The Express Tribune hi five - July 22

Ms JULY 22, 2012

ISSUE NO. 5

Will you ditch your maiden name for your married one? page Beat summer blues with bright hues

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Send your feedback to women@tribune.com.pk

inside domestic goddess Soup’s on!

unwind what to read, see and hear this week

hottie of the week Osman Khalid Butt

friends every girl must have

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Ms

the buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 22, 2012

In the name o Two Pakistani women recount

by Samia Malik

A

day after I signed my nikah papers, I happily texted my family and friends that I was now Samia Malik. The response was, to say the least, unexpectedl! I hadn’t even made it official, but panic-stricken friends already started scolding me, “Are you out of your mind?” Relatives told me not to sacrifice my identity while others interrogated whether my husband was a “male chauvinist” and was forcing this change on me.

I just couldn’t understand this exaggerated response — aren’t Pakistanis known to be inclined towards a patriarchal status quo? Unsure of how to deal with this situation, I asked my husband what he thought. He casually told me, “It will be nice if you change your name, but I leave it up to you.” Although I understood what he meant and appreciated the liberty he gave me, ironically, it also meant that I would solely be responsible for the decision and its consequences.

Before I knew it, everyone around me was offering me their two cents on this subject. A close relative with a religious background decreed that it was not prescribed in Islam: “The Quran and Sunnah preach that a married woman should keep her father’s name as an indication of her lineage. Surely, if changing your name was a good thing, the wives of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) would have done so and would have been instructed by him as well.”

A family friend was also quick to push her thoughts to my mother. “What happens if God forbid she gets separated, or something happens to her husband and she has to marry another man? Will she keep changing her surname every time she marries?” she said. I doubted that the name change would be the most pressing issue on my mind were I to undergo such unfavorable situations with the rapidity that she suggested.

A friend of mine with progressive views mused, “Why do men get to keep their father’s name and not women? It just doesn’t make any sense!”

I weighed people’s warnings, my own reasoning and what my husband wanted.

But I still couldn’t make my up my mind.

I discussed the option of adding my husband’s family name after my father’s name (Samia Saleem-Malik) just like Angelina Jolie had done for Brad Pitt. But my husband, who is a die-hard cricket fan, hated the idea of identifying me as Samia Saleem-Malik. It reminded him too much of the cricketer ‘Saleem Malik’. And considering Malik had been accused of spot-fixing in his cricketing career, I didn’t want

myself associated with it. Two surnames posed a problem professionally as well. Given my newspaper’s policy of taking a by-line of only two names, his name would still not be identified in my published name.

During all this contemplation, I also saw some reason in the arguments against my name change. I am a working woman and a journalist, my articles are published with a particular by-line; changing my by-line would mean that people may stop attributing my work to me. Still, I reasoned, it wasn’t like I would lose my identity completely. I also thought that if a majority of women change their name after marriage, my name change should also not be such a big deal, personally or professionally.

So I finally went for the change — I wanted to know what the difference was!

Making that declaration to my possessive parents and skeptical friends was no less than dropping a bombshell on them. And my younger brother — he still doesn’t like the sound of it.

In the end, I found out that, although Pakistani men don’t force you into changing your name, they certainly feel ‘good’ if you take their name. My husband is happy and likes that sense of belonging.

At the end of the day, what won me over was the thought of a complete family unit. If I’m married to someone, I would like for both of us to have the same last name, along with our children. So we all feel like one big family.

And professionally, it didn’t end up being such a barrier, people eventually got to know me by my new name — Samia Malik!

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 22, 2012

of marriage their journey from Miss to Mrs

by Sarah Rehan

I

t was one of the most important days of my life: my nikah was solemnised at a mosque, I signed the papers, murmured qabool hay, qabool hay, qabool hay, and as the proceedings were securely sealed, I heard everyone wish me ‘mubarak’.

As the realisation of my new status slowly dawned on me, I heard someone say “Mrs Rehan”. It was my Nano smiling and calling out to me by my new name. Mrs Rehan — that sounded so awkward and aunty-like — as if she were addressing one of her own friends! I lightly objected but secretly enjoyed being associated in that way with my husband.

Now I was Mrs Rehan.

Within a few days of married life, I wanted to make the name change official. First off, I visited the NADRA office to update my name, address and marital status on the most official document — the National Identity Card. As I waited in queue, I heard someone call out “Sarah Rehan”.

It took me a minute to realise that they were calling me; it felt strange and different. That was the moment I realised I was renouncing the name that I had signed across at so many places all my life, the name that I had been born with. I clumsily signed ‘Sarah Rehan’ on a piece of paper. Then, I quickly practiced the new signature a few times and submitted the sample.

But the name change was not just a sentimental process; updating and revising important documents like driving license, club membership cards, bank credit/debit cards, and academic/professional certificates was a tedious and time-consuming process on its own. It was also a testing transition for me as a wife, already undergoing a host of changes.

Some women continue to stick to their maiden names after marriage to maintain their academic, professional and social identity as it existed prior to their marriage. My husband supported whatever name choice made me feel more comfortable.

However, the charm of being attached to a new person and a new name — after bearing the name of the family that raised me — is warm and unique. I knew what I wanted. I welcomed the name change.

I used to wonder why people said that a new life starts after one gets married — I have now experienced the feeling. It is a new name, a new family — a new existence altogether. Among the tirade of tricky transitions that happen from ‘single’ to ‘married’, the name change is a small but significant transition. I moved to a new city, a new home and got blessed with new parents. My surroundings changed altogether and the change was not just that alone, I was now sharing my life with someone. Amidst these changes, I would have felt incomplete had I not associated with my husband fully by adopting his name. This change signifies the unity of the bond that I share with him. It gives me the strength of a companion who stands with me every moment. It reflects the newness that I have undergone with the marriage. Now we are collectively addressed as Mr and Mrs Rehan. My new name makes me feel securely attached to my life partner — and that is a great feeling to cherish and treasure!

5 friends

every girl must have The gossip friend Having a gossip friend is like watching E! without the repeated advertisements about the Kardashians.

Before you can even ask her, “What’s going on”, she will update you on everything from who is doing whom to who broke up with whom.

Heartbreak healer Whether you’ve been passed over for a promotion or had your heart stomped by a heartless pig, this friend knows exactly when to go easy on you and when to lay on the tough love. She will always be there with tissues and advice on hand to get you back on track.

Wild child From convincing you to sneak out to watch a movie to secretly teaching you how to drive her car, this friend always knows how to get your wild side out.

The old friend From playing Barbies with you at age five to age 15 when you both decided to shape your bushy eyebrows with a razor, to age 25 when you decided to take a crazy vacation together; she’s been with you through it all.

The shopaholic Shopping is serious business and this friend knows exactly how serious.

She’s willing to spend countless hours in Sunday Bazaar rummaging through everything under the hot scorching sun to hours window shopping with you at the Mall.

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Ms

in vogue

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 22, 2012

A potpou of colou

Asghar’s vibrant, summery colle retailed at Brands Just Pret in

Coordination: Umer Mushtaq Hair and Make up: Sana Ansar Designer: Vasim Asghar Photography and Styling: Um Model: Huma Khan

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 22, 2012

urri urs

ection is being Dolmen Mall

ri @sabs

mair Bin Nasir

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Ms

domestic goddess recipe

Tomato soup with fresh basil

method

Combine onions and carrots in a saucepan with a quarter cup of the chicken stock.

Stir constantly over heat until onions become soft.

Then, add fresh Basil.

Add Tomatoes and cover the pan and let it simmer for five minutes.

Add the remaining stock and let it simmer for 15 minutes.

Blend or process the tomato mixture until it is smooth, stir in the Tomato paste in the pan, sprinkle it with Chives.

Add salt to taste.

Chef Bilal Ahmad of the Chameleon at the Royal Palm Golf and Country Club prepares a hearty, satisfying meal.

ingredients Fresh basil chopped 2 tbsp Onion chopped 120 gm Carrot chopped 100 gm Peeled tomatoes 500 gm Chicken stock 3 cup Fresh chives chopped 1 tbsp Tomato paste 2 tbsp

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 22, 2012

unwind 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 22, 2012

by Hamna Zubair

Hamna Zubair is a freelance journalist and poetry major who frets over the inexactness of 15-word bios. Nevertheless, you can follow her on twitter @hamnazubair

Taken out of context, the statement ‘all women are bunnies’ is a little jarring. Put the quote in Gloria Steinem’s mouth, however, and things rapidly begin to make sense. I was tempted to explain Stienem’s remark at a dinner with friends recently but restrained myself in order to make the point here — because ‘I was a Playboy Bunny,’ Gloria Steinem’s controversial 1963 expose of the inner workings of a Playboy club, should definitely be on your reading list.

I was a Playboy Bunny by Gloria Steinem

One of the many reasons you should read it is that it blew the lid off sections of New York’s swinging nightlife, revealing a dodgy underbelly most would rather ignore. We all know Stienem as a prominent feminist, activist and journalist and as it often is with leaders in a particular field, she appears just a teeny bit inaccessible. You may get the sense that this isn’t exactly light weekend reading, but wait — I was a Playboy Bunny, is the opposite of a daunting, theory-ridden feminist tome. It is a detailed, lively and incredibly objective description of the days that Stienem spent working ‘undercover’ at a New York Playboy Club, and it won’t bore you for a second.

Of course it’s important to revisit this article or read it afresh in the context of our current nostalgia for the glamorous, carefree existence in the 1960’s both abroad and in Pakistan that we see depicted in photographs, film and fiction. ‘I was a Playboy Bunny is, after all, another reminder of how far we’ve come. Fifty years on, it seems unthinkable that a young woman should have to submit to a physical examination for a simple waitressing job, for example. That said, aside from the obvious questions the article obliquely raises about working conditions for women in the 1960’s, I was a Playboy Bunny is utterly hilarious. Steinem’s account of how she is measured for and then squeezed into a tight, bright blue satin Bunny bodice shouldn’t be missed. Where else would you find a detailed list of exactly what ‘stuffing’ material pumps up the bosom of a Bunny costume — a list that includes discarded bunny tails, silk scarves, gym socks and Kotex?

A PDF of this article is available online at www.gloriastienem.com, (http://www.gloriastienem.com)

How to switch on a generator

Shehr e Zaat

“Shehr e Zaat” is one of Hum TV’s latest drama serials starring actor Mahira Khan. Kudos to Khan for jumping headfirst into a new venture while the afterglow of “Humsafar” still shimmers gently in lounges across Pakistan. Now, I had my problems with ‘Humsafar’.

Sometimes it made me angry — like when Khirad waited morosely for Ashar to come home from work like a ‘good’ self-sacrificing Pakistani wife rather than going out and having a good time with her new buddies from Szabist.

Sometimes it just confused me and creeped me out, like when Ashar and Khirad’s daughter kept referring to herself in the third person in the manner of the possessed, or Queen Elizabeth. Despite all this, “Humsafar” was a wellacted, well-shot, moving drama that managed to ensnare millions, so naturally I’m itching to see whether “Shehr e Zaat” will be a similar hit. To be honest, I didn’t understand the trailer at all so I’m unable to tell you, in a nutshell, what I think this play is about (if anyone out there did make sense of the trailer, please enlighten me). The first episode seemed promising though, with Khan playing a devil-maycare, rather self-centered young art student named Falak.

For me, the high point of the episode was a funny and startlingly realistic ‘rishta scene’ that ended with Falak telling her mother that she couldn’t consider being with the proposed boy because he had a ‘cheap’ Pakistani song as his mobile ringtone. Any drama that picks up on these amusing yet hugely telling attitudes and biases is ok by me. I’m more interested, though, in seeing where this will go and so reserve my judgment for the present. I’m going to watch this show because I want to know whether it will have Falak give up her art and find happiness in wifedom and motherhood or grow into her interests and become a balanced human being. For me, success hinges on the latter, but I’m hoping to be entertained nevertheless — hopefully I’ll have to endure fewer crying scenes watching “Shehr e zaat” compared to “Humsafar”.

This is an essential skill for those who are lucky enough to have one at home. Yes it’s a noisy process, and when I had to crawl into a tiny corrugated metal ‘generator shed’ to switch mine on I did so with great trepidation. But these are small pains compared to the indignity of sitting around in the dark despite the presence of that generator simply because you’re home alone and don’t know how to work the thing. I’m no expert but you usually press the ‘on’ button, make sure the gas/petrol switch is flipped, crank the thing to life and then switch your electricity at the mains. Frequent loadshedding these days will give you lots of practice and then you can spread the word, because being a damsel in distress is so over — competence is so much more satisfying, wouldn’t you agree?

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 22, 2012

hottie of the week 8 Status Actor, writer, comedian Born Pakistan Birthday

Face

90%

February 9, 1986

Who is he?

Who needs messy-haired, vacant-eyed Robert Pattinson, when we’ve got a cuter version of him (with a killer sense of humour) right here in Pakistan? He’s pale enough to be a vampire, talented enough to set fire on stage and funny enough to get thousands of comments and likes on his vlog.

Body

65%

Why we’re crushing on him He may just be in his mid-twenties but this hottie has already formed his own company The Living Picture Productions and has been busy directing, producing, choreographing and acting under its banner. Just recently, he played the role of Hasnat for the Pakistanised version of ‘Taming of the Shrew’ which was presented in London as part of the World Shakespeare Festival. As expected, he received raving reviews from The Guardian — it definitely seems like Osman has global appeal!

We also saw him in an Omore advertisement where he poked fun at Sahir Lodhi — who is practically everyone’s favourite punching bag these days! But everything aside, it’s his photo shoot for Republic by Omar Farooq — where we see him showing off his sumptuous self — that makes us girls skip more than a few heartbeats!

Why he’s a keeper

Talent

100%

Total Package

85%

Even if our world is completely falling apart, we know Osman is the kind of guy who can make us laugh with one of his classic oneliners, a Rihanna remix or better yet, a Meera impersonation.

Osman Khalid Butt