The Express Tribune hi five - April 28

Ms APRIL 28, 2013

ISSUE NO. 45

A Bold and Beautiful Lawn Fest

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Have you been forced into your career?

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inside what she said—

Our helpers also need attention apart from those lawn exhibitions

domestic goddess —

Healthy, light, veggie delight

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page Section In-Charge: Batool Zehra Send your feedback to women@tribune.com.pk

Ali’s heartmelting smile

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Ms

the buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, APRIL 28, 2013

The garde

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, APRIL 28, 2013

en of forking paths Despite having liberal-minded parents, many youngsters end up sacrificing their personal career choices to accommodate their wishes

by Sumaiya Lakhani I watched as the clock hands lazily moved, or were they even moving? I shifted uneasily in my seat, trying to focus on the black demand curve in front of me, contrasting starkly with the white of the board. My eyes were subconsciously drawn to the swaying trees and the blue sky that I could barely catch a glimpse of and for a second I was tempted to grab my paints and a blank canvas and make a run for the hills… for an island… even for nowhere, assuming that the horrible ‘D’ curve in front of me did not follow suit.

Ever since childhood, I had longed to be an artist, a painter, a creator. But my mother had insisted I study medicine instead. She wanted her daughter to be a ‘doctor’ and from thereon started an endless journey, with me compromising on my dreams and my mother not compromising on hers, to put it simply.

This is not an uncommon scenario, and seems to be ingrained in Asian cultures, with children always being expected to give in to their parents’ wishes about a career that they may well have to live with for their entire lives. This is somehow more binding for daughters than sons. Women are more than often, encouraged or rather expected to enter professions related to fashion or home design, with the underlying assumption that business or anything related to business or math or even machines is for boys. Moreover, in our society, the concept of marriage ultimately being the purpose of a

My dad wanted me to be a doctor but I knew I wanted to be a programmer. I’ve always loved math and problemsolving; I don’t regret the decision girl’s existence often makes following certain career choices ‘meaningless.’ Yusra, a brilliant girl who ended up becoming a financial analyst at a big multinational, commented, “I wanted to be a doctor but my mother was quite against me entering that profession.”

Having had the chance to speak to her mother, I asked her why she stopped her daughter from pursuing such a noble profession. She answered, “Medicine involves way too many years of studying and I wanted Yusra married off at a decent age. If she had been in the field, it would have been unreasonable to ask her to drop out then.”

Yusra is, however, not alone in this dilemma. Anum, a business graduate, also nurtured the dream of becoming a doctor but eventually had to forgo the idea. When asked about her change of plans, she responded, “There were two reasons: first it’s a neverending degree and causes problems while looking for proposals.

The risk is high because by the time the girl does become a doctor, the so-called “marriageable age” has passed. Secondly, my brother needed some sort of guidance with a business degree so my mother insisted I enter this profession.”

Despite having liberal and educated parents, most children who want to pursue non-conventional professional fields face numerous hurdles and eventually resign to their fate. The traditional mindset of ‘my child is a doctor, engineer or a lawyer’ has smothered any enthusiasm to think beyond these conventional professions. Why is being an artist so strange? Why can’t your daughter be a pilot or your son be a fashion designer if that is what they are passionate about?

Rehan, a Pakistani-American, says, “As I was growing up, my mother stressed how much she would like to see me pursue a career in medicine. In her mind, doctors had the best of all professions because of the respect they had in society and the comfortable lifestyles they were able to afford.” He further adds, “Every time I showed interest in other fields of study, my mother would strongly discourage me and make me feel guilty for not wanting to live up to her wishes. She would constantly remind me of how her mother (my nani) pushed her brother (my mamu) to become a doctor even though my mamu ended up hating his mother for many years — but after all was said and done, and my mamu was an established physician, he learned to love his job and praise his mother for pushing him into it. This example may hold true for my mamu, but I swear it doesn’t always end this way.”

Also, our society seems to have carved a fine line between what professions are suitable for which gender. A boy wanting to be artistic is looked down upon and a girl who says she wants to be a professional car-racer would probably attract more than just a few odd looks. Scientifically, are men and women made to be better at different things? Maybe. But despite that, we see hundreds of examples the world over, of people doing things that others haven’t done before, of men being the best chefs and women being great at math. The wave of change has risen, so why are we still fighting it? The concept of a liberal arts education was unheard of a decade ago in Pakistan but it is now slowly creeping its way through. The traditional mindset looks upon liberal arts as a field that does not have the potential to provide a concrete career or a good job, but what’s a society without journalists, anthropologists and historians?

There’s a similar misconception about tech professions like computer science being only for geeks. Another misperception being that the programming industry is male-dominated and should remain as such. This field requires good logic and analytical skills along with a passion to solve problems, break codes and be good at math. Noor-ul-Ain, an android developer for a software house said, “I switched my field because I realized programming was what I really wanted to do. I love solving problems and seeing a code materialise in front of me feels great.” Asna Khan, another software programmer commented, “My dad wanted me to be a doctor but I knew I wanted to be a programmer. I’ve always loved math and problem-solving; I don’t regret the decision I made and I love going to work every single day.”

A student of IBA, Institute of Business Administration, Karachi, who wishes to remain anonymous, was pushed into going to a business school despite her desire to enter the field of performing arts and music. Result? She couldn’t wait to get done with school so she could finally become independent and do what she wanted to.

“My message to parents all over, especially those in Pakistan, is that they should not rush their kids into growing up; and that is what it’s all about,” she says. “Parents push their children from a very young age, be it something along the lines of ‘I got my daughter/son admitted into school at the age of 2.5 years (I win!!)!’ or ‘My son goes to LUMS’ or ‘My daughter is already done with her MBA and she is only 24!’ If your child does not know what to do after O/A Levels, Matriculation/Intermediate etc, encourage them to take a year off, work (on anything, be it for a newspaper, or as an artist’s assistant, or as a teacher for junior students, or try and set up their own small business, so they may develop meaningful skills), save some money for their next step in the journey called life. Encourage your children.

Love them for who they are. Do not push them beyond only what

Medicine involves way too many years of studying and I wanted Yusra married off at a decent age. If she had been in the field, it would have been unreasonable to ask her to drop out then you can comprehend of them and do not make their decisions for them.”

The Asian culture somehow makes it a duty of the children to allow their parents to decide for them. This mind-set has ruined many lives and will continue doing so unless parents learn to understand that they should love their children for who they are and what they want. All taboos regarding fresh professions should be broken; children should be allowed to explore and do what they like to do, not what they have to do just to please society. Parents also tend to push their children towards professions that they believe are lucrative without understanding that market dynamics keep changing and being in a certain profession does not guarantee an ‘x’ amount of annual income.

A number of other factors come into play such as the university, the individual’s aptitude and unique skill set, the market at the time and of course, luck. Parents should not expect their child to excel in a profession that they did not want to be in, in the first place. Instead of pushing your children to be in careers that don’t appeal to them and have them be mediocre at it, it is better to let them utilize their talent and aptitude in a field that they think they belong in. This way, they will be the best in their respective field and both respect and money will eventually follow.

So let your children do what they love, support them and watch them shine! Like Confucius said, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

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Ms

en vogue

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, APRIL 28, 2013

Deep and Delicate

Summery Lawn xxxxxxx

Renowned host, Nadya Khan recently launched her debut lawn collection. The prints are an exciting combination of bright colours and intricate, traditional motifs, suitable for every occasion.

Coordination: Umer Mushtaq Hair and Make-up: Shaheen Saeed Designer: Nadya Khan Lawn: Flitz Photography: Umair Bin Nisar Model: Eshita

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, APRIL 28, 2013

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Ms

what she said

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, APRIL 28, 2013

Bridging Divides with Manicured Hands

by Inseya Ali

Women from privileged families can be a major tool in bridging existing social divides

It’s that time in Pakistan, when we see our household helpers sweating as they wait for us outside tuition centres and restaurants. The women who care for our children and clean our homes tire more easily given the humidity. But this does not mean they do not work hard, harder in fact because summer means that the electricity bills go up with the mercury. The man who makes the meals at our homes is also worried about inflation. It affects the gardener too, who we scream at because there isn’t enough water for the plants. And us, the women, of society? Well, hasn’t the designer of the moment just released a new lawn collection?

On one hand is the lawn shopping and on the other the way we treat the people who work for us — a paradox that is eating away at society. I can imagine the aunty brigade stabbing the air with their manicured nails in response to this claim.

It’s not the lawn, ladies; it’s the way you buy it. I am definitely not arguing against buying it. All I am saying is that if we think about it, these very women, who are well off, well settled and well dressed, could play a part in being the thread to sew up these social differences. Your mother, sister, sister-in-law or grandmother are the ones who interact with their drivers, malis, cooks etc. But instead of rising above class differences, most of them maintain the status quo and in fact reinforce these limits.

There is a theory that there should be social balance and no one should live in oppression; it has been the principle behind many revolutions and is even connected to the thought of Quaid-e-Azam Mohammad Ali Jinnah, who could not bear regional differences, let alone class differences.

No one can really argue that class differences do not exist. Take this example: Many of us are fortunate enough to travel abroad. We often find ourselves being checked by US immigration officers because we are Pakistani. We will suffer this but we hardly think about inflicting it on someone else. When an HSY outfit or diamond earrings go missing in the house, the maid, the driver, the guard and cook are first to be accused, blamed and harassed.

Also indicative of this malaise is the way we treat people outside our class like the beggar boy at the car window. Shoo him away like an animal and it makes your driver feel like you are heartless enough to do this to his children as well. But consider giving him a mint or sweet from your purse and sympathize a bit and you’ve already started knitting the “quilt of social balance” ladies.

So please, the next time you want to go to the beauty parlour because you don’t feel presentable unless you’ve had a daily blow-dry, make sure that your maid has clean clothes to wear for the day.

domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, APRIL 28, 2013

Recipe

Thai Stir Fried Vegetables

Every year from September till October, Thailand goes vegetarian to celebrate special religious occasions and one of their favorite dishes for that time of the year is Phad Pak Ruam Mit. Making a good vegetable stir fry is a work of art as the sauce must compliment the vegetables without overpowering them. The best vegetables are the ones that can absorb the sauce and fortunately, this dish can be made with most of this season’s produce.

Madiha Hamid is a digital media professional. She loves the food traditions unique to families.

She is running a food blog for Pakistani and regional cuisines called cheflingtales.com

Method • Heat oil in a large open wok • Add onion and stir-fry on medium to high flame till they become transparent in colour.

• Now add the sliced carrot and cook for a minute while constantly stirring.

Ingredients: • Once the carrot is slightly tender, add broccoli, capsicum, baby corn, sweet peas, cabbage, capsicum, and mushrooms and stir-fry.

• Add all the sauces, water and oils as listed in ingredients.

Baby corn (Halved)

Brown onion 1/2 (diced)

Broccoli 1/2

Chopped Cabbage 1/4

Button Mushrooms 1/2cup

Capsicum (diced) 1

Sesame Oil 1 tbsp

Oyster Sauce 2 tbsp

• Fry till the vegetables are cooked and tender.

Cauliflower 1 (optional)

Sliced Carrot ½

Green Peas 1/2 cup

Oil 2 tbsp

Water 2 tbsp

• Taste the vegetables to check the balance of salt and sauces. Add more sesame oil or soya sauce according to taste.

• Serve with white rice or simply as a starter.

Preparation time: 15 minutes Cooking time: 20 minutes Serves 4 people

Soya Sauce 1-2 tbsp

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, APRIL 28, 2013

hottie of the week 8

Status Born

Married to Ayesha Fazli Lahore, Pakistan

Birthday

18th May 1980

Face

90%

Ali Zafar

Body

85%

Who is he?

As if being a painter, model, songwriter, composer and a superb singer wasn’t enough, the jack of all trades, Ali Zafar, is now the bright new shining star of Bollywood. He made us tap our feet to his mega hit single Channo, left us in a state of trance with his Sufi renditions on Coke Studio and now he is hell bent on tickling our funny bone with his brilliant acting in rom-coms such as Mere Brother ki Dulhan and the 1981 remake Chashme Badoor. Who would have thought that a scratch artist at PC, Lahore with an underground band inspired by Led Zepplin and Metallica would go on to become a such sensational musician and a refined Bollywood actor? Ali Zafar seems to have strutted over the walk of fame with utmost poise, incredible talent and a heavy dose of captivating looks!!

Talent

80%

Why he is a keeper Ranked second on the Sexiest Asian Men list by the Eastern Eye Weekly, believe it or not, Ali was a high school nerd who topped his matriculation at the Beaconhouse School in Lahore. Beauty with brains isn’t he? While Ali seems to be occupied with a string of achievements, stardom and unprecedented fame has not blown away his sensitive side, thankfully. He is still our desi lahori munda who loves spending the chilly, foggy nights with his family eating oranges! Care to spend one or two with us, Ali? Contrary to his on-screen personality, Ali is usually a pretty laidback person with a relatively serious outlook on life. Although we are totally head over heels with his good boy looks, charismatic charm and a subtle and sweet personality, Ali is not just a pretty face that makes girls scowl. He is known for his humanitarian efforts and political activism and has never refrained from representing Pakistan on some of the major peace forums such as the India Today Summit. Now that is one gorgeous looking candidate for President! How about our election commission consider a 32 year old, drool worthy, youth sensation for a change!

What you didn’t know about him Ali isn’t your regular playboy attitude celebrity who would instantly jump at the opportunity to do a romantic scene with a good-looking Indian actress! He has said a complete no-no to kissing on-screen and he believes it’s because a person is more than an actor. Hats off to you Ali! Respect! Although we wouldn’t mind a mere hug from you..

Total Package

85%