The Express Tribune Magazine - June 19

JUNE 19-25 2011

Not an Addict?

From controversial drugs to hypnosis, smokers will try it all in their quest to quit.

But what really works is slightly different.

22

HATER

REVIEWS

FEATURES

PEOPLE

COMMENT

JUNE 19-25 2011

Cover Story 22 Not an Addict?

Most smokers want to quit smoking — here’s how to try

Comment 30 The Dark Side of Looking Cool Cigarette companies have long used gimmicky marketing to pull people in, and now the trend is heading East

Context 34 Smoke and Mirrors A look at some more famous smoking-centred conspiracies

Feature 38 March For Your Rights A controversial movement divides women

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Up North and Personal 44 The Taming of the Screw Why can’t people understand that the economy and the environment go hand in hand?

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Regulars 6 People & Parties: Out and about with Pakistan’s beautiful people 18 Questionnaire: Samia Azmay on shoes and bags 48 Reviews: What’s new in films and books 54 Ten Things I Hate About: Newlyweds

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Editor: Zarrar Khuhro. Sub-Editors: Batool Zehra, Hamna Zubair Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq W Alvi, S Asif Ali, Samad Siddiqui, Mohsin Alam, Sukayna Sadik Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi.

For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk 4

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Uth Oye held an event in Lahore

Aliya with a friend

heh Asad and Anus

Ana, Azal, N

eha and Meh

Shehzil and Naveen

Ali and Naila

6

esha Anum and Ay JUNE 19-25 2011

Alizeh Waqar

Rida and Sh

ammal

PICTURES COURTESY J&S

ak

MAY 15-21 2011

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Mehek, Neha, Anna and Azal Mariam and Asifa

Sabika and Babar of Uth Oye

Maha, Mehak and Mahra

Deena Rehman

Uzma

8 JUNE 19-25 2011

Eman and Hajra

Amna Kardar

MAY 15-21 2011

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Allenora at Zamzama celebrated a summer fiesta, where women were treated to manicures and pedicures in summer colours

inab Kiran Mian, Za Samiya Baig, ed m Ah a ni Asif and Ta

Saima Achria

Mathira

10 JUNE 19-25 2011

Nazia Malik

Bilal Mukhtar

PICTURES COURTESY BILAL MUKHTAR EVENTS & PR

Mehreen and Amna Malik

MAY 15-21 2011

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Kanwal and Maliha Ahsan

Masheel Numan

Syeda Ghazia Jaffri and Huma

Annie and Tehmeena Khalid

12

d Maria Abbasi

Farah Abbasi an JUNE 19-25 2011

Mul, Ayesha Nasir and Ainy Khan

MAY 15-21 2011

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Celebs and CEOs attended the PAS Awards in Karachi

ed and Vaneeza Ahm ui iq dd Si na lta Su

Sania Saeed and Shayan Malik

r Bean

Reema with M Pakistan

PEMRA Chairman Dr Abdul Jabbar, with Samina Peerzada

Ruby Haide r and Anwar Ram mal

14 JUNE 19-25 2011

Mohib and Aaminah

MAY 15-21 2011

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Ufone celebrated its 10th anniversary in Islamabad

l

, Atif and Jala

Ammar, Juggan

Atif Aslam

Walid Ir shaid, A bdul Az Abdul R iz, ahim

Juggan and Saleha

d

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dul Aziz, Mr an Mr and Mrs Ab in Mrs Mohiudd JUNE 19-25 2011

Mariam, Sarah, Saleha, Aneela and Nadia

MAY 15-21 2011

“My work has been my greatest achievement to date” Footwear Designer Samia Shahzada on loving life, Superman and Coco Chanel.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

When and where were you happiest?

I absolutely love having breakfast with a beautiful view in front

On the day I got married and on the birth of my daughters.

of me. It’s when I am the happiest.

What is your greatest fear?

I have learnt in life that fear itself is what hampers you the most, so I would say fearing things is my greatest fear.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Which talent would you most like to have?

I have always wanted to learn to play the piano.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I wish I could manage stress better than I usually do.

I feel that sometimes I give in too quickly and that is often to my

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

disadvantage.

My work has been my greatest achievement to date.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

I absolutely deplore liars and gossip mongers.

I have loved and enjoyed every phase of my life.

What is your greatest extravagance?

What is your most treasured possession?

Typical things found on most women: shoes, clothes and bags!

My family. Their support and love means everything to me.

What is your current state of mind?

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Reflective. I feel looking at the past really helps you make deci-

Not having dessert after dinner.

of person you have evolved to be.

If you didn’t do your current job, what would you choose to do?

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

love to create new things with it.

sions for the future, it tells you a lot about yourself and the type

I feel that there is no such thing as an overrated virtue. Having one or multiple strong virtues is always admirable.

On what occasion do you lie?

Only to save someone from getting into trouble or getting embarrassed.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I would love to be a gourmet chef; food is a form of art and I would

What is your most marked characteristic?

I am very candid when asked for an opinion.

Who is your hero of fiction?

Superman, always.

Nothing really. I seldom fixate on my appearance.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Which living person do you most despise?

er should design like her, with the whole look in their

People who misrepresent Islam.

Coco Chanel. I feel she was revolutionary, and a designmind.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Who are your heroes in real life?

Honour and generosity.

All those who are running NGOs and actively participating in

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

roes.

Discretion. It’s an admirable quality to have in a woman.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“Possibly”.

charity work. Our country is surviving because of these he-

What’s your favourite quote?

“To mourn a mischief that is past and gone, is the next way to draw new mischief on,” Shakespeare’s Othello. a

JUNE 19-25 2011

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COVER STORY

not an

addict?

From speciality drugs to hypnosis, smokers have tried many ways to quit. But what really works?

BY HUSSAIN DADA

Ali had always lived his life in a haze of smoke. His parents, both smokers, had met in an airport’s smoking area. His two elder siblings, who also picked up the habit, always left a spare pack or two lying around. So for Ali, smoking was the natural order of things, and when his classmates were busy eating popsicles and ice cream cones, he was testing various local and international brands of cigarettes.

Despite their chain smoking, however, both of Ali’s parents

died of old age. One of them was diagnosed with lung cancer, one of the many diseases caused by smoking, but the cancer wasn’t fatal.

But Ali himself suffered from many problems. His stamina

was poor and he had breathing issues: he always coughed up phlegmatic saliva in the morning. Doctors told him that he had

to quit smoking if he wanted to live a longer and healthier life.

But having seen so many others in his family breeze through life with a ‘cancer stick’ dangling off their lips, he remained unconvinced.

It was not health issues that eventually made him re-think

his decision to continue smoking. “I decided something had to give around the time my first child was born,” reveals Ali. “Even

though my parents died of old age and not some smoking-related ailment, I had a nagging feeling that they could have lived longer

22

if they’d had a healthier lifestyle.”

JUNE 19-25 2011

And so Ali ventured out on a quest to find the best replacement

Ali, who is now in his mid-thirties, says that the decision to

for his habit.

quit has to come from within. “I visited so many specialists and

nicotine patches and gum, I tried alternative therapies such

However, one recurring suggestion was that I should cultivate

“I think I experimented with most solutions,” he says. “I tried

as acupuncture and homeopathy, I even tried hypnosis. I also chewed regular bubblegum and hung toothpicks in my mouth, hoping that a sort of placebo effect would kick in.”

“Then there was this mystery drug as well, Chantix,” he adds

experts, and everyone had a different cure for my addiction. the desire to quit. And when I did, it happened. I couldn’t even

do it for my son, who I love the most. But once I decided that I had to do it for myself, I just knew what I had to do.”

Ali says that when he went cold turkey, he was prepared to deal

(see box for more information). “But I think it worsened my mood

with intense withdrawal symptoms. So he tried to find solace in

suggested that I see a therapist or join a rehabilitation centre,”

served as a source of peace and helped keep my mind occupied,”

swings. I think I ultimately ‘gave up quitting’ when my doctor he ends with a wry smile.

For Ali, nicotine gum was the most effective substitute to

smoking, but by his own admission, even when he was chewing nicotine gum he only managed to stop smoking for about a month.

regular spiritual engagement. “I started reading the Quran. It he says.

The concept of engaging in a healthy mental or physical activ-

ity is another thing, besides having the will to quit, that most medical practitioners speak of.

Syed Abul Hassan, a qualified Hakeem, says that he advises

Dr Qureshi, who runs the Smoking Cessation Clinic at the Aga

all his patients with addictions to keep busy — and adds that he

the low success rates of quitting using such substitutes. The clin-

specific medicine I can prescribe to help people quit smoking.

Khan University Hospital, validates Ali’s failure by pointing out ic itself has a success rate of 10 per cent, which drops to eight per

cent with prescription drugs like Chantix. For Dr Qureshi, quitting cold turkey remains the best solution. “The smoker himself

should want to quit,” he says. “Only an honest willingness to quit can help him succeed.”

This is what ultimately worked for Ali. “I just woke up one day

and decided I had to quit. And just like that I went cold turkey.”

tells them to seek peace in reading the Quran. “There isn’t any I just help them realise the need to quit and help them attain the willpower,” says Hassan. “I generally prescribe ‘majoom’ to help them regain physical strength faster when they experience

withdrawal symptoms; and I give them a concoction of illaichi (cardamom) or arq-e-gulab (rose water) to help them regain their

mental strength.” However, Hasan said that not many people have come to him for their troubles with addiction. “I had one

JUNE 19-25 2011

23

COVER STORY young man who was addicted to hashish (cannabis). I just talked

to him and gave +him a harmless pill. The placebo effect worked for him.”

Interestingly, those who provide ‘alternative’ treatment claim

to have a higher success rate. Dr Moiz Hussain, a hypnotist,

stopped holding one-to-one sessions five years ago. But he says hypnosis can definitely help people quit smoking. “I’d usually

have four to five sessions with a person, with each session lasting up to an hour.” He claims to have had an astonishingly high success rate of 80 per cent.

Colonel (retired) Dr Irshad Ahmad Khan, who runs the Insti-

tute of Alternative Medicine, combines Chinese, Japanese and

French methods to treat his patients. The ancient Oriental practice of acupuncture, he says, is now considered to be the most

effective method to help overcome any addiction. “To help people

quit, we use traditional acupuncture, inserting needles at various pressure points in the arms, legs and the head. The French

method of applying studs to the ear lobes is combined with this; and to help overcome any psychological problems I use Reiki to transfer energy to my patients and provide mental relaxation,”

Chantix Chantix is an FDA approved prescription drug, given to chain smokers above the age of 18. The active ingredient within Chantix is Varenicline

24

which interacts with nicotine receptors in the brain to reduce the effects

Acupuncture

of nicotine. When nicotine levels are low, Varenicline stimulates these

Acupuncture is an ancient Chinese technique based on the concept

receptors thereby reducing any withdrawal effects the smoker might

of regulating “Chi” or “life energy”. Approved by the World Health

face. When nicotine levels are high, it blocks these receptors and reduces

Organisation, acupuncture needles are used to apply pressure to

the pleasure derived from smoking. According to clinical trials, some of

approximately 500 energy points on the body. The entire process is

the common side effects of Chantix include nausea, sleep problems, gas,

aimed at balancing the two main forces of energy, Yin and Yang. It

vomiting and constipation. SOURCE: WWW.CHANTIX.COM

has no side effects. SOURCE: WWW.ACUPUNCTURE.COM

JUNE 19-25 2011

he says. “After going through the 24-day course, with a one-hour

session every day, I can assure you that your problem — even if it is heroin addiction — will be gone. This combination is what makes me so effective,” he says proudly.

A former army surgeon, Dr Khan has been practicing since

1975, and says that he now dedicates all his time to healing through acupuncture because of its effectiveness. He opens up

a Chinese book he claims is dated 435 BC, and points out how all the ‘acupuncture points’, and not pressure points, in the human body are identified in the sketches shown.

What about patients who are afraid of needles? For those, Dr

Khan explains, a laser needle has also been developed. “But even with an actual needle, all you feel is a pinch,” he says. “There is

no pain or blood loss.” Dr Khan says he sees about two patients on average per month, and he claims that he has yet to treat a

patient who has not been cured. However, he also points out that it is necessary for the patient to not give in to his urge to smoke.

“Every time the patient has the urge, he can use the stud on his/ her ear lobe to activate that pressure point. This helps control it,”

Nicotine Gum

the doctor says.

Nicotine gum is a non prescribed form of NRT (nicotine replacement

therapist talks about with regard to smoking. According to them,

taken in every day. The aim is to gradually decrease the craving

The ‘will to quit’ is something that every doctor and alternative

therapy) that allows the user to control the amount of nicotine

medical practitioners can only facilitate a patient’s recovery.

for nicotine and hence eliminate the need for smoking altogether.

used to force people on the path to recovery. “Maybe you need to

quicker than a patch. Within 20-30 minutes, the desired nicotine

Kiran, a student at Aga Khan University.

the gum indicates that it can now be spit out. Side effects include

impair the faculties’ that are essential to do this ... for example,

SOURCE: WWW.QUITSMOKING.ABOUT.COM

Medical students, however, said that scare tactics could be

show people what awaits them if they continue smoking,” says

“If someone likes to drive, you can tell them how smoking can

The gum allows for a rapid, oral intake of nicotine and is therefore level within the bloodstream is reached and the peppery taste of leaving a foul taste in the mouth, throat irritation and headaches.

blood vessels go into spasms or seizures due to the nicotine. Nico-

Nicotine Patch A nicotine patch is directly applied onto a dry area of hairless skin and provides nicotine to the blood in controlled doses. Usually used for 12 weeks, it is worn for an average of 16 hours per day. Over time, the dosage of nicotine is lessened and quitting is made easier by alleviating the effects of withdrawal symptoms. If the patch is applied for more than 24 hours, it could cause itching, rashes, redness or swelling. For some, the patches could also cause headaches, vomiting or diarrhea. SOURCE: WWW.QUITSMOKING.ABOUT.COM

25 JUNE 19-25 2011

COVER STORY tine induces numbness at your extremities and your responses are slower,” says the future doctor.

Another chimes in: “Smoking exponentially increases the

chances of contracting cancer.” Kiran continues where her

friend has left off: “It can cause cancer of the digestive tract; and permanently limit or even eliminate your ability to eat or defecate.”

To Kiran and her friend, and to the doctor in charge of the

smoking cessation clinic, what is needed is a mass campaign

to make people aware of the consequences of their habit. They also recommend policy changes. “We should ban smoking in public places like Europe and the US. We need to make smoking

inconvenient. That would be a great help. But I think implementation of the ban on sheesha would show how serious the authorities are,” says Ayesha, another medical student.

Dr Sabreen, a doctor at the AKUH, says that smokers general-

ly know of the consequences of their habit. “The decision to put

up the ‘oral cancer’ image on cigarette packs is a great decision, and it surely is a deterrent, at least to new smokers,” she says.

“Even sitting a smoker down and calculating how much

money he/she spends on the habit can help them change their

mind,” says Kiran. But she is of the opinion that fear is likely

to be a lot more effective than reason or logic, when it comes to getting people to quit.

Maybe there is something to her hypothesis, because Far-

had, who works at a bank, says he quit smoking because he

didn’t like the image on the box staring back at him. Maybe the future doctors are right, and smokers need to be scared out of their stupor. a

Hypnosis The American Psychological Association states that, “hypnosis involves learning how to use your mind and thoughts in order to manage emotional stress, unpleasant physical symptoms or to help you change certain habits or behaviours.” Hypnosis has two phases. In the first phase, called induction, the therapist asking the individual to relax and picture a calming image, in order to improve the person’s focus and to clear the mind. In the second phase, application, the therapist makes “suggestions” to the person which will be targeted to treating specific symptoms. Side effects associated with hypnosis could include unintended suggestions, hiding the actual root of the problem or symptom substitution with another problem. SOURCE: WWW.APA.ORG

26 JUNE 19-25 2011

Dr Sabreen, a doctor at the AKUH, says that smokers generally know of the consequences of their habit. “The decision to put up the ‘oral cancer’ image on cigarette packs is a great decision, and it surely is a deterrent, at least to new smokers.”

COVER STORY NOTES FROM THE NICOTINE WASTELAND JAHANZAIB HAQUE

To whoever finds this parchment, Know this — by now I have probably jabbed a 10-inch needle loaded with pure liquid nicotine deep into my brain’s synaptic reward centre. My body should not be far from here. Find it, bury it and have my epitaph read: he died trying to quit cigarettes; his mother was right all along.

My hand is unsteady as I write this. I am wracked by tiny, near-invisible convulsions; the feeble attempts of my body trying to mask the madness within. The battle against smoking has been a torturous one, and I have failed miserably.

When I undertook this ill-fated adventure, I assumed I was fit — positive in both mind and body. How wrong I was. A decade of smoking is no joke. It was already too late for me, but I was convinced by a manic yoga teacher that positive thinking and “stretching” would get me through quitting cold turkey.

Lies.

Week one was spent wrapped in the lies I had been fed. This isn’t so bad, I thought, sitting at my office desk working the extra hour and a half my cigarette breaks used to consume. I am feeling fit as a fiddle, and no, I don’t miss all my friends who go marching by me to smoke and chit-chat. So what if I can no longer flirt with that pretty young thing with the menthol cigarettes. Now I will my life consists of sucking on hard candy, drinking copious amounts of water, and ignoring that strange out-of-body sensation that is slowly gripping me tight. I feel lighter than air… that’s a good thing isn’t it? My body is floating into the sky, with only my 500kg head holding it anchor to this room that is growing tinier and tinier. No, this is not an anxiety attack. I am not hallucinating. I am quitting cigarettes.

Week two was darker. Literally darker. Tunnel vision with breakfast, jitters and panic at the thought of having lost the car keys. They are in my pocket, never mind — I’m feeling fine. I nearly murder a family on a motorbike for wavering too close to my car — WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! CAN’T THEY SEE I’M IN PAIN? My head is no longer an anchor for my body, it is now a pounding mass of flesh which demands to be fed, and no amount of hard candy, comfort food and four hour long sessions of Angry Birds is going to meet its demands. My heart is racing, and trips to the water cooler aren’t helping. I’m still walking and talking proud, boasting of my ability to quit cold turkey, but this turkey is deep fried. And only I know the pain inside.

Week three is spent in and out of the shrink’s. She tells me a decade of smoking has caused irreversible damage to the neural pathways in my brain, making it that much harder to quit. She shows me pictures of what the brains of crystal meth addicts look like, and tells me to “cheer up”. I tell her I’m short of breath and my lungs feel like they’re working worse than before. She tells me I’ve finally come off my constant nicotine high and am now feeling the impact. Things will get much worse before they get better she says, and some things will never be fixed. I tell her I’m going mad. She says that’s perfectly natural.

Hope is now dead.

Which brings me to week four. I have watched Mad Men on repeat for five days now, stroking my LCD screen gently as the digitalized smoke from Don Draper’s lips sends final shivers of ecstasy through me. I have the needle in my hand. Goodbye cruel world, I’m leaving you today. Goodbye, goodbye … goodbye.

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29 JUNE 19-25 2011

JUNE 19-25 2011

JUNE 19-25 2011

COMMENT

the dark side of looking cool

In an image that would melt the hearts of millions, especially in the wake of his tragic death, teen heartthrob James Dean squints into the camera, a cigarette dangling from his half-closed lips. The cigarette only served to enhance his devil-maycare persona, and at the time, was the epitome of cool.

Associated with charm, sophistication, recreation and rebel-

lion, smoking’s impact on popular culture has been so pervasive

that it continues to attract millions of new smokers across the world each year — albeit through misrepresentation. Tobacco is

undoubtedly the standout consumer product of our time, one

which has truly benefitted from the influence wielded by mass

media and zealous advertising. In fact, cigarettes are a unique product because these ‘social aids’ remains popular despite the

known dangers associated with them. How did this happen, and why have consumers swallowed the lines that have been fed to them — hook, line, and filter?

Perhaps the earliest modern influences can be traced to Hol-

lywood, in the late Jazz Era leading to the Great Depression and

World War II. This was a tumultuous time in the US. Yet it also coincided with the American film industry’s Golden Era, and of the most prolific male icons of the time was Humphrey Bogart.

Bogart’s skill lay in his ability to capture the mood of the times, its anxiety, its fears, its passion and its glory. His masterpiece

was undoubtedly the film Casablanca, where Bogart plays a man

troubled by his past, struggling to find romance in a time of great

BY ASAD ZAIDI

upheaval — and an inadvertent companion of his throughout the

film is a cigarette. It is difficult to over-estimate Bogart’s impact on American culture, indeed every actor after him has been in-

Tobacco’s popularity is no accident — it is a product of sustained marketing ploys, and the trend is heading East.

fluenced to some degree by his films. A chain smoker, Bogart eventually succumbed to esophageal cancer, but the association

of the troubled, angry, tough guy and the cigarette was born with Bogart — and importantly, didn’t die with him.

So, smoking was all the rage in the 40s and 50s, with business-

men and housewives alike indulging in this past time. It came

as a great shock then, in 1964, when the US Surgeon General released a landmark report linking smoking to lung cancer. In-

deed, so great was the report’s feared impact that it was released on a Saturday so that it would not trigger a stock-market crash.

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This led to furious campaigning by tobacco brands to show that JUNE 19-25 2011

their cigarettes were safer than the next guys, and the battle of the ads was born. In 1965, the US Congress passed the Cigarette

Labeling and Advertising Act, which said that every cigarette pack must have a warning label on its side stating “Cigarettes may be hazardous to your health.”

In a bid to deal with this blow, cigarette manufacturers found

new buzzwords like ‘low-tar’, ‘low-nicotine’ and ‘filtered taste’.

Camel even advertised itself as the ‘Doctor’s Choice’, in order to allay public fears. But the advertising campaign that truly took

the world by storm was Marlboro’s. The company — or its advertising consultants — realised that any ads that even addressed

the concept of health and smoking would simply make people think of cancer. But by using an image of a silent, tough, indom-

itable cowboy on their cigarette packs, Marlboro took the public’s attention away from the dangerous aspects of smoking altogether, and the ‘Marlboro Man’ became a new paragon of masculine

forbearance. After this, Marlboro’s sales jumped severalfold and

the image of tobacco was cemented. Of course, toughness isn’t the only thing Marlboro has capitalised on, parental guilt and pride have also been used by the tobacco giant to sell cigarettes.

However, in recent years the image of tobacco has changed over

time, at least in the West. A great example to illustrate this transi-

tion is the depiction of James Bond. Over one billion people have

in 2006, Bond is more emotionally pliable, he is less ruthless, and

chise. Bond fans are sometimes fanatical; all his possessions, from

and interestingly, is the only man who doesn’t smoke cigarettes.

seen at least one Bond film, making it the world’s best selling franhis cars, to his suits, to his watches, and of course his cigarettes,

are coveted items. Bond lovers will have noticed many differences in the portrayal of the character by the series’ most recent actor,

Daniel Craig, compared to his predecessors. In Casino Royale, released

he even falls in love. This Bond has fewer gadgets at his disposal Why is this the case, and why now? Simply because smoking is now

perceived as a weakness by the western public, and not a strength.

So we are treated to a muscular, athletic character who is less con-

cerned about being suave and more concerned with getting his job done. The image of tobacco has taken a decisive shift in the West, it is no longer cool to smoke, and a healthy lifestyle is what people are

beginning to aspire for. Smoking has now been banned in public places in many states in the US, and in Europe, and smokers are

found huddled on street corners rather than blowing smoke in people’s faces in high-class lounges.

However, the unfortunate fallout of this is that tobacco manu-

facturers have shifted their focus to the developing world. Seven out of every 10 smokers will now belong to the developing world.

As tobacco laws became stricter in the West, tobacco companies have expanded their markets in developing countries like Pakistan, which have poorer tobacco control measures and significantly, younger populations. What results is a sustained advertis-

ing campaign by tobacco companies aimed at an ever increasing pool of young, susceptible new smokers. In these cases all sorts

of associations are connected with tobacco that are both unrealistic and irrelevant. Brands like K2 “Janbazon Ki Pasand” uniquely

The association of the troubled, angry, tough guy and the cigarette was born with Bogart, and continued to live in the Marlboro man (aove right).

combined both adventure and patriotism in a single dose, Gold

Leaf with its maritime theme symbolised discovery and Dunhill was associated with prestige, all of which would appeal to young teenagers looking for a way out.

JUNE 19-25 2011

31

COMMENT

While Marlboro’s advertising capitalised on parental guilt and pride, Camel managed to get endorsement from doctors.

It is true that several years have passed since the last tobacco ad

and that it is up to the consumer to decide whether or not to quit.

be it in Rawalpindi or Karachi, will reveal a tobacco stall on every

choice-dependant. And that is the only whiff tobacco companies

not stopped other sorts of advertising. A simple walk in Saddar, corner. Superstores, shopping markets and even pharmacies have large tobacco displays behind their counters. This soft advertising,

coupled with the low price of cigarettes, can be devastating. The Big

Mac Index helps compare tobacco prices to the cost of living across several countries. In the UK, it costs twice as much to buy a pack of

20 Marlboros than it does to buy a Big Mac; in Pakistan how many can even occasionally afford a meal at McDonalds? Raising taxes on tobacco is a potent way of decreasing tobacco consumption because

it puts tobacco out of the reach of the young and the poor. And this is precisely what tobacco companies do not want to happen. Tobac-

co’s easy availability and low prices make it the drug of choice for this demographic — one out of every two teenagers that experiment

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Critics on taxes of tobacco argue that smoking is lifestyle choice

was seen in Pakistan, on TV or on the radio, but that certainly has

with tobacco go on to become lifelong smokers.

JUNE 19-25 2011

But in reality, for most smokers it is only the first cigarette that is need. What follows is a powerful addiction and dependence on nicotine that compels the smoker to continue his lifestyle. Free-

market theory assumes that all consumers have complete knowledge of all products in the market, yet tobacco is a great example where capitalistic paradigms fail. New consumers are never completely aware of the true consequences of tobacco and this

is reflected by the fact that an overwhelming majority of smok-

ers wish that they had never have started in the first place. The real image of tobacco then should only be linked to the diseases it causes: strokes, heart attacks and disfiguring cancer. a

33 JUNE 19-25 2011

CONTEXT

smoke and srorrim

You know cigarettes are uncool and can send you on the path to a slow, lingering death … but did you also know that some cigarettes are linked to plots to eradicate certain ethnic groups? That’s what conspiracy theorists would have you believe — and here are some standout theories that have kept amateur sleuths busy for years.

Camel kay andar kya hay?

But that’s just one of the ‘hidden

secrets’ of Camel cigarettes. Another is the mysterious ‘man/woman in

the Camel leg.’ According to urban

legend, the front leg of the Camel on the packet in fact contains a woman

standing with her hands on her hips

(highlighted and labeled for your convenience). That’s what some people

think. Others see a man, the Belgian ‘peeing boy’ and even Mae West!

That’s not all … people who seemingly enjoy staring at a pack of smokes

also see a leaping lion, a skull and a little dog. Again with the supposed goal of getting people to light up.

Not your average joe Few marketing

mascots have been

as universally reviled as the now-deceased

‘smooth character’ Joe Camel. Castigated for hawking cigarettes

to young people, this

cartoonish icon found

itself in the firing line after the American

medical association

reported in 1991 that

more children 5 and 6

The Klan konnection

nise Joe Camel than

The Ku Klux Klan - they wear white hoods, burn crosses, lynch

ing along till 1997, when he was finally laid to rest. But there

did you know they also sell cigarettes? That’s what some incor-

years old could recogcould recognise Mickey Mouse or Fred Flintstone, Joe kept puffmay even be more than meets the eye here — and some people

(perhaps with way too much time on their hands) say that Joe’s face is in fact supposed to represent the male genitalia, which

will … somehow … um … make people smoke more cigarettes?

34

No seriously, this is not made up.

JUNE 19-25 2011

African Americans and are inordinately fond of alliteration. But rigible conspiracy theorists would have us believe. Some people say that Marlboro cigarettes are supported by the KKK — or the

other way around. They justify these claims by drawing people’s

attention to the packaging of Marlboro cigarettes. Apparently if

you tip a Marlboro cigarette box onto its side, the logo forms a triple K symbol … see it?

Menthol cigarette conspiracy It has long been rumoured that menthol cigarettes cause impotence. A lesser known conspiracy theory, however, suggests that

menthol cigarettes were marketed specifically to African Ameri-

can men in the 1960s and 1970s, in order to hamper their ability to procreate. While it is true that brands like Kool cigarettes did

use African Americans in their advertisements quite frequently,

this hypothesis is as shaky as the idea that menthols cause impotence in the first place.

ciggie facts Cigarettes are the single-most traded item on the planet, with approximately 1 trillion being sold from country to country each

year. At a global take of more than $400 billion, it’s one of the world’s largest industries.

US cigarette manufacturers now make more money selling cigarettes to countries around the globe than they do selling to Americans.

Tobacco was the first crop grown for money in North America.

Tobacco even helped pay for the American Revolution against England.

Dave’s cigarettes In what was actually a case of a big corporation trying to hide

facts from the public, Dave’s cigarettes were marketed as a cool, alternative, anti-establishment product. The company behind

Smokers often smoke after meals to ‘allow food to digest easier’.

the brand, however, was tobacco giant Philip Morris. This brand

In fact, this works because the body’s priority moves away from

ing showed that that if and when young adults did find out that

flushing toxins from the brain.

was meant to target young people, although focus group testDave’s cigarettes were actually produced by the Philip Morris To-

the digestion of food in favour of protecting the blood cells and

a

35

bacco Company, they felt disappointed and betrayed.

JUNE 19-25 2011

FEATURE

march for your

A controversial movement demands that society reject any shame associated with rape on the victim’s part — but its premise has also left women divided.

rights

BY IMRANA KHWAJA

Onlookers looked bewildered and amused as thousands ‘slutwalked’ from London’s Hyde Park Corner to Trafalgar Square last Saturday. Some laughed and cheered as the enthusiastic and at times outrageously dressed crowd sang, danced and chanted its way through central London streets.

“However we dress, wherever we go, yes means yes and no

means no!” This popular slogan summed up the idea behind the

‘slutwalk’ phenomenon, which started in response to a Toronto policeman’s comment in January that women should try not to

dress like ‘sluts’ to avoid being victimised and raped. Outrage at this ‘advice’ sparked the first Slutwalk in Toronto in April and the

phenomenon has since gone global, with Slutwalks across the USA and Australia, in some European and South American countries and one planned in New Delhi on June 25.

The outrage is primarily against a culture in which women are

often blamed for sexual violence where they are the victims. A group of young women had come to London from Brighton for

38

the march. “It’s important to get the message out that when a JUNE 19-25 2011

woman gets raped or attacked, it’s never her fault” says Rebecca Allinson, “it doesn’t matter what she was wearing, or whether

she was drunk or out late — it’s always the rapist’s fault”. The

Many women including some who took part in the march are not too happy with the idea of re-appropriating a term they would rather see eliminated from popular vocabulary.

website for Slutwalk London declares its stand for ‘the radical notion that no-one deserves to be raped’.

Although the term ‘slut’ was originally used to describe dirty,

slovenly women its meaning changed in the 19th and early 20th centuries to become a derogatory term for a woman of loose sexual

character. The word is said to embody society’s double standards

as no analogous term exists for promiscuous men who may instead be referred to admiringly as ‘studs’ or ‘ladies men’.

One controversial aspect of the Slutwalk movement is its

avowed aim to ‘reclaim’ the word slut. As in marches elsewhere in the world, many in London (including a few men) came dressed

in revealing ‘slutty’ clothes: bras, corsets, fishnet tights and high heels, pink/red/purple wigs and so on. “This little black dress does not mean yes,” was the placard one woman carried. Slogans

declared that all women were ‘sluts’ and an older protester wore a placard declaring herself to be a ‘pensioner slut’. But what does it mean to ‘reclaim’ a term which one commentator described as

being ‘saturated with the ideology that female sexual energy deserves punishment’?

The website is not very illuminating on this aspect: “Slut

means speak up” it declares. Susan Warren from South London

explained what it meant to her: “What we’re trying to say is, if

one woman is a slut then we’re all sluts,” she says. Supporters of Slutwalk argue that calling all women sluts will take the sting out

of the word and remove society’s division of women into good/ bad, virgins/whores.

But many women including some who took part in the march

are not too happy with the idea of re-appropriating a term they

would rather see eliminated from popular vocabulary. Julie Long

is part of the London Feminist Network that organises marches

U-turn “I’ve been told I’m not supposed to say this — however, women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimised.” This is what a police officer from Toronto, Michael Sanguinetti, said during a routine talk in Osgoode Hall Law School in Toronto. His comment spawned the ‘Slutwalk’ movement, where women declare that rape is always the rapist’s fault, no matter what the victim is wearing. Sanguinetti has since apologised for his remark, saying, “I am embarrassed by the comment I made and it shall not be repeated.”

39 JUNE 19-25 2011

FEATURE

against violence against women called ‘Reclaim the Night’. These started a few years ago with 50 women and grew last year to a

2,000 strong demonstration. “I totally support why women are marching today,” she says, “but I am not interested in reclaiming the word slut.”

Newspaper columns and the blogosphere have been replete

with criticisms of the Slutwalk movement. It has been accused

of being naïve, white, middle class and confused. Writing in The Independent Yasmin Alibahi Brown writes: “Does it make any sense for us to teach our daughters that they can get pissed and wear whorish garb and still expect to be completely safe?”

Another criticism is that western (at least English) society has

moved on from the times when women were condemned for wearing skimpy clothes and that the opposite is now a problem – pressure on young girls to conform to hypersexualised images adopted

from the porn industry and commonplace in mainstream media.

In The Guardian, two teachers who have travelled around the

country speaking about sexual violence to teenagers write: “We hear stories from women students who feel intense pressure to

be sexually available “on demand”...They have been told over and

over that in order to be valued in such a culture, they must look and act like sluts”.

Despite all criticism, there can be no doubt that the Slutwalk

phenomenon has struck a nerve amongst thousands of women across the world who understand it broadly as being a protest

against male definitions of modesty and the categorisation of

women in terms of their sexuality. Its label, though controver-

sial, has been marketing genius, attracting media attention and debate that initiatives such as ‘Reclaim the Night’ can never hope to get.

As the sun shone on the sea of mostly young enthusiastic people

who had gathered that Saturday afternoon I remarked to a group

of young women from the LSE how women from my generation had thought no-one was interested in feminism anymore. “Well

40

I’m just 25 years old,” said one, “and I don’t know about the past.

But as you can see feminism is alive and well.” a JUNE 19-25 2011

Despite all criticism, there can be no doubt that the Slutwalk phenomenon has struck a nerve amongst thousands of women across the world who understand it broadly as being a protest against male definitions of modesty and the categorisation of women in terms of their sexuality.

UP NORTH AND PERSONAL

the taming

of the screw TEXT & PHOTOGRAPHS BY ZAHRAH NASIR

Forests, as we all know, are under threat all over the world and their rapid loss is contributing to climate change in a massive way including — like it or not — right here in the ‘land of the pure’ where extreme weather events are becoming the norm. The

‘protected’ forests of the Murree area are in no way exempt from

the depredations of the timber mafia and are further damaged

We drove on, passing large gangs of labourers engrossed in rak-

ing and sweeping the forest floor clean, shoveling inches deep

layers of pine needles into the endless supply of sacks. I wondered if someone intended selling the rich mix as high-priced organic compost, if they intended repacking it into plastic sacks wearing fancy labels declaring ‘imported’.

“Stop!” I instructed having spotted a lone man using a broken

by the pyromaniacal tendencies of the indigenous population

wooden rake to heap pine needles at the side of the road.

temptation to create hell on earth. These two activities generally

genuine road sweeper, not part of the mass pine-needle-collec-

ure out what was going on when I, along with anyone else who

forest on fire when they throw burning cigarette ends out of car

for whom possession of a box of matches provides an irresistible

take place on the sly. Therefore, it took me a little while to fig-

happened to be on the ‘old’ road between Bhurban and Tret one morning earlier this week, witnessed an unusual sight. Gangs of men, plus a few women and some grubby children, were raking

“I’m cleaning the road,” said the man who turned out to be a

tion brigade. “I’m just cleaning up to help stop people setting the windows. I’m not involved in what those others are doing.”

“What are they doing?” I asked.

“They’ve all been hired to collect fallen pine needles. Some

up heaps of fallen pine needles and stuffing them into sacks. Pe-

contractor is paying them. He supplied the trucks too. The stuff

dozens and dozens of such heaps.

chickens cool in the hot weather.”

riodically, the sacks were heaped on the roadside and there were “Why are they doing this?” I asked the cab driver hired to take

me down to Islamabad and back. “This is large scale so it isn’t for use as animal bedding.”

He thought for a minute or two then ventured, “Maybe selling

it to a chipboard factory.”

“Where is the nearest such factory? It must be an awfully long

way away from here and I don’t think pine needles can be made into chipboard.”

“No, not chipboard then,” he replied. “Someone must be buy-

ing it though, otherwise all these people wouldn’t be collecting it and look … over there … that truck is fully loaded with them and those other trucks are waiting their turn.”

“Stop! I’m going to ask them what they’re doing,” I instructed.

“I don’t think you should,” he advised. “They might not like it.”

“Hmm,” I considered. “Don’t stop right here where there are

44

When will we understand that the environment and economics are inextricably intertwined?

so many of them working. Stop when I see just a couple of them on their own.”

JUNE 19-25 2011

is all sold off to poultry farms to put on their roofs to keep the

Curse those matches.

Why on earth is Pakistan importing edibles such as bananas, eggs, avocados and grapefruit all of which we happen to produce ourselves and all of which we happen to export?

Forests are disappearing.

I’ve seen poultry farms up here in the hills doing this but, up

until now, it had been a small-scale practice, not a commercial venture transporting the pine needles to sell down in the plains

African) and Rs150 each for tiny grapefruits with a pinkish tinge and completely unknown origin (I understood this meant they were from a country we do not openly trade with). These two stores and the few others in this little enclave, were doing a roaring trade although, not, I hasten to add, with me!

Their customers were largely affluent Pakistanis with a light

which, while it may be common sense, is another death knell as

smattering of foreigners for whom, with their hardship posting

afterwards, I learnt that the forest department as such is not in-

point being: why on earth is Pakistan importing edibles such as

far as the forests are concerned. Checking around here and there

volved in this new industry but that some of its staff definitely is. The danger lies in the fact that uncontrolled removal of debris

from the forest floor stops soil regeneration, prevents self-seeded

wild plants from establishing themselves, and has a knock on, detrimental effect on all forms of wildlife. Of more concern still, is the increase in incidents of landslip during periods of heavy

rain/snow, as runoff water, having nothing to absorb it, rushes

downhill unchecked. Messing up the environment is a pastime

at which human beings excel and, if there is a new way to do it, trust us Pakistanis to find it!

With environmental issues lying heavy on my heart, I was in

a somewhat subdued mood as I worked through my list of necessary chores in the overheated city: A replacement computer

mouse, the last one having expired in a flash of red light, DVDs to back up files and photographs, a larger cage for multiplying

budgies and then foodstuffs, which I decided to buy at the near-

pay packets, price is not an issue. But this is not the point; the bananas, eggs, avocados and grapefruit all of which we happen to produce ourselves and all of which we happen to export? For the

doubting Thomases amongst you, Pakistan produces some fairly decent avocados these days and, way back in the late 1950s, even

won prizes for top quality avocados at an international event in Sri

Lanka, which is well-known for top quality avocados of its own.

We also import butter, yoghurt, milk, jam, fancy coloured capsicums (These being nothing more than ‘raw’ green ones which

have been left on the plant to ripen), cucumbers, apples, pears

and an unbelievable range of other foodstuffs which are already

either produced or manufactured here. While I am not advocating the controlled strictures of a Communist state, it does seem ludicrous to be pushing indigenous businesses to the wall, thus in-

creasing unemployment and downright poverty, plus, there is the huge carbon footprint stamped on imports to be considered too.

Having done my shopping in Jikkali Gali where bananas cost

est bazaar as I didn’t have the energy to shop around

Rs80 a dozen, double yolk eggs Rs70 a dozen and neither cher-

1 kilo of black cherries (“The Swat situation, you know”), and

disappeared in a blaze of crimson glory behind the forest clad

Rs60 for one single banana (“Imported, Madam”), Rs300 for

Rs150 per kilo for papaya (“You do know how it is in Karachi these

days, don’t you?”) is how one up-market fruit and vegetable store tried to justify its outrageous prices. A grocery store a couple of

doors along the row was asking Rs420 for a dozen brown eggs (flown in from the UAE), Rs180 for a shriveled up avocado (South

ries nor avocados were to be seen, I crawled home just as the sun

slope at the back of my little house. To the east, someone had got hold of a box of matches and set an entire hillside up in flames.

What is left of our precious environment is under full-scale attack from all sides unless someone, somewhere, somehow, reverses the screw. a

JUNE 19-25 2011

45

REVIEW

featured review of the week

book when you’re a woman

BY MAHVESH MURAD

Granta magazine made waves locally with its Pakistan edition in autumn last year. With a selection of writing by Pakistanis or about Pakistan, it sold very well here, but critics were divided as to whether it was a ‘true’ representation of the country or not. Of course, there’s only so much a single edition of a magazine can achieve, and it is important to keep this in mind with Granta’s latest edition on feminism: The F Word.

The work included in this edition is not attempting to answer overarching feminist questions; it’s not even always asking questions. Much of the work reads as a statement on various subjects — power positions, gender roles, love, marriage, divorce, loss of innocence. Some of the names in the list of contributors stand out more than others, as with most Granta editions — it is, after all, ‘the magazine of new writing’. With the usual mix of fiction, nonfiction and poetry, amongst the many contributors there are, as always, a few well-established names. In this case, the best known contributors would be Booker award winner AS Byatt, and writer of the notable lesbian bildungsroman Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, Jeanette Winterson. Other novelists in the edition include HaitianAmerican writer Edwidge Danticat whose piece Hot Air Balloons proves her further maturity in the years following her brilliant first novel Breath, Eyes, Memory in 1994.

Of course, a closer look at feminist writing (or feminism in writing) is always appropriate — the balance of power the world over continues to favour men, and many of these stories examine just that. One that stands out is The Obijwe Week by Louise Erdrich, a writer of Native American descent. A story about a man who keeps a woman named Sweetheart Calico tied to his bed, it is a strange, almost surreal look at power plays and role reversals between genders. “We are co-dependent,” Klaus says, “I read it in a newspaper.

We are at risk, you and I. Well, you most of all, since you are the one tied to the bed.” Later, Sweetheart Calico escapes, to eventu48 ally return to her captor but in a position of power.

JUNE 19-25 2011

great expectations The F Word is generally an interesting collection of work by women but there’s only so much a single edition of a magazine can achieve

Edwidge Danticat, Taiye Selasi and Louise Erdrich captivate the reader.

For Pakistani readers, the most important thing to note is that The F Word contains a poem by a young Karachiite — the winner of the first Life’s Too Short Short Story Prize, Sadaf Halai.

“Inheritance” is by far the most accessible and poignant of the poems in the entire edition.

A writer Granta has specially introduced in this edition is Taiye Selasi, a woman of Nigerian and Ghanian heritage whose work has already been lauded by Nobel Laureate Toni Morrison. Selasi’s story The Sex Lives of African Girls is an incredibly evocative and sensitive look at childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a family member, and the difficulty of processing such a thing. With a twobook deal with Penguin, hers is a name to watch out for in the near future.

For Pakistani readers, the most important thing to note is that The F Word contains a poem by a young Karachiite — the winner of the first Life’s Too Short Short Story Prize, Sadaf Halai. “Inheritance” is by far the most accessible and poignant of the poems in the entire edition — and not just because it is easier for a Pakistani reader to relate to. Halai’s poem is simple, straightforward and brings to light so much of who her generation is: “She takes the stories she is given. She tells them the best she can.”

Unfortunately, not each piece in The F Word arrests the reader the way Selasi’s or Erdrich’s do. The opening piece Aftermath, by Rachel Cusk, is a tediously lengthy look at the dissolution of her marriage and the following divorce. It is all very emotional and serious, but really, isn’t every divorce?

It would have been interesting to read a male writer’s perspective in a feminism issue, even though male writers are published more often anyway, as Granta editor John Freeman recently pointed out. As it stands, The F Word is generally an interesting collection of work by women around the world, but not all of it is as riveting as readers would expect.

49 JUNE 19-25 2011

REVIEW

book tribal tales

BY BATOOL ZEHRA

The Guardian tips Jamil Ahmed’s book as one of 2011’s hottest debuts, yet one bristles with mistrust. A book on Pakistan and Afghanistan is immediately an object of suspicion: not a bona fide creative or scholarly endeavour but a cynical peddling of merchandise to sate the curiosity of a western readership about a region that has become a geopolitical focal point. So one can be forgiven for thinking, after a cursory glance, that The Wandering Falcon is another one of the numerous books pandering to this market.

Written as interconnected short stories, The Wandering Falcon gives a glimpse into tribal society on the borders of Pakistan, Afghanistan and Iran before Talibanisation. From the Wazirs and Mehsuds, to the Mohmands and Gujjars, Ahmed deftly paints the character of each tribe. Wandering among them is Tor Baz, the protagonist, who belongs to no tribe, and who appears in each story; in some as a mere child, in others as a spy, a guide and a trader.

Tor Baz has a devastating back-story and could make a compelling character if only Ahmed had developed him further. As it is, he serves primarily as a linking device for the different stories. When it doesn’t feel too contrived, this method works — as when Tor Baz is abandoned by his foster father and taken in by Mullah Barrerai.

Less a central character and more an allegory for the harsh tribal areas, Tor Baz’s credo “I can tell you as little about who I am as I can about who I shall be” is ultimately unenlightening.

The economical prose, the devotion to facts and, even at times, the absence of a plot make it easy to forget that you’re reading fiction, not fact. Much of this material clearly comes from Ahmad’s decades as a civil servant in the frontier regions, and has been altered very little by the author. The first story is by far the best in the collection: “The Sins of the Mother” is a haunting account of eloped lovers who are hunted and, finally, killed by their tribe. This is storytelling stripped to its essence: vital, entertaining, illuminating. In “The Death of Camels”, another standout piece in the col50 lection, the chief of a tribe whose survival is threatened by border JUNE 19-25 2011

blurring the line The economical prose and the devotion to facts make it easy to forget that you’re reading fiction. authorities comforts his son with a parable “I eat raw onions and I survive... One lives and survives only if one has the ability to swallow and digest bitter and unpalatable things.”

After these two, none of the subsequent stories display the same prowess or have that impact. Still, Ahmad’s understated prose is peppered with amusing tribal maxims: “Conscience is like a poor relation living in a rich man’s house. It has to remain cheerful at all times.” The rigidity of tribal customs begins to make sense given the imperative of survival, the barrenness of the land, and the hardships of the seasons. Ahmad offers neither an expert opinion, nor a glib narrative, but his bare prose communicates a rare insight into tribal society. a

REVIEW

film shiver me timbers

BY AMNA KHALIQUE

Jack Sparrow and his motley crew return to the big screen for the fourth (and probably not the last) time in the Pirates of the Caribbean series. The latest installment, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides has raked in well over $807 million, a huge bulk of which has been earned through international moviegoers. After the failure of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, word is that director Rob Marshall was asked to save this sinking ship. Marshall does succeed (given the ratings at the box office) — but how different can each pirate movie be?

The film opens with a court scene in England where Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) has managed to take on the role of a judge, deciding a trial for one of his own men (Gibbs), who has been arrested in a case of mistaken identity. A few scenes later, we see that Sparrow’s fate rests with King George, before whom he is forced to appear. But Sparrow is characteristically more interested in sampling the delicious pastries set before the king instead of his verdict.

In his latest adventure, the swashbuckling Captain Jack Sparrow is in search of the elusive Fountain of Youth, though he has only a vague recollection of where it is located. It is during this search that he happens to meet one of his lovers from the past, a fiesty Angelica (Penelope Cruz) who is also on the same mission. Cruz plays with ease the part of a firebrand Latino female pirate who is as quick with words as Sparrow is at fleeing from danger. Their relationship is uncertain from the get-go, with Angelica trying to avenge Sparrow’s sudden disappearance from her life. Things get even more tangled when Angelica forces Sparrow to board the ship of the legendary pirate, Blackbeard (Ian McShane) who coincidentally, is also her father.

Not shot entirely on pirate ships and stormy seas, the film also ventures onto land, as Sparrow races against the others — which include the British, who have allied with Captain Barbossa (Geof52 fery Rush), as well as the Spanish — towards the Fountain of Youth.

JUNE 19-25 2011

above water On Stranger Tides may be a box office success but how different can each pirate movie be?

Through the two-hour duration of the film there are several encounters which lead to the usual action sequences. Those watching the film in 3-D may have better luck enjoying such stunts, but for those watching it the regular ol‘ way (read 2-D), these action sequences leave much to be desired.

True to the first few films, the dialogue is funny. Cruz adds glamour and star power to the film and has great on-screen chemistry with Johnny Depp. Still, the film lacks a little something. Perhaps because there is only so much one can expect from sequels. That being said, if you choose to ignore the lack of a coherent plot, On Stranger Tides will definitely be one of the better options from the scores of sequels that have either been released or are yet to be released this summer.

THE HATER

10 things I hate about ...newly weds

1 2 3 4 5

BY SABA KHALID

The gauche gharara-sherwani pictures of thousands of couples against the same background in the same

filmy pose shot by the same photographer. If I have to see one more bride making a dreamy face at her not-sodreamy groom, I will kill myself.

The mandatory honeymoon to Thailand. Are there no other places left in the world? How is going to a crass

place filled with prostitutes and tourists looking for

prostitutes, even the slightest bit romantic? Whatever

happened to spending horrendous amounts of hubby’s money on the timeless Alps?

The post-nikah-makeovers. All previously demure dul-

hans suddenly become Kareena Kapoors in Bangkok and all dulhas become chest-bearing Salman Khans in Phuket. It also becomes absolutely necessary for the new

dulhan to be perpetually laden with gold, making her look like a walking-talking Damas advertisement.

The instant Facebook status updates. The speed at which couples change their status feels as if the nikah

will not be legal and valid unless a stupid heart appears

on your Facebook profile. And please, by all means, suspect a divorce if the wifey doesn’t immediately edit her Facebook name to acknowledge the change in her surname.

The all’s-good-parade. Even if the couple wants to slit each other’s throat behind closed doors, in front of everyone, they will plaster the smuggest, most satisfied look on their faces for an entire year.

54 JUNE 19-25 2011

6 7 8 9 10

The Married Friends Inc. All the married people will

now become best buddies regardless of whether they previously acknowledged each other’s presence or not.

The success of these friendships will also depend on how well the friend’s spouse gets along with yours.

How every sentence from a newlywed starts with a mention about the significant other. The husband with

his usual, “My wife and I” and the sharmeeli begum with her demure, “Woh keh rahay thay…”

The secret bitching about the in-laws you are forced to hear as soon as the wedding bells ring. Upon asking my best-friend on her wedding day how it felt to be

married, this is the first thing she said: “I am going to throw my saas down this building for making this hideous shocking pink and parrot green gharara for me!”

How quickly the two start looking exactly like each oth-

er. Best demonstrated in honeymoon pictures where newlyweds will wear almost identical clothing, sunglasses, and expressions of pure unadulterated joy!

Making sick jokes about doing the deed suddenly becomes hilarious and acceptable to all. One night before

the marriage is when society at large remembers the need for “sex education”. Of course, a 24-hours-headsup is all one needs to prep up. a