The Express Tribune hi five - December 16

Ms DECEMBER 16, 2012 ISSUE NO. 26

The power of pink

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page

Adopt or not?

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Can you make another’s child your own?

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inside fashion smashion — Rekindle your love for clutches

drama mama — The pregnant princess

hottie of the week — Greek god stuff!

Section In Charge: Batool Zehra Send your feedback to women@tribune.com.pk

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sleazy rom-com heroes

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Ms

the buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 16, 2012

Adoption — What Will People Say?

by Rabab Khan Rabab Khan works as a content creator, social media strategist, writer, journalist and editor. Currently she is a business consultant for IBFS Inc.

Two years ago, Aleena Mumtaz* was known as a headstrong, independent young woman who took every ‘You can’t’ as a dare to prove she could. One of the resolutions she made very early in her life was that she would never give birth to a child; she had decided she would adopt one.

“So many children are abandoned every single day in Pakistan. I felt there was no need to have my own child when so many others have to live without the love of a parent,” she said.

Her husband agreed with her. Today, however, Aleena is pregnant.

So what happened to change the mind of a girl who was determined to help abandoned children?

“It was ... not possible,” she says. “A few months after my marriage, my mother-inlaw started dropping hints about how she would like to hear the sounds of a baby around the house.”

Mumtaz, Aleena’s husband, explains, “You see, my parents subscribe to the old ways of thinking. The idea of bringing up someone else’s child wasn’t acceptable to them.”

“I always said I would adopt a child instead of having my own, but I couldn’t do something that would have made my husband unhappy,” sighs Aleena.

Social and cultural norms have a strong hold on families and decisions in the subcontinent. Traditionally, giving birth is considered to be the crowning glory of a woman’s life. Aleena’s views on adoption were a radical departure from the norm. While she and her husband were able to have a baby, there are many couples out there who cannot have children due to medical reasons.

Rana Omair* told me, “I’ve been married 7 years and don’t have children, so it’s an issue I have thought about and discussed with my wife in detail. My wife was all up for adoption but I am not. The reasons are more social in nature than religious. I guess, to go for adoption you have to be really crazy about children and I’m not.”

Rana’s reasons for deciding against adoption are largely social. Similarly, many people refuse to adopt because they cannot see the point of spending time and money

on raising children who are “not their own”. However, the dearth of clear information about religious teachings regarding adoption is another reason why many people are wary of adopting.

“I come from a conservative background and it would have been frowned upon in my immediate and extended family,” he said. “Adoption has been looked upon favourably in our religion as the Prophet (PBUH) was also an orphan, so I feel guilty for not being able to accept it openly. Plus, the fact that adopted children are na-mehram and you can’t give them property bothers me a lot and I need a satisfactory reply on the religious front before I can decide what to do.”

While adopted children do not inherit their parents’ property after their deaths, during their life, parents can transfer any amount of property or investments to their adopted children. This is perfectly in consonance with Islamic precepts and is a practice followed by many religiously inclined couples who do adopt. The other obstruction — that adopted children are na-mehram — is also quite easily got around by breastfeeding the adopted baby. In Islam, breastfeeding a child makes the child his parents’ mehram.

However, religion is only one facet of the situation. People from other religions seem to have the same reservations when it comes to taking in another man’s child.

“It’s not about religion,” says Akram Masih, a local school teacher. “It’s more about what people will say. I am willing to face the questions that might arise out of my adoption of a child, but my parents and my wife aren’t.”

Zarina, Akram’s wife, declares, “I will never raise someone else’s child. What will people say? When the child grows up, it will not look after us in our old age. So, why should I spend so much time and money for nothing?”

Of course, many who have given birth to ‘real’ children live in homes for old people because they have been abandoned, but Zarina brushes that aside: “It is their sins being revisited upon them. They must have done the same with their parents.”

Would she agree to adopt a child if her in-laws forced Akram to marry again for a

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 16, 2012

5 rom-com

men who’d be sleazeballs in real life

by Saba Khalid

Bridget Jones’ Mark Darcy Darcy is stuffy, awkward and wears a reindeer jumper on Christmas, yet he has the audacity to list all the things wrong with our lady Bridget. And while Bridget - who is obviously low on self-esteem - might be swept away by his compliment: “I like you, just the way you are”, I find it deeply offensive. It’s like saying, “You might be defective and strange, but I’ll take what I can get.”

Tom Hanks in You’ve Got Mail This bookstore billionaire has the time and patience to sit behind a computer screen everyday and write long, flowery e-mails to a confused, antsy random woman. And he doesn’t just stop there, he goes on to befriend her in real life just so he can perfect his online persona and get her to fall madly in love with him. Stalker alert!

Mr Big from SATC This guy acts commitment-phobic when it comes to Carrie but goes on to marry the first bimbo he meets. To rub it in, he invites Carrie to the wedding and she is stupid enough to actually turn up. He then proceeds to cheat on his wife with Carrie and walk out of his marriage. When Mr Big and Carrie finally decide to tie the knot, he jilts her at the altar. If that’s not an emotional abuser, I don’t know what is!

As countless children yearn for a safe and happy home, many childless couples long to hold a baby. What are the barriers to adoption in Pakistan? child? Zarina seems to have already considered that option, “They can’t force him. They have tried but he will never agree.”

Then there is the rare case of a mother like Mrs. Taimur who doesn’t care about what people will say. If her son wants to adopt a child, she vows to support him completely.

“Babies are innocent,” she says. “If one can’t have a child, there is no harm in adopting a baby.”

It appears that cultural barriers and social pressure are the biggest hurdles in the way of adoption. The question ‘What will people say?’ seems to rule most lives. While we obsess over what other people might say, thousands of parentless children wait for the touch of a loving parent in orphanages around our country.

Many of today’s educated young men and women understand this and would like to help these children find a happy home.

“I intend to adopt a child. Even if I have a child of my own, I will adopt at least one child,” says Nazia Bilal.

I just hope the parents of today do not grow into the ‘people’ in the question “What will people say” and instead, choose to end this seemingly incessant chain of prejudice.

Luc Teyssier in French Kiss If you take away Luc’s gorgeousness and the picturesque Monte Carlo scenes, it’s pretty clear that this leading man used Meg Ryan’s character to smuggle his diamonds, put her in grave risk and constantly lied to her for his advantage. And yet, she put her life savings on the line to save this guy.

Edward Lewis in Pretty Woman I’m not going to say much about the plotline but in real life this guy would surely be the biggest sleaze. The fact that he has to buy himself female company shows how unpopular with the ladies he is. And all he does is throw money at her without making any effort at all to get to know her.

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Ms

en vogue

Think pink!

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 16, 2012

This is one colour that you can never go wrong with. With the shaadi season in full swing, designer Ishtiaq Afzal has launched a sweet, sugary formal wear collection which makes sure you don’t get mistaken for the bride. Pretty much everything goes, from exaggerated silhouettes to chic straight cuts, as long as the shade is right.

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 16, 2012

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Coordination: Umer Mushtaq Styling: Fahad Yaqoob Hair and Makeup: Basit Ali Designer: Ishtiaq Afzal Photography and Styling: Rohail @ Munna Mushtaq Studios Model: Sana Sarfaraz, Sehrish Bukhari, Saima Haroon, Saba Sikandar, Sana Khan and Omar Shahzad

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fashion smashion

Clutch up

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 16, 2012

Fashion designer Sara Baloch discusses the hottest trends in clutches

Gone are the days when eyes were the windows to a woman’s soul — these days, women are defined by the accessories they don and flaunt. Our ‘Indispensible to Survival’ list may not have bags at Number One, but they are there, right under oxygen. The size, colours and trends in bags may change with the weather, but a woman’s eternal love for arm candies is as constant as the North Star.

One style that has survived from the time of Hepburn to Beckham is the clutch. Whether you’re primped up for a formal wedding or planning to ace a girl’s night out, you can choose from a variety of forms and styles available in clutches. From the sleek envelope style, to the oversized day clutch to the vintage cigar case clutches — there is one for every girl out there.

But carrying a clutch with poise can pose something of a challenge to those more used to shoulder bags and handbags. Up and coming bag designer Sara Baloch — who celebrates the glamour of clutches in her collection The Royal Pearl — gives tips on how to carry clutches.

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. Don’t play match-up.

Avoid overmatching your clutch with your outfit. If you’re wearing a pair of shoes or dress that has a bold pattern or intricate design, choose a clutch that’s sleek and simple. Many fashion enthusiasts prefer neutrals because they go well with all the colours on the colour wheel but that shouldn’t stop you from experimenting with bold colours and interesting prints. In fact python print clutches are very much en vogue.

However, there are a few things that should be kept in mind while choosing a clutch: A working woman who is expected to keep it altogether at all time may

. Strap it on.

Many clutch purses come with detachable straps in leather or chain. If you don’t want to be too hands on with your clutch, simply sling it on your shoulder. If it’s a wristlet (with a bangle or a small detachable loop attached), wear it around your wrist.

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want to opt for a bigger clutch.

Fashion doyennes choose to hold these arm candies in their left hand. It makes it easier to shake hands with anyone important or good-looking out there!

If you want to use your left hand, always hold the clutch bag under your

. Get a grip.

Oversized clutches can be tucked under your arm if you want to shift the focus on your lower body or can be held in hand to keep the focus on the upper half of your body.

arm.

While sitting, keep the clutch bag on your lap. You have got to dazzle the world with your high on vogue baby.

Sara Baloch clutch bags are now available from retail shops as well as online stores.

Email: sarabaloach@gmail.com Contact number: 03232000933

drama mama 7

THE EXPRESS SS S TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 16, 2012

Royally Happy What Kate Middleton and I have in common Hiba Masood is a stay-at-home mother to 3-year-old Beta and 7-month-old Beti.

Writing about parenting affords her time away from actually doing it.

CONNECT WITH DRAMA MAMA ONLINE AT WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/ETDRAMAMAMA FOR MORE THOUGHTS ON THE CRAZY RIDE OF MOTHERHOOD

When Hums text messaged me from work with The News, I was a little offended. After all, The News had broken over three hours ago, how could he ever imagine I wouldn’t already know?

“I follow Kate Middleton’s life very closely. Naturally, I am well aware she’s preg … er, with child,” I explained primly.

Actually, I don’t know if I have ever said or done anything ‘primly’ in my life but it seems an appropriate adverb to use whilst discussing the Duchess.

Kate Middleton’s pregnancy announcement sent waves across the internet and why should that be surprising? She combines several fantasies harboured by otherwise quite rational women (such as myself) in one real life person: she is smart, beautiful, has a great wardrobe and a prince for a husband. She may be a future queen, but I can imagine myself hanging out with her over the weekend. I’ve repeatedly ogled her wedding video, seen her look stylish and glamorous while doing royal charity work and be hip and happening applauding British athletes at the Olympics. She is always perfectly groomed, smiling and pulled together. In a few months, I will watch with the rest of the world as she brings a whole next level of meaning to the term ‘pregnancy glow’. And though I shudder to think of the potential behind jokes about ‘crowning’ at the time of delivery, I am convinced she is awesome enough to somehow make it through even that torturous time looking gorgeous. After which, she’s going to spend the rest of her life looking the very picture of a serene and loving Mama with lots of little royal highnesses wearing cunning pinafores, petting their Shetland ponies, eating scones with jam for tea and exclaiming “I say!” (because that’s all they do over in England. I know, since I’ve read all my Enid Blytons very carefully).

But along with the pregnancy announcement came the news that Kate is suffering from acute morning sickness and that she is, after all, human, like the rest of us. It always strikes me as fascinating, this realisation that no matter who you are or where you come from, a planned pregnancy will be the reason for feeling like absolute crap and becoming a mother will make you irrevocably different. Kate probably has no inkling of just how much she is about to change.

As for myself, a lot of things have changed since I’ve become a mother but the most startling of these has been my changing notion of happiness. And since I’m always quick to assign blame elsewhere, let me clarify that this is entirely the fault of my offspring. Before they arrived in real physical form, I had

by Hiba Masood

imagined happiness would be of the television advert variety: throwing the kid in the air and laughing up at him as the sun set in the background.

But now, happiness as a mother is something else entirely. Happiness is seeing your four-year-old polish off a big glass of milk. It’s in that milk moustache that he doesn’t bother wiping away. Happiness is in catching that stealthy look your 13 month old throws over her shoulder as she checks to see if anyone is watching her rip her Baba’s books. It’s hearing her mutter “A-B-C, A-B-C” as she tears the paper. Happiness is watching the kids do the “Hot Dog” dance in the middle of the mall because they can hear some faraway music. It’s them falling asleep in the car, heads lolling forward in their car seats. Happiness is the baby pulling her brother’s hair and him wrestling her to the ground in retaliation. It’s your boy refusing to give you any of his M&Ms and then carefully putting a red one into his excited sister’s open mouth. It’s the doctor telling you the kids are growing well; it’s the weird Urdu/English baby talk your parents do with their grandkids; it’s the look you and your husband exchange when one of the kids says something particularly hilarious in anger.

These days, happiness in my life is every time Beta calls me either Princess Mumma or Beautiful Mumma, his newest monikers for me, picked up, undoubtedly, from some cartoon. He punctuates every sentence with these names and I act nonchalant though, secretly, I get a little glow every time.

It warms my insides, diffuses my irritation, makes me smile, even perhaps, stand up a little straighter and, maybe, fix my hair a bit. When I give him a bowl of grapes (his favourite snack), it’s “Oh thank you, Princess Mumma!”

When I put on my gym clothes, it’s “Bye-bye, Beautiful Mumma!” And, at night, as I lean in to kiss him it’s “Tomorrow, Beta and Mumma, we will do some beautiful painting, right, beautiful Princess Mumma?”

This only proves that all the hours I spent admiring Kate Middleton were pointless because my son has reminded me of a truth I knew all along: you are beautiful to whom you are beloved and you don’t have to marry a prince to be a princess.

But of course, lest I float too high in delight, the husband can always be counted on to bring me back to earth. In a riff on Beta’s nicknames for me, Hums has jokingly taken to calling me Princess Beautiful, specifically when he wants to boss me around. So, on a weekend morning, he might call from his majestic perch on the couch, “Hey, Princess Beautiful, let my breakfast be served to me!” which reminds me to accept another truth: I didn’t marry a prince like Kate. I married a king.

hottie of the week 8

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 16, 2012

Status Engaged to Faryal Makhdoom Born Bolton, England Birthday December 8, 1986 Horoscope

Face

75%

Sagittarius

Who is he?

British professional boxer Amir Iqbal Khan is our macho man with a heart.

We love him for being one of the youngest British world champions ever, winning the WBA Light Welterweight title at age 22 and for his philanthropic works include the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), National Literacy Trust, and Great Ormond Street Hospital. Even though he was born and bred in England he has managed to keep close to his Muslim lineage and is an active supporter of the Muslim Writer’s Awards..

Body

90%

Why he is droolworthy That chiselled bronze face and too-perfect-to-be-real body are reasons enough. He looks like he just jumped out of Photoshop but we thank our lucky stars that it’s all real there. He was on the cover page of Esquire in a tuxedo, looking like a delectable mix of east and west. He was in the news for knocking out six men who tried to steal his car. We’d say that’s one lucky Range Rover there that had Amir Khan fighting for it. His everyday heroism makes us want to date someone who is as comfortable with knocking people out as he is. Let’s face it — we all fantasise about being the girl men brawl over.

Talent

95%

What you didn’t know about him Whether for boxing or for his relationship, he is always in the limelight. His recent tweet “Is single life the best life?” sparked fear amongst his fans, who speculated that his relationship with the beautiful Faryal Makhdoom was over. Amir was also accused of romping with two girls and someone even warned Faryal not to marry him, saying: “He is a cheat.” However, this boxer knows how to stick with his woman when the going gets tough. He denied all allegations and moved on with his wedding plans. And eventually his charms won Faryal’s trust as she tweeted: “Life is way too short for stupid fights and arguments. Cherish the moments.” How we wish for that one true love, who would fight the rumour monster for us and make us feel like his Number One.

Total Package

87%

Amir Khan