The Express Tribune hi five - October 11

Ms OCTOBER 11, 2015

ISSUE NO. 173

Being bipolar

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Why women apologise more page

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Section In-Charge: Dilaira Dubash Sub-Editors: Amna Hashmi Nisma Chauhan Designer: Umar Waqas Feedback: women@tribune.com.pk

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The buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, OCTOBER 11, 2015

By Ishrat Ansari

Although much attention has been given to their great masterpieces, few people know that some of the most successful personalities of the past century suffered from bipolar disorders throughout their lives. You may have heard of renowned female novelists Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath and even read their work, but did you know that the latter took anti-depressants for the greater half of her adult years? Also amongst the list of patients is legendary Dutch artist Vincent Van Gogh who became known not just for his exquisite paintings but vagrant moods as well. While bipolarism did not stop these creative geniuses from excelling in their fields, it affected their lives in ways only those who suffer from the disorder can comprehend.

Medically speaking, bipolar disorders can be described as dramatic changes in one’s mood and energy. From elated highs to the lowest forms of depression, the illness covers it all and affects people of all genders, ages and ethnicities. Typically, the initial symptoms begin to materialise in the late teenage years or one’s early 20s. For 40-yearold Warda Azad, the onset came early — around the time of her 18th birthday. “I had a nervous breakdown at 22, during a visit to the United States (US), and was diagnosed with bipolarism. Before this, I was misdiagnosed at 18 for I was unable to handle the stress of my O-Level examinations,” shares Warda. Now middle-aged, the social worker leads a happy personal and professional life, having conquered her illness successfully. “Ironically, the disorder became my greatest strength because I accepted it as a challenge — not a weakness,” says Warda. “I know how to harness it now. I learned to work faster and more effectively than others would do.”

Warda’s experience lends credence to something psychologists across the globe have been trying to argue for years. They believe bipolarism — or any mental illness for that matter — does not always have to be a hindrance in life. With prompt medical assistance, regular maintenance and self-management, about 50% to 60% of patients can lead perfectly functional lives. The only way ahead is by accepting the disorder as part of one’s life and learning to work around it.

According to Dr Uzma Ambreen, psychiatrist and medical director at The Recovery House in Karachi, early detection is best in these cases as timely treatment is imperative. “Bipolar disorders can remain disguised as minor depression for years,” she explains. “Even in advanced countries such as the US, it takes a long time for people to come to terms with their condition.”

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, OCTOBER 11, 2015

Although the exact reasoning behind bipolarism is yet to be determined, research indicates it is most common amongst those with close family members suffering from it as well. Extensive work has been done on genetic vulnerability in bipolar disorders but Dr Uzma disagrees. “A person may have the disorder since childhood and only manifest the symptoms in adolescence. It isn’t necessary that it transfers through generations,” she says.

Nonetheless, individuals who are genetically pre-disposed to the illness may experience mood swings due to significant life events, changes in health, hormonal imbalances, insomnia and substance abuse. The link is evident in many a patient, such as 38-year-old Salman Wasi, whose grandparent suffered from the same problems.

Overall, bipolar disorders comprise of two main poles: intense depression or intense mania. A patient may suffer from either or, as in some rare cases, both. Warda, for instance, has always shown an inclination towards mania and at times, resents the effect it has on those around her. “One time, I was experiencing an usual surge of energy. In that high state, I moved out the furniture in my room to the lounge — all by myself!” recalls Warda of one of her episodes. Dr Naim Siddiqi, associate professor and head of psychiatry at Sindh Institute of Urology and Transplantation in Karachi, elaborates on mania further, explaining that it perpetrates subnormal spikes in adrenaline. “This rush of energy motivates patients to undertake actions that could leave a negative impact on those they come in contact with,” says Dr Naim. “For example, they might begin talking much faster and a lot more than normal, as ideas come rapidly.” The brain is tricked into over-excitation, making one feel fresh and energetic, even with minimal rest or sleep. While this may not necessarily be detrimental, hyperactivity has a flipside in that the patient might overestimate their worth and potential and make a hasty decision. Overspending, impulsively resigning from a stable job, unnecessary arguing and accepting risky investments are just some of the ways in which bipolar mania manifests itself in the life of the patient. Violence and aggression are also common indicators.

Interestingly, there have been cases of patients taking to the belief that they are genius scientists, gifted scholars, religious or political leaders. At times, the mania translates into paranoia, making one feel that others are jealous of or trying to harm them physically. “The suicide rate is therefore, quite high amongst patients with bipolarism,” suggests Dr Naim.

“Usually, they begin to feel guilty about their behaviour once they come out of their reverie.”

At the other end of the spectrum are patients like Salman who suffered prolonged episodes of depression, as opposed to mania. “On days when I feel down, it becomes very difficult for me to move, let alone get out of bed,” shares Salman.

“Suicidal thoughts and the desire to inflict pain on myself are common. I am transported to a hell of sorts, without any fear of death.” At the time of his diagnosis, Salman was engaged to his current wife who tracked his symptoms and sought medical help. “I cannot thank her enough for this — for her undying support through the hardest of times,” admits Salman whose condition has deteriorated to the extent of hallucinations and hearing random voices. “It felt like navigating a radio at different wave lengths. I would hear a lot of voices but none of them were clear, which created a lot of confusion. The voices were in my head, along with some unbearably profane images,” he says.

It seems that the only instance wherein illness has led to the termination of marriage is when the spouse is not supportive towards the ailing person.

Warda, for example, received no help from her husband, even though her inlaws were made aware of her bipolarism before the wedding. “We lived in the US. There, I fulfilled all the domestic chores and cooking to please him and his family but nothing was ever appreciated,” recalls Warda. “He did not accompany me to the psychiatrist even once. I used to drive to therapy all by myself.”

Once when Warda became severely ill, her husband sent her to a friend’s place in another state of the US. After she had recovered, he asked her to go back to Pakistan and proceeded to send in the divorce papers. “I live with my mother and sister now and am certainly much happier,” adds Warda.

In our part of the world — where psychological illnesses are barely understood, let alone accepted — it is often assumed that a mentally challenged individual will be unable to lead a sound married life. Of course, there is no scientific or social evidence to support this notion. Not to mention there are many people with severe psychological illnesses leading normal, happy lives. “Marriage is a contract between two people who are equally responsible for the success or failure of their relationship,” says Dr Naheed.

“Bipolar disorders, in isolation, cannot account for marital discord.”

Ishrat Ansari works on the Karachi desk at The Express Tribune

Salman highlights an important but often overlooked aspect of psychological disorders as well: they are harder to recognise due to our lack of knowledge and the social stigma attached to them. “I remember that when I first told my mother about the voices and images in my head, she took me to a spiritual healer instead of a doctor,” he says. The reluctance to accept fate only delays the process, granting the illness more time to germinate.

But there is a way around this. According to clinical psychologist Dr Naheed Khan, treating bipolar disorders involves both drugs and psychological counseling. “Also, the patient must remain consistent with both lest the treatment prove futile,” says Dr Naheed. She warns against the drawbacks of skipping of medication as this can lead to a relapse in the patient. “Sometimes, individuals grow discouraged by counseling as it takes longer to work than medicines.

But the sessions are necessary as they inspire hope, courage and support.” Salman agrees with Dr Naheed, saying that letting go of medicines was the worse decision he ever made. “There were times when I also felt no real benefits from the medicines I was taking. But one must fight through those moments of disillusionment as in reality, the drugs really are helping.”

There is also considerable evidence which suggests that up to 25% of the symptoms of psychological illnesses can be remedied via regular exercise. Not only does this improve the quality of sleep enjoyed by an individual, it also keeps their physical health in check. “Nonetheless, the established and effective treatment remains medication, with or without psychotherapy,” confirms Dr Naim.

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En vogue

Rizwan Beyg’s latest casuals are ideal for the fall season Coordination: Umer Mushtaq Hair and makeup: Saba Ansari @ Sab’s Label: Showstopper Multi-brand Store Designer: Rizwan Beyg Photography: Rohail Khaled Model: Abeer Rizvi

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, OCTOBER 11, 2015

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, OCTOBER 11, 2015

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Lifestyle

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, OCTOBER 11, 2015

By Mehreen Ovais

B

elieve it or not, the average human must be using the word ‘sorry’ at least a dozen times a day. More often than not, it is but a harmless filler or a simple act of politeness. But if that is true, how come women tend to apologise so much more than their male counterparts? The more you think about it, the more you will realise that women really do use the word ‘sorry’ generously, regardless of whether they need to or not.

Deprecatory phrases like “Sorry, I got late” or “Sorry but could you repeat the question” have become intrinsic to our professional jargon in particular, so much so that women seem to have forgotten what should and should not be apologised for.

Considering this, it is no wonder a study published in the Journal of Psychological Science back in 2010 successfully proved that women are naturally pre-disposed to apologising more. The phenomenon has been under questioning for a long time. A recent advertising campaign by Pantene, for instance, posed the million dollar question as to why women are always apologising and ironically, received mixed reviews. While feminists across the globe praised them for breaching the topic, others shrugged it off, saying that it was merely social courtesy

that prompted it. Nonetheless, it is worth examining why there appears to be such a large gender disparity in the practice.

Perhaps women say sorry subconsciously, acting out a desire to appear socially acceptable. Men, on the other hand, are less concerned about seeming rude or controlling and therefore, apologise less.

Myra Hussain, an executive at a leading firm in Pakistan, admits to using the word sorry unnecessarily, particularly at her workplace. “It seems like the right thing to do but I do feel like apologising excessively stems from a woman’s subconscious,” explains Myra. “Women are discouraged from being too demanding or assertive.

We’ve made great progress but still, most of us tend to hold ourselves back. This passiveaggressive behaviour seems like an indirect apology for challenging others’ opinion or voicing our own.”

Karachi-based architect, Afshan Amjad, agrees with Myra, recounting how her mother taught her that a lady always spoke delicately and added a ‘sorry’ to everything she said. “I grew up with this idea. In fact, even as part of the debating club at my school, I would try and avoid sounding too declarative lest I lose my femininity.” The

ideas instilled in Afshan’s mind have stuck well into her adult life, seeing as how she still apologises frequently. “But I wish my mother had taught me that being at par with men isn’t something to regret.”

In an article published by The New York Times, American writer Sloan Crosley elaborated on this further. “We are even apt to shoehorn apologies in instance as where being direct is vital, such as when demanding a raise,” wrote Sloan. “This is not to suggest all men are rude and unapologetic and women are the inverse.

But something incongruous is happening in women’s behaviour that can’t be chalked up to reflexive politeness.”

Sloan, however, offers an interesting viewpoint: Could apologising for trivial issues be a woman’s way to get things done their way? For instance, when she says, ‘Sorry, but could you turn down the volume?’ she hopes the other person will appreciate her politeness and do as she asked. Sloan argues that this is exactly what needs to stop. “It’s not what we’re saying that’s the problem but it’s what we’re not saying,” she added.

“The sorrys are taking up airtime that should be used for making logical, declarative statements, expressing opinions and relaying accurate impressions of what we want.”

In Pakistan, most middle-to-lower-middle class families confine women to the boundaries of the home. Perhaps this is why even the handful of those who manage to break free and take up employment do so almost apologetically. They are apologetic for leaving their homes; for it is difficult balancing domestic and professional lives and for they are working alongside men and actually excelling.

This leads us to another interesting find: women are quicker to accept blame than

men. And so, they apologise quicker. Karina Schumann, a researcher and doctoral student at University of Waterloo in Canada believes that men do not consciously resist saying sorry as they feel it will make them look weak. They may also be reluctant to take responsibility for their actions.

“It seems like when they know they are wrong, they do apologise just as frequently as women. It’s just that they think they’ve done fewer things wrong,” explains Karina.

Women are also expected to maintain the emotional balance in relationships and tend to apologise simply to curtail an unpleasant situation. A lack of confidence could be an underlying cause here as well.

A good example of this would be dental assistant Saira Muddasir who works from morning to night as the sole breadwinner of her family. “My husband has been unemployed for years and I do everything, from cooking, cleaning, raising the children to going out and earning. And yet, I find I am always snubbed for one thing or the other,” shares Saira. “The ironic part is, I actually feel apologetic half of the time, as though everything is my fault.” Marketing officer Mariam Khan has similar sentiments and claims to feel guilty for earning more than her husband. “I also possess a higher degree than him and feel like I am apologising for that all the time,” admits Mariam. “It’s through the little sorrys I say during the day — for the house being unclean or the chappatis that aren’t warm enough. He keeps telling me to stop rubbing my income in his face,” she adds, ruefully.

Perhaps, being ‘nice’ could have its perks.

“I have realised I can get things done much better if I appear soft and amiable.

Hence, I often downplay my power,” admits advertising agent Maheen Khurram. Author Rachel Simmons highlights this ideology in her book entitled The Curse of the Good Girl. “Women know they have to be likable to get ahead. Apologising is one way to make yourself more accessible and less threatening,” she writes. Nonetheless, it seems like having to tame oneself in a world where women are standing shoulder-toshoulder with men is a great pity. Only time will tell how far society is willing to go to allow us to be our complete selves.

Mehreen Ovais is an alumna of Manchester Business School and Lahore University of Management Sciences.

She is passionate about writing and journalism. She tweets @mehreenovais

Design By Nabeel Khan

Domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, OCTOBER 11, 2015

By Huba Akbar

Mocha frappuccino

A coffee-shop favourite made right at home

Ingredients For the coffee: • Milk (chilled) 3 cups • Cream (packet or fresh) 5 tablespoons • Vanilla ice cream 1 cup • Condensed milk 1/2 cup • Chocolate syrup 1/2 cup • Cocoa powder 1 tsp • Chocolate chips 1/2 cup

PHOTO: HUBA AKBAR

For garnishing: • Whipped cream • Chocolate sprinkles 1 pinch

Method • Mix the coffee, milk, condensed milk, chocolate chips, cocoa powder, cream, vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup together in a blender.

• Top the blender off with ice and blend the ingredients until they form a smooth liquid.

• Garnish with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles. Serve chilled.

The Frappuccino turns 20 It was back in the summer of 1994 that consumers began to draw away from chilled powder juices and blended coffee drinks became all the rage. Coffee houses across America were experimenting with the concept, hoping to sustain their finances during the summer months when warm coffee did not fare too well.

Starbucks, America’s leading coffee house, pioneered the trend upon its acquisition of The Coffee Connection in Boston with which it inherited the acclaimed Frappuccino. Applying its research and development experience to the name, it eventually launched the Frappuccino as we know it today: a cold coffee slush suitable for both coffee drinkers and non-drinkers.

The fact that the new blend, commonly referred to as ‘Frap,’ was served chilled made for excellent financial gains. Soon, it became the new fad, raking in more customers than expected.

In fact, Fraps became so popular that its Seattle-based parent company decided to launch it in glass bottles for grocery stores across America. Interestingly, Frappuccino initially came in two main flavours, namely coffee bean and mocha. The additional toppings that are now available, such as whipped cream and caramel drizzle, were introduced much later. The flavours range from Red Bean to Green Tea Frappuccino. Other variations, like blended Crème (Sans any coffee or tea ingredients) and However You Want Frappuccino (which allows customers to select their own toppings) followed soon after.

This year, Frappuccino turned 20 and boasts of 36,000 different types, sold in all 66 of the countries its parent company operates in alone. So the next time you are sipping this staple summer drink, take a moment to appreciate how it evolved through the years and more importantly, revolutionised coffee consumption forever.

Woman of the week 8

with a fusion bridal and formal line by mixing some eastern elements with western ones. We meshed nets with tissue and varied our colour pallet from soft pastels to deeper shades, like emerald and red.

e world A glimpse into th rhouses we po i of Pakistan What sparked your interest in the fashion industry?

I know it sounds clichéd but I was always into art and sketching/illustrating has always been a passion. The art of designing and the realisation of an outfit just add to the magic.

What is the most important thing to keep in mind before designing?

Nothing really. When something inspires you, be it an image, fabric or a motif, that’s all you can think about and then, you just design.

Most designers prefer to have their individual outlets but you collaborated with your friend Saira for Saira-Shakira, the brand. What inspired you to work with her?

Saira and I have known each other since fashion school and been good friends since the beginning. We can relate to each other’s style sense and design sensibility.

Our husbands are childhood buddies as well so even after graduation and marriage, we spent a lot of time together. Starting the brand together just sort of made sense.

You have recently delved into bridal couture with a collection called ‘Seeking Paradise.’

Tell us a little about it.

‘Seeking Paradise’ is our second bridal couture collection actually. We came up

How has the Pakistani fashion industry changed over the past few years?

The Pakistani fashion industry has come a long, long, long way and it’s very exciting to see it grow. The competition is fierce and it gives designers an incentive to go that extra mile.

You have been a regular participant in the local fashion weeks for the last few years.

How much do these events really help, in terms of creating awareness about your brand?

The PFDC Fashion Week is a huge platform for any brand. After participating in our first event, the awareness for our brand has grown a considerable amount. We now have clients contacting us from all over the world.

Reptile Park with

Alisha and Im an.

What is the hardest part about working in the industry?

Well, I don’t think there is anything hard. I take everything as a challenge. Those who succeed are here to stay!

Who has inspired you the most throughout your career?

My parents and husband have all been a source of motivation in my career. These are the ones that have kept me inspired throughout.

Any advice to young women aspiring to become fashion designers?

Be consistent, love fashion, work hard to maintain your own style.

We are all well aware of how essential it is to clock in at least eight hours of beauty sleep at night to wake up fresh and rejuvenated the next morning. While this is indeed true, just sleeping alone isn’t enough to keep your skin healthy and happy. Following are some easy, pre-bedtime skincare practices you can employ. All you have to do is spend a little more time pampering yourself before hitting the sack!

For many of us, removing our makeup off after a long day at work is quite a hassle.

And even if we do manage to cleanse our faces at night, there is almost always a stubborn smudge of eye liner left there till you spot it the next morning. This is because most makeup products that boast of longevity contain a chemical called polymer that doesn’t dissolve with soap and water — or water-based makeup removers — easily.

Hence, in order to eliminate all impurities from your skin, try the ‘double cleansing’ technique recommended by dermatologists world over. This involves two main steps: 1. First use an oil-based cleanser to remove your makeup from the top skin layers.

2. Apply a gentle, non-soap cleanser and wash out any leftover residue.

At Kuala Park, Australia.

Fashion Designer

Suicide point, Sy dney

with my family.

Consider the hectic lifestyles most of us lead these days, going for facial treatments every four to six weeks has become quite a problem. Still, it is very important to cleanse within the pores on your face every now and then as it helps loosen any oils, dirt, sweat and bacteria that might be stuck in between. To get the salon cleansing effect, step into a steamy shower for about a minute or two before you wash your face. Be careful not to put your skin directly in contact with the water lest it burns.

Just expose your skin to the steam long enough for your pores to open up. Or perhaps, give yourself a mini-facial by soaking a hand towel and stick it into a microwave for 20 seconds. Gently, pat the towel on your face and you’re good to go.

If you usually sleep on your back, you’re one of the few lucky ones. According to research, falling asleep on your stomach or side, applies pressure on the face which ultimately, leads to wrinkles. Not to mention pillows and sheets can sometimes leave indentation marks on your skin. Sleeping on your back, on the other hand, not only saves your face from fine lines, it also props your head up just enough to keep fluids from pooling under your eyes and creating unsightly bags.

SOURCE: COSMOPOLITAN.COM

Design By Nabeel Khan