The Express Tribune hi five - March 30

Ms MARCH 30, 2014

ISSUE NO. 93

Fashion For the CityGoers

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The Superwoman Syndrome

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inside fashion smashion —

The watch snob

domestic goddess —

Get buzzed!

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Section In-Charge: Sarah Munir Sub-Editor: Amna Hashmi

The great Sami Khan

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the buzz

by Mehreen Shaukat

Corporate queen or domestic goddess? You decide In her book “Wonder Women: Sex, Power and Quest for Perfection,” author Debora L Spar introduces the concept of ‘The Superwoman Syndrome’, highlighting our desire for perfection in all aspects of life. “We have opportunities today to choose our educations, careers and spouses that would’ve stunned our grandmothers,” she says. “But now, we are dazed and confused by all the choices. Feminism was supposed to remove a fixed set of expectations. Instead, we now interpret it as a route to personal perfection. Because we can do anything, we feel as if we have to do everything.” In just a few sentences, Spar manages to encapsulate one of the most common social dilemmas that women today face — the need to excel in everything, be it their looks, marriage, motherhood, homemaking or their careers.

Feminism has indeed triumphed over the past couple of decades and there is more power to women today than ever before. We now excel in every domain, even those traditionally considered male-centric such as politics, finance, science and research etc. In 2005, Angela Markel became the first female Chancellor of Germany and has been leading the country ever since. Marissa Mayer has been working as the CEO of Yahoo since July 2012, ranking 8th on the list of America’s most powerful businesswomen in 2013. Ayesha Farooq, Pakistan’s first female fighter pilot, has been changing the local landscape and encouraging women across the country to follow their dreams.

A double standard exists wherein a woman who chooses not to work is labelled ‘just a housewife’ while a more careeroriented one is out-casted by the ‘supermoms’ for neglecting her husband and children The problem: Unfortunately, with such social empowerment comes a great burden for the modern woman. We may have expanded our reach in terms of the roles we adopt but have not compensated for the traditional ones that have long been associated with our gender. In fact, the freedom of choice Spar speaks about has only added to the towering set of expectations placed upon women, demanding them to be the best at everything. The modern woman should fulfil her duties to herself, her home and her career with perfection and never lose her balance. A world-renowned surgeon should be agile enough to cook a great meal for her family after performing a day-long standing surgery. The female CEO must maintain her appearance to give a lasting impression of the firm she represents. In fact, the more successful a woman gets, the more glamorous and efficient she should be.

But how does one be the ideal homemaker and working woman concurrently? This is not to insinuate that a woman can only build either a sound domestic or professional life at the expense of the other. But must it be necessary to expect her to fulfil every role perfectly and reprimand her if she falls short?

When a woman faces a professional setback or deliberately chooses a slower career path to balance her life, the verdict that she is inept or too feeble for the corporate world is quick to follow.

At the same time, housewives are shunned as being frivolously idle, no matter how good their food or how clean their homes. A double standard exists wherein a woman who chooses not to

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, MARCH 30, 2014

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work is labelled ‘just a housewife’ while a more career-oriented one is out-casted by the ‘supermoms’ for neglecting her husband and children. The relentless onslaught of social demands exerts great anxiety in the life of every woman. “It’s like we aren’t allowed to just be,” complains 28-year-old, Dubai-based auditor Faryal Naqvi*. “If a woman works, she is selfish and if she doesn’t work, she is useless. And regardless of both, she must be the ideal daughter, bahu, wife, mother, homemaker — everything!

Why it exists: It can be argued that the only ones responsible for creating the Superwoman Syndrome are women themselves. We seem to have internalised the phenomenon, suffering from an almost obsessive need to be better than our contemporaries, i.e other women. We must have better homes, better children, better marriages, better clothes and better careers than every woman in our social circle and berate ourselves — and sometimes, even our families — for failing to do so. Social competition can lead to guilt and insecurity in a person that may affect their lives adversely.

But does this mean we should focus only on one thing at a time and neglect the rest? No. But instead, why not dial down the pressure by accepting that we do not have to achieve everything and it is alright to make trade-offs for whatever we do achieve. “I am a career woman with a husband, children and a strenuous job which I couldn’t possible juggle without making some significant changes,” shares businesswoman Sarah Khan*. “Sometimes I work from home, put my children in daycare, exhaust my flexible hours allowance, etc. The problem is that many women try to do it all without any compromise which is not just wrong but also unhealthy!”

In our male-dominated society, there exists a misogynistic approach towards household chores and child-care with most men deeming it the responsibility of the woman to look after both. In many households across Pakistan, men consider it beneath themselves to help with the housework, avoiding tasks that were once their domain, such as paying bills and driving children to and from school. “The pressure of having to do so many things can really take a toll on a woman. And on top of that, our husbands want us to maintain the house like magic which fuels our desire to do it all. Women tend to take this to heart and try to be trophy wives, personal and professional alike.” says Naqvi. Nida Alavi*, a 24-year-old banker from London agrees.

“A marriage should be a partnership,” she says. “This partnership includes helping around the house, especially if one is living outside Pakistan like I do. If I am contributing financially, then my husband should return the favour by say, washing his dishes or buying groceries.”

We must have better homes, better children, better marriages, better clothes and better careers than every woman in our social circle and berate ourselves for failing to do so The solution: In her article “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All,” renowned academic, speaker and former director of policy planning for the US State Department Anne-Marie Slaughter pinpoints a key reasoning behind the Superwoman Syndrome and how we can overcome it. She argues that, “We need to give women the kind of flexibility to make their work and family life together and change our expectations so that when they make choices to defer a dream job or fast promotion because of their family, they can stay in the game and still be eligible for promotion as far as they want to go.”

This is not to imply that women deserve free passes or can work less because they have other, domestic duties. Newly-married Rimsha Ishtiaq* points out that, “Women should also put in extra effort, especially those who pursue a career. In fact, they must put in double the work to excel in the male-dominated corporate world. That is how a good, productive workforce will be built.”

As more and more women join the corporate world, the emphasis on their marital plans increases and often deters them from fulfilling their aspirations. It is now common for an interviewer to inquire about a female applicant’s relationship/family status suggesting that it could cost them their professional wellbeing. Consequently, many women opt out of marriage and motherhood and have to work harder to prove themselves at par with their male counterparts.

“It makes me feel like marriage should be put lower on my list of priorities if I want to have a lucrative career,” confesses Aresha Ali*, as aspiring engineer. The focus ought to be on the applicant’s skills and knowledge as opposed to when they plan on starting a family.

Men should also become more supportive, improve their attitude towards whatever their wives do and help them in any way they can. “As it is, there is so much pressure on us to be balance our lives. An unappreciative husband can make it worse,” says Naqvi. Therefore, it is imperative that men accept women as their equals and appreciate the hard work and sacrifices they make for their families.

However, nothing can really bring out a change unless we women stop making life so difficult for ourselves. First and foremost, we should understand that homemaking and childcare aren’t competitions. There is no prize for the one who raises better children, decorates her house prettier or manages a sizeable salary at the end of the month. Also, we should accept all women as they are and not rebuke them regardless of the choices they make. A little competition may be healthy but at the end of the day, it isn’t as important as your home, family and peace of mind. *Names have been changed to protect privacy.

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en vogue

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Coordination: Umer Mushtaq Hair & Makeup: Wajid Khan Label: Gul Ahmed Designer: Amna Aqeel Photography: Shahbaz Shazi Models: Iffi Zafar and Karal

Gul Ahmed brings you its fabulous new urban wear collection

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fashion smashion

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, MARCH 30, 2014

Watch out for this fabulous new wrist candy by Nayab Najam

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few year ago wrist watches had become a rare occurrence, replaced almost entirely by the smartphone revolution that offered every feature a regular watch could. A lot has changed since. Watches are now back in fashion and while you may not need one to check the time, they are great accessories to liven up even the dullest of outfits.

When it comes to the latest trends, one style takes the cake: chunky chain watches.

For women, the ‘boyfriend’ watch frenzy has converted even those who didn’t wear watches before to watch-aholics. We have been through the ‘boyfriend jeans’ and ‘boyfriend shirt’ phases wherein women wore loose clothes inspired by the opposite sex for a carefree, tomboy-ish look. Boyfriend watches are similar: these chunky metallic works of art come in silver, golden and rosegold and give a cool yet sophisticated look, ideal for the modern woman.

We can thank internationally acclaimed designer Micheal Kors for kick-starting this trend. His incredibly successful line of Rose Gold watches have sold out like hot cakes across the world, ever since their launch in 2011. The warmth of the Rose Gold shade — slightly pink, slightly silver — affords an understated class and elegance. It’s not as flashy as pure gold nor is it as mainstream as silver.

There is literally something for everyone when it comes to modern wristwear. Many popular designer brands have jumped the bandwagon and launched their own range of this new fashion fad. Their collections include normal chain watches as well as

sundry variations, some with colourful dials, fancy straps, encrusted jewels and even charms and other dangles attached to them.

If the single-coloured watch isn’t your style, there is a variety of two or three toned watches available as well. One of the most popular of this lot is the big white watch than looks like it is made of rubber but with gold or rose-gold detailing to go with it. Watches like these were all the rage during the 1980s and looks like they are here to stay.

When discussing watches, one cannot ignore the longstanding classic leather strap that every one of us has worn at some point in our lives. The best part about this timeless accessory is that even after months of wear and tear, the leather (if genuine) looks great and the straps are interchangeable. So if your red leather strap watch isn’t matching too many of your outfits, don’t worry! Simply replace the strap to a more neutral shade, such as black or tan, and you are good to go. Not only will this match your clothes but also give you a whole new watch without having to purchase one!

Leather watches are also generally cheaper than heavy metal ones. Most importantly, as lovely as the metal watches are, they can prove a tad bit problematic if you aren’t too careful with them — they scratch very easily and once scratched, lose their charm.

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, MARCH 30, 2014

Recipe

Yogurt Buzz Escape the summer heat with my creative take on fruity frozen yogurt. It is refreshing, nourishing and great to taste Arooj Waqar runs a Facebook cooking page called Mona’s Kitchen and aspires to convert her passion for cooking into a career

Method • In a large bowl, whisk the yogurt, cream and sugar together.

• Gradually pour in the pineapple juice, whisking thoroughly.

• Add in pineapple and almonds chunks into the mixture.

• Pour the mixture into bowls or glasses and refrigerate for about an hour or so.

• Before serving, break the biscuits and drop them in the yogurt. Serve chilled.

Ingredients:

Cream (optional) 1/2 cup

Powdered sugar (to taste)

Pineapple chunk 1/2 cup

Digestive biscuits (broken into 3 or 4 even pieces) 8

Almonds (slightly crushed) 20

Pineapple juice (leftover in the pineapple tin) 1/4 to 1/2 cup

hottie of the week 8

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, MARCH 30, 2014

Status Born

Happily married Lahore, Pakistan

Birthday

6th July

Face

80%

Sami Khan

Body

80%

Who is he?

Passionate, charismatic and great to look at, Sami Khan is everything a leading actor should be. But unlike most actors, he stumbled upon acting purely by chance. An electronic and communication engineer by profession, Sami was all set to pursue his masters abroad but fate had other plans. He was offered his breakthrough performance in the 2004 hit film Salakhein and the critical acclaim Sami received for his work encouraged him to take up acting fulltime. Ever since then, there has been no looking back. With two other feature films and 31 television serials to his credit, Sami really deserves applause for taking this life-changing decision. He is currently setting our television screens ablaze every Friday night with his passionate portrayal of Buland Bakhtiyar in the Geo TV drama Bashar Momin and we just can’t wait to catch a glimpse of his boy-next-door looks in the next episode.

Talent

85%

Why we love him It is said that eyes are the windows to the soul and Sami is living proof of that. There is something kind and welcoming about his eyes which make one warm up to him instantly and rightfully so. Despite being a media personality, Sami likes to lead a humble life and strives to be the best son, brother and husband he possibly can. His mantra in life is simple: be good to others and good will come to you. Sami is pure of heart and honest to the core. He hates liars and materialistic people. A man of few words, Sami has four close friends whom he hopes to take on an adventure to Vegas or Phuket someday.

A keen observer, Sami loves to study people and draws inspiration from people he meets every day. He admits it makes him deeply happy when he sees youngsters working hard to achieve their dreams or doing something positive to bring about a change for it inspires him to be better himself.

What you didn’t know about him Sami is absolutely crazy about cricket.

His favourite cuisine is Thai food.

A pure-hearted woman with a love for the sentimental things in life was what Sami was looking. Fortunately, he found and married his sweetheart five years ago. All we can say is that she is one lucky woman!

Total Package

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