The Express Tribune Magazine-June-27

JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

The Cleat from the Chaff

JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

Cover Story 16 The Cleat from the Chaff Are there any surprises in store as the World Cup unfolds?

Feature 20 From the Dabbu Club The game that took Karachi’s slums by storm Everything but the Militia Farmers in Punjab make their tipple at home

Comment 22 Beyond the Veil Young Saudis seek moderation in a rigidly conservative society

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Portfolio 24 Dark Matter Bleakness and beauty combine in Ali Sultan’s images

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Up North & Personal 38 The Crow Who Would Be King Zahrah Nasir and the breakfast club

Review 34 What’s on in films and theatre

Regulars 6 People & Parties: Out and about with Pakistan’s beautiful people 14 Tribune Questionnaire: Kamila Shamsie on flippancy 33 Courtesy Call: How to decline a wedding invitation 40 Horoscope: Shelley von Strunckel on your week ahead 42 Ten Things I Hate About: Mangoes

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Magazine Editor: Muna Khan, Features Editor: Faiza S Khan, Senior Sub-Editor: Nadir Hassan, Sub-Editor: Batool Zehra Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq Alvi, S Asif Ali, Sukayna Sadik Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi.

For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk

Fashion Frontier The fashion label Sublime celebrated its third anniversary at its f lagship store

in Lahore.

Fashionistas turned out in droves to get styling advice from Sara Shahid.

1. Designer Maheen Kardar with husband Saad Ali and Sara Shahid 2. Designer Ammar Belal 3. Guest at the event 4. Ayesha 5. Lisa 6. Natasha and Saba 7. Fatima Kasori.

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PHOTOS: IRFAN YOUNIS

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To have your event featured in this section email magazine@tribune.com.pk

PEOPLE & PARTIES

PEOPLE & PARTIES

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1. Sitara, Sara and Rabia 2. Arooj 3. Hiba Sher 4. Amna and Seher 5. Adeela with her daughter 6. Fatima 7. Zara.

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PEOPLE & PARTIES

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Beauty Bash

Bollywood celebrities and Indian TV actors attended People’s Most Beautiful party at Tote in Mumbai.

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1. Mini Mathur 2. Guest 3. Kangana Ranaut 4. Dia Mirza 5. Sonu Nigam 6. Guest 7. Mandira Bedi.

PHOTOS: IANS

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PEOPLE & PARTIES

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Cine Blitz

The premiere of Mani Ratnam’s new film, Raavan, was held in London with the Bachchan family in attendance.

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PHOTOS: AFP AND REUTERS

1. The Bachchan family with Vikram 2. Amitabh waves to the crowd 3. Gurinder Chadha and Aishwarya in a Sabyasachi Mukharjee sari 4. Vikram 5. Mani Ratnam 6. Abhiwarya strike a pose.

PHOTO: MARK PRINGLE COURTESY BLOOMSBURY

“I would come back as a zombie” Novelist Kamila Shamsie laments giving up piano lessons in her teens, reminisces about her happiest memory and reveals her admiration for Meryl Streep What is your idea of perfect happiness?

When and where were you happiest?

Surely my idea of ‘imperfect happiness’ would be far more reveal-

10th December, 1997. Northampton, Massachusetts. When my

What is your greatest fear?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Visa forms.

I’d be a better doodler.

What is your greatest extravagance?

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Newspaper delivery — the delivery costs more than the newspa-

Earning a living by doing the thing I most love.

ing...

per.

agent called to say my first novel had been accepted for publication.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

it be?

Virtuousness.

A zombie.

On what occasion do you lie?

Where would you most like to live?

I don’t call it ‘lying’. I call it ‘adopting a persona.’

In a 1930’s screwball comedy.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

What is your most treasured possession?

My spleen, to anyone with x-ray vision. (My kidneys, on the oth-

It would have to be my Mac, since it serves as backup and exten-

Which living person do you most despise?

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

The man serving coffee on the train who wouldn’t give me a cup

The 30th hour of that flight from New Zealand to London, when

the last hour of a 22-hour train ride from Copenhagen to Paris

haven’t seen is the second installment of the Twilight films.

er hand, are very fine.)

because he didn’t have change for the note I presented him in – and everyone standing around who didn’t just buy me a cup

sion of my memory.

you can’t sleep, can’t read, and the only in-flight movie you

with their loose change. It made me think this is the difference

If you didn’t do your current job, what would you choose to do?

between Europe and Pakistan.

Complain.

What is the quality you most like in a man? What is the quality you

What is your most marked characteristic?

most like in a woman?

Flippancy, clearly.

I’m putting these two together, only because it gives me reason

to quote one of my favourite Fleetwood Mac lines: I like a man

Who is your hero of fiction?

with a future; I like a woman with a past.

Meryl Street, in all her fictional guises.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

What is your greatest regret?

Over the last week I’ve started saying ‘Spectac!’ to denote enthu-

Stopping piano lessons in my teens.

siasm. I don’t know why. I hope it goes away quickly.

Which talent would you most like to have?

Doodling.

How many hours of load shedding did you experience yesterday?

None, but I experienced both tube delays and rain, which are the London equivalent. a

JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

15

the cleat from

the chaff With the first week over, we look ahead to the rest of the World Cup tournament and separate the contenders from the pretenders

BY AHSAN BUTT ILLUSTRATION: S JAMAL K

16 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

We discovered in the first week of the World Cup that Brazil are co-favorites. That Spain bottled it.

That the Germans mean business. And that England are dour and unimaginative. Plus ça change…

There is something about the World Cup that renders it, if not

entirely predictable, at least fairly consistent. There have been eighteen World Cups but, between them, they have thrown up

only seven different winners – Uruguay, Italy, (West) Germany,

Brazil, England, Argentina, and France. Since 1970, only six teams have even contested the final. The World Cup, it appears,

is the sporting equivalent of a gated community, the ultimate

Marxist nightmare: the few dominating the many, not even leaving scraps for the others – including so-called Big Teams like Spain and the Netherlands – to contest.

This time is supposed to be (slightly) different. Spain, always

considered a safe bet to underachieve in big tournaments, are blessed with a breathtaking array of talent. They could, in effect,

field two separate teams and have both be real contenders. Their scarcely believable record in the run-up to the tournament indexed a superior footballing squad that controls the game, passes, and moves off the ball better than any other side in the world.

Most teams’ cutting edge is provided by their front men, but in

Spain’s case, it’s their central midfield that constitutes the real

threat: Xavi and Andres Iniesta are two of the world’s five top

players, and accentuate each other’s strengths. The core members of the Spanish team have been together for three or four

years, a lifetime in international football, and understand and

like each other. And they combine the best of both worlds when

it comes to integrating the ethos of Spain’s two dominating club teams: through the six players they send to the Spanish starting XI, Barcelona export the pass-and-move playing style, while

through their ex-manager Vicente del Bosque, now in charge of the national side, Real Madrid transmit their characteristic determination and confidence.

The shock loss to Switzerland in their opening game might actu-

ally do Spain good – del Bosque was palpably chafing under the favorites tag before the World Cup, and centre back Gerard Pique

sounded almost relieved after the loss because expectations instantly dampened. If the real Spain show up, and pay attention to the valuable wakeup call they received, they can win the entire thing.

To do so, however, they will have to go through Brazil earlier

than they would have liked. Spain’s loss to Switzerland, combined with the impressive form of Chile, means that Spain are

likely to finish runners-up in their group, and play Brazil in their

first knockout game, instead of in a dream final. And Brazil, more than any other side in this World Cup, are built to win. Joga

Bonito has been sacrificed for Just Business. They are hard, ath-

17 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

COVER STORY

past winners

letic, strong, unrelenting.

Their system employs two men – Gilberto Silva and Felipe Melo –

in front of a strong back four, tasked with breaking up opposition

attacks. Unlike Spain, they don’t need possession to win games; all throughout qualifying, Brazil were content with only a hand-

2006

1994

Winners: Italy Final: Italy vs France Score: 1-1 Penalties: 5-3

Winners: Brazil Final: Brazil vs Italy Score: 3-2

2002

1990

Winners: Brazil Final: Brazil vs Germany Score: 2-0

Winners: Germany Final: Germany vs Argentina Score: 1-0

1998

2006

Winners: France Final: France vs Brazil Score: 3-0

Winners: Italy Final: Italy vs France Score: 1-1 Penalties: 5-3

ful of scoring chances, of which they would gratefully convert a significant percentage. Playing rapier-like counterattacking

football, no team transitions from their own penalty area to their opposition’s quicker. And at the centre of it all is Kaka, the perfect player for Dunga’s system. They might not play traditional

Brazilian football, but they can still be entertaining. Brutal efficiency is not mutually exclusive with being attractive, as any German car aficionado would tell you.

And then there’s Argentina, perhaps this tournament’s most

compelling and fascinating story. For starters, there’s the psy-

chodrama between Lionel Messi, this generation’s most gifted footballer, and Diego Maradona, the iconic and erratic Argentina coach.

Messi’s club for Barcelona in the last two seasons has been so

sublime as to earn him comparisons with the greatest to have ever played the game: Pele, di Stefano, Cruyff, Beckenbauer, and, of course, Maradona. Ironically, of all the greats, Messi’s game most closely resembles Maradona: the other-worldly dribbling skills – of which Sid Lowe, of The Guardian once wrote “He

doesn’t even seem to kick it most of the time: like a faithful dog, it just runs alongside him” – along with the low centre of gravity,

the unerring shooting accuracy, and a feather-like touch, all bear an eerie sense of déjà-vu.

But Messi has not been able to replicate his club form for his

country. He may have led Argentina to important successes at

the Youth and Olympic levels, but at the senior level, he has been merely good. One of the reasons this is the case is simply tactical:

Messi plays closer to the goal at Barcelona, whereas with Argentina he regularly drops deeper into midfield to collect the ball.

But, some claim, there is a more sinister element to Messi’s un-

derperformance for Argentina. The conspiratorial-minded allege that Maradona is intentionally sabotaging Messi and not allow-

ing him to flourish; that, wary of Messi challenging his place

in history, Maradona is doing what he can to maintain it. As evidence, the conspirators point to the countless occasions on

which Maradona has downplayed Messi’s importance to the Ar-

gentina side, instead deflecting attention to others. In his first press conference as Argentina coach, Maradona announced “My

team is [Liverpool midfielder Javier] Mascherano and ten others.”

While no one can credibly claim to know exactly what Diego

Maradona thinks, it’s unlikely to be quite as dramatic as all that.

A simpler and more charitable interpretation is that Maradona

is simply seeking to reduce the pressure that Messi feels. Messi’s

18 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

on-field conduct may well be very similar to Maradona’s, but his

demeanour and personality could not be more different. Where

Maradona was brash and cocky, Messi is shy and deferential, and not one to welcome the spotlight and accompanying scrutiny. By

placing others, and himself, at the centre of attention, Maradona might only be making Messi’s heavy burden more tolerable.

And it might not be the worst idea. Argentina, after a dread-

ful qualifying campaign which left them on the precipice of not even making it to South Africa, seem to be clicking. Heading into

the World Cup, they were one of the more settled sides; belying his capricious nature, Maradona had decided on a team, a forma-

tion, and style of play. That form has carried over into the tournament itself, with Argentina the only side to have won its first

two games at the time this article went to print. They may have

a shaky defense – a back four without any full-backs – but they have a gluttonous choice when it comes to forwards and strik-

ers, and in Mascherano, the reborn Juan Sebastian Veron (whose reestablishment in the Argentina team is quite a story itself), Angel Di Maria and Maxi Rodriguez, have enough in midfield to

trouble most sides. Most of all, they have the irrepressible Messi,

whose versatility as an individual is a significant asset for the collective of the Argentina side: depending on the situation of

the game, Messi can be employed as a right-sided forward, an

outright front man, a false number 9, a number 10, and even as an enganche, the deeper playmaker role so central to Argentine football history.

More than most, the two South American powerhouses and

Spain are the best bets in this World Cup. Other contenders have

weaknesses that may prove insurmountable. England have the same problems that they’ve had in recent history: not enough

ball players in midfield and beyond, no real attacking option to partner Wayne Rooney, the Rubrik’s Cube that is the GerrardLampard problem, and, to put it mildly, unreliable goalkeepers.

The Netherlands have perhaps the worst back four of any of the

top teams. France never had enough ability; it is easy (and justified) to blame their terrible coach Raymond Domenech for their

troubles, but throughout qualifying France evinced precious little quality and almost each of their players is grossly overrated.

Perish the thought of counting out perennial threats and the ultimate we-know-how-to-win teams Italy and Germany, but nei-

ther would inspire great fear amongst the cream. And while it would warm the heart to see an African team win the first World Cup on its soil, it does stretch the imagination to conceive of such

a scenario, especially when considering that the best African

team – Egypt, who have won the last three Africa Cups of Nations – aren’t even at the World Cup. They’re watching at home, just like the rest of us. a

19 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

FEATURE

from the dabbu club

BY FAIZAN USMANI

Cricket might still be called the gentleman’s game despite the women’s cricket teams and the scoundrels on the cricket board but there are other games which make no pretenses about the class and culture of their patrons. I give you the unassuming but vastly entertaining dabbu.

their prowess without any unnecessary restrictions. While one

Imagine a small, smoke-filled room, a large plywood board

cilitated by the sweat continuously dripping from the vest-clad

and your pick of street criminals, unemployed youth, good-for-

nothing layabouts and low-paid members of the working class.

dabbu, you have to stand on your feet. You may sit on a wooden

stool for your comfort but such convenience goes against the real

dabbu spirit. As in carrom, many powders are sprinkled on the board to decrease friction and speed up the game. This is also faplayers on the board.

Every shot struck by a dabbu master, as a rule, is accompanied

This is essentially the setting for this indoor game, which has

by a slang word and normally offensive expletives are taken as

majority of male adults living in slums, dabbu is the cheapest

kata’ is chanted during kite-flying then ‘Ye Mara’ is reserved for

now become an integral part of urban life in Karachi. For a vast form of entertainment available and an essential part of their everyday lives. The origin of the word ‘dabbu’ is unknown but the

gigantic wooden board on which this game is played might give a clue. In any case, the name, like the game, is more appealing and catchy than gilli-danda, cricket, or hockey.

For the dabbu masters, it’s a soul-nourishing activity as well

as a platform to raise their voice on social issues for the benefit of

their admiring audience. From the ravishing beauty of Katrina

Kaif to the dancing of the cheerleaders in IPL matches to Javed’s nihari, every matter of importance is thoroughly hashed out at

dabbu. It is a place to educate yourself on political and social is-

essential energy boosters for both players and spectators. If ‘Bo a perfect shot played at dabbu. Just like a free-style wrestler, a

genuine dabbu master uses his hands, legs and entire body to manipulate the game. Offering a combination of physical and

mental maneuvers, dabbu is a poor man’s billiards where carrom-men (goti) are hit by a striker instead of a cue ball. Despite

being an indoor game, it may be played under the open sky and the latest trend is to have dabbu games on 20-20. It can also be played in both singles and doubles, just like tennis. In singles, the players sit opposite to each other whereas in doubles the players need to occupy all sides of the board.

On your way to the dabbu club, stop at a few of the gutka out-

sues — around dabbu, you can familiarise yourself with your

lets and paan shops to boost the thrill and joy of the game. While

ing applied by the United States. Dabbu clubs also serve as cov-

the walls and floors of dabbu club are veritable art galleries of

newly-arrived neighbours as well as with the global policies beeted spots for general meetings and often political groups haunt the venues looking to recruit workers and activists.

all paan and gutka chewers have the right to paint the town red, abstract designs.

The popularity of this game can be judged by the number of

Dabbu is basically a distorted form of carrom, that whole-

dabbu tournaments held throughout the year in different locali-

Queen remains the ultimate target of a dabbu player but, unlike

rangi Dabbu Tournament’, a mega-event in which leading dabbu

some game much beloved by the children of the well to do. The

carrom, there are three Queens on the dabbu board instead of just one. Considering that human history is replete with deadly

ties of the metropolis. I once participated in the ‘All Landhi-Koplayers from all over the city participated.

Dabbu might have the distinction of being the only game in

wars fought over a single woman, it is a testament to the brav-

human history which is widely enjoyed by drug addicts who nor-

most challenging part of the game is that you need to hit your

loaders, child labourers and professional beggars are the people

ery of dabbu players that they pocket three Queens at a time. The

desired Queen first before celebrating any other strikes. Other-

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needs to sit when playing a carrom board game, when it comes to

wise, the rules of dabbu are not all that different from carrom.

The comparatively relaxed set of rules helps players demonstrate JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

mally lack the attention-span for such things. Grocery sellers, who, at the end of a long day, find a cool resting place on the

benches of dabbu clubs and strike to win by spending a few rupees from their daily wages. a

PHOTOS BY ATHAR KHAN

FEATURE

urban souls Street criminals, beggars, child labourers and drug addicts, all come together to play dabbu at the end of a hard day. A dabbu club is a place to educate yourself on political and social issues. From the ravishing beauty of Katrina Kaif to Javed’s nihari, every matter of importance is thoroughly discussed here

21 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

COMMENT

beyond the

veil

An MTV documentary on young Saudis portrays how the youth is struggling to choose between conservative ideology at home and what the world has to offer

BY FAHAD FARUQUI

22 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

An episode of the popular MTV series ‘True Life’ titled ‘Resist the Power, Saudi Arabia’ profiles passionate Saudis grappling with marginalisation and the desire for change in a rigid society. They’re not lobbying for familiar Western notions such as the removal of the burqa, or the right to public displays of affection. They’re seeking moderation.

University, who turned atheist because she perceived that her so-

Participants of the show unflinchingly voiced concerns that

clusion” with a namehram man in the city of Ha’il; her husband

may seem trivial to outsiders, but they are more radical than demands for democracy because they strike at the core values of Saudi society.

The documentary is as long as a feature film, and what it lacks

in action it more than makes up in dramatic tension. Its energy

ciety ridiculed individualism. Nothing would convince her that society and religion are two different entities, which can overlap

for better or worse — in her case for the worse. Coercive means to impose moral laws has never had a positive outcome, which is also evident from recent incidents. On May 20, a married Saudi

woman shot at police officers after she was caught in “illegal sehas filed a complaint against her and asked that she be stripped

of her citizenship. Just a few days earlier, another woman beat a religious police officer in the city of Al-Mubarraz for asking her to verify the relationship of the man she was with.

Amongst those portrayed in the documentary are Ahmad, a

lies in the powerful and perhaps dangerous questions it raises.

young human rights activist, struggling to bridge the chasm

the documentary, blaming the “perversion of culture” on natu-

Ahmad’s social concerns are probably well known, but the wid-

Some Bedouins (the self-proclaimed “original Saudis”) condemn ralised Saudis who failed to uphold traditional norms.

But not all Saudis have reacted this way. While Muna AbuSu-

layman, the secretary-general of Alwaleed Bin Talal Foundation, admires the courage of the subjects for speaking out, especially

given the kind of consequences they might face, she nevertheless finds the episode one-sided. “We [Saudis] have been ridiculed,

between rich and poor or raise levels of female emancipation. ening economic disparity may come as news to those who have

the Sex and the City 2 image of the Middle East. Poverty in Saudi Arabia is widespread, numerous live in huts and survive on dates — only a fraction of society is thriving and it is they who are seen vacationing in London, New York, Munich and Vienna.

The days of state controlled TV channels that concluded with

discriminated against and portrayed as monsters; society has

a national anthem and recitation of the Holy Qu’ran are history.

argues for greater openness: “No good has come of our defensive,

filing to pornography (despite filters) to the girl draped in black

had enough of that.” On the other hand, writer Eman Al Nafjan hide the dirty laundry approach, we just come off looking more closed and isolated.”

Today, the youth is exposed to elements ranging from terror proat the mall (love at first sight waiting to happen).

Many teenage Saudis today are struggling to choose between

If that was the goal of this particular “True Life” episode, then

conservative ideology at home and the world outside. They are

lead to change. But who are these Saudis who dared to speak pub-

it difficult for them to form identities uniquely their own. Rath-

it has exceeded its brief, causing a brouhaha that may actually

lically about the society they seek to change? And what do they so desire?

Fatima wants to brighten up the wardrobe of Saudi women,

who are traditionally dressed in loose black robes and a miserly

draped hijab that is sometimes coupled with a niqab. Though

coloured abayas may not seem a radical notion — especially for girls who would welcome the trend — riding a bicycle wearing

an Arsenal soccer shirt with a cap in a bid to pass off as a man is enough to get arrested. That happened recently when 10 ‘Emo’

girls in Dammam were apprehended for a “fashion error”. They were released after submitting written apologies.

I studied with one such Saudi Emo girl a decade ago at Columbia

torn between tradition and modernity in a society that has made er than providing guidance geared towards acquiring wisdom through hard experience — something that frankly takes time and work —Saudi society is following a different and easier tack.

They are given a list of dos and don’ts, most of which don’t make

sense to them, and the threat of imprisonment and whipping sticks if they fail to comply. What needs to be done is fairly obvious. But is society ready for change? a

Fahad Faruqui is a freelance writer and a TV/Radio presenter. He read Philosophy of Religion and Middle East Studies as an undergraduate at Columbia University and then pursued M.S. in Journalism from its Graduate School of Journalism. mff11@columbia.edu.

23 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

PORTFOLIO

Dark matter PHOTOGRAPHY & TEXT BY ALI SULTAN

“A photograph,” Diane Arbus once said “was a secret about a se-

cret.” Since I can remember I have been interested in the secret ways of things. More than anything else — music, painting, film

— photographs have that sinking, almost suffocating, quality of drawing you into a mystery. Photographs, really, never tell the truth. Are they supposed to? Every face, every object contains unspecific, strange tales: small fragmentary islands hidden in the

landscape of the face. At some level, it is all a facade. How can you really tell what a gaze means, or the way someone stands,

smiles or cries? What they do show you are muddled memories

trapped in four corners of a frame. The emptiness that makes up the internal “you” soon finds your exterior. It comes from the hidden inside to the bare outside. The secret inside a secret.

With this camera and black and white eyes, I am but a peeping

Tom, endlessly staring, starved for signs. I wait for the dark to

envelope the light, for a glance that is only meant for the shutter to see. I wait for unspoken communication and unfinished

dreams. These ones are fighting for life, between happiness and sorrow, fatigue, facades, lovers, thieves, bums, cigarette stubs and nameless streets.

“I work from awkwardness. By that I mean I don’t like to arrange things. If I stand in front of something, instead of arranging it, I arrange myself.” — Diane Arbus JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

PORTFOLIO

“I never have taken a picture I’ve intended. They’re always 26 better or worse.” — Diane Arbus JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

27 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

PORTFOLIO

“My favorite thing is to go where I’ve never been.”

— Diane Arbus

28 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

“A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you the less you know.” — Diane Arbus 29 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

everything but themilitia

BY TAHA S SIDDIQUI

ILLUSTRATIONS: ANAM HALEEM

As talk on a military operation in south Punjab heats up, a local brewer is least perturbed

Brown Sugar ‘Gurh’

‘Kikar’ tree bark

A large canal network and plentiful kikar trees provide the raw materials for brewing alcohol.

Water

‘Matka’

The recent heated debate between the federal and provincial government over a cleanup operation in south Punjab worries me. I am worried about how the government is portraying the image of Punjab, the province known always for its congenial, hardworking folk, now recognisable only as the heartland of the Punjabi Taliban. While it’s true that the origins of banned outfits like Lashkar-e-Jhangvi, Lashkar-e-Taiba and Sipah-e-Sahaba have been traced there, the rural Punjab I visited seemed a world away from these imaginings.

My trip there — my first incidentally — was for a documentary

I was producing on local household alcohol production. I was

30

tipped off to travel to interior Punjab, some 200 kilometres outJUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

side Lahore. My co-worker, whose ancestral home was there, had

set up my co-ordinates without disclosing the location of my des-

tination. It all sounded a bit dodgy, and I was skeptical to begin

ter. The middle matka contained the alcohol mix, and the top bowl was filled with cold water.

“The process is quite simple,” he said. “All you need is a good

with that alcohol producers would be flourishing amongst ma-

mixture that readies in two weeks. How the mixture is made I

After a journey of two hours, my co-worker met me at a non-

cess of condensation.” Pointing to the middle mud plate, he

drassahs spewing out extremists in just that vicinity.

descript spot where I was told to follow the car. We drove down a narrow road flanked by fields on either side, and in time, came to another parked car — a white 96 Corol-

will explain later, but for now let me take you through the proadded, “When we light the oven, the alcohol will condense and drop out of the pipe that is sticking out.”

After explaining the method, he took some pre-

la. There was a hefty looking gentleman at the wheel

made mixture and, like a science teacher, went

him for another ten minutes till we reached a desert-

was of three basic ingredients, water, brown sug-

whom I was informed was the contact. We followed ed doorway. He drove in and we followed.

This was his ‘dera’, I was told. Made of mud bricks,

through the condensation process. The mixture ar (gurh), and a tree known as kikar’s bark.

“Add all three ingredients into the matka, with

two rooms and a dusty sitting area, the place looked

kilos of gurh increasing in proportion to the li-

was introduced to the man from the Corolla. He was

bury the matka in a field for two weeks.”

haunted even in broad daylight. After being seated, I the ex-mayor of the village and was from a prominent political party in the province. And he was going to take us to the alcohol producer-cum-vendor.

“What will you do with this story?” he asked me.

I told him that I had set out to change Pakistan’s

image and show people that it wasn’t ism, like the government and foreign

all terror-

media seemed to think. He nodded

and signalled to his servants to bring

tres of alcohol required,” he explained, “and then A customer turned up while he was speaking

to us, at which point the gentleman excused

himself to attend to business. Distiller and buyer nipped into a room and two minutes later, one happy customer left the house with a plastic bag filled with alcohol.

The transaction cost three hundred rupees.

When asked if the illegality of

refreshments. After a hospitable round

his operations troubled him, the

our cars. At the end of a long winding

livelihood which more than jus-

of lassi, we were asked to follow him in road, we came to a red-bricked locality.

He parked in front of a house and got out, telling us to follow him into the gate. When we entered, we

were seated on two charpoys. Presently, a man in his late thirties

distiller replied that this was his tified doing it. He laughingly

added, “I have been caught by the police, and was kept in

custody for over a month very recently.”

“So how did you get out?” I

came out of the house and greeted

inquired.

of operations, and he welcomed us

had just been handed by the

to his wife and five children, who

Azam Zindabad.”

us. He was introduced as the head into his house and introduced us seemed quite fascinated by our ar-

He took out the notes he

buyer and said, “Quaid-eAfter bidding farewell to

rival.

the alcohol businessman as

ness, the distiller asked us to

out. Our next stop was the

Getting straight down to busi-

join him in his kitchen, which

doubled as his production room,

where he kept the matka-distil-

lation machine. At the bottom of the machine was a gas oven, above

which was a matka filled with wa-

he called himself, we headed fields where the matkas are

buried. After driving for a

bit, we were asked to park in

front of a path leading right

into the heart of a plantation.

I got out and followed. A mud JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

31

house appeared before us, and out came a farmer, who, after a

chat, told me to follow him behind the house, where we found a pile of cow dung. The farmer started digging into the manure with his bare hands and pulled out a matka covered with a lid.

It had been fermenting for 10 days so it had a fairly pronounced odour. I asked him how clean this method was to which he re-

plied that he’d been at it for some 15 years and no one’s health had been tainted by it yet.

We were told that this matka was for the farmer’s personal

consumption. There were numerous households in this village that preferred to brew alcohol in their backyards.

We bid farewell to him and headed out of the fields.

“Is there anything rare about this alcohol?” I asked my local

contact.

“Not as such. The sugar cane for the gurh is homegrown so it’s

not a problem, and water is ample in supply owing to the village’s large canal network.”

“So is it the tree that is a scarce resource?” I inquired.

To prove that it was not he took me to a nearby canal tributary

and both sides of which were lined with trees of this particular kind.

“The kikar tree grows throughout Punjab’’, he told me.

We had seen it all and it was time to go back. Jokingly I asked

one of the locals about the presence of the Taliban in these areas, to which he smiled and said, “There are no extremists here in our

community. Didn’t you notice? We are just a bunch of farmers having fun…” a

JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

A view of the village the writer visited.

ADVICE a This is a prickly question. At my place of work, on Fridays, whenever someone is off to the mosque, they ask if I would like to join them. I have always answered, “No, thank you.” Recently,

call

courtesy

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two separate men asked, “Why not?” Although I was offended, I smiled and replied that I’d go on my own. These men are now awkward around me. I do not owe anyone an explanation about my religious beliefs and do not want to get on the defensive, but surely there has to be a polite way to decline an invitation to prayers?

Keeping it personal Bear in mind that those asking you to join them for prayers may

be doing it out of politeness and should be responded to in a casual manner. I deplore the attitude of your co-workers who feel

they are within their rights to ask “why are you not coming to pray with us”. But we live in troubled times and the slightest misunderstanding can be blown out of proportion. Deflect the

situation by continuing your stance with “no, thank you”. If confronted, a simple “I choose not to discuss this” will suffice.

a My husband and I are expecting our first child in seven months.

Our mothers have reacted badly to my decision to announce the pregnancy before three months, saying that it is bad luck to say you’re pregnant before the second trimester. They are also unhappy about our decision to know the gender of our child saying that it should be a surprise to everyone. How do I tell them that I don’t want to play cutesy to their ridiculous demands which include getting clothes or decorating the baby’s room in colours that are not gender-specific?

Annoyed mother-to-be Someone needs to welcome your mothers into the 21st Century

and let us hope it is your child. While I find their behaviour some-

what cutesy, I do think it is time you and your husband simply put your foot down and do what you please. However, since the grandmothers-to-be want to be surprised, see if you can create a

filter for your thoughts and keep the gender of your child at least from them. Or be prepared to offer apologies for when it slips.

a I have been invited to two weddings next month by families that did not attend my son’s marriage last winter, nor did they send belated greetings. Am I required to attend or is my no-show a petty act?

Begrudingly yours We tend to imitate acts of slight committed against us in the hope that it will teach the offending party a lesson; but sadly it only makes the copycat offender look bad. By all means attend if you want to but leave your grudges at home. If you choose not to

attend, for whatever reason, be sure to call to decline the invite and offer your congratulations to the newlyweds.

JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

33

featured review of the week

film family matters

BY FAIZ MOHAMMED KHAN

The concept of bringing a tale based in part on the Mahabharat and using it as a metaphor for the present is an interesting one and one that is ably executed by Prakash Jha in this mythologymeets-Mafioso tale set in modern day India. Treachery, corruption, shoot outs and murder punctuate the narrative as you hurtle towards what is ultimately rather predictable fare.

Leaving aside the opening sequences which prepares the viewer for the background to the expansive cast, we enter the frame with two warring factions of one family, both striving to oust the other and wrestle control. Bhanu Pratap leads the Rashtrawadi political party, but suffering a stroke, hands over the control of the party to his brother Chandra, with Chandra’s son, Prithvi (Arjun Rampal) and his own son Veerendra (Manoj Bajpai) to share the honours as joint general secretaries. Humiliated by his father’s actions, Veerandra makes the type of unlikely alliance only seen in politics. Throw in the rape of a party worker, a cover up, some very ugly threats, and you have a full blown political drama on your hands.

Into all this sordidness comes, Samar (Ranbir Kapoor), the baby of the family, uncorrupted by the lure of power, studying poetry in the United States... or so one believes. It doesn’t take him too long to get his hands dirty. Samar proves a faithful lieutenant to his family, proving his stripes by orchestrating the marriage of the woman he loves to his brother, in order to raise funds for his party.

Veerendra sees yet again the mantle of power slipping away and into the hands of his loathed cousins and plots a bloody revenge.

Raajneeti is an epic film and one that could conceivably have devoted some more time to some of its characters to provide credence where one simply has to assume it. The film borrows heavily from the Godfather in its feel and characterisation. Rampal is no doubt the maverick Sonny Corleone in what must be the finest performance of his career whereas Kapoor is Michael Corloene.

Kapoor’s Corleone turn is sudden and explained rather too easily 34 as letting out the” inner devil” and one would have actually liked JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

Five political thrillers 1. Mr and Mrs Iyer 2. Hazaaron Khuaishen Aisi 3. Jodhaa Akbar 4. Kabul Express 5. Gangaajal

till politics do us part Ranbir Kapoor puts in a strong performance as Samar whereas the less said about Katrina Kaif, the better

The film borrows heavily from the Godfather in its feel and characterisation. Rampal is no doubt the maverick Sonny Corleone in what must be the finest performance of his career whereas Kapoor is Michael Corloene.

to have spent some more time actually seeing whether Samar was always a morally decayed person or whether the slide into this murder and mayhem was indeed driven by something other than inner demons. Kapoor is an interesting actor who is able to make his character more believable than perhaps you would otherwise imagine.

Manoj Bajpai, however, takes the film to a new level with surely one of the best performances cinema has seen in recent years.

So greasily malevolent is Veerendra that you almost cheer at his naked ambition. Matching him step for step in an understated yet magnificent performance is Nana Patekar. The less said of Katrina Kaif the better and Ajay Devgan is swept away in Bajpai’s shadow.

Musically, whilst not included overtly in the film, “Mora sajan mose bolat nahin” sends a cold shiver up your spine. In a nutshell, Raajneeti works as a political thriller and cannot claim to be anything but that. It’s not a path-breaking film, neither is it one that aspires to make a difference. Jha has finally made a film which has set the box office alive without compromising on the quality of cinema. It is wasted on a small screen but is worth a visit to the cinema.

35

REVIEW

film boyz in the hood

BY HAMNA ZUBAIR

Taking a cue from the long line of prequels that have become something of a vogue in a decade where new ideas have staunchly eluded filmmakers, Ridley Scott’s epic drama Robin Hood should have been titled ‘Becoming Robin Hood,’ or something similar.

The movie’s tagline, ‘the untold story behind the legend,’ is not a forceful enough warning that who we are about to see onscreen is Robin Hood’s angst-ridden alter-ego, not Sherwood Forest’s famed man in tights, whose global iconic appeal has not faded all these centuries later.

The story is set in 13th century England. Richard the Lionheart dies in battle in France and Robin, along with a band of loyal followers, abandons the English army and returns to England posing as a knight.

Things aren’t going well in the homeland, as the King’s greedy younger brother John has taken control of the throne and begun an evil reign of tyranny and harsh taxation, advised by a two-timing adviser who is secretly plotting to help France overthrow his royal personage.

Meanwhile, Robin, played by Scott’s pet favourite Russell Crowe, travels to Nottingham to fulfill a dying man’s wish. He chances upon Lady Marion, played by Cate Blanchett. Incensed by the injustices being committed against the poor in Nottingham and eager to impress the luminous Lady Marion, Robin offers to help the king fight France on one condition — the poor must be allowed to live in liberty and peace.

Now, this is an accomplished film about clashing social and economic classes and peasant rebellions, but the viewer is often left wondering where ‘Robin Hood’ comes into all this.

In fact, in many instances the film bears more than a passing resemblance to Ridley Scott’s Oscar-winning Gladiator. Crowe’s performance for example is barely distinguishable from his turn as Roman general Maximus Meridius. The fact that Robin spends far 36 too much time on a horse swinging a sword Gladiator-style instead JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

missing ingredients One gets a sense of deja vu when watching Crowe’s turn as Robin Hood for it’s no different to his performance in Gladiator of wielding a bow and arrow certainly doesn’t help.

Blanchett, on the other hand, brings a surprising depth to Lady Marion’s character. Clearly one of the finest actresses of her generation, Blanchett’s Marion is feisty, and Crowe’s best scenes are those in which they bicker over a simmering sexual chemistry.

Another central character to watch out for is Walter, Lady Marion’s father-in-law played just right by Max von Sydow. His senile bumbling and well-meaning designs to get Robin and Marion together are endearing enough to make him one of the most loveable characters in the film.

At the end, even though the viewer knows this is meant to be the ‘untold’ story, the film is a bit of a letdown. Robin Hood really isn’t complete without his band of merry men, but they’re barely given any screen time. Robin Hood is supposed to be a mean shot, but here archery plays second fiddle to political intrigue. Ultimately, all the missing ingredients add up and Robin Hood misses the mark.

play the really odd couple Bill Manhoff, the American playwright, must be turning in his grave. He must be crying out in agony. At the very least, he must be somewhat grateful at not having lived to see the Karachi Arts Council’s latest adaptation of his play ‘The Owl and the Pussycat’, under the helm of Napa graduate Fawad Khan, who mounted a recent production of it from June 17 to 20 in Karachi.

The play begins with Chandramukhi, a sex worker, storming into the London apartment of Fred Solomon, an aspiring writer, in the middle of the night. She announces that she will camp there for the night because her landlord has evicted her.

Solomon is not open to this possibility, to say the least. He is snobby, elitist, and particular. He has binoculars and as it happens, has been spying on Chandramukhi. In fact, earlier that day, Solomon himself had reported her to her landlord for immoral activities. Thus begins the battle, supposedly of wits, between an unconvincingly feisty sex worker and a self-proclaimed writer who struggles for groundbreaking ideas and wrestles with selfconstructed but uninspiring phrases such as ‘the sun spit morning…’ Sure, Manhoff’s controversial play, based on his relationship with his wife Margaret McLaughlin, attracted some criticism upon reception due to its subject matter, which is not the same thing as the criticism drawn by this play, for its poor direction and lacklustre performances.

Fizza Zehra is, in a word, miscast. She was more convincing in last year’s ‘Odd Couple’, though she still seems to lack the necessary presence, in particular, the voice projection required for a truly satisfying performance. Joining her onscreen was the director, who appears to have taken on too much. This could, to be fair, be symptomatic of the credit crunch on theatrical productions, whereby the producer cannot afford to take on professional actors and must make do in less than ideal circumstances. Otherwise, a slew of Napa grads — Saqib Khan, Mohsin Ali, Ali Sheikh, for example – could have done a much better job.

PHOTOS BY M T GHOURI

BY ENAM HASAN

losing the plot A rendition of Manhoff’s ‘The Owl and the Pussycat’ recently performed by Napa graduates would have had the playwright in tears All good playwrights have a message to their narrative behind the mere words and actions. In a bid to carry it forward, the directors interpret or take on what lies deep within the script. At the heart of this play, Manhoff appears to question the self-sufficiency of the intellectual. Through Solomon, his male protagonist, he makes a case for not being able to live a life of the mind alone, denying oneself the simple joys of life. Reason without feeling tends to arrive at conclusions that do not necessarily reflect reality, a gap exists between the thinking and feeling mind, “Even with fantasies, and dirty words and the guilty stink of the sewer you can only sometimes whip yourself into a parody of passion.” This lies at the heart of the play, but is not drawn out at any point in this production, which is a shame since it’s a message worth putting out. It deserves a more skilful execution than this. a

37

UP NORTH AND PERSONAL

the crow who

Zardari kicked up one hell of a racket at 5:30 am this morning. I could happily have shot him. The greasy character really needs to learn that, as far as I am concerned, there is a limit to his incessant demands and he has just about reached it! Malik wasn’t much better although, admittedly, he didn’t pluck up the courage to make his presence known until a more reasonable 6:30 am and, as usual, he hadn’t the guts to arrive alone but had Gilani, Qureshi and a host of lackeys in tow.

The birds of the air are not without ambition TEXT & PHOTOGRAPHS BY ZAHRAH NASIR

Morning on the mountain with delicate political negotiations

before breakfast — not a good start to what promised to be a beau-

tiful day. A day I had ambitiously planned as a peaceful, relaxing and mentally recharging of personal batteries kind of day but,

like Alice in Wonderland, there were six impossible things to believe before this could happen!

First things first… Zardari. Yes, I did make him wait for one full

nerve-wracking hour… nerve-wracking in that his raucous cries of “me, me, me” set my teeth on edge to the point of my brewing coffee minus the coffee grounds whilst muttering,“Okay,

okay, you greedy so and so. I hear you. Anything that’s going and you’re first in the queue. Hang on, hang on.”

Zardari, naturally of course, paid no attention as he was far too

busy working himself into a fit at the very thought of not getting his way. Malik knows better. He has learnt to kowtow to the rest

of his motley crew from whom Qureshi hides in unabashed fear.

The ‘six impossible things’ all linked to believing that I could,

and would, solve all hierarchical problems before sitting on the doorstep with a very well-earned cup of perfectly brewed, second

(Above) Dove of peace. (Opposite page) Zardari, a large blue-black crow who is part of the flock that joins the writer for breakfast.

time around, coffee.

Enough confusion. Let me introduce you to the guys who ha-

bitually join me for a breakfast meeting come rain or shine.

thing hanging loose, specifically targeting things which glitter

have ever seen. Basically a coward at heart (if he has such a thing)

day.

Zardari is a very large, blue-black crow with the beadiest eyes I

he pounces around pretending to be ‘King of the Castle’ yet still

Gilani is a much smaller and less obtrusive member of the

manages to come across as a joker, a rather clever joker one must

magpie brigade who hunt in packs. These extremely inquisi-

him is to form a pointing gun shape with fingers and fist, aim

squawking fight over nothing, long since learnt to bid their time

admit. But a joker all the same as all one has to do to intimidate

it in his direction and… screech… with a flap of his wings he is gone.

Now Malik, for some unknown reason a buddy of Zardari’s, is

38

along with ripening apricots and plums to be stashed for a rainy

an incredibly cheeky, thieving, fancily attired, yellow-billed blue magpie who, after he’s been fed, makes off with just about anyJUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

tive, ridiculously stupid birds who enjoy nothing more than a for easy pickings until the likes of Zardari and Malik have had

their fill. And if the leftovers aren’t enough to satisfy their vo-

racious habits, they think absolutely nothing of marching into what should be private space and helping themselves to whatever catches their yellow-rimmed eyes.

would be king

The comparatively dowdy Quaker babbler, Qureshi, is decep-

tively wily. Leaving the main stage to more raucous players, he

weaves and darts through the undergrowth, sneaking up to feast on tasty morsels the others have overlooked, or dropped in their gluttonous haste. This one is smarter by far than his attention-

grabbing associates but should not, by any stretch of the imagination, be underestimated. This one may be the proverbial tortoise racing the hare and we all know who pipped whom to the post!

I am pleased to report that not all the feathered inhabitants

of this little patch of permaculture are as maliciously grasping as the breakfast meeting gang. Endlessly chirping, bouncy bundles of happy sparrows flit companionably around the garden, tweaking an insect here, a seed-head there, hopping in and out of a birdbath or pond. Two pairs of delectably pretty stone doves

puff out their pinkish chests, strutting their stuff and cooing in

the grass. Swifts and swallows knife through the balmy atmo-

sphere in sheer, unadulterated delight. The swallows enjoy their summer game of flying in through the open front door, gliding

around the living room, then sweeping majestically out of the back door, through the woodshed and out in the garden humming with bees.

A large, stiff-legged, yellow-billed whistling thrush, feathers

gleaming metallic blue in the sunshine, pulls elasticated worms

out of deep mulch in the potato bed. Rose-ringed parakeets streak through the air above the fruit trees, as Himalayan greenfinches search for tasty seed-heads in the herb and flower border.

The distinctive call of blue-throated green barbettes echoes

through the orchard and the forest beyond reminding me of the

deal “we� made. They are allowed to eat the fruit in the tree tops

where I can’t reach in return for leaving the fruit on the lower

branches for me but, needless to say, they never stick to the bargain and gouge huge holes out of apricots, plums, peaches, ap-

ples and persimmons, never eating a whole fruit before moving on to the next and making off with cherries and grapes in one go.

A green woodpecker taps away at the decaying bark of a par-

tially rotten weeping willow, digging out grubs to feed its three

hatchlings who are safely ensconced in the nesting hole it hollowed out in the trunk of an old apple tree by the lily pond. And

all is well in the world except for the presence of a single tawny eagle floating high above. Big brother is watching! a

39 JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

HOROSCOPE

BY SHELLEY VON STRUNCKEL

Aries Mar 20 – Apr 19 Once you accept the fact you simply can’t control the events currently reshaping your life, instead of battling them, you’ll go with the flow. True, initially this runs counter to your Aries nature. But you soon realise that what’s least expected leads to wonderful if entirely unanticipated experiences and opportunities. Explore everything with the knowledge that each encounter will enrich you in some way.

Taurus Apr 20 – May 20 Enforced changes are shaking up elements of your way of living, loving and working. And you’re not Shelley von Strunckel is an internationally acclaimed astrologer who created the first horoscope column for the London Sunday Times in 1992. A frequent lecturer, she

happy about it. However, not only is battling these pointless, look around you and you’ll realise others are facing changes as

extensive and unsettling as those you’re contending with. The

sooner you begin exploring these, ideally together, the more swiftly you’ll recognise that this is where the excitement is.

writes daily, weekly and monthly horoscopes in publications around the world including South China Morning Post, The Gulf News, Tatler, French and Chinese Vogue and now The Express Tribune Magazine.

Gemini May 21 – Jun 20 The combination of unexpected offers

and perplexing demands on your time and money need to be discussed in depth. But make no promises. Eventually you’ll learn

more about those opportunities. And with eclipses, last weekend and in mid-July, shaking up business, finances and joint ven-

tures, the actual circumstances involved are still in flux, so any arrangements must be viewed as tentative at best.

Cancer Jun 21 – Jul 22 Although you’re bound to experience the unsettled feelings triggered by the recent eclipsed Full Moon, you’ll also be thankful that the accompanying events are shaking up certain individuals who’ve simply refused to consider certain much needed changes. Urgent as these seem, take it slowly. Only after mid-July’s Cancer eclipsed New Moon will you be sure which direction you’ll want to do. Until then, play it cool.

Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 You’re unsure whether it’s that you’re being forced to rearrange elements of your daily routine or working life or that decisions were made without consulting you that’s most irritating. Tempting as it is to create a fuss, it would only delay the inevitable – and what you’ll soon recognise as an amazing new chapter. Once you’ve settled in, you’ll wonder why you didn’t think of this yourself.

Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22 The only real mistake you could make as you deal with the twists and turns currently reshaping so many elements of your life is to avoid contentious issues. This includes factors that irritate you or elements of developments that you know upset others. Speak anything but the absolute truth and you’ll be misunderstood. Better yet, adopting a frank approach fosters re-

40

markably informative discussions.

JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23 Regard this week’s rather disruptive and often confusing events as the first stage in a series of ultimately worthwhile developments and instead of being puzzled, you’ll confidently await what comes next. Encourage others to do the same.

That way, you’ll exchange ideas and discuss options together. And, once you have, you’ll able to relax together and enjoy life during what is necessarily a lengthy period of change.

Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21 One of your most frequent strategies for dealing with worrying situations is to learn as much as you can

while revealing the minimum about your views or intentions.

Adopt that approach now and over the coming weeks, however, and you’ll only cause confusion. Worse, you could give entirely

the wrong impression about your objections. Be frank. You’ll soon recognise you gain far greater control that way.

Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 It may not be until you look back on this period that you’ll realise just who much what you faced, and the practical, financial or business issues you dealt with, influenced your thinking. For ages you’ve simply assumed certain things would continue as they have. Now a new world of options and responsibilities is opening up to you. And you’re rather excited about what it offers.

Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 19 While the life-changing events triggered by last Saturday’s Capricorn eclipsed Full Moon will be what you

remember about this period, at the moment you’re undoubtedly trying to find a way to deal with unfamiliar, and rather intense,

feelings of vulnerability. Bizarrely, these are instructive, and will

help you recognise what and who it’s time to let go of, and where your future happiness and success lie.

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 19 Having already dealt with a round of changes as unsettling as they were unexpected, you were rather hoping things would calm down. They won’t. However, the events currently shaking things up are part of the larger and more profitable pattern of changes reshaping others’ lives. This means they’ll now be able to join you in the pursuits you’re currently exploring.

Actually they could become a thrilling joint venture.

Pisces Feb 20 – Mar 20 Giving up on something you’ve struggled to create may seem a failure. You could find you’re tempted to

resurrect these arrangements, plans or relationships. However,

soon other quite unexpected events appear, and make it clear that these had to go. Note any feelings of disloyalty or disap-

For more information, to order personal charts and to download & listen to detailed audiocasts, visit www.shelleyvonstrunckel.com

pointment but don’t allow then to distract you from the activi-

41

ties that could soon be central to your existence.

JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

THE HATER

10 things I hate about ...Mangoes

1 2

BY SAHAR ALI

Their cloying sweetness. My taste buds crave the sour rather than the sickly sweet.

The bathing ritual. Growing up in a mango lover’s home means that you have signed up for bathing, dry-

ing and putting mangoes to bed at night. Bed is the paal – a temporary arrangement of rugs and sheets.

Therein they are laid gently after being washed and dried, to ripen naturally. And though I am not eating any mangoes, I still have to wash each one, dry it, and

carry it to the steamy paal where abbu lines them up like orphans. Except, these are not orphans; they are little princes who would be kings (of all fruit).

3 4 5

42

Being forced to eat them. This by my father, whose greatest disappointment in life is that his daughter —

his daughter — dislikes mangoes. Every year, he peels them like potatoes, cuts them into cubes and makes me

eat them in the hope that this year, maybe — just maybe — my taste buds will display his genes rather than my warped ones.

Their lingering smell. It is everywhere! On my moth-

er’s hands, when she caresses me. On the telephone

receiver which she’s held when she talks on the phone.

In the house, as they are ripening in the makeshift paal.

Their floating peels. Mangoes and monsoon come

hand in hand. Unfortunately, storm water drainage and urban waste collection does not. As the rains fall

and submerge our city streets, they sweep away man-

go peels from open-air garbage dumps, unleashing a flood of slimy flotsam.

JUNE 27-JULY 3 2010

6 7

The way they make me feel — like an outsider. Everyone LOVES them. And I don’t. During mango season, I’m as at home in my family as George W Bush in a library.

Sharing a car ride with them from Hyderabad in the heat of June. My father used the opportunity of a family wedding in Hyderabad to visit his friend’s farm and fill the boot of his Toyota Corolla hatchback with

as many Sindhri mangoes as would fit. In the glorious

heat of June, these blessed fruits emanated a heat that rendered the car’s air conditioning redundant. It was a sauna scented by the nauseatingly sweet smell of mangoes.

8 9 10

Hearing Ghalib’s renowned anecdote about mangoes and donkeys ad infinitum. “[Even] donkeys don’t eat mangoes,” said Mirza Ghalib’s friend, who wasn’t too

fond of the fruit, when he noticed that a wandering donkey had sniffed at an uneaten mango and turned away from it. “[Indeed] donkeys don’t eat mangoes,” Ghalib retorted with a smirk.

Their pervasiveness. Our fridge stores nothing but

mangoes for three months, leaving no room for anything else. They cause global warming in the fridge,

depriving me of chilled water to quench my thirst in summer.

Their dominance of the dessert menu. Mango milk

shake. Mango ice cream. Mango kulfi. Mango burfi.

Mango lassi. Or just plain mangoes. You can’t eat out

anywhere — or even at home — without being offered the fruit in every imaginable form and combination for dessert. a