The Express Tribune hi five - February 8

Ms FEBRUARY 8, 2015

ISSUE NO. 138

Bullying: No laughing matter page

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Home decor for the shaadi season

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inside En vogue — Simply luxe

Domestic goddess —

Chicken in a box

Section In-Charge: Sarah Munir Sub-Editors: Amna Hashmi Nisma Chauhan Feedback: women@tribune.com.pk

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The ramp goddess Amna Ilyas

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The buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, FEBRUARY 8, 2015

No Laughing Matter

By Razya Siddiqui Design by Mohsin Alam

From playground fights to the online rumour mill, bullying is on the rise. But are we prepared to help our children cope with it?

“In Pakistan, violence has become a part of the culture,” says Aftab Arif, a father of three. “It’s in our homes as corporal punishment, on our streets as a means of settling an accident and in our media as political and sectarian killings.” In the midst of all of this, it is hardly surprising that emotional and verbal bullying is dismissed as unimportant. In fact, many even consider it a necessary ‘rite of passage’ for both the bully and bullied – to make them into strong human beings unless it escalates into physical violence.

School and college vernacular is rife with taunts that would have the bully hauled up anywhere else in the world. In Pakistan, however, the bully usually walks away in gales of laughter, from one target to another, proud of what they have just done.

Most teachers and parents are too pre-occupied to even recognise the problem of bullying, let alone rectify it.

Bullying – in all its emotional, intellectual and physical forms – can occur as early as primary school wherein children who seem ‘different’ may be ostracised, teased or threatened. Although bullying can take many forms, for the child at the receiving end, it is never innocuous. If a child is being called names, teased, ignored, joked about or stolen from, they are being bullied. Religion, race, caste, social class, physical disabilities and even superior intelligence or looks are all reasons enough for being targeted a bully. Children with high self-esteem might avoid under-performers as not good enough. Girls, in particular, tend to move in exclusive cliques, silently undermining outsiders by spreading rumours and revealing secrets. Boys, on the other hand, resort to more apparent means such as physical abuse, spitting, shouting and generally rebellious behavior.

“At least 50% of my patients agree when I ask them if they are being bullied at school,” says Dr Ayesha Mian, chairperson and associate professor of psychiatry at the Aga Khan University Hospital Karachi. “Underlying mental issues like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can make children even more vulnerable to bullying and increase its destructive power.”

In general, bullies tend to be impulsive, aggressive, rude, insensitive and intimidating in nature while their victims are relatively much more shy, sensitive and introverted. Physically, the former also tend to overshadow the latter and subcon-

At least 50% of my patients agree when I ask them if they are being bullied at school Psychiatrist Dr Ayesha Mian

Is your child a bully?

If your child is showing any of the following symptoms, he or she may be causing trouble: They resort to violence quickly They get into verbal fights with others They get detained or are sent to the principal’s office a lot They have extra money or new items you did not buy They are quick to blame others for their mistakes They shun responsibility They have friends who bully others They have an innate need to win or be the best at everything SOURCE: WWW.STOPBULLYING.GOV

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, FEBRUARY 8, 2015

sciously use their bigger size to exert their authority. “Often, the bully hails from a difficult family life, having watched their parents deal with problems aggressively,” adds Dr Mian. “Other times, the child may simply not know that physical or verbal aggression is not acceptable behaviour.”

At the other end of the spectrum lies cyber-bullying that knows no age or gender limits. The anonymity offered by the online world makes way for shockingly crude language and behaviour. In fact, a global survey commissioned by Microsoft to study online bullying ranked Pakistan as 22nd out of the top 25 countries. About 26% of the young participants (aged 8-17) indicated cyber-bullying, 53% admitted to being bullied offline and a staggering 64% reported both on and offline bullying.

“Cyber-bullying is especially damaging to a child’s self-esteem,” says Dr Mian.

“Rumours, disreputable photographs and insulting comments are frequent complaints made by youngsters suffering from depression and anxiety.”

Unfortunately, depression and anxiety are just two of the possible symptoms and by-products of bullying. In reality, children exhibit a variety of signs that could indicate social problems at school. “My daughter began waking up in the night, complaining of a stomach ache and asking if she could skip school the following morning,” shares Alya Khadim*, who discovered that her child was being bullied for her British accent after they moved back to Pakistan from the UK. Saima Asghar*’s happy-go-lucky, five-year-old daughter on the other hand, stopped

Help your child overcome a bully If your child is being bullied, remind them to: Walk away silently Report the incident to a trusted adult Try and find humour in the situation Not let the bully get under their skin Look at the positive things in life Talk about their fears and trouble openly Distract themselves by doing things they enjoy Find support in family and friends SOURCE: WWW.STOPBULLYING.GOV

YoungMinds, a UK-based online mental health resource for children and adolescents, cites unexplained anxiety, hatred for school, missing possessions and loss of interest in academics as consequences of bullying smiling altogether and would burst into tears out of the blue. “She would cry for no reason and never wanted to go to school. As it turned out, her best friend had ‘gone bad,’ with much surreptitious pinching and mean whispers.”

YoungMinds, a UK-based online mental health resource for children and adolescents, cites unexplained anxiety, hatred for school, missing possessions and loss of interest in academics as consequences of bullying. Children may suffer from insomnia and mysterious aches and injuries. Some children may also exhibit suicidal tendencies.

Despite this, bullying isn’t given due attention by most Pakistanis. “Even parents dismiss it without realising how debilitating it can be if not addressed properly,” says Dr Mian. Some parents rely too heavily on the discipline of the ‘branded’ school they send their children to, to believe bullying exists.

In fact, even children who attend these elite, private institutions don’t see bullying as a problem as their teachers and prefects are always on the prowl for anyone breaching the school’s rules. “The fear of consequences keeps children in check,” says Sofia Hameed*, whose sons study at one of the most prestigious institutions in Karachi. “If the threat keeps children at their best behaviour, it must be okay.”

Unfortunately, it isn’t okay. Dr Mian receives as many

BullyProof Pakistan Established by lawyer Zainab Chughtai, BullyProof Pakistan is a social awareness campaign aimed at young Pakistanis to eradicate bullying and interpersonal problems at educational institutions across the country. Since its launch in November 2014, the campaign has been conducting workshops with students and faculty at various schools and employing social media to promulgate its message of ‘empathy, equality and kindness in the classroom’.

cases of bullying from the top-tier schools of Karachi as from the ones where awareness of bullying might be non-existent. Mother of two, Nadia Karim* suggests that many parents forget that even teachers can be their children’s offenders – bullying doesn’t have to come from fellow students only. “Punishments that were acceptable a generation ago are considered mean, destructive and ineffective now,” she explains. “If a teacher practices them now, they would be considered bullies.” Nadia, however, admits she would be afraid of taking up the issue with her children’s teachers lest they become even more troublesome. However, the instance of teacher-student bullying is uncommon and requires a different treatment than inter-student problems.

Of course, this is not to say that a bully is a villain to be feared and punished for their ill-temperament. We must remember that bullies are children too and their negative behaviour is but a cry for help. “Family dynamics are often to blame when it comes to bullying,” explains Dr Khalida Tareen, professor of psychiatry at the King Edward’s Medical University in Lahore. “The endless excitement of joint families, financial pressures in nuclear families, lack of attention from busy parents and spousal problems between the mother and father can cause a child to react unexpectedly.”

Dr Tareen believes a child’s nature determines how they react to the various triggers in their lives. An introverted child may withdraw towards books and imaginary games while a more extroverted one will lash out on others, thereby becoming the bully. “It’s how bullies defends themselves in a world they believe is rigged against them,” she adds.

Therefore, what is needed is a stable, nurturing and secure environment to help both the bully and the bullied feel cared for. Individually, Dr Tareen suggests that, “The bullied should be encouraged to walk away and ignore the bully and so, take away their power.” Bullies, on the other hand, should be praised for their achievements and given some responsibility to develop a sense of self-worth.

On a parental level, one should start by encouraging children to talk about everyday things that bother them and monitor their daily behaviour for any signs of trouble. Parents should also make a concerted effort and spread awareness regarding bullying, its causes, effects and possible solutions. All instances of bullying must be reported to school staff so that appropriate measures are undertaken to resolve the issues. Also, if a child continues to exhibit bullying-related symptoms, parents shouldn’t shy away from seeking professional help from a mental health expert.

As for schools, a stringent anti-bullying policy is a must to keep the students in check. “Such policies need to become an integral part of the curriculum,” says Dr Tareen. Encouraging children to create anti-bullying posters, arranging plays and helping them compose songs on said theme are just some creative ways to instill the idea into young minds. *Names have been changed to protect privacy

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En vogue

Kashif Sattar Grawal’s latest collection will make you feel like a star.

Coordination & Styling: Aatika Majid Hair & Makeup: Sohail Uddin Designer: Kashif Sattar Grawal Label: Fayon Photography: Khawer Jadoon Model : Iraj Manzoor

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, FEBRUARY 8, 2015

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, FEBRUARY 8, 2015

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Lifestyle

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, FEBRUARY 8, 2015

By Hundal Hussain | Design by Hira Fareed Before you get caught up in those last-minute alterations to your lengha choli, we would like to remind you that the festivities of the winter shaadi season ought to be depicted not just in your clothes but your homes as well. Getting your walls repainted is simply not enough to impress all those guests who are flying in from abroad. These creative and penny-pinching ideas from the Khas lifestyle store in Lahore, however, can help you bring your interiors back to life and make your home the most talked-about thing this winter!

Back to basics – New bedding for new guests

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A fresh and fabulous set of bedding is all your guests need to ward off that jetlag. Not to mention, since the weather is still chilly, a cosy comforter is very much a necessity. Hit your local linen store and invest in a couple of new bedding sets that will complement the room your guests will be staying in. The Khas store offers a variety of sets to choose from, including plaid prints, florals and edgy, modern patterns like monochromes and red cushions to do the trick.

Mustard is a special favourite for shaadi season as it exudes fun and frolic in every way.

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Nothing blends festivity and subtlety better than traditional and timeless candelabra, placed preferably in the middle of the room. The year 2015 is all about tall candelabra, simple in design and easy to move around.

These vintage candle stands give off an elegant and luxurious feel and can be paired with pleasant-smelling scented candles to create a refreshing ambience for your guests. Keep in mind that the scent you choose conveys not just your mood but the festive spirit of the shaadi season as well.

Monochrome madness

Doctor the drawing room Contrary to popular opinion, it is the smaller items you place around a room that bring out its beauty, not the furniture or curtains, etc. Knick-knacks like vases, jars, trays and cushions available at the Khas stores will help accessorise your drawing room and give it a rush of colour. However, bear in mind that placement is everything and you must find the right spot for the right item for it to serve its purpose. Keep the accessories simple but feel free to experiment with colour. The must-have for this shaadi season is a bold and beautiful deep gold. You could also opt for grey or metallic decoration pieces and give the done-and-dusted ceramics a break. l gold amp. lic

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What is a family wedding without some drama and depth, even if it’s coming from the furniture? A monochrome theme can add a touch of mystery and modernity to a room that no other colour scheme can. Imagine a smooth, white sofa with tiny glimpses of black through the cushions or simply, some black and white art on the walls to complement it. Include a splash of red, maroon, aquamarine or gold to the theme and your room will be ready to rock the home-décor red carpet!

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Lamps are stylish, safe and can brighten up an empty corner.

Tall lamps are all the rage currently but basic, table-top ones look just as good. Regardless of design and size, trendy and eyecatching lamps never go out of style and give off a classy vibe. Scourge the local light shops and home décor outlets for unique lamp shades that will speak volumes about your aesthetic sense.

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A lamp or two – the bright idea

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Domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, FEBRUARY 8, 2015

By Arooj Waqar

These tiny, chicken-filled boxes are the ideal snack for your children and their friends

Ingredients For the filling: • Minced chicken 2 cups • Cheese 1 cup • Onion 1 • Oil 3 tbsp • Salt and pepper to taste

How to store minced meat The trouble with minced meat, be it chicken, mutton or beef, is that once it has been minced, its surface area increases, making it more vulnerable to airborne bacteria. This means that minced meat requires extra care when it comes to storage and freshness.

Although it is best to utilise all the meat as soon as possible, raw mince should be kept in the coldest part of your refrigerator or freezer to maintain its shelf-life. If you are not going to be cooking it within a few hours of purchasing, it is advisable to discard the packaging and store the meat in a deep dish, covered loosely with foil. Not only will this protect the meat, it will prevent any blood spillage and contamination of other foods. However, bear in mind that the longest mince should be stored for is two to three days in the fridge. You may also store it in the freezer for up to two months, provided that it is wrapped up tightly.

Chicken and cheese cannelloni Have some mince left over? No worries! Try out this quick and easy recipe for stuffed cannelloni. Its Italian food at the very best.

For the dough: • Yeast 2 tbsp • Flour 3 cups • Salt 2 pinches • Sugar 1 tsp • Water (lukewarm)

Ingredients: • • • • • • • • •

Method For the filling: • Sauté the onion in a large pan and add the minced chicken to it. Cook the meat for a few minutes, until it loses its water completely.

• Add salt and pepper to the mixture and turn off the flame.

• Add cheese and stir thoroughly.

For the dough: • In a large bowl, mix the yeast, flour, salt and sugar together and kneed it with lukewarm water. Cover the mixture with a wet cloth and let it sit in a warm place for an hour or so. By the end of the hour, the dough should have doubled in size.

• Kneed the dough once again and put it back in a warm place for another 30 minutes.

• Roll the dough into a rectangular shape and add the chicken filling to it.

• Once the filling is in place, roll out of the rectangle and cut the dough into tiny square boxes.

• Coat the boxes with egg on all sides and bake them until they become goldenbrown in colour.

Olive oil 1 tbsp Onion (finely chopped) 1 Garlic (crushed) 2 tsp Chicken mince 400 grams Cheese 250 grams Nutmeg 1/2 tsp Fresh lasagna sheets 4 Pasta sauce 700 grams Cheese (grated) 4 tbsp

Method • Preheat oven to 180o Celsius.

• In a medium-sized frying pan, heat some oil and fry the onions and garlic until they are soft.

• Add the chicken mince to the pan and cook it until the meat has whitened.

Once cooked, remove the mince from the pan and allow it to cool.

• Mix the ricotta cheese, nutmeg, salt and pepper (to taste) to the cooled mince and mix thoroughly.

• Cut each lasagna sheet into half and place one tablespoon of the meat in the center of the sheets.

• Roll up each sheet, making sure two sides of it are sealed securely.

• Spread some paste/tomato sauce at the bottom of a large baking dish and arrange the rolled cannelloni over it.

• Pour the remaining sauce over the cannelloni and sprinkle it with cheese.

• Bake for about 35 minutes or until the cannelloni becomes golden-brown in colour. Serve warm.

Woman of the week 8

If awards were for sale, how much would you pay for them?

Awards don’t make any difference in your life. True recognition is when people come up to you and appreciate your work.

e world A glimpse into th rhouses we po i of Pakistan What sparked your interest in the fashion industry?

I never really wanted to become a model but I was really tall, even as a teenager. I got my first modelling assignment when I was just 16!

How has the Pakistani fashion industry changed over the past years?

The fashion industry has evolved tremendously. I think the competition has become stiff and designers are coming out with better lines and concepts each year. Models also have to stay on top of their game and maintain professionalism, which is key.

What is the hardest part about working in the industry?

The hardest part is that our job is very time consuming. I hardly get any time for my family and friends.

Which designers do you believe are the most influential?

I think it’s best not to comment on that.

How would you describe your personal style?

My personal style is very casual and trendy.

Who has inspired you the most throughout your career?

My only inspiration is my mother because she is a single mom and a very strong woman.

You recently worked on the movie Zinda Bhaag alongside the legendary Naseeruddin Shah. Are your fans going to see more of you on the silver screen?

Yes, of course! I love to act and am currently working on a movie project called Driven. It is being directed

by British director Michael Hudson, almost entirely in a vintage Mercedes W126 S-Class from 1978. The rest of the team includes Kamran Faiq and Naveed Mehmood as producers, a cinematographer from Poland and sound technician from Russia too. It’s going to be great. I can’t wait for the film to hit the cinemas in late 2015.

At the press conference fo r my next movie D riven.

On holiday.

What do you have to say about the new talent in the country?

I think it’s great that we have new talent in the first place.

Any advice to young women aspiring to make it big in this field?

Stay beautiful.

With Azfar & Fa had.

A few years ago, Apple Inc. pioneered the world of mobile phone applications and revolutionised how we use our phones forever. Since then, all other industry big-weights including Apple have been competing with one another by offering as many applications to their users as possible. From social media applications like Facebook and Twitter to games, books, maps, transport and dining services, etc. – almost everyone and everything has jumped onto the mobile application bandwagon. The cellphone is no longer just a cellphone – it is a tiny, mobile computer without which we are disoriented, disconnected and utterly bored.

In the midst of it all, there are some applications that serve no practical purpose. In fact, these apps are so bizarre that one is forced to think about what the developers wanted to achieve with these apps in the first place. Check out our list for four extremely wacky apps available in the market these days.

If you’re single and tired of it, this application may be ‘the one’ you’ve been searching for! The Invisible Boyfriend app allows you to create your very own soul mate based on specific preferences. Want a brilliant and rich banker who looks like a Greek god and is as smart as a Special Forces spy? No worries! Bring your fantasies to life with your new, custom-made boyfriend, such as how you met or how you want him to propose.

Sounds tempting? Yes, but wait till you read the health warnings that come with it.

The Invisible Boyfriend

Ever wished your pet cat could talk to you? Don’t fear – the Cat Translator is here! The app allows your cat to communicate with you in a way that’s easy for you both. All you have to do is download the app onto your phone, ask the cat to speak into your phone with the app switched on and wait till the Translator analyses what it said.

A Translator for Cats

This may not be the wackiest on the list but it’s definitely the most useful.

Fake-a-Call lets you out of a boring meeting or awkward encounter by making fake calls to your phone which you can walk out to answer.

You may record an entire conversation beforehand and the app will pretend to be the caller for you.

Users can even schedule the times at which the fake call must be made as well.

Fake A Call

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any wackier, iVoodoo comes along. This application is nothing but an opportunity to channel your inner sadist! Get revenge on your arch enemy by uploading a photograph of them, placing it on the head of a digital voodoo doll and inflicting as much pain as it takes for you to feel better. Don’t be surprised if the app doesn’t work in reality. It can, however, help you pass your time and make you feel slightly better about that one Facebook friend who always shares spoiler of your favourite TV show.

iVoodoo