The Express Tribune hi five - August 31

Ms AUGUST 31, 2014

ISSUE NO. 115

Dare to dress chic

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Dealing with misconceptions

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inside lifestyle —

Travel cheap & travel young

domestic goddess —

Scrumptious Snowballs

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Section In-Charge: Sarah Munir Sub-Editor: Nisma Chauhan

The Gourmet Queen Florence Villiers

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Ms

the buzz

Parent Talk Parents should be allowed room to make mistakes as well by Kifah Qasim Memon It doesn’t matter what age we are, when it comes to parents we see them through the same lens throughout our life. We set high standards and always expect them to live up to it. Oscar Wilde, perhaps, used the perfect words to describe this beautiful but complicated relationship, “Children begin by loving their parents, as they grow older, they judge them. Sometimes they forgive them”.

In Pakistan, families are usually tight-knit and parents live with their children even long after the latter have their own. As a result, the pressure on both parties to live up to each other’s expectations is two-fold. Parents are usually thought to be larger-than-life entities, always expected to have everything under control and are allowed little room for mistakes. These unrealistic expectations, albeit natural, can often lead to unnecessary complications. Some of the most popular misconceptions that children have regarding their parents are: Divorce is always bad Divorce rates in Pakistan are on the rise with an average of 150 cases being filed daily, according to the Pakistan Gender News, 2014. Despite the high numbers, there is still a significant amount of taboo attached to it which creates complications whenever the news of a divorce is disclosed. In case there are children involved, the issue usually takes even more complex turns.

Part of the problem arises from the

fact that once a couple has children, they are expected to stay married, even though they may be unhappy together. Children understandably also feel emotionally and mentally disturbed if their parents decide to part ways. Even though initially reacting with anger, depression or grief is natural, some children usually refuse to forgive one or both of their parents even long after the divorce.

They may also end up blaming their parents for their own troubled relationships, mental health or lack of happiness in extreme cases. “Not only is my family incomplete, I saw the hardship and struggle my mom

I think if two people are unhappy together, they shouldn’t stay married just for the sake of the children or because that is what our society expects them to do had to go through to raise me,” says Ahmed Sheikh, a 24-year-old graduate of Swansea University in United Kingdom, who believes that divorce is never a good option. Even though his parents got divorced when he was nine, his views on the issue have hardly changed.

Not all children, however, react negatively. The older ones, generally being more independent and better equipped emotionally to handle the situation may also support their parents through the process. Sana

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 31, 2014

Children, no matter what age, culture, or country, always have a hard time accepting one fact — that their parents have an intimate relationship Shaikh, a student of University of Karachi, was 11 when her parents decided to split up. While it was a difficult situation to adjust to, she made peace with it over time. Despite living with her mother, she is very close to her father and doesn’t castigate him for the marriage not working out. “I think if two people are unhappy together, they shouldn’t stay married just for the sake of the children or because that is what our society expects them to do,” says Shaikh, adding that nobody wins in a situation where couples stay together in spite of being unhappy.

It is actually harder on the kids if the parents stay together and continue to live in a stressful, unhappy environment.

According to Dr Murad Moosa Khan, a professor at the Department of Psychiatry at the Aga Khan University Hospital (AKUH), young adults usually have the maturity to deal with and/or accept such situations since they are independent and have, over the years, attained a set of skills to deal with such situations. Dr Ayesha Mian, chair associate professor at the Department of Psychiatry at AKUH, further elaborates that a lot depends on how amicable the process of the divorce is. She states that no matter how young or old the children are, if the divorce is relatively harmonious, then it can be accepted easily by the children at any age. The problems arise when divorces are long with a lot of court hearings and fights over children’s custody. “The entire ordeal can take a toll on the children’s [or adults] sensibilities. However, even in an ugly divorce, young adults usually have the emotional capacity to tolerate the process,” explains Mian.

Being affectionate is not for parents Public Display of Affection (PDA) is usually looked down upon in Pakistan, even in the case of married couples. Therefore, seeing parents openly express affection through words and gestures can often make children uncomfortable, especially since it is not something that they are used to. “If my parents suddenly became openly affectionate towards each other, it would make me uncomfortable,” says 22-year-old Ans Khurram. He believes that such gestures don’t necessarily reflect two people being in love.

Nonetheless, Mian explains that while this phenomenon was far more prevalent in the previous generation, children have become a lot more

accepting of their parents emotional expressiveness. “It was the joint family systems earlier [that] created more of a cultural hindrance for parents to be publicly affectionate towards each other,” says Mian. In fact, children who are raised by emotionally expressive parents tend to do the same in their own relationships as well.

Too much of an age gap with siblings is embarrassing Most young people are terrified by the thought of their parents having a baby at a time which is usually believed to be unacceptable, primarily because they consider it embarrassing. When 26-year-old Neha Javed was asked what her reaction would be if her parents decided to have a child now, her response was an outright no. “In our society, being in your twenties means getting married and starting a family of your own,” she says. For her, the thought of her parents having a baby while looking for prospective life partners for their existing children is depressing. “It is their age to play with their grandchildren instead of having their own,” adds Javed. This reaction is common amongst most young people — while some take it in stride, most oppose the idea strongly.

“Children, no matter what age, culture, or country, always have a hard time accepting one fact — that their parents have an intimate relationship. When they first find out how children come into being, their immediate response is denial,” explains Mian. While its easier to shrug these things off as a child, being an adult you can hardly look away. Having a sibling after a long gap means admitting publicly (in an implicit manner) that their parents are still intimate. Those who accept siblings much younger than them do it mostly because they’ve been raised in an open, communicative environment,” adds Mian. How parents approach the situation also affects the outcome.

Be loving, be real While it is natural to expect the highest level of love, dedication and maturity from our parents, it is important to recognise that they are humans too.

They might have bad days, make bad decisions and it is important to allow them the room to do both.

Usually, most tricky situations like the ones listed above can be solved if the children try to look at the situation differently and stop trying to fit their parents into cookie-cutter molds.

Similarly, if parents create an environment at home that encourages open communication, most of these misconceptions can be addressed in the initial stages and prevented from becoming full-blown problems. And most importantly, both parties should realise that like all relationships, this one requires work and compromise too.

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en vogue

&

The Bold the Beautiful Le Chiffon brings you their dramatic new collection.

Coordination: Umer Mushtaq Hair & Makeup: Nabila at N-Pro Label: Le Chiffon Photography: Khawar Jadon at Grey Vida Photography Model: Saima Azhar

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 31, 2014

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 31, 2014

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lifestyle

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 31, 2014

Take the road less travelled

An assortment of affordable and underrated travel destinations to choose from for a unique vacation experience by Haniya Javed

Sri Lanka From the well-preserved ruins of ancient Lankan civilisation, larger-than-life statues of Buddha and never-ending tea plantations, Sri Lanka caters to tourists looking for a complete package. And for $60 (approximately Rs6,000) a day, you can enjoy this and many more attractions that the country has to offer.

If you’ve already ticked off the popular travel destinations from your list, here are some less clichéd vacation spots to visit. Not only will they make for an enriching vacation, but also an affordable one.

Vietnam As more and more travel enthusiasts learn about the charms of Southeast Asia, Vietnam, located right next to Thailand, becomes the go-to destination for many who are intrigued by its savage past. The paddy fields and striking landscapes of Ho Chi Minh City hint that much has changed. With locals offering top quality services and three-course meals that cost only $3 (approximately Rs300) per person, it is certainly at the top tourist destination for foodies and history lovers.

Things to do: • Take a tuk-tuk (rickshaw) and visit the turtle farm in Habaraduwa (southern part of Sri Lanka).

• Climb your way up the Adams Peak, the 2,243-metre tall conical mountain located in central Sri Lanka, which is famous for Sri Pada, or the ‘sacred footprint’ of Buddha, which is a 1.8-metre rock formation near the summit.

• Take a stroll along the west coast to Galle, a town situated on the southwestern tip of Sri Lanka, and experience their traditional cuisine.

• Enjoy the contemporary art at Saskia Fernando Gallery in Colombo city.

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Things to do: • Relish a bowl of noodles at ‘dust cafes’ (tiny cafes that spring up on sidewalks) for as little as $1 (approximately Rs100).

• Watch an opera, symphony or a musical at the Saigon Opera House in the Ho Chi Minh City.

• Look around the city of Hoi An for neat, tailored clothes.

• Go hiking in the mountainous of Sa Pa, the town located in the Lào Cai Province, north-west Vietnam.

TOURIST.COM

Nepal If you are looking for a country with a tropical temperature, ancient culture and mountains in the backdrop, Nepal is the place to visit. The Himalayan country offers the perfect blend of outdoor activities, such as hiking and bungee jumping and relaxation.

For an airfare well within $300 (approximately Rs30,000) and daily spending of less than $25 (approximately Rs2,500), it could prove to be the dream vacation spot for a large family.

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Things to do: • Float on the Phewa Lake, a freshwater lake in Nepal located in the south of the Pokhara Valley, after trekking in the Himalayas.

• Take a look at the Bengal tigers on your safari tour in Chitwan National Park, the first national park of Nepal.

• Marvel at the stalagmites and stalactites of the largest cave in Nepal, Siddha Gufa, which is 437-metre deep and 50-metre high.

• Visit the historic sites of the capital city, Kathmandu, and enjoy the green valleys.

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Cambodia The country of temple attracts visitors who are in search of a spiritual travel experience. With an airfare of $200 (approximately Rs20,000), one can be at one with nature and enjoy the oldworld charm and slow-paced life of Cambodia.

Things to do: • Take a helicopter tour of the predominantly flat and agricultural lands of Cambodia.

• Watch The Cambodian Circus in Siem PHOTO : THEJO URNALC Reap, in north-west Cambodia.

OM • Meditate at various Cambodian meditation centres and take yoga lessons that are available at every district in the country.

• Learn to cook Cambodian (Khmer) delicacies at quick cooking classes for travellers in Phnom Penh, the capital city of Cambodia.

South Korea With UNESCO world heritage sites, such as the royal tomb of Queen Jeongsun and the 400 stone graves at the Gochand Dolmen site, the Soyang Dam, Asia’s largest rock-fill dam, and breathtaking Hyeupjae Beach, South Korea has plenty to offer. Get your hands on a ticket for as cheap as $150 (approximately Rs15,000) and explore this iconic county.

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Things to do: • Try out the country’s best dishes, such as kimchi (a side dish made with vegetables), mandu (Korean dumplings) and the famous South Korean barbeque that will keep you coming back for more.

• Relax at the public bathhouse, Jimjilbang, located in every city and get a chance to mingle with locals.

• Cherish the beauty of the largest metropolis and capital of South Korea, Seoul, and go cycling around the peaceful neighbourhoods.

domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 31, 2014

Recipe

Meringue Snow balls If you love desserts, then these scrumptious quick-to-make snow balls are just ideal for you and your family!

Method • Beat egg whites until they form peaks • Add 1/4 cup of sugar to the egg whites and beat for a minute to form meringue.

• Heat milk in a pot and keep it aside.

• Add teaspoons full of meringue to the warm milk with enough space between one another to puff up and leave them for about five minutes.

• Poach and flip the meringue. Once they are ready, lift them and drain extra milk and place them on a plate.

• In a separate bowl, mix egg yolks, 1/2 cup of sugar and vanilla essence.

• Pour the mixture in the milk.

• Cook on medium heat and stir continuously for four to six minutes.

• In a bowl, mix corn flour in cold water and pour it in the milk mixture and stir continuously to avoid lumps.

• After the mixture has thickened, pour it in a bowl and let it cool.

• Once the mixture has cooled, place meringues on top and enjoy the scrumptious snowballs!

Arooj Waqar runs a Facebook cooking page called Mona’s Kitchen and aspires to transform her passion for cooking into a career.

Ingredient:

Egg whites 2

Egg yolks 3

Corn flour 1 tsp

Water 3 tbsp

Milk 4 cups

Powdered Sugar 3/4 cup

Vanilla essence (few drops)

woman of the week 8

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, AUGUST 31, 2014

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