The Express Tribune hi five - December 13

Ms DECEMBER 13, 2015

ISSUE NO. 182

Fun with fathers The paternal connection

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Gardening for the soul

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inside En vogue —

Hira Tareen’s iconic new styles

Domestic goddess —

Spicy chicken cutlets

Section In-Charge: Dilaira Dubash Sub-Editors: Amna Hashmi Nisma Chauhan Designer: Umar Waqas Feedback: women@tribune.com.pk

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Amna Ilyas’s winter wardrobe

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The buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 13, 2015

By Mehreen Ovais Gone are the days when babies were the sole responsibility of their mothers. Men now want to be involved from the very start. They want to be equal partners when it comes to parenting and many feel pride in helping with the feeding and changing.

However, it isn’t always clear to new fathers how they should bond with their babies. Especially in the initial months, when the infant seems to want only the mother, fathers often lose out on building a sound attachment with them. According to Helen Hans, a researcher and postnatal leader with the UK’s National Childcare Trust, new fathers often feel like there is too little interaction between them and the baby. “By being attentive to the small details and nuances, dads can get a lot

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 13, 2015

of satisfaction and benefit from communicating and caring for the baby,” she explains.

Helen’s theory is lent credence by new-father Shiham Khan who felt everything but love upon first seeing his daughter.

“When they put her into my arms, I remember feeling excitement and relief,” he says. “But I just didn’t feel the one emotion I had been looking forward to most: love at first sight. It took me nearly eight weeks to realise that father-baby bonding works differently compared to the mother-child connection.”

An important thing to consider here is that the very nature and fabric of father-child interaction is completely different.

Hence, it is futile to expect the two to bond as quickly. Mother of three Khaula Shah shares her own experiences. “When it comes to teaching children new words or reading books to them, it’s always me. I am also more updated about their interests at each stage,” she says. “My husband, however, takes cue and improvises. He enjoys sports-related things so we let that be his special bonding style.”

In an article titled ‘Father’s Time’, published by renowned online portal Psychology Today, journalists Paul Robert and Bill Moseley elaborate on this further. They claim that while mothers relate to their babies in a more soothing, loving and serious sort of way, fathers interact in a more physical and playful manner, relying on activities, humour and excitement. Khaula’s husband, for instance, has been taking their youngest to the park every day for the past three months. “As my son is growing, he has started to look forward to his special time with baba,” says Khaula. This provides unique insight into how fathers can begin to bond with their children, in a way not only unique to their own personalities but also beneficial for the development of the child. Muhammed Omer, a father of a two year old has his own special songs that he has been singing to his son since the day he was born. “Even today he calls them ‘daddy’s songs’ and asks for them before sleeping,” says Muhammed. “In fact, even when I am away on a business trip, I actually have to call him and sing them over the phone,” he adds.

Kyle Pruett, a professor of psychiatry at the Yale Child Study Centre, points out that new fathers even hold their children differently, with a different kind of patience and frustration cycle than mothers. These findings reveal a distinctive and personalised way in which fathers can bond — playing games with them, indulging in activities such as piggy back rides, tickling, wrestling, swinging or going out for walks while carrying the baby on their shoulders.

All of these allow fathers to enjoy themselves in a special way, making it possible for the babies to associate fun, laughter and play with them. For instance, Pooya Dubash, father of a three month old girl, bonds with his daughter through excercise routine. “I hold her in my arms and do lunges. Sometimes, I even use her as weights to work on my triceps,” says Pooya. “It helps me spend more time with her and get my work-out done as well,” he adds. This is, of course, not to say that they consider mothers boring.

Women may do the same things but infants will always associate nurturing and comfort with them, before anything else. Or they simply use other ways to amuse the babies.

Perhaps it is for this reason that several couples decide to allocate special play hours exclusive to the fathers.

For the connection to strengthen, it is important that the father gets some alone time with the baby. Jerrold Shapiro, professor of counselling psychology at Santa Clara University and author of The Measure of a Man: Becoming the Man You Wish Your Father Had Been, believes that fathers respond to the interactive qualities of children. “Until they start to sense something coming back from the child, many of them will not feel that bond or connection,” writes Jerrold. Their confidence and interest derives from the reactions they get from the baby in the form of smiles, laughter, different expressions and so on.

The best way to achieve that is to spend quality time with the baby regularly and making oneself a part of their routine.

Whether it is playtime, walk-time, bottle-feeding, showering or putting them to bed, the father should do it independently. This signals to babies that mommy is not the only one who can take care of them and hence, they start to project feelings of dependency on the fathers as well. “When we became parents, my wife and I subconsciously settled into a very nice routine,” shares Munib Kaiser*, father of a new-born girl. “I would take the baby when I got home from work and took care of everything, from diaper changing to feeding, all the way until bedtime. For instance, she would even nap on my shoulders while I watched a movie.” During this time Munib’s wife would catch up on other things. This of course, brought Munib closer to the baby. “I think you can only really feel attached to someone once you take care of them and realise how much they need you or how happy you get when you see them smile,” he explains.

Research indicates that father-child bonding not only benefits the baby by developing his or her emotional intelligence, but also reduces the stress levels felt by the father. It also provides feeling of reward that comes with being an involved parent. Hence, their bonding should begin early on and continue to evolve through the different stages of the child’s life. *Name has been changed to protect privacy Mehreen Ovais is an alumna of Manchester Business School and Lahore University of Management Sciences.

She is passionate about writing and journalism. She tweets as @mehreenovais

Design by Eesha Azam

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En vogue

Hira Tareen’s showcases the latest pieces from her Icon collection Post production: ChiqueLab Lable: Icon Karachi by Hira Tareen Make-up, hair and styling: ChiqueLab Photography: Zara Tareen Model: Javeria

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 13, 2015

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 13, 2015

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Lifestyle

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 13, 2015

By Ishrat Ansari

Gardening, in the modern world, has become more than just a hobby. After years of research, experts have determined that growing food, flowers and plants from scratch actually serves as a great form of therapy for people suffering from mental illnesses. It is particularly beneficial for individuals who undergo depression following the death of a family member.

Asma Mirza, a residential client at Karachi-based psychiatric rehabilitation centre, The ps Recovery House (TRH), shares her experience to elucidate how gardening helped her through depression. “I had always worked with pens and paper before but tthose became futile,” says Dr Asma.

“Touching the soil brought me closer “To began to enjoy gardening immensely. to nature and I beg the soil used to remind me Before my sessions, however, h burial of my family members repeatedly.” of death and the bur According to Zahra Ali, the therapist who worked with Asma, the latter’s improving condition was manifested through her increasing interest in the gardening sessions. “Asma would actually dress up for every session,” says Zahra. Along with her husband, artist and environmentalist Yasir Husain, Zahra has been conducting horticultural therapy at TRH for over a year now and could not be happier with the progress of her patient. Together, they devised a customised therapy course for Asma, according to her medical needs and

personal history. “To change her negative perception of soil, we showed her how the seemingly dead earth can also create life and how nature turns death into living things,” explains Zahra. “I recall one time, while heading to one of the session, Asma paused and took my hand, smiled and thanked me for making soil look so beautiful to her again.”

In a nutshell, horticultural therapy entails bridging the gap between patients and nature, incorporating all five of the human senses. Gardens not only provide relaxation, hope and motivation but also have a healthy effect on the body. Much like in Asma’s case, Zahra and Yasir undertake extensive measures to learn all about a patient and how they can assist them. Psychiatrists and psychologists are often sought to see the world through

the patients’ eyes. A customised therapy programme is then developed with regards to the individual goals of each patient. “We once had a patient with extreme anger issues who turned around completely via therapy,” shares Zahra. “Gradually, once he started to observe nature, we encouraged him to focus on the sound of water pouring from a fountain or close his eyes and feel the sun [on his skin].” These simple practices went a long way as the patient took a liking to lounging under the sun, even on hot days, and recovered fully.

Dr Farhana Azim, director at TRH, believes gardening is therapeutic because it helps clients develop a sense of peace and serenity. “There has always been a great link between humans and nature. Therefore, we work on patients’ surroundings. Gardening is all about the environment,” says Dr Farhana. “When it comes to mental health, vocational training is key. Gardening, like cooking, is a mainstay of therapy and the results come almost immediately.” Dr Farhana claims that the gardening sessions are one of the most enjoyed forms of therapy in TRH’s programme, although some clients with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders (OCD) are initially reluctant to get their hands dirty. “But while gardening, clients begin to identify themselves in the living things that pertain to plants and flora. It transmits invisible power and determination to do something,” she adds.

“What happens is that clients without the will to live plant seeds and eventually, come to own and nurture them. This grants them a purpose in their lives,” explains Zahra. “It motivates one to get out of bed and create something beautiful. It grants a sense of responsibility that patients thought they could not handle.” Once a seed sprouts or a flower turn into fruit, patients are appreciated for their achievements. “These little lessons are lessons of life for them.”

According to horticulturalist Tofiq Pasha Mooraj, the benefits of gardening extend beyond mental health: it is a complete exercise. “Working in a garden or anywhere outdoors exposes one to the sun directly which fulfills our need for Vitamin D,” says Tofiq. “It helps distract minds, particularly those with psychiatric illnesses.” In Tofiq’s experience, working together — be it at home or in a rehabilitation centre — also brings the patients closer so that they can not only have fun but also support one another. Zahra agrees and urges other institutions to incorporate gardening therapy into their curriculums.

According to Zahra Ali, scents play an important part in horticultural therapy. Aromatic herbs and fruits are helpful in soothing our senses and even conveying a feeling. Some of the most popular herbs include: • Sweet basil: This herb is ideal for clearing the mind, finding joy, letting go of fear and relieving fatigue when the mind is weak or indecisive. It is also restorative, fortifying and a gentle anti-depressive.

• Lime and tangerines: The radiant citrus fruits are known for their abilities to uplift one’s mood and revive their spirit. They also help to prevent emotional outbursts, assist in decisionmaking and bring clarity to the foggy mind.

• Black pepper: It is psychologically warming and sparks curiosity. Pepper works to build mental endurance, a reconnection with life and encourages one to move on when they are stuck.

• Cardamom: This spicy condiment strengthens those who feel held back by worries and responsibilities. It lifts the spirit and inspires courage and fortitude.

• Mint: This leafy green is bold, prompting clarity and alertness.

It helps alleviate feelings of inferiority and insecurity as well.

Design By Maryam Rashid Ishrat Ansari works on the Karachi desk at The Express Tribune

Domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 13, 2015

By Huba Akbar

Chicken cutlets

These mouthwatering appetisers will be the perfect addition to your next tea party

Ingredients

PHOTO: HUBA AKBAR

For the meat: • Chicken (boneless) 1 kg • Ginger (grated) 2 tbsp • Garlic (grated) 2 tbsp • Lemon juice 1 lemon • Yogurt 3 tbsp • Coriander (finely chopped) 1/2 cup • Green chilies (finely chopped) 5 • Black pepper 1/2 tsp • Medium-sized potato (boiled) 1 • Onion (chopped) 1 • White bread (sides removed) 1 slice • Chicken powder 1 tsp • Salt to taste For the coating: • Bread crumbs 1 cup • Eggs (beaten) 2 • All-purpose flour 1/2 cup

Method • Prepare the chicken mix by combining all the ingredients, except the onion, together in a food processor. Add the chopped onions into the mince once it is prepared.

• Moisten your palms with some water and roll the mince into 20 to 25 evensized balls. Flatten them slightly to give them the shape of a kebab.

• Place the all-purpose flour and bread crumbs in two separate plates and then beat an egg for coating. Dip each kebab in the egg, making sure the liquid covers all of its sides.

• Dip the egged kebab in the all-purpose flour, followed by the bread crumbs.

Repeat the process for each of the remaining pieces.

• Fry the kebabs in a non-stick pan, with about two tablespoons of pre-heated oil in it. Cook until the kebabs become golden-brown in colour, turning them over once or twice to fry completely.

Tonkatsu dipping sauce This popular Japanese condiment goes great with chicken. And what’s more, it is super easy to prepare. Serve Tonkatsu as a dip for your chicken cutlets and see for yourself!

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Worcestershire sauce 1/2 cup Soy sauce 1/4 cup Granulated sugar 1/4 cup Tomato ketchup 1/4 cup Dijon mustard 1 tsp All-spice mix (ground — if available) 1/4 tsp

• Whisk the Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, sugar and ketchup together in a small saucepan. Bring the mix to a simmer, cooking over mediumlow heat for a few minutes.

• Reduce the heat. Simmer the sauce continuously until it reduces to about one cup. This should take roughly 10 minutes.

• Whisk in the Dijon mustard and all-spice mix.

• Remove the pan from the stove and allow the sauce to cool down to room temperature before serving.

Note: • The sauce can last up to one week if stored in a refrigerator.

• If you are unable to find an all-spice mix, there is an alternate recipe you can follow to prepare Tonkatsu sauce. Simply whisk one tablespoon of dry mustard powder with two tablespoons of water in a small bowl. Add one cup of ketchup, one cup of Worcestershire sauce and four tablespoons of soy sauce to the mix and whisk until smooth.

SOURCE: SAVEUR.COM

Design by Maryam Rashid

Ever since smartphones and social-media platforms like Facebook and Instagram have come into our lives, there seem to be cameras everywhere. People have taken to sharing virtually every minute of their lives, so much so that it has become a tactic for celebrities and companies seeking popularity as well. Everyone is in a hurry to be the first ones to post something and in this rat race, sometimes what gets posted isn’t always pleasing to the eye.

If you’re one for the pictures, you will surely understand what we’re talking about. All too often, we are traumatised by an unsightly image of ourselves a friend or relative might have uploaded. And with the global reach of the internet, too many people can enjoy access to it. In order to help you avoid this, might we suggest a few camera tricks?

These can help you look your best in every picture you take henceforth so you never have to worry about your appearance online.

No matter how corny this sounds, practice your pose in front of the mirror. This will help you discover your most flattering angles and ‘better side’. If you’re really committed, take a few selfies in different poses and compare your expressions and appearance.

How you pose for a picture can make all the difference. It can help conceal the extra weight you have put on. To appear more slender, stand diagonally, facing your side and twist towards the camera.

When posing for a portrait (such as official photographs), follow the lead of Hollywood celebrities who never seem to take a bad shot. To avoid a double chin, first elongate your neck and then angle your jaw down just a touch. You can ask the photographer for directions to get it right.

If you don’t have time to dress up before a picture is taken, use mascara to liven your face up. Curl lashes and then apply two coats of the magical black liquid on the upper lash line to highlight the eyes and hide puffiness.

Use natural light whenever possible as it makes you look more photogenic. Avoid the flash for it tends to make one look big.

Remember that it is fresh, hydrated skin that always looks best on camera. Be sure to use a moisturiser well ahead of all important pictures. And if you’re going to be shooting outdoors for an extended period of time, use a moisturising sunscreen to do the trick.

You’ll look best in photos when you feel happy and are enjoying yourself. The more your natural personality comes through, the better the results. So remember to laugh and have fun in your pictures.

SOURCE: WWW.AOL.COM

Design by Sobia Khan