Ms JULY 6, 2014
ISSUE NO. 107
Ethnic Pride
4
page
Vatta Satta: A Marriage of Convenience?
2
page
inside lifestyle —
Ramzan travel guide
domestic goddess —
Parathay with a twist
8
page
Section In-Charge: Sarah Munir Sub-Editor: Amna Hashmi
The dynamic Nusrat Jamil
2
Ms
the buzz
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 6, 2014
The Vatta Satta Way: by Unaiza Tariq
A Bride For A Bride?
When Parveen Bibi of Chiniot – a small village in rural Punjab – first learnt of her impending marriage, she wasn’t worried. She had no brothers, younger or older, for whom she could be bartered and hence, the chances of a vatta satta were minimal, despite it being one of the chief traditions of her region. Much to her dismay, the lack of a male sibling didn’t deter her family. “I was married off in vatta of my mamoo,” she shares. “I got a husband, he got a wife. This is the way marriages take place amongst our people in the village. Receiving a bride in exchange for a bride is a pre-requisite without which there can be no marriage at all!” Unfortunately, Parveen is but one amongst countless other women who suffer a similar fate at the hands of their families — the male patriarchs in particular. Vatta satta is best defined as the exchange of brides between two families, be it for a pair of siblings, cousins or any other familial ties that can exist between a male and female. Herein, the daughter of one house is offered in return for a daughter of another, regardless of whether they agree to the marriage or not. In Pakistan, about 75% of these marriages are amongst blood relatives and 90% occur within the same village or community, often leading to problems associated with intermarriage and consanguinity. Although marriage as an institution remains highly venerated in Pakistan, vatta satta is coupled with an underlying, mutual threat of retaliation from the two families involved. It can be regarded somewhat as a mechanism for coordinating the agendas of both families, each wishing to restrain the son-in-law. “Vatta satta affords a certain security,” explains Parveen. “If one family mistreats their daughter-in-law, the other can retaliate by doing the same. The security lies in the idea that fear of revenge might discourage either side from causing any harm to the women.” But while this false sense of security may be the main proponent of the practice, in reality, vatta satta marriages seem to cause more trouble and discord within the family unit than a normal one. “I believe the problem arises because in vatta satta, there are too many people who automatically get involved,” explains domestic-worker Anisa Shahid who was briefly engaged to her cousin in a similar set-up. “In a normal marriage, the two families that matter are the bride and groom’s. In vatta satta, the entire khandaan becomes involved! My mamoo
It was extremely demeaning for me to not only have no say in who I am to spend my life with but also be a part of a trade-off just so my brother could find a wife Domestic worker, Anisa Shahid pressurised my mother to promise me to my khala’s son so that my younger brother could get married to her daughter. A lot of interlinked problems ensued which thankfully, lead to both engagements getting annulled.” It can be argued that the nature of the custom seeks a balance between two marriages which many consider impossible. “Everyone is different and so are their relationships,” states Parveen. “No two marriages can be the same. During my marriage, there have been many times when I was happy but my mamoo was not. I was forced to leave my home every time he fought with his wife.” Parveen sheds more light on her tragic experiences by confessing that her relationship with her husband was mostly problematic. “You see, my mamoo could support his family financially but my husband could not. I had no choice but to become the sole breadwinner for my children while my mumaani relaxed at home. You could say I really got the bad end of the deal.” According to social worker Mrs Siddiqui, who works with estranged and divorced women in rural Pakistan regularly, the domino effect of one bad marriage is the greatest disadvantage of vatta satta. “Even if one of the couples is happy, the in-laws pressurise the husband to
3
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 6, 2014
An inside look at bride exchanges and what they mean for women’s welfare in Pakistan
mistreat or leave his wife,” she explains. “The poor husband has no choice but to listen to his family and in this way, not just one but two marriages are disrupted for no reason whatsoever.” Mrs Siddiqui also feels that entire concept of a bride exchange reinforces child marriages within society as many parents feel obligated to trade off their younger offspring should there not be other suitable options for older people. “When there is no appropriate match, a young girl may be married off to an old man or a boy to an older woman,” she says. Age bears little importance here so long as the elder person finds a spouse. Such was the case of 12-year-old Gulmeena who has recently been in the news on account of surviving a murder attempt for fleeing her abusive, 60-year-old husband. As consequence, marital disharmony due to domestic abuse and estrangement is significantly higher in vatta satta marriages as opposed to conventional ones. On the other hand, the wife’s mental and physical health is inversely proportional as many suffer chronic depression and frustration due to their fate. “During the time I was engaged to my cousin, his mother and my mother, who are sisters, began to fight a lot,” confesses Anisa. “He blamed me for it and called me a home-wrecker. I was not only stuck in an engagement I didn’t want but also caught amidst family drama, depressed and desperate for a way out.” It must be noted that while vatta satta is most common to the lower-income brackets of interior Paksitan, where education and women’s rights are minimal, a few instances of the practice can be found amongst the relatively privileged as well. Zainab Pasha, a young bride raised and educated in Islamabad was recently betrothed in vatta of a relative from Mirpur Khas. Upon marriage, Zainab was forced to leave the comforts of her home and move to the village which has caused her a great deal of mental turmoil. “Finances really affect the efficiency of any marriage, be it vatta satta or not,” she says. “My bhabi is leading my old, luxurious life in Islamabad while I am stuck here. I can’t help but lament over my lost life; I was much happier then.” What is worst is that the prevalence of vatta satta hints at the lack of freedom and respect women hold in Pakistan and how they are regarded as mere commodities to be exchanged for male gratification. In our patriarchal society, standing up for one’s rights can often be a death
sentence and fear discourages many women to accept their predicaments without fighting. “It was extremely demeaning for me to not only have no say in who I am to spend my life with but also be a part of a trade-off just so my brother could find a wife,” admits Anisa. “I would wonder if I wasn’t good enough to command more respect? Was I not my parents’ child as much as my brother? But I was too scared to voice these concerns.”
Marital disharmony due to domestic abuse and estrangement is significantly higher in vatta satta marriages as opposed to conventional ones Fortunately, society seems to be moving away from the practice due to the notorious reputation it has acquired. “Our younger generations are strictly against vatta satta and unafraid to stand up for it,” says Parveen. “In Chiniot, the number of vatta satta marriages is decreasing with every generation.” She attributes this change in attitude to awareness and the rise of the media, especially television serials depicting stories of victims that serve as learning opportunities for youngsters. And Anisa agrees. “There have been some serials and documentaries focused around various social issues and the problems they entail,” she says. “I think the media should be commended for bringing them on to the table and trying to devise a solution.” Additionally, as more and more people migrate from the rural areas to urban metropolises, their ideologies are challenged and expanded, encouraging them to deviate from unpleasant practices like vatta satta. This coupled with the increasing education can create awareness that could help safeguard the interest of women across the country. As Anisa puts it, “Awareness is key and the more aware we become, the less of a problem vatta satta will be.”
4
Ms
en vogue
Ethnic Fusion East meets West in Maria B’s latest pret collection
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 6, 2014
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 6, 2014
5 Brand: MARIA B Collection: Ladakh Connection Make-up/Styling: Hussain Location: Lahore Photography: Muhammad Azam Model: Rubab Ali
6
Ms
fashion smashion
Don’t let your fast slow you down!
by Tehmina Khan Summer is here and everyone is looking for a reason to pack up and jet off to a relaxing holiday with friends and family. Unfortunately, when vacations, travels and the month of Ramzan collide — as they did this year — a trip automatically requires an extra bit of planning before you make your way out. With the intense heat and at least 15-hour long fasts, it can be hard to fully enjoy your time abroad and rake in as many sights and activities as you would want. Nonetheless, here are some quick and easy tips to make your Ramzan travels as fulfilling as any other. No matter where you are headed, they will keep you organised, energised and satisfied during your fasts. Plan everything in advance It goes without saying that any trip, be it domestic or international, by air or by road, is only as good as the planning even if it’s not during Ramadan. If you are travelling and wish to make it worthwhile then always book your accommodations, tours and transportation in advance. This is especially important during Ramzan wherein one needs to account for sehri, iftaari, taraveeh and other necessary activities. Travel applications, websites and agencies allow you to manage all bookings prior to your departure, making travelling during Ramzan completely hassle-free. Therefore, do your research and formulate your itinerary in accordance with the local Ramzan schedules to avoid any complications. Pre-pack your meals Unfortunately, no matter how thoroughly you plan, there is always room for a minor hiccup. If you are travelling during Ramadan, the smallest complication, such as your transport not arriving on time can cause you to miss your next tour, prayer or meal. Therefore, it is advisable to pre-pack a light snack before you leave your accomodation, such as a couple of dates, some dry fruits and bottled juice or water. These will not only give you energy but are also easy to carry and can keep you covered in case there are no shops or
halal restaurants nearby. Make use of technology If you are travelling to a foreign country and unsure of local meal/prayer timings and locations of mosques, etc, download mobile applications that will keep you updated. These can be downloaded directly to your mobiles and sync themselves to the destination where you are at, providing real time information at the blink of an eye. Keep in mind that some countries may discourage public observations of religious rituals and so, it is best to determine possible places of worship beforehand. Remember to have your international phone services activated prior to departure as not every place you visit will offer wi-fi services. Fasting in air Keeping a fast on the day of your flight can be a daunting task, especially if your journey includes long stop-overs and multiple time zones. When does one start or break their flying across the world? Although fasting during travel isn’t obligatory, many people prefer not to skip their fasts in order to maintain their routine. Under such circumstances, the general consensus is that a fasting person may break their fast upon nightfall. If the sun is still visible in the sky outside, even though a nearby city may have reached Iftaar time, one must still wait until nightfall to open their fast. Respect local customs If you happen to be travelling to another Muslim state, always make sure that you dress accordingly, even if you are not fasting. Locals during the month of Ramzan may easily get offended by immodest dressing or other public activities that are not permitted during the month. It is always great to research local customs, traditions and preferences on travel blogs and websites beforehand. Locals tend to show greater respect to tourists that respect their customs. If you are not fasting, avoid eating, drinking, and even smoking, etc, in public before sunset to avoid offending others.
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 6, 2014
domestic goddess 7
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 6, 2014
Recipe
Double-decker Parathay Love a heavy breakfast? Revitalise your sehri with this recipe for double-decker parathay, filled with meat, cheese and vegetables to get you through your fast.
tHuba Akbar is currently pursuing a Bachelors degree in Mass Communication and Journalism. In her free time, she likes to write, design clothes and cook.
For the dough:
Method • Prepare the dough by mixing the flour, oil, salt and sugar with sufficient water and knead it into smooth dough. Set it aside for about 10 minutes. • Divide the dough in equal portions and roll each portion into a thin round of about 7-inches. • Place one uncooked round of dough on a flat surface and spread the chicken and vegetables on it. This will form the first layer of the paratha. Cover this layer with another round of dough and spread the cheese and corn filling over it. Repeat the process a third time and seal the edges with clarified butter and egg white. • Cook both sides of the paratha with olive oil on low flame until it becomes lightly crisp. • Cut the paratha into small wedges and serve hot.
Wheat flour 2 cups
Refined flour 2 cups
Salt 1/2 tsp
Sugar 1 tsp
Oil 2 tbsp
Clarified butter (for frying)
Lukewarm water
Chicken tikka (shredded) 1 cup
Mozzarella cheese 1 cup
Onion (chopped) 4 tbsp
Coriander leaves Green chillies (chopped) 3 – 4 1 tbsp
Red pepper (crushed) ½ tsp
Coriander leaves Green chillies (chopped) 2 -3 2 tbsp
For the filling: First Layer:
Second Layer: Cottage cheese Sweet corn ½ cup (grated) 1 cup
woman of the week 8
THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JULY 6, 2014
e M in nd ka ac bl . te hi w With my da ughter.
Diaries
houses kistani power e world of Pa th to in e ps A glim
JJ an dIa t ou r vali ma.
ntrepreneur Journalist/E