The Express Tribune Magazine - January 29

JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

A walk on the wild side Travel back in time to when the animal kingdom ruled Pakistan

JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

Cover Story 18 A Walk on the Wild Side To see the majestic lion, the regal elephant or the speedy cheetah in Pakistan, you’ll have to take a safari through time

Portfolio 28 Bottom of the Food Chain A visit to the animal alley in Empress Market

Positive Pakistani

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32 The Network of Junk Shirin Halai puts scrap paper to good use

Regulars 6 People & Parties: Out and about with Pakistan’s beautiful people 38 Advice: Mr Know It All solves your problems 40 Reviews: What’s new in books and films 42 Ten Things I Hate About: “Humsafar” fans

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Magazine Editor: Zarrar Khuhro, Senior Sub-Editor: Batool Zehra, Sub-Editors: Ameer Hamza and Dilaira Mondegarian.

Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq W Alvi, S Asif Ali, Sukayna Sadik.

Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi.

For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Verve throws a New Year’s Eve party in Islamabad

Azlan

Maham, Khansa, Sana and Rabail

Zainab and Arsie

Sabrina & Sahar

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Rafia and Lamia

Mr and Mrs Nouman Khalid

Stefan, Ulrika, Gulbarshyn, Asma, Johan, Sarmad and Dorien

Hiba, Bilal and Sehr

Amir and Jens

Sadia, Ahmer, Uzma, Sadaf and Ikram

Murtaza, Zainab and Shaza

PHOTOS COURTESY VERVE

Imtisal

Sana and Omar with a guest

Nida Ali and Arsalan

Madeeha and Qurat

Fayeza and Tariq Amin

Gary and Matt

Nayab, Jibran and Nimra

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JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

PEOPLE & PARTIES

The Express Tribune hosts a lunch for their bloggers at Saffron, Karachi

Bina Shah

Sami Shah Farah Kamal

Sara Muzzammil

Meriyum Ali

Muhammad Bilal Lakhani

Tanzeel Ahmad

Dr Awab Alvi Noman Ansari

Abid Beli

Saad Zuberi

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Jahanzeb Effendi

PHOTOS COURTESY SHAHERYAR AND FURSID

Rakshanda Khan

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PEOPLE & PARTIES

Hanif Jewellers celebrate their 7th anniversary with an exclusive screening of Mission Impossible 4 in Lahore

Zeeshan and Hifsa

Sana and Salman

Sabina Pasha and Kuki

Noor and Faria

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Fatima and Sadia

Alina and Kulsoom

PHOTOS COURTESY BILAL MUKHTAR EVENTS & PR

Bilal Mukhtar and Mehreen Syed

Salma and Turab

JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Zohair and Mariam

Sadia Faisal

Natasha

Zarmina, Momina and Atia

Rizwan and Munazza

Tahir and Maria B

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Sarah Gandapur

Maheen Kardar and Saad

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PEOPLE & PARTIES

Tooba Nayab, Abdullah and Aliza

Mehreen Hakim

PHOTOS COURTESY QYT EVENTS

Asimyar Tiwana and Hamid Latif hold an annual event, “Celebrations 2011 New York” in New York

Zahrish and Jennifer

Hamid Latif

Zarah and Yasmeen Fariha and Asimyar

Maliha and Zarrar

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Umar Sayeed and Sadia Imam

Ajay and Megha Rao

JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

COVER STORY

a walk

on the wild side

BY ADIL MULKI

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The caravan cautiously passed through the arid landscape of Balochistan. Sand dunes, piles of rock and expanses of tall, dried grass — the last a reminder of the healthy monsoon that had visited earlier — stretched to the horizon. It was dusk and the

true for the Chital — the spotted deer of the Indian subcontinent.

grass like phantoms at the edge of their vision. The setting sun

its spotted prey has been able to survive in India’s riverine forests

travellers were wary of the elusive shadows that moved in the

itself was an enemy, painting the grass in hues of red, saffron and magenta — perfect camouflage for the stalkers hiding in it.

The men of the caravan held their weapons ready to face an

ambush from what could have been a lone attacker or a horde of killers.

This is not the present, but rather a scene from centuries past.

The travellers are not an FC convoy or transporters carrying Nato

Being the fastest land animal, the cheetah could easily catch up

with the Chital when these two shared territory. Speed, howev-

er, could not save it from near extinction in Asia — less than 100 are believed to be alive today, and almost all are in the Iranian

deserts bordering Pakistan. In contrast to the spotted predator, as well as new habitats worldwide where it has been introduced.

Due to its relatively less aggressive nature and potential for

being trained, the Asiatic cheetah was used for hunting by the

nawabs and rajas of India and the Bedouins of Arabia alike. However, no raja could rescue it from other hunters and from human encroachment on its territory.

Given that the cheetah became virtually extinct in Pakistan

supplies, but nomads searching for pasture, or else traders ply-

only within the past 50 years, it’s no wonder that anecdotes

surgents or bandits but the wolves, cheetahs and lions that once

and that it frequently appears in the ad campaigns of clever mar-

ing an ancient route. And the predators are not militants, inruled this land.

I won’t blame you for thinking that this is the figment of an

imagination running wild. But the reality is that the territories which now comprise Pakistan once boasted of wildlife rivalling

about a cheetah’s speed and agility are still common in folk tales

keteers. This spotted feline is also immortalised in local street lingo, and being called a ‘cheetah’ is something to be proud of.

The King is dead, long live the logo!

that of today’s African safaris!

Next on the Pakistani safari of yore we have, or rather had, the

Can’t outrun extinction

regions of India. With its impressive roar and shaggy mane, the

Asiatic lion which once ranged from Europe to the North Eastern

Once a healthy population of Asiatic cheetahs patrolled huge tracts of land from Arabia and Iran to Central Asia and India —

and present-day Pakistan was smack in the middle of its territo-

ry. So common were cheetahs in the subcontinent that even their name fact comes from the Sanskrit

, meaning

speckled or spotted (chitra) and body or form (kayah). The same is

Anecdotes about a Cheetah’s speed and agility are still common in folk tales and, in local street lingo, being called a ‘cheetah’ is something to be proud of

lion has sparked the imagination of painters and poets — and at

least one Pakistani political party. While it no longer stalks its

ancient habitat, it features in folklore, children’s stories, religious mythology, and the flags and coats-of-arms of numerous nations throughout Europe and Asia.

West of Pakistan, the Persian rulers regarded the lion as a sym-

bol of power and various dynasties used the Sher-o-Khurshid insignia, where a lion appears with the sun in the background.

Sometimes a sword — “Shamsheer” — is also present, at times

in the lion’s forepaw. In fact, it wasn’t until the 1979 revolution

that the lion finally disappeared from the Iranian flag. In ancient India, the Asiatic lion appears on the “Lion Capital of Ashoka”,

an ancient structure from which the national emblem of India

is adapted. Ashoka’s lions appear everywhere in India, from currency notes to postage stamps. That is how deeply rooted the Asiatic lion is in the cultures both east and west of Pakistan, which itself was once lion country.

JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

COVER STORY And the lion still lives in Pakistan, albeit as a logo. The Asiatic lion can

be observed in regal pose looking down on nine-to-fivers from its perch

atop buildings in Pakistan’s financial hubs, as modified versions of the Persian “Sher-o-Khurshid” insignia have been incorporated into the logos of Habib Bank Limited, Habib Metropolitan Bank and others.

In Karachi, the British installed a huge marble statue of Queen Victoria

in the gardens of Frere Hall. The statue was guarded by graceful Asiatic

lions cast in dull metal. Ironically, the lions were first moved to the zoo and then removed from public sight altogether. Decades later, I was pleasantly surprised to find one of them basking in the sun in the backyard of

Mohatta Palace. Queen Victoria stood beside it, melancholically covered in dust, and with a broken nose, her ‘pride’ like those of the lions’ — now

history. The fate of the real Asiatic lions in Pakistani territories is no less tragic. The last of the species was killed in 1842 near Kot Diji in Sindh.

In the early 1900s the nawab of Junagadh, a princely state that is now

part of the Indian state of Gujrat, discovered that only 13 lions remained

in his kingdom. He was so concerned that he declared the Gir forest as a protected area for preserving the Asiatic lions. Today, the nawab’s estate

is gone, but thanks to him, the Gir Forest National Park is the only place on the planet where the lion kings of Asia still rule. According to the latest

lion census carried out in 2010, more than 400 lions inhabit the park and its surroundings.

The Persian word sher specifically refers to lions. However, in India it

has come to mean both lion and tiger. With the near extinction of the Asiatic lion, even the Hindu deity Durga, often called Maa Sheranwali,

is mostly depicted sitting on a tiger and only occasionally riding a lion!

Similarly, the Hindi word for tiger — ‘wagh’ or ‘bagh’ — is interchange-

ably used for lions as well. The British who ruled India also fell victim to this confusion. Rudyard Kipling once came across an Afghan prince who had adopted the title of ‘Sher Khan’. This title had originally been given

Modified versions of the Persian “Sher-o-Khurshid” insignia have been incorporated into the logos of Habib Bank Limited, Habib Metropolitan Bank and others

20 JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

to Sher Shah Suri, the original ‘lion king’, a few centuries earlier, after he

had killed a tiger single-handedly. The logic was that only a lion, the king of the jungle, could kill a tiger — hence Sher Khan, The Lion King. How-

ever, when Kipling sat down to write The Jungle Book — lo and behold, his ‘Sher Khan’ turned out to be a Bengal tiger! Unlike people, it seems misunderstandings do not need a visa to cross borders. In fact, the con-

fusion continues within Pakistan as well, and the PML-N’s ‘Sher’ is also sometimes a lion and at others a tiger!

A bull in blues Next in our safari we have an animal which, like the lions, has to cope

with both the threat of extinction and identity crisis. Meet the Nilgai, literally meaning the blue bull.

I grew up listening to stories of my grandfather hunting these crea-

tures. Once his cousin shot a forest officer’s prized horse at dusk as it came

to have a drink at the watering hole after grazing in the woods. The guilty lad said he thought the horse was a Nilgai!

The shooting had to be followed-up with an extensive cover-up to avoid

the wrath of the officer, but the story always left me perplexed. As a child, I imagined a Nilgai to be a fat cow in Smurf blue and hence could not fathom a horse being mistaken for one. Since then, I’ve had

the fortune to observe quite a few Nilgai in Pakistan albeit

either in private collections or public zoos. The Nilgai is

actually neither a horse nor cattle but an antelope — the larg-

est Asian antelope for that matter and is second in size only to

the African eland. In hindsight, it is very much possible to confuse

its “hind side” for a horse’s in a shady wooded area at twilight. However, I still suspect there was some youthful mischief and the general mood of the Independence-movement that decided the poor horse’s fate.

Today, Nilgai survive in small numbers in the wild in Pakistan along

the Eastern border with India. Sightings are reported around the Nagar-

parkar area and near Bahawalpur. When imported lions were released in a protected enclosure in Lal Suhanra National Park, Bahawalpur, some

Nilgais were reported to have been enclosed accidentally — their outcome?

Let’s just say the lions took their share.

The dilemma of a horn Mistaken identities have had disastrous consequences for some species.

For centuries, Western cultures searched for a shy mythical creature with

magical powers. The creature was said to be similar to beautiful white horses with silky flowing manes and poetic eyes. Its distinguishing feature was a single horn on the forehead. Enter — the unicorn!

During the dark ages, there was great demand for unicorn horns in Eu-

rope which were required to prepare various magical potions and pseudo-

medical concoctions. Quacks satiated this demand with the excavated tusks of long-extinct mammoths and those of Narwhal whales killed specifically for the purpose. All this carried on until the famous explorer

Marco Polo came across a bulky two tonne creature with dark greyish armoured skin and short stumpy legs. Unfortunately, the Indian rhinoceros

seen by Polo had the distinct single horn on its forehead. The West had finally found its unicorn in the Rhinoceros “Unicornis” — the scientific

name given to the Indian rhino. Already in demand in Asian cultures for

Already in demand in Asian cultures for ancient medicines and ornamental reasons, rhino horns now had a new market, and rhinos had a new set of enemies 21 JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

COVER STORY ancient medicines and ornamental reasons, rhino horns now had a new market, and rhinos had a new set of enemies.

No safari, not even a Pakistani one would be

complete without rhinos. The Indian rhinos once roamed freely throughout Punjab and the Indus plains, and their importance for the ancient Indus civilisation can be judged from the seals on

display at the Moenjodaro museum. Another fa-

mous explorer, Ibn-e-Batoota, also wrote about them in travel notes for territories now compris-

ing Pakistan. These four-legged tanks were once even hunted by Emperor Babur near Peshawar.

Scenes from these hunts have been preserved in Mughal miniatures and adorn the walls of museums. According to IUCN’s Red List, the Indian

one horned rhinoceros is ‘vulnerable’ — a classification just below “endangered’ — primarily

due to some areas in India in which it is strictly protected.

Hunting rhinos was not the only way the Mu-

ghals passed their time. They were fond of beau-

tiful and practical architecture too. All across the Indian subcontinent, forts and walled cities they

built have been influenced by one animal more than any other — elephants. Mughal buildings,

especially forts, owe much of their enormity to these gentle giants which the emperors used as

royal carriage as well as a weapon of war. I much awed by the ‘Haathi Gate’ of Lahore’s Shahi Fort

and upon research, it dawned on me that many other forts and palaces across Indo-Pakistan have

similarly huge passageways with the same name.

Wild elephants were always more common in

the lands east of the Indus. They roamed the rain

forests and toiled away as domesticated beasts of

burden and as engines of war. Centuries before

the Mughals, Europeans had their first glimpse of these creatures as weapons of war during Alexander’s face-off

with Raja Porus in the Battle of Hydaspes (Jhelum). Today, not a single wild Asiatic elephant remains in Pakistani territory and only a few remain in captivity.

Paradise Lost The empires of Alexander, the Mughals, the British and

others, all reached their zenith and then disintegrated into fragments and faded into history. The only ‘kingdom’ to

have survived them all is the animal kingdom. But that too, is now engaged in a battle for survival which it seems to be

losing. The fragmentation of ranges has already taken place and what were once seamless swathes of undisputable constituencies of majestic animals are now ‘developed’ or ‘agricultural’ areas, with animal habitat surviving only on the fringes. In some countries animals are frequently ‘flown in’ and ‘out’ of these fragments in order to enrich the gene pools of the systems. Such frivolities are brushed off in Pakistan. After this fragmentation, the next logical step for all the kings and their heirs is a transition from the present into the annals of history. I can assure the reader from personal experience that inheriting trophies and family hunting stories is cool but a chance to see wildlife in its natural grandeur is cooler.

With this we come to the end of our safari.

Interestingly, the Swahili word ‘safari’ meanlong journeys undertaken by Europeans for hunting African wildlife. The Urdu word ‘safar’, meaning journey, comes from the same root. The next time someone mentions African safaris, you can smile knowing that Pakistani wildlife has more in common with African safaris than you may have imagined.

ILLUSTRATION: JAMAL KHURSHID

ing ‘great journey’ came to be used for the

25 JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

PORTFOLIO

bottom of the

food chain

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PHOTOS BY MEHLUM SABRI TEXT BY HAMNA ZUBAIR

“You can’t take pictures here!” says a shopkeeper aggressively, paan sliding out of the corner of his mouth. “You’ll show these pictures on TV, and then we’ll get into trouble.”

You’d think something sinister was going on — but there is nothing more sus-

pect on sale in this corner of Empress Market than some poor, malnourished animals. If you can stand the stench, the animal stalls in Empress Market are worth

a visit, if only to get an insight into the sad lives of the animals that end up here.

You’ll find every conceivable kind of animal on sale, from cuddly little Labradors to turtles. You’ll see exotic birds everywhere you look, dismally stuffed into tiny

cages — I spot a peacock, flamingos, and a huge pelican within five minutes of my walk through the market.

Most shopkeepers shy away from having their own pictures taken — but love to

show off their wares. “Take a picture of this cute wolf-pup I recently acquired — but leave me out of the frame,” says Asif, who sells dogs out of a dingy stall. Asif

is in a chatty mood, but won’t say anything about how he gets his hands on the animals, except for telling me that he breeds the dogs himself. If you’re actually

looking to buy, then you aren’t limited to what you see in the shop — Asif says he can get his customers any breed they’d like, even the most expensive.

In this little corner of the market, dogs live right beside rabbits, who are stacked

next to cats, who cosy up to ducks. I ask a shopkeeper about the fate of the poor pelican in the corner — the majestic, big-beaked bird has been stuffed into a cage

hardly larger than its own size, and peers out at me over its beak with angry, JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

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PORTFOLIO

30 JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

weepy eyes. “This bird is very expensive, and eats only fish,” proclaims the shopkeeper. “But no one will buy it as a pet.

People want it for its flesh, and the oil it produces ... it will be chopped up,” he concludes with relish.

On our way out, I spy an elderly man lovingly feeding a mon-

key pieces of paratha, and petting the animal through the bars

of a cage in a corner shop. This is the first time I have seen a shopkeeper here display affection for his charges. “Is this

monkey your pet?” I ask. “No, but he is so cute,” the man replies. “And he loves paratha, see?” I do see, I say. If only all the

problems here in Empress Market’s animal section were that easy to solve.

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POSITIVE PAKISTANI PEOPLE

the network of junk Unleash your inner environmentalist and do a world of good!

BY SUMAIYA LAKHANI

I stood at the end of a long queue at the grocery store, shuffling impatiently and silently wondering if the bottle of shampoo in my hand was actually worth the wait. After the sales clerk finally rang up my purchase, he reached for a plastic bag.

I shook my head, indicating there was no need and shoved the bottle in my handbag instead. When

I turned around, I saw a woman in the adjacent line asking the salesman for extra plastic bags, and the word ‘non-biodegradable’ started ringing in my head.

Incidents such as this may often leave your inner environmentalist feeling disheartened for not

being able to do much more than limiting the waste that you yourself generate. But thank your lucky stars that not everyone is sitting on the sidelines with you … some people are actually out there, doing what they can to preserve the environment.

One of these green do-gooders is Shirin Halai who recently initiated a campaign to reuse, reduce

and recycle.

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What started merely as a personal project elicited such an overwhelming response from her fami-

ly and friends that now, just five months since she started, she has over 50 people on board — along JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

“People using plastic bags to bring in recyclable items would just ruin the purpose of the whole thing,” says Shirin with cafes, beauty parlours, schools and other companies — who send her all their recyclable items. These include paper, boxes, bottles, tins ... pretty much everything you can think of.

she adds, explaining earnestly that it is necessary to prevent further destruction of the environment.

When asked what prompted her to start such a set-up, she

Stacks of newspapers, bottles, scrap paper and tins lying in her

claims that she had always been a ‘go green’ kind of person. After

be re-used. One of the companies she works with also donates

not get the importance it deserved here. She made changes to her

front yard bear witness to the amount of stuff that can actually huge bags made of recycled material to make it easier for people

to bring in their stuff next time round. “People using plastic bags

to bring in recyclable items would just ruin the purpose of the whole thing,” says Shirin with a smile, as she shows me the material that the ‘green’ bags are made of.

How exactly does this network of junk operate? Mostly through

text messages, it seems. As Shirin scrolls through her inbox, I

take a peek. There are dozens of messages from her ‘junk suppliers’ discussing logistics and, at times, simply commending

her for her efforts. Her entire marketing strategy consist of dis-

moving from the UK to Pakistan, she realised that recycling did

own lifestyle but eventually felt that that was not enough. Slowly, she started spreading awareness and encouraging friends and

family to participate. In order to really save on household waste, Shirin encouraged every family member to do his/her bit. Not

only did her family learn to recycle appropriate materials, they

also got in the habit of saving paper and reusing whatever they could. She kept her household help involved in the process so

that they would also understand the benefits of recycling, and pass on these values to their children.

She is also displeased with the current informal recycling sys-

tributing flyers, but the network mostly thrives on publicity and

tem which involves Afghan children rummaging through gar-

Once the junk suppliers have dropped off their recyclable gar-

another way for them to earn their livelihood. They are vulner-

awareness spread through word of mouth.

bage at her house, Shirin separates the items she receives into different categories with the help of her household staff, and

bage dumps to find items that can be salvaged. “I wish there was able to so many diseases,” she says with a sigh.

Shirin’s efforts to preserve the environment are not limited to

sells them all to kabarees. The proceeds are then given to charity.

recycling; she makes an attempt to incorporate her philosophy

and a lot of determination. Recipients of her charity have includ-

I make an effort to switch off lights that are not being used and

Two birds with one stone? All it takes is a little bit of creativity

ed The Garage School and the Burhan Blood Bank and she hopes

to soon be able to donate hearing aids to the Anjuman Behboode-Samat-e-Atfal, a school and vocational center for the hearing

impaired, as well. Funny what scrap paper and tin cans do when put to good use!

Shirin believes that ‘every scrap of paper can be recycled’ and

after an hour of chatting with her, I am convinced. Unused paper

into her life on every level. “I do not believe in waste of any kind.

save whatever I can. It’s not about what you can afford — it’s about the need to save non-renewable resources.”

As far as the general public is concerned, Shirin believes that

people just need to be persuaded to change their lifestyles. So next time you’re using an ATM, you know just what to do with your mini-statement. Recycle it!

and textbooks can be put to good use in charity schools and Shirin

If you know of any people who have achieved something positive, either

medicine bottles and boxes. “It’s a way of life we have to adopt,”

tribune.com.pk and help us share their story with the world.

saves everything from receipts and tissue boxes to brochures and

for themselves or for those around them, please mail us at magazine@ JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

33

ADVICE

mr know it all

From relationship blues to money woes, Mr Know It All has the answers!

Q. Dear Mr Know It All,

I am a 16-year-old girl. I am a little fat and have a dark complex-

ion while most of my cousins are skinny and have beautiful features. They get a lot of attention from boys while I don’t and it’s

bothering me a great deal. I am unable to sleep and most of the time I feel depressed. I have stopped going out because whenever

I meet my cousins and friends they make me feel as if I’m from another planet. Their Facebook walls are covered with messages from boys whereas mine simply displays my own status updates.

Moreover, my cousins get lots of phone calls from boys and even

hang out with them while I am all alone. I may be better than them in studies but my weight issue is ruining everything for

me. I cannot discuss this with my mother as I don’t want her to worry and as a result I have started smoking to deal with this de-

pression. I am literally crying as I write to you because I just want to live a normal life.

Loner

A. Here’s a little secret: 16-year-old boys are just as — if not more

— scared of 16-year-old girls than they are of them. It’s a fact all

the great philosophers forgot to write in their big fancy books of wisdom. Really, there’s no mystery about the opposite sex that

should have you in shambles at such a young age. I mean sure, post-pubescent teenagers battling with hormonal overdrive can be a little hypercritical when it comes to physical appearances, but if you sincerely want to end up with a nice man one day and

have an army of cute little children with him, you’ve got to learn

to avoid such silly emotional triggers. You feel pain and loneliness because you’re not able to be what you want to be. You’ve

38

got a problem with your weight? Why not muster the willpower to start jogging for 30 minutes every evening right after you’ve JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

completed your daily homework? You don’t like your dark com-

I have really tried to keep in touch with a friendly, “Are u alive?”,

dark-skinned singers, actors, activists, authors, politicians and

more?” but nothing works. What should I do?

plexion? Why not focus your attention on the many successful scientists who never let such a trivial aspect of their appearance hold them back? You want to be confident and popular with the

boys? How about learning to regard them as potential friends?

to emotional blackmailing like, “Why don’t you talk to me anyFeeling unwanted

A. Sigh, I’m sorry, I have to be the bad-news-bearer here, but

Don’t wait for them to come to you, initiate friendships you want

it looks like the boy is simply not interested in maintaining a

nice, pleasant personality is worth to most guys. So you see, only

freak out a bit. You can go on and torture yourself by trying to fig-

to have. You’d be surprised to know just how much a genuinely you have the power to make life’s unpleasant aspects a thing of the past. It’s these little changes that will lead you towards a happy, normal life, not the cigarettes. Those will come in handy

only if you wish to stay wretched and want the misery to end 20 years too early.

friendship with you. My guess is your little ‘crush’ caused him to ure out what it is that you did wrong, or how things could have

gone differently had you done it better, but it’ll all a futile exercise that’ll only make things fester for you. Just do your thing

and eventually someone right will come along to sweep you off your feet — preferably after you’ve graduated from college, if there’s anything sane left in this world!

Q. Dear Mr know It All,

I have, or had, a really good friend and we were like the best of

friends, sharing everything and talking all the time. But then, out of the blue, he started avoiding me without any reason. Before, he would text me at midnight and now he doesn’t even re-

ply to my text. When I ask him why, he goes like, “I didn’t get

Q. Dear Mr Know It All,

Women are supposed to loathe their saas but my fiance can’t

stop doting on my mother. We’ve been engaged for a year and

though it was pretty much ‘arranged’, we knew each other be-

fore and used to hang out pretty often. Unfortunately, I feel the

your message!” I know he’s lying, but whenever I ask him what’s

primary relationship is between my mother and my fiancée with

things worse, he’s making all these new friends — and girl-

I feel like a stranger in the room; she forgets all about me and

wrong he just says, “I’m sorry” and leaves it at that. To make friends — and he has forgotten all about me. He is really impor-

tant to me and I have a crush on him, but he doesn’t care about

me anymore. It’s been two months since we actually talked, and

me somewhere in the background. When the two get together, starts a never-ending conversation with my mother. I just need her to know that she is marrying me and not my mother and that the two of us have a future together.

Three’s a crowd

A. Ask 7 billion people what they want out of life and the an-

swer will be quick and simple: to be happy. It’s funny, really, because 99% of those people are lucky enough to actually make

the journey and reach their happy-place in this lifetime, only to find themselves burdened with the silliest of hang-ups known to

man, virtually unable to enjoy the small pleasures of life… like

watching onlookers burn with envy because you’ve got some-

thing they don’t, for instance. You, I’m afraid, easily make the majority, sure, but is it the ideal side to be on? Not really… So, unless you’re quick to realise that it’s the expectation, the constant yearning to be “happier” that keeps us from ever getting ILLUSTRATION: JAMAL KHURSHID

there, you’re well on your way to becoming just another run-of-

the-mill husband who’ll grumble over everything his wife does.

A healthy saas-bahu relationship is rare (so rare, in fact, that I

think you can actually make some money by selling tickets here), so stop being paranoid and be glad the woman who raised you and the woman you’ll be spending the rest of your life with aren’t at each other’s throats already like Star Plus taught them!

Got a problem you just can’t solve? Mail us at magazine@tribune.com.pk and let

39

our very own whiz take a crack at it!

JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

REVIEW

challenging silence

BY ZEHRA ABID

Working with Sharks is a riveting account of 11 determined women, who sought to fight back against constant sexual harassment in the offices of the United Nations Development Programme.

Author and human rights activist Dr Fouzia Saeed once again writes about a subject many consider to be taboo but this time, she tells her own story. One of the eleven women, Fouzia decided to file a complaint in 1997 after her colleague Tasneem was fired for not reciprocating to senior manager Tarik Khan’s sexual advances. As word silently spread in the office, more and more women began to speak up about how they too had been repeatedly harassed by Tarik’s obscene gestures, phone calls and sexual jokes. The number of complainants kept adding up, but the stories remained the same — the same conversations, the same manner of manipulation and the same pattern of sexual harassment.

Finally, after much deliberation, the 11 women, belonging to four different countries, came together and filed a joint complaint against sexual harassment on December 22, 1997 — a day now marked as the National Day for Working Women in Pakistan.

The book provides an in-depth look at the complaint and the in-

wired up

BY NOMAN ANSARI

Move aside Megan Fox, because here comes a real woman! Gina Carano, who plays the head locking, kickboxing, choke holding mercenary Mallory Kane, in spy thriller Haywire, is like a roundhouse kick to the gut when it comes to breaking Hollywood female lead stereotypes.

A former MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) fighter elegantly carrying a 5’8’’ frame with the toned curves of a muscle car and armed with a sly smile, she is both sexy and menacing, exuding all sorts of femme fatality.

Indie film director, Steven Soderbergh (Traffic), who directed porn star Sasha Grey in 2008’s The Girlfriend Experience, is clearly no stranger to experimental casting choices. But Gina Carano aside, Haywire features a seasoned and star-studded cast that performs well, thanks in part to a very good script, which has enough espionage and intrigue to make a watchable film out of the tired “framed spy” genre.

In between fantastic and realistically choreographed martial arts sequences and dozens of narrative twists (including a fair amount of flashbacks), the film tells the tale of operative Mallory Kane, freelance employee of a private American security firm (Read: Blackwa40 ter), that is run by her ex-boyfriend Kenneth (Ewan McGregor). After JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

stitutional harassment suffered by the eleven women when UN officials colluded with the perpetrator to crush their case and their spirit.

Working with Sharks is as much a story of disappointments as it is of enduring courage. At various points in the book, Fouzia exposes her vulnerabilities, the way she had been touched, her fears and moments of weakness.

However, the tone of the book still remains positive, with every little achievement in the case being celebrated. Sometimes it is easy to feel lost in the minute details of the UN’s organisational structure, but the book still remains gripping, especially towards the end.

Fouzia has published this book at an important time; around two years after laws against sexual harassment were passed in Pakistan.

By providing a personal account, she has made it easier for others to speak up, which may play an essential role in the implementation of the laws. After all, there can always be a ‘Tarik’ lurking around. a

government official Coblenz (Michael Douglas) and his associate Rodrigo (Antonia Banderas) use the security firm to successfully perform a rescue operation in Barcelona, Mallory is asked by Kenneth to perform one final mission, this time in Dublin, going in undercover as the spouse of a British agent (Michael Fassbender). Unfortunately for Mallory, her swansong doesn’t go quite as she expected, and she finds herself the victim of a setup. The rest of the movie, shot on some gorgeous looking exotic locales, has her attempting to clear her name, until she eventually ends up at the cottage of her father, John Kane (Bill Paxton), as she dodges government agents, cops, as well as her love interest, fellow operative Aaron (Channing Tatum).

Haywire also features a stimulating jazzy musical score very reminiscent of Bruce Lee’s Enter the Dragon, and is thankfully free of the overbearing post-production effects that shatter suspension of disbelief in most films of this kind. Compared to another recently released espionage thriller, the high flying Ghost Protocol, this ‘meat and potatoes’ film body slams the genre back down to earth.

THE HATER

10 things I hate about

1 2 3 4 5

…humsafar fans

How they hog the remote. Every Saturday I see you sitting on the couch, stroking the remote and muttering

“my precious” under your breath. Do you really have to keep the remote with you all day? The show airs at 8pm, it’s barely 10am at the moment.

How they lust after each weekly episode. While you wait for the beautiful “Humsafar” filled Saturday to arrive; is it really necessary to satiate your thirst by con-

stantly watching the “Humsafar” promo every time it airs?

Their desire to showcase their love for the show. Frankly, I am really tired of the deluge of “Humsafar” episodes, parodies and pictures with weird emoticons on Facebook walls and Twitter feeds.

Posting personal reactions to the show. Yes, yes. We

know you would have punched Ashar in today’s episode if you were there but you weren’t and it isn’t real.

Next thing you know they’ll be posting videos of themselves watching “Humsafar”.

The “Humsafar” SMS attack. Goodbye Faraz and Zubeida Apa, “Humsafar” fans occupy your mobile inbox with the “Woh humsafar tha” poetry, instructions for Khirad and curses for Sara.

42 JANUARY 29-FEBRUARY 4 2012

BY FERYA ILYAS

6 7 8 9 10

The “Humsafar” cult.Stop trying to convert every one!

Preaching your love for “Humsafar” every chance you get won’t make me love it.

The constant live commentary during the show. “Say

something Khirad, tell Ashar that you’re innocent and that his mother is a wicked witch!” *face palm*.

The vivid imagination. All the female fans fancy themselves to be Khirad and male fans Ashar. I bet some can relate to Sara, too.

Their inability to listen to criticism. It’s not like it’s a breakthrough script, the story is clichéd and the typical love triangle is overdone and predictable. It’s like

the Pakistani twilight only without the vampires, werewolves, demon baby and the glitter. Well, maybe not the glitter.

Watching it repeatedly. A single episode is aired thrice

(or maybe more times) and the fans watch every telecast. Some can never have enough so they YouTube it!