Ms JULY 15, 2012
ISSUE NO. 4
Ready for the big day? Brides on their race to page wedded bliss What guys really think of your fashion choices
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inside Send your feedback to women@tribune.com.pk
drama mama -
domestic goddess - hottie of the week -
Who doesn’t like a Bad behaviour good rack? needn’t always come with a mitigating reason
The crooner who makes us swoon
xx xxxxx
annoying things men do
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Ms
the buzz
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 15, 2012
The bridal brouhaha o Saba Khalid
It’s not the thought of impending nuptials that terrifies brides — its the thought that Master Jee might not hand in all clothes in time
3:00 pm
“Can I call you back? I know I promised to talk — it’s just that I’m in a dress fitting right now,” says panic-stricken Amna*, who’s getting married in a month. Despite the fact that I had confirmed this interview twice over email and text, I say I’ll call her in an hour. 4:00 pm: “Listen, the kaam, the length, the colour — it’s all wrong. I have a month to the wedding. I’m having a mental breakdown,” the bride-to-be stifles a sob. “Can you give me a little bit? I’m talking to the designer right now.” I can overhear her mother screaming and I fear for what the designer may go through in the next few minutes.
5:00 pm
“Yaar, the designer just refused to make the changes; I’d rather walk naked on stage, than wear what he’s designed. I can’t believe I spent a fortune on this.” This time she hangs up on me without a goodbye. Weddings are serious business and preparing for one seems akin to navigating a minefield, with a disaster waiting to happen at every step. The run up to a wedding is often a series of minor calamities, from jora disasters to makeup mayhem. And I heard it all — almost enough to convince me at one point that simply eloping would be the best way to a happily ever after. And just then, the erratic brides would turn around and say something that would make me a believer in big weddings after all.
6:00 pm
“Can you meet me at the salon in 20 minutes?” says the now calmer Amna. I assume that the jora catastrophe has been averted and immediately agree to the meetup because I may not get an open slot before the wedding at all. She’s booked solid for the week. I get to the salon at lightning speed. It is full of girls getting dolled up for either their own weddings or for those of their close relatives. I make my way towards the bride-to be who is getting a blow dry for a pre-wedding dholki. She tells me that there are dholkis planned every day for the next month. I do the math in my head — one blow dry = Rs800, 30 blow dries = Rs24,000 — and immediately decide I’m not getting married at all! The bride herself is busy BBMing with one hand and sipping coffee with another. On her lap lies a big diary. “This has everything — from all the brainstorming I’ve done to the finalised dates, venues, appointments, menus and guest list. I call it my bridal bible,” she says. Glancing through it, I realise it has sections, sub sections and footnotes. It might as well be a bridal thesis. There is a detailed section for events, big and small, dinners and lunches; another section for clothes; and others for jewellery, darzis, food, guest lists, dances, caterers and photographers. “If I lost this, I’d be a nutcase,” she continues. I’m half a nutcase just looking at it. Hafsa*, who is getting married in three weeks and only allows me to speak to her over the phone, seems like a pretty techie bride. She has an Excel sheet on her iPad and a backup of the “Shaadi Planning Document”, as she calls it, at home on her laptop.
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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 15, 2012
6 annoying Sophie* who is getting married in two weeks says she handles things as they come. When I ask her how she remembers all the dates and details, she says “Mum knows best. I keep joking that she should wake me up a few hours in advance on the day of the wedding.” But one thing’s clear: whether it’s a diary, folder, excel sheet or mama’s good old memory, a tracking system is a must considering there are huge budgets — this is one of the single biggest expenditures a family makes in a lifetime — and multiple timelines involved in this Herculean project. While for some brides, like Amna, every little detail — from the colours of the flowers on-stage to the exact dimensions of the invite — makes a difference, others like Sophie refuse to succumb to the pressure and are perfectly content leaving the planning to family members. “It’s just a wedding,” she shrugs. “I’d actually love it if there were no annoying relatives, just me and him. But, of course, my mother won’t let me have it that way.” With Amna and Sophie having completely different bridal mantras, I turn to Hafsa for a more balanced point of view. She says that while she hates the extravagance of a typical wedding, she still thinks being involved in the process is important. “I don’t want to be a bridezilla and stress about the details but at the same time, I want it to be memorable, which means I have to be part of the preparations. Also, I don’t want my parents to stress, so I take most of the responsibility on myself.” But whether you go Amna’s perfectionist way, Hafsa’s balanced road or Sophie’s nonchalant route, at least one pre-wedding disaster is guaranteed. From the caterer cancelling the food at the last minute because of a strike to the wedding ring being stolen by the hired help, something is bound to go wrong. And how a bride deals with it depends completely on her. “The planning is chaotic and can bring out the worst in you,” says Hafsa who doesn’t mind a few hiccups along the way. “But you finally get to be the centre of attention. It’s the fulfilment of a day you’ve been dreaming of pretty much your entire life.” Amna, who is involved in every part of planning, completely disagrees. “There are just too many decisions to take and you’re constantly fretting about one thing or another. And there is never enough time.” But can time really change the outcome of a wedding and reduce the number of obstacles along the way? For this question, I get a unanimous, “No matter how much time you have, it’s never enough” from all three brides. But all of them have had at least six months to prepare. In terms of planning, they tell me that if you get anything less than six months, it’s practically impossible to get your first-choice venues, caterers, makeup artists and wedding designers as they are all booked three months in advance at the least. But even for those who have more than six months to plan and prepare, the stress and anxiety is worse if they work. “I used to work during the day and then rush to run all my wedding-related errands from 6-9:30. I’d return only when the shops closed down. And out of the two days I was off from work, I’d use my full Saturday to do all the things that required more time. I did this for six months straight. By the end of it, all the Ashiana dukandaars knew me by name and face,” says Amna. As the day loomed closer for all three brides, I got back in touch with them to find out what, in restrospect, had been the hardest part of their wedding planning. According to Amna, “Running after the darzis. I had three darzis because clothes had to be stitched not just for me, but for my sisters, cousins, khaalas and my mother and all three of the darzis have given me a lot of grief.” Sophie says that the stream of relatives that invaded her house were the hardest to deal with. “You never asked for all this hoo-haa, but they’re all in your face, and they have an opinion on everything. You can’t have a private moment with your family, something you really want as you won’t be able to see them as often anymore. At one point, there were 40 people staying at my house. There was a 2 hour wait to use the bathroom in the morning. And there were no exceptions for the bride.” But Hafsa says that regardless of the stresses, and the annoying relatives, there’s still excitement in the air. “When the day comes closer and all your friends, cousins and family are together, the anticipation is incredible. They’re all there to celebrate your big day,” she says. “When my brother surprised me and flew down a month in advance to attend, I literally cried tears of joy. It was a perfect moment,” says Amna. I manage to get the nonchalant Sophie to also open up and reveal her favourite moment. “When I signed the papers, I sighed with relief. All the disasters were behind me and they had led me to this moment, and there was nothing to keep me away from him anymore.” *Names have been changed to protect privacy.
Whether it’s a diary, folder, excel sheet or mama’s good old memory, a tracking system is a must
things men do Generally we love them, but these habits just drive us up the wall
Talking incessantly about comic books and super heroes How can anyone take flying men wearing capes and underwear on the outside seriously?
Bragging Get two men in the same room and they’ll instantly launch into a comparison war about their bank balances, people they know, cars they own, and mobile phones they carry.
Obsessing over their mother No matter how evil and conniving she may be, somehow they will only see her as Mother Teresa reincarnated.
Not tipping well When we start dating them, they smile at waiters and are overly generous with tips. But as soon as they know we’re hooked, the penny pinching starts to surface.
Obsessing over well-endowed celebs They can BS all they like about Scarlett Johansson’s acting skills, but we know that the only reason their eyes are bulging throughout the film is due to her visible assets.
The strange eating/drinking habits It’s beyond our understanding how easily men can digest one-week old pizza and down a litre of flat Coke first thing in the morning.
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Ms
drama mama
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 15, 2012
The Tooth of the Matter Hiba Masood is a stay-at-home mother to 3-year-old Beta and 7-monthold Beti. Writing about parenting affords her time away from actually doing it.
CONNECT WITH DRAMA MAMA ONLINE AT WWW. FACEBOOK.COM/ETDRAMAMAMA FOR MORE THOUGHTS ON THE CRAZY RIDE OF MOTHERHOOD
by Hiba Masood
Can I blame the weather for my impatience? My baby is almost crawling! She’s also getting etting better at standing up and playing peekaboo! o! I’m sure you’re already beside yourself with Beti’s ’s accomplishments, but hang onto your hats forr this last one: she has two teeth! She’s a bit late to the tooth game, given that she’s already nearly y nine months. Beta got his first tooth by six months ths so, clearly, we were much better parents then,, since, as everybody knows, only the children of reallyy good parents get their teeth in early. Or maybe itt was just that Beta himself was a deeply and uniquely gifted ifted child. Certainly it was at least one of those things. “Are they bothering her?” everyone wants ants to know. I’m only slightly ashamed to say it, but I have no idea. Maybe e she’s been a little fussy lately — I’m not even sure of that. Can we all agree that teething is a little overrated? I’m not saying that I wouldn’t find it very distracting and painful to have teeth poking up through my gums. I’m sure I’d drool a lot; I’m positive I’d complain. But teething seems to be the PMS of the parenting world — it gets evoked to explain everything and seems to account for all kinds of unsavoury behaviour. “Oh, is he teething?” people used to ask sweetly, when Beta was, say, going berserk in a grocery shop. “Oh no,” I’d shake my head. “He’s just a bad baby.” I was kidding — but isn’t it possible that sometimes people of any age just act poorly for no good reason? I certainly have been lately. Have you ever tried to pick a bit of shell out of a bowl of cracked eggs? You can’t. There it is, clear as day beneath the perfect transparency of whites — just stick a finger in and pluck it out! But you end up grasping after it while it slides out again and again from under your fingers. This is how I feel about my own impatience: there it is! I see it so clearly. But my efforts to evict it from my personality are frustrating and ineffective. I am left perpetually covered in some kind of metaphysical
equivalent of egg. I think what I’m tryin trying to say here is that I can be so terrible sometimes. to be more paAlmost every morning, I resolve r tient. And then I blow it. Usually by noon. Usually because my so son is doing something unthinkably unfair like l asking for another piece of toast with Nutella, or for me to read him a story, or o like, you know, just being a human being. But I’ll have been trying to focus on one of my own tasks and at the sound of his v voice I’ll suddenly feel a black inky feeling trickle tr like sweat down my spine. i It’s ’ so hard h d to describe d the effects of this impatience. It’s subtle: I feel my face pull into annoyance; I hear my edgy voice and sense the tense shift in my body language so every inch is utterly laced in the harsh garb of What’s your problem now? I can be so awkward sometimes, trying to create special moments as if I’m following the directions from a manual: we’ll light this candle in this way accompanied by this feeling; we’ll read this book together and be very poignant and picturesque. And other times, when the blessings are just washing up, unbidden, unexpected heaps on the shore of my day, I am, instead of wading in, more focused on keeping my feet dry. Instead of being the calm, smiling adult, I am behaving like the cranky infant with sore gums. How hard can it be to remember that my kids needing and wanting my attention is a blessing? Why am I feeling so irritable? I’m vowing to try and be better but for now, I think I’m just going to go ahead and blame my bad mood on the insufferable heat of these steaming summer days. Because I’m fairly certain I’m not teething.
domestic goddess 5
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 15, 2012
recipe
Roast rack of lamb with mint sauce method Prepare the meat Marinate the rack of lamb with mustard, Worcestershire sauce, one tbsp mint, half tbsp of garlic, one tbsp oil, salt and pepper. Place the lamb in a baking tray and bake at 200o C for 45 minutes or until the lamb is tender. Fry the vegetables Heat ½half tbsp oil in the frying pan. Add one tbsp onions and vegetables and sautÊ. Sprinkle salt and pepper and place the vegetables on a serving plate. Make the sauce Heat the oil in a frying pan. Add the chopped garlic and onion and cook for 10 seconds. Add chopped mint, stir and then add the brown sauce. Salt and pepper can be added according to taste. Cook for five minutes on low heat. Pour the finished sauce on the rack of lamb.
ingredients Thick brown sauce 1 cup Rack of lamb 1 kg Mustard paste 1 tbsp
Slice the meat and place over the vegetables.
Fresh chopped mint 3 tbsp
Chef Bilal Ahmad of the Chameleon at the Royal Palm Golf and Country Club prepares a hearty, satisfying meal
Worcestershire sauce 2 tbsp Chopped garlic 1 tbsp Chopped onion 1 tbsp Cooking oil 3 tbsp Salt To taste Ground black pepper 1 tbsp Carrot julienne 1 small Green capsicum julienne 1 White cabbage julienne 1/2 cup
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Ms
vs in his head
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 15, 2012
Guys
The Guru How does the verdict of fashion experts tally up against the opinion of regular guys?
the guys Reema: The shirt is very pretty, though very heavy on the embroidery. Don’t care much for the sleeves, very reminiscent of Prince in his heyday. Reema carries the shirt really well; wish she had not paired the shirt with those jeans, and those horrible shoes.
Essa Malik 28, is a graphic designer and photographer who likes all things beautiful. He is currently single.
Kiran: She’s very pretty but the dress looks like a prop from a bad Eid Musical. Neither the colours nor the cut of the dress manage to make a fashion statement. Juggan: The dress would have looked nicer if the pattern/embroidery was on a plain background as opposed to a print. There is just too much happening for anything to stand out. Also the gharara just looks off.
Reema: She looks lovely but those cuffs just bring down the outfit. Kiran: Too gaudy. It looks like she’s wearing a dupatta instead of a dress.
Ameer Hamza
Juggan: That is really a beautiful dress.
25, is an aspiring lawyer who enjoys photography in his free time.
Reema: Those things on her feet destroyed the look. Lesson 1: Do not try to imitate Lady Gaga. Lesson 2: One mistake and off you go in the bin. Kiran: I would not take my girlfriend out if she was wearing this. There’s just too much happening.
Musab Memon 25, a journalist and a teacher, who looks at the ocean for inspiration.
Juggan: Extremely ethnic — I like. Colours are refreshing and the girl can carry herself well. She is easy on the eyes.
Reema
Kiran Chaudhry
Reema: Reema is one star who has understood what her strengths and weaknesses are. Western attire, for instance, isn’t for this classic beauty. So while she pulls off the sherwani well, the jeans below look tacky as do her shoes and clutch — both take away from the grand look of the coat. One also wishes that the sherwani coat didn’t have those Victorian ruffled sleeves. But with her luminicsent skin, Reema still manages to pull it off. Kiran: This Sania Maskatiya creation, although lovely, drowns out Kiran Chaudhry’s personality and relaxed sense of style. She undoubtedly makes a great model and has therefore become a favourite with designers of late, but colours like fuschia are too bright for her generally ebullient personality to pull off. Something more rock chic would do her greater justice. Juggan: How wrong can one go with a well switched lawn jora? With her cherubic face, Juggan Kazim looks perfectly summer cool with clean make up and non fussy hair that complement the busy design on her jora. The look is simple and straightforward as the central motif on her kameez makes the style statement for her.
Juggan Kazim The Guru
Hani Taha has worked as a fashion journalist at The Express Tribune and is currently a graduate student at Syracuse University
like a boss 7
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 15, 2012
The art of female assertiveness by Madiha Khalid
Madiha Khalid is a serious HR professional who test-drives all employee motivational strategies on her two-year-old son first.
How to hold your own at work, without falling on the wrong side of ‘aggressive’
A powerful, confident and assertive woman at the top of her career is usually perceived by society as that horrifying mythical creature — the Medusa — albeit with better hair, designer heels and lipstick! And why not? Women are taught from an early age to be likeable and agreeable, traits which actually give young women a serious disadvantage at work. When it comes to decision-making and negotiations, men don’t mind being displeasing, unlikable or pushy. But if women dare go the same route, they are labelled ‘witches’, ‘ice-queens’, ‘she-mans’ or ‘drama queens’. So for a woman it is essential to walk the career rope without falling on the shameful side of ‘submissiveness’ or the ugly side of ‘aggressiveness’. The middle road is — assertiveness. Whether you’re asking for a raise, a promotion, particular projects, time off or discussing appraisals, assertiveness is a trait that can come handy everywhere. In other words, it’s a storm that every working woman has to weather. But without it, it’s impossible to remain true to your profession, career and capabilities.
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You’re not office scenery! Although it’s easy just to blend in with the office furniture, it’s absolutely integral that you stand out. When you don’t understand something fully, don’t feel stupid about asking for clarifications. Asking questions shows that you’re smart — and confident about your intelligence. The thing to remember with asking questions is that you don’t want to structure them apologetically or start by “I’m sorry but ...” or “I hate to ask but...” Another way to make sure that you are on the same page with the speaker is by summarising what has been said, e.g. “If I understand you correctly, you mean…”
Get your body on board When you’re dishing out the ‘No’, it loses half its value when done meekly with hunched shoulders, while you’re staring at your feet and your head is bobbing up and down. 93 percent of all communication is non-verbal. So your eye contact, posture, voice and facial expressions should tell the same story. This might be the most difficult step to master, but the good thing is it can easily be faked. Start with maintaining eye contact with the speaker, whether it is a one-on-one discussion or a meeting. Use the space around you, spread your elbows, relax your shoulders and resist the urge to smile unnecessarily — a neutral expression fares best.
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Dare to disagree Whenever you disagree with a decision or feel marginalised or treated unfairly, SPEAK UP! Doing that in front of upper management can be scary because it might make you feel vulnerable. By not speaking up at the right time you bottle up your feelings about an issue, and end up resentful, victimised and anxious. Practise the ability to say ‘no’ more often. Start with something small like declining a lunch invitation or refusing to drop that colleague who lives on the other side of town home.
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Know you’re a star! A positive attitude goes a long way — when you truly appreciate your strengths and know your weaknesses, you automatically create a superhuman shield around you, a protective exterior that cannot be broken by difficult circumstances or negative people. It starts from paying attention to looking good, thinking positively, feeling like a superstar and walking in a way that will make people sit up and take notice! The easiest way is to surround yourself with people who make you feel good about your capabilities, and to slowly cut off all negative influences in your life. Place Rs5 in a jar every time you have a negative belief creeping up on you.
Do it over and over again When you learn to walk, you keep at it even when you fall over and over again. Don’t restrict assertiveness to the workplace; take it home and practice it in everyday life. If you didn’t like your meal, tell the restaurant manager. If you’re annoyed by talkative strangers at the cinema, politely tell them to hush up. If you’re being pushed into buying something, learn to refuse it even if the salesman is extremely charming. Because the only person who will stand up for you, is you!
word to the wise
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After you have mastered the above, don’t forget that it is all about balance and being assertive is not the same as being a witch. In your ‘journey to assertiveness’, remember that manners, politeness, respect and listening are part and parcel of being a confident woman!
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 15, 2012
hottie of the week 8 Status Single Born Pakistan Birthday
Face
75%
October 4, 1986
Who is he? We first took notice of singer, songwriter and guitar player Bilal Khan on the stage of “Coke Studio” Season Four. He was unbelievably talented, undeniably gorgeous and absolutely unaware of both of these qualities. As he sang the lyrics to “Tou Kia Hua”, he seemed introverted, heartbroken and relatable. We wanted to kill the girl who had caused him so much pain. But ever since then, he’s more than just realised his worth and has been cashing in on his good looks and talent. Now he’s busy touring the world, being a brand ambassador for Levis and recording songs for popular dramas.
Why we love him
Body
65%
Talent
100%
While he was still studying at LUMS, this hottie would sit underneath a particular tree on campus and pen lyrics and play the guitar for hours. We can only imagine what that would do to the hearts of all girls at LUMS — aren’t we all absolute suckers for a man who can serenade us?
Total Package
What you might not know
80%
He bought his first guitar when he was still studying for his ‘O’ levels and taught himself the instrument with the help of the internet. Besides his passion for music, he enjoys drawing comic strips and has an interest in graphic designing.
Bilal Khan