The Express Tribune Magazine - December 18

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

SHOT IN THE DARK A Year of Filming Dangerously

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

Cover Story 18 Shot in the Dark Documentary filmmakers risk their lives to bring us the stories we need to know. Here, they tell their own tales

Profile 34 A Rendezvous with Riz The charismatic star of The Reluctant Fundamentalist, Riz Ahmed on success, circumcision and celebrity gossip

Hater 42 Ten Things I Hate About Breaking Dawn Saba Khalid hates on the latest instalment in the Twilight series

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34 Regulars 6 People & Parties: Out and about with Pakistan’s beautiful people 40 Reviews: What’s new in books and films

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Magazine Editor: Zarrar Khuhro, Senior Sub-Editor: Batool Zehra, Sub-Editors: Ameer Hamza and Dilaira Mondegarian.

Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq W Alvi, S Asif Ali, Sukayna Sadik.

Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi.

For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk

PEOPLE & PARTIES

The International Watch Company opens a new outlet in Lahore

Masooma and Annie

PHOTOS COURTESY VOILA PR

Mehwish and Romina

Sara Gillani Rachel and Tony Xille and Babloo

Mekaal Zulfiqar

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Monica

Jenny and Zainab

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Sophia Uzma and Asma

Natasha

Faiza Sheikh with a friend Saim with a friend

Zehra

8 DECEMBER 18-24 2011

Sabina

Naveen

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Ellemint Pret holds a multi designer exhibition in Karachi

Marvi Sarfaraz

Hina Butt

PHOTOS COURTESY VOILA PR

Afreen Shiraz and Nida Khurram

Maria

Sara Sharif with a guest Laila

Najia Zahra and Maha

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Hassan and Shiza

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Hamna and Syma launch their studio at Tehxeeb

Aliha

PHOTOS COURTESY SAVVY PR AND EVENTS

Hamza and Fauzia

Mehreen and Arooj

Natasha and Yousaf Sallahudin

Shazia and

Sehar

Zohair and Mariam

Onaiza and Ali

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Yasmin and Saira

Mehreen Syed and Shahzad Raza

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Zehra and Sophiya Khan

Babloo, Sara, Saim and Tony

Shanzey, Saadieh and Bushra

Xille and Gul

Alyzeh Gabol

Hamna and Saba

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Saira and Faisal DECEMBER 18-24 2011

Milli and Fatima

Arun and Sam

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Ali and Natasha

Zahra Saeed exhibits her home dĂŠcor and accessories in Lahore

Shazia

Kiran Qureshi and Hifza

Zahra Saeed and Aaria Bukhari

Ayesha Sadia Bukhari

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Zahra Qureshi

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

COVER STORY

shot in the dark A year of filming dangerously

BY FIFI HAROON

Two recent markers involving documentary filmmaking made the headlines in Pakistan this year.

First, an Oscar short-listing for Saving Face, Pakistani filmmaker Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy’s investigation into acid violence in Pakistan and second, Secret Pakistan, the BBC’s two-part documentary focusing on Pakistan’s alleged links with the Taliban in Afghanistan from producer-director Edward Watts. While one was cause for celebration, the other ruffled feathers.

a documentary (Tahrir 2011: The Good, the Bad and the Politician) on the

It is no secret that Edward Watts’ Secret Pakistan landed the

he outlined the dangers of the evangelical revival in US politics.

BBC in a bit of a soup in Pakistan. The NATO attack in Salala, which killed 24 Pakistani officers, dramatically changed the atmosphere in the country, and the Cable Operator’s Association decided to switch the channel off for promoting “anti-Pakistan

propaganda.” Secret Pakistan, which was the purported reason for

the rising conservatism in his country and the “censorship of the people” being as restrictive as that of a dictator.

The idea for this feature, however, originated from a brief talk

with Nick Broomfield, long-time documentary guru, whose film on the former Republican Vice-Presidential candidate, You Betcha,

Sarah Palin chronicles his failed attempts to get the maverick teapartier to sit down for an interview. I met Broomfield during the

showing of his film at the 55th BFI London Film Festival, where It was not, he pointed out, just about Sarah Palin, even if she did encompass all that was wrong with Republican politics.

Later during the Festival, I also spoke to Katie Galloway and

Kelly Duane de la Vega, filmmakers whose nuanced documen-

tary Better This World, about two young American protestors subse-

the ban, bases its hypothesis largely on the revelations of alleged

quently jailed as “terrorists” through the testimony of an FBI in-

prising. The documentary aired well before the attacks and the

a paranoia-ridden post 9/11 world. It is a world where the plight

Afghan Taliban, and certainly its findings are hardly new or surBBC ‘ban’ but, in the larger scheme of things, the Cable Operators’ Association are probably pawns in a more complicated chess game.

I had contacted Watts much before the hullabaloo to be part of

formant, brings into sharp focus the vagaries of American life in

of home-grown dissenters sheds light on how many Muslims have been entrapped by FBI informants in the decade since the Twin Towers crumbled in New York City.

Questioning — as most of the filmmakers and journalists I

this piece, but as the voices in Pakistan became louder, he told

spoke to agreed — is very much part of documentary filmmak-

spoke about his work as a documentary filmmaker. Overlooked

But it always aims to ask the right questions, or as Kelly Duane

me he “was not in a position to comment” on the film though he in the din is the fact that Secret Pakistan is just one of the two films

made by the director in Pakistan this year. The other, Defenders of Karachi, broadcast as part of Channel Four’s “Unreported World

Series”, focuses squarely on how tough it is for ambulance drivers and police officers to keep one of the world’s most tumultuous cities functioning on a daily basis.

Documentary filmmaking, especially if you choose to work

in volatile parts of the world, or with politically contentious

subjects, is an equally dangerous profession. Filmmakers who choose to cross unchartered territories court both opposition

ing. The best filmmaking isn’t that eager to provide answers.

de la Vega says: “to put it out there.” But asking uncomfortable questions compels societies to look at themselves a reason why

investigative documentaries can prove unpopular in closed com-

munities and countries that feel they have been placed under a magnifying glass. Journalist Adil Ray, whose recent investigation on sexual grooming of young white girls by British Pakistani men involves looking into an extremely dark mirror, is adamant

that self-reflection is part of growing up. He feels that sweeping the dirt under the carpet is not an option.

Each one of the documentary filmmakers I spoke to had a story

and occasional contempt. Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy speaks of the

to tell. This time, their own. A look into why filmmakers and

refused a hotel room unless she got a certificate of morality from

you sometimes may not care to know

time she was filming a documentary on Saudi women and was

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crucial 18 days of his country’s all too brief Arab Spring, speaks of

the police. And Egyptian director Amr Salama, who co-directed DECEMBER 18-24 2011

journalists put themselves on the line every day to tell you what

EDWARD WATTS

So how is the way you work different from somebody who comes from

Producer/Director/Cinematographer (British)

a very specific and assertive perspective, like Michael Moore for in-

Recent documentaries: Secret Pakistan (BBC), Defenders of Karachi (Channel Four)

stance?

Well, Michael Moore is the complete op-

posite. His films are

argued pieces, where

he has an argument and he finds the evi-

dence to support it.

Whereas the docu-

mentaries I do are based on telling sto-

ries. Most people look

at Michael Moore and

see it as his point of

Stills from the controversial Secret Pakistan .

To what extent are scripts pre-written for political documentaries? Do you have a perspective to start off with, and then you find the documentation and evidence for it or do you build it on the basis of what

view. My documenta-

ries are explorations. It’s not about putting our own words in front of the camera; it’s more about what people are telling us.

you learn during the filming?

What was it like filming in Pakistan? What memories have you brought

I would say all sorts of documentaries are different. Lots of di-

back with you?

want to put a film together. That’s not how I work. In all the

Defenders of Karachi, was about an ambulance driver called Mo-

rectors set out with a very clear script in mind about how they

I made two programs about Pakistan this year. The first one,

programs I’ve worked on, we are given a topic and are free to

hammed Salim working for Edhi and a very brave police of-

explore it. So it is very much based on what the interviewees

tell us. The story is shaped as we go, on what we are told, what we discover. It’s an organic, evolutionary process. As you move

forward, you begin to get an idea of what witnesses are saying.

Then you narrow it down and get an idea of what your film is about.

ficer, Nasrullah Khan. I really loved Pakistan; I found it a

fascinating place and had a really warm welcome from the

ordinary people there. And the bravery of people like Salim

and Nasrullah was extraordinary to me. Against all the odds, they were doing amazing work. We were sleeping on the floor of the Edhi call centre and they were just so kind to me. They

managed such a great sense of humour in trying circum-

stances. And then I met a lot of people with whom I had such open, frank and intelligent discussions.

When anyone asks me about Pakistan, I always say

how I was simply bowled over by the people. Those are the stories I like to tell, along with the tough investigative ones.

What was it about Pakistan that drew you in? How is it you were commissioned for two documentaries in a year?

Were you linked to Pakistan in any way?

I have made a lot of programs in an international setting and that is my real passion, to make pro-

grams about global, international stories. I’ve worked in a lot of tricky areas on tricky subjects including Yemen and the Congo, the West Bank and Watts is amazed by the bravery of ordinary Pakistanis, like Mohammad Salim, an ambulance driver at Edhi.

the Middle East, so that’s really why they came to me I think. Not because of any particular Pakistan connection.

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

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COVER STORY Do you think that part of the problem is that journalists and filmmakers are sort of parachuted into trouble zones and expected to report on countries they may not be that familiar with? That, as a result, they don’t always see the whole picture?

As soon as I’m given an assignment I read up as much as I can and

talk to everyone I can. And every journalist that I know does the same thing. I think it’s a fair point to make but sometimes it’s an

advantage to have someone who can see the story with fresh eyes.

When journalists have been in a place for a long time they some-

times don’t see a way out. Bringing someone in from outside can bring fresh perspective and energy to achieving solutions.

For the average Pakistani, out of the two documentaries you have made on the country, Defenders of Karachi would be seen as a “proPakistan” because it is primarily an observational documentary.

Defenders of Karachi also examined the very difficult situation that exists in Karachi, whether it’s just the chaotic traffic or

the problems of policing. It’s very hard to keep a nuanced position in such emotive areas but the moment you start getting

into pro and anti-Pakistan its simplifying things and encourag-

ing a conflict based structure on the work that is being done. I don’t agree with that. I think in any functioning society there

is space for criticism, there is space for investigation. I’ve been involved in programmes in Britain that are about Islamaphobia against the Muslims here and against British Pakistanis. These

are documentaries that address the irrational prejudice that exists in certain parts of this country. But is that an anti-Britain

documentary? No it isn’t. The point of any healthy society is to identify its problems, to see what its sicknesses are. It is a useful thing to be criticised.

While you were filming in Pakistan and Afghanistan did you feel your

Filmmaker Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy thinks her gender allows her

life was ever in danger? Did you feel fear at any point?

unique access.

Yes, definitely. When the Taliban ambushed the patrol I was with, there was certainly fear. And the American base I was at

tary Oscar for Saving Face.

of the sky right on your head. So yes, I did feel fear. A very brave

some access points which may still prove difficult for female journal-

this year. He was the first person I knew who died doing this kind

been a hindrance or has it helped you get into places where you might

interviewed about this and he said I choose to go to these places.

Honestly, my gender has always been my biggest asset. I am a

is the attitude I try to adopt. So the way I see it is if you’re scared

age Pakistani woman working with men. I would say I approach

because you never know when that rocket is just going to drop out

There are a lot of women reporters in Pakistan now, but there are

colleague of mine, a guy called Tim Hetherington, died in Libya

ists and filmmakers covering a hard political beat. Has your gender

of work and so that was always in the back of my mind. Tim was

not have if you were a man?

It’s my choice to be there. I find that quite inspirational and that

very strong woman, and don’t have some of the fears of the aver-

don’t make a song and dance about it.

SHARMEEN OBAID CHINOY Filmmaker and Journalist (Pakistan) Recent films: Transgenders: Pakistan’s Open Secret, Saving Face (2011)

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fairs documentary for Pakistan’s Taliban’s Generation, Short-listed for Best Documen-

was being constantly rocketed. I found that really nerve-racking

Awards/Nominations: International Emmy Award and AIB Award for Best current afDECEMBER 18-24 2011

things quite like a man and because of that doors have opened up

for me. When I was doing a documentary on Afghan women, I would never have gotten that story if I had been a man. Because

being a woman allows you unique access. You can talk to women

in cultures where men are not allowed and you can also be wel-

comed as a quasi-male in all-male gatherings because they see you

as an outsider. In many circumstances I have been welcomed by

the Taliban or by men in Afghanistan while filming a documen-

tary because they view me as somewhere in between a man and

a woman. I shake their hand and look them in the eye and talk

to them as if I am their equal and so they are forced to treat me as that. I think there have been times in my career where I would never have come out alive if I had been a man. In East Timur a

boulder nearly killed me during a riot, but I was literally picked up

and thrown to the side by this young man who saw me as a weak, vulnerable woman. It was his perspective but it got me out alive.

Right now you are one of the few filmmakers from Pakistan making films for international channels. The Ghairat Brigade constantly complains about the Western media taking over the discourse. What is it like to report on your own country for an audience which is primarily on the outside?

Look, I’ve always been very honest in my reporting. If the state

they then mentor more people. Basically, I am hoping for a ripple effect.

I was talking about this to Ed Watts as well about how foreign journal-

is doing something wrong, as a reporter, it is my duty to expose

ists are parachuted into Pakistan and expected to catch up on years of

onus is on the state to make sure that things are as they ought

to being an “insider” and being based in Pakistan? Does this give you

ing Pakistan. You cannot project anything that is a lie. There are

I think there are some major advantages in knowing the lay of

ward is to not have an ostrich mentality, and to talk about those

having the freedom to make a film over a long period of time be-

that. Nationalism and patriotism don’t factor into that at all. The

history and cultural nuance in days. Do you think there are advantages

to be. And I have a major issue with this whole idea of project-

more political perspective?

things that are very wrong with Pakistan and the only way for-

the land, the language and the cultural nuances. And actually

cause you are not parachuting in and out, you live here. Quality films are produced when peo-

ple have access to their subject over a long period

of time. Having said that, do you really want to

be around when the film airs? If you’re doing the kind of stories I do, it’s dangerous. But then I am also sometimes the person who parachutes into

other countries and makes a film and comes out.

I found that in some countries it’s wonderful, and in other countries it has been a real struggle.

That gives me perspective about filmmakers who come here to make films.

You’ve worked in a lot of countries from Saudi Arabia to the Philippines. Has language or culture been a barrier or are there certain codes that work for documentary filmmakers wherever they might be? things. That is the only way to bring about change. And that is

I think there are certain codes that work in most places. When you

Are you passing your skills on to the next generation of filmmakers?

such a good network already in place for you. They have fixers they

what my films are about.

I am teaching a documentary filmmaking class now and I have set up a production company which is making films and also giv-

ing people an opportunity to learn. You should see the number of people who apply. What I am doing is mentoring a few filmmakers at a time and sending them off to make their movies so

work for certain channels like Channel Four, PBS or CNN, they have

work with regularly, they have familiar links. The name itself opens up doors in many countries. It doesn’t matter if they don’t know you

as a filmmaker — they will know the channel. When I was in Afghanistan for instance — you know that Afghans don’t take well to Pakistanis — they were receptive to me because I was working for CNN.

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

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COVER STORY Have there been times for you where you have felt real fear making

in the end that she didn’t actually give you that interview?

documentaries, when you felt that you were risking your life?

My co-director Joan Churchill and I genuinely believed we would

In certain countries, yes. In Syria, we were tailed all the time by the intelligence agencies. We had to sneak out to film a very important sequence in a brothel where Iraqi girls were being sold.

We literally had to stuff our beds and change three taxis to get there. When we were leaving, two guys started wondering who

get her — especially in a teeny place like Wasilla where you bump

into people in the market place all the time. We nearly stayed throughout Christmas in Alaska but we just felt so unwelcome at that stage that we didn’t think we had a right to stay. I just

I was and had we been caught I would have spent a long time in

a Syrian prison. Working in Saudi Arabia, for instance, where I was doing a film on women, they confiscated our tapes and

threatened to throw me in jail. They asked me for a certificate of

good morality before I could check into a hotel. It’s at times like that when you’ve been on a plane for eight hours, when the local police station doesn’t want to give you a character certificate and the hotel is implying that you’re a prostitute that you think

this is really ridiculous. And then there are times when it’s just been downright dangerous, like in Syria or in certain Taliban in-

terviews. That’s when you trust your gut instincts and get out of there. You learn to work with people that you really trust your life with. At some time or the other your life is going to be in the

hands of that other person. And you have to trust that he or she is going to bring you out of that experience alive. The important thing is to choose people who won’t flip and won’t sell you out.

I saw that you tweeted about Secret Pakistan and said it should be translated into Urdu and made available to people to let them decide what to think of it. Is censorship ever valid or do you think we should treat viewers as adults who can make up their own minds?

If a chat show presenter on a news channel can say anything without substantiating it, then obviously there is selective cen-

sorship in this country. There must be, because he or she can get away with saying anything. But if there is a piece of work that

thought that if we were in this teeny little town, sooner or later there would be some event where she would be away from her minders and we would get her. But our relationship with her had

deteriorated so much by this point that we didn’t feel there was

any point. It would have been interesting to meet her and ask her

someone in a position of power finds objectionable, that is censored and not put on air. Some things are kosher and some are

absolutely not. Do I think the audience has a right to decide? Absolutely! We live in a democracy, apparently with a free media. If

we do, then alternate voices and sources of information need to be on air. Let the people decide. Whether people are educated or not, it is their right to make up their own mind. Censoring such

voices is not going to help Pakistan’s nascent democracy thrive.

And if we still quell them, then what is the difference between a democracy and a military dictatorship?

NICK BROOMFIELD Filmmaker and Journalist (British) Recent documentaries: You Betcha, Sarah Palin (2011) Awards: Best Director — San Sebastian Film Festival 2007, 2006 Bafta Special Award for contribution to the Documentary genre.

In some ways your documentary about Sarah Palin rests on her elu-

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siveness for the way it builds its case. Do you think it turned out better DECEMBER 18-24 2011

Nick Broomfield with a Sarah Palin cut out.

serve a higher leader and not the electorate you’re not interested in that sort of debate. A country as pluralist as America with so many different nationalities and backgrounds thrives on keeping church

and state separate but Sarah Palin don’t see that.

It’s gotten scarier since people with deep pockets like Murdoch and the Koch brothers have gotten

into the game. It’s become a crazy package of beliefs that people are buying into. Unfortunately, I

think, the Republican Party has allowed itself to be taken over by these people.

You seem to understand why men are caught up in the Sarah Palin fantasy and have referred to her “fetishistic attraction”. Did you find yourself perversely drawn to her?

I don’t find Sarah Palin attractive; she’s too cutesie pootsie for me. But she started this kinky out-

about her actions and about other people in the film. It wasn’t

fit thing — you know, tight leather and pointy boots even when

subject’s nearest and dearest speak about her. In any case, I like

various parts of her body, had a lot of surgery. There’s this slightly

a situation though. The best biographies are those where your that style because it’s more like a diary.

The film comes across as a cultural confrontation between a very British production team and a cussedly American and Republican Sarah Palin…

It was definitely a clash of cultures. I think the American political process has become so well-oiled and sophisticated, so controlled by management people now. Which is why I was particu-

larly interested in seeing what she was like as a mayor, because there weren’t enough people around to dilute her. You could just see the chaos that happened when she was just unleashed on

this little town. You could see how evangelical she was in her

gay-bashing. I think she’s been very much protected by so many people around her.

she’s talking to these evangelical women. I think she’s enhanced slutty side to her, a certain dominatrix quality. She is both mean

and sexually alluring. Basically, I think she’s forbidden fruit and

at the same time she’s encouraging. I never had any sexual fan-

tasies about her but my editor did and I used to tease him. She interfered with my sleep but not in that way. I kept thinking,

there must be some other way through to her, some way to get her to talk to us. So I suppose she interfered with my sexual fan-

tasies rather than contribute to them. I would say, British public school boys and evangelical types would find her attractive.

The journalist Christopher Hitchens thought Maggie Thatcher

was such a sexual icon. It’s not too different from the allure that Sarah Palin has.

Did you know that there was a huge scandal in Pakistan when President Asif Zardari met Sarah Palin and started complimenting her on

Though Palin has chosen not to run for the Republican nomination,

camera?

do you feel that the kind of thinking she represents and the requisite

How absolutely incredible! How fascinating that she would have

evangelical credentials are still very much part and parcel of the Republican candidacy?

That is what I found was the scariest thing about Sarah Palin. It’s really what she represents. Maybe she’s not running for President, thank goodness, but there are others who are equally terrifying or even worse than her. I hate to think what effect that will

have on the American political system. For the first time in 2012, the evangelicals will have more power than they ever did before.

that kind of reach.

AMR SALAMA Producer/Director (Egyptian) Recent films: Tahrir 2011: The good, the bad and the politician, Asma (2011) Awards: Winner, CICT Unesco Award, Venice Film Festival, Best Documentary Film, Oslo Film Festival

People like Sarah Palin believe they are called by God to be po-

Right now, because of the Arab Spring or as some say, Arab winter,

in a democratic way and uninterested in the democratic debates

elling around the world showing your film you’re putting Egypt’s cin-

litically active which also makes them strangely unaccountable

there is a lot of interest in all things Egyptian. Do you feel that by trav-

which take place. Democracy is a fairly pragmatic idea, but if you

ema in the spotlight at a very crucial time?

27 DECEMBER 18-24 2011

COVER STORY Wow, that’s a big respon-

to talk to the police, to get their side of it. We wanted to talk to

have told me! Actually I

cian segment because I wanted to do something funny, I wanted

sibility.

You

shouldn’t

have been flying to film festivals

non-stop

and

it’s been really hectic for me, so I hope I stay on the ground for some time after I go back to Egypt. But yes,

it’s a big responsibility

when you’re dealing with

to use satire. I always found politics in Egypt so surreal that it doesn’t make any sense. That’s the big joke. So it was easy for

me to make that choice. When we screened the film in Venice

everyone looked at the Mubarak part and said “Oh that is so Ber-

lusconi!” And that happens wherever we go. See, that’s politics.

It’s the same everywhere.

What would be the one idea from Tahrir 2011 that you would hope

a documentary and with a

viewers in the Middle East would take home after watching the film?

be politically correct. It’s

tor on a pedestal. We should never worship anyone again or put

topic like that you have to

I think it’s a lesson to us that we should never put another dicta-

been a short a period of

him above the law. We would be successful if we can show peo-

time and everyone is still

sensitive about the revolution. So we have got a lot

of good criticism and some bad criticism. Actually it’s

amazing to be travelling with the film. The Egyptian audience already knows all the events by heart; to a foreign audience it’s

ple that a dictator doesn’t become a dictator entirely by himself.

He attains that power because people allow him to do that. So if

there’s one thing I want people to take away from the film, it’s that we should never create another dictator in the future.

How did the idea for Asma, your feature film on an HIV positive woman come about?

still surprising and new.

It all started with me doing a documentary in 2005 about people

Generally you find that documentary makers tend to wait for some

feature, because people in Egypt don’t really watch documenta-

time before they make a documentary so that the picture becomes clearer. Bur Tahrir 2011: The Good, the Bad and the Politician is so very current. Do you think sometimes it’s important to distance yourself to give a more accurate version of events?

The approach has its own pros and cons. One pro is you get fresh

answers to your questions. If you ask the same questions now people will have changed their answers in hindsight. But their answers from that time are more credible because they were

living with HIV in Egypt. That’s when I decided to make it as a

ries. There isn’t any market for them; they never get released in

cinemas. Actually Tahrir 2011 might be the first documentary to be commercially distributed in Egypt. That’s why I decided to make it into a full length feature film. I met with many people living

with HIV and brought all the actors from Asma to talk to them. I

would read the testimonies of people from all over the world who were HIV positive. Some of those pages had daily diaries from

people who would write every day about the secrets and the stig-

spontaneous. Right after the revolution everyone talked brave-

ma of having the disease. I spent six years ­— that’s one-fifth of

documentary to take just those 18 days as our reference point. For

focusing on this.

ly. Now we analyse everything. We decided very early on in the the first and second part of the film that’s what we did. Naturally

my life researching people with HIV. So I have spent a lot of time

for the part about Hosni Mubarak I had to go back a bit further.

How do you think Asma will be received in Egypt?

too. We decided we wanted the immediacy of events as they hap-

it would have had a greater impact before because it is about

But the day Mubarak stepped down was the day the film stops

We finished the film right before the revolution. Actually,

pened.

silence and how as Egyptians we were afraid to ask for our

Why did you split the documentary into three parts?

We decided to give the subject a three-dimensional treatment. At first, the producer called me to direct the entire documentary. I

28

them and portray them as human beings too. I took the politi-

rights. But in a way it will always be relevant because, even

though we have had a revolution, we still have this fear of facing society.

thought about it and suggested we do the film in three parts: the

Interestingly, at the screen talk for the film you mentioned that you

There are some really good documentary directors in Egypt so we

is that? How do you propose to challenge that?

the people or “good” part, but we also thought it would be new

The bigger problem we may have now is not just the censor

good, the bad and the politician and offer it to different directors.

think Egyptian filmmakers will face even greater censorship now. Why

felt this would be a good way to work. Everyone just rushed to do

It’s a struggle. We will have to fight for our rights as filmmakers.

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

KATIE GALLOWAY AND KELLY DUANE DE LA VEGA Producer/Director (American) Recent films: Better this World (2011) Awards/Nominations: Best Documentary, San Francisco International Film Festival and Sarasota Film Festival. Nominated for Gotham and IDA Awards for Best Documentary and Best Documentary Feature.

Better this World, while essentially a story about how two young American men are confronting terrorism charges at home, also seems to come across as a wider comment on how civil liberties have been disregarded in the war against terror.

Katie Galloway: I think there’s a trade-off when you tell a story

that you’re close to. Ultimately, we knew we were going to be part of a bigger cultural conversation. We knew this film was coming out at the time of the 9/11 tenth anniversary and so in

that sense it did become a piece of a bigger story. And a piece that people were really able to engage with because real stories

draw you in a way just stats can’t. So I think we got a different kind of audience to come into the debate about civil liber-

ties versus national security, and about where resources have

gone since 9/11 and if those were the best investments. And in the foreground of that was a story about human beings going

through their human drama of friendship and betrayal. Looking at what it means to become a man and what it means to become politicised.

Did you have opinions going into the film about whether the two men were entrapped by an FBI Informant, and how did you feel about it as the filming progressed?

Kelly Duane de la Vega: When we started it David (one of the two accused) was on the eve of his trial, so much of what transpired

in the film we were learning as it happened. We didn’t have opinions going in but observing their choices and their loyalty affected us. Because while it is a political film it is also a film about friendship; that’s what makes it universal.

KG: We left it to the audience to some degree to decide how they felt about it. I think those decisions depend on who you are and

what your political beliefs, are going in. We are reluctant to say to an audience at large how to think or what to believe. ship from the government, but also what may become the censorship of the people. Egyptian society is facing a conservative

trend. And as people become more conservative, they will start censoring themselves and boycotting movies when these movies say something they don’t like. What I am hoping is that my films

KDDLV: I think it’s more important for us to put it out there and allow them to come to their own conclusions.

Still, the silent authorial voice at the back seems to be saying that people’s civil liberties are being trampled on at a particular time in America’s political history, in a context which is very much part of post

will become known through word of mouth; that they will be a

9/11 paranoia.

friends. That’s how it will start. It will be a struggle as I said, but

KDDLV: Another way to put it is that we are bringing to light

viral success. I just want one person to go and watch it and tell his

KG: I think that’s fair.

we are ready for it.

what is seen as perfectly okay under the criminal justice system

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

29

COVER STORY in America. Most Americans don’t know how far the FBI or an informant can go. Most people would never imagine this scenario.

For the average American living in the mid-west the definition of a terrorist as a person who is not “us” but “them” is essentially someone from the Middle East, someone who has a beard and prays to Allah.

What is challenging about this film is that the two men are homegrown “terrorists”.

KDDLV: This type of use of informants is very prevalent in the Muslim community in the United States. And I think that is im-

portant. Is the person in the mid-west going to see those two boys from George Bush’s hometown as someone closer to his own son? Is that going to be more alarming and upsetting and

will that allow him to have compassion for everyone else in that situation?

KG: Incidentally, one of the two boys who were accused of terrorism was radicalised because of Bush’s Shock and awe campaign

trafficking and sex slavery. The majority of convictions are

white males. What we are talking about here is a way of sexu-

al exploitation that includes two or more men grooming more than one girl for sex. The crime is still rape and abduction.

There is a pattern of Pakistani men being involved in such cases. In fact 80% of all sexual grooming case convictions are

British Pakistani men. I figured maybe there is something

here to look into and went to the BBC with the idea. Natu-

rally, it was a very sensitive issue and they weren’t sure. So we thought of making it as a very personal documentary with a British Pakistani journalist looking into the whole thing. I

went into it with no pre-conceptions. I thought if it’s proved wrong, if it comes out during our investigation that there really wasn’t anything there then fine, but that didn’t really turn out to be the case.

and the Iraq war and that is what he was protesting.

How has the British Pakistani community reacted to this issue and

After 9/11 situation there was a lot of hunting down of young Muslim

Nationalist Party (BNP) have a report on it on their website and are

men in the USA. There were many Muslim students who were ques-

using it to stereotype British Pakistani men.

tioned and accused of all kinds of involvement in terrorist thinking

If you go up north and speak to the imams and to the people in

when they hadn’t done anything.

KG: This is where we started. This is why we were interested in making this movie. Because we had noticed all these cases

where someone after a lengthy investigation, often involving

an informant, was then charged with domestic terrorism. They were often young, they were mostly Muslims, but there were also many environmental activists. And then there would be a

counter accusation by the defendant of entrapment or misconduct by a government informant. So when we saw this case and

it was going to trial and, we thought here is a great opportunity to follow a case like this closely. It was still a good story but it

was a more important story for me personally as I knew this was a cultural phenomenon post 9/11. So we were asking, what is

really going on here? And to look at all the other cases like this

all over the country and ask ourselves, does any of this really make sense?

ADIL RAY

also to your documentary? I just googled it and found the British

the mosques, they have realised there is a problem. There are

people in community politics that have been dealing with it

and talking about it for a number of years now. There is nothing wrong with confronting a situation and talking about it.

I think it makes you stronger as a community when you do.

Of course there will be people in the BNP or the media who will

take advantage of this. I was always very aware of that. My father used to tell me that when he first came to this country, people used to call him “Paki” and he would cross the road and carry on.

I’m a firm believer that sometimes you have to take a hit to deal

with issues. We can’t say that we won’t deal with the problem

just because it will make us look bad. Of course it is a minority but it affects so many of us. It can break up families and we can have a really terrible situation in the future if we don’t learn from it.

Did your being a British Pakistani affect how you responded to the situation and did it affect how people, especially some of the victims,

Radio and TV Journalist (British Pakistani)

responded to you?

Recent films/Radio documentaries: The Private life of British Pakistanis, Exposed:

I have got to say that I was quite taken aback with how dignified

Groomed for sex (2011)

How did the idea for a documentary on British Pakistani men sexually grooming young girls come about?

Towards the end of last year, there were quite a few articles coming out about sexual grooming cases where British Pakistani

30

biggest of course being internet grooming, there is also child

men were the main culprits. Let me explain what this means.

Sexual exploitation happens in all communities in the UK, the DECEMBER 18-24 2011

the victim and the families we spoke to were. You might expect the victim to have built up a real hatred for British Pakistani men

because she had been raped by them repeatedly. I would have ac-

cepted that. But the girl I spoke to was not like that at all. I have always felt British and also Pakistani so I certainly felt personally affected by the stories that came out. Of course, the victims

were primarily white girls, because we live in white Britain. But we heard about wives and mothers not being able to leave the

is natural that a community as large as the British Pakistani is

going to have some culture clashes and in very extreme circumstances these may become sordid or criminal and that is what one is seeing here.

Do you think this documentary would have been very different if it was made by someone who was not a British Pakistani, a white woman for example?

Yes, it would. I’m not saying

for a moment that a white or black journalist, male or fe-

male, could not do this. Anyone could do this story. But it would

not have the inside perspective that I could bring to the table.

But also more importantly, in the post 9/11 and 7/7 climate of

Islamophobia, I think the Pakistani community quite rightly are nervous about anything that Adil Ray believes that sweeping the dirt under the carpet is not an option.

goes out. Part of the battle is

to reassure them that a critical

look at something is not neces-

house because they were shamed by what their husbands and

sarily an attack on them. I think it is important to make the

nity as a whole. We have had a really tough time since 9/11. Sud-

the documentary. Twitter is a great example of how people can

sons had done. And I really felt for the British Pakistani commudenly we were seen as suicide bombers. People didn’t really even know where Pakistan was before then. And I wasn’t even sure that British Pakistanis would want to hear about cases of sexual grooming. So I wondered how it was possible to get the British

Pakistani community to react positively rather than negatively.

I didn’t want it taken as a personal attack and, thankfully, most people have not.

All the documentary filmmakers I spoke to emphasised how important

Pakistani community feel they can participate and be a part of interact. The Imam we spoke to initially didn’t want to have

any part in the documentary but a month into it he called up and said he felt he should be talking to us. A few people tweeted me and said, why are you doing this, and I didn’t argue with

them because I know how it feels when you first hear about it.

You don’t really want to believe it. But when you start to digest it you think we must talk about it. The worst thing is to sweep it under the carpet.

it was to take a hard look at oneself, and how all societies should learn

Do you think in some ways this documentary is not just about the

to take criticism. How essential is this?

crime but also about British Pakistani attitudes towards sex?

Of course, you should always self-reflect. You should take a look

In a broader sense, a documentary such as this cannot be just

dividuals and as a community. Pakistani immigrants are a young

stani attitudes about sex. It is about segregation and separation.

at yourself and figure out where you are. We must do that as incommunity in this country. We have been in Britain for only

about 25-30 years so naturally there will be integration issues.

But I dare say in 10-15 years we may be having this conversation

about Eastern European communities or the Somali community too. We are already hearing little murmurings to that effect. It

about the crime. It has to suggest a broader look at British PakiSome of those lads thought they weren’t doing anything wrong

and that it’s perfectly culturally acceptable to think that white girls or young girls on the street wanted to have sex. We are con-

stantly told what to do but not allowed to have discussions about sexuality. And that’s where the problems really begin. a

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

31

PROFILE

a rendezvous with

riz

The star of The Reluctant Fundamentalist talks about his Pakistani heritage, meaningful cinema and Kate Hudson's hair

BY ANEALLA SAFDAR

PHOTO CREDITS: DAVID ELLIS & PAVLA KOPECNA

It’s 2 pm in New York and Riz Ahmed, the British Pakistani actor, has a break between shooting for the film adaption of The Reluctant Fundamentalist.

yoga, heavy partying or some celebratory designer shopping

Sitting in a hotel lobby wearing a grey flat-cap, reading glass-

TV, lounged around in bed and ate a lot of food,” he says, snif-

es, a Boxfresh tee-shirt and a black hoody, he could easily be one of the millions of hipsters exploring the city.

He’s not. In about a year’s time, he will be widely recognised

as Changez, the fictional protagonist in Mohsin Hamid’s best-

selling novel. Some, especially in the UK, will already remember him as Omar from the black comedy Four Lions, where he plays a

“So far today, I’ve got up, I’ve watched Beverly Hills Cop 1 and 2 on

fling. “I’m a bit run down from filming, so I’ve taken some tablets, some vitamins and now I’m just in the lobby checking some

emails and going on Skype. It’s the most chilled out, nothing day

ever, which is great. It’s a massive luxury when you’re doing a shoot.”

Details of the film are sparse, such as exactly how the 30-year-

wannabe British-Muslim terrorist who fails miserably at carry-

old Changez’s monologue, read by hundreds of thousands world-

ects, that have won him the high-profile role which will bring

a movie. One thing is for sure though, Kate Hudson has dyed her

ing out a militant mission. It is that film, and other smaller projHamid’s novel to life.

Starring alongside Kate Hudson, Liev Schreiber, Kiefer Suther-

land, Om Puri and Meesha Shafi, one would think, must have

34

while he’s in the Big Apple.

swollen his ego. It must have changed his outlook, it must have,

at least, seen him adopt some ‘celebrity’ customs like bikram DECEMBER 18-24 2011

wide (the book was a New York Times bestseller) will be turned into hair brown to play Changez’s love interest and that is the entertainment angle most news outlets have taken to cover the film.

“I think that’s the nature of certain sections of the media,” says

the actor, who turns 29 in December. “They will obsess about the minutiae of people’s personal lives, while others will talk about

what they feel is more important. It’s up to us as the public where we go with our money.”

That’s the thing about Riz. You can try and talk about Kate

Hudson’s hair colour, but you’ll probably end up talking about something far more philosophical.

“I was talking to someone who is developing a play with Brit-

ish troops who have come back from Iraq. He told me that a lot of the soldiers, they come back and they pick up these celebrity

gossip magazines and they just kind of start crying because they

can’t get their head around that what they’ve seen, what they’ve been through and what’s really going on and that this is what’s

be in demand as an actor.

“I thought: ‘Even if there are roles, are there roles that matter

and might challenge people’s thinking? And are there roles that would have an impact and might engage what’s happened in the

wider world?’ When that role came along, and I left drama school early for it, I guess that was the dream.”

It started a trend of playing characters that ‘matter’, as he put

sit. Since then, he’s played a Muslim MI5 agent whose sister be-

comes a terrorist in London in Britz and a guilt-ridden drug dealer in Shifty. Next year, four of his films will be released: The Reluctant

Fundamentalist, Trishna, a drama where he’s alongside Freida Pinto,

dominating people’s conversations and airtime.”

Black Gold, a Hollywood style blockbuster about the discovery of

from Oxford and studied drama following his degree. His first

directed by the British rapper Plan B.

Riz graduated in Philosophy, Politics and Economics (PPE)

role, in 2006, was in The Road to Guantanamo, a docudrama directed

oil in the Gulf, with Antonio Banderas, and Ill Manors, a movie

Plan B, whose real name is Ben Drew, also happens to be a mu-

by Palme d’Or nominee Michael Winterbottom. The opportunity

sician Riz convinced to headline a fundraising concert in London

was still at drama school.

him. Riz is a critically acclaimed rapper, when he’s not filming.

to play Shafiq Rasul, a British Pakistani inmate, came while he “At that time, that was a dream role for me,” he says. “That

was the kind of work I hoped to tackle as an actor. I felt very deeply and passionately about some of the injustices going on in the world at that time.”

As a British Pakistani, he had often worried whether he would

last year for Pakistan’s flood victims.That’s the other thing about He used his musical connections to host Party 4 Pakistan, where some 30 high-profile urban acts performed, voluntarily.

“The idea with that fundraiser was that with some of these

things, you wait for something to happen and when it doesn’t,

maybe it falls to us to do something and that’s what we did,” he

That’s the thing about Riz. You can try and talk about Kate Hudson’s hair colour, but you’ll probably end up talking about something far more philosophical.

35 DECEMBER 18-24 2011

PROFILE

“I feel deeply connected to the culture,” he adds.

“I speak Urdu at home, and of course Pakistan is a deep part of who I am, even if it’s taken on a hybrid form being British.”

says. “In no sense do I think of myself as a representative (of Pakistan) or a stamp bearer.”

That’s not to say, however, that he doesn’t share a close rela-

tionship with Pakistan. It’s a country he’s visited four times,

Lions the most successful satirical film about terrorism to date.

Walking through London, Riz rarely manages to make it

on the first occasion as a baby to be circumcised, and shown off

through a day without someone yelling the catchphrase ‘rubber-

“That’s actually my first memory. It’s slightly painful,” he jokes.

film. If you haven’t seen it and are in Pakistan, Riz quips, there

to his family in Karachi, though not necessarily in that order.

Then it was back to the motherland at the age of 15 to meet his

cousins, three years later for a big wedding and in 2005 to film

dinghy rapids bro’ at him. It’s one of many reasons to see the are some pirate copies floating around apparently.

There’s also ‘Paki Rambo’, a phrase which has been turned into

The Road to Guantanamo.

a rap by the Pakistani artist Adil Omar.

at home, of course Pakistan is a deep part of who I am, even as it’s

British Muslims who have become more religious since 9/11, you

“I feel deeply connected to the culture,” he adds. “I speak Urdu

taken on a hybrid form being British.”

His maternal grandfather served at the Pakistani embassy in

Calcutta, and his mother moved to Karachi aged seven. At the

risk of sounding like Norman Tebbit, the British Conservative

politician who famously coined the ‘cricket test’, an indicator of whether immigrants are loyal to Britain depending on which

With jibes made throughout the film at converts to Islam and

would have expected some criticism.

“I genuinely have not received one single bit of hate mail. Not

a single one,” he says, almost in shock himself. “Not a single email, not a tweet message, Myspace, Facebook, nothing.”

Four Lions has become, Riz says excitedly, a cult classic.

“I feel privileged to be part of a film that’s enjoyable and bold

team they support, I ask Riz how he considers his nationality.

and meaningful. I couldn’t even begin to tell you the scale of the

ficial terms I’ve got dual nationality,” he says, diplomatically.

With those words, he departs. It is a sentiment, I am certain,

“I’m a British national, I also hold a Pakistani passport. In of-

36

It was his acting combined with impeccable research, master-

ful direction and a script bursting with humour which made Four

And that’s the other thing about Riz. He’s completely inoffen-

sive, yet charmingly charismatic.

DECEMBER 18-24 2011

response.”

which will remain with him, even after experiencing the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. a

REVIEW

eat me

BY T PASHA

Let me declare outright that I am a dedicated Potterhead, which means that after God, I worship the global phenomenon that is Harry Potter. A corollary is that I hate Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight and everything related to it, though, unlike other Potterheads I do not deem it an omen of doom sent by the devil. So anything that I say about the latest installment in the mind-boggling series must be taken with a pinch of salt.

In The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward’s (Robert Pattinson) romantic honeymoon is cut short when they discover that Bella is pregnant. Now this would be a setback for any young couple but in this case Bella is in danger of being killed since the baby is a ‘demon’, i.e. half-vampire, halfhuman. You don’t exactly need a major in Biology to figure out how such a thing could happen. Though hardly the most convincing of plot points, it is hard to dismiss, since this is what the entire movie is based on.

The supernatural world is divided into those who think the baby should be killed (and this includes Edward) and those who believe it should live. The rest of the movie is then dedicated to graphic depictions of Bella’s rather uncomfortable pregnancy: as-the-mother to be lovingly rubs her expanding belly, the baby crushes her rib cage, back, and knees, while inducing an unholy thirst for human blood (makes your 2 am craving for gajar ka halwa appear tame by comparison).

True to previous installments of the Twilight series, the supporting actors do a more animated job than the leads, which is not saying much given the glass-eyed stare that seems to be their default expression. Surprisingly, Breaking Dawn was rated PG-13. Forget the close ups of the lead couple in the throes of passion, the graphic depiction of a monstrous pregnancy was luridly disturbing even for a fully grown woman. In no way is this appropriate material for 13-year-olds.

As a Potterhead, I would like to point out that Twilight’s tactic of breaking the movie version of the book into two parts was ripped from the treatment given to the last Harry Potter film.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I say. To prevent my being eaten alive by Twilight fans everywhere, much in the same way Bella is eaten first by her baby and then her hubby, I hasten to add that, a few minor scenes apart, the movie was quite faithful to the book.

Twilight fans will be head over heels for this movie, but the rest can safely give this a miss.

40 DECEMBER 18-24 2011

Knocked up: Now here’s a pregnancy horror story to put all others to shame.

didn’t quite steal the show

BY T PASHA

I really don’t understand why Tower Heist was such a big deal for so many people. Perhaps it was the fact that Eddie Murphy was attempting a comeback after a string of flops, or maybe it was the star-studded cast. Unfortunately, despite all the hype, the movie really doesn’t deliver and, quite frankly, isn’t even worth watching.

Tower Heist revolves around Josh Kovacs, played by Ben Stiller, who is the building manager of ‘The Tower’, home to big-time wallstreet mogul Arthur Shaw. Shaw, in keeping with the current rage against crooked financiers, is the bad guy who makes away with the employees’ pension funds. This leads Kovacs and his fellow workjers to concoct a scheme to get their own back.

Joining Kovac is Charlie the concierge (Casey Affleck), Enrique the elevator repair man, (Michael Peña) and wall-street-brokerturned-squatter-in-his-own-home Mr. Fitzhugh, (Matthew Broderick). Finally, Eddie Murphy stars as Slide, a criminal who helps them with the heist.

The storyline is derivative and extremely clichéd, and leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, and relies on the same tired plot points as all the other robbery-by-good-guys flicks.

when you’re a woman

BY AQSA IJAZ

Scholarship on Pakistani women often ends up portraying them as a homogenous, powerless group living under the oppression of patriarchal and religious hegemony. The complexity, socio-economic context and the ‘lived’ reality of their experiences is often ignored.

While this approach neatly dovetails with the grand western narratives of Third World women, the women themselves are reduced to cardboard cutouts of their real selves.

Pakistani Women: Multiple Locations and Competing Narratives attempts to break the mould — academics and activists go beyond the documented lives of Pakistani women in a collection of ten essays. From home-based workers to travelling singers and actresses and housewives, scholars present the fascinating heterogeneity of women of Pakistani origin. From the walled city of Lahore to the villages of Punjab and Sindh, from East London to the North of Pakistan, these essays deconstruct power structures, examine traditional roles, and underscore critical differences among women in different communities.

While it starts off in a promising way, it quickly detours into lameville, making you wonder how director Brett Ratner (of Rush Hour fame) could get stuck with a dud that has more holes than Swiss cheese.

On the plus side, there are several action scenes which will make you excitedly wide-eyed with anticipation, and a couple laughs that will tickle you through the rest of the day, but not much longer. Thankfully, Eddie Murphy seems to have regained at least some of comedic mojo and ends up providing most of the (few) laughs. Sadly, the slow pace of the movie ends up ruining the good parts as well.

Of course, if you sit down expecting a mindless fluff piece, then you might actually enjoy it. You’ll also have to switch your brain off for the duration of the film in order to ignore the more glaring plot holes. The side effect of doing that however is that, just half an hour after watching the movie, it’s already fading from memory.

I suppose a 2 out of 5 should be awarded to this one for being fun and a tad exciting, but I have to take away the 3 other points since the movie as a whole is about as stale as a 100-year-old piece of bread.

Of particular interest is the discussion by Aminah Jamal and Shahnaz Khan on the zina ordinance and how a patriarchal society shapes ideals of feminine behaviour as symbols of a nation’s honour.

Summing it all neatly is Shahla Haeri concluding essay which incisively explains why Pakistani women, along with other Muslim women, have been represented the way they have been in history, media and western academia.

The theoretical and ethnographic studies included in this volume make meaningful contributions to authentic knowledge about Pakistani women, and will certainly help in changing the stereotypical image represented in much of western feminist discourse and popular media. The feminist practice at producing knowledge locally on the levels of theory, pedagogy and textual creativity is a huge step forward and will help redefine the concept of a Pakistani woman. a 41 DECEMBER 18-24 2011

THE HATER

10 things I hate about

... twilight: breaking dawn

1 2 3 4 5

Bella’s Helpless Woman syndrome. Gone are the days when women kicked butt, earned their own money and depended

on themselves. Our helpless heroine has not once tried to

fight a single enemy on her own. Bella doesn’t need college,

ambition or money. All she really needs in life is to marry her 100-year-old rich, vampire boyfriend or, in case things go wrong,her hot backup wolf lover.

The soft porn. No one wants to see a lifeless vampire

with wild hair and a goofy expression make love to a dull, expressionless, teenager. Do not tempt me with

deserted islands in Sao Paulo or moonlit beaches, it ain’t working!

6 7 8 9 10

BY SABA KHALID

The maamta. Visualise: the baby is sucking the life out of Bella, straining the poor girl’s body so much that she

could possibly get stuck in the drain. But does she hate the thing growing inside her? Of course not! Because

the maamta has jaagofied and now she keeps rubbing

it lovingly while the baby viciously bites her internal organs.

The oh-so-realistic delivery scene. First, the baby decides to crack Bella’s ribs for pure fun. Then, she takes her hand out of her belly to grab a bottle of blood.

As for our hero Edward, he tears up Bella’s tummy with

his bare fangs to take out the baby while taking quick

bites on her body to bring her back to life. My nephew was born the EXACT same way! No kidding.

The fast forward pregnancy. Yes, one day she has the abs of Paris Hilton and the next day, she’s got the belly of Sheikh Rasheed after a good plate of nihari.

She’s dead but really, she’s ALIVE. Visualise: While

Edward weeps on Bella’s apparent death after delivery,

little does he know that vamp energy is quickly making its way into her body. When he comes back from mourning, she lies there with a face of fresh makeup

indicating that the magic has worked and she is about to wake up. Yea Bella! (read: die witch, die!)

The Indian movie moments. There were so many that it probably would’ve made sense to spray white paint

on Shahrukh Khan and Kajol, and shoot this movie on a Kerala beach. At least, they would’ve done a more believable job and it would’ve cost less.

42 DECEMBER 18-24 2011

The horrible dialogue delivery. When Jacob finds out Bella’s pregnant, he gets up violently and dramatically

screams at Edward. “YOU DID THIS!!! YOUUUU!!!” You think, Einstein?

The pre-teen crowd at the cinema. Call me judgmental, but my parents would never have appreciated me

reading or watching such hormone-driven drama at that age. Come to think of it, they still wouldn’t!

Despite hating every second of Breaking Dawn, I will

find myself in another theatre next year, watching the second part in a cinema filled with pre-teens, if only to

write another Hater on it. Let’s just hope, for the next part, Bella doesn’t get knocked up by the wolf! a