The Express Tribune hi five - March 29

Ms MARCH 29, 2015

ISSUE NO. 145

Violence begins at home

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The social media effect page

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inside En vogue — Bridal galore

domestic goddess —

Honey and sesame oil chicken curry

Section In-Charge: Dilaira Dubash Sub-Editors: Amna Hashmi Nisma Chauhan Feedback: women@tribune.com.pk

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The creative Nyla Amjad

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The buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, MARCH 29, 2015

VIOLENCE E BEGINS AT HOME

Around the world, thousands of unfortunate children are exposed to violence at home. This early exposure paves the way for physical, mental and emotional afflictions which can last well into adulthood

By Nisma Chauhan | Design by Essa Malik

When we hear the term ‘domestic ‘ violence’, we instinctively picture a hapless woman lamenting lamenti her relationship with an abusive partner. In the blame game, little consideration is given to children (if any) who are witnessing their thei mother’s abuse. The devastating effects of intimate-partner relationship on women are wellan abusive intima documented but bu far less is known about how their children react to it. it is important for us to understand what First and foremost, fo constitutes as domestic violence. In the UK, the term is legally defined as “Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or physical, sexual, financial or emotional) abuse (psychological, (psy adults who are or have been intimate partners between a or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.”

This implies impl that domestic abuse doesn’t pertain solely to married couples but other immediate family members as c many cases, children are victimised along with their well. In m makes them even more vulnerable to the mothers which w psychological and physical trauma associated with domestic psycholog abuse.

According to the study ‘Violence Against Children’, Accordin conducted by the United Nations in 2006, about 6.1 million conducte

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I have seen my father ill-treat my mother throughout my childhood.

The frequency of his assaults made it seem almost normal, so much so that I began exerting force to get what I wanted even as a child Banker Tariq Shah

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, MARCH 29, 2015

Women’s safety begins at home

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Apart from resorting to legal and professional help, the abused parent should go the extra mile to help their child (or children) Psychologist Dr Nargis Asad Pakistani children are exposed to domestic violence every year.

Unfortunately, the statistic might be understated due to unreported cases. According to the report, fear and suppressed anger are two of the leading emotions exhibited by children who grow up with troubled parents. They often retreat into their thoughts and become quiet, perform badly at school and grow slower than other children.

And what’s more, many troubled parents are unable to establish a nurturing relationship with their children, causing the latter to feel neglected and uncared-for.

The case of 27-year-old Jehanzeb Zaheer* is somewhat similar, watching his father beat his mother led to strained relations between the father and the son. “Seeing my mother there, being hit right before my eyes brought on a lot of rage in me,” shares Jehanzeb. “I was too young and weak to have done anything back then but my relationship with my father came to a halt the very first time I saw it happen.” Now, 12 years after the first episode, Jehanzeb makes sure not to leave his mother alone at home and hasn’t spoken to his father since, despite living under the same roof.

Fortunately, for Jehanzeb his father couldn’t corrupt his upbringing.

Although many children exposed to abuse inevitably accept it as being right, this is perhaps the most disastrous consequence of domestic violence in that these children (generally boys) believe violence will help them dominate others. Domestic violence lead to a cyclic pattern wherein children pick up the foul habits from their abusive parent and grow up to be perpetrators themselves, emulating whatever they have witnessed. Such has been the experience of 25-year-old Tariq

Warning signs a child might be suffering Everyone experiences abuse in different ways. Children are particularly vulnerable as they might see it happen firsthand, notice parents’ injuries, get hurt during an episode or simply hear about violence from other sources. But they will almost always react to it in some way or the other. Some of the most common reactions include: - Anxiety or depression.

- Difficulty in sleeping, including nightmares or flashbacks.

- Frequent complains of physical symptoms such as tummy aches.

- Wetting the bed.

- Temper tantrums.

- Immature behaviour.

- Problems at school, such as truanting.

- Aggression.

- Reclusive behaviour.

- Lower self-esteem.

- Use of alcohol or drugs.

- Inflicting self-harm.

- Eating disorders.

In the presence of any of the above, it is necessary to talk to the child or seek professional help.

SOURCE: WOMENSAID.ORG.UK

Did you know that Pakistan has been ranked as the third most dangerous country for women, with almost 90% of the female population suffering from domestic violence? In spite of these shocking statistics, we have done little to eradicate the problem. Luckily, just across the border, Indian filmmaker Raajaysh Chetwal has been working hard towards making the world safer through a five-minute short-film entitled Women’s Safety Begins at Home.

Released last November, the film depicts the story of two families who meet for dinner. At first sight, both sets of parents appear happy but as their conversation continues, it becomes clear that there is much more to them than meets the eye. Eventually, their secrets (both husbands are abusive, one resorting to verbal insults and the other physically assaulting his wife) are revealed through the actions of their innocent children. The film is short, simple and highlights the cycle of domestic abuse that causes children to think that it is okay to violate women. You can watch the video at: https:// vimeo.com/112808252

Shah, who attributes his recent divorce to his own harsh nature. “I have seen my father ill-treat my mother throughout my childhood,” admits Tariq.

“The frequency of his assaults made it seem almost normal, so much so that I began exerting force to get what I wanted even as a child.” However, despite going through a rough patch and even losing custody of his child, Tariq still believes that his ex-wife’s actions warranted violence.

“But not all children grow up to be abusers,” says Dr Nargis Asad, a psychologist at the Aga Khan University Hospital in Karachi. “Some children do get inspired by others around them, such as teachers who show them care. Despite having a destructive childhood, they become better, happier individuals.” Dr Nargis also highlights an interesting fact about the cycle of abuse in which the more mature a child is emotionally, the greater will be the impact of witnessing abuse on their upbringing and personality.

Interestingly, while boys incorporate aggression to influence their partners, girls who are raised amidst to familial violence internalise their suffering and consider verbal threats and mild insults normal. Due to social pressures, many victims avoid divorce and continue to overlook their partners’ oppressive behaviour as this is what they have watched their mothers do.

Regardless, the fact remains that domestic violence is wrong and must be eradicated. In Pakistan, the lack of NGOs, social institutions and sound legislation make it even harder for affected children to get help. Homes plagued with such problems are governed by fear, instability and a sense of oppression instead of love, comfort and nurturing which is what children really need. “Apart from resorting to legal and professional help, the abused parent should go the extra mile to help their child (or children),” says Dr Nargis. Healthy parenting through love and affection is one of the main things Dr Nargis proposes to protect our children. She also advises abused parents to encourage children to become involved in peer group activities to enhance their social interactions and keep them occupied. *Name has been changed to protect privacy

Ms

En vogue

Bridal Galore

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Asifa and Nabeel showcase their latest bridal collection Coordination: Umer Mushtaq Hair and Make-up: N-PRO Designer: Asifa and Nabeel Photography and Styling: Rohail Khaled Model: Saima AzharÂ

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, MARCH 29, 2015

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, MARCH 29, 2015

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Lifestyle

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, MARCH 29, 2015

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Social Media

EFFECT

Are we pretending to be different from what we really are?

By Tehmina Khan | Design by Maryam Rashid

Over the past 15 years or so, the world has undergone what many believe to be the most radical lifestyle change in history, owing to the onset of the Internet. Its power simply can’t be denied: everyone is caught in the World Wide Web, unable to put down their smartphones lest they miss out on the next big breaking news or social update. The Internet has brought the world closer and social media has rendered us just a tap-on-the-screen away from people across the world. But because we now live in such a global society, creating and maintaining an online presence has become crucial for promoting ourselves and expanding our social networks.

In this virtual life, perception is of utmost importance.

For instance, we all have certain perceptions of ourselves, an ‘ideal self’ whom we wish to maximise and advertise to the rest of the world. As the world continues to evolve with the use of social media, the concept of presenting our ideal selves, as opposed to our real selves, has become widespread on social networks like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Anyone with access to a computer will agree that most of us are much more outspoken, social and ‘cool’ on the Internet than we are in person. Online, we are people who are ‘followed’ and ‘liked’ by individuals we haven’t shared any physical interaction with for years. We can indulge in a political debate over Facebook but put us in the same room and we will be at a loss of words, beyond the basic ‘hello’. Long gone are the days when dual nationalities were an issue; it is dual personalities we ought to

be worried about! While experts may consider this a psychological disorder, the concept of real vs Internet personalities has become the norm and is only likely to get worse. “It’s all such a farce,” says Tanya Qureshi, a dentist at a private clinic in Karachi. “People tag themselves at different locations and pictures to show others what they have been up to. It’s good to a certain extent but sometimes, it seems like gloating to me.” Shocking as it sounds, there are people who seem to live to advertise their personal lives online, getting too preoccupied taking pictures to actually enjoy the moment.

Granted that while there are indeed some whose online selves compliment their real lives, most of us are just presenting a prettier picture of how we wish our lives to be.

Fortunately, like student Haniya Rasool some are waking up to the harsh reality. “I once presented my brother with a few pictures of potential rishtas, to see if he’d like anyone of them,” shares Haniya. “But he responded saying he would jump off a cliff before marrying someone based on their Facebook profile. And I must admit now that he was right!”

This leads one to wonder if the Internet is a way for closet narcissists, sadists, psychopaths, stalkers, extremists, bullies and racists to let out their frustrations.

“It’s easy to overcome inhibitions behind a screen,” explains Tanya. “When you don’t have to confront people physically, even timid people develop online personalities.” While Facebook and Instagram may cater to the whims of us social narcissists, Twitter is a different story. It has been found that the majority of the people behind the strong opinions tweeted on the website are actually reserved but opinionated introverts in real life.

The platform offers its users the opportunity to take on controversial topics like religion and politics — topics which few can debate over personally without inciting anger. As Tanya puts it, “Twitter is a platform where one can interact with thousands of strangers. Here, you can loosen up, feel safe and express your views from behind the virtual barrier.”

Hibah Khan, a student of Educational Psychology at George Mason University, believes we develop alternate personalities simply because we want to be appreciated and acknowledged. “Social media affords us a voice that will be heard,” explains Hibah. “Social pressure is decreased online significantly as compared to organic social interaction.” Hibah also goes on to say that the issue of online and offline personalities is still relatively new and there are yet to be any proper, longitudinal studies to record its effects over time.

Nonetheless, for anyone looking for an outlet for their thoughts, there is no greater playground than the Internet and everything that comes with it. Considering that experts encourage expressing thoughts productively for mental and physical health, having a virtual ideal persona might actually be beneficial for us. Besides, if a few likes and positive comments make one feel better about themselves then so be it. So long as we are expressing ourselves positively and not inciting hate, we are free to co-exist online and offline.

Social media usage in the United States According to a survey conducted by international mobile ad company InMobi back in 2012, an average American spends nearly 144 minutes on their phone daily. However, a large number of people check their phones every three minutes to keep abreast with any social media updates, notifications, messages and other alerts.

Domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, MARCH 29, 2015

By Huba Akbar

Honey and sesame oil chicken curry

Indulge in the goodness of honey sesame seeds with this appetising curry

Ingredients For the chicken: • Boneless chicken (diced into medium-sized pieces) 1/2 kg • Soya sauce (light) 1 tbsp • Sesame seed oil 1/2 tbsp • Sugar 1 tsp • Chili garlic sauce 1 tbsp • Black pepper 1 tsp • Salt to taste For the sauce: • Sweet chili sauce 3 tbsp • Tabasco sauce 1 tbsp • Tomato ketchup 2 tbsp • Honey 1 tbsp • Oyster sauce 1 tbsp • Soy cause (light) 2 tbsp • Water 1/4 cup • Sesame seeds (toasted) 1 tbsp • Green chilies (cut into halves) 3 For the garnish: • Sesame seeds

Method

The goodness of sesame seeds Did you know just a small helping of sesame seeds can be extremely beneficial for you? These golden seeds are amongst the best known natural sources of copper, manganese, calcium, iron and dietary fibres which make them essential for a healthy body.

• Sesame seeds have been proven to work wonders for people suffering from diabetes and high blood pressure, thereby promoting cardiac health.

• The dietary fibres present in the seeds prevent constipation and also detoxify the body.

• The high content of iron found in sesame seeds and sesame oil fights anemia (iron deficiency) • Zinc, an essential mineral which produces zinc, boosts skin elasticity.

• Sesame oil has been used for dental health through centuries, owing to its ability to remove dental plague, strengthen the gums and prevent oral bleeding.

Get glowing with this sesame oil beauty cocktail Replace your night cream with this natural remedy for dull skin and dryness. The sesame seed oil softens and moisturises the skin while vinegar will correct discolourations, kill bacteria and loosen up the dead skin cells.

Ingredients • Sesame seed oil 1/2 cup • Apple-cider vinegar 1/4 cup • Water 1/4cup

Method • In a small bowl, mix the sesame oil, apple-cider vinegar and water together.

• Splash face with lukewarm water.

• Marinate the chicken in a mixture of soya sauce, sugar, sesame seed oil, chili garlic sauce, salt and pepper for about an hour or so.

• Fry the chicken pieces in a large pan until they become golden-brown in colour.

• In a separate pan, prepare the sauce by mixing all the ingredients together and bring it to a boil. Allow the sauce to cook until it becomes thick in texture.

• Add in the fried chicken pieces and mix until they are coated with the sauce completely.

• Cook the mixture for a few minutes before sprinkling sesame seeds on top. Serve with warm rice.

• Apply every night to make your skin glow.

We all know that sesame seed oil is healthy and wonderful for us to cook with, but what about its other uses? Truthfully, sesame seed oil is another main ingredient in several beauty products you can buy on the shelf. Sesame seed oil is rich in antioxidants, thus it pulls toxins from your skin. The oil can help prevent blackheads, clear the skin of pimples and fade dark spots. You can either leave it on overnight or you can wash your face in it. It’s packed with all the good stuff — Vitamin E, lecithin, minerals, proteins and amino acids, and it is antibacterial, antifungal, antiviral, antioxidant and anti-inflammatory.

Woman of the week 8

How do you turn your ideas into reality?

I spend a lot of time in my studio. A lot of times, I get ideas by connecting my work to the places I have been, the people I have met and my own experiences.

Diaries

Trends and styles are constantly changing and people want to have the latest in their homes. How do you manage to keep your clientele satisfied?

I usually try to make pieces that my clients don’t get bored of easily. We do a mix of modern and traditional so that they can add their existing pieces to our furniture.

e world A glimpse into th rhouses we po i of Pakistan

What sparked your interest in interior designing?

I have always been a perfectionist and had a knack for interiors but never got around to studying it properly until I got married.

After moving to Lahore with my husband, I joined NCA’s interior programme. Post my graduation, I began making furniture on order and after doing a couple of exhibitions, decided to create with my own brand. It’s called ‘The Lounge’ by Nyla and offers furniture and home accessories.

You have recently launched a new store at Fortress Square Shopping Mall in Lahore.

How do you think the new store will benefit your business?

The Lounge is opening its store at Fortress Square to cater to the mass market. The idea is to give people an opportunity to experience modern living with affordable solutions. I feel that there was a huge demand for gift stores in Lahore and hence, decided to create a perfect stop for any customer when it came to buying gifts for their loved ones.

What is the hardest part about working in the interior designing industry?

Deadlines in Pakistan are always tough but I have a very efficient team that is very good with deadlines. I also feel that in Pakistan, with constant electricity issues and weather conditions there can be many unnecessary delays in our work.

What is the most important thing to keep in mind when designing for a project?

The most important thing is to understand my clients’ requirements and give them solutions accordingly. At the end of the day, my clients need to be happy with the final product. I never compromise on quality, be it from the smallest accessory to the largest piece. Other than that, furniture is all about the correct proportions and dimensions as well.

Do you think there is much scope for interior designing in Pakistan?

I still feel that women would rather invest in clothes and jewellery which they would most probably wear once or twice than on a piece of furniture that would last them a lifetime.

So yes, we need to educate people more in this field.

Any advice for young women aspiring to become interior designers?

Work hard and you will reach your milestones sooner or later.

With my husb and Imran.

Nyla

The Lounge store in Lahore.

Amjad Interior designer/ Entrepreneur With my family.

An Ode to Organic Beauty

By Sadaf Pervez

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Design by Essa Malik

Although some city-dwellers may not agree, man is healthiest when he is close to nature. The air we breathe, the food we consume and the lifestyle we lead is directly linked to our closeness to Mother Earth and the closer we are, the better we feel.

It is for this reason that the past few years have seen a massive surge in organic living across the world.

One of the largest and most popular segment of the market is cosmetics and products. Whatever we apply to our skin — be it make-up, lotion or face wash — penetrates through the pores and enters our bloodstream immediately. Therefore, we must try and understand the composition of the products we use before purchase, lest they contaminate our bodies. “Out of the 80,000 different chemicals used in the cosmetics industry today, only a fraction is tested for long-term effects,” says Saweela Anees Khan, director at organic cosmetics manufacturer Aura. “We are exposed to parabens, alcohols, synthetic products and artificial scents every time we use a non-organic item.”

With the rise of organic living, the cosmetics market is saturated with cleansers, gels, lotions and creams, etcetera and these products are now available across Pakistan. They are devoid of any chemical substances, so much so that the raw ingredients used are also grown without fertilisers or pesticides. “Organic skincare has been with us for a long time,” says Amna Hussain of Soap Therapy.

“Our grandmothers used to pick neem or aloe vera leaves, make pastes and use them for cooking and skincare.” Amna believes that soap is the most important item on one’s beauty regime: if the soap is natural, skin dryness will be minimal. “You will not need any special moisturising if you use a good quality organic soap,” she explains.

Organic products are much more beneficial for the human body as they are comprised of ingredients that do not hamper the body’s natural state. “Beauty and health go hand in hand,” says Amna. “A beauty regime should be good for health and also our psychological well-being.”

Of course, not all products labelled as organic will be 100% chemical-free. Some might contain traces of harmful, unnatural substances so it is important to shop smartly and do research prior to purchase. But once you have found the right organic products, stick to them. Treat your body well and you will not only look but feel your best as well.