The Express Tribune hi five - January 12

Ms JANUARY 12, 2014

ISSUE NO. 82

Black is Back

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The Rishta Rat Race

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inside unwind —

what’s hot and happening

domestic goddess — death by chocolate

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Section In-Charge: Batool Zehra Sub-Editor: Amna Hashmi

The Hair Extraordinaire

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Ms

the buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JANUARY 12, 2014

The Ridiculous Rush for Rishtas Is obtaining a decent rishta the be all end all for girls in Pakistan?

by Nayab Najam When I was 16, all I wanted was to be married by 18 and live happily ever after. Mind you, I hail from a family where most adult couples, including my own parents, divorced soon after they were married. Nonetheless, I always assumed that my Prince Charming was somewhere out there. I imagined he would magically manifest himself upon my 18th birthday, show up before my window on a shiny white horse and we would ride off into the sunset. Yes, even at 16, I hadn’t really given up on the Disney fairytale my life would be.

Fast forward to 21 and I am about as lost as I was back then. In fact, it is even worse now except that instead of Prince Charming, it is his not-so-charming mother who keeps showing up everywhere and so it has been since the day I graduated to university. But naive as I was, I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with Psycho Rishta Aunty 1 because my mother would handle it for me. And boy, did she handle it.

I used to think that mom — who has been a single, working mother for almost a decade now — would be against young marriage, considering her own bitter experiences but much to my surprise, she too started badgering me to start searching for a potential husband, if not get married altogether. At first, I thought she must be joking. Then, I contented with the fact that she was probably just planning our future together.

But now, it has come to a point where I can practically hear her heart breaking and thoughts churning every time we hear about XYZ aunty’s mother’s brother’s daughter’s son getting engaged. And every time, she is back on with full force about why I have not found anyone yet and don’t even seem to want to. There are only so many times I can say “I am not ready yet” before our emotions get the better of us and I wonder, what is this rush for rishtas?

I am just 21!

At times, I suspect this rishta-business is

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JANUARY 12, 2014

Marriage is no longer the ultimate goal of a woman’s life — it is just a part of it. It is a choice some women make now or later or never. The important thing is that they should be given the liberty to make that choice without being coerced or blackmailed emotionally just a boasting competition for bored aunties who are secretly lamenting over their own fates and releasing their frustrations on us youngsters. If you know any aunties who have daughters of marriageable age, you will understand. “My daughter received a rishta from an army general’s son” and “Meri beti ko XYZ company ke CEO ka beta dekhne aaye thah” are chief conversation starters and almost every aunty will have a story to add to the list! I am no feminist but really, the way this conversation flows reminds me of adolescent boys boasting of their new cars.

Don’t they realise that their daughters are not commodities with expiry dates, defined by how many people want to invest in them?

Other times, I wonder if marriage is an excuse for women to interrogate a young girl and show their peers the upper hand they will have over their daughters-in-law. Perhaps I am overreacting but there seems to be no other plausible explanation for their ‘queen mother’ behaviour. Just the other night, my sister and I had to attend a wedding where we were sat on a table with a few strange aunties. What ensued was fit for a Bollywood comedy scene.

Upon our arrival, we were examined from head to toe, our faces analysed, our clothes dissected and body language scrutinised with hawk-eye precision. I can only imagine that we had cleared the initial screening because all four aunties then proceeded to cast their votes and deemed my sister appropriate for their houses.

The leader of the pact, Psycho Rishta Aunty 2, then broke the ice with a tedious and completely unnecessary description of the mansion she lived in on main Margalla Road (which happens to be one of the priciest locations in Islamabad) and her Amreeka-return son who would be joining the family medical practice next week.

Cue super awkward chuckle.

At least Pyscho Rishta Aunty 2 was candid about her interest in my sister, I will give her that. Unfortunately, aunty’s interest declined in inverse proportion to my sister’s 5 feet, 9 inch frame when she arose to get some food. If Aunty could have, I am sure she would have shrunk my sister with magic but alas, one cannot have everything. What one can have is a 4-inches shorter, similar looking younger sister who will look perfect cooking round rotis for their average-height son.

Fortunately, I managed to weasel out by lying about my relationship status but it saddened me to think of how the aunty and her trio were fishing for girls so unabashedly. It is downright cheap and demeaning. Are fancy wedding attire and voluminous blow-dries such important factors when picking a potential daughter-in-law? What about our educational backgrounds?

Our dreams and aspirations? What of our personalities and most importantly, compatibility with their sons?

Regardless, our society continues to pressurise youngsters into marriage without ever stopping to think if they are ready or not. Sara Sameer*, 22, succumbed to societal pressures and agreed to marry her husband if she was allowed to complete her college education post marriage. Unfortunately, her class schedule collided with her husband’s work timings and she was forced to drop out.

This, coupled with other familial issues, including a miscarried pregnancy, has created a great deal of resentment between the couple, just a year into their marriage.

Neither one of them is to be blamed. As Sara admits, “We were simply not ready for the responsibility of marriage yet.”

Most women I question are of the notion that an engagement or marriage affords some sort of security. A girl is considered to be set for life because she now has boy to fall back upon, who in return, is expected to shoulder her responsibilities, financially and otherwise, as a formal agreement has been made. Backing out of this

will lead to too much public propaganda and so, one must adhere to said agreement even if they don’t want to. Unfortunately, this reasoning does not sit well with me as I have personally seen men leave behind their own offspring, even after 20 years of marriage. If one’s children and future are not enough to stop them from bailing, I highly doubt if an engagement or baat pakki would be. Not to mention, why shouldn’t the girl take responsibility for herself? Is it really so necessary to rely on our male counterparts for everything from food to stepping out of the house?

Like I mentioned earlier, I am no feminist. Nor am I a loner or a deeply ambitious person who feels marriage will only create impediments in my climb up the corporate ladder. I do hope to settle down and start a family someday. But as of now, I am simply a 21-year-old college student whose sole concern should be obtaining a better GPA — not proposals! The sooner our society realises this, the better.

Don’t people realise that their daughters are not commodities with expiry dates, defined by how many people want to invest in them?

Times have changed. It may have been okay back in the yesteryears for people to get married young or without choice but that seems unlikely now. Marriage is no longer the ultimate goal of a woman’s life — it is just a part of it. It is a choice some women make now or later or never. The important thing is that they should be given the liberty to make that choice without being coerced or blackmailed emotionally.

Marriage, or the number of proposals one receives, is not a barometer for their worth as a person. What matters in the long run are a person’s education, upbringing, morals and courage to pursue their dreams and celebrate themselves, be it a boy or girl. Give your children all of that and leave the rest up to them. After all, if it is their welfare you wish for then give them control of their own future and let the chips fall where they may. I promise you, they will be much happier this way.

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en vogue

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JANUARY 12, 2014

Black with a bang

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JANUARY 12, 2014

Everlasting favourite, the all black fashion apparel is back in Mansoor Akram’s new collection of striking Western wear

Coordination: Umer Mushtaq Hair, makeup & grooming: Akef Ilyas Label: Amina Yasmeen Designer: Mansoor Akram Photography & Styling: Akef Ilyas Models: Sadaf Kanwal and Omer Shahzad

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unwind

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JANUARY 12, 2014

New Year, New Wardrobe

Do

Ms T ’s recommendations for everything that is doing the rounds across the world. Make sure you give each a shot to stay in the loop!

Get

Quiz Up Move over, Candy Crush! There is a new game that is fast becoming the rage amongst Smartphone users and what’s more, it offers some excellent learning opportunities too. Quiz Up boasts of being the world’s largest trivia game and with a total of 150,000 questions covering more than 250 topics, it certainly seems to be living up to it. Players can compete against others across the world or challenge their own friends and family in a trivia round which takes places in seven quick questions and lasts about a minute or two — the perfect format for a mobile game. Win or lose, your scores help you rank up in any category you compete in. There are other features like the discussion board and the messaging option which make Quiz Up all the more fun but the best part is that it offers learning on the go.

Whether you are on holiday at the beach, in need of a break at work or doing household chores, Quiz Up is easy and fun to play any time. Download the game to your Smartphone and unlock a world of information and trivia. Addiction guaranteed!

See

Wardrobe: Ever feel like you have nothing to wear although your closet is about to burst? Do you get up every morning, dreading the change of clothes? If this sounds like you then you probably have loads to wear but just can’t find it. Change your wardrobe outlook this new year by getting organised and throwing out what you don’t need. It will not only save you time in the mornings but also make the decision of what to wear easier. Dispose of clothes you haven’t worn in over a year, categorise the ones you wish to keep so you know what can be found where, avoid double or triple hanging your outfits and get the right types of hangers for them. We cannot stress this enough: examine your closet thoroughly to determine which type of hangers you will need most.

If you have a hoard of scarves, for example, investing in a couple of round scarf hangers could really make your wardrobe appear neater.

Same goes for all other types of clothing. The right hanger can help maintain quality and also save valuable closet space. Most importantly, however, resolve to keep your wardrobe clean throughout the year.

After all, why de-clutter at the start of the year if you don’t intend on seeing it through?

Wengenn in Wonderland

Sleep is like the Holy Grail for all new parents. We all need it but generally don’t to get enough of it thanks to the ranting and squirming little persons in our lives. But while most of us would jump into our beds the second our tots dozed off, Queenie Liao did something that earned her international acclaim: she converted her youngest son Wengenn’s naptime into a collection of captivating photographs depicting him in various scenes of magic and wonder. The freelance artist and mother of three used common household items such as stuffed toys, plain cloth and various items of clothing to create what she thinks

her baby son may be dreaming of, including flying on a magic carpet, climbing onto the moon, swinging from a tree and dining with a teddy bear. The album, entitled Wengenn in Wonderland is a compilation of 100 pictures that have received international appreciation for sheer creativity and excellent use of everyday props, so much so that we decided to share it with you. Give the album a hit on www.wengenninwonderland.com and read about what each picture depicts. They are colourful, imaginative and adorable enough to move us to tears. We promise you will love them!

domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JANUARY 12, 2014

Recipe

Chocolate Fugde Cupcakes Get your little ones involved in the kitchen before schools reopen! Try my recipe for delightful little chocolate cupcakes that are loved by everyone. They are easy to bake and won’t create a mess in your kitchen. Go ahead, call your children for a day out in the kitchen. I promise they will love it.

Arooj Waqar runs a Facebook cooking page called Mona’s Kitchen and aspires to convert her passion for cooking into a career

For the cakes:

Method For the cakes • Beat the eggs thoroughly.

• In a separate bowl, add the sugar and melted butter together and beat until it becomes a smooth paste.

• Add the beaten eggs into the mixture and add flour, baking powder and coco powder.

• Pour the batter into paper cupcake moulds and bake.

For the fudge: • Cook the cream in a frying pan and add the baking chocolate as soon as it starts to boil.

• Turn the flame off and mix the chocolate and cream well.

• Refrigerate the mixture to allow the fudge to thicken.

• After some time, beat the fudge with an electric beater until its colour lightens and it becomes foamy.

Butter 150 grams

Sugar 1 cup

Eggs 3

Baking powder 1 tsp

For the fudge:

Cream 200 ml

Baking chocolate 1 and ½ cup

Flour 1 cup

Coco powder 8 tbsp

hottie of the week 8

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JANUARY 12, 2014

Status Born

Married Karachi, Pakistan

Birthday

9th August, 1982

Face

85%

Shammal Qureshi

Body

80%

Who is he?

As the son of renowned beautician Peng Qureshi and husband to Redah Misbah of Depilex, Shammal is hardly a newcomer to the world of glitz and glamour. Born with a natural inclination toward fashion and style, Shammal has been making others look good since becoming the CEO and creative director of Toni & Guy Pakistan a few years ago and shows no signs of slowing down. His talent for hair dressing has been vouched for by the Toni & Guy international community who awarded him the Best Salon Director in London in October 2012. But there is much for to this cutie than just hair dressing: he is a closet DJ and boasts of some killer shower singing chops. Shammal is a self-confessed fun-aholic and admits he finds it hard to sit still when he is in his element — which is almost all of the time! All in all, he is a talented and action-packed individual you would not want to miss out on.

Talent

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Why we love him What truly a stands out about Shammal is that despite his crazy and vivacious demeanor, he is deeply intellectual inside. Some of his favourite places to hang out in include the Karachi beach at sunrise, when there is nothing before him but the natural scenery to marvel at. He draws inspiration from iconic people and places like these and became a hairdresser only because he loves to make things look as beautiful as they possibly can. He likes to see things in a way that no one has done before and tries to add his own unique perspective to both his work and his private life.

Just like a good, all-around family man should, Shammal holds the three most important women in his life (his mother, wife and baby girl) closest to his heart and works hard to keep them all as happy as he can possibly make them.

What you didn’t know about him Shammal loves Cantonese food.

If it wasn’t for hairdressing, Shammal would have loved to study cooking and become a chef.

His idea of the perfect holiday destination is Barcelona, where he can visit historic places of interest and also unwind on the beach.

Total Package

84%