The Express Tribune hi five - December 23

Ms DECEMBER 23, 2012 ISSUE NO. 27

Kurtas are forever

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Dulhan dilemma When traditional customs meet Western oncepts

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inside fashion smashion —

jewellery we can’t live without

domestic goddess —

My way or the Thai way!

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Section In Charge: Batool Zehra Send your feedback to women@tribune.com.pk

Do you know how to handle your Capricorn man?

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Ms

the buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 23, 2012

Bride vs. Dulhan: The many sides of a

Desi

bride

Striving to incorporate Western concepts in a traditional shaadi, Pakistani-American dulhans need to step back and find a balance by Fauzeya Rahman Fauzeya is a reporter in Austin, Texas. She enjoys research, writing and finding new ways to tell a story

I

got married last year in Houston, Texas in a mostly ‘traditional’ Pakistani wedding with a few twists. As our valima came to a close, we hugged the last of the relatives hanging out around the reception hall. Then my husband and I breathed a huge sigh of relief: we were done.

Done with the months of planning, the deluge of details and the careful balancing act of emotions required to keep both sides happy. While I know our wedding wasn’t anywhere close to the elaborate festivities commonly seen in the Pakistani community — whether in the US, at home or elsewhere in the world — it was enough to make me wonder if I’d do it again if I had the choice.

Regardless of one’s approach to a wedding, stress seems to be the most common component.

And when talking with Pakistani-American brides busy planning their weddings, it seemed that the stress level of a Pakistani wedding can take the cake.

“There’s a definite difference between the elaborateness of a desi wedding and an American wedding,” says Sarah, owner of The Transformation Studio, a beauty and wellness center in Houston. “Being Pakistani makes it more stressful, from the old school chauvinism and prerogative given to the groom’s family, to the huge guest lists.”

Or maybe it’s because lately, the Pakistani wedding has morphed into a hybrid of traditional

customs, Western concepts and fairytale. We’re no longer just the ‘dulhan’ on stage with the lowered gaze. Now, we’re also the ‘bride’, who has an opinion on everything from the decor to music selection to guest list. Now, our multi-day weddings demand a level of personalisation and attention to detail previously unheard of.

“We’re far more controlling in terms of what we want,” says Amna, who got married in 2008. “But these weddings aren’t meant to be organised by you. They’re not meant for you [the dulhan] to plan. But because we’re now raised differently, we have strong opinions and so we tend to get more controlling.”

“I’ve seen a very big shift in weddings from when I first moved to the US,” Sarah said. “A wedding used to be a pretty standard affair; now brides are having meltdowns over napkin folds.

The more details involved, the more stress there is.”

And while a woman may see herself as a bride of today who calls the shots, there’s a good chance her family still sees her as a stationary object around which all celebrations take place.

This distinction can open the door to all kinds of conflict. We now have far less patience for nosy aunties, inappropriate questions or decisions made without our consent. After all, we’re independent, intelligent people — why can’t we do what we want?

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 23, 2012

Of course, as the bride and as a woman, you can do what you want — but I recommend doing it with finesse. While your wedding is just a day (or, more accurately, a few days), you have the rest of your life to spend with not just your husband, but his family and your family. If you let the stress get the best of you, you could end up making things quite awkward as you start your new life.

“There’s a major emotional component to getting married,” says Sarah. As a trained counselor and cosmetologist, she’s been around dozens of brides. “Every time there’s a life transition, there’s a fear of the unknown. Of course, there’s also familial stress and in-law issues that are too common in our community. A bride’s mom can either be a help or absolute hell. Sometimes diva attitudes come out unexpectedly and weddings bring out people’s true colours.”

She’s seen long-lasting friendships permanently destroyed and brides who behave as if they own their family. “The wedding has become more valuable to some people than the marriage. The wedding itself has turned into an object to allow a person to show off.”

Which is a bit ridiculous considering how elaborate our weddings were already. There’s definitely more pressure now to put together a beautiful, unique wedding while decked out in the latest designer threads. With the onslaught of websites, message boards and blogs, brides have access to so much knowledge that, if they’re not careful, they can quickly slip from being informed to being overwhelmed.

“Sixty percent of the brides I see are particular — to a degree that borders on obsessive — about everything from lip colour to how winged the eyeliner is,” Sarah said. “Social media has a major effect. The awareness of options has gone up, and I’ve seen several beautifully thought-out weddings. I think it’s a good thing to be informed, but people need to restrain themselves and not lose their minds.”

With sites such as Pinterest, brides are immediately transported to a perfect world where handmade flowers and mason jars filled with drip-less candles are effortlessly bound with raffia ribbon that secures a handmade label with the couple’s names. They are led to believe guests expect this

level of creativity, the bride’s mental health (or budget) be damned!

Truthfully, no one will notice each and every personal touch. Whether in the US or Pakistan, brides would do well to focus their energy on what matters the most and delegate or let go of the rest.

If you have a major sweet tooth, go cake-tasting crazy and find a delicious cake that will make you smile whenever you need something to take your mind off the wedding craziness. If music is your thing, sit down with a friend and come up with some excellent playlists for the various events.

While you may see yourself as an independent super bride and your family may still see you as a prop adorning the various wedding stages in different outfits, find a balance somewhere in between the two extremes.

To do so without losing your mind, communicate your expectations clearly with those around you who you can trust. If a friend or family member has never come through for you before, chances are they aren’t going to deliver during your wedding, either. Instead, take note of the friends who genuinely offer to help and assign clear tasks that you’d like them to do. After that, let it go and move on to the next to-do item.

Be organised. Make lists and go over them with your go-to team. Most importantly, manage your expectations. Things will get crazy and they will go wrong, but for the most part there’s nothing you can do about it. All you can control is your reaction to the situation.

Most importantly, take care of yourself. Schedule monthly massages and facials leading up to your wedding. Detox to get rid of the impurities that can clog one’s system. You can do this by sitting in the sauna or even spending a few extra minutes in the shower. Try to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet (preferably raw).

Try to find an outlet to relieve stress that works for you, whether it’s exercise, painting, writing or talking to a neutral party. It will help you keep your cool when everything inevitably goes awry.

While your wedding is no doubt the biggest event of your life, it’s also just the beginning of your new life. Enjoy yourself and the moments that truly excite you, and simply let go of the rest.

We’re no longer just the ‘dulhan’ on stage with the lowered gaze.

Now, we’re also the ‘bride’, who has an opinion on everything from decor to music selection to guest list.

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Ms

en vogue

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 23, 2012

Kurta calling Shubinak — a brand from the hills of Chitral — introduces another collection comprising kurtas drenched in feminine colours and crisp cuts. Catering to the working woman of today, the designs are simple yet elegant. From earthy beiges to sea greens, the soft colours and easy-on-eyes designs are a must-have for all those women who want to make a subtle statement.

Hair and Makeup: Team at Mohsin Khawar Designer: Shubinak Coordination: Purple arts and communication Photography: Mohsin Khawar Model: Sabina Pasha

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 23, 2012

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fashion smashion

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 23, 2012

Jewellery staples

Gold cuffs The gold cuff bracelet is the epitome of luxury when it comes to accessories. A gold cuff gives you the Roman goddess look when paired with your evening wear. During the daytime it can also help you channel high-octane glamour. Pair gold cuffs with a crisply tailored blazer or chiffon blouse and you are good to go. Gold cuffs are the ultimate must-have in fashion mogul Victoria Beckham and supermodel Iman’s jewellery box and we can’t think of a reason why we shouldn’t add them to our list.

Have you ever felt that your faithful earrings or your ever-so-dependable watch is the only thing that’s saving you from looking like something the cat dragged in? Like our wardrobe, the jewellery box too, has some essentials that stick with us through weddings and interviews. Ms. T lists down the five jewellery essentials that will save the day and your impression.

Pearl earrings Pearl earrings, real or faux, are as indispensible to our accessories’ list as the ‘long’ black dress (LBD) is to our wardrobes. Going out for a quick coffee with your BFF or going to a concert, our favourite pearls add an instant zing of class to any ensembles without fail. Here’s a tip for our short-sighted friends: dangly earrings look appalling with spectacles. Give lenses and your fashion sense another chance! Or just go for classy pearl studs.

A sophisticated long chain Get your hands on a silver, gold or multi-tone chain necklace and play with different pendants. Layering is hot this season and since it’s winter, you can up the luxe ante by wearing two or three layered necklaces with turtle necks and Peter Pan collar shirts. Metal necklaces go black easily which is why people treat it as disposable jewellery. Little do they know that a good wash with white vinegar will make their old jewellery pieces as good as new.

Edgy motif jewellery Every now and then, the Roxanne in you kicks in and you feel like stacking on all your edgy motif jewellery.

For all those ‘born to be wild’ moments always keep a signature motif ring or necklace in your jewellery box. Fashion lovers can now afford the luxury of choosing from a vast variety of animal motif jewellery available at Mango, Accessorise and Next. From snakes to owls to elephants, pick a beast in gold or silver tone that appeals to your animal instinct the most. Somebody answer the call of the wild!

Desi front Recently Kundun (and Kundun inspired) jewellery has made a glorious comeback.

Even though the larger pieces are good for evening wear, the smaller pieces can be worn during the day. Contemporary designs of jewellery set with large stones works both as casual wear and for more formal settings. Jewellery designer Manizhe Ali, who specialises in silver and Kundun jewellery says, “A lady is incomplete without a pendant set with large stones, a pair of small ear studs for all times, a pair of dangling earrings for evenings and a few bangles that can be worn together or individually.”

Giant statement ring Whether you’re closer to ivory or ebony, a chunky cocktail ring in green and blue hues will create a fun contrast with almost any other colour under the sun. From browns and blacks to pinks and reds, a big ring can add the oomph to your attire in an instant, so get your hands on a vintage statement piece.

According to Manizhe, “Must have pieces in your jewellery box should include a chunky ring or two. Not only do they accentuate your style statement, they also give you a mystical appeal.”

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 23, 2012

domestic goddess 7 7 recipe Pad Thai — Rice Noodles with Shrimps and Peanuts

Madiha Hamid is a digital media professional. She loves the food traditions unique to families. She is running a food blog for Pakistani and regional cuisines called cheflingtales.com

Pad Thai is the first dish I learnt in my cooking class in Thailand. Though readily available in streets stalls all over Bangkok, Khao San Road is the most famous place to have Pad Thai.

The use of rice noodles, fish sauce, tofu and bean sprouts give this dish its distinct taste.

You will either love it or hate it — but must certainly try it!

method • Add oil to a large wok on medium heat.

• Once the oil is medium hot, add tofu and red onions.

Cook till onions turn transparent and tofu is light golden.

• Add shrimps and stir-fry till white with orange tinge.

Never overcook shrimps as they shrink and get chewy. If you are using chicken, make thin horizontal slices and fry till golden. Cutting chicken in this way reduces cooking time.

• Now add rice noodles in the wok. Also add fish sauce, vinegar, sugar and dried prawns.

• Pour in the water and cover the wok. Stir occasionally till noodles are cooked. Add more water if needed.

• Beat the eggs and cook them as you would scrambled eggs. Add to noodles. Traditionally, the beaten eggs are cooked on one side of the wok, with the noodles.

• Add spring onions and bean sprouts and stir for about 2-3 minutes.

• Taste the noodles; if you think it doesn’t have enough salt, add 1-2 tbsp fish sauce extra.

• Your Phad Thai is ready. Serve immediately, as the rice noodles get sticky and can break if reheated • Garnish with peanuts, lime and grounded red chilies.

ingredients Olive oil 3 tbsp Tofu-in 1 by 1 cubes 300g Red onion 1 medium White vinegar 2 tbsp Fish sauce 2 tbsp Shrimps 10-12 or Chicken, thinly sliced 300g

Sugar 1 tbsp Eggs 2 Bean sprouts 1 cup Spring onions 3 Dried prawns (optional) 1-2 tsp Rice noodles 300g Limes 1-2 Water 1-2 cup Peanuts 2 tbsp Red chillies 1 tbsp

written in the stars 8

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, DECEMBER 23, 2012

Capture a

Match made in heaven

Capricorn man — Taurus woman Once the Taurus woman establishes a rapport with the Capricorn man, they usually form a strong bond.

The Taurus woman needs warmth and security, while the Capricorn man usually prefers to build his empire and they both iron out each other’s flaws.

The Taurus woman—Capricorn man combination is good for long-term commitment.

January 15 — February 14

DON’T even think about it

In love with a Capricorn? Ms T has the inside on what makes this sign unique, how to make him yours and what not to do to drive him away

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Celebrity Capricorn These celebrities are proof that Capricorn are some of the sexiest guys around.

Capricorn man — Leo woman

Leo women enjoy their independence and live life to the fullest while Capricorn men are dull in nature. This love match does not show a good compatibility.

Capricorn man — Gemini woman

The Gemini woman feels like she’s being crossexamined when in a relationship with a Capricorn man. Not only does the Gemini woman feel restricted by the Capricorn man’s conventional attitude to life, but she also gets impatient with his plans.

Taming the Capricorn • Take the high road: If you’re classy and manners come to you naturally, you can have a Capricorn man bowing at your altar in no time. They like expensive things and classy people so make sure you wear your Breitling watch and Tiffany bracelet before you head out with him.

• Show finesse: If you’re a gooey mess steer clear of a Capricorn man because your boat is only going to sink in that sea. They are hard-working machines themselves and hate people who mix emotions with business.

• Be focused: Even if your ultimate goal in life is to knit a sweater, make sure he realises just how passionate and focussed you are on your career.

Don’t get his goat

Orlando Bloom

Liam Hemsworth Patrick Dempsey

• Capricorn men are reserved and guarded so make sure you don’t ask too much from him on your first date. If he seems disconcerted and cold don’t lose hope and keep trying to warm up the conversation.

• Patience is key here because even if he likes you and is noticing your attention, he may not acknowledge it.

• He’s a romantic at heart, but don’t ever expect him to encourage public displays of emotion. A Capricorn man thinks PDA is vulgar so don’t expect him to schmooze in public.

Never happening, girlfriend!