Ms AUGUST 26, 2012
inside
domestic goddess -
Whip up a perfect panna cotta ISSUE NO. 10
en vogue -
Tangerine tango
in his head -
Get to know a Pakistani Spinster
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Why it helps to have a husband
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What he thinks about your fashion choices
hottie of the week Ammar Belal
things married friends say to their single friends
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Ms
the buzz
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 26, 2012
The Charge Sheet of A
Spinster
O Our Correspondent
Charge: Spinster/Old maid Details of violation: A woman who is unmarried past the conventional age of marriage Sentence: A life of ridicule and stigma Accuser: Society Confession of the accused I actually hate to say this in public, but I am your modern-day spinster. The term ‘spinster’ comes from 17th century England when spinning wool was one of the few acceptable occupations for single women. I, on the other hand, have never spun wool in my entire life. Quite frankly, wool is so last season; it’s all about cashmere these days. Also, my only friend in this world isn’t a cat. I’m not angry, sad and depressed. Okay, fine, I am all that and more on bad days, but really, aren’t all women? I’m neither a man-eating Samantha Jones nor a prudish, frumpy librarian with a tight hair bun and glasses perched on my nose. And above all, I don’t swing the other way or play for the other team. Each time I don’t pick up the phone, please do not assume that my loneliness drove me to slit my wrists and my last remains are about to be consumed by my pet cat. And for the record, I really don’t have a cat! I don’t think I was much too selective with suitors in my prime age, because really you should see my line of past crushes. If you’re underachieving, I’d find you yummy, a bit on the neurotic side, give me some of that, and if you’re ill-mannered, let’s go home! I also didn’t purposefully fritter my prime age of marriage because I was much too independent. All my savings hang in my closet and unless retro becomes fashionable, I am officially bankrupt. Are you confusing me with those lucky divorcees? Don’t — those blessed women had the good fortune of tying the knot at least once!
Haye allah, kia aap ki abhi tak shaadi nahen hoey? Waisay, mera aik nawasa hay.... milwaon?
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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 26, 2012
Criminal history Growing up there was only one thing my mother, grandmother and my best friend warned me about. I’m sure it’s the same thing my mother’s mother and her best friend warned her about. “No matter what you do, don’t end up like Aunty Rukhsana.” You know, that one woman in every family who either chose not to marry or whose circumstances didn’t allow her to get married. It didn’t matter if that same woman was one of the most fun aunts you had and looked happy and content with her share of life’s lemons; no one cared if she had a PhD in microbiology and travelled the world, or the fact that she completely supported herself. To the rest of the family, she was only one thing — a failure.
7 things married friends say to their single friends
“You should totally go out with THAT guy!” That guy usually happens to be something even your muhallay ki billi won’t drag in the door. But now that missy is mrs, she has every right to pass him on to you. What I should’ve known It’s really my own fault that I didn’t get married because I didn’t know how to COMPROMISE. Had I been able to make peace with the emotionally abusive creep my parents set me up with, I wouldn’t be where I am today. No matter where I travel, what my achievements may be or what my goals in life are, they all mean absolutely nothing if I don’t have a ‘partner’ to share it all with.
“Awwww ... there, there, at least your career is great.” IT ISN’T! Just because my love life is crap, it doesn’t automatically mean my career must be skyrocketing! And why this equation only? Why does one have to be bad for the other to be good?
Community service Now that I have made this grave mistake, I must serve a lifetime as unpaid domestic help for my family. This also includes taking care of any or all babies that my married sisters and cousins will bring to this world. Because it’s not like I’m ever having any of my own and this is the only way I can enjoy that very small glimpse of the wonders of raising snotty rugrats.
Media coverage of the spinster trial It’s not just my mother and the rishta brigade who are obsessed with my single status; the media too tries to showcase me and my fate in all its despicable glory. But even before television, good old misogynistic William Shakespeare called one of our kind a ‘shrew’ in one of his plays and thought it was oh-so-important to tame us. If you think shrew is an endearing term, let me tell you how Webster defines a ‘shrew’: “A small furry nocturnal animal with a long pointed snout and beady eyes and/or an ill-tempered scolding woman.” I don’t know which definition suits me better — I’m hoping it’s the former. The know-it-all bard also said in his plays that the fate of women who died unmarried was to lead apes into hell. When I’m not leading apes into hell, I am featured in a card game called Old Maid. At the beginning of the game, a red or black queen is taken out from the deck and then the cards are dealt. Whoever ends up with the queen that doesn’t have the same colour pair, ends up as the loser — or more specifically — the old maid. There are special decks of Old Maid cards also available where the queen is replaced with a very graphic drawing of an old maid — which looks like your everyday witch having a very obvious bad hair day. Previous offenders Jane Austen. Blame this profound writer and visionary for encouraging women into the scary territory of spinsterhood. She spent her entire life as a writer and churned out book after book that would be read by generations to come. What she traded in its place was a life of babies and dependence on a man; wasn’t she a sore loser? Elizabeth I, Queen of England. Don’t just call her queen, call her the “virgin queen”. Because really, what’s the big deal if she ruled England and Ireland for 45 years. Who cares if she was so distraught after watching her father King Henry’s countless “marital activities” — such as killing Elizabeth’s mother and changing wives quicker than underwear — that she herself refrained from marrying altogether. Or her irrational fear of dying from childbirth. Or the fact that she wanted to reign supreme — and not have her power stolen or manipulated by a man. She’s still incredibly stupid because she didn’t join someone in holy matrimony!
“You don’t understand — my husband just doesn’t do any household chores.” Really, seriously … that’s your biggest problem so far?!
“I really wish I was in your place” Hmm … then let’s switch places, shall we?
“You’re not trying hard enough” So while you magically and effortlessly fell in love, I have to work like a dog everyday to find love? Isn’t love supposed to find me?
“WE love sushi” When a married friend says ‘WE’ love something about anything, expect the company of the husband.
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“I can’t understand why you’re single” We can’t either, so STOP asking us!
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Ms
drama mama
The Usefulness
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 26, 2012
of a Husband
by Hiba Masood
Parenting is a difficult job; it helps if you like your co-worker.
A stay-at-home mother to 3-year-old Beta and 7-monthold Beti. Writing about parenting affords her time away from actually doing it.
When my husband is almost home from work, we are usually waiting for him by the door. I give him a warm smile, the kids shriek with excitement, there are hugs all around — it’s all very sweet and Hums feels important and pleased. Here’s what he doesn’t know: we’re there because I cannot wait another two minutes to pass off the children. So, yes,“Welcome home dear! Here are your beautiful babies! No, no, I’ll get the door and the groceries ... you just hurry on inside!” Which means that when last year, a friend of mine shared her quite ‘American’ decision of becoming a single mother by choice (“I want kids, I don’t want a man or a marriage. I love my independence too much.”), my first thought was, “Who will she pass off the kids to when she’s had enough?” In other words, how will she go at this parenting thing alone? In the roller coaster ride of raising kids, it really, really helps to have a partner in the next seat. I guess what I’m trying to say is, having kids has made me a lot of things (joyful, anxious, gentle, sleepy, overweight) but one of the most enlightening has been becoming more appreciative of the husband. Upon careful reflection, I think Hums’ usefulness as a co-parent essentially comes down to three areas: Shared decision-
making, an extra pair of hands, and a target of ire and blame. Take shared decision-making. When Beta was two, he ended up hospitalised with a severe case of gastroenteritis. We were living alone, away from family, in Canada and I remember, with a lump in my throat, the profound helplessness of those dark nights in the ER. There were so many little yet significant decisions to be made that had I been singularly responsible, I think I would’ve collapsed from t h e
pressure. Similarly, nowadays, when Beta is inhaling a family size box of KitKat while I am busy on Facebook, I like to think it is a joint decision that Hums and I have made about kids learning, erm, consequences, independent play … something. I’m sure you know what I mean. As for an extra pair of hands, that is handy at many opportune moments. Need to carry from the car two sleeping kids, ten bags of groceries, a carton of diapers and a big box of Nandos takeout? No problem. Hums is especially adept at kicking car doors shut and jabbing elevator buttons with his elbows. Need to hold down the four limbs of a squirming, thrashing toddler whilst simultaneously propping his mouth open with a spoon, pinching his nose shut, squirting foul-tasting medicine to the back of his throat, blowing on his face to force a swallow and singing his favourite song to distract him? Only possible when daddy’s home. For target of ire, here’s what happens in this house: when my kids are being especially infuri-
ating, I catalogue their shortcomings and assign their existence solely and wholly to my husband’s side of the family. The genetic material that is causing the said irritating behavior must be patriarchal in origin and therefore has no relation to any action or inaction on my part. This little act of defiant finger-pointing makes me feel better and both Hums and I get a good laugh out of it, especially when he admits to doing the same to me. When I mention all of this to my friend, she replies with a lengthy philosophical musing on independence, self-worth and maintaining a sense of control. I can only shake my head with confusion. When later in the afternoon, Beta throws a tantrum because something was not precisely the way he wanted it and I get the sinful pleasure of saying snarkily, “Just like his father!”, I laugh. God protect Hums because, even though I don’t have the same independence as my friend, when the kids are acting like brats, at least I have someone to blame. And in the wild days of magical, maniacal parenting, let me tell you, that’s worth a hell of a lot.
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domestic goddess 5 recipe
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 26, 2012
Saffron, cardamom and mango panna cotta
Sumayya Jamil is a lawyer-turnedfood writer and cookery teacher in London, who is on a mission to promote the love of Pakistani food in the UK. Sumayya blogs at pukkapaki.com
I adore giving western desserts a Pakistani twist, flavouring them with cardamom and saffron — spices that take me back to Sunday lunches at my Nani’s home. I bring my nostalgic flavours together in a popular Italian cooked cream dessert, panna cotta, combining the quintessential dessert flavours of Pakistan with a western dessert. For this recipe, frozen and then pureed mangoes work best, but you can also use tinned mango puree. Nothing is a better match than cream and mangoes!
ingredients Fresh cream 2 cups Mango puree 3/4 cups Castor sugar 2 tbs
method 1. In a saucepan on medium flame, heat the cream, mango puree and sugar until dissolved. Bring just to the boil and then take off the heat. 2. Now (off the heat) add and dissolve the gelatin. Next add the saffron and cardamom powder. Pour into the moulds or glasses, cover with cling film and place in the fridge for a minimum of 6 hours or overnight. 3. Either turn out the panna cotta from the moulds or serve it in the glasses topped with either a teaspoon of mango puree or slices of fresh mango. Preparation and cooking time: 25 minutes and 6 hours/overnight chilling Serves approximately 6 people.
Gelatine leaves 2-1/2 Gelatin powder 2-1/2 tsp Elaichi powder 1 tsp Saffron 1/2 tsp You will require:
Metal pudding moulds 6 small Glasses 6 small Cling film Saucepan medium
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Ms
en vogue
THETHE EXPRESS EXPRESS TRIBUNE, TRIBUNE, AUGUST JULY 26, 22, 2012
Tangerine Tango
Designer Ishtiaq Afzal shows all the ways to work this bright hue
Hair and makeup: Saba Ansari@ Sabs Designer: Ishtiaq Afzal Photography: Rohail@Munna Mushtaq Studio Model: Eshal Fayyaz
vs
in his head 7
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 26, 2012
Guys
The Guru How does the verdict of fashion experts tally up against the opinion of regular guys?
meet the boys Meera: This dress is testament to the fact that what might look good on the runway may not translate as well in real life. The dress does nothing for Meera’s figure and the sleeves are just wrong. Saima: This dress screams effortless sophistication. The use of black and white is perfect, with the hairstyle and makeup balancing the whole look.
Essa Malik 28, is a graphic designer and photographer who likes all things beautiful. He is currently single.
Mathira: Although Mathira has a raw sexuality, it does not show in this badly thought-out look. It’s more coffee date casual than red carpet oomph. She should’ve paid attention to her hair and makeup, and maybe used a different purse instead of that oversized bag. Meera: I am speechless, and not in a good way! Looks more like a desi kurti (and she forgot the pants) than a dress in itself. By far one of her worst looks.
Taha Farrukh 28, plays the Xbox for a living and works as a Finance Advisor in his free time. A globe-trotter who samples all kinds of cuisines, but draws the line at escargots. He is married.
Saima: She looks stunning. The whole look is very classic and chic, with the tailored pants and white top. The red lipstick with the sideswept hair give her a very glamorous look. Mathira: Can’t decide on this one. Mathira just might be pulling it off. Looks edgy and casual. Meera: Wow, those are massive bell sleeves. Someone please tell Meera jee these were in fashion back in … I don’t even remember when they were in fashion. Saima: Elegant. Plus you can’t go wrong with black and white.
Shaheryar Popalzai 28, is a journalist by day and pseudo-punk by night. He is engaged.
Mathira: MC Hammer called, he wants his pants back.
Meera
Saima Azhar
Meera: This black and beige Sadaf Malaterre creation doesn’t do much for Meera. It’s nice but somehow Meerajee kills it with those terrible bronze shoes and a predictable black clutch. The hair and make-up don’t do much to help the cause.
Mathira The Guru
Saima: You really can’t go wrong with a classic monochrome — black pants and white top ensemble. It may not spell out red carpet glamour as a ball gown, but it certainly says chic sophistication. (And if you recall, the reigning queens of chic couture Sana Safinaz brought this backless wrap-a-round top onto the ramp earlier this year at the recently resurrected Fashion Pakistan Week). Overall the look is immaculate and elegant. Mathira: Now if only we could strip her of those garish sunglasses, jewellery, bags and chappals, this outfit would be a winner for Mathira’s bold, nonchalant personality, and a downright hot look for a day out. Psst! If you can pull them off, harem pants are the LBDs (little black dress) for a wardrobe crisis for casual events.
Hani Taha has worked as a fashion journalist at The Express Tribune and is currently a graduate student at Syracuse University
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 26, 2012
hottie of the week 8 Status Married to Aminah Haq Born
Boston, USA
Birthday
Face 30 October
100%
Who is he Straight designers in the fashion industry are as rare as a cool summer breeze in scorching July weather. And out of the few that are still swinging for women, fashion designer Ammar Belal is by far the hottest. Always clean-shaven and impeccably attired, this former model has been in the industry for ten years. He first bulldozed on to the scene with his brand ABCD, and ever since then he’s won more than a few awards for his ability to creatively weave fashion and music together. He does menswear with as much ease as he does women’s wear.
Why we love him You know how you have to bribe your man to take a shower or promise to bake a cake if he puts on a clean shirt and brushes his hair for a shadi? We’re pretty sure model Aminah Haq, wife of Ammar Belal, never ever has to deal with any of that! Because Belal is always, and I mean always, showered, shaved, dressed like an Adonis. And we bet, he smells good all the freaking time! And we can also bet, Haq doesn’t have to go far when she needs a fab outfit. All she needs to do is to tell her man to make her one!
What you didn’t know about him
Body
95%
Talent
90%
Total Package
95%
Belal’s couture jeans label called AS Jeans is stocked at stylist Patricia Fields New York boutique and has been worn by the likes of Margherita Missoni, Kelly Rippa, and Boy George.
Ammar Belal