NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
Cover Story 18 A Tale of Three Rallies Of Tigers, Kites and Kaptaan
Feature 30 Online Qurbani Buying bakras? Now there’s a way you can bypass the smell and the stress
Humour 32 The Art of Cooking How to get away with culinary disaster
Portfolio 34 Silent Spectres Izdeyar Setna’s stark photos zero in on the emotions of their subjects
30
Gardening
34
36 Best Buds Anticancer compounds make Brussels sprouts a treasure for any vegetable patch
Regulars 6 People & Parties: Out and about with Pakistan’s beautiful people 38 Advice: Mr Know It All solves your problems 40 Reviews: What’s new in films 42 Ten Things I Hate About: Bakra Eid
CLARIFICATION: Last week’s cover story “Let’s Get One Thing Straight ... I’m Not” was printed without a byline. It was written by Hani Taha Salim. The error is deeply regretted.
36
Magazine Editor: Zarrar Khuhro, Senior Sub-Editor: Batool Zehra, Sub-Editors: Ameer Hamza and Dilaira Mondegarian. Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq W Alvi, S Asif Ali, Samad Siddiqui, Mohsin Alam, Sukayna Sadik. Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi. For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk 4
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Pakistan Fashion Design Council and Sunsilk hold their 4th Fashion Week in Karachi
Ayesha Omar
Aamina Sheikh and Sania Maskatiya
PHOTO CREDITS FAISAL FAROOQUI
Frieha Altaf and Shehla Chatoor
Mehreen Syed Kiran Haroon and Adnan Pardesy Raana Khan and Tara Mahmood
6
Ayesha F Hashwani
NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
Aamina Haq and Ammar Belal
Anita Ayub
NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Maira and Mehrbano Chinoy Anoushey Ashraf
Mahirah Khan
Feeha Jamshed
Shaista Wahidi
Mathira
8 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
Humaima Malik
Vaneeza Ahmad
Nida Azwer
NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Fayezah Ansari and Nomi Ansari
Maria B
Neini Rafi
z
Aasma Mumta
Nickie and Nina
Maheen Kardar Ali
10 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
Nabila
Maheen Khan
NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Noodle House launches in Lahore
Natasha and Sara Shahid
PHOTOS COURTESY SAVVY PR
Annie, Sonya and Humayun
Rachel and Ahsan Hussain
Aamir and Naila
12 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
Ayesha
Asad Mirza
Nabeel and Asifa
Rubab
NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Nazia, Riffa t and Shazi
ahzad Raza
Mehreen, Sh
a
Asif and Amna Bashir
Hassan and Amina
14 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
Sehyr and Masooma
Haseeb Gardezi
and Natasha
Shafaq and Sharyar Hussain
Ursala and Asif Kamal
NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Bunty and Mueed celebrate their daughter Eisha’s birthday in Lahore
Nadia Khan
Bunty, Eisha and Mueed Reema
Hadiqa Kiyani
16 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
Amina and Ana
Zainab
Shireen and Fatima
Rida
NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
COVER STORY
a tale of
three rallies Two rallies competed for the attention of the Zinda-Dilan-eLahore last week. Who won the contest? BY TAHA SIDDIQUI
“Now this is what I call an awaami jalsa, look at how happy people are here,” says a stall vendor selling ice cream outside the Minar-e-Pakistan, where I had just arrived to cover the PTI’s first major political gathering in Lahore. “I was there at the PML-N rally two days ago as well to sell ice cream” he continues as he hands a cone to a waiting rally goer, ‘’That was a sarkari jalsa, completely state-sponsored. This is the real thing,” he concludes as choc bars change hands. People are flooding in from all sides like a human tide, coming in small groups of twos and threes, and it’s clear that they aren’t being led to the rally by local party leaders, but are there because they want to be there. I leave the ice-cream man to tend his business and move on; despite the first chill of winter in the air, there’s no doubt he’ll be doing brisk business tonight. It takes me an hour just to push through the crowd and get to the stage, where my press card
(also my ‘get out of jail free’ card) allows me to stand in the back of the stage. Of course, I wasn’t the
only newshound out there, and the queue of journalists was a very long one indeed. Still, the wait
did give me the opportunity to listen in on the awaam. ‘Pervez Rasheed should resign,” says a man
with a PTI flag painted on his cheek. “He was going on and on this morning saying Imran Khan
18 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
would not even be able to attract 50,000 people.” His companion laughs, saying “he should come
and look at the crowd!’ While he speaks, he sweeps his hand to indicate the crowd, accidentally swatting someone on the head. Apologies are made and the debate continues, but it’s not just the participants who are getting into the numbers game.
Government and security officials are also out in force, but managing security is only one of their
concerns. Most are here to compile reports on the rally for their respective department heads, and exactly how many people are in attendance is a hot topic of debate.
One officer from the Special Branch says he has to be careful while quoting attendance figures
here since he is already under pressure ever since he reported that only 35,000 people came to the PML-N rally two days ago. “My superiors were unhappy,” says the unfortunate officer. “They said I should have consulted them since the Punjab government was not pleased with such a low figure at their rally.” Another official on duty ,who is talking over the phone with the Intelligence Bureau,
says the IB will quote a higher figure here since it is a federal agency and it wants Imran Khan’s rally to scare the Punjab Govt. “The IB says there are 90,000 plus people here so far,” he says as he gets off the phone. “But I have to keep the figure low since I belong to the Punjab police. I won’t go
over 60,000 since that’s what will suit my superiors in the report.’ As he continues, he is cut short by another security official who says “the media is showing the real attendance. No matter what
the reports say, there is a flood of people here and that is the truth.” It seems Imran Khan is clearly
winning this debate, I think to myself. Once behind the stage, the topic and conclusions were
much the same, but this time the words were being spoken by senior security and intelligence officials who cannot be named.
Go back two days to the PML-N rally, and the scenario was quite different. It may be unfair to
compare the two, due to difference in the numbers, the mood and the energy of the attendees, but since I had been to both, a mental comparison was inevitable.
Firstly, at the PML-N rally there was a sense of discipline. But not in the crowd’s attitude, since
there were some fights which to me reflected a general frustration that usually is a result of forced
participation. The discipline at the Sharif show was in the way the participants were assembled. There was a clear demarcation between each group entering the rally from Nasir Bagh towards Bhatti Chowk, where the stage had been set up. Each of these groups had two individuals holding
a banner in front of them as they marched towards Bhatti Chowk. And all the banners were pretty
much the same: the ‘Go Zardari Go’ slogan was there with a mention of the constituency the group belonged to. It almost had the feel of national teams assembling for the Olympics, walking behind
19 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
COVER STORY the flag-bearer. Roughly 20 to 30 groups were brought in as early as 1 pm, an hour before the designated time for the rally.
The march had to be taken out from the end of Mall Road where
the Chief Minister house is, and for him it should have been all
about getting out of his residence and joining the rally. Despite that, he came in 4 hours late, finally arriving in a car and speeding his way to the stage, which was heavily guarded with police
officers all around. More policemen were posted on the rooftops
of nearby buildings, and a bullet proof glass for the protection of
the political elite sitting on the elevated stage. The PML-N elite, including Chaudhry Nisar and many others, sat upon the stage,
but the list of political heavyweights did not end with these
known faces. Elected parliamentarians were in the crowd itself, leading groups of men and women to the venue. Most of the ral-
ly-goers that I spoke to were from the outskirts of Lahore, usually from the rural areas of Shahdara, Sheikhupura and villages from border area. “They haven’t given us food or even water to drink,”
complained Nasreen, an old woman who was leaving even before Shahbaz Sharif arrived. “We have been waiting for hours and I
cannot stay any longer.” With many participants leaving before their leader even spoke, it seemed clear that they were not there
by choice in the first place. And that fact was proven by the attendance registers that some of the party workers were carrying, busily ticking off the names of attendees.
There was another stark difference between the two rallies as
well, in terms of the expression of creativity by the participants.
Shahbaz Sharif’s gathering had clowns hired by the organisers
to entertain people, and inflated and stuffed tigers handed out to participants. Some people went a step further and brought real
and very uncomfortable looking tigers and lions, who were caged
and placed in trucks. Speakers blared party songs, extolling a
political dynasty in the making and calling Hamza Shahbaz the
‘Tiger of Punjab’. A good show, but one we’ve seen many times before.
At Imran’s jalsa, there was more of a family festival atmo-
sphere, with people getting their faces painted and sporting home-made badges and stickers, all of which were different
from one another. These show that there was no concerted effort by party apparatus to design, print and then distribute the
rally paraphernalia, but rather that these were largely spontaneous and individual efforts. Missing were the local party leaders/organisers and professional sloganeers that are de rigueur at
rallies. Despite that, the crowd seemed to discipline itself, with youngsters giving up their seats for more elderly rally goers. And
while there were no animals, stuffed or otherwise, one participant did bring in a remote controlled plane that had the PTI flag tied to its tail as it kept circling over the crowds for hours.
And the music played here was quite different too. Shahbaz
Sharif stuck to the Habib Jalib poetry that he has been repeat-
ing regularly, choosing to voice the words of a revolutionary poet who was arrested several times during Ziaul Haq’s regime (ironically at a time when Nawaz Sharif himself was a member of the
government). He effectively directed the protest poetry that was
been dragged along by her. Wearing a scarf dyed in PTI colours,
question as to how much Jalib resonates with the young voters of
got registered as a voter this week, and I forced my brother and
intended for a military ruler at President Zardari, but it’s an open today. If the youth were the target of Shahbaz’s message to begin with, that is.
Over at the PTI rally, it was the youth that ruled the roost, and
it was their music that had centre stage. Singers like Shahzad
Roy and Strings belted out patriotic tune suited for a new genera-
tion, one that was out in force. I met with students as young as 16 and 17, who had forced their parents to come to the rally. Alena Tahir, who had never been to a political gathering before was
there with her friends and her parents, who confessed they had
she says she believes Imran Khan is the change we need today. ‘I cousins to do the same because we want to vote for PTI,’ added a
beaming Alena. Another Lahori college student from LUMS who had also been to the PML-N rally summed it up: “I do not support the PML-N anymore,” said 22 year old Ahsan Fayyaz. “Shahbaz Sharif had forced government employees to attend the rally, and it was pretty obvious that they were not regular Lahoris,” he
complained. “Imran Khan has a lot more support even though he does not have a single seat in the assemblies. Look around you, attracting a crowd of over 100,000 means people want him.’ a
21 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
COVER STORY
Meanwhile in Karachi, the MQM stages not one, but two events in two days. BY SABA IMTIAZ
While other political parties may have had one major rally each, the Muttahida Qaumi Movement organised two events in two days. First, a workers’ gathering at the
Lal Qila Ground and then a rally at Tibet Centre in Karachi. The second was only made possible after the
Home Department lifted a ban on rallies in Karachi — just a few hours after they had in fact extended the ban without informing the Sindh government. A call from high-ups then reportedly led to a two-day lifting of the ban, just enough time to allow the MQM to stage their rally.
And those rallies were staged with event management skills that would put most of Karachi’s social
doyennes to shame. They went off without a hitch, but followed an identical and now familiar pattern.
Saturday night fever Lal Qila Ground begins filling up at around 5 pm on Saturday. By 6:30 pm, I realise its time to cancel any evening plans since the meeting is only just getting underway. MQM supporters start filing into the venue, battling the evening traffic. Young men wearing dark sunglasses and clutching large photographs
of Altaf Hussain try to get as close as they can to the enclosure as party songs lauding their leader and the
spirit of revolution fill the air. The crowd is told to settle down and sit in orderly lines — a command they hardly need as this is a familiar pattern that the workers have learned from years of attending rallies.
Before MQM chief Altaf Hussain begins his speech, there are short speeches by other party leaders.
The real show begins when it is announced that “Altaf bhai is in our midst”, prompting the DJ to play the party’s anthem “Saathi”. Party workers and leaders scramble to their feet and sing and clap along.
Hussain begins to speak and offers a ‘sketch’ of what the party’s stance is on the issue of Punjab Chief
Minister Shahbaz Sharif allegedly using derogatory language about President Asif Ali Zardari.
Hussain remarks on the Sharif family’s wealth, praises President Zardari and says criticism is a valid
right, as long as it is done in a civil manner.
Iconic revolutionary poet Habib Jalib’s poem “Dustoor” gets another reworking at the event by Hussain.
Jalib’s quite the hot ticket these days, as Shahbaz Sharif sang his words at the PML-N rally, and now Hus-
sain — after first apologising to the late Jalib’s soul — sings another version, with the lyrics changed to critique Shahbaz’s ‘Sasti Roti’ scheme and his home in Raiwind. It’s a crowd-pleaser to be sure.
He reminds workers to be on time for the next day’s rally, where he will go into detail about the issues
he’s touched on today. As the crowd makes a swift exit, I spot a journalist clutching a samosa for dear life, a snack that has been served at press conferences for decades, with the practice even being spoofed by the television show “Fifty Fifty”.
26 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
Afternoon anthems The next afternoon, the same coterie of reporters find themselves back together at the MQM event on MA Jin-
nah Road. There isn’t a building, window, pole or wall that doesn’t have a picture of Altaf Hussain or an MQM banner. The pedestrian bridge serves as a ‘stage’ — carpeted for the occasion — and is home to cameramen, reporters and party leaders all offering their two cents on the Sharif-Zardari issue.
MQM songs keep blaring as an emcee shouts out slogans in quick succession — Jiye Altaf, Jiye Muttahida,
Yeh kis ka sooba? Altaf ka!
Hundreds of people start filling in, pouring out from buses, rickshaws and motorcycles. The crowd starts
stretching out to Mazar-e-Quaid and it’s a challenge to figure out just how many people are there. The after-
noon stretches on amid speeches by MQM leaders and the arrival of other political parties. The PPP delegation
is all smiles and hugs, but their speeches fail to do much for the crowd. Even a call of ‘Jiye Bhutto’ by Agha Siraj Durrani barely elicits a response (but ‘Jiye Altaf’ does, leaving many smirking at Durrani). PML-Q leaders
arrive, leaving the crowded pedestrian bridge looking like an old-school political reunion, while cameramen and photographers try to click them sitting amicably together.
Hussain’s arrival is announced again amid cheers and a repeat of “Saathi”, with tens of thousands clapping
and singing along. The song ends and Hussain begins his speech, more or less a repeat of Saturday’s fare. The crowd listens, claps at appropriate moments and then the speech ends. Drivers of the Land Cruisers and Pajeros that have brought the PPP and PML-Q delegations to the venue rev up the engines as the politicians jump in, some lighting up cigarettes instantly. The MQM supporters meet their leaders — some ask for photographs — and others make their way back to their buses and motorcycles, still clutching party flags. a
FEATURE
e-bakra The Bakra mandi before eid: cows swishing their tails to keep away flies, goats trotting around, leaving a trail of poop behind them, the token half-dozen sheep in their yellowing fleece . . . and the faithful, examining animal after animal before picking the proverbial sacrificial lamb.
Before they throng the mosque for prayers on Eid day, they must flock to the mandis to pick the qurbani ka jaanwar. Armed with enthusiasm, wads of cash and an inflated sense of their own knowledge about goats, cows, sheep and camels, they hoof it to the markets that sprout in and around urban centres right before Eid. Yet the negotiations between seller and customer are anything but simple. The vendor quotes a hefty price, the customer bleats in protest. This contest of wills continues until the buyer ends up cowed by the seller’s superior knowledge, and the ritual is complete. This is a fairly common sight every year at every mandi. In
52 30
Karachi alone, over 200,000 animals are brought from the surrounding areas and about 10 million people visit different manNOVEMBER 6-12 2011
BY AMEER HAMZA
dis in the city in the run-up to Eid.
But if Humair Mannan has his way, this would all be a thing of
the past. Not one content to follow the herd, Humair is the creator
of www.eidqurbani.com.pk, a website from which you can buy sacrificial animals for Eidul Azha from the comfort of your own
home. Humair envisions a hassle-free Eid without the need to
bargain with animal traders who regularly fleece their customers.
An offshoot of his family’s successful cattle and dairy farm in
Karachi, what sets www. eidqurbani.com.pk apart is that all the
animals advertised on the website are reared on the family farm. But the website’s biggest selling point is the fact that — unlike
the mandi, where not only do the prices rise in the run-up to Eid, they also depend on how hard the customer bargains — its prices remain constant and competitive.
“I came up with the idea two years ago. Because of the situa-
tion in the city, it had become really unsafe to drive all the way
“Because of the situation in the city, it had become really unsafe to drive all the way to the mandi with all that cash. Plus, people found it hard to take out the time.”
to the mandi with all that cash. Plus, people found it hard to
take out the time,” says Humair. “I did some research online but
most of the websites at that time did not even have pictures of the actual animals, so the customer never knew what was being ordered.”
When Humair, who also runs his own textile business, ex-
plained his idea to his friends, they predicted that the website
would never take off. “My family also expressed doubts about
selling sacrificial animals through the internet but I told them to leave it to me. Now all of them help out with the website,” explains Humair.
www.eidqurbani.com.pk has already developed a loyal con-
sumer base. Aisha first started using the service when her father became too ill to go to the mandi to purchase animals. Yameen,
another satisfied customer, has been using the service for the past three years. “I transitioned to buying online after the situation of the city worsened and I haven’t looked back since,” says Yameen.
It wasn’t always that easy. “Previously, sales depended on our
personal contacts. We would start booking, a month to two before Eid by calling all our contacts, who would then visit the farm
and choose an animal. The remaining animals would go to the mandi,” explains Mannan. “But now, because of the website, customers call me themselves to ask when they can book their sacrificial animals. This year we even received an order from a
gentleman in Tajikistan. He found us online and since he is com-
ing to Pakistan only a few days before Eid, he will not have the time to go out and purchase a sacrificial animal, so he booked one through us.”
The website allows prospective customers to browse through
scores of animals, each of which comes with an array of impres-
sive specs. Code numbers, exhaustive detail, pictures and even embedded videos all aid the purchaser. After choosing an animal, half of the payment has to be made. “We accept cash, cheques, Western Union money transfers and even Paypal,” says Humair
proudly. “The rest is payable after delivery, which we provide free of charge, all over Karachi.”
Still, not everyone is convinced, and there are those who pre-
fer to buy their animals the traditional way, considering this as
much a part of the Eid celebrations as the qurbani itself. Zain,
for example, is adamant that buying online is not the way to go, “I would rather take the trouble of buying the goat, slaughtering it and distributing the meat myself, rather than delegating it to someone else, because that’s what Eid is all about.”
Catering to what’s clearly still a niche market doesn’t bother
Humair much as he loads his pick-up with animals and drives game changing: no more trips to the bakra mandi
off to another customer. Clearly there are enough non-traditionalists out there to make ends meet.
a
31 53 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
the art of cooking
HUMOUR Through countless trials and (mostly) errors in the kitchen, I have built an inventory of tips for getting away with culinary disasters BY ZOFISHAN SHAHID
I don’t know how I ended up here. The girl who had once dreamt of climbing the corporate ladder now stood on a cheap blue footstool wearing a cream apron reaching for the top shelf in the pantry. The empty nail in the wall near the door seemed to mock me — the perfect
place to hang that degree.
Really? How did I end up here?
I looked around the small kitchen. The brown marble floor had been art-
fully covered in white flour to match the once-white tiles and kitchen cabi-
nets. It’s a place I thought I’d eventually enter in the future but that future was always supposed to be distant. Not now. Never the present.
The kitchen was never a sacred place for me. It didn’t smell of cookie dough
and vanilla and wasn’t inviting. This tiny room was the place from which
food appeared and into which dirty dishes disappeared only to magically reappear with more food five hours later. It also emanated an aura of hard work
and responsibility, something that’s a natural repellant for me. Occasionally
hunger would force our skinny mouse-like frames to wander in, searching for something to nibble on till the next meal.
And yet, here I was, searching for the key ingredients to a perfect roast
chicken.
Amma had played her role as the daunting, traditional mother who brings
up her daughter to compete with other ‘can-make-perfectly-round-chappa-
ti’ girls rather well. A few dramatic zoom-in shots, and the saas role on a Star Plus drama would have been hers. Life became a battle. It was Business School vs Perfect Chappatis.
She would occasionally remind me that I could not feed my children books
for lunch and so my grades and degree were useless — the last thing I wanted to think about a day before a big presentation.
Besides I could always train them to live on paper. It’s called conditional
learning, I think, and if it can work with Pavlov’s dogs, four-year-olds should be easier to teach. Besides, bark comes from trees so they’ll just be vegetarians in a way. Which is good for the planet, apparently.
Anyway, back to the kitchen. Movies like Julie and Julia and Ratatouille planted
this crazy notion in my gullible mind that ‘anyone can be a cook.’ Somewhere In the world Joël Robuchon just snorted into his pâté. Turns out, both movies and nature had played a cruel joke on me and culinary art wasn’t in my
genes. It became a great source of shame given that my community prides itself on good food and overly expensive 2 am weddings, but that’s an entirely different story. As it turned out, activating salivary glands with my cooking was something of a challenge. As for the puke reflex, that was easily triggered.
But practice makes perfect right? And with this hope, I sat down to plot my
learning curve to see where I was headed. Here’s what it looked like: And they say ‘data never lies’. How do you explain this?
It began with instant soup. Yes, apparently it is possible to mess up instant
soup but, in my defence, it was fine if you gulped it down real fast. Also, I
might have messed up the French fries, but that could have happened to any-
one. And maybe the Kharay masalay ka qeema was a little undercooked but how was I supposed to know.
52 32
I blame Amma’s method of measurement. She would occasionally find
NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
this urge to teach me how to cook as a consequence of some ‘unsughar’ thing that I had done. The session in the kitchen included vague instructions like ‘woh thora sa’, ‘ thori dair chamcha chalao’, ‘thora aur’ and ‘andaze se dalo’. Meanwhile I stood there, marvelling at how the amount of ‘thora’ varied from ingredient to ingredient. Fortunately, this wouldn’t last long. She would eventually get annoyed at my questions, and I had to stand and watch a time-rushed Amma make biryani.
Eventually, we hired a miracle worker. A Bengali chef. The alluring aroma of her curry had the
power to make us run to the dining table as if in a trance. It was like watching a snake charmer
charm a venomous snake, and so I was to be anointed as her disciple. It was then that the kitchen became a battle ground. One Saturday we set out on a voyage to fry Moby Dick. Okay, much smaller
and more like something Moby Dick spat out.However, it wasn’t long before mutiny arose. As we fought, the fish started to rot and had to be eventually tossed back into the ocean of the dustbin. The bloodless battle continued for days, and just when I thought my food looked edible, she left.
But not before handing Amma my evaluation. “It’s a miracle your daughter can boil water” was perhaps the kindest remark out of a long list.
Well, those that can’t do, teach. And since giving unwanted advice is a national sport, I feel it is
my civic duty to offer advice on a subject I know nothing of without anyone asking me to. 1.
If you can’t cook, don’t lie. It will cost you.
3.
Before serving a meal, leave your ego in the kitchen.
2.
4.
5.
If you can cook, lie. Otherwise it will cost you even more. After serving, remember:
‘I poisoned it’ will not make the critics any less critical. Instead, ‘I doubt only poison could make it taste this bad’ will follow.
Once in a while, you will need an ego boost. So serve a really small quantity and serve it 2 hours late, while ensuring that your critics have not had any other edible items. This way even if they don’t appreciate your cooking, their empty plates will speak otherwise.
6. Ramazan is God’s gift. Make the most of it and start experimenting. It’s the best time to avoid 7.
8.
9.
an “Oh my God! Did you even taste this before serving?”
Buy a cat. A stray one will do perfectly. The upside: you just might find someone who appreci-
ates your cooking while saving on cat food. However, a guilty conscience after its burial might be a risk you’ll have to take.
There is nothing lady-like about ladyfingers. Cheese can make anything taste good. a
Bon Appétit.
to cook or to quit?
Chef in training: what should have happened
Disclaimer: The above article has been inspired by real cooking mishaps although I might have saying I’m not really THAT bad. You’re welcome to try, especially
Brownies
Biryani
Chicken Curry
Mac and Cheese
French Fries
Attempts Instant Soup
Culinary Arts
gotten a little carried away. Just
since my current guinea pigs … err, I mean siblings have been
What actually happened
complaining of food poisoning.
33 53 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
PORTFOLIO
Waiting
Lost My photographs have always been optimistic, featuring proud and hopeful subjects. Lately, though, I have felt that we, as a nation,
have lost that faith in a better tomorrow. My new body of work tries to express our collective feelings about the violence in the country.
I aimed to capture the subconscious of my subjects — all of
whom are people I encountered on the streets — by stripping away all unnecessary distractions. With monochrome paint on
their faces and surroundings reduced a neutral earthy tone, their emotions became the focus of the picture. The thin veneer of
paint allowed them to embrace their emotions in more powerful ways — it was as if the painted masks were somehow liberating. The black and white paint helps unify the different subjects,
with black being the sum of all colours and white the absence of
colour. Interestingly enough, when word spread that I was taking people to the studio and painting their faces, the street chil-
dren started calling me ‘Bhoot wala Baba’, constantly asking for their picture to be taken.
All the images depict people trying to cope with living in the
country. The picture which features a boy holding a fluorescent
blue gun is a reminder of the constant threat of being mugged,
while the torn photographs which have then been rejoined are a
symbol of the constant struggle of the victims of violence to put
their lives together. No matter how hard you try, they’re never the same again. a
Disconnected by Izdeyar Setna will be exhibited at The Third Line in
34
Dubai from November 10 to January 12, 2011 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
silent Taking Aim
spectres Izdeyar Setna has taken his work from the streets of Karachi to the galleries of Dubai
Hope
TEXT AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY IZDEYAR SETNA
Separated
35 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
GREEN THUMB
best buds BY ZAHRA ALI
With their clusters of buds that look like tiny cabbages, Brussels sprouts are a rewarding plant to grow
Kitchen gardening is all about planting seeds which you have never sown before and being proud of your harvest. For me, growing Brussels has been a personal achievement. The name comes from the city of Brussels in Belgium where, it
is believed, selected cabbage varieties were cultivated in the 18th
century. Clusters of tiny leaf buds resembling miniature cabbages grew along a thick stem and became famous as Brussels sprouts. They were named Brassica oleracea variety gemmifera,
or simply, ‘garden cabbage bearing gems’. Closely related to kale, kohlrabi, cauliflower, broccoli and cabbage, Brussels sprouts are
sprouts if you do not inspect your plants regularly for signs of pest
long, which explains why they are referred to as gems. The stalk
your plants. If you see pretty white butterflies or moths fluttering
dark green and the miniature cabbages are typically 1-2 inches itself can grow up to 3 feet tall.
Brussels sprouts contain sulforaphane, a chemical with anti-
cancer and antidiabetic properties, along with indole-3 carbinol
which improves DNA repair in cells, making it a true treasure for
attack. If you sense some trouble, use organic means of protecting over your plants, do not get too excited — they will lay eggs on your plants that will develop into cabbage worms or caterpillars. Harvest and beyond
any vegetable garden.
Brussels sprouts can be picked individually when the heads reach
Growing Brussels sprouts in your garden
mature first. You can also harvest the entire stem if you wish.
Winter is the best time to grow good quality Brussels sprouts that have compact heads. On the other hand, hot temperatures result in loose tufts. Some heat tolerant varieties can be grown in spring
or early summer. Brussels sprouts will love temperatures between 7-24c˚ and yield will peak somewhere within this range.
Brussels sprouts love well-drained and fertile soil. Prepare your
pot or plot by adding lots of organic compost to the soil. Your aim is to achieve a PH level of 6-6.5. If the soil gets too acidic add lime.
Sow the seeds ¼ deep in a 14-inch terracotta pot or any other
container of that size. For planting on a vegetable patch, transplant your 3-inch seedlings 20-24 inches apart with the same dis-
tance between rows. Brussels sprouts are slow growers and most of the varieties are harvested in 90-180 days.
Use companion plants such as beans, mint, dill, garlic, basil,
sage and onions to repel insects and get better yields. Cabbage worms and aphids can ruin the experience of growing Brussels
36 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
around 1-1.5 inches in diameter. The ones at the bottom of the stem
Brussels sprouts can easily be stored for up to three weeks by freez-
ing. You can blanch your sprouts by following these simple steps:
Separate each sprout from the stem and remove outer leaves. Wash it thoroughly to get rid of insects and dirt.
Bring a pan of water to boil and blanch your sprouts for roughly three minutes. Leave larger ones for an extra minute.
Now soak them in ice water for about the same length of time.
Store in an airtight bag or a container in the refrigerator to use later.
The key to retaining most of the nutrition in your Brussels sprouts is to not overcook them.
There is nothing better than growing your own food — not only
does it add flavour to your meal but is also a feast for the eyes.a
ADVICE
mr know it all From relationship blues to money woes, Mr Know It All has the answers!
Q. Dear Mr Know It All
I’m 22-year-old boy. I had two best friends but I had a huge fight
with one of them (via SMS, not physically!). I’m still friends with
the other one but things aren’t the same between us anymore either. My first friend and I were extremely close to each other. We
would meet up daily and have lots of fun together … you know,
the kind of stuff best friends do. You could say we couldn’t stay apart for more than two days at a time! But then we started having fights via text messages. We would have an argument and
stay mad at each other for a couple of days, then he would apolo-
gise for his behaviour and everything would go back to normal until one day when our fight got really serious and we both finally said goodbye to each other.
My problem is that I miss him a lot and I don’t know if he miss-
es me as much. I feel lonely because my other friend can’t give
Star Plus soap opera; it’s real life, which means everything is not over and you can certainly go back and apologise. You guys seem
to be good with texts, so a short SMS that reads something like
“Hey, I’m sorry I was an ass to you… but you know me, I’m eas-
ily influenced by the company I keep! Lol. Anyway, wanna meet
up?” could very well do the trick. In less than 30 words, you’ve given a shot trying to repair a relationship that’s important to you; you’ve been the bigger person by apologising; you’ve been necessarily nasty to a friend who was unnecessarily nasty to you,
and most importantly, you’ve gotten off your lazy behind and made a move you should ideally have made a year ago! Q. Dear Mr Know It All,
My problem is that I get angry and I’m low on confidence. I
me as much time. I want to make things right between us but my
use my anger as a weapon of mass destruction. I just keep yelling
do so things can go back to normal. How can I make new friends
my anger and gain confidence. In front of people, my confidence
ego doesn’t allow me to apologise to him. Please tell me what to because I seriously think there’s no way left to apologise now that
a year has passed. We haven’t seen each other’s faces since that dreadful fight. I feel like it’s all over! Please help!
Boy Trouble
A. I’ll be honest with you: your email just gave me the worst
headache I’ve had in years (the last time being when somebody
gave Hadiqa Kiyani the idea that she could sing in English), and
it’s not surprising to me that your BFF went running for the hills
the first chance he got! Dude, you need to loosen up a bit and give people the space to be themselves. You can’t go around treating your friends like objects that are there to keep you occupied and
smiling all the time. Sure, I think your story’s excellent material
for a chart-topping country song, but unfortunately there’s not much I or anyone else can do to help someone who’s adamant
38
find out would be to SMS him and ask, wouldn’t it? This isn’t a
about putting his ego ahead of those he claims to care about. You say you don’t know if he misses you or not… well, the best way to NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
and yelling till I get tired. Kindly give me some tips to control deserts me every time.
Anger Management
A. I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is:
it’s impossible to be angry without being confident. In fact, I
think anger is primarily an extension of overconfidence, which
means half of your problem isn’t a problem at all. The bad news, however, is that angry people are a female-canine-and-a-half to deal with, which makes it impossible for others to like them, let
alone help and comfort them. I would prefer thinking about dead kittens than have anything to do with an angry person who ad-
mits he’s a yeller, but since you asked so nicely, I’ll give you this: the next time something ticks you off, instead of screaming your poor lungs out, give yourself permission to use some other kind
of coping mechanism like crying, writing punk-rock songs, spit-
ting in people’s coffee when they aren’t looking ... you know, the stuff nice people do when they’re livid! a
REVIEW
better off dead BY NOMAN ANSARI
“What the hell?” would be a more appropriate title for this action/fantasy/horror film, which tries its hellacious best to further accelerate the nose-diving career of its leading man, Nicholas Cage. The story, which seems to have been inspired by Vertigo comics, is some haphazardly concocted nonsense about a man, John Milton (Nicholas Cage), who has risen from the dead to seek out a Satanic cultist leader, who murdered Milton’s daughter and kidnapped her baby to use in some evil ritual. Along the way, our hero is tracked by a mysterious and powerful person, who calls himself “The Accountant” (William Fichtner), and befriends a waitress named Piper (played convincingly by the very pretty, Amber Heard, who reminds me a lot of Megan Fox, except, you know, with talent). The screenplay isn’t particularly well written but, if there is anything good about the narrative, it is that it features some interesting plot points. For example, we are told that Milton was granted resurrection by Satan himself, who apparently doesn’t like these silly cultists much either. And for those into that sort of thing, the movie features plenty of gratuitous nudity, as well as sex and violence — all of which, unfortunately, has the excitement of an empty cardboard box. If you are going to treat narrative like a stepson, and make a mindless film full of elements
mess-keteers BY T PASHA
Think The Three Musketeers and your mind immediately conjures up images of tall, dark, swashbuckling heroes fighting for the people of France. Imagine my disappointment when what I actually got was hideously artificial wigs, overdone costumes, and so much clutter in the backdrops that it somehow felt as if I was watching a teen flick with an action angle to it. Starring Matthew McFayden as Athos, Luke Evans as Aramis, and Ray Stevenson as Porthos, this steampunk-inspired reimagining of the Dumas novel lacks imagination. For those of you unfamiliar with the story, King Louis XIII (Freddie Fox), a teenager pushed to the throne after his father’s murder, cares only about whether his young wife likes him or not. While Louis is sovereign, power is in the hands of Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz) who is plotting to take over the throne. Meanwhile, young d’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) travels to Paris with hopes of becoming a musketeer, only to learn that they have been disbanded. Intrigues and plot twists abound in the story, as do swordfights, anti-climactic deaths, and anachronistic Mission: Impossible-style stunts. The backdrops are beautiful, the sets realistic, and the costumes will make you either giggle or swoon. Milla Jovovich of the Resident Evil series plays the role of Milady 40 De Winter, Athos’ lover. Her performance is convincing enough for NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
that cater to the rawness of the human soul, at least make them impactful enough to make a clergyman blush! Then there is the leading man, Nicholas Cage, who after performing in the wonderful Matchstick Men (2003), seems to have taken career advice from a Lollywood agent and decided it was time to do as many poor movies for the rest of his career as possible. Here, in his dark leather clothing, he broods, shows as many sour looks as humanly possible, kicks ass, and walks in slow motion as explosions go off in the background. His character comes off as nearly invincible, which is just boring with a capital ‘B’. None of this wouldn’t have been such a punch to the cerebral cortex, had any of this been tongue-in-cheek, but the film is simply unaware of how ludicrous it is. Yes, there are times, when a piece of fiction is so bad, it is good, but Drive Angry is just bad. This attempt at grindhouse cinema has plenty of 3D effects, which are surprisingly good. To enjoy them, you obviously need your 3D glasses, though personally, I feel that to truly enjoy this film, you should bring the bong pipe as well.
the audience to understand that she may or may not have a heart. Orlando Bloom’s role, however, was like watching someone get their teeth pulled out. Perhaps it was the bright, poufy outfits, the hats only a self-confident woman could pull off, or the earring which made you go, “Huh? Seriously?!” but try as he did, this was simply not a role for him. The musketeers were consistently insipid in their roles, apart from McFayden, who was spectacularly bad. He tried his best to appear broody, but it seems as if he has forgotten his broodiness on the sets of Pride and Prejudice. With his American accent and unwarranted cockiness, Lerman earns the title of the most irritating d’Artagnan to date. Many of the shots remind you of scenes from other films and the soundtrack itself is strongly reminiscent of Pirates Of The Carribean and Sherlock Holmes. At times, you expect to see Jack Sparrow swinging on a rope from building to building. Two out of five for this mindless movie collage. a
THE HATER
10 things I hate about ... bakra eid
1 2 3 4 5
BY SAAD ZUBERI
The smell of goats, blood and freshly slaughtered meat. It’s everywhere!
6 7 8 9 10
Eid morning — help me God if I have to leave the house and witness the genocide… which I always do, with unrealistic expectations of remaining all Zen at the sight of blood and gutted animals.
Call me an infidel, but I just can’t bring myself to make
merry at the idea of mass murdering a few hundred thousand cute, furry, unsuspecting farm animals in a
span of 72 hours … and that too publically, in front of a sadistically gleeful audience.
All the barbeque talk. Show some sensitivity people!
Becoming a vegetarian for a couple of weeks after freaking out at the sight of above-mentioned blood. Espe-
cially if you’re the kind of person who actually looks forward to his weekly steaks and hamburgers.
How the true essence of the tradition is lost on most of
us — people would gladly spend bundles of cash on four goats and two cows at Bakra Eid so they can feed their
own greed and gluttony by stuffing their deep-freezers
to full capacity, but go berserk if a truly deserving per-
son should ask them for a little meat to feed his/her hungry children some other time during the year.
The questions: Are you slaughtering a goat or a cow? How much will you be spending this year? Only two
days left, dude, where’s your animal? Seriously guys. I’ll get whatever I want, whenever I want — the fact
that I’ll probably only be able to afford an undernour-
ished midget cow is my business and my business alone!
How everyone, including some highly intelligent
people, lose their marbles a week before Eid, spend-
ing everyday just staring at their animals. Poor thing’s bound to get the heebie-jeebies!
42 NOVEMBER 6-12 2011
How some parents think watching Jackie Chan act like
a nincompoop in a movie is bad influence for their kids, but watching four blood-soaked men brutally attack, slaughter, skin and butcher an 800 pound cow — live — is healthy entertainment.
Post Bakra Eid dinner parties with red-meat dishes in great abandon. How very subtle!a