The Express Tribune hi five - June 21

Ms JUNE 21, 2015

ISSUE NO. 157

Are women born to be mothers?

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Ramazan weight watch

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inside En vogue— Eid must-haves

Domestic goddess—

Chunky caramel dessert drink

Section In-Charge: Dilaira Dubash Sub-Editors: Amna Hashmi Nisma Chauhan Designer: Umar Waqas Feedback: women@tribune.com.pk

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The talented Redah Misbah

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The buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 21, 2015

By Farahnaz Zahidi

I’d rather not be a mother than be a bad one,” claims 28-year-old Zainab Imam, highlighting a rather common tilt among the affluent and educated women of Pakistan. In a time where ‘making informed decisions’ is a definite requirement for every crossroad in life, an increasing number of Pakistani women like Imam are redefining gender roles and questioning whether they are ready for marriage, let alone a family. “I don’t want children because I will not have the time to be a good mother,” adds Imam.

This change is not just specific to Pakistan. Across the border, India shares a somewhat similar social landscape. Twenty-six-year-old journalist Indrani Basu echoes Imam’s concerns. Even though Basu is fond of babies, she is reluctant to undergo the physical experience of producing one. “I don’t mind doing everything else, whether it is staying up, changing diapers, potty training, massaging and bathing, etc,” says Basu. “I guess I don’t mind being the dad!”

Keeping women like Imam and Basu in consideration, a pertinent question comes to mind: is intellectual stimulus and empowerment stifling the maternal instinct in today’s women? Or is it that they are simply unwilling to take on the responsibility that comes with motherhood because they are more aware of it?

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 21, 2015

We often hear people say that women are born to be mothers but whether the maternal instinct is something we are born with or acquire still remains debatable. Renowned psychologist Dr Nasim Mughal feels that women are indeed born with the instinct to nurture. “It’s a biological and genetic template; like an inbuilt disposition within women that interacts with the environment,” she explains. Dr Mughal further adds that nurturing is largely the outcome of socialisation an individual goes through which ultimately determines their characteristics.

“Healthy, grounded socialisation helps actualise innate human abilities while dysfunctional experiences tear down the basic fabric of who we are.”

In the case of housewife Sameena Bibi*, dysfunctional conditioning appears to have made her dislike motherhood. Hailing from a rural village in Multan, Bibi’s family believes that a woman’s worth comes from producing children although Bibi herself feels differently. “I am currently expecting my first child but feel no love towards it as I never wanted to be a mother,” she admits. Bibi’s predicament can be attributed to her experience of witnessing her mother being abused during pregnancy and after delivering a daughter. The lack of love received from her father has caused Bibi to believe she will fail as a parent as well. Despite this, Dr Mughal reiterates that the need to have children is present in all humans. “It is the glue that bonds two people together, providing them with a common purpose.”

At the other end of the spectrum is psychotherapist Asma Pal who feels that the reasoning behind maternal instincts is not a simple one. “It is more a learnt behaviour than an instinct.

Others may disagree but I think bonding begins once the baby is born,” says Dr Pal. She also shares the story of her gynecologist telling her that the reason women feel nauseous in the early stages of pregnancy is because the embryo attaches itself to the uterus but the body rejects it. “It is the natural reaction of the human body to fight outside influences. While the validity of this statement needs to be checked, it makes sense to me,” says Dr Pal. Interestingly, some women find it difficult to bond with their baby even after birth. “I was expecting to fall in love immediately with them at birth but I just didn’t feel much,” says 34-year-old Ayesha Zubair. “I breastfed both of them as my mother pressured me to. But I hated doing it and sort of felt trapped with the kids,” confesses Zubair, adding that it took close to four to six months for the maternal instinct to kick in. Therapist Shazia Khan says that this could have been a case of perinatal or postnatal depression, something most mothers don’t recognise. “My interest as a psychotherapist is more towards what are we doing for women who are expecting but are simply not aware of these disorders,” states Khan.

Cultural experts feel that in many progressive setups, the social pressure on women to bear children has decreased considerably and what was once considered necessary for a woman’s social survival is now seen as an individual choice.

However, such a mindset is rare, especially in our part of the world where women are often regarded as mere vessels for childbirth. Many young women like Imam are still subjected to intense coercion to reproduce. “Not a single day passes by without someone reminding me that the proverbial biological clock is ticking away,” says Imam. Yet, the pressure isn’t enough to make her jump into motherhood without careful deliberation. “It still doesn’t change the fact that I continue to be undecided about whether I want to have children or not,” she says. For Imam, it isn’t about being too career-oriented or intelligent but instead, being a responsible parent. Imam, in fact, likes the idea of being a mother and would be perfectly happy to take a break from work to give her child full attention. She is simply unsure about when to resign.

One can’t deny the fact that today’s progressive women are under a lot of pressure. They have to acquire sound education, have a thriving career, build a good life with a compatible partner, raise children, socialise and also maintain themselves, physically and emotionally.

As a result, motherhood in this list of priorities may be sliding down a rung or two. Mother of two Zainab Kamran still feels unsure. “It’s too complicated for me, I am still figuring it out,” she says. Raising two girls, just 11 months apart, and trying to balance that with everything else makes Kamran feel like her life is too mechanical to be classified as the love of a mother.

“Perhaps this is love? Maybe. I don’t know.” *Name has been changed to protect privacy.

Farahnaz Zahidi is a senior subeditor at The Express Tribune.

She tweets as @FarahnazZahidi

According to Satoshi Kanazawa, a researcher from the London School of Economics, the smarter the woman, the less likely she is to want children. In his book The Intelligence Paradox: Why the Intelligent Choice Isn’t Always the Smarter One, Kanazawa suggests that for every 15 IQ points a woman earns, her maternal urges drop by 25%. Similarly, a study titled Childlessness Up Among All Women; Down Among Women with Advanced Degree, conducted by the Pew Research Centre in 2008, confirmed that most educated women are still among the least likely to reproduce in the United States of America. Although, statistically some prefer motherhood, the study states “there has been a general trend toward delayed marriage and childbearing, especially among highly educated women.”

Based on the findings, women who have dedicated their lives towards achieving a degree or career feel an inner pressure upon having to take a long hiatus like a maternity leave.

However, according to Kanazawa, the more worrisome aspect is that if the upper tier of intelligent women reproduces fewer females, the genetic intelligence which is supposed to trickle down to future generations will be hindered. Thus, there is a high probability that the world will miss out on smarter humans.

Moreover, women like Mumbai-based writer and media trainer Shai Venkatraman believe that there is more than just a woman’s intellectual status at play here: the practicalities of being a professional need to be considered too. “I never had doubts that I wanted to be a mom. But I delayed it because at that stage in my life, work was taking off. Also the organisation I was working for wasn’t welcoming towards pregnant employees, despite being women-friendly,” explains Venkatraman. She also adds that even though her company offered six months of maternity leave, female employees were made to work like slaves once they returned.

In Venkatraman’s experience, some professions are more unfriendly to the idea of working mothers who aspire to make it to the top. “If you look at women who have made it big in the news and television industry here in India, most are unmarried or childless by choice.” In situations like these, a family support system helps immensely. “I always tell younger women that they must ensure a support system for themselves, such as staying close to their children’s grandparents, if they want to reach the top,” she adds.

Design by Maryam Rashid

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En vogue

Dazzle in Pink Chiffon’s latest collection this Eid Coordination: Umer Mushtaq Hair and Make-up: Sabs Salon Designer: Pink Chiffon Photography: Rohail Khaled Model: Misbah Mumtaz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 21, 2015

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 21, 2015

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Lifestyle

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 21, 2015

By Hurmat Majid It’s that time of the year again. Ramazan has, once again, returned and brought along its usual festivities, feasts and of course, the fear of bulging waistlines. Isn’t it ironic that we go through 15 hours every day without consuming any food or drink and yet, the weighing scale doesn’t budge? If anything, it moves to the right and that does not bode well for the stylish new outfits we bought for Eid.

Dr Moti Khan, a nutritionist at the Aga Khan University Hospital in Karachi, has an interesting take on this phenomenon. Many of her patients complain of rapid weight gain during Ramazan without understanding why. “We have zero food intake for about 15 hours and then consume two large meals in the span of just a few hours,” explains Dr Moti. “Of course, this will impact our weight pattern.”

According to her, there are three basic factors which cause us to pack on the pounds during Ramazan: an excessive intake of fat, sugar and sodium, the sudden shift in our eating schedules and lastly, unchecked portion sizes. Frequent iftaar parties don’t help the cause either.

“The easiest way to keep weight in check is to plan your meals beforehand and limit the intake of fried items to twice or thrice a week,” Dr Moti suggests. “Taking a healthy amount of fibre is also important so substitute refined flour with wholewheat flour and parathas with chapaatis to maintain a healthy weight.” She approves of the iftaar favourite channa chaat and bean salads as they are loaded with healthy fibres.

In general, there are five cardinal nutrition sins almost all of us are guilty of committing during Ramazan. These include: We know you’ve had a long day at work, made worse by hunger and thirst, but control your cravings! Start iftaar by eating three dates which will give you an instant energy boost. It is advisable to not splurge on packaged juices and soft drinks. Choose healthier options like lemonade, lassi and smoothies. Yoghurt is a great option for sehri as it will keep you hydrated and energised during the hot days.

It is never healthy to eat everything in one sitting, let alone during Ramazan. Portion your meals and eat at intervals after iftaar, such as a hearty dinner after a light iftaar. A post-taraweeh snack, like a glass of milk or fruit, will help ward off those paratha cravings during sehri.

The hours between iftaar and sehri should be utilised to consume as much water as you can to fulfill the eight-glasses-per-day requirement. Drinking it before meals rather than after, will keep that tummy tucked as well.

Iftaar parties and all-you-can-eat buffets should be avoided if you wish to keep your weight in check. Restaurants in Pakistan rarely offer any healthy options during Ramazan and the quality of food served is often below par as well. If you do happen to dine out, remember that just because you can eat it all, does not mean you have to!

Fasting is indeed difficult, especially during summer, but succumbing to the post-

iftaar food coma is a sure-fire way to unwanted weight gain. Therefore, it is imperative for us to keep ourselves moderately active, especially after opening our fasts. A brisk walk, for instance, is ideal to stay active. Fitness guru Jeanette Farooque also emphasises on the importance of moderate exercise during Ramazan. She says, “People often come and say they won’t be visiting the gym during Ramazan which is wrong as it puts them at risk of rapid weight gain. In fact, people who do not exercise normally should start a simple exercise routine during Ramazan.”

Hurmat Majid is a subeditor at The Express Tribune. She tweets as @bhandprogramme

The following exercises are examples for those who workout regularly as well as those who do not. They should ideally be performed an hour or so before iftaar and not exceed 45 minutes in duration.

Body sculpting is easy and does not take too much of a physical toll on our bodies. This doesn’t just boost toning and strength, but also release hormones like serotonin and endorphins that make you feel good mentally.

Moderate weight training can help burn fat, curb diabetes, prevent back pain and even fight off depression. It gives you a toned appearance and improves overall health.

This is an exercise method combining the strength of Pilates with the flexibility of yoga. The workout integrates the mind and body for improved physical, emotional and spiritual connections. Through healthy breathing, circulation and energy, yogalates may increase calorie-burning, especially when combined with proper nutrition.

People who workout regularly should perform 30 to 45 minutes of hardcore aerobics, about an hour and a half after iftaar, to stay in routine. Adding some cardio exercise to your regime will prevent weight gain and spur metabolism which usually slows down during Ramazan. People who do not regularly workout can start walking for 30 to 45 minutes daily, an hour and a half after iftaar. Basic weight training is also a great idea as most of the basic exercises can be performed at home with small dumbbells.

Design by Eesha Azam

Domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 21, 2015

By Arooj Waqar

Pure indulgence for your sweettooth

Ingredients For the drink: • Milk 4 cups • Green cardamoms 2 • White bread (crust-less) 5 slices • Eggs 2 • Caramel essence (a few drops) • Pink food colour (a few drops) • Sugar to taste For the peanut crunch: • Sugar 2/3 cup • Roasted peanuts 1 hand full

Method For the drink: • Bring the milk to a boil in a medium-sized saucepan, along with the green cardamoms and sugar.

• Once the milk has cooked, add the white bread to the pan and cool it for about three minutes on medium flame. Whisk the mixture thoroughly until it becomes smooth in texture.

• Beat two large eggs in a bowl and pour them into the milk mixture, stirring continuously. Allow the mixture to cook for another eight minutes before adding the caramel essence to it. Mix it well.

• Take the saucepan off of heat and add a few drops of pink food colour to the mixture. Stir the colour in completely.

• Once the mixture has cooled, pour it into a glass and add the peanut crunch on top of it.

• Allow the glasses to sit in the fridge for at least three hours before serving.

For the peanut crunch: • In a frying pan, cook the sugar on low flame until it becomes golden to light brown.

• Add peanuts to the sugar and mix them together.

• Pour the mixture in a greased tray and let it cool.

• Once the temperature decreases a bit, break the crunch into small pieces and set aside for a little while before placing them on the glasses.

Decorate your glass rim with sugary fairy dust If you’re looking to go glam, liven up your glass presentation by rimming the lip of your serving glass. Although this is most commonly seen as salt on cocktail glasses, the same principle can be used with cocoa, sugar and even dried herbs and chilies.

For rich dessert drinks, sugar is probably your best option though. Read on to learn how you can decorate your glasses and impress your guests the next time around.

What you’ll need: • Glasses • Two saucepans • Powder of your choice, in this case, sugar • Some liquid like water or citrus juices. If you’re using juice, make sure it compliments the ingredients in the drink.

Lime and orange, for example, work great together.

What you’ll do: • Add two tablespoons of the liquid in the first saucepan and two tablespoons of the rimming powder in another.

• Hold the glass with its stem and tip it towards the first saucepan at a 45 degree angle. Dip the rim into the powder and rotate the glass so that the outer edge becomes moist.

Make sure to moisten approximately a quarter inch of the glass’s rim.

• Repeat this process in the second saucepan, coating the outer tip of the glass with powder. Your glass is now ready.

Note: Use a slightly damp napkin or paper towel to tidy the glass up, in case there are any flakes here and there.

Woman of the week 8

At an event.

With Zoay.

Director and head creative stylist at Depilex With mum.

Have you ever heard of the saying ‘you are what you eat?’ This old English phrase might have given you a good laugh before but according to the latest research, it is completely true! The food you consume has a direct impact on your emotions, and not just emotions related to hunger but real ones too.

According to the research, published recently in the Journal of Health Psychology, what you eat actually affects your feelings. For instance, foods rich in trans-fats and hydrogenated oil inculcate negative emotions. The research was conducted on 4,992 foodies You may love these delicious, round goodies but unfortunately, there is only one way they are cooked and that is frying. If you want to indulge in a heart-healthy diet, choose something else, such as whole-grain toast, English muffins or fruit and yogurt.

These are the yummiest and easiest options for late night snacks but they are also loaded with salt, high-cholesterol butter and other unhealthy ingredients, including trans-fats.

who showed that people who eat most trans-fats are more likely to be negative people and out of touch with their emotions. Moreover, they are more likely to exercise infrequently. Thus, trans-fats, already criticised for increasing cholesterol levels and risk of cardiovascular disease, may actually be taking a toll on your emotions and stress levels as well.

If you want to control your emotions, it’s time to avoid heavy foods. Some everyday items that have been proven to beget ill-feelings include: Many people wrongly believe that margarine is a better option compared to butter. But the real deal is that most margarine, especially the stick-shaped ones, are rich in unhealthy trans-fats.

Be it the aromatic cookie dough or smooth cake batter, readymade mixes bought from grocery stores make for quick and easy desserts but are also high in transfats. So if you want to bake a cake, do it from scratch.