The Express Tribune hi five - June 9

inside

Ms JUNE 9, 2013

mother superior—

Seize the summer

domestic goddess —

An Afghan delicacy

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ISSUE NO. 51

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Floral Fiesta Fashion for the festive season

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Wedding Bells The good side of arranged marriage

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Section In-Charge: Batool Zehra Send your feedback to women@tribune.com.pk

Sportsman Spirit

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Ms

the buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 9, 2013

Arranged Marriages: What’s love got to do

by Sumaiya Lakhani

The silver lining to arranged marriage, a tradition much feared by today’s youngsters At every wedding, sooner or later, you hear some random aunty inquire about how it all happened. And the current answer that wins the award for being the cheesiest ever is: “Arranged thee; phir love ho gaya ... tee hee.”

While I do not in any way judge people who pass that cheesy comment, it just seems like too much information — unnecessary, irrelevant information.

The dichotomy of ‘love’ versus ‘arranged’ marriages has always seemed a bit too strong to me to be a serious reflection of reality. But the convenience of these labels in allowing people to form the perceptions they want to about a complicated relationship is undeniable. Tell the Aunty at the shaadi that it was a love marriage and she will get visions of clandestine meetings and romantic encounters. Tell your colleagues that yours was arranged and you can see the pitying look in their eyes.

And while love marriages may have been frowned upon and hidden half a

century ago, at least in urban, upwardly mobile Pakistan today, it is arranged marriage which is considered a taboo. It is almost equivalent to oppression, lack of rights and even spinelessness. This, despite the fact that some people are quite comfortable with the idea of letting their parents make most big decisions. Besides, if you haven’t found The One by the time you’ve graduated from college, your chances of meeting someone slim down considerably and arranged marriage is the route you’ll have to turn to. Hiba, a second year A-levels student comments, “I would definitely opt for an arranged marriage. My parents, the two people who I love the most on the planet, would have chosen my match, so how can I not agree to it?”

But lest you think this is some patriarchal conspiracy designed to subjugate women, remember that most men also resort to arranged marriage, turning to their matriarchs to make the big decision. Usman, a 30-year-old working at an IT company says, “I don’t understand why people make such a fuss over arranged marriages. I’ve told my mother to propose to the right girl and I’m sure she’ll find me a good match.”

And the concept of arranged marriages itself has evolved quite a bit since the times of our parents. Twenty five years ago couples were lucky if they got to see each other before the wedding. Fifty four-year-old Zeenat, now married for many years, says, “I actually met my fiancé face to face the day of our engagement.”

“And your reaction when you got your first glimpse of him during his visit to your house?” I ask. She laughs, “I’d commented to my brother about how he’s darker

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 9, 2013

with it?

than I’d expected, and a tad on the skinny side!” from one of the top business schools of the country, Her husband, however, was quite gratified to see his remembers a meeting with a prospective suitor better half: “She was exactly what I wanted: educated, from Canada and his family. After some small talk, beautiful and from a middle-class family,” he recalls, adding that he had been adamant about not marrying a wealthy girl because of the unnecessary pressure and interference that would result. And these were the factors that went into arranging a match back then: education, looks, financial and social status and religion. The opposite of arranged, of course, were love marriages and, because they so often flouted conventional parameters of religion, ethnicity and class, they were a source of scandal.

Arranged matches, on the other hand, were stolidly prosaic. he smugly commented, “I am a graduate from U of A degree of similarity is what was T.” Sara responded, “So what, everyone gets into U looked for in the prospective couples, of T!” Obviously, there was no take 2. though parents and matchmakers were So what happens after you sign the dotted line? not quite as blind to personal preferences as Awkward silence? A fight over what to eat and some may imagine: if the girl was pretty, efforts where to go? Adeel and Mariam, both in their would be made to secure a personable husband for mid-twenties, act like the typical loved up couple, her; similarly the educational institution that the girl taking late night drives and making grand romantic and boy have attended matters to a great extent in gestures at every occasion. They’re not college arranging what is considered a suitable match today. sweethearts, but actually met fairly recently in Shumaila, a graduate from LUMS, commented, an arranged set-up. “I thought it would be really “Despite the fact that I met my husband in an awkward to be living with someone I barely knew,” ‘arranged’ set-up, I felt we would be quite compatible says Mariam, “but we hit it off almost instantly.” since he was from IBA, which is also a good business Most married couples, whether they had an arranged school, and he belongs to a marriage or a love marriage, liberal and educated family. I would agree with Neha, who “I thought it would be would have been a lot more dated her husband before they really awkward to be apprehensive if there had been a got married, “I thought we would big difference in our lifestyles.” be in love forever, but it turns out living with someone In most families, people meet that forever was actually till his I barely knew,” says and get to know each other mother happened.” a little bit before taking the Asna who’s been happily Mariam, “but we hit it leap. Sana, a recently married married with her high school off almost instantly.”

26-year-old, says, “In my first sweetheart for seven years, meeting with my husband, I felt puts things in perspective, like I had applied for a job. He kept questioning me “The romance wears off; the love stays, but life’s about my year of graduation, grades in high school, practicality hits you.” and I was wondering why I hadn’t kept my academic So what should you look for in an arranged set-up? certificates stacked in front of me!”

Family background? Status? Looks? Not really. Look Though all experiences are bound to be awkward, for what you look for when you’re in love: how right some are a little more unpleasant. Sara, a graduate it feels. You can’t go wrong with that.

by Sumaiya Lakhani

“And while love marriages may have been frowned upon and hidden half a century ago, at least in urban, upwardly mobile Pakistan today, it is arranged marriage which is considered a taboo”

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Ms

en vogue

Floral Fashion Look beautiful this festive season with fantastic new floral designs

Coordination:

Umer Mushtaq

Styling:

Umar Qazi

Hair and Makeup:

Saba Ansari @ Sabs.

Designer:

Rani Siddiqui

Photography:

Fayyaz Ahmed

Models:

Marva and Urwa

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 9, 2013

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 9, 2013

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Ms

mother superior

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 9, 2013

Parenting Guide

Dreading the dilemma of how to keep your child busy during the summer vacations?

From travelling tips to home activities, we’ve got you covered for the long months ahead

Seize the summer:

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Ice and sponge painting spree: Give you child’s painting session a twist by handing them sponges or coloured ice (frozen water with paint) instead of regular brushes to draw with. It’s likely to be a tad messy but we assure you that it will keep your child preoccupied for hours.

Swimming: A summer without aquatic adventures is simply incomplete. Give your children a great workout by enrolling them in swimming classes. In fact, we suggest you join them too! For those with toddlers, bring out the kiddie pool and allow them to wade in the water. Add a few water balloons to make swimming all the more exciting but remember that close supervision is necessary.

Garden Goodness: There is a natural attraction between children and the earth, whether it is playing in the sand at the beach or hunting for worms in your garden.

Don’t worry about achieving a horticultural masterpiece, just dig, grow something and explore the wonders of nature along with your children. Give them the duty of watering the plants daily. This will not only give them a sense of responsibility but also develop patience while they wait for the plants to grow. So dig in (literally!) and plant some memories that will, hopefully, last beyond the season!

great holiday activities

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There is a natural attraction between children and the earth, whether it is playing in the sand at the beach or hunting for worms in your garden

Family field-day: Running out of places to take your children to? Hit the local museums and historic attractions to give them an educational day out! Karachiites can visit the beautiful Mohatta Palace and learn about the life and times of the Jinnah family. Lahoris must check out the Fort to help your children understand our cultural heritage and history better.

Bookworm: It is unfortunate but most children have been seduced away from reading and writing by the internet. At Ms T, however, we truly believe Dr Suess in that “The more that you read, the more things you will know” so make a summer reading list for your child to go through over their holiday. Offer a prize for completing each book. Perhaps you could also recruit a few neighbourhood kids and start a reading circle? We can’t stress the importance of reading enough for the countless benefits it holds.

Hit the local museums and historic attractions to give them an educational day out

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Movie Madness: Tuck into bed with your child and catch up on the latest kiddie movies of the summer. We recommend ‘Despicable Me 2’ and ‘The Smurfs 2,’ both set to release in July. But until then, there are a number of older flicks to watch! ‘Finding Nemo’ and ‘Shark Tale’ are highly entertaining and everyone’s long-time favourites!

Game of Homes: With school being out, your children are likely to get bored at home and we all know bored children do not bode well for their mothers! Keep things happening at your place by indulging in a few family-friendly board games like the classics ‘Ludo,’ ‘Pictionary’ and ‘Twister.’ You could also organise an indoor treasure hunt for your child and his friends to keep them engaged.

Kitchen Crazy: Indulge in some easy recipes like the Betty Crocker cake mixes and allow your children to decorate the cakes as they please. This will enhance their creativity and actually cooking the food will encourage the kids to eat it without throwing their usual meal-time tantrums which will ultimately save you from a lot of stress.

Vehicle Wash: Washing your cars with your children is a great source of family-bonding time, especially for fathers. Don’t worry if everyone — including you — gets soaked cause that is the whole point! Let’s bring on the family water fight!

Travel trouble: 9 tips for travelling with children Two months is a long, long time when you’ve got a preschooler to engage and a trip, even if it’s a short one, is recommended for a change of pace and a memorable family experience that they will cherish. But, whether by land or air, travelling with children can be a little like taking a herd of wild sheep out for a graze. Here are some ways to make this experience a little better!

1) The most important thing is to make all travel bookings beforehand. Remember, the basinet seats on the plane will always get reserved first and no cab will come when you are waiting outside the airport with your cranky, air-sick toddlers. Make sure all your transport is worked out well in advance.

2) It is practically inevitable that someone or the other will fall sick during your vacation. A few packets of paracetamols, cough-drops, allergy medication (if required) and pain-killers packed into your luggage will keep you covered.

3) Who wouldn’t get bored and restless cooped up in an airplane cabin for hours? The colouring books and tiny dinosaurs airlines are unlikely to appease children so bring their portable video games and I-pods on board to prevent an in-flight tantrum.

4) Keep your child calm by avoiding sugary foods which can give them a ‘high’ during your travels. Otherwise, you are in for a long, long journey.

5) Another great way to keep your child occupied is to take public transport like trains as much as possible.

Children are almost always fascinated by the ride and remain distracted by the surrounding views. Don’t forget to keep them seated lest they get hurt though!

6) No matter where you go, make sure you pack an adequate supply of baby wipes, tissues, diapers, hand sanitisers and a change of shirt — both for you and your child — in your carry-on luggage, before, during and after your journey. Really, we can’t stress the importance of this enough, especially with younger children.

7) Pack some extra snacks in your bags just in case your toddler gets hungry between flight meals or on the motorway. Remember: a hungry child is an angry child!

8) Never let your child pack their bags themselves! With increasing security regulations and luggage weight requirements, we suggest you keep the bags shut as much as possible. Make sure you give the bags one last check before departing for the airport.

9) If your child is old enough, encourage them to start a travel journal and write about every place they visit and their experience. This will not only keep them busy but also develop their understanding of the world and a habit for reading and writing.

domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 9, 2013

Recipe

Chicken Tikka Boti Zeenat Iqbal is a stay-athome mother of three. In her free time, she enjoys devising new recipes and writing short stories for children

This particular dish barely needs an introduction. Despite its Afghan heritage, the Chicken Tikka is eaten all over the world and considered one of the most popular foods of all times! Tantalize your taste buds with this recipe for the perfect tikka, best served with warm roghni naan

Method • Dice the chicken meat into 2 inch cubes • Grind the ginger, garlic, onions and green and red chilies together.

• Mix the mixture with the curd and add salt to taste.

• Add the papaya pieces.

• Marinate the chicken cubes in this mixture for about 2 hours.

• Put the chicken cubes on a skewer and brush them with oil.

• Cook the chicken over the tawaa, turning it often to ensure it is fully done.

Ingredients:

Chicken 1

Garlic cloves 3-4

Papaya (small) 1

Red chillies 2

Salt (to taste)

White onions (very small) 10

Tomatoes (firm and medium-sized) 4-6

Ginger 30 grams

Green chillies 2

Onion 30 grams

Curds 115 grams

Oil for basting ½ cup

hottie of the week 8

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, JUNE 9, 2013

Status Born

Face Single and ready to mingle!

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Peshawar, Pakistan

Birthday

July 30th, 1990

Body

95%

Who is he?

Aamir Atlas Khan

Move over, Afridi. There is a new smashing and dashing (quite literally) Pakhtun in town! This cutie kick-started his career as a professional squash player in 2002 and has since continued smashing hearts across the nation with every swoosh of his racket. Now, eleven years on, Aamir is on the top of his game after winning the Asian Squash Championship held in Islamabad this year! He also ranks No.1 amongst the current squash players in Pakistan! Hardly surprising, since Aamir is the nephew of eight-time world squash champion Jaansher Khan. But squash is not all that there is to him; Aamir loves to travel and his favourite holiday destination is Zurich. He is also just a regular, humble boy and values his friends over everything else!

Why we love him Given Aamir’s innocent smile, chiselled features and arms that can only be so perfectly toned because of exercise, what’s not to love? His youthful persona and humility are enough to make our hearts beat faster!

Despite becoming successful at such a young age, Aamir makes a conscious effort to remain grounded and hates two-faced people. He is fiercely passionate, not just about squash but bringing glory to Pakistan through it. The 22-year old carries the hopes of the nation on his shoulders as we all look to him to fulfil the legacy his uncle and a long-line of Pakistani greats have left before him. Long story short, Aamir is the quintessential sweetheart; a treat to both the eye and the heart and we can’t stop dreaming of his boy-next-door appeal.

What you didn’t know about him If not for squash, Aamir says he would like to be chairman of a large international corporation and have many people work for him.

He is a complete foodie but loves seafood in particular.

Aamir is a closet romantic! He says his wife must absolutely adore him to win his heart and we are sure finding such a girl won’t be too difficult, especially with a potential honeymoon in Switzerland! So girls ... any takers?

Talent

95%

Total Package

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