The Express Tribune hi five - August 11

Ms AUGUST 11, 2013

ISSUE NO. 60

A walk down memory lane page

Eid in the yesteryears

Simply luxe

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2 inside mother superior — Rise against bullying

domestic goddess —

A chicken feast

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Section In-Charge: Batool Zehra

A revolutionary of Pakistani cinema

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Ms

the buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 11, 2013

Meethi Ms.T takes you on a trip down memory lane to experience the wonders of Eid in the yesteryears and how it has changed over time The last couple of weeks before Eid herald a frenzy of activity for Pakistani women, with the rush in local bazaars bordering on unbearable and our homes spinning on the festival axis. Spring cleaning, renovation projects, groceries and cooking for unwanted Eid get-togethers, all the while fighting with your tailor to speed up those last-minute alterations to your Eid ka jorah are the norm and try as you may, we cannot deny that we, as women, revel in this pre-Eid hustle-bustle. We set the entire country in motion and make the occasion all the more colourful and lively, as we have for decades. Have you ever wondered how Eid was for women in the yesteryears?

Here are some snippets from some who were lucky enough to have experienced the golden days of Eid themselves. You may be shocked at how our attitude towards this blessed holiday has evolved!

Few things can be as representative of our attitude than what we wear as it is an expression of our internal feelings. Eid fashion back in the 70s through to the 90s was a whirlwind of shimmer, shine and sparkle. Aliya Nisar cringes now for wearing the typical Panjabi, gota-adorned bell sleeves her mother always favoured. “I do not remember one dress from my childhood that did not come with elaborate lace or gota or sequins!” she recalls. “Even the accessories were super shiny: a yellow-gold clutch purse, matching heels and mercury glasses. It was like a competition for who could shine more!” she adds, laughing. Kajal and lipstick were special Eid bonuses and to complete her look, Aliya’s mother would oil her hair and braid it tight so that her ‘eyes would stretch sideways.’

For Simmo Zaidi, Eid paid tribute to the understated Lucknavi tehzeeb of the 50s and 60s with starched white latthay ki shalwaar, court shoes and beehive

Yaadein

by Sajida Ali

hairdos. “The duppatas were our favourite due to the Salma Sitaara detailing they had and as children, my sisters and I would sneak out of our beds at night to make sure they were still there,” says Simmo. In her family, Eid was also the only time she and her siblings were allowed nail polish on their small, clipped nails and it was a feat they looked forward to all year.

Matching bangles and khussay were bought well in advance to beat the Eid prices and there was rarely any last-minute tailor-induces panic because the clothes were lovingly sewn at home by the mothers and grandmothers. Nowadays, however, while the heavy outfits are generally avoided on Eid, the ridiculous rush at the tailors’ often leads to a great deal of fighting and stress to get one’s jorah on time which contrasts the simplistic Eid excitement of the olden days.

Apart from the fashion pas, the women of the house often competed over their Eid delicacies and laboured on an endless assortment of sweetmeats and savoury treats for family and guests. Guests would be presented a variety of samosas, kachoris, chollay, chutneys and halwa-puri with the pre-requisite namkeen lassi. Dinner meant lamb chops, zafrani pulaos and zarda. Chef Shai Qazi says, “The table at my home in Quetta was laden with food all day long. Sheer korma, shaami kebabs

and mithai would be followed by dinner which was another gastronomic affair!” Typical Eid menus incorporated a wide range of recipes from a rich tapestry of Pakistani communities such as sawaiyyon ka muzafar, dahi waalay aaloo, biryani and kachumber, etc.

In the times of the joint-family system, it was also a revered tradition for the bahus of the house to come together and prepare the Eid feast collectively. Saira Malik celebrated a typical Delhi-wala Eid of the 70s to 90s era wherein her “daadi, eight uncles and their families would get together for Eid. All the bahus worked together to prepare the meals. Nowadays, no one wants to share their secret recipes, let alone cook together!” she jokes. Saira’s uncles con-

tinued the tradition even after her daadi’s demise until the next generation grew up and out of the conventional Eid. Women now are reluctant to cook for scores of extended family and friends and many, like Erum Khan* now indulge in a one-dish get together wherein everyone brings in a predetermined dinner item. “This way, everyone gets a break from cooking and can meet each other in one go, instead of the painful torture of guests trickling through the day,” explains Erum.

When it comes to Eid, we cannot ignore the exchange of Eidi which was regarded as the most sacred and special ritual and children would often have intense rivalries based on who had collected the most money. After the children had delivered

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 11, 2013

from generation to generation. It made us feel very important!” Unfortunately, entertaining guests has now become a tiresome activity avoided by many. Sadaf Shahid* and her husband make no bones about trying to evade their guests: one the first day of Eid, they take their children and go off visiting their friends and family before anyone comes to them. “This way, I get to meet everyone without having to entertain myself,” says Sadaf. The family spends the second day at the beach to ward off any remaining tenacious relatives and by the third day, only a couple of very determined relatives visit since it is already “baasi Eid” and now, Sadaf can get away with just a cup of tea and some dry snacks.

However, the crowning glory of Eid was that it served as an occasion for all Pakistan to come together, regardless of caste or creed. Karen D’mello Dias holds fond memories of Eid in the late 70s and early 80s when Pakistanis shared each other’s celebrations.

“Of course my family and I didn’t celebrate it per se but we would get a lot of mithai from our neighbours, visit family and friends and even collect Eidi like the other children.

I will never forget the delicious sawaiyaan our neighbours would send every year after namaaz.” Karen rues that neighbours no longer interact like they used to and people simply aren’t as hospitable anymore. “Now, we don’t even bother knowing the names of our neighbours. It is really challenging to try and explain to my teenage sons what a wonderful life their grandparents and great grandparents lived in old Pakistan.” *names have been changed to protect privacy.

Giving out Eidi to youngsters was also a matter of great pride and every member of the household who earned a steady income was expected to or bear the wrath of the children. But today, rising prices and children’s demands have discouraged people from g Eidi distributing

In the times of the joint-family system, it was also a revered tradition for the bahus of the house to come together and prepare the Eid feast collectively.

But, nowadays, no one wants to share their secret recipes, let alone cook together! the adaab/salaam in orderly fashion, the adults would bless each with crisp notes of Rs5 or Rs10 saying ‘jeetay raho.” More house calls meant more of these notes and so the youngsters would enthusiastically accompany their parents from one familyfriend to another, building castles in the air with just Rs50 in their pockets. Back in the day when families weren’t so dispersed internationally, a great big Eid get-together ended in a great big wallet. According to Nadira Jaffer, “By the time I had greeted all the adults, I would have a big load of cash, ready to be spent on little goodies!”

Mahvash Gul Kapadia recalls the first time she received Eidi at the tender age of two saying “I was wearing a long maxi dress and holding onto the hundred rupee note my Daadu had given me for dear life and a wide grin on my face.” Giving out Eidi to youngsters was also a matter of great pride and every member of the household who earned a steady income was expected to or bear the wrath of the children. But today, rising prices and children’s demands have discouraged people from distributing Eidi, nor do the youngsters wish to go door-to-door with their parents because it is ‘embarrassing.’

Syedah Shabih remembers an almost Victorian Eid according to the Lucknavi traditions of the 60s. “In a time when entertaining guests was a formal gathering and children were kept away from it, Eid was special because we were allowed in the drawing room and could also eat from the fine china and other family heirlooms passed down

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Ms

en vogue

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 11, 2013

Cimyra presents its latest pret wear, complete with intricate em

In the lap of luxur

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 11, 2013

t collection of luxurious h elegant contrasts and mbroidery

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Designer: Cimyra Photographer: 3H Styling: Mona J Model : Sadia Faisal Coordination : Raspberry pr

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Ms

mother superior

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 11, 2013

U Y p your home

by Mahrukh Abbasi

Bullying is defined as repeated verbal, physical, social or psychologically aggressive behaviour by a person directed towards a less powerful person intended to cause harm or spread fear.

“I used to be overweight back in school and was almost always being made fun of by my class fellows,” says Sawera Shamshad, visiting faculty at University of Karachi and Iqra University. “My initial response was withdrawing into a shell, like most kids do. I hardly ever spoke or made friends with anyone.

I became the quiet fat kid who would simply not respond to anything at all.” Being a teacher, Shamshad can spot similar cases in Pakistan. “I promptly check and chastise the misdoings of the bullies, making sure to give them a good piece of my mind,” she says.

For decades, bullying has been attributed with low self-esteem and depression. In adulthood, victims often experience mental health issues, anxiety and panic attacks. While the seriousness of the problem grows, the question remains: Can there be an end to bullying?

Is bullying avoidable?

“Bullying can ever stop because it is ‘fun’ for bullies,” explains Saman Hayat, a student at Beaconhouse School System. “It’s not easy to solve these issues because most of them are not even reported to the teachers, and the students who bully, threaten to take revenge. But we can try by showing them the after affects of bullying, like the damage done to a child’s personality after being bullied.”

Nadia Attia, mother of three, points out that parents need to take more responsibility. “We need to teach children how to deal with mean people and how to help people that are being bullied from a young age,” says Attia. “It starts with simple conversations about feelings and then could go into role playing situations.” Shamshad agrees, saying that, “The role of the parents is giving their children utmost confidence in themselves because that is all it takes to stand up for oneself.”

“Bullying is about power and control. It is a form of abuse,” says psychotherapist Anees Fatima Hakim of Therapy Works.

“There needs to be zero tolerance for bullying and firm boundaries need to be enforced.” Hakim also explains how bullying may become a cycle. “An older child will bully a younger one, then that child, to protect their self esteem, may go and bully someone even younger and weaker. Alternatively, some people turn their anger and rage inwards and harm themselves by drug abuse, binge eating or even suicide.”

While she confirms that bullies and victims can both be helped, Hakim also reiterates that neither punishment nor empathy works. “The bully’s behaviour is to keep people away from their own vulnerable selves,” says Hakim. “A bully will only allow people to get close to them if they feel safe. Then their socially unacceptable attributes can be channelized into strengths. For example, dominating behaviour can be turned into leadership qualities.” As an experienced psychotherapist, Hakim believes that a caring and safe environment can also repair childhood

damage without ever having to seek professional help. “In therapy, trauma is processed by externalizing feelings and working through disturbances instead of suppressing what is painful,” she explains. “This can be done through talk therapy but also through expressive arts, in which feelings that may be hard to express verbally are expressed by slapping paint onto paper or using puppets to demonstrate anger.”

What is bullyproof?

Bullyproof is a highly regarded program in which students are taught social and emotional skills on how to deal with bullies, without becoming victims. While Pakistan is not far behind in adapting similar programs, in the West, Bullyproofing has become a part of school curricula. There are books, videos and websites available, which help parents and teachers tackle difficult situations and create a culture of kindness and unity.

“Many schools are now implementing programs that teach children how to tackle bullying,” says Rabia Pir Mohammed, a teacher in Karachi. “We take action, first by taking certain privileges away temporarily; but if bullying still continues, we call parents and take action accordingly. It starts at a very young age, children make groups and outcast certain classmates.

They don’t play with them or invite them to parties, but this is where parents need to step in and ask why their child does not like the other?”

As teachers, Mohammed says they are trained to be observant and vigilant but what mothers don’t realise is that when they talk to their friends, their six-year-old child is sitting and listening to them. While schools can enforce similar programs to bullyproof their students, if parents don’t see the problem, children will not learn.

Detect bullying You can spot if your child is being bullied by the following: - Demotivated to go to school - Drastic change in sleeping or eating habits - Frequent mood swings and anxiety - Unexplained pain, bruises or cuts - Missing or lost school items or money - Hungry after returning from school - Unwilling to discuss school stories

Take action Early-age discipline at home is the best way to stop bullying.

While parents and their children are encouraged to have open communication, there is no shield that will protect children from becoming victims of bullying at school. What we can teach children is to counteract the situation in the following ways: 1. Have regular conversations about school, friends and what worries your child.

2. Go to parent-teacher conferences regularly and ask for your child’s behaviour report.

3. Invite their friends and include yourself in their games.

4. Role-play with your child and their friends. Give them scenarios and ask how they would act.

5. Encourage your child to participate in extra-curricular activities.

6. Build confidence and teach them kindness and generosity to everyone.

7. Practice what you preach; if you’re not kind or honest, your child will also follow your footsteps.

“Bullying is about power and control,” says psychotherapist Anees Fatima Hakim

domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 11, 2013

Recipe Give your daily dinner a face-lift by stuffing chicken with a Greek-style mix of spinach and feta cheese. Not only is the chicken tender and delicious, the rolls look simply divine too!

Add some lemon zest for a tangy taste and eat your heart away!

Method

Stuffed chicken with spinach and feta cheese

For the chicken • Cut the chicken breasts thinly so as to get 4 pieces from 2 chicken breasts.

• Hammer each piece flat, making sure each has equal thickness.

• Marinate the chicken with salt and pepper. You can also marinate it in garlic and soya sauce.

• Allow the chicken to sit for about an hour.

Madiha Hamid is a digital media professional.

She runs a food blog for Pakistani and regional cuisines called cheflingtales.com.

Follow her on Twitter @cheflingtales

For the stuffing • Saute the spinach leaves in butter and pepper until they are cooked.

• Crumble the feta cheese cubes.

• Grate the slab of cheddar cheese.

For the coating • Coarsely grind together 1 piece of stale bread and a cup of corn flakes together, seasoning it with salt and pepper.

• Light beat 1 egg to dip the chicken in.

For the dish: • Take 1 strip of chicken breast at one time and on one corner of the strip, place some spinach, feta cheese and cheddar cheese and roll the strip to the end.

• Dip each roll in egg and coat it with bread crumbs.

• Deep fry the chicken rolls at low heat until the coating becomes golden-brown.

• Once out of the pan, allow the chicken to rest for 2 minutes before slicing it into to 1 inch thickness.

• Serve with mashed potatoes. Addiction guaranteed!

Ingredients:

Chicken breasts 2

Spinach 30 leaves

Feta cheese (crumbled) 4-5 cubes

Egg 1

Salt and pepper to taste

Bread crumbs 1 cup or as needed

Cheddar cheese (grated) 1 slice of cheese block

hottie of the week 8

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 11, 2013

Status Born

Single Multan, Pakistan

Birthday

23rd June

Face

90%

Hamza Ali Abbasi

Body

85%

Who is he?

This hunk-a-licious actor barely needs an introduction! If you missed his many theatre appearances over the last decade, you will definitely recognise him as the dapper young gentleman from the Cadbury’s Chocolate advertisements where his lustrous locks, smiling eyes and rugged appeal, looking like a real prince in royal purple! His Punjabi munda has kept us captivated ever since and will soon be setting the silver-screen on fire in the upcoming Waar and Mein Houn Shahid Afridi. Mind you, it is not just acting that drives Hamza; he is equally as passionate about all aspects of movies and has served as an artist, director, writer and producer as well whilst working to support amateur film-makers in Pakistan. As if his acting prowess isn’t enough to make us swoon!

Talent

90%

Why we love him There is just something about his alpha male looks, twinkling eyes and powerful and mature persona that we simply cannot get enough of. Like our very own Christian Bale, Hamza keeps our eyes glued to our television sets every time makes an appearance and we are quite in awe of the oodles of charm he has up his sleeve. Let’s just say that if Hamza was offering us a Dairy Milk bar, we would never, ever, ever say no.

Despite his dreamy face spamming commercials and billboards across the nation, Hamza remains true to himself and his goal which is to share his stories through the lense and revive Pakistani cinema forever, so much so that he gave up on a career in the police to pursue his dream of filmmaking! He is also fiercely patriotic and moved back from the US after completing his education for the love and compassion he feels for it. Really... is there anything about this guy that isn’t perfect?

What you didn’t know about him Hamza is passionate about motorbikes. Nonetheless, he sold of his prized personal bike in order to accumulate funding for his debut film venture ‘Mudhouse and the Golden Doll.” Are you thinking ‘aww’ yet because we are!

He is particularly interested in Iranian films and history and loves to watch the History Channel in his free time.

Hamza confesses he has never been in love and despite being a total flirt, he hopes to one day find ‘the one’ so he too can experience it. So ladies... those of you who relish the uber manly, artist with oodles of talent and intellect to match, you know where to look.

Total Package

88%