The Express Tribune hi five - September 15

inside

Ms

unwind—

What’s hot and happening

domestic goddess —

Dolmey redefined

SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

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ISSUE NO. 65

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Eastern Elegance

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Your fatherin-law: a potential ally page

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Section In-Charge: Batool Zehra Sub-Editor: Amna Hashmi

Greek god, Adonis

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Ms

the buzz

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Your father-in-law:

a poten by Sumaiya Lakhani

Ms.T looks into the relationship between a woman and her fatherin-law and how she can nurture it We all remember those desi movies and TV serials which show the hostile relationship between a saas and her bahu. The hackneyed storyline of ‘Kyunke Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi’ and the likes which reiterate the saas as the typical, manipulative wench and the bahu as either the extremely docile and dim-witted Cinderella or her evil stepsister, ready to give her saas a run for the money. The south-Asian showbiz industry has yet to come up with a character that even remotely resembles a normal girl living a normal life in her susraal — someone who admittedly has flaws but, contrary to popular belief, isn’t looking to mix rat poison in her saas’s evening chai.

But despite this hyper-exaggeration of the saasbahu dilemma, one cannot deny the sensitivity of this relationship. Indeed, living with the two women can prove very difficult for others and must be handled with

My bahu is like my daughter. If my son is travelling, I go out of my way to ensure she doesn’t get lonely. Bahus are daughters and daughters are blessings

care. But who is the ‘handler’ in question? Generally, the son (the husband) is bestowed with the responsibility of ensuring the relationship between the two most important women in his life remains civil but what if he is absent or simply, fails to do so? The responsibility inevitably falls on the poor father-in-law though hardly any credit seems to be given to him for this.

The sussar has to be the most side-lined character in the family drama when in reality, he can be the strength and the glue which holds it all together! Yet we never hear much of the sussar-bahu dynamics and how it pans out against the saas-bahu relationship. In fact, we barely hear about any fathers-in-law at all!

Speaking to 60-year-old Zeenat Hanif, one can begin to understand why. “My family and I were terrified of my sussar,” she says. “Abbu Jee was like the patriarch of the house, strict and moody. My children would avoid answering his calls because they were so scared of him and even I would call him back very hesitantly if ever I missed his calls and listen patiently as he gave me instructions. He was feared by everyone in the house,” she adds.

Faiza Ali has her own story to tell. “My father in law was worse than the worst of the typical Star-Plus saas!” she complains. “He would interfere in every little matter and eventually, things got so complicated in the house that my husband and I decided to move

How to deal with your father-in-law 1) Because you’re worth it: Your father-in-law can often be more apprehensive of you initially as he does not want his child to get hurt emotionally. Your job is to always present yourself if the positive light. If yours is a love marriage, show him the qualities that made your spouse love you, such as being pleasant and kind. If it was arranged, then remind him as much as you can why he thought you the best to bring into his family. This will make him value you more.

2) Say no to divide and rule: If your mother-in-law appears to be unhappy with your relationship with your father-in-law, make an equal or greater effort to get closer to her lest she feel ignored. This can also help prevent many a family problems in the future.

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THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

tial ally abroad to get away from them.”

But not all fathers-in-law are sent from hell. In fact, most women have nothing but positive things to say regarding these other men in their marriages.

When asked about her rapport with her sussar, recently-married 30-year old Asma Khan admits that fortunately, they share a father-daughter bond and more often than not, he takes her aside as opposed to his wife’s. “On one occasion, my saas had an issue with the way I was dressed — she thought it was inappropriate for the occasion,” she recalls.

“But when she confronted me about it, my sussar rushed to my defence, claiming that I looked perfect.”

Similarly, Aleena Jawaid, 33, feels nothing but love for her father-in-law and says he is “very easy-going and appreciates even the littlest of things I do for him and his son,” unlike her mother-in-law.

In situations such as Asma’s, the mother-in-law is unlikely to take too well to opposition, especially in front of her new bahu as it undermines her standing in the family. This may lead to further complications within the family as she tries to maintain control over the household and if her husband is siding with the new-comer (often viewed as a threat by existing female family members) things can get out of hand.

Nonetheless, it is a blessing having an understanding father-in-law. Zeenat praises hers for being such a strong and respected man. “Having a father-inlaw like him gave me a lot of security,” she admits.

“Although Abu Jee was very temperamental, he never failed to surprise me with his love and fairness! Many times, Ammi was unable to understand things he accepted easily. If I had had a rough night with my child, he would allow me to come late for breakfast

My father in law was worse than the worst of the typical Star-Plus saas. He would interfere in every little matter and eventually, things got so complicated in the house that my husband and I decided to move abroad to get away from them when Ammi would not!”

Generally, it appears most bahus are at peace with their sussars, even when they are more demanding.

Sameen says “My father-in-law was extremely particular. The dinner had to be perfect and served at the exact same time every day. And he was also very picky about what was cooked. But aside from all this, he had a heart of gold!” And the admiration seems to be mutual, as indicated by 65-year-old Imran Ali who says, “My bahu is like my daughter. If my son is travelling, I go out of my way to ensure she doesn’t get lonely. Bahus are daughters and daughters are blessings!”

How then should the sussar-bahu relationship be handled? Should you maintain a healthy distance from your father-in-law or become his daughter completely? Remember, what works for one person may not work for another as each family has its own values and cultures. Hence, it is important to understand the type of person your father-in-law is and vice-versa. Some women may not like to get to close to their in-laws while others would love it. Both sides have to maintain the right balance. After all, it takes two to tango! *Names have been changed for privacy.

3) Respect your elders: Always remember that he is older to you and you must respect him. Make an effort to express this respect and show him that you care. Share your feelings and seek his advice. Remember that you should go to him rather than he comes to you.

4) In his shoes: If your father-in-law is behaving in a bothersome manner, try to put yourself in his shoes and understand why he might be doing so. This will help you understand him better and avoid unpleasant circumstances later on.

5) Dont get personal: As your elder, it is unlikely that your father-in-law and you will share your opinions regarding various things (read generation gap!) In such a situation avoid being too vociferous about your views or too inconsiderate of his.

Always remember, he has a right to his opinion, as do you.

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Ms

en vogue

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Eastern Be

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

eauty Motifz displays its latest line of embroidered kurtas in a variety of cuts and colours Coordination: Umer Mushtaq Styling: Atifa Siddique @ Alabatross Hair & Makeup: Sab’s Salon, Lahore Label: Motifz Photography: Hasan Gardezi Model: Saadia Khan

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Ms

unwind

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Jillian Micheal’s Yoga Meltdown:

Do

Ms.T ’s recommendations for everything that is doing the rounds across the world. Make sure you give each a shot to stay in the loop!

Read

The Naughty Girls’ Book Club (NGBC):

Grab your comfiest quilt and largest cup of tea, ladies! It’s time to curl up with a good book and we have just the recommendation for you! Invest in a copy of the Naughty Girls’ Book Club by Sophie Hart and lose yourself in the life of Estelle and her fellow bookclubbers as they read their way through a variety of erotic fiction, leading to some surprising consequences in their own lives.

Don’t be alarmed by the mention of ‘erotic fiction’ though! NGBC is hardly a Fifty Shades of Grey — the storylines are much gentler and we recommend it for anyone looking for a light-hearted read on a lazy afternoon. It is packed with some great gags and giggles and has been on top of the ‘chick-lit’ list all year. You won’t want to put it down!

See

Suits, season 3

If you haven’t been following Suits this summer, you have wasted your holidays. Really, that is how seriously we take the gorgeous Harvey Specter here at Ms T! The smashing and dashing, high-flying lawyer has been back on the airwaves since July and we simply can’t get enough of his super suave ways! Not only is Suits rich in eye-candy (Harvey’s prized associate Mike Ross isn’t too hard on the eyes either), the storylines are intense and brilliantly executed to keep you glued to the screen all day. Its cleverness has been vouched for by the millions of fans the first two seasons garnered with the third following suit (pun intended!) Hit your nearest video store to purchase a DVD of this great show. You will be thanking us by end!

Tired of your boring old exercise regime? Sick of dieting but to no avail? Celebrity fitness guru Jillian Micheal’s got the right challenge for you! If you are up for a hardcore weight-loss routine then gift yourself a DVD of Jillian’s Yoga Meltdown series and wait for the results. The DVD is split into two levels: once you have successfully mastered the first, you may begin the second and ultimately, mix the two levels up for the maximum effect. Mind you, this form of yoga is anything but relaxing. The moves and positions used by Jillian are extremely strenuous, especially for beginners, but we promise you, the end results are more than worth it. After all, no pain no gain! And what’s more, weight-loss yoga is a great break from the standard aerobics and gym sessions most of us resort to. However, if you think you feel you aren’t strong enough for Yoga Meltdown, Jillian has other workout DVDs available from your neighbourhood video store which will get you in shape from the comfort of your homes.

domestic goddess 7

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Recipe

Dolmey Felfel is one of those ‘labour of love’ dishes which take up a lot of your time and energy but are so worth it as at the end, you have tiny little meal packages — which smell divine and taste even better — ready to be eaten.

‘Dolmey’ means stuffing so you can use many other vegetables as the outer ‘shells’ but my personal favourite are bell peppers because of their tangy taste and bright colours. If you want some chatkhaara in your life, try out this recipe for stuffed bell peppers. I promise you will love it.

Dolmey Felfel (Stuffed Bell Peppers)

Method • Cut a circle on top of the bell peppers and remove the seeds.

• In a large pot, add some water and ½ tsp salt.

Boil the bell peppers in the water for 3-4 minutes until they become slightly soft. Once they are boiled, drain the water and allow the bell peppers to cool. (Make sure they are not overcooked lest they fall apart later.)

• Heat 2 tbsp of oil at medium heat and sauté the onions in the pan, until they become goldenbrown.

• Add the turmeric powder and mutton to the pan and cook until the meat is no longer pink in colour, stirring occasionally.

• Add 2 tbsp of crushed tomatoes, salt and pepper to the mixture, cover it and allow it to cook at medium-low heat, until the liquid is absorbed.

• In a separate bowl, mix 2 cups of hot water, salt, tomato paste, lemon juice and 1 tbsp oil to prepare the sauce.

• Mix the cooked mutton with the rice and coriander and fill the bell peppers with the stuffing.

• Pour a little sauce over each stuffed bell pepper and cover it with the piece cut off in step 1.

• Place the stuffed bell peppers in a large pot and pour the remaining sauce over and around them and cover. Cook these at medium-low heat until the bell peppers are soft.

Gulnaz Mondegarian is an expert in Iranian cuisine who has co-hosted Food Diaries alongside Zarnak Sidhwa to celebrate Community Food Week

Ingredients:

Minced mutton 250 grams

Capsicums (any colour) 5

Cooked rice 1 and ½ cup

Green chillies 3-4

Onion (chopped) 1

Oil

Coriander (chopped) 50 grams

Tomatoes 3

Salt and pepper to taste

Lemon juice 2 tsp

Turmeric powder ¼ tsp

hottie of the week 8

THE EXPRESS TRIBUNE, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Status Born

Engaged Faisalabad, Pakistan

Birthday

27th July, 1981

Face

85%

Gohar Mumtaz

Body

85%

Who is he?

His soulful compositions have been tugging at our strings for almost a decade (remember Aadat and Sajni?) but if you haven’t followed his band Jal through the years then you will surely recognize him as the dignified and loving Faiz in Hum TV’s popular drama serial Tanhai. Goher’s horn-rimmed glasses and tall, dark, handsome and sophisticated avatar had us ogling at our TV-screens every Wednesday night and his credible performance won the hearts of the nation. With his acting prowess, musical genius and international concert performances in tow (he has three studio albums to his credit!) Goher is well on his way to world-wide stardom with his own brand of pop-rock music. His simplicity belies the level of creativity and intelligence he is blessed with and even his contemporaries can’t deny his talent! As for us… let’s just say we are utterly and irrevocably in love.

Talent

90%

Why we love him Not only is Goher an actor, singer, songwriter, music composer and guitarist, he also has a six-foot frame to carry all this talent. His natural charisma is only heightened by those lazy, heavy-lidded eyes and that crop of silky black hair just begs to be rumpled. Add to this a friendly smile and humble nature and we have our very own modern day Adonis!

Goher attributes all his success to hard work and determination which became second nature to him at a very early age. Despite various controversies, he has remained focused and risen above it all without so much as a scratch on himself. He leads a simple life despite his success and is as happy in the company of a few close friends as he is entertaining a crowd of thousand. Although his work keeps Goher on his toes almost all the time, he is fond of taking long drives in the wee hours of the night, all alone in the moonlight.

What you didn’t know about him Goher’s parents were initially against pursuing a career in music and so, at the age of 11, Goher sold his bicycle to buy his very first guitar for just Rs1,500!

During his college years, Goher suffered a tragic accident which left him bedridden for nearly six months. However, he says that it was during these long, painful months that he honed his guitar skills and started composing new songs in addition to reproducing old ones.

Goher has an uncanny ability to remember phone numbers even if he hasn’t dialed them himself.

A true romantic at heart, Goher believes in love. He is utterly faithful to his lucky ladylove and feels that ego has no place in relationships.

Total Package

87%