The Express Tribune Magazine - November 28

november 28-december 4 2010

Tribal Ties 16

Ali Zafar on Perfection

14

From Russia with Love 38

FEATURES

REVIEWS

COMMENT

PEOPLE

TRAVEL

june 13-19 2010

june 13-19 2010

november 28- December 4 2010

Cover Story 16 Tribal Ties Fashion takes a distinctly ethnic turn

Feature 24 The Return of the Soccer Rioters The link between hooliganism and the extreme right-wing

Travel 28 Amsterdam Calling Sascha Akhtar on the City of Sin

Comment

24

32 Keeping it Real Does dining at Zamzama make you less real than eating at Anarkali?

Up North and Personal 38 From Russia with Love Zahrah Nasir on the detritus of Europe

28

Review 34 What’s new in film and books

Regulars 6 People & Parties: Out and about with beautiful people 14 Tribune Questionnaire: Ali Zafar on promises 40 Horoscope: Shelley von Strunckel on your week ahead 42 Ten Things I Hate About: Gamers

14

4

Senior Sub-Editor: Nadir Hassan, Sub-Editors: Batool Zehra, Hamna Zubair, Film Critic: Faiza S Khan Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq Alvi, S Asif Ali, Sukayna Sadik Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi.

For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk Printed by: Yaqeen Art Press (Pvt.) Ltd., Karachi

june 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Fashion Forward Saim Ali launched his label at The Designers in Karachi.

6

Asad Tareen, Saim and Fauzia Tareen

Beenish Pervaiz and Saba

Mina Hassen and Hassen Sardar

Ayaan and Akif Ilyas

November 28-december 4 2010

june 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Summer, Sana and Ayza

Sana

8

Nazia Malik and Nazneen Tariq November 28-december 4 2010

Madeeha Syed and Ayaz Anis

han

Mishi K

Naheed and Atiya Khan

june 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Starry Night The after-party of the PFDC Sunsilk Fashion Week was a glamorous affair.

10

Michele Stockman, Laurent Laughlin and Saad Zaidi

Nicole Bergot, Nashmia and Frieha Altaf

HSY, Saad, Nickie, Maheen Kardar, Maria, Asma and Hamza

Sabina Pasha, Ayaz Anis and Rubya Chaudhry

November 28-december 4 2010

june 13-19 2010

PEOPLE & PARTIES

Bollywood Happenings The stars were out in full force this week to support

Kareena and Ajay Devgan at a party at the Hyatt Regency

12

Amitabh Bachchan at the KBC Winner press meet November 28-december 4 2010

Katrina Kaif at Kabir Khan’s birthday bash

Yana Gupta at a Child Reach NGO event

PHOTO CREDIT: IANS

their friends and their favourite causes.

june 13-19 2010

“I would like to come back as the greatest lover in the world” Pop singer Ali Zafar on expensive jeans, nuclear weapons and honouring his promises.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Which talent would you most like to have?

To be able to find joy in sadness.

To be able to dismantle an atomic bomb.

What is your greatest fear?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

To start fearing things.

Be more talkative.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

My silence for others.

Sticking to my promises to myself and making my parents proud

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Not reasoning, or questioning things.

What is your greatest extravagance?

A pair of jeans. Could’ve bought five for that price.

What is your current state of mind?

Contemplative, peaceful and hopeful.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Pride.

On what occasion do you lie?

When truth would be destructive.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

of me.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

The greatest lover in the world.

Where would you most like to live?

Where I have my rights and my freedom.

What is your most treasured possession?

My guitar.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Feeling satisfaction and joy in inflicting pain upon others.

If you didn’t do your current job, what would you choose to do?

Vanish.

I can’t complain and be unthankful for whatever little I have.

What is your most marked characteristic?

Which living person do you most despise?

own work.

All those who despise the less fortunate.

Being a perfectionist — I’m never completely happy with my

Who is your hero of fiction?

What is the quality you most like in a man?

To think beyond his manhood.

Superman.

Who are your heroes in real life?

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

That she can produce an entire human being.

Edhi, Imran Khan in cricket, Christopher Reeves and Martin Luther King.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

What is your greatest regret?

Hmmm.

I spoke to my dad once in a raised voice.

When and where were you happiest?

How many hours of load shedding did you experience yesterday?

When my son was born.

One. a

15 November 28-December 4 2010

COVER STORY

tribal

ties november 28-december 4 2010

From New York to Mila week, held in Karachi f to a whole different loc ted Kalash tribe from C Kohli tribe. Kamiar Rok and released them as o Thar Desert’s sun-bake beauty looks of PFDC S

BY ANAM MANSURI PHOTOGRAPHS BY JAMAL ASHIQ/NOOR JAVERI/AFP/EPA

an, if anyone can rock the tribal trend on the catwalk‌ it’s us! This PFDC fashion from the 10th-13th of November, Pakistani designers took the global tribal trend cal level. Recent fashion school graduate Akif focused on the extravagantly outfitChitral, while Ali Xeeshan zeroed in on the embellishments that adorn the Sindhi kni plucked his favourite folk crafts and cultural influences from all over Pakistan one big burst of fabulous colour, and finally, Fahad Hussayn managed to make the ed metallic look street chic. Here are some of the best collections, accessories and Sunsilk fashion week 2010.

november 28-december 4 2010

COVER STORY

TRIBAL INFIDELITY — Akif Mahmood The Kalash, or “infidel” tribe, hailing from the Chitral district

in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa have historically been shunned by the country’s more conservative elements — what with their polytheistic beliefs and wine-making. But last week these “siah

poshed kaafirs” added some serious oomph to the Land of the Pure’s fashion scene. And it is now safe to declare: Ladies and Gentleman — Tribal is the new black!

Akif approached the Kalash theme earlier this year in Januray

when he had to decide what would inspire his final year thesis collection at the Pakistan Institute of Fashion Design. Although

warned by his professors that the Kalash-inspired look was overdone, Akif was determined to do justice to the vibrant colours

and ranges of style he believed the Kalash have to offer. He also decided that authenticity would be the essence of his collection, so he used pretty much the exact same color scheme and embroidery that the Kalash are famous for. He simply added practical

summer fabric, such as cottons and linens, and some fun cuts to the mix: “I just wanted it to be a neat clean prêt line with pieces

that any girl could pick up and pair with whatever she wanted to.”

Akif’s decision to stay true to the culture probably worked in

his favour, since the Kalash style is making waves in fashion trends both locally and abroad. “I didn’t plan to follow any trends

when I started, but it all luckily worked in my favour,” Akif explained. “The tribal colours and the loose kaftan look are so in

18

now, and that is exactly how the people of Kalash dress.” november 28-december 4 2010

TRIBAL FUNK — Ali Xeeshan Nobody does desi funk better than Ali Xeeshan. His neon fabrics and psychedelic motifs made us want to slip into one of his flowy

kaftans and get jiggy to ‘danay pay dana’ all night long. Besides mastering the art of meshing traditional motif with funky cut and colour, Ali Xeeshan’s real glory lies in his impeccable styling.

That is why in the past three fashion weeks Ali Xeeshan was a hit, though critics simultaneously questioned the practical wear-

ability of his clothes. This time, however, Xeeshan impressed them too.

“I didn’t want to use ready made accessories this time, because

they had nothing new to offer- so I made everything on my own,”

said Xeeshan. Xeeshan used local Sindhi mirror work as inspiration for his jewelry; intricate but cost-effective pieces that accen-

tuated the colour palette of the collection. He used the regular kara as an inspiration for anklets, and used black cloth as the pri-

mary material in construction. He also transformed the stacked white bangles worn by the Sindhi local women into sleeves, with white satin and foam sandwiching them together. All in all,

Xeeshan produced one of the most impressive collections of the week.

19 november 28-december 4 2010

COVER STORY TRIBAL ROCK — Fahad Hussayn Fahad Hussayn’s collection was fusion at its finest — feminine

and gentle white chiffons paired with silver chains and chunky kaam. The same makeup theme caught the audience’s eye as

models sporting the rock-desert inspired beauty look strutted down the runway. Ultra matte faces with a hint of brick bronzer,

pale lips and dark lined eyes with gigantic metal naths and hoops, and colourful tassles — characteristic of the women of the

Thar dessert. The hair was smoothly slicked back into a neat bun and finished the look.

20 november 28-december 4 2010

TRIBAL FOLK — Kamiar Rokni Here is tribal with a twist: Folk. Kamiar Rokni’s ‘Folkistan’ collection, inspired by Pakistani rural motifs and folk crafts has al-

ready been labeled the ‘Best collection of Fashion Week’ by critics across the board. In this collection colour exploded to perfection

and checkered and striped local fabrics experimented with round-

er, even brighter images. Almost every piece that was shown put a smile on the audience’s face.

Rokni himself had a great time designing the collection,

particularly with the motifs — “I got really into them especially the one of the parrot,” he said. “I had never used the bird motif before and here the challenge was also how to make the done

to death truck-art theme new and fresh.” While Rokni and his

design partner Tia Noon had a great time designing the collection, for the first time their workers had a ball too! The tailors and embroiders were excited to work with these local cultural

and tribal references: “It was the first time they were working on something they could relate to. They loved it.” a

21 november 28-december 4 2010

REVIEW

june 13-19 2010

june 13-19 2010

feature

the return of the

soccer rioters

European soccer and right-wing violence share a long and troubled history.

By Brian Philips

24 November 28-December 4 2010

On October 12, a riot broke out at a soccer game in Italy. Its perpetrators were a group of right-wing Serbs who had traveled to Genoa to watch their national team play Italy — or, as it turned out, not to watch it play, since the game was called off after just seven minutes. The Serbs threw burning flares onto the pitch and used a metal bar to try to smash the fence that separated them from the Italian supporters. A large, heavily tattooed man in a black

ism, had attacked a gay pride parade in Belgrade, setting cars on

It was one of those moments in soccer when everything seems to go wrong: Warnings are missed, policies backfire, authorities are confounded. Earlier in the day, ultra-nationalist Serbs had fought with Italian police in the streets and attacked their own team bus, yet the same group was able to enter the stadium with unconfiscated knives, clubs, and explosives.

In Germany, Chancellor Angela Merkel has used football to show a tolerant country

There is a slight but unmistakable link between hooliganism 25 and fascism.

ski mask climbed the Perspex barrier at the front of the stands

and started slicing through the perimeter netting with wire cutters, pausing to give the occasional Nazi salute. As Italian riot

police moved to surround the visitors, the Serbs set fire to an Albanian flag and unfurled a banner reading “Kosovo is Serbia.�

It was one of those moments in soccer when everything seems

to go wrong: Warnings are missed, policies backfire, authorities are confounded. Earlier in the day, ultra-nationalist Serbs had

fought with Italian police in the streets and attacked their own

team bus, yet the same group was able to enter the stadium with unconfiscated knives, clubs, and explosives. Days before the

match, hundreds of thugs, many with ties to soccer hooligan-

November 28-December 4 2010

feature fire and hurling rocks at police. Since January, Serbians no longer

need visas to travel to most EU countries, making it far easier for

these same thugs to follow the national team. And yet the only thing the Italian soccer federation seemed to do differently in

preparation for this match was to invite 1,000 local school children.

European soccer and right-wing violence share a long and

troubled history. If fascism is the future refusing to be born, as

Aneurin Bevan said, then soccer has often been its anti-midwife.

Mussolini used the 1934 World Cup as a sort of Blackshirt matinee

spectacular, and Franco bolstered his regime with the popular-

ity of Real Madrid. In more recent years, what soccer historian David Goldblatt calls “the skinhead-hooligan nexus” has been a constant thorn in the side of the game’s organisers and of regular, non-Nazi-sympathiser fans.

Soccer doesn’t make people violent any more than it makes

them political. But the game does combine flamboyant iconography, militaristic virtue, and fierce tribal loyalty. Those ingredients form an unlit Molotov cocktail that tends to light up

in countries whose economies and political institutions are in decay — places with a lot of impoverished, angry, unemployed young men. In these locales, soccer games can become recruiting grounds for some very unpleasant groups.

In his book Among the Thugs, Bill Buford describes watching the

white-supremacist National Front courting English hooligans in the 1980s. (They throw a neo-Fascist disco party, which is even

less quaint than it sounds.) Similar recruiting efforts have taken

place in Italy, where a culture of warring ultras — or hard-core fans who stand and sing throughout matches and stage elaborately choreographed displays — was a target for the radical MSI

party in the 1970s. In the early 1980s, white skinhead fans of Paris Saint-Germain joined Jean-Marie Le Pen’s National Front. In

Israel, the club Beitar Jerusalem has longstanding ties to rightwing Zionist organisations. For years, neo-Nazi groups attracted West German soccer hooligans; today, Polish soccer gangs are

integrated with the far-right NOP. At different times, depend-

ing on social health and policing strategy, similar stories could

nihilists, not true believers.

In this light, the history of politicised soccer violence

be told about the Netherlands, Spain, Romania, and any number

among fans from the former Yugoslavia — including the

Most of the time, the relationship between soccer hooligans

exception. Fighting between ultras from the Serbian club Red

of other countries.

and fascist ideologues is relatively shallow and ephemeral. The

right-wing groups get pawns who are willing to throw rocks at

police, and the hooligans get a cause that legitimises what they want to do anyway, which is hit somebody. As Buford demon-

strates in Among the Thugs, where the soccer toughs are more interested in slam-dancing than in reading National Front re-

26

ing to extremist groups in the first place. They’re hedonistic

cruitment literature, the hooligans’ effectiveness as soldiers is

limited by the quality of drifting rage that makes them so appealNovember 28-December 4 2010

Serbs who rioted in Genoa — might seem like a sensational Star Belgrade and the Croatian club Dinamo Zagreb arguably helped precipitate the breakup of the country during the early

1990s. During the early wave of fighting, Serbian President Slobodan Milosevic mobilised Red Star ultras into a paramili-

tary force. Under the command of a former bank robber and prison escapee known as Arkan, they carried out brutal ethnic cleansing in Bosnia and elsewhere. Franklin Foer, who

writes about Arkan in How Soccer Explains the World, describes

Most of the time, the relationship between soccer hooligans and fascist ideologues is relatively shallow and ephemeral. The rightwing groups get pawns who are willing to throw rocks at police, and the hooligans get a cause that legitimises what they want to do anyway, which is hit somebody. knew what their objective was. The hulk with the ski mask and wire cutters, whom police hauled out of the luggage compartment of a bus during post-match fighting, said that he had noth-

ing against the Italians. Other rioters claimed that they were try-

ing to stop the match in order to drive out Tomislav Karadzic, the head of the national soccer federation, who is loathed by Red Star

fans. But the hooligans who attacked the Serbian bus were apparently motivated by a desire to terrorise goalkeeper Vladimir

Stojkovi, a former Red Star player who recently moved to Partizan. And some fans might merely have been angry about the team’s recent 3-1 home loss to Estonia.

There are other possible motives: Hillary Clinton was visit-

ing Belgrade on the day of the match. The 10-year anniversary his fan-soldiers singing stadium songs on the front. Later in the

decade, as Milosevic’s popularity collapsed along with Serbian unity, ultras from the Belgrade club Partizan fired a rocket-propelled grenade across the stadium into a stand full of Red Star

fans. In 2000, during the demonstrations that accompanied Milosevic’s downfall, Red Star ultras (now fighting for the opposition) stormed the Serbian Parliament.

So the thugs in Genoa were the heirs of a kind of tradition. But

of Milosevics fall from power had just passed. Serbia’s Constitutional Court was scheduled to consider a proposal to ban 14 ul-

tras groups. And the riot must have had some connection to the gay-pride parade attacks of the weekend before. In other words,

it was a confused demonstration in which political resentments and sports-related resentments were ambiguously fused. It took place amid a fury of ultra-nationalist imagery, but the precise significance of most of that imagery is anyone’s guess.

This uncertainty won’t stop the debate about whether a new wave

if those riots exemplified anything, it was the haphazardness of

of soccer hooliganism is headed for Europe, or about the best way

agrees that the Serbian hooligans were taking orders from right-

stupid episode really lies. Like the reasons behind the riot, those

sports violence when placed in the service of politics. Everyone wing leaders in Belgrade (who, like many right-wing groups in Europe, have ties to organised crime). But it’s not clear that the rioters themselves all had the same objective or that they even

to promote security at matches, or where the blame for this whole are important questions to everyone except the rioters themselves.

And no one seems to know what they’re thinking.

­— NYT Syndication Services a

November 28-December 4 2010

27

Travel

amsterdam

calling Discover Amsterdam as it is meant to be seen — slowly, and as a traveller, not a tourist

by Sascha Akhtar

28 November 28-december 4 2010

Amsterdam is often called “The City Of Sin.” Incidentally, I have heard every metropolis of the “civilised” Western Hempishere called the same; New York, London, Los Angeles, Berlin, Paris, you name it. The only difference is that in Amsterdam, “sinning” ­­­is legal. But you knew that of course. In fact, for an enormous proportion of the world, the word, “Amsterdam,” conjures up vi-

sions of a utopia of the forbidden. So if you’re reading this, you know exactly what Amsterdam stands for and belong to one of

two sets of people in the world; those who have been there and those who haven’t and are dying to.

However, I find this to be a rather narrow view of both Amster-

dam and the Dutch people. Geert Wilders aside, what I find the most intriguing local delight of all is the aroma of a highly rational, progressive society. On a recent trip to “The Dam,” as those

The word, “Amsterdam,” conjures up visions of a utopia of the forbidden. So if you’re reading this, you know exactly what Amsterdam stands for and belong to one of two sets of people in the world; those who have been there and those who haven’t, and are dying to.

in the know call it, I re-kindled my love for this nation.

When I was a teenager growing up in Pakistan I used to envis-

age backpacking through Europe, hopping on and off the Eurorail like teenagers on (American imported) TV. Alas, this was not to come true, for I soon discovered just how complex a fantasy

that was. Yes, now there’s the Schengen, which still isn’t easy to get if you’re Pakistani, but in the 90s to swan about footloose and fancy-free on the Eurorail “like Americans” required a separate visa plus fee for every single country you planned to visit.

So that never happened, and this trip to Amsterdam then was

the first time I was able to board a train and end up in another

country. I waited 18 years for this, and recommend it highly to anyone travelling to the Netherlands via the UK. Doing away

with the nerve-wracking experience of flying is the best thing

you can do these days. You don’t have to worry about luggage and the journey amounts to no more than four hours in total.

There is something very grounding about travelling by land.

I admit I was nervous about going under the sea through the November 28-december 4 2010

29

Travel

Buddhist Inspired Art In Rokerij Jordaan Inside Rokerij Jordaan Channel Tunnel, but it was over before I knew it. As I got out at

to engage. Most streets and canals in the Jordaan are named af-

at an international airport, I felt expansive with a sense of free-

Jardin or garden in French. The area has a high concentration of

Centraal Station, minus the palava that accompanies arriving

dom. If you are a “traveller” like me as opposed to a “tourist,” you will do what I did: I found accomodation away from the hotspots

of Rembrandtplein, Leidseplein and Dam Square, which is the

town square in the city. There is no joy to be had in visiting the Times Square and Leicester Square equivalents of a city such as

Amsterdam for it is infinitely smaller than either New York or

London with a disproportionately larger number of people in it at any given time.

Amsterdam is tourist destination Number One for obvious rea-

sons. This makes for an unpleasantly crowded city 90 per cent of

hofjes (inner courtyards), many of them with restored houses and peaceful gardens. The house where Anne Frank went into

hiding during World War II is located on the edge of the Jordaan,

and Rembrandt spent the last years of his life here. So you’d be in good historical company, and the most artsy coffee shop of the

Rokerij chain of 4 is located here. I have spent many an hour as

a flâneur on the Jordaan streets, only to find myself led to this Rokerij with its Buddhist inspired artwork from floor to ceiling and grotto-like lighting.

I got a package deal on a new hotel called The Fashion Hotel,

the year. There is no official off-season, but unofficially April/

which I settled for as I found nothing as cheap that wasn’t a to-

mobbed metropolis for your roaming pleasure. Don’t make the

actually turned out lush. It’s not in the centre, which is what

May and August/September are months that provide a less-

same mistake I did and visit in December, because it’s much too cold for tourists.

December in Amsterdam is absolutely frigid, and I had the

pleasure of experiencing (whilst trudging through it on foot)

Amsterdam’s first snow blizzard in something like 15 years. So

tal dump. Despite its rather ridiculous name The Fashion Hotel

brings the price down since staying right next to say, the Red Light District or the Old part of the city is what most people do.

This hotel, though, is pretty much a five star hotel at three star rates.

I am gaga for the Dutch view on cycling. To my mind, a uto-

don’t do it. Yes, New Year’s Eve in Amsterdam may sound like a

pian society consists of no cars, only bicycles. The morning after

an adult who never grew up) in which case all you care about is

as luck would have it the hotel rented out bicycles. Perfect.

hoot, but trust me, it is far from it, unless of course you’re 18 (or

yelling “ Whoa!” and “Aweesommme” really loudly, not noticing

I arrived, I got straight to finding a Dutch bicycle rental shop and Some believe the heart of Amsterdam to be the Old Market or

the sub-zero temperatures. This is no dig. I was 18 once too, and

the area that includes Warmondstraat (Straat means Street in

surrounded by a seething global mass of totally wasted tourists

the true heart of Amsterdam is Vondelpark. It isn’t large com-

it was great, but now I confess I would rather be warm and not puking on my shoes.

But back to places to stay. If you have the funds, Jordaan is

30

ter trees and flowers, and its name is thought to be derived from

hands-down the best neighbourhood you could stay in. It’s not too far from the centre, but it’s far enough that you aren’t forced November 28-december 4 2010

Dutch) and Damstraat. That may be where the visitors flock, but pared to other parks of acclaim — it doesn’t even boast splendid

feats of gardening, sculputure or fountains, but it has a little of all these things and there is nothing better than using Vondelpark as a throughway when exploring the city of Amsterdam gets hectic.

My first morning in the city, and every morning after, I would

leave the clean and quiet Fashion Hotel on my bike, enjoy a lei-

surely ride through Vondelpark, then voila at the other end of the park was all the hubbub of the city, and most importantly,

a host of breakfast opportunities. One must eat a pancake in Amsterdam at least once, and of course the waffles laden with

ice-cream, bananas and syrups. Chances are that after having

knocked back a nice “coffee,” at an Amsterdam coffee shop, those waffle stands helpfully parked everywhere will be a most enticing destination… a word to the wise, if you have rented a bicycle you must remember where you’ve parked it before you enter a cof-

fee-shop.

Drop a pin on the Google map application on your Iphone be-

cause I can guaruntee you will not for the life of you find it once

you have tried all the available flavours of “coffee”. That said, you may find you are incapable of getting back on a bike at all… So be safe, we aren’t all cycling experts like the Dutch. The pathways between the canals are narrow, cobbled and shared by transport

Whilst sauntering, keep a lookout for street art, which is some of the best I’ve seen. Amsterdam municipality has an interesting approach towards graffiti artists, trying to decriminalise the whole activity by creating legal opportunities and places to paint

vehicles, cars, pedestrians and bicycles, so seeing a person in

heels, talking on her mobile phone with one hand, clutching

one handlebar with the other and weaving in and out of traffic is applause-worthy. Enjoy the freedom to bike, but don’t get killed, or worse, mocked!

contemporary pop into The Walls, a new gallery on Prinsengracht home to fresh Dutch art.

The canals of Amsterdam are its greatest feature and are worth

Amsterdam is a city in which being a flaneur is rewarding.

exploring. Vouchers offering discounted cruises are available ev-

to have a post-coffee shop stroll avoid walking through Leidse-

maze of canals (grachten) are the narrow dollhouse-like 17th cen-

However, loafing around also needs to be planned. If you want plein, or you might find yourself bewildered in the crowds. Plan

a route that goes in a zig-zag around the concentric circles of Am-

erywhere. One thing to watch for as you are gliding down the tury Dutch buildings.

Whilst exploring the city on foot, the best place to eat is MAOZ.

sterdam. Sure, going straight down may be quicker, but if you

It is a fast-food falafel place that is actually like a noodle bar. You

hurry. The city is laid-out in ever-growing half circles which is

go with your falafel, everything is fresh, and they have a multi-

are a true flaneur and want only to roam, you should be in no

fascinating, and if you carve a path for yourself instead of relying on tourist maps telling you where you must go, you will discover

off-the-beaten path streets that have the most charm and are less populated. I recommend Kerkstraat on which you will find a

fantastic comic book store that sells speciality postcards, the best

can pick from an array of delectable toppings and condiments to tude of phenomenal chilli sauces and salsas. There is no excuse for resorting to McDonalds or Burger King on this trip- just go to

MAOZ at Muntplien where for 5 Euro you can have a hot, delicious meal that won’t leave you feeling ill afterwards.

After a refreshing canal-ride, getting back on your bike is won-

tattoo shop in Amsterdam Vibe Tattoos, and another coffee shop

derful. Next, you can go shopping; there are some great French

ing and vibrant murals.

signer jeweller Thomas Sabo that is worth a check-in, and you

called The Dolphins that is one of the few with comfortable seatWhilst sauntering, keep a look-out for street art, which is

some of the best I’ve seen. Amsterdam municipality has an inter-

esting approach towards graffiti artists, trying to decriminalise

the whole activity by creating legal opportunities and places to paint. Head to Spuistraat to get a good eye-full. Afterwards, go

to Hill Street Blues on Warmondstraat to round off. Every wall,

table and door is covered in tags and graffiti accumulated since it

opened, and they play the best drum and bass. The big museums are of course always an option, such as the Van Gogh Museum, the largest collection of his paintings, but if you want something

labels in the city like Comptoir De Cottonier, and a funky de-

can go clubbing if that’s your thing but I would recommend stay-

ing away from Paradiso and Melkweg which is where all tourist

guides tell you to go. See what’s on at the SugarFactory instead. If you want a full-on glamorous club night go to Jimmy Woo which is based around the concept of a fictional Chinese Triad tycoon

who enjoys throwing extravagant parties in his opulent, Orien-

tal-style lounge. It’s loud, it’s large and a celebrity haunt. But to

truly enjoy your time in Amsterdam, do as the locals do and chill,

slowly. Spend a week on your bike, find a windmill, get totally lost, and then find yourself again…a

November 28-december 4 2010

31

COMMENT

keeping it real

BY AHMER NAQVI

32 November 28-December 4 2010

According to an article i read recently, bestiality is a rite of passage in parts of Pakistan. Considering that sexual depravity is no stranger to young, virile Pakistani men, I am reluctant to dismiss this claim as another journo out to malign the image of Pakistan.

Rites of passage, after all, are essential to human life.

Take for example the rite of passage involving young bloggers in Pakistan. At some point in their

blogging career, all of us write this post.

This post?

You know, the one in which we deride, mock and seek to humiliate the ‘elites’ of Pakistan, their

obsession with material goods and Facebook, their cluelessness regarding the local transport network, their obliviousness to the rampant poverty faced by the unclothed majority, their contempt for our local vernacular.

Inevitably, these rants exhort the elites to pacify their ‘liberal extremism’, to nullify their ‘west-

ern-boot-licking’, to pop out of their ‘bubbles’. Words like ‘reality’, ‘common man’ and ‘masses’ litter these posts like plastic bags in Clifton Beach.

Let us lay aside the implicit irony of English-speaking, computer using bloggerati railing against

people who are essentially their own friends and family.

Let us look instead, at something far more intriguing.

What makes someone a ‘real’ Pakistani? What makes something a ‘real’ Pakistani experience?

From what these posts imply, being rich and privileged strips you of the ability to be real.

What a fascinating idea!

It appears that the venerable Defence Housing Authority is no more than a figment of my imagi-

nation, that the Fez nights at Sindh Club are merely a mirage concocted by misfiring neurons in

our elitist brains, that those of us going to ‘dance parties’ and ‘social clubs’ are merely computer generated holograms, created to incense the fevered blogger and implode Pakistan from within.

On the flip side, it also implies that the poor are one coagulated mass of noble, wretched, help-

less, nameless limbs and faces whose entire destiny depends on whether or not we stop watching “Jersey Shore” and sipping skimmed milk espressos.

What a load of bull.

For starters, while there is no reason to defend the oblivious and corrosive actions of the elites

in our country, pointing the fingers at people essentially from the same background as yourself displays stunning self-delusion.

Secondly, holding up the ‘poor’ as some paragons of virtue, as being common or part of an undif-

ferentiated mass, robs them of their individuality, their diversity, and only further intensifies the differences between ‘us’ and ‘them’.

And most importantly, defining some things as ‘real’ and others as not only deludes us from

taking responsibility for the fact that every action, every moment, every experience is as real (or not) as any other. Eating out in Burns Road or Anarkali is not more any more ‘real’ than the same

being done in Zamzama or MM Alam Road. Spurning the advances of nefarious corporations might be healthy for your wallet, but falling to their embraces does not cloak you in a halo of ‘unreality’.

So, much like young men allegedly deflowering unsuspecting four-legged mammals, bloggers

railing against the elite is one rite of passage we can all do without. a

33 November 28-December 4 2010

REVIEW

featured review of the week

book in the dark

By Maheen Pracha

In 2008, he left for Africa, armed with an intellectual agenda to “discover” the continent. In his most recent book, The Masque of Africa, Nobel laureate VS Naipaul dons his misanthrope’s hat and travels across Uganda, Nigeria, Ghana, the Ivory Coast, Gabon, and South Africa, questioning everyone and sparing no one. His reactions to the places and people he meets are documented with brutal honesty and the universal disdain for which his readers have come to know him.

Ultimately, Naipaul’s travel writing is as unlike his brilliantly original comic novels as can be. There is a weighty gravitas to it, and far less humour — in the current state of humanity and its belief systems, he finds little to laugh at. In his essays and interviews, he clearly delights in his often outrageous, rightwing opinions and perhaps even more so in his critics’ dismayed reactions to them.

And yet, his caustic, prescient reportage has always been far more than just hackwork. After all, it vaulted him to international recognition in the 1970s and 1980s with books such as An Area of Darkness, India: A Wounded Civilisation and Among the Believers.

In Africa, Naipaul focuses his characteristically narrow lens on the remains of pre-colonial religious belief in the countries through which he travels, comparing local rites and rituals with the more recent effects of Christianity and Islam. His “characters” range from witch doctors and soothsayers to well-heeled entrepreneurs.

As he journeys from shrines to tombs and attends portentous rituals and ceremonies, he asks what role pagan belief systems still play in their lives. He concludes that the old ways better expressed the spirit of Africa’s indigenous peoples and were vital to Africa’s being.

So what does Naipaul see in modern Africa? Foremost, a distinct lack of individuality: “It is hard to arrive at a human understanding of the pygmies, to see them as individuals. Perhaps they weren’t.”

Elsewhere: “And moving in this way from one set of ideas to anoth34 er, you came to a feeling that its politics and history had conspired November 28-December 4 2010

So what does Naipaul see in modern Africa? Foremost, a distinct lack of individuality: “It is hard to arrive at a human understanding of the pygmies, to see them as individuals. Perhaps they weren’t.”

>> 5 better books about Africa 1. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad 2. Life and Times of Micheal K by JM Coetzee 3. The No 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith 4. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe 5. Palace Walk by Naguib Mahfouz <<

a tedious read Naipaul’s travel writing is as unlike his brilliantly original comic novels as can be.

to make the people of South Africa simple.”

At points, his writing is apt to slacken; dull clichés dot the landscape. Having written once that Colonel Gaddafi is expected in Kampala to open a mosque, he repeats the information a few pages later. Similarly, the symbolic qualities of bark-cloth are reiterated several times, as is the fact that his driver in Ghana is of Danish descent. A good editor could have tightened the prose.

In the midst of rambling (and sometimes dull) anecdotal history, there are rare glimpses of the old Naipaul. His gimlet eye notes that in Uganda, men slip magic herbs in their wallets to protect their money. In Ghana, he etches a vivid portrait of former president Jerry Rawlings, who leans over and touches his knee when he wants to make a point. In Nigeria, he captures the mad anarchy of Lagos airport. But these instances are unusual, ironically, for a writer whose previous reportage is worth less for its gloomy prognostications than for his eye for minute detail.

Naipaul’s argument is that Africa, left to itself and its pagan beliefs “might have arrived at its own more valuable synthesis of old and new.” What drives his doleful peregrinations is not this thesis, it is the sense of the journey itself: stale hotel rooms and the dust and flies are as interesting to him as local shrines and small gods.

For his readers, that, perhaps, is the saving grace of this book.

November 28-DEcember 4 2010

35

REVIEW

film snakes and ladders

By Faiza S Khan

Old school Indian cinema enthusiasts (the sort of people who would sooner die than call it “Bollywood”) are well-versed in the legend of the ichchadhari naagin, the shape-shifting cobra who can assume human form. A fairly common theme once upon a time — with alpha-females Rekha, Reena Roy and Sridevi all taking a stab at playing one — it has, in the last two decades, gone the way of the reincarnation drama, abandoned as an anachronistic throwback to a whole other India. Apparently the current Indian film-going public is able to suspend disbelief only far enough to be convinced by Karan Johar films, though my gut tells me that a vengeful snake-woman on a mission is as convincing a premise as Shah Rukh Khan setting out to inform the American president that he isn’t a terrorist. Not in this case, though.

Hisss doesn’t remotely resemble the naag films that preceded it; it resembles nothing on this earth. It is, did I forget to mention, a film by Jennifer Lynch, better known as the most baffling creation of her father, American auteur David. Jennifer Lynch seems a peculiar choice for reasons too numerous to mention, not least because her directing credentials include the film Boxing Helena, which earned her great renown as one of the world’s worst filmmakers.

With Hisss she works to solidify that reputation.

Opening in the dense Indian jungle, a deranged American with an inoperable brain tumour is convinced, perhaps from having watched Indian cinema in the 80s, that the only cure for his condition is the mythical nagmani, the “jewel” possessed by the female ichchadhari naagin. Since finding an ichchadhari cobra in an Indian jungle is akin to the proverbial needle in a haystack, he hatches a plan to capture her mate (cobras, unlike socialites, mate for life) thus luring her to him. And so, following a series of incredulous coincidences strung together with choppy, incoherent editing, Mallika Sherawat slithers her way into the city where she is provided with the opportunity to show off her acting talents in a series of 36 very small cholis and some see-through saris. Sherawat’s naagin November 28-December 4 2010

writhing in agony The bulk of the film comprises sequences of Sherawat mauling and devouring would-be rapists and domestic abusers is a function of anthropomorphism, she is not a snake — she is a feminist. The bulk of the film comprises sequences of her mauling and devouring would-be rapists and domestic abusers at a woman’s shelter. One can’t help but think that Lynch would sooner have cast Germaine Greer. It’s not as if it would make this film any more peculiar.

And while on the subject of peculiar, it’s almost heartbreaking to watch Lynch Jr trying to channel Lynch Sr. David Lynch, while often infuriating, is invariably intriguing and atmospheric. Jennifer Lynch’s attempts at being intriguing are laboured, unconvincing and ever-so-slightly pathetic. With a subplot about a police officer charged with getting to the bottom of Sherawat’s murder spree, the plot creeps along achingly slowly. It is interspersed with lengthy and pointless visuals of Lynch’s India — elephants, snake-charmers and barely-clad natives. Also — and this is far more offensive — artsy, boring sequences of the scantliy-clad Sherawat, a cardboard cut-out of an actress, possessing none of the fire and ice of her sinuous cinematic predecessors.

Lynch claims that she abandoned this film without editing it since she wished to make a love story and not the horror that the producers insisted on. As regards the climax (pun intended), which features the long-awaited (and feverishly graphic) mating of woman and snake, Lynch doesn’t seem to understand that the love story was the most horrifying aspect of all.

film ever after

By Hamna Zubair

If you’re in a long distance relationship and want to watch a movie that assures you that love conquers all, you might want to stay away from Going the Distance. Though it claims to chronicle the ups and downs of a functional long distance relationship, the characters only seem truly happy when they are both in the same time zone, within driving distance of each other — reminding the viewer that a long distance relationship is, unfortunately, a temporary and unsatisfying affair.

Barring that, Going the Distance is actually pretty funny. Drew Barrymore plays Erin, a wannabe reporter and grad student interning in New York City for the summer. After a hard day at the office she bumps into Garret, played by Justin Long, at a bar, and the two immediately hit it off. The catch is that Erin has to return to grad school in autumn — in San Francisco. The rest of the movie is devoted to showing how the pair attempts to keep the flame alive even as they live on either side of the continent.

Barrymore and Long both give solid performances, though the movie relies rather heavily on situational comedy as opposed to clever, witty writing. The characters have to deal with the usual pitfalls of a long distance relationship: trust issues, jealousy, conflicting schedules and the rising price of airfare, and each lesson is accompanied by a hilarious random incident. Watch out for the scene where Garret surprises Erin with a full-body fake tan — she isn’t the only one enjoying the glow.

The truly amusing characters, however, are actually the sidekicks. In New York, comic relief is provided by Garret’s inane roommates and in San Francisco, Erin’s obsessive-compulsive sister (played by Cristina Applegate) manages to steal the spotlight from the committed couple.

As far as light romantic comedies go, Going the Distance isn’t bad, and it will provide you with an evening full of laughs. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really get under the skin of a long distance relationship. The real complexities of the arrangement are glossed

distance makes the heart…

A couple attempts to keep the flame alive even as they live separate lives on either side of the continent over — there is only one slightly realistic scene in the movie which illustrates the difficulties of such an affair: When Garret meets Erin’s friends in San Francisco he is awkward and says all the wrong things, and it’s obvious he really doesn’t know anything about her day to day life on the west coast. Even though the characters claim to have fallen deeply in love with each other, their connection doesn’t come across as strongly as it should have.

Ultimately, the movie is exactly what you’d expect from a similarly themed romantic comedy — it is light, fluffy, and funny for a little while. a 37 November 28-DEcember 4 2010

UP NORTH AND PERSONAL

from russia A needle-sharp crispness slices through the atmosphere, cutting speech in half when I try to call in the dogs. An ice-white moon, half-swallowed by clouds, silhouettes the gliding swoop of Otis, the owl who has taken up his winter sojourn in the eaves of the woodshed. Guided by the shimmer

of crystal stars he is hunting invisible prey down through the

shadows of the orchard in the susurrating spell of the forest.

He will boomerang home in the morning when, I fully expect, there will be a glistening rime of ice on the water lily ponds and

another sifting of snow on the high mountains majestically punctuating the sky-scape.

My home is on a different planet from bustling Murree where

I went about chores earlier today, warmly wrapped against a bit-

ingly frigid, skin-flaying wind, and enjoyed a rummage through

the detritus of Europe and, surprisingly enough, of Central Asia too! The ‘stuff’ people discard serves as an indicator of their economic well-being or lack of it as the case may be: in previous

years they cast off very expensive, extremely up-market sweaters, cardigans and scarves along with top-notch leather shoes

and boots but, if the evidence is to be believed, the global economic downturn has caught up with them and their wardrobes

The footwear too is largely worn out and of no good to any-

one in the harsh winter climate of the hills where a decent pair

of boots, with good grips, can mean the difference between a whole body and a broken one when ice and snow rule the roost.

The offerings from Central Asia are a different kettle of fish

altogether: there are men’s and ladies’ leather jackets along with an interesting array of both pure and fake fur coats, none

of which are actually new but some that, without microscopic examination, would pass for such. The question that comes to mind is: Are people in that cash-strapped part of the world hav-

ing such a difficult time that they are, quite literally, selling the coats off their backs in order to make ends meet? And, if this is truly the case, how on earth are they keeping warm as this kind

of heavy winter clothing is desperately needed there? Fur coats are not, for some unknown reason, prized by the residents of

these hills. Some are purchased by tourists although what they do with them down in the plains of Pakistan where they are definitely not needed is quite beyond me. Maybe they cut them

up and create stuffed toys out of the pieces or open them out to

make rugs? In any case, they do buy them and pay way too much in the process!

The indigenous ‘tribes’ of this area stock up on second hand

are not being replenished as in days of yore. Instead of almost

clothes and boots when stocks arrive in the market during late

that few are interested in buying, no matter how low the go-

on the first day of real spring in readiness to splash out on ‘new’

new, pure wool goodies the stores are heaped with worn out rags ing rate. Eternal optimist that I am, it does cross my mind that perhaps the ‘acceptable’ woolies have been directed towards des-

perate flood survivors leaving merely the dregs for others but,

much as I would like to believe this is true, somehow I doubt it.

The ponchos which graced the shoulders of Europe’s fashionable youngsters last year are here though- much-washed and mis-

shapen mounds of acrylics, not the more expensive wool. But it

is only women with young children who display an interest in these as our own chadors are superior in all respects.

38 November 28-december 4 2010

autumn. They live in their purchases all winter and dump them

the following season, but this cycle has been worryingly inter-

rupted now as ready cash is increasingly scarce. People have to tighten their belts as the weeks roll by and the price of food and

other essentials escalates. Not all of this is due to inflation of course, as profiteering is rampant too. As elsewhere in this land of greed and selfishness, most shopkeepers don’t think twice about ripping off their customers which, up here, mostly means

relatives as entire villages are populated by extended families who have intermarried for generations.

with love At local rummage sales, one family’s trash is another’s winter wardrobe Text & photographs by Zahrah Nasir

Just this morning at a dry goods store I listened, in disgust, as

a shopkeeper commiserated with a customer — who happened

to be his nephew — on his recent loss of work. Then, quite slyly, after having counted out his change, he swiftly palmed a Rs50

note in the guise of altering the position of a tray of eggs. His

nephew didn’t notice but I, trying to be a good citizen, quietly pointed out that Rs50 seemed to have fallen on the floor behind

the counter at which point, with an audacious grin, he gave it back!

As hard times loom, theft has increased too: over the last three

days there have been three such incidents that I know of. In the

first a neighbour who habitually spreads her family wash over low lying bushes ‘lost’ four towels, two sweaters and a bed sheet.

Three new shalwar kameez dupattas, beautifully stitched and

embroidered for a family wedding by a daughter of the house, disappeared from the charpoy they had been arrayed on after ironing. The charpoy was next to an open window and, presum-

ably, someone had reached in and grabbed them but who would

do this on a quiet mountainside? The third theft was of three young goats, an extremely valuable commodity now, which

were whisked away from the hillside where they were grazing

Father Christmas

but, this time, the culprits were spotted by school children who

raised the alarm but the scoundrels escaped at high speed in a Suzuki pick-up before help could arrive on the scene.

Incidents such as these threaten to destroy my faith in local

humanity and it was in a rather downcast frame of mind that

I traveled to Murree this morning as mentioned above where, I must admit, I ended up laughing in the street at the antics of a totally unexpected Father Christmas dancing and singing ‘Hap-

py holidays’ in GPO Chowk as he mesmerised all who saw him into forgetting their worries and cares. His mischievous wink,

prancing steps and flag waving as he hung on to a gaily decorated vanity case brightened up the world and, delightfully, he was simply having fun, not begging! a

39 November 28-december 4 2010

HOROSCOPE

BY SHELLEY VON STRUNCKEL

Aries March 20 – April 19 Once you understand that with your ruler Mars accenting new ideas and exploration, this week’s about what you can learn, not what you do or achieve, you’ll exchange

frustration for fascination with what you’re learning. True, decisions need to be made soon. However, this week’s experiences

and insights are essential, and will become the foundation for the dramatic changes you undertake early in the new year..

Taurus April 20 – May 20 Because the recent Taurus Full Moon brought personal and relationship issues to a head, you’re unShelley von Strunckel is an internationally acclaimed astrologer who created the first horoscope column for the London Sunday Times in 1992.

A frequent lecturer, she writes daily,

doubtedly still labouring to achieve a new equilibrium. Don’t

work too hard, however, since the coming week’s events will be as informative as they are disruptive. Focus on learning from

them, and encourage others to do so as well, and once you’re finally able to organise things, you’ll make plans that last.

weekly and monthly horoscopes in publications around the world including South China Morning Post, The Gulf News, Tatler, French and Chinese Vogue and now The Express Tribune Magazine.

Gemini May 21 – June 20 This week’s biggest problem isn’t the

changeable nature of arrangements, which you regard as an intriguing challenge, it’s that those around you are seriously concerned. As a result, you could spend as much time preventing

them making hasty decisions as you do actually exploring your options. Besides, those concerns are unnecessary, since with

this changeable mood continuing until mid-December, there’ll be several versions of plans.

Cancer June 21 – July 21 Obviously, you’d rather organise things once and leave it there. However, between now and the new

year, that’s unlikely. Besides, with constant intriguing ideas and changes in circumstances, arrangements should be flex-

ible. While some events are exciting but leave you short of facts,

others are unsettling. But since the majority of decisions are up to others anyway, relax and explore your options at your leisure.

Leo July 22 – August 22 Don’t be dismayed by clashes with close

friends or loved ones. As you’ll probably already have realised,

while these tensions these trigger fade swiftly, the resulting discussions both clear up persistent issues and lead to wonderful exchanges about the future. These are so encouraging that, for

the first time in ages, you’re telling others what you truly desire, instead of what you think will make them happy.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 As you well know, those you’re closest to can also be your harshest critics. However, don’t as-

sume that what seem judgmental comments are intended as

that. You’ve been struggling with challenging situations but so

have others, and as a result everybody’s short-tempered. Once the mood’s calmer, in early December, take time to talk over is-

40

sues and you’ll put most conflicts to rest with amazing ease.

November 28-december 4 2010

Libra September 23 – October 22 With your ruler Venus finally

having ended its retrograde cycle, you’re eager to deal with the past weeks’ chaos and organise your life. But you’d regret rushing things. There’s chaos around you, too, enough you’re bet-

ter off focusing on those personal matters and leaving practical

plans for much later. If you feel any frustration, it will be temporary, and soon be exchanged for relief.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 There’s a fine line between justifying your decisions or actions to others, which you refuse to do, and explaining your thinking. The latter isn’t just wise, what

you learn while you’re ordering your thoughts so you can discuss them will clarify your reasoning and, in most cases, strengthen

your convictions. And where you discover that you’ve questions, you’ll be thankful it’s in time to reorganise things.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 20 While some situations

will be tiresome and others require that stand your ground or you gather your facts, in every case the process will be remarkably informative. This is superb timing, because the Sagittarius

New Moon, on December 5, is about a fresh start, and by then

you’ll have realised just how much you care about certain arrangements — and people — and how little others matter to you.

Capricorn December 21 – January 19 You may already have re-

alised that certain exceedingly tricky situations really are others to deal with. You needn’t feel guilty. Rather, your instincts are

correctly telling you that because things are changing so often, their efforts won’t achieve much. Meanwhile you’ve some persistent, and perplexing, issues of your own to think about - and you’ve just run out of excuses for not tackling them.

Aquarius January 20 – February 17 Don’t mistake the seemingly argumentative mood of certain individuals as something to be

ignored. Actually the issues they’re concerned about merit attention, even if the manner in which they’re raising them is

unclear. Knowing that, explore absolutely every problem, from those highlighted by others to the minor issues you spot, and

right away. Once you do, you’ll realise why they should be given first priority.

Pisces February 18 – March 19 For ages one or two individuals have managed to avoid taking responsibility for their end of

things. In the past you’ve been remarkably understanding. Now

not only must that come to an end, if you don’t get tough now, you’ll end up bearing the burden for their obligations when

For more information, to order personal charts and to download & listen to detailed audiocasts, visit www.shelleyvonstrunckel.com

you should be focusing your full attention on thrilling develop-

41

ments. The sooner you confront them, the better.

November 28-december 4 2010

THE HATER

10 things I hate about ...gamers

1 2 3 4 5

By Michelle Mohiuddin

How they brag about killing five guys in a row. Seriously dude, I don’t care, so the next time you decide

to tell me about your “accomplishments” keep in mind I’m going shoot you with that revolver in my drawer.

And yeah, it’s real this time.

If you don’t want to play Guess the Sketch Challenge with me, fine, but don’t tell me it’s not really a game.

6 7 8 9 10

They just tune you out and would rather slay that dragon and hear it squeal.

I understand that you have an undying secret love of

destruction, but don’t yell out phrases like “cool” and

“narly” when you see that Range Rover crash into my car, toss it two feet in the air and cause it to skid across the road right into the path of an oncoming oil tanker — a collision

that is followed by a large explosion and blazing flames.

Just wipe that look of awe and wonder off your face will you?

There is no beating them at their own game. A far

worse scenario? They can even beat you at your own game.

They can never have a connection with a real person,

the only connection they have is with their damned joystick. And shhhhhh... they fall in love with the characters in their games.

The level of immaturity. I had my gaming phase when I was 10 and I got over it long ago.

Your day was ruined because you lost to ‘that guy’

thrice. My heart aches for you and I thought I had a

bad day when ‘that guy’ snatched my iPhone and this

month’s salary from me on the roadside. But no, forget about me. I’m just being overly dramatic, you made me realise that there are people in this world who are far more unfortunate than I am.

They are always online. And if it weren’t for the call of nature they’d never leave the lair.

42 November 28-December 4 2010

If those potions were real, the only ingredient you’d need to kill that creature would be your sweat. a

june 13-19 2010

june 13-19 2010