The Express Tribune Magazine - January 30

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

Veena, Vidi, Vici ‘Let me grow as an artiste or I will join politics and rule this country.’

16

Desert Rose 22

Pushing it 32

HOROSCOPE

REVIEWS

COMMENT

PEOPLE

PORTFOLIO

JUNE 13-19 2010

JUNE 13-19 2010

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

Cover Story 16 Veena, Vidi, Vici Up close and personal with the vivacious Veena Malik

Feature 22 Desert Rose Can Gori jo Mandar stand the test of time?

Portfolio 26 Kaleidoscope Photographers explore health and serenity

Profile

22

32 Pushing It Wrestler Munir Ahmed isn’t just all brawn

Politically Incorrect 34 Pepco Rules Tips for the perennially powerless

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Regulars 6 People & Parties: Out and about with Pakistan’s beautiful people 14 Tribune Questionnaire: Sabina Pasha on leather and fur 36 Reviews: What’s new in film and books 40 Horoscope: Shelley von Strunckel on your week ahead 42 Ten Things I Hate About: The joint family system

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Editor: Zarrar Khuhro. Sub-Editors: Batool Zehra, Hamna Zubair Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq Alvi, S Asif Ali, Samad Siddiqui, Sukayna Sadik Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi.

For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk

JUNE 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Staying In Touch

As Pakistan crosses one hundred million cellular subscriptions, top executives gathered at the PNCA in Islamabad to celebrate this milestone.

6

Dr Mohammad Saleem Director General PTA with his family

Frieha Altaf

Naveeqa and Nabiha Mahmood

PTCL Chairman Walid Arshad

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

JUNE 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Picture Perfect Pfizer held a photography exhibition and calendar launch in Karachi, with the who’s who of the photography world in attendance.

8

Tapu Javeri

Maliha Rao

Taha, Nariman, Ayaz and Maliha

Nubain, Kohi and Ahmer Ashraf

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

JUNE 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Music and Lyrics Karachiites enjoyed a dinner and musical evening featuring Ustad Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, held by the Entrepreneurs’ Organisation Karachi.

10

Farisa and Subul

Ali and Aymen

Amna and Faisal

Haris with Rahat

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

JUNE 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Jasmine with a friend

Rabea

12

Mishi Khan and a guest JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

Khatija, Zantiana and Sadiqa

aris

Sahr H

Mrs Salim

Ali and Faizan

Shaneela and Gul Tabba

Omar Satti, Fayaz and Haris

Aymen, Nazia, Aisha, Rabia and Rushna

rs SM

M Mr and

r

Munee

Sadaf

13 JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

PHOTO BY FAYYAZ AHMED

“I’d either like to be a ninja champion or a ballet dancer.”

Model and L’Oreal Paris Spokesperson Sabina Pasha on leather, fur, and the invisible man.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

When and where were you happiest?

A starry night with my boys.

When I handed my award for best emerging model to my mom…

What is your greatest fear?

mostly like to keep other people happy.

Poverty, disease and bad circumstances.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I tend to trust untrustworthy people.

tucking in my sons every night and caring for Bilal everyday… I

Which talent would you most like to have?

I’d either like to be a ninja champion or, on the other extreme, to be a ballet dancer!

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Being judgmental and always believing one side (that too the

I want to stop living in a fantasy world of my own all the time.

totally wrong side) of a story!

What is your greatest extravagance?

All my fur coats and leather boots.

What is your current state of mind?

Turbulent.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Being an obsessive mom of two little boys, a supporting wife, a

strong-willed model and above all representing the world’s top beauty brand, L’Oréal Paris, as a spokesperson for two years in a row.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

it be?

Pride.

A lioness.

On what occasion do you lie?

Where would you most like to live?

When it makes someone smile.

Pakistan, Pakistan and Pakistan!

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

What is your most treasured possession?

Nothing... I take everything as a gift from God and truly

My dreams.

cherish it.

Which living person do you most despise?

People who bully the weak and oppressed.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

The ability to stand up for his woman and fight for her rights!

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Sensibility, versatility and the ability to evoke true love in a man.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“Kasam khao!”

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Being rich and lonely.

If you didn’t do your current job, what would you choose to do?

I’d be running a Sufi music channel.

What is your most marked characteristic?

An instant smile and a drop dead belief in people.

Who is your hero of fiction?

He ‘s somewhere in the fog right now... the invisible man! a JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

15

COVER STORY

Veena, Vida, Vici ‘Let me grow as an artiste or I will become President of Pakistan and rule this country.’

BY ALI USMAN

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

The first thing that strikes you as you enter Veena Malik’s house in DHA Lahore is the silence... and let’s face it, silence is not something you associate with the feisty beauty. The serenity surrounding her residence is at odds with shrill war of words that the actor’s boldness and behaviour has sparked in Pakistan.

Right now there seem to be two types of people in the land of

the pure: those who adore Malik for her defiance and those who would like to see her lynched for her over-the-top attitude. In her

first television interview after returning from her stint on “Bigg

Boss” in India, Malik took on both the anchor Kamran Shahid and Mufti Abdul Qavi , both of whom seemed bent upon drag-

ging her through the mud for the ‘shame’ her behaviour in India apparently caused the nation. Her spirited defence of her behaviour may have got her detractors up in arms but has also struck

a chord with many others who now see her as the poster girl for free speech and expression. Drawing rooms, news channels and

online forums are all abuzz with Veena Malik fever, with Paki-

stan’s Twitteratti making her one of the top ten Twitter trends worldwide on the day the interview aired.

Only a few weeks ago, Malik’s conduct in the Indian real-

ity show “Bigg Boss” was causing outrage in Pakistan, with the perpetually indignant moral police decrying everything she did, from her flirtation with Indian contestant Ashmit Patel to the

clothes she wore, loudly proclaiming that Malik’s ‘shameless’ conduct had dragged Pakistan’s otherwise pristine reputation

through the mud. But rather than backtrack, go underground or

take the abuse lying down, Malik fought back. Live. And on na-

tional television. At one point, she questioned the sense of mak-

ing a big deal out of her behaviour in a TV show when there were so many other problems in the country. At another, she took the mufti to task for allegedly rampant child abuse in madrassas.

“I am not a coward and can’t act like one,” says Malik as she

gets ready for a candid chat on a chilly Lahore afternoon. “I hail from an army family and bravery is in my blood.” But this de-

fiance does not come without a price. “All my friends have left me,” says Veena sadly. “I only have the support of my family, and

though some people support me, others expect me to apologise for my behaviour in “Bigg Boss.”

Dressed in casual trousers and a t-shirt, Malik looks relaxed,

ensconced in a sofa and sipping coffee from a huge mug. But tension is very much in the air. Private security guards stand sentry outside her house and a maid bustles around protectively. “I have hired the services of a private security company and don’t

go out without letting them know,” she says. Much like the reality show participants confined to the “Bigg Boss” house, Malik is

still restricted in her movements and cannot go out of her house freely.

“I don’t feel threatened but yes, I am upset with some people’s JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

COVER STORY

“When Pamela Anderson said I was the one contestant she would like to stay in touch with once she returned to Hollywood, the other participants started nursing grudges against me.”

VEENA VS. THE MUFTI “If you want to talk about Islam, let me tell you this – you aren’t even supposed to look at me right now, and if you are you should be punished.”

“What about the things politicians get up to? Things like bribery, robbery and murder in the name of Islam. Why are you focusing on Veena Malik instead of all of these issues? Because Veena Malik is a woman?”

“Why are you attacking Veena Malik? Go and investigate those maulvis who rape their own students in their madrassahs.”

Today, the “Bigg Boss” house...

behaviour. These few people are not the real Pakistan. I just want them to understand that I represent the entertainment industry

of this country. Let me grow. Let me go places as an ambassa-

dor of this country’s entertainment industry. If the handful of people condemning me don’t let me grow, I will go into politics and rule this country,” warns Malik.

So what kind of political slot will she go for? MPA? Senator?

Minister?

“I would like to be the President of Pakistan, even if I am asked

to pick the presidency of any country in the world,” she says. At least Obama can rest easy... for now.

Recounting her “Bigg Boss” experience, she claims the hostility

shown to her by the other residents of the house was nothing but professional jealousy: “When Pamela Anderson declared that I was

the one contestant she would like to stay in touch with once she returned to Hollywood, the other participants couldn’t digest it and started nursing grudges against me.” Well others might succumb to the green-eyed monster, but our own desi dish has loftier goals.

“Pamela is interested in doing social work in Pakistan. With

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her support, I’d like to work on a clean drinking water project for JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

“Decency isn’t just about clothes, it’s about behaviour. Look at my body language in the show. I never abused anybody. I was angry with Dolly but didn’t use abusive words even then.”

Tomorrow the Presidency?

marginalised communities. Pamela brought water filters – each

of which cost $50 – with her from the US and we can work out how to use them here in Pakistan. I am already working with the World Health Organization on some projects. Pamela plans to

visit Pakistan once I extend an invitation but right now I can’t say anything until things here settle down. Ashmit Patel also wants to come here and help children with thalessemia. This was one

of the reasons that we became good friends on the show,” Malik says enthusiastically. But that ‘friendship’ also led to charges of indecency. What does Veena have to say about that?

“Decency isn’t just about clothes, it’s about behaviour. Look

at my body language in the show. I never abused anybody. My

anger was at its peak when I said ‘Dolly jee, aap aurat kay naam par ek cartoon ho,’ but even then I didn’t use any abusive words.

I promoted Urdu there and even Salman Khan said ‘Veena Jee has taught Urdu to Hindustan.’ I didn’t wear shalwar kameez and that I don’t even wear at home - Pakistani culture is not limited

to the shawlar kameez. Besides I represented the entertainment industry of Pakistan,” says Malik.

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Sharing her memories of “Bigg Boss,” Malik smilingly says, “It JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

COVER STORY was a beautiful house and we had a lot of fun. The clippings aired

made it look like we only quarrelled while in fact we had a really

good time. I cooked for everyone at that house. In fact, I was the only celebrity over there who could cook well.”

So apart from notoriety, what did she get out of “Bigg Boss”?

“I have an offer to host a show on an Indian television channel during the upcoming cricket world cup. I have also turned down

several scripts that were offered to me and people from the UK, US, Australia and India are approaching me for projects. I have

accepted some offers but cannot reveal them right now. One thing is for sure though, whatever I do in the future is going to be bigger than “Bigg Boss,”” says Malik.

Where Veena Malik is thankful to liberal people in Pakistan for

supporting her, she has a serious gripe with the Pakistani media.

“When I went into “Bigg Boss,” the media here said I would be out in few days but I stayed there for 12 weeks. When Sameer Soni

“I have accepted some offers but cannot reveal them right now.

One thing is for sure though, whatever I do in the future is going to be bigger than “Bigg Boss.””

Veena’s Pakistani “Bigg Boss” Dream Team: (from left to right) Pervez Musharraf, Nargis, Maulana Fazlur Re

went on Indian TV saying he wanted to slap me, only one newspaper highlighted the issue. When Shilpa Shetty became the

target of racial discrimination in “Big Brother” she was unanimously supported by the Indian media but very few voices from our media came in my favour.”

Still, amid the disappointment, she also holds out hope for the

future.

“The youth is my hope and I trust young people to change peo-

ple’s perceptions about Pakistan,” says Malik. “My media spokes-

man, Sohail Rashid, is a young man. Many seniors wanted to be my publicist but I trusted Sohail for this job because he is young and energetic.”

Veena Malik, who is keen to do new things, is quite fond of

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high heels and has a large collection of them at home. The heels JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

even travelled with her to the “Bigg Boss” house where they be-

came the subject of many jokes from the contestants.

“I started working when I was in Class 10 but my showbiz career

really took off when I was in third year of university. My family wanted me to marry, but I wanted to do something more. In 2003, I signed up for several movies and shifted to Lahore,” she says.

“When a male actor works in India, people don’t mind. This attitude needs to change. Don’t speak against Veena Malik or any other female star just because she is a soft target.”

Living in India for so many weeks has also given her a new per-

spective on the state of Lollywood, and also on what she says are

our double-standards. “While we make a movie that costs Rs10 million, the Indians spend Rs100 million or more. Their entertainment industry is much bigger than ours and we should support our actors and artists who try to make a name in the Indian

industry. When a male actor or singer works in India, people don’t mind but when a female actor goes to India, some people in Pakistan make it an issue. This attitude needs to change. Don’t

speak against Veena Malik or any other female star just because

ehman, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Sheikh Rashid, Dolly Bindra, Bal Thackeray and last, but never least, Meera.

she is a soft target”.

So if Lolly-Bolly cooperation is the way to go, what are the chanc-

es for a Pakistani “Bigg Boss”? Well, Veena has her choices already picked: Pervez Musharraf, Sheikh Rashid, Jamsheed Dasti, Bal

Thackeray, Nargis, Maulana Fazlur Rehman, Ashwariya Rai,

Meera and Britney Spears. And that’s not all: “I’ll make this show even funnier and spicier by taking Dolly Bindra from Bigg Boss 4.

The very thought of this show tickles me. I’d love to see the dynamics between Maulana Fazlur Rehman and Nargis!” she adds.

Love her or hate her, you just can’t ignore her. With Veena Ma-

lik now a household name, fans and foes alike will be sitting in nail-biting suspense to see what new controversy she lands herself in. With offers not only from film producers but also, reportedly, several political parties, Veena will be making waves wherever she goes. a

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

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FEATURE

desert

rose

Whipped by desert sands for over 300 years, the Gori jo Mandar or Temple of Gori stands alone and abandoned in Tharparkar, a relic of a time and a culture long forgotten. No supplicant lights a candle to dispel the darkness, no devdasi (female devotee) perfumes the corridors with fragrant sticks, and the lilting melodies of sacred songs are no longer heard in this desolation. Only the screeching cries of bats echo in this once-glorious shrine.

Situated between Islamkot and Nangarparkar, Gori jo Mandar

is shrouded in mystery. Even its original name is lost in antiq-

uity, having changed many times in the course of the centuries.

With no written history of the temple having survived, the only story as to its origin is a legend that it was built by Goricho, a Jain worshiper, in 300 AD.

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

The barren deserts of Thar bear mute witness to the relics of a long-forgotten culture.

BY AAKASH SANTORAI

Constructed at the zenith of Jain culture in Sindh, Gori jo Mandar is entirely constructed from marble, probably brought in from Gujrat.

According to Professor Altaf Aseem, former head of Archeology at Khairpur’s Shah Abdul Latif University, the temple’s main feature was its 54 beautifully built domes, which no longer exist.

This legend is supported by historian Raichand Rathore, who,

in his book Old Tharparkar, writes that this temple was built by Goricho, a saint of the Jain religion and follower of Mahavira

(599-527 BC). Built with intricately carved stones, the building

has 52 steeples and several small rooms, some of which can ac-

commodate only one solitary worshipper.

While the purpose of the temple was undoubtedly religious,

politics may have played part in its downfall. “The British military destroyed some parts of this temple because they found out

that conspiracies against British rule were being hatched here,” writes Rathore.

Gori jo Mandar makes an immediate impression on those in-

trepid visitors willing to travel to this lonely spot. Constructed at the zenith of Jain culture in Sindh, it is entirely constructed from marble, probably brought in from Gujrat. According to Professor Altaf Aseem, former head of department of Archeology at

Khairpur’s Shah Abdul Latif University, the main architectural feature of this temple was its 54 beautifully built domes, which no longer exist.

To Professor Aseem, the domes indicate that there was no idol

worship in the temple and that “the Gori temple was probably

owned by Shevtambar devotees.” Shevtambar is a sect of Jainism whose followers do not believe in the worship of the physical forms of deities. Rather, they believe that it is the characteristics

and virtues of the deities that should be emulated. In an interesting example of how cultures blend into and borrow from one another, the style of the dome was adopted from Muslim architecture purely for its acoustics and suitability to the area’s climate.

Gori jo Mandir was also a place of learning; the wide corridors

of the building served to accommodate the many students that

23 JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

FEATURE came to eat, pray and learn in these halls. At the heart of the

temple is a circular hall around which are small rooms, supposedly once used to accommodate students. Some historians even

claim that Rabindranath Tagore himself was inspired by this place to create the university town of Santiniketan, situated between Mithi and Islamkot.

The long-awaited rains do not just bring a touch of green to the

otherwise barren Thar desert, they also bring tourists. For the

2,000 inhabitants of a nearby village both the rain and the visitors are a lifeline. “Every year we celebrate the fourteenth night

of Bado [the sixth month of the Hindu calendar] at this temple and after that no one goes there,” says Kheenro Bheel, a local villager. “I have never seen anyone from the government come here

to survey the site or help restore the building,” the 70-year-old added.

The west side of the temple is destroyed, and there is no one to

rebuild it. The villagers who live nearby are too poor to eat even

two square meals a day and have no idea of the significance of

the place. Even if they did, such a monumental task is beyond their meager resources. “The archeological authorities are least concerned about this unique symbol of architecture and history,” laments local journalist Khatao Jani.

Dotting the landscape of Thar’s Karoonjhar hills are fifty other

temples, reminders of a time this area was not a forgotten backwater, but a thriving cultural center. Among these relics of the

past is the magnificent Bhodesar temple, which is built on a high platform and reached by a series of steps carved into the rock.

Huge stone slabs constitute grand columns carved with objects

of Jain worship. These stone carvings display a high level of ex-

pertise and dedication, carved as they were at the apex of Jain culture.

But despite this grand past, this temple is no longer visited by

any worshippers and lacks even a single caretaker. The steady si-

24 JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

lence and loneliness of this place is only broken by the cawing of crows during the day and the screeching of bats by night. The bell of the temple is rusted and columns of ants march through cracks in the damaged walls.

At the center of Nangarparkar city stands another Jain temple;

this too is damaged and its walls are crumbling. Five centuries old, its faded wall paintings depict the local flora and fauna.

Jains made offerings of water, sandalwood, flowers, incense, oil,

rice and fruits over here. The Veeravah temple is also an architec-

tural landmark of Thar, comprising of both cylindrical or conical and dome architecture. All this ancient Sindhi cultural and his-

torical heritage is in a terrible state of ruin and the only sign of the government’s presence is a solitary sign asking visitors not to damage the buildings. Despite this sign, not a single temple is

whole and complete — and it is obvious that not all of the damage has been caused by the elements.

Tharparkar has many ancient buildings, temples and mosques

and the Bhodesar mosque is situated alongside the temples in the

lap of Karoonjhar hills. “After conquering the temple of Somnath

Sultan Mahmood Ghaznavi stopped in Thar on his way to Ghazni in 1026,” writes renowned archeologist Ishtiaq Ahmed Ansari, in

his book Forts of Sindh. Bhodesar was one of the ancient cities of Sindh, along with Pari Nagar, Veera Wah, Kasbo, Kerti and Amar

Kot. Five years ago when the road from Islamkot to Nangarparkar

was built, miniatures of Buddha were found during the digging of that site and these are now kept at Umerkot museum.

Situated near the temple, Kasbo village is also a picnic site. Here,

peacocks and peahens — along with the songs of local legend Yousif Faqeer — make the atmosphere pleasant. No one who comes here should miss the stirring melodies of this blind folk singer.

But as the rainy season passes, both the elusive greenery and

the visitors also disappear, and the temples of Tharparkar resume their silent vigil, waiting for a spring that may never come.a

25 JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

PORTFOLIO

kaleidoscope The Indus Valley art gallery recently hosted a display of photographic prowess by some of the most recognized names in Pakistani photography, along with some very talented newcomers. Organised by Pfizer pharmaceuticals, the themes of the photographs revolved around issues such as tobacco control and smoking, efforts for flood relief and rehabilitation, mother and child relationship, vaccination and immunization and general health issues.

Ayaz Anis Khan ‘Engulfed’ (above), and ‘Oblivious’ (left).

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

Kohi Marri ‘Triumph Over Adversity’ (above), and ‘Resilience’ (left).

27 JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

PORTFOLIO

Maliha Rao ‘Time Wise’ (left), and ‘Breathe’ (below).

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

Nariman Ansari ‘Innocence’ (left), and ‘Cocoon’ (below).

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

PORTFOLIO

Nubain Ali ‘Free to Explore’ (left), and ‘Free to Live’ (below).

30 JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

Yousuf Bashir Qureshi ‘Lets Foster the Hand that Ropes Our Fate’ (left) and ‘United We Stand’ (below).

31 JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

PROFILE

pushing

it

His alarm clock goes off at 2 am every morning – that’s when wrestler Munir Ahmed starts his day.

push-ups, completing 2,503 push-ups in less than two hours.

He chows down on 250 grams of butter, eaten with mixed pre-

eral ruptured muscles to do the same.

warm-up exercises for 30 minutes. Then he really gets down to

tler with arms the size of my torso and an attitude to match, but

nothing but push-ups, and then another two hours in the eve-

of average height, and his bulk and muscularity are not evident

served fruits and herbs, gets a body massage and then does

business. Ahmed spends at least two hours in the morning doing ning doing even more push-ups. This routine is repeated daily,

except for Thursday, when Ahmed gives his aching muscles a

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How many push-ups can you do? Wrestler Munir Ahmed managed a mind-boggling and body-breaking 2,503 in the space of just two hours!

BY UMAR FAROOQ

rest. This may seem excessive for an average man, but Ahmed is anything but average. He recently set a record for doing the most JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

Quite a feat, considering it would take me about a year and sevBefore I met Ahmed, I had imagined a huge WWF-type wres-

the reality is quite different. He is an unassuming young man in his everyday clothes. He isn’t a steroid-powered rage machine either. By his own admission, he is religious and prayer is a vital part of his routine. He spends a fair amount of time each day

in meditation, and enjoys his family’s company when he’s not

working out. He attributes his success to his parents as much as to his prayers.

“Once when I was massaging my father’s legs, he said he

wished that I would become a successful wrestler. So I think his

prayers finally caused my career to lift off,” says Ahmed. “I am so proud to be a record-holder now.”

But Ahmed isn’t letting his success go to his head — just his

biceps. He still puts his body through grueling workouts and ex-

ercises in the wee hours of the morning, after which he says his Fajr prayers and then eats a king’s breakfast: three parathas with

one kilogram of lassi and one kilogram of milky tea. He goes back to bed after this and wakes up after six hours to sprint for about an hour, followed by… you guessed it… more push-ups.

Ahmed claims it is his consumption of dairy products and

vegetarian food that keeps him fit enough to do so many push-

ups. Milk, clarified butter and almonds are the holy trinity of a wrestler’s diet, and Ahmed consumes each with great relish. He

doesn’t drink much water; preferring to guzzle gallons of pomegranate juice as he says it gives him energy.

The young wrestler has suffered his fair share of setbacks on

the road to success, undergoing a lot of physical pain in his quest to be the best. When he was younger he damaged his right ear

during a wrestling competition and got a chunky Y-shaped cut on his forehead after a tough contest against an army wrestler in

2005. “These injuries are the jewels of a wrestler and I don’t mind having them,” says Ahmed, who is also a volunteer wrestler for the police department.

Ahmed completed his secondary education from a local school

but decided to stop studying after that to concentrate on his wres-

tling career. His parents didn’t have a problem with that, as he comes from a family of well-known wrestlers. His father Mohammad Bashir and elder brother Shauqat Pahlwan are considered

wrestling pioneers in their small town, Kot Abdul Malek. Ahmed began training with his father and brother when he was 14 years old, and also took lessons from the renowned Lahori wrestler, the late Abdul Rasheed, also known as Cheeda Champion.

“Education was never a priority,” says Ahmed. “Instead, wres-

tling is our main occupation. It was convenient too, as I had a teacher at my own home in the form of my father.”

Ahmed also looks up to his mother, who he says sold her jewel-

lery in order to pay for his special diet and training. Ahmed says

she wanted him to be a wrestler instead of a doctor or an engineer.

“When I look at my mother, tears come to my eyes,” says

Ahmed. “I am embarrassed that my mother sold her jewellery to

meet my diet expenses… she just wanted to make me a successful wrestler.” Despite his not having a steady job, Ahmed isn’t par-

ticularly concerned about the future, and says he will take things

as they come. “It is all about fate and Allah’s will,” says Ahmed.

“He wanted me to be a wrestler and so I am.” a

He says his Fajr prayers and eats a king’s breakfast: three parathas with one kilogram of lassi and one kilogram of milky tea. He goes back to bed and wakes up after six hours to sprint for an hour, followed by… you guessed it… more push-ups.

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

33

POLITICALLYINCORRECT

pepco

rules

BY AA SHEIKH

Feeling peeved and powerless? Your worries are at an end, as PEPCO has now issued its new guidelines for power usage.

As always, the Pakistan Electric Paucity Company is striving to deliver the best possible service to its valued customers within extremely limited resources. We firmly believe in empowering people (yes, we

like punning too!) and judiciously and responsibly using what

meagre power there is. To that end we are issuing our revised

set of rules and regulations for our esteemed customers. We’ll be honest with you; we don’t like to keep valuable consumers in the

dark (pun intended!): we’re only left with enough power to run just a few appliances in the country for a mere month or two.

And those are located in Islamabad (we all know where). Drastic measures are therefore required, and we request that all consumers strongly adhere to the guidelines that follow. (For those in Ka-

rachi, our sister company Karachi Electric Scarcity Corporation is

34

issuing the same rules, so don’t think you can get away with it.)

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

1.

Avoid using lights, especially from sunset to sunrise.

And during the day, pull open all your curtains and sunbathe.

If it’s cloudy or rainy, think of the many songs celebrating rains and immerse in the experience.

2.

Light bulbs are an outmoded invention that Edison

conceived while taking a break from his other inventions. It is a known fact that in those who use them, bulbs cause a lot of

perspiration and hardly any inspiration. Edison said so himself.

Moreover, research has revealed that bulb filaments produce invisible rays that can seriously hamper male virility. Do you still want to use them?

3.

Do not use electric heaters. If gas is in short supply, we

suggest you wear eight sweaters and huddle. If the Americans

can have “huddled masses” why can’t we? We’re certainly a massive nation, population-wise. Huddling would create national

unity and mutual understanding. It would also create more of us, soon enough. Then we can huddle some more.

4.

In summers, try using smaller air conditioners. Those

that weigh a ton or two are way too heavy and difficult to install; we suggest you find something in the 5-10 kg range. Keep its fil-

ter clean and its power cord unplugged. Also, always keep the thermostat at 36ºC which is keeping in line with national averages.

5.

Most ceiling fans are squeaky and ineffective. And did

you ever think how long can these fans defy gravity? What goes

up must come down. It’s a law of nature, as all grownups know.

So avoid these fans lest they mangle you badly. Safety comes first.

6.

Computers are good appliances and don’t consume

much energy. As long as you don’t use their monitors. So we strongly recommend that you don’t. Monitors in any case produce invisible rays that can cause serious mental derangement.

Trust us; we know from personal experience.

7.

Irons are a passé invention and we recommend that you

should try wash-and-wear which is cool in both senses of the

word. Irons can also give you electric shocks by increasing your monthly bill manifold. So avoid them.

8.

Hair dryers are entirely useless contraptions because if

you wait long enough your hair would dry out anyway. Plus they produce invisible rays that can adversely affect ladies’ sense of

aesthetics and thus lead to bad shopping decisions. Do you still want to use them?

9.

All cell phone and other chargers should be disconnect-

ed when not in use. And sometimes even when in use. Remember, we charge by the charger. Ok, that wasn’t too funny but you can smile at least; it costs nothing. Yet.

10.

If you still crave energy-sapping devices we suggest you use gen-

11.

Finally, we recommend you strictly follow these in-

erators and go easy on the national grid. We’re in a gridlock as it is. (Haha!)

structions or else face unending load management. Always re-

35

member... PEPCO rules! a

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

REVIEW

featured review of the week

book out of this world

BY MAHVESH MURAD

There is no denying that Terry Pratchett (that’s Sir Terence to the Queen) is as prolific as writers come. I Shall Wear Midnight is his 39th book set in Discworld — and if you don’t know what that is then you’ve presumably been living in a bunker. In this book, Pratchett continues the adventures of young witch Tiffany Aching as she tries to settle into her role of hag o’ the hills in the Chalk, a place that hasn’t necessarily decided it wants her around. While she does this, she is made aware that a strange force of evil has been released and is headed straight for her.

Tiffany is a character who has evolved. Having seen some ugly things in her life as a young witch, she has grown to be strong, sensible and clever, but not precocious – never precocious! She has used her experiences to help her in her role as the hag o’ the hills. With Tiffany now a teenager, Pratchett is open to the possibility of love for her — but that does not mean that there is sex in this story, because Terry Pratchett has never needed sex to sell his books. Humour and a biting wit always suffice. There is, however, death involved, which may surprise those who are looking for a sweet and safe little young adult novel. Says Pratchett, “I think that our job is to turn children into adults, not encourage children to remain children.”

Pratchett’s young adult novels often deal with more serious ideas than the main Discworld novels — in this fourth installment of Tiffany’s adventures the themes and motifs aren’t for the faint of heart. There is much darkness in I Shall Wear Midnight: horrific domestic violence, the death of an unborn child, vicious witch hunts, and a strange eye-less specter called the Cunning Man who is easily one of Pratchett’s more frightening villains.

The Cunning Man’s evil shadow lingers throughout the book, adding to the already dark elements that Pratchett has brought into Tiffany’s life. Eventually though, he is dealt with rather quickly, almost in a rushed manner. But this is nitpicking because it is not 36 the plot that is the star here — although there is certainly nothing JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

magic, mystery and mayhem The fourth installment of Tiffany’s adventures is not for the faint of heart

Terry Pratchett has never needed sex to sell his books.

Humour and a biting wit always suffice. There is, however, death involved, which may surprise those who are looking for a sweet and safe little young adult novel. Says Pratchett,“I think that our job is to turn children into adults, not encourage children to remain children.”

wrong with the plot! Pratchett’s characters steal the scene, with their little intrigues and complications, their dialogue and comedy that shine through everything else.

How does Pratchett manage to write so ridiculously well, continue to be so incredibly smart and funny and remain true to his own voice and style while managing to bring to life a multitude of characters? He is incredibly good at bringing to life different voices and manages the voice of a teenage girl so convincingly that there is never a moment of doubt in Tiffany’s narrative. Of course, she is no ordinary teenage girl — as nothing is ever ordinary in Pratchett’s fantastic worlds.

One must also admire Pratchett’s ability to juggle a multitude of characters who connect through many of his books. Here, Tiffany travels to the city of Ankh Morpork and meets a number of characters from other Discworld novels — character that younger readers who have only read Pratchett’s young adult work may not know of, but for those who are aware of the extent of Discworld, this all ties up organically.

I Shall Wear Midnight has it all — lots of great action and all the right thrills and chills. Magic, mystery and mayhem abound on every page and the finale is heart-warming and open to endless possibilities.

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

37

REVIEW

film true blood

BY NOFIL NAQVI

I Saw the Devil is the fourth Ji-woon Kim film I have seen and loved, and amazingly, each one is vastly different from the next. A Tale of Two Sisters was a horror flick, A Bittersweet Life became one of my favourite action movies, and The Good, the Bad and the Weird was a hilarious comedy-western. Which brings us to I Saw the Devil, a nail-biting crime thriller. Kim’s versatility and his ability to excel in each genre he explores reminds me of my all-time favourite director Stanley Kubrick.

I believe this is the third consecutive Ji-woon Kim movie starring Byung-hun Lee, and here he plays Kim Soo-hyeon, an agent working for a South Korean intelligence agency. His fiancée is brutally murdered by a serial killer Kyung-chul (played by Choi Min-sik from Oldboy), and Soo-hyeon makes it his life’s purpose to track down the killer and exact a revenge that truly, and I mean truly, makes the killer feel the pain that he inflicted on his victims.

Every time Soo-hyeon catches Kyung-chul he tortures him, then proceeds to have him treated for the injuries that he has inflicted on him, so that he can feel the pain all over again the next time he catches him. Perversely, not only does Kyung-chul start enjoying this cat-and-mouse game with his hunter, but Soo-hyeon also begins to cross the line, slowly becoming a monster himself, The ensuing internal conflict the protagonist suffers after realising this makes the movie psychologically so much more interesting than a straight-up revenge thriller like, say, Taken. Indeed, the question is: how easy is it to become a ‘monster’? If a ‘normal’ person was pushed beyond a certain point, could he or she do something as horrible as what Soo-hyeon does?

Byung-hun Lee is absolutely brilliant in the film, reminiscent of his role in A Bittersweet Life. He is unbelievably tough and resilient, yet emotionally vulnerable. And Min-sik Choi plays his character superbly: he is menacing, chaotic, and a slave to his wanton desires. Anything is possible with Kyung-chul, he has no limits, and that is a reality that Soo-hyeon has to face and pay for dearly when he messes with him.

Along the way, Soo-hyeon also meets some pretty messed up 38 friends of Kyung-chul’s and these encounters are some of the best JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

Fight not with monsters...

In exacting revenge on his girlfriend’s murderer, Soo-hyeon starts turning into a monster himself

parts of the movie, a darkly comic celebration of madness and murder.

In fact, we go through a directory of psychopaths, and one begins to see that there is a kind of hierarchy amongst them, with Kyung-chul undoubtedly coming out on top. Oh yes, I Saw the Devil is certainly not for the faint-hearted, there is much blood-gushing severing of limbs that goes on throughout the movie. And I won’t say that it isn’t indulgent, because what else should a director do if not indulge his audience?

film ‘cause i’m a creep

BY BATOOL ZEHRA

When photos of supermodel Stephanie Seymour hanging out with her 18-year-old son at the beach appeared on Gawker.com a few weeks ago, viewers were by and large divided into two camps: those who were weirded out by the eerie physical intimacy between mother and son, and those who thought it was an innocent moment of goofing around. If you belong to the former camp, consider yourself warned. But if the prospect of mining a distinctly icky subject matter — incest — for laughs doesn’t creep you out, then you’ll find plenty to laugh at in Cyrus.

Cyrus is about a divorced middle-aged man whose relationship with the woman of his dreams is thwarted by an unlikely adversary — her 21-year-old, tied-to-the-apron-strings, homeschooled son. John (John C Reilly) has been divorced for seven years but still depends on his ex-wife Jamie (Catherine Keener) for emotional support. When Jamie tells him of her decision to remarry, it pushes John to move on with his life and look for someone special as well. No sooner has he decided this that John meets Molly (Marisa Tomei) at Jamie’s pre-wedding party and the two make an instant connection.

Their relationship moves fast but John can’t figure out why Molly keeps creeping away Cinderella-like in the dead of the night. Enter Cyrus (Jonah Hill), the grown up son who needs mom to rock him to sleep when he has night terrors and panic attacks. Jonah Hill gives a natural performance as the clingy, manipulative, backstabbing Cyrus who puts up a show of loving support while he tries his best to undermine Molly’s new relationship. John takes in stride the inappropriate wrestling between mother and son, the “we leave the bedroom door open” policy, and the fact that Cyrus has no problems walking in on his mom taking a shower, but it doesn’t take long for John and Cyrus to become arch enemies contending for primacy in Molly’s affections. “You need someone to love you in the way I can’t love you,” says Cyrus in what may be the most revolting line of dialogue in the entire movie. It doesn’t help that it

you give love a bad name As the son who is unnaturally close to his mother, Cyrus does everything to undermine her relationship with the new man in her life. is impossible to feel empathy for any of the dysfunctional characters in this film.

Writers/directors Mark and Jay Duplass make a half-hearted attempt at irony, when Cyrus’ relationship with Molly is shown to have parallels with John’s relationship with his ex-wife. John calls up Jamie at odd hours, needs her approval before he can move forward with his new relationship and, despite the best of intentions, spoils her wedding day. Similarly, Molly, too, substitutes one obese, emotionally needy man in her life with another. The viewer is invited to mull over this, without being offered any nuggets of wisdom. Cyrus has been lauded by critics but for the average viewer it is just another meandering, underwhelming mumblecore feature. a

39 JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

HOROSCOPE

BY SHELLEY VON STRUNCKEL

Aries March 20 – April 19 Although Jupiter’s recent move into Ar-

ies promises excitement and opportunity, initially it may seem you’re facing setbacks. These are mostly about editing out what doesn’t work. Challenging as giving up on certain existing plans or promising venture is, be ruthless. The more effort you invest

in them now, the more difficult letting go will be when even more remarkable developments begin coming your way.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 If it seems you’re being confronted with questions about virtually every element of your existence, that’s

as it should be. Changes in others’ lives and in the world around Shelley von Strunckel is an internationally acclaimed astrologer who created the first horoscope column for the London Sunday Times in 1992.

you will inevitably lead to alterations in your way of thinking, living and your goals. You need only explore these now. Unenthusiastic as you’re feeling, the more you learn, the more intrigued you’ll become.

A frequent lecturer, she writes daily, weekly and monthly horoscopes in publications around the world including South China Morning Post, The Gulf News, Tatler, French and Chinese Vogue and now The Express Tribune Magazine.

Gemini May 21 – June 20 Sometimes complications are just that. But

now even minor dilemmas constitute an invitation to examine arrangements that you’ve regarded as fundamental to your life. Once they were. However, while the world’s changed, you’ve stubbornly avoided making updates. But currently, even minor events are forcing you to do exactly that, those old habits will not only lose their lustre, new options will take on considerably more appeal.

Cancer June 21 – July 22 Ignoring concerns about the impact of the rather dramatic developments currently creating chaos in others’ lives on your own isn’t easy. However, with bountiful

Jupiter blessing the crucial midheaven angle of your chart until early June, even disruptive events are introducing remarkable

benefits. Be demanding. Explore every option but refuse what’s merely adequate. Yet more, and far better, options are coming your way.

Leo July 23 – August 22 The Leo Full Moon on February 18 may

seem far away. But the current upheaval is preparing you for the stunning insights and life-changing decisions you’ll be making

then. Developments are exciting, yet you’re sticking with the familiar. At least explore those unexpected developments. While

some options might remain unappealing, you’ll realise that others more than justify the temporary chaos changes would cause.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 Being forced to reorganise el-

ements of your daily routine or working life is challenging

enough. Worse, you’re not in charge of many decisions yet question others’ judgement. The fact is, in such an unsettled environment even simple arrangements can’t last long. Out of character

as plunging into impulsively unknown ventures may be, doing

40

so will be more informative than all the questions you could ask.

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

Libra September 23 – October 22 There’s no single, lasting way of

dealing with plans or organising future arrangements. Acknowledge that and you’ll stop struggling with on-going and often sudden changes and will, instead, regard them as routine. As im-

portant, you’ll stop worrying about their impact on those closest.

That’s wise, since while unexpected developments will ultimately be worthwhile, you’ll have little control and must leave others to make their own mistakes.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 You may not think of yourself

as impatient. But when you fear that fundamental elements of

your life are slipping from your control, you act swiftly and want instant results. While you may get them, don’t imagine things will remain as you intended. With the foundation on which

plans are made shifting regularly, it will be a lot easier if you regard whatever you organise as tentative.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 It’s only been days since

your ruler Jupiter moved into a new sign and, after a lengthy period of dealing with family or domestic matters, shifted the focus to who and what you most adore. Obviously, this is exciting.

But initially you’ll be juggling both, and could wonder if things

aren’t getting worse, rather than better. Have faith – it will soon be justified by events.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 When the Capricorn eclipsed New Moon took place in early January, you were promised breakthroughs. They’re coming, although not perhaps in the form you’ve imagined. By now, however, you’ve undoubtedly realised this period’s about change and you will, at minimum, explore

what arises. What you learn, both about evolving circumstances

and others’ plans, will make you eager to join in with the ideas now being formulated.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Urgent as various decisions

seem, show interest but make no commitments. Because Thursday’s Aquarius New Moon stimulates reflection about past ar-

rangements and speculation about potential changes, you’ll want to be free to consider what must go and what you’ll be focusing on in the future. The resulting insights could lead to a

major rethink about in your priorities – and, ultimately, changes in your life as well.

Pisces February 19 – March 19 Either events or your own feelings of guilt are cornering you into making arrangements about

which you’re not exactly thrilled. Unfair as these seem, deal with them now and you’ll get to the bottom of some troublesome

situations and may be able to end others. Also, it clears the way

For more information, to order personal charts and to download & listen to detailed audiocasts, visit www.shelleyvonstrunckel.com

for the far more exciting developments promised by planetary ac-

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tivity in early March.

JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

THE HATER

10 things I hate about ...the joint-family system

1 2 3 4 5

The word ‘privacy’ does not exist in anyone’s dictionary.

6 7 8 9 10

BY TEHREEM AIDRUS

There’s always a villainous character stirring up

trouble and creating misunderstandings in the family.

And just like the Star Plus soaps tell you, in most cases it’s the chachi.

The never-ending need to compare and compete with

others in the home. Just because my dad bought a new car after five years, the very next week my chacha has to buy one too. Or face everlasting shame.

My poor mum slaves in the kitchen to prepare a fancy dinner since my dad’s boss is coming round tonight (new cars cost money and a raise is always nice), and

my chachi invites her kitty party jing-bang over to take advantage of the food extravaganza.

I understand that you are my cousin and live two bed-

rooms down the hall but that doesn’t give you the right to sneak into my bedroom in my absence, raid my dressing table, use my hair straightener, damage it

and conveniently place it back in my drawer, pretending nothing ever happened.

Sharing is caring — but only up to a point. After that things are just taken for granted and politics gets in the way of everything. Whatever happened to Hum Saath Saath Hain?

42 JANUARY 30-FEBRUARY 5 2011

FYI... they happen to be your Dada and Dadi too. You’re

the first to snatch Eidi from them. How about being the first to run their errands.

It’s your 18th birthday and you decide to invite your friends over for dinner, but just because you didn’t

invite your phuppa ki khala ki bahu, the khandaan will make you miserable for the rest of your life.

Everyone lives together but eats at different times, hence the poor maid has always got dishpan hands.

The entire family goes to a restaurant and waits over an hour to be seated, simply because a ‘table for 17 people’ is not available! a

JUNE 13-19 2010

JUNE 13-19 2010