road in its flight. Miles away, right down at

the bottom of the valley is the Jhelum River marking the border-

line between this Punjabi outpost and Azad Kashmir. From here I see a short stretch of narrow ribbon alternating between greyblue and silver depending on the light and the time of day. Right

now, though, I see a monstrous heaving turbulence of rampag-

The evening storm approaches

has obviously burst its banks. I wonder at the devastation both

ones, white ones, blue ones and a couple of lavender scented ones

‘civilisation’. Muzzafarabad, round the shoulder of the mountain

days now. Have only spoken to the lineman via my cell phone.

ing brown laced with white caps. The river is in high flood and

in its wake and lying ahead, particularly when it meets up with and thus out of sight, must be devastated.

The main road, from the plains up to Murree, onwards from

Murree to Bhurban, is closed I’m told. Landslides. The main

power line snapped. Landslides again. It could, according to the telephone lineman, be another two or three days until it’s back

Everyone is huddled in their scattered houses waiting for the rain to cease when, as per routine, the silence will be broken by the

thudding echo of hammers on corrugated iron roofs as leaks are

fixed to the background shrieks of children splashing in puddles.

I’m told that Pindi is in chaos: all low-lying areas under water,

in action.

houses flooded, swept away. That Leh Nullah has burst its banks

gency.

trial effluent, raw sewerage and worse and I wonder at the stu-

My cell battery is almost dead. Switched off. Saved for an emer-

The sun, a weak, watery, pale lemon shimmer peered through

drifting curtains of clammy mist for a while this morning. It’s gone now. Beat a rapid retreat in the face of mounting purple-

grey clouds massing for yet another assault from a northerly di-

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to create an aura of calmness. I haven’t seen a living soul for three

rection. The stand-by light may, or may not, last another evening. I have plenty of candles in reserve, four dozen at least, red AUGUST 8-14 2010

to inundate vast swathes of the city with putrid garbage, induspidity of the human race. The people living alongside this monstrous storm drain know full well, they’ve had enough previous

experience to understand the danger it poses, that, come hell and high water, it will burst its banks, will sweep all, including humans, in its relentless path, will result in the catastrophe it

just has. The people there will yell and scream, will expect and

It doesn’t take Einstein to figure out that teeming millions of

As the author is boxed in her home, she muses on the effects of the flooding in Pakistan TEXT & PHOTOGRAPHS BY ZAHRAH NASIR

people in Pakistan eke out a fraught existence: They are either screaming ‘drought’ or, as they are right now, ‘flood’ and yet, looking at this scenario from a historical perspective, the picture was completely different.

True, three hundred, two hundred, a hundred years ago popu-

lation density was far less but people weren’t washed out of the nooks and crannies of their ‘narrow’ existence every single time

monsoons hit the bucolic scene. They much preferred, eminently sensibly it appears, to farm the lowlands whilst building their

villages and havelis on any rocky promontory in the vicinity.

The ancient Buddhists inhabiting Alai Valley north-east of Battagram for example, cultivated crops including rice in low lying, riverine valleys but lived on high ground for safety.

Also, and this is where ‘work ethic’ enters the equation. The

indigenous generations prior to Partition were, without exception, wise enough to both harvest and store water in times of plenty thus ensuring survival during periods of drought.

‘Foggaras’, also known as ‘Karez’ and ‘Qanat’, is an all but ex-

tinct method of water harvesting utilising excavated underground storage systems linked to underground distribution chan-

nels. Mainly fed by hill streams, this ingenious system drastically

reduced storm water volume by harvesting its peak discharge for later use, any excess slowly leaching in to sub-soil aquifers. Being underground little precious water is lost to evaporation. Solely reliant on gravity for water distribution, Foggaras maintained the

agricultural fertility of vast areas of what is now, the current crop of humans being too lazy to maintain them, inhospitable desert.

Then there was the ‘Rod Kohi’ rain water harvesting technique

much used in upland regions and known as ‘Zams’ in Baluchistan. These linked systems of channels, lined with natural stone get urgent relief, will not be left empty handed. Someone, the government, philanthropists, politicians looking for votes, will ensure it is forthcoming and, as the poisonous liquid filth reverts

to roiling normalcy, sluggishly complacent in its straightjacket,

evilly anticipating the next torrential downpour, the recently

for endurance, led from streams and rivers subject to snow melt or monsoon abundance, into cultivable fields which were then flooded. The water slowly seeped into the ground and, once soil

and climatic conditions were suitable, was sown with seasonal crops that had no further need of irrigation. Brilliant!

If we hadn’t ruthlessly plundered the natural world — this is

displaced populace will continue to feed its malignant maw with

something we Pakistanis are particularly expert at — hadn’t

mance of all they have just endured.

on hard, manual labour and took at least a modicum of pride in

an endless stream of garbage, thus ensuring a repeat perfor-

Then there is the matter of the countless thousands, over a

million is the staggering figure I have now heard, of flood affect-

ed people in other parts of the country: Khyber Pakhtunkhwa,

Balochistan, the Rajanpur area of Punjab being prime examples.

Primarily reliant on irrigated agriculture as they are mostly living adjacent to water sources, in this case rivers, obviously

knocked everything out of balance, didn’t increasingly look down

craftsmanship, surely we wouldn’t be in the dire straits we are?

Perhaps we need to look to the past in order to build a sustainable future; a future in which one works in harmony with na-

ture, rather than forcibly against? Perhaps then, in an ideal world anyway, people would celebrate heavy rainfall rather than fear it.

My mountain musings seem to have got the better of me this

has a certain attraction, an all too often ‘lethal attraction’ as it

evening but, as the power has finally and miraculously reap-

are routinely swept away when monsoon season comes around.

freezer with fingers well and truly crossed. a

turns out as they, along with their crops, livestock and homes

peared, I must now go and check the hard won contents of the AUGUST 8-14 2010

37

REVIEW

featured review of the week

book The winners of the LTS prize

short and sweet

• Sadaf Halai for Lucky People • Aziz Sheikh for The Six-Fingered Man • Rayika Choudri for Settling Affairs

BY SAIMA SIDDIQUI

In February last year, a local writer and editor, Faiza S Khan, and the owner of a smart, independent bookshop, Aysha Raja, inaugurated the The Life’s Too Short Short Story Prize. This was an open short story prize with a cash prize of Rs100,000 and judging panel of Pakistani literary heavyweights Mohammed Hanif, Daniyal Mueenuddin and Kamila Shamsie, and the prize for 2010 has just been announced with Mohsin Hamid as the first confirmed judge. Last year, many promises were made about the winning selection being published in a literary journal, the duo remained conspicuously silent after announcing the winners, Sadaf Halai, Aziz A Sheikh and Rayika Choudri. Just when it was beginning to seem like a vanity project abandoned halfway, the promised journal surfaced and is now available at Raja’s bookshop, The Last Word, in Karachi, Lahore and Islamabad.

The publication also marks the maiden project from Raja and Khan’s publishing house, Siren, complete with sexy pink logo, which aims to start with this periodical and move into publishing both fiction and non-fiction from Pakistani writers. The Life’s Too Short Literary Review features a yellow cityscape with a large white ambulance superimposed onto it, consistent with the somewhat alarmist theme of its title.

It is at first glance entirely different in tone from most of the literary periodicals from this region, being playful and bold, as opposed to dry and stodgy. Made up of nine stories and some tidbits, Bina Shah is the only recognisable name amongst the short story writers, the rest have either not published before or in a very limited capacity, and as such the prize fulfilled its brief of providing a forum for new writers. Most of all, it’s entertaining; a virtue the South Asian literary journal too often doesn’t pay enough attention to.

While first prize went to Sadaf Halai for her subtle, perceptive and superbly understated story of class conflict, Lucky People, 38 the real stand out is Sheikh’s Six-Fingered Man, a coming of age AUGUST 8-14 2010

story set in Kashmir. It is hard to imagine that this is somebody’s first attempt at fiction, so confident is his prose and so tender the characterisation, with a lyricism that never, ever succumbs to the maudlin. Other exceptional stories in this collection include the first, Baby, by creative writing graduate Mehreen Ajaz, not only for its stark prose and brave subject matter but also for being a short story by a Pakistani writer that doesn’t lean on Pakistan to attract attention — it is a story about two people which could be set anywhere, and this is more rare than one would imagine in Pakistani fiction. A delightfully quirky addition to this collection is Danish Islam’s, Mir Sahib’s Hairdo, a comic fable that appears very much to draw upon the conventions of Urdu literature.

Along with the nine selected stories, the review also features an excerpt of Pakistan’s first graphic novel, Rabbit Rap, by Musharraf and Michelle Farooqi, another sign that Pakistani writing has moved on and can now be confident and playful and bold and relevant without having to live within the narrow strictures it’s inhabited for the last so many years. And in the tradition of saving the best for last, The Life’s Too Short Review also features a short excerpt from a serialised Urdu story dating back to the 60s, Challawa, a lurid pulp classic, translated into English by Mohammed Hanif, who appears to have carried out this task tongue firmly in cheek.

Selling for under Rs 400, and well worth it, The Life’s Too Short Literary Review, if maintained, has the potential to be an influential voice in Pakistani publishing and needs to expand to reach that potential — currently it ignores poetry, which one can forgive, but also non-fiction, which is much harder to overlook.

The review also features an excerpt of Pakistan’s first graphic novel, Rabbit Rap, by Musharraf and Michelle Farooqi, another sign that Pakistani writing has moved on and can now be confident and playful and bold and relevant without having to live within the narrow strictures it’s inhabited for the last so many years

39

The Life’s Too Short short story competition was judged by (left to right) Daniyal Mueenuddin, Mohammad Hanif and Kamila Shamsie.

AUGUST 8-14 2010

REVIEW

film hit me baby one more time

BY BATOOL ZEHRA

Karate Kid was the ultimate underdog movie — barring perhaps Rocky, also by director John G Avildsen (gee, I wonder what his childhood was like.) It gave the old David/Goliath story a new spin with the introduction of karate, a discipline which rendered strength irrelevant and allowed pipsqueak heroes to vanquish hulking adversaries with a single well-placed blow or crafty manoeuvre.

It reaffirmed our belief in the power of discipline and, despite the veneer of eastern mystique, at its core was the very American “Can-do” spirit.

The original Karate Kid spawned three sequels, and as martial arts overtook the popular imagination, the ‘80s and ‘90s saw the rising popularity of the Ninja Turtles franchise, and other martial arts movies which cashed in on the popularity of the genre like the 3 Ninjas and its sequels.

This remake of the beloved ‘80s classic is slavishly faithful to the original. The one deviation, the relocation to China, adds no substance to the story. There is nothing here of China that one wouldn’t see in a tourism ad. China, it seems, is added in the hope of justifying the re-telling but does not live up to the task and ends up being a big, unwieldy prop. Also, the martial arts form that the hero learns to ward off bullies and impress the girl he likes is not Karate but Kung Fu. If that didn’t warrant a re-think of the name, I can’t imagine what would.

None of which is to say that the new Karate Kid is a bad movie. In fact, it is entirely entertaining from start to finish. Taraji P Henson plays a single mum who relocates to China with her son for work.

Jaden Smith is Dre Parker the smart alec protagonist with oodles of charm. As he develops a crush on his pretty classmate, Mei Ying (Wenwen Han), he falls foul of Cheng (Zhenwei Wang), the class bully, who also fancies her. Dre turns to Mr Han (Jackie Chan), the maintenance man, who is a secret Kung Fu master and asks him to train him in self-defense.

40 What follows is the coming-of-age tale that we expect from AUGUST 8-14 2010

everybody was kung-fu fighting Although it lacks in the off-the-kilter charm of the original, the remake takes the tale to a new generation Karate Kid: hours of seemingly mindless tasks that frustrate Dre and lead him to believe that he is learning nothing of Kung Fu, until he magically discovers that he’s built muscle mass and developed reflexive responses, the surrogate father-son relationship that develops between Han and Dre in the process and the final face-off between Dre and Cheng.

The problem is that Karate Kid fulfills every expectation without going beyond any of them. There are no surprises here. Still, for a venture that was envisioned solely as the launching pad for Will and Jada Pinkett Smith’s supremely charismatic son, this is a pretty good movie. And in that respect at least it succeeds. There might be many 12-year-olds that have the precociousness of Jaden Smith, but none have the parents to work it like Jaden’s do. On the whole, though Karate Kid lacks the off-the-kilter charm of the memorable original, it will take the tale to a new generation of children.

film remembering a classic

BY FAIZA S KHAN

Once upon a time, I used to date an imbecile — don’t ask me why, it wasn’t the first time, and is unlikely to be the last, but there you have it. We’d pass our time having raging battles over most things, while friends attempted to discretely make small talk around us. A particular sore spot was his entirely uninformed contention that Shakespeare is actually not much of a playwright — this based on his own inability to understand the bard while at school and his unwillingness to engage with him since.

The thing about Shakespeare is this: one doesn’t know how much Shakespeare contributed not just to the form of drama and the English language because he changed the rules of the game.

He experimented with techniques that had never been seen before; the use of soliloquies for intimate psychological portraits, his morally ambivalent protagonists, he made up reams of vocabulary that has passed into common parlance to the extent that one isn’t even aware of quoting Shakespeare any longer, it is merely using a proverb. Trying to imagine theatre without Shakespeare is trying to imagine a car without the prior invention of the horse drawn cart — it would not necessarily be better, but it would most certainly be unrecognisable. The same goes for modern cinema and Alfred Hitchcock. And while his presence is seen in genres as broadranging as romantic comedies, action-adventures, psychological thrillers and romantic melodramas, it is the horror film that, fifty years ago, with the release of Psycho, received a template it has followed to this day.

From ambiance created by the meticulous visual design, to the iconic Herrmann soundtrack, to the anxious all-too-human tour de force provided by Anthony Perkins, Psycho, crafted on a small budget as a pet project, remains one of the most startling films to have emerged from mainstream cinema, and I would argue, singularly the most influential.

The story, which has all but passed into folklore, is that Marion Crane (Janet Leigh) steals a large sum of money from her employer

the scream Psycho’s restored 5oth anniversary print will be released in October

and attempts to leg it across America with it, stopping briefly at a remote motel run by skittish mummy’s boy and taxidermy-enthusiast Norman Bates. During her stay, she steps into a cubicle to take the most famous shower in pop culture history. And lo, the modern psychological horror is born.

If the power of this scene had been merely that it was unexpected to kill the film’s main lead and only known star a third of the way into it, then it wouldn’t still hold sway over those of us who watched it for the first time long after the homages and the parodies. The force of it lies in the consummate craftsmanship — we’re tricked into believing that what we’re watching is violence and nudity — when in fact there is very little of both. Hitchcock knew that his job was merely to set the scene and that our minds would create the hellish scenario for us. a

41 AUGUST 8-14 2010

WORKPLACE COMMENT MATTERS Since we spend most of our waking hours at work, how do we know we are putting our best foot forward (as opposed to a foot in the mouth)? If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem to rise more rapidly than others or appear to be somebody’s ‘blue-eyed boy’, then read on.

Apart from our formal degree and a solid work ethic, there are

many other factors that are involved in our evolution to senior

levels. I say ‘evolution’ as opposed to ‘progress’ because we must evolve as individuals in a holistic manner. Since most of these

are ignored, it leaves the door open for the smart ones to cruise through. Here are some hints and tips to get you started.

Organisational Savvy:

If you’ve never encountered this

term before, this is a good place to start. ‘Org Savvy’, as it is frequently referred to, is about knowing your way around the com-

pany, its politics and its power centres. You must know who the ‘players’ are, who has influence and where the minefields are lo-

cated. There are many books and seminars abroad that cover this

getting

ahead

BY LEON MENEZES

subject. The idea is not for you to become manipulative but to know how to protect and progress your career. Taking on a mentor is another way to help yourself but there are downsides of this as well.

Knowing the culture of the organisation — its dos and don’ts,

its accepted behaviours and taboos — is an essential aspect of

‘Org Savvy’. Too often we come in with our foreign degrees and

fake accents and try and get familiar with senior colleagues who don’t appreciate our camaraderie. Respect peoples’ age and years

of service by being polite and reserved; use the first names of senior colleagues, and those obviously of the ‘old school’, only if

they have given you permission. I have seen companies where it is common to refer to everyone as ‘bhai’ — and to older colleagues as ‘saab’ — so be aware of this.

Dress to fit in but keep your individuality as well. This means if

the environment is on the conservative side, find a way to bring

some touches to your style that reflect your personality while not offending the sensibilities of those around you.

Personal Excellence:

If I were to make a list of personal

attributes required to succeed (assuming you already know the

professional ones), it would be rather long and contain what some may call ‘obvious’ and mundane stuff. And although I am

allergic to the word ‘excellence’ (overused and abused), it is prob-

ably the best description of what we should aspire to. Whether it be things as simple as punctuality or a handwritten note, to

more complex stuff like delivering major projects, what will dis-

tinguish you from the rest will be the quality of your work and the manner in which you got it done. Simple courtesies and con-

sideration for others, personal hygiene and an appropriate dress

42 AUGUST 8-14 2010

sense, collaborating and cooperating with colleagues, being a

part of company activities and volunteering to lead — these are just some of the many things we tend to ignore. None of these

personal traits are taught in schools and colleges but are certainly learned along the way.

‘Refinement’ and ‘elegance’ are not too frequently used to de-

scribe colleagues, perhaps because we don’t get to see it. So how do you create that edge for yourself? Certainly by adopting the

attributes mentioned above. These are not divine gifts but something we all need to be aware of and make a part of our personality. Working on ourselves — inside and out — is a continuous process of improvement and you should approach it as a ‘labour of love’. After all, it is YOU who is going to benefit.

Networking: Who you know and who knows you are of vital

importance along the way. This applies equally to your life inside and outside of work. Think of it this way: if you were a product or service, why would anyone choose you over any other compet-

ing offer? There has to be an element of ‘knowing what you’re getting’. So if no one know you, what do you think the outcome will be?

Too often we stick to our little circle of colleagues and friends

and do not open ourselves up to new experiences. Even our socialising after work is within this small group. By actively expand-

ing our horizons, we gain access to newer people of influence and/or opportunities to promote our work and social interests.

Courtesy and Manners: The spit and polish of courtesy and

good manners cannot be underestimated. We can lose out on so much by our crude or boorish behaviour. Manners reflect on our

breeding (in other words, our families) and we don’t want to create a bad impression, do we? So paying attention to social graces,

table manners, etiquette and just plain old thoughtfulness will take you a long way.

Too often we come in with our foreign degrees and fake accents and try and get familiar with senior colleagues who don’t appreciate our camaraderie. Respect peoples’ age and years of service by being polite and reserved; use the first names of senior colleagues, and those obviously of the ‘old school’, only if they have given you permission.

If I sum up the discussion so far: what you know and what

you do are two different things. What you do and how you do it

are also different. So if you are just relying on a good degree or

good connections to take you places, well they will. But only up to a certain point. Then it comes down to consistent performance coupled with professional and personal excellence that will make the difference.

Good luck. a

Leon Menezes is the HR General Manager of a multinational company and has over 35 years of experience in Sales, Marketing, Operations and Human Resources.

43 AUGUST 8-14 2010

HOROSCOPE

BY SHELLEY VON STRUNCKEL

Aries Mar 20 – Apr 19 You’re still wrestling with a combination of frustrating dilemmas and the bad behaviour of certain individuals.

While, obviously, you’d prefer to deal with and settle such matters swiftly, take your time. This may seem weak. But between sudden, and fortuitous, developments and others’ diplomatic manoeuvres — mostly triggered by the realisation they’ve overstepped the line — the outcome is far better than anything you’d have imagined possible.

Taurus Apr 20 – May 20 Having been forced by events to stand by

mutely while unwelcome and often unfair changes rearrange Shelley von Strunckel is an internationally acclaimed astrologer who created the first horoscope column for the London Sunday Times in 1992. A frequent lecturer, she writes daily, weekly and monthly

your life, you’re not happy. However, what seems worst is actually introducing new and entirely unanticipated developments

which are reshaping your work or habits — and those of oth-

ers. Instead of complaining, commit to exploring these together.

You’ll be amazed what you discover about both circumstances and the individuals involved.

horoscopes in publications around the world including South China Morning Post, The Gulf News, Tatler, French and Chinese Vogue and now The Express Tribune Magazine.

Gemini May 21 – Jun 20 As a Gemini you’re happy to adjust plans when you must. And there will be numerous situations in which

events force you to rethink arrangements, both large and small.

That’s not the problem. It’s those individuals who simply refuse

to cooperate. Waste no time on explanations. Apologise graciously for the inconvenience. Then simply proceed as you must. This avoids silly clashes and, ultimately, proves a point.

Cancer Jun 21 – Jul 22 True, the options currently being discussed could substantially alter elements of your life. While they’re no surprise, their extent and suddenness are somewhat of a shock.

The trick is to explore everything, agreeing to even what’s overwhelming. Risky as this strategy appears, situations of this nature appear rarely. And final as things seem, there’ll be plenty of opportunities later to reorganise arrangements to suit you.

Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 Currently, everybody’s life is in upheaval, not least yours. While some developments are welcome, others are more worrying. Instead of acting swiftly, invest time in meditating on these, what you’ve accomplished and where you’re going.

This quiet period allows you to take full advantage of the insights triggered by Tuesday’s Leo New Moon. After that, you’ll be much clearer on who and what should come first.

Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22 Usually, your need to organise things perfectly is a gift. Now, with so much around you in chaos, you’re getting exasperated. The trick is to deal with both exciting ideas and problems as if they were only passing arrangements. Which is exactly what they are. Focus on learning what you can, and you’ll waste no time getting things exactly right, when they’re likely to

44

change tomorrow.

AUGUST 8-14 2010

Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23 With the tough Saturn, impatient Mars and, as of last Saturday, your ruler Venus all in Libra, you could feel the overwhelmed by responsibility. While it’s true, you’re facing some serious decisions, you’ve until well into October. So instead of succumbing to anxieties or others’ bullying to commit, diplomatically but firmly state your preferences, but no more. Ultimately, others will be grateful you held back.

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21 After a rather brutal period of contentious situations, you’re hoping things will be more peaceful.

They will, but this means compromising, even in situations you regard as unfair. Ironically, if you discuss these with an unaccustomed frankness you’ll learn a lot — both about others and

their circumstances. This will completely alter your perspective on even the most challenging of dilemmas — and on them.

Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 Because you’ve already fought several rounds over differences of opinion or practical issues, you’d think you know where others are coming from. Now they surprise you, by being cooperative where, previously, they are impossible. This is a relief, but the battles aren’t over. It’s that with the actual circumstances involved changing, there is no single, simple solution. Be prepared for both more battles and more insights.

Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 19 Ordinarily, when you make a decision,

it’s final. But that’s only because you’ve extensively researched

your facts and weighed up options. At the moment, however, those facts are changing with alarming regularity, which means

that your approach to decision-making needs to be a lot more flexible. While just ‘doing your best’ isn’t usually your style, it’s the ideal approach for now and the coming weeks.

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 19 You may enjoy a lively discussion about opposing views. Still, in certain situations others are taking things a lot more seriously than you are. The fact is, some of these issues are reshaping elements of their life and they’re anxious. But you’re also more on edge than usual, especially with events gradually altering elements of your work and lifestyle. Knowing that, keep those discussions light.

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20 While some of this week’s complicated is-

sues involve you, others really aren’t yours to deal with. True,

they may have to do with loved ones, family or close friends. But

still, allow yourself to be drawn into their dramas and not only will you neglect certain rather pressing matters of your own,

For more information, to order personal charts and to download & listen to detailed audiocasts, visit www.shelleyvonstrunckel.com

you’d prevent them from tackling these solo and learning what

45

they must in the process.

AUGUST 8-14 2010

THE HATER

10 things I hate about ...chai

1 2 3 4 5

BY MARIA AMIR

The fact that at some unknown point in our history,

the entire nation sat down and conspired that the one

ever-acceptable excuse to get out of work, solve domestic disputes and get promoted involved a discussion that simply couldn’t take place without a cup of chai.

The fact that this cup is never just one, but can go on to thirteen cups a day, which means thirteen unwarranted breaks a day. Acceptable only for those imbibing said beverage, try taking thirteen breaks at work without chai or smoking as a fallback!

Those of us who don’t drink chai are social pariahs, uncomfortably wedged into conversations that last hours because those conducting them have something to sip

on at five-minute intervals. Us ‘cold drink’ folks don’t

need to wait for our drinks to cool and so we’re pretty

much done and out of the conversation before the rest of the party have settled on a general theme.

All the conversations you don’t want to have also tend to revolve around chai: the rishta conversation; the auntie’s prattling about clothes and shoes conversa-

tion and the bristling moment where your boss pauses dramatically to take a sip from his cup before shooting your pitch down.

The fact that journalists are practically required to drink chai...and smoke. Those of us who do neither

are technically not journalists, given that most reporters tend to regard the tea rings on their shirts as a badge of honour.

46 AUGUST 8-14 2010

6 7 8 9 10

Chai is just impossible to get right. It is always “thodi si”

something. “Thodi si teekhi, meethi pheeki, thandi, tez....etc.” followed by its own complex numeral sys-

tem for sugar intake “Aadha chamach; aadhe or munne ke darmiyan; pona chamach; aadhi chutki (?!) ...etc.”

The fact that all of us who don’t partake of this particu-

larly vexing, daily caffeine fix must still learn to make it because everyone else around us ‘requires it’, like

vampires require blood. This of course, goes arm in arm with the fact that we are usually crap at making it seeing that we don’t know what it should taste like.

That people think it is perfectly acceptable to steal your mug at work because they want tea. The cup that you

had kept for the occasional coffee craving that hits you

a couple of days every month. But no, chai is apparently a daily ‘need’ that trumps standard ownership rights of every variety.

The way people just assume you drink tea in those awkward social situations, such as job interviews and first

time meetings with complete strangers. That a cup is placed right in front of you the moment you sit down and rejecting it with an ‘I don’t drink tea’ plea is only met with a ‘Does not compute’ expression.

It just doesn’t taste good. And yes, I have tried chai. It is

watery and milky and either too sweet or too salty and people just won’t, ever admit it. a

JUNE 13-19 2010

JUNE 13-19 2010